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Splurge Monday’s Workwear Report: Belted Wrap-Effect Wool-Crepe Midi Dress

Our daily workwear reports suggest one piece of work-appropriate attire in a range of prices. Happy Monday! I am not one for beige, usually, but something about this sleek dress from Akris is really speaking to me. I like the wide collars on the dress and the midi length with asymmetric hem — it looks polished and professional but still somehow spring-y and fashion forward. Of course, sleeveless looks aren’t appropriate at all offices — know yours! I might try a shrunken blazer or jardigan with the dress if you want to cover up; whatever you do, I’d stay away from anything voluminous. The dress is $2390 at Net-a-Porter. Belted Wrap-Effect Wool-Crepe Midi Dress This post contains affiliate links and Corporette® may earn commissions for purchases made through links in this post. For more details see here. Thank you so much for your support! Seen a great piece you’d like to recommend? Please e-mail tps@corporette.com.

Sales of note for 12.5

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301 Comments

  1. What’s your best work outfit? (Most stylish, not most formal)

    I am wearing a grey Rag and Bone blazer, navy MM LaFleur sheath, Gucci belt and grey Cole Haan suede heels, and I’m feeling good. (Everything but the heels were bought second hand!)

    1. I don’t have a best work outfit yet. Just beginning to buy clothes for my new size and figuring out what looks good. Yesterday, I wore a new dress that I wouldn’t have had the guts to wear before (too straight) and I felt great. Today, I’m wearing Pixie pants in black ankle length (trust me, dress pants would *never* have worked for me before) and a black top with black and white accents from INC and Lina Paolo pumps (Yara in black) and I feel really confident. I’m getting there!

      1. Could tell you were smiling while writing the post — sounds like you’ve been working hard & that work is paying off!

        1. Thanks! I’m feeling good. I don’t feel like it’s been hard work, but it’s been a long time coming. Such a relief! 70 lbs down and I feel like it’s time to stop.

    2. Probably one of this blouses I purchased overseas while on vacation (I found lovely feminine options that are simply with a few nice details, hand washable, classic with style) and one of the straight/pencil skirts that have been tailored to fit properly.

      Or a standalone dress that is classic with nice details to keep it from being boring and nice flats I found on amazon that actually look good with dresses and skirts (they turned out to be a replica of a Dior style this past season, which explains the style factor).

      Maybe white sleeveless shell-type blouse with black straight skirt and chanel-ish blazer (linen like fabric with black and white details) plus chanel necklace (pearls alternated with charms in fairly simple design) and roger vivier-esque low heeled pumps.

        1. Sadly these flats are no longer sold on amazon :( Blouses are Solezia, but only available in Korea as far as I have been able to find :(

  2. I would love this dress in another color (oh and about 95% cheaper). A beige trench is all the beige I’d ever need in my life.

    2. Akris continues to confound me. They make really great clothes — well-engineered, thought-out details, and the fabrics are define. It’s not strictly workwear (even if much of it is office-appropriate, esp, if it isn’t business-formal). I guess it is like how I treat Old Navy but for people with $$$ — just a place where you buy clothes.

      I have a couple of pieces that were lucky finds at consignment stores and treasure them. But I can’t imagine who the prior owner was — I’m in BigLaw and still find it so, so pricey, esp. now that our work dress code has gotten so relaxed (my budget is mainly Banana Republic, pref when on sale).

      1. I agree. I’d love to know what lives their target customer lives – are you an interior designer? Real estate in LA? Advertising? What sort of job should I apply for that will give me license to wear stuff like this everyday? Even this particular silhouette: I’ve tried on trench dresses and love them, it’s a flattering style for me. But I put it back on the rack because I couldn’t think of more than one occasion I might wear it. It seems like a daytime dress, too casual for most weddings, too dressed up for brunch in the age of athleisure.

        1. I picture the Akris people in as artsy with a business interface, like an art curator or interior designer who caters to an UHNW clientele

        2. This is what you wear to watch a tennis match in Monte Carlo, or on a yatch, also in Monte Carlo. With a cute sun hat and sunglasses.

        3. Down with athleisure!!! I’d wear this to brunch OR my casual office if I could afford it.

        4. In management consulting, I buy a few pieces from Akris Punto a year, and am looking to invest in an Akris double faced wool blazer at some point.

          Some of their pieces are just not for me… I buy mostly for work, and some of the more preppy leaning smart casual pieces just don’t fit my lifestyle/style. I do have a couple non-work dresses from the brands, and an Akris Punto wind breaker that I love.

      2. Their target customer = Amal Clooney if she isn’t having something custom from a designer.

      1. I was going to say the same about the AT dress. I also have a similar one in blue I got at Banana a couple of years ago. I’d buy this dress in a heartbeat if I had an unlimited clothing budget. It’s gorgeous.

  3. Undergarment help?

    I’m almost 8 months post partum and need a serious refresh on my underwear and bra collection. What are your best recommendations for comfortable, no-visible panty line underwear? And where do you recommend getting new bras that are comfortable/supportive but don’t look like something your grandmother would wear? I haven’t been fitted recently but I’m within the size range that most stores carry. Thank you!!

    1. Get fitted. There’s no way around this if you want comfort AND support. There’s several ways to do it: In person at a store: I gave up on VS but love the experienced woman at the intimates dept at my local Dillards. I’d say look for experienced people and keep asking questions and asking for different varieties of br@s until you get something you feel 100% happy with. If you are iffy on it’s fit at the store, it’ll be worse when you wear it at home.
      There’s a way to fit at home as well: https://www.wardrobeoxygen.com/somainnofit-review-bra-fitting/
      Haven’t tried it myself, not associated with the website in any way – just giving you the heads up that you can do this from your home.
      I personally like spanx br@s – supportive, SO comfortable, modern looking, but very plain.
      Will be following this for underwear recs!

      1. Thanks! Should have clarified, definitely plan to get fitted but not sure what the best options are. I’m so over VS (I think their quality isn’t great and their recent press drama makes me inclined to give up on them entirely) so looking for recs of the best stores to get fitted (or places to avoid if people have had bad experiences!)

        1. I’ve gotten fitted at Nordstrom with success. My theory is that because they carry such a large range of sizes available in store and online, they don’t try to squeeze you into a size that may not fit.

          1. Nordstrom is good. I’ve had very good luck with hole-in-the-wall local br@ shops with a ton of 5 star reviews, if you can find them – look on yelp or a similar local source.

        2. I got fitted at Macys and got a few bras in a few different styles. 3-6 months later I knew the ones I loved and was able to buy them online in a size that fit from the manufacturer brand.
          Hope that helps.

        4. Do not get fitted at VS. They will do whatever it takes to “make” you fit what they have in stock, even telling you that you’re a sister size instead of your true size.

          Go to the Reddit group “ABraThatFits”, and go through their wiki. It will teach you everything you never knew you didn’t know about bras and fitting. I now have comfortable underthings for the first time since puberty.

          1. OMG I thought I was the only one who fell for that sister size cr*p. VS is terrible.

      2. I’ve got a 30 band size, so Soma bras are out for me. But I’d try there in a heartbeat.

        I love Soma no VPL underwear. But they run small if you have any junk in the trunk or routinely need curvy cuts. I am 130#/6P in AT curvy pants and just swaped out my L no VPL underwear for XL.

    2. Jockey no panty line promise. Super comfortable, don’t show under anything, lots of colours and sizes, available at standard department stores. They’re all I’ve worn for probably 10+ years.

    4. Uniqlo airism bikini or hipster. They never show, though they do run quite small. Consider sizing up.

      1. I got rid of all of my underwear and replaced it with Soma Vanishing Edge. I am a 6-8 and wear a medium. The bras don’t work for me, either – small back but well endowed. My everyday bra is Natori Feathers (keep an eye on the Rack and Hautelook for sales) and for sports-lounging I like Lululemon Enlite.

  4. This dress is SOOOOO cute, for a woman with the right body — I have a long body, big tuchus and short legs, so this would not work for me. I would guess there are some women in the hive that could pull this off — the color would work for me, though I would prefer a rich bright RED color to acentueate my hair and eyes.

    I read bout Gwenneth Paltrow in the NY Times yesterday. She is proof that WOMEN can be successful in the busness world even if MEN do not want to give us full credit. She went through a lot in her life, and is NOT married, which is something we should all keep in mind if we want everything. Some times you have to make choices.

  5. Heading to Cincinnati in late May for a weekend. Any recommendations? Just me and partner. Looking for good food and interesting adventures.

