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Our daily workwear reports suggest one piece of work-appropriate attire in a range of prices.
Yesterday, I mentioned an oversized, wrinkle-resistant blazer that would be perfect for a long day of work-related travel. I feel like it would be disingenuous if I failed to mention the pull-on, almost-as-good-as-leggings pants that have accompanied me on every work trip for nearly a decade.
The Eileen Fisher crepe pants have been reader faves for years, and for good reason. They’re machine-washable, fit like a dream, and wear like iron. This Pacifica color is one that I haven’t seen before. Pair it with yesterday’s navy blazer and a white blouse, and you’ll be ready to go.
The pants are $168 at Nordstrom and come in sizes 1X–3X. They also come in cobblestone (khaki) and ocean.
Eileen Fisher has a similar style in straight sizes, also $168 at Nordstrom, that's available in several colors.
Sales of note for 9.30.24
- Nordstrom – Beauty deals through September
- Ann Taylor – Extra 30% off sale
- Banana Republic Factory – 50% off everything + extra 20% off
- Boden – 15% off new styles
- Eloquii – Extra 50% off sale
- J.Crew – 50% off select styles
- J.Crew Factory – Up to 60% off everything + 50% off sale with code
- Lo & Sons – Warehouse sale, up to 70% off
- M.M.LaFleur – Save 25% sitewide
- Neiman Marcus – Friends & Family 25% off
- Rag & Bone – Friends & Family 25% off sitewide
- Spanx – Lots of workwear on sale, some up to 70% off
- Talbots – Fall Cyber Monday sale, 40% off sitewide and $5 shipping
- Target – Car-seat trade-in event through 9/28 — bring in an old car seat to get a 20% discount on other baby/toddler stuff.
- White House Black Market – 40% off select styles
BCP
Does anyone here use birth control that doesn’t contain estrogen? For many years I’ve been on a combination pill that lets me skip most of my periods, but I recently read that women over 35 with high blood pressure should avoid estrogen-based methods. I’m looking into alternatives like the minipill, an implant, or an IUD, but they all have their downsides, most notably that they won’t let me skip periods. I’m wondering if it may just be time to get a tubal ligation if none of these methods are going to help with my period symptoms anyway.
Anon
Only commenting to mention that I am considering a bilateral salpingectomy, which is removal of a section of the tubes rather than tying, clamping, or cauterizing. And from looking into this I’ve learned that the bisalp is rapidly becoming the standard, 1) because it considerably reduces ovarian cancer risk, because this cancer often starts in the tubes and 2) because ligation has a higher percentage of poor outcomes (still very small, but higher than bi salp, outcomes include pain and endometriosis in the area, migrating clamp, and re-fusion/repair of the tube leading to pregnancy, bi salp has 0% chance and ligation has some minuscule chance).
Anon
I have done this and couldn’t be happier with it! I will say that I still have a period if that is OP’s concern.
You can get an ablation as well, which usually eliminates periods. I just haven’t done that yet. A friend of mine kept her Mirena in after getting her bisalp. She’s happy with that decision, but one reason I wanted the procedure was so I wouldn’t need hormonal BCP anymore.
Anonymous
Yes I only sleep with women 10/10 highly recommend next too late to start
Anon
How does that stop your periods?
Anonymous
I’m sorry I can’t share our secrets with outsiders.
anon
LULLLLZZZZ
Anon
A hormonal IUD like a Mirena might be a good choice for you. Many women lose their periods on it.
Anon
If that’s important to the OP, I would start with the mini pill. I didn’t lose my period on Mirena – instead, I had spotting heavy enough to need a pantiliner for six months. This is a known issue for some women. Trying the mini pill first (using it continuously, so not taking the inactive pills) would let the OP see if progesterone-only bc would work for her and is an easier trial than having to get an iud inserted that might not work out.
Curious
I also have spotting for the first 6 months with Mirena and then almost no periods after.
Anon
As a counterpoint anecdote: I had no spotting on the Mirena and have not had a real period in 17 years, as I’ve just switched out the old and gotten the new one at the same appointment each time mine expired. I will have some bleeding the day after the switch but it’s maybe medium flow, at worst, and it stops in a day. I no longer even keep tampons with me, or pads in the house unless I’m about to get mine switched. It’s pretty great.
Anon
I had to get off of the pill because of high BP. I opted for Mirena and haven’t had a period since I got my first one 10 years ago. Highly recommend.
Anon
My sister had an ablation — highly recommended. No more periods.
IUD
I have used a copper IUD since 1984 (first copper 7, now copper T). Works very well for me. Only side effect was slightly heavier periods when I was younger.
Anononon
I switched to the mini pill for a while for similar reasons (I get migraines and that in combination with estrogen-based pills increases stroke risk). Periods were so awful that I ultimately decided the risk was worth it and went back to the combination pill. Those mini pills gave me every bad period symptom in the book. YMMV of course.
Anonymous
I used the minipill for a short time and it caused me to break out, which was counterproductive as I was not sexually active at the time and only taking the pill to comply with Accutane requirements. I just stopped taking it since no sex is the most effective birth control and I would have been very comfortable with abortion if involuntarily impregnated.
Anonymous
I took the mini-pill between babies and hated it — I felt super strung out and emotional all the time.
Anon
I posted in yesterday’s thread that the nexplanon. Only pain was from the injection to numb the area. I think I only had one or two very, very light periods before I had none at all. Not everyone will lose their period with this, but the ease of insertion and removal would make it worth a try IMO.
Anon
Hi! There is a relatively new pill available called Slynd that doesn’t have estrogen. It is anti-androgenic (unlike the existing minipill), has a 24 hour missed pill window, and I was able to ski periods while using it continuously. Unfortunately the health insurance at my new job won’t cover it, so so don’t use it anymore. If your insurance covers it, could be worth a try. I believe the manufacturer also has coupons available.
anon
I am struggling with feeling like all of my relationships (except my marriage, fortunately) are really draining and not very fulfilling for one reason or another (for example, both my parents are extremely self absorbed and emotionally immature. I have been close with one parent who really does try, and the other I limit contact because they don’t and are generally toxic). I manage exposure but I still feel very lonely without relationships with folks who care about my needs and “see” me, and it’s not that easy to make friends as an adult.
There are friends who I have good relationships with but I’ve never really opened up to in any meaningful way, and I’m generally a closed person and difficult to get to know. I htink the answer is that I need to open up but I kind of feel like I don’t know how? and I’m worried about burdening people with stuff that’s annoying and they don’t care about.
AIMS
It’s hard to be seen if you don’t open up – which is something you already recognize. I think it’s also part of the reason it is harder to make friends as an adult. We all just open up much less. It’s why the friendships we do make as grown ups tend to be related to something like work or kids – it’s a basis for a connection. I made some amazing friends as an adult working for a horrible boss; we all bonded over that experience! I am not suggesting you get a toxic job, but maybe find things to bond over, whether it’s a book club or a volunteer activity you feel passionate about (in addition to practicing more openness with your current circle).
Anon
Might I push back that the answer is maybe more friendships than a need to open up? What I mean by this is that there are all types of friendships – from ride or die to much more superficial. There is an actual term for this that I cannot remember, but a feeling of connection often comes from having a lot of people in your orbit but not necessarily many that you are super close to or open about all parts of your life about. From my experience, some times people that are more peripheral will become closer when you say both bond over some issue with a parent. So, rather than stressing about needing to open up more, I’d focus on just getting out there. Have more interactions with people. Ask your friends to go do stuff – it doesn’t have to be coffee or drinks, but could be – hey, there is this thing at the museum I have an extra ticket for, etc. Go do stuff where you run into people. Honestly, my most interesting interaction last week was someone I chatted with while waiting at the garage for my car. Never someone I will see again, but still interesting.
AIMS
I agree that you can have meaningful connections without divulging your biggest inner secrets. But I think that it’s still about being “open” to those experiences. More friendships is definitely part of that, more relationships generally. I always feel more connected to my community, for lack of a better word, when I have more people to say hello to as I go about my day, whether it’s the dry cleaner, the security guy in the lobby at work, or another parent from my kids’ school. But to make those connections, however superficial, still requires a certain amount of putting yourself out there that some people may be more reluctant to do.
Anonymous
In a similar funk today. I think the answer is more friends.
Anon
Try just a little at a time – you can say hey had a rough day without going into everything that ails you. Asking people for help is also very bonding and tends to create reciprocity. And it doesn’t need to be a huge thing – like saying hey I’m feeling a little down and could use some support, are you free for a walk or drink or meal on XYZ dates? But if people don’t respond the way you hope you can’t take it personally; often people are just caught up in their own shit and that’s not about you.
Anon
Here’s what I do…
I tend to have seasons of my life where I contemplate big issues. For example, I’m newly divorced, single and learning to be at peace with the possibility that I may never find the ‘love of my life’. I have to sit with that pain a lot. So, I turn to my friends who would have an interesting perspective on the issue. In this case, I went to dinner with a gay friend who doesn’t follow the typical model, and we spoke about his philosophy about ‘The One’. We were vulnerable and shared some of our fears, but much of the conversation was spent on the idea itself.
Another example is parenting. In the past, I have contemplated whether I am doing ‘too much’ for my kids and worried that they aren’t building resilience. It’s a mix of peer pressure (everyone overhelps their kids) and internal desire to shield them from pain. But pain leads to growth. So I talked with a friend who is a parent. Again, we both talked about our fears and were honest about our mistakes, but mostly it was about these big, existential questions.
While I may have a general conversation about it, I don’t tend to go into deep, dark details about single life with happily, married friends. I love them and learn a lot from them, but they often don’t ‘get it’ for this particular problem, especially if they met their spouses earlier in life. So I save those conversations for certain people.
It doesn’t have to be all or nothing. You can share some of yourself and also be intentional about the setting and circumstances. You don’t have to expose every vulnerability all the time.
No Face
We are soul sisters! I highly recommend the book Adult Children of Emotionally Immature parents. It gave me insight into a couple of my patterns.
I have made a point of going deeper with my longtime friends. I don’t mean just divulging deep secrets, but talking about Real Stuff instead of just recapping our lives. We’ve opened up more about how past terrible relationships, money issues, our parents aging etc. It has been great!
Anon
I kind of like the idea of these, but in 2023, does EF make a wider-leg version of these? Also, are they a true crepe or a knit? The Nordstrom page says “knit” but I suspect that’s wrong otherwise these would seem to be too sweatpants for work events (unless they were St. John-ish, which I don’t think is the case, either). My local store seems to stock things only for Instagrammers, so I have to order any clothes not solely for the ‘gram.
I’m also finding that shoulder season is longer than I recall or inside A/C is more vicious, but I’m almost returning to suits just to have pants and a jacket that I can wear together. Not sure when I will be able to wear dresses inside again this year. July? (no, A/C will be on ultrablast then).
Anonymous
They are just pants. It is not this hard.
Anon
Are you the same person who makes this similar nasty comment nearly every day? Or, heaven forbid, do we have several people who are like you? Is this “not hard” comment necessary?
anon
just chiming in to say agreed and thought the same thing yesterday. you know this is a clothing blog, right? like the original purpose was clothes.
anon
Yeah, I think that poster is on the wrong website.
