Corporette.com

Updated: Mar 8, 2019 144 Comments · by

Weekend Open Thread

The Personal Shopper (TPS)

This post may contain affiliate links and Corporette® may earn commissions for purchases made through links in this post. As an Amazon Associate, I earn from qualifying purchases.

'Long Beach' Tank Something on your mind? Chat about it here. Have I mentioned how much I love my Free People t-shirts for weekends? They've really mastered the slouchy cool vibe, and everything I own of theirs is crazy soft. This tank top looks like the perfect thing to layer under a big cozy grandpa sweater on a chill weekend now — but would be a great layer by itself when weather warms up. It's $20 at Nordstrom, ShopBop, and Zappos, comes in a zillion colors, and has close to 500 rave reviews at Nordstrom. Happy weekend! ‘Long Beach' Tank This post contains affiliate links and Corporette® may earn commissions for purchases made through links in this post. For more details see here. Thank you so much for your support!

Sales of note for 9.10.24

Some of our latest posts here at Corporette…

RSS Error: WP HTTP Error: cURL error 60: Issuer certificate is invalid.

And some of our latest threadjacks here at Corporette (reader questions and commentary) — see more here!

Some of our latest threadjacks include:

About Kat

Kat Griffin is the founder, publisher, and editor-in-chief of Corporette. You can read more about her here.

Comments

  1. Anon

    Looking for a workout shoe for doing squats, light lifting, and an orange theory-esque HIIT class that doesn’t do any treadmill work. What do you recommend? I know I do not want a running shoe, and I can tell with my Nike current cross-trainers that I’m not in the right shoe for squats. I feel like a weight lifting shoe is too far the other direction, and I’m overwhelmed with options.

    • Anon

      Something with a flat sole is best for weightlifting if you’re not actually getting a weightlifting shoe.

    • Rainbow Hair

      I have a pair of Ryka training shoes that I use for squats, light lifting, and a HIIT-ish class. They make my feet and knees feel way better than my running shoes did. IDK if the “made for women’s feet” thing is a scam, but I really like the way they feel.

    • Anon

      Nike Metcon. I have a first generation shoe and the stability’s fantastic – I figure it has to have only gotten better over the past couple years.

      • anon in brooklyn

        Agreed. Love how stable my Nike Metcons are for squats and lifting.

        • Anonymous

          Not OP, but I find they run wide. I’m usually a standard size 11 womens and they fit me more like a 11.5 with a lot of room. I try not to jog on the treadmill in them but they are excellent for weight lifting and HIIT.

        • Anon

          I’m anon at 2:26. I guess my foot is average, because I’ve never given width any thought one way or another, but I thought they were roomy – there’s definitely space for your foot to spread out and get max contact with the floor.

        • Anonymous

          I also have a wider foot and don’t find they run narrow in the front, partly because they were originally designed to be a CrossFit shoe and I’ve always found my CrossFit shoes to be wide in the front because of the encouraged movement towards barefoot running/minimalist footwear. If these are too narrow, the Reebok Nano (especially 2.0 and 3.0 if you can find them) might have more room in a similar kind of style (no heel drop, no cushion) while not being quite as aesthetically pleasing.

      • +1

        Metcons are designed precisely for this. I can do Olympic weightlifting in them and run a 5k in them. The newer models are even nicer and fancier.

    • Anonymous

      If you are lifting heavy weights you might need a different shoe for HIIT. My husband the powerlifter always just used Converse Chucks. I do my HIIT and light weights in running shoes, but I have flat feet so my running shoes are stability focused.

  2. Anon

    Any recommended professional job search sites besides LinkedIn? I’m not getting very far between the G search engine and LinkedIn but that could also be due to the area I’m looking in (Savannah, GA).

    • Anon

      ZipRecruiter is big in the South, from what I have seen. That is where I found my job (mid career legal).

      Monster, Indeed, Randstad.

    • mascot

      Also look directly on the websites of the companies that you are interested in and set alerts for new postings. Some of the employers have very short windows for postings.

    • mascot

      Some of the companies have very short posting windows so I’d also suggest setting job alerts and looking directly at the career pages for those employers.

  3. Dad is Dying

    Looking for advice for dealing with dad’s dire prognosis. Where can I find information on long-term care options? How should I communicate this to him? How can we make the best of this?

    • Anonymous

      You could start with a local caregiver support group. They can help connect you to elder counsel, financial planners, and facilities.

    • Anon

      Hug.

      Another hug.

      If he is lucid, give him as many options as possible and support his decisions. I don’t know when you got his prognosis or exactly how long he has; the coming days or weeks may clarify what type of research you need to do.

    • anon

      I’m so sorry. I don’t have any great advice, other than to start with a hospice group that is local to his city. Sometimes these are limited to a six month life expectancy, but they might be able to point you in a good direction if that is not where your dad is. You might also ask his main doctor (either primary care or the main specialist he’s seeing) for recommendations to a palliative care doctor. Palliative care is the “new” term for hospice, but is also trying to expand the use of hospice so that people get more of the care they need versus the care that would keep them alive at any cost (meaning physical cost to the patient’s body). Hugs.

      • Anonymous

        For clarity, palliative care is generally seen as distinct from hospice. Hospice is about comfort care in the last 6 months of life when you aren’t really treating the disease anymore; palliative care is for people with advanced disease who aren’t necessarily terminal and may in fact still be treating the underlying disease. Can include pain management, psych assistance, etc. The services can overlap, but they do different things and have different teams involved, at least in my experience.

        • anon

          Thank you for proving a bit more context. I am not in the medical field now but did a short in-house stint for a hospital group so only have bits of knowledge around the healthcare industry.