    1. My favorite food is at Abigail Street which serves tapa-style mediterranean food. It’s in Over the Rhine (OTR), a recently-gentrified area with tons of bars/food/boutique shopping. It’s a fun area to walk around. If you are there over a weekend, Findlay Market in OTR is a nice place to get lunch or buy some crafts. Nearby is Artichoke, a curated kitchen store that I love. You could use it as a launching spot for a ride on the slightly lame Cincinnati Bell Connector street car which will take you down to the river (downtown) where you can get off, explore around Smale Riverfront Park.
      Cincinnati’s downtown and OTR area have tons of cool murals on the sides of buildings. My family recently did a walking tour to find all the murals and it was a nice way to wind around the streets. You can find a map with a self-guided tour by searching some key words online. Finally, from the riverfront you can also walk across the Purple People Bridge to Kentucky.
      Beyond OTR, Hyde Park is a cute area and has some boutiques and food. The Graeter’s Ice Cream on Hyde Park Square is a good landmark. I love the local lingerie store called Knickers (also on that square) and Alligator Purse has good but expensive shopping. Morrison and Me, a block away, is much more affordable and has more unusual inventory (shoes and clothing).
      My favorite spot is the art museum, which is free. It has great exhibits and is a lovely place to spend some time. Parking there is also free. Nearby, in the same, large Eden Park, is a plant conservatory which is ok but not awesome. It’s quite small. If the weather is good you can walk around Eden Park and visit the fountain, little gazebo, and find the Presidential tree garden (or something like that).
      In terms of places to stay, the downtown 21C hotel is also an art museum/gallery and is supposed to be very cool, but I’ve never been. The Rookwood-area hotels are relatively convenient and close to Hyde Park.

      1. I second all these recommendations! My current favorite restaurants in Cincy are Please (in OTR) and Mita’s (downtown). For a delicious sweet treat for breakfast check out Brown Bear Bakery. Favorite places to get a drink are Mecca and Longfellow. Washington Park in OTR is another great landmark to check out. See if the Reds are in town that weekend too!

      2. Another up-and-coming neighborhood to check out is Pendleton which is near downtown. Three point brewing, Boomtown Biscuits and the Parlour which sells ice cream and edible cookie dough :)

    2. Also: downtown there is an old hotel/building called Netherland Plaza (now a Hilton) which is a gorgeous art deco structure from the 20s. It houses Orchids, an excellent French restaurant. It’s worth eating there if you want to splurge. It’s free to walk around the building if you like that kind of architecture/design.

      1. Netherland Plaza is my favorite place to stay. There is an observation deck on the top, too.

    3. Thank you all! I’ve never been to that part of the US. At this point as long as it isn’t snowing I’ll be happy but my partner will patiently be putting up with (my) family drama and wanted to go out somewhere nice for dinner / have a nice day.

    4. Whatever you do, I highly recommend buzzing around on the electric dockless scooters. Coming from a small Canadian city, these were a huge novelty! A funky neighbourhood near downtown to check out is Mt. Adams – has some cool pubs too (in hindsight I might not recommend combining the steep incline and rough cobblestones with the too-low power of the scooter & the booze, but separately these activities are great). Check out the National Underground Railroad Freedom Centre downtown, and the beautiful riverside pathways and gardens. Walk across the John A Roebling Suspension Bridge to Kentucky! Drive/walk/scooter through Eden park, too. That should get you started :)

  6. Have you ever been laughed at for OVERDRESSING in you workplace? I have just been promoted to the manager of this department from my old one. The company has a business casual dress code. Last Friday was the first day I took office so I decided to overdress a little bit and dressed as business professional.
    But several guys in this department had laughed at me for being an outdated chick or an restaurant waitress all day. They didn’t chat publicly, but actually everyone could hear they conversation. Damn it! They even don’t follow the dress code themselves and wear jeans and anime t-shirts to work instead. I’m younger(27) than most of them and don’t know all of them. Rumors has it that they are private friends of the former manager, so they had been acquiesced to dress casually.
    This is my first time as a workplace superior and I have zero experience on this. The only thing I could do now is to keep dressing formally everyday to make a stand. Has anyone here been through this kind of situation? And advice?

    PS: This was the exact outfit I wore that day. I’m leaving you to judge if I overdressed too much or not.
    https://assets.vogue.com/photos/5a29ab88e62ac24d1a2c412f/master/pass/05-Brooks-Brothers-Fall-18.jpg

      1. What makes you say that? I’m German so my English is not so native. But the question is true.

      1. What makes you say that? I’m German so my English is not so native. But the question is true.

    4. The outfit is probably a bit formal for a Friday for a non-formal office, but it is fine (not crazy about the shoe choice tho).

      Those people are rude. Haters gonna hate.

    5. Sorry if this is a real question, but this sounds a LOT like the same person who has been posting about shirts…

      3. Agree. Plus the outfit linked is clearly like standard interview wear vs. something a manager would wear on the first day in a business casual environment.

        In case it’s real, dial back the formality from what you wore, and send out a memo reminding staff of dress code by linking to company policy so they start dressing appropriately and not like tweens.

        1. I don’t think that a manager who grossly overdressed during her first day should follow up with a memo on the dress code. The first question is: how relevant is the dress code in this department? It depends on the industry, are they client facing, etc., but I wouldn’s start my carreer as a manager by bothering my department of, say, knowledge workers who are not client facing, by request on professional attire. It’s literally the least important thing and you should focus on their product instead.

      5. What makes you say that? I’m German so my English is not so native. But the question is true.

      6. That was my first thought… they are not very good at writing as a genuine poster. I feel like they want the advice to be that the new manager should use her authority to give a talking to the schlubs in anime t-shirts … yuck.

    6. We’ve had an awful lot of these posts lately – I think there’s a post last week about button front shirts with skirt suits? I think they might’ve even linked this exact picture (or something very similar).

    7. Yes, people may look at you oddly if you deviate from the office norms regarding dress. That includes over-dressing, as well as too-casual dressing. Your company has a casual dress code – you were the one “violating” the dress code by wearing a suit. Jeans and anime shirts are casual dress code, so it sounds like they’re following it just fine?

      If you want to dress a little more formally with your new job description, keep the jeans and wear a blazer or new blouse or a step up from what you were wearing before. Wearing a suit when the company-wide dress code is casual is weird. What do the other managers wear?

        1. Fine then. But you were still overdressing – is that in line with other management? And yes, people usually do comment when you overdress “ooo…who’s got an interview today?”

          So wear what you want to wear, but be prepared to ignore the comments. And maybe don’t be so focused on the “superior” part of the job description?

    8. I wouldn’t be concerned about guys who come to the office in jeans and anime T-shirts – obviously they don’t know what professional is…business casual policy or not, looking professional always beats looking unprofessional

      1. This depends on the office- this would not be entirely out of place at some offices in some industries in the bay area. Not how I would dress…. but… if multiple people are wearing it, then it is clearly acceptable at her workplace. My work place is a step up from that, but people regularly wear jeans & polo shirts, and anyone who wears a full suit, like in the link, will end up either looking like the security guard or someone very high up (even our very high up people tend to ‘dress down their suites’ either by not wearing ties, or unbuttoning the top button)… so OP, I’d find a middle ground where you look professional, but aren’t wearing a suit. Also, I’d talk to the guys individually about open office plans and how people can hear what they are saying, so to keep it professional (no need to mention the things they said about you imho). I was put in charge of a large dept of about 25 people at 27, (I’m 34 now) and it’s definitely a challenge I wasn’t prepared for.

          1. Then she needs to talk to HR and see what the policy is and how it can be enforced (IF she wants to go that route). At my company, there is a union presence, so while we ask people to dress biz cas, we have been clearly told by HR that we cannot enforce it, nor sanction people on not following it…. also, not sure if this is the hill I’d personally want to die on as a new and young supervisor.

          2. +1 to Anon0311 – it’s only “required” if the company actually enforces the dress code. Otherwise, it’s more of an aspirational guideline.

    9. You say you decided to overdress.
      But then you have the link and you leave it to us to say if you overdressed or not.
      It’s impossible to know if someone overdresses without comparing them to others, I’m sorry. It seems like you were not fitting in on your first day. This is tough. We’ve all been there. Shake it off. Dress more appropriately next time. In a group, one person may stick out. Sometimes it is you. This will not reflect on your management skills. You’ll be fine.

    10. I think it looks nice, and the suit fabric is more casual. The bottom line is you should wear what you want if it makes you feel confident. If you dont, then try to dress down to fit it. Also, know that people that tease you for being over dressed when they are underdressed are the ones with a problem.

  7. Has anyone used a dress insert (like the superfeet ones) in Rothy’s flats? I like the way they look, but don’t know if I could wear them to stand all day without some more support. Alternate question, anyone have a pair of flats with true arch support that they like?

    2. Look to Vionic for more structured “support” shoes. They have some cute, non-frumpy styles.

  8. Where can I find basic cotton/stretchy v neck t shirts (short sleeve) that are fitted and in a reasonably thick fabric (not see through, no bra lines). Bonus points if they have numerous colour choices. Gap used to sell this as its “Modern T Shirt”, but currently they only have black/white/grey colours, which is not what I’m looking for. Most other stores seem to be going for the slouchy look or the boxy look…

      1. I’ve never tried on Lands End, since we don’t have them here and ordering/customs is a hassle, but in the model pics they definitely don’t look fitted. How do they compare to a more body con t shirt?

