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Updated: Oct 31, 2018 204 Comments · by

Splurge Monday’s TPS Report: Quilted Leather Trim Milano Knit Jacket

The Personal Shopper (TPS)

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St. John Collection Quilted Leather Trim Milano Knit Jacket | CorporetteOur daily TPS reports suggest one piece of work-appropriate attire in a range of prices. Moto jackets are everywhere right now, but man — if there ever were a Jackie O version of a moto jacket, this would be it. I like the quilted leather details and the pockets, and while it has a matching skirt, I don't think you need it. It's $1695 at Nordstrom. St. John Collection Quilted Leather Trim Milano Knit Jacket Here are a lower priced option and a plus-sized alternative. Seen a great piece you'd like to recommend? Please e-mail tps@corporette.com. (L-4)

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Comments

  1. BodenUSA

    Really cool jacket!

    Any ideas on BodenUS sizing? Compared to jcrew/ banana? Thanks!

    • MJ

      They have very detailed size charts if you click through. They tend to cut shorter waisted and more boxy than JCrew or Banana. Their sizes are MUCH larger on the large end of the scale that JCrew or BR. I wear a full size smaller at Boden.

      • anon

        On the smaller end of the spectrum, Boden’s sizing runs small. I wear a 4 US at Boden and a 0 or 2 at J Crew.

    • lucy stone

      Their size charts are great – actually realistic and I think even garment specific. I wear an XL top at both those stores and generally wear a 16US top at Boden.

    • anne-on

      I find them very short waisted, and very narrow through the shoulders/arms. I also have moderately muscular arms and have a very hard time fitting into their clothes. I take a 4R at Boden for most things, and a 0/2 at JCrew and BR.

  2. Waxing Tips

    I’m going for my first Brazilian wax and I’ve never waxed anything on my body before. I’ve read Tend Skin is awesome for ingrown hair prevention. Any other tips for a newbie waxer?

    • Anonymous

      Go somewhere really good– not just the place you get your nails done because hey! They also have waxing! Some people take painkillers before. I did much better when I relaxed the whole time and didn’t tense up before every “tug.” That really did make a big difference but easier said than done!

    • Ginjury

      I agree with Anonymous. Go somewhere with good Yelp reviews. I wouldn’t worry about getting Tend Skin just yet as every place I’ve been to (even the more low budget places) have had a lotion to use for cleanup and something to leave on to prevent ingrown. I’m also really prone to ingrowns and completely break out shaving that area, but have never had much of an issue with ingrowns from waxing.

    • Roman Holiday

      There is no shame in taking a painkiller beforehand! I’ve been going for years, but I’m a huge baby about it and I always take one before. For me, I request that they go as fast as possible to get it over quickly, but I’ve been told some people prefer to space it out a little more, so don’t be afraid to ask. Also, pay attention to online reviews and your own instincts about cleanliness and professionalism – this is one place you don’t to take any risks!

    • JEB

      Agreed about checking reviews. One thing I always look for is a place that doesn’t “double dip” into the wax…they use a new utensil (for lack of a better word) every time they dip into the wax. I get terrible ingrown hairs with shaving, and I’ve never had an issue with waxing. I don’t use any special products…just whatever she puts on my skin when she’s finished. For what it’s worth, I highly recommend Maria at the Brazilian Wax Center in DC. It’s a one-woman operation, and she moves locations about every 2 years, but she’s awesome.

    • Anonymous

      The first time I went, they gave me a small free sample of Tend Skin, so I’d wait to see what they give you or recommend. Personally, I thought rubbing alcohol and diligent exfoliating worked just as well.

    • KC

      Go somewhere experienced. I much prefer hard wax to soft wax (the type they put a strip on top of). The hard wax has been 1000X less painful in that area. A good waxer is used to having first timers and will let you know what she’s doing, and hopefully talk to distract you. You can’t do any really sweaty physical activities for the first 24 hours (it’s uncomfortable, chaffing, etc…and could cause ingrown hairs).

