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One of the Hunts on my list to update is our roundup of work backpacks — but this sleek backpack from Songmont will probably be on the list.
I love the crinkly effect on the leather, as well as the top handle and the cool, almost organic circular clasp. The brand notes that the backpack is
specifically designed for laptops, blending both style and functionality. It offers a generously sized interior with additional pockets and an elastic band to securely accommodate laptops up to 16 inches. The side buttons can be unbuttoned to increase capacity when needed and a convenient back pocket is available to store frequently used items. The backpack also features a sleeve on the back that allows it to be easily stacked on top of your luggage, making it a fashionable and effortless choice for daily commutes.
Nice. There's also a trolley strap so it can attach to your rolling bag — love!
The bag is $610 at Songmont.com. (The bag is an onyx black; the name of the Chocolate Collection apparently does not refer to the color at all.) If you're a fan of Goyard and MCM, they have a bag in a print; they also make a smaller bag than the one pictured.
Sales of note for 9.30.24
- Nordstrom – Beauty deals through September
- Ann Taylor – Extra 30% off sale
- Banana Republic Factory – 50% off everything + extra 20% off
- Boden – 15% off new styles
- Eloquii – Extra 50% off sale
- J.Crew – 50% off select styles
- J.Crew Factory – Up to 60% off everything + 50% off sale with code
- Lo & Sons – Warehouse sale, up to 70% off
- M.M.LaFleur – Save 25% sitewide
- Neiman Marcus – Friends & Family 25% off
- Rag & Bone – Friends & Family 25% off sitewide
- Spanx – Lots of workwear on sale, some up to 70% off
- Talbots – Fall Cyber Monday sale, 40% off sitewide and $5 shipping
- Target – Car-seat trade-in event through 9/28 — bring in an old car seat to get a 20% discount on other baby/toddler stuff.
- White House Black Market – 40% off select styles
Anon
Super random question alert. We live in a small townhouse-style apartment with 2 bathrooms and we’re expecting our first baby soon. We’re doing some reorganization and moved our skis out of the baby’s closet to make space for baby stuff. Would it be bad to hang skis (on a small ski hook/rack) in the bathroom? We very rarely use the shower in there since we prefer the other one, although if we do use it, the only ventilation is a window and not a fan. I certainly don’t want to rust the edges, but it seems like it’ll be dry most of the time and that bathroom has a nice little nook area where the skis would be out of the way from the baby and anything else. I’m struggling to think of any other good location in our apartment. Thoughts?
Anon
Can you pay for some kind of storage unit? I imagine the skis aren’t the only thing you’re going to need to move out of the baby’s room and it sounds like it will be less cramped than trying to fit things in your existing space.
Anon
It’s your apartment. It can look the way you want it to look. You don’t need anyone’s permission.
I’m sure the skis will be fine in there. Snow is wet, you know.
Anon
If it works, it works! You’re the one living with it. Interior design websites are aspirational fantasy. The rest of us do the best we can with the space we have. Sounds like you have a workable solution for your space.
Signed,
Person with bikes in the living room
Anon
Oh, I’m not worried about interior design – that ship has sailed. It’s more about damaging the skis with moisture. I thought maybe people with garages or in damp climates might be able to comment.
And yes, bikes are in the living room!
Anon
Ah, gotcha!
I that case, you’re fine. Unless there was some sort of persistent leak, it’s not going to remain humid enough to matter.
Anon
do it! Our skis live in a basement, and it seems like storage doesn’t have to be perfect, if I think about gear lockers at repair places or a slopeside ski rental shop.
Cat
my only pause would be if you’d feel like you were living in a storage unit when you used that bathroom, as opposed to trace moisture from occasional showering.
Anon
Ha! I am the poster above you, and I love skiing so much that I feel happy whenever I see my skis. I’d love to see them regularly, as it would give me a little boost whenever I saw them.
Anon
Are they going to fall over if you bump into them? Are they close enough to the toilet that you would need to clorox wipe them down? Do you use any products in that bathroom that would create buildup, like hairspray? If not then go for it.
Anon
Will they slide under your bed?
