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Our daily workwear reports suggest one piece of work-appropriate attire in a range of prices.
Call me crazy, but I think snakeskin is basically a neutral. I would wear this Vince Camuto top tucked into a pair of black trousers with a bright sweater blazer on top for an easy business casual outfit.
On a weekend, this would look great with your favorite jeans and a chunky cardigan.
The top is $78 at Nordstrom and comes in sizes XS–XXL.
This snakeskin print top from Vince Camuto is a nice plus-size alternative; it's $89 at Stitch Fix and available in 1X–3X.
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Sales of note for 9.30.24
- Nordstrom – Beauty deals through September
- Ann Taylor – Extra 30% off sale
- Banana Republic Factory – 50% off everything + extra 20% off
- Boden – 15% off new styles
- Eloquii – Extra 50% off sale
- J.Crew – 50% off select styles
- J.Crew Factory – Up to 60% off everything + 50% off sale with code
- Lo & Sons – Warehouse sale, up to 70% off
- M.M.LaFleur – Save 25% sitewide
- Neiman Marcus – Friends & Family 25% off
- Rag & Bone – Friends & Family 25% off sitewide
- Spanx – Lots of workwear on sale, some up to 70% off
- Talbots – Fall Cyber Monday sale, 40% off sitewide and $5 shipping
- Target – Car-seat trade-in event through 9/28 — bring in an old car seat to get a 20% discount on other baby/toddler stuff.
- White House Black Market – 40% off select styles
Sales of note for 9.30.24
- Nordstrom – Beauty deals through September
- Ann Taylor – Extra 30% off sale
- Banana Republic Factory – 50% off everything + extra 20% off
- Boden – 15% off new styles
- Eloquii – Extra 50% off sale
- J.Crew – 50% off select styles
- J.Crew Factory – Up to 60% off everything + 50% off sale with code
- Lo & Sons – Warehouse sale, up to 70% off
- M.M.LaFleur – Save 25% sitewide
- Neiman Marcus – Friends & Family 25% off
- Rag & Bone – Friends & Family 25% off sitewide
- Spanx – Lots of workwear on sale, some up to 70% off
- Talbots – Fall Cyber Monday sale, 40% off sitewide and $5 shipping
- Target – Car-seat trade-in event through 9/28 — bring in an old car seat to get a 20% discount on other baby/toddler stuff.
- White House Black Market – 40% off select styles
And some of our latest threadjacks here at Corporette (reader questions and commentary) — see more here!
Some of our latest threadjacks include:
- What to say to friends and family who threaten to not vote?
- What boots do you expect to wear this fall and winter?
- What beauty treatments do you do on a regular basis to look polished?
- Can I skip the annual family event my workplace holds, even if I'm a manager?
- What small steps can I take today to get myself a little more “together” and not feel so frazzled all of the time?
- The oldest daughter is America's social safety net — change my mind…
- What have you lost your taste for as you've aged?
- Tell me about your favorite adventure travels…
Ribena
Wanted to share a small piece of personal success with you all – I went to my first ever in person spin class last night! I’ve been doing Peloton classes since the end of 2020 but had always been intimidated by the ‘real’ spin classes at the gym. I couldn’t hear all the instructor’s call outs over the music (but I don’t always catch them on the Peloton app classes either), which was the only real downside. I loved it – such great exercise.
Cb
Oh fun! Where’d you go? I’d like to try one but am equally intimidated by all the yelling I hear when I’ve been to Tribe yoga classes.
Ribena
It was a Les Mills RPM class at my gym – I know the council gyms offer them too. There was no shouting, more encouragement.
Bonnie Kate
YES! Go Ribena! Really good in person fitness classes are such a wonderful thing and so motivating.
Anonymous
I am thinking about leaving private practice and taking a job with the federal government. I’ve been out of school about ten years. I make about 150k before taxes.
Anyone think this is a terrible idea?
Any tips for making the jump if I do apply?
Anonymous
Not a terrible idea at all. Depending on what agency/role you go into, you may not even take much of a pay cut. I made the jump and am 100% happier for it (even though for me it was a 50% pay cut).
Allie
Are you a lawyer? Fed should pay around that — do it!
Anon
Nothing beyond saying that, for the most part, the quality of life (in most agencies–not all) and benefits are worth their weight in gold, IMO.
Cornellian
from 150K it doesn’t seem like you should be taking a big cut, especially when you factor in the benefits. You can look up the ranges online.
Anon
I would not assume you will get the job. In my federal agency, attorney postings are incredibly competitive.
anon for this
Why do you want a federal job? Why this agency? How will you add value to their work? You’ll need to have great answers to those questions — we can see the people who just want to escape the grind of private practice a mile away. Like another poster said, these jobs are incredibly competitive. Look up how to write a federal resume and follow it. The easiest way I explain it is that in industry, your resume opens the door to the first interview. In federal government, your resume stands in for the first interview. No one is brought in unless we’re reasonably sure they can do the job, and then it becomes more about specific skills or experience and fit.
Depending on which agency, what level, and which city, you likely will make close to the same salary — though your earning potential will always be limited by your agency’s salary scale. Benefits are much better and much cheaper than law firms. I think I pay $400/month for great health insurance for my family, dental and vision are free. And work/life balance is wonderful, and I’ll have a nice pension if I spend most of my career here.
Anonymous
+1 over a thousand people applied for my job, that is not a typo 1,000. These jobs are very competitive and OP won’t be able to just flounce into the government without articulating why they’re special and will contribute.
Anon
Do you have to be such a jerk? Nothing about OP’s post implies that she’s going to flounce in anywhere. Maybe just consider not being belligerent.
Anonymous
Any reccs for San Juan? My husband and I are going for a long weekend and plan to spend most of the time lying by the pool and consuming our body weight in piña coladas, but I wouldn’t mind leaving the resort to explore the city a bit. Not renting a car.
Deedee
We had a car and enjoyed our day trip to El Yunque. We also did a night kayaking tour of a bioluminescent bay (Farjardo—I believe there are several such bays) that was absolutely remarkable! Walking around the SJ fort and the old city was enjoyable too.
There are competing claims for where the pina colada was invented—the Caribe Hilton and Barrachina restaurant. We tried several at both locations and the Barrachina was infinitely better, although all were delicious. Enjoy!
Cat
+1 to El Yunque, though YMMV on whether the scenic spots are taken over by Influencers in the Wild.
Anon
Agreed! We did bio bay kayaking and a trail ride through El Yunque with a dip in the river. Was wonderful. To be honest not sure how you’d get too far afield from San Juan without a car, though, unless you just did a rideshare there and back.
Anon
It’s been a while since I went, but Marmalade was amazing when I was there last. Also, try mofongo everywhere!
Anon
Definitely recommend the night kayaking tour. Walking around Old San Juan is charming too.
If you do a day trip, Vieques is gorgeous (but a bit of a ferry haul, worth it, IMHO).
Anonymous
I love Vieques and am going for vacation for the third time soon, but I would not do it as a day trip. The ferry can be unreliable. But totally worth spending a night there.
Anonymous
(and if you spend the night, they also have a bioluminescent bay you could do)
drpepperesq
i have stayed at La Concha i think 4 times at this point and have enjoyed it every time. also next door is the Condado Vanderbilt, which i got a massage there and the hotel was also beautiful. Vanderbuilt was a little higher end but the pool was smaller and La Concha was a bit more youthful and had a bigger and nicer pool, but you can’t go wrong either place. i recommend that area- never needed a car, safe to walk everywhere, high end and delicious restaurants in walking distance. the first time i was there we took a cab back and forth to old san juan for the day, and cabbed to/from the airport. the airport is very close, 20-30 min maybe? for a long weekend where you’re not going to be hiking or exploring too much, i def recommend the Condado area.
Anon
I was just in San Juan not long ago and agree with all of these recommendations. We had a car though, which was very helpful for exploring, so some of my recommendations might not be doable.
Marmalade in Old San Juan is wonderful for a nice dinner out (it’s a four/five-course menu), but make sure you have reservations. The cocktails are fantastic. Barrachina (also in Old San Juan) is the birthplace of the Pina Colada and you will not convince me otherwise; there can be long waits, so if you’re up for an early drink, I would recommend going around 11 when they open to grab a seat in the outdoor bar. Just walking around Old San Juan is enjoyable, too, and the Fort is very cool.
Outside of Old San Juan, I enjoyed Louisa in Condado for a nice, but more laid back dinner. They also had a good wine selection and the mark-up was very fair.
El Yunque is beautiful and was a highlight of the trip. You do need a timed-entry reservation to enter the National Park, but once you’re in, you can stay until close. I would recommend the 8 a.m. entry window if you’re interested in any of the hikes or swimming holes. If you’re okay with a vegan meal, make a reservation to have dinner at Yuquiyu Farm on the way back. They only take two or so reservations each night but the food is delicious, the grounds and view of the rainforest are breathtaking and the people who own/run it are wonderful.
Luqiullo Beach (about halfway between El Yunque and Fajardo) was a fun little spot we stumbled upon. We spent a day at the beach (a more local spot) and walked around enjoying the many food vendor/kiosks.
We also did a bioluminescent tour in Farjardo. Unfortunately, cloud cover can impact how much you’re able to see and it significantly impacted our ability to see the lights. There are also many tour companies that each do two tours every night. We did the later tour. Everyone kayaks through the same mangroves to get in and out of the bay so as we were kayaking out the first tour was kayaking back in. It was a cluster of inexperienced kayakers running into each other for a solid 20 minutes. I wish I could have just sat back and relaxed, but alas, that’s not me, so the experience was a little underwhelming. It’s also on the far east coast so you would want to book through a tour company that provides transportation depending where you’re staying.
Anon
what exactly will happen if Putin actually takes Ukraine? will they take all of the Ukrainians property? put them in prison? treat them as second class citizens? as a Jewish person whose family lived through the Holocaust, i realize this is not a genocide yet, but it is hard to watch. i’ve been donating money, calling my senators, but i just feel so helpless
CB
I think an occupation, puppet government, and resistance / insurgency. It’ll be protracted and brutal.
