Frugal Friday’s Workwear Report: Soft-Touch Scuba Crewneck Top

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a woman wearing a light pink top and black jeans

Our daily workwear reports suggest one piece of work-appropriate attire in a range of prices.

The weather in the Northeast has me longing for warmer days, and this crewneck top from Banana Republic Factory might be my first purchase for the spring. The cut is gorgeous, and the scuba fabric looks substantial.

I don’t usually go for pastels, but this beautiful “violet lilac” color is making me rethink my position. Wear this under a navy or gray suit for a gorgeously feminine, but still professional, look. 

The top is $25 at Banana Republic Factory and comes in sizes XXS-XXL. It also comes in black, “preppy navy,” and “snow day.”

Sales of note for 2/7/25:

  • Nordstrom – Winter Sale, up to 60% off! 7850 new markdowns for women
  • Ann Taylor – Extra 25% off your $175+ purchase — and $30 of full-price pants and denim
  • Banana Republic Factory – Up to 50% off everything + extra 15% off
  • Boden – 15% off new season styles
  • Eloquii – 60% off 100s of styles
  • J.Crew – Extra 50% off all sale styles
  • J.Crew Factory – 40% off everything including new arrivals + extra 20% off $125+
  • Rothy's – Final Few: Up to 40% off last-chance styles
  • Spanx – Lots of workwear on sale, some up to 70% off
  • Talbots – 40% off one item + free shipping on $150+

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259 Comments

  1. Does anyone work in construction or materials Contracting? Purely curious- if steel prices go way up due to a tariff or frankly any reason, what happens with in-progress construction? My city is adding a terminal to the AirPort but its a 4- or 5- year project. Are the materials like steel already contracted for $X or is this something one side has to eat? Or is there language in these contracts that allows for changing cost of materials?

    1. I’ve seen this several times. A price is contracted, but when construction goes up dramatically the client either is forced to pay the difference, or the developer just declares bankruptcy and moves on.

    2. They’re probably trying to buy a bunch of steel at a lower cost in advance, but otherwise it will just cost a bunch more.

    3. I’m not in construction but commercial real estate and work on a ton of construction projects/underwrites. Construction projects generally execute a contract on the front end – it could be a “cost plus” or guaranteed maximum price (GMP) contract. There are other types, but those are the kind I see most often. So, the price is locked in up front and the trades are bought out so the price is secured at the front end of the project.

      That said, I don’t know if the contracts for 4-5 year projects have provisions for extreme escalations in costs like what we’d experience via tariffs (the projects I work on are generally 2-4 years). Theoretically, if the trades are bought out then the steel cost is locked in, but this is just so unique and extreme I don’t know if there’s some exception for this scenario OR if a 5-year project would have phased construction costs/contracts, so maybe the first phase of the project is bought out but the second would be exposed to the elevated costs.

    4. I was tangentially involved in a large project run by a government contractor that was interrupted by Covid. There was a large contingency in the budget, something like 30%, that was ultimately completely eaten up in 2021 and 22 by supply chain issues and changes in exchange rates (since much of the equipment was purchased from Europe). Ultimately, the scope of the project was slightly reduced to meet budget.

      1. +1 either you make the project smaller to fit the budget or you find more money. Those are the two options.

    5. I have no idea how commercial contracting and construction works, but I can share that when we did a million dollar house renovation project back in 2022, not a single contractor would work with us on anything other than a cost-plus contract because they said they couldn’t anticipate the cost of materials given inflation. And yes, this was exactly as painful as it sounds.

    6. I work in construction contract management. In that kind of situation the contract (public) will have a clause with a formula to calculate escalation base in an offical price reference. Some of then each month or 3 or 6 months.
      Maybe in private in the past would have different but no one right now will sign for a fix steel price as it is quite volatile.

  2. Please help, I am looking to figure out a lowish cost, decent tasting wine to keep around the house for when friends come over. I teetotle so I lack any knowledge and inclination to ball out, but want to be more prepared to host. Vibe is wine for friend hang with snacks or pizza/Chinese/fast casual takeout. Am headed to Trader Joe’s and Costco this weekend. And, because I know wine can be regional, am in the mid-Atlantic. Thank you, sommelier Samaritan.

      1. Max $10 if that’s doable? (I really don’t know, and don’t want to serve swill.) Could go to $15, if necessary. I honestly was thinking of just buying 6-10 bottles to have around, so it’s not a stressor/scramble. I want to cultivate a life with easy in person gatherings, and I think routinizing this will help.

        1. $10 is really really low for a bottle of wine. I rarely drink and am not a connoisseur at all, but when we bring wine to someone’s house we usually look for a bottle in the $20-30 range. My sense is that the quality difference between a $10 bottle and a $25 bottle is pretty dramatic.

          1. Eh, I’d say the difference between <$10 and $10-$20 is dramatic, but going up to $20-$30 not a huge benefit especially if you're on a budget. I can tell when I'm having a $50+ bottle compared to $15 but for pairing with takeout, no need to go high!

          2. I agree you don’t have to spend $30 but $10 wine is really not good, and is not something I’d serve to guests.

    1. I like the Kirkland Sauvignon Blanc and the Cabernet Sauvignon. It’s very thoughtful that you’re doing this – I don’t expect alcohol if visiting with a non-drinking friend!

    2. Try the Apothic series (Red, Dark, etc) – they’re red blends, pretty cheap, and broadly popular.

      1. Second kirkland sauv blanc. Their red blend is also delicious. For non-costco, I like oyster bay sauv blanc

        1. Another vote against Apothic. It’s somehow both too sweet and too bland. Pick a bottle around $15-$20. Anything under $10 is undrinkable in my book (and I’m not a huge wine snob). Maybe one each of sauvignon blanc, chardonnay, pinot noir, and cabernet sauvignon. I prefer Costco’s wine selection and staff help over Trader Joes.

    3. I like Alamos Malbec for this. I first had it almost two decades ago and it’s held up as one of my favorites. It’s about $12 at most big liquor stores

      1. Another vote! I was also going to recommend Alamos Malbec. So good and very affordable. There are other lesser known Malbecs that are also very good and within that price range.

    4. Is there a Total Wine in your region? The Armani Pinot Grigio Venezie is my go-to table pinot grigio, and around $11 a bottle if you buy at least 6 “mix 6” bottles. They also have super friendly staff who are not snobs in the $10-$15 recommendation help!

    5. My house red wine is Fiction, a blend from Field Recordings. It’s usually around $20/bottle, but I’ve gotten it on sale for around $15. It’s very food-friendly and not as high-alcohol as some of the widely available labels like Meiomi or Apothic.

      One tip: if you find a local wine store with knowledgeable salespeople, they can help you find something, and they will often give a discount if you’re buying a case of 12 bottles. Sometimes it has to be 12 of the same wine, but some shops will discount what they call a mixed case, as well. Buying in bulk aligns with your idea of getting something to have on hand. Totally understand if that feels like more effort than you want to put into this, though.