        1. Well where are you then? Honestly why bother asking where to buy something on a US website if you don’t live here and don’t tell us where you are.

        2. LE does Borderfree and is super easy to order and return. I have done it extensively to Canada and Germany.

      2. Not the OP, but thanks for the rec! I never thought of checking out Land’s End, but desperately need to replace my fading Ann Taylor tees.

    3. I have recently converted from the Gap cotton Ts to Old Navy “Everywear” line. They have some “luxe” feel shirts but I’m also super-into the plain cotton ones. They feel like the old/previous Gap quality Ts that I used to stock up on.

  9. I get that restaurant workers are paid restaurant minimum wages and really need/rely on tips to earn a living.

    My friend was livid over the weekend that her teen working in a non-restaurant “escape room” type job wasn’t tipped — is that a thing now for those types of jobs?

    I feel that half of the places where you pay with a credit card now have a line for tips, but it’s sort of proforma (and not a sign that the workers are getting a lower minimum wage). And then there are all of the 1099 “sharing economy” jobs where I suspect that people are not only underpaid but unprepared to file quarterly income taxes and may grow old with inadequately funded social security accounts (which are much easily funded when you are a W-2 employee vs 1099 person).

    My sense overall is tipping = waitstaff and 1099 people and delivery people (including movers); but perhaps that is not current?

    1. Yeah even tipping at counter service restaurants isn’t required. Those employees are supposed to get normal min wage, not server min wage. Its fine that the teen wasn’t tipped, they don’t need to be. Mom is unreasonable.

    2. Maybe it’s in the event staff category for tipping? Or entertainment (e.g., DJ at a wedding)? Was your friend made that her kid never gets tipped or just a particular party did not tip? I have never done an escape room but I guess I could see the norm going either way.

      1. But those sub-minimum wage categories are typically limited to restaurant employees, which I don’t think the escape room would qualify for.

        Does Mom tip every time she goes to an escape room? or bowling alley? or bookstore, or wherever?

        1. The tipped law can “be paid to employees that receive at least $30 per month in tips.” This typically covers not only wait staff but also housekeeping, and Uber drivers. I guess this kind of reception desk work is not so clearly defined (i.e. it’s not uncommon to tip here but also not expected) but the employer could just make it a tipped position and worry about the rest later, like is done in restaurants.

    4. Snark time: what’s a reasonable tip for an escape room? Getting 8 people in one costs almost $200 – should we give the kid working at the front another $40 for the hour we’re in there? (Most Americans with college degrees don’t earn $40/hour.)

    5. What is a sharing economy job? And how am I supposed to know if someone is a 1099?

      I tip waitstaff, spa/hair services, and movers. I have been to an escape room and did not tip, nor did anyone else in my group.

    6. If tipping is expected (or min wage is lowered because of an expected tip), they should put up a sign or mention something at the beginning/end of the escape room– I went on a horse carriage tour in Charleston a few weeks ago and would 100% not have expected to tip (we paid a decent amount for the tix), but the driver mentioned something about tips -in a nice, non pushy way-, and so we tipped. I’m not a fan of tipping culture, and super pissed about how some startups are dealing with tips and evading minimum wage (has anyone been following this crap?), and don’t get me started on restaurant min wages outside of CA… but even more than that- I feel like I am privileged in so many ways, and try to be generous where I can be and that has meant starting to tip on most services where I previously hadn’t.
      When I worked as a bar tender at a concert hall- I got really good at suggesting people tip in non-confrontational ways. This kid needs to work on his game, which is a good life lesson anyway… the mom doesn’t need to get mad on his behalf.

      1. I also worked at a coffee shop (similar to a local starbucks) for a bit- and while tipping was a nice surprise (we pooled our tips and got our $ on pay day in an envelope), it was 100% not expected. Usually, at most, people would put their extra change in there.

    7. This is funny to me because I attended a bachelorette weekend where we took “dance” lessons. The instructor practically chased us out of the building after a tip that none of us knew was expected, including the woman who planned and organized the weekend’s activities.

      I agree with anon0311 that if tipping is expected, there should be signage or a mention of that when lessons, etc. are booked.

    8. If a gratuity is expected, for Pete’s sake, just tell me beforehand. Escape rooms are relatively new, I wouldn’t expect to tip unless someone mentioned it was the custom. The mom is also being a tiny bit ridiculous – is she going to call up the employer and advocate for him? (Having kids myself, I suspect there are parents that do that kind of thing.)

    9. I would 100% NOT expect to tip a teen who shows me an escape room. Tips are for personal services like cleaning, grooming, delivery, etc. By this standard I’d be tipping the receptionist at the doctor’s office or a spin class instructor.

  10. How do you balance student loans with a partnership buy in? I should be barely done (aggressively) paying off my student loans when I’m up for partner and the thought of more debt right after makes me a little ill.

    1. Talk to your firm. I’m not a partner but my understanding is that most firms have very very favorable interest rates for these types of loans – I think some firms even have special programs for mortgages, etc. Also – your retirement plan may be very different as an equity partner, so it’s worth considering how that plays into your overall budget and financial strategy.

    2. Lots of firms have various set ups on partnership pay-in, whether it’s a special low interest loan with a banking partner, borrowing against future distributions, etc.

    2. Totally Meghan! Sadly, this look is not for me (winter coloring + petite athletic figure that is overwhelmed by large collars).

  12. I noticed over the weekend that the most anti-straw person I know is also a big door-dash / uber eats person (like 4x/weekend). Which means tons of waste packaging, underpaid gig-economy workers, and car pollution. But don’t you dare use a straw in her presence — if you do, prepare for shaming. Ugh.

    1. “Straws are my indulgence. A small convenience as I forgo ubereats with the horrendous packaging of delivery food. I figure 100 straws is easily worth one meal worth of delivery packaging….”

      But I’m petty AF sometimes.

      1. I am petty too, and will slow clap as you deliver this come back. Most of us do something for the planet, there is no need to chastise others over one thing just because it happens to be what you gave up

      2. +100 I’d start sending her links about how bad styrofoam is. Does she recycle her soft plastic? Does she tip her drivers to help them get to a living wage? I’d be sending links all the time – “Wow! Just saw this article about …. can’t believe Uber Eats is so bad for the environment!’

    2. As someone who often, legitimately needs a straw because my every-meal pills are impossible to take if there’s ice: straw shamers can bite me.

        1. They often show up with ice in them regardless. I’m not the poster above, but when my Dad was sick I learned how hard it can actually be to get a drink without ice.

          1. So send it back? “I need to take medication, I need a glass of water without any ice” is not that hard to understand and no reasonable server is going to push back against it. Or bring along your own bottle of water.

          2. Maybe she doesn’t want to announce that she needs to take medication to the whole table?
            I wonder if you’ve done the life cycle analysis to demonstrate that the straw is more wasteful than wasting water/whatever drink it is?

            I cannot believe how harsh some of you people are being about straws.

          1. That’s not what I said.

            If it worked to ask for no ice I would but it doesn’t so I ask for a straw.

            God, so many of you are ridiculous.

      2. Take a look at Honeylove Sculptwear – Cap Hill Style did a review of it you can look up, she purchased with her own money and does honest reviews.

      3. If you were concerned about the environmental impacts of plastic straws, you could easily buy a reusable foldable metal straw or a glass/plastic one, and carry it with you to use at restaurants/Sbux/etc. A foldable metal one with a case and rubber tip to protect your teeth runs $5-7 on Amazon now.

        1. Do you know how hard it is to ensure that bacteria doesn’t grow in the inside of a reusable straw? Nearly impossible, even with boiling (if it can be boiled).

          I reiterate: so many of you are so ridiculous.

      4. Just coming here to defend Hermione. All the pitchforks did a great job illustrating OPs point. There are a bunch of things that have a way bigger impact than not using plastic straws, none of us are living zero waste lives, so why not tone down the hostility and recognize that we all contribute in our own ways. Getting riled up over straw use just seems like such a misguided use of resources as was hashed out on the last straw thread.

    3. As someone who worked in a dump one summer as a college kid, I’m constantly astonished at people who are incredibly dedicated to recycling but have never actually considered whether that stuff actually *gets* recycled.

      1. Excellent point. I remember reading an article years ago about how “recycling” is often just for show. I now focus much more on reducing/re-using. And I’ve pretty much stopped stressing if there isn’t a recycling bin handy.

      2. There was a whole NPR show/episode about how cities can’t keep up with recycling- specifically glass! I found it super sad/enlightening. We really need businesses to stop polluting… I don’t think the individual things we do make that much of a difference sadly.

