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Tuesday’s Workwear Report: Textured Peplum Dress

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Nov. 2024 Update: The Nordstrom Anniversary Sale is over for the year, and we don't yet know when the 2025 Nordstrom Anniversary Sale will be. Stay tuned for their Half-Yearly Sale, which usually starts around Dec. 23. (Unfamiliar with the NAS? Check out this page for more info on why it's the best sale of the year.) Sign up for our newsletter to stay on top of all the major workwear sales, or check out our roundup of the latest sales on workwear!

The below content is about the 2018 Nordstrom Anniversary Sale.

Our daily workwear reports suggest one piece of work-appropriate attire in a range of prices.

Textured Peplum Dress

This dress has a very Kate Middleton vibe to me, for some reason — classic, polished, very feminine. I like the sculptural neckline, the cap sleeves, and the little pelum and bow belt, and I love the bluesy gray of the fabric, which keeps it in the realm of business and away from being too twee. Lovely. It's part of the Nordstrom Anniversary Sale, so is currently marked down to $210, but after the sale ends it'll go back up to $315. Textured Peplum Dress

Psst: check out all of our coverage of the 2018 Nordstrom Anniversary Sale, including our top picks for workwear under $200 and our favorite plus-size picks for work!

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Sales of note for 3/21/25:

  • Nordstrom – Spring sale, up to 50% off: Free People, AllSaints, AG, and more
  • Ann Taylor – 25% off suiting + 25% off tops & sweaters + extra 50% off sale
  • Banana Republic Factory – 40% off everything + extra 20% off
  • Eloquii – $39+ dresses & jumpsuits + up to 50% off everything else
  • J.Crew – 25% off select linen & cashmere + up to 50% off select styles + extra 40% off sale
  • J.Crew Factory – Friends & Family Sale: Extra 15% off your purchase + extra 50% off clearance + 50-60% off spring faves
  • M.M.LaFleur – Flash Sale: Get the Ultimate Jardigan for $198 on sale; use code CORPORETTE15 for 15% off
  • Spanx – Lots of workwear on sale, some up to 70% off
  • Talbots – Buy 1 get 1 50% off everything, includes markdowns

And some of our latest threadjacks here at Corporette (reader questions and commentary) — see more here!

Some of our latest threadjacks include:

341 Comments

  1. I love the top of this dress (and the color) but front slits always look to me like your skirt is on backwards. Is that just me/a personal hangup, or does anyone else feel that way too?

    1. I hate front slits with a passion, they look odd, and to me I feel like someone would stare at that part of my skirt hoping to catch a glimpse of something up there, if you know what I mean. It’s not as bad as those casual dresses that part at the front though, they show a lot more than I’d be comfortable with.

      Then again, even side slits make me feel uncomfortable sometimes.

    2. I despise them. They show wayyy too much thigh when you sit. Great for date night, not for work.

    3. Even though the dress fits, the combo of the front skirt slit and the neck notch makes it look like she’s busting out of it à la the Hulk.

    4. Front slits are literally the worst. As if people don’t need to sit at meetings, get out of cars, etc. I have had a few front slit skirts over the years, and after feeling exposed, don’t wear them.

    5. It has a colored zipper on the back. That’s the greatest flaw IMO b/c then I can’t wear a normal blazer over it. Sign. I actually love the dress otherwise.

    6. I’ve worn this dress for my civil wedding a few months ago and it looked lovely (at least in my opinion :)), but the front slit was incredibly annoying. Otherwise it has very flattering thick fabrics and an exposed back zipper in rose gold.

    7. +1. I can do a side slit, although that’s not my favorite, but front slits do not work for me.

  2. I thought we were done with peplums? I love the look but am concerned about looking hopelessly dated.

    1. “We” who? Fashion editors at magazines? The women in your area? The women on this board? Fashion is so diverse these days that we’re in an anything-goes world. If you love peplums, wear them! If you’re worried about looking dated in “someone’s” eyes (whose — the women you work with?), just make sure the rest of your outfit is current to your eyes.

      1. Then don’t wear them? Is somebody holding a gun to your head and making you wear clothes that don’t work for your body type?

    3. I think they’re cycling back in again. I’ve seen peplum on a couple of workwear pieces. I saw this dress in store and it was lovely.

      I just hate the front slit. Like what even is that. No I don’t want someone looking at my crotch or upper thighs when I sit. This is an otherwise lovely, work appropriate dress, why ruin it by putting the vent on backwards???

    4. I had hoped they were done. They do nothing for me and it was really annoying a few years back when every otherwise nice top and jacket had a peplum. Kind of like bell sleeves now, or oversized ruffles.

    5. Agreed. I do not need an a$$ doily, my rear is large/noticeable enough without the embellishment.

    6. Peplums looks great on me and I got many compliments on one I wore yesterday. I’m a curvy hourglass. I think they key is one that is a slight peplum — some are way too wide and look ridiculous.

        1. Curvy, *long-waisted*, hourglass here… and they make me look like a tiered christmas tree.

      3. Plus size, curvy, tall. Peplums are very flattering on me. They have to be straight and not ruffly though. This one is too short and too flouncy.

  3. Hoping to tap into the corportte knowledge base: Have a small consulting company and expect to have book released in next six months. Can anyone recommend brand/marketing strategist to help with both? Bonus points if they’re freelance rather than an agency like Interbrand and are based in NYC or DC area.

  4. I work in a smaller non-MBB consulting firm and am developing a strategy for client acquisition and retention.
    What are your thoughts on getting new accounts or expanding share of wallet when you don’t have the Firm’s pedigree? I figured the same dynamics would come into play for law

    1. In law, not every deal/piece of litigation needs highly specialized, bet the company levels of work and expertise. Smaller firms can provide quality services at more competitive prices. Staffing can be leaner- you can get an experienced lawyer/consultant working on your matter with a minimum number of associates. Firm overhead is likely lower. Sure, really big companies may want the MBB level names and can afford the price.. So you don’t spend your efforts pitching those companies. You find smaller companies that need your services.

      1. This. Can’t speak to consulting as I’m also in law, but showing up to a small company and show casing your bet-the-company litigation skills, the number of times you’ve argued in front of the Court of Appeals, and getting pumped about taking the opposing side/ regulatory agency to the mat are just not enticing to everyone. Most folks really don’t want to be the test case or sink years and $$$ into litigation. Having the skills to reach an early and reasonable resolution and understanding the importance of that goal is key. You may eventually find that you develop a niche area of expertise (or may have one already) that the bigger accounts really need, and you can be competitive that way.

    2. I’m in a VERY small (3 partners/consultants + support staff) firm. We win against MBB (though we misty compete with M because of our healthcare focus) when:
      1. Network/personal connection
      2. Proven subject matter expertise- MBB can do a lot fat, but we go deep and really know the space. Our contacts are better, our SMEs are better, and clients get a senior partner (me) on all projects not a bunch of analysts.
      3. Clients are cost conscious. We are way cheaper. We bill out at $350-450 when the big firms are >$500 for partner level.

      We lose when clients “need the brand” or when we don’t have a connection/haven’t successfully proven our deep expertise. We also lose when the work isn’t squarely in our wheelhouse- when we need to learn new areas we are slower and more expensive than MBB.

      We have several references that say “we used [MBB] and we used these guys and we would always go back to these guys for a project in [our area of ezpertise].”

      1. This.

        I was a consultant in a (smaller) Firm and covering an emerging market. As Anon above pointed out, harp on the personal touch as your value creation- Consulting IMO, is moving to more relationship based, and the MBBs may not be able to provide that at the level client seeks (Access to partners).

        Also consider upselling other services you may have- and use your ” depth” of knowledge of client’s business to win additional work- If offering broad corporate strategy, perhaps you can get into operational turnaround, financial restructuring, etc. This allows you to sell the other general skills you may have, assuming you are not a specialist firm.

  5. I’ll be staying for one night in NYC, near Central Park and Times Square. Any suggestions for what to do for a first-timer? I’ll likely have dinner with a colleague, so restaurant suggestions would be great, but I’ll also have some time on my own in the late afternoon. TIA.

    1. Head up to Central Park and away from Times Square :)
      Not sure where you’re staying exactly but right in between the two there are two Greek restaurants I like: Mykonos and Souvlaki GR. The latter is much more casual, so maybe more for a friend dinner than a colleague.
      You can also find some great restaurants in Hell’s Kitchen along 9th and 10th Avenue. Based on your location it sounds like you’re close to the Time Warner Center in Columbus Circle. It’s pretty lame for a mall, but you should go in for cookie or croissant at Bouchon Bakery and enjoy the view over the park.

      1. These are all good suggestions.

        To add one totally touristy recommendation (but you are a first timer after all!), the Top of the Rock really has pretty cool views of the city. I recommend buying tickets ahead of time.

    2. Central Park and The Met! Stay away from Times Square. You’re in a bit of a food desert in that area, but Landmarc is famous for its wine menu and has decent prices. Quality Meats is gorgeous and is great for steak.

  6. Help!

    I need some real shoes (not commuting shoes) that you would recommend for not giving you blisters in bare feet. I’ve tried the liners, but they always slip on my feet and I’m constantly having to readjust. I have a major client meeting where I need no blister shoes so I don’t have to fiddle with liners (and I won’t be able to wear commuting shoes b/c I’m flying in/out for this meeting and am just bringing an OG (which will be full with non-shoe things and is basically my mobile office).

    Otherwise, I’m thinking of just wearing pantyhose b/c I never get blisters when wearing hose.