    • In House Lobbyist

      I take painkillers before because I am such a baby. But I find only a few areas hurt and they are over fast. My place always says to exfoliate really well right before you go. I have never had an ingrown hairs and don’t do anything special after the first day or so. I like to wear a loose skirt or dress for afterwards even if I change into something after the wax.

    • SH

      Painkillers, exfoliate the night before. And I agree that talking really helps to distract you from what’s going on. My waxer and I discuss all the things in our lives, and it really helps to concentrate on something other than what is being ripped out of where.

      I go to Aida in Alexandria, and will make the drive from upper NW DC to do it. She’s quick and professional.

    • Anonymous

      I just did my first one a few weeks ago and it was really painful. I didn’t take any painkillers. I had my second yesterday and it was much less painful, so don’t get discouraged!

  3. ring sizing question

    I’ve been sized for my wedding ring as both 4.5 and 5. I don’t feel in between sizes most of the time- the 4.5 works perfectly some of the time but once or twice has felt a but snug) The jeweler I’m ordering from will make rings in 1/4 and 1/8 sizes and my ring of choice can’t be resized. I understand from the jewelers I’ve spoken with that you can’t really get sized at smaller increments than 1/2 sizes in jewelry stores, even though jewelers will make the in between sizes. How do I figure out what size to order, or do I just have to buy the ring and exchange it if necessary?

    • Veronica Mars

      Maybe unpopular idea, but could you pick a style of wedding band that can be resized? Throughout your life, it’s likely going to fluctuate (weight gain/loss, pregnancies, etc) and you might want to have that flexibility later down the line. Personally, in that situation, I’d go with 4.75 so you have a little extra wiggle room. Or perhaps the 5 and see if they’ll add a sizing bead to make it more snug.

      • Senior Attorney

        I agree. I would seriously consider getting a style that can be re-sized.

        • CKB

          I don’t know. In almost 21 years of marriage and 3 full term pregnancies, and weight fluctuations I’ve never had to have my rings resized. I did stop wearing them when my fingers were really swollen when I was pg, but that’s it. I guess everyone’s experiences are different, though.

    • mascot

      I think this depends on how often your fingers swell and for how long. My e-ring is a 5.25 and my wedding band is a size 5 eternity band. My fingers tend to swell while running or if I have eaten a ton of sodium, but those are temporary conditions. I also wear my band alone sometimes so I prefer a slightly snugger fit. For me, the smaller size in the range was the right choice.
      I don’t sleep in my rings, fwiw.

      • ring sizing question

        Why are they different sizes? Does it depend on the shape of the ring? I’ve never really worn rings before.

        • mascot

          The engagement ring sits just slightly further up on my finger (super thin band with solitaire). When I just wore that, it tended to spin because it was top-heavy. Getting it in a size 5 might have minimized that though.
          Also, my rings fit for 95% of my pregnancy. I even delivered wearing them

    • SuziStockbroker

      My wedding ring is a 4.25 and my engagement ring is 4.5.

      I prefer the snugger fit, it doesn’t rotate as much.

      In your case, I would go with a 4.5 or a 4.75.

      I also do not run or sleep with my rings on though. Since I am taking them on and off everyday, I don’t worry about them becoming too small and having to be cut off.

      • ring sizing question

        Yeah, most of the times I tried a 5 it did fall off. So it’s clearly too big; I’m just wondering if I should go with a 4.5 or order a 1/4 or 1/8 size, and how I would even know what size exactly I needed.

        • Anonymous

          You just pick. Personally I’d go try it on late in the day after eating salty food and see what fits on, and then go back early am with no salt and see what falls off and go from there. There’s no actual rule or anything.

        • N.C. anon

          Also, keep in mind this time of year your hand is going to be marginally larger than it would be during the winter, so this is probably a good idea of maximum size.

    • Cb

      Oh, that’s beautiful. We went with Seababe for my husband’s band and I am horribly jealous of it – it is gorgeous!

      • Katie

        Yay, glad Seababe is making the rounds on Corporette! I *think* I was the first to make the rec on here after getting married in 2012. I have that same infinity band in white gold.