      3. It depends on where you live. And it may have changed since you were in college. San Francisco is “waste zero.” This info from SF Environment, below, gives an example of aluminum cans, but actual recycling is not limited to cans. You can recycle textiles by putting clothes not suitable for resale in the blue recycling bin in San Francisco.
        “Despite the naysayers, recycling actually makes a big environmental difference. For one, it helps reduce the use of virgin resources and fossil fuels to make new products. When you put your aluminum can in the blue bin in San Francisco, in six weeks time, it’s back on the shelf as another aluminum can.”

        1. I mean people should still recycle but the better option is to reduce/reuse. Not everything we recycle actually is recycled.

          The can point always makes me laugh. I have a family friend who works for a major trash service organization and regardless of whether you recycle or toss cans in the trash, they separate them out for the rebate money. I think a lot of plastics aren’t really all that recyclable

          1. And, additionally, even the stuff that IS recyclable – we send a lot of it to China to recycle (think about the fuel costs there!). And given the recent trade crap 45 is pulling, China isn’t taking as much of our recyclable stuff as they used to. So we may not even be recycling everything that can be.

            Reduce/reuse is the definitely the better bet.

        2. I’ve actually kept up with this since college, thanks. This was somebody who believed (incorrectly), that in our large, non-SF city, you can recycle plastic containers contaminated with food waste *and* Ziploc-type bags. Just because someone throws it in the blue bin and believes in their heart it’s going to be recycled doesn’t make it recyclable.

          1. I live in Portland which is super all over environmental stuff but frankly, so much of this is performative. Oh, I don’t use straws! Oh, I recycle! Oh, no plastic!. Whatever. My husband has to empty the recycling bins at his work, and 2/3 of what is put in the bins is not recyclable, it has food waste, etc. He has told the employees at this super-green company REPEATEDLY what can and cannot be recycled. He’s put up posters with pictures. He’s begged and pleaded. No avail, he’s still up to his elbows in bullshit that can’t be recycled. Because it’s not about the environment, it’s about making sure everyone kNOWS YOU DO IT. Performative. So ridiculous.

  13. I’m looking for shape wear that is extra extra firm in the tummy area — what do the celebrities wear to the big awards?

    My normal go to is Spanx and I find it very comfortable. But I have a big event coming up and am willing to splurge on something that compresses the tummy area even more.

    Thoughts?

    1. I think that celebs also don’t eat before awards shows, which is a non-starter for me. But sort of a major career need for them (like making weight for a wrestler).

      1. I believe there are different levels of spanks- just go to a nordstroms or similar dept store (or online!) and you’ll find alllllllllll sorts of support wear options.

    4. Years ago someone on here recommended Rago to me and I loved it. I got it from American Shapewear (we b s! te).

      1. I’ve tried every brand and really don’t think anything works better than Spanx. There are so many Spanx options. I love anything with a high waist. Go to the web site and filter for firm control.

    5. I think most celebrities just don’t have a tummy to hide. Or squishy bits. If I had unlimited funds to spend on personal maintenance and it was (sort of) my actual job, I’d also be like this. No. Wait. I would not. I’d spend those unlimited funds on delicious food.

    6. Take a look at Honeylove Sculptwear – Cap Hill Style did a review of it you can look up, she purchased with her own money and does honest reviews.

    7. I think that a lot of celebrities are naturally skinny people with nearly-unlimited resources who really don’t eat a lot…that said, it’s worth heading into a department store and seeing if they can help you find something good. Spanx is fine but I don’t think it works as well as claimed (I mostly just stay squishy and lazy).

      Another note from an Angeleno – while I think the phenomenon of celebrity stylist is well-known, one thing that makes Famous People ™ look awesome in photographs is that in general, everything they wear is tailored/altered before they put it on. T-shirts, jeans, dresses, sweaters, gowns, *nothing* gets pulled off the rack and put on their bodies.

      1. I emailed Kat about it last week and am not going into moderation he[[ every time I post anymore! Before I just wasn’t out of moderation, ever.

  15. Any recommendations on where to find a colorful, classy party dress for a daytime wedding? I have already scoured the usual suspects (Nordstrom, Anthro, Macys, Lord and Taylor, Bloomies, etc.) and I’m not finding anything I love. I don’t like anything at Rent the Runway either.

    I’m 40, size 6, hourglass. I have a bit of a tummy but I’m ok wearing either a sheath style or a-line as long as the dress is not body con.

    If anyone wants to go to shopping for me, that’s great too. I’m looking for a dress is a bright color (I love jewel tones but something more springy would be nice — no black). No strapless, prefer short sleeves if possible. Knee length or slightly below knee preferred, not a short dress.

    1. I am usually a sheath dress person, but I wore a printed silk maxi from Yumi Kim to a recent wedding and felt very stylish. I am around your age.

    2. I can’t tell what style dress you’re looking for here- are you more boho or preppy? Dressier or more casual? What is your price range?
      Ted Baker might have nice options for you?
      https://www.tedbaker.com/us/Womens/Clothing/Dresses/ELLAME-Wrap-over-bodycon-dress-Dark-Orange/p/153355-DK-ORANGE
      https://www.tedbaker.com/us/Womens/Clothing/Dresses/CHYNAA-Fantasia-V-neck-skater-dress-Turquoise/p/155001-TURQUOISE
      I also like a few options at Tuckernuck:
      https://www.tnuck.com/floral-pink-blaire-dress-0.html
      https://www.tnuck.com/bianca-dress-0.html
      https://www.tnuck.com/inez-dress-0.html

    3. Actually, do you have a Sara Campbell boutique in your area? Your question seems to be right in their wheelhouse- lots of short sleeves, knee lengh dresses in bright springy colors.

      1. oh! that black and white Sara Campbell dress with a fuschia inset in the back is great. I may get that for a wedding.

    4. I’m picturing Kay Unger dresses from yoir description. My short-sleeve dresses (hits at knees) from their boutique have been my favorite dresses for summer weddings these past few years. Fwiw, I’m 5’8, size 6, hourglass with a bit of tummy (that sometimes better puts me at size 8) and their dresses are very flattering on my figure.

    5. Modcloth! They do free returns and they have a lot of daytime wedding appropriate dresses!

    6. Boden? Not sure how many party dresses they have outside the holidays but they can usually be counted on for bright colors.

    8. Thanks everyone! I love the Ted Baker fuschia wrap dress, very pretty. My style is feminine and classic I would say. Boden doesn’t look good on me, sadly. Kay Unger is nice but I don’t see any dresses right now that fit the bill (not a lot of color).

      Keep the ideas coming!

  16. I’m really too late to the game on anti-aging. I’m 39 and medium fine lines on my forehead, diagonal lines beside my eyes, and 11s that rivals that of an 80 year old. I look like 9 miles of bad road with rosacea and sensitive skin/acne to boot. I think I should just be a recluse, as skincare doesn’t seem to cater to people like me. What to do? How do I get a good work from home gig? No, not exaggerating.

    1. If you aren’t exaggerating get professional help from a therapist this is ridiculous.

      Or, get a grip, go to a dermatologist, buy some anti redness products, get Botox, and move on with your life.

      1. Oh please. Get off of your high horse. Like no one is concerned with their appearance.

        1. You’re suggesting you can’t be seen in public. That’s ridiculous and you either a) know it or b) need help.

        2. Most people are somewhat concerned with their appearance, but I’ve never met anyone that contemplated getting a work from home gig because they thought they were too ugly to go out in public. You do need professional help…with mental health, not with your skin.

    2. You are worthy of being seen in public no matter what kind of lines you may have on your face! Sending hugs.

    3. Not too late to the game. This is fixable! Go to a reputable medspa and talk to them. Botox can fix the 11s, for one, and there are options for the other fine lines.

      1. But doesn’t Botox only fix lines that are there when you move your face? Plus. doesn’t it weigh down your brow over time?

        1. Botox can only freeze your muscles, yes. It definitely doesn’t weigh down your brow over time.

    4. Agree that severe problems can definitely be helped by a visit to a dermatologist, botox or not. But to take the heart of the question at face value: I’m in the same boat — upper 30s and am only now thinking about anti-aging skincare. What is the first step someone should take? Night cream? With what active ingredients? TIA!

      2. 1- sunscreen! Every single day

        2- any anti aging retinol night cream. Go slowly with it.

      3. What concerns me is that the retinoid products seem to cause hair loss in those prone to that (me), and there doesn’t seem to be other good options.

        1. Retinols are definitely the big guns. They promote turnover of cells, so maybe you could get a similar effect with salicylic acid, which also helps get rid of dead cells. I’m a convert to vitamin C serum, too – I use Sunday Riley, which is $$$, but I like it, I’m sure there are cheaper versions. I use vitamin C serum once a day and I swear it has made my skin look brighter. I also use Clinique’s Even Better moisturizer (comes in a pot), which seems to help with uneven skin tone.

