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Our daily workwear reports suggest one piece of work-appropriate attire in a range of prices.
Happy Friday! The cheery marigold top is your reward for making it through another week.
It has been so stiflingly hot the last week or so that the idea of wearing any kind of sleeve is just more than I can handle at the moment. (I’m from the Northeast. Snow is no problem for me, but I wilt the moment the thermometer goes over 80 degrees.)
If your office is cool with sleeveless tops, I would wear this untucked over a pair of skinny ankle pants. If not, I would wear it tucked into a skirt with a light cardigan on top and pray that the A/C holds up.
The top is $29.59 at J.Crew Factory and comes in regular sizes XXS–3X and petite sizes XXS–L. It also comes in white, pink, navy, and a blue stripe.
Sales of note for 9.10.24
- Nordstrom – Summer Sale, save up to 60%
- Ann Taylor – 30% off your purchase
- Banana Republic Factory – Up to 50% off everything + extra 20% off
- Bergdorf Goodman – Save up to 40% on new markdowns
- Boden – 15% off new styles
- Eloquii – $29 and up select styles; up to 50% off everything else
- J.Crew – Up to 50% off wear-to-work styles; extra 30% off sale styles
- J.Crew Factory – 40-60% off everything; extra 60% off clearance
- Lo & Sons – Warehouse sale, up to 70% off
- M.M.LaFleur – Save 25% sitewide
- Spanx – Lots of workwear on sale, some up to 70% off
- Talbots – BOGO 50% everything, includes markdowns
- White House Black Market – 30% off new arrivals
Sales of note for 9.10.24
- Nordstrom – Summer Sale, save up to 60%
- Ann Taylor – 30% off your purchase
- Banana Republic Factory – Up to 50% off everything + extra 20% off
- Bergdorf Goodman – Save up to 40% on new markdowns
- Boden – 15% off new styles
- Eloquii – $29 and up select styles; up to 50% off everything else
- J.Crew – Up to 50% off wear-to-work styles; extra 30% off sale styles
- J.Crew Factory – 40-60% off everything; extra 60% off clearance
- Lo & Sons – Warehouse sale, up to 70% off
- M.M.LaFleur – Save 25% sitewide
- Spanx – Lots of workwear on sale, some up to 70% off
- Talbots – BOGO 50% everything, includes markdowns
- White House Black Market – 30% off new arrivals
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Paging the would-be loafers buyer
One word…TODS.
morning sickness at work
Can we talk about severe morning sickness, and work? I feel like morning sickness can be this huge, debilitating thing, but somehow it’s supposed to just be invisible. I guess I would like to hear stories of how other organizations handle it, and if there are any good models for this situation! I have hyperemesis, and have been extremely extremely sick. I’m in middle management at a large organization, in a very male dominated field. I took one week of sick leave, plus a few days here or there when I needed IVs; because I’m still working from home I’ve survived working the rest of the time (just with the puke bucket right next to me), but, I’m at about 50% and make a lot of stupid mistakes. I just don’t feel like taking more is allowed, and, realistically I probably would need about 6 weeks of leave if I went by my usual standards of how sick is sick enough to take leave. I have no idea what I would have done if I was expected to go into work – that would be a physical impossibility for me right now. It’s also been hard because I disclosed my pregnancy much earlier than I would have preferred to. So, what were your experiences? Are they ways we can do this better?
Anon
When people (largely guys) have heart attacks, they have them and then recover. Period.
If you are needing to be on STD, can you talk to your doctor about what is typically done for [working] women with HG? I have a friend who was on hospital bed rest for the last trimester of one pregnancy and was on light work while in bed (per doctor’s orders).
anon
Work culture is different here (Ontario), but the one woman I’ve known with hypermesis went on short term disability leave for most of her first trimester with no muss, no fuss.
Anon
I’m so sorry you’re experiencing HG! My understanding is that it’s rare – what you’re experiencing is not the same morning sickness others power through.
anon a mouse
Yeah, HG is not normal morning sickness, so change your language about that. It’s debilitating and can be dangerous if you do not stay hydrated and nourished. If you don’t feel like you can take more leave, then work with your doctor to figure out how to do IV treatments on the regular (a friend was doing them every third day for 3 months, it’s the only way she could stay hydrated). And still WFH as much as possible, but consider that you may need to go on STD. If it’s affecting your performance you need to consider whether it will be worse to do a bad job or just tap out for a bit.
Allie
This. I powered through morning sickness by eating a ton of crackers. You’re experiencing something very different — you have a severe pregnancy complication and need to address it as such.
Anon
A colleague who had it (twice!) just took leave as needed, but we are in government and have very generous sick leave. With her first, it didn’t really let up until the last trimester and she was transitioned to informal WFH, taken off her normal projects and given non-urgent projects to work on as she could. Everyone was super kind and understanding about it. Similar things have been done in my org for women who were put on bed rest — some of whom were eager to work to get their minds off things, and others were too distracted to focus, but either way it’s treated as a small blip in a long career and not held against them.
anonshmanon
Obviously Duchess Kate is no role model because nobody has these resources or leave options, but I thought that she brought visibility and awareness that there is morning sickness and hyperemesis, and that they are very different.
OP
So this is really helpful…I think one of the subtle effects of being so isolated this year is that I didn’t have female friends or coworkers point out to me “this is waaaaaay beyond what I powered through”, or to talk with me about what reasonable accommodation might look like, and my boss is not one to suggest taking leave. The idea of asking my Dr what he would recommend is really good – I guess I somehow expected him to initiate a conversation if my sickness was bad enough I could expect to stay home, but since he didn’t, I just internalized the idea I was somehow supposed to make things work. He comes very highly recommended, but I’ll admit I’d not been super impressed by his gentle refrain of “you’ll start feeling better in a few weeks” – I need hope, but also practical support! And regarding doing badly vs just being on leave – I absolutely think it would be better is I was just out of sight for several weeks – so much better than doing badly. It’s really helpful for me that all you internet strangers were immediately like, nope, not normal, STD is what you need.
Anonymous
Is any boss one that suggests people take leave? It would never occur to me that might be a thing my boss would suggest in any situation.
Anon
Right? I go to great lengths to not be that boss who inserts herself into her staff’s private lives. Short of someone being in acute crisis, I don’t presume to know what’s best for someone who works for me.
OP
LOL, good point. Though, I actually am that kind of boss. I figure it’s my job to make sure that my employees take leave when they are ill, and that I protect their long-term careers (both by making sure that they take the time they need to recover (especially in cases like head injuries, where healing can be slooooow)), and by making it both feel and be safe to take the leave without impact to their career. And, in typing that out, it’s obvious that I’m expecting my boss to be like me, and, that’s not the reality, and I need to as good a job advocating for myself as I would for my team. There’s something about being so misearable, so sick, and in pure survival mode, that makes it easy to miss such obvious points.
Anonymous
I encourage my staff to take sick time or WFH when they are sick, and when there is an apparent need for STD I make it clear that I will fully support whatever they and their doctor decide is necessary, but I would never come out and suggest “maybe you should go on STD.” It seems out of bounds, partly because it’s presumptuous and partly because STD/FMLA is arranged through HR and the manager is not involved.
Anon
Oh, I absolutely make sure everyone is aware of all available leave/programs/benefits and that they are completely free to use them – and model behavior that reinforces it, but I don’t go so far as to insert myself into when/how to do it. Hope that makes sense.
anonymous
I’m an employment lawyer in California; if an employer is on notice of an employee’s disability or a medical condition that might be serious enough to rise to the level of a disability, the employer needs to engage the employee in an interactive process to determine potential accommodations. Based on what you wrote, you have a disability and it sounds like your supervisor knows enough about your situation that he or she should have referred you to HR or your company’s disability manager (if it has one) and expressed support in more concrete ways than “it will get better.” I think you should take STD – it sounds like you really need it. Best of luck to you.
anon a mouse
You don’t say how far along you are, but my friend who had HG had it for the entire pregnancy, at the same intensity. For both her kids. While it gets better for some people, you also need to be prepared that you will be dealing with this until you give birth, if that helps your perspective. (I hope you don’t and that it goes away soon!)
