ByKat Hours Updated
Comments 150 Comments

Weekend Open Thread #2

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1Something on your mind? Chat about it here. There are almost 400 comments in the first thread and it's only 12:30 on Saturday! So I thought I'd open a new thread. This time I'm recommending this gorgeous lip gloss that I got, which is my current favorite product from a Sephora gift set that was full of great things, sadly now sold out. How much do I like it? I emailed Auntie M about it, unprompted, to recommend to her (one of our favorite things to do is always to go to Sephora or Barney's and play Makeup). It's this sparkly gloss that a) doesn't feel sticky, b) stays really well (and doesn't put sparkles all over your face the way some other sparkly glosses do) and c) is SUPER sparkly — the sheer, sheer pink (“Paiette”) is perfect because it makes your lips look nude but really shiny. It's so subtle my husband even asked once if I was wearing makeup at all when I had it on — he couldn't figure out what was different. (In fact, here's a pic of it on my lips — you can't even see the sparkles in it up close.) It does transfer a little bit when you kiss, but it's pretty low compared to other lipglosses. To me this is the perfect nude gloss to complement a really smoky eye for a night out. The gloss is $14 at Sephora. TARINA TARANTINO Sparklicity Gloss

Sales of note for 2/7/25:

  • Nordstrom – Winter Sale, up to 60% off! 7850 new markdowns for women
  • Ann Taylor – Extra 25% off your $175+ purchase — and $30 of full-price pants and denim
  • Banana Republic Factory – Up to 50% off everything + extra 15% off
  • Boden – 15% off new season styles
  • Eloquii – 60% off 100s of styles
  • J.Crew – Extra 50% off all sale styles
  • J.Crew Factory – 40% off everything including new arrivals + extra 20% off $125+
  • Rothy's – Final Few: Up to 40% off last-chance styles
  • Spanx – Lots of workwear on sale, some up to 70% off
  • Talbots – 40% off one item + free shipping on $150+

And some of our latest threadjacks here at Corporette (reader questions and commentary) — see more here!

Some of our latest threadjacks include:

150 Comments

  1. I just sent in a request for a post to be done on this, but I don’t think Kat will get to it in time. I have a lunch interview at a small (10-12 person) creative agency on Monday. A good friend of mine works there and is part of the reason I landed the interview. It’s a very laid back company and she wears jeans, t shirts and sweaters/blazers to her office. I’m totally thrown on what to wear. I have a very nice plain black pant suit that I wear for most interviews, and an even nicer navy pin stripe skirt suit that I wear for additional interviews at the same company. Obviously, I’m not going to wear jeans, but any help/advice on how to dress for a casual interview? Also, any help/advice on how to handle an interview during a meal?! This is a first for me! Thanks!

    1. Kat did a post on the “informal interview”–you might be able to dig it up by searching. Commenters tended to agree that “informal” refers to the format of the conversation, but not to your dress. If I were you I’d go with the black pant suit, but with a blouse and accessories that have a little flair. I think that strikes a balance between fitting in with their culture and making it clear that you take the interview seriously.

      I’ve never interviewed during a meal, but I’d just say make sure to order something totally un-fussy that will not require any hands, mess, slurping–any distractions. You’ll probably be talking a lot, so maybe even have a snack beforehand in case you don’t get to eat a full meal. Keep your resume in a hard-cover folio to ensure that it doesn’t get anything spilled on it. Otherwise, just follow the etiquette for any business lunch–with the main rule being to copy whatever the most senior person there is doing at any given phase. Good luck!

      1. Wear the suit, but a non-button-up-shirt top (like a pretty print shell), fun accessories and shoes, hair down or half-up. There’s a thread somewhere on interviews over a meal, but I agree with Monday that it should be something non-messy. Short pasta is a good choice, or a chopped salad. Something with small, non-drippy pieces that are easy to eat with a fork. Not a sandwich (can’t eat with a fork, get dirty hands), no long pasta, no slurpy. I also agree that you should eat a granola bar beforehand, and have one ready afterwards in case you can’t eat much during.

      2. Another note- don’t salt your food before you taste it. A friend of mine told me his father (native French) will not hire anyone that does!

        1. I had a partner recently rant to me while we went for lunch about the salting thing, but also about people who butter their entire piece of bread at once, instead of each piece as they eat it.

    2. I wouldn’t wear jeans. You should still dress smartly, since it’s an interview. I’d wear nicely tailored black pants or a black pencil skirt, a blazer in an interesting texture (tweed, velvet, etc), and a silk shell, perhaps with a nice scarf or a chunky necklace. If you wear a skirt, wear tights rather than pantyhose. Feel free to wear slightly fun shoes instead of your conservative pumps.

    3. My current job is very casual dress (management is in polos and jeans, most days). I wore a gray blazer, black pants, and a white button down for my interview. I was more dressed up than those interviewing me, but not so much so that I was uncomfortable.

      1. This is the way it goes at my jeans/t-shirt workplace. Interviewees typically wear a suit or more formal separates. We don’t do lunch interviews, but I would dress the same.

    4. i work in a very casual environment also. people never wear suits unless they have major meetings. that said, we expect everyone who comes in for a job interview to wear a suit as a sign that they are taking the interview seriously and respecting the situation. i agree with above suggestions for how to liven it up a little, though.

      good luck!

      1. oh, and on the food – order one course (no appetizer, no dessert) unless everyone else is, and even then, i’d still stick with one. a good interview meal IMO is iced tea, short pasta and a coffee afterward. chopped salads can be ok too except that i’m always afraid of getting green in my teeth :)

  2. Advice please:

    I am five feet tall with somewhat athletic calves. Anyone with a similar shape have any boot recommendations?

    Thanks in advance!

    1. I am taller than you are but I have very muscular calves. I have 2 pairs of the Nine West Irysse boots – they come up to the bottom of my calf, but because of the heel height, they look taller. Someone else (Bonnie?) posted in the past week or so about the Cole Haan tall boots that are leather with gussets. She said they looked great and they come in various heel heights. If I could go somewhere and try them on, I’d probably have a pair. I’d suggest measuring your calf circumference before shopping online.

    2. I’m 5’3″ with 15″ calves and Naturalizer wide calf boots fit me well. Tsubos don’t come up too high, but they’re too tight on me. I’ve heard a lot of recommendations for Duo Boots, which come in customized sizes, but I’ve never tried them.