      1. Sometimes you can get a case of 6 bottles, but even better is if you get a 12 case of 6 white and 6 red wines.

    6. When I asked the local (DC) TJ’s staff a simillar question they pointed me to the Mieomi Pinot Noir.

      1. Meomi is a crowd pleaser but is also like $20 now. They also changed the recipe in 2023 so it’s much sweeter than it used to be.

        Caliveda at Total Wine is a jammy red that’s similar to old Meomi but it’s up to like $16 I think.

        Ed (Edmundo I think? There’s a big ED on the bottle) at total wine comes in 2-packs for around $20 for the pack. You can usually get a 2-pack of a red and a white. This is what I would get in OP’s shoes. Ed is my go-to second bottle of the night.

    7. I really think you should ask your friends. I like a Chianti with pizza and sparkling wine with sushi. Depending on your crowd Meoni or apothic might be a hit. By all means buy what your friends like! They sell a bazillion bottles of those things so they’re popular. But I feel obligated to tell that among many wine drinkers those are considered undrinkably bad and not because they’re inexpensive. I really think one phone call or text to a wine drinking friend would help a ton. You’re a really thoughtful and fun host your friends are lucky to have you.

    8. with costco anything is possible under $10 and I am a huge fan of the Alamos Malbec which they always have on my shelves $8-9 maybe?

      Whites: +1 to the Kirkland Sauv Blanc which is a crowd pleaser I think. Not watery and fruity like a PinotGrig but not divisive like a Chard.

      these two are my stocked-just-in-case house wines

      1. Just my personal opinion as a wine drinker who doesn’t stock either of these: these are excellent suggestions and I’d happily drink both.

      2. I have almost never gone wrong with a Costco pick. So long as the bottle is at least $10 or so, the wine has been decent. Usually, they are quite good.

    9. It’s lovely of you to be considerate but I don’t think you should stress about this. If you don’t drink then presumably your friends know that and can bring a bottle when they come to your house to hang out.

      At most I’d keep a bottle of emergency Prosecco on hand. You know, for your Prosecco related emergencies. Plenty of options in the $10 range and it doesn’t matter if it’s bad because youre probably adding juice to it anyway.

      1. This–I’d let your friends bring what they like. People are always asking “what can I bring,” and “wine!” is the perfect easy response. As a bonus, you’re likely to end up with an extra bottle left over for the next gathering.

    10. Co-sign the Trader Joe’s Rioja, their Tuscan blend that’s a number (1958? 1960something?) is my go-to though. You can always just show up at TJ’s and ask though, their wine people have always provided solid recommendations in my experience.

    11. In the $20 range, I really like Ferrari-Carano’s Siena. It’s an Italian-style red blend from California. They usually have it at Total Wine, and I have seen it at Costco as well.

    12. If you’re open to a crisp, refreshing white wine, Trader Joe’s Espiral Vinho Verde is my absolute favorite. Under $5 a bottle and so good.

  3. Who here has found a good personal style if your body has changed a lot in your 40s/50s? I feel like I do better with midi dresses as a casual look but I am struggling with work looks when I need to look more business than casual. I started working with suits and panty hose and was tiny. Now, nothing from then applies now. I need a style mentor or at least inspiration. I’m still in straight sizes but my proportions often mean I need to go into a store and try things on and I swear stores now have jeans and ruffle puffs and too-short club wear. Where do august adult women shop in 2025?

    1. I live in a large city but gave up on brick and mortar for workwear ages ago. There’s just not enough carried in stores anymore. I usually buy two sizes and return one or both. A lot of my suiting is Nordstrom, J Crew and Talbots. I don’t know how formal you need to be. I do a lot of speaking at conferences for a pretty stuffy industry. I wear a lot of suiting dresses with lady jackets or long sleeves. But that’s mainly because I don’t like a lot of pants. I also rely on more shapewear these days.

        1. Question to the lady jacket fans: what do you wear under them, and what kind of upper body proportions do you have? I want to like them, but feel like I look like a cereal box in them. Broad shoulders, smallish boobs.

          1. I also have broad shoulders and lady jackets hang weird like a sad sack. And I have long arms, and they rarely come in talls. They don’t end up looking like bracelet sleeves–they just look ill-fitting and awkward. Like sweater blazers, this is a trend I must sit out. Oh, and I’m allergic to wool too!

          2. I am short and plus size 18, b/c cup, my belly pokes out farther than my chest, and I try to dress in all solid colors and then put the lady jacket on like a statement jacket. I am middle age so I get hot flashes so I usually go for a short sleeve sweater. I do feel a little boxy in some of the jackets but I also move my arms and gesture a lot so I do feel comfortable even with very wobbly upper arms.

        2. The Lady Jackets are adorable on the women in their 20s and 30s. Older women look like older frumpy women in them.

    2. NM, Bloomingdales (at these I watch for sales on my fave next-level mall brands like Vince, rag & bone, Hobbs), JCrew. But in all cases selection online is a lot better. I tend to try on different styles from these brands when in an IRL store so that I know how they run, but otherwise have no shame in ordering 2-3 sizes of everything.

      1. Vince is serving me ads lately with really classy outfits, not too formal but perfectly corporate with a bit of a feminine flair.

    3. Do you have any kind of department store in your area? At least in mine, that is one of the few places that I can find workwear to try on in person. I am like you … still in straight sizes, but proportions are a total crapshoot. Also, I make a few big online orders every year and just know that half of it will be returned. It’s a PITA, but I don’t know what else to do. I also venture into curvy and tall sizes for some pieces, which are rarely available in store.

    4. If you tell us your shape and if you are tall or petite, someone with that shape can suggest brands. I do all my workwear shopping online and this group had really good specific suggestions.

      1. I’m a pear — 2 sizes larger in bottom, so 6 and 10, maybe 12 depending on cut. There used to be curvy cuts but not so much now? Dresses need to have a waist, but it needs to be a generous waist.

        1. I’d look into Modern Citizen, Hobbs, Anthropologie, Veronica Beard, Talbots, Jcrew, Me & Em, the Fold (their A-line dresses are great for pear shapes), and Libby London.

    5. Get on instagram and follow influencers. There’s so many but if you start with a few, the algorithm will find you more. I’m enjoying Emily Schuman’s more grown up looks these days.

    6. I’m 46 and I’m a size 16/18 and shop at Lafayette 148, Vince, Eileen Fisher, Ralph Lauren, Banana Republic, MM Lafleur, Marina Rinaldi, Tahari and Universal Standard for work-wear or occasion/have to dress up wear.
      I like two styles as an older, polished business-woman: very slight eccentricity (like unusual bold color combinations or interesting artsy jewelry, slightly edgy cuts/draping) or very old-school “old money” muted but not drab elegance–like all one color in different intensities outfits (suit in one shade, silk blouse in same only lighter) or a really well made shirt-dress in a rich silk or wool twill.