Anon
+1
Anon
This, plus quietly killing current political leaders
Cb
Or not so quietly. When you are used to poisoning people in a British town, you’ve likely gone beyond the point of subtlety. Defenestration might make a comeback.
Anon
No kidding. No wonder everyone stays at the far end of the very long table.
Anonymous
Or not so quietly. Latest intelligence has raised the possibility of public executions.
Anon
A bright (? not the right word) is that the instagram influencer daughters of Putin’s key advisors are posting againt the war. At least so says the Daily Mail. Historically this is wild. Not that it will help, but it is amazing to see. Post away!
Anon
Putin is really committing to salting the earth.
Anon
Reply to anon at 12:07. Oligarch kids stand to lose their nice Paris apartments. That’s why. Few of them are even in Russia the majority of the time.
Anon
Maybe they take lessons from the Finns: https://www.theatlantic.com/ideas/archive/2022/03/finlands-model-resisting-russian-aggression/623334/
Anonymous
Occupation will likely look much like life in Russia now – anyone who opposes the regime will be jailed.
And there will be a long insurgency/resistance because the Ukrainians don’t want this at all. Russia’s main problem will be the difficultly in holding Ukraine because it will require a lot more force than they expected.
Anon
I predict that they can technically win but can’t easily hold territory. Also, Ukraine as a net food producer is one thing but Ukraine as a needy hungry country may not be worth keeping if it is costly other than the coastal areas and eastern areas where Russsia was waging a proxy war anyway.
Curious
Putin wants us to feel helpless. It feeds inaction. What you are doing is impactful, and the cumulative effect of many calls and many donations will be at a minimum to prolong the Ukrainian resistance and at a maximum to deal a Russian defeat. Keep fighting.
Anonymous
How is calling my Senator going to help if we aren’t sending troops?
Anonymous
We are sending dollars and arms under existing allocated dollars which will run out. If you tell your representatives you care, that will help with future budget requests.
Curious
I’m not a foreign policy expert, but others have mentioned that we haven’t taken all non-military actions we could yet. Constituent support may make Senators more likely to support these actions, such as releasing oil and gas reserves and/ or supplying energy to Europe, such that Europe feels more energy secure and is more able to support actions like banning Russia from SWIFT.
Anonymous
It will help because it keeps up the pressure to stay involved. It’s only been a week, this will drag on and people will not prioritize it.
They can still send food, fuel, guns, missiles, anti tank equipment etc. and US intelligence will be key to fighting back whether tech intelligence or assets on the ground.
US troops on the ground would actually escalate things.
anonshmanon
harsher sanctions, military aid (sending arms, supplies, sharing intelligence, it’s probably a bit late for training Ukrainian troops, but that’s not uncommon), humanitarian aid, can all be supported by Congress. As long as some elected officials are not even having any problem with this invasion, and think we should just let them do their thing, it’s worth calling your officials and let them know what you think and urge them to act.
Anonymous
Just today Zelensky asked for planes. If NATO won’t enforce a no fly zone, he wants to be given planes to use themselves. Maintaining air supremacy is crucial to holding off the Russians
Troops on the ground plays into Putin’s goal of escalating. Arming an already fierce Ukrainian resistance is important. They can’t fight back if they run out of ammo.
Anonymous
A couple things.
One of the gas flows to Europe is from Algeria through Morocco to Spain. It is now closed due to US support (started by Trump not stoped by Biden) to the Moroccan claim to the Sahara, while Algeria supports Saharawi independence.
Other gas streams to Europe come from the US on ships that are 2-3 times more expensive than the Russian one. Match the prices and the EU could completely close the gas market with Russia its main income source.
There are many people who say that this war is convenient for the US (if not provoked), since it seizes the European gas market. Nord-stream2 is not in the best interest of the US. (Don’t start talking about warlords selling weapons and profiting from the conflict)
Anon
A friend in Chicago send me a picture of Putin’s picture taped to a fire hydrant.
Curious
Good for them. It doesn’t “do” anything, but it matters how we collectively think about the situation. When this started, my take was that Putin had hamstrung the West and takeover was fait accompli. No point resisting. The Ukrainian people quickly proved me wrong and reminded me in the importance of believing that you can triumph against the odds. That’s the starting point for winning.
Anonymous
In a similar vein, the city of Ottawa just installed ‘Free Ukraine’ signs on the street signs across from the Russian embassy.
I’d love it if all the capital cities started renaming the streets in front of the Russian embassies – Kyiv street, Ukraine avenue, Zelensky blvd etc. All their mail bearing those addresses regardless of how the next weeks proceed.
AIMS
The USSR was undone in no small part by its quagmire in Afghanistan. Putin’s political weakness was often the conflict in Chechnya. Taking Ukraine will be easier than holding it, particularly since all this aggression is only serving to unify people who maybe weren’t as united before.
cookie monster
Hoo boy! Thanks for all the recs yesterday on Florida resorts. I looked at them all, and they looked dreamy. But! I couldn’t find any summer dates for less than $450-750ish a night. I knew travel had gotten expensive these days, but dang.
I ended up finding a resort in Fort Lauderdale that looks really nice. I had always heard that the gulf side of Florida was prettier/nicer than the ocean side, but these pics look stunning. Hopefully it’s a good pick!
If anyone has Fort Lauderdale restaurant recs, I’m all ears! I don’t need activity recs – the plan is just to read and drink frozen bevs poolside. :)
Anonymous
The ocean side is much better in summer – the Gulf gets really hot and red tide often makes it unsafe to swim in. Enjoy your trip!
cookie monster
So good to know!! I had no idea.
Cat
yes, knowing that you’re looking for summer, the Gulf is an absolute swamp at that time. Like, you get in the water for relief but it doesn’t feel any cooler than the air!
There may be sargassum in the water on the Atlantic side so do prioritize a good pool in that case.
cookie monster
I’m a pool girl anyway, I like to look at the ocean but not necessarily do any major swimming. :)
Carrots
Oooh i’m glad you posted a follow up to this because I was just thinking I need this kind of vacation soon and was going to post asking for rec. I’ll go back and look.
DocAnon
For restaurants, I like S3 along the beach. I’m a beer person so I also enjoy the Funky Buddha taproom. And Coconuts!
Cat
+1 to S3
Depending on your preferences, the, uh, Taco Bell with a bar at the beachfront mall always seems to be overflowing lol
Seafinch
Can anyone chime in on Fort Lauderdale or Miami the first week of April? Would really like to take my husband but am totally overwhelmed. Similar budget of $300 a night.
ft laud
I’m a little late to the thread, but I love Ft Lauderdale! Miami is just too much for me and pre-covid there was an after work direct flight out of our small NE city airport, so my husband and I have been going to FLL for the last 15ish years. It’s come a long way in that time and, be warned, you will need to make restaurant recommendations in advance. S3 (in the Hilton) and Takato (in the Conrad), both on the beach have great sushi and fusion menus. The Lobster Bar on Las Olas is good for upscale seafood. Yolo on Las Olas is a fun date night spot. I love to sit at the bar at G&B Oysters (connected to coconuts) after a long walk on the beach. Have fun!
Azera
Paging anonshmanon who was looking for a source to learn more about s*xual abuse statistics yesterday. Here is a pretty good summary from the CDC with some links to other resources: https://www.cdc.gov/injury/features/sexual-violence/index.html
anonshmanon
Thank you, appreciate the follow up!
AnonAnon
I’m the OP from a few days ago with all of the discussion on the DV hotline and what I should do if I want to get out safely. So yesterday my H finally started to talk again. The pattern seems to be he gets upset and then doesn’t talk for 2 to 3 days. Yesterday he finally said he would do counseling if I thought it would help. Said his work has been very stressful yesterday and that he really does care about me. I’m starting to figure out the pattern here. When he is angry it is easier to believe I might be able to get out. When I start to think maybe he can change it makes it so hard. When this happened in the past I always felt better once we got past the anger/silent part, but now I don’t feel any better I just feel lost.
He is just trying to suck me back in, right?
Anonymous
Yes, he’s just trying to suck you back in. I’m sorry and I wish the best to you.
Anon
Yes, he’s just trying to suck you back in. It’s great that you’re recognizing it. You know your situation best, but most likely he will never change.
Anon
YES. I dated someone like this. It is quite literally textbook abuse: be terrible, push as far as you can, then go into overdrive wooing when she is about to leave.
Anon
If he really recognized there is a peoblem and how this is hurting you, he would NOT BE CONSIDERING counseling, he would be in counseling. He is trying to suck you back in. Run now.
S
Yes. This period of relative calm might be a good time to call the hotline and get your ducks in a row. Hugs and support.
Cb
I don’t have a direct experience with this but I’ve read that abusive people can often use counselling to inflict more damage. Because counselors are human, and if he wins them round, then it’s not just him calling you crazy, it’s an “expert”
Anon
Starting counseling solo is so so important to parse this all out with someone who is on your side and your side alone.
Senior Attorney
YES.
Anon
Don’t ever do counselling with an abuser. It’s just another way for them to manipulate you. Get out when you can. Good luck.
Cat
If he wanted to change, he would have done it already. You know what you need to do.
When my husband or I has a stressful week at work? The first thing we want to do is chill and enjoy downtime with each other – after finishing venting to the other person about the issue. Not flip out AT them or go silent.
Anonymous
THIS!!! If it has been a REALLY bad day, we might go for a walk or a run alone first, or just take some time alone (we are both introverts). But the venting and then enjoying time with each other – that is why we are married!
Anon
FWIW, I once worked for an abusive manager, who was horrifyingly, an expert abuser. He had all of his ducks in a row, had already prepped HR that I was “crazy” so I wouldn’t be believed when I started sounding the alarm, knew exactly how to stick in the knife when no one was looking and then back it off juuuust enough when people were looking that it seemed like ther bad-but-not-terrible behaviour was constant. He knew exactly how to escalate so that every week was “just a bit worse than normal,” except my standards of “normal” slid. I knew that I had to leave when I started taking it out on my then-boyfriend.
Which is to say, if work stress hits a particular level, taking it out on someone may be a thing. HOWEVER, normal, non abusive people recognise this, leave the job, and get counseling.
Monday
Yes. Look up the cycle of abuse (where he can’t see that you did it). This is classic. Do not go to counseling as a couple under these circumstances.