      • S in Chicago

        I just want to second the local hospice recommendation (his physician should be able to steer you). There are a lot of misconceptions about hospice–too often it’s associated with only the most end-of-life care (versus period leading up when you have a terminal diagnosis but may not need full-time help). The hospice folks were a huge help to my family from everything relating to anticipating and accessing financial planning services to providing mobility and similar aids to monitoring my dad for depression and connecting him with psychological support. For a time, my dad only needed a visit once or twice a week. (So it’s not all or nothing.) They also did a lot for my mother on preparing her for what to expect with the progression of his illness. They truly became like family to both of them. And I am grateful every day for the help they gave my family at such an awful time. There is no way my dad could have achieved his desire to die in the comfort of his own home without all of the support they gave. One of his caregivers even gave me a lot of great advice on ways to be a support to my mom as she managed the next stage of her life solo. I swear, if there are angels on Earth, it truly was his hospice team.

        • Anonymous

          One more thing about hospice – most people take it vantage of it way too late. There is an obvious stigma to excepting it’s care. Of analogy. Oddly enough, people tend to live longer on hospice then they do without it. So if it’s offered, take advantage of it early

    • SFchic

      This is a lot…. I’m very sorry to hear of this terrible news.

      May I ask what he is dealing with?

      Honestly, you don’t answer these questions today. You are probably in shock. Take a deep breath, and listen to your dad. What are his concerns, fears, goals, if he can communicate them?

      Who is taking care of him now? Is he alone? If so, do you have siblings? Can anyone take vacation/FMLA to help assist during this?

      What do you mean by long term care? Is there no family member that can be with him to help him through to hospice care, if that is where we are going? If you mean a nursing home, that is rough…. And I think you shouldn’t leave it to him to make these plans. Hopefully there are family who can lead the way. Local social workers that work with the doctor’s clinic or hiring a local care coordinator can be really helpful. Calling th local department of aging and have a case manager assign d to give advice in local resources like ride assistance, meals on wheels, and local assisted living options. Even finding a local lawyer specialize in elder care can sometimes be worth a one time visit.

      You make the best of it by realizing that the doctors have no idea how much time you really have. So don’t give up on these precious days. It helps to have goals, both long and short term. A visit from a grandchild, or a trip to a favorite place. A chocolate donut for breakfast. More photos, phone calls, letters. Gathering friends of your father’s to help and visit. And to keep treating him like dad. Ask him for his advice, laugh with him, make him feel like he has value. And tell him what he means to you.

    • Anonymous

      What type of insurance does he have? The answer is going to be different for Medicare vs. private insurance vs. Medicaid. +1 to the suggestion for an elder law attorney, especially if he doesn’t have POAs for healthcare and for finances and a will. If Medicaid is or might be part of the picture, an elder law can help with the planning for that. LTC doesn’t necessarily mean a nursing home. Contact the local Area Association on Aging. They’ll be able to talk to you/your dad about what’s available in your dad’s area.

    • Cat

      I have a friend in this situation who lives a distance away so physical presence/help is tough — would you mind sharing what you find helpful/supportive from afar?

    • Bewitched

      If your dad does end up needing placement in a nursing home or assisted living, I would recommend hiring a geriatric care manager. They know all the local nursing homes, assisted living, memory care units and often know the best home care agencies, companion care and the like. I hired one in PA and one in my home state using this website-I swear I am not affiliated with the site (although I do work in health care). Both helped me with difficult situations involving parents/in-laws. I’m so sorry you are going through this. https://www.aginglifecare.org/ALCA/About_Aging_Life_Care/Find_an_Aging_Life_Care_Expert/ALCA/About_Aging_Life_Care/Search/Find_an_Expert.aspx?hkey=78a6cb03-e912-4993-9b68-df1573e9d8af

    • Been there, now doing my dead dad’s final taxes

      Hugs, I was there not long ago. It’s so hard, especially if you’re managing care and general affairs. I have so much advice for this stage (sorry for the novel):

      -hospital social worker should have referrals for all sorts of services (elder care consultant, assisted living, nursing homes, medical transport)

      -If you’ll be managing care and general affairs, get a POA and Medical POA in place if you haven’t already. Also, get logins for stuff (phone, electrical, etc.) so you can make payments more easily. If your parent has a tax advisor, lawyer, etc., have your parent make an introduction.

      -right now, if you can afford it, I recommend engaging a good elder care consultant/agency in your dad’s area. They should know all of the options for care in your area and have a better sense of how good they are for a particular kind of patient than you could get on your own. Later on, they can help you work with facilities and assess if a move is necessary.

      -lots of people have good experiences with hospice, but I had a pretty terrible experience with the national for-profit hospice that first cared for my dad. They talked a good game, but provided an unacceptable quality of care. Don’t be afraid to push back, or to revoke hospice to go to the hospital (you can generally re-enroll your loved one in hospice once they’re stabilized as long as you don’t do this too often).

      -I wish I had started therapy or at least joined a grief group/grief peer counseling once things started getting really hard before my dad died.

      -I wish I had cared for myself more and told off people who made things harder (even if they were well meaning, some people were total assholes). Don’t feel like you have to be very kind to people who aren’t your dad.

      -If your dad is game, I appreciated gallows humor. When my dad’s annoying cousin wanted to come visit, we joked that he should come in the summer (we knew he’d be dead in the spring).

      • Jules

        +1 to the gallows humor. My dad and my 20-something nephew had a joke that they were going to travel to hospices in beautiful places (Cabo San Lucas! Santorini!) and write up reviews. I said, “oh, like Yelp?” My dad – in hospice, eyes mostly closed and for him an unusually flat affect – shot back immediately, “yeah, but we’ll call it ‘Help!”

