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Splurge Monday’s TPS Report: ‘Sao’ Printed Silk Dress

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Our daily TPS reports suggest one piece of work-appropriate attire in a range of prices. Kelly Wearstler 'Sao' Printed Silk DressI primarily know Kelly Wearstler as a slightly daffy interior designer from some reality design show that I no longer remember — but I'm really loving her new collection of clothes. This relaxed silk dress (which I'm assuming is longer on those of us who are not models) looks like it would be a great dress for the summer, or perhaps even for layering during the winter. Love that print. It's $385 at Nordstrom. Kelly Wearstler ‘Sao' Printed Silk Dress Seen a great piece you'd like to recommend? Please e-mail tps@corporette.com. (L-2)

Sales of note for 2/7/25:

  • Nordstrom – Winter Sale, up to 60% off! 7850 new markdowns for women
  • Ann Taylor – Extra 25% off your $175+ purchase — and $30 of full-price pants and denim
  • Banana Republic Factory – Up to 50% off everything + extra 15% off
  • Boden – 15% off new season styles
  • Eloquii – 60% off 100s of styles
  • J.Crew – Extra 50% off all sale styles
  • J.Crew Factory – 40% off everything including new arrivals + extra 20% off $125+
  • Rothy's – Final Few: Up to 40% off last-chance styles
  • Spanx – Lots of workwear on sale, some up to 70% off
  • Talbots – 40% off one item + free shipping on $150+

And some of our latest threadjacks here at Corporette (reader questions and commentary) — see more here!

Some of our latest threadjacks include:

184 Comments

  1. Is anyone else having issues with the shoppping notes website? I havent been able to get it to load all weekend :(

  2. I wish this dress were in a more vibrant color, then I could see myself loving it!

    I am interested in getting a new pair of rainboots and am considering purchasing a pair of Hunters. I had a pair of Chookas that lasted about 3 years, but I really didnt wear them that much and they are already starting to crack. Is it worth it to invest the extra money in Hunters? How long do they last? Are there any other brands I should look at? Also, do Hunters ever go on sale?

    1. I have LL Bean rain boots, much cheaper than Hunters and seem just as good to me. :)

      1. Not only as good – but a lifetime guarantee. So when they do crack, you get new ones. Best $60 I ever spent.

    2. Gilt has sales on Hunters pretty frequently. no idea whether they are better/worse than other brands though.

      1. That’s where I got mine. I love them. I actually look forward to rainy days so I can wear my Hunters!

        1. Haha, me too! When the “hurricane” came through DC a couple months ago I went out just to play in my boots. :)

    3. Good question. I am also wondering. I ordered and returned some Lands’ End rubber boots – not shiny enough! Are there other brands than Hunter that have shiny black rubber boots?

      1. I have had my Hunters for 5 years now. I got a couple pair of the fleece welli socks to go with them and I love them. I have never had a problem and I wear them in the rain, sleet, ice, and snow. They are not snow boots if you are in a really snowy/cold climate but they are great for the occasional snow day that I get.

        1. I live in NH and wear my Hunter boots (two pairs now) with the fleece linings all winter long. I’ve had one pair for 3 years and they are still in great shape!

      2. I can’t speak to any other brand, but I just bought the tall Hunter’s in high gloss black a few months ago. I LOVE THEM (more than one should love a pair of rain boots).

    4. I have Kamik boots and love them, but they may not fit if you have a wide calf. I’ve had mine for about 3 years now and they are still in very good shape.

      1. I have a pair of bright red Kamiks that never fail to make me smile and have held up well over the 2 years I’ve had them. Agree with the wide calf issue, otherwise have good arch support for a rain boot.

    5. If you have small feet, you may be able to wear a child’s size, which would be cheaper.

    6. I am a big fan of Dav cowboy rainboots. I live in the land of street flooding so I need tall rainboots but my muscular calves will not permit many of the tall boots. Mine have Koi fish painted on them, for a little ironic twist. I’ve had mine for a year and they’re in great shape. They also come in a little backpack style nylon carrying bag so I can throw my shoes in the bag in the morning, or the boots, if it’s not raining in the afternoon.

      1. I second Davs. I have two pairs, which I got basically for the price of one pair of Hunters/ The Dav boots are sleek and stylish, and I have gotten multiple compliments from strangers on both pairs. I have a black pair with an almond toe, a quilt pattern on the top, and a lace up back, which I love. I also have a light blue pair with a yellow sole and big red and green roses. They have a soft lining inside which is great for winter. I’ve had them for 2 seasons now (including our horrible, wet, stormy summers), and they have been great.

    7. I’ve also had my Hunters for 5 years. No sign of wear yet (except for the treads on the bottom, obviously). Agree w Amelia Pond that they’re not winter / snow boots, my feet freeze when I wear them on a very cold day or in the snow too long, but you might be able to prevent this by sizing up and getting those wellie socks.

    9. Hunters and athletic calves are not compatible. I usually go for 15.5-16″ calf opening and I found I could get Hunters classic boots ON, but removing them was a little like a surgical procedure. Since it was a challenge when they were dry, I couldn’t imagine doing this when they were wet.

      I bought Kamik – there are some wide calf options on Zappos. I wore them for the first time today and am happy so far. Bonus – they are under $100 and well constructed.

      1. I have wide calfs too, but found a line of Hunters that are for wide calf — they’re called “the Huntress” — they are a little shorter than the classic Hunters, but fix the calf issue. I got mine in bright red on shoes.com & love them.

      2. Hunters come in a wider calf style, too – I think mine are the “Huntress” style? A bit wider, work much better on my calves.

    10. I have Sperry rain boots. They are shorter than Hunter’s (meaning not as tall, so good for people with wide calves). I love them. Purchased them on sale from Nordstrom’s. Couldn’t stomach paying full price for Hunters (which do go on sale on gilt all the time but the Sperry’s are still cheaper at full price than gilt Hunters).

    11. I just got a pair of green Hunters yesterday! It was kind of an emergency- my feet had been drenched all day from walking in 3″ puddles. I’m not typically one to spend that kind of money on rain boots. But I fit into the kids size so it was a bit cheaper (apparently kids these days have huge feet?) I am really happy with the green color. They are rain boots after all, so I didn’t need them to be black and sleek and Chanel-like.

      They are quite comfy. I had a pair of old Target ones that hurt to walk in. These are so much better. And I did not have any problem fitting them over my ski calves. Agree w/other posters- they are not meant to keep your feet warm, so wear bulky socks or switch footwear as conditions require.

      Also, my friend has Kamiks that were a bit cheaper than even the kids’ Hunters and she loves them. I think she’s had them for 2 years now.

