Frugal Friday’s Workwear Report: Split-Front Blouse

277 Comments

1. I’m not surprised but I’m so mad at SCOTUS. How are we supposed to get into the endemic phase of this pandemic if we can’t get people to get vaccinated

   1. It doesn’t mean companies can’t enact and enforce their own mandates, right? And even if the govt mandates were upheld, wouldn’t there still be a lot of “religious” and “medical” exemptions? I don’t think the opposite decision would be a driving force in ending the pandemic phase.

      1. I’m in Florida, and the state government (really, the governor and surgeon general) actively undermined the federal mandate. Business owners have mostly been quietly in favor of it, simply because it gives them the fallback of being able to blame the government rather than enacting and enforcing their own mandates (which the governor loudly and publicly says they can’t do).

         1. Meh, I’ve talked to lots of business owners who are afraid they’ll lose a bunch of their workforce if the mandate is in place. So I’m guessing there’s a variety of opinions on this.

            And if vaxxed people are getting it and still having to quarantine, then having a vaxxed workforce doesn’t actually help that much. Sure, some of your employees coudl die of it, but they could also die of a heart attack and we don’t make them exercise.

            1. I work in person in an office in Florida with a bunch of folks who hold this sort of cavalier attitude. It’s awful. I don’t want to bring crud home to my immune compromised relatives and these coworkers won’t even extend the simple courtesy of masking up in common areas & elevators. Honestly, the selfishness of my colleagues has really changed my formerly positive opinion of where I work.

            2. Yes. Right now just over 20% of 16+ Americans are unvaccinated. The unvaccinated are concentrated in working age adults (since under 5% of the 65+ crowd is unvaccinated). It’s a significant percentage of the working population.

            3. Sure. Unlike this virus, we can’t catch heart attacks.

      2. Yes, they can. My company makes one small item whose main audience is the VA, and so they latched onto that to require everyone to be vaxxed as a “government supplier”. I had to upload a photo of my vax card to keep my job, despite having worked from home since day one, and never having met any of my colleagues or set foot in their office (three states away).

         1. There is a separate requirement under the Federal Acquisition Regulations that applies to U.S. government contractors.

            1. *certain ones but the USG/COs seem to be able to add it to whatever contracts they want.

         2. The mandate for employees of federal contractors has been put on hold by a District Court and there is litigation on the issue around the country.

   2. Everyone should get vaccinated, but there doesn’t seem to be a place on earth where vaccination is enough anyway. Some scientists are saying that this virus doesn’t have the potential to become endemic. I hope this setback will encourage leadership to turn their attention to more effective policies.

      1. I don’t understand this take. OSHA needs to be mandating vaccination AND masking AND ventilation. The fact that vaccination isn’t sufficient doesn’t mean it isn’t necessary and we should just give up.

         1. I’m disappointed too (vaccination is crucial for relieving hospitals).

   3. SCOTUS didn’t say no vaccine mandates. They said that OSHA can’t make a vaccine mandate through this particular emergency process. I’m fine with requiring our agencies to act within the boundaries of their constitutional authority – process is ultimately the safeguard of our democracy.

      If the real point is that we want to require people to get vaccinated – all people, everywhere – then Congress should do that. If it’s truly a workplace mandate and they haven’t met the showing to use emergency authority, OSHA can still make this rule – they just have to follow standard administrative process. Candidly, this far into the pandemic and with a variant that is transmissible despite vaccination, it’s hard for me to see how use of emergency powers is justified.

      1. Also, the CMS mandate was upheld, wasn’t it?

         1. Yes

   4. I agree people should be vaccinated. I’m fully vaccinated and boosted! But the OSHA ETS was a logistical nightmare for some large employers (like mine!) We have about 10,000 union employees and it was an absolute nightmare to implement weekly testing. For that reason, I was elated when the SC issued their opinion yesterday.

      1. Because that “nightmare” is so much worse than our health system collapsing? I’m sure a lot of healthcare workers really feel your pain. And as a cancer patient who can’t get treatment right now, I’m sorry the workflows and paperwork would create so much life upset. It must have been scary.

         If this were people bringing small pox into the workplace, I can definitely see where we would just throw up our hands and say, um, logistics.

         1. I 100% agree with your take. Just because things are difficult doesn’t mean we shouldn’t do them.

   5. The majority of people are vaccinated, we’ve been masking and distancing for two years, and cases are higher than they’ve ever been. This is simply going to be a virus that’s here to stay, like the flu. I am glad I won’t be forced to get a vaccination that’s not effective. I have my two shots but am not interested in periodically getting “boosted”

      1. The reason the virus is running rampant right now is that we didn’t get the entire world vaxxed quickly enough to prevent omicron from evolving.

      2. Eh, I get a flu shot every year. And my sense is that cases are peaking in many places, so we may be to herd-ish immunity the hard way.

         Whole continents still need help, but I think that this will be with us as a nuisance for some time to come. I have other nuisances, so will just add this to my list.

         1. Is herd immunity through infection even possible with COVID-19? I know people many on their second infection.

            1. No, I don’t think so; the immunity doesn’t last long enough, and the virus mutates too much. There’s no selection pressure towards milder symptoms either (since asymptomatic spread remains common), so future mutations could be randomly milder or much more severe.

            2. The first death from Omicron in the US was an unvaccinated man who had previously had COVID.

         2. This is just wrong. There is no herd immunity with reinfect ions happening. (And those reinfected aren’t having the same experience each time). One of the worst pieces of misinformation that was initially put out there.

      3. “The majority of people are vaccinated…”
         I see you are unfamiliar with my red state.

         “We’ve been masking and distancing for two years…”
         Not around here they haven’t.

         It’s a an effing Covid free for all in some areas and has been from the beginning. Those of us who are particularly vulnerable and take reasonable precaution, are vaccinated, and wear masks are tiny dots of insignificance in a sea of selfishness. We are tired. We are not safe. I would like to see a national mandate because although there would be a certain level of noncompliance it would still help. I’m tied to this place due to elderly parents and a job that doesn’t transfer well. If I hit the lottery I would take my parents and move to New Zealand where leadership and the masses seem to be mostly on the same page, but alas I am stuck in the lane of the stupid and selfish.

         1. New York has been very stringent, has a high vaccination rate, and now has some of the highest rates in the country. The measures just don’t work, it seems. Time to accept this as a virus we will just work with, and get back to normal.

            1. NYC is also by fair the densest part of the country. Of course rates are higher when you are around hundreds of other people a day. It’s a lot harder to get Covid if you only see like 10 people outside your household a week

            2. Except in getting back to normal, let’s just keep closing schools and childcare intermittently! /sarcasm

      4. I imagine this will become similar to our flu shots. Every year scientists take their best guess at what will be most effective at preventing flu. I read that the average effectiveness of those is somewhere around 40%…. which sounds dismal compared to the great initial numbers on the Covid shots, but is about the effectiveness of many boosters against catching Omicron in the first place, and doesn’t give any credit to the shot reducing the severity of the illness. So, I don’t understand the objection to boosters.

         1. I’m struggling. I am really grateful to the vaccines and grateful to be boosted and protected from hospitalization and death. But I also don’t want to deal with the side effects of boosters over and over while remaining at risk for long COVID.

            I’m hoping we’ll get Novavax or Corbevax insofar as they seem to have better side effect profiles.

            1. +1 my vax side effects were much worse than when I had Covid (and I had OG Covid not omicron). If they make a booster that prevents transmission I’d consider it but as it is no thanks.

            2. 10:58: that is likely a problem going fwd. My teen didn’t have reactions to her first two shots but the booster took her down a peg (for all adults I know — a day resting in bed feeling awful, if not two). If the booster were more like the flu, I’d be game regardless of the frequency. With COVID boosters, that’s a harder sell if people will be ill for a day or two each time they get it, especially if it would need to be frequent.

      5. I’d snort vaccine off a hooker’s a** if it meant possibly preventing someone else from getting sick. Nobody gives a damn if I’m alive/sick/dead, but I’m not about to put others at risk if I can help it.

         1. Then mask up, because it’s looking like our vaccines are really not doing all that much to prevent the spread of Omicron even among all vaccinated people.

            1. Well, yeah… is it possible to hold folks down and staple a mask to their face?

            2. The vaccines do minimize hospitalization, though. And since hospitals in my state are now starting to collapse, I am extra grateful we have the vaccines.

   6. I’m a union-side labor lawyer and have been dealing with the various mandates and some employer policies in different workplaces. I don’t believe most employers will impose a mandate and agree with the commenter who said even those who support a vaccination policy wanted to be able to point to the mandate and tell their employees that it was the government and not the company that made the decision.