    • Anon

      Had to go through this a few years ago, when my dad was diagnosed with terminal cancer.

      The hardest part, logistics aside, was truly accepting that he was dying. We all knew it and have verbally admitted it. But we all skirted around the issue and pretended like there was still hope. As a result, we didn’t arrange for palliative care, and he died in a very painful and inethical way at the hospital urgent care room.

      I would be sure to have him figure out whether he wants to be recussitated or intubated before he gets there. In our case, we had very unprofessional pressures from the hospital staff.

      One thing I wish I had done was to breathe a bucket list of things he always wished to do but was too considerate to tell us about. Eg he mentioned in passing of wanting to fly over the Grand Canyon, but he was afraid it was too expensive. I wish I had made it happen before he died, no matter how expensive it was or how many days I had to take off work. I also wish we had moved to another home that had more fresh air and away from downtown. Finally, I wish I had gotten a young pet for him. I was surprised that even a live flower was helpful in cheering him up toward the end, but this might differ depending on the person.

      Be mentally prepared that your performance at work will inevitably deteriorate if you help take care of him, and be firm about taking time off or working part time. You can always find another job but you’ll never have this time back. Think of it as a blessing to know you have a limited time left rather than losing him suddenly.

      I also wish I had asked him one question about his life every morning and recorded him answering those questions. After he was gone, there are so many things about his life that I wish I had asked him about before he died.

      He also refused to acknowledge that he was dying and insisted on working everyday. I found that giving him books written by people who were dying was helpful in terms of helping him embrace the topic. In hindsight, I should have made friends with other similar patients and their families so that we would have a support group of some kind.

    • Jules

      I’m sorry you’re going through this and am sending you virtual hugs and support. My father died in November, after a nine-month roller-coaster of treatment for what turned out to be liver cancer, and it was very hard (even with multiple siblings and steps sharing the load).

      When my father first needed nursing home care after being released from a hospital, we got a lot of help in identifying potential facilities from the social workers at the hospital. They helped us find those that took his insurance – he didn’t have LTC coverage but did have a Medicare supplement that covered what Medicare didn’t for the first 100 days – and also which ones had some relationship with his PCP’s practice group. From there, we looked at the ratings on Medicare.gov, I believe it was.

      All in all, the social workers at both the two hospitals and two nursing homes where he spent time were very helpful and supportive. I also agree with the recommendation to involve hospice early rather than late. They can help direct his care when he’s in a long-term care facility, long before he is in the stage that might be thought of as actively dying. My father was actually in-patient at hospice twice; he rebounded and “graduated” from it about three-and-a-half months before he worsened and then was back for only has last day of life. The staff was incredibly warm, caring and resourceful, both when he was an inpatient and when he was in a nursing home. (And I consider the nurse who was with us when he died to be an angel in scrubs.)

      Honestly, this will be difficult both emotionally and practically, so take care of yourself, too.

    • Leah

      PLEASE make sure your dad has his estate in order before reaching out to any agencies. That probably doesn’t need to be said to a ‘Rette, but just in case.

      My mother-in-law refused to make a will, despite repeated urging from family and professionals. When she eventually needed assisted living, the town found out from her facility that she had done no planning, and they smelled blood in the water. All of a sudden, she was magically incompetent and we were considered unsuitable to provide her care. It was a blatant cash grab. They assigned her a state guardian who wouldn’t have been able to pick her out of a lineup, but who was certainly glad to drain her accounts as quickly as possible. It was a stressful, expensive nightmare.

    • Anon

      Yayyyy! First woman to win that award, go you! So glad this community could help.

    • Senior Attorney

      OMG this is great! You look amazing! Congratulations again!!

      Happy International Women’s Day, indeed!

    • Anon

      Congratulations again! I voted for you several times so it’s nice to put a face with the name :)

      • Ellen

        Yes, me too. I even got Myrna also vote twice, even tho she is NOT big on social media, she will do alot to promote other women. You look soo cute, you will have no trouble in the busness world, and/or also finding a guy to marry and have children with, now that you are famous as the engineer of the year. Beleive it or not, there are guys out there that will respect women for their minds and acheivements, not just their bodies, so just be willing to wait to get the right one. Dad says you will be sucessful no matter which route you take! This is all about you as a woman of acheivements! Go for it! YAY!!!!

  5. Anon

    It’s really weird that the text from the main page doesn’t ever match the text on the post itself. Especially because the text on the homepage ends in an ellipses, so I think I’m going to continue reading the sentence.

    • Cat

      I’ve noticed this too and thought I was a weirdo for expecting to finish the rest of the sentence!

    • Anon

      I assumed it was for search engine optimization reasons, eg the blurb says like “this X brand shirt with Y and Z features is a must-have piece for spring” and then the narrative says something like “I recently picked up this shirt, and I’m loving it because blah blah blah”. The former is way more likely to turn up in search engine hits than the latter. But in this case, neither one seems particularly search engine friendly, so I dunno.

      • LaurenB

        It seems like extra work on Kat’s part to come up with a “home page filler” instead of just having it be the first few sentences of the post … and for no good reason. Every other blog I’ve visited simply uses the first few sentences. I don’t get it.

        • Anonymous

          Coming up with unique enticement text is important for engagement (triggering click through) as well as loading of keywords for SEO. This isn’t an unusual concept-in fact it’s the reason most email newsletters you open don’t just scrape the first line or two of text from the article you’ll read. There’s actually very good reason for doing it.

  6. Lashes

    I’ve been really wanting to try one of those eyelash serums, particularly since I saw a relative-of-a-friend recently who had been using the R+F one and looked amazing. I don’t really want to get involved with finding someone who sells R+F, and the whole issue with having to actually go to a doctor made me shy away from Latisse. Are there any other over the counter ones that are worth it? They’re so expensive, but I think it would be worthwhile if they actually work as well as this woman’s did.

