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Wednesday’s Workwear Report: Sophie Wrap Sweater Blazer

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Our daily workwear reports suggest one piece of work-appropriate attire in a range of prices. J.Crew has a new sweater blazer that looks very cozy. At first, I thought it looked a bit like a robe, but it's actually very similar to MM.LaFleur's new jardigan, so I think it's a very on-trend look, particularly for a more casual office. I love how they've styled the tie here — simply, and with no bow. The size range is XXS–3X, which is great, in red, black, and heather dove, pictured here. It's $158 at Nordstrom — but note that the navy is on sale for $78. Sophie Wrap Sweater Blazer his post contains affiliate links and Corporette® may earn commissions for purchases made through links in this post. For more details see here. Thank you so much for your support! Seen a great piece you’d like to recommend? Please e-mail tps@corporette.com.

Sales of note for 3/26/25:

  • Nordstrom – 15% off beauty (ends 3/30) + Nordy Club members earn 3X the points!
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  • Banana Republic Factory – Friends & Family Event: 50% off purchase + extra 20% off
  • Eloquii – 50% off select styles + extra 50% off all sale
  • J.Crew – 30% off tops, tees, dresses, accessories, sale styles + warm-weather styles
  • J.Crew Factory – Shorts under $30 + extra 60% off clearance + up to 60% off everything
  • M.M.LaFleur – 25% off travel favorites + use code CORPORETTE15 for 15% off
  • Spanx – Lots of workwear on sale, some up to 70% off
  • Talbots – $64.50 spring cardigans + BOGO 50% off everything else

And some of our latest threadjacks here at Corporette (reader questions and commentary) — see more here!

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410 Comments

  1. I always like the look of things like this on the models, but on me they just look like a messy bathrobe. All I’m missing is a red nose and wadded Kleenex to complete the look.

      1. That said, I have a lot of longer cardigans / wrap styles like this and I call them either my office robe (cold office, casual dress) or my weekend robe. Office is so cold that I’ve threatened to get a snuggie (esp. in the summer where it is 95 degrees outside but awful and drafty inside with blasting A/C). This is nicer than a snuggie (but I may still have to go there).

        1. The color is what kills this one. A long black cashmere/wool cardigan is totally office appropriate and toasty warm.

          1. I have a chunky wool no-collar one in black with patch pockets and a sleeker finer knit in beige (with lapels / on-seam pockets and a belt) from MMLF, which I do like and use as a coat / office warmer.

            This would bulk me up too much in the midsection.

          2. I wonder if this is a height/size thing? I’m about 6′ tall, approximately a size 8, and live for variations of these cardigans year round. I have the MMLafleur Ono, but it really only keeps me warm in the summer over dresses, and for winter I wear the MMLafleur version of this cardigan, or other chunky/long cardigans and dusters. I tried a cropped jacket before and thought I looked weirder.

    2. Same. Target has a cute looking long cardigan too and I didn’t even try it on.

    4. I just got a very similar J Crew sweater/blazer that is basically this same thing but open instead of belted and with big patch pockets. I’m returning it because it looks like a weird blazer/bathrobe chimera. I think it would be ok if it just went full bathrobe with no collar or a shawl collar, but the sharp lapel just looks strange with the casual bottom half. I’m bummed about it too because it’s a gorgeous light purple color and I thought I would love it.

    5. I bought almost the exact same sweater from J Crew last year and donated it after wearing it once because I had that realization.

    6. I tried a long wrap sweater last time they were a thing and ended up calling the resulting look “bathleisure.” It went into the plane togs section of my closet, and met a timely death on a United flight.

      1. “Bathleisure” is a wonderful addition to the vernacular. I love this cozy sweater, but for inside my house. I am currently wearing (in home office) the famous Barefoot Dreams cardigan but I don’t even wear that outside the house.

      2. Bathleisure! I personally call it “flouncewear” and it’s my favorite category of clothing. It makes me fee like Daisy Buchanan.

    7. I managed to get my hands on the Line the Label white wrap coat Meghan Markle wore in her engagement photos, and returned it because when I put it on it looked exactly like my white terrycloth bathrobe.

    8. Same. It would just overwhelm me. But I can see it looking good on Olivia Pope or Jessica Pearson from Suits.

      1. That being said, I lived in a long, chunky knit cardigan 3L year (to work and school and home and everywhere) have no regrets. I’m sure it looked like sh*t but I was crazy sick for most of that year and always ice cold due to meds. If I was ever back in that state, I’d buy sweaters like this in a heartbeat.

    9. I have one like this in patterned silk, which I wear with skinny pants and smoking slippers with tassels on them. But I have an extremely casual office. Like, ripped jeans and graphic tees casual.

  2. I have been working at my firm in State A for about 2.5 years and barred for about 3 years. Within a year, I’d like to move to State B where I am from (to be closer to aging parents/family). And I hope to have kids within next two years and have family help out (parents and sibling have already expressed willingness to help) . In current city, husband and I have no local family. I am not barred in State B, but my office has a satellite location in State B.

    I am really grappling whether I should ask to transfer to satellite office in State B and ask for them to pay for bar exam there. Or just apply for other jobs in State B toward the end of year, resign and move.

    I like my current firm ok. But I don’t love my job and want to ultimately leave litigation. I would apply for other jobs in State A if I wasn’t already planning on moving. My husband and I will only move once one of us has a job lined up in State B. There is no reciprocity for my State. Thoughts? I’m worried if I ask to transfer and firm says no, it’ll be out there that I want out.

    1. I would look for other jobs in State B. Your current firm isn’t that likely to accommodate a request to switch locations AND practice groups, and honestly, I’ve seen most relocations within firms not work out well. Most people I know who have done it have used the relocation to give themselves time to find another job in State B.

      1. I don’t know that the second sentence is true. We’ve had many people over the years move offices within my firm and several of them have been really successful. I’d say the overall success rate of such a relocation is pretty on par with the general success/attrition rate of our firm. If you’re only “meh” on your firm though, I’d probably look for other jobs in that case. I think you have to be really positive about the firm overall to make the move work.

    2. I don’t think it’s either/or. You can job hunt and then ask for a transfer before accepting another job. If they say no, then you have another job lined up. If they say yes, you can decide to stick with your current firm and they don’t have to know you were looking.

      1. Agreed. You need to job hunt in State B, assume (worst case) that you’ll have to study for and retake the bar on your own dime, and once you have an offer in hand or your husband has an offer in hand, negotiate with your co. to move internally, if that is what you want or that’s the best you can do at that time. I would also start cultivating relationships with the satellite office and making sure you try to become indispensable so if you want an internal transfer, the business case for it exists. Good luck.

    3. As a junior person, your firm has made a big up front investment in training you, and I bet if they can retain you (and you’re good), they will want to. I don’t see them firing you or anything if you express an interest in transferring to State B and it doesn’t work out. Maybe it would hurt your long term prospects, but at that point you’d be trying to leave, anyway.

      1. Ehh I’m not sure I agree. Firms have needs in specific offices and if they know she’s moving to State B, they know she’s not going to have a long-term future with their State A office. I don’t think she’s going to get terminated the week after she asks to transfer or anything, but I definitely think it will hurt her, possibly in the not-so-distant-future (under 1 year), because they know she has one foot out the door. I saw it happen several times.

        1. That’s exactly what I’m concerned about— I ask. They say no and it hurts me in terms of opportunities in near future if relocation takes longer than hoped for

    4. Just an FYI that my Big Law firm had a policy that if you requested a relocation, you had to pay for the bar exam and prep course. The firm only payed for the bar if they requested you relocate. I think that’s fairly standard. If you ask your current firm for a relocation, I wouldn’t ask them to cover the bar costs. Letting you transfer is enough of an accommodation.

    5. You don’t say if anyone at your firm has done this… ask around… specifically for women, too….
      Good luck

      1. OP here: They have accommodated multiple transfers to other offices within the state, but I have yet see someone ask to be relocated to an office outside the state.

        I’m mostly concerned that once I apply for bar in State B— they background check will follow up with my current employer as due diligence. They bar application deadline for February 2020 in State B is 3 months before I’d like to move.

  3. Thanks for the feedback to my dating question a while ago about the guy who won’t commit after two months of dating. I finally broke up with him after six months of dating and finding out that he has continued to use dating apps and seeing other women. He said something about having better options once he graduates from his residency program as a 35 year old (he went to med school later whereas I went to law school straight through) and how a lot of quality twenty something women would be willing to date him when he is older and more established in his career as a doctor. We’re both in our early thirties now.

    I feel like I wasted the past six months of my youth on this guy and am really scared that I can’t find a decent guy in NY. If you successfully met your husband in NY or know someone who did, can you please share how you met, how long you guys dated, how old you where, and any advice you might have? I really need some hope right now.

    1. “a lot of quality twenty something women would be willing to date him when he is older and more established in his career” 0_0 EGADS you are well shot of him, yikes!

      1. This. And an early 30s guy who can’t commit after a couple months is not someone who is serious about getting married/having kids in the near term and that’s a flag to move on.

      2. I dated a lot of toads in NY but I also met my husband here. We met at a wedding when I was still finalizing the divorce from my first marriage. We dated a year and a half before we got engaged and waited another year before we got married. We’ve been married two years – he’s 44, I’m 36 and we couldn’t be happier. Don’t give up hope!

      3. When I was in my 20s, a LOT of older men hit on me because I was young. My response was usually – that’s nice, what assurances would I have that you won’t trade me in for a younger model in 20 years? See, I kinda know for a fact that you don’t like women as they age.

        1. In my experience, and I have had experience dating older men, they date younger women because they aren’t ready for a relationship, marriage, kids, etc. A woman their age will expect things they cannot provide. Often no women their age will date them.

          1. Yes! A male friend in law school (who was about 4-5 years older than me and who was engaged to someone a year younger than him) advised women not to date older men for exactly this reason. From observation since then, I would say he was right – I have seen many guys date women much younger than they were, only to settle down with someone close to them in age (or even older!).

          2. It’s not an either/or thing… it’s an unwillingness to settle down, a desire to “marry young,” a desire to have the upper hand. It’s never a good sign, though, and I’m glad I saw that when I was young.

    2. How gross. I’m so sorry, but glad he’s out of your life. I’d have no envy at all for the “quality” younger women he is now going to pursue, given his attitude toward women and relationships.

      Not qualified for the NYC advice aspect, but I’m sure you’ll get some good stuff. Hang in there.

    3. he sounds like a straight JERK, you dodged a bullet! Glad you broke up with him. No NYC dating advice, but you’re better than that, remind yourself how awesome you are.

    4. Wow, this guy sounds like a real prize. I’m sorry you’re going through a breakup, OP, but this does not sound like the type of dude you need in your life.

    5. Well here’s a tip. If he isn’t working for you after 2 months, don’t stick it out another 4. You can’t meet Mr Right while you’re dating Mr. Wrong!

    6. Wow — looks like you dated my ex-BIL’s younger self. Never hot as a kid and nearsighted. Got married for the first time in his 20s, wife left. Got married again and stayed married for a bunch of kids. Once he was done with med school, residency, and paying back loans, he traded wife #2 in for wife #3 (20-something; he is in his late 40s now and went to med school later in life).

      Eeewwww. Just eeewwww.

      And no woman in her 20s should be flattered by a attention from a guy in his viagra years.

    7. I think I remember you said you don’t want to sleep with anyone for your own reasons. You need to date people who feel the same way. Today’s current dating scene is difficult for people who want a committed relationship. NYC is known to be one of the most difficult places for women. You need to focus your search on people who want to remain celibate with you. Sounds like this guy lead you on for a few months. That happens to everyone!! It’s not that unusual. This is how dating apps are now and it’s a numbers game. Try dating within your specific community if you are religious.

      1. I might try dating within any religious/traditional/old world/immigrant community in New York with similar values? It’s easier to blend traditions than to compromise on something like celibacy. I know a lot of couples who married across different religious backgrounds because of other things they had in common.

      2. Thanks. I set my filters to anyone who was religious or spiritual. He said he was spiritual but not religious.

        I’ve decided to devote my weekend and as much free time as possible to volunteering and getting involved at various church activities.

        1. Yes, if you are religious and celibate for religious purposes, your best bet is to find someone who shares your values. Having a life and potentially raising children with someone who doesn’t share your values will be incredibly difficult. Someone spiritual, but not religious will not work. Definitely get involved with church activities! Volunteer, go to youth meetings, etc. That could be so good for you!! But you can’t blame a guy who just wants to date around. That’s more common in NYC.

        2. spiritual but not religious – is often used as a cop out without really understanding what it means.

          I’ve used it when I thought I was really spiritual but not religious – but nope, i just didn’t have any connection with any higher power – i just hated religious rituals. I wasn’t spiritual by any means at that time but I thought I knew there’s God – so that meant I’m spiritual?? :o

          Now things have changes and I see the difference. I’m spiritual and religious and still dont like some mindless religious rituals but see value in others. Now when my sister uses the same line on me – I laugh in my mind – because she’s neither spiritual nor religious – she’s just lost her confection and has to find her way to it.

          1. so when someone uses this line – go for- thats interesting, tell me more about this spirituality thing? do you do some sort of meditation, tai chi, yoga? … often when you go deeper, you’ll find they do nothing, feel nothing, no concoction whatsoever and its a cop out. You can just process the answers in your mind and see if that works for you.

    8. Ugh, he sounds completely awful and you are so much better off. I know you feel like you wasted time (which I completely empathize with) but hopefully this will inspire you to ruthlessly cull the herd of suitors who waffle.