Anonymous
Biggest sign that he is not serious is the blaming way that he agreed to counseling if you think it’s necessary. He did not acknowledge that there is a problem and he bears responsibility for fixing it and work stress is not an excuse for abusive behavior.
If he thought there was a problem he would acknowledge that the relationship is not healthy, the situation cannot continue and he needs to be an active role in fixing it. He is 0/3 on saying any of those things let alone doing them. Get out.
Senior Attorney
Yes. This is my former husband right down to the Silent Treatment. He will say and do anything to get you to stay, and he will go back to his old ways the minute he thinks you’re reeled back in. Again, I fell for this twice before I finally left for good, and both times it was months later and I found myself thinking “if I’d stuck to my guns I’d be well established in my new life by now.”
FWIW, I went to conjoing counseling at him, and our sessions consisted of him explaining all my shortcomings to the counselor while I sat there and wept. Argh.
Explorette
Yes, don’t be fooled by this. He will not change, and the cycle will repeat (and potentially get worse the next round). Find a counselor for yourself and work on your exit plan.
Anon
Yes. This is well-documented — when you are in a safe place and.on someone else’s device, look up cycle of abuse, or cycle of power and control. You are in honeymoon phase now.
France
Lighthearted question of the day: I’m going to Paris in May (Covid-willing). What should I shop for when I’m there?
I know people love French cosmetics and drug store brands, any recommendations? Any fun things you can only get in France or particularly good stores to visit?
Cb
Ooh, enjoy! I love the big department stores and their cosmetics and stationery sections.
Jz
Perfumes! There’s a shop called Jovoy that sells a lot of rare perfumes. It’s also right near the Louvre so it’s an easy stop.
Anon
Hermes, even if you don’t have the budget.
Cat
if you are a serious purse lover, check the local prices in Euros compared to what you’d pay here in dollars. If you’re buying a major piece, of course on a card with no tr-nsaction fees, it can cover the cost of the flight in “savings” lol.
France
Oh no this is very tempting. I’ve been looking for an excuse to buy my first actual designer bag and this might push me over the edge.
Anne-on
Oh no this is very tempting. I’ve been looking for an excuse to buy my first actual designer bag and this might push me over the edge.
NYCer
+2.
Anon
Uriage bariesun lipstick (lipbalm, really). Yellow twist tube. You can get it elsewhere, but significantly cheaper in Fr.
KateL
Do you enjoy cooking and baking? https://www.edehillerin.fr/en/mobile
Cooking/restaurant supply store – a bunch of my every day kitchen knives are from there
Nearby G Detou – baking supplies. I’ve bought chocolate to bring as small gift for office
blueberries
Also, if you enjoy cooking, fancy salt like sel gris is so much cheaper and widely available at normal grocery stores.
BeenThatGuy
This might be a very weird recommendation but Maille mustard. I recall the store being super cool and you can fill your own jar of mustard from a tap. They even have a mustard sommelier!
France
I love weird recommendations! I brought home mayonnaise from Switzerland lol. It was seriously so much better than American mayonnaise though.
Anon
Yes! One of my favorite Paris stops. So good.
Is it Friday yet?
European sunscreen! Just go into any pharmacy, I bought a bunch of LRP Shaka Fluid (the formula is different and better than here).
I was there in July, and we discovered Ateliers Auguste while wandering in Le Marais. Bags are super high quality and not something you can buy in the US (though you can pay them to ship to you here, haha). And the brothers who own the atelier and design the bags are super nice!
Anon
+1 to European sunblock. A little goes a long way, so it lasts forever, and it’s so much more comfortable and effective.
Emma
if you’re into fashion, I like Comptoir des cotonniers, Ba&sh, Sezane, Pablo, and Maje. These might be available in limited locations in the US but they are fun to shop at in France (warning that they tend to stop around a size 10-12 and France generally lacks plus-size friendly options). Department stores such as Galeries Lafayette, Le Printemps or Le Bon Marche will have a good selection of mid to upscale fashion. Andre, Minelli and Bocage have good shoes. For skincare, a lot of pharmacies or Monoprix (France’s Target equivalent, which can also stock cute baby clothes and home goods) will have the usual suspects for cheaper – Nuxe, Caudalie, Avene, La Roche Posay. I like the natural skincare stores such as Oh My Cream or Mademoiselle Bio. I especially like Patyka which is an organic French brand and hard to find in the US. You could go to City Pharma, the prices are good but be prepared – it’s an absolute mob scene (might be better with COVID but I think tourists are back).
France
Oooh thanks for this list!!
Senior Attorney
LOVE Comptoir des Cotonniers! And for men, Coton Doux has the most fun shirts in the craziest prints! My cyclist husband has one with bicycles all over it.
wet.ink.sigs
Biologique Recherche! It’s hard to get in the states and they have a lovely store on Champs Elysee. P50 is a game changer.
Anonymous
I stock up on footcare products with the assistance of a pharmacist, great foot creams to be had, and stock up on Compeed blister packs.
Anon
I have been to Paris twice in May. In my case, early May. I wanted to let you know it was quite chilly both times. I wore a trench type coat everywhere and sometimes wished I’d had my puffer. However, this can be variable and the week after my most recent trip was unseasonably warm, so I guess you never know. If I could choose, I would choose chilly because it’s easier to walk around that way.
For shopping , I’m a light packer so I didn’t want to buy too much. I bought perfume at Annick Goutal (now Goutal Paris), a handbag at Longchamp (leather, not the le pliage) and a few scarves. At St Chapelle I bought some tapestry pillow covers at their gift shop – they were made by a co-op on the countryside so they didn’t feel too touristy and I still love them. I have my elbow on one of them right now.
I stayed in the 1er arrondissement near Place Vendome, so shopping from there was great. It’s an easy walk over to the Champs Elysees to just walk up and down the boulevard, which is lined with shops and restaurants. There’s also the boutique-lined Rue Saint-Honore paralleling the Seine about a block or so in, which I liked better for shopping. That area is also not far from les grands magasins like Galeries Lafayette and Printemps, which you absolutely have to check out, even if, like me, you don’t end up buying anything.
I know the pharmacies are supposed to be where it’s at to buy French brands like Avene and La Roche Posay but I was a bit overwhelmed and wasn’t sure what to buy. I was also surprised, at least at the two pharmacies I visited, that much of what I was looking for was behind the counter, so I had to ask a pharmacist for what I was looking for, which she then pulled from a series of wide, shallow drawers. So less like browsing and more like picking up a prescription.
Honestly, I wasn’t really there to shop, I fit shopping in between all the other items on my agenda, but if I were to do it again I’d probably check luggage and bring an extra bag. I know this varies with the exchange rate, but it was absolutely cheaper to buy French brands there. I passed on one handbag I liked because it felt so expensive, but when I got back to the US it was around 1/3 more expensive here, especially if I had been able to get a VAT refund on the bag when I left France.
Enjoy!
Aunt Jamesina
Nuxe Huile Prodigieuse. Should be available in most pharmacies and at Monoprix.
Anon
Les 2 Marmottes tea! I love just about every variety. It’s herbal tea that’s actually herbal and not just gross fruit flavors like most of the herbal tea in the US is.
Anon
If you like tea, go to Mariages Freres and buy their loose teas. So luxe and so delish!
Curious
Silly small things:
Boots and other UK stores sell antiseptic cream (instead of antibiotic cream) that I find more cooling than antibiotics and also don’t contribute to antibiotic resistance. Might be also available in France. I wish I had more.
H&M’s scarf game is so much better in Europe. It’s not Hermes, but still worth a look!
Anonymous
I really enjoyed purse shopping at Polene – I still buy from them online but it was fun to try the bags in person.
Anon
Not for shopping necessarily, unless it’s your thing, but I was delighted to visit Deyrolle taxidermy. Such a weird and interesting (and old!) stop.
Pre diabetes
Husband (38) had his annual physical recently and the doctor flagged his blood sugar as pre diabetic. He also has high cholesterol which was fully expected based on family history. I try to make well balanced meals for dinner every night. Any good resources for easy meal planning specific to this issue? He’s on his own for breakfast and lunches and basically doesn’t cook. He’s pretty active as required by his national guard PT requirements so I’m certain it’s mostly diet.
KS IT Chick
We went through this with my husband a few years ago. He was given 90 days to get the numbers figured out. We went low/no carb for the first 45 days, including no alcohol. That really kickstarted getting the blood sugar under control, along with bringing the A1C down. We ate a lot of fresh vegetables and lean meat. Hot sauce was crucial, because everything seemed bland initially.
We added some carbs back after 45 days. Not a lot, but enough so that we didn’t feel deprived.
He was able to fix the issue in that time. I won’t say that we maintained the changes, but he also hasn’t had a recurrence.
Cb
Yeah, my dad was diagnosed as pre-diabetic in his late 50s and is basically completely managed. He did a similar low/no carb thing and gradually added things back in, figuring out his triggers.
Anon
It can be hard with prediabetes because it seems to be very individual what kind of diet actually keeps blood sugar within range. The thing that helped my husband most was getting a continuous blood glucose monitor and wearing it for a few weeks while diet tracking. Before that he was taking a sort of “everything in moderation” approach where he focused on portions. I guess he was taking the view that there was nothing really wrong with him, and that he just needed to stick to general healthy diet recommendations more than other people did. So he was shocked at how his blood glucose responded to some pretty ordinary foods. I think the one that stood out most to him was that the little cup of egg drop soup served with Chinese take out sent his numbers as high as they’ve ever been, before the entries even came out (it’s not a mystery, that soup is full of cornstarch, but it’s counterintuitive to people who are focusing on sweets). Things like pasta, oatmeal, and whole grain bread sent his numbers way up even in small servings. So after that he got real about it, and all his numbers have been back within range for a few years. It does suck though to admit that it’s an actual condition and one’s days of eating just whatever are behind us.
Anon
The Mediterranean “diet” (really just that way of eating) is one of the best for heart health. Lots of whole grains, fruits, vegetables, fish, and legumes. Sparing on everything else. Spices add so much flavor that you won’t feel bland or uninspired.