Anonymous
can you clamp them under your dining table?
Anonymous
You can do it but I would be more inclined to add an extra shelf near the top of the closet and store them up there.
anon
I strongly recommend against doing this. Ideally, skis should be stored in a cool, dry environment with their bases or sides touching the ground. So hanging and being in a bathroom are both no-gos. There are many articles online that are better able to explain the reasons behind these recommendations. In terms of other ideas, do you have a couch or bed you could place them under? What about a closet with enough extra space at the top that you could add a small shelf?
Anon
That’s probably fine if you don’t mind them being out, but what about mounted on the back wall or side wall of a clothes closet.
Anon
Edited to add: or in my world, they would be leaned into a back corner!
Anonymous
Why not leave the skis in the baby’s closet? Babies don’t have much stuff, and it is all very tiny. But, the nook area sounds fine, and you can oil or wax the edges to make sure rust doesn’t happen.
Anonymous
has anyone paid out of pocket for RMR testing or a dexa scan? are these par for the course when working with an RD? (nooooo dieticians). how do you find one local to you that is good?
Anon
My insurance paid for the DEXA scan. Have you checked to make sure yours will not?
Anon
I did. I found DexaFit which was great for RMR/muscle mass/whole body bone mass. I had to then follow-up with a proper dexa bc my bones mass was worrisome, which my insurance paid for even though I am in my 30s. I pushed my obgyn to order it.
Anon
What do you mean by nooo dieticians? I thought that it was a legally protected word and that dietician meant RD or RDN.
Anonymous
sorry to be unclear — maybe i mean no nutritionists? i remember that one group has medical training and the other group does not. i’m not sure who i saw (RD or the other) when i was pregnant but it was about as useful as reading a Self article (but with extra judgment!) so i’m not doing that again.
Anon
A dietitian is an RD. It’s a rigorous course of study to earn this designation. Like any other field, there are good ones and bad ones.
As for nutritionists, anyone can call themself a nutritionist with zero training.
Anon
My nephew dropped out of the RD program at college and switched to economics bachelor of science because it was easier. So…
BeenThatGuy
I have. Paid about $225 for a Dexascan and RMR test at DexaFit. It was great to have all the data and I look forward to going annually to track my progress.
Anon
Mammogram follow up question. For any of you with dense tissue, have you done a sonogram or anything else as a follow up? Or just kept repeating annual mammograms? Has your doctor suggested anything?
There was a WSJ article last week or so mentioning sonograms.
Anonymous
I get ultrasounds and MRIs. I have non-cancerous tumours they keep an eye on, so I am probably getting more procedures than average
Anonymous
If they’ve identified your breasts as dense, they should offer an ultrasound as well. Dense breasts are an independent cancer risk (meaning that alone can increase your risk). If you have other risk factors, they may increase you to MRIs as well.
Anonymous
Really? I’d this evidenced?
Anonymous
https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC10091988/
Anon
I do annual mammograms and annual MRIs separated by six months due to high risk of breast cancer (with dense breasts as well). I’ve had to do follow-up ultrasounds a few times when the mammograms showed something that couldn’t be visualized well.
Anon
This is what I do as well.
Ranoma
This is what the radiologist suggested to me as well. How long have you been doing this routine? I asked my mom and she challenged that she felt like all that extra radiation thru scan would increase her risk. I was hoping the first MRI would ease their mind as to my risk, but I haven’t talked to my GP about any of this yet.
Anon
I’ve known I’ve been dense for a decade and no one has ever recommended additional testing. I also had a parent die from pancreatic cancer. Per that WSJ article, it and some it linked to, I should get that and also tested for BRCA mutations.
I hate that I feel like I’m my own doctor because I didn’t go to med school. I live in a major city with what I thought was good access to good healthcare.
What else am I missing???
anon
I do a mammogram and sonogram together annually. I schedule both for the same appointment.
Anonymous
I’ve had ultrasound, as a follow up on the same appointment as the mammogram. 2 cl cyst background for check (walnut size).
