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Splurge Monday’s Workwear Report: Single-Pleat Trouser

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A woman (lower half of body shown) wearing green pants, a black top, and black flats

Our daily workwear reports suggest one piece of work-appropriate attire in a range of prices.

I'm going to need everyone to ignore the terrible hemming on these trousers just for a moment while we really focus on the gorgeous color. Argent is known for making fabulous suits in surprising colors (do we all remember the hot pink suit in 2020?), so I'm not surprised that they're cranking out beautiful pants in a variety of colors.

I've been on a colorful streak lately, so I'd pair these with a light blue oxford shirt or a bright yellow short-sleeved sweater to really keep that up, but they would also pair nicely with neutrals like navy, black, and camel. 

The pants are $350 at Argent and come in sizes 0-14. They also come in taupe, soft pink, and maya blue.

Sales of note for 7/19:

235 Comments

  1. I’m a middle manager at a medium sized company. I recently joined a project where I am the only more senior woman, and I am strongly getting the feeling that one of our investors is not taking me seriously, directing questions that should go to me to other people etc. What are your best tips for handling this? Just act normally? Anything in particular to do?

    I’ve had situations like this but a while ago when I worked in finance, and have been lucky that it hasn’t been an issue recently. I also feel a little odd because I joined this project part way through – if it had been a project I started I wouldn’t hesitate at all.

    1. your note at the end about joining midstream — is it that Investor has worked with the other people before and so until you’re a known quantity, Investor is going to their contacts? Easier to tell your team “hey, for questions like XYZ, please (copy me in and tag me to respond) (forward to me to handle rather than replying directly)”, than to change Investor’s behavior directly… but Investor gets to know you and your role regardless.

      1. Agree. Unless there are more overt snubs, it seems very plausible that the investor is operating out of habit. I think having your team redirect or copy you in is the cleanest route to take if the investor just hasn’t fully processed that you are now the point of contact.

      2. Communication over email/Slack has been okay actually, this is more about during Zoom meetings. I’ll remind my team though, can’t hurt.

        1. yeah I mean, it could be that Investor is a j-ass. but it’s not like some big confrontation is likely to end well for the OP…

      4. This is what I would do too. When I was new, the person who had been acting in my role (whom I now managed) would say, “well I defer to Manager as the lead, but I would think XYZ. Manager?” And kick it to me.

        We had an internal client though, so the roles were more obvious (ie my hire was announced, org chart updated etc). Your investor is outside your company I assume so may not be as aware. You could reach out directly with a contact sheet and say, “a couple things have changed on our team and i want to make sure you have the most updated information.” And make sure it’s clear from your contact sheet that you are the lead.

        Also if there are opportunities to reach out to this person directly (not on a zoom with other people), make sure you’re taking that on, rather than allowing the others on your team to continue to do that.

    2. Do you have an ally on the team, someone you trust? It might be helpful to have someone else actively redirecting questions for a while.

  2. My sister’s getting married in a month and I’m a bridesmaid so I’m going to be in a zillion photos. I realized I’m months overdue for a Botox touch up and I’d like to get that done before the wedding. But because it’s (slightly less than) a month away, I’m afraid it’s too close in time. What would you do? (For what it’s worth, I’ve never had a negative reaction to it before, except for some slight unevenness once because I didn’t listen to my injector’s advice about doing more units in one side where my muscle is stronger; she was right.)

    1. I would go get it done. I usually look normal when I leave, but I certainly look normal the day after. One month away wouldn’t concern me at all, especially if you’ve done it before and been fine.

    3. It only needs about two weeks to work, and I see results usually in the first few days. I think your timing is right when I’d do it, not too late.

    4. I would get it done BUT ONLY for forehead (if you usually do that) and/or just the 11s. I’d avoid anything around the mouth because you don’t want a weird smile in pictures or for something to go weird with drinking or eating where you might dribble. You can always add later, but you will be looking at pictures forever and don’t want a weird smile.

    5. Echoing do it. At least in spots you’ve done it before. Mine usually fully kicks in by day 5.

    1. I love Argent. I have several of their suits.
      What hem would be recommended for these pants? The shoes seem more problematic as pointed toe/elongated would generally be better with the wide leg. But I struggle with hems

      1. Skimming just above the ground, maybe up to 1/2″ from the floor. Not puddled like this, but neither floating up at the ankle like some of the other colors show.

      2. I find pants like these normally require a shoe with a bit of heft. For shoes, I have a pair of Chloe block heel 70s inspired platform sandals from a few seasons back that are work horses for pants like this is in the summer. For the hem, about half an inch about the ground.

  5. I just did a big chop and my hair is above my shoulders (but below my chin) for the first time in years. I need some styling and product suggestions!

    Hair is fine but thick and mildly wavy. Happy to use heat tools to straighten or let it air dry with product to encourage waves.

    1. I’m still having luck with the Marc Anthony Strictly Curls line if you want to try bringing out the wave a bit more now that it’s not weighed down.

    2. I have similar hair (wavy, fine but a lot of it) and like RoZ Hair Milk for an air dry leave in. Also like the oil but if I picked one, it would be the milk serum.

    3. I like Not Your Mother’s curl cream. It’s light and not greasy, kind of disappears into my hair while also coinciding with all my best hair days.

    5. Huge fan of using a blowdry brush or multi-styler (my go-to is the Shark with round brush attachment) with Drybar Hot Toddy heat protectant mist for my shorter summer hair. For air drying, I like to use either a couple drops of hair/scalp oil like Mielle rosemary mint oil OR a Miss Jessie’s cream for my hair type (I like Pillow Soft Curls or Quick Curls).