If it persists, you also could consider seeing a maternal-fetal medicine specialist who would be more aggressive about treating the HG, as well. Good luck, we are all pulling for you!
Anonymous
I had HG for nine months while attending law school (first semester 2L doing cite-checks, no less), commuting 120 miles round trip, and working part-time. The only accommodation I could get was a letter from my doctor limiting me to 40 hours a week of work, which was my ticket to drop one 2-credit class that I had to make up later on. More than a decade later, it still makes me angry whenever I see other expecting moms get prescribed bed rest, especially if it’s just to reduce “stress.”
If you don’t want to have to power through, advocate strenuously with your doctor for whatever accommodations you think are necessary. They will not offer accommodations on their own initiative unless they think the baby is at risk, and they almost never think the baby is at risk with HG. Always remember that in the eyes of the medical establishment you are not a person, just an incubator, and your needs and comfort don’t matter.
OP
Oh my gosh, that sounds so incredibly awful and cruel. I am so angry on your behalf!
Very good point about them thinking about the baby, not me….
Doc
Honestly, I think that is a pretty sweeping critique of the medical establishment. But definitely the experience of some.
And I do not understand why so many women have male OB/GYNs or PCPs. Women now dominate these fields in medicine, and as a physician I would never recommend one that is not a woman to other women.
Anon @ 10:59
Just having a female OB/GYN is not enough, though. Mine was older, from the generation that I assume had to be very aggressive and thick-skinned to make it through med school as a woman. She openly mocked women who tried to “lamaze it” instead of getting an epidural to make things easier on her, and asked my husband (not me!) whether he thought my HG was severe enough to warrant hospitalization. He said “not really” and I was too sick and intimidated to advocate for myself, so back to school I went with some oral Zofran. After that I switched to a different doctor in the same practice, who later said it was no big deal that I came incredibly close to passing out while driving on the freeway. Then the original doctor was on call for my delivery and blamed me when she couldn’t get the local anesthetic to work for my stitches. I still regret not advocating for myself and believe that my terrible pregnancy experience caused permanent harm to my career, my family, and ultimately my long-term achievement and happiness.
I ended up writing every single one of my law school papers on doctors’ treatment of pregnant patients.
OP, learn from my mistakes. Advocate for what you need.
Anonymous
+1 the medical profession sees women as incubators. I’ve had so so many fights with service providers while seeking sterilization because they would make ridiculous comments that I’m not completing my womanly duties or failing my husband by voluntarily choosing not to reproduce. I don’t live in a conservative city either, infact the furthest thing from. Though perhaps more insidious are the lies about the legal limits in regards to female care.
Curious
Ufff I’m so sorry. My midwives would be livid at what your doctor said. I had very run of the mill morning sickness and fatigue (threw up once total, could do 80% of my work, took a sick day about every 3 weeks), and they were still all over it to help me feel better. HG is not normal at all, and even normal morning sickness sometimes feels like getting hit by a truck. I’m glad you’re getting better advice here. Hang in there… It’s so hard to manage the balance between a very wanted baby and a very wanted career.
No Face
If you’ve already needed sick leave and IVs, you are experiencing something far beyond typical first trimester problems!!! You need to take care of yourself and baby. It sounds like you need to take leave, and that is okay.
The main lesson about working motherhood I can impart is that you really have to advocate for your own best interests. Don’t wait for your boss or your doctor to initiate conversations with you about your needs. That is a luxury you don’t have. Advocate for yourself, and if you don’t get what you need move along. Signed, someone who switched doctors 5 or 6 months into a pregnancy.
Anon
So many sympathies! I’m at 15 weeks now, and just got through what I estimate was a slightly bad case of normal morning sickness (definitely not HG). Even so, it was awful.
I got through because I’d (with very lucky timing) just finished some major projects and won a (minor, but with some visibility) award, so people didn’t really notice when I leaned out HARD for about 2 months. I went to probably ~50% capacity, put ample ‘fake’ meetings on my calendar and napped multiple times a day. I think in other circumstances, I could have been / would have had to be more transparent with my manager. There is a lot of change currently going on in my org, so I wanted to lay low and keep things quiet.
Obviously, none of this would have been possible without WFH. I shudder to imagine what would have happened if I was in-person.
Saguaro
Morning sickness is covered under FMLA, so you really would be entitled to take a leave or just some time off for this.
Anonymous
HG is not morning sickness.
/soapbox
Curious
Also, FMLA might be how she gets postpartum leave. Better to use STD.
Jules
This is not correct. The employer can apply STD time to the employee’s FMLA allotment. Here is a link to the DOL’s FAQ page on FMLA leave; since the questions aren’t numbered, you can find this information by searching for “concurrently.” Therefore, OP would be entitled to only 12 weeks of FMLA, regardless of whether some of the time was paid as STD. The employer might have more generous leave policies, of course, but this is what is in the FMLA and the regs.
https://www.dol.gov/agencies/whd/fmla/faq
Curious
Ugh thanks for clearing this up. I was trying to understand my company’s policy on the same and now do.
anon
I just went through this with hyperemesis (in Biglaw) for the first 25 weeks of my pregnancy and it was hell. WFH has been such a godsend though – I have no idea how I would do this in the office, since it’s been months of hitting mute on Zoom and running to the bathroom, falling asleep in the afternoons, and just dragging my feet on everything. Lots of appointments to get IVs. I actually didn’t take any sick days (probably should have) since I was home anyway, but I felt like I was operating at about 25% of normal capacity (not in terms of billed hours though, ugh).
I too disclosed my pregnancy earlier than I would have liked, decided to say no to anything “extra” (speaking at webinars, etc.), and delegated as much as i could to my team. But it was still really really hard. Third trimester has been a breeze in comparison! (I’m almost 36 weeks now, and sure, I’m tired and uncomfortable, but nothing at all like the first 25 weeks).
Indented/Atrophic Acne Scar
Has anyone had success with dermatology procedures or treatments for indented (aka pitted or atrophic) acne scars? I have a single indented scar on my face thanks to a horrific cystic pimple from almost a decade ago, and am very self-conscious about it. I’m going to consult with a dermatologist but would love to hear about others’ experiences treating intended/atrophic acne scars.
ISO Unicorn Midi Dress
Anyone up for vicarious shopping? Looking for simple summer dresses – love a midi-length (I’m 5’5, and prefer couple of inches below the knee); Natural fabrics as much as possible (mainly cotton) ; short sleeves ideal and a long list of no’s: no tiers. No deep slits halfway up my thigh (if I wanted to show that much leg, I’d get a mini thank you). No ruffles, or flounces. None of that elastic smocking that reminds me of little girl dresses. No prairie or boho – my style is much more classic. Even a longer T shirt is fine. I am having a shockingly hard time finding anything that I like. Not too worried about cost, although these are what I think of as my weekend run around outfits. Appreciate any leads on stores or designers to focus on. Thank you!
Anon
LL Bean has a midi dress with sleeves but it’s rayon/spandex.
https://www.llbean.com/llb/shop/506213?originalProduct=122071&productId=1714203&attrValue_0=Classic%20Navy%20Dot&pla1=0&mr%3AtrackingCode=549200DB-5F1E-E911-80FF-00505694403D&mr%3AreferralID=NA&mr%3Adevice=c&mr%3AadType=plaonline&qs=3136931&gclid=Cj0KCQjwk4yGBhDQARIsACGfAetL5gTJv0z8NPYq__i4x-dl86CwBNbGf7LLGZiOqLMWK_OYFrjBMEoaArsxEALw_wcB&gclsrc=aw.ds&SN=MasterPrompt04_test&SS=B&SN2=FindabilityRecs05_test&SS2=A&SN3=FindabilityProd07_Cat&SS3=B
NY CPA
I’m 5’6″ and this dress hits me around knee length. That being said, I LOVE it and lived in it all last summer.