    • Bonnie

      Agree with going later in the day to get sized. Also, have you been dieting for the wedding or do you generally maintain the same size. Post-wedding weight gain will impact your ring size as well.

    • Anonymous

      My engagement ring was resized once and was still falling off. Instead of having the whole thing remade again, the jeweler added two platinum dots to the inside of the band. They’re not noticeable and they solved the problem. Although, now that I think of it, the dots have probably worn down and could use some rebuilding to keep my ring from spinning after all these years.

    • anonymama

      I’m of the wear my ring all the time school, and I’d advise going with the smaller size, so it doesn’t slip off. You want it to be pretty snug, and its easier for them to make a ring bigger than smaller. In 10 years and various weight fluctuations my rings have fit fine except for in the last few swollen months of pregnancy.

  4. Diana Barry

    Hi ladies! I have 2 TJs:

    – I have 2 pairs of shoes that do not fit me. Cole Haan Victoria 60 pumps, black, about a 2.5″ heel, in a 9, and Kate Spade gold floral sandals in a 9.5. Will link separately. I wore the CHs about 3x; the KS ones are unworn. Would love to send them to one of you ladies! Please email me at dianabarry r e t t e at g m a i l (take out spaces) if you would like them. :)

    – MOTH HOLES. How to prevent? I don’t love the smell of mothballs or cedar but I guess cedar would be better, but are there any other choices? This only happens in certain things – just found in a sweater that had been in the closet for a while, but my other sweaters were untouched. (???)

    • Carrie.... and moths

      Ugh. I found a moth hole for the first time earlier this year in one cashmere sweater. You aren’t gonna like what I am going to recommend….

      First, I removed every 100% wool and cashmere item (and even some blends) and had them dry cleaned. If they smell you on the wool, it attracts the moths.

      I cleaned out all my closets and drawers carefully. I vacuumed everywhere.

      I put out moth traps to see if I could catch anything to confirm that they are there. But you only get the moths, not the larvae which can be hidden/eating, or born in the future if eggs have been laid.

      I put cedar planks everywhere and lavendar packets. Probably got them at Bed Bath and Beyond with coupons. I also broke down and got one of the total toxic chemicals from BB&B and put one in each closet/room and bombed the apartment. Follow the directions carefully, and seal up the rooms/closets. Then I moved out for several days. Then I returned and aired the place out, and replaced all my dry cleaned clothes.

      It really sucks.

      • la vie en bleu

        From what I have read, and learned from my dad who has always had a couple of nice wool suits, but doesn’t wear them frequently (everyone used to do more clothing care all the time).you have to do exactly the above at least once a year. Preferably every six months. Clean out everything, shake everything out. Vacuum and clean the closet. Put everything back. Moth eggs don’t like fresh air and sunlight. (but not the toxic chemical part, just the cleaning everything out)

        I do have a few hanging garment bags/closet boxes. They are made of mostly canvas, not all plastic. Natural fabrics need some air, so don’t use sealed plastic containers. But I keep my nicest wool suit pieces in those canvas garment bags, which also have several pieces of cedar in each one. They stay zipped up except when I am getting things in and out. But even those I try to remember to empty and shake out once a year.

        I have cedar blocks everywhere, in the closet/drawers, etc. I also keep some lavender sachets there as well, though, so I smell the lavender more than the cedar which I like.

        And you really do have to make sure you are cleaning any wool piece at least once a year, whether hand wash or dry clean. There is no other way to get rid of moth eggs and larvae once they are there.

      • mss

        Agree with all of this, except you can also freeze your clothes for two weeks to kill moth larvae (instead of dry cleaning), so some of my thinner sweaters went in the freezer (in ziplock bags). We have a standalone freezer, so I was able to get quite a bit of stuff in there. Lavender didn’t do anything for us.

        • la vie en bleu

          The lavender or cedar doesn’t do anything to moths once they already exist. It’s a preventative thing. You have to get rid of all potential eggs and larvae first (by cleaning, or yes, freezing works) and clean out the whole closet, then add the cedar to keep them from coming back.