  6. If you needed washable pants a teen girl in women’s sizes could wear to a summer office job in air conditioning 5 days a week, where you’ve already done some mail order roulette, next option for in-person wold be places like JCF and BRF? It seems like they think colored khakis or ankle-length wider leg pants will be OK. I have a bias against linen and gauze for not looking crisp or being versatile.

    2. Sometimes I wish we still had the Limited for foolproof office pants.

      Did she already try and reject the Pixie offerings at Old Navy?

        1. It is; I feel like it’s more hit or miss on fabric and longevity, but it’s worth seeing what they have right now.

          2. I’d say it depends on her current shape and if she’s done growing. By 17 I had topped out on height and my hips had widened. I used pants that I’d gotten at 17 for a good 5-7 years, through college internships and clerking in law school. I def got my money’s worth out of those Express pants!

            If OP’s kid is a younger teen that is still growing, yeah, not the place to spend significant $.

      2. RIP to the Limited. I wore my teen-purchased black pants well into my late 20s; those things wore like iron.

        1. I miss The Limited every darn day I have to wear professional clothes. In just the last month I received compliments on a pair of pants I must have bought there no later than 2010.

    4. Gap’s 365 trouser is my go-to work pant. They’re a wide leg high waisted trouser and wear like iron. I throw mine in the washer and dryer and haven’t had any issues.

      Old Navy also has a lot of trouser-type pants so that would be a good option too.

    5. Thrift store, for something cheap and good enough. This is a summer gig and we’re already a month into summer.

    7. My option for in-person would be a shopping trip to a mall or row of big-box stores, or your local factory-store outdoor mall, and just going in and out of stores, looking only at the racks of pants and taking an armload to the dressing room. If you’re not looking to spend a lot of money, start with Kohl’s and JC Penny. Even Target. Gap factory and Banana Republic factory may have some. Along with Loft and Old Navy.

    8. I’d definitely start with JCF and BRF, I’d also check out Talbots especially with a July 4th sale going on.

      1. For a teen? Absolutely not Talbots. My mom bought me my first interview suit for college at Talbots (because I had no clue) and I felt like SUCH a frump in it that I know it affected my confidence in interviews.

        2. I still feel this way in my mid-40s. I’m a curvy pear and Talbots trousers make me feel like the world’s most uncool blimp.

        3. Disagree depending on size. If you need a size 12, 14 and above in stock in store, Talbots is a good option for a basic pant. If you need a petite size 12+ jacket/top/etc in stock, Talbots will have that. I could order some of that stuff online, but depending on the store, many of them didn’t carry that in store to try on.

          OP, Loft was always a good option for me as a person with curves. Even as a 4 now with hips, I’m limited by brands that have a curvy line. JCF has also been a good source for basic black pants.

          1. I don’t know what this is based on other than different strokes for different folks.

            I am a size 14 pear and despise how frumpy Talbots pants make me feel. Every so often I will read glowing comments like these here about how they are good for people with my figure and will succumb to another order. But no, they are still just as god awful fugly and matronly as they were when I first tried them 30 years ago.

      2. I am in my 50s and not fashion-forward, and Talbot’s is too frumpy for me. It should not be in this conversation at all.

        1. Counterpoint, I have loved Talbots since my very early 20s and it suits my figure perfectly, even as it’s changed over the years.
          That said, unless you’re made of money or find it at Goodwill, Talbots is not where you need to go to find pants for a teenager’s summer gig.

          1. Me too–Talbots fits me well. I am a tall cusp (16), slight pear.

            My style runs preppy–Talbots (edited, not all of it), has a lot of classic or classic with a slightly on-trend twist that makes it tailored enough to be perfect for a boring office job.

    9. Honestly? Teenage me had the most success hitting the racks at TJ Max, Nordstrom Rack, or Target for this type of thing. I really needed to try on all the shapes and cuts to figure out what worked for my body. Online shopping was much more smooth once I had an idea of what I needed, and also understood that I needed to shop for my actual measurements and not the size my vanity wanted me to be.

    11. Old Navy, Nordstrom Rack, TJ Maxx, JCF or BRF. if there is a Clothes Mentor thrift store near you, that is also great for workwear.

    13. I know this will horrify some people, but seriously: abercrombie. skirts are too short but pants (lots of wide legged trouser varieties) should be good.

      1. I was going to suggest this and Uniqlo.

        My teen is 5’8” and still in the giraffe stage of growth. It’s hard to find small sizes. Uniqlo has been great. Abercrombie has some good styles which can be easily taken in.

  7. My husband and I will be in NYC this Thursday, and we’re looking to book a last minute dinner. Suggestions for places you could actually get a reservation? Looking for sit down, niceish, good vibes. Preferably located in Midtown or lower Manhattan. No budget and we’re open to any cuisine.

    1. nymag dot com has great restaurant suggestions by neighborhood. Check there and pick away!

  8. My husband and I will be in NYC this Thursday and we’re looking for a last minute dinner spot. Suggestions for places you could actually get a reservation? Looking for sit down, niceish, good vibes. No budget and we’re open to any cuisine. Preferably in Midtown or Lower Manhattan.

    1. I’m an old, so I get into all sorts of places by showing up early as a party of 2. It may just be bar seating, but it’s never nothing. If you call and talk to a human, they may have no real reservations but often will tell you that you can get a spot if you show up right at X:00. Party of 2 will also really help you.

