Coffee Break: Morris Satchel

70 Comments

1. I had two different first dates this weekend. I liked one guy more than the other. But of course the guy I liked less is super nice and already sent the first date follow up text, while the guy I liked more has not.

   (reposting from the morning thread because I posted too late).

   1. I usually give guys at least two dates, just to see if things change with more familiarity so I would respond positively to the invite. HOWEVER, immediate interest does say a lot and if you’re not feeling it after that, it may be a sign to cut it loose, whether or not you’ve heard from the guy you liked more.

      1. +1 I thought for sure DH would be just a friend but the second time we got together for a non-date event – definite sparks

   2. Go out with both again, if possible. It’s too soon to choose just one.

   3. Why don’t you text him to say you had fun and suggest getting together again?

      And if you liked the one who did reach out (especially if you’d otherwise go out with again if it weren’t for the other guy) then I totally agree with the advice to go on a second date.

      1. +1 – What have you got to lose by reaching out?

      2. I mentioned it at the end of the first date so I don’t know if that’s too much?

         1. If someone likes you, they’re not going to be turned off by you reaching out to them again for another date.

         2. I don’t think it’s too much.

            1. I don’t think it’s too much.

         3. Make-up question:

            I like makeup. I’m getting more into foundation and experimenting with eye makeup and lipstick, not because I feel I need it, but just because it’s fun. I like going all-out for evening events. Two questions: (1) To what extent do you think full makeup is appropriate or inappropriate for the office? (2) What about full makeup for work events in the evening?

            And I’m not talking full-on Kardashian contouring, but more like a healthy helping of foundation, plus eyeliner, brow pencil, eyeshadow, bronzer, mascara, etc.

            1. This is obviously in the wrong place. Sorry.

            2. I wear all those things every day and feel like it’s perfectly appropriate, even expected. NYC biglaw.

2. Just a quick threadjack: for those of you who are plus-sized, there are some great spring business jackets at Nordstrom right now in their Classiques Entier brand, including a great apple green collarless jacket. I have such a hard time with plus business clothes, so I thought I’d let others know that there’s good stuff out there!

   1. I think that people who are plus sized need more representation in the fashion industry. It is only now, with plus size models posing for Playboy, that they are beginning to get more respect. Personally, as a plus sized gal, I like it when men respect me for my body and do NOT try to take liberties thinking I am desperate. I am not. I like men, but am NOT desperate for men or sex. Once men start to realize that plus size women have a lot to offer, we will have equality.

      1. And Ashley Graham being the best dressed woman in the Oscars pre-show last night doesn’t hurt!

   2. Thanks! Now, if Nordstrom would just separate out plus-size outerwear from suit jackets/blazers.

3. Here goes a mini rant . . .

   I was out sick all last week with the flu* (two sick days, worked from home three days), and when I came back to work I found a plastic shopping bag full of dirty food containers on my desk. Gross!

   I get that someone was probably using my workspace while I was out sick, and I’m fine with it, I don’t see a reason why I can’t share. I don’t even mind if the height settings have been messed with. But what I hate is coming back to find trash on my desk, or my stuff moved around, or my chair missing! People, if you’re told to use someone else’s workspace while they’re out, respect that space and try to leave it the way you found it.

   1. Shoot, forgot about that asterisk! I was going to acknowledge that a week out of the office was obnoxious, and definitely not something I wanted to do. But my fever kept coming back and I had an absolutely disgusting cough, and my job can be done remotely pretty easily.

      1. A week out of the office isn’t obnoxious, and it’s sad that you feel you have to apologize for it when you were legitimately sick! (And working 3 of those days anyway). You’re human, and humans get sick and need to rest and recuperate sometimes.

         1. But I was out with a cold for two days the week before! That might’ve looked suspicious. Aside from the residual coughing when I get back to the office, how can anyone know if I was actually sick or just faking to get out of work? I’m sure there were some grumblings and “must be nice” comments when I was out and everyone else was busting their rumps in the office.