    12. Late to the game! I like the slim line of the Hunters, but they’re a leeettle tight on my athletic calves, especially if I’m wearing jeans. If you have skinny legs, please let me live vicariously through you:
      – Aigle Chantabelle
      – Le Chameau Iris
      Can’t get either of them on :-(

  3. negotiating a job offer: ok via email or must it be done over the phone? I’ve gone through the old threads on negotiating but didn’t see any comments on this. I’m afraid my face will give away how uncomfortable I am asking.

    1. i think email is fine – for one thing you build a written record of the negotiation which is important and it gives you time to prepare. and real-time negotiating in person is hard for most people.

  4. Happy Monday Fabulous Corporettes!

    I need a white dress for my graduation ceremony this spring and would like some tips? Where are your favorite spots for white dresses? I’ve been stalking the usual Lilly Pulitzer, Vineyard Vines and J. Crew but I could use some suggestions..
    thoughts?

    2. Last summer the white sheath dress seemed to be the new LBD, although that doesn’t help now :) I picked up a Ralph Lauren white sheath dress last fall on clearance and I love it.

      Only thing I could find right now was this. It looks like a good price, but not sure about quality:
      http://tinyurl.com/6v2d4sw

      You will probably have better luck in a month or so when spring collections start arriving in stores.

    3. Are you at a women’s college? (If so, woohoo–Smith grad here.)

      I actually had two white dresses, as my college has a two-day commencement event and technically we were supposed to wear white to both of them. On Day 1, which was sunny and gorgeous and had lots of being outside (and was the day that most people really planned for their white dresses), I wore a ruffly cotton wrap dress that I got at this time of year from J. Crew on super clearance. On Day 2, which was rainy and miserable (and was the day that most people wore whatever they felt like wearing under their graduation robes), I wore a white silk dropwaist dress that had been my grandmother’s (and a trenchcoat, because it was that cold).

      Homestar’s right about checking the spring collections, but I’d also recommend scoping out bridesmaid-ish dresses, as many of them come in white (or cream) in the post-Pippa world.

      1. Late to the game but another Smithie here! Ahhhh, Ivy Day.

        My dresses were from Ann Taylor and Express. You could also try White House/Black Market.

    4. Thank you all!!!
      Yes it is a women’s college- this is for our Saturday Laurel Parade.. 2 day affair just like Smith ladies!!

      I am definiltly going to scope the spring collections- I just need a wider starting mark so this was excellent!

      Thank you!

      1. I read your post and thought…oooh, wish I could go to the Laurel Parade this year. Live vicariously for me! (MOHO 2000)

        2. OK, it’s really weird knowing we must know tons of people in common, EC MD! (I am not a Yoker, but know a hell of a lot of the classes of ’99 and ’00, thanks to post-college roommates)

  5. I like it. Also, J. Crew is having an additional 40% off their final sale items with the code OURTREAT.

    Threadjack: I use Bare Minerals powder foundation and just started using Clinique SPF 25 lotion that comes in a little jar (I can’t remember the name of it). When I put on the foundation after letting the moisturizer sit for a little while, it somehow starts to look like liquid foundation that I put on with a brush; in other words, you can see the brush strokes, and it looks really heavy. Has anyone else had this issue? Is it that I need to let the moisturizer sit longer, or are the two just not compatible?

    1. I haven’t used the Clinique lotion, but I haven’t had this issue with other moisturisers. One option could be that your brush is getting old/needs cleaning, but it sounds more like the foundation is sticking to the moisturiser.

      Do you use primer as that might help? Or maybe the moisturiser is just too heavy?

      1. Agreed – either use less moisturizer, or switch to a lighter formula. it should be absorbed into your skin and not leaving enough “film” to attract buildup of powder.

    3. I use a different Clinique moisturizer (Solar Smart SPF 30), but I think what you’re using is Superdefense, right? I used to use that. I also use Clinique Superbalanced mineral powder makeup, which is basically the same as Bare Minerals, I think. Moisturizers with SPF can kind of leave gunk on my brush, and I can see how that might cause the streaky issue you mention. I’ve found that if I wait at least 10 minutes between putting on moisturizer and makeup there isn’t a problem. If I’m in a hurry, I blot my face with blotting papers and that also seems to take care of the problem.

  6. I have a clothes maintenance issue which I’m hoping the hive can help me with…

    I have a dress which I bought from the Limited last spring. It has a black skirt part and the top part is white chiffony material, with ruffles and black piping around the v-neck. Anyway, the point is that even though I have been washing it with light colours, the white part has gone grey. I think this is potentially as a result of being attached to the black skirt, but who knows. Anyway, the point is that I’d love to figure out how to get the white part go white again, as due to the fact that it is attached to the black skirt, I can’t soak it in bleach or anything like that. The black piping around the neckline also means I can’t just soak the top.

    If anyone has any ideas, I would be very happy to hear them, as I would hate to get rid of the dress altogether. I have considered dying it but, again, I’m not sure how this would work with the black.

    1. How about treating the white part with a topical stain remover? It’s one way to differentially wash the skirt and shirt. (FYI, I have no experience with this method.)

    2. Try washing it with Oxyclean? That does a good job of brightening whites and won’t hurt the black.

      2. Agreed. When something like this happens we soak in an oxyclean bath overnight and everything is all better.

    3. What about trying that Shout “color catcher” thing? Not sure it would work on something that has already turned grey, but it might be worth a shot.

    4. Try adding Mrs. Stewart’s Laundry Bluing to the rinse water. Available from amazon for under $9 per bottle, and prime-eligible!

  7. I just spilled an entire pot of coffee all over myself. Im pretty sure i’ve ruined my pink sweater and pucci scarf. I suppose the bright side is that i had another sweater at work i could change into and that my grey bottoms are not showing too much of the coffee stains, given that i am in meetings with clients all day.

    1. IMMEDIATELY soak your scarf in cold water. It won’t hurt it. You can wash even a delicate silk scarf with a very gentle detergent – I use the extra gentle organic one from the detergent aisle at Whole Foods. You can also soak it now and get it dry cleaned later. That should save it.

      1. Second this. I was a barista in college so I have tons of experience getting coffee stains out of stuff (granted, never a Pucci scarf, eek!) and Erin is right 0n the money: throw everything in a cold soak RIGHT NOW.

    2. And oxyclean!! Ive revitalized a silk yellow blouse that had Americano all over it!

    3. i spilled an entire cup of coffee on a shiny silk tocca blouse recently. i did not do anything about it hoping to save the silk and my (very good) dry cleaer commended me for not doing anything about it because it would have likely ruined the fabric. long story short: the dry cleaner wasn’t able to save the blouse– i would have been better off risking it by soaking in water.