          I don’t think Iwas clear above, but keeping wool pieces in something enclosed like a garment bag or zip-closure closet box makes it easier to keep the moths out of those things than out of an entire closet that is open.

    • Moonstone

      I lost two cashmere sweaters to moths last winter — one beautiful vintage and one brand-new. Other (probably lesser) cashmere, the moths must have turned up their little noses at. So I am following in hopes someone has the answer.

  5. Roman Holiday

    Inspired by the ring questions about, a slightly frivolous poll for those who are or have been engaged or married: How did you go about deciding on the type of engagement ring? Did your fiance surprise you, did you pick it out together, did you just give some gentle direction?

    SO and I are moving in that direction and although my old-fashioned side thinks it spoils the romance to just pick it out ahead of time, my practical side isn’t really willing to leave it to chance. TIA!

    • Anonymous

      It’s really not old fashioned to pick a ring. The big surprise ring is fairly new. What about a proposal without a ring and then you pick it out later? You’re obviously not going to be stunned by the idea that he wants to marry you!

      • cbackson

        Agreed. I collect old etiquette books, and the guidance on this issue in the 1920s-1940s (which is what shaped many of our cultural conceptions of what is “old fashioned” these days) was that after the proposal was accepted, the couple went together to the jewelry store to choose the ring (on the fairly sound reasoning that if you’re going to wear it every day, it’s better if you like it).

    • roses

      I told a friend whose style I trusted what I liked and subtly hinted to my now-DH that if the time ever came, she would be the one to ask about my preferences. Worked out great.

    • Asideralis

      We talked about it. I love antique styles, and I asked my mum if I could use my great-grandmother’s ring. It is a very unusual 1920’s art deco ring with a European cut diamond and two cushion cut sapphires on either side with engraving. We’restarting to think about getting new rings each year to “renew” our ideas of our marriage. What we thought we wanted in a relationship and what we want now are two drastically different things. Fortunately, we’ve grown together and work towards maintaining our hopes and dreams together.

      These days, it’s more reasonable to know what your want (or what your SO wants) and know that they will say yes when asked. I don’t think marriage is a surprise these days, nor should it be.

    • Anon

      The proposal was a surprise and he presented me with a plain band so that I would have something to wear until we could go shopping together and design/pick out an engagement ring together. Best of both worlds!

    • mascot

      Ring style was something we picked together. It was a lot of fun to go try on everything and see how it looked on my finger. Picking out the diamond and the method of proposal was his doing.

    • Sydney Bristow

      My fiancé asked me to send him pictures of styles I liked. We had already discussed the fact that I wanted moissanite. He wound up picking a ring that wasn’t one of the ones I sent him but was definitely in the same style that I wanted.

      The proposal and the exact ring were a surprise to me.

    • TXLawyer

      We went together to pick out the band and then he went back later and picked the diamond. We just figured with an investment of that kind of money (and I think we may have been on the low to average side of cost), it should be something I would 100% love without reservation. And he liked picking out the diamond on his own because it appealed to that romantic side of getting to spend time on his own thinking about what I would love.

    • Scarlett

      I picked it and H picked his. We both wanted to 100% love the rings we’d wear daily.

    • Shoes

      My fiance proposed with a temporary setting. The jeweler he went to offered an option to buy the center stone, and then go back later and pick out a permanent setting. So he proposed, and we went back a week after and picked out a setting together. The jeweler made the new ring and put the original center stone in. He knows I am picky – I thought it was sweet that he gave me the option (and the permanent setting is almost the same as the temporary one!)

    • Anonymous

      We went ring shopping and the proposal was a surprise (it was his suggestion to go ring shopping). I cannot tell you how glad I was we went ring shopping. First of all, I thought I wanted one type of ring and I got something totally different at the end of the process. We both learned a lot about diamonds, and it was fun to pick out something we both loved (I like Halos, DH didn’t, etc…).