    FWIW, this is in the upper midwest, so if pantyhose isn’t OK at a meeting (large bank), that would also be good to know.

    1. I recently bought sheer pantyhose at a very low denier count, the brand is DIM. No blisters and they are almost invisible on my skin

    4. Honestly, it depends on your feet. Shoes that dont give me blisters could be hell for you, and vice versa.

      In my experience, I have liked a lot of the Cole Haan and Rockport Total Motion flats. I think a pointy toe, flat or small wedge (that fits you) is probably your best bet here- formal enough to wear to a meeting, but comfortable enough to get you through the airports.

      If the meeting is in the next month or so, I dont think you’d need hose in Minneapolis, Detroit, or anywhere in Wisconsin. If you’re going to Chicago– maybe- depends on the bank and the department.

    5. I wear the Vionic wedges (can get them at Zappos or nordstrom) without socks when i have an all-day on-site client meeting. No blisters!

    6. I’m always barefoot in my shoes, my trick is rubbing deodorant all over the hot spots on my feet (toes, heels, edges, anywhere the shoe will hit my feet. If it’s hot, I carry a stick for this purpose to refresh in my bag. Even he most well worn, softest leather can be a problem without this trick. I can’t figure out how to keep my shoes on with nylons or socks so this is my solution. Body glide works too.

      1. Second the rec for body glide. I can usually find it on Amazon, but if you have a local running store they might have it too. It looks like deodorant, so it’s small and easy to keep in your bag. Rub it all over the likely hot spots on your feet.

      2. I have knobbly toes and pre-emptively wrap them in band-aids or moleskin (the third and fourth toes are worst on me). I prefer shoes with ankle straps when I have to do a lot of walking – they feel more secure on my feet and I’m less likely to get heel blisters.

    8. It may sound a little on the frumpy side but you need something comfy, professional, and able to travel. I would go for a shoe that:

      1) For irritant prevention – Real leather, that will form to your foot (not too tight and not loose either, both are painful). Add moleskin on the back and on your irritable areas of your foot
      2) If you need a heel, a solid wedge covered in the same material as the rest of the shoe
      3) Solid dark color for versatility
      4) Rubber bottoms – not the cutest, but no one will be able to tell and these wear better for travel.

    9. The Rockport total motion pumps are fabric-lined and are great for no blisters in my experience.

    10. I have a few naturalizer but I also have lifestride heels that I’ve been having luck with this summer and can buy on Amazon. Inexpensive and low risk to try. They have also been work horse shoes.

  7. Husband and I and our soon to be 1-year-old are visiting Berlin this coming September. We have never been to Europe so we are very excited. We love beers, meat-related food items and outdoor sports such as rock climbing. We are not museum people but are interested in indoor events that are family friendly in case weather gets too hot. Any recs? Also, we are looking to hire a babysitter for a night or two for us to do a date night. Our hotel doesn’t have babysitter services. Any idea what agency we should use to find a reliable sitter?

    Thanks!!

    1. I’m not a museum person either but I would recommend looking into the Checkpoint Charlie museum. It’s pretty amazing and focused more on stories of individual people, so it isn’t like a normal museum. It’s also smaller so more approachable.

    2. IDK re the sitters — maybe I’ve seen too many Liam Neeson movies, but I am 100% sure that I’d not be trusting a stranger with my baby in a foreign country. I’m not sure I’d be trusting a stranger with an older child, either.

      If I had to, my firm has an office in Berlin. I’d talk to a live person there and see if they could get someone they vouch for, like a college-aged daughter, a friend who is a nurse, a teacher down the street. Someone with a connection. I believe a lot of what the author writes in Protecting the Gift — it’s The Gift of Fear, but for parents / about children.

      1. +1. I’d be worried about leaving my baby with someone totally unvetted. Plus 10-12 months is pretty much peak separation anxiety. I think it will be pretty scary for your kiddo to be left with someone they don’t know from Adam, especially when they’re in a strange new place.

        Europe is more kid-friendly than the US in a lot of ways. You’d be surprised at the nice restaurants you can take him too, especially if you eat on the early side.

        1. Thank you! That is good to hear. We can also push back his bedtime a bit so we are not having dinner at 4 pm.

      1. +1 – I always use One Fine Stay, a home rental company in Europe and they offer concierge services including childcare. I prefer staying in an apartment to a hotel, and they provide the hotel perks in one. I’d check them out.

        1. Never mind, I thought they were in Berlin but looks like they aren’t. I stayed at the Ritz in Berlin and it was shockingly reasonable. This was a few years ago, so could have changed but might be worth looking into as they’re typically all service. I can’t really help with your other questions as I’m a mostly museum person :)

    4. We did Berlin with a ten month old (and again multiple times with kids from age two months to six). It was great. It is very unlikely to be hot. Berlin is infamous for dreary weather. It is a great city for walking. I would buy a DK eyewitness for the city and follow the recommended walking tours, they are usually great and you will see the iconic stops. My personal faves are the book burning memorial at Humboldt Uni (across from the vey cool memorial to Frederick the Great with his key advisors on it), walk around Museum Island, walk the boulevards through the Tiergarten. There are so many interesting memorials and cool plaques and it is shady and nice. You can end that walk (and for us, nap time in the stroller) at the Zoo and Aquarium, which are great. On our last trip, we made advance reservations (which are required but easy to do online) for the Reichstag. It has an enormous and very impressive dome with an amazing view of the city. It is stroller friendly and you can pick and choose what parts of the audio tour to hear, but it was all excellent, even for non-museum people. There is a really good restaurant at the top with excellent German brunch and it was very kid friendly. I also recommend walking through the Holocaust Memorial and a day trip to Sanssouci is a nice option.

    6. The DDR museum, the old airport park (blanking on name), Mauerpark, Prater Biergarten, the zoo, and maybe one of the palaces outside the city would all be great. I love Berlin so much!

    7. I just got back from Germany and all I have to say is that if you love meat-related food items, you will be in seventh heaven! ;)

    9. Hey hey! Recent Berliner here
      Try to build in some time to take the baby to a playground. And use that as an excuse to try all the fun stuff there :D (trampolines, ziplines, balance beams, pirate ships, hammocks)

      Agree with the PP about family friendliness here. And if you want babysitter recs vetted by an internet stranger, post a burner email and I’ll connect with you :) Otherwise, Extra Arms agency may be an option

  8. I have an itch to get a new handbag. What bags are you loving lately? I’m tempted to get the Coach Parker 18 (the little studded mini bag one), or maybe even a vintage bucket bag. Bucket bags are on the way out but somehow I’m tempted. What would you get for around a $500 budget?

    1. I recently bought the Lodis bucket bag from another poster here and I LOVE IT. It’s very nice leather, I like that it has external slip pockets, and it’s held everything I needed on trips to the gym and on staycation destinations. This is my first bucket bag and I really like it. It’s a simple style, it holds a ton but looks fine almost empty, and it’s not so wide that it’s crashing into doorjambs. So I wouldn’t care if they were on the way out, I like this better than my tote.

    4. Have you looked at Cuyana? They have several beautiful bags in the $150-$500 range.

  9. Those of you who work in a traditionally “desk job” industry – finance, computer science, research, whatever – what are career options in your field that are less tied to being at your desk and in the office etc?

    1. Not my industry, but one of my best friends is a consultant and he used to be a programmer. He travels 50% of the time at least. I know there are consulting jobs in that area that would get you out at meetings all of the time and in front of clients without as much travel, but he is in a pretty niche area.

    2. Our vendors seem much less tied to their desks than we are. Same field, same degree, but they’re on the road a lot more to visit clients, attend conferences, and pitch new services.

      1. Would you mind saying what field / degree you’re in?

        Thank you!

        1. General field is library science so the degree is MLS/MLIS. We have vendors for print and electronic resources and for several different types of software we use. My particular area is very desk-based (I’m not the person you see at your local library), but each vendor visits several times a year and they need to have a lot of the same knowledge I do to provide good service and make sure everything is functioning properly. They’re just putting that knowledge and degree to use on the road, while I’m doing it at my desk.

          1. I’m in a sales/presales role as a vendor- I travel a lot, and I’m never at my desk (which comes with its own stressors). I’d recommend looking at the software/tools you use daily in your industry, and researching jobs at those companies and their competitors. Experience on the ground in your industry is half of what would make you a great candidate for a presales role – the other half is having the outgoing and strategic personality, with an aptitude and capacity for frequent travel and constant “on” time.

    3. Our marketing team travels extensively while working remotely or outsourcing work. Took them like ten years to reach that point though.

    4. I’m an engineer. My current role has me at my desk all the time, but there are other roles that have engineers at factories, doing testing, going on trips to do testing, meeting with suppliers. One of my internships was pretty 50/50 with desk work and work on the factory floor.

      1. Do you have any suggestions on what to look for in job postings or during the interview process that would differentiate between the two “types” of jobs?

        1. If a posting says something like “design engineering”, you’ll likely be working on building 3D models, working on requirements, sitting in meetings. Roles that say testing, manufacturing, or hands-on work will likely have less desk time. It also really depends on the company and varies a lot. At large companies, everyone has their one role and that’s basically it. At smaller companies, people usually have to do more things so you could have more of a variety of tasks at a smaller place.

    5. I work in corporate recruiting (as opposed to working for a third party agency) and I’d say the best way to do that would be to shift to college recruiting, which would have me traveling to campuses both in the area and possibly outside my general region.

      But I don’t want that. I like my cube.