2. Did anyone go to law school or practice against the oath keepers founder? I just skimmed some articles and am not sure if the following can all be true. I might get accused of pot stirring here – I admit I’m purely curious if anyone knew/practiced with him. feel free to scroll past :)

   – Elmer Stewart Rhodes – goes by his middle name
   – wears an eye patch because he lost his eye due to accidental gun discharge
   – former military
   – graduate of Yale Law School but later disbarred

   1. Why wouldn’t it be true?

      1. +1 my initial response to this was huh?

      2. Right – lawyers, like anyone else, come in all varieties. Several leaders of the Westboro Baptist Church were (are?) lawyers.

         1. For real. I have a disability caused by an accident, do not go by my legal given first name, and while I am not former military or disbarred, it by mo means would be out of the realm of possibility for me to be both of those as well. What a weird take.

            1. IIRC Bill Clinton was disbarred.

            2. He was not disbarred. His license was suspended 5 years.

            3. For us mortals, that would be career ending and probably result in moving home to live permanently on my parents’ basement couch. Glad it worked out for him.

            4. You’d be surprised. I found out we employ a disbarred attorney in a JD preferred position about a month ago and I was SHOOKETH.

      3. If your name was Elmer, wouldn’t you go by your middle name? I don’t understand why any of this seems unbelievable?

         1. Srsly.

   2. Maybe its that the stereotypical Yale graduate (or my idea of a typical Yale graduate) doesn’t fit the way this man lives his life and presents himself to the public? I think upper class white (sadly, yes, I do) person who works in a suit and tie wearing environment for some large firm or company, or possibly has their own practice. I don’t think Oath Keeper founder. But it goes to show you my assumptions are wrong.
      What may be the interesting thing here is he has the personality to attract a following, and lead a movement, perhaps like a CEO, high profile people in the business world, Mega Church Pastor, but he didn’t go in those direction with his ideas. I don’t know much about Oath Keepers, but that’s my take from what you presented here, that people who have the ability to create their own empire can create any type of empire whether it be Amaz0n, Apple, Oath Keepers, any of the mega churches, etc. From a human nature point of view it may be an interesting discussion to look at what similarities there are among these kinds of people, along with how their particular brands make them act differently.

      1. I honestly wouldn’t expect charismatic leaders from Yale or similar schools. There is such a rat race for a certain type of badge-collecting quantifiable high school resumes that these kids are pretty much products and not people by the time they are in college. Like it drains the individuality out of them (but wait! I played concertmaster bagpipes and got a patent and donated all of the proceeds from my YouTube channel to orphans in Bangladesh!) to conform to the application. Maybe you get an evil genius game-player (but more likely that is a parent of these kids), but I think it’s a lot of miserable kids and I hope that the counseling centers at these schools are good.

         1. I’m guessing you didn’t go to one of these schools. I went to HLS and was kind of expecting more of those people, but that stereotype didn’t really hold. Most people were pretty similar to the type of people that attended my middle-range private undergrad. There were more uber-wealthy people, for sure. And there were a lot more people who were absolute balls of anxiety regarding school/grades (and we didn’t even have “real” grades). But generally there were all types of people, not just badge collectors. I certainly wasn’t one; I just happened to be really, really good at the LSAT.

            1. I did, but ages ago, when it seems that a first-gen kid could be reasonably well-rounded kid in a small town and have national merit finalist test scores and that was enough. [I think a kid with my profile is maybe 50/50 at flagship state u in my current state due to their need to take OOS kids to balance the books, and in no way up to the 2022 rat race.] What I see now with my co-workers who are parents is shocking amounts of perfecting their kids. Small private schools to ensure that you are always a varsity athlete, small division so you are likely to be a state champion athlete, unranked class rank so you don’t have to disclose anything bad, coached and highly-reviewed applications, every kid starts a nonprofit and has a website, parents aggressively e-mail re internship opportunities since they don’t need to work at the grocery store each summer, tutors, total helicoptering, etc. It is totally crazy and the end of this production pipeline can’t be pretty. You would never know what the kid’s actual work product is like because they’ve never been allowed to proceed unaided.

            2. Excellent Sheep is a book about this.

            3. I graduated from one of these schools a few years ago and there were all types of people in my class, very few who matched your badge-collecting generalization. I don’t find these sorts of generalizations helpful or truthful no matter what school is being discussed.

            4. I’m a 2008 HYS grad and it was badge-collector central at my school, FWIW. With a sprinkling of foreign ultra-wealthy people who were the princess of something or the son of a Russian oligarch and who thought the rest of us were absolutely nuts for how tightly wound we all were.

   3. Plenty of HYS graduates go on to become terrible people.

      1. E.g., Elizabeth Holmes of Theranos — Stanford dropout

      2. J.D. Vance

      3. See also: Several current Supreme Court justices.

      4. Yep, like my YLS classmate Josh Hawley, sadly.

         1. What was he like in school?

   4. Yes, it is all true. He also had a reputation of randomly abandoning clients in the middle of federal lawsuits.

   5. Heh, if YLS is like NYU, they probably hit him up for donations each year, finding him each time he moves, with “Hey, Elmer, how about throwing us some $?” If he goes to prison, I bet the development office drones reroute his mail there.

      1. Your last line made me snort!

   6. About a third of men at my law school went by their middle names. Often, they shared a first name with their father. Other times, they preferred the more casual or formal middle name, e.g. Charlie Gregory is Gregory or Herman Samuel is Sam.

   7. Off topic, but I went to law school with Paul Davis, the lawyer who live streamed himself on January 6, was subsequently fired from his job, and went on to file a number of lawsuits seeking to overturn the election. It was bonkers to watch it all unfold. He was at most, a bit odd, in law school and has since gone off the deep end.

3. Manor Park/Brightwood poster! Just wanted to say hi and that it’s exciting to see a neighbor on here!

   1. Hi neighbor! Living here has been a bright spot in this wild couple of years. I’m close to needing a line item in the budget for vegan doughnuts at this point, thanks to our pals at Donut Run. Hope you’re hanging in!

      1. Haha so true. The mango donut is the BEST! :)

   2. Bit late but a third Manor Park poster, saying hi!

      1. This is so great! Best neighborhood :)

4. For Reasons, I am taking care of my cousins’ three kids for the next week. I am staying at their home, the kids are between 5-11, they all go to school (different schools and different times but is what it is), I see them every few months so it isn’t like they don’t know me at all, but I’m a little nervous (I’m 29, single, no kids – babysat a lot but that feels like long ago). I am currently looking at an insane week of work and I need to start delaying or offloading projects, as there is no way I can balance it all next week. Any tips from people who have kids, or have been thrown a last minute family curve ball during a busy time? (I can’t take leave, I don’t get paid time off, but I have a lot of autonomy to set my own client deadlines so can revise some for the clients).

   1. Not a parent so take this with a grain of salt I guess, but my advice is communicate the changes in timeline without over explanation. Something came up and this is the new timeline. Done. I have found people are much more welcoming of changes if you are prompt, clear, act with confidence, and do not go into details that are unnecessary.

      1. +1. To the maximum extent possible, you are telling, not asking. (I am a parent, in case it matters.)

   2. Have all the meals planned ahead of time, make a list of any supplies you need
      Have all the kids outfits planned the day before
      Have your own outfit planned/set out the day before
      Plan on going to bed late/getting up early to get your own work done. Get ready for your day before the kids wake up
      Plan an activity for every night (game night, movie popcorn night, make a tiktok dance video with them one night, craft night while listening to kids podcasts, etc….) My favorite when my kids were that age was happy hour night (fancy kid beverages, appetizer style dinner, and they pick the music).
      With a little organization you can make it work!

      1. This sounds so beyond exhausting. I’d lean into being the chill aunt, see what they want to do and break some rules for a week. Order pizza, watch TV, let them have all the screen time they want.

         1. +1. Good starting point of a list, but I don’t do all this even with my own kids!
            Having a general meal idea might not be a bad idea, but it should include pizza and Mickey Ds or whatever keeps you sane. Also, unless you get heavy insight from the parents, don’t go too far down the meal plan/ingredient path ahead of time. I have kids in this age group, like a lot of kids they are fairly picky, and a well intentioned meal plan by someone who didn’t know them/kids well would likely end with a lot of waste and misery.
            We used to plan our kids outfits the night before, but not at 5+. Now we literally just say “go get dressed” and they do. I can’t imagine a typical 11 year old needs this kind of micro managing unless it’s like a specific issue they have.