      4. How “first steps” are we talking? If you’re just starting a skincare routine, period, then don’t overwhelm yourself. Get 4 products:

        Sunscreen. Yes even in the winter. Even if you sit inside all day. I like SuperGoop products.
        Gentle cleanser, wash face morning and night. I like Paula’s Choice.
        Moisturizer in the morning and at night. I’ve been digging Pur brand lately. Their anti-aging moisturizer is light and easy to wear under makeup.
        Eye cream. I’ve been using Dr. Brandt but I’m in the market for a new one. I’m curious about Kiehl’s midnight whatever eye cream but the sample sizes are so small I can’t tell if I like it or not.

        1. I’m the clueless one — I have a skincare routine, but it’s just wash and use an SPF 15 moisturizer, day and night (was too lazy to buy different moisturizers for day and night). I browsed the anti-aging section at CVS over the weekend, figured there was no way that the ingredients in a tiny tube could cost close to $30+, and that skincare companies were profiting off aging women’s insecurity, and walked away. But if an expensive small tube of night cream with some kind of retinoid is worth it, I shall get used to it.

          1. Eh, it’s a little bit of both. Skincare companies are definitely profiting off of insecurities and selling snake oil, but ALSO a solid skincare routine does help. Keep it simple and research-backed. Just sign up for Curology for your ‘actives,’ layer a moisturizer over that. In the morning, use a sun screen. In the evening, use a cleanser. It doesn’t have to be super complicated.

          3. SPF numbers aren’t “strength” indicators –they tell you how long you can supposedly stay in the sun before burning. So if you normally take 30 minutes to get pink, then you multiply the SPF by 30. You really need protection for sixteen hours?

    5. Go to a reputed derm in your area and write out a list of all of your concerns and talk to him/her about them. You’re only 39, a lot can be done to help. Retin-A for sure but you can also consider chemical peels, Clear laser, IPL, the list goes on. Your derm can tell you about the various options.

    6. I’m sure you look fine or even, gasp, you actually look your age (please don’t succumb to the unnaturally unaged celebrities that have been doing anti-aging and small nip tucks since 20). Go to a dermatologist if you want to put your money where your mouth is.

      But I agree with poster @ 10:56, first stop is a therapist to help you deal with your image and aging issues.

    7. You definitely need a good cosmetic dermatologist. Assuming this is a real question you are going to need to put some time and money into this. So decide 1. if you problem is actually looking older/haggard (this was me after the last pregnancy so I get it – you can embrace your age without feeling like you looker older/more tired than you have to) or 2. if your problem is self acceptance. You will never look like a celebrity. That’s ok. Celebrities mostly don’t look like celebrities in person either.

      You will need to focus on (1) reversing the damage and (2) maintenance. For step (1) you need to be prepared to spend some serious money. For step (2) you can find a good routine at all price points.

      For step (2) retinol can help with many of these problems but a prescription one is most effective and is covered by insurance for the treatment of acne. I would not just start with ALL THE PRODUCTS given what you think is rosacea (there are other possibilities, too, so please see a derm). For an initial step, Eucerin Redness Relief wash and SPF 15 lotion (green tinted to hide look of redness) can be very effective at taming redness – it will take 1-2 weeks to see some results – without irritating skin. SUNSCREEN IS A MUST in some form. And a hat.

      For step (1), you are probably looking at some type of laser or chemical peel, possibly ultherapy (which Christie Brinkley supposedly uses) and Botox – don’t waste your time on spa facials. I’d suggest avoiding fillers out of the gate. They can lead to bruising and IME they are more to deal with than just botox – since you seem to be low maintenance to this point. If you do get fillers go with the ones that can be dissolved by a saline injection in case you are not pleased with the results. Honestly a very low dose of botox can do a lot for forehead lines.

    8. First, get rid of your magnifying mirror. Second, call up a good friend or someone who loves you or a therapist because there are no skincare products that will fix depression or the feeling that you lack self-worth. No matter what you look like, you deserve to be out in the world enjoying your life. And no one else is examining your skin as closely or as critically as you are, most people are just not paying that much attention. That said, I know having skin issues sucks and can really affect how you feel about the world, so moisturize, sunscreen-ize, and make an appointment with a dermatologist if you want to. (But also, I’m 38 with some lines on my forehead and definitely around my eyes, occasional acne, little veins around my nose, and lots of redness if it’s at all cold or windy, but I actually think I look pretty good overall. Hot tip, if you spend time with actual 80 year olds it will make you feel very youthful and spry.)

      1. When you are behind 80 some year olds at the doc’s office and the 30 some year old receptionist thinks they are your parents when you are no where near them, that’s a problem. When people scrunch up their face or ask why you are squinting when you are not, that is also a problem…

      2. Just got little veins around my nose zapped with a laser at the derm.Gone in a literal flash for $250. Highly recommend.

    9. You may want to be cautious on your choices if you have rosacea. I’m in my 40s now and started adding a number of common anti-aging products (acids, retinol, vit c). Then I started having what I thought were break outs. Figured the hormones were causing acne. I added acne medications to the mix. Nothing got better. Eventually I realized the bumps were probably rosacea, which was made worse by all the things I thought were treating the problem. I cut out everything possible and it started to improve. My wrinkles look better as my skin isn’t irritated all the time. For SPF I only use mineral based sunscreens with minimal ingredients. Mychelle is a small brand but good. Face wash (oil based) and moisturizer by Kopari. Coconut oil based line also with few ingredients. Nothing else. Not sure if that will help you but I wish I’d known that rosacea was the key when I bought all of the expensive treatments.

        1. Nothing. Sometimes you have to choose the lesser of evils. For me the priority was reducing the redness and bumps. That’s what made my skin look bad in my eyes. I still have some wrinkles but I look better than I did when trying all the anti aging stuff. Also- for foundation I started on Ilia true skin. It has aloe in it and some oils but none of the irritating anti aging stuff sometimes added.

  17. What is your favorite long wearing lipstick? I currently use Revlon colorstay ultimate suede lipstick and it’s fine but I’d like to upgrade. Suggestions?

    1. I love Make Up For Ever Artist Rouge lipstick. It’s not as long lasting as a liquid lipstick I guess but those are way too dry on my lips.

    2. The Kat Von D liquid lipstick is pretty much the only thing that stays put for me. It’s a little drying, though.

      1. NARS Powermatte lipstick is good if you prefer matte. If you want a bit of a gloss, Chanel’s double-ended long-wearing lipstick is my favorite.

        1. Ooo thank you! I’ve been looking at powermatte for a while; you might’ve convinced me to pull the trigger.

          1. I love the American Woman shade of Nars Powermatte. Kind of neutral-ish but better on me (light olive-ish complexion).

  18. Hello Ladies. Does anyone have experience with/advice on legal/legal-adjacent (HR?) jobs in international organizations in the US (UN, World Bank, IMF, ITU, and the like)? Any advice on work culture, upward mobility (I know it’s fairly slow compared to private sector jobs), office politics, “unofficially” required experiences and credentials (specific internships or administration experience in international arbitration centers?), realistic expectations of work-life balance and the complexity of actual work responsibilities (compared to those in biglaw?), etc. would be very much appreciated.

    * I’ve been browsing their official hiring pages and Linkedin/Glassdoor for a general idea of the work culture/upward mobility/potential pitfalls/the kind of experience and profile they look for, and understand that upward mobility is very very slow, and most people on full-time jobs speak multiple UN official languages at a near-native level and a lot of them have backgrounds that mostly seem to consist of advanced academic degrees in home countries + LL.M. (master of laws) in reputable US law schools + few years in US/UK BigLaw Arbitration practice groups and/or in international arbitration centers (HKIAC, SIAC, ICC, etc). I thought it was interesting that not that many profiles had J.D. degrees (I understand most other employers in the US want to recruit from J.D. programs); granted, salary appears to be about 1/3 – 1/2 of biglaw classes which might understandably make it less appealing for graduates with J.D.s, but it also made me wonder if there are other reasons for staying away. Fwiw, I’m a senior associate in a transactional area of practice (not US/UK) and considering a slight change in career after attending a master of laws (LL.M.) program in a US law school in the next year or so.

    1. Consider reaching out to the career office of the LLMs you’re looking at. They may have more insight. And yes, it’s ok to say you’re a prospective student and are wondering about careers before applying.

    2. A friend of mine works in a legal-adjacent position for the UN (in refugee management). The pay is OK considering she works fairly stable hours and gets a lot of benefits. She loves her work and finds it very meaningful but sometimes it’s hard, and it’s a HUGE machine where things move slowly and you don’t have a ton of autonomy. I was the typical “idealistic student wants to work at the UN and goes into law” so I occasionally consider it, but have never actually tried. Let us know how it goes!

    3. I work in the UN system but not as a lawyer. It’s difficult to get in without prior experience in the system or connections… try to leverage your network. Easiest way in is in hardship locations if you are willing. Learn about competency based interviews. Good luck!

  19. Not sure if this has been discussed here before — but any ladies here pursuing financial independence/early retirement (FIRE) or some modified version of it? If so, let’s discuss — age; COL of where you live; goals/targets – both financial/non financial).

