Coffee Break: Skinny Long Belt

70 Comments

1. Some happy news about my experience with government amidst all the negativity going on:
   I recently e-mailed my state representative about an issue that I’m passionate about but isn’t a high profile problem. He e-mailed me back today and completely agreed with me, and pointed me towards a bill that he proposed back in January that addresses exactly what I e-mailed him about. I feel really happy that my state rep not only is on the same page, but is actually leading the charge on the issue in my state. If the bill passes is a different matter.. but I’m hopeful that some people in government are actually working towards good things.

   1. That’s nice to hear!

2. I posted on the other thread but I”m going to post again for more traffic here.

   My kids (5, 3.5, 1) told me this weekend that our nanny left them in the car while she went into CVS. They didn’t make it into a big deal at all; we were at CVS, and they said, oh this is like when blah blah blah. I asked her about it today, and she confirmed and said she wouldn’t do it agian, the car was running and locked, it was just to get a bottle of water so like four minutes, etc.

   We’ve had her for five years, and we really like her. I trust that she won’t do it again, but it does seem like a judgment problem. How big of a deal is this?

   1. I would make a huge deal out of if it – not just a judgment problem, but an actual crime in some states. I know getting the kids out of the car for a quick run into the store is a massive pain – I get it – but it absolutely can’t happen again.

      Did it really only happen this one time? How much do you trust her?

   2. It’s obviously not ideal, but my mom used to do it an we were well behaved, so I can’t exactly clutch my pearls over it. Do what you feel is right.

      1. Exactly. It sounds like you addressed it firmly and immediately. If the nanny is otherwise responsible, reliable and has demonstrated generally sound judgment, I would not dwell on it.

   3. At the ages you list, I think it’s a pretty big deal, and I commented on the other post that I don’t think it’s a big deal for older kids. But you’ve addressed it, and you trust her not to do it again. You’ve had her for five years, and you really like her, so I probably wouldn’t fire her over this alone.

   4. I probably wouldn’t fire her over it, mostly because it’s so hard to find reliable and good childcare, but… she left them in the car to get a bottle of water?! What the heck. On the first read, I assumed it was for something important, like medication for one of the kids or something.

      Does she subscribe to some outdated ideas about caregiving? Is she appropriately cautious when bathing, feeding, putting kids in carseats, walking down the street, etc.? Could you perhaps ask her to take some Red Cross type childcare classes that would address some other areas in which she may not be careful enough?

      I would be pretty upset about this, so please don’t feel like you’re overreacting.

      1. By “outdated,” you mean not anxiety ridden? http://www.freerangekids.com

   5. I replied but it’s stuck in moderation :/

   6. Wow… just…. Wow.

      I am shocked.

      Illegal. Crazy dangerous.

      I’m really surprised at the responses. I live in an urban suburb outside of Chicago, and this would be on the front page of the local paper if you were caught doing this.

   7. You should check out the Free Range Mom Blog. Crime is very low. This is not objectively that dangerous, for a few minutes, if it is not hot. Really. You want to know what is crazy dangerous? DRIVING ANYWHERE.

      1. Even “not hot” cars can get in to dangerous temps for kids very quickly, especially for babies – it’s not a “kids being left unattended” issue I think as much as the potential danger of heat stroke.

         1. But the car was on, wasn’t it? I thought that was the big deal part here.

   8. http://www.freerangekids.com

      1. Please stop posting this link (do you run the site, or something?) in an attempt to get attention or a misguided attempt to make a point. You’re not contributing to the discussion by doing this. The snarky replies you posted above don’t either. Thanks.

         1. No, I don’t run the site. I am just concerned about the antics over something all of our paents did when we were children. Poor kids are probably not allowed to ride their bikes or walk to the busstop either.

   9. I would make it clear she shouldn’t do it again but not fire her or anything. You’ve had her for 5 years!

      I have a 5, 2 and newborn. I recently have started leaving my 5&2 year old in the car to do things like: deopna package on the counter at UPS (not check out, just drop and go), go into Starbucks to pick up a preordered drink (run in/run out), go back into the gym for the keys I forgot after the kids are loaded in. I would not go into a store to make a purchase and leave the kids like your nanny did, but I would fire someone you otherwise trust over it. Unless it was like 100 degrees and she locked them in the car.

      My 5 y/o can buckle/unbuckle herself. She can open the door (eg I am not afraid they would overheat in some crazy circumstances). My 2 y/o cannot. I always leave a window cracked and depending on the circumstance may leave the car running. It’s not illegal in my state AND I live in the suburbs. I don’t lock my house or my car during the day or sometimes at night either.