  8. Meh. I’m not big on these kinds of black and white prints. There also seems to be something odd with the waistband – not sure what it is but seems like it would annoy me over the course of the day. ;)

  9. Ah. It’s a rare Monday that I don’t love Kat’s splurge choice. Kind of a relief, actually!

    1. Haha, it’s definitely the opposite for me. I’m generally not into Splurge Mondays, but if I had an extra 385 dollars laying around, I would be very tempted to shell out for this dress. Maybe not for work, though! Is it just me, or does it seem a bit short?

  10. Quick threadjack:

    Our taxes are too complicated this year for us to do on our own, but they aren’t THAT complicated either. Have any of you used the chain tax places and how did you like them? If you have an independent tax accountant, how did you find him or her? We don’t know anyone who can give us a recommendation, everyone we know just does their taxes online!

    1. I used to have ALAN do my taxes, b/c it was to complicaed for me, but NOW I do NOT have him any more. Good ridance, but I have my FATHER do my taxes.

      I just give him my papers and he PUTS it in to TURBO-TAX on his Computer.

      Then he print’s it out and I sign it and that is that. FOOEY on Alan. I do not need him after all.

    2. We use an accountant. We used H+R Block online for a few years and then gave up, because they couldn’t handle (1) DH’s K-1s that he got from his small business employer (a partnership), and (2) all of the trading that he was doing at that time. It took us probably 5 weekends to go through all of that stuff and then H+R Block still needed a real person to complete them, and THEN they screwed up. Ugh.

      If you have any friends who are attorneys or involved in insurance, real estate, etc., they may know of good accountants. I got my latest recommendation from my boss (I am an attorney) and we have been using him for the past 4 years or so.

    3. We used H&R block for 2 years. The first year, we requested a CPA (note that most of their tax preparers are not CPAs) because we wanted someone who was a little more knowledgeable. I think she did a fine job. Then she left and the next year we were given a different CPA who screwed up our taxes SO BADLY that the IRS actually wrote us a letter and told us that we had overpaid by $3500. To make matters worse, when we brought up this huge mistake with H&R block they first refused to admit they had made a mistake at all. Then when we pointed out the problem, they refused to give us any of our substantial fee back because it was an “error in our favor”. Needless to say, we will NOT ever be using H&R Block again!

      I found a great independent CPA through a local mom’s group listserv – he costs less than H&R block and actually did our taxes correctly. I also got some good recommendations from coworkers. That might be a good place for you to start.

    4. I used an independent person one year and while she was fantastic, she didn’t do anything that the advanced turbotax couldn’t do for me. I paid $300ish for her and the next year tried it on my own. I would figure out why your taxes are complicated (medical issues, home purchase, side business) and look into software to see if it can meet your needs. If you still need a person, then you have a targeted list of questions to ask.

      If you’re in DC, I would be happy to send you the woman I used.

    5. On a semi-related note, would anyone recommend that someone get a chain-place or a CPA to do their taxes for their first job?

      I’ve only been working since September and have been told that I should be getting a decently large refund because I’ve being taxed like I’ve been working a year, but haven’t. I’ve also been told that there are a few things that are easy to screw up on the tax forms that would stop me from getting this refund (but not what these things are!). I’ve never filed taxes before (parents always wanted to claim me as a dependent) and work ~70 hours a week. Are there any good resources that I should use if I do it alone? Thanks for any insight.

      1. I think the chain places are generally hit or miss. I would go to an independent person. Do your parents use someone? Perhaps you can go to that person, too?

        1. I’ve seen the chains screw up quite a few returns, even very simple ones. Generally you are better off going to an independent person. Ask a few business people for a recommendation. And don’t be afraid to walk away if the person makes you uncomfortable or doesn’t seem like they are doing a good job for whatever reason (e.g., not reporting the numbers right). It is your tax return even if someone else helps you prepare it. You do not want problems with the IRS, so be sure it gets done right.

          Also, Turbo Tax should be just fine if all you have to worry about are simple items (a W-2, college expenses and student loan interest).

      2. Use turbo tax basic online for free. In your case (W-2, maybe college expenses and student interest) there isn’t anything complicated in your taxes. Don’t pay someone to do it.

        1. I second the recommendation for Turbo Tac. This year they have expert help available for free if you have any questions. I think they are CPAs but I’m not 100% sure.

        2. I don’t have experience with turbo tax basic online, but I will second that your taxes should be very painless and you should be able to use software and do them yourself for free/little cost. I can’t think of anything that would cause you to not get your refund, unless you typed stuff in wrong. And even then, the IRS would probably still catch it and refund your money.

        3. Yes, another vote for TurboTax. I never thought I could do my own taxes, but TurboTax takes me an hour or two max and I find it enjoyable and almost kind of fun (is that super weird to admit?) I have had moderately but not ridiculously complicated taxes the last couple years (at various points in time: multiple jobs in one year, income in two different states in 1 year, interest income to report and student loan interest to deduct). It walks you through everything and makes it incredibly simple. For your situation it sounds like it will be a breeze with TurboTax. I haven’t used it online but the cheapest edition they sell online is called Deluxe, its around $50 and its always worked great for me. Much cheaper than paying someone to do it and WAY easier than trying to figure out the forms yourself.

    6. I would find a local CPA firm, like others have mentioned. Chain places overcharge and have no accountability if something is wrong.

      Also, I would avoid going to someone who does taxes on the side or only during tax season. The rules are always changing and these preparers are just trying to make some extra money on the side and not doing their due diligence (little to no continuing professional education).

      1. I think your comment regarding part-time preparers should be qualified with the word “some.” I know a number of semi-retired CPAs who only work during tax season, but they keep up with their CPEs during the year to keep a current and up-to-date understanding of the codes.

      2. I second this request! I’m using a CPA from out of state who also does my family’s taxes, but I’d really prefer someone local (DC) who I could speak to in person.

        1. Here is who we used. He was great last year. We’re (obvs. from my sn!) in NoVa, but I believe he does DC, too.

          Stephen Kahn
          kahncpa – dot- com
          Kahn, CPA PLLC 3343 Duke Street, Alexandria, Virginia 22314
          information – at – kahncpa -dot – com;
          phone: 703.370.0019; Fax: 703.997.4433

    8. We use my parents’ “tax lady.” Husband had some serious problems with taxes when doing them himself with software, and with a chain tax place, so when we got married a few years ago we needed a smart tax person to sort it out.

      We live in IL but “tax lady” lives in MN and is perfectly willing to do everything via email and Skype when necessary. She’s worth every penny.

      So my recommendation is 1) get an independent accountant and 2) see if your parents/older friends have someone they like, even if it’s not in your area.

    9. The chain places are mostly staffed by temporary workers who have had a couple days of training in how to use TaxAct. You should be able to find a CPA for about the same price who will be much more knowledgeable.