            1. You are borrowing trouble here.

            2. Jitterbug – The fcuk? No, your thought spiral is ridiculous. Stop thinking that way.

            3. Jitterbug the more you post the more I’m terrified by how low your self esteem is

   2. Jitterbug – that’s terrible! Yuk.

4. That is really rude.

5. I like the shape of the Sole Society bag, but the “vegan” leather looks really cheap.

   1. Does Sole Society ever have anything in actual leather? I’ve found some of the shoe & bag styles appealing but just can’t go for fake leather – doesn’t breathe, doesn’t wear in, or age nicely.

   2. But on the other hand some of us don’t wear or use leather, so I like have this alternative highlighted sometimes.

6. I’ve been at my job almost a year, and I’d been working out how much of a raise to ask for. Since starting this job, I’ve learned that my predecessor started at a higher salary than I did, and that they got a 10% raise after their first year. (The lower salary is definitely my fault. I wanted this job so badly that I didn’t negotiate at all. I was afraid they would give it to someone else because they told me that they had received hundreds of applications.)

   A few minutes ago I got a one-line email from my boss saying that I’ll be getting a 6% raise. I am seriously annoyed, but don’t know whether I should go ask for more, and if so, how. I know that my work product is just as good as (if not better than) my predecessor’s, but we don’t have any kind of evaluation process. I’d planned to ask to sit down with my boss so that I could outline my accomplishments, ask for feedback, and ask for a raise. But this caught me so off guard and I have no idea what to do. Thoughts or advice would be appreciated.

   1. I mean this gently and kindly, but take a step back.

      Your company hasn’t screwed you or anything–they offered you a salary likely expecting you to counter and you did. You know that’s your fault and it sucks and I know it’s easy to kick yourself after that.

      But I would hesitate to compare yourself and your salary to your predecessor. After people leave, the job often changes. They may decide they can go with someone with less experience, they may cut responsibilities, the economy may have just tanked–there’s a number of reasons why just because Employee 1 made X that the next person will make that 2. And depending how long your predecessor was there, she may have been earning more simply because she was there long enough to get regular annual raises.

      All that said, that doesn’t mean you’re stuck with this raise. A 6% raise is a really good one–most people are lucky right now to get a 2-3% cost of living raise. More importantly, they have started the conversation.

      I wouldn’t be annoyed, but you can certainly negotiate.

      I would set up a one on one meeting with your boss. Don’t just outline your accomplishments–those are things they want you to do as part of your job–highlight where you went above and beyond and did work outside of the job description to show how you bring more value. Then say, “I know you said I’d be given a raise of 6%, but with the added work I took on and the fact that I did (accomplishments), I was looking for a raise more in line with X%”.

      They may say no, but you can certainly make a go for it!

      1. Thanks for this perspective, I appreciate it. For what it’s worth, the job hasn’t changed at all, and I actually had more experience/specialized knowledge than my predecessor did when they were brought on to do the exact same job. It just feels that I failed to negotiate a salary that reflects my actual value, and I had hoped to use this as an opportunity to do some catching up.

         And I totally hear you on the size of the raise – I’ve never actually worked anywhere where raises are even a thing! I know that I’m lucky to be in a situation where this is even an issue.

   2. Respond to the email asking for a meeting to discuss the proposed raise, and suggest several times that are both free in your calendars. Make the pitch you were going to make.

7. Preface: i know we need to talk to an accountant to get a complete picture based on our personal circumstances, but i’d like to do my own diligence first, so looking for resources/suggestions/anecdata on how others have handled this.

   I’m getting married in June. I bring ~20k in student loans (down from 205k!) and they’ll be fully paid off by August 2016. Income ~ 200k.

   My fiance has roughly 150k in student loans, earns 45k now and for the next 1-2 years, after which his salary will increase by a factor of roughly 2.5x. He is on IBR right now.