      Frankly, it’s safer IMO to leave the older ones in the car than to try and take all 3 kids and my packages (or coffee or whatever) across a parking lot. I can’t hold everyone’s hand and can’t carry everyone/thing.

      1. In a crazy or not-so-crazy circumstance, remember:
         – The inside of a vehicle heats up VERY quickly! Even with the windows cracked, the temperature inside
         a car can reach 125 degrees in minutes.
         -Cracking the windows does not help slow the heating process OR decrease the maximum temperature
         -80% of the increase in temperature happens in the first 10 minutes
         -Children have died from heatstroke in cars in temps as low as 60 degrees.

      2. http://www.kidsandcars.org/wp-content/uploads/pdfupload/heat-stroke-fact-sheet.pdf

3. Saw a psychiatrist today (out of pocket and online). Failed miserably to get a referral to see one for free, couldn’t get anywhere with my professional association that’s supposed to at least help with counselling. Was worth the $350 it cost.

   Just wanted to say hi to everyone out there who isn’t sure about seeking help, you deserve to feel better and you deserve help. It’s unfortunate how hard it is to ask for help and receive it. Good luck

   1. <3 <3 <3

      That reminder is always helpful. Thanks for sharing it!

4. I’m getting back into dating again after a long time. I have an OkCupid profile and feel like a complete novice which I am. For starters do people actually pay for the subscription to “unlock all their likes”? Today I clicked “yes to boosting my profile and got many likes and some messages that I can’t see. I was hoping to just use the free sections of the site. I’m in late 30s but look younger than I actually am. I find myself gravitating to the profiles of younger guys, usually early 30s but sometimes hesitant to show interest because I imagine they would prefer younger women. Today I’ve been feeling pretty confident and messaged a few people. But there are days when I’m just not. So I’m posting here I guess in search of tips. I’m also in a new country, France which I suppose narrows my options of sites since I’m not yet completely fluent in French.

   1. From what I’ve heard, the paid subscriptions aren’t really worth it, though I have no personal experience. I get tons of likes, but pretty sure the vast majority are going to be guys I’m not interested in (as I’m not interested in the vast majority of the guys on the site period), so I just use the quickmatch or whatever and then see what messages I get. Apparently all the people that like you eventually show up on your quickmatch anyway. FWIW, early 30s, NYC, am told I look mid-late 20s, get plenty of attention from younger guys. I will say I get the most attention for my activity pictures (rock climbing, skiing, etc.) so if you have a photogenic hobby, advertise that. And go ahead and message guys, you’ve got nothing to lose, and if they’re turned off by it, then would you really want to date them anyway?

5. I’m getting back into dating again after a long time. I have an OkC profile and feel like a complete novice which I am. For starters do people actually pay for the subscription to “unlock all their likes”? Today I clicked “yes to boosting my profile and got many likes and some messages that I can’t see. I was hoping to just use the free sections of the site. I’m in late 30s but look younger than I actually am. I find myself gravitating to the profiles of younger guys, usually early 30s but sometimes hesitant to show interest because I imagine they would prefer younger women. Today I’ve been feeling pretty confident and messaged a few people. But there are days when I’m just not. So I’m posting here I guess in search of tips. I’m also in a new country, France which I suppose narrows my options of sites since I’m not yet completely fluent in French.

6. So this DJT press conference — great, simple question by the AP — who do you believe our intel or Putin? Disturbing that in response to such a leading question, he went with – our intel is saying one thing, Putin another, I have no reason to doubt Putin. Uh so you just told the world you doubt American intel?? Even if you do, is it a good idea to say that on the world stage?

   1. Is there any chance he’s crazy like a fox – John Roberts said maybe 45 feels like he’s making inroads with Putin, so didn’t want to spoil it. Like, he’s kind of playing him?

      1. What inroads do we even want with Putin? It’s not like they’re a top trading partner or defense ally?

      2. Hahahahaha no. Putin is playing Trump, not he other way around. Trump is so dumb and easily manipulated.

      3. He’s not that smart. Putin is and Trump is getting played like a fiddle every time.

      4. LOL no of course there’s not.

   2. Utterly disturbing, inappropriate.

      1. Treasonous. Lest you think I’m a crazy liberal, John McCain agrees.

   3. I am afraid I must agree with the HIVE, here. I also spoke with Dad, who spent many years behind the IRON CURTAN (where he was haveing s-x with locals b/f he married mom), and he said that you have to rely on INTEL from the CIA, the State Departement, the FBI, Congress and the INTERNET expert’s who have access to URL’s and addresses. Dad (who usueally agrees with Trump) now thinks something wierd is goeing on. He thinks he is being played by PUTIN, who is very craftey. I hope Trump gets better information from the Commerce Departement, who also knows what is goeing on.