      1. I tend to agree. A lot of great places also have waitlists as a policy so if you go to, e.g., Via Carota, downtown, you can just show up early, put your name down, and go have a drink nearby.

        If you are pressed for time and want a reservation, I would narrow it down to an area and a time and repost your question. Off the top of my head, Balthazar will have reservations and is always a good vibe.

        1. VIa Carlota is basically impossible to get into. I went there on a Friday night at 7:30 and the waitlist would have me sitting down around 11:30. When people say having dinner early will get you a table, they mean 5/5:30-as soon as the restaurant is open for dinner.

    3. Bar Room at the Modern is great and has availability for 2 on Thursday. The food is great and it’s a nice spot. Located in midtown next to the Museum of Modern Art.

      1. This is a good suggestion. 53 and Le Rock in Midtown are also good.

        In the West Village, I can usually get a reservation at Justine’s on Hudson. The food is very good and the space is cozy. One White Street in Tribeca usually has reservations too.

        RH Rooftop in Meatpacking is a bit touristy, but the space is really pretty.

    4. As much as I hate to admit, the Michelin guide really shines for this. Restaurants are plotted on a map and I’d go with the recommended restaurants near the area you are looking for. Pretty easy to make reservations through the website.

  9. Please indulge my little brag!

    I have complained before about my awful junior staff member who was recently reassigned. I got a replacement a whopping 4 weeks ago, she’s perfect. I went on vacation and she processed 97% of requests that came in and there were no errors. I’m so happy I could cry. My work load is half now because I can actually delegate! The problem was never me.

    2. Sometimes it really isn’t us.

      I had the same experience with a not-so-junior staff member. I tried, and the employee remained bad to average. His replacement? Amazing. She has every skill set the position needs, including much better interpersonal skills. My stress level went way down once I had the right person in place.

    3. I relate to “the problem was never me.” I’ve had people try to tell me I’m the problem or my attitude is the problem and then when the situation changes (as I expressed my wish that it would) and the problem is suddenly completely resolved, there is definitely some satisfaction in the vindication.

      1. Even better is when the person who is brought in as the “solution” to the problem I’ve been blamed for encounters the same issues I encountered, and is also blamed for them. Then I REALLY know it wasn’t me.

    4. This is spectacular.

      Give her some well deserved positive feedback so she knows how valuable she is to your team already. Good luck!

  10. WTF is happening to my hair. Hair is fine. The grays are coming in as either long hair that behaves or wisps near the crown that are heathens. And while my hair is generally straight, even if you air dry it and run a brush through, some pieces are maybe a bit waved (like the underneath parts behind my ear). And there is a cowlick off-center at the crown. I feel like I need to channel my small-town southern grandmother and go in for a roller set and half a can of hairspray every week to just have it looking uniform and civilized for an office job. How do you get all of the hairs to just behave? What product even exists? Do I see what trying to be curly does or will that make it worse?

    1. I have hair like this. I used to do a blowout with a round brush every morning, but any humidity would return it to its usual texture. I finally gave up and got a pixie cut.

      1. Shoulder-length with layers; side part due to cowlick. I tried flipping the part but it wouldn’t cooperate (this has worked in the past, every 5 years or so). I can’t deal with bangs. Headband?

        1. I think you need to either go much longer or much shorter. I have similarly textured hair, and shoulder length is literally the hardest to keep looking nice. I am not into having long hair, so I have a short haircut that I love and is super easy to maintain.

          2. +1. I can either wear my hair just below chin length, or a few inches longer than shoulder length. Shoulder length on my thick, wavy curly hair just means chaos.

    3. I found more length helped pull out some of the new waves. And look for products that add moisture, not silicones that are drying. I like the Alterna Caviar shampoo and conditioner. And the Bumble and Bumble air dry cream.

    4. Welcome to my life. Starting in my mid-40s, my hair decided not to cooperate with me. I tried a bunch of different products, but the one that worked best for me is Paul Mitchell Super Skinny Serum applied while hair is slightly damp, followed by blow drying with a round brush. It’s not cheap, but one bottle lasts a long time because you only use one pump at a time.

  11. I am now on Team Peplum, even though I thought it wouldn’t work for a pear. I feel that it’s good when I have a tucked-out item that ends in a peplum as it seems to float over where I get larger and look a bit more intentional while giving me somewhat of a waist and shape (vs just being a boxy rectangle). It’s good when an item has fabric on it to float over my hips vs looking like a casing.

    1. Are peplums coming back? As another pear, peplums have always been one of my favorite cuts. The older I get the less I care about being on trend, but I do like being able to find the features I like on things for sale again.

      1. I think peplums wax and wane with the popularity of slim bottoms (pencil skirts and skinny pants) – the proportions are hard to get right with a more voluminous wide-legged or midi skirt bottom.

  12. Yesterday’s OT reading was the binding of Isaac. Right after that, there was a call for children to follow the cross out of church for story time, noting that they would be returned prior to communion.

    I just about had a cynical cackle.

    2. Maybe a silly question but g00gle is failing me… what is OT in this context? I only know it as occupational therapy.

        1. There is a list (called the lectionary) that sets forth the readings for every Sunday on a three-year cycle. It helps make sure we are covering all the relevant themes and that the readings all relate to each other and to the liturgical season (and also prevents a single priest from focusing on a pet theme above all others – although some of them can still make the sermon about the same thing every week they preach!)

          1. For ALL christian churches? I had no idea.
            Who decides on the lectionary? And why would the Catholics and Evangelicals and Baptists all agree? Arent “pet themes” like, distinguishing features of their specific faith tradition?