    7. I honestly started working with a tailor who has made shirts and a wool blazer for me from scratch. I go to fabric stores and pick up nice heavy 100% linen and wool twill when I travel to major cities. Echoing Talbots, also Hugo Boss, Argent, and Banana Republic 100% wool. Stick to 100% linen, silk twill, wool, 100% cotton. The clothes in many stores (including high end designer) are either too frilly or they are obviously polyester. Mmlafleur- looking at you. Tailored Talbots or Banana Republic wool pants can look great on a curvy 12-14.

    8. The more mature personal style (or call it what it is, a uniform) I settled on several years ago is a modest-cut v-neck synthetic faux-wrap dress with 3/4 sleeves that hits at or just below the knee. This works for work, for after-work events, for travel regardless of the climate or weather (you can ball them up and stuff them into whatever luggage you are carrying), in winter (with knee-high black boots or ankle-high boots), in summer (with pumps, sling-backs or even mules). If you find one of these dresses, buy several in different colors. They are work horses! As a top layer, either nothing or a cashmere cardigan, or a sweater-jacket that closes at the neck or shop around a Chicos, Talbots, or elsewhere while wearing the drdss to see if you can find a light-weight jackety layer to wear with each dress. Good luck!

  4. Something is living in my walls. Or somethings. Probably what people in my area call roof rats. They die in the walls and it stinks. They chewed through under one cabinet and I’ve caught several in traps. I can’t catch any in the basement or attic. My theory is that where they creep in is likely from the attic but drops them into a space between walls, not into the attic cavity. Until I find the gap they come in through, I’m stuck, no? And roofers and the critter catching people have tried. My latest idea is maybe to open the walls to pump in that foam insulation to seal things up. And then patch / paint. Yes? No? House is a frankenhouse from the 20s that has been added onto a few times so I’m sure there are gaps and settling. I want a poured concrete bunker as my next house.

    1. I’d like to hear answers to this too. Our problem isn’t that bad, but we do occasionally hear mice in the walls in our similarly aged house. There’s no indication that they’re actually coming into the house where there are both cats who would love to eat them and an abundant supply of cat food that shows no signs of mouse feeding so we don’t know what to do to get rid of them other than find all of the possible entrances (probably many).

    2. We dealt with this issue for a year. Set traps, made sure all entry points were sealed, even put cameras in our attic to try to see where they were coming from and how many there were. We finally decided to check our pipes and it turns out that was their entry point. After replacing the crumbled pipe and fixing the U-bend that had come undone in our crawl space, we no longer have the issue. You can have a plumber run a smoke test to see if there are cracks in your pipes and proceed from there.

      1. A gap near the pipes? For things like water and waste lines, wouldn’t there be obvious leaking? My mind is going to scary places. I miss renting.

        1. No, the gap is between the pipe and the exterior. We had the same issue. Once it was sealed, problem solved.

        2. One of the pipe issues was an exterior pipe buried in the ground leading into the house. We did also have the misaligned bend in our crawl space – so no obvious leak issues.

          It was an expensive problem to fix. If you have old cast iron pipes, with your house being as old as it is, this is definitely something to rule out I think.

    3. Get an exterminator. Seriously. They can find where the critters are getting in and will have ideas for sealing up the area. Ours actually did that for us.

      1. Anon who mentioned pipe problem above. Yes, we worked with an exterminator. They did all of the things I mentioned and were the ones who brought up the pipe idea as a last resort as they had exhausted their resources. We would not have realized that was the issue without them!

    4. We get seasonal mice in our 1920s frankenhome. I have a good idea of where the entry point is, but we can’t easily access it without major construction (it’s under part of our porch and would require tearing up part of the foundation) so we do what we can to deter and have traps for what we can’t. The best things we’ve found to deter are poison baits and ammonia-soaked rags nearby. I don’t love either of those, but they are better than mice building a colony inside.

      1. When you used the ammonia-soaked rags did the mice come out of their hiding places so that you see them in your living spaces (e.g. running across rooms that you saw)? Worse yet, did they die and smell near the rags? Please share what you used for poison baits and how well it worked? Did the poison baits and ammonia-soaked rags have downsides and pluses that you are willing to share? Any information is greatly appreciated!

        1. Poison baits create another issue, they often go in the walls to die and then you have the stink and possible flies as a result. We use old fashioned mousetraps with peanut butter on them in all the usual places. It’s usually an issue when it gets very cold out or after heavy rains. We check them weekly. We have sealed everywhere we can, but just the nature of an older home. Actual traps are also more humane than poison or sticky traps and safer for those setting them. Just be careful, not fun when you accidentally set them off on your finger!

    5. If it is the variety of rodent commonly called the Norway Rat, and you have small child or small pets, you need to go to whatever effort is required to eradicate them. The Norway Rat is aggressive per the pest service I used, and this is confirmed by google. I had a rental loft at one point and one of those things came in the kitchen when I was cooking. When I stomped at it and then waved a broom at it, the damn thing just looked at me.

    6. Agree that you really need to take this seriously because rats can be horribly destructive. I don’t know where you are but we are in So Cal and after several unsuccessful tries we used a company called Rodent Stop that was unspeakably expensive but got rid of the infestation and also has a lifetime guarantee that runs with the property. One upside to the whole process (which I learned this month) is that once the house is sealed against rodents, it is also more fire-safe because it’s harder for flaming embers to get into those little gaps if the little gaps are sealed.

      1. the lifetime guarantee is worth paying a premium. I paid for exterminators who came and plugged every hole they could find for mice to get into, and provided a one year guarantee. The mouse infestation immediately ceased and that lasted for … 13 months. Dang little rodents knew the 12 month guarantee had just expired.

    1. We hired a taxi driver and he drove us around the island for a tour and we ended up at Animal Flower Cave.

      For casual food, we liked Sharkey’s Cafe. The Cliff is lovely too, but requires reservations.

      Barbados is known for its rum, so you could do a distillery tour at Foursquare, Mount Gay or St. Nicholas Abbey.

      We were there in 2018, and back then we paid for a lot of stuff with American dollars and I got cash out at an ATM when needed.

    2. I’m from Barbados, so here goes!

      Restaurants – The Cliff, Champers (very popular),La Cabane (beachside),Fishpot, Calma Beach Club, Sea Shed, Ecolifelodge.
      Good restaurants are plentiful and there are many more I could add to the list. You can check out the ones above on IG. If you’d like an open air experience try the Oistins fish fry on Friday nights.

      Sightseeing – Bathsheba (east coast, big waves, rustic), Coco Hill Forest (forest bathing and hikes), Animal Flower Cave (awesome views and great restaurant), Harrison’s Cave, Hunte’s Gardens.

      Take a catamaran cruise and have lunch or dinner on board. Swim with the turtles. Watch races horses take their sea bath early in the morning on Carlisle Bay. Plenty of rum tasting and distillery tours. If you’re adventurous you can take an off road jeep tour.