Of Counsel
I have several of these and they are great but I would not describe them as midi length. Also as an FYI the V is a tiny bit low if you are larger of chest.
Anon
Check out Amour Vert.
Anon
Check out the dress featured on the Mom’s s1te on Wednesday – I thought it was an awesome rec.
Cb
One of the cool linen companies?
anon
What about the t-shirt dress at J Crew Factory? It’s not midi length, but it’s not super short, either.
Anonymous
Peruvian Connection has high quality Pima cotton dresses. Some are solid colors, if you find their prints too boho.
Duchess
J. Crew has a few midi t-shirt dresses. There are four solid color options, and I have it in stripe and dip-dyed stripe (this one is in the sale section) and I have gotten soooo many compliments on the dip-dyed one. They’re a nice substantial weight, but not hot. I loved them so much more than I expected to.
Anon
The gap t-shirt dresses work for this. I bought like 5 to get through the summer.
pugsnbourbon
Madewell popped into my head – they have a handful of options that might work.
Ribena
Boden Amelie might work for you? I have two and love them.
Curious
I was just coming here to recommend the Phoebe or Amelie!
Anonymous
I like the Halogen Textured Tie Waist Shirtdress. It’s not made of natural fibers but matches your other qualifications. It is very comfortable in the heat.
Anonymous
Hmm.. Look at the linen shirt dress from Cuyana. I haven’t tried it but Google knows me too well.
A
Boden jemima green linen dress.
Anon
Try Mata Traders. Many 100% cotton, fair trade dresses under $100.
DC
How about Loft? I have this dress and it’s cute. I’m 4’10 and the slit is definitely not too high on me, just allows for easier walking. Unfortunately a bunch of sizes are sold out. https://www.loft.com/lou-&-grey-striped-softserve-slub-midi-tee-dress/563889?skuId=31281553&defaultColor=4899&catid=cat1880002&selectedColor=4899
Anonymous
Check out Gap’s gauze cotton midi shirtdress. I just got it in green. Recommend sizing down one size.
Love linen and gauze cotton for summer. So comfortable!
Cb
TGIF, I’m exhausted. Relocated from my desk to the couch as I am too tired to hold myself upright.
I have a joiner (builder type person that does shelving, doors etc) coming today to give me a quote for a Murphy bed install and there is a 100% chance he thinks my plan is bananas.
Mm
Not sure if it would work for your space (or what’s available abroad), but check out cabinet Murphy beds. I got one for our guest room from Night & Day Furniture and it is really comfortable and looks decent, too!
Bonnie Kate
It’s been A WEEK. I feel ya!
And hopefully the joiner doesn’t give you too hard of a time. FWIW when we were doing our kitchen last fall I described the type of kitchen cabinet fronts to one custom cabinet maker and he said it wasn’t possible. I described them to another one that our builder basically made me talk to and he said no problem, we could do whatever I wanted. So I hope you get the contractor with the imagination today, and not the one who is stuck in what he has done for 30 years.
Cb
He seemed nice but bemused. I don’t think murphy beds are really a thing in the UK but we can’t get a bed + desk + large train set in our tiny spare room so this seems like the best option. Grandparents come from abroad and stay a few weeks and I want them to be comfortable but don’t want to give them our room.
Anonymous
Can you pick up one of those high end air mattresses with a platform/frame? They aren’t cheap but are leagues above a normal air mattress.
bbb
Those things are still terrible, imho. If you want your guests to sleep well, a Murphy bed is 1000 times better.
Anon
I bought a foam topper (like a couple inches thick) for an air mattress that I slept on while pregnant (long story) and the foam topper made all the difference. It’s not easy to store, though.
Anonymous
I feel you on the exhaustion and I’m only 15% through my workday unlike you! Is there an image or plan you can show the contractor? Tiny house site extolling the virtues of a Murphy bed?
Anon
The blogger at 600sq feet and a baby has a murphy bed from a company based in Italy that they love, in case the cabinet maker doesn’t work out.
Cb
Murphy bed update, he’s totally game. No idea what the end quote will be given the massive increase in material costs but he’s going to do something great. And he had a good chuckle about our 80s chic house – a serving hatch between the kitchen and dining room.
AnonATL
Seriously this week has been rough.
For your Murphy bed, I remember someone recommending a site that specializes in them you could base plans off of or order.
It was something silly like Murphy beds dot com.
pugsnbourbon
I hear you on the exhaustion. A mental health crisis in my family, a work project that will. not. end, and financial year-end are taking it out of me.
Anon
Rothys question. I have triangular feet and was thinking of ordering some Birdies but I am not keen on how I can’t get a solid color there (the washables all have different color strip / outline on them). I have solid black round-toe Rothys which aren’t super-cute on my feet, but are my feet’s go-to for anything that isn’t strictly a dressy or formal work event (and even then, are what I drive/walk in). Beyond the round-toe Rothys, are any others good for triangular feet? I’ve avoided points until now due to not wanting to play mail-order roulette. In my workplace (we’re back), Rothys are OK, but probably even the sneaker / loafer / million other styles would be OK as feet are never on a zoom call.
AFT
FWIW (and not answering your questions) – I have triangular feet & like how the birdies fit my feet better than the Rothy’s. The triangular rothy’s are… OK, but considerably less comfortable than their round toe equivalents.
Anon
OP here — I fear you are right. Not sure how long I can keep the white strip on the black Birdies white, but at least they are washable.
Rothy
They have a square toe version now that I like!
Anon
I have triangular wide feet with bunions, and the pointed Rothys work fine for me. My usual side is 9W, and the 10W points fit perfectly.
code?
Anyone have a code to share? Buying some today, I think!
anon.
Yes! I LOVE my points – I’m buying another pair. I sized up (always 7.5 or 8 and got an 8.5).
Code: https://share.rothys.com/x/CYM8DK
Sunshine71
For sure! https://share.rothys.com/x/D2wRnA
I’m a huge fan of points, loafers, and laceups. Size up – most people go 1 size up from street size in points and loafers and .5 up in flats.
Betsy
I love Allbirds tree breezers, as a natural material alternative to Rothys. I have both and love my Allbirds more.
AZCPA
I have total duck feet, and love the loafers. And the slip on sneakers and Chelseas, though those are much more casual. The loafers don’t read casual to me and look great with both pants and dresses.
Anon
This week, my kids are at day camp and I have worked at an office with good seating, a good printer that actually talks to my computer, no weedwackers or construction noise in the background, a good scanner, etc. It has been heaven. Our schools never reopened, so the last 15+ months have been hell for me (I was not able to work well when I was essentially on a bad family vacation (everyone under one roof, all eating at different times) with bad home schooling + lunch lady + tech support + test proctor + keeping them off youtube except when that was what school assigned + helping keep them on track) (in case you are wondering: spouse works in person as an essential worker, which seemed like NBD until this year).
Bonnie Kate
I’m so glad you got this week to see the light at the end of a long tunnel!!
anon
I am so happy for you. Finally, right? I’ve also been in the office this week (kids at camp), and it’s been surprisingly nice? I’ve been fortunate to have my kids at in-person school, so I can’t imagine what sweet relief this is for you!