    • AnonZ

      You can buy R+F online (from their website) without having to go through the MLM structure. I did that to buy the eyelash serum. I was a little worried that then I would get on some sort of list for them to harass me about selling for them, but they shipped me the serum and I have not heard another peep from them.

      FWIW, the serum was irritating to my eyelids and I didn’t use it for more than about a week. But other people swear by it and also told me their eyelids weren’t irritated or stopped being irritated after regular use, so YMMV.

    • S in Chicago

      I know you said you wanted to avoid going the prescription route, but just a heads up that the urgent care center at your local CVS will likely write scripts. I haven’t used them for this (just regular medical care like flu shots and strep tests), but I got a promo email from them and it’s been on my “wonder if I should try it” list ever since.

    • Anon

      You can buy Latisse online. I do. I use Skin Solutions MD. They’ve been reliable and usually have some sort of discount going. My eyelashes are actually hitting my glasses right now so I can attest that it works!

    • Editor

      I get Babe Lash from Amazon and I also get Latisse generic (Careprost) via mail order from India.

  7. Coach Laura

    Someone mentioned last week that long necklaces were out. What kind of necklaces are in this season? Long/short, layered, chunky/thin?

    • Anon

      No, no – someone’s teen daughter mentioned that long necklaces were out ;) And earlier this week, we all agreed we weren’t paying attention teen girls for fashion and beauty advice :)

      I’ve been in the mall a lot lately (thanks, weight gain) and I’m still seeing long necklaces in all of what would be this board’s usual haunts – AT, J.Crew, Talbots, etc.

      I think those wispy necklaces that sit right on your throat are in for casual wear with a v-neck t-shirt, but that style can be hard for the office if you’re wearing business formal – it can seem out of balance. I wear one on the weekends, but it hasn’t felt right for work.

    • Anon

      All the professional women I know (late 20s to 60s) who wear jewelry still wear long necklaces. So I’m going with not out. Caveat that I’m in the Midwest and we tend to be a bit behind NYC, etc. in terms of fashion (skinny jeans and tall boots are still popular here too).

    • Anon

      From reactions in previous threads, I may be a lone dissenter on this, and that’s fine – long station necklaces feel a few years dated to me. I’m not taking advice from teenagers, and I agree with the sentiment that grown women shouldn’t feel the need to take fashion advice from their daughters.
      My fashionable friends (women in their early-mid 30s) are not wearing long necklaces, in fact, they are often not wearing a necklace at all. A medium-long, interesting pendant is ok (I still think the Rebel pendant is a good look). There are some cool sleek lariat or Y shaped necklaces that I’ve seen on stylish women. I personally haven’t put on a necklace in maybe 6 months?

      • Anonymous

        This. I’m in a small Canadian city and don’t see many women in their 30s/40s/50s wearing long necklaces

      • Anon

        Station necklaces are absolutely dated. But the lariat/Y necklaces or something like the rebel, that’s still in here in DC.

        • Cat

          I still wear my long station necklaces, but I wrap them so that they’re two or three loops rather than one long one.

    • Anonymous

      I would say they are totally out. I’m in Toronto, so definitely more on-trend with NYC, but I haven’t seen any professional women (of any age) wearing long necklaces, and they aren’t in stores here anymore. I think they make you/your outfit look dated. I also wear the wispy necklackes that sit right on your throat on the weekends, and during the week I wear a classic short necklace (falling just below the collar of my shirt or dress). Depending on the outfit, it might be a pearl necklace or a simple gold one with a small pendant/diamond. All of my colleagues do the same. I do often see and wear chunkier necklaces for very formal outfits (ie. to dress up a suit), but these are also short.

    • Cat

      I’m wearing mostly shorter necklaces or wrapping my long station necklaces a few times so that they’re effectively a shorter necklace.

      Perhaps it’s part of an overall, gradual, shift to clothing that’s more streamlined/practical? Lower heels or flats, pants more often than skirts, and accessories that don’t get in the way (I used to accidentally catch my long necklaces on the arm of my chair when leaning over, etc.) are FAR more prevalent in my office.

    • Anon

      I wear pearls. Opera length. If they’re outdated the fashion gods can kiss my pearl-clad ass.

      • Anon

        How do you wear them? Are they smaller diameter or larger? I have larger opera length pearls and always feel that it’s just…. too much for any outfit. I did wear them to my wedding though and they looked awesome.

    • Small Firm IP Litigator

      I was surprised there was a debate that long necklaces were out. I haven’t seen people wearing them for years. I live in LA. I haven’t seen or been wearing many necklaces lately.

    • Anon

      Everyone I know is wearing delicate gold chains with a small detail, like a tiny pendant or half moon or kids’ initials. The Monica Vinader (or knockoffs, more likely) stye. Chunky statement necklaces are definitely not in.

    • Lucy Dobbs

      I’m in San Francisco and while I think long necklaces are fine – I realize now no one is really wearing them anymore….

    • Anonymous

      I have a novel idea, why don’t you figure out what you actually love and wear it, instead of chasing trends? I am a proponent of saving your money, buying real jewelry that will last, and wearing your own unique mix of things, not what a couple of retailers are pushing that year to get you to buy something new.

    • Velma

      Meh. I don’t pay a whole lot of attention to what is “in” when it comes to jewelry, although I make particular jewelry choices to balance current necklines, hem styles, colors, and the like–so my tastes and what I wear frequently shift over time.