    • lucy stone

      I picked out a few rings at the local jewelry store thinking my husband could choose one of them. I picked at random. He thought I ranked and picked the first one on the list. I love it, I just thought that was hilarious. My wedding ring was my great-great grandma’s.

    • Walnut

      He picked it and completely surprised me with the proposal. DH has good taste and my jewelry style is very consistent, so the risk of me not liking whatever he chose it was pretty low.

    • Cherry

      BF and I have done some shopping together, but the actual ring will be a surprise. We’ve browsed a few places together so he gets an idea of what I do/do not like.

    • Manhattanite

      My husband picked out my e-ring on his own. I guess I wasn’t thrilled with it when he first gave it to me, but it along with my wedding band (very plain band that I picked out because I wanted to be able to wear it anywhere) are my two favorite pieces of jewelry because of what they represent. I think I’d have had trouble picking it out because I wouldn’t have been able to stomach spending the money. My husband did a ton of research though and really did pick out the perfect ring for me.

    • SH

      My SO and I went ring shopping, and I got to design it, pick out the stones to go in it, etc. And then it’s going to be a surprise when he actually gives it to me (it’s being made as we speak! Wahoo!!). I wanted a colored stone and I didn’t want a solitaire, so it wouldn’t be easy for him to just go and get a circle-shaped diamond on a silver-colored band and be done with it.

    • Wanderlust

      My boyfriend says to email him a link/picture of the ring I want. Not the most romantic, but I love him! Plus I am terrible at making decisions, so I can agonize over choices while leaving him out of it.

    • CKB

      Our engagement was spur of the moment so he didn’t have a ring. The next day we went shopping together and we both loved the same ring, so that’s the one we got. Still love it 21+ years later.

    • DC Wonkette

      Totally with you. My husband had to force me to go ring shopping, and I’m so glad he did. I thought I wanted a solitaire and then tried one on and it looked weird on my hand. I highly recommend just going to a nice jewelry place and say — my boyfriend asked me to try on some rings, so I can get an idea of what I want. I told him the broad brush strokes of what I wanted (center stone with two sides), and then he got it made so the specifics were a surprise. Trust me — it doesn’t kill the romance :-).

    • Cat

      I wanted a simple ring (platinum band, round solitaire) so I just told DH the style I wanted, told him that whatever budget he wanted to spend was fine, but to prioritize cut (ideal cut = most sparkly), then carats, then color, then clarity.

    • anonymama

      We talked about it, looked at pictures on line, and then went and tried a few on at a random jewelry store. Then my husband went on his own from there. But I am not a jewelry person, and wanted something very simple.

  6. Miss Behaved

    Grrr. My parents had been unable to agree on how to celebrate their 50th Wedding Anniversary until this weekend when I sat down with them. We talked about the guest list and I mediated and told them I’d be the “Bad Guy”, if necessary. We decided on a tent party sometime in July. My dad is a cheapskate so we had to talk him around on some details.

    She wanted to do paper invitations so I priced them online. The only important decisions left were cutoff numbers for the guest list and the date. I sent out an email to my siblings about dates in July and cc’ed my mother. And my sister responded with a ridiculous email saying that it would have to be either a Sunday or a Friday or 4th of July weekend – which we’d already ruled out – or after a cocktail party that we are all attending that ends at 9. And she listed the obligations that her family had on the Saturdays in question: soccer games, lacrosse games, her father-in-law was having guests, a boat trip to Block Island, etc…

    My mother was deeply hurt by all these obligations that “trump a 50th wedding anniversary.” She wanted to cancel the whole thing. It can’t be held on a Sunday or Friday because their college and high school friends will be driving several hours to the Cape and then will probably have to drive home. The new plan is to have a small family clambake on the actual anniversary, which is a Friday, and then have local friends stop by for a drink after.

    My brother and I think she should schedule it on a Saturday anyway. My sister is relentlessly social. She and her husband are very extroverted. She’ll come. But my mom avoids conflict and internalizes her emotions and makes excuses for my sister. And my sister is someone who throws fabulous parties for people she barely knows and hosts friends all the times, but is not nearly as welcoming with her own family.