    9. It sounds like you are well rid of him, but that doesn’t make it hurt any less for now I’m sure. A guy who is specifically leading you on while holding out hope for a twentysomething when he’s 35/36 just leads me straight to the flames-on-the-side-of-the-face moment from Clue! But you asked for hope, not sympathy rage, so on that end: of the women I know who are married and still live in NYC, there’s a pretty even split between those who found spouses through apps (bumble/okcupid/tinder) and those who met through old-fashioned social gatherings (asking/being asked out at social events/parties thrown by friends/colleagues/social sports leagues), but the vast majority of them met their spouses well past grad school (late 20s-late 30s). I wish I had helpful statistics on timelines/etc. but it’s all anecdata and each pair I think about varies so much in when they had conversations, when they moved in together, how long they were engaged, and obviously on the kids front, often no one outside the immediate circle knows whether you started trying right away and it took a while or if you waited to start trying.

    10. Big internet hugs. So sorry you’re dealing with this but you definitely dodged a bullet. This is the type of guy who screams “will trade in wife” at some point. Sucks you didn’t realize this earlier but great that you realized it now and not in a year!

      As far as dating in NY. I met my husband her through friends but we were not “set up”. I have a lot of friends who have met the same way. I think if you approach dating like you would job searching, it’s your “extended network” where you will have the best luck. So it’s not necessarily that your friend will set you up with their friend but if you say yes to attending parties/events you may have luck meeting a friend of a friends coworker, if that makes sense. Tagging along on a happy hour a friend is going to with coworkers or her cousins birthday celebration are things that have yielded success for people I know

      1. That’s really interesting to approach dating like looking for a new job through one’s extended network. I need to put this out there more to people in my extended network.

    11. I met my now-husband in NYC through mutual friends (we both were in our late 20s when we met), but it took us 5 years to decide to get married. Most of my NYC guy friends took a long time to settle down – I think the city attracts and retains a certain type of guy who’s always looking for the next best thing, since there are so many people to choose from – but by 35 a lot of them were getting tired and either married their long-time girlfriends or got serious about finding someone. The last friend finally (at 43!) got married last year, I think after realizing everyone else he knew was married with kids and he was that sort-of pathetic guy hanging out at bars with people 10-15 years younger than him.

      1. Thanks. It’s gotten me thinking about leaving NYC if I feel like changing jobs in the next few years. The amount of noncommittal men here does seem significantly higher.

        1. Hmmm. It’s a problem everywhere. Met my DH at 32 through work. Married at 34. Spent most of my single time in DC. Loads of single women there, so not better (although maybe more politically ambitious folks value having the stability of marriage). Not sure where you’d go. Does Colorado attract more hetero men? Dunno.

    12. Oh my goodness, what a disgusting human! I feel so bad for whatever “quality 20-something” winds up tied to this louse.
      Dating in NY was really upsetting for me, too, and I encountered so many of these types. At some point I decided I was going to say “yes” to pretty much every social engagement or opportunity for socializing I was invited to, even if I was feeling low energy or antisocial. I wound up meeting my husband at a friend of a friend’s housewarming party, and he was there for the exact same reason! We didn’t become exclusive for a couple of months, but it was *immediately* evident that neither of us had any intention of stringing the other along. So basically trust-building started right away.
      The issue is that you’re most likely to encounter gross player types because they just get out there more. Nice, humble people are quietly living their lives and just hoping they’ll luck into meeting each other. That doesn’t mean they’re not out there for you, they’re just harder to find.
      So my advice is twofold. Firstly, say “yes” to and actively seek out every possible social engagement, even if it’s draining, because this is how you’re going to encounter the friends-of-friends-of-friends who are normal people not trawling bars and dating sites. Secondly, make a commitment to yourself that you’ll trust your instincts when it feels like someone isn’t treating you well or a relationship doesn’t feel ‘right’, and that you’ll cut your losses a LOT sooner.
      You’ll be fine! Good luck!

    13. Mona Chalabi posted a couple of graphs on Instagram today and men/women and age of attraction. It’s as grim as you’d think.

      1. Ugh. I kept telling myself not to look at it. Then I looked at it and, just, ugh.

    14. The world is full of single people, don’t give up hope! I think you probably learned a few valuable lessons from your time dating this guy, so the time you invested wasn’t wasted. You just learned what will not work for you in the future. I feel like dating is kind of a process of elimination that way. Every failure gets you closer to what you really ARE looking for! If you are really serious about wanting to find a date, then put this on project status and take massive action towards meeting your goal. Say yes to every social engagement you can, read books about dating, get on the dating apps – do it all. Spend 15 hours a week on it. I am guessing if you go out on many, many, many dates, you will become more skillful at dating and will be able to hone in on what/who you want (even though you will also meet many creeps along the way). I met my second husband through a dating site after wasting a year with someone a little like the man you described. I learned a lot, and it helped me. Don’t give up. It’s like looking for a needle in a haystack, but he’s out there waiting to find you!

  4. Does anyone feel like doing some armchair traveling? How would you plan an itinerary in Paris – arriving Friday morning and departing Wednesday morning…. traveling in May so it could be warm, it could be rainy.

    I’m interested to hear what you would do each day. This is my second time in Paris but the first time I didn’t have time for museums.

    1. So you have 4.5-5 days. I’d do

      A day at Versailles
      Rest of the days : Mornings spent sightseeing in the city, then people watching at some cafe in the late afternoon, maybe walking through the city in the evenings.

    2. I would plan an entire day for the Louvre. its very worth it, and if you haven’t’ been, you must go. The Musee D’Orsay is my other must see pick. It is a half day museum . When I was in Paris, I loved going up to see Sacre Ceur. Its just a beautiful place, especially in the evening. And you could have dinner in Montemart. Notre Dame is amazing on the interior. And Sainte Chapelle. If I could recommend one very magical place its St Chapelle. Its the Mini cathedral that Louise IX built for the kings of France.

      I never went to a bad restaurant in Paris. There are lots of bakeries to grab a small quiche or bagget or pastry for your breakfast. Or cafes. I think most things are closed on Mondays, so it would be a good day for a day trip to Versailles if its open.

      Now I’m going to start planning my own trip to Paris. Any hotel recommendations?

    3. do you WANT to go to museums? They’re lovely but not mandatory. My two favorites are the Orsay and the Orangerie since I am an Impressionist lover.
      I would pick 1-2 “big things” to do each day, and leave the rest of the time for long meals and wandering.

      Ex:
      – Friday. Arrive, jetlagged. Force yourself to stay up by taking a walk around your neighborhood, buy some groceries/wine, have an earlyish dinner and collapse.
      – Saturday. Go to a museum or two (Orsay and Orangerie pair nicely since they’re across the river from each other). If you want to shop or at least window shop, walk up to the Place Vendome area. Alternatively, head over to Luxembourg Gardens and watch the cute children with their sailboats.
      – Sunday. If you want to see Versailles this is a good day to go as the fountains run on weekends. Try to get there at least 1/2 hour before opening. The gardens were my fave part.
      – Monday. With lots of museums closed, choose outdoor stuff to do. Walk around Montmartre and enjoy the view from Sacre Coeur. Have a nice cafe lunch. Take the Metro over to Trocadero and soak up the Eiffel views. Take a Seine cruise.
      – Tuesday. Notre Dame and – my personal favorite – St. Chappelle. From there head over to the Marais for food. Or Louvre if you have more capacity to appreciate art/history in 4 days than I do.
      – Wednesday, try to squeeze in one more long walk before airport.

      1. Right, even if you didn’t see the museum’s the first time around, do you care to see them this time?
        I’m decidedly not a museum person and can only spend 1-2 hrs on museums per trip. The Lourve is really big, crowded, and exhausting to visit. You need a game plan, like just checking out a few highlight pieces or checking out a certain area. I grouped the pieces I wanted to see by location to minimize the back and forth walking, and it was still tiring. By contrast something like the Orangerie is much smaller, less crowded, and less overwhelming. I love Monet so this was more to my preference. I could sit and watch the wall to wall water lilies the entire time and be content without seeing anything else.
        If I were to go to Paris again I would hit up one or two smaller museums, shop, eat, and forget the touristy things.

    4. Regarding museums, I enjoyed Orsay (and you can block out just a couple hours for it and make decent headway if you’re worried about time).

      Drink wine on the bank of the Seine. You should be able to hop in a grocery store nearby and grab a bottle for cheap. Also, the boat cruises are straight touristy but really fun if the weather is nice.

      Also, agree with everyone about Sacre Coeur. The view of the city is beautiful.

    5. Not so much a specific itinerary but a few thoughts:

      – A lot of stuff is closed on Sunday, most shops and some restaurants, so plan accordingly (you can increasingly find stuff that is open but Sunday is not your top shopping day in Paris!)
      – I love just wandering around the Latin Quarter and Marais, so many lovely shops and restaurants and just a nice vibe.
      – I would do a riverboat cruise on the Seine, it may be touristy but if the weather is good it will be lovely in May

    7. As for museums, I really enjoyed the Rodin museum (in addition to the Orangerie and Orsay). The Louvre is the Louvre. You could spend your life there and probably not see it all. I’m an art history buff and I’ve been to Paris a few times, and I’ve only spent a half day at a time there with concentrated areas. Otherwise, it’s a brain drain and a chore for me.

      1. Musée Marmottan is also nice as a smaller, more intimate experience if you like the Impressionists. Other suggestions for smaller, slightly less well-known museums if that’s your thing: musée Rodin (seconded from above – the garden is lovely), Musée de Cluny (roman bath ruins and medieval stuff in an old Abbey), musée Jacquemart André (beautiful 19th century building with a great painting collection), musée Georges Pompidou (modern art), Musée du jeu de paume (photography, located in the Tuileries close to the Louvre), maison Victor Hugo on place des Vosges (you are likely to go to Place des Vosges if you’re in the Marais. This museum if free and even if you are not into Victor Hugo, it’s a cool glimpse into apartments of that time period and worth a glance).
        Other recommendations: Seine cruise, window shopping in fancy areas, tea and pastries in one of the nice pastry shops, ice cream from Berthillon if the weather is nice. Rent a bike and bike along the Seine (there is a bike path). Take a food tour. Buy some stuff at a market and have a picnic in a garden. Now I want to go to Paris.

    8. We went a few months ago and loved the food tour we took. It was with Secret Food Tours, we did the Monmarte one and it has a stop a the base of sacre coeur, it took up a whole morning, and we were even sent home with meats and cheeses. It enriched the rest of our time in Paris because we learned so much about the city, French culture and CHEESE. We try and do a food tour at the beginning of every trip, we’ve loved them all but this one was probably the best.

      1. And further to cheese, we did a cheese tasting at Paris By Mouth (they also do food tours and I’m sure those are divine, too). Ten or so people sitting around a table eating cheese and bread and drinking wine and learning about the cheese. Fun fact: You can taste the herbs the sheep ate in the cheese made from their milk! Highly recommend. Just make sure you arrive hungry!

  5. Friends in the dc area and bay area: Any recommendations for a great primary care physician or practice? Bonus points if the office lets patients pay on site. (It’s a long story..) Thanks in advance!

    1. I’ve had my first physical and well woman exam this week with Ella Khan in the east bay, she was really nice. Not sure about payment but the receptionists were also friendly, and the whole thing was a good experience.

    2. I go to Comprehensive Primary Care on U street and see Dr. Mendiratta and have been very happy. She also is in their Arlington office a few days a week.

    3. I’m a One Medical member and while my primary care is in Boston, I’ve used and liked their DC (G Street) and SF (Embarcadaro) offices. As someone who travels A LOT for work, it’s nice having a doctor’s office that has all of my records handy in nearly every city where my firm has a presence.

    4. I would only ever consider OneMed in DC. So worth the membership fee!!

      It’s also not the end of the world to use some of the urgent care places as a GP depending on what you need from a GP.

  6. Nude heels feel very dated (a la Kate Middleton) but I can’t figure out what the next trend is. I’m looking for a pair of heels I can wear with blue suits and with a variety of more colourful sheath dresses at work. Currently mainly wear black shoes but would like something lighter for summer and when I (finally) stop wearing tights. They need to have a closed toe and a closed back for the office dress code. Any suggestions?

    2. I have a pair of light gray snakeskin heels that work for a lot of these types of outfits

    4. Grey or cognac for neutrals but I love red or yellow shoes with blue. Light pink and kelly green for spring are also lovely with blue.
      Blues and grey’s are my go to ‘base’ colors so I tend to have colorful shoes that complement those hues.

    5. I saw a lot more people wearing brown shoes last summer (ie, different than their natural skin tone). And black shoes with black dresses in the summer. And colors. Basically and sadly (for me), there’s no go-to color at the moment like nude-for-you.

    6. I have a beige snakeskin flat that works well for this. Definitely not nude for me, but a light enough neutral color that it matches most summer and spring outfits. I love the idea of a pale grey for summer as well! The poster from the other day looking for blush flats got me thinking about that as another option. I think I could pull it off if they have enough pink in them to look intentional rather than like I missed the mark on a nude for me tone.

    7. You can wear bone – the right shade doesn’t look like either a white shoe or a nude shoe. If you can wear a metallic that’s not flashy, a subdued pewter or copper is also good.

    8. Either gray or gray snakeskin, OR nude-for-you suede. I agree that patent or matte nude-for-you is not the current look.

      2. Yes. Pointy. No platform. Not patent — suede is all over the place now (so I will ruin mine in time for the next version of the invisible shoe).

      3. I love the look of suede, but it looks SO beat up after a few wears! Still, I agree that patent is looking more dated these days.

    11. Light textured grey. My fave right now, and a good choice for those looking for comfortable, wide foot friendly, budget friendly heels are the LifeStride Women’s Parigi Dress Pump in Titanium

    13. I wore a pair of blush block heels last summer which felt very current and fresh. Also love light grey!

    14. I don’t think nude for you every goes out of style. It’s makes short legs look longer.

  7. Does anyone have any tips for using Poshmark more efficiently? How can I set it so I only see things I care about, which are second hand designer items. I “followed” a style blogger I like who is selling stuff from her closet, but she has so many followers that they all get snapped up right away and I cannot figure out how to turn alerts on. I did figure out how to set it for my size, but right now I am scrolling thru pages of old navy jeans. I see that there is a way to select “brands” on the left side, but that is equally annoying – I don’t want to run through and check a bunch of boxes each time. Surely there is an easier way?