I mean this is a fashion blog. Today’s post is about… pants. And pants are EXTREMELY hard to find so they fit/flatter/work for your lifestyle. If they aren’t for you, you are among the lucky few … and just wait a few years ;)
Anonymous
Dude, find some new material already. This same snark comment wasn’t all that funny the first time you used it. It’s honestly been beaten to death at this point.
Anon
I don’t know why this person feels the need to get attention for herself by repeatedly posting the same one-line, snarky comments over and over but – she needs to get a new routine. This one’s played out, and frankly the desperate cries for attention are just kind of sad.
Anon
I see some linen ones and ones that look rumply (but not as bad as linen). Something in a no-wrinkle fabric and a little looser on the leg, pls.
pugsnbourbon
These definitely look knit to me – if you zoom in you can see a little bit of the texture. They seem like ponte pants.
There’s a wide-leg version: nordstrom.com/s/wide-leg-knit-ankle-pants-plus-size/7191392?origin=category-personalizedsort&breadcrumb=Home%2FBrands%2FEileen%20Fisher&fashionsize=size%2FWomen%3A%20Apparel%2F16W%2C%201X%2C%2020%2C%20XXXL&color=025
And a taper leg: https://www.nordstrom.com/s/eileen-fisher-jersey-slouch-ankle-pants-plus-size/6692955?origin=category-personalizedsort&breadcrumb=Home%2FBrands%2FEileen%20Fisher&fashionsize=size%2FWomen%3A%20Apparel%2F16W%2C%201X%2C%2020%2C%20XXXL&color=001
Anne-on
I’d suggest trying these on IRL before buying them. I know lots of people have/love these pants but they were oddly thin/plastic-y feeling to me and I simply could not understand paying full price (or even $50) for how awful they felt.
Slightly out of left field suggestion but a mom friend who always looks wonderful mentioned that she simply wears golf pants most of the time – ‘sport’ fabric that is made to stretch/not bag, functional pockets, and usually nicer looking than leggings. She suggested the Lilly Pullitzer or Tory Burch ones in case you’re interested.
Anon
I did not need to know about this as an option. Is your mom friend pear-shaped? In that case, this may be my nirvana. Sort of afraid to go look — TB Sport is my dream.
Anne-on
she is very slim and quite tall, but I tried on the TB pants and they were surprisingly flattering on my wider hips/thighs!
Anon
The Directrice calls pants like this “technical pants” and she wears them with workwear. Look at her (hilarious) blog for inspiration!
Anonymous
I have slim ankle crepe ones from EF that I love, but I think they need a try-on. EF makes so many pants that are similar and sizing is always bananas. I have one pair that hang more straight ankle and another that are more tapered even though both were slim ankles. The fabric kind of feels like polyester or tencel vs. soft like a legging, but it’s definitely stretchy.
Anon
The EF crepe pants used to be made of a substantial fabric that was fairly thick and had a nice hand to it. Then they changed the fabric to something thin and clingy that looked athleisure at best. They have changed the fabric yet again, and at least it is in the right direction. It is still fairly thin but it has a nice hand, a little bit crisp for a knit, that doesn’t cling. I personally wouldn’t wear them as the bottom half of a suit look, but then I am in person and in court.
Anonymous
I feel like this style is dated but I swear by this fabric. I’m currently wearing a full length straight leg style in black – check the EF website for “system” pants. They’re a crepe and don’t look like a jersey knit.
Anon
I’m just wondering, for those of you in BigLaw who are parents, what is the age of your (older/oldest, if applicable) child? I know one woman in BigLaw who is a grandmother. She is an absolute joy. She is in another office but our areas overlap a bit. That is it (among all lawyers I know, not just where I work). I can’t remember what her husband does, but I recall that he was never a SAHD.
Emma
I left Biglaw before having kids so I’m no help but I will say when I worked in Biglaw (M&A) we had the following: head of the commercial law department had 2 kids (about 10 and 12) – she was a absolute powerhouse and a brilliant woman I really looked up to. She also basically never saw her kids. I remember her asking me to take over a call because her daughters were on vacation and she had promised them a pedicure. We were in the middle of an intense file, she was online 24/7 and I’m pretty sure those are the only two hours she spent with her kids that month. There was an another woman who had preteens – she was married to a rainmaker partner and they seemed to have full-time care and then more, I was never sure what her workload was like but she seemed to mostly leave the office at a reasonable hour. And then there was a lovely person in our privacy/tech department who was an authority on the topic and seemed to mostly write books/do conferences and keep her billable somewhat reasonable, she had two younger kids (5 & 7). Other women in our department didn’t have kids, either because they were younger or had decided not to. There were some women with kids in other departments, but I was less familiar with how they managed their workloads. So I concluded the price to pay was too high for me, and left – but evidently some people make it work.
Anon
Similar experience for me.
Cat
Similar for me. I knew a handful of older women partners with teens or older, but the vast majority had a baby or two as an associate and then went in-house. Those with older kids had an amazing amount of childcare support – nannies, au pairs, family in town who could provide backup for if the nanny was sick or the au pair was off duty, etc.
Cat
oh and when the kids were old enough not to need a nanny (teens) – they had drivers to shuttle them to and from school and activities.
Senior Attorney
Aame here. There is a woman in our city who is famous for raising, like, five kids while a BigLaw partner married to another lawyer. At least one of those kids grew up to be a lawyer and a judge. During my short stint in BigLaw I observed the partners with kids had double (or even triple) shifts of nannies so child care wasn’t really an issue.
Anon
There were a handful of moms with elementary school aged kids at both biglaw firms I worked at, but the number of women significantly dropped when first kids were like 2-5. The ones who stayed seemed to have a lot of support (SAHD, two nannies, live-in or very available grandparents/other family) and be at a point in their career where they could set boundaries and other people fill in gaps.
I do think there is a magic point where you start to gain control of your schedule more and if you can stick it out to that point, being a biglaw parent can work OK. It’s the toughest when you have young kids and don’t have the power to push work to other people.
anon
My oldest is 14. I know lots of women in BigLaw with kids. I’m in my 16th year of practice and am a 7th year partner, and most of my contemporaries have younger kids (I think they most commonly start having kids between 8-12 years of practice). I wonder if this is geographical, because many of the female lawyers at my firm past a certain age have kids. I’m on the West Coast.
Anononon
Big law partner with no kids, but I have seen a few things that have worked at the various firms I’ve been at for women roughly in my cohort (now late 30s – late 40s): (1) Folks having kids very early in their career (first/second year) when they’re fungible and have hours to bill but not significant client responsibilities; (2) first kid born shortly after making NEP or equivalent so that they’re senior enough to control their own schedule/destiny; (3) midlevel laterals who came in with kids and were able to establish boundaries from the outset. What did not work were midlevels who stayed at the same firm and had kids, since it felt like the firm was never happy with the change from always-available before kids to having more boundaries and outside responsibilities afterwards. All of the successful folks in buckets 1-3 had A LOT of childcare/help and none of them were part time. All of my friends/colleagues who either tried to have kids while staying at the same firm and/or went part time ended up throwing in the towel on big law and doing something else.
Anon
Related question: my kid isn’t quite 2 yet – I’ve noticed that a lot of women quit, go part-time, or leave for non-firm jobs when their kids are elementary school-aged. Is it the extracurricular activities, the school hours, or something else that causes this? I’m contemplating part-time, but trying to hang out as long as possible to full-time.
Chl
For me, I didn’t anticipate how much more interesting and pleasant elementary school children are. The activities are part of it but you could buy a nanny or driver. I actually want to hang out with my kids more and I know that they won’t want to hang out with me for very much longer.
Anon
Same for me. Age 4 was when parenting got really magical for me and it’s a only gotten better (oldest is almost 7 now). Aftercare is not that complicated in my area and we have grandparents to help in summer, but I just want more time with them than I did when they were babies and toddlers and you can’t outsource that.
Seventh Sister
I work in govt., but full-time, and the big change from 0-5yos to the K-12 system is that schools (public, private, whatever, wherever), basically operate @ 180 weekdays a year in a six-ish hour day. This lack of “coverage” is less awful now that my kids are older, but when mine were small and needed adult supervision after school and during the summer, I had to find and pay for aftercare/daycamp/summer camp, etc. and start scheduling all of that starting in January for June (I had a *beautiful* chart of this stuff planned out when COVID hit). Daycare was open on non-holidays from 7-6 (my kids rarely attended that long but they could if need be).
My kids’ public school and various activities basically assume that there is a stay-at-home parent ready, willing, and able to drop everything and go into the school in person at all times to do things as unnecessary as fill out paperwork or clear a small administrative issue. Some of that has gotten better with the advent of Zoom, but schools really vary in how they treat working mothers (and it’s generally mothers because dads basically get a Congressional Medal of Honor for doing anything on campus).
Anonymous
I’m a litigation partner, BigLaw. My oldest is 13 and my youngest is 8. It gets hard in a few ways:
1) For littles, you can get daycare or a nanny to cover the full day, from 8-6. Once your kids are in elementary, the availability of afterschool care varies wildly. Some schools have great programs; others don’t.
2) Relatedly, the breadth of what kids need starts to exceed what your traditional nanny was used to providing. Kids need to be driven to soccer; they need to build a leprachaun trap for school; they need to have a permission slip signed and executed in triplicate; they need homework help.
3) Kids need more emotional support from you. Littles need more physical support. Bigger kids need emotional support, friendship, coaching, modeling.
4) Kids are more interesting. They get to be less work and more fun and I think for a lot of parents, it’s just easier to imagine being at home more because the kids are so interesting and fabulous.
5) In dual-income households, both people may be making more money because they’re a little more senior, thus freeing up one parent to stay home or go part time.
6) I think it can all definitely work. I see my kids a lot, I thoroughly enjoy my job, I feel like I’ve gotten great balance. But it’s not easy.
Seventh Sister
I reach a point every single school year where I just want to write in big letters on a piece of paper that they can go anywhere and do anything with their teachers if it’s OK with the school’s principal and local law enforcement. Though pro tip: do NOT give your health insurance information to the school if you can avoid it because it just increases the paperwork and can turn into a total reimbursement nightmare.
Anon
For those of you who run cold but have normal thyroid readings, is that just how life is? Hypothyroidism runs in my family, some later-in-life and most congenital. I am in between: perpetually cold (but not as a child) to the point where I am encased in Athleta Polartec leggings throughout the winter even if indoors, lots of Heattech for layering, etc. I was hoping that perimenopause might reset the thermostat, but no luck. Annual bloodwork is later this week. Why am I so grumpy that I have a normal thyroid but am always so dang cold? I guess I should be happy but I am likely still normal but I am here in the SEUS, in a wool sweater in mid-April.
Anonymous
If you want to go down the rabbit hole, there is a lot on the internet about subclinical hypothyroidism and Hashimoto’s — people saying that their numbers weren’t bad enough for their PCP to treat it but they got help from an endocrinologist. So maybe get a second opinion? Or, you could just run cold.
Anon
When you are cold, is the temperature appropriately cool for being cold? Or are you cold when it’s 80 degrees? I run cold, too, but I keep the house at 64 all winter (in the northeast) so it makes sense to feel chilly (I also bundle in fleece leggings and layered tops). In the spring, I’ll wear my winter coat outside until it hits 70 degrees. In the summer, I like to keep my house quite toasty so I can enjoy shorts and t-shirts.