      1. I 2nd these– I have naturalizers wide calf boots & love them too. Usually boots never fit me in the calf area.
        I think Zappos will also sort by wide calf.

        2. Zappos does allow a sort by wide calf but unfortunately that will only bring up those styles designated (I think by the manufacturer) as wide calf and that’s only a few brands. You’ll get more by looking at the shaft circumference but you have to do that boot by boot.

    3. I’m 5’9″ but only wear a 7 and I have muscular calves so I run into this a lot. I love that Zappos actually lists the circumference of the boot shaft in their description. I’ve had good luck with Kenneth Cole and I have a fabulous pair I love from Seychelles. I also have a really high arch and instep which adds another frustrating element to boot shopping. But with Zappos I have been known to order 3-4 at a time and return all or most.

    4. I have a pair of Lifestrides Somerset boot (non-leather). I sized up from a 6 to a 6 1/2. The regular sized calf runs large so that fit fine, but the footbed was a bit narrow for my sometimes-wide feet.
      I’m 4’10” with 14.5″ calves. The top of the boot hits right below my knee.

    5. I just got a pair of Paul Green Riding boots last weekend, and was going to rush to Corporette to recommend the wide calf/low price/reasonable quality: http://www.zappos.com/paul-green-karren-moro-combo . Until I looked on Zappos and saw that they were closer to $300 on sale (mine were 150€ full price). As they’re on sale, my recommendation still holds.

    6. Try looking on Endless. It gives you options to show only boots with a certain calf circumference, and then you can look at the height of each boot from there. Keep in mind that the circumference is often measured with a size 6 or 6.5, so if you have a bigger foot, you can expect that the circumference will be a bit larger.

      1. In my (extensive and as yet fruitless) search for boots, I have found that calf circumference measurements are often given using a size 9 or 9.5 – meaning that smaller sizes (like my 7.5) don’t get the extra room in the calf that we are looking for. There also seems to be a lack in standardization regarding what constitutes “wide calf.” For example, I have read articles that recommend brands like J.Crew for wide calf boots – but they are at least 2″ too narrow for me.

    10. I am a bit taller but have large calves. My latest tall boot purchase is Rockport La Prele Lane from 6pm.
      They have 15 1/2 in circumference + a full-length elastic insert. I also like the comfortable low heel that is still a heel.

  3. Looking for a running partner in Manhattan. Evenings/weekends, currently running around 3-4 miles but planning to work my way up to 4-6 and then train for a half marathon in the fall. Currently struggling with the dark gloomy evenings and their effect on my motivation. If you’re in the same boat, shoot me an email – nycrunnercorporette@gmail.com.

    2. I’m still really slow and working my way back into running but I’d be interested in a running buddy. I’ll send you an email if you don’t mind someone slow but motivated.

  4. Isnt it great that we coroporette’s have a hive of our own? The manageing partner does not even know I have friends on this web sight! Fooey on him. I am NOT workeing today! Yay!

  5. Can anyone recommend a point-and-shoot digital camera? I don’t need anything fancy, but I would like something I can count on to take reliably good pictures. Any favorites to recommend or brands/models to stay away from? Thanks so much!

    1. I love my Canon PowerShot. I’ve had mine for good lord, going on five years at this point, so you’d probably want a newer model than the one I have, but it takes fantastic photos for its price point. My best friend has the same camera for everyday point-and-shoot type use, as well, and she’s an actual photographer. So believe her if you don’t believe me!

      2. I got a Canon Powershot a few months ago based on recommendations of a friend that were backed up by people here. I love it! I got the SD1400IS, but I think they came out with a new model. I was able to get mine on clearance at Best Buy because of that. I take pictures all the time and have been extremely satisfied with it.

      3. I’ll add my vote to the Canon PowerShot. Mine has taken a beating but continues to take amazing photos.

    2. I had an Olympus 850sw, which is actually waterproof as well. 95% of the time I just used it as a regular camera and only took it under water a few times on snorkeling trips. As a regular camera, it worked great. It took beautiful pictures and I was really happy with it. It had some simple settings that could be used for different types of photos (e.g. food photography, landscape, night photos, etc) which reduces the need to understand things like macro and the different flash settings. Unfortunately, as waterproof cameras tend to do, it developed a leak while underwater and got damaged (this was after about 2 years of use and 5 or so times underwater). It still sort of works as a regular camera, although it turns off spontaneously and I wouldn’t take it on a trip as my only camera because its unreliable. But for a point-and-shoot camera to be used on dry land, I highly recommend it. It was around $200 I think.

    3. Adore my Nikon Coolpix. I’ve owned two. It doesn’t do as well as my Canon DSLR, but I wouldn’t expect it to. For a point-and-shoot, the pics are very good.

    5. Thanks, ladies! I appreciate the responses — these are all great choices. I’m leaning toward the PowerShot now, but I’m intrigued by the other options, too. Excited to get a new one — my current camera is over six years old and just doesn’t perform like it used to.

  6. We’re looking to buy a place and it is looking more and more likely that we will have to do some renovating. Does anyone have any suggestions for getting a general price range for kitchen/bathroom renovations? We just want some idea of cost as we make decisions as to how to much to offer. We’re in NYC. Thanks!

    1. I think the costs in NYC tend to be much higher bc of building permits, storage/moving of trash, dumpster access, access to the apt through a co-op, etc. Maybe try apartmenttherapy.com to see if they have some ideas of those costs?

      We spent 35K on our kitchen, but that was a combo of high end appliances (10K for stove), but low-end custom cabs (11K) and DIY all the installation. We are spending about 30K on our current bathroom reno (contractor is doing).

      1. Yes, 35K on an NYC kitchen is VERY low.
        We spent $17k on a mid-range NJ bathroom, keeping the old tub but having to redo all plumbing, wiring, walls, vanity, granite countertops, tile floor and shower walls.
        I’ve been told to budget at least $100k per floor of a brownstone for a gut renovation, or $400/SF for a gut. And that’s for a mid-range reno, using KraftMaid cabinets or similar, nothing super fancy.

    2. In our case, our realtors were very knowledgeable about renovation prices. When we would look at place, we’d discuss possible changes and they would have a good idea of what it took. Yours might be just as knowledgeable.