Anon for this
Following up on that ProPublica report about billionaires not paying enough taxes. While I agree with the general principle that the wealthy need to pay more in taxes, I believe they are where they are, among other reasons, due to most of their wealth being in the form of held stock that they haven’t sold yet. So the bulk of their wealth is from stock appreciation and not from money that they actually have (which they still have a lot of). How do you all feel about taxing stock that people hold but haven’t sold? I think a lot of us get compensation in the form of RSUs, but I’m not too keen on getting taxed on the stock growth when I haven’t actually sold any of it (as I don’t actually have the money yet). Am I missing something?
Anon
I mean, it’s really easy to want to raise taxes on someone else. Like airport rental and hotel taxes. But IMO rich people are able to defer taxes so easy since they don’t need so well assets or monetize stock options to put dinner on the table, so it’s a bit wishful thinking that you can just tax them at will and raise the $ you need. Also IMO, non-wage tax increases probably fall hardest on retirees who are doing thing like taking minimum distributions and selling assets to fund living in their later years. That’s kind of a harder thing to sell, but probably where a lot of raised tax dollars are likely to come from (but this group can defer, too: work a couple of more years, maybe PT). There are a lot more of us middle income people than high income people, so you can try to tax the rich, you often just tax single people (and widows) b/c the tax burden structure rewards married people with a SAH spouse vs single workers or dual-income married people.
Anon
I mean there’s easy ways to write a tax law that excludes money coming out of tax-protected retirement accounts. This is not an excuse to not tax Bezos.
No Problem
Sure, but you put a minimum on it. Like, you need to have $10 million or more in stocks before those get taxed (as an example). Or there are additional real estate taxes on homes beyond your primary residence if you own more than two properties. That’s how you target these kinds of wealth taxes that people are talking about without catching all the middle wealth (or even high wealth that isn’t super duper high wealth) people.
Anon
Yes… there is always a way if there exists a will to DO IT.
anon for this
I thought the article laid out some pretty good reasons why the wealth should be taxed — chief among them, that people with substantial assets can borrow against them without cashing them out, so they are benefiting from their existence without the assets actually contributing to society. But I also come down generally against inequality — why should us poor wage earners have to try to accumulate wealth while paying taxes from our wages, while people who earn money in other ways don’t?
Anon
IIRC, a lot of people who tried to borrow against them found that sometimes the value can be very volatile and decline precitiously (often permanently). Like didn’t this happen with the first dot-coms and then 9-11 happened and people who made 83(b) elections got screwed? Expecting people to margin themselves, especially if they are middle-class and not that used to it is IMO very harmful to average people.
For Bezos — just tax space travel a lot and you should be set.
anonshmanon
I think what you are missing is the magnitude. Similarly to any proposals on wealth tax, I’d expect a passive income tax (on stock value growth) to have a threshold that accounts for ‘normal’ people’s life savings. Whether you define normal as 1 million in assets or 5, is a matter of debate. I’d expect any proposal to include a protection for a certain amount of wealth that can presumably be achieved through saving and investing successfully. But a billion is a whole different animal.
Anon
Couldn’t you just raise the AMT threshhold a lot and then increase the AMT a lot?
anonshmanon
There are probably many different ways to do it. I am by no means an expert on the tax code.
anon
the AMT doesn’t solve the issue of how you tax non-liquid assets. Most wealthy people have their wealth tied to accounts/assets that aren’t taxable income until they sell them
Anonymous
This – there’s a great video on youtube with rice kernels that is excellent for visualizing the difference between a million and a billion. It’s not even the same conversation.
Increase taxes on everyone with more than 25 or 50 million for all I care. It’s the super rich that need to be taxed more. Not upper income people who’s house + retirement fund puts them over 1/2/3 million etc.
Anon
I would LOVE to have $5 million in assets, but let me just say, that is not so wealthy as to merit a wealth tax. That is basically a frugal, two income household, both people made solid but not jaw dropping salaries, with a house in a nice district, that have yet to draw down their savings for retirement. A downturn in the market could substantially change their financial position.
Add a few more zeros to your ideal wealth tax. People worth $10 billion or $70 billion are the targets, not a doctor who worked until he was 70.
anonshmanon
I don’t know that I agree with you there, but make it 10M if you want.
It’s maybe also important to remember that past proposals in this direction didn’t mean at all that nobody would be able to grow their assets beyond the threshold. It would just mean that beyond the threshold, the growth is slowed down a bit, but fundamentally, it would still grow!
Anon
You’re still missing a zero or two. Try $200 M. The point is to tax money that is (a) held by a truly miniscule number of people, (b) is really exceptional, and (c) is not really made by work. A surgeon and a radiologist earn a salary and can be worth $10 million. Someone who is worth $200 million got their wealth from financial markets, being a CEO of a company so massive that is presence in the market distorts the market, etc.
anonshmanon
That’s where we don’t agree I guess. Of course Jeff Bezos should be taxed more. I just think that the surgeon who is worth 10M should also be taxed more. Not as much as Jeff Bezos should be taxed, only more than they are being taxed now. I think that little old, less than 0.5M net-worth me should be taxed more.
But I am also an incrementalist. Wherever we need to place the threshold to get broad support, is where I am happy to put it.
anonshmanon
And to expand on that some more, all of this has an underlying (idealistic) assumption that the enhanced revenue would enable services to the public which could fundamentally change certain incentives or decision points. I’m talking things like decent single payer healthcare (meaning that your financial planning for retirement gets a whole lot more predictable) or better public schools and cheap college (meaning you don’t start out with a mountain of debt, and tuition isn’t a headache that engages parents or even grandparents forever). Those are the kinds of changes that would make higher taxation of regular white collar workers a reasonable proposal.
Senior Attorney
Exactly. My husband and I are in our 60s and early 70s, about to retire with more than $5 million in assets and this describes us to a tee. To lump us in with the Jeff Bezoses of the world is just ludicrous.
Anon
Good PR for Jeff Bezos, though! If I were worth a hundred billion, I would absolutely want the American public to think that I’m just like two lawyers who are active in their community, donate to charity, and have enjoyed the benefits of a house that appreciated over time.
It drives me crazy when people cannot distinguish between “upper middle class on the cusp of retirement” or “upper middle class with four kids who are just about to start college” (at the very, very, very peak of their accumulated wealth, which will be moving in a downward direction quite soon) and “literally could buy a country.”
anon
Yep. I think many people really grapple with the difference between a million and a billion. We are wealthy for sure and could certainly pay more in taxes (although we don’t have jobs or assets that allows us to do any fancy tax avoidance, but that’s a different story) but we are very different from the Jeff Bezoses of the world. As an illustration, I am incredibly lucky that I have a pretty large fun money budget, essentially if a $200 expense comes up once or twice a month I make the purchase without batting an eyelash or consulting my husband (and he does the same). Let’s pretend for illustration purposes that I’m a millionaire (I’m not but close enough to round up) for a billionaire, that $200 splurge on a fancy dinner or a concert ticket once or twice a month is the equivalent of $200,000 on a proportional basis, so like casually buying a condo once or twice a month would be no big deal. Then to expand that to someone like Bezos whose net worth today according to forbes is 190 billion. So my $200 splurge dinner to him would be $38 million. Yes, I am wealthy and privileged and can pay more in taxes but there is a huge difference between wealthy and ultra wealthy
Anonymous
The conversations about wealth tax are always so disingenuous because they prey upon people’s hopes and dreams that maybe they could be rich one day too. Then you have average people with no hope of ever achieving that level of financial success who are against their own best interest because of this fantasy. I’m usually the only person with skin in the game for these conversations (I have a giant trust which I will receive upon a relative’s death) and I support the wealth tax, because I want what is best for society not just what is best for me.
anon
+1000
Anonymous
Another solution would be to prohibit compensation in the form of stock. It allows companies to overcompensate certain categories of employees at essentially no cost to the company. This form of compensation was supposed to align employees’ incentives with stockholders’ interests, but it’s gone too far and creates a perverse incentive to maximize stock prices in the short run without building long-term value.