    6. Sales – getting out of the office to get facetime with prospective clients is highly encouraged (financial services)

    7. I work in nonprofits and the execs I’ve known are constantly out of the office taking meetings, networking, fundraising, etc.

    9. There are a lot of consultant and auditing jobs that involve a ton of travel — great way to rack up cc points/miles/per diems/experiences without being chained to the same desk every day.

    10. statistical consulting can include a lot of travel but, if you can’t stand the office, why would you want to spend all your time in other people’s offices?? What is it you don’t like about the office? I work from home, like my work, and don’t much have to deal with colleagues.

      1. Yeah I guess consulting is not exactly what I’m looking for because as you said, I’d just be in other peoples offices doing the same work.

        But the other things people have posted about – meeting clients/vendors/suppliers, networking, fundraising etc – do sound very appealing.

        I actually do like working with people a lot. It’s not office drama that I mind. I guess I just don’t like the isolation of coming into an office every day and more or less having independent work every day, and I’d like to do more dynamic things.

        1. So you want more interaction with people and enjoy fundraising. Have you considered politics? Fast-paced, dynamic, travel, interaction with other people etc. Sounds like you’d be perfect for that.

          1. I’m actually in a public policy masters program but was looking at more policy/think tank jobs. I think I have a personality more suited to politics though, so now I’m looking into that!

          2. Awesome! I wish you every success and all good things. Your country needs you! :D

          3. +1 came here to suggest legislative work. I’m a lobbyist and spend half the year in legislative session running around like a crazy person and the other half doing outreach with elected officials in their districts. I have a public policy masters so you’re on the right track.

        2. I work in real estate and travel weekly to different properties/sites. I can’t stand just being at my desk every day.

    11. I work in litigation and I’m in the office max 3 days a week – I’m on the road to court, examinations, meeting with clients/witnesses, and I work from home a fair bit too. The flexibility and change of scenery is one of the things I really like about my line of work.

      1. Me too – i’m a criminal litigator and I’m on the road to circuit court, witness meetings, police training, etc at least 3 days a week.

    12. I’m in environmental & safety consulting. A lot of data and research, but I’m also on site — a water line replacement. Think excavators. On those days I drive a pickup, wear a hard hat and a high-visibility shirt. It definitely doesn’t pay great (don’t ask how I got here) but there’s definitely room for upward mobility and also I get outside. Does that help?

      1. I think this is the first time I’ve realized there is another woman on here who wears a hard hat, drives a pickup and hangs around excavators every day!

  10. I started a legal but non litigation in the government about 2 months ago, and came from a BigLaw litigation position looking for better hours and still interesting work (thanks again for the advice on whether to leave!).

    Overall, I’m glad I made the move. My hours are now fantastic- it’s amazing how much of a fuller life I feel I have now. The new job is fine, and I generally like the work (TBH, I do miss litigation and the challenging caseload) but I feel somewhat bored. I think it’s mostly because there’s no urgency to anything (unlike my old job, where there were constantly deadlines, both real and imposed by the partners). I’m having trouble being productive without that sense of urgency or actually needing to get things done. Any advice?

    1. I’m struggling with something similar. I think I just get a really perverse satisfaction of getting things done last minute/under pressure. This leads to a lot of wasted time on my part and then a scramble to finish. I don’t recommend it but that scramble is when I am happiest at my job. I’m trying to get around it by creating false internal deadlines and then rewarding myself – so, e.g., if I stay ahead of schedule I can just take a long lunch Friday or do some online shopping without guilt or maybe take a yoga class. It hasn’t quite clicked but I’m hoping I can recondition myself into some better habits. Will be following for other tips.

      1. I struggle with this too! If I don’t have anything urgent or with a tight deadline I put it off, put it off, put it off. It’s horrible. I was the same way in school.

      2. Yup, me three. See: me at the office until 7:45 last night finishing a project with a Monday deadline…that I didn’t start until 4 pm yesterday. (But hey! I finished it on “Monday”! Shaking my head.)

      3. I’m in the exact same boat. I am absolutely happiest when I am busy at work and have the pressure of deadlines. Most of my work is not like that, though :(

    2. Yes, this is what I have been talking about. I too am a litiegator, but remember when I was working in DC in a goverment legal job. There were no deadlines, and little for us to do, so the men just stared out on Constituion Avenue at the women who walked by and rated them (like these men were anything to look at? HA!). But they were attorney’s and they worked for the goverment, so they thought that they were eleigieble bachelors since they had GS-11, 12 or 13 backgrounds, which they thought we ladies would go gaga over! FOOEY on that! I was NEVER impressed by them, and their knowlege of the law was dimimimus! DOUBEL FOOEY on them b/c they thought they were SO smart just b/c they gradueated from law school, and I was a summer student! I now run circles around these guys! But THAT is what goverment law is about. A lot of nothing! YAY!!!!!!

    3. Do you mind sharing what kind of non-litigation role you’re in? I’m interested in what options there are for former biglaw litigators in the government. I think I’d have similar productivity issues as you, so I’m here for the advice as well!

      2. I went from biglaw litigation (IP and tech-oriented commercial) to working for a branch of the military doing a very “hybrid” role that involves everything surrounding government contracts mostly with technology-related companies – advising on them, representing the government in litigation, etc. I really find it interesting even though I do miss doing more litigation. I often get to travel to research sites, and interact with both government researchers and contractors and talk about the technology in detail, which I enjoy since I used to be an engineer. A downside for positions like this can be how long it can take to get your clearance, and you have to get used to dealing with military officers. I swear they communicate in a totally different way.

      3. OP here- I went from a very niche area of litigation (one of my reasons for leaving the firm was becoming too specialized only a few years in, and not getting other types of work). I was able to find an opening in the General Counsel’s office of a big fed agency. The unit I’m in (as well as several of the other units at the agency) essentially acts as in house counsel to the more substantive agency offices.

        Don’t want to out myself, but I think it would be comparable to doing litigation re healthcare fraud at a firm, then going to HHS where I advised the HHS healthcare fraud office. Not sure how helpful that is, but there are a good number of legal offices at fed agencies that do work analogous to subject matter areas in litigation. It took me a few years after I started looking to find one that was a good fit for my very niche experience, though.

        And thanks all for the advice. Hopefully I’ll get used to this slower pace!

    4. Sometimes it helps me to look at my giant to-do list, and see that several things having similar deadlines will create a lot of pressure for me at a future date. I can then psych myself into the mindset of high pressure and chip away at non-urgent but important items. This doesn’t always work but often enough. It’s also nice to have something finished with time to spare and do another round of proofreading while feeling all smug at myself.

  11. I posted on the Moms site, but thought I’d ask here as well: Can anyone recommend a good OB/GYN in DC? I live in National Harbor and work downtown, so it really needs to be downtown. (I know there’s that great women’s health practice in Arlington, but that’s just not doable.) Thanks!

    2. I used Reitter Hill as a single, married and for the birth of DD. RH is fine, although it’s a city practice. No big office. Last renovation of the office looks to have been 20 years ago. In my experience, folks that move to DC from suburbs and small towns tend to disfavor places like this. But its very convenient with a location near Farragut.

      For my general practice, I pay for a membership (like $200/yr?) to OneMed and LOVE it. You can totally use them for birth control, paps and regular gyno care. You can almost always get appointment, book online, their offices are new and renovated, they provide good customer service, etc. You can get a lot of stuff over the phone, like a prescription for a UTI, etc. I HIGHLY recommend it. They are opening new locations everywhere in DC all the time.

      1. Except one medical is staffed by NPs and PAs mostly and the occasional doctor whose been in practice for 6 months. No thanks. Don’t care how pretty the offices are.

        1. I saw an NP there and I really liked her- I find that I prefer seeing NP’s and DO’s for well-care visits and transactional things like birth control and UTI’s. They’re typically warmer, less rushed, and have a more whole-person outlook than some MD’s I’ve seen.

        2. I’d happily take a PA for a bc prescription and regular Pap test. You don’t need a doctor for that.

        3. I would happily take a NP I can actually get an apt with. It can be near impossible to see a general doc in DC.

          But OneMed doesn’t take BCBS anymore, and that is a deal breaker for me.

  12. Can anyone give me advice on what to do at St. Simons Island for vacation? Going with hubby and 10-year old. Any restaurants or other things to not miss?

    1. Lady Jane Shrimp Boat excursion out of Brunswick is super cool- you ride around the marsh/tidal creeks on an old shrimp boat and they pull up all sorts of cool sea creatures for you to look at (fish, sharks, rays, shrimp, etc). Crabdaddy’s and Crab Trap are both good, as is Halyards, Southern Soul BBQ, and Coastal Kitchen.

    2. I haven’t been there in years, but isn’t it the type of private island/place with a lot of homes that are featured in magazines like Architectural Digest? I think you just hang out there. I remember there’s a resort called the Cloisters where you should get tea or something like that, if you aren’t staying there (Cloisters might be on Sea Island, but it think the two islands are only separated by a stream). We also took kayaks out in the waterway and that was fun.

