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Updated: Nov 1, 2018 218 Comments · by

Splurge Monday’s TPS Report: Contrast Stretch Wool Blazer

The Personal Shopper (TPS)

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Our daily TPS reports suggest one piece of work-appropriate attire in a range of prices. Yes, yes, we've seen this blazer before. It was the line down the back that got me, though, and the perfect, preppy pinkness of the piping. It's $495 at Saks. Pink Tartan Contrast Stretch Wool Blazer Seen a great piece you'd like to recommend? Please e-mail tps@corporette.com. (L-2)

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Comments

  1. Money Help

    Does anyone have recommendations for DC-area marriage counselors with evening or weekend hours? Husband and I are having huge fights about money that I fear are threatening our otherwise-solid marriage. Financial stability isn’t the problem — we both have well-paying jobs and no student debt. But we both grew up in families where money was even more taboo than sex, and WAS NOT DISCUSSED EVER UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES, so it’s a loaded subject and we basically just don’t know how to have a civil conversation about it without fighting. This is obviously a problem as we begin to think about having kids/buying a place/etc. Thanks in advance… I really appreciate any help.

    • Lourine

      You should NOT have sex with him until this is ALL straightened out. That should bring him to the table pronto.

      When I was in the same situation, I stopped having sex with my boyfriend. It got him all thinking to fix the issue. And he did. You have a lot of power over him. Use it!!

        • Monday

          This is not the first appearance of Ellen-oid “Lourine.” Just one more deft manner in which Ellen approximates “real” Corporettes: occasionally posting under different names when sharing sensitive information.

      • Batgirl

        Sorry, but that’s just ridiculous. I’m guessing this is Ellen or a troll, but in the event it’s not, I think it’s demeaning and kind of just sad to suggest that your only power in a relationship is sexual.

    • TCFKAG

      I don’t have a good marriage counselor recommendation.

      But what helps my husband and I talk about money is being very concrete about it and putting it down on paper. I.e., we keep detailed records in Quicken of what we spend and then we create excel spreadsheets of what we spend and what we save and what our goals are. That way we aren’t talking in hypotheticals (like “we should spend less money!!!” or “why do you shop so much!!!”) but instead (“we spent $x on food last month and $x on clothes, we need to cut back to $x and $x if we want to save $x towards buying the house).

      Its easier to talk rationally if their are hard numbers involved and it takes some of the accusatory feel out of it.

      • Miriam

        I think having it all down on paper is a very good idea. My b/f constantly says things like, “oh it’s only $20.” and I think that seeing how quickly those $20 add up will really get the point across.

    • Willow

      No counselor recommendations but I found the book Smart Couples Finish Rich by David Bach to be a good starting point for my husband and me when we first started having conversations about money.

      • Ruby

        Absent a counselor, I recommend the Gottman books. Or even consider traveling to one of their workshops, we really enjoyed it though are fortunate to be co-located but most attendees were visiting from out of state.

    • Seattleite

      Marriage counseling is a good idea, because the skills you learn WRT talking about money will serve you well in raising children, dealing with aging relatives, etc. But along with the counseling, please consider attending Dave Ramsey’s Financial Peace University. It’s under $200 for a 13-week course. The lectures identify why we react the way we do to money issues, how different approaches create conflict (and how to accommodate both approaches), etc.

    • Blonde Lawyer

      No counselor rec but my husband and I stopped fighting about money when we opened small separate checking accounts and put a monthly allowance in for each of us that we can spend on whatever. It stopped a lot of silly fights over what we were each spending the joint money on.

    • Lyssa

      You’re getting some interesting recommendations – whichever route you take, Money Help, I do hope that you will keep us posted on what you do and how well it works. (Sorry that I, too, don’t have a counselor to recommend :)

    • eaopm3

      On a related note:
      My sister and her LTR-boyfriend are getting ready to move in together soon. She told me yesterday that she wants some reading material about how they can get on the same page about finances. She is frugal, but he is something much more than frugal and it’s causing some issues already. Is there a blog or a book that would help them figure out how to communicate about this issue and then give them some tools to determine how to make a system that works for the two of them?
      (I feel like I could give her plenty of advice, but I definitely need to butt out of this and just send her what she asked for instead of being the overbearing big sis.)

      • CW

        The David Bach book recommended above – Smart Couples Finish Rich – has several sections in the beginning about figuring out what you want as a team, defining priorities, etc. It could be useful for her/them.

      • P

        I don’t know about actual, pre-written posts that concisely address the issue, but the blogger at A Gai Shan Life has dealt with the inverse of this issue – she married a man who was reasonably frugal, but she herself was crazy frugal. I bet your sister could reach out to her for some advice!

      • Esquared

        Blonde Lawyer’s recc above really helps for this type of situation: set up allowances & separate accounts that you don’t bother each other about & automating savings (which I’m sure is largely what the Bach book is about, because that’s his thing).
        I’m also on the more frugal one in our relationship and it really bugs me when my boyfriend buys certain things (ahem anime dvds). I’m not going to lie & say I totally love the separate accounts, because it still feels like it’s an encouragement to buy things you don’t really need & spend all you have in that particular account. But I know that we have agreed upon spending that much, it’s within our budget & I just don’t make comments on what he buys because of it, which eases the tension enormously.

    • KLG

      The Women’s Center. They have offices in DC and Vienna, VA and provide all kinds of counseling to both men and women, including couples/marriage counseling. www dot thewomenscenter dot org

      Highly recommend.

  2. b23

    I’ve mentioned this before, but I seriously love Pink Tartan. I love the designs, and more importantly, everything I’ve gotten from there has been of the highest quality. Of course, I can only buy it on sale, so this jacket is out of the running for me (even though I love it). But I highly recommend the brand!

    • Political anon

      I love this – pink + navy = swoon. I would seriously consider dropping some cash on it if it was on sale & had a steep discount. Must resist.

    • Bonnie

      Me too. I got a plaid Pink Tartan pencil skirt at Last Call about 5 years ago and it still looks like new.

  3. Cherly

    I found this bag on sale this weekend for $29.99! I love it…esp the “laptop sleeve” that’s perfect for my ipad.
    Aigner Mineral Tote

      • Anonymous

        I’ve been trawling the web looking for something like this! Yes, your link isn’t there but I’m keen to know where you found it so cheaply, and if they ship to Australia.

        • Cherly

          Sorry, I wish I could help you there.

          In Eastern US, there’s a “overstocks & seconds” store called Gabriel Bros. I love shopping there for everything from cheap kids’ play clothes to the occassional Awesome Find for Myself.

          This week I scored for both – $2 baseball practice pants and this awesome bag.

  4. b23

    So that link above about Sarah Palin’s emails is terrible. I get that most people don’t like her (and I’m not a big fan), but to criticize her personal emails to her husband that mention some of the troubles she’s had is flat-out inappropriate. Especially when she’s saying she’s having a hard time, money and marital problems, and the blogger writes “wah wah wah.” It makes me sad that we’ve come to this.

      • TCFKAG

        I think those links are person specific (based on our own traffic) so we’re not all going to see the same ones. But — I have to agree that Cafe Mom, from what little I’ve seen of her, seems like a title witch with a b.

      • Lyssa

        I’ve gotten sucked into clicking on those Cafe Mom posts so many times, and I’ve regretted it every single time. Never a bit of substance or anything thought-provoking, just pure, embarassing emoting dressed up as commentary. (I didn’t see the link that b23’s commenting on, though, given the whole she’s a conservative woman so that means she’s not actually a human being thing, I can only imagine.)

    • Bunkster

      I don’t have the link on my page, but I will say I watched Game Change last night on HBO and loved it.

      • cbackson

        I loved Game Change as well. It definitely humanized her a bit to me, which I wasn’t expecting.

        • anon prof

          Yes, when I think what a wreck I was 5 months post-partum, it puts her VP candidacy in a better perspective.

          • mamabear

            I had two reactions to that movie (excellently done, by the way)

            1) I can’t believe we came that close as a country to having a VP as completely unqualified as she is- and if the movie is accurate, not all that mentally stable, either. Not to mention VP to a septugenarian melanoma survivor.

            2) I was angry at the republican party for not really investigating her, and then putting her through the media circus and the individual interviews that made her look stupid and were undoubtedly h3ll for her family

            But, now that we’re four years out, she certainly has made lemonade of it. She has made tons of money trading on her personality, and no one would have ever heard from her if not for the campaign.

  5. TCFKAG

    So — suprising confession time.

    This weekend I went to the mall with my 16-year-old mentee (think “Big Sister-Little Sister” type thing) and she dragged me into Forever 21 and Wet Seal. Its probably been a decade since I’ve been in either one of those stores — and there was some surprisingly cute stuff! I mean, a lot of it was junk — but some of it was really cute, especially the costume jewelry and the accessories, but also some of the tops and stuff. And so cheap (so I don’t really care about the quality of it. :-)

    Not somewhere I’d shop for wardrobe basics, but if I ever needed “fun” clothes on the cheap, I might have to peek in there. And I’m no where even adjacent to 21. :-P

    • TCFKAG

      Oh — yesterday I just bought two opera length necklaces with pinkish glass (really plastic) beads — wanted to ease into it. Both necklaces were about $7 each — so good deal!