    So, Gahh! Thanks for letting me vent. It looks like we’re having the clambake. I just texted most of this info to my sister-in-law.

    We have a family christening this weekend for my brother’s son. My sister is supposed to be the godmother, but she seems to have forgotten all about it. It wasn’t mentioned at all on her detailed list of obligations for the next month or so.

    • Anonymous

      I get this, but a month is really short notice. It really is. For something that’s super important and that you really need everyone to attend, that needs to be a discussion ahead of time. Especially if you’re contemplating having lots of old friends travel for it!

      Why would she mention the christening? It’s obviously not a conflict with the anniversary party? I’m the planner in my family, and I’m def guilty of steamrolling my sister too, but it’s not actually unreasonable to have made plans already for next month and be annoyed at someone else deciding you need to cancel them or you’re a bad family member.

      • Miss Behaved

        Okay. You tell that to my mother. Tell my mother that soccer games are more important than the fact that she’s been married for 50 years. And for what it’s worth, only one of their kids plays soccer so presumably her husband could take the child to soccer while she and the other children came to the party.

        And, regarding the Christening, she said on the coming weekend she has her High School reunion and soccer games for oldest daughter on both days.

        • Maddie Ross

          Yikes, calm down. Anonymous is right – if you’re planning a party that’s more than a backyard bbq, a month is not nearly enough lead time. If you are planning the size party that requires a tent, I would think you need to give people 3-4 months notice if you really want attendees. Esp. in the super busy summertime.

          • Miss Behaved

            Okay. One last comment and then I’m probably off this site for good.

            I am not talking about the party itself. I understand that the lead time is small, which is actually good because less people will be able to come, but they can still invite who they want. My parents know that many people will not be able to come because July is popular and there isn’t much time… and they’re okay with that.

            The issue is my sister. Her “obligations” shouldn’t be a stumbling block and shouldn’t derail the whole thing. And she should have realized that’s exactly what would happen when she sent that email. She knows my mother.

            My parents have never thrown a big party (with the exception of my sister’s wedding). This would have been epic.

          • Anonymous

            They don’t have to! Dear lord this is excessive. Why is actually consulting with the VIPs about dates not the default first step? What is so horrible about an epic party on a Saturday night in September?

            And, really, it’s your mom making this not happen. Sounds like sister isn’t saying “without me this cannot happen.”

          • Anonymous

            +1. For a 50th anniversary party, I would think 6+ months, kind of like a wedding.

          • Anon 2

            I think you always get a pass for canceling made plans for “my parents are having an anniversary party for their 50th aniversary, so we’ll have to reschedule.”

            If this is how your sister is, imagine how she will be for funerals. If you think they are inconvenient and last minute, you’re looking at it all wrong.

          • anon

            +1. If you are expecting people to come in from out of town and are expecting everyone who gets an invitation to be able to attend, a month is not enough lead time. Are there even hotel rooms available on the Cape on such short notice?

          • Miss Behaved

            Replying once more for the person who thinks my sister isn’t saying without me this can’t happen…

            She said it would have to be Sundays or Fridays or after the party we’re all already going to so she definitely thinks she needs to be there. And so does my mother

            My brother and I think my parents should go ahead and schedule on a Saturday anyway.

            But you guys have driven me away. Thanks. I was just looking for some commiseration and instead I got judgement and hate! Also, if you’re going to be nasty, I’d appreciate it if you’d use a handle instead of all these Anonymous posts…

          • cc

            You sound like you are getting way too worked up over this. No one gave you “hate” honestly how do you get through the day if you take every thing so personal? This might actually be why the whole party thing is bothering you so much. You have the nasiest tone on the thread really.

        • Anonymous

          Or you could? Hey Mom, turns out sister is fully booked in July. We talked together about dates that work for all us kids and it looks like either just bro and I can do July, or all of us are happy to celebrate Sept. 12th- which would you prefer?