      1. That’s Sea Island. It’s next to St. Simons. St. Simons is just a normal island. Sea Island is now gated and you can’t get on unless you’re staying there (or you sweet talk the guards)

    3. Yes! My family goes there all the time. For restaurants, my favorites for dinner are Crabdaddy’s, Crab Trap, and Halfshell. (full disclaimer: these are all owned by family friends. But delicious). Crabdaddy’s is the fanciest but still not super fancy, Crab Trap and Halfshell are very casual. Southern Soul for really excellent BBQ for lunch (don’t be intimidated by the line–it moves fast. Get there before 11:30 if you don’t want a super long wait). If you want fancy dinner, Halyard’s. Boulevard has sandwiches for lunch, but really what you want is their brownie with cream cheese layer. There’s not a whole lot to “see” in terms of touristy things, but if you aren’t scared of heights, climbing the lighthouse is fun. Fort Frederica is worth an hour or two with kids, though there isn’t a whole lot of the actual fort still standing. The park in the village by the pier has improved vastly since I was a kid and has a great view. There’s also putt-putt and a pool with waterslides in the park. And I haven’t done it yet, but the trolley tours do night ghost tours that might be fun for a kid. Depending on your interest in outdoorsy things, a kayak tour through the marsh is fun (we’ve always used Southeast Adventures). What end of the island are you staying on? The beach is nicer toward the north end of the island; it’s pretty eroded near the south end now.

      1. Oh, and if you have any interest in history, it’s worth driving over to Jekyll (it’s about 20-30 minutes from St. Simons) to see the historic district (it’s gorgeous and it’s got a ton of history. The robber barons had a private club back in the day that is now a hotel, along with their “cottages” (mansions))

        1. Sapelo Island is north of St. Simons and also offers interesting history sites. I think it’s harder to get there than it would be to get to Jekyll – you have to book a day trip through the single ferry that serves the island. There’s a small historic district and several marine/archaeological research sites.

        2. Jekyll isn’t a bad day trip. There is a sea turtle hospital and driftwood/boneyard beach in addition to the historic hotel grounds.

    5. There is a Gullah museum near there, close to Savannah, called Pinpoint. Justice Clarence Thomas actually grew up there. It is very much a living history museum with people who grew up with him and remember him giving tours. It is pretty new in past 5 years or so and very beautiful and interesting.

  13. Anyone love their luxury SUV? I’m in the market for a new compact SUV and am just overwhelmed by the choices. I’d love to hear what everyone else loves! I’m considering the Acura RDX, Lexus RX or NT, and the Lincoln MKX but I’d love to hear what you all are loving.

    What resources do you rely on to learn about the various models?

    1. We have an Acura MDX that we do NOT love – this will out me, but the battery died and it caused a full system shutdown on the highway with three kids in the heat. A jump didn’t fix it. A replaced battery didn’t fix it. They had to reprogram the car. Also, I really don’t like their touch screen system. I find it very dangerous because it is not intuitive. I assume the MKX has the same one, although ours is a year or two older, but I would look closely at the touch screen.

      We also have a Volvo XC60 that I LOVE. I would recommend you take a look at that.

      And hi, any friends who read here who now are able to identify me. :)

      1. +1 to the Volvo. I don’t have one (yet) but my next one will be a Volvo. My friends who have them seem to drive them for years and have no complaints.

        1. Yes, I should have said I’ve had mine for five years, and I still adore it. No problems, no plans to replace it anytime soon.

      2. What year was your MDX? I have a 2010 and have had literally no problems ever with it. I will drive it into the ground because all the new ones have too much tech for my liking.

        1. Agree. I have a 2012 but have a newer car in the family with the touch screen stuff. It is getting way over the top, all the technology in cars. I did drive newer TLXs that have very non-intuitive touch screens and it made for a frustrating trip.

    2. My Acura friends love theirs.

      OTOH, don’t get an X5 (or if you do, don’t keep it past when the warranty expires). We had several months in a row of 4-figure repairs on our former one.

      1. Are you referring to the BMX X5? I was looking at the X3, but now you have me second guessing!

        1. I have an X1 and I LOVE it… but yes, BMW repairs do get pricey when the cars are past the 5-8 year mark.

    3. The Lincoln MKX is a great car. If you wait until the 2019 model year it’ll be called the Nautilus and have some updates from the current model.

    4. I drive a Lincoln MXC and I really love it. Came to it from having a Lincoln town car and getting used to all the cushiness. I really like the thought that goes into the design. I like the peppy throttle, the fact that it doesn’t need specialty parts or gas. I got a 2015 model still under warranty for $23K with a moonroof.

      1. I had no idea that Lincoln town cars even existed. I thought it had gone the way of the Chevrolet Caprice.

        1. It’s a 2009 (I didn’t trade it in). It’s a v8 engine and can FLY while making you feel like you’re sitting still. The car salesman tried to get me to trade it and then we started getting calls from dealers about how they wanted to buy it from us but we kept it. My extended family is all about the gas mileage but since I don’t have a commute, I didn’t look at that as much; rather comfort and reliability.

    5. I have a Lexus RX that I loooove. I looked at consumer reports to get info on which years have the least issues. The RX in general is a very reliable car without many issues. I come from a solidly Honda/Toyota family, so that kind of thing is important to me.

      1. +1

        Exactly the same for us.

        Nice style that all the other makers copied. Nice compact footprint. Toyota reliability. Top rankings in Consumer’s reports. Can by a pre-owned with low mileage for a steal and it will last and last.

        Ours is 10 years old. Looks brand new. No major problems. Only down side is prieier gas. Would maybe get the hybrid now?

    6. We have an older Land Rover Range Rover (or is it the other way around? I can never remember) and we love it. The Evoque model is smaller if you don’t want to go full-size.

    7. Anon so I don’t out myself. I just did this. We drove the 2019 Acura RDX, Lexus NT300 (I think), Audi Q3, Audi Q5, Volvo XC60. The Audis and the Volvo drove better than the others. The Lexus was mid-cycle refresh on the interior electronics so it lacked basic things like Apple Car play, which we wanted. The Audi Q3 seemed a tad small. It was a very close call between the Audi Q5 and the Volvo XC60. They are comparable in price. I think I had a slight preference for the Volvo, but the Audi felt more like a luxury car. Also we got a phenomenal deal on the Audi — called 7 dealers in two metro areas and none could match the price, so that was also enticing. We’ve had the Q5 a couple weeks and it is a really nice car to drive. I’m still terrified of scratching it because it is brand new, but we’re very happy.

    8. Bought a Cadillac XT5 last fall and love it. I’m usually a European sports sedan person not a Cadillac person, and DH dragged me kicking and screaming to the dealership. I’m glad he did. It feels fairly sporty, not the mushy ride of my mother’s Cadillac land yacht sedan.

      1. Also, this is entry level luxury small to midsize suv. The price reflects that, which made me happy.

    9. Tesla Model X ;)
      I’m half kidding because it’s not strictly an SUV, but everyone who has it loves it and it seems to behave like one.

    10. I have Mercedes GLC as a company car and do NOT love it, but I am also not hating it. The reason is that for the amount the company is paying for overpriced Mercedes in basic version, it would be able to buy Volvo XC60 with all the perks it comes with. Also, I have had Volvo cars in the past 6 years and personally find them best fitting my needs and preferences (e.g. the electronic in the car is very intuitive, easy to pair with devices, GPS already built-in, memory for seat setting for multiple drivers – comes handy in case you share the car with husband from time to time). From the drive-experience and technical perspective, both cars are comparable (same gas consumption, same drive dynamics and cushioning/perceived comfort, same internal space/dimensions). But I feel that I could make my money work better with Volvo. Also, I am not a big fan of SUVs as I mostly drive in the city and sometimes struggle to find big enough parking spaces. I drive long distance for work 1x month (I am based in Eastern Europe, so this is 500-700km one way using not-the-best or even missing highways) and in thise cases, definitely appreciate SUV.
      Otherwise, I would be happy with Volvo S60 (or BMW 3-5).

    13. I’ve driven a Lexus RX for 12 years (had 3 during that time) and just changed to a NX this fall. I have not a single complaint about Lexus and either model. Never have had a service issue or problem.

  14. I’m taking a red eye into JFK and then have about 2-3 hours before I’ll be able to get into the apartment that I’m staying at in Manhattan. I’m trying to figure out how to spend a couple of hours when I’ll be groggy from the red eye, in desperate need of a shower, and just really wanting to take a nap. Any suggestions for how to kill a couple of hours?

    1. Well, first I would see if there’s any way to get into the apartment earlier.

      Maybe you could kill time at a spa? The kind that has a bunch of different saunas and pools? You could relax and shower at least.

      1. +1 to getting in sooner. I’ll often book for the night before to have this option and just communicate that I’ll be coming in early off a red eye. I like the spa idea, too. Probably a wash cost-wise.

        1. I always book the night before so I can just check in immediately. Totally worth it in my view.

    2. 2-3 hours from your scheduled landing? or 2-3 hours after you arrive at the apartment? honestly, between disembarking, getting your bag (if applicable), getting the train/a cab/uber into manhattan, etc., you will probably kill the majority of that 2-3 hours. Then have breakfast/coffee.

      1. This is very true. Especially if your redeye is arriving later than 6 am, it can take you upwards of an hour to even get into Manhattan. So if you’ve checked luggage, that’s barely any “extra” time before you can get in to the apartment. Getting breakfast nearby is a good recommendation.

        Or, I would look to see if there is a nice gym nearby where you can buy a day pass (like Equinox). That way you can get a shower in and maybe even do some gentle stretching or a lowkey workout if that sounds appealing.

        1. Btwn the drive to manhattan and leaving the airport2 getting your bag you’re only looking for about an hour. I’d do a cute cafe and people watching!

    3. I could see my naive self checking into one of those hotels with hourly rates that seem to be b/w Newark Airport and NYC (maybe there is the same thing near JFK). And then realizing . . . ick . . . that is not at all why these rate structures exist.