But when it’s 85 degrees, or when I’m moving around a lot at 70, I get hot, and I sweat and am uncomfortable. So I’m not worried about running cold in cool weather…seems a variation on normal, and all my bloodwork has always checked out. (Part of me things we’ve gotten too used to being comfortable as a society (heat and AC on demand), and many people pay tons to keep their house *just right* so that’s our expectation…but I digress)
Anon
!!! I could not sit still in a 64 degree house. I would have to be vigorously moving at all times (so no TV watching). I run cold until it is at least 74 (need long sleeves/pants), but ideally 80 inside. I don’t get hot and I live where the summer heat and humidity are in the 90s (so maybe I should just move to Miami or Colombia). The one year I had a space heater at work I kept my room tropical.
Anon
Ha sometimes we treat ourselves with 65 :D I’m a SAHM so I am moving a lot, and we have blankets on all the couches for when I sit. I wear a North Face fleece over everything in the winter. And in the summer the AC doesn’t go on until it gets above 80, and that’s just to pull out some humidity. Ideally I’d have it warmer but…those heating bill prices!
Auburn
This is me. Hypothyroidism on both sides of the family, normal readings, always FREEZING and sit at my desk with a space heater blasting me at all times. I’m 30, so not perimenopause. Idk what to do about it either, but commiseration!
Anon
Haha, this is me. I think the problem is that we’re just too sedentary. I’m actually fine when I’m moving around and will be perfectly comfortable doing something active outside when it’s below zero and dressed accordingly, but I’m freezing while working at my desk in my 70 degree office with the AC blowing on me. I find the constant use of AC to make me really miserable because there’s always cold air blowing on the exposed skin on my head and neck. I end up bundled under a blanket pretty much all year round.
Anon
This. When I am in shape, I run hot. I can wear a t-shirt in 45 degree weather and be comfortable. My Raynaud’s barely bothers me. When I’m sedentary, all bets are off.
Anon
I think I am always cold due to poor circulation. Do you exercise? That helps. Even just moving, doing something like vacuuming, helps.
anon
Agree. And if you’re an office dweller, it really helps to get up and move!
Anon
I get up and move to keep warm (printing things, going to pee, getting supplies, getting lunch). I take a lap when I go to the printer and then go to recycling / burn box. Still cold.
anon
In that case, heating pad. :)
Anon
Well, how normal? I discovered that if I brought up TTC, all of a sudden they wanted my TSH lower — and I felt much better with my TSH within the narrower range!
But my thyroid levels have to be interpreted in the context of having anti-thyroid antibodies. I don’t trust doctors who check thyroid levels and don’t check for antibodies, especially if the TSH is in that “good enough for women, but not good enough for a baby” gray area.
Anon
I’ve had a similar experience, not only with thyroid but trying to fix the related endocrine issue of hormones being out of whack. I was basically shrugged off, but told ‘let us know if you decide to try to conceive, because with these levels we would need to make some interventions’. I’m in my early 30s.
anon
This isn’t that uncommon actually, particularly in younger women, especially if you are slender (?less fat insulation)?
I have been like this my whole life. Normal thyroid.
So now I am perimenopausal and I have hot flashes and am freezing. So at night, I am snuggled under a huge stack of blankets… then I wake up with a hot flash…. then I take everything off, struggle to cool down, fall back asleep…. then I wake up freezing!!!…. then the cycle repeats as I pull the blankets back up. It is the most damaging part of perimenopause, and I am asking my doctors if I can start hormone replacement at my next appointment.
So I love little heating pads I can put in the microwave, fingerless gloves, lots of layers, pashminas, insulate the house well, make sure I don’t get dehydrated which can drop your blood pressure and make it worse etc… I also agree that simply moving your body can help a lot.
The coldest I have ever been was visiting friends in the Bay Area in winter. I leave in the snowy Midwest, where the house is closed all winter with the heat controlled by thermostat. In the Bay Area, the days were beautiful and sunny and relatively very warm, but no one had heat on (even at night) and even left doors/windows open as the temperature dropped to the 50’s and lower in the evening. I was so cold I was shaking and thought I was going to die, and will never stay with them again.
Anon
haha, Bay Area here. We keep the heat at 61 during the day and 50 at night (it is usually over 50 outside, but this winter was COLD!) We are just used to wearing layers around here. It can be warm and sunny one minute, and the fog and wind roll in the next. It was very nice to be able to go outside at night, which is reliably cool and breezy, when I was having hot flashes!
Anon
Over the course of my life my blood pressure has run from very low to high enough to require medication. When it was very low I was cold all the time. My doctor even told me it was healthy if I could stand being cold and lethargic. When it went pretty high, I was really hot all the time. Which is just a long way of saying it could be your blood pressure.
Anon
I think some doctors are just so used to trying to lower people’s high blood pressure that they forget that low blood pressure can increase cardiac risks as well. It’s healthy to have good blood pressure, not very low blood pressure.
Anonymous
What do you want life to look like when you’re 55? I’m 46 now and trying to figure out what an ideal life would look like. (Assume money/job/family aren’t burdens, at least for the exercise.)
Anonymous
Hopefully if this round of IVF works I will have a healthy happy 15 year old daughter, I’ll be working at my same job I love it, and in my wildest dreams I’ll have a little house in the suburban town next to the one I grew up in, or more realistically a townhouse, and I’ll be planning a summer vacation to Greece.
pugsnbourbon
Fingers crossed for you!
Anonymous
Thanks!
Anon
Honestly? Early retirement, spending time with family, and diving into all the things I currently do not have time for right now. I’ll exercise, garden, keep bees, maybe volunteer at the library or something.
Anon
Same. Early retirement at 50. Maybe work part time if I’m bored.
Garden. Cook. Vacation. Exercise. Pick up more hobbies
anon
+2
If I am still working, I’d like to switch to a career that is very meaningful but much less pressure/hours. So income will be low, but the main goal is health insurance + helping others. Teaching English as a second language to new immigrants or helping people fight for health care. And probably volunteering for Planned Parenthood. I’d also like to nurture my friendships and small number of family relationships.
The hard unknown is I want to be thinking about where to retire, at that age. We have a lot of cancer in my family, and as I am single and will likely be hit by my 60s, I have to think about where I can age/get good medical treatment/find some sort of support for the hard years.
Cb
I find this future thinking really hard, I’ve got a workable but not sustainable long term work set up, and I’m not sure where we will be 3 years from now, much less 13.
My son will finish school when I’m 50, and hopefully go off to university or whatever his next step might be. At that point, I’d like to be moving back to a city, but tbc if I can convince my husband of this. I’d like to be able to take advantage of the flexibility of not having a kid at home with some sabbaticals (academic) in interesting places.
Anon
Ideal lifestyle is multiple homes, (one on the west coast, East coast, and Europe), spending maybe 4-6 months traveling but not all at once. Working out and reading everyday! Having a gorgeous home with a lovely garden that includes flowers and vegetables with guest rooms for friends and family with their own bathroom. Spending free time with family and friends and helping my sister with my nephews.
Anon
Man, 1 home is killing me. I need to schedule an electrician and the mulch delivery and probably 5 other things. Cannot imagine doing this multiple times. Heaven is a hotel where I just have to pay and not trash the place.
Anon
This is fantasy for me. I’d have three homes and someone to manage all those annoying tasks for each one. I don’t even own one home yet so This is ideal lifestyle assuming money wasn’t an issue! It will never happen but makes me realize how much I want to squeeze in daily workouts and reading.
anonshmanon
I get the daydreaming! In that fantasy world, I too have a beautiful garden in each place, that I take pride of ownership in, even though you really gotta pay gardeners for the locations that you can’t maintain yourself. Also my fantasy world somehow has sufficient housing inventory that it’s ok to own multiple homes.
Anon
Ugh you gotta work on the fantasy aspect and not all the reality downers.
Anon
I have a dream of going around to all of the city clubs in the world after staying at the New York Athletic Club once (which I envisioned as a YMCA, which it is only if glamping is anything like backpacking, which it vaguely is), sort of an elegant nomad. And also going to places like Philmonth Scout Ranch and Sea Base and just staying in the base camp and going on day hikes /sailing adventures but nothing too far away from glamping (I like a shower and a bathroom but can cook over a fire or jet boil). A bit of both worlds?
There will be pretty caftans.
Anon
Same. Even if I had a billion dollars I would not own multiple homes. I’d just travel a lot and stay in fabulous hotels.
Anon
Part time work that is enjoyable and low stress, four kids that are late teens to mid-20s, and enough disposable income for my husband and I to take regular trips and to take a big family trip every couple years.
Seafinch
I will be one year away from retirement at 56 (currently 45). We will have 2-3 kids left at home (just had a baby). I hope to have the major pieces of deferred maintenance on our house dealt with so we can sell it and move back east for retirement and likewise have our summer place in good knick for full time dwelling. It will be a big transition phase for us to decide where we want to be (where our kids will be?) and get the last few kids off on their journeys. We will be liquidating and/or simplifying so we can spend extensive time exploring new countries in retirement and/or sailing. I want to have much bigger muscles. Otherwise, the world is our oyster!
Anonymous
Very similar. I’m currently 39 and have 3 kids. The youngest will graduate high school when I am 52, so if they all go to college the last one will be done when I am ~56. Right now we are talking about buying a second home that will become one of two retirement homes (or we’ll sell it and replace it with a similiar sized home in a different location). We’ll keep one home big enough to host extended family at holidays, likely in range of at least one (ideally more!) of our kids. if not, then a home in a vacation spot to lure them down to see us :).
We are saving to be ready to retire once we are done paying for college. We also have already downshifted from two Very Big Careers to two careers that enable us to be home a lot more.
Anonie
What a cool question! This is in about 20 years for me, so let’s see. I’ll have two daughters in their late 20s, so hopefully they are both happily married and I have a couple grandchildren by then and they live close by. I’m fine if I’m still working, but I’d like my job to be flexible so I can help my girls out with their kids – not as a full time caregiver, but as a backup for sure, or to attend school events or run one to the doctor if it will help out. I hope DH and I are still living in this house – we love it and the location and neighborhood. I hope to still be as healthy and fit as I am today, able to go for a nice hike or walk around museums all day without tiring out. Since my primary non-work role will no longer be “mom,” I hope to have found a volunteer group or hobby that I find fun and interesting – probably through church or our country club. It’s fun to think about!
Anon
People are getting married later and later these days, so I wouldn’t count on your kids being married and moms before 30. Statistically it’s pretty unlikely.
Anotheranon
Dude back off her fantasy world, what is wrong with you.
Kit
The median age of a first time mom is 30, so statistically it’s 50/50, but go off.
Anon
I am also 46. At 55 I can retire from my employer and get retiree health benefits for myself and my husband, so I am planning to “retire” – meaning go from working full-time for someone to working part-time-plus for myself, doing consulting and advisement in my field of expertise. My husband will be 61 at that point and will likely work another year and then retire at 62, but retirement for him will likely mean consulting part-time , or he may even go work for a bike shop or something, just to stay busy. I am hoping we’re still in good health at that point and that’s a lot of what we’re working on now – being and staying healthy. We plan to sell our house (that will likely happen before I’m 55) and downsize to a smaller place and do some traveling. We may see what happens with our son and if he’s amenable, move closer to where he is.