          2. Definitely not for all christian churches. Presumably for a specific protestant denomination, or perhaps for catholic ones?

          3. Well most Evangelicals don’t read the entire Bible, but the Catholics and Mainline Protestants follow the lectionary.

            As an Episcopalian, I always say I’m Episcopalian (rather than Christian or Protestant) because there is, in my opinion, such major differences between Mainlines and other Protestants (Baptists, Evangelicals) that it doesn’t make sense to use the same term. My faith practice is much closer to Catholicism than it is to the baptists or evangelicals (except, of course, social issues like LGBT equality, the role of women in the church, sexual ethics)

          4. Not all Chistian churches – the lectionary is usually found in what are commonly called the liturgical churches (e.g. Catholics, Episcopalians, Lutheran.) but since OP mentioned the children following the cross out and returning for communion, I made the leap that she belongs to one of them.

            It is not the same between denominations, although they can be quite similar. The governing body of the denomination comes up with the cycle, and it tends not to change much over time.

            If you are not familiar with how liturgical churches work, Sundays USUALLY have four readings: Old Testament, Psalm, New Testament and Gospel (although there can be some minor variation depending on the service and seasons). If there is going to be a mass/communion, at least two readings, including one Gospel reading, are required.

          5. Not all denominations use a lectionary, and in others some congregations use the lectionary and some don’t. In our United Methodist Church the pastor chooses her own text according to the theme on which she wants to preach. Many protestant denominations use the Revised Common Lectionary. The Catholic church has its own lectionary.

          6. My understanding too is that RC/Mainline churches tend to have homilies (sermons based on that days readings) while non denominational/other Protestant churches are more likely to have sermons (could be about anything) which is how you get some pastors always preaching on their pet topics

          8. Lectionaries are widely used, and different church systems have their own lectionary cycle. Typically decided upon by the church leadership (eg, the bishops, councils, etc.). So not all churches use the same lectionary, but, for example, the Roman Catholic Church uses the same one, Mainline Protestants use the same one, Orthodox churches use the same one, etc. Individual churches often will have some wiggle room about the content of sermons but the readings are supposed to be the same.

          9. Not following the lectionary (or really any structure) is one of the reasons I struggle to wrap my head around low churches. It feels like it’s too easy to go rogue without such structure?

          10. High church of what though? By definition they all have different leadership structures, right?

          12. I mean going rogue like Martin Luther, feature.

            Going rogue like the Southern Baptists, evangelicals, and fundies who preach hate (with no biblical basis)? Bad! And bad not only to the kids born into that who struggle but also bad for our country (restrictive, illegal abortion laws)

          13. Re: going rogue, at what point are you no longer a Christian because your church no longer is preaching Jesus’ message of love?

            I can look around at the Presbyterians and the Catholics and the Methodists and the UCC and recognize theological and cultural differences but they’re still very clearly Christian to me. I see some very conservative Evangelical or non denominational churches and I don’t recognize us as sharing the same faith.

          14. 1:16, every time I make this point here people who are presumably not up to date on Christian theology accuse me of the “one true Scotsman” fallacy or similar. But I’m with you. Calling itself Christian doesn’t make a religious organization Christian. It has to preach the actual teachings of Jesus Christ, not the prosperity gospel or idolatry or something else.

          15. I think Luther was clearly headed down the same road as the other groups you listed.

        2. I’m a pastor in a United Methodist Church and agree with these responses. Most mainline Protestant churches use the Revised Common Lectionary, which features a three-year cycle of readings from the Old Testament and New Testament, that is designed to take the congregation through the great narrative of scripture. It doesn’t cover every passage, but it covers a lot of ground. The Revised Common Lectionary was created by the Consultation on Common Texts, which is an ecumenical group that has members from a variety of denominations, including UMC, Episcopal Church, UCC, Presbyterian (USA), as well as the U.S. Conference of Catholic Bishops. Roman Catholics have some variations in the lectionary they use, as RCC and Protestant Bibles are different (Catholics include some books in their canon at the end of the Old Testament that are commonly referred to as “apocrypha.” Those books are not included in Protestant versions of the Old Testament canon).
          There are also nondenominational churches (like many megachurches) that do not use the lectionary. In those churches, the clergy select which scriptures they will use to preach on Sundays. They often preach on topical sermon series. In my context, I choose the scriptures we read and on which I base the weekly sermons I preach, but I preach lectionary-based sermon series, which I think incorporates the best of both worlds.

    3. I never understood that story until earlier this year. It was not just that God was testing Abraham; God has already promised Abraham that he would have heirs through Isaac. So Abraham *and Isaac* knew that whatever was to happen, it was not everlasting death for Isaac.

  13. My doctor is starting me on a low dose estrogen patch today. I’ve already tried an estradiol cream. Plus I’m on oral progesterone and a testosterone cream. Can anyone chime in with their experiences with estrogen patch – good, bad, ugly? I’m 52 and menopausal.

    1. I just started the patch a couple of weeks ago and already feel better and more myself than I’ve been in ages. The brain fog and low-level depression was getting really bad, and nothing I was doing seemed to help. My GP recommended a low-dose patch and told me to give it a few months before making a decision about whether I wanted to stay on it. I’ve had zero side effects so far.

    2. I’m very pro HRT so nothing but good things to say. It may take a while to get your dose right. The adhesive is annoying. If you’re going swimming, a tegaderm patch over the estrogen patch might help.