      1. Aw that makes me nostalgic for my wilder days when I used the last remaining hourly hotel in the village for what I assume was its true purpose…

          1. I figured they were for having hot and wild [redacted] with [redacted] on the down low because [redacted] and then returning home to your regular life.

          2. The whole world has this need and yet I have have only seen hotels overtly advertise this outside of Newark Airport / Holland Tunnel (NJ side) area. What is it about youse people? [Or do other areas in fact have this?]

          3. Counterpoint: they’re a thing in Japan and Korea, at least. And there was the St. Marks in the village.

    4. Buy a day pass to one of the fancy airport lounges once you arrive (if you can, some only allow departing flights, some allow as long as your flight lands or departs on that same day). Most in major airports have showers, newspapers, food and drinks, big comfy couches, and some even have a quiet room for naps and work. It’s always the best money spent on my long haul or awkward flights.

      1. I was going to suggest that, but they’re all inside security (except USO lounge, if that’s something you would have access to), so if you have to get a checked bag, that won’t work.

      2. This would be my favorite suggestion, but you need an arrivals lounge, not just any lounge in the airport. They won’t all let you in, and as GTG pointed out, you may have checked bag issues.

    6. My go to is getting my nails done- you sit for 1-2 hours and no one seems to care if you want to veg out and not talk. I’ve been stuck in many cities waiting for planes/check in etc and I can always find a nail salon.

  15. I’m 15 years into my career and struggling with the after-effects of burnout. (Or maybe I’m still there.) I know exactly what circumstances led to the burnout, and many of them were external. The crisis period passed about 5-6 months ago, and yet I still don’t have my spark back. I dread work every day and am really struggling to find any meaning in it at all, which never used to be an issue. I feel so guilty for deeply disliking what used to be a very good job.

    I’m taking more vacation this year than I have in the last three years combined, and I’m doing all the self-care stuff I can. I also am considering other options for work, but there haven’t been many opportunities to even apply for. That makes me wonder about the value of my career in general (not a lawyer, fyi). I saw an EAP counselor last fall and it wasn’t super helpful, TBH.

    I’m kind of a mess. If anyone has managed to come back strong from burnout, please share your advice and wisdom. Maybe what I need to learn is to settle down and just accept that it’s going to be hard to muster enthusiasm after a two-year crisis period. I kept an entire team going, despite the odds. I feel like I should be more proud than I am; I’m mainly just tired.

    1. After a 2 year crisis, 4-5 months is a short time to expect yourself to get back to work at 100% percent. Sounds like you are doing a lot of things right – taking extra vacation and self-care. Could you take a solid week of vacation and go somewhere relaxing to get out of your environment? I also find that going in to work later in the morning than usual can help with dreading going into the office, especially on a Monday. You say your AEP counselor wasn’t helpful but I’d encourage you look for a therapist you click with to help process what happened. I’m sure your enthusiasm will come back. Give yourself a lot more time, 6 months to a year, to continue working towards where you used to be (or your new normal).

      1. I agree with this — I heard once that you should benchmark recoveries at 50% (so, if you are sick for 2 weeks, it should take another week to get back to full strength). If you had a two-year crisis, give yourself a full year. Be kind to yourself.

    2. I’d lean into the tiredness for a while. Don’t run from it. Just meet it where it’s at and it will eventually pass.

      1. Agree. I went through a 1.5 year long disaster at work and felt wrecked for a while. I wound up getting a new job, which helped because I was immediately removed from the situation, but the anxiety/depression/lack of motivation/lack of joy persisted. It’s passed by now. Time really helps. Trust that it will pass. It’s very understandable that you can’t muster the energy and enthusiasm when the bulk of your energy and resources have been taken by work for so long.

    3. Volunteering. Seriously. Find an organization that you believe in and some way to contribute. When I was transitioning to a new career (partly due to burnout), I volunteered to see if my new industry was somewhere I could see myself working (think education, healthcare, museum/zoo/library). My burnout in my old career lifted substantially after my first volunteering shift and made going to work so much easier!

    4. I realize that no one who is burned out and tired wants to hear this – including me – but regular exercise changed my life. As a naturally thin person, I just never saw the real point but started to feel exactly like you describe. My husband is a lifelong runner and swimmer and honestly, I committed to ONE month of exercise just to prove to him it would NOT help.

      I started by lining up a personal trainer 2 early mornings per week and committed to walking with a friend one more weekday morning. On the weekends, I exercised with my family so I hit about 5 out of 7 days. The first week I was so exhausted I could barely function. The second week I felt the same as when I started but by the third week, I felt oddly more energetic. Finally, the last week of the month I had feelings of deep satisfaction for no reason (i.e. nothing had changed in my life).

      Commit to 5 days a week for four weeks. I promise it works!

    5. I had a crisis from late 2014-early 2016 (mainly a work crisis, but some family and health stuff thrown in just for fun too) and didn’t feel like I really recovered until early last summer. These things just take time. Things that helped for me: exercise, self-care (literally doing anything that felt enjoyable), getting more involved with my faith community, taking productive steps toward reorienting job and family situation (which involved changing careers, therapy, and some hard conversations with folks).

      It was tough, but I made a commitment to myself to try to do one small thing every day to change the situation and one small thing every day that gave me pleasure, and that eventually got me through it. Be gentle with yourself.

  16. Is anyone else annoyed by all the Black Friday/Cyber Monday in July ads? You’re having a sale. Just like you do every quarter. Can we not call it something it’s not? I don’t understand this marketing ploy at all.

    2. I find it confusing because it just serves to remind me that these retailers will be doing the same thing again in November, which is not terribly far away.

  17. DH has restless leg syndrome and it’s worse in the summer or when he’s especially tired. Does anyone have any suggestions (besides sleeping separately, which is off the table)? I am often unable to sleep for awhile because it’s so distracting and I’m also a light sleeper. Advice from spouses of snorers welcome also. Yawn.

    2. Not restless leg, but my DH is a snorer. Honestly, I got to bed about 2-3 hours before him (between 9 and 1opm; he comes to bed between 11-12). I get a solid chunk before he comes to bed and am usually pretty sound asleep when he does, which limits the chances of him waking me even though I am a light sleeper.

    3. He should see a doctor, I think there is prescription medicine available to treat rls.

    4. Weighted blankets are supposed to help with restless leg. They aren’t the cheapest solution, but I know people who have been recommended them by nurses who like them for restless leg, so there is apparently some medical following for them.

    5. If you have king bed, you can get two twin mattresses. It might prevent some of the bounce from transferring to where you sleep. Or spring for something like a tempur pedic.

    6. I hope that there is somewhere on the interwebs where guys can say “I am ruining my wife’s sleep. How can I fix this?”

      Pls tell me that guys care about this stuff. It seems like we are always fixing what we didn’t break.

      1. She won’t consider sleeping separately but that’s what my husband and I do (he snored and then got a noisy CPAP) and we have an excellent marriage and I love having my own space.

        1. Yup, same here. Husband snores (lightly, but I have terrible insomnia). Health is paramount, and good sleep is nonnegotiable. We snuggle a bit before bed and then go our separate ways.

      3. No. My husband gives zero shits about fixing his snoring. He just doesn’t get it. And this reaction is a huge anomaly for him. We’ve been together ten years and I have done everything to try to get him to fix it. One problem is that it will be bad for a while, and then it will get better, and any sense of urgency will be gone.

      4. +1. My husband has a CPAP machine that really helps with his snoring. He was hesitant to go to the doctor until he realized that his snoring was keeping me awake (although I sleep terribly anyway, the snoring just contributed to it.) He definitely cares about the impact on me.

    7. My husband also has restless legs at night (undiagnosed). He twitches constantly and also sways his legs back and forth. Needless to say, I after years of putting up with this and getting no sleep, I was at the end of my rope.
      We got a memory foam mattress that helps a lot with the movement issues. We also replaced our duvet with two twin size duvets so my covers are not torn off when my husband is kicking his legs around. Both have really helped.

    8. Magnesium supplement before bed. I tried it on the advice of my doctor and it’s been amazing. I take 250 mg about an hour before bed. We’re both sleeping much better.

    10. I have RLS and when it is bad or just keeping me up, I take Advil. My research and my doctor said this works to calm it down for a bit, enough to get to sleep.

      Regarding the snoring, my hubs snores, and the best thing ever is the silicone earplugs (Mack’s). I found not only do they (mostly) block the snoring but I also sleep much deeper since I am not distracted by every little sound.

    11. I know someone who put a bar of soap under her fitted sheet and said it reduced the problem significantly (google restless leg soap under sheet). It’s not exactly modern medicine, but if it might help, it’s a cheap thing to try.

    12. I’m coming in late, but hoping OP will still see this. What your husband has is actually called Periodic Limb Movement, Restless Legs only occur when the person is awake or falling asleep and the movements cause waking. Moving while sleeping is PLM. That said, I would highly recommend a sleep study and a good doctor. I’m wide awake and perky at work today because I’m now on a variety of medications that have greatly reduced my night time movements and as a result I actually got quality sleep all night long. I’ve had restless legs for years and never did anything about it, now I wish I had gotten in to the sleep specialists earlier as they found so many things that could be fixed.

    13. DH has restless leg and it drives me bonkers. We tried everything – bedtime routine, rls meds, relaxation techniques, weighted blanket, sleeping pills, etc. (not soap under the fitted sheet though!). A few months ago I moved in the guest room and we’ve never been happier.