Anon
Well, I am 58 and my life at 55 looked exactly as it did at 45, except I was 10 years older.
Ellen
I hope that I will be married by that time so that I won’t have to work at all. So far, no eligibel men have stepped up, but not for lack of trying on my part. I now do not have to worry to much about birth control, so I can be much more spontaneous when the situeation presents itself! I hope I can capitalize on my spontaneaty, as does DAD!
Anon
well assuming all goes according to plan my twins will be done with college and getting themselves settled into adult life. i hope to not be working by then so i can accompany DH on trips when he travels for work. Potentially getting ready to sell our house and figure out where we want to move, but it will depend on where our kids land, which they probably won’t know at age 23, so we shall see
Anonymous
I would own a vacation home on a nice clear lake near a nice little local ski hill with good blue square runs. I would spend a few stretches of several weeks at the vacation home each year and the rest of the time in my current hometown. I would work remotely as the director of a university-affiliated interdisciplinary research center focused on my primary topic of interest. Every morning I would drink a latte from my home espresso machine. I would make fancy homemade salads for lunch and flavorful vegetable-forward dinners. I would sing in a really great auditioned chamber choir, my church chamber choir, the church chancel choir, and maybe something like an opera chorus or symphony chorus. Every weekend I would go skiing, paddleboarding, hiking, or biking and read a book. On weekdays I would take dance, yoga, HIIT, and/or martial arts classes. I might get back into figure skating and/or improve my piano skills. I would have a dog as similar to my current perfect dog as possible, and we would take long walks every day and she would nap in my home office while I worked. My husband and I would regularly attend the theatre, the symphony, the opera, concerts, and lectures. Our house would be fully renovated and comfortably furnished, and it would be easy to entertain friends and family on a frequent basis. Every year my husband and I would take a couple of active vacations, and I would go alone or with our daughter to a women’s surf and yoga retreat. Most of this is actually pretty realistic except the vacation home and the specific job and convincing my husband to do the reno.
Anonymous
My ILs were retired at 55 and I know I don’t want that. They have money, but just really sit around. Now they’re old and sit around (MIL is 78, FIL is 85).
My dad worked a Big Job in NYC in Finance until 9/11 when he lost a lot of friends, clients, and colleagues. He basically came home from work that day at age 42 and vowed not to go back. He started a consulting practice, which morphed into a more local C-suite position at a family run business, and he’s now 65 and back in a consulting role where he has 1-2 clients, makes about $100k/year(self employed) working 10-15 hours/week. He lives with his girlfriend of 10 years. He has a big fishing boat and lives on the water. He spends more time boating and fishing than he does working. He and his girlfriend volunteer in their neighborhood association, see a lot of live music, go on long walks with their dog, do a lot of 4-day weekend trips (to see her grandkids, his grandkids, and just generally bopping around the country).
His GF was a nurse, then a part time school nurse, and now at age 60 she works one day a week as a consultant to a healthcare tech firm “for fun.” She babysits her grandsons 2x/week.
They live in the same town as my brother so dad sees him a lot. They live a few towns from GF’s grand kids and see them a ton.
Deedee
I’m 9 months pregnant with my first, and at 55 my daughter will be 25! I hope we have at least one other child who is 20+, but perhaps one or two still at home or heading off to college. I hope we’re comfortable enough to travel as a family and that my spouse and I have a plan for when we’ll retire. (He’ll be in training for his current career transition for another 6-10 years. Thankfully by 2048 he’ll have been working for real in his new career for a while!) Maybe we live on a small bit of property with chickens; I’d LOVE to rehab an old house on some land at some point in our lives. I think I’ll probably be on my second career by that point in time, as I enjoy what I do but don’t imagine I’ll be doing it for 35 years. Maybe its because I’m young, but it’s a bit sad for me to think about all the relatives in my life who may not be around 25 years from now. I tend to live a bit for the future, but this question makes me appreciate all the great parts of my life in the here and now.
Anon
Similar to a few other posters, I turn 55 the year my only child should finish college so hopefully we’ll be done supporting her and enjoying some financial freedom. I’d like to “retire” from my day job and pursue my freelance travel writing career, which is currently a (very) part time hobby because rules at my job make it essentially impossible for me to earn income from a side-gig while employed here. My husband is a professor who plans to work forever, so I won’t have total freedom about where I go, but I’d like to go on more of his work trips and spend a big chunk of the summer living in Italy. We do plan to eventually move to where our kid lives (assuming she’s ok with it) but that won’t happen until she’s settled down, likely much later. I’m 38 now, for context.
Anon
I found the way that the critters that keep dying in the walls are getting in and am successful in sealing that. Little dreams.
Anon
I’m rooting for you!
Senior Attorney
The year I turned 55 was the year I ran away from home and blew up my life and started over. Wouldn’t change a thing!
Jules
Same!
octagon
I had my kid late so at 55 he should be finishing high school and launching into college. I figure I need to work until 60-61 to get us through the college years at least. DH is a few years older and ideally would retire in the first year or two of college (assuming we can handle the costs). As much as I’m looking forward to retirement and having time to travel and pursue hobbies, I want him to figure his priorities out so he’s not looking to me to set them for the both of us.
Curious
I kind of want to run for office around then. Kiddo 1 will be 21 ish and if there’s a number two, they hopefully be 18 ish. Am I nuts?
anon_needs_a_break
not nuts – a great idea.
pugsnbourbon
Not at all. You should do it!
Anon
Please do it!
Senior Attorney
DO IT!
Anon
Echoing do it!
Anon
I’m 58 now. 55 was a stressful year because it was year 1 of the pandemic – lockdown happened just after my birthday – and I lost my job due to pandemic/company financial issues.
However, it was a great opportunity for a reset, and I pivoted to being an independent contractor/consultant, and it’s the best thing I’ve ever done. My husband is fully retired, I now work part time (I worked WAY more than full time before), I don’t take clients I don’t like, my kids are in college and we have enough 529 savings to get them through, and I feel really good about where we are right now. Retirement savings – you always want more, but we’re fine per all the retirement calculators.
Let me just say the best best best thing I ever did was save all of my bonuses rather than blowing them or paying bills or whatever. I let myself have a little splurge usually, but the bonuses were my f-you cushion and it was clutch in 2020. I didn’t spend it, but knowing it was there made the situation much less stressful.
anon
I’m starting to think I want to be done working by 50. I have a high income now but also high expenses, so the next 6 years (I’m 44) will be all about saving and building up passive income. I have a rental property too. I may do some consulting, but basically I want to spend as much time as possible with my child (currently 2 years old) and ride horses, grow vegetables, volunteer and exercise.
Oh so anon
Enjoying early retirement, travelling with my husband, and having lots of time for hobbies.
Anon
Does anyone have any advice for how to focus at work when everything is going to h e l l in a handbasket in their personal life? Senior associate (law), currently going through a divorce, and it all just feels like too much some days.
Anonymous
Lists. Specifically at the end of every day I leave myself a “do now” task for the morning.
Anon
So sorry. Make a list and really break everything down to the micro – like, ask secretary to create a folder to save key docs. Tell yourself you’re going to do ten things on the list today and just get started. If the emotions are bubbling over, get up, stretch, take a walk around the floor, do some breathing and then try to do one more thing.
Curious
+1. I normally can operate from memory or break down tasks intuitively. When I’m stressed or exhausted, that becomes impossible. I actually just list 3 things that are no more than 20 minutes each (a trick from Leo Babuata), and then I try to focus on those. If I finish, great, I can grab 3 more from my to do list. But if I don’t, at least I made progress.
Anon
Compartmentalize to the point where you schedule freak outs/breakdowns.
I agree with lists. Also, remove as many decisions as possible. Let yourself wear a uniform (even if it’s like ‘dark dress’), eat the same breakfasts and lunches every day, and put all bills on autopay.
Also, this sucks and I’m sorry and it will get better.
Anon
Is it possible to schedule something to look forward to each week? Dinner with a friend, favorite workout class, or taking yourself out to a movie? It’s easy to suggest scheduling a breakdown (which is great!!) or getting a therapist but trying to add in some joy into your life, anywhere, can be helpful, even if it’s sitting alone at an outdoor cafe. It reminds you that there is still some happiness and joy in life.
Emma
It’s hard. When I got divorced I basically just threw myself into work. I was there from dawn to dusk and mostly ate the office provided food or whatever I found in the food court. Probably not the healthiest coping mechanism, but my bonus was the best ever and I made good friends at work which helped with the loneliness. Focusing on work also helped me not focus on the rage I felt at my ex. I also spent a lot of time in my office making calls to the bank, insurance, etc to work out the practical details of separation. I made a lot of lists. I will say things got a lot easier once I had my own place, furniture, etc. It gets better, I promise.
Anonymous
Asked a few months ago and did not receive any intel, so trying again. Has anyone used the newest form of colonoscopy prep, where instead of drinking noxious substances, you swallow a series of pills? If so, what was your experience? I was planning to do this for my upcoming procedure b/c I typically vomit up the fluid prep, but heard from one person that the pills also made them vomit as well. Welcome any experience/advice from the hive.
PolyD
I used the SuTab prep back in fall of 2021. It was my first colonoscopy so I have no experience with the liquid prep.
It wasn’t bad, but you still have to drink A LOT of water in a relatively short time. I did okay for the first round of pills (you take X number of pills, I can’t remember how many, within 15 minutes, then wait a couple of hours and take the next round) but for the second round, I think I just couldn’t hold that much water. So I started barfing. It wasn’t terribly violent barfing, like not as bad as when one has food poisoning, but it wasn’t super fun.
The prep still worked well enough for me, and my doctor said that next time they’d give me anti-nausea drugs or something. So, I didn’t have to drink (what I’m told is) the gross prep solution, but the huge volume of water was still a bit of a problem for me.
Anon
I had a very similar experience–first colonoscopy so nothing to compare to. I tolerated the first set of pills well, but the second made me vomit on and off for about 15 minutes. That was honestly the worst part of the entire experience! But I think it was that I swallowed the pills too quickly, not that it was too much water. The procedure itself was fine and I was completely “cleaned out” for it. I wouldn’t hesitate to recommend Sutab to anyone, just space out your pills–they say you should take them over a 20 minute period, I inhaled them within 10-12, just to have it done. Big mistake!
PolyD
I think I took mine over 15 minutes. I think that was the instructions and I figured out how many minutes and seconds between pills and took them very strictly (because that is how I am about medications). But maybe next time (if I remember!) I’ll ask if I can take a little more time, that might help keep everything down.
For the first-timers: My First Colonoscopy was nowhere near as bad as I was dreading. It wasn’t that bad not eating all day (I was allowed breakfast of eggs and maybe grits?) except for broth and jello. I did favor the broth, as I could eat it slowly with a spoon and it made me feel like I was “eating.” I ended up staying up all night because of taking a fairly early morning appointment, which kind of sucked, but then I got the most awesome nap from the drugs during the procedure. And it’s not like when you have food poisoning and you sit on the toilet feeling like someone is trying to tear your guts apart – there’s pooping, but in my experience, it was not that violent.
So, get the colonoscopy, it’s a very good screening tool and it likely won’t be nearly as terrible as you envision. I put mine off for about 2-3 years after the recommended age, just because I was dreading it. But it was all fine.