Try making overnight oats on the weekends for a super easy grab and go breakfast. Add peanut butter, berries, granola, whatever to make it more savory/ sweet to your liking. Oats are really good at lowering cholesterol.
A caprese salad is a super easy lunch – mini mozzarella balls, cherry tomatoes, basil, and a drizzle of balsalmic. Or a veggie/hummus sandwich on whole grain bread. Or make a tasty bean/ground turkey/chickpeas filling on the weekend and just assemble lettuce wraps during the week. The fiber from veggies and legumes are good at regulating blood glucose.
If you have an air fryer or toaster oven, that’s a really good way to quickly make tasty healthy food. Look for a Mediterranean Air Fryer cookbook and try some recipes. We do a lot of lemon pepper chicken thighs, roasted veggies and salmon, and stuffed zucchini or peppers all in the air fryer.
Buy spices from a good spice shop to make sure your food is flavorful, even if you’re just assembling. I like to order from The Spice House in the Chicago area. I add Za’atar to almost any open faced sandwich or flatbread I make, and Ras El Hanout to most meat dishes.
Anon
Oats are a great example of a food that’s often recommended for prediabetes, but for everyone prediabetic I know who has actually checked, it shoots our blood sugars through the roof (I assume there’s someone out there who can handle it though).
Anon
I feel like breakfast is the one meal where you are kind of forced to go almost Atkins, with bacon and eggs. Everything else has (for a pre-diabetic) a ton of sugar in it, even if it is otherwise “good” (oatmeal, yogurt).
Anon
Yes, and fasting blood sugar sometimes runs higher in the mornings to begin with! I know if I eat the wrong thing in the morning, it’s a roller coaster of feeling hangry or off all day long.
I do a lot of coffee breakfasts these days, but when I was new to managing blood sugar, I would set aside meat (e.g. chicken breast, salmon) and vegetables from the previous night’s dinner, and cook some eggs to eat with it in the morning. That was fast, easy, and filling for me.
Anon
Bacon and eggs are some of the worst foods for high cholesterol though. Steel cut oats should have less impact on your blood glucose than instant, and rolled oats somewhere in the middle, which is why overnight oats can be a good option.
Anon
I thought they no longer recommended against eggs for managing cholesterol? Sometimes when there’s a blood sugar control issue, cholesterol improves along with blood sugar. But if eggs are out, lean meat and vegetables (sometimes in a soup) can work pretty well for breakfast. I like miso soup in the morning.
“Slow carbs” like steel cut oats sometimes spike blood glucose less (because of an adequate secondary insulin response: whether that’s still hard on the pancreas, I’m not sure). But continuous blood glucose monitors are revealing that sometimes they just spike blood sugar later (so that finger prick testing at the usual time didn’t show it, and people didn’t realize it).
anonshmanon
My new breakfast staple was born out of the glut of leafy greens that come in my veggie box (either a huge cabbage, or two bunches of kale, chard, what have you, every week). Sauteed greens with an egg in the middle. That could work here!
Anon
You can definitely do things besides bacon and eggs. I’m not prediabetic, but find that I get hungry again an hour later if I eat oatmeal for breakfast so I focus on breakfasts with some fat in them- peanut butter and apples on whole wheat toast, cashew cream cheese and veggies on a whole wheat bagel, scrambled tofu with veggies or pesto, beans and veggies with guacamole and salsa, etc. Most of those aren’t super low carb, but there’s enough fat and fiber that there shouldn’t be big blood sugar spikes and you could obviously sub some egg or cheese or more veggies in for some of the grains if you were more concerned than I am.
Anon
Yes, I can’t eat oatmeal anymore because of blood sugar levels
Anon
With the grocery prices going up, sometimes I feel like I basically can’t eat anything cheap anymore! I tell myself it’s still cheaper than developing diabetes would be.
Anon1
I’d recommend meeting with a dietician. Due to genetics, my entire extended family is healthy, fit people who eat well and still are pre diabetic and/or have high cholesterol. I’m 28, a former college athlete who runs half marathons twice a year and eats well and am already on a plan to manage my blood sugar and cholesterol.
It’s only been a month in, but meeting with a dietician has been very helpful. A few swaps I’ve made are chia pudding instead of oatmeal in the morning and a protein heavy late afternoon snack.
anon
To control blood sugar, focus on fiber. Check out Full Plate Living. I’m a physician, and my group has been recommending this resource for our diabetic patients for several years. I can’t tell you how many of our patients have reversed their diabetes by following the recommendations here. Befriend beans!
Anon
So this is a stretch. But it might be worth checking in with his health insurance if they offer a pre-diabetic or diabetic focused virtual health program. My health insurance recently started promoting a program called Omada which is heavily targeted towards pre-diabetic and diabetic management. It comes with a health coach, equipment that can easily log metrics (weight, glucose, etc.), lesson plans, recipes, etc. I’ve been using it for about 2 weeks for help with weight management (non pre-diabetic) and I’ve been impressed so far.
Everlane-ish
What is a more fun everlane-like brand? With more colors but similar silhouettes?
Anon
Cos? I’m also really liking AYR recently.
Anon
big bud press
anon
Regarding yesterday’s thread on people leaving their BigLaw or equivalent jobs to go do what they want — for those of you who have done, how much have you saved and invested? Are we talking having a networth of $500k before leaving BigLaw, or having a million saved/invested (or above that) prior to leave?
Anon
I am just amazed that people are doing this. School debt is so high. COL is so high. And no $ is as good as BigLaw money (except private equity $). Unless your family dies tragically early, to me, it’s like do another year with stupid bonuses, but don’t just leave b/c you can flounce out to work remotely. If you have kids at all (or might), college is stupid expensive now and will only get worse.
Anon
Some people value a life and family over money?
Anon
That’s such a trite answer. Having a family costs money – a lot. Putting kids through college is horribly expensive. Retirement is a real thing you need to save for. Are you just planning to move in with your grown kids?
Anonymous
This is such a tired and privileged answer. You can put your kids through college and save for retirement without selling yourself to Big Law. Believe it or not, lots of people make very nice lives for themselves without being part of the 1%.
Anon
You can retire, raise kids, etc without working in big law. Most people do.
Anon
True, they do, but they don’t have six figures of school debt as a starting point.
Anon
My comment wasn’t really about moving from big law to regular law, as it seems the majority of posters here eventually do. This was supposedly a continuation of yesterday’s post where people said they or people the new just chucked it all to go live in the woods or the beach or whatever.
I had some neighbors like this once. They were super critical that I was still working for The Man. They chucked it all to live in a rental house just as nice as my heavily mortgaged house (but it was a rental, so from their POV they were really slumming it), the guy was futzing around with graduate classes but wasn’t really sure what he was studying, and the woman decided to devote herself to attachment parenting.
Why, yes, they did both have trust funds. Why do you ask?
Anon
I don’t have a family because having kids when I was of the age to have them wasn’t in the budget. So there are trade-offs both ways.
Anonymous
How are people amazed that people leave biglaw jobs for work that has better hours and take a pay cut? This is nothing new, this is literally the vast majority of people who ever work in biglaw. Most people are not happy with the hours and stress of biglaw for an extended timeframe. I did 4 years, paid off all my very high student debt, and freed myself. Absolutely no regrets.
Anon
I’ll bite. I come from a background where every job is stressful, possibly has bad hours, and pays poorly. Think fast-food manager, overnight warehouse worker, etc. Financial stress is real. Emotional stress is real. Bodies breaking down is real. In my family, BigLaw $ is so monumentally different (and IMO, all jobs are stressful) that I can’t see walking away. I know what else is out there that pays 40K and may leave you with severe burns or a bad back. I’ve literally never seen anything in between and neither has anyone in my family for generations.
Anon
This isn’t discussed as much but is super valid – if you come from a lower income area/family you have what I call the ‘busy town’ idea of jobs – you know about doctor/lawyer/engineers/pharmacist/truck driver etc. But you probably have no idea about how to study to enter a field like marketing, communications, PR, biophysics, consulting, graphic design, etc. I literally knew NO ONE who did anything other than teaching, nursing, service jobs, ran small businesses, or perhaps worked in a bank. If you don’t know what white collar jobs are you don’t know the on-ramps into those jobs.
No Face
But there are actually many, many, many jobs in between Biglaw and $40k jobs that burn you. So many!
Anon
If you work in Biglaw, surely you *have* seen something in between, in the form of your many colleagues who leave every year to go to in-house jobs that still pay well into the six figures? I make $400k between base pay and bonus at my in-house job, and there’s no one on my team of 25 who makes less than $250k all-in. And nobody works crazy hours.
Anonymous
Yea, I mean I am the anon above at 10:42 and I come from a lower-income background. Raised by a single mom who was a legal secretary. My step-dad works a back breaking job in a factory, as did my grandfather. Now I am a lawyer. I am the first in my family to go to college, and then I went to HLS. This background actually made me even less likely to follow biglaw money at the expense of having a life outside of work. I want to prioritize time with family, and I see from my upbringing that you definitely don’t need a biglaw salary to lead a life that you love. Honestly biglaw and similar careers with huge salaries and bonuses were not even on my radar at all growing up, so I felt absolutely no pressure to chase that.
FWIW most of my friends from HLS that truly had a working class background (there weren’t a ton of us) now have jobs in public interest, not biglaw.
No Face
Cost of living is not high everywhere. If you want a luxurious lifestyle in a HCOL, or even an upper middle class lifestyle there, then you are stuck with a high paying, high stress job. If you are willing to live someplace cheaper, you can live like a king with a low stress job.
Anon
I feel like COL in BigLaw areas is so high that it’s very hard to save real $. Or your commute makes you miserable (or you have to stay over somewhere if you miss the last train). Certainly escaping BigLaw in a HCOL area will require you to move to somewhere very different and less expensive.
Cat
lol this is just not true. A few Biglaw areas maybe (NYC and SF) but if you’re in Biglaw in another market, your money goes plenty far to get you a comfortable apartment near the office.
anonshmanon
reminder that the median HHI in NYC is $64k.
Anon
Those median people aren’t struggling with school debt tho. I was more solvent as a teen than I am now with a FT job.