    1. Following because I have found some great deals on Poshmark but would love to know if there is a way I have not yet found to better save search parameters.

    2. This is the kind of thing YouTube is made for. There’s got to be a YouTube tutorial you can even listen to at work about how to use Poshmark.

        1. I have not been able to figure out how to set search alerts on Poshmark, and can’t watch Youtube at work, so would greatly appreciate a report back on what you learn!

    3. I have not figured out alerts. I typically use just the search bar for the exact item I am looking for, then narrow down on the left to the category of clothing that item is to be able to drill down to size (side note this is a super annoying feature and I would love to be able to sort all search results by size). I have had the most success when I search for exact items, not categories of items. For example search for “Aritzia Wilfred Free Winberg Tank”, “Lululemon Tech Mesh Leggings”, “Madewell Courier Shirt”, “Diane von Furstenberg Julian Wrap Dress”. I’m not sure how much variety and frequency there is for more high end items however.

  8. Any advice on what to expect from a root canal, or how to deal with it afterward? I’m a first-timer and am bracing myself, but not totally sure what I should plan on. Sounds like experiences vary quite a bit. Any first-hand information would be really appreciated.

    1. It felt like a regular cavity filling to me, just longer. After they do the crown it feels like a normal tooth within a week or two. I think people complain about them because they’re in pain before they get them done, but if you feel fine now you’ll be fine.

      1. Agree – I thought it was going to be horrible but it actually wasn’t, it just takes ages. The nerve is dead so the pain is around that and actually doing the root canal doesn’t hurt that much. I was offered antibiotics and told to take painkillers if it was bad, but I didn’t need either.

        I’m not saying it’s painless but I didn’t think it was all that bad (plus they give you local anasthaetic and if they don’t, ask for it!)

    2. I had a double root canal (although without cavities). It was pretty straightforward: local anesthetic, drill, clean out, fill. The filling was sort of annoying because the dentist has to measure put it in, measure, take it out, cut it down, try it again, until it’s the right size, and then cement it in. At one point he couldn’t get a good grip with the tweezers to pull it out, but he figured it out in short order. Mostly it was kind of boring.

      Also, your mouth will be SERIOUSLY numb, so be careful. I was biting my tongue and cheek afterwards like “has it worn off yet? am I still numb?” and I bit hard enough to draw blood without feeling a thing.

    3. My husband has had several. I don’t think the pain was a problem at all. However, each one required numerous visits so they were quite inconvenient.

    4. Just take the time to care for yourself as instructed, especially with cold-packs to reduce swelling. The variety of experiences are likely related to nerve involvement, so mileage varies considerably. I had one and thought that it was going to be one appointment. Nope. Three appointments – so that’s one difference to expect.

    5. Mine was done in two visits, first removing all the soft tissue that is partially infected (giving you pain), then later (if you’ve been pain-free), adding a crown to give the tooth stability. The second part is not very different from a filling. The first part is not particularly pleasant, but my doctor would always be generous with the numbing agent.
      The only thing I remember having afterwards was some sore feeling around the area. It went away pretty quickly.

    6. I get a little wigged out by the sound of dental equipment so I will either cue up a mellow playlist or podcast. 99% Invisible and Criminal are both interesting and their hosts have very soothing voices.

    7. I’m going to disagree – I had quite a bit a pain after the root canal (appt 1), in part because I didn’t take enough ibuprofen to get ahead of the pain once the novocaine wore off. Icing helped until the pain meds could kick in. So, talk to your dentist about the need for pain meds and at what dosage – I needed the 800 mg, instead of the recommended 400mg (which is similar to what I need for dealing with period cramps). But that pain was limited to the 24 or so hrs after the procedure and once the inflammation went down, I was fine.

      They had to kill the nerve tissue for me (I needed the crown to replace a tooth that had cracked in half, but the nerve tissue was still live), so I don’t know if that was the differentiation.

    8. It largely depends on the tooth. I’ve had root canals at my regular dentist that were no worse than cavity removal/fillings but I also had to go to a specialist for a more complicated root canal that took forever because they had to use magnification. I’m a very nervous dental patient and always ask to use the x-ray bib. The weight helps keep me calm.

      1. That’s a great tip! I’m also a nervous patient and usually take xanax and have a driver for more complicated procedures. Don’t be afraid to use modern medicine when needed.

    9. For me, it was unpleasant but not really painful, and I didn’t have pain after (but as someone else said it took quite a while for the novocaine to wear off). Honestly the most surprising part was the sheer number of appointments that it took to finalize the whole thing. I don’t know about you, but it took a number of times at the dentist for them to confirm that I did in fact need a root canal, then I had to have the procedure, then I had to be fitted for a temporary crown, then finally get the permanent one. But it really was not very painful.

    10. I had earlier this year. Had to go to an endodontist due to the shape of my roots. The procedure itself took a while (around 2 hours from start to finish). I took the antibiotics that my dentist prescribed and took the higher strength Motrin that the endodontist gave me. I felt a dull ache, but the Motrin did the trick. Overall, the root canal gave me such relief as compared to the tooth pain I’d experienced beforehand. I recommend that you follow the dentist/endodontist’s suggestions as to how frequently and for how long to take the pain medication. I was careful with my temporary filling post root canal and didn’t run into any problems. Suggestion for while you’re getting the root canal – close your eyes and put in your headphones! I hate the sound of the drill. Hope it all goes smoothly!

      1. Also, immediately after the root canal I was puffy and a little out of it. Binge watching tv in a big hoodie was the perfect cure!

  9. A couple of skincare questions, as I’m planning a trip to Sephora at lunch but wondering if I might as well be at CVS. Any favorite moisturizers? I need to restock on both SPF for daytime and a night cream. I splurged on some $80 Drunk Elephant serum last time I was there and am impatient to see results, so I’m wondering if day cream and night cream are worth spending money on or if I’m just as good using drugstore brands. I would love any recommendations for either, at whatever price point. Thanks.

    1. Origins A Perfect World: great moisturizer with SPF 45 I believe. They have a lot of other SPF options, and I find them worth the money.

    2. YMMV but I prefer to spend my money at the dermatologist, not at Sephora. Sadly I’ve only found one sunblock that doesn’t break my stupid picky skin out after Biore changed their formula in 2016. Cheap oily skin moisturizer – Mizon snail recovery gel, cheap overnight moisturizer – CosRX snail 92 all in one cream. Curology for my prescription along with differin in the AM. Goodal waterest oil if you need/want a face oil. Asian sunblocks work best/tend to be cheapest IMHO – I love the eclado one but the new biore watery essence (JUST release in February so may be hard to find now) is supposed to be good.

    3. For drugstore brands, I like LaRochePosay. Their sunscreen got excellent reviews on Consumer Reports. And many of their products get excellent scores on EWG.

    4. I’m a fan of the Josie Maran moisturizer with 37 SPF for day. I also really like the Korres moisturizing products, both for day and for night.

    5. Elta MD is the best daytime SPF I have found. Its price point is somewhere between CVS and Sephora, and you can order online. Olay makes some very good night creams. Check out Beautypedia for objective reviews of skincare products.

      1. My dermatologist friend said Olay night cream is literally as good as Sephora ones, but who knows :)

    7. I love the It Cosmetics creams. But, I currently am using a $10 cream from Elf. I also have loved Cerve when my skin is super dry and their under eye cream is my favorite.

    9. It’s more Sephora than CVS but I recently got Philosophy Hope in a Jar night cream and I love it. Looking for a decent day cream though.

      1. Hope in a Jar day cream is good, too! I like Bobbi Brown’s daily moisturizer, too, but I wear it with a primer with SPF 35.

      2. I like Philosophy’s Purity Made Simple moisturizer. Not insanely expensive and nice and light.

    10. I moisturize separately from my sunscreen. I really like Belif and Laneige for moisturizing and I use the Supergoop Unseen Sunscreen Broad Spectrum SPF 40 on top of the moisturizer for sun protection. I’ve found this sunscreen to be an effective primer for liquid foundation.

      1. Yes – the woman who does my once-a-year facials says to separate spf from moisturizer. as I have gotten older (mid-late 40s) I feel I need a richer cream moisturizer. I use First Aid Beauty moisturizer and Clinique Pep Start daily tint spf 50. Always mineral sunscreen on the old mug.

  10. Has anyone successfullly managed IBS? My husband has been suffering from regular stomach pain and diarrhea for a few months. Nothing else seems wrong so IBS is looking likely. We are feeling pretty overwhelmed with the symptoms and like there is not much to be done to treat it / mourning the lifestyle change of a dramatically restricted diet since we love to cook and eat out … would be great to hear others stories.

    1. Has he changed his diet recently? Some people get stomach pain with high fiber consumption. If it is IBS, hopefully others can chime in with tips!

      1. I have IBS. Previous poster is correct, IBS covers a multitude of conditions and food intolerances. In my case, I saw my PCP, had a colonoscopy and other tests to rule out anything serious, then she referred me to a nutritionist who recommended an elimination diet to pinpoint triggers. This takes a while but I ended up with workable solutions, specific dietary recommendations and supplements that have improved the condition.

        1. I had almost the same experience, except my doctor also had me do a stool test (yuk) for h. pylori and occult blood, an endoscopy, and a barium swallow in addition to the colonoscopy. All came back fine so we narrowed down to IBS. He then had me follow a strict elimination diet (I started out on some kind of hypoallergenic liquid nutrition they usually give to stomach cancer patients?) and then slowly add foods back in one at a time. He thought I was lactose intolerant but I added milk products back in with no problem. When we got to gluten, I got sick again. Also triggered off of beans (it was harder for me to give up beans than gluten), raw cole-crop vegetables (like raw kale) and some other things. I avoid my dietary triggers and the IBS stays under control. I did not want to do immunosuppressant drugs so dietary management was my best option.

    4. We don’t know if it’s OBS, but my husband has chronic what we call ”grumble belly.” Lots of gas/bloating, occasional bouts of looser stool (not quite like the textbook diarrhea for IBS). My daughter is 6 and it’s startig with her too.

      To lose a little winter weight last year, my husband did whole 30 and as a side effect his stomach problems went away. Now he’s keeping himself on a low carb diet for stomach reasons and it has all gone away. When he has a couple beers or other carb heavy stuff (not just gluten- we tried that too) it acts all “grumbly” again.

      We tried no carb and also GF for my kid but it’s impossible given all the food restrictions at her school right now. She is on a maintenance dose of probiotics and miralax to keep her regular but still complains.

    5. I have IBS, but my symptoms are not so bad that I can’t deal with them when they appear. I still eat everything I want to eat, including lots of dairy even though lactose is one of my triggers. If his symptoms are worse, I would try one of those elimination diets where you add things back in slowly to identify what his triggers are. It might surprise you what triggers it. I recently discovered that 1+ glasses of wine at dinner will trigger bad symptoms…but it has to be wine, other alcohol is fine.

    6. Push to see a specialist right away. There are treatments and the less time he spends getting sicker the better. Find you best hospital within 3 hours, figure out who their best person is, and call for an appointment today. It might be 2 months out but if he’s still sick then you’ll be glad to have it and if not, you cancel.

    7. My DH had something similar. His PCP referred him to a gastroenterologist who did lots of tests and he is now on a pretty restrictive diet (no lactose, no gluten, very little sugar and alcohol). There are lots of different conditions that could cause this so I highly encourage seeing a specialist. Just some comfort on the going out thing – we are also foodies who like to cook and eat out. We definitely eat out less, but it’s become a habit to stock the “right” foods at home and we cook a lot of delicious food – it’s been a fun challenge. We also still go out sometimes, we just need to choose places that work, and he gives himself a bit of a pass if we are invited or for special occasions. I do miss baking but, as a pro, we both lost quite a bit of weight by eating mostly lean protein and fruits and veg. He feels much better and has more energy so it’s definitely been worth it for him.

      1. Thank you so much for your comment – it’s really comforting. What kind of tests were helpful in your situation? He’s going to see a GI specialist but trying to figure out what to ask about / push for.

        1. You don’t need to “push for” anything. As soon as you tell a gastroenterologist that you are having diarrhea every day, they will order a colonoscopy and bloodwork.

          1. I mean, or they ask you about stress sources, suggest you take Xanax, and then charge your insurance for the 7 minute conversation about stress and the brief physical exam?

    8. Stress is the number one factor/trigger for me. Everyone is different, but I would highly recommend a plan to get stress under control. I also recommend not going for long periods without eating. If I did that, then it was always trouble (maybe from overeating when I finally ate? or the shock to my system?). My problems were in late high school and mostly college. But I really just got to the point that I didn’t let it impact my life. If I needed to go, I went wherever I was at. If I’d stayed in or changed my life because of it, I never would have left home (or my dorm room). I’ve rarely had problems since college. I definitely didn’t change the foods I ate because of it. It didn’t matter. If I was going to have issues, it didn’t matter if I ate a plain piece of toast or something spicy.

    9. You’ve gotten some good advice here, and I want to echo the advice to see a dr. I have IBS and some other gastro issues, and stress is a big trigger for me. However, I was finding that my biggest source of stress was not knowing when/if my symptoms would strike, and if they did, how long I would be sick for. So, my dr. prescribed me medication for IBS and my other issues, and while I rarely using it, it brings me comfort knowing I have the meds to use if I ever need them. Just having a diagnosis and some medications on-hand can reduce anxiety about the illness and help to reduce symptoms. Good luck!

    10. Agree with all above. See a doctor to rule out anything serious then work with a nutritionist (or on your own) to do an elimination diet. My IBS is caused by food intolerances (diary, gluten, processed sugar, more than 1 drink of alcohol), and exacerbated by stress/travel. It took me several doctors and about 15 years to figure this out.