Anon
It was probably regurgitation more than vomiting. More like a baby spitting up vs what happens when you have food poisoning or norovirus.
PolyD
Yes! I felt like an over-filled water balloon, the water just sort of glooped out.
Mrs. Jones
A good friend and her husband did this recently and thought it was easy peasy.
Anon
I haven’t done the pills, but the prep my gastro uses is just a clear color of gatorade, miralax, and dulcolax. Lemon gatorade didn’t seem that noxious to me!
Anon
This is what I will ask for next time. Tbh the quantity of liquid also made me vomit, but the Suprep was so disgusting I couldn’t get it down. So my prep ended up being 1/2 bottle of Suprep that made me nauseous, then 12 hours later a pitcher of Gatorade and miralax that made me puke. But I was sufficiently cleaned out!
Anon
That’s what I did for mine and it was just like drinking Gatorade, no big deal. The Miralax is tasteless.
oil in houston
I did, and much prefer the liquid – the number of pills made me gag, and you need a LOT of water with it anyway
Anonymous
Sutab is super easy. I’ve used it for two colonoscopies and one surgery. I didn’t have any nausea any of the times. The first time I used it I was nervous I wouldn’t be done in time since it seemed to be gentler but things finished just as it was timed. My husband (Chrohn’s patient so has done a ton of prep in his lifetime) also agreed it was way better.
Anonymous
I have colitis so have gotten lots of colonoscopies. In my opinion, pills are far better. Like others said, you’re not really cutting down the amount of liquid but for me the taste of the liquid preps was just awful by the end (especially when you’re already feeling sick from fasting/being on the toilet all day).
Also, not sure if you’ve had a colonoscopy before, but would highly recommend picking up some wipes to use during prep instead of TP (obviously don’t flush them though). By the end, TP will feel like sandpaper.
PolyD
I used regular TP wet with witch hazel. I believe witch hazel is the active ingredient in hemorrhoid treatments. It’s kind of soothing, and the wetness makes the TP more gentle.
LawDawg
I could not handle the liquid prep, but for me the tablets were incredibly easy. I had no problems with drinking plain water to go along and they worked like a charm. I had previously had to cancel a colonoscopy because the liquid prep made me vomit so much that it didn’t do its job, so the tablets were a major upgrade.
Anon
No experience, but my young adult son has regular colonoscopies due to a disease, and last time he threw up the liquid prep (was still clean, but the throwing up was distressing.) His GE doc suggested next time she’d give him the pills along with some zofran. I think the zofran might be the key. He had a flu at the beginning of the pandemic where he was in a cycle of vomiting that he couldn’t stop, and zofran helped him keep one light meal down finally, and then he was on the mend.
Hollis
I highly recommend the 12 plus 12 pills – it was super easy to chase down the pills with plain water and I got fast results and it was totally no big deal. If you go with the premixed stuff, I’ve heard that a straw makes it better.
Bruised
Good morning! I have and will continue to explore with my doctor but… have any of you dealt with bad, random bruising? Did you go to a doctor and find out what was causing it?
Context: For the past, I don’t know, 6 (?) years, I get really bad bruises that seemingly come out of nowhere. Yes, I do sometimes lightly bump into things but the resulting bruise is pretty extreme. Others come out of nowhere. I’ve noticed it in the past but I’ve become increasingly concerned. General health is OK – recent annual bloodwork was fine. I had a coagulation panel done yesterday and the results appear (to my non-medical brain) within range. My PCP has referred me to a hematologist.
I’d love to hear about anyone with similar experiences.
Anon
When this happened to me, it was the bleeding disorder ITP, but it was picked up on a complete blood count fairly quickly. That’s after initial period where the doctor tried to convince me that it was all of my head, of course. I assume you had your platelets checked?
Anon
I am lucky that this was so simple, but my dietary intake of vitamin C was inadequate. They act like this never happens, but I worked with a dietician and discovered that all my favorite fruits and vegetables are fairly terrible sources of vitamin C and I was routinely not hitting the RDAs. So I had to add some higher vitamin C foods into my diet and take a multivitamin. I would guess this is probably too obvious a thing for it to be the answer if it’s been going on for years now, but it took me a lot longer to figure out than it should have.
Anon
I’ve been like this my whole life and my mom is the same way. Bloodwork, etc. is fine. But it’s probably more concerning for you, since it’s a recent change.
anon
+1
This is common. But it is something that is easily easy to check with a blood test. So if it is a typical thing for you, and your blood tests are fine (things like platelets, liver function tests etc..), I wouldn’t worry about it. But if this is a sudden new change, you should see your doctor to be tested.
Make sure that you also tell your doctor if you are taking any over the counter medicines or any unusual supplements/herbal preparations.
This is because many common things are actually mild blood thinners and could increase your risk of bleeding/bruising. This includes things like aspirin, ibuprofen/motrin, and even fish oil! I knew someone who had bad headaches and was taking aspirin like crazy (!! bad) and while exercising had a sudden excruciating headache and turned out she had a sudden brain bleed. They attributed it to all of the aspirin, and then his blood pressure likely spiked while he was exercising –> bleed! And you never know what is in some random supplement/herbal preparation since those aren’t regulated/tested at all… so be careful.
Anonymous
Unexplained bruising can be caused by a lot of things, from vitamin deficiency to clotting disorders to even liver disease. It’s good you are getting it checked out.
Trixie
I bruise easily, too. I have fair and thin skin. My arms always look like I have been beaten with a stick–just the littlest bump turns into a bruise. My doctor says this is a side effect of zoloft, which slows clotting time. I’m thinking about changing meds, but that is a big project. I am going to try dermarolling on my arms to increase skin density–that might help. good luck!
Anon
I’m a bruiser. So is my daughter. Husband and son are not. I have an autoimmune disease which is unrelated, but just to say I’ve had just about every element of my blood tested and nothing having to do with bruising is abnormal. It’s just my normal state.
Anonymous
Is your point to discourage her from talking to a doctor? Because she should.
Anon
Haha no. She goes to the doctor for everything. She’s fine.
Sf
My bruising led to a diagnosis of low platelets and lupus
Anon
Has anyone here adjusted well to bifocals/progressives? I’m early 30s and just started wearing glasses a year ago, and have pretty bad astigmatism it turns out so have been struggling to get the right rx. Latest eye doctor recommended either progressives or getting two different pairs of glasses. Apparently my eyes are struggling to switch between distance and close up. It would be more convenient to have one pair, but I’m not sure I could get used to progressives….curious to hear from others.
Anon
I would marry my progressives if I could. Discovered while hiking that I cannot read the map/compass and hated the on/off constancy of readers.
PolyD
I love my progressives and got used to them in a snap. My only issue was going down stairs – you look through the “wrong” part when you look down to see the stairs, so I stomped the stairs kind of hard a few times. But that went away within days.
I have moderately bad vision: something like 20/350 in one eye and about 20/550 in the other, also I think one eye has astigmatism. I’ve worn some form of vision correction since the third grade. I used contacts most of my life, then added reading glasses, then got tired of having to put the reading glasses on and off – I can’t remember why, but keeping the reading glasses on all the time with my contacts didn’t work for me, I think it messed with my distance vision. So after that, using progressives made me feel like I actually had normal vision!
I will say that I got my first pair from Costco and while they were very good, the ones I got from VisionWorks were somehow a little better. I think maybe the VW ones use Al slightly different technology and either there are larger fields of each vision correction part or they’re more smoothly blended, not sure.
Anon
I’m off balance now when I go down stairs WITHOUT my progressives! You get used to them pretty quickly.
Anon
It took me about a week to adjust to progressives. At first they gave me a headache and made me feel like I was going to miss my footing, but I wore the glasses as long as I could stand it each day, and by the end of about 7 or 8 days I was fine. I love them, I would hate to have to switch between 2 pairs of glasses or to have to keep up with readers, it’s way easier to just put the glasses on when I get up, and take them off when I go to bed.
Anonymous
I am very picky about lenses (couldn’t handle the “eyezen” brand reading correction, “monovision” contacts were a nightmare) and was able to adjust fine to progressives. I like them so much I even have progressive lenses in my sunglasses.
Anon
I love mine! It took me less than a week to get used to them.
Anon.
I love my progressive lenses and wish I would have gotten them earlier. Took me maybe a day to get used to them, and my correction for myopia is quite high (-6/-9dpt). I’m now considering getting progressive sunglasses.
Trish
Buy your glasses at a place that has a 30 day guarantee. I could not live without my progressives.
Anon
My tip for adjusting to progressives: do not go from wearing your current glasses to putting on your new progressives mid-day. Instead, for your first wearing of progressives, put them on as soon as you wake up in the morning. At least for me, it is difficult for my eyes to switch directly from one lens to another, but it was an easy adjustment to go from “help, I can’t se” to my new progressives where I can see everything.
anon
my adjustment was legit instantaneous.
Senior Attorney
Same. You might also want to look into monovision contact lenses — one eye for distance and one eye for close up. It sounds crazy but I’ve been doing it for years and it’s been great.
Anon
I use multifocal and love them, but I am not sure if those re available for those who need correction for astigmtism.
NYNY
Love love love progressives! It took no time at all to get used to them for me. Something about the shape of my frames and my face make a gap between the bottom of my frames and my cheeks, so I look through the gap at stairs. Everyone who has told my they struggled with progressives had a stairs issue, so maybe see if there’s a gap below the frames you can look down through?
Anon
I’ve worn progressives for 3 years and I can’t go back to doing anything else. I even have progressive sunglasses now, so I can read my phone or a map when I’m out hiking. I had a day or two of adjusting to – whoa, that looks different when I look down! But now it’s fine.
I don’t know if anyone else had this experience, but multifocal contact lenses did not work for me at all; I could not get adjusted to them and I always felt like I was lightheaded. The glasses are no problem at all.
Senior Attorney
I hated the multifocal contact lenses — I felt like I had mediocre vision at every distance. As I said above, I’ve had monovision contacts (one eye for close, one eye for distance) for years and have been much happier with that. The brain adjusts, crazily enough!
Anonymous
My experience has been the opposite–monovision contacts gave me poor vision and headaches. Multifocal contacts are not as good as progressive glasses, but tolerable. You can usually try multiple contact lens options without charge so it’s worth trying both monovision and multifocals.
OP
Thanks all! I will go for the progressives then!
Anon
Get them from a real live optometrist at a brick and mortar location who will work with you getting them how you want them. My first pair had the part for reading fine print at the very, very bottom of the lens which did not work for me. Ended up sending them back twice before I was happy with them, and at that point they were easy to adjust to.
Anon
Believe it or not Warby Parker filled my current prescription and it’s perfect. I have a store nearby so I went in person to choose the frames and get the line drawn for pupil level, and they were exactly right the first time.
Anon
Same, my current pair is from WP. I’ve had prescriptions done at expensive optometrists, Costco, and WP, and the Warby Parker store had by far the best prices, easiest service, nicest employees and great frames. I’m not sure I would have been confident with ordering them online, but having an actual person put the pupil line on them helped.
Trixie
Progressives are wonderful–you will adjust just fine. Wearing them for a few hours at a time will help. My friends who don’t like them didn’t give them enough time. It is a bit of a skill for the eyes and your head. They have to learn the angles, positions, etc. that work, but they learn and then are so natural and easy.