    3. It might be helpful to go get an idea on prices for kitchen and bathroom sinks, faucets, toilets, etc and appliances as well. I used to work in the plumbing industry and people often vastly underestimated the costs that these things would add on top of the typical construction costs.

  7. How do you ladies feel about Capitol Hill Style’s 2-out-of-3 rule? (i.e. if your’e wearing a dress, tights, and shoes, 2 out of the 3 need to be the same color). I have a number of work appropriate dresses in colors like deep purple that I wear with black tights & shoes that aren’t black or the color, like gray, beige or silver. I also wear gray dresses sometimes with black tights & shoes in a fun (but still subdued enough for work) color. I’m wondering if I should rethink my outfits. Any thoughts?

    1. That doesn’t make any sense to me. So a navy dress with burgundy shoes would mean either navy or burgundy tights rather than a charcoal gray? Gray dress with black tights means either gray or black shoes? That would look weird and matchy-matchy to me, honestly. Gray dress and black tights would be my go-to formula for wearing any sort of interesting color shoes. All black or all gray would make the shoes pop too much (and also look too much like, “What Not To Wear says I need a ‘pop of color.'”).

    3. The rule made me re-think my tights approach and I do think it is more flattering for me to follow the rule, but I don’t do it all the time.

      1. Agree. It is often unflattering to see 3 different colors together, especially when it’s skirt + tights + boots (as opposed to heels). I usually follow it, but it’s not a law for me.

    4. Sounds more like a rule of thumb (in case you need help deciding), rather than a more rigid rule.

    5. I generally enjoy reading CHS, but a decent amount of Belle’s fashion and skincare advice strikes me as, well, nutty. I think this sort of matchy-matchiness is for southern ladies wearing twinsets and pearls, not professional women in our 20s and 30s.

      Also I think her rule is actually that either your tights match your shoes or your dress – she doesn’t like the broken-up line created by having matching dress and shoes but mismatched tights. Which makes it even nuttier, IMHO. Your outfits sound lovely.

    6. Does the rule apply to colors like black and gray? If so, I often break this rule because I like black, gray, and a color together.

    7. I have never heard that rule, but I have similar one for myself with respect to office clothes: If I am wearing three pieces, then two of those pieces have to match. Examples:

      * skirt with sweater set (sweaters match)
      * suit with blouse or shell (jacket matches skirt/pants)

      Anyone think similarly?

      1. No, honestly :) Granted I don’t have to wear suits to work, but my Creative Soul would have vapors if I tried to force myself to do something like that. I mean, everything coordinates and looks appropriate; an example might be navy pencil skirt + short-sleeved floral-print button-down in gray and blue + gray sweater, perhaps with a charcoal tight this time of year.

        But basically, when I hear anyone talk about “rules” like that, I think they’re great, if following them is what you need to get out the door feeling professional and put-together. I personally find them restrictive.

      2. I would also probably die. I would feel so, so conservative always wearing either a twinset or a suit. It also just looks too blocky on me–e.g. black jacket with black top and gray skirt–huge block of black up top, then a big block of gray. I find threes much more visually appealing than twos, and I often feel I look unfinished if there are only two major aspects of my outfit (I believe Tim Gunn agrees with me). I always want to add a third piece to look more together (even if it’s only a big scarf). This seems like a way to make three pieces look like two. Not for me.

        1. I am a three-color girl as well. I love to pair contrasting colors together to add some interest, and would be really depressed if I were stuck wearing gray/black or gray/navy as combos all the time. I like to have at least one contrasting pop in my wardrobe. If I wear a black sweater and gray pants, I will probably pair a colored necklace or belt.

    8. I agree with the rule. Matching your tights to your shoes or clothing lengthens the line of your leg.

  8. We are doing a January “white elephant” gift exchange in my women’s group. (We decided to avoid the holiday madness.) The limit is $40. What to buy? I don’t want to do the usual bath soap/body lotion basket. Last year I bought sexy underwear, and I want to do something different this year. These are career women with pretty high-end taste. Any suggestions? I already have thought of champagne & truffles . . .

    1. what about a lounge gift… champagne, truffles, a snuggie, and a silly movie (maybe something from the 80s or something intentionally cheesy)?

      Essentially, I’d say to go with things that aren’t scented or sized, something a person wouldn’t typically buy himself/herself OR something completely silly like tons of playdo/legos/bubbles that are just for goofy fun

    2. For Secret Santa, I bought schmancy art supplies. (Prismacolor markers from the art supply store.) I have some left over from college (flirted with a graphic design major) and they appeal to the suppressed creative side of me while also coming in surprisingly handy around the house.

    3. Fancy nail polishes, a la Chanel or Butter or Deborah Lippman, in a few great colors – something very expensive and nice that most ladies would not buy for themselves. Even if they don’t do their own nails, they can take the polish with them to the salon. Maybe throw in one of those rapid dry top coats (I’ve been impressed with Essie’s) and a ceramic nail file.

      1. I love this idea! I can never bring myself to buy really expensive nail polish but love some of the colors.

    4. Multi-class pass to a yoga studio? Nice scarf or wrap? Cashmere-lined leather gloves?

      Do you bake? I often make “gift certificates” redeemable for a pie. They’re a big hit in gift exchanges.

    5. Here’s a list of things under $40 that I have my eye on but haven’t actually sprung for yet (IMO the perfect gift then for things like this)

      – a big thick pad of whitelines paper for my desk at work http://whitelines.se/products/
      – (similarly) a circa rhodia notebook from levenger http://bit.ly/tyeSUg
      – bliss fabulous starter set at sephora, with the foaming facewash + moisturizer + something else I don’t remember
      – earrings from Maria Corcuera http://etsy.me/zohQER (found because I wanted to “shop locally” on etsy)
      – Stila lipgloss sets/palettes (Nordstrom rack had bunches after Xmas) = the big box of crayons for grownup women

    6. I like to do subscription gifts. This year I did the 3 month Birch Box subscription; I took a mini-mailbox and put a fluffy bow on it, with a card inside that said “Birch Box will be coming to your mailbox, if you wind up with this gift.” I’ve also done magazine subcriptions (2-3 of the recipient’s choice) a couple of times, and that went over really well.