    14. My psychiatrist put me on a new med — Ambien Extended Release – to help with my insomnia. Not sure if that would be useful in this situation but I thought it might be worth an ask to your (his) doctor.

  18. How would you style navy booties? With a navy suit? I found some cute ones online, and they’re a steal, but I’m not sure what to wear them with other than jeans…and I wear jeans maybe once a week, so that’s not a worthwhile purchase.

    1. The idea of navy booties with a navy suit does not sound flattering to me. Are they navy leather or suede? I can imagine, potentially, with a pencil skirt and top, depending on the style. Or skinny pants, maybe in a merlot color. They would have to be a real steal IMO though to be worthwhile – it seems relatively limited in use.

      1. They are suede. I agree, not really sold on navy suit + navy booties. I can maybe see merlot skinny pants. I don’t look good in booties with a skirt, as the booties cut me off right at the angle and make me look shorter and squat. I think I’ll pass on these!

  19. I want to send my friend a gift for her engagement. She lives in San Diego – any fun ideas? I was thinking maybe gift certificate to nice restaurant and bottle of champagne or something to celebrate? I’d like to do something more fun that they can do as a couple to take mind off of wedding stress rather than something off her registry since I’ll probably do that for her shower. Price range is $200.

    2. I’m still a huge fan of Open Table gift certificates – they’re easier to use since they aren’t specific to a single place.

    3. Late to the comment party here, but I recommend the Bali Hai restaurant–beautiful view of downtown and the bay, and you can watch dolphins! The food is good and the whole place has a tiki vibe that I enjoy.

  20. If bucket bags are on the way out, what’s on the way in? I was about to splurge on a Staud Bissett, but not if it’s about to go out of style.

  21. Over a year ago, I was promoted at work. Tomorrow, I need to interview as part of a competition to make my promotion permanent. It’s been a long time since I needed to interview and I’m more nervous than normal. Somehow it seems that the stakes are higher because I know the interviewers so well. It does feel like there is something to lose, opposed to a traditional interview whether there is mostly just something to gain. Any tips on how to approach this?

    1. Always Be Closing. Consciously answer every question with an answer or example of how you are great. It’s not the time to be modest, or to act like you’re shooting the breeze with your colleagues. You can do it!

    2. Write out answers to all anticipated questions beforehand, you don’t need to know them word for word but need to know the content so that you have a quick answer to what your achievements were and what your strengths are, what you contributed to the bottom line etc.

  22. I’m looking for advice on how to deal with being unhappily single. When I find out another friend got engaged or I go to another two-year-old’s birthday party, I turn into a mess. The anxiety and sadness spiral (of being afraid I’ll never find someone, being afraid that I am missing the window to have kids, being tired of being lonely, being afraid of being alone forever…) hits and I feel terrible. I do my best to stop myself from crying when I’m around other people but sometimes I just can’t hold it back. I’m dating and doing the things I think I need to be doing to find happiness in this part of my life, but how do I deal with these feelings in the meantime? Or is there no secret to dealing with this and I just keep going on as I am, being sad about this part of my life until/if I find someone that fulfills my desire for partnership and family? Sorry this post is kind of a downer, I’m just not sure how to do a better job of dealing with this.

    1. Right there with you. It’s so hard lately. The only thing that has helped is talking to a few very carefully chosen good friends who don’t try to deny what I’m feeling. They reassure me that I didn’t do anything “wrong” to be in my situation and that it really will all be okay whatever happens. My life is nothing that I expected it to be and that’s been an incredibly difficult adjustment.

    2. Therapy. Your sadness and anxiety is getting in the way of your life! Even if totally legit feelings you can still find other ways to manage them.

      2. +1 relying on another person/relationship is a recipe for disaster IMO. Not saying you can’t be sad, but this is affecting your day-to-day life in a way that isn’t healthy.

        1. Is it really that unusual to rely, in part, on another person to be happy? I have friends and hobbies but nothing gives me the type of support that I get from a partner in a relationship. And supporting them when they need it gives me satisfaction too. I know lots of people say you should learn to be happy on your own, but I honestly don’t think I would be as happy as I think I can be if I’m alone.

          1. I feel like I can comment on this. After my divorce a few years ago I got the same advice: “Learn to be happy on your own.” And I fought against it and it really irked me. But then, lo and behold, I did figure out how to be happy on my own. I was about a million times happier on my own than I’d been in my bad marriage. And I was ready to be on my own forever — I had a house and great friends and it was really pretty great.

            And then I met somebody. And I’m not gonna lie — my life with my lovely husband is much better than my life was alone. I am indeed happier with him than I was alone.

            BUT. I really was genuinely happy on my own, and I enjoyed my life, and I was certainly not crying at the sight of other people being happy. My relationship is the icing on the cake. It’s amazing and I keep pinching myself. But the cake has to be you being happy with yourself.

          2. I used to feel this way. I now realize it led me to choose bad partners (who needed my support), reject good potential partners (who didn’t need me), and to stay in bad relationships longer than was healthy for me (because I desperately wanted this one to work out… and if he just fixed This One Thing everything would be great). I think of all the time I wasted on poor matches and all the opportunities I passed up. My desire to be partnered kept me single.

            So yes it is really bad to rely on another person to be happy. Think of anything else in your life you want but you’re still happy without – say a nicer house. You can WANT a nicer house. You can think how much better your life would be with a nicer house. But you can be fundamentally happy with your life without the nicer house. And if you can’t, the problem isn’t the fact that you didn’t get the house.

          3. I am pretty d@mn happy on my own. I have a successful career, I have great friends, I have an amazing house, I have a fun hobby. But yeah, I still want to be in a relationship and it makes me sad that I’m not. I reject the idea that this is one more thing that I need to fix about myself. I would absolutely be happier if I had my great life + a significant other and it’s not crazy to think that way.

          5. Anon at 12:18 here – I’m not saying it’s bad to be happier with a partner, I’m saying that you shouldn’t only be happy when you are with a partner. That is the distinction. You should be able to be happy alone (not 100% of the time, because that also isn’t healthy), even if you would be happier with a partner. The part you have to figure out is how to enjoy at least parts of your life if you are single. That is what therapy can help you with.

            I am single by choice. I enjoy it – I love my life, etc., but I still do enjoy having relationships with people be it friends or whatever. I am happIER with people in my life, but I am not only happy with other people in my life.

          6. I also think it’s a lot easier to accept being single when you’re in your 50s and you’ve already been divorced and have children. You had done the wedding and marriage and kid(s) thing, Senior Attorney. I’m not saying that being single in your 50s is easy, but I do think it’s pretty different than being single in your 30s, especially if you want kids.

          7. Well, certainly a lot of things are easier to accept when you’ve got a few more decades under your belt. I might turn it around and say that being twice-divorced and staring down the barrel of a solo old age is more horrifying than still being in your 30s with your whole life in front of you, but as my therapist said many years ago, “your pain is your pain.”

          8. It’s not unusual at all!!! It’s just that you are crying in public and struggling to cope, and there is help for that!

    3. You’re crying about this? In public? You have to find some happiness in some other part of your life or a lease acceptance? Respectfully what will you do if you never find a husband or have a kid — find the nearest cliff?

    4. You seem desperate to marry. Any chance you start giving guys that vibe by the 2nd date even if you don’t mean to? Because if you give off that vibe at a 2 year olds party, I don’t see how you keep it to yourself on a date.

    5. Are you talking to anyone about this? Perhaps a therapist? If you’re taking all of the concrete steps you can (dating is only one of them, the other big one is doing things that aren’t dating that make you happy, such as pursuing a hobby or volunteering), and you’re still having a lot of feelings you’re having trouble with, this sounds exactly like a situation for therapy to me.

    6. I have so been there. And sometimes I still am there. It comes and goes in waves. Sending you hugs and strength. You are not alone.

      Someone here posted once that it only takes one person, and that is so true. But you don’t know when you’ll meet him, or how, and if you don’t meet him for 1, or 5, or 10 years, you want to make sure you have the happiest, most fulfilling life during that time.

      The commenters have solid advice. Talk to a therapist, volunteer, find a hobby. Not because it will magically find you a partner, but because it may help start an important shift in perspective.

      So little in our lives is within our control. Partners leave, or cheat, or die, or get sick. Jobs come and go. Even lovely children grow up and leave the nest. Political situations can change very quickly (ahem). Much of life is learning how to cope with uncertainty and this lack of control. Your friends who are married and have children are dealing with this, too, and in many ways it can be more overwhelming for them. Facing an unpredictable world is scary when you are responsible for little lives.

      All you can control is what YOU do each day. So if you want to date, date. If you want to take a break from dating, do it.

      All I know is that when I’ve been down about a date not working out or instability at work, the thing that makes me feel the absolute best about my week is mentoring a teenager who really needs it. I can see that I’m making a difference in her life, and I realize that I have a lot to give. It helps me get outside of my wallowing for a

      We all have energy that we pour into different areas of our lives. Some of us are putting it into our kids. Some, our jobs. Some, our partners. And we see different “returns” on those investments. Not everything will pay off the way we want it to. But all we can do is take it one day at a time, face the circumstances we’ve been given, and go from there.