      Enjoy!

      1. Still remember going to dinner at The Cliff 25 years ago. What a spectacular setting. And the food was good too! Super pricey at that time.

    1. The JW Marriott has a rum drink / Asian food place on the beach that I loved as a casual lunch spot a few years ago. I wouldn’t have thought of that pairing but it hit a good vibe with me.

    2. No recommendations, but the shells on the beach are supposed to be some of the best in Florida and the sunsets will be beautiful. I’m so envious!

  5. Happy Friday! I’m heading up to Killington next weekend. I’ve skied there a bunch but I’ve never stayed on the mountain for a weekend. I’m looking for restaurant recommendations. Doesn’t need to be fancy but I enjoy good food and craft beers. Thanks!

      1. Casual. We like all cuisines. I’m not big into pasta and rice but I can usually work around the restaurant to substitute veggies.

  6. Where would you get a small tattoo you would want to keep hidden when wearing a bikini but something I could still see for inspiration?

    1. Well, the Venn diagram for areas of your body that is in the intersection of “I want to be able to see the tattoo” but have it “hidden when wearing a bikini” is quite small, fairly obvious, and would require undressing and possible use of a mirror.

      1. Yup this. These are mutually exclusive things.

        I like the inside of the wrist for a fairly discreet location you see a lot, but of course that’s not covered by a bikini or even a t shirt.

    2. Just based on human bodies, you don’t have many options unless you want to put it on your butt and look in a mirror. Why not just get it on your wrist or something? I feel like tattoos don’t have the social stigma they used to. I’ve seen a lot of small, tasteful, pretty wrist tattoos.

    3. I wouldn’t. They don’t age well. Get something inspiring engraved on the back of a watch, a pendant, or inside a ring.

          1. You know you don’t have to comment if you don’t have anything helpful to say, right?

          2. Not me but both of my sisters and a couple of friends got tiny tattoos in their early 20s that they regret now in their 50s. One had the laser treatment to get it off but it’s still faintly there.

            Small symbols that had no particular deep meaning to them but seemed cool at the time.

      1. Agreed. If you really, really want one, I would get something small on the inside of your wrist. I still agree with the prior poster that they don’t age well though.

    4. I just really don’t want one thats visible.

      I know I’m an adult and I can do what I want, but we also sometimes do or don’t do things because of people we love. My parents are extremely anti tattoo, to the point I never thought I’d ever get one. It’s not that they’d be mad at me, but more like it’d cause them severe anguish and I don’t want to do that to them.

      They also have a beach house I spend a lot of time at, hence the bikini issue.

      1. Well, of the available surface area, I would rule out getting one on my b–b, “easy to see” rules out the back… so that leaves one specific triangle, no?

        1. I would get a tiny one on the inside of my left wrist, and just wear a watch whenever I’m with them. You can look at it discretely, but a watch or a piece of jewelry would hide it without drawing attending to that part of your body. I am a runner, so always have a watch on, and have considered doing something small and meaningful in that spot.

        2. I have a small one on the front of my right hip area. It’s coverable with a bikini and you could pop into a bathroom and pull your waistband out and see it.

          1. And I got that one at 24 and still am glad I got it 20+ years later so *shrug*

      2. You can do it on your rib cage underneath your arm pit, assuming that you do not have a penchant for very small tops. Also, you can always discover a new found love of skin protection and wear rash guards. My parents are also very anti-tattoo and only found out about my sister’s in the aftermath of their first grandchild’s arrival. Grandbaby softened the blow quite a bit.

      3. You could suddenly become very concerned about skin cancer and start wearing a upf shirt at the beach

      4. My family is anti-tatto and I have a full back and a full sleeve, they’ve gotten over it. So much so that my senior citizen mom has recently gotten her first tattoo too!

        My cousin similarly has full sleeve and leg tattoos, which softened his mom (my aunt) who has also gotten her first tattoo as a senior.

        Cousin and I are both in our 30s and married.

      5. My brother would be very upset if I got a tat. There is no symbol that I would put on my body that is important enough to upset him.

    5. I think your only option is to get it on the hip and wear high-waisted bottoms (or at least not, like, a string bikini). Or maybe right below your bust and wear a more conservative top — but the chest/ribs is a really painful spot for tattoos so maybe not best for first timers.

    6. Lol, what kind of magic answer do you think you’re going to get here? I swear, the questions here sometimes.

    7. *Maybe* the collarbone area depending on the bikini?

      I will say this: my brother has horror, paganism, and death-metal inspired tattoos all over his body and my mom, who is a really serious fundamentalist Christian is like “oh, fun, nice one” when he gets a new one and she is uptight, anxious, and very conservative. So parents often can surprise with the reaction to tattoos. Especially if they’re dainty and barely visible. And you can always white-lie and say it’s a long-lasting faux tattoo “for fun” or whatever. I do get that parents have two sets of rules for male and female kids, though.

    8. Put your bikini on and get yourself a pack of stickers. Place stickers under your suit, see which one speaks to you the most.

    9. Have you considered looking into getting a semi permanent tattoo? I’ve seen advertisements for inkbox and similar companies. They let you upload designs, apply the tattoo and it lasts for about 2 weeks. Might be a good way to test drive placement without committing right away.

    10. Reposting to flesh out my comment…

      I have this tattoo. It’s on your left or your right hip, where your bikini hugs. About the size of a quarter. Mine is low, so high-cut swim bottoms will show it, but I kind of like that. My day-to-day underwear and typical swim bottoms cover it. I got it several decades ago in college, spontaneously, by an artist who didn’t do a great job according to today’s standards. I’ve never, ever regretted it. And the location means that pretty much everyone who’s seen it is just stoked to be there, teenage tattoo and all.

    1. Yes! Still have all that in my closet for when it comes back in style. The basic ponte sheath is a workhorse and looks great with more current shoes and toppers

      1. + 1. Still have and wear my ponte sheath dresses with a nice top layer jacket. It’s like a uniform!

      1. I’m still a dress gal. Not ponte, ick, but dresses. I’m not interested in putting together an outfit in the AM.

    2. I don’t miss ponte at all. It always pilled on one side from my bag and just generally didn’t wear well. I have a pair of ponte pants now and while I admit they are very comfy they are def not my “I feel powerful” in these pants.

      1. Strange, mine have never pilled. They definitely are workhorses, and year-round garb. And forgiving with periodic weight gains and losses.

  7. Best grocery store shampoo for oily hair? Kiddo showers at night and hair is an oil slick by morning. School’s starts so early that am showers aren’t going to be a solution for her.

        1. +1 the cheap suave stuff with all the sulfates is perfect for pin straight oily hair and no one else.