         2. +1

            I think the key word for all of you this week is “survival,” and if cardboard pizza and powdered mac n cheese (favorites when my son was growing up and my husband was away) get you through, then go for it!

      2. OMG, sounds like you are doing a huge favor for your cousin by holding down the fort without the benefit of time off work. This does not have to be super special activity time. TV/ age appropriate devices can be your friend. If someone had to take care of my kids for some reason under those circumstances, I absolutely would not be expecting them to be doing crafts together! Some tips from a mom: not sure what the weather is like where you are/ how much the kids will be able to get outside, but GoNoodle has cute videos for school-age kids who need to get some wiggles out indoors. The PBS Kids apps are really good for kids up to maybe 8 or so to use when you don’t want to supervise, even if they’ll just watch shows on demand–it’s not all Sesame Street. Pancakes are a solid meal no matter the time of day.
         You are a majorly generous person to be doing this.

      3. I feel like this is too hard. Movie night is easy, game night if they can play by themselves but that shouldn’t involve a grown up. Microwave / takeout all the way. I often tell my own kids I’m happy to be with them if they will do the thing I’m doing, e.g. you can be in the kitchen if you help get us ready for dinner or you can play somewhere else, but you can’t play in the kitchen. That’s entirely reasonable.

      4. I absolutely would not plan special activities for every night. School-aged kids will be exhausted by their regular routine and just want to chill after they get their homework done.

      5. this is insane. Kids 5-11 do not need this much hand-holding. let them watch whatever tv, do whatever video games they want. You don’t need to entertain children 24/7 nor should you.
         Your job OP is to make sure they don’t harm themselves or each other or burn down the house. that’s literally it.

   3. Are you close to home? If so, I’d ask a friend to set up a meal train so you don’t have to think about dinner. I am a busy working mom but if you were my friend I’d drop everything to cook you dinner in this situation. I bet many of your friends would love to do the same.

      What instructions and information did the parents leave you? These kids are old enough to help you figure out and execute the routine. This evening, I’d call a family meeting and ask the kids to walk you through their weekday and weekend routines. Write everything down. Plan all meals ahead of time, including breakfast, school lunches, snacks, and drinks. Write out a schedule that incorporates downtime for you and the kids. Outsource as much as possible–can they ride the school bus and buy school lunch? Enlist the oldest to help with bathtime and bedtime for the youngest. Present it as a team challenge. All right, kids! We’re going to work together to keep this place running while your parents are away!

      Set clear expectations with your clients and co-workers. Don’t try to hide what’s going on and scramble to get everything done somehow. You will drive yourself nuts. If the only time you can work is while the kids are in school, tell people that. Put it in your out-of-office: My hours are limited this week. I will be available 9:00 a.m. – 2:00 p.m. Revise client deadlines and inform clients right away. You will get much more grace in this situation than an actual parent would because 1) you are being a hero 2) it’s only for a week and 3) you are not a parent.

      1. A meal train for a healthy grown adult? Seriously?! I’d advise OP to not worry so much. It will all work out and it is only a week. Push what work-wise you can to another week. Allocate some time either early morning or late night for work catch-up. I’d do a make-you-own-pizza dinner to combine meal prep with an activity for at least one night. Another good one is having them wear PJs for “breakfast as dinner” night to get them to bed earlier. But, really, it’s only a few days. The world isn’t going to collapse if they have to play alone or you have to be a little late/pull in someone else’s help on a work deadline or two for a few days.

         1. Seriously, I would roll my eyes at a meal train invite like that. And would not sign up.

            1. Sorry, that was my thought too. Maybe I’m not as generous of a person as The suggestor but I would seriously be like, “wut”?

   4. Honest answer, if the “Reasons” are a family emergency, just tell people so that they give you a bit of grace next week. Even if the “Reasons” are not a family emergency, I would tell appropriate people, “hey, I’m might be a bit non-responsive next week, I need to take care of my cousins three kids.” They might even have advice for you. Also, happy meals were invented for a reason. There is no shame.

   5. Don’t be afraid to use screens to get by if you need to. Have fun!

   6. TV. Seriously. Have them all watch TV while you work. Be hyper productive during work hours. I’m a big environmentalist, but for this paper plates for meals. If you have a kindle and need to read documents, load them onto your kindle because you can read a kindle while keeping an eye on kids easier than you can read a laptop.

      1. +1 to lots of tv. You can call it a movie night – maybe let them take turns picking the movie. If you can afford it, let them pick a new one from iTunes. Disney+ has alot of good options too if they have that. Make them some popcorn or give them a treat and maybe that will buy you some free time. Good luck!!

      2. Amen to All the TV and whatever other screens they like.

   7. 1. Push as many deadlines as you can.
      2. Try to be as productive as possible when they are at school.
      3. Food prep, cooking, and cleaning take more time and energy than you think. For short term crunch time, I get the premade meals from the Costco deli section and disposable dishes. Giant things of pre-cut fruit and veggies. Giant thing of smart pop or some other not-terrible snack.
      4. Get stuff done either before everyone gets up, or after everyone goes to sleep. Keep in mind you will be exhausted after everyone goes to sleep.
      5. Evening dance parties are a great way to get energy out in the winter.
      6. Do you have a Ninetendo Switch? Just Dance and Mario Kart are fun and interactive for many ages. I get games from my public library.

5. does anyone use GoodRx or one of those prescription discount thingies? are they worth it?

   1. Yes, GoodRx is amazing.

      1. +1, no reason to overpay for meds.

   2. I use it for my dog’s prescription. Given that Rx prices are a flim-flam anyway, and GoodRx is presumably a flim-flam as well, it seems helpful. On their site, prices for my dog’s dosage and quantity range from $38 to $265 per month.

      Just keep in mind that GoodRx isn’t necessarily going to show you the absolute best price – they show the prices that their partner pharmacies offer, not the prices of every pharmacy.

      1. Oh, this is a great tip! We have to get my cat’s meds compounded, so I will definitely see if this helps the cost. Thanks!

   3. My mom uses GoodRx a lot as some of her prescriptions are cheaper using that than paying the insurance co-pay.

      1. Yes. I guess the downside is not contributing to one’s annual out-of-pocket max? But since I don’t expect to hit that anyway, I don’t worry about it.

         1. Yes, this is the drawback. I always hit my deductible due to having several chronic issues, so it isn’t worth it for me to bypass that.

   4. It’s free to use. I use it for my kid’s epipen and most other prescriptions bc we have a high deductible plan so we pay retail for prescriptions until we hit the deductible but are not going to hit our deductible.

      I’ve no idea what the business model is for GoodRx, but I’d rather pay $125 for a generic epipen instead of $350.

   5. Are they worth what? They’re free. I wouldn’t pay for it, but if Good Rx is free and cheaper for certain drugs then I’m using it.

   6. Does GoodRX work on injectibles/any way to work around cost here? Ovidrel + FSH on the agenda this year.

6. After a year+ of applying for new jobs and getting crickets in response (and months and months of revising my resume ad nauseum b/c I couldn’t figure out why I wasn’t getting any interviews for jobs I was well qualified for) I finally have an interview!! At this point, I don’t even care if I get the job, I’m just happy to finally get some traction. Happy Friday to anyone else going through this process!

   1. Girl, you have to network. You’re doing the job search equivalent of cold calling.

      1. Hadn’t thought of that – thanks!

      2. Hadn’t thought of that, thanks!

         1. This is the correct response!

         2. Well you’re focused entirely in your post on futzing with your resume . . . Something bigger ain’t working if you’re at one interview in a year of trying in a hot market. Maybe it’s the snark?

      3. People always stress the importance of networking, but I’ve gotten every job I’ve had – including the sr. director position I have now – from just applying online with no contacts at the employer. The one time someone in my network recommended me to a colleague for a position, I ended up getting a lowball offer from the colleague and then the person who recommended me got annoyed that I accepted another job instead (which I had applied for online not knowing anyone there). I truly believe networking must be important because people keep stressing it, but it’s basically played no role in my career thus far.

         1. Same.

         2. Same here. Honestly, in terms of job searching I think the whole “networking” is oversold. I maintain a presence on LinkedIn and post content there occasionally, and all I get in return are spam messages or guys trying to chat me up in a very unprofessional way. I’m about to bag it as I am not sure what I’m getting out of the experience other than annoyance.

            The one job I landed through networking (a friend knew the guy who became my boss) ended up being a semi-disaster; unbeknownst to my friend the guy was a terrible manager and super-sexist, and later ended up getting terminated after too many gender discrimination claims were filed against him (and I was one of those). It caused tension between my friend and I, because this guy was her client and he’d complain to her about me, and she was my friend and I’d complain to her about him. After that experience, I declined any more offers from friends to hook me up with so-and-so at such-and-such company that needs a blah-blah. Too much drama. I would take a referral from an acquaintance or connection, but no more friends involved in my career movement.