      Right now, I am wearing fewer necklaces than I did, say, five years ago. I still have three longer necklaces in semi-frequent rotation, and all are vintage. One is cherry amber bakelite and maybe 22-24 inches; it looks great over a simple black dress or top with reddish boots or cordovan oxfords. Another is a Navajo “liquid silver” necklace–gorgeous quality and unusual–inherited from my mother. The third, which I wear at most 2-3x/year, is a lariat of small faux pearls, probably 1950s. I can remember sitting on my grandmother’s lap and playing with it–so big sentimental value.

      I am wearing more large earrings, rings, and (especially in the summer) bracelets, so relatively fewer necklaces. I just dug out some sterling disk dangle earrings (two pairs, one about 5/8″ and one about 1″ with a stone in the center) that I hadn’t worn for 10+ years. I’m also wearing larger hoops, both silver and gold.

      For what it’s worth, I’m 50 and in a leadership position in East Coast university administration–on the dressy end of business casual.

    • Lots to Learn

      OP from the teen daughter thread here. I think it’s funny that so many people had a reaction to me taking fashion advice from my teen daughter. My 19-year-old is and has always been more put together and more interested in clothes than I am. And while I can’t wear the short skirts and dresses that she can, she’s always given me great advice about what is on or off-trend – even though she’s in college and I’m in a law firm. It sounds like in this case, she’s generally right – the consensus seems to be that long necklaces are no longer on-trend (although some people are continuing to wear them because they have them or they think they work with the outfit). Man, it’s tough to keep up, though. I still have the long necklaces I bought over the past five years, the chunky statement necklaces I bought before that, and the multiple-strand faux pearl necklaces that Jean from ExtraPetite was recommending before that. I still wear all of them at different times, but I still appreciate knowing what is and isn’t really on-trend…

      • Velma

        I hear you. My 16 yo has had great color sense for years and now routinely steals (or outright dismisses) some of my clothes and shoes. She is not great on context, though–why I don’t wear some clothes I like to work, why a particular dress is fine on some days but not others, why I absolutely must find a jacket to put over this outfit today, etc. Maybe by 19 …

  8. CHL

    OMG I am so loving the Lo and Sons IG ad with the mom jeans and the fanny pack. Sparking joy that my favorite look of 1992 is back and “high end” now!

  9. Nat

    Are there any shades of nail polish which are generally considered office appropriate and others which are not? I have only ever worked in business casual workplaces and never had to think about this before but I will be starting to work in a law office soon. Thanks!

    • Anon

      Take your cues from others working there who have your job or the job you hope to have soon (so if you’re a law student intern, that means taking cues from associate attorneys, not paralegals or secretaries).

    • Anonymous

      This is a know your office thing. Just like the advice if usually to keep your first week clothing fairly sedate until you get a sense for the office formality/culture, I would avoid black, white, and anything super patterned/bejewelled in the first week. Black or white on shortish rounded nails would be NBD in my office. Long nails that were super jewelled wouldn’t be typical although there’s not a strict dress code.

    • anon

      Until you know your office I would use nude or light pink or nothing at all. Once you start to notice what others do (and be careful not to copy the senior partner–they can often “get away with” plenty of stuff that more junior people cannot), I think you’ll find you have a good bit of latitude. I’ve worked in a variety of law offices (as a lawyer) and as long as it wasn’t a brand new trend, or too jarring of a look, pretty much anything goes as long as they were shortish and not too flashy. For example: at Christmas, red nails with one gold sparkle nail on each finger; bright pink in the spring/summer; dark maroon or grey in the winter; white in the summer. Just in case it needs to be said–keep them short enough to do your job well without being distracting to those around you (by clicking on the keyboard, for example).

      • Anonymous

        +1 to don’t do what the senior female partners do (or even the seniormost assocaites or the been-there-decades paralegal).

      • Cat

        Yeah I’d look to mid-level associates for nail polish examples. Typical colors for my office are (1) sheer pale pink, (2) in winter, extremely dark a la Wicked, navy Schoolboy Blazer, or a dark gray like Chinchilly, and sometimes brighter reds at holiday time, or (3) in summer, more berry colors. What we don’t see on attorneys are more “big statement” colors like mint, yellow, bright orange, teal, bright neon pink, etc.

      • LaurenB

        Maybe it’s just me, but the look of one sparkly nail and the rest plain looks very middle school to me, not at all professional or for that matter elegant. I don’t know, it feels like it fits with unicorn-themed secret journals and My Little Pony. I think even a deep version of an unusual color such as navy blue or forest green would look better than one sparkly nail.

    • Anon

      OPI aurora berry alis is my shade and I find it perfectly appropriate. It’s a not to dark rose shade.

    • Small Firm IP Litigator

      I am a senior non-partner lawyer at my firm and wear all colors, including statement colors like bright orange and green. But agree with others to stick to nudes/light pink until you see what others do. Fwiw, I only wear nude/light pink to court usually, and sometimes red in less conservative jurisdictions.

      • Small Firm IP Litigator

        Caveat that I work at a firm in LA. With an entertainment practice. I also wear things like bright pink lipstick, purple snakeskin heels, and a lime green and hot pink blazer. I am also oldish and the only woman in my group. So ymmv.

  10. Clueless

    I’d like to open an IRA CD and fund it with money from an existing IRA savings account. Does this at all affect my ability to contribute the yearly limit of $5500 to a different IRA savings account?

  11. Anon

    Does the J Crew Cameron pant ever go on sale? Recent promos don’t apply. I need work pants and would love to try them but am not interested in full price unless everyone says they will change my life. (Unlikely.)

    • Anon

      I ordered them about a month ago and they were on sale – I got them for $58 each. I’m a pear with serious cellulite, and I really do love them in black. But the talls that were recommended here were too long for me – I’m 5’7 and a regular would have been fine. (But I was too lazy to return, so I just folded the hem under – since they’re black, you can’t tell.)