    1. Does she use conditioner? I recently switched from Garnier Fructisse to Aussie and my hair is much greasier. So perhaps make a switch there, too

    2. I have very oily hair and am constantly cycling through shampoos because every time I find one I like, it gets discontinued. I’ve tried pretty much every drugstore oily or clarifying shampoo out there and a lot of more expensive ones too. My current main one is a head and shoulders apple cider vinegar shampoo, even though I don’t have dandruff, alternating with a discontinued one and Paul Mitchell shampoo two. I agree with the advice to be careful about conditioner and other hair products. Most of them just grease up my hair too much, especially if used near my scalp. Also, showering at night just wouldn’t work for me, no matter what shampoo I used. My hair is too fine and too oily for that.

      1. I’ll also add to everyone saying that user error is a possibility, but for me, it’s just sleeping on it that’s a problem. I have fine hair, and sleeping on it all night makes it look bad no matter what. If I leave it down, it rubs on my oily face and neck all night, but if I put it up, I can only wear it up the next day, and even then it looks a bit oily and flat. My hair looks fine after 12 hours of being awake, as long as I keep it away from my face and hands, which also grease it up. Blow drying helps me as well.

    3. Pantene Volume & Body Shampoo
      Dove Scalp+ Hair Therapy Density Boost Clarifying Shampoo

      Also, is she properly washing her hair? She needs to clean the scalp with the pads of her fingers and if needed, lift up sections of hair to make sure everything is getting washed. Rinse thoroughly. If using conditioner, just use it on the ends. Is she using any products after washing that could be causing issues?

      1. +1 – we had this issue with our son for a week until I asked him to show me how he uses shampoo. He was using a palmful, glopping it on top of his head, swishing it around a bit and not fully washing it out. Once we talked about a quarter sized amount, showed him how to properly massage it in with finger pads and really get at the scalp and then rinse until the water ran clear he was fine.
        Ditto to blowdrying vs. airdrying, it makes a huge difference for mitigating oiliness.

    4. how old is she? is she good at washing it? like if she’s not really massaging it into her roots like the salon, it’s not going to help.

    5. Not what you asked, but in case it helps: I have fine hair that quickly looks greasy. I’ve found that blow drying significantly delays the accumulation of oil and extends the amount of time I can go without washing my hair. If they are air drying their hair, maybe switching to blow drying would help.

      1. I find the opposite to be true. If I shower at night and blow dry my hair before bed I sweat in my sleep and wake up with dirty hair. When I go to bed with wet or damp hair it’s clean in the morning.

        Mane N Tail shampoo dries out my hair so it might work for OP’s daughter. And agree with the other commenter to make sure she’s shampooing her entire scalp and using conditioner at the ends only.

        1. Same, I was going to suggest sleeping with it wet in a tight bun and blowing it out in the morning. That’s the only way I can shower the night before.

    6. Kiddo is probably not doing a good job of (1) really shampooing the oily spots and/or (2) rinsing out all products. Best grocery store shampoo to really strip all the grease out is Suave, the cheaper the better.

      1. +1 to this. I have fine, oily hair, but even I can go 12 hours. Dry shampoo will buy me a 2nd day. Batiste is good and cheap, or Not Your Mother’s has an unscented option that is supposed to be good.

    7. Another vote that this is likely user error. If you want to test the theory, take her to a salon (even a cheap one) and have them wash her hair. Wait twelve hours and see whether the problem is her hair or her washing technique.

    8. My daughter had really oily hair when she started going through puberty. A combination of dandruff shampoo and tee tree oil shampoo worked well. We did just a basic head and shoulders for the dandruff (she didn’t actually have dandruff but whatever is in it helped with the greasy hair) and then bought a giant bottle of tea tree oil shampoo and conditioner from our local beauty supply store. They were like $20 a bottle but lasted a long time. For a while, I checked her hair after she showered to make sure it was rinsed well. Sometimes she had to get back in and rinse some more.

      1. A shower hose attachment can really help if the issue is rinsing (lets you rinse the way they do at the salon).

    9. I have fine hair and I double shampoo. Tiny amount first time (tsp), normal amount (Tbsp) second time. If showering in the evening, blow dry before bed, apply a little bit of dry shampoo at the crown, and sleep with a very loose bun on top of the head (I use a claw clip or bobby pins to secure).

    10. Desert Essence tea tree or Herbal Essence tea tree. Shampoo twice. Also, if she’s a teen, consider dyeing her hair. It dries it out so it can soak up more oil. This is coming from someone who used to shampoo her hair with Dawn.

    11. I am a hair-care snob from my Brand Marketing days back in L’Oreal. But I have tried (European) version of Head & Shoulders Classic shampoo at my parents’ place and I loved it so much I got a few bottles as well. It cleans well without stripping scalp or hair.
      I would focus on gently, but thoroughly massaging the shampoo into scalp, wash thoroughly with lukewarm water. If she is applying a conditioner, apply only to the lengths and wash out thoroughly, especially from the scalp. I would blowdry hair at low heat before going to bed.
      I can also recommend Redken shampoo for oily scalp, if you can buy it at promo.
      Properly washed hair should not get oily over one night. If she is physically active during the day and needs to wash hair every night, the regime described above should suffice. If not, consider consultation with a dermatologist.

    12. Just wanted to add that teen oily hair is real. Sure it might be user error, but it might just as well be hormones.

      At 14-15 I could not wash my hair at night without it being very oily by lunch at the latest.

      Some things that will help fine hair and oily scalp:
      Shampoo twice. No silicones or smoothing ones.
      Make sure the hair is really wet before adding shampoo, and add a little water while massaging, that helps distribute. No conditioner, or only tips. I would choose a weekly conditioning treatment rather than daily.

      Handheld/detachable shower heads are best, imo, for all rinsing, hair and body.

      Sleeping with a unicorn horn pony tail helps, if hair is dry. Clean pillowcases, too.

  8. I asked this question elsewhere, but I’m seeking non-floral, non-abstract, non-twee sophisticated prints. Sizing is US 16/18, and pricing ideally under $200 a piece although brand suggestions welcome as I’m an avid secondhand shopper. Desigual, Alice and Olivia, Farm Rio, Boden, Kate Spade, Tory Burch, Ted Baker, The Kit, and Etro are all (basically) too small or not the right cut–with Kate Spade and Tory Burch being sometimes-options.
    I recently bought the “Marfa” dress from Lafayette 148 on markdown and that’s the kind of thing I’m wanting more of.

    1. I haven’t ordered, but i have been tempted by quite a few tuckernuck dresses. Price point is in the 200-300 range though. I’d also check out Adrianna Pappell

    2. take a look at amour781 for inspiration – i know they have beautiful blouses in prints. are you looking for dresses? or just prints in general?

    3. Wow, the Marfa dress is gorgeous.

      For secondhand look for Marina Rinaldi. They’re European “plus size” which starts around a US size 10. Gorgeous construction. Lots of overly voluminous styles but they do a lot of classics too.