            I landed my current, pretty awesome job by applying to a job I saw on Indeed. Never heard of the company. Didn’t know anyone there. It’s a remote job and headquartered outside my state so didn’t have any connections or inroads. I got the job despite that, and it’s going well.

   2. Good luck with the interview! Also agree to try to network – reach out to as many people as possible and give them your resume and ask if they are aware of any openings or if they can just forward to their hiring partner or HR.

   3. Congrats! +1 to networking. I’m not great at it, but its so important. Put yourself out there! You’re awesome!

   4. Assess your salary expectation. If you’re out of market, that’s a nonstarter in most screening tools. I lowered mine and instantly got a ton of interviews after a month of nothing.

7. Longer haired friends: What are we doing with our hair for zoom interviews these days? I have armpit length wavy-ish hair, and I normally wear it in a low bun for in person interviews, but on zoom I look bald if I do that. Any tips?

   1. At first reading, my thought was, “Who’s going to see your armpit hair on Zoom?”

      1. You’re not the only one!

      2. Same! And then I wondered how you could make a bun with hair as long as your armpit’s hair.

      3. Same! I can’t imagine this type of description comes up in real life often, but if it does, OP you may want to find a better way to describe your hair length, lol.

         1. “Past my shoulders.”

         2. OMG she can describe her hair length however she wants to.

            1. Of course she can! She’s just getting the feedback that if she describes it this way, people will have the image of armpit hair long after they realize that’s not what she’s talking about…

         3. Op here: Totally fair! Shoulder doesn’t feel accurate, since it’s past my shoulder, and I feel like saying I have n!pple length hair would be worse lol

            1. N!pple length hair would definitely be worse, ha.

   2. Down and wavy – that’s my best look on camera and I’d do it for anything important

      1. +1 same hair length etc

   3. I did a lot of half up/half down for interviews, or just straightened it and wore it down so it would tuck/stay behind my shoulders. If you prefer to have it all the way up (I fiddle with my hair when nervous so I understand that) I found that adding more volume at the crown/ears made a big difference in looking like an intentional updo vs. scraped back ballerina bun. CapHillStyle often posts bun tutorials.

   4. I haven’t had any Zoom interviews, but I would definitely wear my hair down if I did. That being said, I have always worn my hair down for in person interviews in the past, so it is nothing new/different.

   5. Down, but held back so it doesn’t hang in your eyes. I grab one tiny hunk from above each ear and fasten it at the back of my head with baby jaw clips. I don’t worry about getting them even or symmetrical, since only the front will be visible.

   6. For my zoom interviews last spring, I did hair down and blow dried straight to look polished. I have naturally straight hair but if I let it air dry it is a little wavy, it really just looks like I rolled out of bed if I let it air dry.

   7. I am the same as you and would definitely wear my hair in a bun for an in-person interview, but wear it down and straightened for zoom interviews.

   8. I wear my long hair in a braid almost every day at the office. For all kinds of on-camera meetings, I’ve found I look less like a bald alien if I swing the braid over one shoulder and let it hang over my collarbone.

   9. I have longer hair than you, and I wear it in a low bun on a normal day. For an interview or important zoom call, I part it in the back so that I have hair going over one shoulder and behind the other shoulder. Then, I make sure not to ever touch or fiddle with my hair, which looks particularly distracting on a call IMO.

8. Any UNC Charlotte grads here?

   Transplant to CLT and it looks like a really great school in a MCOL city you can get a job in. Why do my co-workers hate on it so much? It is just that we hate on the familiar? Sports rivalries?

   1. Are you asking because you want to send your kid there or because you want to hire UNCC grads? I wouldn’t send my kid there if they wanted a traditional 4 year residential college experience. It’s less of a commuter school than it used to be, but lots of students still commute and the mentality is still pretty prevalent- it’s not a campus with lots of activities and interesting stuff going on. If they don’t care about that, though, then they’d probably fit in just fine and the engineering and computer science programs are pretty good. Basic sciences are weak and other departments are mixed. Like any big school, some of the students are amazing, most are fine, and some are terrible, so YMMV when it comes to hiring.

      1. Thanks — so sort of like how GW or NYU used to be? Commuter school heritage (my MIL commuted to GW; I commuted to NYU to save $ but as a grad student). I had a workshop there recently and it seemed residential (but also with a lot of kids living off-campus in apartments across the road). I didn’t know there were also lots of local commuters, I just thought maybe kids moved off campus to party.

         I might take some fun classes at night there once I get residency for the in-state rate. So I guess I’m a commuter student, too. [But I know you mean for undergrads.]

         1. Yes, exactly. There are a lot more students on campus than there used to be, but there are almost 30,000 students and a lot of them are older, with families and jobs and other responsibilities, plus many traditional age students that live at home with parents or in other parts of Charlotte. That’s fine, it certainly saves money, so it’s just a matter of what you’re looking for. I don’t think I’ve ever talked to a student who loves it and thinks it’s amazing (which is in marked contrast to my experience with a number of other universities, both public and private) but it’s definitely more affordable than a lot of places and convenient for lots of people, if you just care about getting a degree or certification for something. The campus itself is pretty nice and the facilities are generally good, since it’s been growing rapidly and most of it is fairly new.

      2. OP here — I just wasn’t able to ask frankly why we don’t interview there (vs always trying to chase the 500 people at Davidson or more prestigious schools who may not want to initially work in CLT). CLT is a great city, but it is still very new to me and in a pandemic hard to figur eout.

         1. Honestly, any company that claims to value diversity but recruits mainly from Davidson while ignoring UNCC should throw their performative diversity statement in the trash. Is the average Davidson grad smarter than the average UNCC grad? Probably, but there are more than 10x as many UNCC grads and many of them are just as smart, most work just as hard, and they bring a greater diversity of experience. A lot of students just don’t come from families where they have the opportunity to attend college outside of their hometown, and it doesn’t make them worse employees.

            1. Which is why I asked here, as an anon. I kind of sensed that but what new hire wants to start waiving that flag?

            2. Yeah, I understand that it’s hard when you’re new. But when you get a chance, I encourage you to push back on this. This is exactly why I roll my eyes when I read about people asking questions about diversity in interviews and see all the ridiculous diversity statements on everyone’s websites. It’s just so clear that it’s all about looking good but not about actually doing anything. I attended an Ivy League school, which I loved, where I got a great education, and where I found my fellow students almost universally to be bright, interesting, hard working people. But there are people like that everywhere, they just don’t have equal opportunities to attend prestigious schools, and deciding who you hire largely on the basis of the university someone attended is not even slightly justifiable from a merit perspective, only from the snobby “we only want certain kinds of people” here perspective. You’re missing out on a ton of talent and different ways of looking at the world.

            3. In my experience, recent grads who had more real life experience (hustled to pay for a degree at a less prestigious school, worked or joined the military before college, juggled family responsibilities and education, etc.) on balance have been wonderful employees and often better than their colleagues with brand name degrees, particularly at the entry level. They have been more likely to have demonstrate common sense and flexibility, at any rate. Avoiding local, large schools omits a diverse population with a variety of life experience. That’s an organization shooting itself in the foot, as research shows that diverse teams perform better.

               IMHO, I’d ask that frank question. Put your colleagues on the spot and have them articulate their concerns. You can ask it innocently, without waving the flag, since you’re new: “Why don’t we recruit locally?” But when you can, I’d say: wave that flag. Nothing changes unless we start making it uncomfortable for people to uphold biased systems and patterns of behavior.

            4. Yesss. There is so much cognitive dissonance involved when companies say “we value diversity” but then in the next breath say “and we only recruit at exclusive schools that cater to upper-class students who BTW are mostly white.” Broadening the recruiting field is one of the best and easiest ways to introduce more diverse candidates to a company and create a pipeline that will result in a more diverse workforce. Any company that isn’t willing to recruit at public universities isn’t very serious about diversity.

   2. It’s a commuter school and thought of as pretty low-tier in the otherwise amazing UNC school system.

      1. I didn’t know that. I would have thought given the city size it would be UNC-CH, then Charlotte, then I’m not at all sure. I sounds very fun to be at UNC-Asheville or UNC-Wilmington, at least given my adult tourist trips to those cities. There is also Greensboro I think. But I’m not from here and my cousin from here went to ECU, which was affordable and a good place to go into teaching near the coast, which is what she wanted to do. No debt! But this board skews not “teaching locally and went to a local school.