      • Anon OP

        Thank you! Not sure how I missed it, but $58 is much more my speed. I will keep an eye out.

  12. Electric toothbrush

    Does anyone have a Sonicare Diamondclean (or any other high-end-ish electric brush)? Do you have issues with gunk and mold getting stuck between the head and the body of the brush? I have a 3 year old Sonicare (I think it’s like Flexcare or Procare…something they don’t really make anymore). I love the brush, but it gathers really gross black mold in the rubber part under the head. I clean it out maybe once a month, but I can never get it all and would prefer not to have this issue.

    • Flats Only

      I haven’t had a problem with mold, but I whenever I change the brush head I use the old one to give the whole thing a scrub up.

    • anon

      I buy the ~$15 battery-powered electric brush made by OralB (available on Am*zon). It does collect white gunk (toothpaste?) between the head and the body, but nothing moldy looking and I can clean off the white gunk with a cleaning wipe or rag. They seem to die every three to five years but at that price point, that’s okay.

      I don’t know if this is true, but my dentist told me ages ago that Sonicare is too harsh of an electronic brush for most people.

      • anon

        I love my water-flosser-thingie. And my dentist says it will actually work better than brushing or flossing for getting between gums and teeth. (Sorry, not what anyone asked, just a random PSA.)

        • anon

          NP :) Bonus, battery-powered means no charging stand (and cord) on my bathroom counter to get gross.

      • Leah

        Both my dentist and my orthodontist (recently seen, not from my teen years) said to avoid Sonicare brushes because the back-and-forth sawing motion leads to gum recession. They said Oral-B is good, but really any brush that spins in a circle is fine.

    • Anon

      I have the same problem. My husband uses the same toothbrush and it doesn’t happen to him.

  13. Anon

    Happy International Women’s Day!!! Hopefully this year will be the most productive yet in the fight for full humanity for women and girls around the globe.

    • anon

      I just learned (from the Wikipedia blurb on the google homepage) that it started out as a socialist holiday. My left-leaning, european, MIL was thrilled.

      I plan to read more about the origins tonight, if anyone wants to link some articles. Or good stuff about one of my favorite holidays, generally!

    • Anonymous

      Going anon for this . . . Our company put on a global webcast sponsored by our woman’s networking group that was quite good. We had a male moderator, but the panelists were a very high-level female executive who is also the executive sponsor of the networking group and a member of our BoD who was very impressive. They needed bodies to fill the front row, so I ended up sitting next to the CEO. I am not what anyone would call shy, so come question time I asked two questions (not in a row). I got “great question” from the CEO on both of my question and he and I ended up discussing one of the questions further after the event.

      I usually am not one to drink the corporate kool-aid, but the event was really well done. It did cause me to inquire about an open leadership position in one of our ERGs, so I suppose it was beneficial for me right off the bat!

      • Anonymous

        And because it’s not all about me, when I had a one-on-one with one of my direct reports after the webcast, she expressed admiration for one of the panelist (both of whom expressed willingness to mentor women, so long as the women came to them having done their homework). I encouraged her to do the homework and reach out to the woman and see what happened! Nothing to gain by not trying. My team member was really excited about the potential and it made me very happy to see her enthusiasm.

  14. Anonymous

    Can anyone explain the Medicaid “spend down” to me? I am trying to help a friend who is trying to help her 90-year-old grandmother who needs to go into assisted living (not nursing care). It’s just my friend and her grandmother, no other family (at least none who are able/willing to help; there are some random nieces/nephews/cousins but no other immediate family). Grandma has Social Security income and about $20k in savings, that’s it. Friend works for a nonprofit and went through a nasty divorce two years ago so doesn’t have much either. Definitely not enough to pay to put her grandmother in non-subsidized assisted living at $3k or more per month. We are wondering if there are places where her grandmother can move in, pay for the first few months with her savings, and then that place could switch over to Medicaid-assisted payments after that? Or are those two totally different kinds of care facilities? This is a fairly urgent situation as the grandmother has had to go to the ER three times in the last week and my friend lives 4 hours away from her. She wants to move her grandmother closer to her. Any advice is appreciated.

    • anon

      Friend and grandmother need an elder law attorney, stat. Do not let her give money away and do not let anyone give her any money without further consultation. It is basically impossible to cheat the “spend down” requirement any way other than actually spending it herself. I don’t *think* non-nursing assisted care is covered by Medicaid but even if her needs are quite modest, she might need nursing care (dispensing meds at all, for example, requires nursing care).

      This is a very very complicated area of law with dire consequences for doing things wrong. I am estate planning attorney so bump up against these issues somewhat frequently. I promptly refer them out to a specialist because it is so easy to mess up and the consequences for mistakes are very harsh.

      • Calico

        Cosign all of this. Also, what you’re asking differs greatly state by state. In my state Medicaid has a 5 year look back period to penalize anyone who attempts the spend down. I dealt with this with my mother and was advised by an elder care attorney to not attempt doing any type of spend down.

        Also, the amount of social security the grandmother receives per month could also disqualify her for Medicaid. (There are ways around this, but I recommend an attorney or elder care planner to advise.) If she or a spouse was a veteran there are many resources available to her.

        And finally, there are other arrangements, like board and care, which is a lot cheaper than assisted living. That’s when 5 seniors live in a suburban house and the nurses/caregivers rotate in and out. You can find out about options like these through a placement service like A Place Called Mom. Be aware that they do get referral kickbacks once the person is placed, so keep that in mind.