  14. It’s FAFO season. Great aunt has fallen, gone to the ER, and then fell again. She lives with aunt, who is 60+, still works, does some cooking in the kitchen. Great aunt is now limited to one floor of house, with no bedroom or full bath (but a half bath); it’s her house. They seem to function as a unit. Is the better route likely that they both to to a 2BR independent living apartment (will have a full kitchen so aunt can cook; GA can get PT/OT and can have day sitters come in if needed while A works)? “Assisted living” seems to mean just a microwave and mini-fridge and might cost too much for A to pay for given her relative youth and higher level of functioning. The house’s condition makes in-home rehab with PT/OT unlikely and since nothing was medically wrong, the hospital just sent her home, so there isn’t going to be a post-hospital rehab stay while we figure this out.

      1. No, no one ever does. But I can think of how many of us have talks with parents, etc. about shouldn’t they tidy up, shouldn’t they downsize, shouldn’t they move closer to family. No one wants to. Everyone plans to die in their sleep and have a binary end of life: alive and slower than than 100% powered off with no lingering. But that’s not how it works out. It’s really heartbreaking when the plan doesn’t work out because you often witness a lot of suffering that didn’t have to happen. And I don’t work in health care, so I wasn’t used to that the two times it happened in my immediate family.

        1. I wonder if it all feels different with advanced age (feeling more vulnerable or mortal?).

          1. Everyone says they just want to die at home (assuming it will be peaceful and in their sleep) and will at full cognitive capacity (but slower and with glasses) until that exact moment. Not forgetting to take meds, then taking then twice, then having a refrigerator full of expired food and a burner that is still on.

          2. But many people who are younger don’t feel this way at all, so does something change as people get older?

          3. For young people it’s not real, so they can hypothesize about what’s theoretically best. For old people, it’s a reality that’s happening and now they suddenly realize they feel differently.

          4. That’s not been what I’ve seen in situations where young people who need this level of assistance, but maybe knowing what you’re probably going to die of and what to expect also makes a big differences for planning.

        2. This. My siblings had to have a come to jesus talk with our parents about their house/health. They could chose to not make any changes to their home, ignore doctor’s advice about downsizing, not do PT, skip meds, and drink heavily as they are adults and that is their choice. On the other hand – we, the ‘kids’ with full time jobs and kids of our own, are not dropping everything for emergencies as a result of their own poor choices.
          We will not be spending our limited money on flying to you repeatedly while you insist you cannot afford rehab facilities/nurses while you have TWO homes you refuse to sell in addition to your primary home. They have finally gotten the message and pay for nursing care/assistance but a full 80% of all conversations are guilt trips with 20% about their planned travel. Ugh.

          1. Did the come to jesus talk help? My parents are in their low 80s and they live in a house where you have to climb concrete steps to get to the front door from the driveway, and their bedroom is another floor up from there. Worse, they are hoarders who have not thrown stuff away for like 50 years so there’s piles of stuff everywhere. I have offered to buy them a new (1-story) house, without success.

          2. It helped slightly. They now have cleaners, my dad took over food shopping (vs. my SIL), and they know rehab facilities are required post hospital stays (not the daughters/DIL trading off days). They are still not adhering to doctor recommendations around medication/drinking but I just try to let it go.

      2. I took FAFO to apply to the living conditions. At a certain age, one really needs to consider what is needed for aging in place, or if one’s current residence can even be made safe and practical for aging in place.

    2. What is your role in this?
      And, what is the (unstated, here) reason that the 60+ aunt is not being asked to take a role in solving this or deciding her future?

      1. My guess: A is being defensive / feeling guilty that this happened on her watch, maybe is in denial that the clock has run out on this arrangement, maybe worries about losing her housing? Maybe A doesn’t know GA’s resources and if they have to sell the house to afford to move or not (or they could already be on a waitlist but a spot hasn’t opened up yet).

      3. OP here — I think that A recognizes that it’s time for a change but is a bit paralyzed and overwhelmed by the millions of details as to what the next step is. GA doesn’t want “to be put in a home” and insists that everything is fine.

        1. I understand A’s perspective. It is a huge amount of work to make this transition – for her. Since it sounds like your other aunt will not be able to contribute and may fight every step of the way.

          Trying to help them find an accessible 2-3 bedroom apartment sounds like the next step. And calling the local Department of Aging office and setting up a Home Visit to evaluate your disabled Aunt’s needs and what resources she may be eligible for. Right now she needs home Physical and Occupational therapy, which her PCP can order.

        2. This is where assisted living can help. And for the Aunt who is relatively young, it’s a good environment to get help with her mom, age in place, and enjoy everything assisted living has to offer. Caregiving is extremely isolating, p,us some things are better coming from a stranger. And the staff can help with downsizing. My mom made the decision to move, and it was a major regret of mine that we didn’t do it sooner because she would’ve been a lot less isolated herself.

    3. To be very clear, the ER doesn’t declare that nothing is medically wrong; they just rule out the kind of emergency condition that would require staying at the hospital. She still needs outpatient follow up even if she’s not getting a rehab stay.

      1. Has GA been back to her doctor? Doctor can send her for OT, PT, neuro workup. Otherwise, a ball will get dropped but GA/A need to drive the bus on at least this. Otherwise, it will just be rinse and repeat if you don’t know why GA fell and any elder who falls is at a much higher risk for another fall.

    4. I would look around at places with a continuum of care approach. For example, where my mom is in assisted living, they have independent living cottages that include a full kitchen. But those living in the cottages have access to a variety of services as well, including a partial meal plan, PT/OT, housekeeping, laundry, and some other supportive services that are also provided in assisted living. So you might be able to get the combination of independent/assisted living that they need.