Minnie Beebe
Progressives are awesome for day-to-day stuff– reading on your phone, looking at random close-up stuff. That said, I do *not* like progressives for computer use. When I was working (“retired” now) I had a pair of glasses specifically for the computer. They were not like regular readers, because they were made so that the focal point was at arms-length so I could read my computer monitor. They were AWESOME. I can’t really justify the cost of them now, so I make do with off-the-shelf readers, but when I was working and staring at a screen all day, they were perfect, and necessary.
Anon
I have a question for some of you who have been on Ozempic or Munjaro. I was thinking back to a post that one of you made here recently about how you needed five egg whites and three sausage links to not want to eat your own hand an hour later. That’s about 230 calories and I’m wondering if you intended to have that as a meal? The way you wrote it made it sound like it was a huge amount of food, but that would be a very small meal or even a small snack by any definition with almost no fat and no carbs for satiety. I’m wondering if you were thinking about food all the time when your meals were too small or if you had that problem regardless of meal size. I don’t mean this in any kind of judgmental way, but I’m trying to understand because it seems like such a tiny amount of food to me and like it would make anybody starving for the next meal. I also know there is good data in the published literature that very low calorie diets lead to thinking about food all the time. I would be really curious to know your thoughts on this and the experiences of others who have been on the medication.
Anonymous
What on earth kind of sausages are you eating? Sausages are full of fat.
Anon
OP here and that poster had mentioned that they were turkey sausages. I got an estimate for Jimmy Dean turkey sausages, which I posted below, but she may have used a different brand so the exact counts could vary. I meant to specify turkey in today’s post.
Anon
Not medication specific: I never understood people who eat those little 300 calorie lunches. You burn about 70 calories/hour at rest, so even if you don’t move at all, you’re due for more food within four hours. That’s a recipe for mindless afternoon snacking (while being hungry the entire time).
Anon
Yeah. So. Chronic dieting (thanks mom!) since I was maybe 11 has taught me to live like this. My metabolism is also awful after so many years of dieting.
It is a lifelong journey to try and shift to a more intuitive eating mindset, but don’t think for a second that I can’t tell you exactly how many calories I ate for breakfast (170, 70 for Dave’s Killer Bread thin cut toast, 2 slices deli Turkey for 50, 50 for 2tbsp avocado), even though I try to not know.
My goal is to never talk about this so my kids – especially my daughter – never has to live in this world.
(Icing on the cake is that my kid told me my leg was fat this morning and it hurt me and I had to talk about body neutrality while feeling awful and shameful and like a 14 year old who was convinced size 9 was ‘huge’)
Anon
Why did you feel awful and shameful? Why did you talk about body neutrality instead of understanding that 14 is plenty old enough to know to shut her face about other people’s bodies? She’s old enough o know that calling her mother fat is wrong – why didn’t you ground her?
pugsnbourbon
I think 10:20 meant that SHE felt like she was 14 again. I assumed her kid was much younger.
Anon
No, I felt like the 14 year old.
Kid is very young, young enough that they need to be taught that we don’t comment on others bodies.
Anon
170 calorie breakfast AFTER beginning your IE journey?
Anon
Maybe she’s someone who’s not very hungry in the mornings. I need a bigger breakfast, but I have friends with perfectly healthy eating patterns who eat nothing or something small in the mornings.
Anon
Many, many women don’t burn 70 calories at rest. That is BMR of 1680. Way over estimated for many women.
Anon
BMR requires 12 hours of fasting.
According to the calculators, if I were sedentary, I would burn 1,680 calories a day based on my age, height, and weight. I’m a size 4/6 and middle aged. The average middle aged women (shorter but heavier than I am – about 5’4 and 165) has very similar caloric needs.
Anon
I am 5’5” and 125 pounds. Calculators tell me 1163. But I had actual testing done years ago ( so it was higher then) and at that time it was just over 1000.
Anon
How do you get to 230 calories for all of that? Just 5 egg whites would be 260 calories and a standard Johnsonville breakfast sausage would be about 140 calories each, so roughly 650-700 calories total.
Anon
Sorry egg whites would be less (the amount I saw was for 100g, not 1 egg white), but still. The sausages alone would be 420 alone, so maybe 500 calories total.
Anon
OP here and 5 egg whites is 18 calories x 5, or 90 calories, and I grabbed a sausage estimate for Jimmy Dean turkey sausage links at 130 calories for three with 8 g of fat.
Anon
Egg whites are 15 to 17 calories each, so five would be about 75-80 calories.
anonmi
Recheck your math – 5 egg whites + 3 sausage links is in the 700-800 calorie range, which would be a big breakfast for me, and about half my daily calorie needs. I agree that sometimes people over restrict and that leads to being hungry all the time, but this isn’t that.
Anon
The math is good
Anonymous
seriously, 700-800? those little Jones chicken sausages from Costco are 3 for 60 calories. a bigger Amy Liu sausage of whatever might be close to 200. Who on earth do you think is eating egg whites with nasty full fat sausage?!
Anonymous
I think so much of this is related to people not being able to cook or not having the time to cook. A 5 egg white omelette without cheese or a little cheese and with tons of veg like arugula and onions and tomatoes is delish and filling.
And taking the time to eat. So much grabbing fast food wraps or whatever and eating in the car vs. sitting down with a fork and knife and eating slowly and mindfully. The same calories eaten in two different ways feel very different to your body.
PolyD
Yes about the speed-eating. A couple of jobs ago, I was doing a thing that only let me have 15 minutes for lunch – so, less than that for actual eating by the time I got my food and sat down to eat. I could take 30 minutes to eat the same thing and feel full, but eating it in less than 15 minutes, I still felt hungry and also felt hungrier sooner after eating than I usually did.
Anon
I stopped thinking about food all the time when I significantly upped my protein intake. Now I need to eat less too.
Anon
Unless someone just plain dislikes egg yolks, I would never deliberately exclude them. They really punch above their weight for nutritional density, and most women need more dietary choline.
anon
That is one of the most out-there food fads in recent memory.
Anon
I love eggs, and only briefly experimented with all egg white omelets – they’re only good because of the fillings. Otherwise, eating an egg is all about the yolk for me. Yumm.
Anon1
I have the Revlon volumizer but have my eye on the Shark Flexstyle, which would be a big splurge for me but it is on sale through Sephora’s sale right now.
For those with the Flexstyle, do you find it worth it? Is it faster, less damaging or otherwise better than alternatives?
FWIW, my hair has been shoulder length for years but I’m growing it back out to bra strap length. I’m not great at doing my hair but like it to look done and polished (low maintenance but vain is my MO). My hair is naturally wavy, a little frizzy and comprised of many very fine strands (so overall it is thick hair but my hairs themselves are thin). When wavy my hair has volume but when I use any heat on it it gets very flat. If I shower at night I air dry it and then straighten it in the AM, if I shower in the morning I use the Revlon on it. I don’t tend to keep it wavy as it’s easily out of control.
I seriously love what the Revlon does to my hair (I don’t have the skills for a blowout at home), so would mostly use that attachment but would also use the others (I can’t curl hair to save my life so I’m intrigued by those attachments)
Anon
Following….. I’ve heard great things about the flexstyle and not a lot of negatives
Flexstyle Owner
I pre-ordered my Flexstyle, and got it in September – so I’ve had it for a little over 6 months now. I love mine. I have thin, shoulder-length, wavy hair, and not a lot of it, but I do think it dries my hair faster than my old cheap hairdryer. I thought I would mainly use the air wrap curlers, but I actually use the round brush the most. I had the Revelon one but this one really seems to make my ends look way better than the Revlon. I like the air wrap curlers and use them then I am feeling lazy but want to put more time into my hair than just using the round brush. I don’t know if they would work well for someone with thick hair – they would probably need to do a lot of sections, versus I don’t have to be very precise about it with my hair, which makes it much easier than using a curling iron for me. I absolutely recommend it, and have even considered getting it for my sister-in-law who is not super into hair tools. I have two negatives, which are pretty small for me: 1. hairs occasionally snag on the rim around the mouth of the blow-dyer. Not every day, but maybe once a week. 2. The brush is looking a little sad (bristles bent, etc.) already after 7ish months and doesn’t seem to be sold on its own. This is potentially concerning for me, especially since my hair type is not particularly rough on hair tools.
Podcast
Any podcast recs focused on scams or scandals? Nothing too heavy – think Fyre Festival, not crime
Anon
I didn’t particularly enjoy the style, but many of my friends liked the Dream, season one focuses on MLMs and season two on “wellness”
anon
It’s not quite a scam or scandal but in that general field, I really enjoyed Wind of Change about whether the CIA wrote a 90s power ballad.
anonshmanon
that podcast was super well made!
anon
I agree! That was really interesting.
Senior Attorney
Yes! Loved that one!
Anon
I don’t have a specific podcast rec, but I bet you can find something talking about Sandy Jenkins and the Collin Street Bakery.
pugsnbourbon
I just looked that up and plan to dive it later – but SEVENTEEN MILLION DOLLARS?
Anon
If you want REALLY low-stakes scandals, you might like Normal Gossip. It’s the host telling a gossipy story that was submitted by a regular person to a guest. It’s hilarious. My favorite episode is “Grandma’s Best Friend Dot” so always recommend people start with that one.
Anonymous
+1. I LOVE Normal Gossip. So, so petty and hilarious. My favorite is the one with the One Direction concert – the Adventures of Flat Margaret. Also the Short King of East Texas.
anon
LOVE Normal Gossip!
Anon Pls
My fave is the one with the recently-graduated law students and their Asia trip! The reveal had me gasping out loud!
Senior Attorney
Oh, I LOVE Normal Gossip!!
Anonie
Bad Blood. Technically crime, but not gory at all. Similar to Fyre Fest in that it’s all about a huge scam and how they pulled it off.
anonshmanon
I have two with very different tones.
Oh No Ross and Carrie is about woowoo health and spirituality claims, it’s a little twee for me. Maintenance Phase is about health and diet misinformation, and has a very bitchy millennial vibe.
Senior Attorney
American Scandal by Wondery has some crime stories but most of them aren’t. Like, Iran Contra, Exxon Valdez, Tuskegee Syphilis Study, etc.
Also Sweet Bobby was just nuts;.
anon
Also technically crime but no one gets murdered or anything like that – Fat Leonard by Project Brazen. It’s a government bribery scandal type dealie.
Anon
the first season of Chameleon (Hollywood Con Queen)
Anonymous
You are looking for Sweet Bobby, Chameleon, and Queen of the Con.
Anon Pls
There’s Scam Goddess on Earwolf hosted by Laci Mosley. She has a guest each week and they go through regular segments and then a larger story about a scam. It’s funny and irreverent, but I only listen to it now when I like the guests b/c my podcast rotation is full.
PLB
Scamfluencer
anonny
DH woke up with a sore lower back first week of March. First time with any back issues (he’s 47), no idea what caused it. Got worse as the days went on so he went to our GP and she prescribed pain meds and muscle relaxer. He also started PT, going twice a week for 3 weeks. Though this helped, 6 weeks later he is still experiencing back pain. Not severe enough that he can’t walk but it definitely is painful and affects his ability to move, bend, etc. He is doing the suggested back exercises daily and takes pain reliever as he needs it, but nothing is resolving this issue. He just made an appointment with an orthopedic surgeon because we didn’t know what else to do, but does anyone else have experience with this? Is there someone else he should see? Its not like there was an identifiable cause, like an accident or something. He’s at regular weight, moderately active, healthy diet, though prone to anxiety which I don’t think is helping things.