      • Sue

        FYI, I think Forever 21 was one of the stores with toxic levels of certain chemicals in their jewelry. (Caveats: toxic if you ingest, so worse for your baby to chew on the beads than for you to wear them over a shirt; “toxic” doesn’t mean you will necessarily die; etc.) I’m not going to link, but there have been a lot of articles about this recently; if you’re interested, search for toxic+chemicals+cheap+jewelry.

      • Anonymous NYer

        Love forever21 jewelry, this past season especially they seemed to really outdo themselves. The store often stresses me out (I have to be in the right *mood* to sift through the crap) but I shop online there occasionally. Unfortunately, their jewelry isn’t returnable (final sale, psht), but I figure that with 5 necklaces and 5 bracelets at $6 or less each, if one or two wind up being ugly or not working in person, they average out to like $7 or $8 each. Still a bargain. I get compliments on my forever21 jewelry all the time, both at work and for play.

      • Houda

        Yesterday I went to kid’s section in H&M and bought myself 2 flower pins (coral + muted pink) which I am wearing today next to my small bun.

    • PollyD

      Being more than twice 21, I am always afraid if I go into one of those stores, an alarm will go off: Crone! Crone! Crone!

      But I have been tempted, just for something colorful and fun to put with more age-appropriate items.

      • KC

        My mom had the same worries, but she humored me on a shopping trip a few years ago and found a few cute shells and a cardigan. If you don’t mind sorting through the tacky/cheap/poorly made stuff, you can usually find a fun piece or two. Sort of like thrifting (though I much prefer the latter!).

      • LawyrChk

        I actually love their sundresses for spring/summer. They are relatively modest and have held up great.

      • Sarah

        I always wonder what the sales people are thinking of me. I know I need to get over it. But can I just say my worst fear came true yesterday. I’m a size 14/16. I have an event coming up in the next day or two so swung into Ann Taylor hoping they would have something that would work. The sales lady approached me two seconds after I came in while I was looking at a dress and asked what I was looking for. I said I wasn’t sure–just looking. And then (with no other word from me) she proceeded to point me to a few different dresses and say they didn’t come larger than a 12. Thanks, lady, for eyeballing me and pointing out loudly that I am too fat for most of your store–like I didn’t know already. Grrr.

        • Terry

          Seriously, don’t worry about it. There are more important things in life than being a size 4. (And remember, your job is probably more interesting and remunerative than being an AT saleswoman.)

        • LB

          I have had a very similar experience in an Ann Taylor store. … It was awhile before I did any shopping after that experience that was not over the internet.

    • PharmaGirl

      Beware cheap costume jewelry. Recent reports are indicating that the most of the cheapo costume jewelry made in China contains chromium and nickel, some even have chromium and lead. It’s probably not an issue for adults who don’t put jewelry in their mouths but my toddler has a knack for finding and chewing on my jewelry. I’ve hidden most of it away but will now be tossing anything purchased at F21, H&M, et al.

      http://www.newsinferno.com/health-concerns/costume-jewelry-often-contains-toxic-lead-chromium-and-nickel/36213

    • Salit-a-gator

      This. Although as a size 8-10 it’s hard to find clothes that fit at Forever 21, I got two awesome skinny belts there for $3 each. Definitely a good place for accessories.

    • Monday

      Oops, I own not one, but two rompers from Forever 21. I justified them by saying for each, “this is ridic and probably bad quality, but at least it’s cheap!”

      They then became summer staples.

    • Woods-comma-Elle

      I have no shame in admitting I have some great finds from Forever 21. You have to have the energy to go through all the junk, but I have e.g. two blazers I wear to work all the time and they each cost around $15.

      • Susan

        I have a ton of basics from F21 — tanktops, cardigans, tunics, and cheap skinny jeans. Love them!

    • Esquared

      If you are in CA, go to the one in old town Pasadena– you will be blown away by how amazing it is.

    • Herbie

      Shameful confession: I shop at Forever 21, and I’m a professional in my 30s. Quality is low, but you can find cute stuff there that will last a season or two for a fraction of the price of J. Crew (which, unfortunately, has been headed the direction of only lasting a season if you get lucky plus being super expensive).

  6. First Day!

    Today is my first day as a new associate at a small-ish litigation boutique, after a year of experience in biglaw. This is my dream job and I really want to do well with it. Tips and advice from the hive? Goals I should be setting/things I should be doing for my first week/month/year? TIA.

    • Salit-a-gator

      Congrats!!! Small firm life is awesome as long as you like the personalities involved. To that extent, pay attention to the social norms, and assume that if you say something to one person the entire office will know it within 3 hours. Seriously. Other than that, my only advice as a new hire is to take the time to socialize with people – my smallish firm fired a lateral and people seriously talked about how “reserved” the new hire was. So make sure you ask people out to lunch in your first week, but keep all convos as chit chat levels until you learn who you can or cannot trust. Good luck!

  7. princess and the pea

    After realizing that ours has badly hammocked on his side, my DH and I need to buy a new mattress and bedframe. We were using a hand-me-down from a relative before, so neither of us has ever bought a mattress before, so I’m trying to navigate this expensive purchase. From what I can tell on Consumer Reports, the markup on mattresses is 100% or higher, so it seems we have a whole lot of bargaining to do to get the mattress down to a fair price. What a pain. Does anyone have mattress buying experience they’d care to share? Is no-bargaining lifetime-guarantee Costco better than going to a mattress store and bargaining? Has anyone splurged on a non-Costco, no-bargaining mattress like a Westin Heavenly Bed? I’m not personally interested in a tempurpedic – I slept on one a lot a few years ago, before I met my husband, and didn’t care for it at all.

    I’m also wondering about queen versus king. We have a queen, but adore sleeping in hotel kings because we enjoy personal space :). I’m also thinking that while we don’t have kids now, we will during the lifetime of the new mattress, and kids like to hop in bed with their parents sometimes, right? Does that only happen in the morning, or do kids like to sleep with their parents, too? I don’t think there’s any space for a kid with us in a queen. But kings are a lot more expensive, we’d need all new bedding (which is basically on its last legs anyway) and will be harder to fit in apartment-sized bedrooms. And we’d have to buy a more expensive bedframe for king size (our Ikea queen frame has died as well, so we need a new frame regardless). Thoughts??

    • Anon

      My middle son came in during the middle of the night (think 2-4pm) and crawled into bed with us from about age 3 to age 9. We had a queen bed, and were too tired to get up every night and move him! If your linens and frame need replacing anyway, I’d go for the king. We just replaced our mattress/box spring (with another queen), since I couldn’t bear to throw out expensive linens and try to match our dressers to a new frame. Sounds like there is a window of opportunity here that you shouldn’t miss!

    • anon

      We have always had quees size our whole married lives, but we have a king in our weekend place, and I’ve really come to appreciate the king. First of all, when our kids were little they would in fact hop into bed with us (even after they were old enough to hop there by themselves, and hubby is over 6 feet) and it does fit – but you will absolutely get kneed, elbowed, and generally thrashed with the toddlers and up. The king has enough room for the dogs to sleep on the bed too. No question you’ll need new linens and bedframe, but you can get good sets on the cheap at Marshalls or Overstock, and you can get by with two to start. The size issue is real though; lots of places (like our current master bedroom) would not comfortably fit a king. As for mattresses, no advice for you on price wrangling, but definitely go someplace like Sleepy’s and absolutely lie down on anything you’re considering no matter how self conscious you feel about it!

      • PharmaGirl

        The size issue is not only something to think about for the bedroom itself but for the stairway up to that room. Our stairs were damaged by the previous owners moving their queen frame out of the space and again by us moving a queen into the house.

        • NOLA

          I live in an old house with a stairway that turns and an awkward ceiling. I’ve had to send pieces of furniture back to the store that would not fit up the stairs. A mattress will go up my stairs because it will bend, but the box spring has to be hauled up over my second floor screened porch. Won’t go up the stairs – no way, no how.

          • PharmaGirl

            Ouch, that must have stung! My sister had to hoist furniture into her house with a crane and now the opening that they used has been filled in. She will never get the bedroom set out without opening up an exterior wall. The wonders of old houses! Can’t wait to see what evils lurk in my bathroom walls when we renovate.

          • NOLA

            I’ve had some hilarious moments over the years getting furniture upstairs. Bought a chair and a half and ottoman – too deep to go upstairs after I drove it home strapped in the back of a pickup truck. Two friends and one drunk guy on a ladder (scary) and we hoisted it up to the porch (the longest drop to the ground around my house). When I got rid of it several years later, my coworker’s husband lowered it in about 5 minutes by himself. Made me feel completely inadequate about my furniture-moving skills.