      1. At Christmas I gave a gift to a lesbian couple of a Sephora perfume sampler. The sampler boxes are either $50 or $75 depending on the number and selection of fragrance samples inside. They are small replicas, rather than just little vials and come with a GC for a bottle of whichever perfume the recipient likes best. (My understanding from the website comments is that the size of the “free” bottle depends on the value of the sampler.) So I geve the couple that plus an additional gift card valued at the price of the sampler box so they could both choose a bottle of their favorite. From what I hear, they are both having fun trying scents out, testing their partner’s reaction, etc and are planning a trip to Sephora in Feb.

    7. Wow–these are some fantastic ideas! Thank you ladies. I am inspired and definitely will be following your advice . . .

    8. Those cool gloves that work with touchscreens. Or the cubes that keep your coffee/tea the right temperature. Either one would be a good gift around that price.

  9. Need some Branding advice here…

    I was asked to begin writing a relationship/sex advice column for an online magazine for women targeting ages 25-45ish. I can’t come up with a name! HELP!!!! (My first name is Kryss and my name/bio will be at the end of the column but a nickname or something wouldn’t really bug me, if that helps)

    Thanks for all suggestions, no matter how silly or raunchy or out there!

          1. This one’s my favorite! But then again, I am a big fan of puns, so my taste is probably questionable…

    5. I think I’d do some play on crystal clear and your name – Kryss’ Crystal Clear Advice?

  10. My voice is rather girlish sounding, and I don’t speak particularly quickly. I’m also soft spoken. Basically my voice doesn’t sound authoritative or serious. I imagine this would be a real career killer in law. I’m a senior IT person, and working towards my master’s and PMP certification, so I’m looking to move up the ranks, but I feel like my voice and speaking style might hold me back. I have no idea how to go about changing this. I don’t have a problem with what to say, just how to say it effectively. Of course being in a very male dominant workplace doesn’t help.

    So how do I get started on my voice makeover? Any good female speakers I can try to emulate? Anything that’s worked for you?

    1. An acting or improv class? Something where you have a need to project your voice (to counter the soft-spoken) and have a reason to use other character voices. By playing around with other voices, you can expand your “muscle memory” for voice and maybe find something that feels more authoritative.

    2. Try listening to some podcasts or TED talks or NPR to get a feel for how other speakers (good and bad) sound. FWIW, I don’t think you need to focus exclusively on female speakers; most of the rules of good speaking apply equally to men and women.

      That said, the two things that *do* come to mind for women in particular are:
      – don’t end sentences with an upward, questioning tone of voice. Women do this a lot and it really diminishes what they say, making it sound as if they are asking for affirmation of something instead of affirming it themselves. (e.g. “I think we should go with Plan B – ?”
      – don’t cover up awkward moments with giggling or laughing.

    3. I read a book called How to Say It for Women, which I think was recommended on this very site by another commenter. It isn’t just about speaking, but about communication in general. I found it very helpful.

    4. You might try a voice or acting coach for a one-on-one session, or a Speech/Language Pathologist. They don’t only deal with things like lisps or voices that are “broken” after injury or vocal damage. Some (singing) voice teachers are also good with addressing speaking voices. Like with physical trainers: different ones are better for different issues. Since you can’t just swap out your voice, it has to be someone you can trust to 1) not ask you to do anything which would damage your voice, and 2) someone who you can do potentially scary things around, like making funny sounds, or loud sounds that may be totally uncomfortable for you.

      1. Seconding the coaching idea!
        Books and trying to emulate someone else can be difficult because it’s hard to hear your own voice.
        Any university in your area with an opera, acting, or singing program, will have a list of various voice coaches. (I coach aspiring opera singers on how to “sound French”)
        If “speaking up” (not just vocally, but in general, like when you find situations uncomfortable) is an issue, then I would suggest trying a Speech Pathologist first. They will most likely be more expensive, but probably more professional.

        1. I’d be careful about a voice teacher for what the OP is looking for. I am a soprano but I have a fairly low and powerful speaking voice. My voice teacher in college told me that I would ruin my singing voice if I continued to speak in my normal speaking voice and wanted me to speak in a higher, less natural (think Margaret Thatcher) kind of voice. Needless to say, I wasn’t planning on becoming a professional singer but I was planning on having a career like a normal person so I did not take her advice. At any rate, I’m not sure a voice teacher will help, other than with learning to project.

          1. Yes, there are some singing teachers who don’t crossover to speaking skills. I work with professional and “in-training” singers daily, hence my caveat. I wouldn’t trust some of the singing teachers I encountered on matters related to the speaking voice. Others would be exceptionally well suited to the OP’s request.

    5. Also in a male dominated field and work with colleagues who are mostly 5 to 10 years older to boot. In my case, I don’t focus so much on my actual voice, and focus more on the content. I find that controlling your voice is really hard, and just makes me more nervous. The things I focus on (seconding some of the advice from other posters)

      – Bottom Line Up Front, i.e. no rambling
      – Inflection at the end of the sentence
      – Not nodding after every single thing the other person says (SO.HARD)
      – Not saying ummmmm all of the time (EVEN.HARDER)

      Ultimately, it’s about what makes you feel confident. If something like improv/voice coaching/toastmasters, makes you feel more secure- go for it!

    6. I’m a federal court trial lawyer. I advocate short sentences with strong verbs. Start with the point you are making, follow up with the support for your point. Project strength. If you are not feeling it, fake it.

      And, as others have said, don’t end your sentence with a questioning tone of voice. Makes you sound like a Valley Girl. Talk louder than feels normal. Enunciate.

      These things I’ve learned over the years from being scolded cranky old judges, and from sitting in the courtroom and watching other, more experienced and skillful lawyers argue motions and trials.

      Now speaking in court is second nature for me. You do get better, really.

      Good luck to you!

    7. I used to work with a woman who deliberately spoke in a quiet voice so people would quiet down to hear her. I know it was deliberate because in one-on-one conversations and in informal situations the volume of her voice was normal; I also had read the recommendation to speak softly to ensure you are being heard.
      Anyway, this woman was already pretty high up the ranks and progressed even higher since we parted ways. It was also a very male-dominated company but thanks to this woman and others like her, it is changing.

      Regarding your other concern, speaking quickly is a drawback in my opinion. There are many non-native English speakers in the IT industry, and by speaking clearly and at a measured pace you make sure that everyone understands.