Mm
I get ultrasounds along with every 3d mammo. I have no risk factors apart from density
I’m 42 so have only started recently but typically have to go every 6 months for scans because they are monitoring cysts etc
have never been recommended to do a mri
Anonymous
If by circumstances you had to end your career in your early 50s, but had enough money in retirement accounts and out to live comfortably, would you try to take a new career? find a related career? just work somewhere for health insurance like Costco or Starbucks? or just.. retire?
in general i have a hard time imagining retirement, ha
Anonymous
My mom became president of her quilt guild and joined the opera board. There’s plenty to do if you have time, money and inclination!
anon
i’m a lawyer. i would do meaningful pro bono work in a field i am interested in. I would work out more and read more and travel more and my house would be prettier. retail is actually pretty physically taxing, i don’t see doing it though the idea of a little job sounds pleasant too.
Anonymous
Assuming no financial constraints, I’d probably go back for the PhD I always wanted.
Anon
Me too!
Anonymous
Following with interest. Practically, how does this work? I graduated 35 years ago. How do you get the recommendations? I have no professors left that I know. Will a competitive program take a 58 year old who may only work 20 years if your lucky? Do you do on-line or something?
Anon
I am not sure, but I knew someone who got her degree at a competitive program in her fifties. It didn’t seem as though it took her any longer to find a teaching job than typical (where typical is a brutal several year process full of uncertainty), and the job she ended up with seemed like a perfect fit.
Senior Attorney
I had to take a few prerequisite courses for the master’s program I did so those professors were good recommendations. I also used work-related recommendations. (I was early 50s at the time.)
Anon
Depends on the field and the school.
If your work experience has nothing to do with what you’d like to get your PhD in, then I’d recommend taking at least a few courses in that subject to get your sea legs back in terms of being in school, academic expectations and current vocabularies, etc. You can’t assume that your college education from 35 years ago will have the same kinds of information, technologies, and demands that the field does now. Then you can talk to those professors about recommendations.
And you might consider applying for a master’s first, which has a very different set of admissions and expectations than a Ph.D.
Senior Attorney
Same. I started an MFT program some years ago (didn’t finish for Reasons) and if I’d retired early I would definitely have followed up on that.
Anon
In your early 50s, you probably have many decades of life ahead of you. Think of all you’ve done since you were 20 or 30. You have the same amount of time ahead of you. You could do that much again if you want to. I was in a similar situation in my early 50s; I no longer needed to work in order to comfortably retire. Unless you love your job and it causes you no to little stress, 100% retire! Don’t worry, you will find plenty to do. Explore hobbies that interested you at younger ages. Do volunteer work for a cause that gets you excited, or mentor younger people in your field. Take the extra time to eat and exercise better, and enjoy the improved mental health that comes with a lower-stress existence. Sleep in! It takes a long time to truly catch up on your sleep after leaving a stressful job. Enjoy going to the grocery store on a Tuesday. If you’re in or near a big city, go to museums, parks, explore parts of town you’ve never spent much time in before. Read, write, paint, travel, whatever makes you feel happy and alive. Plan to have 20-30 years of this lifestyle and think about what you’d like most to remember at the end of it. Consider whether you need “accomplishments” in order to feel happy and satisfied, and then redefine that term. The notion that life is over when you “retire” is a myth. Read about wisdom and time in Chip Conley’s great new book, Learning to Love Midlife.
Anon
I would do not a damn thing for a summer and then see what I felt like.
Anon
That’s what happened to me. I work as an independent consultant in my field. I have been playing around with how much is too much, and last year it was too much, so I non renewed two contracts in January. That’s the great thing about being self employed (and having enough saved for retirement.)
My goal is to work part time, pay the bills, and let my existing savings grow, but not sock away another million dollars or whatever. My sweet spot is about 1/3 to 1/2 of a full time schedule. It keeps my brain busy, but not so busy I can’t enjoy life.
anon
This is me. I live pretty modestly to be able to do it. I spend my time volunteering with a couple of different organizations and I’m almost finished with my MFA. Single, one adult child, healthcare is covered.
I was always super intense in my career, and it’s such a relief to just do whatever the hell I want. 10/10 recommend.
anon
Adding: I don’t think I look especially young for my age, but people comment that I do. I think it’s because I’m not stressed out all the time.