  11. Sorry, this is so long! Can I ask for a bit of love advice? (

    I started seeing this guy mid-Nov. Things were going wonderfully for the first two weeks–lots of attention from him, lots of chemistry, and lots of interest in seeing each other. The holidays put a weird crinkle in things as did some other factors that put him out of town for a week. We had a two week gap and then a date that was good, but very much a getting-to-know-each-again kind of thing. Then Christmas. Two weeks where one or the other was traveling. Some contact, but more limited than I’d have liked. Then we were both back and he seemed reluctant to get together, though all of his emails were very upbeat.

    I asked him if something was up and he basically said that he knew things were moving slowly, that he wanted to keep them very slow but realized that wasn’t possible. Then he said that he had been asked out by a few girls and didn’t feel right going out with them given our budding relationship, but also didn’t feel ready to not be able to date other people.

    We talked it all out a bit. I said I wanted something serious and committed, but could hold off for a bit if he wanted to take things slowly. He said that he was also looking for that ultimately. We agreed we’d both be free to see other people, and that we’d see how things went. To be frank, I didn’t think we were necessarily exclusive yet anyway, though I wanted to be heading there. He even seemed to be relieved that we could work something out possibly and added “God, maybe I have a bit of a commitment issue,” “So you think maybe I should just calm down a bit?” and “We do seem to get along really well…we have great chemistry…and I’m obviously attracted to you.”

    That was two weeks ago. Since then, I’ve backed off a ton to try to give him a bit of space. He’s initiated two dates and email/text contact, and things generally seem to be going in a nice direction. I should add that we haven’t had sex yet. At first it was because I wanted to wait since I liked him a lot, then it was because things were weird with all the breaks and then it didn’t seem right after our long talk and decision to see other people.

    The problem? I’m an anxious type. I hate to feel like I’m being a chump or naive or that a guy isn’t appreciating me enough. The fact that he seemed willing to walk away from this even for a few moments makes me feel bad. I want to give him time and be patient if this has a future, but it’s hard not to feel like he’s just not that into me (and yes, I hate that book).

    I just can’t decide if I’m overanalyzing it/being too sensitive or if I’m an idiot for even giving this time. I like him a lot, but I’m still figuring out my feelings for him, too. Is there a way for me to stop feeling anxious about this without ending it? Is it worth being a bit patient?

    Final tidbits: I’m 32, in therapy and on meds for anxiety. He’s 37, lives alone, and hasn’t been in a relationship for quite a while. He’s extremely kind and wouldn’t want to hurt a fly, but I wonder if his issues will be difficult to overcome.

      1. My advice to you, if we were getting martinis to talk about Man Troubles, would be to 1. inhale slowly; 2. exhale slowly; 3. if you enjoy spending time with this guy, spend time with him; and 4. (the hard one!) avoid putting so many expectations on him and your relationship. If things develop, they develop. If things fizzle, they fizzle. There is no way you can know that now, so enjoy your relationship for what it is.

        But if it turns out that you honestly cannot enjoy seeing him in a casual, non-exclusive way, say that.

        Also, you guys seem very good at communicating your needs with each other in a mature, respectful, and open way. Keep that going, Batgirl and Man!

        1. I also have man troubles (if you can even call them that, really it was just a disappointing second date) – can we all go out for martinis? ;)

          I’m afraid I have no advice for you, Batgirl, but I can relate to what you’ve written here. Good luck! Hang in there!

    2. Thanks for the info. I was actually wondering whatever happened with that guy you met and liked :)

      It sounds to me like the only problem here is your anxiety. (I mean that in the general sense, not the clinical sense, but you know better than I do about how they interact.) Essentially, it sounds like absolutely nothing is wrong. You’re afraid of feeling like an idiot, playing the fool, etc…but what if you didn’t have that fear? You’d just be casually dating someone who is interested in you, and who you know is also ultimately looking for something committed. Sounds peachy to me.

      I’d suggest focusing on the aspects of yourself and your life which will be absolutely fine no matter what happens with this guy. That should be almost a perfect 100%. Enjoy your time with him, but keep perspective. If more time goes by and you can’t surmount the anxiety and doubt, then I think something isn’t working. Either you’re too anxious and insecure to be able to give this a real chance, or he’s doing something (despite his words) that makes you unable to trust him. But I doubt either of these outcomes.

      1. It’s really great you haven’t had sex with him yet – for now it seems that would only add to your anxiety and sense of vulnerability with him. You’re to be commended – particularly given your chemistry with him, that takes restraint! So like everyone has said, do keep enjoying your time with him, but in my opinion, hold out until you feel like you guys are committed.

      2. @Monday, it’s so cute that you remembered that! I didn’t think anyone would! Same guy!

    3. I have to agree with Monday. To me, going out once a week with emails/text in between dates seems like a perfectly reasonable relationship for busy working professionals. It seems like you expect him to want to go out far more often, and unfortunately that may not possible when you get to our age and likely have many other commitments to juggle. I’m definitely like him that I might very well be interested in a guy, but I’m not going to spend every waking hour with him early in a relationship. That may have been the case when I was in my early 20s, but now I’m busier with work and volunteering and other activities. I’d probably be able to devote 1-2 days a week max fairly early on in a relationship.

    4. ditto, there seems to be nothing wrong with the situation, just an excess of anxiety on your part. relationships take time to develop, and over-analyzing them does a lot more harm than good .. you need to let it take its course.

      to keep your mind off of it,
      1) focus on all the other great areas of your life non-him and
      2) go date other guys!!!!!!

    5. Ok Batgirl, I have totally been there. I dated a guy who was 36, I was 30, he was extremely kind but wanted to take things really slow. I’m totally an anxious person, and so that was really hard. We eventually got somewhat more serious, but it didn’t work out in the end. And you know what? It was ok. It was a nice relationship. I have nothing but nice thoughts towards him. And I met someone else a year later and married him.

      You never know if he can overcome his issues. My guy couldn’t. But your guy is totally different. And he sounds really great. So every time you feel anxious, focus on something else — sign up for a class at your gym, email a friend, stare out the window. It will pass.

    6. Wow, thanks so much, guys. I really appreciate the advice to take a deep breath. I get so anxious about relationships that it can drive me crazy and push me to end something (sometimes) prematurely.

      I hate the uncertainty and when you add to the mix the pressure of being 32 (just a month shy of 33) and wanting to have kids, it reaches a fever pitch.

      His honesty and openness really impressed me. Let’s just hope we keep the lines of communication open, I suppose.

      1. Yep. “Fever pitch” is never a good decision-making headspace, but I have to tell myself that a lot too (often regarding work stuff).

        It’s likely that Ellen is going to chime in at some point in this matter. I know that her approval ratings have been slipping here, and understandably, but if she comments to the effect that you should be worried about getting old, should trade sex for an engagement ring ASAP, and so on, let that just be an inspiration to laugh at all the pressure we put on ourselves, and how poorly the traditional dating scripts fit us now.