  11. For those of you who own J crew DoubleCloth coats, Lady Day or Metro, can you tell me if the fit is loose enough to wear a suit underneath, particularly in the bust and in the arms/sleeves? I’ve read that they are tight in the sleeves, and I recall some JCrew suit jackets I have tried were tight around the biceps as well. Thanks in advance!

    1. My Lady Day coat definitely cannot accommodate a jacket underneath. The shoulder area is cut to be quite tight even if the rest of the coat fits perfectly. The Metro is supposed to be cut even slimmer than the Lady Day IIRC, so I’d suspect it’s the same.

    2. I have the Lady Day and yeah, I don’t think I could wear a jacket underneath it. It is quite tight through the shoulders and bust.

      1. I should say that this is after I sized up, too. I normally wear a size 6 or 8 in tops & jackets (8 in pants) and the coat is a 10. I could probably put the coat on over a jacket but I would look like a sausage.

    3. I heard this too so I went up one size. It works fine for me without any bunching (though I’m pear-shaped, which probably helps too).

    4. Agree the shoulders/upper sleeves are quite fitted. I sized up from a 4 to 8 so I can wear sweaters and jackets under mine.

    5. I always check the J. Crew Aficionada blog for J. Crew sizing questions. Thanks to them, I ordered my Lady Day with thinsulate in a 6, when I normally wear a 2 at J.Crew. I can wear a suit jacket underneath it, and it’s still pretty fitted looking. The JCA ladies recommend sizing one size up in the Lady Day normally, and two sizes up for wearing over suits. FWIW, I absolutely love my Lady Day, which has held up beautifully through several years of fairly heavy use.

    6. I have lady day – if you want to wear a suit jacket underneath, size up. It’s pretty snug, especially in the shoulders/sleeves/bust area. Not so much in the hips area.

    7. I normally wear a 0 in JCrew tops and suit jackets, and have the Lady Day in a 4 to allow for a suit underneath.

    8. I have the Metro in size 8 (my regular size) and can’t wear a jacket underneath. It’s mostly a problem with the shoulders and upper arm area. The sleeves will accommodate a non-bulky sweater.

      A side note: I got it without the Thinsulate because they didn’t have the color I wanted with it. The regular version is not the warmest coat, and I kind of regret buying it even though it was on sale.

    9. I have this year’s Lady Day with thinsulate and I had heard the same on the sizing so I ordered a 2 and a 4. I kept the 2 … even with a sweater or suit jacket underneath, it works fine for me, and I didn’t want to lose the fit just to be extra sure I could wear every sweater I had under it. But if you wear very bulky sweaters or extra-thick jackets, I would go a size up.

      1. I should add that I think it also depends on body shape and knowing how you like things to fit.

      2. I have a cloth coat from jcrew and ordered my normal size. I can wear jackets under it fine. I am ruler shape though, so maybe it depends on your shape?

  12. Ladies, how do you deal with being gay in the workplace? Even if you aren’t gay, I’d love to hear your take. I’m completely comfortable with myself and my sexuality, but I just don’t know how to deal with it if/when it comes up. I’m sick of hearing things like “But you’re too pretty to be a lesbian!” (Uh, thanks?) and things that are well-intentioned but frankly, rude. I’m pretty feminine and so people tend to just assume I’m straight and get asked things like “So, do you have a boyfriend? Why don’t you have a boyfriend? When are you getting married?” way too often. I’m not currently dating anyone but how do I deal with this at corporate functions where you’re expected to bring your spouse/partner?

    I know this varies by community (i.e. San Francisco v. New York v. LA v. some small town in Texas) but I would really appreciate any advice/comments.

    1. Honestly, at my workplace it’s no big deal. There are a number of openly gay men and women. I think, though, it’s a matter of company culture. I live in a city with laws that are friendly to gay couples as well as preventing discrimination against gay employees. But my employer takes it up a notch by extending full benefits to same-sex spouses in my city, and before same-sex marriage was legalized, they extended full benefits to same-sex registered domestic partners. They also extend full benefits to same-sex domestic partners in a state where we have another office that has not yet legalized same-sex marriage. And it’s a liberal organization in a big city with lots of hardworking professionals, so no one expects single women to be getting married anytime soon. I certainly have never heard any of the comments you mention, and they would tread very close to violating our sexual harassment policy.

      Anyway, the only relevant story I have is that once I was chatting with a somewhat new employee at an office happy hour. I had noticed her big diamond ring, and we were talking about our personal lives, so I said “and you’re married, I assume. Do you have kids?” She replied, “Well, State X won’t let us get married, so no, we’re not married.” I thought that was a very good response that refuted my assumption that she was straight without being brusque. So maybe you could just say “No, I don’t have a girlfriend, and I’m not planning to get married in the near future.”

      I don’t see any reason why not to bring a same-sex partner to a work function, if it’s actually a partner and not just someone you’re dating. I’d have the same advice for a straight person.

      Unfortunately, when you are part of Group X and you work with people who have rarely if ever known someone from Group X, you’re forced to be the standard bearer and answer stupid questions whether you like it or not. And unfortunately, it’s best to be pleasant about it, because if you’re not they’ll conclude that all people from Group X are unpleasant. I grew up as a minority in a small, rural town, so I know all about that.

    2. I am just pretty matter-of-fact about being gay. Like you, it is something that I am comfortable with, so I do not view it as something I need to work around. I don’t go around announcing that I am a lesbian, but if someone asks about my husband I just say I don’t have one, I have a wife. I have found that if I don’t act like it is a big deal it generally doesn’t become one. Granted, I am in the SF Bay Area, so it is a more generally accepted thing than in some places.

    3. I’m in a weird spot actually (having lived in small town midwest, main city southeast, and now NYC). I’m hetero but my professional focus is in the LGBT community. In addition, I try to use neutral terms as a general rule. If the subject of dating comes up, I ask if someone is “in a relationship” and I typically refer to anyone I’ve dated long enough to bring up at all as “my partner.” I am often assumed to be gay and get comments later when someone finds out that my significant other (when I have one) is of the opposite gender. I’ll typically ask why this is surprising and what this changes in someone’s view of me when they tell me how shocked they are, but as an activist, I like this kind of conversation.