Anon
Foster parent (assuming I could figure out health insurance for myself). I’m in my late 40’s now and am considering retiring early in the next 10 or so years to do this. I’ve had a few lives already – tough childhood, travelled the world for a while after college, intense lawyer career for a decade followed comfortable suburban mom / gov’t employee … once my own kids are grown and out, I think I’d still have bandwidth for another life pivot to something totally different.
Anon
Thank god for the affordable care act. That’s how I’ve been able to swing it after getting laid off at 55.
I don’t get a huge subsidy, but at least I can buy a policy without someone trying to exclude me for preexisting conditions or whatever.
Anonymous
Retire. Early retirement is my plan anyway. I’ve got lots of hobbies. I’d like the time to do them.
Anon
I’d retire if money wasn’t a factor, and in fact I plan to retire in my mid-50s once my only child is through college (or earlier if she chooses a state school). I hate working and only do it for the money.
anonshmanon
probably start turning up for city council meetings, really get into the weeds of regional/local governance, maybe run for some oversight board.
Anonymous
More university, more physical activity, probably teaching some kind of activity I enjoy, travel but like go somewhere for a month and just chill/explore. I like dogs but dog ownership is a lot sometimes so I’d probably do some dog sitting or walking on the side.
My yoga teacher is a retired elementary school teacher and my friend’s mom started running and teaches running clinics.
My mom started quilting and is involved in a local quilting association.
Anonymous
I’d also like to do foster care respite and maybe write a little.
One of my law school classmates was a geology professor before he retired and went to law school. He was just auditing courses for fun.
Anon
If I were in that wonderful place in life I would move myself to GB and get a degree in hand embroidery through the Royal School of Needlework. Oddly specific, so probably not much help!
Olivia Rodrigo
This isn’t exactly the same, but I’m in my mid-40’s and just took a one-year severance package after being told my job is being eliminated next summer. It was HARD at first — my self esteem was rocked and I was having a hard time figuring out who I was. But boy, am I busy now! And it’s (almost) all with stuff that I love doing: I’m taking a class at a local community college, am about to rehab a house, and I have a few small consulting clients related to my professional field. I spent my entire career hustling HARD in a big job, and now I am so much happier. I’ve even turned down some pretty juicy job offers because it’s too much work for too little money.
I also have three kids and am a much better mom, spouse, and friend. At this moment, I’m not sure I’ll ever go back to full time work…I love having autonomy and control of my own time. I now know I can work part-time as a consultant and make more than I made full-time in my prior role (and I was the third-highest-paid employee at my company!). For someone who’s always been grabbing for the next brass ring, this has been quite the revelation.
Jane
I’m FEELING it (maybe I am PMS’ing) but ALL THESE YEARS my husband and I (married for 10 years) were pretty sure we didn’t want to have kids. Never felt the calling to be a parent. Didn’t have the best childhood/relationships with our parents, and every single friend of ours with kids (mostly under 10 right now) was a poster for why we absolutely didn’t want any. I am turning 38 in 2 weeks and suddenly I’m, f&%@ we are VERY late, we should have had one. Do i feel i want a kid, no! It is more from my brain than my heart… like why am i working? what is the purpose of my life? we are great people and would raise a wonderful kid… legacy… all points I have intellectually fought before and I still can! WHAT IS HAPPENING? I thought a LOT and can’t even think of what triggered this, other than suddenly feeling like “shoot i am about 40”.
Anon
Not to say this is true for everyone, but I was certain I did not want kids, and based my relationships on that certainty. Then at 37, I changed my mind. I became a single mother quite intentionally (so very different from your circumstances) and I am glad I did. I am not all rah-rah motherhood, but my kid (now grown) is such a gift from the universe. Talk it over, and if changing course seems right, embrace it. If childfree still seems right, do that. Both paths can be happy and full.
Anonymous
My cousin was a DINK, freaked out at 39 and had a baby, she uh greatly regrets it, only admits it when not sober, but yeah it’s a bad situation all around.