      2. I agree with this – focus on yourself and your life. Don’t let your life revolve around him – this is where the anxiety/obsessing can come in. If you have a great life and he’s a nice guy on top of everything, that’s just icing on the cake.

      3. I agree with the relaxing a bit, and if it helps think about how you meet a friend. Say you start a new job, club, whatever, or just meet a friend of friend. So you meet this woman and you think, huh she was nice I liked her. And you see her again casually, and then you guys maybe start setting up drinks or dinners, and eventually you realize you appreciate her as a person, enjoy spending time with her, and she has moved from aquaintence to good friend, because you both enjoy and feel fufilled by the friendship. At no point do you ask her “Do you consider us good friends now? Or are we still just coworkers. and at what point if ever do you see us becoming bffs” Obviously relationships are different, but just try to think of it as an organic process.

    7. FWIW I have a friend in her mid-30s who always rushes guys she is dating into more serious relationships and ultimately scares them off. With some of these guys, I think they could have been great together if she had just let the relationship progress slowly. Meeting up once a week and texting/emailing/calling once in a while in between seems like a normal pace to me. Take care of yourself and good luck!

      1. Thanks! It’s not the frequency of the dates so much as he clearly pulled way back in a noticeable way and it felt weird. I think it’s the change that always worries me–not the pace itself. We’ll see how it goes.

        Deep. Breath. :)

    8. Maybe you need to try to date other people too? I find that I get really caught up in things with one person if I have too much mental free time. Finding others to date or friends to hang with or books to read or anything else might take your mind to better places. That said, I don’t blame you for being stressed, I would be too!

    9. I was curious about what was happening with your new romance too! Glad to hear he’s turning out to be a really good guy.

      I generally agree with what other posters have said because you two haven’t been dating very long and it seems like he’s been open and honest about where he is. I just wanted to add that you know yourself and this relationship better than we do and if you feel like you’re not getting what you need out of it, then don’t be afraid to ask for it. For now, just focus on enjoying your time with him and figuring out whether you want something more with him, and less on where he is on the relationship timeline. Good luck! Please post updates!

  12. Just thought I’d share that today I’m wearing an all-Corporette outfit: the blue silk shirt from Lands End Canvas from last week (which by the way is fabulous) with “the skirt” in magenta. And gray pumps from Talbots. I love my outfit so much that everytime I look down, I squee a little bit. So thanks ladies and Kat!

    Also — I have a second round job interview tomorrow for a job I really want — so wish me luck! I’m freaking out a little at my temp job today — but trying to stay focused for everyone’s sake. :-)

    2. Oooh I own all of those (except different gray pumps) but hadn’t put them together. Thanks for the inspiration!

      And good luck at your interview!

      1. Don’t know if you’ll see this…but isn’t it?? I felt so classy and yet a little casual and cool — tucked into the high waisted pencil skirt it was just awesome.

        I’m in love a little bit.

  13. Monday Blues Threadjack:

    Semi-regular poster here. I am very fed up with NY winters (and this isn’t even a bad one). So hubby and I are thinking/ fantasizing about moving somewhere nice and warm with less or no winter. My only requirements are
    1. To be near water (within 1 hr is fine) because my favorite place to relax is the beach. Ocean, lake, pond, whatever as long as there is water and sand.
    2. There are good prospects for lawyers just starting out with law degrees from not T-14 law school. As a NYer commuting is no big deal. I would consider an hour by car/2 hrs by public transportation normal (maybe this is part of the reason I want out!).

    So ladies, please extol the virtues of your amazing, warm, wonderful to live in cities!

    1. I love Charleston, SC, but I’m not sure how many legal opportunities there are there. Such a cute city, though. Weather is great in the winter (though hot in the summer), and you’re near the beach (5 min drive, though it’s not the greatest beach in the world–not bad for a city!).

      1. I’m from Charleston and agree that it is one of the most wonderful cities in the world. However, the legal market right now is not great, especially for baby lawyers. It can also be very insular because a lot of people want to move there, so you have to show some real attachment to the city.

        As for alternatives, I’m now in Atlanta which is sadly not next to the beach, but it is still relatively warm and has a much better legal market. You can still get to water. There are a lot of lakes in Georgia; for example lots of people in Atlanta have lakehouses on Lake Oconee which is relatively close by. Also you are about a 4-5 hour drive from the coast.

    2. Whenever my husband goes through this phase (we’re leaving Boston…I don’t care the cost) he always ends up wanting to move to the research triangle in North Carolina (Raleigh-Durham). Not sure about close enough to the water or the legal market (which is why we could probably never do it) — but that’s where he spends his time on Zillow looking.

      2. I hate weather–I like climate! LOL So I live in Southern California! Cost of living is less than NYC but still high. But the outdoor living is so worth it, IMO!! I’ll never leave!

      1. Agreed. And, if you are a securities/transactional lawyer, I know a firm that is hiring!

      2. I’d add Venice beach to the mix, if I ever move back to LA, I think I’m moving there. I can’t imagine rent is more expensive than we are currently paying in the bay area.
        Not sure about the lawyer prospects though, I think it’s equally tough everywhere… and I even went to a great school (that unfortunately was on the east coast, so a lower ranked school on the west coast might even have better prospects).

    4. Wrong time to be asking this question to me. It was 81 degrees and humid on Saturday and nothing below mid-60s expected any time soon. Yuck. Usually we at least get a winter – highs in the 50s and 60s. Given the brutal summers, we need more of a break. This roller coaster is ridiculous and I am struggling with closet management. I’d recommend someplace that is a bit more temperate than the deep South. Maybe North Carolina?

    5. I went to law school in Texas, and Dallas has a surprisingly large legal market. The weather is fabulous (albeit slightly hot in the summers), and the cost of living is so cheap compared to New York.

      For what it is worth, I have done law in Dallas, New York, Boston, and now Chicago.

      1. Or Houston. The summers are a little less hot than Dallas but more humid (great for your skin – ha ha), but the winters are generally awesome, and the legal market is awesome, particularly if you do litigation. I have heard that we’re the biggest litigation city in the country. Also, it’s about an hour and a half to Galveston, which isn’t the greatest beach but is a beach and a cute town. The cost of living is amazing, and you can buy an adorable bungalow or something within a ten minute drive of downtown. Plus, we have a huge museum and theater district, great restaurants, sports, etc. I love Houston. :)

    6. Dear I.Hate.Snow:

      I also hate snow. ALOT! Four years ago I promised myself I would move some where warm and beautiful (Florida!). Since I was still in law school, after law school seemed like the best time to make that move. I did not go to a T-14 law school and I had much luck interviewing down in Florida. I have now landed the job of my dreams in Naples, Florida. My hubby was lucky that his company allowed him to work from home, so we set up a home office and he is living the dream (he wears shorts and crocs to work every day, goes for walks on his lunch and visits the pool after work.). Today it will be in the high 70s. Nights are in the high 50s/low 60s. When I lived in the north east I had a 30 minute car ride, then two trains to get to work, totalling 2 hours of commuting time. Now, it’s 10 minutes (but only if I have to wait for both lights!) The beach is less than 5 miles from our house and seriously, I have 3x the house for the same price.