      I have a lesbian roommate who is also “too pretty to be a lesbian.” She typically says little or feels uncomfortable. I think it really depends on the person asking. If it’s someone just trying to make conversation, the right answer may just be, “no, no girlfriend at the moment” and then change the subject, for others it might be lengthier, depending on the type of relationship you have with the question asker.

      In terms of how to handle the expectation to bring a spouse/partner, I think most of us who are unattached have the same issue here. You don’t want to bring someone you’re not close enough to when they’d be representing you (scary), it feels weird to bring a friend or roommate since that means everyone would assume, and no one wants to be the odd one out.

      To be honest, I haven’t found an answer to those types of events short of finding a friend who wants to network that I trust, whom I can introduce regularly as such.

      Hope this helps!

    4. Sometimes, when I’m feeling annoyed/down about this kind of thing, it helps me to see that it applies to a much wider group or people or different scenarios than my own (i.e. it happens to everyone). I work in a tiny town with a lot of sheltered colleagues. I am straight, but get asked things like:

      – if I am having an affair with an older colleague if we go out to lunch, because the rest of our catty colleagues refused to come with us
      – if I have my sights set on a new colleague my age? NO thanks. I much prefer my own bf who is not here with me, because he is not a farmer.

      People say dumb stuff about relationships regardless of your sexual orientation. Most of it probably isn’t malicious- my colleagues are just too dumb to execute an actual joke. Chances are, they feel really stupid as soon as they’ve said it. I try to just give them the benefit of the doubt (or when I’m super pissed, I give them the mental middle finger) and then I try to forget about it. Sometimes when the joke-FAIL is particularly bad, I trawl the internet and look for new jobs afterwards <- petty but gratifying behavior

      1. I get a lot of stuff at Work from the manageing partner. He pays my salery but doesNOT own me.

        I told him not to tell me what to wear, also.

        Lateley he has asked who I am dateing! Fooey! The men are pretty skeezie. Fooey on them to.

    5. I agree with lostintranslation. My office has a strange combination of people as it is the HQ of a state agency. There are lots of people from larger cities who are quite liberal, but the natives are very old-fashioned and think that women should be married in their 20s and have a family by 30 at the latest. I get questions about why I am not married, gossip when I go out to lunch with a male colleague, etc. It’s a pretty nosy workplace as far as workplaces go, so they feel the need to try to set me up with *any* single male they know. It sounds like nosiness is the underlying issue at your workplace as well, and it’s hard to tell people that it’s not really any of their business whether and who you are dating.

    6. I speak from a place of straight privilege, but in the West Coast offices of my big firm, it really doesn’t seem to me to be a big deal at all. We have a national affinity group for LGBT – I think they have conference calls and support each other, but it’s less necessary out here, I guess. A few firm partners are gay in committed relationships. One of the West Coast partners’ same-sex spouses got very sick a few years ago and all the local offices rallied behind them, sending gifts, covering work, and absolutely treating it just like it was a straight-partner’s spouse who was very sick. I’m not sure what the national offices did, but the partner has spoken often about how supportive the entire firm was, and how s/he felt treated no differently for having a same-sex partner.

      Same-sex significant others and partners come to my firm’s holiday parties and other events. In fact, one colleague kinda came out at a holiday party a few years ago, introducing his/her same-sex b/gfriend. The colleague did look nervous during the introduction. Frankly, I had no idea that s/he was gay, and thanks to straight privilege, I assumed s/he was straight, so I was a little surprised, but of course “Hi, nice to meet you __! How great that you could come!” and small talk ensued. The colleague introduced him/her to straight colleagues’ spouses and children just like a straight relationship person would be, and appeared to me to be welcomed. But, I know I live in a CA tolerance bubble, and I’m not in their heads to know how it really felt to come out at the party.

      It’s of course up to you whether you decide to take on the burden of educating ignorant people. In response to “but you’re too pretty to be a lesbian” you could go with something along the lines of Miss Manners suggestion “why would you say that?” or “oh? what am I supposed to look like?” And in a country where the default is white, Christian, and straight, unfortunately you will have to choose to correct people when they use exclusive terms like “boyfriend.” People wish me “Merry Christmas!” because they assume I am Christian and are wishing me well. I respond with “Thanks! Happy Hanukkah!” because I too am wishing them well in my own way, while not going along with their Christian assumption. So, maybe you could respond, when you feel like it, with “No, I don’t have a girlfriend right now [and according to the laws of this state, it is illegal for me to get married]. How’s your husband/daughter/pet doing?”

      1. I’ve made the mistake of asking is he your boyfriend to a coworker who was talkng about a guy friend but she is gay. I assume people are straight-trying to work on this! But since its just so the majority where I am. A few people are out at work and Ive never heard anything rude said, and im enjoying hearing about ones wedding preperations

    7. I’m bi, but currently dating a man, so I admit I’ve just been coasting on the assumed-straightness. No one at work knows I like the ladies, and I’m not even sure how I’d introduce it. I think it really depends on whether you think your coworkers will react well to it. If you think they’re generally well-meaning, I’d just respond to questions like “Do you have a boyfriend?” with something like “no, I’m gay, and no girlfriend either/am dating a wonderful woman”. With overly personal/rude questions or comments, I think you can just fall back on the old Miss Manners standards of “Why do you ask?” or “I don’t understand, can you explain?”

    8. Wow, luckily I have never heard “you’re too pretty to be a lesbian”! (Wait, is that lucky? Should I be prettier? :)

      I do tend to just try to be straightforward about it, but sometimes that can be awkward. In the “Do you have a boyfriend” type thing, I’d usually just be all “Nope, no girlfriend!” or “Yes, my girlfriend’s name is Anna” or something.

      That said, I don’t work in an office these days–I work from home and travel for work. So there’s a lot less personal-life chit-chat when you have to phone or email people, or are only seeing them for a couple days every few months (for the travel). But when I went to a big meeting a while back and met a bunch of colleagues for dinner, one of the head people got a bit tipsy on wine, and started going on about how awesome marriage is, and somehow it ended up with one of the others saying “Ooh, I have a nephew in your city…” and I was like “Um, thanks, but I date girls”. …cue awkward pause, and the tipsy one suddenly being like “Hey! Gay marriage is great too!” Hah!