         1. What? Every time people post asking for school advice, we ask for context. Like if you want to work locally, it is often a better bet to go to a lower-ranked local school than a medium-ranked school far away.

            Generally speaking, it isn’t surprising that the regional commuter-focused locations of a state school system aren’t as well-regarded as main campus.

         2. I’m not sure there’s a meaningful difference in perception between any of UNC-Charlotte, UNC-Wilmington, UNC-Asheville, and UNC-Greensboro, at least state-wide. (I’m sure individuals have their opinions, and local is always an advantage.) ECU is probably right in that mix too. But among the public schools, after UNC-CH , there’s NC State and App State, which both rank higher in perception than the other UNCs, ECU, and WCU.

            1. That is interesting re App State. I only know stoners who went there, so I was thinking it was a total party school. #unrepresentativesample

            2. NC A&T is a public HBCU in the nc public system that has a pretty great engineering program. I’d rank it higher than App State.

   3. I’m a native Charlottean. And ha, no, it has nothing to do with sports. Here’s the old-school stereotypes:

      Chapel Hill – the best of the best – anything else is poor consolation
      Charlotte – working adults
      Asheville – stoners
      Greensboro – for the pretty but not that bright
      Wilmington – beach school for the not that bright
      Pembroke – for the educationally disadvantaged

      There’s nothing wrong with UNCC, so much as 1) it was associated with people who didn’t originally go to college, and that has connotations about class and background, fair or not, and 2) when your state includes Chapel Hill, Duke, State, Elon, Davidson… why give a hoot about the school for working adults that doubles as a community college for locals?

      1. So it looks like everything but UNC-CH in the UNC brand is poorly-regarded? Maybe PA’s approach (2 years at main campus, 2 years at local branch) is more fair / egalitarian?

         1. I mean Asheville is for stoners in general; I’m not sure that means the school is poorly regarded. I think of it as the liberal arts school campus.

            UNC Greensboro used to be the women’s school and now it’s a minority serving institution. “Pretty but not that bright” is probably coming from its history as a women’s school as well as some gendering of its stronger programs (i.e., art, music theory, interior design), for what that’s worth.

            I think my view of Wilmington is skewed since grads I know happen to be brilliant; I think it’s probably a place where the most motivated students can go far. People are loyal to all three of these non-UNCCH campuses though, so if that’s not particularly true of UNC Charlotte, that’s different from Greensboro, Asheville, or Wilmington.

            1. Music theory is traditionally a male-dominated field. How many female composers and conductors can you name?

         2. NC State is also in the NC state school system, so frankly by the time you get to Charlotte, it’s not the brightest and bunch of the bunch (NC is not a huge state compared to like CA).

         3. I mean, “poorly regarded” in the same way those of us on this board are always asking about where to invest all our extra money. With the exception of Pembroke, a degree from any of the non-CH ones is totally respectable for average students. Speaking to your “fair” idea, someone who doesn’t get into CH because of space but has the credentials isn’t going to G or W, they’re going to go to one of the other schools I listed or out of state.

            1. My sense is that with Charlotte (and maybe the Raleigh area), you could find enough kids to fill an entering class with, maybe all from the same giant high schools, but politically and budget-wise, that is a non-starter. So there are a lot of good fungible kids that won’t get in. One woman I know has a kid going to a VA state school as an OOS (but for something like 60+K/year — ouch). IDK if VA schools are more evenly-regarded or not, but it’s probably similar there (not all of the kids in northern Virginia can get into W&M, UVA, Tech, etc.).

            2. I think the biggest issue is that tons of great students don’t even get rejected from UNC-CH or NCSU, they simply don’t apply. It either doesn’t occur to them or their families that there’s a reason to go to one of the “better” schools or they can’t afford to leave their city since they’d then have to pay for room and board, or they have family responsibilities that keep them close to home. For lots of people, they really just don’t know about prestige or think that it matters, which is why it’s so misguided to make assumptions about where someone went to college. Most students don’t apply to a bunch of colleges and go to the “best” one, they just go to whatever school is convenient.

         4. Lived in PA my whole life and I only know 2 people who started at Penn State satellite campuses. At least in my circles, not getting into Main Campus straight out of high school was really looked down upon. Sounds like that might be the equivalent of UNCC?

            I know several more people who started at satellite campuses for Pitt, though.

      2. Your second point is something that I’ve struggled to explain to people from not-Massachusetts. When you’re practically tripping over world-class universities, which give very generous aid to the needy students and many give scholarships to talented students, it’s just a different dynamic.

         My husband is from the Midwest, where most of the brilliant kids go State and many don’t go flagship State.

   4. Fun fact, Kathy Reichs, who wrote the mystery series that inspired the show Bones, used to teach at UNCC. Her heroine is a UNCC prof who does forensic anthropology in CLT and Montreal, so if you’re new to CLT, the books might be a fun read for a bit of local flavor.

   5. Davidson grad here who now lives in Charlotte. UNCC has come a verrrrry long way toward becoming a more residential school in the last 15 years. I work with three people who went to UNCC and have worked with them for nearly seven years (so I feel like I know them fairly well). While I am team Davidson all day every day and have a huge amount of pride about my school, my co workers (including one who played a mens varsity sport for four years) just seem to have not a lot pride about their school. They’re not ashamed of UNCC or anything, but they don’t donate financially, don’t go back to campus for sporting events, don’t attend alumni events, and seem to have no interest in doing these things. They just don’t talk about their college experience with pride, excitement, or in a manner that makes you think they really liked being there very much. None of them are negative about the school, just not positive.*

      I’m not sure where their attitude comes from, but I have yet to meet a graduate of UNCC who is a proud alumni of the school or talks about the school with any level of excitement. It just seems to have been a check the box thing for them. I have also attended a yearly fundraising event for UNCC women’s athletics and none of the students at that event have anything very great to say about the school either.

      *I know people attend all sorts of schools and have a range of experiences. Not everyone gives financially or wants to. Not everyone wants to participate in alumni events. I’m just sharing my view of my experiences with UNCC grads and minimal interactions with current students.

9. Random naming question.

   If you are Prince Andrew (and getting sued) or Prince Harry (described in today’s DM as having an employer, so maybe getting a W-2 soon), do these people have last names? I’m not sure how you list them to sue them (or withhold taxes from them, on a more mundane level). I’m assuming that they use the standard forms (so their 500 middle names just get omitted).

   I used to work at a clerical job at a courthouse where the records were only semi-computerized and due to some families having many people in the system, John A. Smith and Johnny A. Smith may or may not have been the same person, so you had to be really careful.

   1. Why don’t you look up the complaint against Andrew and see how he’s styled?

      1. Prince Andrew, Duke of York, a/k/a Andrew Albert Christian Edward

      2. Not the OP, but I just looked it up out of curiosity, and indeed, he’s identified as “Prince Andrew, Duke of York, aka Andrew Albert Christian Edward, in his personal capacity.”

      3. Lots of layers, no risk of sweating.
         (Sorry).

         1. You win!

   2. Yes. Their last name is Mountbatten-Windsor.

   3. PRINCE ANDREW, DUKE OF YORK,
      a/k/a ANDREW ALBERT CHRISTIAN
      EDWARD, in his personal capacity,

   4. They do! I worked at a university that had its share of royal kids and they have surnames. You knew you were in for it if you got a tutorial with a Windsor in it. I’m a political scientist so didn’t see any in my classes, but French lit, definitely.

      1. Don’t William and Catherine’s children go by the last name “Cambridge”? And why isn’t it “Windsor” because isn’t that their actual legal last name?

      2. Oh, I didn’t know that. I had naively assumed that she’s still called “Kate Middleton” because she married a guy with no last name. [E.g., Grace Kelly was never called Grace Marriedname, but now that I think about it, I think that her last name would have been Grimaldi. Maybe these folks don’t use checking accounts, but the interwebs demand your last name a ton. Ditto the DMV.] I wonder what their passports are like (do they go through customs and fill out forms like the rest of us? Does Air Force one do that after foreign trips?]

         1. Yeah, I think we forget there are a whole bunch of royals who have to exist in the world like normal people. They have to book flights, get parcels delivered, sign their kids up for school.

         2. She is Catherine Wales now, and the kids are Louis, Charlotte, and George Wales.

            1. So, if I am remembering right, Prince Charles is the Prince of Wales, so his kids have that last name. So Prince Charles then has a different last name than Princess Margaret or Prince Andrew or even his parents? Does his last name change if he becomes king?

               This is sort of wild to me.

               I love Queen Letizia of Spain for how she dresses (Law & Order: Madrid). She has a last name also? [Or however the convention is for both parents’ names.]