Anonymous
Hear hear!
White pants
What a great idea.
Anon
The (very) short answer is that I am absolutely in favor of a much more progressive income tax and limiting deductions but not of taxing “wealth” (i.e. stocks that are held but have not been sold). That is largely because stocks are like your house – the increased value only matters if you sell (or want to sell). If you borrow against them I think there are ways to address that.
I am old enough to remember the Dotcom crash of 2000. There were an awful lot of multi- millionaires in my community who sudden did not have retirement accounts because they were very over invested in those stocks. It was all paper money. And if we limit it to people who have billions in publicity traded stocks (as opposed to real estate or private companies) we have limited it to such a small number that it feels punitive as opposed to a way to actually raise significant revenue.
Anon
I keep hearing about the “Great Resignation” and how employees are going to flee their current jobs post-pandemic. I’ve been looking for a new in-house job for a while now and expect an offer soon from what I consider my second choice company. I’m excited about the position and it’s definitely way better than my current job, but part of me is wondering if the floodgates of jobs are truly going to open later this summer and if I will regret not waiting to see what else might be out there. What are you guys seeing in your industries – are you truly expecting mass resignations or is this not going to hit as much in areas like legal?
Cat
I think a lot of people talk about flouncing from a job but actually doing it is another story.
anon
We’re expecting some turnover. People who were borderline unhappy stuck around during the pandemic, but I’ve already heard about a few people looking around.
anon
Not in the law department, but there is a lot of turnover happening at the individual contributor level where I work. Mostly younger people who are frustrated with empty promises by management for raises, promotions, support to progress their career, window dressing I&D without the actual day-to-day to back it up, etc. We have lost a lot of good people already and I have highlighted it to our VP of HR multiple times. She tells me there is a dearth of talent in the market, so we better up our A game asap. I also know it’s been a challenge to fill a somewhat specialized in-house role we have open and at the business level, we are struggling to get good candidates hired in part because of what I am being told is a smaller available talent pool and in part because we suck at moving quickly on hiring and lose people to other jobs.
It’s wildly frustrating to me!
AFT
I asked this question to an in-house legal recruiter that I am friendly with, and she said that she has not seen an uptick. If you find a job that you think is a good fit and get an offer, I’d take it rather than hoping for a future event that may not come.
Anonymous
I work in the arts in NYC, where unemployment is still high and few can afford to just quit working, so no that is not happening.
anonshmanon
If you expect a Great Resignation, wouldn’t that mean that the longer you wait with your job search, the more you will competing with other job seekers? Right now, it’s decidedly a candidate’s market.
Anonymous
Yes, I’m seeing lot of turnover. From my perspective, it seems to be fueled by employees’ new expectation that they can demand full-time WFH so they don’t have to relocate. It opens up a lot more possibilities for employees, and brings in a wider range of candidates for employers. I have interviewed a lot of job candidates recently, and every single one just assumed that they’d be WFH.
Anonymous
I’ve been hearing about it, but haven’t seen much in my own networks yet. However, no one’s employers are pulling any kind of shenanigans yet (such as “we’re back to butt-in-seat full-time with no exceptions, yay!!”). It all depends on what employers are doing. Understanding, flexible employers who accept that the world has changed are probably not going to see a huge exodus.
anon
I think all law firms are experiencing higher than normal attrition so I would expect in house jobs to actually become much more competitive. Also, if a dream job comes up in 6 months, you can totally still interview for it and take it. It’s not ideal to have a short stint at a job but unless you have a history of that it’s really not a huge deal, most people don’t bat an eyelash at one short stint as long as you have a good reason, such as when I applied for current job, this dream job wasn’t available, I’ve always wanted this dream job so that’s why I’m intereviewing
Anon
The way my company (R&D and manufacturing) handled the pandemic was a sh1tshow: fighting tooth and nail to keep everyone in the office despite many jobs easily being done remotely, covering up a super-spreader event in the IT department, I could go on.
People are quitting left and right across multiple departments, including tech, engineering, marketing, and customer support. I’m really frazzled about it, because having so many noobs is really going to impact my work flow. This is a complicated industry with a lot of regulations and moving parts.
NW Islander
I work for a massive company, and I can tell you that 80% of my most trusted colleagues have left in the last 6 months. This place is falling apart as a result. I just filed for a leave of absence as a way to avoid quitting and regretting it later. If the dust settles while I am away, I will come back. If the chaos remains or escalates, I will probably leave.
Anonymous
I’m in nonprofit healthcare and we are definitely seeing resignations. Two CEOs in my area announced retirements effective in Sept, and two others are leaving by end of the year. Reason they give is burn out from the pandemic (which of course hit this sector hard), and reassessing their lives. My family members who work in state government also say that some retirements have been recently announced and are coming sooner than had been expected. I think it’s the start of a wave of retirements as people are required to return to the office, and realize they don’t want to work at all anymore. So my opinion is that upper level jobs are going to continue opening up as people retire, creating opportunities for others to move up.
Anon
I’m currently being scouted by several firms. I never applied anywhere. They just called me up looking. One was a big firm, another is a small firm partnership. I’m currently in a small firm and likely to leave for that small firm partnership. It will be better pay, better hours but a huge leap of faith that also could go horribly wrong.
Anyways, yes, I know lots of people realized while out of the office what they hate about their jobs and they want to go somewhere that the grass is greener. Sometimes it is something really stupid (in the big picture) that is the straw that breaks the camels back, too. Well, at least it is in my case.
Leatty
DH is in tech, and his department has seen a ton of resignations lately (especially amongst contractors). I’m in-house, and I’ve not seen it happen at my company (yet). However, once everyone is required to go back to the office, I fully expect to see some resignations. I think a lot of people have grown to expect remote work and increased flexibility, and companies that don’t offer that will suffer.
Anon
I bought a high waisted, loose dress from Loft Outlet (that is similar in cut to those hi low dresses at Ann Taylor), and I’m having trouble making it not look like a nightgown. I would like to wear a wide belt with it, but it seems like the dress bunches up in odd places. Am I doing something wrong, or does this just not work w/certain styles?
Shelle
I would focus on the jewelry and shoes you’re pairing it with to not make it look like sleepwear. Maybe fun earrings or bracelets? Pretty sandals? Beyond that I wouldn’t worry too much whether anyone thinks it’s a nightgown. Just enjoy how comfortable it is!
anon
Oooh, nice pick. I especially like the blue/white stripe version.
Sunshine
Do you do anything to prevent wrinkles (face or chest) caused by side sleeping? I know back sleeping would be better for preventing both, but I’m unwilling to make myself do it. So I’m at Step 2: what can I do to reduce them. I already do the skin care stuff, but I do nothing additional for my chest and my b00bs that are probably smashed together all night.
No Problem
That’s…not what causes wrinkles. Sleep however you like to sleep and get a good sunscreen to wear during the day.
Anonymous
I think side sleeping does play a role in wrinkles, especially if you favor one side over the other, but I’m with you. I’ll do the skincare stuff but I’m not trying to sleep on my back. I had surgery earlier this year and had to sleep on my back for a week afterwards, and I could not do it.
Anon
I force myself to sleep on my back due to sciatica. I can definitely tell that my face not being smushed into the pillow all night is a good thing, I no longer wake up with tight discomfort around the eyes and temples.
Anon
Frownies
Sybil
I’m switching from part-time salaried to extremely part-time 1099 and will be negotiating my hourly rate. Is there anything else I need to factor into that calcualtion aside from self-employment tax?
Anon
I was part-time salaried for many years, but I still received proportional benefits (50% time earned half of the full-time leave, retirement, etc.). If you are getting any benefits in your position as an employee, consider the value of those as a factor in your asking rate.