          • MissJackson

            NOLA, I think you and I live in the same house. I’ve also had to send furniture back that wouldn’t fit up the stairs!

          • MissJackson

            Also, NOLA, this doesn’t help you now, but maybe someday: you can buy a split box spring for a full mattress or a queen (usually they are standard for a king, but they make them for the smaller sizes, too) Want to guess why I know?

          • NOLA

            Yeah, that’s true, but the furniture guys have never been daunted by hoisting a box spring through the screened porch so I haven’t needed to do that. Now if I could just figure out how to do that with a dresser….

          • anon

            as I think about it, sometimes kings come with two twin-size half boxsprings instead of a whole king maybe? The mattress is one piece but the box spring is two. That might actually be easier to navigage around corners and up steep stairs…

    • Dawn

      Kings are a must!! We love ours. Buy two long twins to make a king, which is easier for moving. And yes, unfortunately our toddler sleeps with us all night.

    • rosie

      We bought a queen mattress w/split box in September (unintentionally ended up shopping in Labor Day weekend sales). Consumer Reports is right about the markup, and I am so glad we knew that going into it. We ended up getting a Simmons Beautyrest (I think this is what it’s called) that had an $1800+ ticket price for around $900 w/fancy mattress pad, delivery, and mid-range frame included.

      We were interested in a Stearns & Foster set, but they apparently set price floors where there is no room to go down, so we wanted to see other options. At our third store, they finally showed us something that would feel similar, but they could give us a better price on. We went to Sleepy’s, Mattress Discounters, and 1-800-Mattress (in that order, bought from 1-800-Mattress).

      Sleepy’s was not very good. Mattress Discounters was offering a couple of promos–$100 Target GC-type things–but we were more interested in just not spending the money to begin with. When we asked to try a mattress that would be like the S&F one we liked, we were shown one that didn’t have the separated coils (important to reduce how much you feel the other person move), and we felt we would have been buying the only option. We walked in to 1-800-Mattress, told the salesperson that we liked the S&F but it was out of budget, and he showed us several others. He came up with a price, it was still high, so we said we would run an errand and come back, he asked us to stay while he looked at it again, and he got it down to what we ended up paying.

      I think eventually we may want a king, but right now a queen is a better size for where we live, and we used to have a full, so a queen is already a nice upgrade. I remember my parents had a queen for most of my childhood, and we could still sit in bed with them and watch TV (although with 3 kids, 1 or 2 of us would be in a chair next to the bed).

      • rosie

        Also, I don’t know how old your current mattress is, but they are not supposed to sag that much, so you could consider contacting the manufacturer to send someone out to measure the sagging to see if it is normal or not.

      • rosie

        I keep thinking of more things, sorry!

        1. Ask the store what their return policy is if you decide after sleeping on the mattress for a few nights that it’s not as good as you thought. You might have to pay a restocking fee, maybe you can only return it if you use their special mattress pad, etc.

        2. My understanding is that Costco varies a lot store-to-store. Our local store didn’t have mattresses set up to test, so we would have to lift them off the shelf ourselves, and they didn’t have a great selection. If you have the time to call all the stores in your area to see what their selections are like, it might be a good option.

    • Godzilla

      We snuggled in with our parents on their full size bed so yeah, if you need space, go up to the king.

    • MissJackson

      My husband and I bought a new mattress/boxspring about 3 years ago, and overall it was a surprisingly pleasant experience. I recommend just walking into some stores and flopping down on some mattresses. First step is to decide what you actually like — price is only the second step.

      We were lucky in that oddly we did not like any of the quite expensive mattresses and actually preferred a more mid-range model. We didn’t do a lot of heckling on price, but we did get them to give us some extras at no additional cost (hinged mattress which we needed thanks to our 100+ year old staircase, split box spring for a queen). We’re personally very adverse to the hard sell, so we ended up buying at a place where they greeted us and said to let them know if we had questions or needed help, but otherwise basically left us alone.

      As to queen vs. king — I think it depends on how much space you have now and whether you really expect to move again. In our house we couldn’t really fit a king (and the idea of getting a king frame up the aforementioned staircase is somewhat questionable, too) so a queen was the default. If we had space, we would have bought a king. However, if you’re an apartment-dwellar the need to accommodate a king *might* be a big limiting factor in some locals (I think this varies a lot by city, though, so ymmv). I probably would have stuck with a queen in an apartment.

    • AIMS

      I recently went through this. It was not fun, I sympathize.

      We ended up getting our mattress at Sleepy’s for half price of what the sales price (so alleged $4K bed for about $1000) basically because we lucked out and they had an unused floor sample from a store that closed. It was totally like new. So something to consider… When they deliver it, you have a second chance to inspect it, too, and can reject it if anything is not to your expectations.

      Some tips: negotiate removal of your old mattress. They didn’t volunteer it, but it was easily done and actually they removed our old bed, too (ours was also falling apart).

      You may not need a box spring. I just assumed we needed one, not factoring in the bedframe, and now we have a super tall bed. I kind of hate it. So the lesson is if you have a bed frame, you may not need a box spring. Seems obvious, but it wasn’t to me.

      King vs Queen: I vote King. The only reason we didn’t get king is because we currently rent and NYC apartments often have ridiculously tiny bedrooms and we were afraid of being hindered by our bed on our next move. If I lived in probably any other part of the country, or knew we were staying put at least 5-10 yrs., I would not think twice about getting a king. (I know space can be weird anywhere, but NY apt. ads actually brag about a bedroom being able to fit a queen size bed and many times that is ALL that the bdrm. will fit). As far as price concerns, your bedframe/linens/etc. are one time investments (and you can spread out buying more linens) – but you will have the bed a long, long time, so the increased cost will be worth it over time because you will enjoy the bed so much more. Think of it as cost per wear.

      Type of bed: we didn’t go this route, but someone on here recommended the W bed website. I think similar to the Westin Heavenly bed, and they have frequent sales and promos. If you google “w bed coupon code,” you’ll usually find one for 30% off, so the whole cost will be under $1000.

      0

    • anon

      TJ to the TJ: has anyone tried at Saatva mattress? They keep showing up in my sidebar ads.

      BTW we bought a mattress from Sam’s Club three years ago, and I’m giving it mixed reviews. We were able to test in-store, and cost, delivery, and take-away of old mattress was excellent. But, its sagging a little already (not badly), which surprises me. I can’t remember the last time I bought a mattress before that, so three years might be ok.

    • Seattleite

      I love my sleep number bed. If you get a mattress with a pillowtop it doesn’t feel like an airbed at all. Base is completely optional (would be used in place of box springs). Bonus is that when it’s time to move, the entire thing disassembles and will fit into a wardrobe box. A standard king would never have made it past the hairpin turn in my stairs but my boxed-up sleep number king did!

      Team King all the way. Once you switch, you’ll wonder how you ever managed on a queen.

    • Ruby

      I love my latex mattress- like memory foam but not clammy and can’t hold allergenic mites etc. It is my favorite possession. Ours is called nature’s rest but don’t know if it’s still made.

      • karenpadi

        Ohhh. Memory foam. I love my memory foam pillow top. I way overspent on my first “real” mattress to the tune of $2800 (it was marked down from $5600 on clearance) but I don’t regret for a single second.

        My bed is nicknamed “the cloud”.

      • jcb

        I was just about to post asking about experience with latex matresses! I’ve been looking for a new mattress for ages and can’t seem to pull the trigger. They are SO expensive and how do you know whether it will last or give you backaches or turn lumpy?

        I decided against tempurpedic for various reasons, but really liked a super cushy latex mattress that I tried out at the store. Similar to the tempurpedic in that there are no pressure points, but it’s hypoallergenic and springier (and, no “outgassing” of chemicals) – I hate feeling like I’ve sunken into quicksand. Has yours developed any lumps? That seems to be a complaint of some online latex mattress owners – that it develops a small mountain in the center of the bed. Has it kept its springiness?

        • Ruby

          Mine feels perfect after 10 years. Yes I realize it is probably time to get another mattress in the next few years, but I would want my same exact one. It doesn’t have lumps or any problems. I stay at really fancy hotels on business travel and look forward to coming home to my bed. It is supportive yet comfortable. Husband loves it too. Seriously- our favorite thing. Someone asked me years ago what I’d do if could do anything right now and I said ‘get in my bed’ and someone else replied that people will think I’m depressed if I say that instead of ‘go to Hawaii!’ or something- but it is true. I love my bed so much.

          Got it at Sleepy’s for about $1200 back then. Didn’t know how negotiable mattresses were til reading this- feel stupid now!

      • EC MD

        We have a latex mattress that I am extremely unhappy with. We bought it last summer and its got horrible indentations and a big hump in the middle. We are now sleeping in our guest room on a cheap IKEA mattress that is way more comfortable. I have heard others with this complaint, but I know some really like it.