      1. This situation seems a bit tricky if they want/need to live together, because their needs are very different. Yes, continuing care communities can be great but they are expensive. Most (all?) will only take you initially if you can live independently at first. But because of expense and other factors, people tend not to move in until they’re late 70s / early 80s. So for GA I’d be concerned if she’s in good enough shape to be accepted, for A my concern would be expense over many years, feeling out of place when almost everybody is way older.

    5. Why are they moving together? Cant aunt stay put and GA moves to a multi level of care retirement community?

      1. Yeah, I’m 50 and do not expect to be in a retirement community in 10-15 years. That is likely untenable to A. Can you imagine telling your 30 yr old coworker that you live in a retirement community?

        1. I know several people in their early 80s who still seem too young, active, and mentally sharp to be happy in an “independent living” facility. Someone in their 60s is way too young unless there are severe health and mobility issues, and they are still going to feel socially isolated unless there are also cognitive issues.

          1. I think this depends on the facility. Some are age restricted so there will be no one younger than 55 there. But if there are people in their thirties because of health and mobility issues who are cognitively fine, why would someone in their 60s who fits the same description feel too young or too sharp?

      2. Is this poster the one who’s written before whose aunt is obese and in poor health and also in need of care?

    6. I would be looking at independent living with additional level of care options. I have my parents in one and the love it. They have a full kitchen but there are also meal options in a dining room or brought to you if you cannot make it to the dining room/are sick. When my mom broke her hip last year, she received assisted living services in their independent living apartment, so no move was necessary and my parents could remain together.

      1. I really wish my MIL would be open to this. She really should not be living at home alone anymore. She is barely mobile, and it has not been good for her mental wellbeing, either. But her own mom was only eligible for places that took Medicaid, and they were not very nice. So she has that in mind as what “those places” are like, even though that couldn’t be further from the truth. She has the finances to choose a nice place that still gives her privacy and independence via an apartment, while being closer to help should she need it. Plus dining halls, social activities, etc.

        1. With my parents, I got them to agree to tour one place a month with me and I would take them to lunch wherever they wanted to go after. We did this for over 10 months. They had no interest at all in independent living. I just told them that we were looking so we would know where they wanted to go “when the time came.” Then at one place, my dad (who was most against the entire idea of independent living) said, can we skip lunch out and eat here? After lunch, both parents wanted to stay for a concert that was being put on after lunch. During the concert, I toured available units. Took my folks through what I thought was the best one for them and they moved in a week later. We waited nearly six months to sell their home to make sure it was the right fit. Eight years later, they still love it and need it much more than they did when they moved it. It just had to be their choice. This was the most active one with lots that interested both of them — which made all the difference. Good luck with your MIL. It is really tough when they don’t see that they need the extra help.

          1. That’s such a lovely idea, and I’m gonna keep it in my back pocket for my in laws.

          2. I think early touring is valuable even if it doesn’t result in an immediate move. Having an idea of what they want and don’t want in a facility “when the time comes” makes it much easier than starting from a point of total resistance.

          3. This is a really good idea, so thank you. DH is an only child and MIL is a widow, so all this falls on DH and it’s been daunting. Right now, her “plan” is us living 1 mile away. Which is fine until it’s not, and we are quickly reaching that threshold.

          4. Wow – what a fabulous story. Thanks for sharing your experience. You are a great daughter.

    7. I think the realistic solution is to talk with a social worker and your local area agency on aging to see what in home solutions are available.

      People age at home until death all of the time, usually because they don’t actually have $6,000 a month to pay for assisted living. The house is paid for and they have smaller incomes. They’re also hedging their bets against needing true end of life care that costs $150,000+ a year.

      Areas on aging usually have services for respite care, adult day centers, transportation, home health, etc. that can do most of what you’re talking about while allowing the person to live where they want to live. If they can’t access a bath, look at the cost for a chair lift.

      Unlike children, adults have free will and can choose to spend the end of their life however they want. If you don’t want to help, don’t engage with them. Otherwise, the real work is centering their desires and finding solutions that meet their goals and not yours.

      1. Another factor that people sometimes forget about (and that may be not relevant here) is just household pets. Some people who might otherwise live in a facility would really, really struggle to give up a companion animal.

      2. Unfortunately, those services are usually stretched so thin that you won’t be able to use them to replace 24 hour care or even 12 hour care a day.

        1. Neither will assisted living. We’re talking about older adults who only need some assistance with activities of daily living based on OP’s description. 12 or 24 hour level of care is nursing home territory — which would be excessive for just an older person with history of falls.

    8. Why not move to a ranch house? The space (versus an apartment) will be nice for them. Everything on one floor will help the aunt as she ages.

    9. Your great aunt needs more care than your aunt is capable of providing. The falls are a sign of this. It’s no shade on your aunt; it is normal aging and happens for many elderly people. The great aunt is a great candidate for assisted living if she so chooses. Your aunt is 60+ and working? There’s no way she needs assisted living unless she has a serious physical disability that you haven’t mentioned. She’s a working adult with a life ahead of her. I mean, just because my MIL started having falls, DH and I didn’t drop our lives and move into assisted living with her!

  15. Is there any workplace in the United States where senior management operates competently and in good faith? Or is every workplace rife with manipulation, information hoarding, micromanagement, and gaslighting?

    1. I wouldn’t know. I make a point of interacting with my exact relevant circle and doing the best job for them and not engaging otherwise and trying to avoid. Ignorance is bliss.