            2. No they are not

            3. This is incorrect. Wills used Wales casually in service as did Harry but their last name, when they need one, is Mountbatten-Windsor.

            4. Oh I lie! They’re all Cambridges! D’oh. Sorry!

            5. I thought they were Louis, Charlotte and George Cambridge – that William’s surname came from his father’s title, and likewise on down the line with William and Kate’s kids.

            6. No, this is all incorrect. The legal last name of descendants of Queen Elizabeth and Prince Philip is Mountbatten-Windsor (see: Harry and Meghan’s children who do not have titles). Those with titles tend to use them informally as their last names, like William Cambridge, but they are not their legal last names.

            7. So is Harry actually “Harry Sussex” now? Henry Sussex?

            8. I think Wills used “William Wales” informally before he had a title of his own and was therefore using his father’s, and now he & fam use Cambridge informally the same way.

               Should they need a legal last name isn’t it Mountbatten-Windsor?

            9. “So Prince Charles then has a different last name than Princess Margaret or Prince Andrew or even his parents? Does his last name change if he becomes king?”

               If he becomes king, even his first name could change!!
               https://www.townandcountrymag.com/society/tradition/a10021776/prince-charles-name-change-king/

         3. Their passports do not use a last name but they do have one to use when required.

      3. There was a student the year below me whose surname was Hume. Yes, as in David. She felt a lot of pressure to get high scores in the ‘history of political thought’ module!

   5. When Harry was in the Army, he was Harry Wales, but I’m 99% sure their official/legal last name is Windsor or Windsor-Mountbatten. So I would assume that Harry’s W2 would be addressed to and labeled Henry Windsor or Henry Windsor-Mountbatten.

   6. Yes, they have a last name, just rarely used. For Andrew it is Mountbatten-Windsor, which was the surname combining Elizabeth’s and Philip’s names for their non-titled descendants. Harry previously used Wales (given his father is the Prince of Wales) while serving in the military, but also seems to be using Mountbatten-Windsor now, which is what his kids use. They can also use the name of your dukedom, so Will and Kate’s kids often use Cambridge, and presumably Harry and family could have used Sussex prior to stepping away from the royal family.

      1. So many name changes! And to the men! I guess they can afford to re-do any monogramming.

      2. So what is Meghan’s legal name? Or is she still Meghan Markle? I love that you guys all know this and are just as into this!

   7. Princes Andrew, William and Harry and many others in the royal family use the last name Mountbatten-Windsor. But I’m pretty sure you could also style a complaint “Prince Andrew, Duke of York.”

   8. Didn’t Princess Beatrice work for some firm in NYC for a while and on the firm bio she was just listed as “Beatrice York,” no reference to her being a British royal and stuff?

   9. The British royals use Windsor or (if descendants of the Queen) Mountbatten-Windsor in most cases, but there’s some variation. William, Kate, and their kids use Cambridge as their surname when they need one, apparently, but I think both princes used Wales (their father’s title) as their surname during their military service (they didn’t have their ducal titles then).

   10. Both William and Harry used the last name Wales when they served in the military. I can’t remember if Andrew used York as a last name, but I think his daughters have.

   11. Back to your original question – my small hometown has two families with the same surname – mine and another. All fine, except that while my younger brother is named Brendan, they have a son of about the same age named Brandon. (Not the real names but same idea). Completely unrelated! It used to cause so much confusion at places like the opticians that we went to infrequently but had record keeping responsibilities

   12. Follow-on random British naming question: I always thought having like 3 middle names was a royals-only thing, but I read the Times of London frequently and the birth announcements often include multiple middle names (and the kids do not appear to be titled or royal). For example, today’s births are Buddy Arthur Joseph (last name Bowry) and Frederick Oliver (last name Jenner). Is it normal in the UK to have a whole bunch of middle names? Bc in the US you generally have one (if any).

       1. I’m grading papers right now and was also struck by this – our grading system shows all the middle names and loads of students have double multiple middle names. I assumed it was a Catholic thing based on demographics at my university. But maybe it’s Catholic or posh (to have announcement in the Times)

          1. A substantial minority of my friends growing up had more than one middle name – often the second one was a family name or a mother’s maiden name. (South of England, bourgeois upper middle class, I guess!)

       2. I always thought so but basing this largely on Wendy Moira Angela Darling (Peter Pan; def. not royal).

          1. Random trivia: Wendy as a name originated with the Wendy character from Peter Pan.

             Moira will always be Moira Rose to me. But that could be a good crossover with Keeping Up Appearances with the flower name.

       3. It’s the same in Sweden. Three first names are quite common, about 40 percent of the kids, I think.

          The Swedes still have aristocratic habits, though, so there’s also the four names or more group.

       4. My kids have two middle names but one always gets dropped (my last name, unfortunately)

       5. My husband is a German count ( well, he was born in Canada and titles were abolished and incorporated into the name in Germany in 1917-ish but you get the idea) and our kids have three given names.

          It is extremely common in aristocratic Germans and rare in the rest of German society. We have German Au Pairs and 99% don’t have a middle name at all.

   13. I went to college with a European princess, and she was listed in the student directory as “OfBulgaria, Princess Anne,” which i thought was funny. (Changed the names, but you get the idea.)

10. For those that set up your own firm, how did you find your clients? When did you make the jump? Coming from a biglaw background, with my practice area being rather institutional (private funds), I realized I am good at what I do and my end goal would be to open my own firm. Is that crazy? Any feedback is welcome (reality check included)!

    1. My husband has his own firm and spends probably 50% of his time networking. There are formal groups (like pro visors), he’s involved with the state bar and chairs committees and does CLE presentations, keep up with former colleagues (he’s also former biglaw). I’m also a lawyer so we host a lot of parties with business/professional guests (in before times, obviously) and cross network – we have the same practice area so a lot of overlap. It’s pretty exhausting unless you’re very extroverted, but it works. It’s a lot of letting a lot of people know who you are and what you do.

    2. I’m not sure I know any solos in the funds area, especially on the GP side. I think the most equivalent might be finding a firm with a decentralized leadership and shopping yourself to them as a “pre made funds practice” who just needs a first year and some paralegal access to get off the ground. I was 95% GP side for years, am now in house as an institutional LP. There are some smaller 1-3 lawyer LP-side funds practices, but they’re similarly all at larger firms.

       If you want to give it a go, and don’t have in house experience at a manager, I think you’ll be spending a LOT of your time networking and cutting deals at first. There are so many very cheap GP counsels who lose money for their firms, but whose firms keep them on in order to keep the private M&A business. I suspect it will be very hard to compete with those rates. I’m sorry to be a downer, and I’m sure there’s something I’m not thinking about, but this sounds like a hard sell. Perhaps if you found some deal folks and opened or joined a boutique?

       1. I’d also think about you’re competent to practice in and what you need specialists for. Even if you’re the best funds lawyer in the business, do you have an LLM for tax work? do you know ERISA? who would you use for offshore law? Can you write Delaware law opinions or are you only barred in NYS?

          1. +1 to both of Cornellian’s posts. I think funds is tough to do as a solo.

    3. Here’s the reality check (from somebody whose husband has his own firm): The most important thing to know is that when you open your own firm, you are becoming a business owner so you will have to handle personnel matters, office leasing, supplies, taxes, IT, and yes, marketing — all the stuff that your firm does for you now. It will take up at least half of your time and a whole potload of your money. If you can’t/don’t want to do that, then don’t open your own firm.

       1. Yes to all of this. I’m the consultant who posted below.

    4. Thanks all. All these are really helpful. That is what I was suspecting. That I may have to retool to be able to go solo. Perhaps do an LLM and become a tax lawyer…

    5. I’m a consultant, not an attorney, but when I did this I just made it a goal to connect with people in my network and let them know what I was doing. The work followed. Not in a steady flow but in a feast or famine sort of way, which I’m still learning to deal with!

    6. Not law, but CPA with my own tax practice. I built a solid book of business working for a firm, so that I had a starting point; both of income and also quality referral sources. I wouldn’t want to go out on my own without feeling like I really know how to bring in clients, and had enough lined up to keep the business afloat for a while.

11. Chicagoans: any news subscriptions that are worth it? I’m constantly hitting paywalls for local news, but I don’t really want to pay for all the local newspapers either. I’d think I’d like to pick one? For national news I have a subscription to NYT, are there any other national news sites that people think are worth subscribing to?

    1. I’m not in Chicago but I’m always in favor of subscribing to local news! I’m in a different big city with a large news market and I think staying apprised of local issues is so important.