    • Emily I

      Speaking as someone who gives birth to unusually large and fast-growing children, the king-sized mattress was the BEST investment of our lives. With kids ages 8, 6, and 3, we only sleep the whole night through without “company” one or two nights a week. If you like personal space and can fit a king in your bedroom, I think a king is a no-brainer!

    • Anonymous

      Honestly, the most comfortable mattress DH and I have ever owned is our $150 Ikea mattress. We splurged on an organic wool topper (not from Ikea, from somewhere online) and it’s an amazing combination.

      Another reason we went with Ikea: most mainstream mattress companies use brominated flame retardants and loads of other toxic materials. IKEA uses a different type of flame retardant and fewer chemicals in general – from what I understand, they follow stricter European standards for VOCs, but still have to add flame retardants to comply with US laws.

      Anyway – I never thought I’d be happy with such a “cheap” mattress, but love it.

    • princess and the pea

      Thanks for all the great advice so far. I’m especially appreciative of tips to think about the stairs to the bedroom, and that box springs can come “split” for manueverability. Also good to know that my vague understanding that kids like to get in their parents beds is based in fact, so we should plan accordingly. We’re in an urban apartment in a city, and while a king fits in our current bedroom, we may have to move one more time before we can finally afford to buy a condo, so having a king bed will certainly limit our choices in our next place. I am just having a hard time seeing buying a queen to get through the next couple years before we buy a condo, at which point we will really want that king bed, both for personal space and eventual kids. It sounds like a king is the consensus.

      Is a box spring necessary for a traditional spring mattress? We don’t have one for our present mattress, and now I’m wondering if that is part of the reason it is sagging. Then again, the current mattress is also about ten years old, which I understand to be past its expiration date.

      And I guess we’ll have to start looking at real bedroom furniture, too. If we’re going for the king bed, we need a new frame, and we will hopefully have it for a long time, so we’ll want something that lasts. Furniture prices really make my skin crawl… cheap particleboard or very expensive real wood. Sigh. I guess we’re stuck with our stained couch a few more years.

      • ChristinaMD

        re: split box springs… make sure you have a frame that provides ample coverage for the splits, if that’s the route you take. I moved into an older home in October and my low profile box spring doesn’t make it upstairs by like 2″. Phooey ;)

        Went out and bought splits. I have a metal frame connecting a head board and foot board, but the only cross metal bar is in the center of the bed, and although I have 1 x 4″ wooden beams, the splits sag in the center near the headboard, since my upper body is the bulk of me weight. I’ve long suspected a second person might even out the weight distribution and has added to my increased need a SO :) but just something to be aware of with the splits…

  8. AIMS

    I’m having a hard time imagining how I would wear this blazer. As styled, it’s way too preppy for my tastes. I can see how it could look cute with a navy bottom but finding a complimentary navy would be hard, I think. And the piping takes it out of the runny for a lot of other options I would normally do with a navy blazer.

      • Susan

        Lovely blazer, but model’s facial expression is hilarious. She looks nonplussed and maybe a little miffed.

        I think she hates the entire look, thinks it’s too old for her, and is calculating how much she makes per hour to make the photoshoot bearable.

    • AnonInfinity

      I agree, except I love the way it’s styled. I just wouldn’t want to have to wear it with pink pants every time. Hmmmmm.

    • Cat

      I can see it with a summery gray or khaki. Or, super preppy, with seersucker.

      Speaking of… AIMS, I think it was you who linked to a BB seersucker dress last week. I couldn’t get it out of my head and just pulled the trigger.

      • AIMS

        Oh I am going to live vicariously through you! That made me smile. Please report on how it fits. I didn’t try it on, but am still thinking about it. I have a black seersucker dress from BB that I bought last year, and it is one of my all time favorite things to wear. I hope you have similar success with this one :)

        • Cat

          I really really hope the sizing works out. Based on the size chart, I ordered a 4 (and would likely have also ordered the 2 if it were in stock) – the 4’s measurements were almost right on (my hips are slightly wider), but I don’t know how roomy this one runs. Will post feedback when it arrives!

        • Bunkster

          I have a BB seersucker dress, too. It’s probably close to 10 years old now.

          • a passion for fashion

            I have a BB one w/ a matching jacket from 2005. Alas, 1 wedding and 2 babies later, I can no longer fit into the tiny size 0. Ive held on to the dress for unknown reasons, but the jacket still fits so long as i dont button it :)

    • Eleanor

      Grey/charcoal on the bottom?

      I like this blazer a lot, but it’s short enough that I’m afraid it would emphasize my hips, somehow.

  9. Lulu

    Just have to vent my weekend story. I have been with my husband for twenty years. Prior to him, there was an ex-boyfriend from highschool. Well, we ran into eachother for the first time and it was so awkward as we had a bad breakup. He was a terrible boyfriend- very obsessive/jealous, cheating on me, using me as a bank, and was threatening against my guy friends. We both had our children with us, and his wife was in the distance. We chatted quickly until I could escape. Well, hours later, he tracked me down on linkedin (not sure how he figured out my married name) and sent me an invite saying he’d like to meet for coffee and catch up. Then another few hours later, he actually joined twitter and tweeted me on my business account to not be a stranger. I feel a little stalked and I am ignoring his messages. Yes, he could have changed and be harmless, but i am creeped out. This situation is taking up too much time in my head! Any other similar stories? Sorry for the threadjack.

    • cc

      I’d be creeped out for sure. A regular person would not do that, its sending up major red flags. I would def not respond, and I’m going to save the advice giving for some of the other corporettes who I know have some good advice about it, but wanted to confirm that I don’t think you are overreacting, I think that is very creepy and I am guessing a control issue. (he saw how happy you were and has a need to get back to controlling your emotions)

    • AIMS

      I would just ignore him for now. He’s probably being friendly in his own misguided way. Unless he does something like show up at your home or workplace, I think you can probably ignore him and he will get the hint.

      Luckily, I dodn’t have any exes likes this, but I did go to a birthday party a few years ago, where I ran into a guy I knew in H.S. We never dated officially, but we were friendly for a time and I think he had a bit of a thing for me. Well, somehow he got my number and he started calling me almost every day. Quickly, he started to leave creepy messages like, “AIMS, this is So-and-So, call me back at once,” or “I don’t understand why you won’t return my calls.” But I just screened his calls and he stopped after a couple of weeks. Obviously, if you start seeing any other red flags, be wary; but I wouldn’t panic about it just yet. Maybe he just wants to make up for how douchy he was to you in high school.

    • Calico

      I always joke that the only people who contact me through my business website are my ex-boyfriends. Imagine my surprise when I was contacted through the site by my mother’s ex-boyfriend! Seriously. That’s what I hate about social networking.

      It’s possible that your ex would like to see you to apologize for his past transgressions. I had an ex do that with me once- but he chose to apologize on the spot in a waiting room where we ran into each other. The other people waiting were GLUED to our conversation. Mortifying.

      Don’t feel obliged to call him. If he creeps you out then move on.

    • Susan

      You’re right to be creeped out. Sheesh. He’s still a creep and a jerk. Avoid, ignore, but save everything, keep a record, just in case he does decide to be full-on stalkery. You’ll want the evidence.

      I really feel sorry for that woman who married with him and had kids with him.

      • Susan

        “married to” not “married with.”

        So much for basic English. must…get…caffeine….

  10. Midwest

    My brother is getting married today. It’s practically an elopement — brother and his fiance, both sets of parents, no siblings, no grandparents. We are a close family, and my sisters and I are really hurt and disappointed that we’re not there. I probably wouldn’t be taking it so hard, except that recently, it seems like his fiance is calling all the shots about major decisions affecting both of them, and frankly, we’re worried. Brother claims that he wanted us there, but fiance didn’t want siblings present because she’s not close to *her* brothers and didn’t want to invite them. Anyway, I know how bad this sounds, like I’m blaming my new sister-in-law when I know full well my brother was a part of this decision, too. (Trust me that there’s more to the story about their relationship and how strange it’s become, but I won’t bore you with the details.) If another Corporette described this situation, I’d be able to give a million rational reasons why she needed to get over it already, but when it involves someone I love dearly, it doesn’t feel great at all. I took the high road and called him last night to congratulate him, but this just sucks.

    • Always a NYer

      Hugs, this situation really does suck. This is only meant honestly, and from experience, so please take this as it is. If your brother really wanted you there, he would have taken a stand against his fiance and told her that his sisters were invited, end of story. But, he didn’t, instead he let her tell him how this would happen and completely gave in. My family has this situation with my uncle and his wife (yes, they’ve been married 20+ years with two kids and none of us ever warmed to her, nor her to us). Nothing gets done without running it by her first and its extremely insulting and hurtful, especially to my grandmother because she feels as if she’s not valued by her son.