    2. I wouldn’t ascribe every single one of those qualities to senior management, but I still think most senior teams tend to be hot messes of ego, varying level of competence, and more individually focused than team focused. I have to care about my boss’s opinion, but I try not to worry about what the rest of them are up to.

    3. If your skills are something clients will pay for, I can’t recommend doing freelance/consulting work highly enough. You pay higher taxes as a self-employed person but the freedom from bosses is so worth it.

      1. +1. I made the leap pre-pandemic, and when I see/hear about what’s still going on at my old firm I thank the stars that I’m not having to deal with any of it.

    4. Humans are going to human, but this seems like a wild oversimplification that reflects an inability to hold nuanced thoughts.

    5. I just don’t think that many people are walking around intending to be awful. If every work place you’ve encountered seems like that, I think you’re the problem. People are generally good, or at least okay.

  16. Y’all. Im about to go full on Caddy Shack (iykyk) on the chipmunks messing up my garden. They’re burrowing everywhere and most annoyingly seemingly directly in to the roots of my newly planted annuals. They didn’t care for the garden much until I put down fresh mulch and now’s it’s apparently their playground.

    I don’t have a brown thumb per se but I just never prioritized my curb appeal until this year (infants are toddlers and big kids so I have brain space for this – hooray!). Help meeee! I’ve read cayenne pepper to ultrasonic noise machines… what’s a girl to do? I’m in Suburban Boston is that matters.

    1. A 5 gal bucket 2/3 full of water with sunflower seeds floated in a little plastic lid on top. Make a ramp so the chipmunks can easily enter but cannot exit. Empty and refresh daily.

        1. If you don’t empty it, it’s going to stink very quickly.

          You could try a “no trespassing” sign but I don’t believe rodents can read.

        1. Our dog is a ferocious predator, and rodents still like to play chicken with her even though they often lose the game. She did inspire the voles to move out, but only after she dug up large portions of the yard.

        1. This is actually one of the options recommended by TPTB in my area because it doesn’t involve poison or firearms and keeps people from trapping and releasing wildlife in other areas (which is problematic for a number of reasons).

          1. oh I might have gotten that confused with catch and release. I remember discovering that the regulations about pest control were surprisingly long and comprehensive.

        2. Where would that be illegal? In my state it is recommended to “dispatch” animals (and is illegal to relocate them).

        1. What suggestions do you have?

          Not sure OP can employ a .22 in her suburban lawn. Poison is horribly dangerous. Snap traps can harm stray cats or loose pets. Catch & release is not a viable option and is disallowed for a number of reasons.

    2. You need to either kill them or exclude them. Maybe not a cozy thought, but you created a tempting environment and are not going to somehow convince them to leave it alone.

    3. Not necessarily recommending this (I am well aware that outdoor cats are problematic for a number of reasons) BUT… when moles tried to move into my garden years ago, the outdoor cat (who refused to come inside) camped out over the holes and the moles quickly got the hint and moved on.

      1. It’s what house cats for and why they’re as domesticated as they are in the first place (which is not very).

    4. Do infrared alarms work on chipmunks? try that, but don’t do that if you have a dog.

    5. Repel-All Granules will kind of, sort of work. Seems to be slightly more effective against the voles in my yard than the chipmunks, but I think it deters them slightly.

    6. Not sure it would work on chipmunks, but I had a terrible problem with breeding rabbits in my garden, and Liquid Fence worked great. It smelled truly awful, like rotting farts, but consistent use for a few weeks got the bunnies to re-home elsewhere. Allium and other onion-type plants also keep lots of animals away.

    7. I’ve tried them all. I do have an ultrasonic noise machine, but it doesn’t really work. I will use those animal deterrent sprays when I am going through a bad patch of animal damage. The sprays seem to deter the rabbits from eating, if I keep respraying religiously until they are trained to stay away for awhile. One of my sprays is coyote urine. Yes, I sprayed that all around my yard one day and then a big gust of wind blew it back into my face/hair/body. Good times. Nasty stuff.

    8. this is what I do:
      – get the cheap children’s pinwheels. the ones made out of like metallic paper, do not “upgrade” to fabric or metal ones. the cheap ones. stick them near the areas you want to protect… animals see the movement and the reflections make them think it’s a predator.

      – plant smelly stuff nearby. marigolds are great for this, they’re also a trap plant for various yucky insects, but the smell alone should repel people. i also plant garlic near my roses for this reason.

      i’d also probably look at the other smelly methods like peppermint oil, cayenne pepper, etc.

      the gallon bucket – not sure it’s cruel or not (how long does it take?!) but i do NOT want to be the one to empty it.

    9. They are chipmunks. Leave them alone. I cannot believe people are suggesting drowning them.

      1. When the chipmunks end up chewing electrical lines in your attic or tearing the headliner out of your car, leaving them alone isn’t really a solution.

  17. Following up on the hobbies discussion from last week, for those of you that have hobbies that generate stuff (embroidery, crafts, crochet, pottery, etc.), what do you do with all the stuff? I used to paint a lot and have been thinking about getting back into it, but I don’t want just a giant stack of canvases somewhere stored in my house. The walls are full already with art that is much better than mine, so I wouldn’t hang it up.

    1. I like to paint but I prefer small scale painting. I use the Khadi watercolour paper which is very pretty. I’ll put them on the bulletin board, or write a note to a friend on the back.

    2. I do embroidery and cross stitch and sometimes I put it up on my Buy Nothing group. It won’t be framed, but it’ll be like ironed and cared for so you could go out and get a frame quickly for it. Otherwise, I’m just very picky about what I create for my own home or factor in that will need to be swapped out with other things.