  9. Anyone else have this dynamic in their relationship? DH and I are both rule followers but I’m the more lax one. This comes out a lot of ways but one of them is getting contractors etc. to do stuff they don’t want to do or could charge $$$ for but will do if you tip them directly. Most recent example: we’ve needed to get rid of a large area rug for literally years. I’ve asked DH (who doesn’t work and has a truck) to take it to the dump and he hasn’t. He finally moved it to the curb. I asked him to call the trash company (privatized here) to schedule pickup of a large item because they won’t take it with the normal trash. He said no they should take it. I told him he’ll need to leave like $20 for the trash guys if he wants them to take it. He didn’t. It’s been 5 weeks, rug is still on the curb.

    DH finally called the trash company last week and they said the guys will take it as long as it’s touching the trash can. I told him again, leave a tip for them or they won’t take it. DH doubled down because the company said they have to take it so he’s not going to tip them to do their jobs (I have to leave the holiday tip because DH doesn’t believe me that that’s a thing). Well trash day was today and they didn’t take it. DH calls the company, they’re charging us $50 to take it next week. Sigh.

    1. I have had a similar situation, but it ended with me jamming the rug into the trash can (with no other trash, it fit). I have also cut up things like couches and disposed of the piece by piece.

    2. It would literally never occur to me to tip the trash company to get them to carry something away. I’d expect to pay a fee if it was oversized or out of the realm of normal. Maybe this is regional?

      1. I don’t think it’s regional. I’m with you, you have to arrange a special pickup and it will cost more. That’s how it works!

      2. Definitely regional. I’d also never think to tip. In the last three states I’ve lived there’s free pickup for oversized waste on some sort of schedule or when you need it- once a month, twice a year, it varies, but I wouldn’t even know know how to tip for something like this. It’s not like you can just stick a twenty dollar bill on the rug and expect it to get picked up!

        1. It depends. I’m from NYC and if you take care of the trash guys/your super you can absolutely do the ‘hey take this random thing for me, and here’s $20 for your troubles’ once in a while. My husband from NJ confirms this is also a ‘once in a while if you’re on good terms with your trash guys they’ll do it’ situation there.

        2. I don’t think it’s regional, maybe it’s a little bit cultural. We had basically the same situation with tons of yard waste- I was like, just tip the trash guys some cash and they’ll take it (and they did). It literally would not have occurred to my husband to even consider that possibility- he was inclined to go through the proper channels. I grew up with a family a bit more inclined to bend the rules and go for the easy way.

          1. But what I mean by regional is that I’ve never lived anywhere where you interacted with the trash guys. You put your trash cans out at night and you come home from work the next day and it’s been picked up. You never even see anyone because it all happens while you’re at work. Even if I work from home, I’m usually busy at whatever random time they come and the whole thing is automated. Nobody even gets out of the truck (they do automatically post photos online though!). How could I tip someone I never see?

        3. In my rural midwest area, if I want something gone for free I put it by the road with a sign on it and it is gone by dinner.

          If I want the garbage company to collect it, I move heaven and earth to make it small enough to fit in my bin. Oversized items or things outside the bin require a scheduled pickup and an extra fee. Trying to tape a tip to the rug to avoid paying the real fee would just mean the rug gets soggy b/c it is neglected in the rain and a neighborhood squirrel is likely napping on a twenty.

        4. for my mattress I stood in the alley with a $20. bill and freshly baked chocolate chip cookies and he was very happy to take it away

      3. When I saw it on the curb (no he didn’t tell me ahead of time he was doing that) I asked if he had called to schedule a pickup because we’ll need to pay for that. He said no and didn’t think he needed to, but it was too late for me to call and they come at like 5 am so no way to call in the morning. I asked him to at least leave a tip for the guys. Leaving a tip was not my first line of attack but I figure it’s better than just surprise leaving it there.

      4. Yes, how do you even tip them? Do you try to catch them in person or hope they see an envelope? Do they even have room to take it if it’s unanticipated? I’m not even sure how this would work.

    3. Wow, so much going on here! Your husband isn’t working but still won’t do a simple errand?? You guys have left garbage on your curb for FIVE WEEKS and haven’t dealt with it yet?? I bet your neighbors love you.

      1. No kidding. Really glad we don’t have an HOA but this is getting into county code enforcement territory. At least he finally called and scheduled it. Like I asked 2 years ago. And 1 year ago. And 5 weeks ago.

        1. Any chance you can enact the ‘I’ve asked you twice, now I’m paying someone’ rule? Literally, if I ask my husband to do something twice and it doesn’t happen then I will take care of it and pay for it out of joint funds. You don’t like spending money on a handyman coming to take the pile of scrap wood? Great, next time do it the first or second time I ask you.

          1. What joint funds? He doesn’t work and has no excuse to not work. It’s all my funds.

            And then I have to extend the mental energy of figuring out who to call, scheduling time, making sure he’ll be home at that time, leaving work in the middle of the day if he forgets even though it’s on the calendar, and on and on. I’m carrying a lot already and I just… can’t. The rug is not a priority to me. Which is why it’s been literal years. And now going on literal months sitting outside.

          2. Why haven’t you divorced him? You can clearly pay bills solo and he makes your life harder

          3. Sorry but is there any reason you’re not divorcing this guy? Even if you have to pay alimony it still sounds like it would be a better bet…

    4. Tbh I don’t think I’d call this rule following. It’s laziness. I’m kind of with him that if he was told they’d take it, why would you need to leave a bribe? But also, if there’s a task to be done, he has to figure out how to make it happen and appropriately follow up!

      I suppose it also could be anxiety (the analysis paralysis, or not wanting to seem confrontational or out of bounds with the garbage guys)…I’m a huge rule follower, but my OCD also causes me to anticipate all the things that could go wrong, so no way do I ever just “trust the process”

      1. I don’t believe that’s what they actually told OP’s husband. Either he misrepresented the situation when he called them, or he just heard what he wanted to hear.

    5. I’m hung up on your DH not working, not helping, and leaving trash outside your house for over a month?!? The $ is not the real issue here…

      1. Yeah I’m sorry but the issue is your husband. What the heck is he doing all day where he couldn’t manage to take a rug to the dump?

        1. Or at least just hire someone to take it there. You’re talking about fifty bucks. I’d be incensed. This isn’t about rule following at all.

      1. I’ve never been so appreciative of a spouse who takes care of reasonable honey-do household tasks when he’s between jobs.

        1. Nothing makes me grateful for my husband–a fully functional, autonomous adult with a full time job who contributes to the running of our household–like reading here.

          1. Daughter-in-law recently surprised me as she shared that my son, who is SVP/General Counsel of a national corporation and needs to travel for work, helps her put the kids to bed and then does the dishes with her. When home, he drives the kids to theatre practice, football, dance, soccer, religion, and most of the grocery shopping, and other activities such as driving the dog to another state late at night on a weeknight because all the local emergency vets were full. And this non-working individual who has a truck cannot take a rug to the dump after two years?! Please dear woman, run a cost benefit analysis. Is there any positive way he contributes to your life? If so, compare that with the dead weight of no physical help nor financial contribution.