        • LaurenB

          I am dealing with this right now with my 99 yo grandmother who lives 1000 miles away, who fell last year and was no longer able to live independently. She lived a modest blue collar life and had about $150K in savings, not including a modest house worth $50K. First off, it is absolutely critical that a trusted person have financial power of attorney over this person (as well as medical) – my sister does and it has made a world of difference. Basically my sister and I took over all her finances, which meant short-term paying utilities on the house, etc. and long-term, overseeing the sale of her house and plowing the funds back into her everyday checking account. When grandma fell, Medicare covered the first few weeks at the nursing home as it was under rehabilitation, then we transitioned to private pay (which is where we are right now, roughly $8K a month) and then, when she gets down to ~ $20K, we work with the nursing home to transition to Medicaid. Medicaid is VERY strict – they will do a 5 year lookback. Our records are completely clean because grandma’s finances were not complex, just everyday modest living expenses. Do NOT attempt any kind of “unauthorized spend-down” or transfer of assets. Indeed, even if grandma used to write the grandchildren birthday / holiday checks of modest amounts, don’t even do that any more – we were warned against trying to “siphon” even small amounts. We are about a year away from having to go on full Medicaid, but we keep impeccable records showing that 1) all her investments were closed and the full proceeds all sit in one checking account, which my sister manages on her behalf; 2) the full proceeds of her house sale went into that checking account, down to the penny; 3) the only income she has is SS and a small pension from my grandfather; 4) the only expenses coming out of there are her nursing home, her supplemental insurance, and any uncovered medical costs. My grandma has no real health issues other than being a frail 99 yo who is now bedridden and could still live a few more years. We do have an on-the-ground caregiver who visits my grandma twice a week just for companionship and I pay her out of my own personal money as that doesn’t even “count” as a legitimate spend of her own funds now that she is in a nursing home. I hope this helps. Do talk to professionals – this was quite an education that we had to take on in a very short time after my grandma’s fall. Good luck to you!

      • Anonymous

        Actually, at least in my state, assisted-living can dispense meds. So this is not universally true. They can also take people in need of all ADLs.

        Generally speaking, assisted living is not covered by Medicare or Medicaid. Only skilled care is covered by Medicaid

    • Anon

      + 1 to all of this. Will also add that I am a healthcare attorney, and we regularly call elder law attorneys when we have questions on this subject. This is an area of law where generally people that practice in it can give you all these answers off the top of their head, but it would take hours of research and some digging for someone else to figure out. Also– an elder law attorney could probably get this taken care of fairly quickly and would likely not be very expensive. Many elder law attorneys in my area charge flat fees for this type of service.

    • Coach Laura

      I’m not up on the legal issues but I have had friends tell me that their elders were able to move into a place that agreed ahead of time to take the Medicare assisted payments when the spend-down was done. I think your friend should – in addition to getting legal help that others have mentioned – talk to an elder care ombudsman or consultant in the area where the friend lives/wants to move her grandmother to. It might help her find the right place in the quickest amount of time for not too much money or at least would be worth the money for the stress-saving.

    • Anonymous

      Thanks for the advice, everyone! I have reached out to a friend who is an estate attorney and knows a good elder-care attorney he can refer me to.

  15. Monday

    Late addition to yesterday’s conversation on wire-rimmed glasses:

    I saw my eye doctor today, who is a style icon. She has perfectly mussed-up hair, always wears a smoky eye, and is all-around beautiful and glamorous. I’d guess she’s in her early 30s, though she may just look that young. She was wearing wire rims, and of course she made them look amazing. I assume she gets a deep discount on frames and frequently buys new ones.

    I feel like this could make sense in context of all 90s fashion coming back in lately. I think the metal tone and shape were updated, but otherwise they were sort of retro. So if you’re feeling edgy, this may be an au courant option after all!

  16. Migraine OP

    I hope I’m not pissing anyone of by re-opening this discussion, but the morning thread died before I had a chance to respond to all the kind commenters:

    Thank you all so very much, for the advice and sympathy. For those who asked specific questions about me: Yes, I am seeing a neurologist; he may not be the best; but I live in the middle of nowhere and he’s the only one within less than a full day’s travel. Yes, I have identified most of my triggers, and fixed the ones I can. I have tried many different treatments, but definitely when I learn more (often here) I can ask the drs for things they might not offer. And the ear thing isn’t directly related to the migraines, its a different problem with overlapping symptoms.

    My own migraine advice, if anyone is interested…Advocate, advocate, advocate. Keep trying to find absolutely the best drs you can. I could link a dozen articles about women’s pain being ignored by drs. The only real help I’ve gotten with my headaches in the past few years has been from a new optometrist and a new dentist, who found undiagnosed problems that started years ago. Makes me wonder if these are really even migraines, but the neurologist says they are…

    Potential triggers I didn’t see mentioned this morning: weather, low blood sugar, and social anxiety. And personally, although I absolutely believe the women who saynthe exact opposite, I have found that being ON the pill is crucial to preventing mine, so really, its all about finding a good gyn who will work with you.

    • Miss

      Preach. Hormonal migraines are hard to treat and many women (including me) find myrena helpful. I’m in a migraine group on Facebook that I love because it’s very supportive and I get tons of ideas. I’ll link to the webs!te run by the group below.

      • Linda

        Thank you so much for sharing, Miss! Looks like a good resource. Just signed up for the mailing list and requested to join the FB group.

    • Anonymous

      Also a migraine sufferer and I 100% agree with everything you said! Sadly the pill absolutely destroys my libido, but not having migraines 24/7 > my s#x life. Also I can’t recommend enough the new CGRP therapies out there. I know it won’t work for everyone but for most people its free to try. For me personally its working really well (Ajovy is the one I’m on).