7. Why do moms in the office always focus so much on how women coming back from maternity leave are doing with being back at the office? Uh they’re back to do a job and/or because they need the money. If they can’t handle it, they’ll quit. I’ve literally heard this conversation multiple times in the office this month between different parties.

   1. Welcome to my office. Am friends with a woman who just came back so a few of us took her to lunch. The ENTIRE conversation was whose kid isn’t sleeping or what swim suit they are buying or whatever. I was openly checking my watch – wouldn’t have gone except I am really friends with the new mom and she 100% was not leading this conversation. You could tell she wanted to discuss something besides the baby now that she’s with adults again. Of course if she cut it off though, she’d be viewed as one of THOSE moms who doesn’t even miss her kid.

      1. As someone who has been labelled as one of Those Moms, tell your friend that we have a club and a secret handshake and we welcome newcomers.

   2. To make conversation? To acknowledge that transitions can be hard? Personally, I comfortable with taking my baby to daycare and happy to be back in the land of adults. I was less comfortable with sleep deprivation, not yet fitting into my work clothes, the additional logistics of getting another human out the door in the morning, trying to balance my new schedule, and getting back up to speed with my job.
      Sure, we can assume that new parents can handle this transition and make their own decisions. But, we can still be nice about it to our fellow humans just as we would any other life changing event.

   3. Because it’s a kind thing to ask? Same as asking someone who’s back in the office after surgery how they’re doing.

   4. Because the transition back to work is really hard, and moms who have done it before can relate.

      It’s better than the moms she may meet at home who will tell her that it’s impossible to work and be a good mom

      Cut these women a break.

   5. I remember being the first woman in years to need to express breast milk at the courthouse and what a nightmare of awkwardness that was. You may not believe this but some of us want to check up on other women (just to make sure they’re okay) and to make sure that things are getting better in terms of supports and accommodation. I had a horrendous time when I returned from mat leave, it would have meant a lot for other women to have even talked to me about how hard it is and how what I was feeling was normal, not a sign of failure. I make a point of checking up on other new moms now and I’d say one in every five really appreciates it and is honest about how helpful it is to just talk and vent at someone with a similar experience.

      1. Also going to throw it out here that the situation often changes and gets worse. Maybe childcare breaks down, make kid reverse cycles, maybe kid won’t take a bottle etc. So it is a developing situation, not something you can check on once and be like, it’s all good, situation under control for the next 18 years. Six months was the disaster time for us.

      2. 1 in 5 appreciates it and you keep doing it?? It’s over done IMO. None of my business whether you’re having sleepless nights because your child is screaming or you’re worried about how you’ll pay off the mortgage or whether your spouse wants to stay together. Personal lives should be kept at home – kids are no different.

         1. So, I’m guessing you don’t go to lunch or make small talk with your co-workers or speak of anything other than the current level or widget production or TPS reports? Cool for you, not for me. I like knowing that my colleagues have lives and interests outside of work.
            But, I also try to balance my conversations so they aren’t only about my kid or my dog or my fancy travel plans or what have you.

            1. Eh, I’m not a mind reader. 1 in 5 are super appreciative, maybe 1 in 10 isn’t responsive but will call me in a few months to talk or ask for advice. There were times during all three of my pregnancies where it was nice for someone to ask how I was doing even if I didn’t really want to engage in the subject or it wasn’t the kind of place where I thought I could engage.

               I don’t make a fuss about the issue of someone doesn’t want to talk about it and I do it when we are alone or somewhere private or by email. 1 in 5 being grateful is enough for me to feel it’s worth doing.

      3. They did make formula? Or an attorney couldn’t afford it?

         1. Quite frankly, are you stupid? Formula and breast feeding simply aren’t interchangeable equivalents. Women have the right to decide how they are going to feed their babies. More to the point, even if you had switched to using formula exclusively, it can still take time for milk to dry up. It can be extremely painful and unhealthy for a woman not to be able to express breast milk.

         2. Go away

         3. So you forgo medical care, exercise, healthy eating and all other potentially health-improving behaviors because they interfere with work? Because that’s dumb.

            Or you get to pick and choose on behalf of others which behaviors are actually validly health-improving and then limits your co-workers to only those behaviors during work hours?

            Wait, you don’t run the world and there are actually laws protecting some of these things so you come here to troll.

            1. Hey. I really struggled to pump and ended up taking those supplements that make you stink to get anywhere with it. There was a lot of pressure from my mom friends and my husband to stick with it. I hated it. The judges were also very uncomfortable giving me breaks to pump and I had to pump in an accessible washroom (I moved a chair in there so I didn’t have to do it sitting on a toilet). I cried a lot those days. Makes me tear up now even thinking about it.