Anon
You’re not too late to have a kid – my OB practice said most moms there are LATE 30s, not mid-30s. It’s also a myth that it will “definitely” be impossible to get pregnant quickly in your mid-to-late 30s. If you decide you want to do this, you can.
Anon88
I’m 34, but I’ve recently been going through something similar. For the past couple years I was very sure I didn’t want kids, and now all the sudden within the last month I’m like wait, maybe I do want them. Such a strange feeling!
Anon
It’s how the species survives! The urge is innate for a most of us.
Anon
I didn’t want kids until I did, then I wanted them yesterday. I was 36 and 37 when they were born, and I can honestly say they are the best things I’ve ever done.
Anonymous
If you’re looking for real honestly the regretful parents subreddit is good.
Anonymous
I had this freak out around 40 and didn’t have a kid. I kind of chalk it up now to midlife crisis panic. I think it was more about not meeting a “milestone” than desire to actually have a kid. I look at all of those decisions now to just a different path not taken. It isn’t more or less, just different.
anon
A similar thing happened to me when I was 36. Out of nowhere, my brain did a complete 180. All the rationale behind my previous choice to be childfree went out the window. I could only see the positives in having a child and my brain was telling me it was the obvious thing to do. I don’t have words to express how grateful I am that I forced myself to sit with those thoughts before taking action. After two months, the voice in my head was gone but I still would have been okay with becoming a parent. After three months, I was back to my staunchly childfree by choice position. Looking back at that time, I was coasting after decades pursuing the next goal (school, career, marriage, promotions, buying a house, etc.) and I think I was frankly bored with my life and feeling like I needed to be doing more. I read a bunch of pregnancy and childrearing books during those three months, which reminded me that parenting was not a challenge that interested me. Other short-term but high-stress challenges also arose in my life around the same time. They made me look back longingly at the times that I could coast, which I think then made me grateful for the opportunity to coast rather than feeling this urge to fill that extra capacity with a new challenge.
childfree
I’m 39 and childfree, and my husband and I have been consistently on the “no kids” train for years. Every so often, one of us wonders if we’ll regret not having kids when we’re in our 60s. And honestly? We might.
Sometimes I think that it’s sad that I won’t see my kid graduate high school, college, get married, buy a house, etc. etc. We can take fun family vacations to go skiing or hiking or wine tasting! I’m gonna miss out on the coolest adult relationships!
But if you read that and you’re a parent, you’re probably rolling your eyes at my ridiculous fantasy that completely ignores that some kids have special needs, everyone doesn’t walk the same path, maybe I won’t like who my kids grow up to be, maybe my kids won’t like me, etc. etc.
When we think about the life we want, it doesn’t include raising kids. And you have to raise them before they can be adults that may or may not want a relationship with you or visa versa.
So I’d say, ask yourself if you really want to raise a kid. Not just feel like you have a longer-term purpose, not just you’re feeling bored or burned out with your current path, etc. Do you really REALLY want to raise a child, regardless of their potential issues?
For us, that answer is no. We love being an aunt and uncle, but we don’t want to raise our own children, so we didn’t have them.
Anon
Survivor of a super dysfunctional childhood here. I didn’t want kids until my mid-30s *and* when in a good relationship with a good man.
My theory is that those of us with not-great childhoods don’t want to pass that down to the next generation, so we don’t want kids. Then, as time goes on and our childhood becomes a smaller fraction of our life, and when we get into long term, stable, loving partnerships, you can start to want kids. Essentially, there are huge psychological factors that push the brakes on wanting kids, and those ease off in our 30s because the factors pushing the brakes are further in the past.
Ranoma
I think any parent will tell you that throws of parenting brings out a lot of childhood memories and trauma that they maybe even forgot about. My childhood was fine, not abusive, no severe trauma, but still there’s a lot rising to the surface 7 years in to parenthood. I respect those who choose not to have kids because of their own childhood, even though I think parenthood is the greatest love and joy of my life, it’s A LOT, and demands a lot and is also the hardest most gut-wrenching experience.
Anon
This happened to me, too. It was too late for me (37 when it kicked in, dithered for another year, started trying at 39, 42 now) but the “what am I doing with my life” bug kicked in way way late. I had some tears about it but have moved past it.