       I also worked on my high school paper with someone who is now a reporter for our city’s paper so I think that’s pretty cool.

       1. I agree with this. I don’t know the Chicago news market, but if there is a good local independent news outlet, support it. Mentally (not legally, not for taxes) I consider my subscriptions to good local independent news outlets to be part of my charitable giving bucket. Their watchdog function is very important to making communities work well.

    2. I’d pay for as much local news as you can if you want it to keep existing.

       1. This. I pay for the Los Angeles Times and the local Pasadena paper even though I get most of my news elsewhere.

          1. YES! Thank you all.

             OP- How is it that you can’t pay for local news?

    3. WGNtv [dot] com is free and excellent at covering daily news. The Sun Times online subscription is relatively affordable – about $30 a year.

       I really appreciate Crain’s Chicago Business, but I got work to comp it because it is $169/year and it covers professional/industry news for a number of sectors.

    4. I like Block Club Chicago and subscribe even though all the content is free. I used to subscribe to the Trib, but their site is just so insanely inundated with ads (even if you subscribe) that it’s a pain to read for me, so I got rid of it. Also, I feel like they unfortunately have like maybe 2 interesting local articles a week then fill up the rest with random national stuff that is much better from the NYT.

       1. Agreed – Ads on the trib have gotten crazy! Lately there’s been a full-page ad covering the entire screen that takes very careful scrolling to get to the x to close it out.

          1. Yes, it’s so annoying! (I know I’m in Seattle, but Chicago is where my family is, and I can’t stand when my mom sends me Trib articles anymore!)

    5. I think WBEZ and the sun times just united forces. I’d consider that plus your local daily herald.

    6. I subscribe to the Tribune. I would recommend the wbez newsletter, which is free, but you can pay for supporting their reporting.

       1. Possibly a better alternative than going all in with Sun Times or Trib, both of which I find short on substance lately. And WGN radio/TV has gone all conservative in the daytime and slightly jumped the shark.

          1. Didn’t Alden (that awful hedge fund buying up newspapers and basically selling everything off for “profit”) acquire the Tribune in 2021? Once Alden enters the game, it’s game over (see my local newspaper – the Baltimore Sun).

    7. I also like Block Club and then maybe WGN. I pay for NYT and Wapo, and think there is value in supporting local news sources, but I find the Trib and the Sun Times so substandard that I refuse to pay for them.

    8. I have fond memories of getting the daily Trib at home (anybody else remember the Kids section in the Sunday paper?) I had paper subscriptions to the Trib in the past, but delivery was spotty at three different addresses. I would love to support them, but considering I received the paper maybe 30% of the time it was supposed to be delivered, I discontinued it. Their journalism quality has also taken a nosedive over the past decade.

       To get my local news, I listen to (and sometimes read the website of) WBEZ and also access Tribune and Sun-Times articles through my public library. I get the Sunday NYT for my physical paper fix.

12. Does anyone have recommendations for a lawyer or firm that can advise as to setting up a solo practitioner medical practice in NYC? Basic help with entity formation etc needed, nothing too sophisticated.

    1. I think you need a business accountant more than anything else. They can advise. Keep in mind NYC has specific tax issues that don’t exist outside of the city (LI, etc.). Talk to other solos/small firms in this field to see what else you need (malpractice insurance, website hosting, etc.).

13. Can anyone comment on the quality of Torrid tops? I admit I haven’t looked at their selection in ages, but took a look given today’s post. I was pleasantly surprised to see a lot of tops/blouses that I like, and the prices are better than some (superficially) similar options like NYDJ pintuck blouses that I have and enjoy. Any thoughts?

14. My best friend is dealing with an undiagnosed GI illness and is really struggling. She’s seen so many doctors and been on so many medications and its only gotten worse. She’s on an extremely restrictive of the few foods that aren’t supposed to be triggers, but she is still in pain all the time.
    I am at a loss for how to support her. She thanks me for listening and that having someone to vent to really helps, but I wish I could help her find solutions, you know?

    1. This varies a lot from person to person, but I have similar medical conditions and one thing that would help would be if someone who really understood what foods I could eat came up with some recipes or take out options that I could safely eat. It sounds dumb when I write it out but sometimes its just so complicated to figure out a range of options.

    2. I’m so sorry she’s going through this.

       I am not a fan of it when gastroenterologists push restrictive diets as the only remaining solution when they haven’t reached a Dx. A lot of tests in GI medicine aren’t particularly sensitive, so sometimes they rule out things when they shouldn’t. Other times, they literally just never tested for stuff they could have tested for.

       Maybe they really did their best though, and this is the best they could do. In my experience, undiagnosed illness often starts to be regarded as “fake” by doctors who are frustrated that they cannot figure it out… it is often a stage I guess on the path to a real diagnosis to have one’s symptoms doubted at some point. So it may really mean a lot that you believe her.

    3. Honestly, as someone who has had health issues, you don’t need to find solutions for her. It’s exhausting how many well-meaning people “suggest” things to you. Unless she’s somehow suffering from diminished capacity and can’t research on her own, or specifically asks you to do so, just leave that be. Be her support, her sounding board, and help her out. But don’t try to “fix” it.

       1. I guess the thing I’m confused about is what the line is between helping and trying to “fix” it.
          I don’t suggest “remedies” or medications (as I have no education to have any idea what I’m talking about) or make assumptions about what foods she can or can’t eat, but I have suggested things like finding a different doctor when one seems unhelpful or a finding therapist that specializes in chronic illness. Is that doing more harm than good?

          1. IMO, yes.

             1. +1. It would be maybe different if you had gone through something similar and really had an exact doctor or therapist that you know from actual experience really helped you (and even then just mention it once and move on!)….
                But there is SO much nuance here that even as a best friend I am sure you are not privy to, including insurance limitations etc. that this is likely not helpful.

          2. Yeah, at a certain point getting “helpful” advice from literally everyone- and chronically ill people often experience this- becomes really irritating, even when I know it’s from a place of care or concern. If she wants help, make it clear you’re open to helping but don’t push her.

             1. +1. I am in the ear.y stage of dealing with a currently undiagnosed GI issue and OMG so many people without medical training offer unsolicited advice. Be sure they check the kidneys! Are you sure it isn’t an appendicitis like my friend had? Have them check for parasites. Sounds like an aneurysm. I have an alternative medicine person you could see.

                I have a medical team I trust, and for Reasons I am not ready to pursue alternative approaches that I likely will pursue later, if some upcoming tests don’t find answers. It is a pain in the a** to explain why I don’t wish to follow up on their unsolicited advice right now.

                Takeaway: ask whether someone dealing with a medical condition wants input before you give it.

    4. I went through this for the better part of the past two years. It sucks! Eat Yourself Healthy by Dr. Megan Rossi was one of the more informative books that helped guide discussions with doctors. You really have to be your own advocate. Sad to admit this, but looking back, I wish my (male) partner had come with me to appointments. I felt like I would have been taken more seriously. Hope things improve for your friend soon.

    5. As someone with a different chronic pain condition, I think that it’s really important to have friends that just accept that my life has changed and that there are things that are hard for me and that’s just how it is. It sounds like she’s a little earlier in her experience with this condition and does want to talk about it a lot, but I’ve generally found that I do better when I don’t have people constantly offering suggestions or telling me how sad it is that I can’t do certain things. I’ve started avoiding those people in favor of people who are generally sympathetic, but just accept things as they are. I do really appreciate people who go out of their way to accommodate me when we get together, like being happy to avoid loud places with bright lights or coming to me instead of making me go to them, since travel is hard.

       The problem with pain is that it’s often self perpetuating- a minor issue causes some small pain, which triggers an increase in pain sensitivity and muscle tension, which just continues to increase, even though there’s technically “nothing wrong.” There often are triggers, but that’s not what “causes” the pain, it’s that you’re in a hypersensitive state where even minor things cause pain. It can really help to avoid triggers, but when you focus too much on them, it gets people into a difficult mindset where they feel like they’re always responsible for making themselves sick, and that’s not really a fair way to think about it. I did say it’s annoying when people are always offering solutions that are really obvious or I’ve already tried, but I will still make one suggestion here, since it is a little out of the norm: think about trying physical therapy, if she and/or her doctors think it might help. I’ve been seeing a pelvic floor PT and mine works with lots of people with abdominal and GI issues. Based on the type of things I’m doing, it seems like it could help break the pain cycle in ways that are different than meds, diets, or general activities like yoga (which actually makes a lot of my issues worse). And in case she’s concerned, my PT is just abdominal, hip, thigh, and back focused and doesn’t involve any penetration, since that’s not where my issues are, but I assume that this varies depending on the type of pain.