    9. I just answer questions very matter of factly. I think responding to questions with “why do you ask” or similar invites a discussion which frankly is something I don’t want to have in the work place. Not that I have issues with my life choices, but I am just a private person and have no desire to answer some random 50 year old co-workers questions about what its like to be a young gay woman. I have found that really after the first initial titillating couple months (when people found out that I was in a relationship with another attractive young lady), people no longer really care. My life is not all that exciting or any different than anyone else’s life.

      I would love to see a post about being gay in the work place though. Kat maybe you can get a guest blogger to come in? Maybe the lady who wrote the now sadly defunct “driving with gusto” blog?

    10. Just be yourself! If they ask if you have a boyfriend, No, I have a girlfriend and she’s awesome (or whatever superlative applies) Its not your job to make them comfortable. (ok, just say the currently single status). When you have a couple event, and you are in a couple, bring your partner and introduce her as such. Who you sleep with is only part of wh you are, and its not even a relevant part for the workplace.

    11. I’ve been wondering about this myself – I’m a 2011 grad who just started her first professional job. Now that I’m in the “real world”, I’m struggling to figure out where/when it might be appropriate to come out. I’m US-born and educated but now work in a fairly liberal city in Asia that is nevertheless more conservative than most coastal cities in the US. I went to a ridiculously liberal college in a very liberal area where my sexual orientation was a total non-issue. Like you, I present very femininely (and also occasionally date men), so it’s very easy to pass as straight. Given that I’m not dating anybody at the moment, it kind of feels like saying OH HEY BY THE WAY I’M INTO THE LADIES would be massive information over-share; I also work with some fairly religious people. While I don’t think anybody would be openly discriminatory, I do think coming out would make people uncomfortable. And while it’s theoretically their problem, not mine, I’m also new at the office, young, and low on the totem pole….bottom line, I have no advice, but would love to hear what the hive mind has to say. Kat, possible post topic?

  13. Anyone a member of toastmasters?

    I was thinking of joining my local one. I’m a fairly new attorney (clerked one year, at a firm for 5 months so far). My firm open encourages the attendance of all attorneys at networking events and other community activities and I stink at talking about myself and what I do. I was wondering if any Corporettes are members, and if so has it been beneficial? And, of course, any other thoughts you want to share on your experience.

    Thanks!

    1. I was a member for a few years and I found it really helpful. Like most things in life, you get out of it what you put into it. I pushed myself to give speeches, volunteer for roles, to be ready to speak if someone dropped out at the last minute, and I really improved – my presentations were clearer, I lost a lot of my verbal filler words, I projected more, I stopped giggling when I got nervous. It also helps to get feedback to understand how I came across to people when I speak.
      Overall, it was a great experience and I recommend it. The only thing I’d advise is to visit a few groups to get a feel for the club, the meeting style and whether its a good fit for you. There’s a wide range of clubs and finding the right one might mean doing a little shopping.

  14. I’m sure there has to be someone out there who’s already dealt with this, but my Google-fu seems to be lacking today.

    I’m starting an insulin pump tomorrow and have been putting off dealing with how I’m going to integrate it into my wardrobe. I wear work in at a law firm and tend to wear fitted–but not tight–clothing. I’ve seen other people talk about clipping their pump on the inside of their pants or skirt, but I’m also pretty thin (5’6″, around 100 lbs) so worried about the visible bulge from the pump.

    Has anyone else run into this problem and figured out something less completely terrible than a belt clip?

    2. My cousin wears one. She clips it inside the waistband of her pants. If that’s where you wear yours, a hip-length cardigan or blazer should cover any bulge. I think it will take some getting used to, but after a week or two, ou’ll have figured out where it’s most comfortable. If your coworkers already know you have diabetes, I also don’t think there’s any reason why the pump must be kept hidden, although of course if you aren’t comfortable talking about it I understand why you would prefer to hide it.

      1. I gave the pump a try for about 8 months while in college. My favorite way to “hide” the pump when I didn’t want to clip it to my waistband was to use a sort of thigh holster. It was a strap, almost like an ace bandage, that I could use around my calf (on wider leg pants) or around my thigh (while wearing a skirt or dress) and the pump would slip into a little pocket on the side. It was actually fairly good camouflage, I think, for more formal events and for when I didn’t feel like fielding questions about why I was wearing a pager (I do realize insulin pumps have come a long way in the last 10 years, but back then it looked like the biggest 90’s style beeper!).

        I’d love to hear how the transition to the pump goes! I’ve been considering giving it another shot now that I’m older, less self-conscious and much more aware of my health and possible complications from diabetes. Plus, it would be nice to chat with another professional woman who has the ‘betes!

        1. I’d love to talk sometime as well (mosfette at gmail dot com).

          Just finished getting hooked up for the first time and it actually works remarkably well clipped to the inside of the waist of my pants with a cardigan draped over it. I’ll have to look into getting a holster as I’m a sucker for cute dress.

          This thing still looks like a beeper, but I got the Animas Ping which has a remote control. I can just hide this somewhere in my clothes and not have to pull it out to bolus. I figure it will just look like I have the world’s oldest PDA in my purse.

          I’m really excited about making the change and being able to bolus without pulling out a pen/syringe when 1 hour meetings turn into 6 hour meetings, and someone orders subs and those giant cookies of diabetes doom.

    3. Congrats on getting started with the insulin pump! I’ve been on a pump for about 15 years. I also hate the visible “bulge” that comes with wearing it. My current solution is to keep the pump with a clip on my waistband, but wear it behind my back (with the pump inside my waistband and just the clip outside). I feel like it’s less visible that way, and not the first thing that people notice. In fact, you’d be surprised at how many people really don’t notice it at all.

    1. yes, ridiculous. there was a similar piece in the NYT a while back about the trendiness of prominent collarbones. ??? not like we can do anything about these things .. “oh, let me run out a pick up a new collarbone at Neiman Marcus” etc

      then again, there’s a lot of shlock journalism these days.

      1. Well, I think the idea was that you could always make your collarbone (along with the rest of your bones) by losing weight. That whole article was basically, “Here’s a new wonderful aesthetic aspect of being really, really thin, as if it weren’t clear enough already to everyone that this is what you should be going for.”

  17. this might be too late to get responses but how exactly do you start negotiating on a job offer?