Anonymous
So… I’m in a different boat in that I have 2 elementary school kids and logically know I don’t want more. But sometimes certain things can still trigger the thought of a third, like a birthday or a friend having a new baby or the time of month, but it passes.
My theory is this is just the hormones doing their thing, and most of us get it every now and then, kids or no kids. Some people feel it more and have lots, others not so much. Kind of like gardening. Not having kids and feeling this probably makes revisiting your decision harder.
I just imagine my kids as stinky teenagers and that kills any interest I have in having another.
Anon
How much better is an older cast iron singer sewing machine from 1960 than what you can buy new now? Trying to see if it makes sense to ship it 500 miles from my parents house to me.
Anonymous
Ship it!
Have your parents put it on the bathroom scales. Compare the weight of the machine to the weight on a machine costing the same as shipping. A vintage sewing machine will be HEAVY and REPAIRABLE.
A new machine, unless you pay a lot, will be plastic and shorter lived. The shipping money means years of a solid sewing machine.
An electric cast iron sewing machine is very, very nice thing to have.
Anon
Definitely better!
Anonymous
Vintage machines are a whole lot better than new ones. It only matters if you’re actually going to use it though.
Anon
Thanks — I used it as a kid and have just hand sewed since, obviously on very small items and mending.
Sew n sew
And if you don’t want it, I do! Ship it to me!
Anon
Yes! OP, if you and/or your parents are not going to use it and don’t want to continue storing it, this is the type of thing that would easily sell locally.
I personally really want an old Singer like this but they always get snapped up faster than I can take action.
Anon
OP from this morning’s discussion on puberty blockers and GH. Not a troll. Only commented once and labeled myself as OP.
After second convo with the endocrinologist, the recommendation at this point would only be for the lupron, but with the understanding that there’s a risk it could slow down bone growth enough that GH would be indicated. Her predicted growth isn’t low enough that GH is indicated. The reason for lupron would be to delay puberty until she’s psychologically ready to handle it. I was 12 when I got my period, as was her older sister. I discussed the bone density side effects with the endo (and thank you to those who raised that issue bc I wasn’t live to it). Because she’d be on the medication for only 2 years or less, it wouldn’t be likely as a long term effect. I’m inclined to hold off, but keep going to the endocrinologist to make sure her growth remains on track for 5’1”. I’m 5’ 1/2”. It’s often annoying, but not the worst fate.
Anon
I’d strongly suggest a second opinion – I’m one of the ones who raised concerns on the morning thread and the reasons the endocrinologist gave you sound a little red flag. Taking on powerful drugs with known serious harms because he thinks she might not be psychologically ready for a normal and natural process? Yikes. Good for you for following up but I would also suggest going somewhere else too.
Anonymous
i commented earlier that i was 9 when i got my period. other than the psychological damage from my mother telling my father (betrayal!!), and then having my father congratulate me “on becoming a woman,” i was fine.
still stabby about that.
also i’m 5’4. it kind of seems like maybe you feel like being short is a horrible thing you want to prevent?
Anon
It seems that a lot of commenters are reading that into the post when it’s not really there. Clearly the OP is concerned about potentially abnormal growth for what would be genetically expected, not dissing all short people.
Anonymous
Ope – just read that OP is short herself. Never mind that last point!
Phoebe
I’m not an endocrinologist and can’t speak to that part of it, but if you change your mind, please make sure it’ll continue to be legal to prescribe puberty blockers to children in your state, especially since the prescription is for psychological reasons. I know your kid isn’t the actual target of the laws against that, but it is still a puberty blocker and I doubt your endocrinologist is actually willing to risk their medical license and criminal charges over this.
Anonymous
The advice you are getting from this doctor is not consistent with AAP guidelines. You should have a specific discussion as to why he feels comfortable advising against following national guidelines. Endo should not be treating psych issues unless there is a psychologist or psychiatrist recommending same. Getting your period at 10 or 11 is normal. I was 11. My daughter was 12.5 and embarrassed about being one of the last of her friends because she felt like a baby.