       1. Plus 1,000 to your whole comment, especially your description of how small incidents trigger more pain given a system that’s hypersensitive to every stimulus.

          I would add that it’s so helpful when people understand that my constant pain really is always there, and don’t say things like “Still? But you were doing so much better” when I mention that it’s worse today/this week/these last 3 months. And those who really understand that I have no ability to predict how much pain I’ll be in tomorrow or even later today are the best – they accept that I’ll participate when I can and welcome me when I do.

    6. Are you a doctor? If not, don’t even try to find solutions for her, you’ll just cause more trouble for her.

15. Just a whine:

    Dear trade organization,

    I do not need to hear from you multiple times a week, every week of the year. Your emails consisting of, “A new webinar on our new report!”, “Don’t forget our webinar!”, “Last chance for the webinar!”, “Here’s the webinar if you missed it!”, “Did you want the replay link?”, ad nauseum make me very angry. I read your email the first time – or the second time – and either cared or didn’t. Stop spamming me. For the love of heaven, please create an option to get fewer emails from you. I need to know what you’re up to; I don’t need to hear from you every day.

    1. So I am liberal with creating Outlook rules for orgs like this. Anything from their domain name goes straight to a designated folder. I check it weekly and otherwise ignore.

    2. Unsubscribe.

    3. Dear member,
       I said these exact words to our leadership ad nauseum. I did my best and went to bat for your inbox so many times (because, I, too, have an inbox full of unnecessary emails from the association-of-associations), but I lost because the volunteer board that runs the place insists that sending more emails or getting more creative with the subject line would solve all of its member engagement problems. They liked the staff to be busy sending emails, despite proven evidence from its own data that peer-to-peer networking spearheaded by the board was the most effective form of outreach. Alas…
       Sincerely,
       The comms manager at your trade industry that got fed up, too.

16. Remind me that it’s never a good idea to agree to stay at a job after giving notice. I know this to be true (I think?), and yet I need the reminder.

    There have been a couple of weird / slightly off-putting (but not dealbreaker) interactions with the new place since I accepted the offer. Which is making this harder.

    My gut is that it’s done now and I shouldn’t second-guess myself at this point. Does that sound right? I know it’s tricky without more detail.

    1. Did your current place counteroffer you? Is staying even an option? Generally the advice is to not stay because once the current company knows you’ve been looking around to the point of accepting another offer, you’re not longer considered “loyal,” the money they have to pay you to match another offer may put you out of synch with your peers, so you can expect lower raises in the future, and just personally, once you start imagining your working life at the new place, it’s really hard to go back to the same old same old.

       What were the offputting things new company did?

       1. Yes, they are trying to get me to stay.
          Hard to give details about the off-putting things at the new place without completely outing myself, but basically the owner sent me some wrong information that led to some issues. Got it worked out but it was uncomfortable and stressful. I also learned of some significant changes happening within the (very small) business when they were announced publicly just days after I accepted. Possibly just an oversight but has left me wondering why it wasn’t at least mentioned. Weird stuff like that.

          1. I rarely say stay, but those are big flags. I’d accept the counter and stay.

          2. In this case I would accept the counteroffer and stay. The shifting sands after you accepted the offer make me very concerned. As is the “very small business” part – if it’s that small, they should have been able to discuss the changes with you before you accepted. Especially if you’ll be moving into a high-level role. I think you’re heading into a bad situation and you’re being thrown a lifeline that will get you out of it. I’d grab the lifeline. And I normally advise people against ever taking a counteroffer.

          3. If the changes weren’t rolled out publicly when you interviewed, it may have been awkward for the organization to share them with you at that time. In theory you could have shared the information with people, thus creating complications if the news got back to people who weren’t supposed to know it yet.

             I am not saying you would have done that, but depending on the nature of the changes, I can understand why an organization may have waited to tell you about them.

    2. Where the offputting things from your new manager or HR? If HR, I would just let it go. iME, HR sucks at a lot of jobs. I’m not sure why that is, but I’ve run into a lot of incompetent HR professionals. Once you start, you don’t have to deal with them often and I wouldn’t let that turn you off

    3. Don’t do it!

    4. I’ve accepted counteroffers and remained happy. I guess it depends on why you want to leave, but more money and responsibility has kept me happy.

17. Vacation planning for July, when things should be easier (we hope): We’d love to find a resort, or ski area with summer activities, for us and our kids (4 and 5 year olds) and my parents. We could certainly rent a house if the right activities are nearby. — hiking, swimming, horseback riding (maybe) , boating (maybe). Hope is that the grandparents could watch the kids sometimes, but will not ask them to be full time babysitters. Some ski areas used to have actual daily kids’ programs, but can’t tell from websites if they were any good, and also looks like activities that are geared towards somewhat older kids. Location: we’re currently about two hours north of NYC, and prefer to drive not more than 4 hours or so, so maybe Vermont, Poconos, upstate NY. We love the Berkshires, but the feel/landscape are too similar to where we live to feel like a getaway. Thanks so much for your suggestions,

    1. I’d push the distance and go to Mont Tremblant

    2. What about the Trapp Family Lodge in Vermont?

    3. Tyler Place vt? Silver Bay YMCA?

    4. Rocking horse ranch if you want more of a destination than home rental.

    5. Tyler Place!

18. Anyone do/start/attempt a kitchen reno recently? Am I out of my mind? Let’s assume I have the cash (I don’t know, but let’s just say that’s the case), but do I have the TIME?? Horror stories are appreciated.

    *Back story: we are thinking of purchasing a home whose kitchen has been largely untouched for 60 years (one owner). We would need to do at least a partial renovation of the kitchen before moving in to relocate the fridge to somewhere that’s actually in the kitchen.

    1. If you can do it before moving in (and can go for awhile without moving in), go for it. I love a good reno – it’s so fun to make it your own. BUT, it is definitely a tough time to renovate. There is a real serious issue in both the labor force and supply chain. You will likely get hung up on something weird (like some bolt that is necessary but minor and cannot be sourced anywhere). My bathroom reno (full gut) this year took over 7 months.

    2. Lots of things to consider, but one unique to now is how long you can afford to own the house while waiting for this to be done, given appliance supply chain issues. Will you be fine with your choices being limited to in-stock items (limited being the key word here)? Or does the space require funky sized items even with a reno that will most likely need to be specially ordered? We updated our kitchen recently and had to buy some specific appliances due to space size limitations (that to correct would have made the redo scope significantly bigger) and it took months to get them. Like, 5 months in the case of our ovens. 2.5 months for our preferred cooktop even though it was listed as “in stock”…it just took that long to get to us from the warehouse I guess? Also, in both cases an item arrived damaged which in theory started the whole process again but that’s a longer story.

    3. Are you able to live elsewhere for an indeterminate length of time while it’s completed, or would you be living in the house while it happens? I wouldn’t start a renovation now unless the kitchen were genuinely unlivable and would gladly live with ugly and dated for a year (or two). You’ll end up waiting ages on contractors to be available and for appliances and cabinets to come in, along with high pricing. I’m betting prices won’t come down in the near future, but I bet availability and the supply chain will improve. Kitchen renos are enough of a headache in normal times.

       We had to replace our range last year after ours died. I was thrilled when it “only” took six weeks to arrive, but then that unit failed 24 hours after installation and we had to wait three more months for a replacement to arrive! We also had to wait over two months for a drywall crew to show up to fix some water damage in our ceiling. Our first contractor ghosted us, then the second one couldn’t get enough time or workers to complete the job for a few weeks. I can’t imagine what a soup to nuts kitchen reno would look like logistically right now!

    4. The best advice I got about renovating (pre-pandemic) was to double the cost and time estimate you get from the contractor.

    5. Because of the pandemic, you’ll need to be ready to be flexible on things like appliances. You’ll also need to have the time to bake in delays due to the pandemic.

    6. Our kitchen reno, which was projected to take 8 weeks took nearly a year. It was completely done in 8 weeks (cabinets, electrical, plumbing, appliances, etc.) with the exception of the counters. We picked slabs and paid for them. The countertop installer picked up the slabs and before he could cut and install them, he fell ill and was hospitalized. He sadly died a few months later and amazingly, we had to wait through some court probate proceedings regarding the business to get our counters.

       1. Why didn’t you just order new counters and sue the estate for your money back?

    7. you can do this in your own, yes. contractors are also in tight supply right now. learn basics like leveling cabinets, read some articles abd have patience. no matter who does it you’ll find something weird. it’s all geometry which i was not good at in school l but easier in 3d. good luck and let us know.

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