Anon
@Cat is exactly right. Lots of Biglaw firms still pay very high salaries in Dallas, Houston, Atlanta, etc. and COL is much lower. Not as cheap as it used to be, but nothing compared to NYC/SF.
anonshmanon
Enough people end up with NO degree AND student loans (Elizabeth Warren says 40% but according to fact checkers that number might be skewed).
Also a lot of people in this thread talk about paying their own loans and the financial challenge of getting kids through college. You do realize it’s a choice to take on college costs multiple times? You could tell your kids to get scholarships, or go to a cheaper school, or take out their own student loans. You have so many options.
Anonymous
Yes, it’s a choice to take on college costs multiple times, but GenX doesn’t really have any other attractive options. Around the time I went to college, schools realized that they could jack up tuition and squeeze money out of two generations–parents and students–by getting students to sign up for loans to cover what their parents didn’t have saved. I was actually lucky that my parents were so poor that I qualified for a Pell Grants and a bunch of other need-based and merit aid. I didn’t have many undergrad loans, but I did foolishly take out some loans for law school that, while comparatively quite modest, really put a dent in our ability to save for a number of years. I am not about to allow my kid to take out student loans because I don’t want her to go through what I did. Cost of attendance for in-state students at State U is currently $40K/year. She could maybe get a full-tuition merit scholarship to some terrible small liberal arts college, but most decent schools don’t give much merit aid these days. Even her backup backup school only gives out like 10 full-tuition scholarships. Most merit scholarships are like $5,000 off of the $70,000 rack rate. We make just enough that we won’t qualify for any need-based aid other than parent or student loans, neither of which we will accept. The upshot is that until I’ve been working for 20 years and my daughter is out of college, my entire salary will have gone to child care + my student loans, then college savings, and then cash-flowing college expenses.
Anon
I live in a LCOL area. The downside is that “big jobs” pay a lot less here than in HCOL areas (law, finance aren’t the road to riches). The upside is that almost everything is cheaper. Very high quality daycare with extended hours (open 11.5 hours a day) is $9,000 a year per toddler. A new construction, 4 bed/2-3 bath house is $350k. Dining out, shows, entertainment are all quite reasonable. Most importantly, the state universities offer very generous merit aid to talented kids and are quite reasonable even without it.
It seems like the big cost of parenting is college. My alma mater is over $80,000 per year now. I’m not sure if it’s really worth it even if we had the money, and we aren’t willing to work ourselves into an early grave so that a school with a multi-billion dollar endowment can soak us for every cent we ever make. I’ve watched the cost climb from the low $30k range when I started around the new millennium to almost triple that now and… just no.
Anon
+1 to all this from a LCOL Midwest college town, except high quality daycare is hard to find here and expensive. We paid almost $20k/year for an infant, and still pay $14k/year for a preschooler and it’s only 10 hours of care a day. It wasn’t the cheapest option in town for sure, but we weren’t comfortable with the cheap options. But I second everything else, especially the fact that having such an affordable college option (in-state tuition is less than preschool tuition, even before merit aid or employee discounts) is a huge weight off our shoulders. I would love to put my kids through fancy private college if they can get in and we can afford it, but I get great peace of mind from knowing we have a such a reasonably priced state school option that isn’t impossible for kids to get into.
Anonymous
I honestly find it amazing anyone takes the money. When I left Big Law I literally felt like I had been let out of prison and was allowed to live among free people again. Exaggerating? Yes. But is that how I felt? Yes. No amount of money is worth that to me. And now, I have a great, meaningful job, near-total control over my work, and a very healthy salary that provides what our family needs. Oh, and I have a family and kids that I actually get to see. I know not all Big Law jobs prevent this, but mine would have.
Anon
Me too. I left Biglaw as soon as I could. I paid off my law school loans (but that’s it) so my net worth was probably 20k when I left. I was just glad to be out of there.
Cat
I didn’t do that dramatic a change (Biglaw to in house in the same geography) but financial goals before leaving were to have no student loans left (nearly $200K to start, starting salary for Biglaw was $135k at the time), be able to buy a house without first selling our current place (so, had our down payment ready to go), and have responsibly started retirement savings (maxed 401k each year and also general investments; did not have a specific goal here).
If I’d been bailing for a super unpredictable “dream job” type of thing, I would have wanted a bigger war chest.
Anon
I feel like BigLaw is time-limited (sort of like the NFL, maybe you get 4 years before you’re counseled out), so I would not go sooner than the writing is on the wall and would stay every last minute. I’d try to live very low on the hog (so, so hard, b/c you pay for things in time or pay in money — e.g., housing costs), or at least reasonably so and pay for things with cash and only have housing debt as a criteria for exit (and no remaining school debt).
Throw in any kids and it will be hard, mainly b/c the K-5 childcare is expensive and someone actually has to get home on time (so commuting ease is key) or have a second shift of child care ready to step in as needed.
Anon
I left BigLaw without even finishing paying off my school loans. No amount of money is worth living the hellhole of a life that you’re forced to live while working a BigLaw job. It will certainly take me a lot longer to pay off law school and buy a house, but I’m willing to make that trade off for my mental health and the ability to actually have a semblance of a life.
Anonymous
I did this and it worked out better than I ever could have hoped for!
Anon for this
I recently left big law after 7 years. Not sure my scenario was exactly what you’re describing, because I was basically told I had a finite amount of time left at the firm, but I probably could have stayed another year. I’m now in-house at a Fortune 500. I went from making $365k + bonuses to $200k + bonuses.
I definitely felt like we’d reached a place where I could leave and not look back. Paid off $200k+ of law school loans, bought our first house, we had both maxed out our 401(k)s for 7 years, my husband’s salary was on a steep upward trajectory (he now makes more than I do for the first time ever). I’d say our net worth when I left the firm was somewhere in the $700-800k range not including the equity in our house (probably around $125k).
Anon
Short answer – yes, we saved a LOT. We are getting ready for my husband to do this (big finance, not law). What made it possible – we bought less house than we could afford and threw his bonuses at not cool stuff like retirement accounts, our mortgage, and college. I also work and make good money (which is unusual in our area, lots of SAH moms). We are not ‘totally’ set, but we have a war chest and can coast on my salary if needed for a while. Plus I have a cadillac insurance (in case of serious illness) and pension plan so he can go to a smaller/start-up if needed. Btw, ‘smaller’ in our case means not big finance money but 200~k base for him. I realize this is still insanely good money to many but it’s a big step down from that being your base plus your bonus being many multiples of that figure when you still intend to stay in your VHCOL area.
Cornellian
I think the right answer for you depends on your personal life/family/age circumstances. I was leaving my husband and supporting a toddler when I left, so I probably stuck around for longer than I would have. I left with about a half million saved, maybe 250K of equity, and had paid off my loans. It also depends on what you’re going to? are you going to a nonprofit earnign 60K? leaving the workforce? going to government at 120? in house at 220?
Anne-on
That’s a good point that having a partner’s salary (and/or benefits) to rely on helps. As I get older I’ve seen spouses take turns leaning in/out but having a partner with good steady employment to bolster yours is a huge benefit (and I feel for my single friends, it’s no joke not to have that spousal safety net).
Nora
Hmm my situation was very different but I’m bored so here goes.
I was working in consulting. I had I think $30k saved plus some investments, but I did not have undergrad debt. I went to grad school (2 years) -> career I really wanted but had a full scholarship for grad school. I used my savings to pay rent and other expenses during grad school and to move after.
Now, 3 years post grad school I have ~$50k in cash savings and ~$50k in investments/retirement
No Face
The specific number will be different based on what your plans are, the COL where you live (or if you plan to move to a lower COL area after you quit), your student loan balance, your home buying plans, etc.
I don’t remember my specific number, but I already lived in a LCOL and continued to make six figures a year practicing law, just at a smaller firm. I always maxed out 401k, HSA, college savings for kids, and still do. I had already purchased my “forever” home. I didn’t pay off my student loans because the interest rate was so low, but I could pay off the entire balance with a single check without negatively impacting anything.
Anon
What I have a hard time with, as a poor person with a lot of school debt and no family $, is that salary alone is a HUGE amount of $. But loans are also a lot, COL is a lot, I guess I didn’t account for taxes. I feel such pressure to pack PB&J for every lunch but time is at such a premium that I often eat ramen or whatever the convenience store sells. I often don’t have time for . . . vegetables? Laundry? It would be hard to describe to my family how I’m not rolling in $ two years into it, but I think of how my lifetime could be different if I can make it two more. I cannot imagine how it is to have a family and be in BigLaw. I feel like adult protective services is about to get called on me.
No Face
Just keep going! The early years are hard because your salary is so high but it feels like you have no actual money. If you pay down debt, save, invest, in a few years you will be coasting. There ‘s nothing wrong with keeping a loaf of bread, peanut butter, and jelly at the office for your lunch.
Cornellian
I feel that. That can feel especially hard when your peers had parental help for college and grad school and are living on basically 2x what you are. But it does get easier year 3 or 4, and your investments will start pulling some of their own weight too.
Nina
I think its alright to continue living a sorta-student lifestyle and ignore what your actual salary is. Save what you need to, pay for things that would make a difference (laundry service? grocery delivery?) but other than that its fine to eat like a student.
Anon
One thing I did that made a huge difference was that the first few years in Biglaw I put my entire bonus toward my student loan balance. I only paid minimums for most of the year, because that’s what I could afford after I’d covered my costs of living, rent, 401k, and taxes (my husband was employed but as the owner of a not-very successful business so that didn’t help a ton), but when the bonus checks came in it all went to Sallie Mae. I paid off my $160k in loans in just over 5 years. (This was immediately post-financial crisis, so my bonuses were about $35-40k annually…I know it’s a lot more now, although so are loans). The early years were very hard (I was in a pretty expensive city and we basically didn’t save at all) but seeing huge bites come out of that balance helped me feel more like I could stay the course bc I was making progress towards my freedom.
I ended up getting divorced and staying in Biglaw much longer than I thought I would (even became a partner), mostly because I drowned my sorrows by working, but yeah – my major motivation getting through those first awful years was that I knew how much more freedom I would have if I could get rid of my debt. Even just getting it down from $160 to 80k made such a difference in my financial situation. So if you have the ability to just throw your entire bonus at it, I recommend it.