      2. I’ve never been so appreciative to be divorced. Pretty sure my ex and OP’s husband are soul mates of laziness.

    6. Two issues here: 1) the rug pickup is a job for bulk pickup. In my area you have to schedule the bulk pickup. 2) you have a husband problem. I had that same problem. I divorced him. Lazy and a man child.

    7. Yes, but it has nothing to do with rule following, etc. My husband either puts off household tasks like this bc (a) he has something more important to do at that moment or (b) he doesn’t have enough tasks to do yet. So, he gets very focused on work/kids and cannot spare 5 minutes for a task. Once he gets enough 5 minute tasks that need his attention, he will do them all at once. It drives me crazy because a lot of the tasks end up eventually becoming time sensitive, so I still end up having to manage them. Ex. covering outdoor furniture before it rains. This takes 5 min, but DH will not do it until it’s imminently going to rain (like in 30 min), so I end up nagging him about it and eventually doing it myself a lot of the time.

      1. Wow, this sounds so tedious! Why can’t your husband just accommodate your requests, like a loving, giving lifetime partner. The odd self-centeredness of some spouses on this site is jaw-dropping. Best of luck with these guys!

    8. I am a definite rule follower, and needing to “tip” under the circumstances described would feel like a bribe to me, and I wouldn’t do it.

      But I don’t think this is really about rule following – your husband owns the task “get old rug gone”; he needs to get the old rug gone, not this back and forth, one excuse after another. He can decide whether he accomplishes that by: cutting up the rug and getting it in the regular can, figuring out the official rules for large item pickup (which sounds like it means paying $50); driving it to the dump; paying the tip/bribe; whatever.

      I’d give him a one-time pass on not clocking that the guy who told him “we’ll take it if it’s touching the can” had an implicit “if you pay a bribe/tip”, because that’s not a widely known convention imo, but you shouldn’t have to be pushing him to follow up when it didn’t get taken

      I get being scrupulous about not paying bribes – I am that person. But I go out of my way to make sure my refusal inconveniences me, and no one else.

    9. My friend, your problem isn’t the carpet.

      May I suggest solo counseling? A good counselor can give you a lot of insight into what is an extremely dysfunctional dynamic.

    10. i’m surprised your HOA allowed you to keep garbage on your lawn for 5 weeks! we have a less than 24 hours rule

      1. She doesn’t live in a neighborhood with an HOA, which she said up thread. Most people I know don’t.

      2. Just as an anecdote: HOAs are super uncommon where I live, which is a lovely community within suburban Boston. I didn’t realize how prevalent they were until I started reading here and then married a guy from the south.

    11. when this sort of thing comes up in my relationship, i often ask myself, if I were divorced, what would I do? if it’s hire someone or call someone then I just do that.

      but — and here’s the big but — my husband contributes a lot of value to my life in other areas (and i love him and the kids love him) and my life, net/net, is better with him in it. if your life is in fact harder with him in it, then maybe it’s time to break the rule about staying married.

    12. I think your husband just isn’t listening to you, doesn’t believe you about this, and maybe doesn’t trust that you’re right. He has an idea of how the world should be – trash collectors should do their job – and you are living in reality – trash collectors aren’t going to take that rug unless they get some cash. That rug isn’t going anywhere, but that rug is not the problem

  10. do you keep a “honey do” list or otherwise shared task list with your husband? do you have a system that works? our “shared Apple notes” system isn’t working for us. TIA!

    1. We have a household todoist and then tend to make a paper list at the weekend. It makes it easier to manage things, and makes work a bit more visible. My husband is great at the day to day, but I’m a petty bean counter who wants a bit of credit for the fact that I’ve got the big picture in my head.

    2. Not really – we each have regular chores that we “own” and for things that break around the house we normally call a professional since neither of us is very handy.
      The one exception is that when I take our kid out of town by myself and leave him home alone with no parenting responsibilities, I normally send him an email with a few things I’d like him to tackle if he has time.

    3. yes – old school, in a little notebook. One page is the list, and then on the following pages we end up making shopping lists for supplies, etc. If we have all the supplies we need on-hand for a task, it gets circled.

    4. We’re boomers so take what you want from that, our to-do lists are paper. We do have an electronic calendar that has a category for house tasks (change the furnance filter, order filters, change the oil, etc.) but once they come up on the calendar they get moved to the paper list.

    5. We keep a paper list that is adjacent to (or often on the same piece of paper) as the grocery list. If I’m out of town for a week or two solo, we’ll discuss some bigger-ticket or bigger-effort items that Mr. Appreciative might be able to get done while I’m gone, things that are less convenient when we’re both home, like painting a room, or getting the car detailed.

    6. We sit down at the end of each month and have a meeting that includes things like finances and monthly goals and also “to dos” for the month. And all that gets written on a paper wall calendar that is in plain view in the kitchen. And beyond that, we generally have a routine for the daily stuff (he tends to do the morning chores, I do the evening chores).

    7. My husband is the proactive one in the family so he doesn’t need a list from me. He likes to fix things and take care of things so, honestly, he should be the one giving me a list.

    8. I’m list person. DH is not. I keep a list of things for DH to do. He’s not aware of the list. The trick is mentioning the task at the right time so it doesn’t sound like nagging. Yard work, chores around the house = mornings. He loves to run errands, so I set him up with grocery store runs, store returns, pick up meds from the vet, etc. Sometimes I start doing something that he’s obviously better at than I am and he’ll jump in and finish the job. He just retired, so he has more time on his hands now.

  11. Just a quick reminder to Do the Thing! I did my Thing and I’m so happy to have it off my plate going into the weekend.

  12. Travel advice needed: I will have a free day in Oslo, Norway in March (with Hubby and foru friends) and looking for something fun to do. Alas, the Viking Museum is closed for renovations so won’t be able to do that. Has anybody done a great food tour or walking tour? Any guide to recommend? Any place great to eat? All suggestions gratefully appreciated.

    1. If the weather is nice, walk up Karl Johans gate, from Norway’s parliament Stortinget to the Royal Palace. The Vigeland Sculpture Park is also cool. If the weather isn’t nice (and maybe even if it is) then the Munch Museum is a must in my book.

        1. That’s so great! I loved that one as well. The Munch museum moved to a new, seafront location a couple of years back, but the old building is still being used for community culture.

          Longer comment in mod, but recommend the new National Museum of art that opened in 2022 as the current go-to museum in Oslo.

    2. A floating sauna! Omg, it was the best part about an overall incredible trip to Norway. The websites make it look very tourist-y, but I went twice and was the only non-local. There are a few different companies and they’re basically all the same. You do need to book in advance.