Anon
I read the NYT article about Phexxi (which seems to be a non hormonal non spermicidal birth control gel) and am sort of intrigued. Has anybody tried it? I’m 40 and married, and had been on the pill for basically my entire adult life until TTC my kid a year ago. I’m shocked by how much better I feel not being on hormones, and would love an alternative to barriers/pullout, so I’m interested, but would kind of like to hear experiences from real people.
Anon
It sounds even more gloppy.
Pompom
Yea, this. It sounds like a great option for some, but I’m not trying for an even bigger wet spot.
pugsnbourbon
I guess my first question would be are you planning for more kids. Have you tried an IUD?
Anon
We are hoping for one more, but not ready to try yet, so not looking for long term options (I’ve also had terrible experiences with IUDs).
Anon
I am a big proponent of the sympto-thermal method, which is used to both prevent and achieve pregnancy. You could do that in conjunction with barrier methods (condom until two days after ovulation, after which you do not need to use a barrier method), or be diligent about avoiding your fertile times.
Anon
Thanks – it looks like there are a lot of versions of this out there. Is there a specific one you liked?
Anon
They make it really hard to find to efficacy rate. Here’s the information from be product brochure:
“4 CLINICAL STUDIES
The efficacy of PHEXXI for the prevention of pregnancy was evaluated in a multi-center, open-label, single-arm clinical trial in the United States (AMP002; NCT03243305). The study enrolled females of reproductive potential 18 to 35 years of age with regular menstrual cycles (21 to 35 days). The median age was 27.8 years. The racial distribution was 70.6% White, 23.7% Black or African American, 2.5% Asian, 0.4% American Indian or Alaska Native, 0.2% Native Hawaiian or Pacific Islander, and 2.7% other. Subjects agreed to engage in at least 3 acts of heterosexual, vaginal intercourse per cycle. Subjects self-administered a 5 gram dose of PHEXXI intravaginally up to one hour before each episode of intercourse for up to 7 cycles.
The primary efficacy endpoint was the 7-cycle typical use cumulative pregnancy rate as derived by Kaplan-Meier life-table analysis. A total of 101 on-treatment pregnancies occurred in 1183 subjects contributing 4769 evaluable natural cycles. The 7-cycle cumulative pregnancy rate was 13.7% (95% CI: 10.0%, 17.5%), excluding cycles with back-up contraception, cycles 35 days in length and cycles in which no intercourse was reported. The estimated Pearl Index, calculated based on data from the 7-cycle study, was 27.5 (95% CI: 22.4%, 33.5%).”
Anon
So I gather from this that it’s a good method if you’re ok with having a baby.
Anon
If they were any good, they would have been advertising their efficacy rate in big bold font. They hid it, which shows you that it’s bad. In fact, it’s a lot worse than the pull-out failure rate.
Anonymous
What even is this?!? Kaplan-Meier survival analysis and life-table analysis are different things. Similar, but not the same. These are not Kaplan-Meier results. Kaplan-Meier is used to compare survival curves across two or more groups, typically a treatment group and a control group. The dependent variable in Kaplan-Meier is time to failure, the null hypothesis is that there is no difference in survival between the treatment and comparison groups, and you use a log-rank test to test the significance of any difference. It does not look at the cumulative survival rate.
Anon
Hello fellow actuary!
Elle
I’m also interested in it! I did see that there was an increased risk of UTIs but it may be worth it.
Anon
Yeah, I saw the stuff about potential irritation too. I’d really like to hear real world experiences but apparently there are less than 20k prescriptions currently…
Anonymous
I would 100% look into your partner getting clipped.
Anonymous
+1
No Face
My favorite birth control is my husband’s vasectomy, and my second favorite is the Mirena IUD. My third was spermicide film when I was breastfeeding. The film just dissolves and then you go about your business. If this gel works, give it a shot.
When I want a baby, I want one and I when I don’t, I really don’t, so I am not comfortable with less effective birth control methods as my first line of defense. I don’t know the rates for Phexxi though.
Pompom
Same here for those first two methods. The ole snipperoonie was the best, and I got a mirena in December to squelch annoying periods with minimal hormonal impact (localized vs. oral route). My DH has become the go-to man evangelist for getting other men to do this.
Overkill, perhaps, but then again, we’re childfree by choice 4 eva over here.
Anonymous
Mirena is great for many people, but the claim that there is minimal hormonal impact is overblown. I gained almost 15 lbs on Mirena that melted away as soon as I had it removed, and it messed with my moods and energy too. My OB denied that Mirena could have been the cause, but my PCP says she sees this quite a bit.
Pompom
Interesting! For me, oral pills were way too much for me, and caused a lot of issues (some as mild-to-me as gradual but small weight gain, some as serious as major mood issues and a complete loss of libido…fun!). I went off them for 3 years (after the vasectomy was proven to have worked) before the Mirena. I haven’t noticed any of the old side effects at all since, so I’m glad that whatever it is, it’s working for me!
Anon
You might try a non-hormonal IUD. I think there is only one is the US (Paragard) but it works for a lot of people.
Anon
Interesting on the film, thanks!
Anon
I haven’t needed it in a long time, but the spermicidal film plus a condom was my BC of choice before I got my Mirena IUD. It’s so much less messy than any other spermicide that comes in cream or foam form. I feel like people don’t know about its existence, and it’s been around a long time. It’s convenient to carry with you; not messy to use; in my experience it doesn’t affect the “gardening” experience for either partner.
The Mirena IUD, however, is the best long-term option by a long shot for me.
all about eevee
It it very expensive. $200/5 applicators.
Anonymous
Wow, seriously? I don’t get why this would be appealing over other barrier methods like condoms. Expensive, less effective, messy…
Anon
I find condoms very irritating. Not like they annoy me. Like they bother my internal skin. I may have a mild latex allergy as I’m allergic to other things in the same family. Luckily, I do better on hormonal birth control than I do off.
I’m not really interested in sheep skin. Have they started making condoms out of the same material the new doctors’ gloves are made of? Few places use latex anymore.
Anon
Highly highly recommend SKYN non latex. They are a game changer and readily available.
Ribena
I have a vaccine appointment for tomorrow!!! Very excited (age based rollout here – was initially allocated an appointment four weeks away but managed to reschedule for tomorrow).
In funny ‘only in Scotland’ WFH news, I had to apologise for the bagpipe music when I dialled into a call this afternoon, because I live next door to a high school whose drums and pipes band was practising.
Anon
The bagpipes thing happens to me regularly and I live in Brooklyn… it’s a big thing in Catholic schools and police/firefighter parades/events/funerals here.
Ribena
Ah of course – I sometimes forget how big the Scottish diaspora is. My bad.
(I heard a busker playing My Heart Will Go On on the pipes last weekend – that was entertaining)
Anon
Yeah I think in my part of Brooklyn anyone who can convincingly claim to be at least 1/16th Scottish (which is everyone who isn’t OTB Italian) feels entitled to bagpipes.
Seventh Sister
I’m in LA, and one of the security guards in our building used to practice his bagpipes on breaks. He was in some kind of bagpipe club and they usually marched in the Lunar New Year parade every year in LA’s Chinatown. I love the Scottish diaspora!
Anon
Are bagpipes a Scottish only thing? I’ve gone to a number of Irish American events (weddings, funerals, etc) where there were bagpipes. Big Irish families with lots of police and fire officers.
Anon in NY
In NYC, it’s an Irish thing. The police and (especially) fire departments are dominated by Irish Americans, as are many of the Catholic churches.
Anon
Those New York fire and police pipers are likely part of the Irish diaspora –why you have pipes at police funerals.
Anon
When I took metro in DC I felt like I heard them on the regular.
Anon
In Maryland, with many, many weekend naps ruined by my neighbor’s bagpipes. They’re everywhere.