Anonymous
I was in your shoes. I lived very frugally while I worked in biglaw. Shopped sales at outlet stores for clothes, got as inexpensive of a place as I could while feeling safe/comfortable, didn’t go on any big trips, etc. I paid off my $250k+ of student loans in 4 years and felt so incredibly free when that was done. I put about 3/4 of my take-home pay toward my debt each month. I didn’t know how much time I would have in biglaw, and I was terrified of ending up with the debt without having a high paying job, so I hunkered down and knocked it out.
That being said, I still allowed myself little conveniences like buying a salad most days for lunch because your health matters too! I never joined a gym, but I bought a bike. Spending a little bit of money on your health and wellbeing is worth it!
Anon
I was in Big Law for five years. I paid off $50k of law school student loans and saved ~$250k. I thought that was pretty good, given that I had no spousal earnings to speak off (my boyfriend then husband was in grad school) and we were living in one of the most expensive parts of the country (SF Bay Area). Even that fairly modest sum set up us very well for a post-Big Law life in a smaller city on a much smaller salary.
Anonymous
Haven’t read all the other replies so IDK what other context people are providing, but my NW was ~750k when I left biglaw after 8 years; I was there starting in 05, so yes salaries were high but it was the 160k start not the current 200k+ starting salaries. While I always maxed out the 401k to the IRS max that was only like 150k of the previous number – due to no matches; the great recession drop happening in the middle of my time there; and the IRS max when I started my career was about 14k rather than the current 20.5k. So for me yeah I wasn’t leaving [on my own accord – I mean if I had been laid off I’d have no choice] with less than 500k in NW because I knew it was the highest paying job I’d ever have and to me personally that was worth the hours, the not so nice partners etc. I knew I wasn’t ever going to be made partner so it was about maximizing everything in the associate years. [I did start out with school debt but no where near what is common now – total debt was like 75k].
anon.
I left big law, making 250K, for state government. I make 90K. My husband makes slightly more than that. I have an enormous amount of flexibility, an incredible boss, and I’m around and present for my kids. We are in public schools in a not-so-exceptional school system, and I’m ok with that. We bought an inexpensive home and have a low mortgage. They have 529s. It’s possible to leave Big Law.
Anon
I’m in MBB (middle management now, been here almost 7 years) and I feel like there’s a huge difference between people who are ~30 years old and ~40 years old in terms of how expensive housing is in my HCOL city (Toronto). I feel like a good-but-not-great salary ($100K?) could have easily afforded you a house ( now $1M+ for even the most basic or far-out options you can raise a family in), childcare (now $2k/month/kid), university for kids (not U.S. level but not nothing, at least $70k/kid) and a slightly early retirement (at age 55-60) pretty recently but now even earning triple or quadruple that doesn’t feel possible. I make a ton of money and don’t want kids but if either of those things weren’t true, I’d probably opt out entirely and leave my job and this city for somewhere where those things were calibrated to each other in a way that didn’t involve a decades-long grind. You also can’t advocate for people moving to LCOL areas writ large though – people have good reasons for wanting to live where their families are.
Bloedel Babe
I am thinking about this move from a demanding job, and I have about $3M saved without home equity. Still worried though, as a singleton without a safety net. Might push through another 3-5 years at my current role/salary.
Anonymous
Get portable disability insurance while you can, and keep it in place when you leave your high pressure job.
Anon
That’s a humongous amount of money to have saved! Congratulations. Agree on getting really good disability insurance as a safety net. Might also help to think through with a financial advisor and/or therapist what would make you feel comfortable – is there a specific number or goal? If not, it may just be a fear that you need to accept but that doesn’t keep you from making a career change.
Anon
Does anyone have the J. Crew Factory Ruffleneck suit dress? It looks great for me (I’m very short-waisted, so I need the waist area to be vague). Yes? No? I’m formerly used to lined wool sheaths and a bit worried that any other fabric will show all my lumpy-squishy areas (but the shape of this one looks promising).
Cat
I don’t have it but can tell from looking at it that the shoulder ruffles would drive me bonkers under the thin cardigans I’d primarily be layering with.
Anon Reader
Any Elin Hilderbrand fans here? I heard her on one of my favorite podcasts today and would love to read one of her books, but she has a huge number of novels! Any favorites or a good place for a newbie to start? She mentioned some have kind of a “Greek chorus” feel where a small community is judging people or a situation, and that’s what drew me in.
Mrs. Jones
Just start with her first, but it doesn’t really matter because they stand alone ok too. They are good beach reads.
Andi Anderson
I recently read her Paradise trilogy–Winter in Paradise, What Happens in Paradise & Troubles in Paradise– set in St. John, USVI and really enjoyed them for quick beach reads.
Saguaro
I loved these too, but really liked 28 Summers. I have read a lot of her books and they have all been very good. Nice light read but not super predictable.
Anon
I liked the summer of ‘69
Anon_05
I liked Summer of ’69. That was the first book of hers that I read.
Vicky Austin
The only one of hers I’ve read is The Rumor, but it 100% has that Greek chorus feel you describe!
Anon
i love all of her books. there is a blogger, mix and match mama who does book reviews and they often include her books. they are a bit chick lit, but i like those kinds of books
Anon
I have approximately $80k in a basic savings account that I’m trying to figure out what to do with. I’d been saving it to potentially buy a house but I’m not totally sure I want to make the move from my urban condo to a house outside the city (all I’d be able to afford). Inflation has been so low that I didn’t feel bad keeping that much in cash but now I’m just losing money keeping that much in cash. I don’t have debt other than my mortgage. What are people in this situation doing? Should I put a big chunk towards my current condo mortgage (4% interest rate)? Buy market etfs (seems risky since the market is so volatile these days)? Other ideas?
Anonymous
Do an asset allocation split that reflects your age and risk tolerance.
Anon
I’m in a similar situation (more money, but may need it as a down payment since we’re still renting in a super hot housing market, but we may not stay here). Just maxed out our Roth IRAs and then threw an extra 10k into our brokerage account on days that the market was down. It’s really hard to know what to do when you’re on the fence about buying. Contributions to a Roth can always be withdrawn penalty free, so that’s one decent option you didn’t mention.
Anonymous
Does this include your emergency fund?
Cornellian
I echo the previous poster’s emergency fund question. If it doesn’t included your emergency fund, you might look at (to be clear, NON FDIC INSURED) money market investments. If you’re an Accredited Investor, you might want to look in to short-term notes like yieldstreet (and others) offer at well above a savings rate. I’ve built a sort of “CD ladder” set up with those notes to have money coming in and out every 3, 6 or 9 months for larger expenses with some flexibility in timing (i.e. my property taxes, or a potential visit to family in Europe).
Anne-on
Norovirus hit my house on Monday (kiddo) and me (yesterday) and omg I feel like death warmed over. Husband is isolating himself so as to have one healthy person to care for pets/run errands so we’re fine on food (and I’m ignoring chores for the moment).
Favorite mindless tv/movies to watch while we all sip gatorade and nibble on crackers on the couch and wait for it to pass?
cookie monster
Love is Blind on netflix!
Senior Attorney
OMG I just started watching this week and I am hooked!!
Anon
I curse the person here who recommended this show to me. I also love you. This show is the worst thing in the history of humanity and I also love it so much. I can’t stop watching and yet after I watch four episodes of it, I feel the same way mentally as I would feel physically if I ate ten donuts, a large McDonald’s fries, and a venti Starbucks frappuccino with extra whip. Yet the next day I go back and binge-watch some more. Thank you, to whoever recommended Love is Blind to me. You’ve ruined my life.
No Face
Mindless tv? Old Real Housewives seasons. As in the first and second season of each city. If I am really sick, I re-watch Harry Potter movies or listen to the audiobooks because I already know what happens.
Anon
It is the actual worst. We had it in the fall. It is super contagious and can live on surfaces, so I STRONGLY suggest ordering some hydrogen peroxide cleaning wipes so you can try to decontaminate once you’re recovered. You can get them online. Also bleach. Also consider just burning your house down. Seriously the WORST.
Anon
Lol I’m the anon at 11:07 and yes it was the worst and yes I also considered burning my house down. It was so bad.
Anon
Just a tip from our house – use bleach to clean surfaces. Lysol does not kill norovirus and it is SUPER contagious. We thought one of us was spared…we were not.
As for TV – try All Creatures Great and Small on PBS. Countryside views are very soothing and the plot is interesting enough to stay hooked but not super stressful.
NYCer
Ha, this happened to us too. Our poor nanny was the last one to fall!
Anon
If your kid is the right age, you could watch the Paddington movies in honor of the Ukrainian president- he voiced Paddington in the Ukrainian version. I thought they were both pretty decent and very cute. I think one of them is on Netflix.
Anon
Is anyone else watching Servant of the People right now? (I’m not sure it would hold a kid’s attention, and I am not aware of a dubbed version.)
Anon
Time to catch up on one of the Star Wars shows? This is how I finally got into Clone Wars (it took me a while to get over the weird animation style but sick day marathoning did it for me).
Anon
The Lego Star Wars shorts are fun.
Seventh Sister
The Mandalorian is suprisingly good – I adore Pedro Pascal but having seen so much of him (literally and figuratively) in Narcos, I wasn’t wild about the idea that he wore a helmet the whole time. But he is still handsome in a big metal suit and the kids liked it too.
Anonymous
A lot of the time it’s not really Pedro in the big metal suit. He had schedule conflicts so it’s often a stunt double.
Anon
Absolutely mindless – Emily in Paris or Real Housewives. IMO Atlanta and NJ are the most dramatic. For lifestyle p0rn, def Beverly Hills.
anon
There’s a dramatized show about Elizabeth Holmes premiering today on Hulu. No idea if it’ll be good, but I’ll watch it. Amanda Seyfried plays Elizabeth.
PolyD
Ooh, I saw a trailer for that! Super intrigued. The American version of Ghosts is fun and easy to watch, if you are looking for that sort of thing. There’s also a show called America’s Ugliest House, which is nice and mindless, yet pretty funny.