    11. I would test for SIBO. See a gastro that’s familiar. I was misdiagnosed for months.

    12. Grandma Leyeh has IBS, so when she gets symptoms, we stay in her apartment near the toilet. This can last for hours; one time, we missed going to Kinky Boots b/c she could not even think of leaving the apartment, let alone the toilet. We deal with it as it comes up (or out), and we just lost a few hundred dollars on the tickets, but its better to stay near the toilet then having to go when you are nowhere near a toilet. Then it becomes a real mess, in every sense of the word. Dad says it relates to diet, but I do NOT agree, b/c Grandma Leyeh eats the same food we do and only she has symptoms. FOOEY!

    13. Look up the low-FODMAP diet. It has reduced my symptoms a ton in combination with VSL#3 probiotic and there’s good data on both. (There are a lot of good low-FODMAP cookbooks, too, with sections of baked goods!) Most GI docs will recommend diet change, probiotics, and/or medications. I am a foodie, too, and luckily we’re living in an age when food intolerances/allergies are MUCH more easily navigated than you might think.

  11. Favorite drugstore cleanser? I’m 30 and have slightly acne prone skin, so nothing that will clog my pores. Concerns are anti-aging and acne. Also since I started using Retin A, my skin has been more sensitive than normal. I’ve been using confidence in a cleanser from Sephora, but I really need to find a solid lower cost option.

    1. It’s on amazon but the CosRX low PH cleanser is my go to. Easy to buy/restock, cheap(ish) and works for my oily yet sensitive skin/my husband’s skin and gentle enough for my son.

    2. I have the same concerns. My dermatologist recommended Cetaphil daily cleaner.

      1. +1 to cetaphil. I also use Murad, but it is higher end and definitely keeps my skin clear of acne. But a bottle tends to last forever!

    3. My regular cleanser is Cetaphil, and when I’m having a breakout I switch over to AcneFree oil-free wash (the one with benzoyl peroxide).

    4. Cerave foaming cleanser is the absolute best. I use after I use a more expensive oil cleanser to remove makeup.

      1. +1 to Aveeno. I use their sensitive-skin bodywash on my face and it helps a lot with retinoid redness/irritation.

    7. We have fairly similar skincare concerns, and I’ve been using Retin-A Micro (at the 0.1% dose) for years now. I’ve always found gentle, no-frills face cleansers from the drugstore to work the best, my current one is the Cerave Foaming Facial Cleanser. (Some people find it a bit drying and prefer Cerave’s Hydrating Facial Cleanser instead.)

      1. I use Renova, and wash with Bliss cleanser , the blue one, or Cerave if I feel dry.

    8. Neutrogena. Interestingly, none of the other brands mentioned in this thread work for me. Not sure if my skin is just used to Neutrogena – when I started getting my first zits as a tween, my mom took me straight to the pediatrician who recommended their old school bar of glycerin soap.

    9. Free & Clear brand liquid cleanser. My skin is too sensitive for the other products mentioned.

      1. For those that don’t know – Free & Clear brand is a branch of Vanicream. My DH uses the F&C shampoo and Vanicream face cleanser – told me he’s on that train for life. :)

    10. Vanicream Facial Cleanser. Cerave foaming inflames my skin and the hydrating cleanser doesn’t actually clean my skin (and I just wear a little powder for makeup). My DH has informed not to purchase anything else as he loves it and doesn’t like change.

  12. I just started my first ever non-hourly (exempt) position. I’m excited about the move up the food chain, but I’m finding it hard to get out of a strict hours mindset (time clocked must equal 8 hours! lunch is 1 hour exactly! coming early or staying late must be pre-approved!). I’m still getting used to the culture of my new office, but it’s surprisingly intimidating to be in charge of my own schedule. Has anyone else struggled with this transition? If you supervise exempt workers, how do you prefer they handle their schedules?

    1. I’d talk to your boss about expectations, then have conversations with your coworkers about how they handle their schedules. Office hours can be pretty strictly prescribed for even exempt positions, i.e., you’re expected to be at your desk from 8 to 5 except for lunch, or you may have total flexibility. It depends on your office.

      1. +1. Exempt can mean everything from “you’re salaried, but you still have set hours and need to use PTO every time you leave the office during those hours” to “you can work whatever hours you please as long as your work gets done.” Most places are somewhere in between and expect you to generally be in the office from 9-5 but there’s some flexibility for ducking out (or coming early or leaving late) for personal appointments. You have to ask boss/co-workers, people here can’t answer this.

    2. I’ve been exempt for my whole career (just the nature of the work), and every office I’ve been in has fairly stringent facetime requirements. You’re still required to be present and working during core hours, with *some* flexibility on start/end times. It wouldn’t be cool to roll in at 9:30 a.m., but 8:30 would be fine as long as you’re making up the time somewhere. I still take PTO for doctor’s appointments or other things that require me to be out of the office.

      The concept of “work whatever hours you please” is foreign to my work culture, so definitely ask if you’re not sure!

      1. This. My office doesn’t require formal approval to flex hours as long as you arrive 8am-9:30am and leave 4-5:30 approx. But if arrive late, expect to leave late. It wouldn’t go over well to try 7-3 or 11-7 or something on a regular basis.

    3. The first exempt job I had was still very much butt in seat, and if you had to come in late or leave early, even if it was 15 minutes, you were expected to make it up or use PTO. Other offices I’ve been in have been less strict. I would lean towards a stricter interpretation until you learn your office culture.

    4. Totally an office culture and manager thing. This is a great conversation to have in a 1:1 with your manager and also to observe office culture.

      My perspective as a manager is that you work the hours needed to get your work done. Ask for more work if you’re not busy, let me know what’s falling off the back of the bus if you’re overwhelmed and if working extra hours is standard for your office, then ask for projects the pique your interest as your “extra curricular”.

  13. Talk to me about working from home. I hate it, but my job moved 2 hours away, so until I find a new one, it’s the least-bad option. How do I
    1. Keep from going stir-crazy when I work at home all day, and home at home with the kids all night.
    2. Ignore the housework that needs to be done all around me (unfinished chores really take up a lot of mental space, and with preschoolers, there is approximately zero chance my house will ever be pristine)
    3. Avoid eating constantly because I’m lonely and bored with no people around

    My house is small, and I do not have a dedicated office space devoid of kid & other home stuff, or the ability to make one. My kids already share a room, and my own bedroom is not large enough to add a desk.

    1. My tricks were: have a schedule that included getting out of the house (walk, coffee run, some kind of break so I saw people and didn’t stay inside my house all day), make evening plans to go out somewhere a few times a week to force getting dressed in real clothes, and just do the housework while you’re on calls or have some downtime (that was the upshot, my place was spotless, but I fidget and pace while on calls so putting things away, running laundry and dishwasher was a way to channel that energy productively).

      1. I have a home office, but work in the dining room because I feel cooped up in my office. If you have kids, you will likely be FORCED to be out of your house enough. I am, but wonder if I will be OK working from home FT when my all my kids are up and out. I don’t feel isolated because I am on the phone enough, plus IMing with colleagues pretty much all day. As for the snacking, the struggle is real. I cope by practicing intermittent fasting. I just don’t eat before noon, and keep the kitchen stocked with reasonably healthy options. I always have a non-caloric drink and sip all day.

        As for housework, I have a weekly cleaning service so that helps. I don’t hesitate to fold laundry or sweep the floor when I am on a conference call.

        The pros far outweigh the cons for me.

    4. I have the same issues, so I go in to work if I have the option as I don’t have the 2 hour commute. Last fall I had the bonus issue of a spouse looking for work, and a chunk of January with him home on furlough. Sometimes I camp out at the local library, other times I just set up at the desk facing the wall and get into The Zone so I forget that homelife is around me. My kids are in school, mileage varies considerably when they are home.

    5. I didn’t ignore the house chores. I took a 10-minute break every hour and put in laundry, cleaned something, started dinner. I figured it took the place of all the 10-minute conversations and interruptions I would have had in the office.

      Add something social to your week — a book club, exercise class, etc. You’ve got to get out of the house and be around people.

      My biggest mistake: not recognizing quickly enough that I needed the social interaction that working with others provided. I should have gotten a local job much more quickly. Or cut back to part time and gotten another part-time job just to get me out of the house and around people. (I ended up depressed.)

    6. If you have a dedicated work space that you can put out of sight when not working will help separate home and work. You say you have no space for an office or desk in your bedroom but there are tons of fold flat desk options that an even roll into a corner or flat against a wall. Do you have an area that you can put the desk up during work hours and stash it somewhere later?

      Ditto on the going for walks, having a schedule, and getting out the house – especially for lunch so you aren’t at home not talking to other adults for 12 hrs a day.

  14. Office hacks needed. I started a new job in an office that has no sink. I am a constant hand washer so am looking for any tips on how to manage this. Is hand sanitizer my only option? Also how do I keep my coffee cup and water bottle clean short of taking them home each day? There is a bathroom but it is not convenient and is outside the main keyed entrance so I will have to touch handles to get back to my office (negating some of the benefit of freshly washed hands).

    1. Use the sink in the bathroom, bring your cup home, realize you don’t need to constantly be washing your hands and won’t die from touching a doorknob.

    2. I think you’re being a little paranoid about germs. When I was in this situation I just washed cups in the bathroom. Not a big deal.

    3. I had a similar situation in a previous office. Most of the time I didn’t care, but during flu season I would just try to remember to grab an extra paper towel or two when I was leaving the bathroom to grab door handles with on my way back to my office. I also would wash water bottles over the weekend and bring in 2-3 on Monday so that I could swap out a few times for a clean one during the week and then bring them all home on Friday. I don’t know if that same approach would work for coffee mugs so you might have to wash those out each day.

      Lastly, if you’re not immunocompromised, you might look into moving away from the antibacterial stuff and just using non-sanitizing wet wipes (Kleenex makes some, or of course baby wipes) to clean off your hands during the day. It will be easier on your hands and better for not promoting antibiotic resistance.

      1. Thank you for a helpful response. I do realize I won’t die from touching a door handle but since this is an entirely new set up to me, I thought maybe someone else would have had a similar experience so I really appreciate the tips.

        1. antibacterial wet wipes?

          If I Were in your shoes and absolutely need to wash my hands, I’d use some natural antibacterial spray and let it dry!

  15. Anyone have a Rothy’s discount code they’d be willing to share? I need some Spring shoes!

    2. Tangent question (not the OP) – is Rothy’s true to size? I wear a 7 to 7.5 depending on brand and usually prefer going to stores to try on shoes.

      1. I find them true to size, though they will stretch slightly with wear (similar to a leather shoe). They offer free returns so it’s worth ordering both sizes and returning one.

      2. In points I wear a half size up from my normal size and in all others, I find they fit true to size.

  16. Has anyone here done Women in the Boardroom? One of my long-term professional goals has been to get on a corporate board. I’ve served on some non-profit boards, but need help making the leap to a corporate board. I am an attorney with management experience, but lack an MBA or meaningful business experience (outside of my work as an attorney). Any advice greatly appreciated!

    1. Don’t expect support here. Any attorney with the same goal — though can’t pursue it/join WoB while still in the gov’t so it’s a later in life goal. Asked a question about it here and got a million responses with — why would anyone want a lawyer on a board, they have outside counsel, if you’re not in finance forget it etc. I find all that to be untrue — I just think it’s so competitive that people esp ladies dissuade each other from even considering it so they have a better shot.

      1. Yikes, I’m sorry that happened to you. I had a similar experience here a while back when I posted about becoming a newspaper reporter/writer. Someone actually called me delusional. I have an analysis article getting printed next month in a major magazine so…shrug. Good luck to both of you!

      2. This is discouraging to hear, but I appreciate your candor! It strikes me that a board with diverse experience is valuable — finance, communications, legal, entrepreneurial, government, etc. A board that is 100% finance is going to have blind spots.

      3. That’s annoying to hear. I have no specific advice but completely disagree that there’s no need/use for a lawyer on a board. Of course companies have outside counsel but that’s to address specific issues. And a GC if the company has one also provides a different lens. Having a lawyer on the board can be incredibly valuable just to have someone with a legal perspective to think through issues from a different angle. The whole idea of a board is to have a variety of view points. Personally I think a successful board will have people with a bunch of different backgrounds to come at issues from different angles. Having a lawyer weigh in on something early can avoid having a ton of work done on something only to find out much later that it presents a legal issue. Even if not purely a legal issue lawyers have a lot of experience dealing with crises and being involved in a wide range of issues. Because lawyers have many clients, having that perspective can be very valuable (i.e., knowing how three different companies handled a similar situation) in seeing other solutions

    2. I personally haven’t done it, but I’ve heard great things about Northwestern University’s women director development program. You might take a look at that.

  17. Has anyone found relief from cyclic breast pain? I am in agony 1-2 weeks per month (right before my period). It hurts to even put on a bra much less move around or exercise. My last doctor didn’t do much besides have me try a different birth control (which didn’t help and I’m back to my old one). I’ve been through the whole range of OTC pain meds, I’ve tried primrose oil and cutting out caffeine. I have an appointment with a new doctor next week but I’m feeling defeated.

        1. How is it kicking the can down the road? If it relieves pain now, it relieves pain now . . .

    3. Pregnancy cured this (and my killer cramps) for me, but obviously not something to do unless you actually want a kid ;)

    4. If it’s accompanied by other signs of bloating (and/or diarrh*a), it may be related to salt/water retention – the hormones in the cycle can really affect how your body manages those, and the solution may be counter-intuitive (in at least some women, it seems related to sodium/potassium ratios so you may find relief by eating more salt of particular types). Magnesium supplementation can also make a difference.

    5. Make a big deal about this at your appointment. You should not be in this much pain on a regular basis!

    6. I have this same problem and I’ve found that the only thing that helps me is getting my heart rate up. I hear you about it hurting to exercise so I started riding a stationary bike during these times with minutes of intense acceleration. I feel much better afterwards! All I can figure is that it has something to do with my heart rate moving the fluids around so they aren’t all stagnating there.