      Remember, this isn’t about you, it’s about your brother being weak. At the end of the day, be glad you aren’t the one getting married to her. If she’s this controlling and demanding now, he’s in for one hell of a marriage. More hugs and <3

    • TCFKAG

      Oh that sucks. Vent away. Here’s the thing — rational TCFKAG would say “well, my brother and his soon-to-be wife get to do whatever they want, its their wedding, and she’s going to be my sister-in-law so I have to make the best of it. But irrational TCFKAG would say “I don’t get to be at my BROTHER’S wedding? GRARRRR!!!”

      So I feel you. :-P

    • Susan

      Hey dearie, sorry this is happening to you and your family!

      Good on you for taking the high road– that took a lot of graciousness and self-control, and yeah, I’m with ya, I would be worried about your brother. But who knows, this could just be wedding craziness, maybe the fiancee will come around in the future. At the end of the day, though, your brother has made his choices. We can’t save people from themselves, they have to want to be saved.

    • anon

      Well, I didn’t go to my brother’s wedding either (law school exams).

      They’re now divorced. Direct causation? Probably not. But exSIL is/was not a very nice person (long TMI stories, etc).

      • CA Atty

        Very much this. I once knew a guy who did not invite his own father to his wedding. The reasons were two-fold; 1) he had only known the girl for about 6 months; and 2) he was getting married on his father’s wedding anniversary and his mother, deceased, had specifically asked him NOT to get married on that day. He knew dad wouldn’t approve, so he just avoided the whole thing by calling afterwards “hey dad, got married yesterday” “WTH!?!?”

        She moved out within 6 months, the divorce was finally final about a year later. Bad feelings still linger another year later.

        Your SIL sounds horrible, but your brother is letting her. It sucks but you have two choices, and it sounds like you’ve already made the “right” one (at least the right one for you!) take the high road because when they get divorced you still want to be in your brother’s life.

        Good luck!

    • Midwest

      Thanks for your wise words, ladies. I’ve been feeling really low and all your words of wisdom help, truly.

    • Anonnc

      Just to balance out some of the other perspectives: my brother and his wife eloped to Hawaii without inviting parents or me or my other brother (my SIL is an only child). At the time, I was really disappointed, as were my parents. I’ve come to understand my SIL’s perspective better over time, and she has been an excellent daughter-in-law to my parents and aunt to my daughters and– as far as I can tell from the outside– a loving wife for my brother. We’re not that close, but I chalk it up to my being kind of prickly and her being kind of sensitive (plus geographical distance and a 10 year age difference). Try to keep an open mind!

    • Ruby

      I can see why this is hard for you, but try to remember it isn’t about you- it’s about them. I got married at city hall for reasons some of which were very private that could not be shared even with close family and simply didn’t have bandwidth to be concerned about everyone else’s feelings. His life, his marriage- try to just respect their decisions and move on with your day. It doesn’t mean they don’t care about you AT ALL- it is just how this particular situation is going. It was really hard when months and years later people made comments to me about our ‘secretive’ marriage- even though we had a huge reception the following year- when they had no idea about what we were going through at the time and frankly it was none of their business. Again- not about you.

    • lucy stone

      This sucks and is lame. I’m proud of you for taking the high road. I am in a similar situation and have not been doing that.

    • ELS

      Hard and specialized work, yes. I wouldn’t balk at a salary in the $200K range for any of these guys. But I think what rubbed me the wrong way about this whole conflict is the guy who says that “the rest of the 1% doesn’t get up at 3 a.m.” Well, then. I suppose early mornings mean more pay?

      • meara

        I was actually very surprised at the “15 days on and on-call, 12 days off” part. I suppose it depends how often the “on-call” part of that is happening, but 15 days in a row of stressful early morning stuff? Eesh. $400K does seem like a lot though…but if all my peers in other parts of the country were making more, I’d be bitter also!

    • eek

      I once worked with a Marine that was a graduate of the Merchant Marine Academy and he explained this job to me — how specialized it is, the rigorous training, the amazing pay, etc. A lot of these pilots have at least one degree and are expected to perform flawlessly. It’s really fascinating how it works – I had no idea this job even existed.

  12. Batgirl

    How do you guys let a guy down (over email) after a first online date where you think he’s nice, etc but just didn’t feel a spark/connection? I hate not responding to a guy’s email after a nice date that just didn’t click.

    • Jenny

      I usually say something like, “Hi it was nice to meet you, and I enjoyed chatting with you this afternoon. You seem like a great person, but I don’t feel like we have much romantic potentional. Best of luck with everything. ”

      It’s going to be awkward no matter what you say, so I go for short and polite, but nothing too wishy-washy because you want them to get the point.

    • momentsofabsurdity

      I think when they contact you for a second date, you say something like, “Hey, I had a nice time as well. Thank you for dinner/the drink/whatever. I’m really sorry but I just didn’t feel a connection. Best of luck with everything,” and possibly add something about being open to hanging out as friends, if you are.

      • cbackson

        I say exactly this (without the “hanging out as friends” addendum), and almost without fail they take it gracefully.

    • Anon

      I usually say something along the lines of, “you’re a really great guy but I think we would be better as friends.” Given that friendship is not what most of them are seeking, that usually does the trick, while still being kind about it.

    • karenpadi

      I don’t know. I used to give the below lines but now…not so much. I had a few bad experiences where the guy just couldn’t take no for an answer. The best story is the guy who was applying to the police academy. Apparently, they need to give out references of people who they’ve met in the last week. I was asked to give a written evaluation of this guy (he didn’t even give me a heads up that he was going to submit my name to police–ugh, that should be a common courtesy). To answer their follow-up questions, I ended up forwarding his 6 texts and 5 emails (sent in a single week and in rising degrees of hostility) to the Police Department he was applying to.

      So yeah, I just don’t respond. If I don’t want a second date, I don’t even bothering sending a “thank you” message for the first date. I usually do coffee for a first date, show up early, and get my own before he arrives so he hasn’t paid for anything. If it happens to be a lunch or dinner, and I don’t want an encore, I insist on going dutch.

    • MDC

      When I was internet dating and there was no connection (99% of the time this was the case), I would make it clear at the end of the date, “this was nice but I think it’s more of a friendship thing”, so that the guy wasn’t walking away thinking, she liked me, second date coming up. It was certainly awkward but I didn’t want to leave someone with the wrong idea.

  13. Lulu

    Ladies, is there a sophisticated way to style the J.Crew No. 2 Pencil Skirt in citron? I am a fifth year litigator in small law. I am in love with the color, but am starting to think that buying the skirt was a major judgment lapse.

    Also, sidenote, the leopard tippi sweater is on sale. I tried it on, but quickly determined that the print creates an unfortunate optical illusion in my chest area.

    • KC

      I love the combination of navy and citron. I think pairing it with a navy blazer and navy or cognac accessories would be nice. As long as the rest of your outfit was professional/neat, a pop of color can be sophisticated.

    • Susan

      I personally like citron + white + grey. You could pair it with a white shirt or blouse and a grey jacket or grey cardigan.

      I also rather like citron + pale pink + navy, but that’s just me. Not sure what your workplace is like, dresscode-wise, but mine has never had a problem with my color (or clothing) combos.

    • TCFKAG

      I think you can totally make that color sophisticated for work! I would steer clear of straight black, as it might sway a bit bumble-bee for my taste. But a navy, or a white (especially in the summer) or even better a print would be lovely. What would be really great would be a print (maybe with some kind of polka dots) with then a navy jacket over it, maybe with an opera length necklace and nude for you shoes. Something like that. To bring a little vibrancy, I also think a cobalt blue would be lovely with that color.

      • TCFKAG

        Ooohh, and of course Susan’s recommendation of grey would look great! I always forget grey and yellow.

        • b23

          Cap Hill Style did a post with that exact skirt a couple of weeks ago. She paired it with a green tie-neck blouse. It will be the first thing I buy when Lent is over. :)

        • AD

          I have been totally ogling that skirt and had cobalt blue mentally paired with it, probably a blue cardigan with a white top. Of course, navy’s always good – I’ve also now got the navy-on-white polka dot shirt paired in my mind – and I do like the gray + white idea as well….

          Seems like I’ve just convinced myself that this is a wardrobe need!

    • ADL

      I’m wearing my bright yellow J. Crew No. 2 pencil skirt today! I’ve paired it with a white cable knit sweater and a bright green polo underneath (so the collar pops off the white sweater).

  14. JessC

    Anyone watch the Mad Men season premiere last night?

    *Spoiler Alert!!*
    My observations/comments:
    -Not all surprised the Roger and Jane appear to be having problems.
    -Don and Megan still seem kind of odd together IMO, but in a weird way seem to work. Though the whole working-in-the-same-department thing is hella-awkward.
    -Loved Megan’s dress at the birthday party.
    -The Roger-Pete rivalry is kind of hysterical.
    -I’m dying to find out what’s going on with Betty and her husband.
    -I’m also curious to see how the show handles issues of the Civil Rights Movement.

    Thoughts?