Anonymous
Has he talked about his hip flexor muscles with his PT? Some of the hip flexors stretch around to the lower back so stretching your legs and hips can help your back. I’d really hope a good PT would consider it but maybe not.
Anon
I highly recommend melt method, if he hasn’t tried something similar through PT.
Anon
No expert advice, but it feels way too soon to be considering back surgery. Why did he only do 3 weeks of PT? My amateur expectation would be months of PT before considering surgery.
Anon
+1 way too early
anon
+2
Please give it more time before considering surgery. While it is ok to get an opinion, remember an orthopedist is a surgeon. Surgeons…. like to recommend surgery. And outcomes for surgery for back pain are really terrible compared to conservative treatment, and are high risk. As long as he doesn’t have an urgent/emergency reason for surgery, it is better to maximize conservative treatments.
And if any of us have an MRI of our back at your husband’s age…. almost ALL of us will have signs of arthritis etc… But xray findings do not = symptoms for most of us. And it can be very difficult even for the best of doctors to sure that a “problem” they see on an xray/MRI is actually the true cause of your pain.
He should be continuing physical therapy, doing his exercises religiously, and perhaps add something new….. mindfulness mediation/yoga/acupuncture etc… as all of these have been shown to have just as much benefit and sometimes more benefit than chronic pain meds for back pain (especially if he is on opioids). Sometimes a heating pad or a topical medication instead of a pill is useful (topical creams or patches – ask the doctors about them) and other options rather than opioids that are good for more chronic pain as he continues his recovery.
Chronic back pain is extremely common, and will hit many (most?) of us with aging. It can take a long time to improve. Sounds like he is going in the right direction.
Junior Associate
+1, and all research points to surgery not actually getting rid of the pain. My uncle had a disc operated on and he took 2 years to recover from the surgery and be able to sit and work again.
Has he had a spine MRI done? X ray?
Also, full blood panel just in case it’s something internal instead (I’ve heard kidney issues can cause back pain – not to scare you, but couldn’t hurt to rule everything out).
When I had this it took 6 months of daily core strengthening exercises + PT 3 times a week to resolve, and I would still occasionally get it if my glutes are too tight or my muscles are too relaxed.
Anon
Stick with the physical therapy. I have chronic lower back pain that has gone through multiple flareups and it is the only thing that helps. Mine was originally the result of an injury that caused a herniated disc, but it has flared since then even with no real injury. Focus on core work, especially planks. Opioids and other painkillers are not shown to be effective for chronic lower back pain. Muscle relaxants are shown to have a modest impact, as is ibuprofen.
Anon
Surgeons do surgery. Back surgery is a good way to guarantee a lifetime of back pain. Don’t do it until you’ve gone through at least a few years of PT or other exercise options.
Anon
Yes! Get a workup by a non surgeon. Find the cause. A sports medicine doctor who is not a surgeon ( can be hard to find) is who I would go to. Outcomes for spinal surgery are not great. Often similar to non-surgical treatment.
Anon
Get him to do private pilates lessons and work on core strength.
anon_needs_a_break
this is the answer
i would not jump to a surgery consult – when you’re a hammer everything looks like a nail
there are tons of things he hasn’t explored yet – yoga, pilates, acupuncture, what does his desk chair and bed look like?
Junior Associate
I would recommend physio before pilates if he’s still in pain (doing pilates sometimes exacerbated my already-tight muscles and threw them out of whack) but agree on the pilates rec once it’s out of the acute phase!
Ideally the physio would include some manual massaging out of tight muscles + strengthening core muscles
Anon
I don’t know why I bother but go to a chiropractor. This is exactly what they do. Find a good one, there are plenty.
here she goes
+1 to the chiro, and also all of the things that anon_needs_a_break suggested above at 11am. When DH or I have back problems, we look at all of those things.
Also, think about shoes. bad fitting shoes, or worn out shoes, can cause issues further up the body trunk.
Fullyfunctional
Sports chiro for sure!
Anon
I’m definitely a worst-case-scenario person but back pain with no apparent cause could be due to myriad types of cancers spreading. I would push for imaging.
Anon
I was going to comment this. My godfather had progressing back pain that didn’t respond to PT or other treatments and finally got a back x-ray after dealing with it for several months. The back x-ray showed he had terminal lung cancer (he had never smoked). He was diagnosed at 40 and died at 45. I have known a couple of other people who had unrelenting back or joint pain and it turned out there was something much more serious going on. OP, your husband should ask for an X-ray or an MRI. If he’s not getting better with basic treatment, it’s best to rule out really serious reasons and then go from there to determine next steps.
Runcible Spoon
This. This is what happened to my chain-smoking uncle. I didn’t see in the OP that the DH has had an x-ray or MRI — that should happen as soon as possible to rule out anything serious, and then PT should be administered for at least six months or so. Also, experiment on what pain-killer works to relieve the pain; sometimes you need to calm the pain before you can properly do the PT exercises.
Anon
Yeah, this is always something to keep in mind if you don’t see any improvement with PT. I wouldn’t necessarily jump to this right away, but if he has any other concerning signs, like weight loss, then I would push for this sooner.
anon
Switch PTs — good PTs are amazing and truly diagnose and target the problem, ones that suggest rote exercises for each general problem are only so helpful. . .
Anonymous
I mean, I think your DH is getting old. I say this as someone who just turned 40 and earlier this year I threw out my back picking up an *empty* backpack after coaching soccer the night before. When I say “went out” I mean I could not stand, walk, or sit on the toilet until I ate enough muscle relaxers that I slept all day. Even more fun, I had to physically go to the doctor to get the pills because they wouldn’t prescribe them to me over the phone, so I had to basically self-PT until I could be carried to the car by my husband. I rode on the floor of the minivan, as you do when you are a 40 year old woman.
It took about 5 months of PT to wake up feeling mostly totally normal again. And then after a season of skiing just fine, I managed to make my back sore again on the last day of the last trip of the season. At that point I was smart enough to immediately get ice and muscle relaxers and sit in the hot tub. It healed fast.
I would not go anywhere near a back surgeon at this point. It’s been a month, not a year of pain. Is it debilitating or mildly uncomfortable and clearly “not right”? Try a new PT, perhaps consider a chiro consult to see what they say.
Anon
I don’t think all old people just naturally end up with back pain. I’m decades older than you and haven’t had any issues or pain in my back, although I have occaisional sore muscles from exertion (either intentional exercise or doing something I don’t normally do). I hate to think that life is limited due to back issues after 40 — heck, at 40 I was hoisting a toddler around every day.
Yeah, things happen, and I think PT is mostly the answer, but I don’t think people should think it’s what happens when you get old.
anon
Actually, back pain is extremely common with aging, and is one of the most common reason people see a doctor.
So, you have good genetics and sound like you are active, but that is actually not the normal 40-50 year old! Most people start having joint cracking/random pains and injure themselves more easily by that age. And unfortunately most us work at desks that aren’t ergonomic, sleep on mattresses that aren’t great or in positions that are rough are our spine (does everyone sleep on their back with a pillow under your knees?). And with aging, most of us hit a point where our bodies can’t tolerate it anymore.
Mpls
It’s probably less about getting old and more about being less active (and are therefore not using the muscular structure that supports the body, and it weakens). Generally people are less active as they age, and that’s why age gets blames for this stuff.
Anonymous
Agree somewhat but wouldn’t say less. Have you ever had a dog age? They don’t move like they used to even when you try to do the same old walks or the same jumps from the sofa become more painful. Exercise can do a ton for strength and mobility. But at some point, age is age. Even if we want to think we can stop it.
Anon
Seconding the rec to switch PTs and avoid surgery at all costs. I had a herniated disc in law school, and it took me a year and a half of PT for the pain to go away entirely. That included 3 PTs (a mediocre one in City A, a really good one in City B where I spent my summer, and a fantastic/super expensive one back in City A). Core work, particularly Pilates, is crucial here. And walk as much as possible. If he doesn’t have a standing desk, get one. I remember thinking the pain would be like that forever and it wasn’t, but it took a long time and a lot of work. The PT shouldn’t just be giving him exercises but should be manipulating muscles and making sure that the right muscles are supporting the back, rather than pulling things out of alignment further.
Anon
PTs are very hit or miss. Some of them are vastly better than others and have completely different approaches from each other. Did this PT try any manual therapies?
Anon
It sounds like he went to PT only six times and expected some kind of miracle. I wouldn’t blame the PTs yet.
Anon
It’s possible the exercise just hasn’t worked yet!
For my issues, I’ve honestly stopped seeing PTs who don’t do manual therapy on the first visit. Exercise while everything already hurts and nothing’s improved yet has been counterproductive for me too many times. Maybe that is just me, but when some PTs actively make things worse, and others help tremendously in a short amount of time, I think it’s helpful to shop around a little before jumping all the way to considering surgery.
Anon
Is he actually doing his PT at home, or just at his appointments?
Anon
For context I once herniated two discs in my spine and couldn’t walk AT ALL for a month, and only gingerly no stairs for another 4. All the doctors I saw highly recommended AGAINST surgery. It can get better, but back problems aren’t a quick fix. I’d be doing the PT, walking regularly, and taking OTC painkillers.
Anonymous
I think PT needs 12 weeks to be effective. I’ve done it multiple times for various issues and felt some relief at the 6 week mark but was not totally back to normal until 12 weeks.
Anonymous
I found a sports doctor most helpful for my back pain. He had better PT referrals and was more helpful in managing the pain. But it is a slow recovery process. I found short walks twice a day to be really helpful both with the pain and my level of anxiety. I second the suggestion to get a standing desk.
Anon
Yeah, this isn’t a reason to panic and have surgery, this is just what a back injury is like when you get older. I’m on week…8 of my back injury (which I got from making my bed, lol) and I’m still sore. It just takes time.
anon a mouse
Back pain could have a litany of causes, and it could take weeks to resolve. I had something similar, would wake up with horrible back pain, sometimes in the middle of the night. Did PT, chiropractor, imaging – there was no obvious cause. A hot shower and a heating pad would usually resolve it enough that I could function during the day, but then it would come back around 4 am and wake me up.
We finally figured out (after a few months) that my posture was bad, and my core muscles were weak, and so my back muscles were oversupporting my core. My lower back muscles were basically working so hard during the day that at night, when they were off duty, they would go into terrible spasms. It was the strangest thing! I’m now pretty fanatical about core strength and stretching, and maintaining my posture. Bodies are so weird.
Anon
I didn’t go to the doc for about 6 months after lower back pain started. Once I had a PT referral, it took 12 weeks of PT 2-3 x week for me to feel about 50% better. I have been diligent-ish with the exercise regime prescribed by the PT, and 6 months of that has me at 95% better. If I slack off, I start feeling those muscles tighten again. For me it was very much tight hips and weak glutes that was causing my back to overcompensate. It sucks but there is often no “fix in an hour” for these things; you have to work to build up muscles and correct movements.