    8. Move to Annapolis, MD! Moderate commute to DC, you’re near the Bay, and within 2 hours of the ocean. Not as cold as NY, but you still get seasons.

      1. Moderate commute to DC? Seriously? I live in Silver Spring and work in Rockville – my partner would love to live in Annapolis but we always thought the commute would be just terrible. Having to travel the outer loop from 50 to 270 in the mornings seems like it would be torture.

        Otherwise, I agree. Except for an unfortunate tendency for freezing rain, the winters here aren’t that bad. Summers kind of suck, but I think NY summers can be pretty bad, too.

        1. It’s a little farther than I would go, but OP did say an hour by car/2 hours by public transportation, and it’s definitely in that range.

      2. I have a coworker who commutes from Annapolis to downtown D.C. and it’s not that bad. She drives half an hour to the New Carrolton metro and then takes the metro the rest of the way in. I think it takes her about an hour.

    9. I can’t speak to the legal market in either place, but I went to college in the Raleigh-Durham area and absolutely loved it. It’s a couple of hours to the coast, but there are several lakes in the area. Also, I spent a summer in a tiny town outside of Charlotte, and Charlotte seemed quite nice (and has a large lake). Charleston and Savannah are also nice (though parts of Savannah can be a bit rough, but what cities don’t have their rough parts?)

      I’m from Georgia originally. I’m not a huge fan of Atlanta, though I’ve never actually lived there, just spent time there. (atlanta has horrible traffic–I’ve been told almost worse than LA–and in some ways lacks a real downtown–it’s a huge, sprawling city and very few people live “downtown,” though I believe like most cities, there is some reversal to this trend recently).

      (And I feel you on the NY winters thing. If anything ever drives me to leave New York, it will be winters. Well, that, and a desire for a living space with more than 3-4 rooms. I’m just going to see if I can hold out the 5 years or whatever it takes to waive into North Carolina’s bar)

      1. In regard to Atlanta traffic, yes it can be bad, but it really depends on where you live. If you live inside the perimeter of the 285 bypass, your commute really won’t be that bad. You are much more likely to face heavy delays when your commute requires you to get on the interstate (which is more likely when you live in one of the suburbs). We live in Decatur, and my husband has about a 25 minute commute downtown, and I will have about the same to midtown when I start next fall.

    10. Not much help here. The only water we have here is a few mountain streams. We only have two seasons – winter and 4th of July.

      1. Silicon valley area? San Francisco might be too cold for you, (although much less than you’re used to) but south bay is warmer and depending on where you live, you can definitely be 30-1 hour from the coast. It’s not going to be a beach where you swim (unless you have a wet suit and like that sort of thing) but it’s beautiful and mild year round. And, there are tons of firms out here. Downside is that it’s pricey, but probably not any more than you’re used to in NY.

    11. Op Here.

      Thanks everyone for your suggestions! It will give me lots of fun places to explore on these cold and rainy or snowy days!

    12. I’m in NYC with ya (darned weather!) but lived in Miami and am considering returning there… some areas south of Miami (like Palmetto Bay) are gorgeous, close to water, and a good spot to be long-term!

  14. I’m sorry that you’re in this position. Wait for the responses of others, but from what you’ve said, it doesn’t sound promising.

    The reason “He’s Just Not That Into You” was such an irritating book is because it assumed that women are stupid and can’t read signals when what they’re actually doing is willfully deluding themselves because they’re terrified of starting all over again.

    It sounds like that may be what you need to do. If it’ll be easier, don’t drop him outright, but don’t pursue him. If he wants to make a date, fine, otherwise don’t waste a lot of time on this guy.

    1. You’re so correct. Any guy who makes you feel you must post on the interwebs looking for advice is not the one.

  15. I know that many of you are online dating pros, and I’m hoping for some tips of the trade. I recently joined and have had some good dates and some not so good. My problem is the amount of time I’m finding that it takes to sort through profiles and messages, not to mention going on dates during the work week.

    Usually I’m pretty much a homebody on weeknights going to the gym, making dinner, and a bit of TV before bed. Meeting strangers for dinner or drinks takes a lot of energy, like having job interview after job interview on top of my other priorities. Also, I have a very hard time sleeping after going on a first date as I tend to obsessively analyze what went well or badly. Have any of you experienced these difficulties? Any strategies for making it easier?

    1. I’ve been there. Just try not to take it too seriously and don’t think about it much after the first date. I think of the first date as just getting to know the guy–as if you were just chatting each other up at a party. There shouldn’t be expectations at that point. All you have to do is decide whether you want to see him again–not decide whether you want to marry him.

      I don’t know what to tell you about the time it takes to message guys, though. I’m facing the same problem. It’s exhausting and seems so artificial. Less is best, though, I think, in terms of how long the back and forth should go.

      Good luck! I’ve met some great guys online!

      1. Thanks, Batgirl! I agree with you on exchanging fewer messages. Some people seem to want to have 40 back-and-forths of small talk before setting up a date, and I feel like there’s not too much you can find out about them that way without meeting.

        And best of luck with the guy you’re currently dating. I’m clearly in no position to be offering advice on how to relax with regard to relationships.

        1. Haha, thanks! We’re all a mess in our own lovely ways. :)

          I think that too much back and forth before a date can just elevate expectations and takes it away from the natural mate-selection process! I like to exchange maybe three or four emails then set up a very low pressure date. I’m big on happy hour drinks. Easy to escape from if the date is terrible and not much of a time commitment.

    2. I have no suggestions, but the reasons you list are exactly why I have abandoned dating–recognizing that opting out will not get me to the goal of finding a husband. With a job, exercise, sleep, reading, friends, etc., I don’t know where people fit in dating!

    3. less is more with online dating. don’t go crazy studying the profiles – if someone sounds reasonably interesting, intelligent, and within geographic range, shoot him a quick (2 line) email. do that with 5-10 guys each week. it should take you 30-45 minutes (yes, that means you spend 3-8 minutes with each profile). out of the 5-10 guys, you might get 1-3 replies which might lead to 1-2 dates. that’s a perfectly reasonable ratio. do not waste a single second thinking about the guys that didn’t email you back. set up coffee or drinks with the ones that you did connect with, and do it pretty quickly – e.g. don’t waste another 2 weeks emailing back and forth. when it comes to the actual dates, don’t focus too much on any single guy until you hit date #3 or 4. there’s a lot of noise on dates 1 & 2.

      as you go on more dates, they get easier and less stressful. you’re better able to weed out the potentials and keepers from the nutties and mehs. they might even become fun. :) believe me, things become clear soon enough, and if you’re spending an excessive amount of time obsessing over or trying to justify one guy’s behavior – that’s probably a sign that he’s a no.

      finally, when you’re not actually out with a guy or emailing with one, DON’T THINK ABOUT IT. be present in the rest of your life.

      good luck!