    7. I’m very similar, and sorry to say: nope. I have the same problem, and hold my boobs walking stairs, try not to use crossbody bags, keep from running, jumping and walking bristly etc. It starts about a day or two after ovulation, and the only thing I’ve found that will actually stop this is not ovulating. For me, I’ll have maybe one or two months a year when I don’t ovulate, and it’s bliss. No bloating, no cravings, no migraines, and no super-painful, hard and aching boobs.

      I have found that too little food and/or sleep may induce no ovulating, but that’s not a sustainable plan. Currently my plan is just to eat chocolate and danishes and take hot baths (the boobs float! hurray!).

    8. Try non-dairy keto or a High fat low carb diet! It changed my life – my periods pain and cyclic breast pain is nil!

      If thats too much – just cut dairy and sugar – for 2 months and see what difference it makes in your monthly cycles! Eat lot of veggies and water while you are at it.

  18. I am the commenter who a few weeks ago posted about difficulties we were having with meeting the needs of our working line GSD puppy. After reading the comments here we have given her some more freedom in the house and stepped up the exercise, but ultimately I think we are not meeting her needs. She has a serious medical issue, so cannot be rehomed into a “working home” like a police dog or similar (we inquired), but we know she needs more exercise and stimulation than we currently are giving her. We are torn between moving to get a house with a big yard and stepping up the activities or trying to find a super active home for her. I start crying whenever I think about it because I can’t imagine anyone will take as good of care of her and manage her illness properly (she needs care for life- it’s inexpensive but critical), but on the other hand it seems extreme to move for a puppy that still may not be happy. Ultimately I want what’s best for her but I’m a mess and can’t think this through rationally. Has anyone rehomed a pup and survived it? Any other ideas? She isn’t spayed yet because of the medical issue so daycare to tire her out is not possible right now, and she may not be a good candidate later as she not social.

    1. Can you hire, like, a dog babysitter to play with/exercise her more? (Probably cheaper than moving)

      1. It’s a great idea and we would do this if we could , but we have no yard and nowhere for the dog sitter to exercise with her. When we exercise her we have to drive her to schools and other fields at off times when no one is around. We can’t hire a dog walker yet because she is leash reactive which we are working on through training. If we move, we will hire someone to play with her in our own yard during the day.

        1. Why can’t the dog walker drive the dog to the local dog park to run around? If anything I would think there would be fewer people there during the day. An experienced dog walker would have ideas on how to make it work.

          1. This is a good idea I had not considered. I am a little scared how she would do but we could try it. Thank you.

          2. We live across the street from a dog park, and this is definitely a thing people do. I see dog walkers pulling up with 2-3 dogs to go run around the park all the time.

    2. I don’t recall the other thread but do you have a dog walker? Close friend has a challenging dog. They do two mornings a week of doggy daycare and dog walker on the other three days. It’s not cheap but it’s way cheaper than moving and much less stressful to have a happy non-destructive dog at home. They take turns walking morning and night in addition.

    3. Rehomd her. If you aren’t meeting her activity needs you aren’t giving her the best care possible. Absolutely do not move that is bananas. There’s nothing a big yard is going to give you that an hour walk morning and night, a dog walker mid day, and focused agility play won’t.

      1. Not every dog (or human) gets the best care possible, but we still have loving homes and good quality of life. That’s an absurd standard.

    4. A dog walker is the obvious choice to me here. Depending on the city, a dog walker rate can get you a 30 min to hour long walk run for about $20. Doing this everyday can get expensive, but a few times a week is surely cheaper than getting a bigger house.
      And I don’t think you should ever change your home for a puppy – either you make the dog’s needs work around your current life or you rehome it. I love animals, I have multiple dogs – they do not dictate the size or type of housing that I have – but I also think you have to responsibly only get an animal that suits your life. It doesn’t seem like you did that here.

      1. We didn’t fully realize what we weren’t getting into and we also ended up with a dog with serious health issues that have caused some of her behavioral issues. We had planned to get a walker from day 1, but in the beginning she was too sick and now we are six months in and she is too leash reactive to be walked by a dog walker. That’s why we thought it would be better to move to get a yard so the dog walker could just take her in our yard. We were thinking of moving anyway to downsize a bit so it wouldn’t be entirely for her. We have a large home but no ability to fence the tiny yard due to the HOA.

        1. You CHOSE to get a working breed from a working line and you didn’t know what you were getting into?! I hope you give a lot of thought about ever owning a dog again after this disaster. You are a poor owner making excuse after excuse for why you aren’t meeting this dog’s needs. Rehome her and never get a dog again.

          1. I think this is a little harsh. We were prepared for a working breed but we ended up with a dog that our experienced trainer said would be a challenge even for her, so I don’t think it’s fair to say we should have expected this. We did our research but did not expect to get such a challenging dog. We also were not expecting the medical problems. She had parvo the second day we got her and then ended up with Addison’s disease. We have spent a fortune getting her the best medical care available. These health issues have thwarted our plans for a dog walker and daycare which we had expected to start months ago. To compensate I’ve been missing tons of work and I have done everything in my power to get this dog what she needs, including giving up sleep and spending all my free time with her. Now I’m now trying to figure out the best path for her. I am trying to do the right thing for her.

          2. This is much too harsh.

            Puppy Blues, I think you are doing a great job of trying to help this dog and considering all possibilities.

            Anon, she got a working breed dog, and then… realized that it’s not a great fit, is asking for help, is caring for its health issues, and is literally! considering! moving! Calling her a “poor owner” and saying “never get a dog again” is completely out of line.

    5. We had to rehome a dog because life happened, and we were no longer a good match. The dog was a rescue, so we went back to the rescue organization, which was incredibly understanding. (Not all are, from what I have heard) We wanted to go back to the rescue, and not rehome ourselves, because we learned the dog was anxious around small children, and we wanted the rescue to do the background checks and makes sure the doq was going into a good environment. It’s a hard choice, but we’re confident it was the right one.
      I didn’t see the original post, but since she’s still a puppy, have you started any training? That was our first step, and the trainer was amazing at helping us identify areas to work on, and knowing that we had done that step helped define what our next steps were.

    6. Dog walker. Make your expectations very clear – running or walking with dog, for a set amount of time. Daily or even twice a day.

    7. Our trainer says that mentally challenging activities rather than physical exercise tires them out. In other words, playing fetch isn’t enough. But training, trick training etc. (ie, stuff besides obedience) is what will tire them out and result in a better behaved dog. You may want to consider hiring a trainer for this purpose and if you can, you should work on obedience/trick training before mealtimes.

      1. +1 to doggie day care. IIRC, you didn’t want to send her to day care because you didn’t want to get her spayed. Spay and start day care ASAP.

        Do not move for a dog. If the move doesn’t fix the issues (and it probably won’t), you will resent the dog even more.

      2. Yes, I responded on the other thread but daycare was a game changer with our GSD mix. I believe you couldn’t do it until she was spayed? Get her spayed immediately and try daycare. I know she has medical issues but no reputable rescue is going to adopt out an un-spayed dog, if you do end up starting the process to re-home her. (And if you re-home her yourself, you would not want to give her to someone who wouldn’t spay her. Because that’s how you end up giving your dog to someone who does not have her best interests at heart.) She may not be the most social pup, but daycare can be 1) a great way to gain social skills and 2) even if she isn’t playing, she will have mental stimulation from watching the other dogs.

        You also need to have a serious conversation with your vet about what you need to do to keep your dog, if you haven’t already–both in terms of looking at spaying her instead of rehoming her, and also if there are any medical assists that might be available.

        And yes, you can absolutely hire a dog walker for a dog who’s still leash-reactive! You should disclose it and explain the process you want the walker to use for training purposes, but I have several friends who do dog-walking and they don’t have a problem with leash-reactive clients as long as they know about it. Many dog walkers will also drive dogs to off-site locations like a park. Our walker will drive our dog to a big trail system and take her on a 2-3 hour hike; another friend has a specific niche as a “dog runner,” where she’ll run with the dog instead of just walking them.

        Also…I hear your frustration and your desperation. Re-homing is never ideal, but it may end up being the right choice for you and your dog if there’s no way you can meet her needs. But, gently, it sounds like you haven’t actually changed all that much? And haven’t actually done some foundational research, like talking to potential dog walkers? We had a serious conversation about re-homing our girl in the dark days, but we knew we had to do EVERYTHING in our power to make it work first. And consistent daycare + running + training + maturity+ sooo many long walks and fetch sessions when we would have rather been on the couch did work, eventually.

        1. Thank you so much. I remember you from last time and you were so helpful then as well. The primary thing we changed was adding in more mental stimulation (trips to lowes, distraction training, etc.) and a few extra trips a week to the park for exercise. We also got her in an agility class which has been interesting.

          When we talked to the vet recently about spaying he wanted us to wait a few more months to make sure she is fully stable as surgery is hard on Addison dogs. We see him often and can have a frank conversation with him next time about how important it is to do sooner than later.

          I will start calling dog walkers. The one we tried last could not handle her.

          This is not a funds issue- we would pay anything to make this work. We do not have a big GSD community here so don’t have the resources that some do in other areas.

          I know it must sound like I have a lot of excuses for this dog, but it feels like at every turn we have been thwarted because of her health condition. It causes problems in every aspect of her life and we have gotten conflicting advice from different vets on what she can and can’t safely do.

          I am beyond frustrated because I feel like two capable and motivated adults should be able to handle a puppy. Our friends and family are all laughing at us like we’re crazy until they meet the dog and then they understand. She’s very sweet and we love her, though, so I want to make it work.

          1. Reach out through your agility class teacher to find possibile dog walkers. A dog walker that can do agility work will go a long way to mental and phyiscal exercise. And I’d be inclined to get a second opinion from another vet on the spaying unless this vet is an addison’s specialist.

          2. Not even “the other dog being neutered”? This just boggles my mind. They have hormonal birth control for wild animals, but not for pets?

          3. Some vets will now do a tubal ligation. Unfortunately it’s still surgery, and the anesthesia/recovery is probably of concern with the Addison’s disease.

    9. Can you find a GSD trainer/community in your area? Your dog would probably benefit from the mental stimulation of training, not just exercise like walking/running. A trainer would also be able to recommend exercises to do during the week at home. In my area, the GSD trainers are more likely to breed than spay and neuter, so that shouldn’t be an issue.

      1. We have several trainers involved and the one who knows her best essentially said we are doing everything right but that even she wouldn’t be able to manage this dog’s needs. That’s why I’m so hesitant to rehome and trying to make it work. She suggested getting her into police work but had forgotten about her illness.

        1. Uh. Ok, you’re just being ridiculous now. You have “several” trainers involved and the “one who knows her best” says she – the professional trainer who trains dogs for a living – can’t help her?! This is so absurd I’m wondering if you’re a troll. If you’re real, please rehome the dog and then get professional help for yourself that you think hiring several trainers, moving, and making life difficult for your family for the next ~10 years is an appropriate response over a DOG.

          Signed,
          Dog mom to what was an incredibly destructive, hyperactive pup until he was trained and to a special needs senior rescue dog

          1. I am not a troll. We have been to several trainers since she was young trying to find one that can connect with her. We had one come to our house to see her in her element and the others have been in puppy training programs. All have said she is high drive working dog and needs a job. I spoke with the trainer that she sees currently weekly for obedience class and she did not say she couldn’t train her, just that owning a dog like this would be a challenge even for her. She said she had owned similar dogs and that it’s hard work. I think she was trying to make me feel better that we’re havjng such a hard time with it.

            I do not think it’s unreasonable to hire trainers for a dog that needs help, and I would not be considering moving just for the dog, but we were already looking. I don’t think I need professional help because I feel responsible for this dog and want to do what’s right. That’s why I’m asking for help.

          2. The trainers have all told you the dog needs a job. You cannot provide the dog with a job. She needs to go to a home that can.

          3. Sweetie, in all gentleness – find the dog a new home. You have tried valiantly but this is not the dog for you. And you are not the right people for her. There are people out there who will love and take care of your dog. I have adopted two rehomed dogs (adopted directly from the families doing the rehoming) and while our dogs were “too much” for their families, they are fine for us and it all works well. One of our dogs has a food allergy and the other needs eyedrops; we handle it. You are not happy and your dog is not happy; somewhere out there is a person who would be happy owning your dog and your dog would be happier living with that person. Your next job is to find that person, not continue to reach for ways to keep the dog.

        2. Have you used a behaviorist? When we had a problem dog, we went through several trainers with no luck but eventually got a good recommendation for a behaviorist.

          The behaviorist may tell you the same thing, however, so perhaps it’s worth a call and giving them the background. It sounds like this dog is just not a match for your family. And that happens. My husband grew up with a border collie that didn’t have a job, so it made one up: escaping. My FIL was in a 13 year battle of wills with the dog and tried to rehome it more than once, only to have my young DH and his mom talk him out of it.

          You should be able to find *a* dog walker to help exercise this dog. Probably not most, but there are very good, experienced ones out there. We had one. He walked our everything-reactive dog 2x/day for over 5 years and then ultimately, once our dog became reactive to our young children in a way we could no longer manage, he adopted our dog.

        3. You may indeed need to re-home your dog. A good friend of mine had a GSD who had been bred and trained for police work but was rejected because he was too mild/not motivated enough for police work. When the dog turned 1, it developed some issues related to energy, anxiety, and aggression. My friend found a GSD trainer in the area. She went to training with the dog twice a week and worked on agility, tracking, and guard-dog exercises. She repeated those exercises at home in her yard most evenings. Her teenage son took the dog on multiple-mile runs every morning. She also lived with her elderly parents at the time, so people were home with the dog all day. (She didn’t have the money for dog walking or doggie daycare.) This level of activity was necessary for about 2-3 years, until the dog hit middle age. There were no other complicating health issues. This type of dog is a LOT of work.

    10. OP here. Since everyone has the same suggestion I wanted to put this out there- dog walker is not an option yet because of leash reactivity. We are training through it but it is not going quickly.