    At this stage (nearly 40 but not quite; bouncing between NYC and DC), for me it is more about financial independence than about the early retirement part. I’d like to get to the point where I can “downshift” my job and move away from law (which I love but where I’ve had a VERY hard time finding opportunities post biglaw) and either move to a business job for a few years and then start a business (like a bricks and mortar business like a franchise); or go directly from law into starting a business with no in between step. IDK something about being dependent on an employer who can get rid of you the moment they don’t want to make you partner has jaded me on working for others. Yet post biglaw, law is STILL providing me a nearly 200k compensation package, so I don’t want to just walk away from that until I am 100% comfortable from a planning perspective. I don’t want to look back and say — what was I thinking downsizing to a franchise or a business job making 90k, I should’ve stayed in that job making 200k for 5 more years before I even considered this. Originally I thought I’d put my head down and practice law for 20 years post law school — age 45 for me. Now though IDK — nearing 40, I’m ready to move on. Any other ladies with similar (or different) FIRE goals?

    1. …downsizing to a job making 90k is not early retirement or anything resembling retirement and doesn’t require financial independence. You know the vast majority of Americans live on less than that, right? I left law at age 30 for a job that pays 60k. I’m very comfortable. I would never describe myself as retired, because I work full time outside the home and earn a salary that covers my expenses, and I get health insurance through my employer.

        1. My point is that if the vast majority of Americans can live on it, you’re not retired when you earn that much. She can say 90k isn’t enough for her lifestyle, and that’s fine, but acting like taking this much of a paycut is “retirement” is lunacy.

          1. I mean I get what she’s saying. I too have considered it and taking a 50% pay cut that puts you under 6 figures to me IS quasi-retirement. YMMV.

          2. +1 OP’s post strikes me as a bit entitled, though that’s not an uncommon sentiment I encounter from high earning 30-somethings lately. Gently, OP, I would drop the idea that what you are considering is in any way related to FIRE. I read the first line of your post and scrolled on. Came back to it my second round through to see what others had to say and read the whole thing. I think your feelings are valid and the options you are considering not unreasonable, but the entire FIRE movement strikes me as extremely entitled and lacking in understanding of their own privilege.

          3. People are entitled to their privileges, no? Isn’t that just how the cookie crumbles in life? I don’t understand this new thing of calling out people because PRIVILEGE. Hasn’t that always been the case? When you were growing up weren’t there those people with doctor parents jetting of on nice vacations yearly and then the kids of single moms working 2 jobs who maybe got 1 local vacation in 18 years? Were the doctors’ kids supposed to be embarrassed of what they had? And in this case it’s different because OP and others in her shoes (which I am not) presumably worked to get their 250k comp jobs, and likely didn’t get them because of their parents med practice or whatever.

          4. “OP and others in her shoes (which I am not) presumably worked to get their 250k comp jobs, and likely didn’t get them because of their parents med practice or whatever.”

            Oh, honey. As if most Big Law attorneys weren’t born on third base. Her parents’ privilege has everything to do with this.

          5. ” I too have considered it and taking a 50% pay cut that puts you under 6 figures to me IS quasi-retirement.”
            LOL, ok. People here are so freaking out of touch. And no, i’m not jealous of you, I just think you need to have some awareness that your definition of retirement or quasi-retirement is very far outside the normal definition of those words.

          6. Sorry, I read “people are entitled to their privileges” and my eyes rolled so hard that they are currently on the floor under my desk.

            If you take personal offense at people calling out privilege, that says MUCH MORE about you than it does anybody else. Take a moment for some self reflection.

        2. “People are entitled to their privileges, no? Isn’t that just how the cookie crumbles in life? I don’t understand this new thing of calling out people because PRIVILEGE. Hasn’t that always been the case?”

          When people get “called out” for privilege, “privilege” doesn’t mean material wealth/having nice things and fun vacays. It’s about benefiting from a much broader array of social, political, and economic benefits based on your race, national origin, s3x, s3xual orientation, etc… You could do a little internet research about this concept (that has been around for a long time and has been in the public spotlight for the last several years) if you want to understand it. Really, even 2 minutes would have alerted you to the actual definition of the concept. It appears from your use of this common straw-man and dismissive tone that you’d rather NOT understand it.

          Also Anonymous at 12:24 is exactly right.

      2. She clearly distinguishes between early retirement and financial independence. Financial independence means a lot of different things to different people but one common definition is not relying on your income to live. Basically, having enough saved to live bare minimum – house paid off, little to no debt, enough residual income or savings for food and transport. For others this means having your retirement fully funded early (i.e. with current market trends and time, you will have enough for true retirement in your late 50s/early 60s).

        For her, a low hours 90k job is a downshift. For her financial independence means ability to take risks with work – not never work again. Don’t get your panties in a twist because you don’t know what things mean and you’re sour over other people’s salaries.

        1. ” you’re sour over other people’s salaries.”
          Ha, you’re so deluded if you think this is what it is….I know most people here earn way more than me and I don’t care at all, that’s not my objection to her post. I think we basically agree on what financial independence means (you don’t need full-time employment because you’re living off of savings, interest and/or maybe supplemental part-time work). My point is that you don’t have to be financially independent at all to take a 90k job, even in (gasp!) NYC or DC. Most people who earn this salary are not financially independent but are still doing fine.

        2. Can we not with the phrase “get your panties in a twist”? It’s really sexist and demeaning.

    2. Do you intend to stay in NYC/DC for this brick and mortar franchise? Because, yes, staying at law for 5 more years would be advisable since, holy cow, real estate prices (not to mention the general cost of doing business) in those locations are insane. If you’re moving somewhere with a more reasonable COL, $90k is plenty.

      1. Definitely not NYC. If I stay in the DC area it would be more like Virginia – over an hour out; but it’s frankly just as likely to be Richmond, the Carolinas, back home in NJ (which is extreme south jersey, no where near the northern NJ/metro NYC cost of living). Some of this depends on where a franchise is available vs what income I need in that area.

    3. Age: 32

      COL of where you live: HCOL city outside of US.

      Goals/Targets: I would be financially independent (but probably would not retire early) at $1.5M in net assets on the 4% withdrawl rate.

      I’m single with no kids, and dynamics may change if I decided to get married/have kids (childcare usually costs $3k+/month), or buy a house/move to a bigger apartment (housing runs $1M+ for a modest 850 sq ft 2-bedroom condo in a central location in a mediocre school district), but at my current lifestyle (I rent a 350 sq ft studio apartment), I’m on track to reach that point in 7 years if I keep my biglaw job.

      I like my work okay, but it’s taking a toll on my health and I would prefer to have the flexibility to work in a job with less hours for less dollars (no partnership prospects in my market), or go into teaching/academia. Or become a judge. Or go back to school and study behavioral economics or psychology. The lack of dreams and directions is probably what is keeping me in biglaw.

    4. For those slamming OP on the concepts of FIRE and financial independence, 1) she asked for advice not your judgment on a general ill-defined concept, and 2) I think OP is really focused on financial independence to change jobs and take risks – i.e. financial security to not be stuck in a job she doesn’t want to stay in. Tons of people here have that or want that, don’t judge OP for wanting the same things a lot of you guys were born into, married into, or lucked into with high paying jobs young.

      1. FIRE is fake financial security, though, based on unrealistic assumptions about future investment returns.

      2. I think the actual answer to OP’s question is this simple: yes, people here discuss goals and strategies like hers all the time. We just don’t call it FIRE.

      3. Around here if you marry into it or are born into it, it’s all good. If you want to create it for yourself by getting to a million or 2 mil or whatever NW by 40, then perish the thought – you are just greedy and should be more than happy to live on 90k for life because most Americans do. If net worth comes from your surgeon husband and you’re a “retired” 40 year old SAHM – oh then those are your choices all of which are valid. Jealous. Hypocrites.

        1. You can’t be serious. SAHMs are judged here all the time. Nobody here thinks being financially dependent on your husband is a good thing. And nobody on this thread has judged a 40 year old who wants to save $2M or $20M. What they’re judging is saying that you *need* a $2M networth before you can afford to “retire” and take a lower-paying job.

        2. No one is saying anything like this. I’ve read this s i t e for a decade and you are way off the mark. Take your bitterness away and lash out somewhere else.

    5. Just turned 38, living in PNW, also a lawyer. Single. My net worth should be around $2.5M by 40. By 40, I hope to be mortgage free, with $1.5M in the bank, plus other real estate generating $40k/year.

      By 40 I would love to downshift to a job making about $75k/year. I do not know if that will be possible. I say that because I have tried to downshift many times in the last ~4 years and interviewers seem incapable of believing that I would take such a massive pay cut/leave my current fancy job. So my solution may be to simply quit my job at 40, take 1-2 years off, and *then* try for that <$100k job as someone re-entering the workforce. Ideally I would then work another 10 years (but not feeling "owned" by my employer), grow my 401k and my real estate portfolio, and then retire for good around 50.