OP
Thanks all! Just to be clear, he only stopped PT because we went on vacation, he’s not opposed to going back but it sounds like maybe he should try someone new and give it at least 12 weeks. As for the ortho surgeon, he doesn’t want to jump to surgery at all, but did think it would be useful to get an xray or MRI just to be sure there isn’t a bigger issue going on. Where else would he go to get this if not an ortho? Our GP was pretty dismissive (frustratingly so).
Anon
Hi–I got a weird virus last Fall (likely RSV), which totally knocked me out for a few days, and when I finally got up again, my back was out. Like out, out. Could barely walk, was in excruciating pain. I saw several doctors who gave me a lot of muscle relaxants and advised that pain like what I had could take 4-8 weeks to resolve. They also advised PT. I also pushed for a cat scan to make sure it was not crazy cancer or the like. I got the CAT scan about week 6, and then it turned out it was nothing, but getting the scan made me feel much better. Recommend you push for that.
In the meantime, muscle relaxants, PT/stretching as directed (some stretching is not advised–follow orders), heat, move as much as you can comfortably, and schedule that scan! It will resolve over time.
It’s still way too early for surgery.
Anon
Any recommendations for a therapist in Chicago? Looking for someone who understands high pressure jobs. Mainly looking to talk about depression and family dynamics. Thanks!
Anon
Dr. Alix Sherman!
Anon
I would like to improve my writing, please share any resources that you found helpful. For reference, I am an attorney. TIA!
Anon
Like email directness or court briefs or what kind of writing?
OP
Pleadings/briefs but also just generally
Anon
ChatGPT
Anon
ChatGPT
Curious
Right? It’s so imprecise!
Anon
This is probably really obvious to you but in case its not, what helped me a lot is reading really good examples and sort of analyzing everything that makes it good. I unconsciously pick up a lot of techniques that way.
Anon
This is what scares me about everybody jumping on the ChatGPT bandwagon. When everything out there is poorly written by a robot, how is anybody going to learn what good writing even is?? I guess this is the problem with the decline of the humanities in general.
Anonymous
Ross Guberman
Also Bryan Garner, but I prefer Guberman
Anonymous
Guberman in particular teaches through examining examples of effective legal writing, so this incorporates the advice to look at others’ good samples.
Anonymous
I guess to some extent it depends on what type of legal writing you are doing, but overall reading good writing (including fiction) will make you a better writer. So much of legal persuasion depends on good storytelling, so read good stories and think about what makes something a good story. Garner and others have good tips and it is helpful to study those as well.
Mid West
I guess to some extent it depends on what type of legal writing you are doing, but overall reading good writing (including fiction) will make you a better writer. So much of legal persuasion depends on good storytelling, so read good stories and think about what makes something a good story. Garner and others have good tips and it is helpful to study those as well.
Anonymous
Since the blazer+scarf look is so strongly associated with flight attendant, I’m not sure there’s a lot you can do to totally avoid that. So I’d put that worry out of your mind and just accept that people may make that association, no matter how you tie it.
I like to wrap a long narrow scarf around my neck once and then have the ends hanging down, barely showing alongside the lapels of my blazer. With a scoop-neck top.
Anon.
Youtube has a ton of videos on different ways to tie a scarf, so I’d start there.
Anon
25 ways to wear a scarf by Wendy’s lookbook is an oldie but goodie
Anonymous
I like to do my scarfs in a sort of braid. https://alldaychic.com/ingenious-way-to-braid-a-scarf/
Flats Only
A scarf with a uniform will always look like a flight attendant, especially if you’re seen with others dressed the same way. Makes me think fondly of seeing immaculately turned out international flight crews – how do they look so great after 14 hours in the air in heels and a skirt suit? Such glamour and esprit de corps! Embrace your inner air hostess!
Mid West
Thanks for the encouragement to embrace cool competence of a flight attendant. :) I’m going to try some of these out and see how it goes!
More Sleep Would Be Nice
I love a silk scarf and blazer.
Caveat: I also like the idea of looking like a cool flight attendant.
Anon
I like when the scarf is barely showing and is like a blazer lining. The last time I had a personal shopper appointment at Nordstrom the stylist recommended it. So the scarf is untied and just draped around the neck, blazer over.
Awful Boss
Ranting into the void about my new boss. She provided feedback on a report ‘Why isn’t X data included?’ it was….on the first page. I can not deal with this woman and her seeming inability to read. This is the 5th time this week she’s provided feedback which indicates she didn’t read the material properly. Oh and she doesn’t have the emotional maturity to admit she didn’t read something or missed information.
Anon
Document it in writing that the material was included.
Anon
Is this my boss? The other week I was sharing my screen reviewing a presentation with her. While sharing a slide that said “How to sell teapots” she went on a long monologue about how I needed to develop a plan to sell the teapots. I was very confused and kept trying to get her to clarify what exactly she was looking for. Finally I asked, “I’m so sorry, but how is that different from what’s on the slide?”
She hadn’t even read the screen.
Nesprin
This is exactly the opportunity for passive aggressive emails.
“Thanks for the feedback”
“I apologize that you were unable to find the information you were looking for”
“Please see page 1”
“Per my previous email”
“I have now included a table of contents so you could find the information more easily”
Anon
Yeah, sure, but this doesn’t solve the problem and is just going to piss off the boss. I’d ask boss how she prefers the report to be organized and just start doing it that way.
Awful Boss
This doesn’t work because the reports just go through my boss on their way up to the C suite, reports are written to the preferences of the C suite. So she really needs to get on board with how the C suite likes things done and READ.
Anon
Use that to your advantage. “Per the C-suite’s request, that data is on pg. 1.”
Cat
I share your irritation but if you want to manage up, can you phrase it in a way that asks about her preferred delivery or organization of the report? That way it comes off as productive while quietly setting the record straight that the data was in fact there.
Anon
I worked for someone like that. It was hard.
Best suggestion I have is something about “On pg. 1, I discussed the matter. What else would you like me to include?”
Anon
My old sorta-boss was a bit like this. He’d call me in to discuss something, I’d start giving him the answer, and he’d interrupt and restate what I had just said like it was his idea and he was telling me what to do. It drove me insane.
Fun fact, I didn’t report to him. He was head of office but I directly reported to someone at another office. He was like an “influence” manager. I think it made him insecure in some way that not everyone reported to him, so he made extra sure to boss around his non-reports a little more than his reports.
After I left that job and had been in a new job for a year, he asked me to lunch. I went, and the lunch was like 75% him telling me what to do at my new job! I ignored all future invitations.
boo
Anyone do freelance/part-time/contract legal work? I was looking for doc review specifically. but I can’t tell which s!tes are legit. Searches of general job s!tes are not useful; sooo many are listed as part-time and then the description says 40+ hours expected. (who are they trying to fool?)
anon
I don’t, but if I did, I would sign myself up with Axiom or the like instead of trying to do it on my own.
Anon
Doc review:
Hire Counsel
Haystack
Kroll
They usually require 40+ hours in a given week.
Look on LinkedIn for part-time legal. I know Deloitte does it.
Montage
Montagelegal d o t c o m
Anon
Does anyone have executive functioning so poor that it interferes with medication compliance? I am good at taking my daily meds, but I have a monthly self-injection that has to be timed perfectly right, and my ADHD + the pharmacy/my insurance company’s monthly runaround makes that impossible for me. I almost never get it right. I’m 32 and have been struggling with some version of this my entire adult life. For years I’ve just felt bad about my inability to get it right. There are other ways of receiving this medication, for example, a quarterly IV at my doctor’s office. If for no other reason, would you make the switch just because you’re disorganized?
Lydia
I think switching to make your life easier is definitely valid!
Notinstafamous
Yes! Absolutely! A huge part of ADHD / life management is to make things as easy as possible.
Think of it this way. If you had a friend who needed a monthly injection into her ankle, but she found it hard to do because she had a herniated disc in her back, and the doctor had offered to do it in the office every quarter, would you tell her she was being ridiculous for getting it done in a way that reduced her stress and pain? Why do you deserve less?
emeralds
Make the switch to whatever will work the best for you, for whatever reason! It sounds like your current system isn’t working so if there’s a better option, use it!
Cora
Just go to the doctors office I think. This whole pharmacy/insurance company thing is such a headache. I have executive functioning issues too and its the worst – too many steps, lots of dependencies, all of its annoying. Yes going to the doctor is time consuming but its a set appointment so it’ll be easier to manage.
Anon
I’m an MD without ADHD and pharmacies/insurance make things impossible for me! Absolutely don’t beat yourself up over this, this isn’t a you problem. Make the switch and make your life better!
anon
DEFINITELY switch. I have difficulty just managing refilling all of my meds monthly at my local pharmacy, and timing everything appropriately. In your situation, I would switch just so I wouldn’t have to waste any mental energy and stress about it every month.
Anon
That’s a perfectly valid reason for switching. You don’t have to beat yourself up about this task being difficult for you. You don’t win any extra points for keeping track of it monthly instead of quarterly.
Senior Attorney
Yes I would switch in a heartbeat.
Anon
I’ve been recently diagnosed with ADHD (inattentive) and have struggled with depression/anxiety my whole life. I’m in the process of writing out my accommodation request/intake for work. I’m an in-house lawyer. Have any of you done this and what did you ask for? I’ve looked at JAN and a few other resources but would love to hear about your experiences.
anon
Are you working with an experienced psychiatrist/therapist now? They should give you some insight.
Moose
I have several close family members with big birthdays this year – turning 30, 60, and 75. What are some of the best milestone birthday gifts you’ve received? I’m usually pretty good at gift-giving, but need some inspiration. Happy to hear about DIY, thoughtful-but-not expensive gifts too. Not in a position to spend $$$ on jewelry, for example.
Thanks!
OP
Oh, and those turning 30 and 75 are men, 60 year old is a woman.
anon
Well, the most memorable are always experiences. Not stuff – especially for the older family members. Visits, taking them out to dinner/event that is meaningful to them.
Anon
+1 to experience. A trip is awesome if you’re close and can swing it.
Curious
Our family’s favorite gifts are always photos, photo books, and/ or frames for art. The latter only for my husband, since he mostly likes styles that I like, too.
anon_needs_a_break
storyworth if you haven’t done it yet!
Anon
My best gifts have been people who went out of their way to attend. Two friends flew from New York to California specifically for my most recent milestone birthday. I remember that more than any gift I received.
Annony
I did a fun gift for a friend’s 40th … albums released the year they were born.
Senior Attorney
Exactly! I feel like you can’t go wrong with that kind of thing.
Senior Attorney
For my husband’s 70th I got him the New York Times book of from pages from his birthday every year from his birth to his birthday and he liked it a lot. Me personally, I would enjoy something nostalgic from back in the day — YMMV, but I would be over the moon if somebody gave me something like this for my 60th: https://www.amazon.com/VINTAGE-CANDY-60TH-BIRTHDAY-RETRO/dp/B075NRVYG1?
Senior Attorney
Ugh FRONT pages. This: https://store.nytimes.com/products/the-ultimate-birthday-book?
Senior Attorney
Also I just bought this tee for myself. Maybe your 60yo would like it, too: https://www.etsy.com/listing/1104940371/im-not-old-im-mid-century-modern-funny?
OP
This is a great idea! Will look into it.
Anon
What about a book from the year they were born in?