Senior Attorney
Haha when I went to my husband’s 50th high school reunion we were “treated” to a performance by the school’s bagpipes ensemble. Go, Highlanders!
Anon
Haha, so funny! And YAY!!
LaurenB
Went to a University of Chicago graduation today and they had bagpipes – apparently it’s a “thing” for the school.
Visiting Greenwich
I’ll be in Greenwich, CT this weekend for the first time. I’d love recommendations for lunch/brunch spots, window shopping, nice places to walk, etc.!
CT Anon
For lunch/brunch: L’Escale at the Delamar Hotel – sit outside overlooking the water. Le Penguin – classic and cute French bistro. Poke around Greenwich Ave for shopping, but if you are driving and park at a meter, keep an eye on time as the meter maids can be very quick to write tickets for expired time.
NYCer
+1 to L’Escale.
anon
My office is opening back up (Mid-law) next week. I (midlevel associate) worked from home from the early days of the pandemic until I became fully immune about a month ago. Since then, I’ve been kind of treating the office like a library, coming in when I want quiet space to focus and be productive. This shakes out to about 4 days a week, 9:30am – 4:30pm-ish. The partners I report to WFH 100%, but I understand they are under pressure to come in more. Even when they’re in we work on different floors and communicate via email and phone calls. This is obviously a “know – your – office” thing, but I’m wondering if this will be acceptable going forward as long as I’m getting my work done? Would this fly in your office?
Curious
We (Amazon corporate) just got notice we will only be required to be in office 3 days a week, so it sounds in line with what we have.
Sybil
No one would bat an eye at that schedule at my firm, even pre-Covid. But so firm-dependent.
No Face
Keep doing what you’re doing until there is a formal announcement from your firm stating that attorneys should come in more, or if the partners you work with are back in the office full time and start handling issues in person instead of by phone or email.
At my small law firm, we are moving to 2 or 3 days a week, just as a point of comparison.
Anon
I like the idea of continuing to do it until you hear otherwise.
Blessedly, my firm just announced that we’ll be everyone-remote-forever-if-you-want-it-but-be-here-for-important-meetings, which is the greatest thing ever. I think firms will be so much more flexible going forward.
anon
In-house and everyone is encouraged to WFH fully still, although you can certainly go in if you want to. Our GC has been working from his beach house almost the entire time. We are being loosely advised that we will be able to do whatever works best for us.
No idea what type of law you do, but as someone who hires outside counsel, I couldn’t care less where you work as long as the work gets done!
Anon
In my mid-law firm, that would be just fine. I wouldn’t make any bold statements proclaiming this plan to anyone. Just quietly keep doing as you have been until told otherwise.
Hollis
Can anyone recommend a good weekender bag or duffel as a birthday gift to my sister? Budget around $200-250? She is mid-40s, practical, lives in Northern Cal, is stylish but doesn’t like anything too flashy. She car travels a lot for work and to see friends. She already has a bunch of monogrammed llbean boat totes, so I’m thinking something that looks nicer, zips up and can double as a carry-on bag. Thanks.
Anonymous
I love my Lo & Sons Catalina (the canvas one). It’s huge inside and has a shoe pocket on the bottom.
Lots to Learn
+1
Anonymous
Lo and Sons Catalina
Minnie Beebe
My husband has an Everlane weekender tote (from a few years ago, haven’t checked recently.) Absolutely no bells-and-whistles, but it’s what he takes on his (frequent) business trips and he loves it. Maybe check into that one? Was not expensive, but very plain/perhaps masculine?
I like the look of the Lo & Sons Catalina bag, as well as the Away bag. If I were buying something now, I’d probably look at Away. However I have a few-years-old huge Lululemon tote which I’ll continue to carry until it falls apart (which might be never) but it’s a little… floppy? I’d probably prefer more structure. But the Lulu tote fits under an airplane seat, and fits a ton of stuff.
Allie
Le Sports sac?
Anon
When you are using tubing mascara, can you wipe the excess off of the brush before you apply it like you can with normal mascara, or does that mess up the tubing process?
Anon
Of course you can. It seems like normal mascara when you’re putting it on.
Anon
Anyone have a recommendation where I can go grab some lunch and sit outside with my 6 year old near the Met tomorrow? We can always grab something to go and eat in the park, but it would be nice to sit somewhere, but I have no idea what’s open and has outdoor seating these days. Taking my kid to see the Temple of Dendur for the first time!
Cora
The Blue stone lane near the park has a really nice, large outdoor area
Anon
Thank you — this looks like it would be perfect but online is showing no reservations available for tomorrow, do you know if reservations are essentially required on weekends right now?
Cora
Ah I could see that, it was pretty busy on the weekend last time I was by there. You may be able to put your name down like 45 mins before and get a table
AIMS
Sant Ambroeus is nice but they may not have reservations available (doesn’t mean that you can’t get a table). I would just call them tomorrow.
Really, tons of places have outdoor seating available. I would just walk to see what looks appealing.
Whatever you pick, make sure you also go up to the MET roof to see this years’s sculpture and for the best view of Central Park and the area.
anon
Other options on Madison Ave: Eli Zabar’s EAT cafe (E. 80th and Madison), Le Pain Quotidian (E. 85th and Madison), Serafina Pizza (E. 79th and Madison). William Greenberg Desserts make a good black and white cookie. There are more options on Third Ave, like an Emmy Squared (big hit with my friend’s toddlers), but those are a bit of a haul for a six-year old.
SoFine!
Could anyone recommend a product for longer straight fine hair that is getting frizzy now that it’s hot and humid? I grew out short hair during the pandemic and my old routine just doesn’t work anymore!
Anon
Skinny serum. They sell at Ultra and I buy it by the 3-pack.
OP
Thank you!
anon
OK, calling all those who like talking about interior decorating stuff. Here’s my question: Is it possible to learn to love eclectic style when it’s not really you? My basement family room is quite different in style than the rest of my house, which is cozy minimalist, kind of modern farmhouse/coastal, lots of soft, soothing colors. But I have all these cool family pieces that have found a home in the second family room: an antique rolltop desk, a vintage chair, and an antique school desk. I am not interested in parting with these pieces, so this is where they’re going to live. Then you have the sectional/end tables/bookshelf, which is all basic transitional furniture. My basement is much more “mixed” than the style in the rest of my house. I tried doing all neutrals and haaated it, so I mixed in saturated colors (teal and a few hits of red), and a mix of modern art and vintage photos. I don’t think there’s anything *wrong* with what I’ve done here, but I struggle to feel like it matches the rest of my house. Or it feels too chaotic. Basically, I’m not at all confident in how it looks because it’s such a departure from my real style.
So, is this an issue of:
1) Bad design choices that don’t go together.
2) A case of needing to adjust my eyes to this looking good, too.
Anonymous
Try and exchange the red with coral, yellow or orange. Red is very high contrast for teal, and they compete visually. A more yellow colour will be a more harmonic colour pairing for teal.
anon
Hmm, I like that idea.
Senior Attorney
If it’s the basement I don’t know that it’s all that important for it to “match” the rest of the house. If you love all the pieces and you think it looks good on its own without reference to the rest of the house, I think you’re fine.
Senior Attorney
That said, if you really don’t like it, how about ditching the contemporary pieces and leaning in to the vintage style? Again, I don’t think you need to worry about matching the rest of the house. I think it would be fun to go downstairs and have a different vibe in the family room.
No Face
Same. Treasure the antiques and find stuff that looks good with them. Don’t worry about the rest of the house.
Anon
Antiques can be hard to incorporate if they’re not part of your usual style. (They’re part of my usual style – I sprinkle them around and use them just as I would any other piece.)