    • so anonymous

      I loved it! (although the sound on my tv kept going in and out and I’m not sure whether it’s the TV or the cable – anyone know what I should do?) I read some recaps this morning and seem to have interpreted it differently than the re-cappers. I think Weiner gave us the unexpected, although it’s a slow reveal: Don is happy and in love, and (perhaps as a result) he no longer cares about work, or at least has lost his obsessive drive.

      • so anonymous

        And I think he was mad at her about the birthday party only because he didn’t want to deal with the guests (co-workers he doesn’t care about) as opposed to being unhappy with HER.

        • PharmaGirl

          Or the fact that it wasn’t his ‘real’ birthday.

          (Full disclosure, I haven’t seen the episode yet!)

    • Kanye East

      PS:

      – Pete being miserable on the Metro North New Haven line: loved every second of his misery.
      – Pretty sure I had a Barbie doll with Trudy’s exact same party dress.
      – Roger Sterling: “There’s my baby!”
      – Every second of Roger Sterling, actually.
      – Amazed Don is still into Megan after three whole months of marriage. How long before he goes Drapin’ again?

      • AIMS

        Roger was pure sterling gold last night!
        Also Burt Cooper: “Did she get him a pony?”

        I am not sure if Don is actually happy or not, but I do think that Megan understands him a little better than Betty did.

        I also loved seeing everyone with Joan’s baby. Pete & Peggy could not have looked more uncomfortable. Surprisingly, the new Mrs. Draper didn’t seem too maternal either.

        Oh, and I love Don’s new secretary. She’s no Blankenship, but her trying to hand off that plant to Don was a great moment.

        • JessC

          Actually one of my favorite moments was Bert Coopr and Peggy’s bf discussing the war in front of Navy-guy. And Navy guy being like, “I thought there were going to be girls at this party.”

        • anon

          Hmmm I don’t think Megan necessarily understands Don better than Betty does/did — Don’s been much more honest with Megan than he ever was with Betty, and Don hasn’g cheated on Megan (yet).

          I love the Betty character because I totally understand why she is/was pissed off — lied to and cheated on by Don, went to college and career thwarted, bored at home, new husband is not all she thought he would be. Yeah, she’s selfish and b*tchy, but I can totally understand why she’s dissatisfied with life. I was bummed that she wasn’t in last night’s episode at all.

    • FlaLaw

      Ugh!! I completely forgot it was last night and forgot to dvr it!!! I was too busy reading the hunger games for about the third time. Hopefully they will rerun it soon.!

    • TCFKAG

      I’m a huge fan of the show but last night’s episode didn’t do it for me. Hopefully they’re just setting things up for later — but it was almost boring (dare I say).

      I think Betty wasn’t in the episode because this may have been when the actress was having her baby IRL.
      The scene when Joan came into the office and ended up crying on Duck’s couch because she thought she was being replaced and he was so nice about it — that made me feel real emotion. Because I really felt for Joan there. And it made me like Duck more than I ever have before.

      I’ll have to slightly disagree, Roger was kind of annoying me last night. He seems like he knows his time is over but he’s just fighting it. Though I hate Pete with a fiery passion — so — maybe I do want Roger to win.

      Draper will be Draping soon (though Megan actually seems s*xually adventurous enough to maybe keep him interested. Who knows.)

      • anon

        That’s not Duck, that’s Lane Pryce. Duck is the alcoholic older guy who was kicked out and now works for another firm.

        • TCFKAG

          Oh right. Sorry, I get my characters confused! :-P If my posts on this website show anything its that I watch too d*rn much tv. haha.

      • JessC

        I’ll actually agree that last night’s show wasn’t as “exciting” as I had anticipated. But I think that had a lot to do with (1) the season seems to be picking up at least 8-9 months after the end of the previous season so there’s a lot of catching up to do and (2) it’s probably setting up stuff for later this season.

      • EK

        I’m glad I’m not the only one underwhelmed. The first hour was so boring to me, I wasn’t sure if I’d be tuning in for the rest of the season.

        Anyway, I think Betty and Megan are the same, just representing different generations. Both of them exhibit A Doll’s House type childishness (ahem, the underwear-cleaning-fight?), drives me crazy. Don will definitely be draping again.

    • Chicago

      Threadjack — Can anyone give me a rough idea of approximately how much it costs to get a bedroom in an apartment painted? Obviously it will vary, but like rough estimate? I’m trying to decide if I want to have it done or stick with the colors I have, and I just have no idea how much that stuff usually costs.

      Also, I’m in Chicago, so if anyone has specific recommendations for a painter, that’d be great too.

    • nona too

      – Pete got fat, and his voice got…deeper, gruffer? And isn’t the annoying brat any more, but desperately needs some sleep – and seems to be turning into Season 1 Don. Living in a house, taking the train, SAH wife and kid.
      – I’d be as annoyed as Peggy, if someone I was supposed to be supervising strolled in 2 hours after me and leaves before me
      – Roger’s kind of pitiful – he doesn’t have anything to do with Lucky Strike gone. He wants to be part of things, but doesn’t know how to do it without stepping on toes because he’s never had to. Meanwhile he’s distracting the secretaries when they need to be answering those phones that Just. Keep. Ringing.
      – Poor Joan – her mother would drive me crazy too.

      • nona too

        And when did Harry Crane turn into such an ass? The TV people have been a bad influence on him…

        • Kanye East

          He’s been insufferable for a while now.

          The real question is: isn’t it finally time to bring Sal back to the art department, for eff’s sake?!

          • NOLA

            I had wondered about Sal, too. Then again I sort of know Bryan Batt and I know he’s been around here and not in L.A.

      • Baby DC Attorney

        I read some articles re: Harry Crane – apparently, around this time frame, people in his position (head of TV in an ad agency) were starting to become really important. I’d guess that is going to his head. I also thought it quite strange that he – not Pete (a partner) – originally got that “bigger” office.

  15. Diana Barry

    Argh. Nanny is sick today and so my 2 yo has been watching tv all morning while I am doing a webcast for a CLE. (Husband is out of town.) Plus I am 35.5 weeks pregnant and I just want to lie down and sleep all the time, but can’t, AND my work has just gotten really busy in the last 2 weeks! Bleah.

    • Susan

      Hang in there! Or, just keep telling yourself, “This, too, shall pass” through gritted teeth.

      (My dentist isn’t too happy with the latter advice, I’m thinking…)

    • anon

      I hear you — my nanny was out sick all last week. I finally got a temp in today and it is HEAVEN (I work at home).

    • Supra

      I don’t care for this either, and I’m usually a sucker for preppy-looking things. I think its because it looks a little boxy and short.

  17. Salit-a-gator

    Need to vent ladies: This weekend I went to visit my in-laws. Mother in law and other sister in law started cooking lunch for the whole family (8 of us) and had a game plan down. I asked whether I could help with anything, chop veggies, etc. They said they were good. I asked again just to make sure. MIL said “that’s ok, you can help later.” I said ok. Nothing else was said and we all ate lunch. Meanwhile, DH and I have to leave shortly after lunch because we live in a different city (1.5 hrs away) and we’re moving next weekend, so we need to get home ASAP to start packing. We start saying goodbye, and MIL says “oh I thought you said you would wash the dishes.” I’m completely floored because the subject of the dishes never came up. On top of this, SIL is rolling her eyes at me and saying that yes I agreed to wash the dishes. I quickly apologize and explain again why we need to leave so early. Turns up that “help later” to her means doing the dishes. Am I cray cray here, or does anybody else get dishes from “help later.” I seriously did not make the connection! Anywho, I called her later that night to explain and apologize, but this incident still baffles me.

    • Kate

      WT…no I would never assume “help later” means doing the dishes. That was rude of your MIL. Sounds like yo handled it well though!

    • JessC

      I can kinda see it – if you interpret “later” to mean “after the meal”. Though I don’t think that’s the interpretation my mind would have automatically jumped to. I probably would have taken that to mean “check back in x minutes and see if they need help with next stage in food prep/plating food/setting table”. You’re MIL wasn’t very clear in when/with what she needed help “later”.

    • Niktaw

      “Help later” = “do the dishes” is not a huge leap in my opinion. You could have said that you’d be leaving after lunch – this would make the situation clearer for them.

    • cc

      I would have made the connection, when I was reading your paragraph I was thinking “oh she is not going to put it together that that means dishes.” Even if you didn’t know it meant dishes, when she said later you prob should of said “but I’ll be leaving early later!” so she knew ahead of time. But it was rude of your mother in law to bring it up when you were leaving. But if she is generally good I’m sure she is over this by now so I wouldn’t let it bother you.

      • Esquared

        Me too, but doing dishes is like a weird obsession during my family events. So much so that I warn my bf to offer before he gets up from the table.
        She’s prob over it by now, but it’s always a good idea (if you are the type of person that cares) to ask your husband what things his mother gets hung up about.
        Maybe if you are worried, send a thank you note or flowers thanking her for the lunch (or even an email)– TY notes are another one of my families weird quirks that make my parents either beyond judgement or totally in love with the person.