      1. Then you need to rehome. You can’t even walk this dog! This is not the dog for you!

        1. I hear you, and it makes sense, but won’t the next owner have the same problem? How is that helping the dog? Her welfare is my top priority in this decision.

          1. This is insane. If even the trainer can’t meet her needs, there is no way you ever can. You are going to ruin your life for the next dozen or so years if you keep this dog, and you are not going to serve her well either. It is time to contact the breed rescue society or the breeder or rescue from whom you acquired the dog.

          2. Maybe, but the next owner might be a stay-at-home person who has more time and energy to devote to the problem. Or the next owner might have a big yard. It is a kindness to give this dog the opportunity to find a home that fits her better.

          3. You cannot care for this dog. You can’t walk her. You can’t spay her. You aren’t exercising her enough. You need to rehome her. It’s unlikely there is no person capable of taking care of her safely. If their truly isn’t she may get put down.

          4. Puppy Blues, just a little story if it helps…

            A friend of mine took in a dog that needed to be rehomed from another situation because he was just too high energy. She’d had high energy dogs in the past and was confident she could handle him. It worked for a while – she was literally taking him on 10-15 mile runs – and he calmed down a lot. But THEN he basically got more fit and she just couldn’t do enough to tire him out. He had a yard to play in as well but he would regularly jump the 7-foot fence or dig giant holes. He was a sweet dog though, and a mixed-breed mutt.

            Eventually her brother-in-law, who has a hobby farm, took the dog. The dog appointed himself animal guard dog and supervises a small herd of sheep and goats, as well as two cows, three horses, and a bunch of chickens. He is much less physically active (literally will just lay and watch the chickens for hours) but the mental engagement of managing his herd is exactly what he needed, and honestly not something my friend could have given him.

            All of this to say – there may be lifestyle accommodations that are necessary for this dog, completely out of your ability to provide, and actually pretty easy for someone else. So take your time in rehoming but know that finding the right home will be much better on the other side.

      2. You know a dog walker can help train her with leash reactivity as well, right? Lots of dog walkers also train dogs or at the very least can enact the same training activities you do. My dog walker helped my animal with leash reactivity tremendously – it was another midday training session that reinforced the training.

      3. Hi OP, I’m sorry, this is hard.

        If you got your dog from working line, I am assuming you bought her from a breeder. Was there a sale contract signed? My dog was sold to me with the expectation that I could and would return him to the breeder, at any time, any age, for any reason. My breeder knew she was responsible for every puppy she brought into the world, for life. I recommend you call your breeder to hear their ideas. They knew they were breeding working dogs & should expect some returned dogs in cases such as yours. Ask the breeder if you can bring the dog back for him/her to re-home in a more suitable situation. The breeder may have a person interested in an older puppy.

        You are working through a lot of hard issues with your puppy. It’s not a good match, and that’s okay.

        1. nothing but sympathy for you OP. you thought you were getting one thing and you got another.

          this is exactly why people quip Adopt Dont Shop. OP bought a pure-bred dog with extensive health problems and an unexpected temperament. You can do all the research in the world on your breeders, on the dog breed, etc. and nature still gives you whatever she wants.
          I didn’t have nearly this many problems with my $200, 1 year old, mystery rescue terrier-mutt. 10 years old and the only thing wrong is cloudy eyes. It’s all luck of the draw and what you can do for the dog; OP it really does sound like you’re trying your best.

          1. I strongly support working dog breeders, and I want there to be homes available for the puppies who aren’t as interested in actually working (because reputable breeders consider temperament and make sure their dogs go to well suited homes and future lives).

            But I wouldn’t choose this breeder after hearing this story. The parvo may not be the breeder’s fault but is not a good sign. An ethical breeder would want to know about these health issues and would be helping out with this whole situation. Hindsight is 20/20, but there’s enough information now that “all the research in the world” would exclude this breeder for me.

      4. The comments about dog walkers being unable to walk your dog strikes me as just plain wrong and makes me think you’re objecting your issues into this. Have you tried? There are lots of dog walkers that are trainers and excellent and specialize in bad dogs.

    11. If you think doggie daycare may be a solution but for the spay issue, you may want to check on some other daycare facilities. Mine would take my puppy before she was spayed; they grouped the dogs depending on size/spay-neuter, etc. We probably would not have survived puppyhood without it.

    12. Unfortunately, I think you need to rehome this pup. I’m a crazy dog person and would not move for my dog. Plus if you move and the problems don’t get better, you will resent the dog even more. I know it’s really hard for you, but if you go through a rescue of some sort (maybe even a breed specific rescue so the new owners will know what they’re getting into with a GSD), the org can really help with the screening process. I promise you there are other people out there who will take fantastic care of her and who have the mental, physical, and financial resources to take care of her. Many of my friends have dogs who need daily meds, frequent vet visits, special food, etc., so do not let the medical issue be the barrier. You made a commitment to this dog to provide a good home for her. Sometimes that means letting her go to a home that is a better fit.

      1. Does it change your mind that her health condition is Addison’s disease and we were told she should not have any stress? That’s part of the issue with daycare and with walkers as well. I see the writing on the wall and everyone is saying we should rehome her and rationally that makes sense so clearly I just don’t want to (I am getting upset just typing this) but I am also afraid the stress of it will send her into an Addisonian crisis. I just really want to find a way to make it work. I am very attached.

        1. I would imagine the current situation (not enough exercise, etc.) is quite stressful for her.

          If you truly love the dog, you will do what is best for her.

        2. How is a dog walker added stress? Isn’t that added fun? Maybe go along with the dog walker the first time they bring the dog to the dog park so the dog learns they are an okay person who does fun stuff.

        3. You can’t care for her! She is stressed now! She can’t go for walks and doesn’t get enough exercise. You must get a grip, get over yourself, and actually do what is best for her which is calling your breeder, your vet, and a rescue and saying you’re in way over your head and need to find a new home.

          1. To be clear she does go for walks. She’s just getting walked by me or my husband instead of a walker. She is walked approximately 3 miles a day spread over morning, lunch, and dinner time. She is also getting regular exercise like fetch, training three times a day, and lots of playtime. We are doing way more in terms of exercise than anyone I know who has a dog including a GSD. This is not a lack of trying on my part.

          2. 3 miles is not a lot. Try a 3 mile walk/run in the morning and another one in the evening.

          3. Oh you made it sound like she couldn’t be walked. I’d start then by majorly upping it. Three miles in the morning. Three miles at night. One mile for her in nothing!

          4. Okay for comparison, here is what we were doing with our GSD when she was in mania mode:

            Monday: 15 minute AM walk, 30-40 min lunch walk, 4-5 manic zoom sessions in the back yard, 2-4 mile run, 15-20 minute PM walk, 15 minutes of obedience practice
            Tuesday: daycare, zoom when we got home, 20 minute PM walk, occasionally a 2-3 mile run if she was coming unglued
            Wednesday: repeat Monday, sometimes with an AM run as well as the PM run
            Thursday: repeat Tuesday
            Friday: repeat M/W, add dog park for 60-90 minutes
            Saturday: hike and/or 3-5 mile run, 2-3 other 20-40 minute walks
            Sunday: repeat Saturday, go to obedience class

            She would have DESTROYED our home and our sanity on three miles of walking a day.

        6. I had a dog with Addison’s–a very different situation because ours was a basset hound. Addison’s managed with medication should not result in an adrenal crisis for every stressor, and I’d also question how much stress the dog is dealing with just on a daily basis because her needs are not being met.

          Also, we moved to a monthly shot rather than daily medication for our dog. The monthly vet trip was a lot easier for us than the daily pill and seemed to manage his disease much better. YMMV.

        7. “I am very attached.” — you need to put your dog’s needs above your own. Rehome her. It’s ok that it didn’t work out.

        8. So based on 20 minutes of research on Addison’s disease, it seems like you have a truly impossible situation. You absolutely MUST level with your vet about your dog’s quality of life and tell them that you are on the verge of rehoming her. Dr. Google says that they may be able to adjust medications to compensate for stressful situations (surgery, starting daycare, etc.). And it’s going to be impossible to avoid anything that could potentially stress out your dog–because any change in routine can be stressful to a young, anxiety-prone GSD.

          In the final analysis you have two options: 1) make it work (which means that you may have to risk an Addisonian crisis while you get things figured out; or you accept that your life with this dog is not changing from the status quo); or 2) rehome (via your breeder or a reputable breed-specific rescue). This sounds like a horrible situation, and my heart is breaking for you.

          1. Thank you so much for the kind words. I think I did a really poor job of describing the situation but you have summed it up very well. I do feel like it’s an impossible situation.

        9. That actually makes me more certain that you need to rehome her. Think about it this way. She’s currently experiencing stress because she’s not getting the stimulation she needs. You’re also incredibly stressed, which is inevitably going to affect her as well (dogs can sense these things). You and the dog will be way more stressed if you move. I know you are attached, but it is not kind to keep a dog who’s not a good match. It’s very selfish to keep a dog in a situation that is damaging to her. Trust, I’ve had a similar conversation with my best friend, who called me and had to talk me into putting my beloved dog of 15 years down because she was in pain. She pointed out that it was selfish of me to put my needs above the dog’s, who could do nothing to remedy the situation for herself. It hurt at the time, but it was true.

          She might be stressed in the short term to change homes. But she will adjust, I promise. I do a lot of pet sitting for friends and friends of friends (so sometimes for dogs who do not already know me). Even very attached dogs will whine for a few minutes when their owners leave and then, when provided with a fun and loving environment by me, will be completely normal within the hour. What I’m saying is that they can adjust. It might sound harsh, but you are not the only person in the world who can provide a loving home for this dog. I hadn’t thought about the breeder suggestion above, but that person could also be a great resource for finding a new home or taking her back and providing a good environment for the dog. This doesn’t mean that you have failed or that you’re a bad person or anything like that. It just means that you’re in over your head in a situation with a living being and you need to do the best thing for her.

        10. I am the poster at 10:49. I think you need to have a conversation with your vet about finding another trainer/behavioral therapist etc. One that forgets her illness isn’t good enough. Daycare is for socializing, which is important but it may not be enough physical or mental stimulation. Same with walking, it’s good but not usually physically strenuous for the dog. If she is food or toy motivated, you can use those things to train. For example, if you are feeding her food, use the food as a reward for obeying a command. Mix training time with play time. Working dogs need mental stimulation, “victories” and consistency from their humans. I think it does take a lot but their intelligence and drive is pretty amazing and your bond could be great.

      2. Yes, given your additional responses about your trainer, you should at least have a conversation with a GSD rescue. They may also have recommendations for other trainers or resources.

    13. I think many people are being way too mean to you and probably have never had a difficult dog. I adopted my dog, realized she’s dog-aggressive and have gone through 3-4 trainers, thousands of dollars, and countless hours working on her. I wouldn’t move just for a yard – we bought our house with a fenced in yard and it’s been great, but she doesn’t run around unless we’re out there with her, so it’s really just more convenient letting her go to the bathroom. I use a feeding toy with her, which is great to keep her mentally sharp and slows down her eating.
      It sounds like this could be a temporary problem – if you wait a few months, you can get her spayed and then she can start going to daycare. That’s great! A few months is not the end of the world. I’d keep searching for a good dog walker. What kind of leash reactive is she? Reactive to other dogs/people? We use a “easy walker” harness, and our dog pulls a lot less. Granted, she’s 15 lbs vs your GSD, but it could help. We’ve also tried a gentle leader, but she hated it around her nose.
      I think you’re doing great and trying really hard to make it work for your dog. I agree with your fear that another family wouldn’t be trying as hard as you to work with her issues. Also, for dog trainers, we used one that was 2.5 hours away. We sent her away for 10 weeks, and visited once a week. You sound willing to do anything for your dog, maybe try expanding your search. Good luck!

      2. Counterpoint – we were advised to switch to a harness for our working dog breed and the pulling was no better, perhaps worse. We switched trainers and new trainer said in his experience, pulling increases when you put a harness on a working dog – it’s like saddling up a horse – the harness signals “time to work.” We went back to a leash and collar but a skinny leather leash (which seemed very counter intuitive for an 80 lbs dog). Dog is doing much better with this set up.

        One final suggestion, OP – do you leave near a big U with a vet school? Since a lot of your decision making is dictated by your dog’s medical condition, a consult with a vet school may be useful. Even if you are not close, it may be worth an inquiry to University of Georgia or NC State University to see if they do phone consultations. (I’m in SEUS so those are the schools I know.)

    14. I have a one fast cat for my cat. Is there something similar for dogs? Maybe if it is a small dog you could get a one fast cat.

  19. Mass lawyers- if you could only pick one would you go for a Mass Bar association membership or a boston bar association membership?

    2. Agree. Mass Bar also has pretty reasonable drop-in rates too, if there’s one program that interests you. ALso note that BBA is very flexible if you can’t afford stuff or are a student. A few of my friends really liked the women’s bar assn too. I am corporate and I didn’t find that MBA or BBA had that many true corporate programs though.

  20. In an effort to eat healthier, I’m focusing on the sugary carby nature of my breakfasts right now. What is a high protein low calorie quick (i.e. make ahead or grab and go – I don’t cook breakfast on the weekdays) breakfast other than a boiled egg? I’m out of ideas.

    1. I am obsessed with Starbucks sous vide egg bites. There are copycat recipes on the net if you have a sous vide machine. I don’t. Archer Farms brand from Target and Special K have frozen omelet-type egg things you can pop in the microwave and I like these a lot. Flat Out high-protein, high-fiber wraps with peanut butter or cheese and veggies are also good. String cheese with high-fiber crackers? I like Doctor Kracker – Seedlander and Pumpkin Seed Cheddar have no sugar.