If you want to keep the antiques forever, and you can’t use them elsewhere (can the school desk do duty as a nightstand in a guest room or as a hall table? I’m not sure what it looks like), I’d try to embrace them more. The warm wood tones of antiques often look best with rich colors (and I personally feel greige/beige makes them fall terribly flat, which may be what you discovered). You mention red and teal, but those colors don’t sound like they fit your usual cozy minimalist style. What about richer versions of the subdued colors you use upstairs? Deeper gray-blues, gray-greens, etc.
I’m thinking things like these:
https://www.pinterest.com/pin/28710516346591953/
https://pin.it/1lbjFEQ
https://www.pinterest.com/pin/198932508524409598/
Anon
I didn’t grow up in an area with basements, but I always think of basements from movies and TV as being different from the rest of the house. Or where I grew up (CA), the family room at the back of the house was different than the formal living room at the front. The formal living room probably had some sort of light colored couch the kids weren’t allowed to sit on unless company was visiting, it had no TV, it often had high gloss wooden furniture, sometimes in “exotic” styles like asian influences.
The family room either had the old couch handed down from the formal living room or a much more comfortable plaid couch that the kids were allowed to sit on (and secretly jumped on and ate on). The furniture wasn’t as precious and there was a TV.
I don’t think you need to worry about this and seriously, think about how often you actually are going to give tours of your home vs living in it. You love your vintage/antique furniture and it sparks joy, so who cares what style it is?
Anonymous
I am a minimalist but I do think it’s possible to mix more contemporary main pieces with antique accent pieces very well. My choices for this would not include a rolltop desk or a school desk. Those are perhaps the fussiest-looking categories of fussy antiques.
I’d make sure that the antique pieces are not all in the same line of sight, experiment with keeping the rolltop open v. closed, and minimize accessories. No antique tchotchkes, especially not on the antique furniture. Put a clean-lined transitional lamp on the desk, maybe a plant in a contemporary planter. Edit the bookcases so they’re not packed with visual clutter. Cut out one of the bright accent colors. Make sure there isn’t too much art on the walls. Add a contemporary ceiling fan or light fixture. If you have an area rug, make it a simple contemporary style. Etc.
anon
Good advice; thank you!
Anonymous
This is good advice. Maybe ditch the vintage photos on the wall, you don’t need to play up to the antiques with antique decor as well, lean into the contrast.
It seems like you have too much furniture and decor in the volume of space available in the basement, as well, maybe try and remove at least one end table?
Anon
Good morning. I will be in Manhattan next week for a series of meetings and have a couple of time slots to wander around. If you had an hour or two in midtown (near grand central station) and wanted to go somewhere on foot to shop, eat, or gawk at something, where would you go?
Anonymous
If you just have an hour, walk around Grand Central! Do not eat at the oyster bar. It is disgusting. The food hall is better.
Anon
Ok I love the Oyster Bar. Been there, done that, would do it again. The surly service is just part of the charm.
Anonymous
I wouldn’t spend the hour at Grand Central. You can walk over to Bryant Park — great skyscraper views and also a view of the Empire State Building. You can walk up Fifth Avenue and gawk at wealthy NYC things — lots of stores on Fifth Av have closed but as you get up closer to central park, you get the real higher end stores like Bergdorff etc which are still there. You can also walk over to Rock Center if you haven’t seen it – that actually is my favorite place to go though lots think it’s too touristy.
NYCer
I would probably go sit/wander in Bryant Park. I don’t find walking around midtown, particularly in the Grand Central area, to be particularly pleasant.
Anonymous
+1. Check out the Bryant Park calendar. They are doing a lot of concerts and stuff, although I’m not sure how many are during the day since a lot of offices are closed still. If you want to shop, wander north on 5th Avenue.
Anonymous
IDK if this is the pandemic or just my age (40 and single) but suddenly I feel like I’m doing life alone. I mean I never had many friends — probably 1 close friend and lots of friendly acquaintances usually centered around/people I met at current and past jobs; previously this was enough as an introvert/home body. Yet the 1 close friend has been totally different since she had covid last March/Apr (in NYC so I think it was a scary time for her even without having to be hospitalized). She doesn’t reach out and barely responds if I text. Recently reached out to a friend/mentor from a prior job and she hasn’t even acknowledged me. Granted she works a ton of hours (investment banking) and has kids but really would it be impossible to say, working 100 hours/wk will call you in a few weeks? Talking to my sister is just a chore as she’s constantly negative about everything from the pandemic to work to everything. And my parents as they’ve aged so much in retirement/are separated from the real world that talking to them is just about explaining in detail what is going on, why it’s important etc.
Anyone else go thru this phase? Like I used to feel like if I wanted to talk about anything like a job idea or buying a house or whatever, I had plenty of people I could call. Now it feels like there is NO ONE to get an opinion from.
anon
That sounds really hard. Part of it may be a stage of life thing, but I also think people are just really maxed-out mentally and emotionally after the past year. I know I’ve struggled with this, although I definitely don’t let my dear friends and family wait on a call for weeks!
anon
Not just you, I’m a similar age (42) and have been feeling the same way. I’m at a fully remote job now (permanently), so I don’t get the small interactions that I used to with co-workers, and plus many of my work friends from past jobs have kind of drifted away, gotten busy with their own lives, etc. I have two close friends who I gchat/text on a fairly regular basis, but other than that, I pretty much rely on my mom for advice/counsel. I’m honestly not sure how to make new friends at this stage of life – it seems really daunting. It’s not like being in grad school or your first job, where I met tons of people and everyone was super social. No good advice here, just wanted to commiserate.
Anonymous
I think some of it might be life stage but if you’re feeling this suddenly, I think it’s more about the pandemic (because you didn’t just hit a life stage suddenly – it’s not like everyone you know had kids yesterday). I do think that people are maxed out and/or are only interested in seeing and talking to their 1 very best friend. Everyone I know is focused on vacationing with their family right now and/or holding on at work and have created the mental space to add like 1 friend back in their life. For kid people often that is a family with kids the same age etc. so I think people right now just haven’t turned to THEIR friends, colleagues etc. the way they used to in before times.
Anonymous
Fashion/function help please! I’m going on a horseback riding date with a guy I just started seeing relatively recently. (“Trail ride” if that matters…whatever that may be). I haven’t been on a horse since I was a kid, and of course I want to look nice, but also to feel comfortable. What do I wear? Shoes? I’d rather shop my closet if possible, so I’m thinking jeans and sneakers. Weather should be mid-70s and partly sunny.
pugsnbourbon
Boots with a small heel would be better than sneakers, but jeans and close-toed shoes are musts.
Anonymous
Boots with a low heel. NO sandals, no heels (obviously).
anonamouse
Sneakers for sure, and test your jeans to make sure you can comfortably mount and sit astride a horse without awkwardly straining or worrying about a rip. Sitting on a backwards chair is a decent test. I feel like a standard look is a plaid shirt, but you could also go with a cute t-shirt or casual cotton blouse on top.
Anonymous
No to sneakers. Your foot can slip all the way through the stirrup and get stuck. Boots with a small heel are best. OP, many Frye styles would be great for this if you have them.
anon
Find the website of the place doing the trail ride (this means you will be out on a trail walking vs. in a ring going in circles) and see what they require for footwear. They likely require a shoe with a heel for the reasons already mentioned. Frankly, if they don’t, I would be worried about the safety of the ride generally (reference point, have been riding for 37 years and done vacation style rides with varying levels of safety). I truly hope they will require you to wear a helmet, if not do not go, so bring a hair tie with you or a hat if your hair is not conducive to being pulled up.
Definitely jeans, as already mentioned, and try to find ones that do not have large seams on the inside of your legs/crotch, because you may get rubs if they do. Riding jeans are specifically designed to avoid this, but you obviously do not need to go buy a pair! Don’t wear any dangly jewelry – honestly, I wouldn’t wear any at all other than stud earrings and a sturdy watch (of you are so inclined).