    • Susan

      No, they are cray-cray, or, at the very least, not clear and not specific in their expectations.

      If people don’t express clearly in.plain.English what they want, then it’s too flipping bad that others don’t do what they want. Do your SIL and MIL always act like everybody understands their crazy moon language?

    • FlaLaw

      Seems like later means after the meal, and after the meal means dishes. Still, I think it was rude for your MIL and SIL to call you out like that.

    • TCFKAG

      (a) Its not completely irrational that “help later” means dishes — though why on earth she wouldn’t just say “you can help out with dishes” is beyond me. But I also think its sort of weird when you volunteer in one way to then sort of assign you a separate task later (especially since doing dishes for eight is actually a lot more burdensome then chopping vegetables).

      (b) But, what is cray-cray is that it is beyond rude that your MIL (when she was the host) stopped a guest on the way out the door and demanded that they wash the dishes because of a perceived earlier promise. Even if you had agreed to do it, if you had forgotten or just not gotten to it, I think she should have just smiled and wished you a good drive.

      Anyway — just sigh and let it go. Sometimes familial relations require a certain amount of forbearance.

    • KS

      In what world does “help later” mean you explicitly agreed to do dishes? That is just bizarre. I would think it meant something like, maybe they will ask you to set the table, or something like that, not that you had definitely agreed to do a specific task…I think that most reasonable people would have been just as perplexed as you.

      • CA Atty

        Agree with this. Especially since, I assume, at least some of the parameters of the visit were set i.e. coming over for lunch, lots of stuff going on in your life, leaving in the early afternoon etc…

        I would have assumed set the table or really that this was their way of saying don’t worry about it at all, we’ll let you know if you can do anything whenever.

    • Alanna of Trebond

      It sounds like you are like me, and that helping in the kitchen does not come naturally to you. It seems clear that help later does mean with the dishes–since what else would there be to help with? I’m guessing that they were rolling their eyes because you probably end up not helping with this sort of thing a lot–because it’s probably not your thing. Plus, since they thought they were clear, it was probably a let down not to have any help with the dishes.

      Also, you’re not really a guest when you visit your mother-in-law, which might be another source of the tension about helping. But you obviously handled it well by apologizing, so it’s not a bit deal, really.

      My pet peeve: cray-cray. Right up there with “preggo”.

      • rosie

        Helping in the kitchen comes naturally to me, and I would not have understood “you can help later” to me “you’ll be doing the dishes.” They could have meant serving food, plating food, setting the table, later prep or cooking tasks, clearing dishes, etc.

        Lessons learned for next time: MIL should be more clear in her expectations (probably unlikely to happen), and OP should clarify to figure out whatever it is her MIL assumes is understood by what she says (“I don’t want to leave you with all of this clean up, but I need to leave after lunch because of xyz, so please let me know if you’d like me to help a bit now so you can relax.”).

      • ELS

        I disagree about the “not a guest” comment. I think it depends on how well she knows her MIL.

        For instance, my husband and I have been together for four years. My MIL and I have been to each other’s houses approximately 5 times in that time frame. She is most certainly a guest in my house, and I’d love to be treated like one in hers (though the last time I was there, around the holidays, I ended up doing dishes for 15 by myself and putting away all the food while she just … sat there. So there’s that).

      • anon

        Particularly because cray-cray has way more letters than crazy. I don’t get it.

    • eek

      I think it seems silly for them bring it up and I think everyone gets a pass in random situations like this. I tend to be more laidback about stuff and I wouldn’t bring it up or care – you have a lot going on, so be it. Everything generally comes out even in the end. Now my sister has a SIL that has perfected lazy and never helps with anything (set up or clean up) – I just write her off. It’s a known quantity, everyone sees it for what it is, and I so rarely see her so it doesn’t get more than an eyeroll from me.

      Having said all that, I have come from a large family (8 people for us is a small crowd) that pitches in when they can so if someone has to leave early, someone has been working ridic hours, or someone has kids they need to get home/is pregnant, etc. that’s when everyone else should pitch in to take some of the burden off others. I can understand why you felt ganged up on. I would ignore it, it sounds like it was a one off for you and that you generally pitch in at other times. It seems innocent enough – you didn’t make the connection, they should’ve written it off, blah blah blah. Good luck with your move!

    • D Train South

      The thing that stands out for me in this story: What were the guys doing the whole time?

    • MDC

      Their rudeness is greater i.e. they pointed out your supposed rudeness in front of others. I would say you are fine in that you offered several times to help. And yeah, let the men do dishes. In my family men do dishes and clean up after family meals just as much as women.

      • Anon

        In mine, women do everything while men watch TV.

        My father also thinks that whoever makes a meal for him must clean it up, since they are clearly doing it out of joy and an excess of time (not that he throws fits even with more time than the woman cooking). However, when he deigns to cook (rarely), everyone else should clean up – because it isn’t fair for him to do everything around the house! (I often would like to tell him that cooking and putting dishes in the dishwasher or – heaven forbid – handwashing is a part in what work is put into a household. I’d also like to say that perhaps he shouldn’t insist others do things and then tell them what they are doing wrong, particularly when they’ve done it often and he hasn’t. Alas, I am in a family where the men are right and the women do the work.)

    • Herbie

      I would have assumed that “help later” => “do the dishes.” But if I were your MIL/SIL, I wouldn’t have called you out on it knowing you had to leave.

  18. Kate

    Shopping question..

    I am working with a limited budget to buy some new clothes. I want a few pieces for spring that more fashionable and can be worn in and out of the office. I like higher quality pieces and I usually can only afford them if I can get them on sale so I end up buying winter-ish items during the spring and vice versa. The only problem with this is I always feel like my clothes are old because I have had them for a few months before wearing them and I want to buy something current. Is there anyway to get around this or a better way to use my money? There is a blouse I really want from Bloomies but it is long sleeves and has a high neck with a bow and I feel like there is no way I can make use of it in the summer but I would definitely want this piece in the fall/winter…..but I need spring work clothes now! Sigh….

    • AIMS

      No advice, but if you want something from Bloomies, you should use code FRIENDS for 20% off thru 4/1.

    • Anonymous NYer

      I also am working with a limited budget. I’m not sure what you mean by ‘higher quality pieces’ – is anything below brooks brothers out? I say this because places like Banana, Gap, the Limited, Ann Taylor, Loft, etc. have glorious coupons (25%-50% off, regularly) and tend to have more on-trend pieces for the season (bright colors, geo patterns, dolman-type sleeves, etc).

      You can get a few bright colored silky short sleeve tops at great prices at those places if you hunt for a coupon code, and you’ll wind up paying between $20-$50 per item, which is reasonable (I think). Also, since those places aren’t super high quality, if the pieces you get for that price are trendy, you won’t feel that bad when you don’t want to wear them again next spring. They served their purpose of being on-trend, current-season pieces. If you have an issue with buying trendy on-season pieces every year (you feel like you’re just replacing your whole wardrobe), then I guess you can just stalk the super high quality pieces as you can!

  19. Woods-comma-Elle

    So re Hunger Games – I read the first book over the weekend and now I can’t wait to see the movie. I really liked it although in places I was a bit like ‘omg can something please happen’ and I wasn’t a huge fan of the emotional flashback (I’m a woman of action), but I already bought and started the next one!

    I probably would never have even heard of it if it wasn’t for Corporette, so thanks ladies!

    • PharmaGirl

      I read the entire first book in 2 days last week and started the second book htis morning. I feel like a sucker but love it. Maybe I’ll even treat myself to a movie night!

    • Homestar

      I am so glad that Hunger Games is raking in the money! I loved the book and I am so glad that there is a movie with a strong female lead (as opposed to just a character who exists to be in love with someone or to be the object of desire).

    • CA Atty

      Has anyone seen the movie yet? One of my roommates went last night with his 7 year old son, which kind of surprised me, but he said (and two others agreed) that they were just kids books and there was nothing complex about the movies at all. That really disappointed me, since I LOVED the books and don’t consider them kids books, more Young Adult, but I certainly wouldn’t recommend them for a 7 year old!

      Anyway, I’m hoping it’s just that my roommate is kinda dumb (no really, not being mean), hasn’t read the books, and didn’t pick up on the more complex issues.

      Anyway, just wondering.

      • TCFKAG

        I saw the movie and thought it was an excellent adaptation of the book. I definitely think if you look at just the surface level, you could think it was a pretty simplistic action adventure movie aimed at kids. But of course, there are lots of subtextual things going on (as there are in any good YA/children’s book that appeals to adults). One thing that is lost in the movies is some of Katniss’ inner-life (because obviously they can’t film her thoughts) but what they’ve added somewhat is the politics of the Gamemakers and the Games, which I enjoyed.