      1. Housecounsel – do you have an Instant Pot? I have made a passable version in mine.

        1. Never too many shoes, I don’t, have been resisting. This enough might be enough to get me to try one.

    2. I make egg cups on the weekend – eggs mixed with veggies and protein (cheese, breakfast meat) in muffin tins and reheat them in the morning. You could also do high protein smoothies (protein powder, milk/almond milk/yogurt, ice, whatever veggies you want to toss in).

      1. I love egg muffins.

        Also PROATS bowls (protein oatmeal bowls, if you enjoy oatmeal but want some more protein, you can either add protein powder or egg whites)

    3. Yogurt is my go-to. I make a batch in my Instant Pot on the weekend. Before I head out in the morning, I’ll throw some nuts in the jar. Sometimes I’ll do some fruit (or like a teaspoon of jelly or apple butter to add a tiny bit of sweetness).

    4. I am doing WW which is not low carb per se, but the lower point foods and meals are inherently lower sugar, lower carb. I make scrambled eggs in the microwave at my office along with a piece of turkey kielbasa and hot mustard. In real pinch, I like the Jimmy Dean scrambles cups, which has a little cup of liquid eggs and a pouch of breakfast meat and cheese. I also do protein shakes in a blender bottle – 1 cup unsweetened vanilla almond milk, 2 scoops of vanilla or chocolate protein powder, 2T of PB2 of chocolate PB2, and a heaping spoonful of nonfat plain greek yogurt. I can shake it up and drink it will I am driving. Also, pumpkin chocolate chip protein muffins using kodiak cakes pancake mix as the base – my favorite version is on a blog called Mason Fit, I just prefer semi-sweet chocolate chips to his white chocolate chip version.

    5. I eat whole, plain Greek yogurt topped with chopped walnuts and pecans. Sometimes with a drizzle of honey.

  21. Corporettes, how do I fake tan in such a way that I am brown instead of orange? I’ve never gotten a spray tan but I’m worried about looking like a real housewife. Are there any ingredients or practitioners I should be seeking out?

    1. Get a spray tan from someone good and tell them you want to go very light since it’s your first time. (Ideally, you’re not doing this for the first time two days before your wedding.)

      I don’t know what Trump or Boehner or the RHWs do to look orange, but after playing with spray tans and self-tanner all during my law school years, it seems genuinely difficult to come out that color. If you want to try to DIY, exfoliate well in the shower, and go for the St. Tropez mousse with applicator glove – works really well.

      1. +1 for the St. Tropez- get the original mousse with the bronzer in it so you can see where you’ve applied and use the glove. I tried their new clear formula and hated it. If you need something that develops quickly, L’Oreal Sublime Broze is good, but it is really shimmery in sunlight until you wash off the bronzer.

    2. Go light! I’ve never done a spray tan but I will only go one or two shades darker than my pasty white complexion. I heard that spray tans done by a person are done darker because it fades. Try getting one done Friday night so it can fade over the weekend and stress that you don’t want to go too dark.

      1. Agree. Ask for their absolute lightest solution and push back if needed. I am a very pale person and had a nice bronzed glow using the lightest solution for my wedding. I tested with the level immediately above that, and looked way too dark for my comfort.

    3. I like the Jergens slow-self-tanning lotion. It does not make me tan, but it does take the ghostly pallor off my legs and makes me feel more confident about the switch from Black Tights Season to Bare Legs Season. It’s also super user friendly.

  22. I just visited a friend in NYC who moved there in January. She is doing great, but I thought it would be fun to send her a NYC survival package that includes a laminated map (hers is outdated, and she will not carry it in the city, but keep at home for planning purposes), hand sanitizer, a GC to a tour group she used in the past and loved, and…? Any other ideas?

    1. A subway fare card with money already on it? A gift card to the local indie coffee shop? A gift card to a shoe repair place would be great (I destroyed many pairs of shoes in NYC)…

  23. Can you help me find this sweater jacket? I bought the perfect sweater jacket (swacket?) at TJ Maxx a year or so ago. It’s a soft knit sweater, but with the structure of a blazer. The tag says Joan Vass New York, and the tag has the number 03033N. I want more of them, but I can’t find it anywhere. I’ve even emailed Joan Vass New York but haven’t received a response. I’ve scoured poshmark, etc., to no avail. Any ideas on how I can find and buy more of the world’s greatest swacket?

    1. Have you set up a saved search on eBay yet? I did that for a pair of Cydwoq boots I simply had to have. It took over two years (!) but I did get a pair eventually!

      1. I often wonder why people take the time to post such unhelpful comments. A genuine question: why bother typing something that has no benefit to anyone who would read it? What harm is it that she’s looking for a sweater? She got a good suggestion to set up an ebay search. Why did you take the time to say something so pointless?

        1. Omg it’s not pointless to suggest to people that they have realistic expectations

          1. How do you determine what’s realistic? Two of my ebay searches just came up with things I’ve been waiting for at least three years.

    3. No help on this specific sweater jacket, but I just recently got a knit blazer from Loft and it is so soft and comfy I want to wear it every day now. It’s the Knit Pocket Blazer.

  24. Does anyone know of a color consultant/app/service for exterior house paint who will work off a photo and provide mockups of your house in a photoshop way? I’m thinking something like Modsey for exteriors (they don’t do this, I asked). My google efforts and usual design resources are failing me…..

    1. Maria Killam. Amazing Canadian blogger/color consultant. And she’s not an amateur like an IG influencer – she’s a professional interior designer and color consultant who’s been in the business for decades and started a blog back in the dark ages (like 2008) and has become really well known. My (super frugal, super shy, scared of travel) MIL actually loves her blog so much she paid $X000 to travel to one of her weekend color conferences and said it was wonderful.

      https://www.mariakillam.com/edesign-sales-page/

      1. Seconded. She’s amazing. I use her website and resources all the time. I have been VERY tempted to buy her color swatches for my own personal house decorating use, but recently found another site that lets you order something similar a la carte. I would love to do a color workshop too, just for fun!

    2. I also want this and am curious to hear others’ responses! I tried to use the Benjamin Moore tool and it was just difficult to get all the little pieces filled in well.

  25. Has anyone had sinus surgery? What is the recovery period like?

    I am having the “balloon sinuplasty,” which I understand is less of an ordeal than where they go in and possibly break bones within your nose. It’s outpatient. I envision being bruised up and oozy for a while (I am oozy now, just the oozing may be different). Any worries about discharge while sleeping? Other things? How is the pain?

    1. I had sinus surgery earlier this year (removal of bone spur, shaving down of cartilage, and correction of deviated septum). The surgery itself was very short and came with the typical anesthesia fog. My nose was packed and splinted and the first 24 hours were miserable. I took the prescribed pain killers and just tried to sleep. Things improved greatly the next day when the packing was removed and the doctor sucked out mucus and blood. I had no visible bruises and minimal oozing. Returned to work 4 days after surgery.

    2. I had outpatient sinus surgery, many years ago. I was nauseous and basically out of it for several days afterward. But it worked like a charm. I don’t recall a lot of pain.

    3. What does sinus surgery do? I have chronic sinus pain and would love something that could get it to finally go away.

  26. I’m interested in applying to a development job at a non-profit for which the search has been turned over to a recruiter. What is the protocol? Should I simply email a cover letter and resume to the recruiter as I would to a hiring manager? If it matters, this would be a stretch position for me, so my name/linkedin alone would not necessarily recommend me to the recruiter.

  27. Any night TV watchers willing to share your evening routine? After 10 years as a 9-6’er, I know for certain that my favorite way to unwind after work and commuting is eating dinner followed by zoning out in front of the TV until I get sleepy. I love it and don’t want to change that (no kids). In the last couple years though, it’s turned into TV + dessert which I’d like to kick. The portion isn’t out of hand, but I’m noticing the sugar might be negatively effecting my sleep. I struggled in the past with a restrictive/binging eating disorder so it’s not as easy as “just stopping” and I need to be careful with being dramatic about rules and being harsh on myself about what I eat. I think if I work on changing how I get from dinner to the TV or what I do while I’m watching would be helpful. Does anyone have a night routine that involves vegging but not eating that I could glean tips from?

      1. This. Get into tea. There are so many great decaf/herb teas out there.

        I try to avoid mindless eating/snacking by always sitting at my kitchen table when I eat. Also helps avoid crumbs in/on the sofa.

    3. Not sure if this would work, but do you think giving your hands something to do while you watch tv (so youre not making snacking movements) would help? I like dumb phone games and crossword puzzles while I veg – maybe that would help?

    4. I knit. Apparently smokers will do it when they are quitting to give their hands something to do.

    5. I’d go the opposite. Stop doing this. Dinner and then a walk! Even 15 minutes around the block. Dinner and then 10 minutes of stretch. Dinner and then brush your teeth and put a face mask on. Dinner and then dance around your living room. Make tea before you sit down to watch TV.

      Doing nothing but sitting and watching TV every night is not restorative.

      1. I don’t mean to threadjack, especially since I am not the OP – but…as much as I WANT to get away from just watching TV every night after dinner (which, to be clear, the OP is happy to do and all power to her!!) – what else do I do? I am too mentally exhausted at the end of the day to read. I am too physically exhausted to do much exercise. I don’t have budget to go out with friends. And if I did, see the part about being physically and mentally exhausted.

        So…if you are doing things beyond watching TV at night, what are you doing? And if you’re a superhuman who is going back out to exercise or to spend money hanging with friends, I already know I can’t do those things. But what other options are there?

        1. If you’re working 9-6 at a desk and you’re too physically and mentally exhausted after work to read, take a walk or see friends, you should probably see a doctor. I’m not trying to be snarky, but it sounds like you might be depressed or have chronic fatigue, which can be caused by any number of medical conditions (thyroid, vitamin deficiencies, etc.)

          1. I don’t think that’s necessarily true. I work a 9-5 professional job. It is, and is not a desk job. I move around in meetings and between offices all day. I am interacting with others almost 100% of the time I’m at work. I have a long commute on public transit. I don’t think I need to be depressed or have chronic fatigue to not have the energy at 8:30pm to go out with friends or go exercise or read. But what are the other options besides TV for people who have to be “ON” for 8 straight hours and are introverted types who find that tiresome?

          3. Big assumption that she is working at a desk all day, even if she is on this site. A lot of my friends who are teachers

            Anon – I’m a big fan of listening to a podcast while I take a bath or engage in some other kind of beauty routine – face mask, pedicure, etc.

          4. Anon at 11:36 here. I’m a pretty extreme introvert, and I don’t think there’s anything wrong with not wanting to be around people after a full workday. But she said she’s too mentally exhausted to read and too physically exhausted to do any exercise. Those are introvert-friendly activities. I’m really not trying to be mean here. I was the same way for years and then I started taking a multi-vitamin and I got my energy back. It’s like I’m a new person. Yes, I still watch some TV and I have the occasional exhausting day at work where I come home and just want to veg out, but I think needing to do nothing but watch TV every single night is probably not normal for someone who works 9-6 at a desk. It’s clear to me in hindsight that I had some sort of vitamin deficiency that I ignored for a long time. For me, the fix has been so easy and simple (taking a multivitamin daily) and has improved my quality of life so much that I think it’s worth seeing a doctor to rule out some common physical or mental health issues that might be causing this.
            GrayHat, I was not making assumptions about her working environment .That’s why I said IF you work 9-6 in a desk job. I know some people work much longer hours and some people have much more physically demanding work days, my comments wouldn’t apply to them.

        2. Can you just hang out without spending $?

          In college, we just hung out, chatted re TV shows, etc. If I want to binge-watch old Law & Order episodes, I know who among my friends to call. Ditto peole to watch project runway with.

          1. I do this a lot with friends! Sometimes one of us will make a dinner that is more special so that it feels like an event, but sometimes we’ll just order pizza.

            I also read a lot (even stuff that doesn’t take much brain power) and enjoy cleaning, so I’ll do that for 20-30 mins most evenings. I made a goal to learn to bake bread recently, so I will also do things like tend to my sourdough starter or read blogs or books about bread in the evenings.

          2. Yes! I have a standing weeknight get-together with friends. I understand that there may be costs associated with transit or parking but it might be worth it.

        3. What am I doing at night? Collapsing into bed exhausted and falling asleep. I get up at 4:45 a.m. to work out, so I have to go to bed at 8:30. This means there is no time after dinner for anything else.

        4. I’m completely like you and I agree. I just try to mind what I watch and multitask with something somewhat stimulating like perusing news headlines, playing scrabble online, doing puzzles, etc. As far as minding what I watch, I try to watch something each night that has some level of educational value (documentaries, history, science, etc). There’s nothing shameful about watching TV, it can be a great story telling and educational tool.

        5. Well, all the things I listed. I don’t dive into power lifting but nearly every night I go for a ten to fifteen minute walk. Reading a romance novel is just as easy as watching tv. A sheet mask is under $2. Stretching in my living room is free.

          I also watch tv! There’s nothing wrong with TV. But I feel so much better, and smack less which was the original question, when I don’t just come home and watch TV every single night.

        6. I’ve been trying to instill an evening routine of: clean/ chores, yoga, journal, read (usually something light, like a romance novel or a magazine). I usually will do a yoga podcast because it is more relaxing to me than watching a video and it helps clear the mind a little, so that journaling or reading is not a daunting. It also helps that in our place, the tv is in a separate room, not the main living room- so it takes more effort to go turn it on than just to find something else to do. But all told, I have varying success with my ideal evening routine – often in lieu of tv I scroll mindlessly on my phone- which is just as bad.

        7. I’ve started getting in bed earlier and doing a crossword puzzle until I get sleepy.

        8. I have started going to bed much earlier instead of vegging out with the TV. It feels a little odd, but also great. I sometimes read, sometimes do a crossword, but mostly I just fall asleep earlier. I am trying to get up at 5:30 to work out, so it’s really almost necessary for me to be moving towards bed around 9!

    6. Sometimes I will get ready for bed right after dinner- put on pjs, brush my teeth, wash my face, etc. Then I will veg in front of the tv in a “bed ready” state. I started doing this when I realized that more often than not, I would fall asleep in front of the tv and then wake up at 2am and stumble to bed without having brushed my teeth for washed my face or any of that. But a side benefit of brushing my teeth early is then I don’t want to snack, though I will often have some herbal tea.