      1. Norwegian here – yes, the floating saunas are just regular, local people, it’s not a gimmick.

    3. We did a few days in Oslo last March and had a great time. I always recommend the Folk Museum to see a stave church, but it also has a lot on Norwegian history and how people used to live. Other good museums are the maritime museum and the Kon Tiki Museum (and they’re next to each other and not too far away from the Folk Museum – we did all of it in one day). I love Vigeland Park too and if you get sick of museums walking along Karl Johans gate and the waterfront is great. I know it sounds crazy, but the best meal we had was Indian food at New Delhi in Aker Brygge – we were cold and wanted warm curry and the food was so amazing (and we really liked walking along Aker Brygge anyway). We also did a tour up the coast and then a few days in Tromso, so let me know if you need other Norway recs!

    4. Hi – Norwegian here, welcome to Oslo!

      Some introductory PSAs: museums are closed on Mondays. Shops are closed on Sundays. Public transport is excellent. People speak excellent English. March can mean snow, wind, rain or lovely spring weather. People generally pay by card (Visa or Mastercard), chip and pin card. Tipping is voluntary. (I tip in bars and restaurants, but everybody gets real wages, tipping is extra.)

      Unless your day is a Monday, go to the National Museum. Best museum in Oslo. You can see Munch’s scream and his other main paintings there (not only at the Munch museum) and the best of all Norwegian art and design, like Royal dresses and Scandi furniture. There will be a current exhibition of Gothic Modern as well.

      Go see the Opera building. Walk on the roof (watch your step!), go inside, walk around. If you’re lucky they might have free a lunch performance.

      Unless the weather is terrible, go to the Vigeland sculpture museum. A big free public park with sculptures of people in all life cycles. If the weather is nice and dry with no snow or rain, there is a fabulous (free) modern sculpture park called the Ekeberg Skulpturpark (Sculpture park), but do not go if there has been rain, it’s in a hilly forest.

      If you do love Viking history, the Museum of History is in central Oslo and has loads of Viking artefacts.

      If you want a food court, there is one called Mathallen at Vulkan with different small places and high quality food shops. Close by is Grunerlokka, which is the Hipster part of town. If you do want to shop on a Sunday, that’s the place to go, the boutique shops will be open. There is also a food court (food truck style food) in Torggata. There are loads of excellent restaurants in the Sorenga area.

      If you want a department store, Steen & Strom. If you want expensive Michelin food, Maemo (book early). If you want a Norwegian KitKat – get a Kvikklunsj at a grocery store, or at the Freia store on Karl Johan. If you want a uniqely Norwegian marshmallow chocolate, Bamsemums (“teddy bear yummies”) – excellent for gifts.

  13. Can I vent? I want to travel more with the family. I get overwhelmed planning travel, picking places, times, booking things. I finally decided F it, let’s go to England and Paris spring break. my husband had lots of concerns about leaving the dog for so long and wanted to “look into it” before we booked. now we’re talking about going early June because it’s a bit late to plan, but husband was saying he might drive dog to his parents so we can’t book flights because we don’t know his situation.

    I came up with the idea that hey, maybe I can take our 13 year old somewhere just the two of us and you can stay home with the dog. I haven’t started planning anything. Husband just came to tell me that 13-year-old wants hubbie to take him back to Disney/Galaxy’s Edge. Where we have been 2x already.

    So I guess I never get to travel? So annoyed.

    1. I don’t think the 13 y/o should get much of a vote on where to go. Also, Disney can be done in a couple of days especially if you’ve been before, it doesn’t require a whole week (imho).

      I’d start booking at least hotels because they’re usually refundable and book a couple of museums or tours if they usually sell out. Husband can figure out the dog issue when stuff is booked.

    2. This is so needlessly complicated. The vet tech at my vet does pet sitting (which is pretty common) she’s a bit more expensive than using someone on rover, family, or a neighbor but she’s 100% reliable and I never have to worry about the safety of my pets.

    3. What is the budget situation like? Is it a situation where you could take your kid somewhere interesting and your DH could separately take the kid to Disney? If that’s not in the budget and you’ve done Disney more recently, I would say your interests should take priority for the next trip. I wouldn’t say 13 year olds don’t get *any* say in where you go, but I don’t think they (or any family member!) gets to choose every trip, and it sounds like you’ve accommodated their preferences on the last couple of trips, so time to put yourself first and make that clear to your husband and kiddo. And yes your husband can figure out dog issues after (refundable) hotels are booked.

      Also consider solo travel, travel with girlfriends, group travel, etc. It sounds like your husband is maybe not as interested in travel as you are, so you may need to do more travel that doesn’t involve him. I’m in that boat too.

      If you get overwhelmed with picking destinations and planning, consider a travel advisor. They’re normally free to you (they make commissions from hotels) and can help narrow things down quickly.

    4. You get a pet sitter and book, or you and your son fly out of the airport local to you and your husband flies out of the one near his parents.

      Sounds like he’s being passive aggressive, though.

    5. Girl, England and Paris do not require months of planning. If you want to go there for spring break, book tickets for you and 13yo and a hotel and go. Spend literally 90 minutes max making your plans. Take the 13yo to Disneyland Paris if he’s that het up about going to a Disney property.

      If husband has dog concerns, husband can solve them to his liking and join you guys or not.

    6. Go by yourself! Best trips of my life were solo to Paris!! I have a family too but this was just for me. I had an amazing time.

    7. Or you get to use you big girl words and say “no, we are going to London and Paris, I’m booking the flights this weekend for these dates and times. If you want to drive the dog to your parents plan around that.”

      1. There’s always someone who comments as if it’s appropriate to dictate to your spouse like he’s your subordinate.

    8. Is this a mismatch between you and your husband on planning styles (you both like travel but you don’t plan the same) or on ideas of what would be fun to do as a family (you like to travel, he’s not into it)?

      1. he always drags his feet because he hates air travel and he’s nervous about traveling with our two kids. both of us would prefer to HAVE TRAVELED but feel like travel itself is a PITA, if that makes sense.

        the dog is new, we’ve only had him 7 months.

        1. Hire a travel agent and let them make the arrangements then. The dog thing is simple — hire a pet sitter. You will need one anyway for other life events. Ask in your neighborhood or vet and let them pet sit for a random overnight. The nervous flying thing is something he might need professional help with.

          Or, you go with other people or by yourself.

    9. Sounds like something else is going on. We have a dog and the first thing we did was establish reliable boarding for when we go on vacation. I’ll admit that I travel so much for work that long flights to Europe don’t excite me so I’m the one usually dragging my travel feet. But my husband and I talk about that and compromise.

    10. I love to travel and am happy to tavel alone. I also like learning new things that are of personal interest. After my husband died I started taking cultural tours through Martin Randall Travel (https://www.martinrandall.com). They are expensive but I was hooked.

    11. Just a few comments. 1. We have traveled as a family, as a couple, and we have both taken mini vacays with our son. We have also traveled with friends, but more a weekend thing, not Europe. You can go whereever you want with whoever. 2. If you can afford Europe, you can afford a dog sitter.