      1. It sounds like you are saying yes to dates when actually you are busy. There’s nothing wrong with deciding that you aren’t available mon-wed-sun eve because you are cleaning/cooking/drinking wine on the couch. The right one for you won’t disappear if you moderate the pace a bit.

    4. Thanks for the advice, ladies! You are all right that I need to expend less brain space on it. And Anne Shirley that is a great point. I have been saying yes to dates with guys who sound promising when what I would rather be doing is drinking wine on the couch, so I need to either be better at spreading out dates or being more selective about who to go out with.

    5. I’ve just started myself, but here is what has been working for me. I’ve decided that I’m ok going one 1 date a week during the workweek and another over the weekend. 1 night after work is completely different than my normal schedule but I’m trying to be adventurous about it. As far as sleeping, so far I’ve been able to have a quick debrief with my roommate or a friend on the phone. It lets me get it all out of my head before going to bed.

      As far as the time commitment, I have a few strategies. If someone messages me first, I’ll read their profile once and as long as they seem like a normal person without any red flags, I respond. If I’m the one looking through profiles, I read a little more closely and then send a message if I’m interested. I only send a few messages normally about 3 times a week so it’s not taking so long. I don’t think messaging forever is worth it, so I actually included a line in my profile that I’d like to hear from people who are interested in meeting after a few messages. Overall, it’s not taking too long and I’ve met 2 people since I signed up a few weeks ago, 1 of who I’ll have my 3rd date with this week, and am setting up dates with 2 other people as well.

  16. Can anyone speak to how the Blanco jeans (higher rise) from White House Black Market fit? They get really great reviews on their website.

    I’m so tired of trying to find jeans that fit. I’m a little long-waisted, so lots of jeans are too short in the stride, but I’m not really tall enough for tall sizes (5’7″). My legs are kind of short for my height. I’ve been wearing lower rise jeans, which seems to bypass the short in the stride problem, but I can’t deal with the muffin top, so until I can find the time to tone up, or the money for lipo, I think I’ll go back to higher rise jeans. My waist is 33″, my hips are 40″, and I wear a 10 in Ann Taylor dress pants, but their jeans just don’t fit me in any size. Oh, I also have an extremely flat butt. And I’m 51, and hating middle age. WTH happened to my waist? Sigh. Anyone with a similar body type who can recommend good fitting jeans with a higher rise? Bonus points if they make my butt look less flat.

    1. We are the same height, shape, AT size and age, so I hope you get some good replies! Have you tried Kut from the Kloth skinny jeans from Nordstrom? They’re OK, although sometimes stretch too much in the waist.

      1. What size do you wear in the Kut from the Kloth jeans? I just checked the size chart, and if I go by the waist, I’d get a 16, but size 12 for the hips. They loook cute, though, and lots of good reviews.

        1. I wear a 10 in KftK, and on a skinny day might buy an 8. (They run large, in my experience.) I tend to need a 10 in AT and Talbots bottoms. (I have broad shoulders and really long arms, so I usually need a 12 on top no matter how much I weigh.)

    2. I am 5’6″ and long waisted. if I wear low rise pants or jeans, my legs look stupidly short. I own several pairs of the WHBM Blanc cut and like them a lot. They are higher than the Noir, which is quite low, but not so high waisted as to look out of style. They are my cut for WHBM jeans. I wear a size 4 and my waist is about 27, hips 36.

      I also like Not Your Daughter’s Jeans (especially the Modern Bootcut) for the same reason — they are higher waisted. They also have so much spandex that they are extremely comfortable and they claim to make you look one size smaller. Don’t know about that but they are very flattering. I like them even better than the WHBM jeans, but only marginally so. Both feature prominently in my closet. Hope that helps.

  17. Help please!! My live-in boyfriend just got laid off… I’m not concerned about money (just yet), but what do I do for him? How can I help him? Any advice?

    1. ugh! take him out for a beer, or buy him dinner, or just let him sit on the couch and zone out … whatever he needs. just listen and be there for him, like you would with any other friend.

      eventually, you’ll need to discuss money and finding a new job .. but if this just happened today, i would give him a few weeks to digest and get back on his feet.

    2. When I got laid off and there was no concern about money, my husband kind of just gave me space, made sure to let me grieve (he cooked and cleaned and everything even though I was home) and he encouraged me to go away with friends to the beach for a couple of days (it was the summer).

      The first week is too early to help him find a new job really — just help him vent and grieve and maybe celebrate (depends on the job). And maybe buy him a plane ticket to go to Aruba by himself for three days. :-P

      1. OR, if he is action-oriented, he may need to do things about finding a new job RIGHT NOW (I was like this both times I got fired). So if he is like that, support him in that, help update the resume, talk to headhunters if applicable, etc.

        Good luck!

        1. I have to agree…he IS a pretty awesome husband.

          Have I mentioned that what he does for “fun” is things like organize the coat closet or keep track of our finances on quicken? He’s a keeper (as my mom would say).

      3. This – especially the part about encouraging him to stay connected with his friends. My BF was laid off a couple years ago. While he was unemployed, he was so worried about not spending money and making his severance last that he almost never left the house, so he dropped out of touch with a lot of his friends, and was even more isolated and depressed than people ordinarily are under these circumstances. Of course, those feelings made it even harder for him to find a job, and it became a vicious cycle – especially since this was while I was graduating law school and studying for the bar and (to him) stacking up all these accomplishments.

        I try not to beat myself up, since I was super busy and stressed out myself, but I wish I had done things like affirmatively invite his friends over for dinner or game nights, so that he could have had a better connection to the outside world. (His friends are all married with kids, so it was easy to lose contact without someone actively stepping in to schedule things.)

    3. I would just reassure him that you’re in this together, that you are a family, that you can survive for a while on just one income (if you can, or one income + unemployment). And try to be as calm/secure/strong as you can so that he has a soft place to fall. Getting laid off really, really sucks and destabilizes people on many levels (financially, self esteem, emotionally, etc…) and the best thing you can do for him is to be rock solid while he recovers and hunts for a new job.

      1. Also, be flexible about cutting expenses. If you guys have splurge areas (premium cable, frequent dinners out, expensive wine, cleaning service, garaged parking, etc.) that you can cut temporarily, be willing to do that in the short term to reduce some of the financial stress.