I may or may not have had norovirus in fall 2019. I emptied my entire body between about 3 am and 7 am, but boyfriend never got it. I didn’t really eat for a couple of days – did water and pedialyte of some sort – but when I felt like eating again, a plain scrambled egg was like, ambrosia.
I also had stomach/gut/midsection pain for a few days. It was annoying, but I’m told it’s normal and it did go completely away eventually.
Senior Attorney
I listened to the podcast of the same name, upon which the series is presumably based, and liked it a lot. I am planning on watching the show, too.
Seventh Sister
I’m about halfway through I Care A Lot and it’s super cute. Initially I’d kept putting off seeing it because I find the subject (guardianship fraud) quite distressing, but it’s more like Heartbreakers (super cute) or Ocean’s Eight.
Yesterday's poster re hybrid work
I saw your question way too late! I have been hybrid for about 18 months… roughly 1/2 onsite and 1/2 WFH. Pre pandemic I was WFH 1 day/week and for the first few months I was 100% WFH. For me, hybrid is the perfect balance and I find that I see lots of “great opportunities” but lose interest immediately when I see that they are fully on-site or fully remote.
So, things that make this work for me:
1. When I am on-site, I do not have a dedicated desk/office and my function generally requires me to move around a lot anyway. So not being tethered to a specific desk anymore is actually really great. My “go to work” bag is 100% stocked with things that I need for in person work… some pens, chargers, granola bar, etc. I have duplicates of everything at home so the only things that I have to ADD TO BAG are wallet, keys, phone, laptop. Everything in the bag is as small/efficient as possible. This is analogous to frequent travelers who just keep their bag packed.
2. I have a real WFH setup with duplicates of everything. So my go-bag has a phone charger, and so does my home desk. I have multiple monitors, good lighting, a really good chair, etc.
3. Re calendar triage, it’s definitely a thing. I was not required to do so, but told myself that my default is on-site Tu and Wed (tend to have meetings that want to be in-person on those days). I block my calendar as such (use Outlook’s “working elsewhere” category). Some people, I think, see that and shy away from putting in-person meetings on WFH days… but it’s by no means a company-wide standard as yet. So I do sometimes balance “who can i ask to move their meet ing” vs “I can put my big girl pants on and go in.” I tend to “save up” little on-site tasks that aren’t completely time-sensitive and batch-hit them on my on-site days. Probably half the time, my on-site days change. But if I have a regular on-site day with nothing that really requires me to be on-site… 50/50 I will just stay home.
4. I prioritize collaborative “let’s get together and talk about the teapots” stuff for in-person days and try to save larger blocks of uninterrupted time for deep focus tasks like analysis. So a typical on-site day means I get lots of actual human interaction, most of which happens only because I’m in someone’s line of sight. My function relies on these casual conversations to keep the pulse of things so it’s very helpful. I enjoy the human interaction, it makes some of my tasks easier, and I like putting on real clothes and acting like an old-school adult for a few hours. But would hate it every day lol.
5. My workout routines are very specifically “WFH day” vs “in person” day. So there’s always something to look forward to?
YMMV. A lot of this setup is – I suspect – highly dependent on my very independent function as well as my incredibly hands-off/supportive management and very high-trust team. It took a bit to work out the technical details of stocking that office bag! But now I don’t even really think about it. Although this has probably jinxed me and next week I’ll forget something LOL.
Anon
I’m considering restarting a relationship with a guy I dated a few years ago. We broke up but have since become best friends (sometimes with benefits). One of the reasons I broke up with him is that he doesn’t really do anything after work hours or on weekends, doesn’t have many friends, just doesn’t seem like he has a vision for his life (eg, wanting a house, pets, kids, traveling, etc.)? He just seems very content to live in a studio apartment and spend his free time watching tv/YouTube. He’s otherwise great though – funny, thoughtful, kind, smart, patient. Is his lifestyle just how most single guys in their late 30s live and I should look past that or is this a real reason to not restart the relationship?
Senior Attorney
Only you can answer that question. This is who he is, and if you get involved with him, either this is what your life will be like, or you will have to be okay with being the one who makes things happen in the relationship.
Also: have you used your words and talked about it?
Anon
What kind of life do you want for yourself and where does a partner fit into it? So much of this depends on if you want pets, kids, and travel, and how into it he would be if he’s doing those things with you. Some people aren’t very active about pursuing things but are great companions when you take them along. Some people aren’t going to go to an animal shelter but are very loving pet parents when a furball shows up.
The biggest issue I see is that if you’re about the same age and want kids, it’s best to only date men who are all-in on having kids. (This is not a value judgement.)
anon
I can’t decide if this works for you but I do not know any single men in their 30s and 40s who do not socialize with friends or have at least one hobby. That said, if this works for him, it works for him and he isn’t going to change. If you decided this was a deal breaker before, I would think it would still he a deal breaker. Plus, he should have someone that accepts who he is and loves him as he is. That doesn’t sound like you in a romantic sense.
Anonymous
This. Like I don’t know any adults that just work and then sit on their couch. He doesn’t run or paint or ski or go to baseball games or play chess or volunteer or anything?
I totally feel the work is crazy busy and I just want to veg attitude sometimes but like zero other hobbies/interests would be a deal breaker for sure.
Tina
We talk about hobbies and people not having them all the time here though. I’m definitely an interesting person to date and I volunteer (thats coming to an end soon, will look for something new), swim for exercise, read books. No giant hobby. I guess there’s a difference between not having a huge hobby like skiing and not having interests.
anon
You have hobbies. These are hobbies. And presumably you see friends from time to time (let’s say pre covid anyway).
Anon
I know so many adults that live this way! Especially if you add in reading and a domestic hobby or two (e.g. a bird feeder, a foodie pursuit).
Anonymous
YMMV but I think it’s a real reason to not start a relationship if you do want those things with a partner ultimately – kids; house; travel etc. Because while it may be comfortable and fun, you’d be attached to someone whose life isn’t moving in the same direction as you and thus you’d be “wasting time” in not finding the person who IS compatible with you life wise. And no I don’t think most guys in their late 30s live like this – late 20s sure it’s common – late 30s, much less so. Those who actually want kids [which not every man does] actively start seeking out a partner. Even if they don’t want kids, many still want a house/get into home reno or want to travel etc. I would caution you against getting into a relationship with someone who has no interests other than go to work + come home + watch TV. I grew up in a home like this, it’s . . . challenging.
Cat
I don’t know if this is typical or not, but it doesn’t sound attractive *to me* and I wouldn’t expect his behavior to change at this point. If you’re the type that prefers being relatively independent in a relationship – like lots of weeknight plans of your own, trips with friends or family rather than mostly as a couple, etc – it might work, but if you’re hoping he’ll magically become more proactive I wouldn’t count on it.
Monday
Well, even if it is normal for a single guy his age (I don’t really know), that doesn’t mean you have to accept it in a boyfriend.
Personally, the “not having a vision for his life” of any kind would give me the most pause–unless you’re just casually dating without wanting anything long-term. I’d be concerned that you might feel over time like you were trying to shoehorn him into a vision for life that he doesn’t really share. With something like buying a house or having a baby, that’s risky.
Anon
It’s a real reason if it matters to you. He’s not going to change, so don’t go into a relationship thinking he’ll grow out of this.
Anon
Oh my god this sounds so similar to something I recently thought through. Similar situation minus the benefits. I think you need to think through what you want your life to look like, and if this guy is going to help build that. Not because you want it and he’s nice, but because it’s also something he wants, a shared vision. My answer was no.
Anon
Ok my comment got lost so trying again. I recently found myself thinking through a very similar situation, minus the benefits in the interim, and my ex does have a good friend network. I think you need to think through what you want your life to look like. And then ask yourself, is this something this guy fits with? Not because you want that vision and he’s nice so he wouldn’t stand in the way, but that he wants it too and would build it with you, a shared vision for the future. My answer was no.
Anonymous
I am looking to spend a few nights in April at a hotel near West Palm Beach. I’ll likely be working part of the time, so a chill atmosphere and good food would be appreciated and maybe proximity to the beach as well. Within an hour or two driving of West Palm Beach would be ideal – any suggestions? Thanks!
Cat
Check out Singer Island. Easy drive to a wider variety of restaurants if you want, chill beach atmosphere.
AIMS
I’ve stayed at Crane’s Beachhouse in Delray Beach and I think it meets all your criteria! You can walk to the beach, it’s easy to work there, and you will have lots of good food nearby.
Anonymous
The Breakers! Always the best
anon
Recommendations for petite midi skirts for someone with saddlebags (hate that word)?
Anon
I’m not petite but have experience with saddlebags. Stay away from bias cut fabrics and fine pleats. A lot of woven rayon fabrics are bias cut so even if they don’t say that, I’d suspect it based on the word rayon.
anon
That’s helpful. Thank you!
BeenThatGuy
Heading to Key West early next month for the first time with my boyfriend. We are flying into Key West and not planning on renting a car. Our resort offers a free shuttle to the Duval Street area and airport transfers. Does anyone have restaurant, sightseeing or excursion ideas?
Shelle
If you’re interested in being somewhat physically active, I did one of those day-long boat tours that included snorkeling, jet skis, and parasailing. Lunch and drinks were provided on the boat. When booking, it seemed very cheesy and touristy but it turned out to be so much fun! I just picked one of the companies at the docks but you could probably find recommendations online. We also had fun doing a semi-dressy sunset cruise with champagne. Have fun!
Anonymous
With the caveat that my visit was (9, gulp!) years ago, I remember enjoying:
– Ana’s Cuban Cafe for low-key, fresh food and especially watermelon juice
– The physical patio space of what now seems to be First Flight Island Restaurant & Brewery
– The Ernest Hemingway Home
– Harry Truman Little White House – not so much the museum itself but the surrounding neighborhood
– Mallory Square with artists and quite a crowd at sunset
– Higgs/Rest Beaches
– Key West Garden Club
– Renting a bicycle to expand the radius I could explore on foot without a car. Plus fun in itself. Traffic was very friendly to bikes.
I have since learned that famed author Judy Blume owns and operates a bookstore there, so I would put that on my list now.
Have fun!
Anon
Key West is only something like 7 miles circumference, and they have great trails. Rent some bikes and ride around the island, there are a ton of places to stop and explore.