      I continue to research various "golden visa" type programs to emigrate to a lower COL area after 40. Portugal is high on the list.

    6. I have also considered this strongly from a financial independence standpoint. And setting aside the hate for high salaries, I am also post-big law and making $250,000 ish a year in a job that is pretty good but in a dying industry of sorts. I have good benefits. My job is mostly ok, with some not ok moments. But I would like to feel financially secured and not dependent on my current job.

      I also have children. I feel like the economy and future are very uncertain so I also question quitting a well-paying not-bad job when I could be saving a bigger nest egg for future uncertainty.

      Age: 41, married with working spouse earning 80% of my salary, 2 kids. Current net worth is around $1M in VHCOL city. I divert a lot of income to 401(k) and deferred comp. That plus mortgage plus kids expenses (even with public school, it’s a lot and we still have child care expenses) means that we aren’t living large but are doing well.

      I think my goal for now is to just keep saving and being reasonable with money without being ultrafrugal and missing moments I may not get back. So balance? This is helped by the knowledge that I could get buy on my current net worth if I sold the house and lived at a 4% withdrawal rate. It would not be luxurious and would require lifestyle adjustments but would be well above the poverty line.

    7. We’re in the same boat, or rather my husband is. We are nearly debt free (about to pay off the relatively modest house) mid 30s, one kid. I can do my easy-for-a-lawyer job until we’re Medicare eligible ( I make 120k) He commutes to nyc and works in-house post big law (300-400k a year). We’re crunching numbers and thinking about where our lives go from here. We could keep saving and have him step back to a part time or local gig, have more time for childcare and just a less hectic life. I guess that’s not “retirement “ but we’re framing our thinking as if it is because money wouldn’t be the primary incentive for his employment.

      We could also buy a nicer house and join a country club, maybe try for another baby, and he could just keep doing what he’s doing. (This seems to be what my parents think makes sense,and it was the path we were headed towards before mmm made us stop and think.)

      We’re crazy lucky. It’s a great problem. You are too. It’s like before reaching for the next brass ring, we just need to stop and consider whether it’s worth it to us.

    8. Age:32, unmarried
      COL: VHCOL
      Current assets: approx 600k (cash and retirement accounts)
      FIRE (from biglaw :)): approx 1-1.5M

      My general financial strategy is to stick to the biglaw associate route as long as I can. Ive kept living expenses and fixed costs low so I expect significant savings during the senior associate years (if I’m not axed…) Given VHCOL, market unpredictability and potential future kids / need to provide parent support, I sleep better at night shoring up assets. If I leave biglaw, I expect I would take a 50% pay cut so ability to save would be diminished.

      OP, is it possible to continue working for another year or two while you finalize your next steps and figure out your financial needs in more concrete terms? For example, pricing business rental, insurance costs, expected revenue etc?

    9. I’ve never heard the term FIRE before, but this is definitely on my mind often (especially seeing where my parents (professionals, great pension, good savings, open about talking about $) vs my inlaws (professionals, no pension, no savings, will not talk about $ even if they were on fire).
      Age- early 30s
      COL- We bounce between 3 very high cost of living cities unfortunately (SF, LA, DC)– I can’t see us moving elsewhere because this is where our families & industries are.
      Financial Goal- live off of 1 salary comfortably. I can’t see my husband not working permanently, even if we won the lottery (he just really enjoys working). I enjoy my work, but have always felt on less steady ground (if I were to lose my current job, it would be hard to find something that gives me a similar level of flexibility/$/satisfaction). We lived off of 1 salary comfortably before kids & a mortgage for about 7 yrs…. but after having a kid and buying a house, and 1 of us moving out of big law, the gap btwn what we spend and what we make has narrowed. Part of that is because we bought a house in a HCOL area, which so far, has proven to be a good investment. We max out tax incentivized retirement every year, and also invest in index funds monthly…. but my big goal is to buy a new house every 5-10 years, rent out the old one, and hopefully have a couple income generating properties by our 50s so that we can retire comfortably.

    10. We share a philosophy, but based on your numbers, I am curious about your approach to frugality. Even in a HCOL city you should be able to save a huge chunk of your salary by living frugally. That said, I found this challenging when I was in Big Law because I didn’t have time to be frugal (eg make my own lunches) and I was often miserable so needed to buy my quality of life (take Acela instead of the bus). Also, how many hours are you working? Have you considered that the $90k/year job might be a better deal when you consider hours worked? Post BigLaw I make $110k but I work 9-5, take vacations, etc. A much better value for my time!

      Also, I’d love to hear your recommendations for books (or other readings) you’ve liked on the topic of FIRE and related philosophies. I liked Your Money or Your Life and also Meet the Frugalwoods.

  20. I am trying to determine whether it makes sense to buy season passes for our local ski hill for next season. We live in a place where it can be snowing one day and 70 degrees the next, so I’m skeptical that there will actually be enough skiable weekend days to make this a good investment. (Weather is the only issue here. If there is actually snow we will definitely use the passes–we have already decided as a family that our number one priority for next winter is to become ski bums.) Is there somewhere on the web that will show the ski report and lift status for every day of the entire previous season? I have searched extensively and can’t find such a thing.

    1. If you’re in a big ski area, there may be Facebook groups or other local groups that could give you a better ballpark. I would imagine the mountain may have that info, too, if they’ll give it. Or local ski shops!

    2. If you have already checked the ski hill’s own website or social media (the ones in my area often post snow updates and “you guys we got 10 inches last night we better see you on the hill today!!” instagram posts) and no luck, why not just use the average weather for that zip code and time of year? That might be easier to find.

    3. accuweather dot com shows a month of what the weather was like, like if you look up February 2018 for that ZIP code, you can see the weather temps and sunny/cloudy status for every day that month. I know this is not ski-specific but it may be helpful.

    4. So I lived in Virginia for several years and had season pass to a small mountain there. I don’t know that it panned out to be a good deal every year I had it, but it definitely did some years. The smartest way to handle it, IMO, is to figure out how many days you would need to use it to break even and then look at the calendar and make sure you have enough free weekends to make it worthwhile. Make sure you consider whether the pass you get is usable on holidays, etc. (some are, some aren’t, some aren’t but give you a discount on lift tickets those days). Honestly, in VA, NC, PA, and WV, season passes are generally so cheap you only need to use a handful of times. And they do try and make snow, because otherwise the mountain won’t be profitable at all.

        1. I had mine at Wintergreen, so same general idea. I was in Charlottesville, so less than an hour to the slopes. I was young and childless at the time, so I used it occasionally for an afternoon or evening ski by myself, and a lot on weekends with friends. I don’t live there anymore, but have friends in the area. It’s hard to predict weather-wise — like this year, early December was great, the holidays were beyond warm and awful, but now it’s really nice and they are keeping the resort open later. I’d personally take the gamble, as it made me go way more than I would if I’d had to buy a separate ticket each time, and frankly all things said, I’d rather ski than spend an afternoon at home watching a movie or something.

    5. I wouldn’t. The planet’s getting hotter every year and nobody seems to be doing much about it. Ski hills are going to be one of the first consequences.

    6. Just buy the passes. If you don’t, you’ll talk yourself out of going on weekends where conditions are marginal. But you could check out onthesnow dot com to see if your local hill is listed. The site has historical snowfall data and some data about the number of days the resort was open.

      1. Agree. I buy a pass to my local ski resort every year and go up almost every weekend. With a pass I don’t wait for good snow days or stay all day if I have things to do. Sometimes we have great snow all season, sometimes it’s spring skiing the entire winter. It helps (mentally) that my resort is a nonprofit so I feel like I’m basically making a donation in bad years.

        Unrelated: You can really tell we all (at least most of the US), just lost an hour of sleep to daylight savings today! Very spicy comments.

  21. I usually dig what the directrice puts together, even if I wouldn’t wear it myself.

    However, I think today’s look is objectively ugly. Your thoughts?

    2. I just scrolled down the first page at the link and I don’t really like any of the outfits…

      1. This came across as more unkind than necessary. I don’t like the colors on this morning’s ensemble, but in general, her taste is not my taste.

        1. You don’t need to apologize for saying you don’t like something. You’re not saying she’s a terrible person or moral failure or anything.

      2. I came here to say this. I don’t like any of her outfits and the one in the post you linked is especially not my taste.

    3. I used to follow her, but stopped because her outfits weren’t my jam, although she seems like a very nice person. In scrolling through recent outfits it seems like she’s gotten a little wackier overall than she was a few years ago. I’ve seen that with other work fashion bloggers as their readership grows – their outfits just get farther away from officewear and it’s a bummer.

      1. I agree with this. I really like her sense of humor, which keeps me reading, but her outfits over the last few months haven’t really been as inspirational to me as opposed to sort of… Red Hat Society intentional wackiness? I miss the older days of a more muted/conservative outfit jazzed up with an unexpected piece or element.