   For 2016, i think our answer is married filing separately bc he will have been on IBR for half the year. After that, it is less clear if we’d be better off combining and making his fulll loan payments or filing separately to let him stay on IBR. Add to the mix that we want to start trying for a baby as soon as we’re married.

   Thoughts and good resources to point me to? I feel like everything i’ve found on the internet is geared towards couples with disparate incomes by maybe 20k and a much smaller student loan balance.

   1. We just went through this, although our incomes are closer. My husband has about $20k in loans on a standard repayment plan and mine are near $250k and on IBR. In 2015 we made about the same but in 2016 I’ll likely make $30k more than him.

      We got married in mid-2015. Originally we were going to sit down and run our taxes both joint and separate. If there was a $12k difference then we’d file jointly because that is how much my IBR payments would go up.

      I was leaning towards filing separately anyway just because there is more flexibility if my payments are lower. In my case, I have private loans to pay down too so I’m able to throw $1000/month at those. I couldn’t do that if my IBR rates went up. It’s important to me to pay off those private loans as quickly as possible since they don’t have the same protections as the federal ones. You might feel similarly in that flexibility might be important if you’re planning to have a baby. There’s also nothing to prevent you from paying a higher amount towards his loans, similar to what you’d have to do if his IBR went up.

      Luckily when we sat down to do our taxes, we both ended up getting refunds that were similar to the amounts we were getting as single filers so we just went with that.

   2. Also just went through this. I ended up running several different situations through turbo tax. In our case, married, filing jointly was the better choice. Our situation was different (my husband was a full time student for part of 2015) but running the different scenarios clearly showed that.

      1. Also, are you eligible for IBR if married, filing separately?

         1. Yes, he is.

   3. I doubt this is a concern, but if you are Married Filing Separately, neither of you will be able to deduct interest paid on your student loans. Just FYI.

      1. Thanks. I am aware of that (i’ve always earned above the cap so mine has never been deductible, and his won’t be either way once we’re married regardless of filing status).

   4. My thoughts – This is not exactly what you asked, but something to think about. I was just on IBR with 150k in loans (~7% interest rate) and a 75k salary, making my minimum payment about 700/mo. Unfortunately, IBR doesn’t stop interest from accruing. I continued to accrue interest in an amount over 700/month. Thus, after paying over 8k/year toward my loans, my loan balance actually increased instead. I just finally bit the bullet and started making higher payments. I also refinanced which is helping with the interest rate. You are making 200k and your husband may soon be making too much to qualify for IBR (I’m not positive on the numbers there). Therefore, he might not be able to reap the benefits of IBR (loan forgiveness) long term because he won’t qualify, and you might be doing more harm than good in trying to manage a way to keep him on IBR. I’m no expert in this, though, just relaying my own experience.

      Also, congrats on paying down your loans! Huge accomplishment.

      1. But there aren’t income restrictions on IBR are there? My loan balance is also going up because of interest, but I am not going to make higher payments than the minimum– why would you if you are aiming for forgiveness?

         1. Never mind, sorry, late afternoon brain slump. I was thinking of PSLF and was so confused.

8. I work at a financial/banking company in an extremely conservative office. I’ve worked here for four years and I’ve worn nude pantyhose with my skirt suits and dresses every single day. I hate hate hate wearing pantyhose with the passion of a thousand suns but I sucked it up because of how conservative my office is.

   My office is very male dominated and the few women (including senior executives) always wear pantyhose so I follow their lead. Last week a new hire started here. After he first day she came in with bare legs. No one said anything to her and she came in with bare legs every day.

   I couldn’t believe this. I brought up how much I hate my pantyhose in general conversation with her and she told she was relieved she didn’t have to wear them. I mentioned how conservative our office is and she said she asked the senior executives about whether or not it was required on her first day and they told her it was optional. I confirmed with them myself and she is right. They like wearing pantyhose so they wear them, but they told me it’s optional and not part of the dress code.