            2. Pumping is so hard. It’s awkward and uncomfortable, sometimes even painful even when it’s going “right”. Hugs.

      4. I would argue it’s a sign of failure, just not the mom’s failure. Normal is not okay in this case.

   6. Because of people like you who assume it’s no big deal.

      Because moms who have returned to work (also, anyone with empathy) know that just because you love your job and/or need the money it doesn’t mean you don’t love your baby. Because birthing (or adopting) a human (and sometimes feeding that human with your b@@bs) and leaving that human in the care of another is hard. Because the logistics are hard.

      Some moms want to learn what works for others. Some just want to show new moms the support they wish they received. Some people just want to make conversation and it’s a sure bet that the NEW HUMAN and returning to work are topics of interest to the new mom who returned to work.

      Do you talk about sports? Your hobbies? Yours pets? This bores many of us.

   7. Once they push out a HUMAN it’s all they’re capable of talking about – so now there’s a new member of that club to talk with.

8. I scratched the leather on my favorite pair of work flats, which they unfortunately don’t make any more (it’s these: https://www.nordstromrack.com/shop/product/1270135/frye-agnes-ballet-flat?color=BLACK) Does anyone have suggestions for anything similar that fits like Fryes (ie, on the narrower side)? The leather on Frye’s current ballet flat itineration looks more casual, and I don’t want anything too pointy in the toe or with elastic around the edge (like a true ballet flat)–just look for a nice almond toe black flat.

   1. Coach tends to run narrow. The Lola ballet flat sounds a bit like what you’re looking for (there is a little bow on the front but not big). It’s on sale, so some sizes are sold out. https://www.coach.com/coach-lola-ballet/G1021.html?cgid=women-shoes-flats&dwvar_color=BLK

   2. Depending on how bad the scratch is, take it to a cobbler and see what they can do. I’ve had them work miracles!

9. For Gail in case this doesn’t nest properly
   Have you had a cobbler look at them? I’ve had luck in having scratches in some leather boots fixed by a good cobbler.

   1. Yes, there is a good shoe place on Lex that covered up some scratches I had on my Fry boots. ALSO, There is a goodplace in Grand Central station (just inside the 45th Street and Madison entrence) that can work magic on pumps, includeing scrapeing poopie off of my new closed toe pumps last year. That saved me $129! If I knew the guy’s name, I would tell you, but he was very NICE. YAY!!!!!

10. I recall that some ladies on this site have had books published. For those of you who are authors: what resources did you use to get started?

    1. Not an author, but an editor. Google around and look for writer’s critique groups in your area, and look for a writer’s conference to go to. The critique group will give you feedback on your writing, and the writer’s conference will offer training, understanding of the industry, and sometimes access to editors and agents.

    2. I have not had a full book published, but I have had alot of CLE outline’s published in the name of the manageing partner. I think you get better at writing the more you do, so do NOT get frusteated if your work does NOT get published immedieately, it will eventueally if you stay focussed. I did and I am now a partner and have alot of connection’s at the Bar Association. YAY!!!!!

11. Paging NYNY: I hope your shopping/resume day was nice! I told you to do it, as I was doing the same. I had my initial interview at lunch. I had an offer for a big, long onsite interview in my email when I got home from work (and this is an industry known to move sloowww).

    This is a sign: definitely do it. We’ll be here to cheer you on!

    1. That’s great news – congrats! I found a great new dress, got a lead on a new suit or two, and have a draft version of my resume completed. I’m calling the day a success. For both of us! :-)

12. Getting a haircut this Friday. For a while now, my hairdresser has been encouraging me to do a reverse lob, longer in front than back. Is this a good idea fashion wise, or a few years outdated? For what it’s worth, I am a mom in my 30s and not hyper trendy, and my hair is wavy to curly to frizzy depending on the day.

    1. Kindly, I think it’s a bit outdated. I’d never say that to you if you HAD a lob, of course, but if you’re asking…

       1. +1

          Agree, sadly.

          I actually asked for something like this a year or so ago, and my very talented hairdresser just shook his head and found something a little more appropriate.

          I’m in my 40’s.

    2. They can show your face and how it would look with a haircut like this. Personaly, my ex wanted me to get this cut b/c he thought it was s-xy NOT to be able to see my face when I was very close to him. Why, I will NEVER know, but I did NOT get this haircut b/c it was a cut for model’s and my tuchus is to big for me to be a model, and I certainly did NOT want to do anything to fulfil Sheketovits’es fantasies when he did NOTHING for me. FOOEY!

    3. When I worked retail, that was known as the, “I’d like to speak to your manager” haircut.

13. Given the options I’d rather my kid grow up to make typos and ask people if they’re okay from time to time than turn out like this fool…

Comments are closed.