      Sending you hugs and strength. I want to point you to some helpful threads from this s i t e that I have bookmarked for when I’m feeling down:

      https://corporette.com/weekend-open-thread-358/#comment-3656415

      https://corporette.com/weekend-open-thread-263/#comment-3248800

      https://corporette.com/wilfred-coulomb-pant/#comment-3398311

      https://corporette.com/pinch-provisions-fitness-kit/#comment-3633272

      1. Not the OP, but also in this position and thank you so much for this thoughtful comment.

      2. I also appreciate this, as well as those comment threads you’ve shared.

    7. So… I very very much understand this. There have been days when I’ve been suicidal about not having a partner or family. And I’m in a pretty good place right now, where I genuinely believe I’ll be able to happy with life whatever may come, so maybe some of my suggestions will help. 1) Short term goals help me a ton – finding something to focus on that I can accomplish in 2-3 months – e.g. learning to paint, training to do a pull-up, making a list of all the things I want to do in my city and crossing them off. Bonus – these give me something to talk to people about besides dating, and encourage me to meet new people. 2) The books The Artist Way, and Writing Down Your Soul. A daily writing practice has helped me become much more centered, and given me valuable insight into things. 3) Along with that, writing down 3 things every day I want to do that are purely about bringing me joy (e.g. wear my pretty dress to work, see a friend, go for a run, etc). 4) Therapy has helped me some, but not a ton. The best thing I’ve gotten out of therapy is support in how hard the constant up and down cycles of dating are, and awareness that it’s not just me, that these cycles are real, and require a lot of emotional energy. 5) Finding friends (unlike some of the commentators above…..) who acknowledge that this is a huge loss and let me grieve… Not finding a partner is a huge loss and sadness to some of us, just as much as more “socially acceptable” losses, and my friends that say “you didn’t deserve this. I know this is hard. I still have hope you’ll meet someone, even on the days you don’t! I know you have so much to bring as a wonderful, compassionate, carrying partner” are the ones I cherish.. 6) Oooh! And find the book Meeting Your Half Orange!! That one helped me a ton and always puts me in a good mood. 7) Saving money so that I can raise a kid on my own if it comes to that. (I’m just about to pull the trigger on that option, so, wish me luck!). Hopefully some of those will resonate with you. I’m sending you an internet hug. This is really really hard, and, you can do this!

      1. Oh, and volunteering! I found building long-term relationships with people who I could help really helped me… In addition to the genuine love I feel for my now friends, it was so good to feel useful on days when I just couldn’t feel happy. And their hope reenergized my hope.

    9. In re: “be happy on your own.”

      I spend an inordinate amount of time thinking about how to reconcile the idea that it’s normal to very much want a partner and be sad about not having one (if it wasn’t, why would we bother looking for one?) with the advice “you need to be happy alone! You can’t rely on a partner!”

      I’ve concluded that both perspectives are valid, but they way they’re presented (usually, the “be happy on your own”) in such a way that people are talking past each other. It’s human nature to desire a romantic partnership. Full stop. We all know that most people weren’t perfectly self-actualized and totally happy before meeting their partners. So that’s why it feels invalidating for singles to constantly be told that they have to be happy first—it’s one more thing they need to “achieve” before they get a relationship. And most of us really are! It’s just that we also want partners.

      No, it’s not safe to feel like you *need* a partner to support you emotionally or that you’ll be a mess or feel you have no self-worth if you’re not dating one. If you operate under these assumptions, you’ll be miserable when you don’t have someone and be likely to make poor choices just so that you can be in a relationship. Being happy on your own allows you to form healthy partnerships because you’re more likely to be in them for the right reasons. Most of us know this, at least intellectually. But understanding these concepts doesn’t preclude acknowledging sadness about not having a partner. People are so quick to hear “I’m sad right now that I don’t have a partner” as “I am relying on a partner to make me happy.” They’re just not the same, and feeling like you constantly have to say “I love my friends, family, have great hobbies, a great career, I travel all over the world, I’m super happy, super in shape, super everything is perfect,” before you express sadness about not having a partner gets really tedious. No one wants to have to defend their mental health every time they’re seeking a little empathy.

      Think about it. Would you ever tell a woman struggling with infertility that she can’t rely on having children to make her happy? Would you ever assume she’s just generally dissatisfied with her life and wanting kids to fill a void? Or would you assume that she is probably pretty happy and really just wants the experience of having kids, which, for many people, is an integral part of the human experience? Single people aren’t wanting a partner *in order to* make them happy. They generally happy and are sad about the fact that they do not have partners, not sad *in general* in waiting to be fixed by another person.

      2. This. I’m happy on my own. I travel, cook, volunteer, attend concerts, play with my dog, and I would like to share that with someone. I don’t see wanting a partner as a bad thing.

      3. Very well said! Not to mention, for many of us being single also creates involuntary childlessness….

    10. Since these are making you so unhappy, maybe it’s best to send your regrets and a card/gift instead of attending for a while? Maybe now’s a good time to watch some Real Housewives or 90 Day Fiance or something to watch people who have what you want and whose lives are far from perfect, even if their social media makes it look otherwise?

      It’s unfair to yourself to deny your feelings or be in awful situations. It’s unfair to others to pause their celebration to comfort you. It’s unfair in society that we so often have to struggle through these times <3 You can also always join the fb dating group that some of the members here formed to support each other through this process!

    11. I’ve been there. Started crying at a wedding reception about six months before I met FH. (He also found weddings to be tough before we met.) Finally, finally found someone.

      Skip weddings and kid’s birthday parties. Arrive late or leave early or both. I would love for all of my friends to be at my nuptials and joyful, but if that isn’t going to happen, I love them far too much to want them to suffer for “my special day.”

    12. Have you frozen your eggs? If not, DO IT NOW. It takes so much weight off the timing issue. I loathe being a woman because we have to solve our entire life between 20 and 40 while men get to dawdle until something falls from the sky. But freezing your eggs gives you another decade or two (depending on your current age), reduces anxiety and equalizes the playing field. It is therapeutic.

      1. Except there was a recent expose that revealed it doesn’t really work. The odds are super low that a frozen egg makes it to baby. The process is also super invasive, hormonal and hard. It’s not an easy cure all. It might provide some psychological comfort but go in eyes open.

  23. Anyone like/have/recommend a juicer? I love cold-pressed juices but do not love spending $10-12 per juice. I saw some smaller ones online that are similar to cold-pressed juices but they’re really expensive. Any advice?

    1. My Breville juicer I got on sale for around $100, it’s $150 retail. It performs well and is relatively easy to clean. Much cheaper than buy juices.

  24. I was THISCLOSE to purchasing white noise machines for all of the bedrooms, when I learned that I can use Alexa and the dots around the house for this. I think it’s been a while since we’ve had a thread on how we all use our Alexa (or similar devices) and was thrilled to learn about the white noise feature. Any good tips to share?

      1. I think I googled “will a white noise machine make my husband stop snoring?” at 3 am…..honestly I think I just mentioned to him I was going to buy some and he investigated. Apparently there are 12-15 different “noises” to choose from.

      2. I’m pretty sure I googled “will a white noise machine make my husband stop snoring?” at 3 am. Honestly, I think I just old him I was going to buy a few and he thought he has seen something on Amazon about it. There are like 15 different “noises” to chose from. It’s awesome. And free!

    2. I didn’t know alexa did this, but I just use an inexpensive fan for white noise purposes. It does not block out DH’s snoring though; not sure any white noise machine would.

      1. But a CPAP machine does wonders! I my SO’s nasal pillow-having, humidifying CPAP almost as much as I love him!

    3. I love it for the natural sounds too. Tonight I can fall asleep to “rain on a tent” or “frogs” or “ocean waves”.

  25. Random question — if you don’t have kids or a pet, what is the picture on your lock screen on your phone (or if you have these but use some other background). I’m big on architecture so mine is typically some cool building, doorway etc I saw on my last trip. Kid you not a woman at work asks what that’s picture is of — it was the Helmsley building at night lit up for July 4 and she literally said — aw well maybe it’ll be a wedding pic soon. Uh?!? Unlikely since I’m not even dating. I’m not sad or anything she has issues but just curious re pics people use.

    2. What a dumb thing for her to say. I have a family and don’t use their picture on my desktop. In the office it would be distracting, and for presentations it would be too personal. Right now I’m using a picture of a mountain that I took on a camping trip.

    3. I have a kid but I like to use the Kate Spade iphone wallpaper for home and lock screen. Go on Pinterest and find something cute.

      2. Also have a kid but I always use a landscape picture I take on vacation (sans kid, DH, dogs) for my lock screen.

    4. That woman sounds awful lol. My picture is of a famous fountain in the center of my city.

    5. I don’t have kids or a pet, my background/lock screen is always a different picture from my travels. I also love architecture, right now my lock screen is the ceiling of a church and my background is a picture of torii gates from Japan.

      What a weird/rude comment from that woman! I personally don’t like having pictures of people as my background since the photo is going to be partially covered up with icons anyway.

    6. Mine is usually the Duchess of Cambridge or Duchess of Sussex, lol. I’m a royal watcher. Kate Spade is always posting cute ones on their IG too.

    7. Seconded re: the craziness of that woman, but I confess I have a picture of myself with my SO. But for pragmatic reasons! I have his number written out as an emergency contact, with the idea that in the event of some kind of incapacitating emergency our relationship will be clear and he’ll be easy to contact.

      1. Oh, yes, in addition to my plain blue background, I do have my husband’s name and contact number listed as emergency contact on my lock screen. I am nothing if not practical.

          1. It’s pretty small text on mine under the giant clock, though, so I’m not sure anyone would actually notice… On Samsung S9s, you can set it under the lock screen–>clock & facewidgets–>contact information. I assume most newer phones have a similar option.