    3. Gifts for friends! But don’t wait for an occasion – just bring them if you meet up for coffee etc. I would love to get something handmade just because.

    4. Honestly, I just throw a lot of my paintings away. I do it to my children, I can do it to myself. And knitting, I make stuff nice enough that I can easily give it away, and I’m not that prolific in making things.

    6. I knit and give almost everything away. Hats, scarves, gloves to homeless shelter in the winter. Baby hats and blankets to the local hospital. Stuffed animals to a local foster care agency.

      1. Same. Pretty shawls go to the breast cancer center and that gives me a chance to play with color and texture.

    7. I do fiber and textile arts. Once I become proficient enough that I am making more things than I want for myself or than my circle is interested in absorbing, I focus on another technique or move on to more challenging projects. That slows me down, scratches the itch to try something new, and channels my urge to create.

    8. My daughter does Cricut crafts, and she gives personalized gifts for a lot of occasions. I’ve received cups, an address sign for my driveway (much-needed), that sort of thing.
      My hobbies produce fresh eggs, home-grown produce and, I hope this year, honey. I have no problem finding homes for it, which is part of the appeal to me. I also sew a little, but only on an as-needed basis. I make Christmas decor, e.g., new stockings for new family members, and can do minor alterations for adult kids, and I occasionally am called on to make Halloween costumes for an adult child. If I wanted to sew more, I would make gifts only. I have no desire to sew my own clothes any more.
      Can you paint something besides canvases? Coasters or note cards, maybe? Just thinking about something more giftable than a canvas.

      1. I have a friend who paints watercolor notecards. Everyone gets sets of 10 or so as hostess gifts, birthday gifts, holiday gifts. They are in great demand in her social circles.

    9. I took my lesser loved pieces of pottery to a holiday craft sale. Even though it was pretty amateur pottery (and not my favorite pieces either), I sold most of them. I also love plants, so giving a cutting in a small handmade pot works nicely.
      In pottery, you can also practice a lot and then knead the clay and start over. And you can spend a lot of time on decorative techniques. So overall lots of potting time doesn’t need to lead to tons of work product.

    10. My mom paints cards. I love to receive them either as a written card from her or wrapped up as a re-giftable card I can send to others.

    11. I quilt and then give as gifts and to a local shelter for people leaving domestic violence situations.

      Painting is newer. If I don’t love it I can paint over the work, and I sold several at an open studios day. I make enough to cover cost of materials and classes for now.

  18. We just hung up blackout curtains on a brass rod but are realizing that with the way the light falls (new house), we need a light-filtering curtain during the day too. You need to mount a second rod for this, right?

    1. Yes, or a double rod. If you mount a second rod you need to make sure the depths of both rods together will work.

    2. you could also do one of those window stickers that filters light — various opacity but “privacy window film” also works. i started using it when i lived in NYC and the only window overlooked a nasty alleyway — i didn’t want to block light but also knew i would never ever want to look outside.

  19. Please tell me some of your favorite swimsuits and cover up purchases this year! Do you opt for a cover up dress, shorts, or linen pants? Specific links are helpful! Thanks! I need some good pool club and beach fits!

    1. Sounds like you are looking more for fashion than for sport, but if you will be in chlorinated water look for a chlorine-resistant polyester suit rather than a suit made with nylon. The polyester option will hold up much better to the pool chemicals and will provide better UPF coverage.

    2. Caftans from Echo NY. Cute, but not precious, wash well and thick enough that they can double as a dress if you need them. For spendy, I love Zimmerman swimwear – one pieces are long enough for my long torso and the bottoms have actual coverage.

    5. I bought a cover up from Buldani, a Turkish towel company and I love it. It feels substantial so that after my swim, I can shower and wear it home with just my underwear underneath.

    6. I’ve long hated the way all swimsuits look on me, but I LOVE the Jesse Zhou suit I bought two years ago. It covers everything it needs to cover, is reversible, and is a gorgeous article of clothing. I tie the straps as a halter instead of on each shoulder.

  20. I was the poster on the weekend thread planning a girls’ weekend in Boston. Someone said that the afternoon tea at Boston Public Library was better than the one at Silver Dove. I mostly went with Silver Dove because it’s less expensive ($57 pp) than the Library ($72 pp). That said, we are going to be in Boston for just that weekend and I’m happy to pay more if it’s worth it since it’s our friend’s 50th bday celebration. If you have been to both, let me know your thoughts.

    1. BPL is more classically Boston, in a quaint but lively neighborhood, in a beautiful room in a historic building looking out into the courtyard (and then you can wander through the very cool map room or up to the reading room before or after). Silver Dove is in a more generic location you might pass through if you’re a tourist doing the freedom trail or going to Quincy market and fanueil hall, but isn’t someplace locals really hang out. I think the quality of the food/tea is comparable but I’d say the experience is better at the library and puts you in a better location to walk around Back Bay and the flat of Beacon Hill. If you’ll otherwise be on the freedom trail or at Quincy market and Faneuil hall or have someone gluten free, Silver Dove makes sense. Otherwise, BPL is the classic for a reason.

      1. Thank you so much. We have never been to the library and I would love to check out the map room or reading room. It’s closer to where we are staying as well (Copley), so that’s a plus too. I will switch out our reservation.

    2. I’ve never heard of silver dove and I’m in the city everyday of my life, and often in this area. If you’re after a generic afternoon tea, I’m sure it’s lovely and gets it done but it’s not “Boston”. The old four seasons or BPL makes it uniquely Boston.

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