    4. Totally not my style, but I think her outfits are interesting and well thought out. Also, I love seeing these risky outfits on a woman older than myself (I’m 42) as well as the modest? office appropriate? nature of the outfits (i.e., fashion forward without the bodycon or skin showing nature that a younger woman might be prone to).

    5. I’m not sure if it is the bow or the hair, but it just screams Dolores Umbridge to me.

    6. She lives in my neighborhood! Her style isn’t to my taste but I really appreciate that she takes a lot of risks with her outfits and isn’t afraid to stand out in a crowd.

    7. I love reading the Directrice’s blog! I wouldn’t (couldn’t?) wear most of what she puts together, but she has the most engaging writing style and sense of humor of any blog I follow. Viva La Directrice!

    8. Although her style isn’t for me, I appreciate her creativity. I read her sometimes when i want to see something different than the usual IG curation that veers Madewell/Anthro.

      I also like Gretchen’s closet website for this.

      1. I want to like Gretchen’s closet but I feel like it’s all too shapeless and almost intentionally ugly – like wide cropped pants – those don’t look good on anyone.

    9. Her style is definitely not what I want to wear myself (I prefer streamlined/moto looks) but I think it really suits her, and I would delight in seeing someone dressed like this in my office. I really dig the steampunk librarian aesthetic.

      1. Yes, it’s weird but I actually really like this outfit, in that I find it aesthetically appealing and want to look at it longer. I do love plaid.

    10. I’m not wild about the colors but other than that I kind of like it, in a “whoo boy what’s she up to today?” kind of way.

    11. OP here – I didn’t mean this as a referendum on The Directrice in general. I’m still going to check in on her site from time to time. And I love her writing style and when she goes on about her cats. I just hate this weird whatever it is she had her tailor make for her, and how it looks with the gold dress. The whole look feels like stomach flu to me.

    12. Wow, I had the exact opposite reaction to her outfit today. I love the colors, and I’m jealous I don’t have a seamstress local to me that I could hire to do such creative things. I guess I’m an outlier in that I actually prefer the “wackier” outfits. She makes business casual look fun, and I have used her as inspiration a few times while choosing clothes. My office is more casual than business casual, and I feel like the fun outfits are more appropriate.

    13. Oh wow, I’ve never looked at her blog before but I love everything. This is how I dress in my alternate life where I run an art gallery and throw pots.

  22. Now that the weather is getting warmer, I need capri running pants/knee-length bike shorts for exercise that have phone-sized pockets and don’t cost a fortune.

    I got the HOFI pocket yoga pants from amazon on a rec from this board and they are great, but they don’t come in a shorter length. Can anyone recommend something in the sub-$25 range that aren’t see-through?

    1. If you already have pants without pockets, consider the FlipBelt to hold your phone.

      1. I actually have one, but I’ve found that I really like the side pockets to easily pull my phone out if I need it.

    2. What if you get the ones you mentioned in the longer length and then cut and hem them to the length you want?

  23. I posted here last week about possibly leaving my job. I thought about it for a while, met with my therapist, ran it past a few trusted former colleagues, and – I just gave my two weeks’ notice! I feel almost giddy.

    2. Good for you! IIRC you were posting, “How much longer could you be in this terrible job” type of postings, right?

    3. Wait, is this the boring but stable v. big opportunity OP? Because if so, woo and the best of luck to you!

  24. I have an interview with a firm that looks promising with good pay, interesting work, and renowned partners but something seems off.

    It’s a small firm which seems to have a high turnover. Last week when i was prepping for the interview- there were two junior attorneys along with the partners on the website, this week there’s two completely different attorneys. However, the glassdoor reviews for the company all highly praise the management. The reviews seem fake because they all refer to themselves as long-term employees and specifically comment on another negative review which is no longer visible on the site. I have been hoping around jobs so really need to find someplace i can stay with long term. They seem to work really hard on keeping their online presence positive. The partners also have “Superlawyer” awards which i have heard are basically self-nominated awards which are more interested in a fee being paid then the merit of the attorney.

    Does anyone have any experience with this type of a fake online presence or any ideas on other ways i can research this firm?

    1. Is the only thing indicating high turnover that two junior attorneys moved on? Their website could have just been due for an update – you don’t know how long away those two left.

      Search for the firm on LinkedIn and see what (former) associates have it listed and how long they stayed.

    2. How small? It seems like it would be valuable to you to work your network and see if you can get some live-person (even second or third hand) intel on the place.

    3. I worked at a place like this. The turnover was a huge red flag. I think you’re right to trust your gut.

    4. Proceed with caution. After the offer stage, ask directly about turnover. And ask multiple people about it. See what range of answers you get.

      Ask if the firm is still in touch with the former employees. May be worth seeing if you can chat with one or two

    5. I have had an experience like this and ended up leaving within 4 months. Turnover is a huge red flag. Ask if you can speak to prior employees. I was lied to about why they left and found out later exactly why…

      1. Yes – a good way to start the conversation is asking whether the position you were offered is an expansion or replacement.

  25. I’m going to a brunch event this weekend and offered to make a sweet breakfast casserole. Anyone have a recipe they love? I was thinking of either a blueberry french toast or a nutella cream cheese one.

    1. Baked chocolate chip french toast

      1 loaf of chocolate chip brioche bread (if there is an Aldi near you, theirs is great). Cut into large cubes and place in baking dish. Mix 5 eggs with a half-cup of whole milk (or half and half if you are feeling fancy) and a tsp of vanilla. Bake at 350 for 30-45 minutes.

  26. Morning ‘Rettes
    I’ve unfortunately been informed that after four years of trying to conceive we will need to use a surrogate due to an autoimmune condition of mine. Does anyone have any tips/recommendations (especially for an agency)? We’re in SF but are willing to work with an agency that’s anywhere. Thanks!

      1. Can you elaborate on why you feel that way? We haven’t thought much about adoption yet.

        1. different commenter but same opinion as whoever commented- to elaborate, I think adopting is much more humane. You are unable to carry your own child. So I would ask yourself, you have the time, money, and privilege to look into surrogacy- is your own DNA really that important? Why not use that time, money and energy to adopt an already living, breathing, and probably in-need child? My extended family has many adopted children in it and my husband and I plan on adopting as well. I really don’t understand this (generally, not you) obsession to the point of IVF, surrogacy, medical bankruptcy, etc with having YOUR OWN BIO CHILD.

    1. It looks a little casual to me, honestly. It looks like what people wore to our daytime wedding (we had a late morning ceremony, sit down multi-course lunch and then dancing). Evening is usually quite a bit fancier. To me, “not expecting fancy” means c0cktail attire, not black tie. But you know your friends.

    2. I think it’s fine if you don’t mind other people being more dressed up than you are. And if you generally are over-dressed for your crowd, then maybe this will hit the sweet spot. (P.S. very cute dress! I’d buy it myself if I weren’t positive it would be floor-length on me!)

    3. I think it’s too overdressed.

      Consider:
      https://shop.nordstrom.com/s/vince-camuto-popover-midi-dress-regular-petite/4539862?origin=category-personalizedsort&breadcrumb=Home%2FBrands%2FWomen&color=cobalt

      or

      https://shop.nordstrom.com/s/vince-camuto-floral-print-asymmetrical-hem-dress-regular-petite/5150751?origin=coordinating-5150751-0-1-PDP_1-recbot-also_viewed&recs_placement=PDP_1&recs_strategy=also_viewed&recs_source=recbot&recs_page_type=product&recs_seed=4610445

      1. Did you mean under-dressed? The dresses you linked are more formal, especially the first one. (And I agree, the linked dresses are more appropriate for a 5:30 pm wedding).

    4. Is the groom the best person to ask? The men in my life aren’t well versed on dress code terms, to him, not fancy could = don’t wear a cocktail dress because my cousin is showing up in a long sleeve t-shirt and ripped jeans, or fancy could equate to tuxes and ballgowns, so less than that. Think in terms of the venue, who the other attendees are, the geographic location, etc. I think this is fine if it’s truly a fairly casual wedding, and you could get milage out of this style in the spring and summer. As an aside, I’d have to see that fabric in person but it looks wrinkley/puckery.

      1. +1 to maybe don’t trust the groom’s opinion alone, but also, I feel like the dress OP posted rides the middle nicely and would look totally fine at a casual wedding as is or at a dressier wedding with glitzy accessories (well, maybe glitz doesn’t exactly fit the vibe of this dress, but you know what I mean).

      2. +1. My DH had no idea what the dress code was at our wedding. Also, we did “Garden party cocktail” which my father described as “not too fancy” and a friend of his showed up in jeans and a polo shirt (which definitely stood out – and his wife was clearly embarrassed). I didn’t care, but wedding attire is complicated!

    5. That dress says “day” to me. What is the venue? I would do a cocktail dress for a sit-down dinner.

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