          2. This is important. My father was hit by a car while on vacation across the country and was almost killed. He was alone, after dropping my Mom at the hotel. He was almost killed, unconscious. If he hadn’t had his emergency contact info on his phone screen for the police to call, they wouldn’t have been able to quickly find us. They would have looked in his wallet, and started calling California, looking for his family, when they were actually on vacation with him in New York.

    9. What the … That’s so weird and rude! I have asked someone about the photo on the lock screen before (e.g., is that your dog? how cute!) but only very rarely, and I would never make a comment like that. She was very out of line. I hope you keep using the type of photo you’re using now and don’t change a thing because of her!

      1. I do ask about pics but it’s to say something positive! She’s rude and was just looking for a way to insult your life. You’re using a travel pic from your trip — there are 1000s of NYC skyscraper pic wallpapers on line and it’s hardly weird. I have no tolerance for women like this — once they lock down a husband and have a kid, they act like they have license to insult everyone else by acting sad for them?! Ain’t no one got time for that.

    11. 42nd street in nyc taken from the bridge at Tudor city. Can you tell I regret leaving nyc?! Lol

    12. Mine says, ‘You cannot make everyone happy. You are not a jar of Nutella.’

      For the record, I have both a dog and a kid.

      She’s weird. That’s a bizarre fixation to have. The only two lockscreens I know are my husband’s which is a picture of me and our kid, and one of my staffers because it happens to be a picture of him and a group of friends dressed up as the Spice Girls which they did to cheer up someone who was dealing with some health issues.

    13. The standard blue background that was the default setting. And I am married and have pets. People are weird.

      2. Me too = kids + pets + default nothing screen

        My response would be something like, oh, well, I’m not going to anyone’s wedding soon that I know of….
        I mean, what a weirdo obsession! Obviously says WAY more about her (we all hate her) than about you.

    14. London pic on the lock screen, standard iPhone issue blue on the unlocked/main page. She’s weird.

    15. My lock screen pic is the boring emergency contact screen from the RoadID app. I do have a dog FWIW.

      As many have already said, that woman is rude and weird.

    16. I have a picture of the Bondi Icebergs pool in Sydney.

      I would never look at a stranger or acquaintance’s phone that closely! How rude of this lady.

    17. Picture of the ocean from my last vacation, and I have pets and a husband. That lady sounds bananas.

    18. That is so weird. I have an adorable derpy cat (who is actually the cover photo for my facebook page) and an SO and my lock screen and wallpaper are both photos of the Omega Nebula, because space is mind-blowingly amazing and beautiful.

    19. Mine is currently a photo of Manhattan and the Brooklyn Bridge at sunset that I took on my last trip up to NYC. In the past, I’ve used photos other landscapes or art exhibits, or some geometric-looking wallpapers I’ve found online.

      I’m single and have no pets.

    20. Lock screen: closeup of succulent plants; wallpaper: black pebbled leather texture. Both screenshots from google images.
      Love the idea of listing my DH’s phone number as emergency contact on the lock screen. Gonna work that in somehow.

    21. What a weird and rude thing to say! I’m married and my background is a Chinese painting of the Immaculate Heart of Mary.

      My aunt once borrowed a stranger’s phone when she was traveling, and his was a picture of his girlfriend, completely n a k e d.

  26. Can you take Spironolactone without birth control? I’m thinking of taking it for hair loss.

      1. I don’t know about this drug, but for certain acne meds, you’re required to be on birth control due to the serious birth defects that are complications of use.

  27. I would really appreciate some guidance situation with my parents. My dad got my mom a subscription to a service that describes itself as U ber pool for private jets and paid a significant sign up fee. The marketing materials describe 4 shuttles a day to a location they travel to frequently for an average cost of 350 per flight. After signing up and paying the “non refundable” fee and getting access to the app, there is actually one flight a day, that costs a minimum of 900 and as much as 11,000. This is obviously completely different than what they were told last week as prospective customers. Marketing described it as getting to fly for a similar per flight cost as Jet Blue. The company now says pricing is dynamic, the terms and conditions say initiation fee is nonrefundable and there’s nothing they can do.

    It does say the company “reserves the right to change, suspend, or terminate any of the Services or benefits at any time, including, without limitation, changes, suspension, or termination of any routes, types of aircraft used and/or operators that perform flights, and changes to (or imposition of new) fees or other charges for services or benefits”

    My mom is devastated, I think because she feels taken advantage of and it plays into all her insecurities about getting older. What’s the best course of action? Is it possible that companies can have their marketing materials so fundamentally different the actual service as long as they have strict terms and conditions?

    1. I would check her state’s consumer protection laws/ attorney general’s contact information. There may be a way she can send a demand letter to refund the initiation fee because the company used deceptive marketing practices.

    2. If you haven’t done this already, I’d start by Googling the company and seeing if other customers have similar complaints. It will be easier to fight this if a scam has already been exposed and others are taking a stand as well. This also might give you some ideas on how to proceed. Is the company JetSmarter? I believe they’re already in hot water over these sorts of allegations.

      Depending upon the specifics of your parents’ state’s laws and what transpired here, your parents might have a good false advertising claim under their state’s deceptive trade practices law. If you Google their state’s name + “deceptive trade practices” + “false advertising”, it should point you in the right direction.

    3. If he paid with a credit card, I feel like his best bet is to file a dispute with the credit card company.

    4. Ugh, I’m sorry this happened to your parents. I don’t have any advice, but this is similar to what happened when I worked in a timeshare reservation office. The salespeople would rave about the view from the rooms and that there are great activities at the resort. In reality, the room changes so you aren’t guaranteed a particular view (just a certain room type) and the season that you bought doesn’t include the activity you want to do. And I was the one to tell them this, not the salesperson who made a nice commission. Just a reminder to be a diligent consumer, I guess.

    5. They can’t advertise flights they aren’t operating. I’d first register a complaint with the company and ask for your money back, and if that doesn’t work file a complaint with the DOT. That will definitely get their attention.

    6. Since I see below that your credit card isn’t willing to take up the battle, agree with BC’s advice. That said, maybe it’s good that your parents learned an expensive lesson early — this whole company seems like “if it’s too good to be true, it probably is.” You know who operates a bunch of flights a day for $300? REGULAR AIRLINES.

      1. Yeah….I’m inclined to agree with this. “If it seems too good to be true, it probably is” is a great adage.

    7. Definitely look at the state’s consumer protection laws. There’s certainly some sort of unfair trade practice statute that you can send a demand letter and/or file suit under which may motivate them to refund the fee. (If they do not respond to a demand letter, I quite frankly would see an attorney about filing a suit.) Also yes to filing with the attorney general’s office.

    8. If you haven’t done this already, I’d start by G o o gling the company and seeing if other customers have similar complaints. It will be easier to fight this if a scam has already been exposed and others are taking a stand as well. This also might give you some ideas on how to proceed. Is the company JetSmarter? I believe they’re already in hot water over these sorts of allegations.

      Depending on the specifics of your parents’ state’s laws and what transpired here, your parents might have a good false advertising claim under their state’s deceptive trade practices law. If you G o o gle their state’s name + “deceptive trade practices” + “false advertising”, it should point you in the right direction.

  28. How can I get a stinky smell out of my fridge? I forgot and left some raw chicken during a trip. I put a box of baking soda and used cleaning spray, but the smell lingers. Any other tips?

    1. Rotten chicken is the worst. Have you tried doing a full clean out? I mean take everything out, take the shelves out if you can, and wipe everything down with vinegar. It’ll stink like vinegar for a couple days but that’s preferable to old chicken.

        1. White vinegar. No need to dilute. Run the shelves and whatever pieces you can through the dishwasher; it’ll make a huge difference.

          Also , once cleaned out, stick a box of baking soda in there to help absorb the odors.

    2. A small dish of white vinegar on each shelf of the refrigerator. Leave for several days. Worked for me in getting rid of the smell of a paper-wrapped package of fresh fish that leaked all over the refrigerator.

    3. Consan Triple Action 20 … really great. Used many times with power outages, hurricanes, floods.

  29. Thanks. CC company is taking the position that it’s clearly non refundable based on terms and conditions. The company seems very shady – it also included a non disparagement clause that apparently allowed it to kick users off the platform (and keep their fee) if they said anything negative about the company. This is apparently illegal.

    Though this is admittedly a very first world problem, I feel bad for my mom because of how rattled she is over this.

  30. Thanks. CC company is taking the position that it’s clearly non refundable based on terms and conditions. The company seems very shady – it also included a non disparagement clause that apparently allowed it to kick users off the platform (and keep their fee) if they said anything negative about the company. This is apparently illegal.

    Though this is admittedly a very first world problem, I feel bad for my mom because of how rattled she is over this.

    1. Their state’s attorney general’s office is where I’d look – the consumer protection division would typically handle stuff like this.

    3. I recently had good luck complaining about a shady company/situation to the better business bureau. For whatever reason, that freaked them out & I finally got the situation sorted out. Might be worth a try – their process was easy & the whole thing resolved in a week (it had previously been dragging on for close to a year).

  31. What are you favourite linen desginers? I like Eileen Fisher and the random Gap/uniqlo etcm, but would like to invest into a linen jacket. maybe something with some structure and no mandarin neckline.

    2. Look on eBay for Eileen Fisher linen jacket. The current collection are super boxy but a couple of years ago she did some nice ones that are more fitted – and two of the three that I own have mandarin collars. Really they look like a nice blouse with shaping and a thicker fabric.

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