  17. Anonymous

    A few weeks ago, a commenter asked about weekend wear and there were a few helpful blogs recommended. Not Fab Life Forever and Respect the Shoes–this I believe was an earlier conversation. I am looking for one blog in particular which was run by a woman with two names I believe. I think the original question was around “what do average women wear on the weekend?” I can’t quite remember all of the details of the conversation, which is causing any attempts at searching to fail. Does anyone else remember this conversation. As a side note, it would be really helpful for Kat to collect the list of blogs that readers frequently provide in response to certain questions that always come up (like, good resources for weekend wear or workwear in a business casual office).

    • Junior Associate

      Search function is not working well for me either for some reason. I can’t seem to find the thread, but I started following jolynne shane and putting me together (in addition to fab life forever and respect the shoes) on instagram per the recommendations from that thread, if it helps.

  18. Anonymous

    What do people in the “young family” stage of life do on weekends??
    We moved to a new city /country recently and have relatively few friends and no family. Not religious and not much by way of hobbies.
    Most of the weekends, we travel or explore the city, or restock the million things we are always out of (seasonal clothing was not a thing where we lived earlier). weekends with bad weather are the worst because we are stuck indoors with nothing to do except chores and possibly watching TV,Sundays are the absolute worst because even the stores close. DH and the prodigal child are happy to watch TV/random videos or shop (online or in store) all the time but I’m bored to tears.

    • Old Mama

      What did you do with your Sundays before you had a dh and child? Or with your dh before you had child? What would be not boring for you? I think you need to figure that out, since that’s really the crucial question.

      My kids are grown, but when they were very young we spent our weekends running errands, going to the playground, maybe taking a short hike, going to a museum, or other activity. My dh likes old cars, so if there was a car show we would pack a picnic and go to a car show. In the evenings we played board games (yes, the kiddy ones when the kids were young, but more sophisticated as they grew), or card games, did jig-saw puzzles, or watched movies together. Middle school and high school years our weekends were spent running errands and schlepping the kids to sports practice, swim lessons, friends’ houses, music lessons, foreign language classes, dance, etc (not all at the same time, but one activity per child x 2 children). And occasional family weekends walking at the beach, or going for a hike, or a museum or local history type activity. Now the kids are grown and mostly flown, so dh and I spend some weekend time on errands that don’t get done on weekdays, car shows, fiber festivals, long walks. I also take a yoga class on both weekend days and dh usually fits a work out in on one of the days.

    • Anom

      You need a community – you said you’re not religious but the school or neighborhood community will keep your family busy….sounds like you need to get to know other families…during our young child years, we always did something on the weekend that often involved play dates, birthday parties, school related functions or organized sports – we had school, church and neighborhood friend groups and there was usually 1 or more things going on.,,also during winter, we live close to local ski resort so the kids and parents were often skiing together….sounds like you need a community to belong to….to start check out the YMCA for kids activities- eventually you’ll get to know more families and activities will increase

    • CR

      The library has puppets, puzzles, crafts, dolls, and events. Also libraries will have museum passes for your local museums. The first Saturday of the month Home Depot has a free building project for kids. It’s awesome. I usually have seasonal crafts pinned in my Pinterest board to rely on. We bake mufffins, then I freeze half and pack them in lunches.Taking walks and collecting things in a “nature bag” and noticing sounds etc or make nature scavenger hunt (tree, bug, flower, bird etc). I have puzzles we do together and games like Zingo, Go Fish, Crazy 8s, Spot It Jr. I bought child sized cleaning supplies from Montessori Services and just let my kid go to town. She loves to mop. Play doh will buy you 20 minutes. Classes like ballet, karate, swimming. Invite other families over for dinner — chaos is not my thing but I do like to socialize.

  19. Linkedin Etiquette

    Lately I’ve been getting a lot of requests from people who are adjacent to my field (I’m a lawyer, these people are generally expert witnesses, legal marketers, financial planners for lawyers, etc). As soon as I accept they always send me a (canned) message that is clear that they did not even look at my profile, if they had they would know my practice area isn’t relevant to what they’re pitching. I always ignore them and don’t respond. They typically send 3-4 more follow up messages over the next week. Am I being rude? Should I respond “thanks but no thanks”? Should I ignore their add requests in the first place?

    • Anonymous

      Delete them upon receipt of canned message. Have had experience where they then also spam all your contacts. Hope that’s not possible any more. Try not to add them in the first place.

  20. EM84

    Just finishing a long weekend in Budapest (Hungary) and if you are thinking of going – go! The city has improved much over the past 10 years, architecture is similar to Prague & Vienna, quality of food and wine has gone up (even though I would recommend following tips feom locals vs tripadvisor) and there are lots of small local shops and alternative places. You can then go to Vienna or Austria in general if you have more time.

  21. Anonymous

    How do you all handle personal email address signatures? Mine is currently

    Name, professional acronym
    Work title [but not company name]
    Cell phone number | Personal email address
    LinkedIn URL

    I don’t want to overthink this, but I’m not sure if it’s proper or not to disinclude my company’s name. I want to convey I’m indeed a professional and employed, though.

    On another note, lifelong nailbiter (ugh). On a scale of one to disgusting, how bad is it not to have my nails manicured and painted? (I make every effort not to have visible hangnails, cracks or uneven nails.) Perhaps more importantly, how have the other nail-biting ladies of the world curbed the habit?! And yes, I’ve tried that foul-tasting nail polish, which works great…until I wears off.

    • Name

      My name and my contact info. If anyone needs to know I am employed, I would be emailing them from my work email.

      YMMV – I’m an atty. at a firm.

Back to Top

About

Work with Corporette®

Serious Stuff

work fashion blog press mentions