Also, if you can, take a ferry day trip to the Dry Tortugas. Great beaches, lovely snorkeling, and a really cool fort with lots of history.
Sunshine
Lazy Dog eco tours, SUP – you can even borrow a dog!
BelleRose
I was in medical school when COVID hit and we went virtual…and I basically burnt myself out trying to make it work. I withdrew last March and have spent the last year recovering. Now I’m trying to start applying for jobs.
a) how do I explain what I’ve been doing since 2019? Just leave it as a gap and mention in my cover letter? Put down “Med school — unfinished”?
b) resume tips for pivoting fields? All my previous work was focused on getting into med school, so very healthcare-oriented, but trying to branch out what fields I apply to. I’ve heard advice to do a “functional” resume highlighting skills rather than a chronological one with each job in detail…is that just a gimmick?
Thank you!
Senior Attorney
I think this would be a great question for Ask A Manager!
Other than that, I would never use the word “unfinished” on my resume! I think people understand that all kinds of things have been all higgledy-piggledy since the pandemic and you are likely to get a pass. I think the universal term for “attended but did not finish” is “attended,” so that’s what I’d probably put.
Anonymous
I sometimes see resumes from people who did not finish Ph.D. programs. They typically list the dates of attendance and whatever credentials they did obtain (master’s) or requirements they did fulfill (ABD). If you list dates but not a degree it will be pretty apparent that you did not finish. Having attended some med school may be an asset for certain positions (pharmaceutical sales?), even if you didn’t finish.
Prepare to be asked about why you left med school in interviews. You need to have a story that is forward-looking and connects to the job for which you are applying. I graduated from law school at the top of my class but never took the bar and work in a related field where a JD is an asset but not required. When I was job-hunting I was always asked why I didn’t want to practice law. My truthful answer was that my unique combination of subject matter knowledge from law school and technical skills from my other graduate degree meant that I could make more impact in the type of job for which I was applying than by representing individual clients. I did not tell the interviewers that it was also because I had learned in law school that I despised the culture of the legal profession and the apparent drudgery of law practice.
BelleRose
I wish I had the option to put master’s; many schools will give master’s after getting to the point I did, but my particular school does not.
Anon
As someone with a PhD, I’m extremely familiar with the scenario where people leave PhD programs with a masters- this makes things much easier, but I agree with the poster above that you should just list it with dates attended- I’ve definitely never heard of people dropping out of med school and getting a masters degree so I’d definitely understand what that meant.
Honestly, given the cost of med school, it’s extremely understandable that if for whatever reason you decided you didn’t want to be a doctor (and there are some very obvious reasons why you might decide that over the last few years), you wouldn’t want to keep going into debt. I wouldn’t go into any level of detail about why you dropped out in your cover letters, just say that that you decided medicine wasn’t for you and talk about why you’re applying for this job instead and how it relates to your experience.
Anon
In case it makes those who quit grad school feel better, one company I worked for preferred to hire grad school dropouts to do data analytics. Their price point was a bit lower than someone who had gone all the way to PhD, and they found the dropouts less “academic” and more amenable to a corporate environment.
Anon
Yes- I’m the Ph.D who posted above, but at least when it comes to Ph.D.s, dropping out, it had absolutely nothing to do with how smart or motivated someone was- in many cases it was actually the better students who dropped out because they had better options or the courage to know what they actually wanted and were less willing to put up with abusive advisors. I’ve seen a lot of bad things happen to good people and I don’t blame them for leaving.
I know there are still lots of judgmental people out there, but there are also a lot of us that see it as a positive sign when people are willing to walk away from something that isn’t working for them. If you can come up with a good story to sell yourself, people like me are willing to give you a chance. Good luck!
Anon
I would never fault someone for dropping out of a Ph.D. program. My dad has a Ph.D. and the process of completing it nearly broke him, and he is a very level, nearly-unflappable guy. Those programs can be very difficult, and there are all kinds of reasons why someone might start a Ph.D. and then not finish it.
Monday
I wouldn’t just leave a gap from 2019 to present. It’s long enough that, worst case, they don’t consider you; and best case, they’ll ask about it in an interview and you’d have to explain it anyway. Might as well just explain up front. I agree with SA on “attended” with the dates.
Ask A Manager is a great resource for this, even just to search existing answers. She has said that a functional resume without dates “screams ‘I’m hiding something'” so I’d stick to the traditional chronological format. They’re going to have to recognize that you’re changing fields and be willing to work with that.
BelleRose
Thank you! I’ll submit to AAM, but was hoping to get sending out resumes today. For now, do I just put under Education:
attended Lightsbridge University School of Medicine, 2019-2021
BS Teapot Studies, Winding Circle College
BelleRose
Or do I put it under “Experience” and mention skills acquired there? Does the explanation for leaving go in the cover letter?
Anon
reach out to your undergrad career center. they can still help you! I work with one and we see alumni who’ve started and stopped med school more than you’d think
Tina
I’m not sure about a) but for b) I do think functional resumes are gimmicky. If you’re in a field like tech or statistics where there are a lot of general skills that are good to highlight, I think its fine to have a skills section where you list all that.
Anonymous
Weren’t functional resumes a fad that died out? I haven’t seen one in years, although in my field I see CVs more than resumes.
Anon
Also in a field with more CVs than resumes, but I’ve seen them done well when people tend to have lots of overlapping short term positions (internships, postdocs, TAs, etc.) and skills and jobs don’t necessarily align well because you do lots of different things in each job, but the same kinds of things in all of them. So it might make sense to have sections for lab skills, field experience, teaching experience, and bioinformatics/data science etc. But in that case, I still recommend having a basic chronology section with dates (I guess this is actually a hybrid format).
Lifer
Definitely include medical school on your resume – academic years 1 & 2. That is a huge achievement. You should be proud of the knowledge base you have gained that can be helpful for a variety of medical adjacent professions. You earned that.
I would carefully prepare an answer as to why you decided not to pursue medicine long term. You can mention COVID as a contributor / unsatisfying learning experience/expense of med school, but focus on how this med school experience will prepare you for your next steps regardless.
MANY people change their mind about med school. Don’t sorry about that. Make sure you get your mental health well supported before applying to jobs though. The additional gap may not even need to be accounted for. You could fudge a little a say family during the pandemic?
Good luck.
Curious
Thanks to everyone for the career and cancer thinking yesterday!
Wanted to share a rec. I recently asked for recommendations for joggers. I ended up with these: https://www.nordstrom.com/s/free-people-fp-movement-sunny-skinny-sweatpants/6413316?color=NAVY
And I love them! Super soft, flattering fit over my belly and waistline which are still smaller than my hips but not by too much, pockets!
Anon
Just found out I’m having a c section after three v deliveries. Please tell me all your tips for recovery so I can start ordering any supplies now! Baby has a heart condition that will require at least a 3 week nicu stay and Im planning to stay in the hospital with her, so I don’t need to worry about help around the house or having my older kids be gentle at least for that period.
Smokey
I have no suggestions to offer but just wanted to send some good thoughts and support your way.
Good luck!
I’m not sure about supplies! I’ve had four and I think it will be much better than you think – especially given its planned.
I’m sorry to hear that about your baby. It’s amazing what doctors can do now for a heart condition at birth – wishing you good luck! I think the best thing you could do would be to make sure you have a pump you like (or maybe renting a medical grade one?) and getting prepared to give yourself all the slack in the world.
Maybe post on the moms board tomorrow for ideas. They’re great for stuff like this over there!
anon
I used a belly band for a few weeks after my c-section. They gave me one at the hospital but I also wore the one I had when pregnant. It made me feel more comfortable and less like my intestines were about to pop out when I laughed or sneezed (they will not! but sometimes it feels that way). Have a small pillow to hold against the incision when you go #2. Take all the stool softeners. Seriously. The first bowel movement was the worst part of the entire experience. A friend recommended milk of magnesia but I only ended up taking Colace. (Make sure you have some at home.)
Try to get up and walk as soon as you can. I was up walking around the hospital ward the same evening as soon as the catheter was out. I was super uncomfortable so it was more a hunched forward shuffle around the nurses’ station at that time. But I did that slow shuffle a few times a day over the next few days, and progressively got better. After 5 days or so I could walk almost normally, but I avoided stairs as long as I could.
Don’t try to be a hero with the pain meds. For some reason I did, and I regretted it because it was hard to sleep with the pain. I ended up taking the opioid they recommended for a few nights and it helped, but as soon as I didn’t need it I alternated tylenol and ibuprofen throughout the day for about a week or 10 days. Stay on top of the pain meds so you’re not chasing the pain.
I saw a pelvic floor PT before my c-section, and she made me practice the “roll” they recommend to get out of bed or up from a seated position. It was really helpful to have practiced that a few times while not in pain, so I had it down when I needed it. I’m sure you could find some Youtube videos if you don’t have a PT lined up. My PT also helped me with scar tissue mobilization post-partum, but again this is something you can figure out how to do yourself. It definitely helped to start that sooner rather than later (but ask your doc).
Overall I had a great experience and recovered quickly, and I have no lasting problems. I think a scheduled c-section is so much easier on your body than an emergency c-section after many hours of labor. You’ll do great!
Anon
This is all fantastic advice.
Go for it
Firstly, you got this! It’s a lot! This is great! I will add:
high waisted bike shorts – a pair/or two one size up from pre pregnancy weight & a pair/or two two pre pregnancy weight
They help keeps things compressed without feeling like a sausage in a casing ha ha.
I was very stressed as the nicu was not in the plan.at.all.
and needed fever sore cream desperately.
Lastly, I wore my babies and walked tons it really helped the healing
C section mama
Tips: Go slow and gentle. When you take the baby home, make sure you have help with food, diaper changes, and childcare for the other kids because your body will still be recovering. Start PT to rebuild core and pelvic strength when you are cleared to exercise (for me this was after 6 weeks). Ignore all the parenting books that talk about c sections impacting your bond with your baby.
Supplies: high waisted panties so the seam does not touch your incision. I wore my maternity leggings for a while too. Belly band for core support while walking. My Brest Friend for back support while holding/feeding the baby.
Best wishes to you and your baby!