    4. When this happened with my now-ex, we brainstormed together all of the networking, consulting, part-time work, etc. that he could do immediately until the right job came along. It gave him something to think about and work on and feel productive. Because your BF was laid off and not fired, there’s less of the guilt factor for him, but he may need a little time to grieve and hibernate. That said, I’d definitely give it a time limit!

    5. Thank you all! Great suggestions. He’s in such a state of shock right now, I feel terrible. Well here goes!

    6. When my brother was laid off, he asked his wife to do the initial Monster etc. job search. It made her a part of the process so she was less anxious, and it helped focus his energies toward the jobs that were actually applicable, rather than wasting time looking through irrelevent/lesser postings and thinking OMG-so-many-jobs-but-NONE-for-me! A year later, they both still talk about how helpful that was. Obviously, I wouldn’t recommend that approach for a DH or BF who isn’t a self-starter, though.

    7. I would recommend immediately doing something wildly fun and slightly unexpected. I like to buy something I’ve had my eye own for a while, or something special that I’m going to have around for a while, but I’m super into “stuff” that way. So the day I screwed up that audition WASN’T the day I screwed up the audition, it was the day I bought my adorable aloe plant. Similarly, the day my boyfriend’s idiot headmaster took his classroom away was NOT the day that happened, it was the day he bought his AWESOME SPEAKERS. It really helps take the edge off.

  18. Anyone buy a dress on eShakti? Thoughts on quality/sizing? If it’s custom made, can you return or exchange the dress? Thanks.

    Also want to say that I recently discovered ModCloth and am obsessing over the clothes. Most of it is too retro to wear to work but some pieces could work in my office. I haven’t bought anything because I’m trying to be on a shopping hiatus!

    1. I bought a skirt about a year ago and wasn’t really happy with it. It was a custom sized one and I think it’s just too difficult to get your own measurements exact by yourself and there was some weird detailing on the back that wasn’t shown online. I couldn’t return it, but I can’t remember if it was because I missed the window or because it was custom.

  19. I was working all weekend, so I didn’t get a chance to read the incredibly thoughtful and helpful comments to my post in weekend thread #1 until this morning. I knew no one would be looking at that thread anymore, so I wanted to say a big THANK YOU here.

  20. Assistant (not mine) seen wearing bright red patent rain boots (not-designer) as her footwear choice of the day. Granted, it’s raining outside. But appropriate for a law office? I think not.

    We’re business casual, but wow. That’s taking it to an extreme, don’t you think? Then again, maybe I am just a prude.

    1. Have you seen her more than once or do you think she may be wearing them to go out for lunch? I have rain boots I wear in/out of the office if it’s raining and then I’ll change to other shoes when I get in.

      1. I meant it more as in “she is wearing rain boots and it isn’t as though they are some designer boots that are meant to be worn inside on a routine basis as a fashion statement.” Not as in “OMG, she is NOT wearing a designer… WTF?!”

        I may be ridiculous, but not that ridiculous. I think I own 2 things with a label.

        1. FWIW, I don’t know if there are any rainboots, designer or not, that would be appropriate to wear indoors at the workplace during the entire workday.

          I agree that rainboots are *not* work appropriate footwear. But, I don’t agree that it matters if they are designer.

    4. I (attorney) wore my bright red patent rain boots in to work today. Technically, they are “designer” (aquatalia) but I don’t think that should really make any difference (would her walking around in burbery plaid wellies make it more acceptable for you?).

      I did take mine off when I got to my desk but that’s because I have the luxury of being able to stash a bunch of shoes in my office closet, which your assistant might not, and because my office is on the more formal side. Assuming the person is otherwise dressed appropriately, I don’t think wearing shiny red boots on a gray, rainy day in a business casual office is that extreme, esp. for a non-lawyer.

    6. Ok. Apparently I should have left off the designer part of the comment. My point about the designer thing was that I assume, from my lack of fashion knowledge, that there may be some boots that are designed to be worn indoors as a fashion statement. These are not. However, she most definitely intended to wear these all day in the office, as she commented to another assistant about them already. And yes, I have seen her now for about 3hrs in these boots (and leggings).

      I generally don’t comment on peoples’ wardrobe choices in the office–to each their own, and I am far from amazing. However, this just struck me as particularly… odd… and a little inappropriate for a law office.

      Didn’t mean to stir up the hornet’s nest. Wow. Sorry for everyone who wanders into work on a rainy day with boots on & then changes (which, by the way, I did as well this morning).

      1. Its really not a big deal to wear rain boots in the office. Does it make the most professional statement? No, it would be better if she changed into office shoes. Is it totally inappropriate? No. And the non designer thing does sound snobby on paper (or electronically) that’s why I mentioned it.

      1. This, although I agree with anon that she may have forgotten her regular shoes. Sigh, in my bike and public transit commuting days, this happened to me plenty.

    8. Twice, I’ve accidentally worn my ratty flip-flops to work instead of my flats- they’re both Crocs, so I couldn’t tell the difference in my sole. If it’s not a common occurrence when it’s raining, then she probably forgot to bring something to change into. You don’t specify mentioning it to anyone at the office, but I would forgo it, just in case. She’d probably be really embarrassed to have it brought up, and might be planning to change shoes at lunch.

    9. The issue seems to be that she wore bright red, in your face rain boots and rather than bring a more office appropriate pair of shoes to change into, she kept those on all day. Okay big deal. She’s an assistant, not an attorney. I’m sure everyone made those types of mistakes in the beginning of the career when they likely are not getting a salary that affords them a wardrobe that you might expect. Plus, she isn’t even your assistant! In her defense, maybe the attorney she works for doesn’t even notice the slight oversight in shoes because she is such a good assistant that it makes up for it. Seems to me that you are being overly critical. If she came into the office in clear, 5 inch stilettos in the summer, then that clearly be inappropriate.

  21. Threadjack – Random friendship question. I recently met up with an old friend. We have been out of school for 5+ years and don’t see each other much.

    Throughout the weekend I felt somewhat (a lot?) out of place. Though I have tried to keep in touch, it has been difficult (she’s crazy busy), so our conversations are mostly recaps of fun nights in college (ie – the same stories told over again). I can’t shake the feeling that we became friends more b/c of circumstance (ie – we happened to be in the same place, etc) than bc of a true connection and now things are just sort of stagnant.

    How have you approached this? I’m hesitant to lose touch because friendships seem are so hard to come by as an adult (and I’m shy to begin with), but I’m not sure there’s any benefit to these odd get togethers every 2 years.

    1. Hmm, I had this recently. I met up with an old friend who I realized that I have nothing in common anymore… I think she realized it too, though. I think it’s okay to let go at this point – both of you aren’t really losing anything, and you can still cherish the time you had together without feeling like you need a friendship for friendship’s sake.

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