   Today my legs are gloriously bare. I can’t believe I was stuck wearing ugly, itchy pantyhose on an assumption. On my first day I saw all the women here wearing them and it was pounded in my head how conservative the dress code was so I never questioned it. Lesson learned.

   1. Pants are also appropriate for women in conservative environments, fyi.

   2. So you don’t feel alone, the exact same thing happened to me. I wore them for years, except over the summer when our dress code specifically changed to business casual. Turns out, it’s actually not a rule at all – the older women all just preferred to wear them.

      That said, I don’t know that it (a) didn’t help me that I wore them initially and showed that I could dress “the part” if needed, and (b) that the general tone of dress didn’t become more casual in general in my city/my industry/my actual job in the 10 years that I was wearing them.

   3. I hope none of the more junior women in my office are wearing them on my account — I love them and hate when it gets to be summer and they’re just unbearable for DC weather. I’m always happy when it gets cold enough in the fall to break them out again.

9. West Coast vacation planning help needed. I live on the East coast; I have a friend getting married near San Francisco in August. I’ve got another good friend that lives in Seattle. I figure if I’m already out there, I should take about a week’s vacation, see some sights in San Francisco, then try to also visit friend in Seattle for a few days. Google informs me one-way flights between San Francisco and Seattle are pretty cheap, but would it be worth it to instead road trip it? If so, what should I try to stop and see along the way? The only place I’ve been on the West coast is Los Angeles.

   1. It’s a really pretty road trip up the coast. The train between SF and Seatlle is also really nice, although part of it would be overnight.

   2. If your priority is seeing SF and Seattle and/or visiting the friends in those places, I think you should fly. If you like nature and have an interest in seeing some of the places in between, it would be a fun roadtrip and with a week you would be able to have 2-3 days in each city on the end and still make a couple meaningful stops along the way. Some of my favorite places enroute are: Napa (not that far out of SF, but I highly recommend it), Lassen National Park, Portland OR (great foodie city) and Crater Lake National Park. Portland is on the direct route, the National Parks are a little bit out of the way.

      1. Agreed. There’s quite a distance to cover between the two cities, so unless you were hoping to spend 3-4+ days in transit, I would just fly and spend my travel time in the two cities.

         That said, I’d do Napa/Sonoma, then take Hwy 1010 to Redwoods and Crater Lake, then continue on 101 through Oregon coast and cut through the Oregon wine region (McMinnville, Newberg), and then head from Portland to Seattle via I-5.

         1. If you get up to Seattle, consider visting Vancouver Canada. The US$ buys about CAD$1.40 and there is a new Nordstrom’s downtown. The weather in August is nice, not too hot or cold.

   3. Thanks!

   4. If you do roadtrip, check out Sunset Magazine, as it has AMAZING recs on where to stay, stop, sightsee. I am sure if you search on the Goog (their website search is not great), you will pull up a number of articles.

      As a West Coaster, I can tell you that is a lovely drive but quite long–your trip would be the road trip, not seeing friends on either end (for long) if you only have a week. Also, if this is in May-June or early July, beware of June gloom–coastal fog that is very thick and makes everything overcast and foggy.

      1. +1

10. So, I started at a biglaw firm last fall after clerking for two years. The firm has lock-step raises through third years, then all raises are merit-based.

    For me and a few friends who also came in after two clerkships, we started at the third-year salary, but it’s unclear if we’ll get raises this year. (To qualify for merit raises, you have to meet a n hours requirement, which us new hires don’t.)

    My thought is that we won’t get raises since we haven’t met the condition of minimum hours. But my colleagues in the same boat — who are both male — have the opposite inclination, that we should get raises to keep up with the class, and that the condition doesn’t apply.

    For what it’s worth, the firm isn’t very open about this. I’m going to see what happens, but I think I’m seeing gender differences play out. I feel like a raise isn’t something I deserve in that the firm already pays me generously, while the men are more comfortable being aggressive and feeling deserving.