    7. Can you do a gradual transition to replace the dessert? I have a major sugar addition and the thing that helped me was switching the baked good (my go to was cookies) with the sweetest fruit I could find (or stevia sweetened sweet) then slowly back off the sweetness levels (going from mango to pineapple to orange to grapes to apples – you can go down to carrots but I couldn’t trick my brain that much) and also adding hot caffeine free tea with a dash of sweetener (tsp of honey or a squirt of liquid stevia). It simultaneously trains down your sugar addiction, instantly reduces calorie intake without giving up sweetness levels except over time, and introduces a new wind down ritual, the tea making.

      To make the tea making a real process I heat in a kettle, prepare the tea from loose tea leaves and sealable tea bag, and set out my honey/stevia and extra big cup and patiently wait while eating my fruit. It’s great to sip on hot tea in front of the TV.

    8. I brush my teeth before watching TV. This prevents me from snacking because I am too lazy to brush my teeth again.

    9. I used to be you but now after getting the kids in bed I go to my bedroom — I read silly books, play iPad games, maybe once in a while watch a movie or a show I want to watch. I’d love to get a yoga/barre workout in there but that’s not happening. Try to prioritize getting to bed earlier so you can get up earlier and get exercise in.

    10. I also have food issues and what helped me was something like a planned small indulgence. So I’d allow myself to have a cup of hot chocolate or some of those chocolate covered banana bites from Trader Joe’s …. those are both things that in the past I would’ve beaten myself up for eating, but just mentally giving myself permission to have them and enjoy took the edge off of wanting to eat ALL OF THE THINGS. I did that for a while and eventually the treats sort of lost their shine. I’ll occasionally have a piece of dark chocolate but more often than not I don’t feel like I need anything. Now I like tea (if it’s cold out) or sparkling water (when it’s warm).

    11. Potentially swap dessert for popcorn (make-yourself kind, not bagged kind) or another less sugary snack? Could be a way to transition away from dessert

      1. Some ideas for unwinding that have worked for me:
        – Listen to a podcast while stretching/doing easy yoga poses that feel good. This helps stretching to feel less boring.
        – Walk the dog. It’s amazing how getting outside even just 10-15 minutes changes my mood.
        – Take a bath and read!!!! This is so relaxing and helps me sleep later.
        – Sometimes I light a candle or two when I’m reading, and put on soft music in the background, and it makes it feel more special, more relaxing. Or read outside on the porch if it’s nice out.
        – Meditation can be nice. I love the calm app, and try to do a 10 minute session if I’m feeling at a loss for things to do. My cat also loves to sit in my lap while I meditate, and it’s such a nice little moment.

        Some go-to treats that are not as guilt inducing:
        – Sugar free, fat free chocolate pudding. I get the little box mixes, and make a bowl of it to keep in the refrigerator. It’s very low calories, and feels like desert.
        – The eggo nutrigrain waffles – pop one in the toaster, and put a little syrup on. They are also fairly low in calories, and yummier than toast.
        – Put a frozen banana in the food processor with peanut butter and cocoa powder. Seriously tastes like soft serve ice cream and it’s AMAZING!

  28. Has anyone done a total 180 from dating apps and tried to meet people IRL hardcore?

    For context, I’m 39 and have a pretty flexible job so most evenings are free. I couldn’t keep up this pace long term, but I’m thinking about devoting a full month to going out every weeknight to various group activities like lectures, meetups, hiking groups, trivia nights, and just seeing what happens. Anyone done anything similar?

    The problem with IRL meeting is that I know who I like, but most guys I meet are taken or the pool is super small. With apps, the pool is large but I end up investing time communicating and meeting people that just aren’t right. I’m on vacation now and finding that when I’m in the right relaxed mindset of going out and meeting people in a low-key way, it’s more successful.

    How to recreate that mindset at home, I guess is what I’m asking? I just want to find some IRL connections and while I’m not giving up on apps, I want to supplement them with being out and about.

    1. A friend of mine was (she is now married) a big believer in hanging out with men. We are part of a big group of girlfriends, but she always thought is was important to include men in whatever we were up to. Her rationale was that men tend to be friends with other men. So even if the guys you’re with are not doing it for you, they have friends, and so on…. I don’t think that I appreciated it at the time, but I think she may have been onto something. Look for activities that men are into. Look at pictures on FB or whatever before you go and make sure it is not 90% women, unless you want to make more female friends, which is great too.

    2. Are you going to ask the guys you’re meeting for their phone number or friend them or…. what? I feel like the step between “meet people” and “date them” is usually on the guys to ask and lead, but if you are comfortable (or can get so) doing this part, I think that is part of the right “mindset” for this adventure!

    3. I wish! I don’t get home, most nights, until about 7, so it’s hard for me to go out on a weeknight. I feel like, since I started thinking about it, I’m *noticing* people I meet more, but I’m not meeting anyone IRL. So far, Match is a big bust. I’m just not going to even start communicating with someone who isn’t a good fit. I have no time or energy for that. I need to do a profile on some other sites, just to see if it’s Match that’s the problem. If you come up with anything, let me know!

      1. For perspective, I usually get home at 7:30. Two nights a week I do an activity, at least once I hang out with friends, and I try to date as well. It’s absolutely possible to do.

  29. What questions/observations do you ask/make when interviewing to figure out the organization’s culture with regard to work/life balance? I am interviewing with a Fortune 500 company for an in-house role and am highly interested in what amount of hours and accessibility is expected. However, I do not want to imply that I am not a hard worker by asking.

    1. I ask my interviewers why they enjoy working there. The answer will be more broad than working hours, but you can read between the lines – and often, people will say things like, “I enjoy that my day is done by 6 pm,” or “I leave every day at 4:30 so I can let my dog out, and continue to work from home on my own schedule.”

      1. Similarly, “what does your typical day like” and paying attention to what people say about who you’re talking to (e.g., “we’d normally have you talk to Joe, but it’s his WFH day”) often provided information about hours expectations, WFH, etc., when I was interviewing for in-house counsel gigs a few years ago.

  30. In my west coast city everyone pretty much wears black or blue jeans/ leggings, and generally lots of muted colours, such as grey and olive. There are a few bootcut looks around, but mostly skinny jeans. I have coral jeans that are a bit baggy— perhaps,fit like chinos, and I was wondering if colourful jeans look dated? I work in a super casual workplace as well, so was also thinking of wearing them to work (where again, most people wear a dark or muted palette). Again, I’m not sure if the look is dated, or if I just don’t see much variety where I live.

    1. It’s been a long winter! You will see coral jeans pop out like tulips next month, and sage, and even turquoise and white and banana and persimmon. A neutral shirt and shoes to go with, and you’ll be fine!

      1. Thanks for the encouragement to wear these…now I want the banana and turquoise ones!

      2. Where do you live? I almost never see bright-colored jeans in Chicago where I am, regardless of the time of year. (Which isn’t to say that the OP shouldn’t wear hers if she likes them!)

        1. I live in Vancouver, Canada. Mostly people wear the black, grey white and dark wash jeans / pants, and of course leggings. I have pretty much lived in dresses and tights all winter, but warmer temps are making me want to reach for denim. As soon as it get hot, I break out all the dresses with bare legs, but my feet are still cold.

    2. Eh, I think colored denim is out. It had it’s moment and we’re back to blue, black, and white. Wear them if you want because coral is pretty in the spring, but it won’t look “of the moment” most likely. Esp. in the cut you describe.

    3. I had some coral jeans and really liked them. I ended up donating them because they were a little faded and colored jeans didn’t feel like the most current look, but honestly, I kind of wish I still had them for the spring. If you like them, wear them!

    4. I enjoy wearing things that are different so YMMV, but I think if you pair a contemporary/on-trend top and on-trend shoes with colorful jeans you’ll look great.

      1. I guess I’m not sure if the rest of my outfit is on trend! I have foot pain, so shoes would be new balances, and maybe a supportive ‘funky flat’ rather than a fashionable flat. I Love,colour, but I admit I most used to wear colourful dresses and skirts, and jeans pants are usually dark. Warm weather and cold legs has me embracing this look though:)

    5. You can pry my pink pants from my cold dead hands. To clarify, we are talking like a pale pink not a Pepto pink.

    6. As a life-long PNWer, grunge never died here. It’s not that pink (or coral, or any other color) is dated, it’s just out of place. But that being said…why would anyone dress the way we do if not because they actually love ratty jeans and gray flannel?

    7. Baggy, coral chino-look pants makes me think of some of the bygone styles of J Crew. Not really on trend now, but you do you.

      1. Update. My mom came over and confirmed that the fit was wierd, but colour amazing— so I’m passing on the coral jeans, even though I love the colour. I’m going to search for another better fitting more current style in coral (drapey, or wide leg) or just buy a coral,dress or skirt. Thank you for the suggestions.

  31. Ladies, I need a gut check. I’m mid-level associate and my absolute pet peeve is when partners review a document and then hand me a crumpled, coffee-stained, scribbled-on hard copy of their non-substantive edits to “update.”
    I always up having to go back to have them translate their handwriting and frankly, it feels like they are just asking me to do their admin work for them because they can’t be bothered to turn on the word processor. I asked one partner today if he could possibly send me a word version with his edits because I’m slammed and was told I’m “full of myself” for asking. Am I overreacting?

    1. Yeah you’re a 4th year (or 6th year or whatever) – know your place in a very old school, traditional profession where people still do hand edits.

    2. One school of thought is that having associates input handwritten edits is the best way to learn the other lawyers’ preferred style. If they let you count billable time for these edits (assuming they probably write them down/off on a client bill); I say go for it. If you can’t read the handwriting, take a guess/ask their assistant/get all questions out at one time.

      1. +1. If you input the edits, you learn that the partner has a pet peeve about split infinitives, or refuses to use an oxford comma, or has a particular preference for enumerated lists.

        If I can’t read someone’s handwriting, I mark each illegible comment with a colored flag and ask my questions all at once. If it’s an important, busy partner, I ask the secretary first. If it’s a senior associate or a partner with a more approachable, collaborative style, I’m likely to ask the partner directly.

    3. Idk I’d rather have that than what I get (as a senior associate) – their vague musings about the universe that have little to nothing to do with the case, in general, or what I’ve written, specifically. Like, what am I supposed to do with this? Please give me real edits or say we’re good to go. Don’t just write something down for the sake of writing something.

    4. Who told you that you are full of yourself? Even without more details, I would suggest looking for a new job.

    5. This is primarily how I learned to draft, although the partner I worked for as an associate (I’m a partner now) was a nice person and would not have given a response like that (although he would have been surprised if I had asked him to input his hand edits into Word). He told me once that when he gave me hand markups, it didn’t mean I had to actually input all the changes myself – he didn’t care if I had a secretary do it – but it meant that I was responsible for those changes and for making sure they were made correctly, whether I did it myself (I did find it helpful), or had a secretary do it (which I rarely did). If you’re getting mostly formatting changes and minor edits (which may also not look like much, but may be made for a good reason that isn’t obvious if you don’t take the time to look closely – i.e. it may also be a learning opportunity, because if you had done it in the first place, the partner wouldn’t be correcting it), then it may make sense for you to have a secretary do it (and double check the work after).

    6. Translating hand comments is what their assistant is for. Why are you going straight to the partner for that? You only seek clarification for handwriting if neither you or the assistant or the associated he or she most works with can’t figure it out. Otherwise, only go back on the updates for substantive problems. It’s simply not the partner’s job to do their work the way you want but rather in the reverse.

    7. Time to start looking for a new job. This 1) is not common at all firms; and 2) if I happened to give an associate handwritten comments and she told me to send a word version, I would be very unhappy. This is kind of a bridge burning moment to me.

      If you decide to stick it out, why don’t you just have your assistant (or his assistant) put in the edits?

      1. Yes to this. Your job is to delegate to the assistant, not to tell him to turn on his computer.

    8. You are 100% overreacting. This is how most people learn how to draft better. If you are that annoyed have your assistant turn the comments but you probably won’t learn as much and you better double check his/her work go make sure comments are inputted correctly.

      If someone ever asked me to give them word version of comments I would never ask them to work with me again. I would probably start job searching as this partner was probably (rightly) offended by that request. You work for him. He does not work for you. He gets to decide how he gives you comments.

    9. I get this all the time at my firm from the older partners. I just give it to my assistant (or, if it’s illegible to them, the partner’s assistant), ask them to input the changes and I review the edit product carefully. Partners generally expect me to coordinate a lot of the admin work on the file anyway (tell assistant to do X, etc.), so I don’t think it’s that out of line.

    10. I 100% share your pain! I work for a few people (who are not all that old) who insist on hand edits for certain go arounds at a draft. I agree that if the edits are purely mechanical, ask an assistant, but at least for me the edits are sometimes substantive (e.g., CITE, double check the record, include X argument). I unfortunately think it’s part of the job but I’ve started to “manage upwards” with (1) asking that the writing be legible and if a comment is too large for the margin to put it in an email or separate page; (2) the person be available if I have questions about a word/comment; and (3) use track changes when something is actually time sensitive. I’ve had many panicked sessions before a midnight filing where these lessons were learned . . .

    11. Gut check. It is 100% inappropriate for an associate to dictate how a partner’s workstreams go. At all. Yes, it sucks that you can’t read his or her handwriting. I was a corporate paralegal for years, and partners (who are a different generation than you, if you’re a midlevel) certainly make lots of edits on paper. Figure out a workaround–ask his or her secretary to run the edits, ask DP to run the edits, ask a paralegal to interpret the handwriting after you’ve taken your best shot. A partner would think an associate VERY punky if you said you were too busy to input their comments. Sure, some partners make comments which are more substantive than others. It’s your job to do their bidding. Period. That’s how firms work. GL.

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