        All in all, I really liked it a lot. Well worth the time and the money — and I’ll probably see it again!

      • Sweet as Soda Pop

        Your roommate is kinda dumb. And I would never take a child under the age if 10 to see the movie.

        You, however, should absolutely go see it!

      • Merabella

        I saw the movie yesterday with my husband. I was a bad person and saw the movie before reading the book – though I’m half way through it now. I thought it was good, there were parts I was puzzled at because I hadn’t read the book. I don’t think it is reading/watching material for a 7 year old. The movie wasn’t super complex, I think the book has much more depth from what I’ve read so far. I think your roommate probably missed the complex issues like race/socioeconomic relations/obsession with reality TV/etc….

      • eek

        I don’t have kids so I don’t know… 7 seems too young, and I was going to ask here if it was appropriate for me to take my 10 yr old/4th grade nephew (obviously final decision is with his parents). I’ve read all the books and can’t wait to see the movies!

        • Whit

          I think middle school is the earliest age for these. I have a very precocious reader and would not let him read the books until 6th grade. Common Sense Media, which is a guide for age-appropriate, pegs the movie at 13 and up.

          (Some folks find Common Sense Media a bit too conservative in age-ratings, but I find its recs in line with my sensibilities)

          • eek

            Thank you for the website and the recommendation. He’s on his own for a few years and I won’t mention it (don’t want to disappoint when he can’t go!).

    • Gail the Goldfish

      Yea I re-read the entirely trilogy this weekend.

      Just do yourself a favor and go ahead and buy the 3rd one so it’s ready to go when you finish the 2nd:-)

      • TCFKAG

        I don’t know why they don’t just sell them automatically as a trilogy. I can’t imagine someone reading the first one and then thinking…”nope…not going to keep going…”

        (3…2…1….somone posting how they did that…ha).

        • CA Atty

          Not the same thing, but someone I know did that with Game of Thrones because he didn’t like what happened to a main character by King Joffery. He was so upset that he gave up the whole series! I’m thinking, heck, if you’re THAT invested (and I was! am! I’m still mad at what that main character had done en route to the capitol!) how could you possibly STOP reading!? Don’t you want to know what happens next!!!

          Anyway, I can’t remember if I got the first Hunger Games as a free friday on my nook or if it was a $0.99 book, but either way, I immediately paid full price for the next two…

          • Gail the Goldfish

            Well, in fairness, the entire Hunger Games trilogy is basically the length of one George R.R. Martin book. I guess I can understand not wanting to invest in another 1000 page book… (But not really, because Game of Thrones is fabulous)

          • CA Atty

            Well, that’s true. Every time I open a GoT book I look at how many pages to go and I’m like “REALLY?!?!?” But the next thing I know it’s ending and I’m looking at the wait list online at the library impatiently waiting for the next!

  20. in-house compliance?

    Sorry for the repost, but I posted late last night and thought I should repost this morning (thank you to in-house europe for your thoughts yesterday!):

    *************

    Ladies, any in-house compliance/ethics folks out there?

    I ran across an in-house compliance attorney posting and would love to hear what this job entails on a day-to-day basis, what type of background is most suitable for this type of position, and what is expected from an in-house compliance attorney.

    (I’m a junior biglaw litigator, btw.)

    Read more: https://corporette.com/2012/03/23/weekend-open-thread-125/#ixzz1qEnp3vkn

    • Homestar

      No experience to offer, but I would definitely recommend some background research on the company and its culture. As the compliance attorney, you would want to be sure that the company takes its compliance obligations seriously so that you don’t get caught as the scapegoat when things go wrong.

    • Anonymous

      Am not a compliance person but deal extensively with them in the financial services industry. I’ve seen many lawyers swap from firms to in-house, sometimes with an explicit compliance aspect but often taking on compliance responsibilities over time, and reckon that the swap requires quite a big mind-set change.

      This is because the expectation for a legal advisor is to interpret the applicable law and then apply that interpretation within the confines of a specific case or transaction. The expectation for a compliance officer is to interpret the law and then create the processes which allow her firm and its staff to comply with the law, in a cost-effective way and without losing competitiveness.

      Doing an effective compliance job often requires deep knowledge of a company’s products, systems and processes in order to embed compliance checks and procedures in the company’s operating DNA (it also helps to understand competitors and the trade-off between compliance costs and business opportunities). The interaction with ops and IT seems to particularly challenging though – my observation is that many terrific lawyers come into compliance work without being mentally prepared to deal with this level of operational detail every day.

      On the other hand though, regulatory complexity has exploded in recent years for my industry and it just hasn’t been possible to get enough internal candidates and/ or experienced compliance folks. So if you reckon this is for you, I’d say there are plenty of opportunities for career development and advancement. Good luck with whatever you decide !

  21. Chicago

    Threadjack — Can anyone give me a rough idea of approximately how much it costs to get a bedroom in an apartment painted? Obviously it will vary, but like rough estimate? I’m trying to decide if I want to have it done or stick with the colors I have, and I just have no idea how much that stuff usually costs.

    Also, I’m in Chicago, so if anyone has specific recommendations for a painter, that’d be great too.

    • Nonny

      Just a suggestion, but have you considered painting it yourself? If you are just painting one room (and a bedroom, at that) it won’t take you long and will be a lot cheaper. Painting is not that difficult.

      • Merabella

        Especially if you take the time to tape! It is really easy to paint, grab a roller for like $5 and do it yourself – heck grab some friends and make a party out of it.

      • NOLA

        I had thought the same thing. I had never done any painting and have recently undertaken some fairly complex projects in my house. I painted my livingroom in one morning during my vacation last year. The folks at the home improvement stores are great about advising you regarding supplies needed. My biggest concern was that it be the color I really wanted so I lived with the color sample in the room for months before I painted it.

      • AIMS

        I think there are a lot of people who say this and while I am sure it is true for them, when I tried to paint a bedroom, it was a miserable experience. And, I did it prior to moving in so I didn’t have to deal with any furniture, etc. It looks passable but not good and it was a horrendous weekend.

        I have seen ads quoting a rate of $80/rm. I was also quoted $300 for bedroom + living + hallway by a good carpenter in our current apt. Based on that and assuming that the $80 quote is a “low qoute” meant to incite you to call, I should think you could find someone who would paint your bedroom for $150-$200, plus the cost of paint. For me, that would be totally worth it. But I do know people who paint their own walls frequently and with ease — just figure out if you’re likely to be one of them.

      • Anon

        I have to disagree with this one. Painting can be easy or difficult depending on the circumstances. If you are making a drastic color change, particularly trying to cover a dark or bright color, you may have to do several coats or spend a lot of time getting the edging right. If you have a lot of trim, such as a chair rail or molding, getting that right can be challenging as well. If you touch the ceiling by accident, well then you may have to redo the ceiling as well. The supplies can also add up slowly when you don’t have brushes, drop cloth, rollers, etc already. Plus when you’re done, you have to store the stuff, if you have room, or discard it. I think if you can get someone to do it for $200 or less, plus paint, it can be well worth it to hire someone. Like many “easy” home repair projects, it’s a question of which is more valuable to you, your time or your money.

  22. Kaitlin C

    I am so excited- I just got offered a summer job at a big NYC bank in their private wealth management division (dream job, one that I never thought I’d be qualified for after a rough freshman year of college) but now it’s starting to hit me that I have absolutely no idea what this job will entail day to day. I have absolutely no finance background/experience so I’m trying to gather as much info as possible beforehand so I can focus on actually learning the finance side of things when I’m there.

    Do any of you have any experience with these big bank training programs? It’s 3 weeks of training, 8 weeks of work. I’d love any advice about what to expect or how to prepare! Thank you!!

    • Anonymous

      I have some experience supervising PWM although not in the US. The vast majority of people employed within PWM are customer-facing relationship managers who provide advice and recommend investment products and strategies to the bank’s existing customers, and bring in new customers. These strategies/ products are typically developed elsewhere in the bank – PWM focuses on getting the right product to the right individual customer. A senior PWM relationship manager may have a team of younger folks to assist with specific customer requests and transactions and you may find yourself in one of these teams for the bulk of your 8-week work plan. I think it would be realistic to expect some formal training on the following :
      – Basic financial analysis (basic principles of calculating cashflows, valuing securities – most of this will be quite mathematical)
      – Products (what are bonds, stocks, ETFs, hedge funds etc)
      – ‘Know your customer’ (how to assess a customer’s investment objectives, risk appetite and so on – a bank will usually have a form/ online tool to ensure this gets done in a standardised way, so training will usually involve familiarising you with the tool)
      – Compliance (the key regulations governing what and how a customer may be sold, and the bank’s processes for ensuring all its PWM staff comply with the regulations)

      You will probably get some training on processes – these will be very bank-specific and ensure you can do useful work in your 8 weeks. You may get some stuff on tax planning as well – important part of US wealth management, less so elsewhere. Hope this helps, good luck and enjoy yourself !

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