    1. Why in the world have you not asked yet if you’re eligible for a raise?

       1. I don’t think that’s the question – it seems to me she’s eligible, she just is wondering if she qualifies for it because she did not meet her billable target. I am of course extrapolating from my own firm experience, but I would venture to guess all associates are reviewed at the same time and decisions about comp handed down then. In most firms, you can’t really request a raise mid-year as an associate – it’s all done once a year, all together.

          1. But I’m assuming (that could be the problem) that the clerks/new hires may not meet the hours requirement because they started later in the fiscal year, making it unlikely they’d meet the hours requirements. If that’s the case, the hours requirement may be prorated for however long they’ve been there.

11. Groupon has a flight/5-night accommodation deal to Iceland with availability the first week of May for $1k. I think I’m going to bite the bullet and go. Solo travel doesn’t bother me, I’ve always wanted to go and finally feel like I’m in a financial spot where I can do this and I’m so excited.

    1. Good for you! Iceland is incredible.

    2. That’s so exciting! Have fun!

    3. Yes, go! Iceland is an amazing place, and I think a pretty easy place to go solo – the people are super-friendly, and there are a lot of tourists, so if you go on day trips and whatnot you’ll probably end up making some travel friends along the way (if you want to).

12. I switched to Paula’s Choice skincare about a year ago, after seeing so many of you rave about the products. I quite liked everything at first but I think I’ve hit a slump–I could use some insights and recommendations!

    I’m 28 with fair skin and no real history of acne–my frustrations trend more towards visible pores and (increasingly) visible fine lines. I have always had very pink cheeks, which is fine, but in recent weeks I have developed some persistent rosiness between my eyebrows, which is really weird and annoying. At this time of year my skin can feel a bit tight given the dry air; I certainly notice the visible pores more (especially on either side of my nose and on my forehead).

    For the past year I’ve been using Skin Balancing Pore-Reducing Toner (am and pm), Skin Perfecting 2% BHA Liquid Exfoliant (pm), and Skin Recovery Replenishing Moisturizer (am and pm). I received the Skin Recovery Hydrating Treatment mask as a full-size sample and like it sometimes at night in lieu of my regular moisturizer, but I can’t say that I notice a huge difference in performance. All of this is supplemented with pretty religious sunscreen on top of the moisturizer every morning (Josie Maran Argan Daily Moisturizer SPF 47). I use Lush Ultrabland to take off eye makeup in the evening but otherwise rely on cool water and a washcloth for cleansing.

    Any ideas? I confess that I find the Paula’s Choice site a little hard to navigate, so I’m not sure if there are options that are, say, *more* moisturizing/pore-reducing than what I’ve already got.

    1. The big red flag here seems to be that you don’t wash your face. Even if you aren’t wearing make up you need a mild cleanser to get rid of the grime that builds up from dead skin cell, touching your face, environmental pollutants ect.

       1. Agreed. Using the toner twice a day is probably the best o rough on your skin as well.

    2. This. Your pores are visible/enlarged because you’re not washing your face. Without some kind of cleanser, oil and sebum clog pores and stretch them out. And you’re not getting the full benefit of those Paula’s Choice products without washing your face first – they not able to penetrate as well. Get a face wash (I recommend Biore’s Charcoal Face Wash) and I bet you’ll see a world of difference.

    3. I’d see a derm about that rosiness. 28 was around the time my rosacea appeared.

13. New Rules of Lifting for Women question — I had this book awhile back and really liked it. I’m thinking of re-buying but I’m wondering if I can do the workouts in my office gym (the only gym I can reliably get to). Can someone familiar with the book tell me what equipment is needed? Thank you!

    1. Range of free weights, step up (box or other stable surface) and a cable row. Maybe a lat pull down. Squat bar is not strictly necessary, though useful – my condo fitness room didn’t have one so I googled for squat and dead life modifications.

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