    Background: I got a job offer this past week and they told me to take a few days to look everything over and get back to them Tuesday with questions. I wanted to try to negotiate a higher base pay and/or more vacation time (which I assume are the usual things people negotiate). I have to admit, I’ve been a doormat in all my prior situations and have never tried to counter offer, but having read so much about how you should be negotiating at the beginning I want to give it a try. I just have no idea how you even go about this? Do you tell them you have concerns? Do you just present it as “can you do ___?” or are you supposed to give reasons that you want more of whatever you’re asking for?

    1. There have been extensive discussions about this in the past — maybe try searching on “negotiate” or “salary” or “negotiation”

  18. I’m in the process of writing a phone interview thank you e-mail for an internship, but would love any input or suggestions. Here is the edited first draft (not a law position by the way):

    Just wanted to say thank you for taking the time to review my resume and interview me last week. [Company name] seems like such such an important institution and voice in today’s [industry reference], and certainly a place I would be proud to work for. This internship would be an amazing opportunity for me should you decide I’m a good fit for the position, and I look forward to hearing more about my application status as any decisions are made. Again, thank you for taking the time to interview me.

    Is this too pushy or needy or… something?

    1. My reaction is yes, this does seem a little desperate-sounding. Certainly good to convey enthusiasm, but you sound like you’re almost gushing here, and making much of the fact that you know they’re evaluating your application now. I’d suggest something more reserved. “Thank you for taking the time to speak with me…I appreciated the opportunity to discuss A, B and C…I remain highly interested in Company and look forward to hearing from you.”

      1. Thank you, I am freaking out because this would be my first job right out of undergrad, and I know I’ll get a decision by Wednesday (and I just applied last Wednesday), so the timeline is very abbreviated. I’m also much more accustomed to writing thank you notes to my Grandma, so I’ve never had to worry about how reserved/desperate I sounded before. Your template is exactly what I was looking for.

        1. I would add a pronoun to the first sentence and use the present tense (I want….). This makes it more formal (in this case, grown-up) but also less tentative and passive (I wanted to, but….). Take responsibility for your desire – “I WANT to….”

          Rather than focus on how wonderful THEY are (which puts you in the position of supplicant), I’d focus on what you bring to the table and how it will help them achieve their goals. Ideally, you can do this by referencing a connection between their goals and your experience that was discussed in the interview. If not – but you’ve made the connection in the inevitable rehashing/I wish I’d thought to say that follows every interview I’ve ever done – this is your second chance to make the point.

          I read these things in your initial draft only because I’ve had to train myself out of doing the exact same things. It’s not so much about striking a balance between reserved/desperate, but between self-effacing and confident.

          Good luck!

          1. Amending my earlier reply. In order of increasing power….

            1 – I wanted to thank you
            2 – I want to thank you
            3 – Thank you
            4 – I appreciate…

            Wow! It took me four iterations to get to a direct expression! This self-effacingness runs deep.

          2. I ended up with “Thank you”, which is about as direct as I get. This is the first interview of about 50 applications sent out, quite a few of which were rejected outright, so my confidence is very low and I knew it was coming across in my writing. Hopefully this internship works out so I don’t have to go through this again (for a few months at least).

  19. I’m thinking of jumping from government to a firm. Has anyone done this? Most people I know seem to go the other way.

  20. I’m looking for advice on volunteering. I live in a small town which has a lot of different volunteer organizations, but I can’t seem to find one that fits me. I’m currently a member of a woman’s club, but our service projects typically involve donations rather than service. The Lions, Rotary, Elks, etc., here don’t appeal to me – their members seem to be much older, and frankly I don’t have the time to commit to the level of service required by the Rotarians. I’ve contacted the United Way, but my contact there kind of let me fall by the wayside. I haven’t worked with just a single organization in the past, because I like the idea of more variety.

    My desire to volunteer is not totally altrustic, I must admit. I would really like to sit on a board, but have no idea how to go about having that happen. Additionally, I am interested in eventually purusing higher ed positions that involve civic engagement, but with the sporadic service I have engaged in, I think it would be hard to convince a search committee of my committment to volunteerism (even if I have the skills and experience to organize and coordinate large-scale volunteer projects).

    I would be grateful for any advice about landing board positions or seeking out substantial volunteer opportunities that might make a me a possible candidate for positions coordinating and planning volunteer opportunities for students. Thanks, Corporettes!

    1. You say that you’re not that interested in a single organization but that may be the way to go. Literacy organizations are attractive in higher ed and are often looking for board members to be involved in larger-scale volunteer projects (such as fundraising or student recognition events). You’re right that service and service learning are very important in higher ed. and this would be a good place to start.

    2. I volunteer for my local library’s literacy project. Right now I devote about 1.5-3 hours a week tutoring someone, but there are other opportunities for large-scale projects and meetings.

  21. Crossing my fingers and hoping this works out!! My current position is a one-year position, and I’ve been applying for positions for next year. Last week, my current boss let me know of a new position opening up (contingent on final approval of funding for the position). He asked to meet with me and let me know he thinks I’m perfect for the position, and if I’m interested, wants to hire me without any further interviewing (and it really is a dream next position for me and would perfectly place me to advance in the direction I want my career to go). He has said that he expects the funding to come through in the next week or so, and wants to get an appointment finalized shortly thereafter. Hoping hoping hoping this all comes through….and in the meantime, I’m having a very hard time convincing myself to continue applying for other positions, even though I know I should. Anybody have friendly words of wisdom/gentle scare to help nudge me into continuing to apply for other positions until I have an offer?

    1. What is it doesn’t come through? What if he doesn’t get approval? What is he is forced to interview others and someone else gets it? What is you want to negotiate a higher pay?

      In other words, until you have a signed contract, there is no guarantee (and even then…). Apply for those other jobs.

      1. Right you are. It helps to hear this from somebody else. I’m usually compulsively cautious, so my more lax approach is out of character. I’m working up some low-grade worry and already found another position to apply to this week. Thanks scientist!

  22. I know I’m a bit late for this open thread but i went Rio Fashion week and can’t find ANYTHING on it on any fashion blogs bar this one:
    http://www.graceleo.com/en/fashion-style/
    which catches the energy of fashion week, I think.

    So i thought I would post here to see if anyone found any other mentions of Rio Fashion week? Definitely a fashion scene we should look out for!

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