          You went ahead and made all these plans without even consulting her, and now you’re all heaping guilt on her. If I were her I’d be thinking “that’s rich. Mom and Dad waited until the last minute to decide what they wanted, then they and sis got together and made a plan without even consulting me, and now apparently my presence is so critical I need to rearrange my schedule to accommodate their command performance.”

          Nothing up until now has sent the message of “our 50th is super important and we value your presence there.”

          I just think if you spent some time not dictating this and not making value judgments it might go better for all involved. You can’t treat her as an afterthought and expect her to love it.

          • Miss Behaved

            Allright. I think I’m off this site for good, because you seem to think I’m some hater on my sister. I have sent email after email to my siblings saying we need to do something for our parents 50th. Mom really wants to have a party!

            They never responded. Then this past weekend my mom told me if they didn’t do something she’d be really embarrassed because they’ve been going to all these great parties that they’re friends have been having.

            On Saturday this is the text I sent “Mom’s pretty upset about the fact that they’re not having an anniversary party. I think we either have to talk to dad or just throw them one.” They didn’t respond so I talked to my dad. Then I talked to my mom and then I got them together.

            I haven’t been plotting without my siblings. They have their own families and I’m single so I see my parents more often.

            So please stop judging me and maybe try commiserating for once…

          • Anonymous

            No. I don’t think you’re a hater on your sister. I think you respond to stress by shutting down, getting morally outraged, and digging in your heels about your decisions because it’s easier than grays. Like announcing you’re quitting this site because a small handful of people disagree with you.

            I think it’s great that you can have a Friday night clambake and drinks with local friends, and I’m sorry planning hasn’t worked out, but that doesn’t make your sister horrible. And I honestly don’t get why, if an epic party is so important, having at a couple months later would be an issue.

          • Anonymous

            This is the same poster who flounced a while ago when commenters didn’t agree with something else she posted about, right? Something about undergrads at a football game not respecting her Ivy League graduate father or something? And then she left the site only to come back with a new username? This community does not seem to provide you with the echo chamber of agreement you seem to need.

          • January

            Edited because several other people have said roughly the same thing, and I don’t want to be seen as piling on.

            But I don’t think people have been responding with judgment and hate. I am sorry you’ve had a frustrating weekend, and I get that dealing with aging parents, especially around something as difficult as event planning is hard. But I’m not sure what it is you were hoping to get here, either.

          • Hold the phone

            Your mom would seriously be embarrassed if she didn’t have a 50th anniversary blowout because she’s comparing herself to her friends?

            Of everything you’ve written, this part makes me the saddest. Your mom has three children, whom it sounds like live relatively close to her so hopefully she gets to see them often, she lives in a beautiful place and she and her husband are enjoying good enough health to be able to both make it to their 50th year anniversary. Who gives a SH*T about what Susie Neighbor is doing?

          • seriously...

            My Mom died years ago, so she never got close to 50yrs married. And my father’s just happy to be alive!

            But everything is relative. When your life has been so excellent, it is the small things that are seen as stresses/heartaches. So in some ways, she isn’t to blame for being a product of her environment. That’s how I try to see things or I get WAY to judge-y.

            But I agree that you should just plan according to your mother’s wishes. Let your sister’s preferences be noted, but they are not the priority here. I hope your parents have a great day.

        • Bewitched

          I agree with Miss Behaved. I have 3 boys and would not let a soccer or lacrosse game interfere with a 50th anniversary. Also, it’s difficult to find any weekend that works-and if it works for her sister, it won’t work for others. If her parents think a casual Saturday tent event works, even on short notice, then sister should only decline if she cannot make it due to, say another wedding or something similar. But, I may be biased. My sister in law said she was not available for an anniversary dinner with my in-laws because it was graduation weekend at her local HS-but she did not have a child graduating that year!!!!

          • Ellen

            Yay! I am late to the party, (sorry–I was workeing), and now see that Miss Behaved is getting dumped on.

            BTW, Kat, I am getting silly sound’s on the sight, which is EXTREMELY slow. Can you tell the teck guys to fix this? FOOEY!

    • Anonymous

      have a margarita. good lord – its a party. plan what you want and your sister will make it if she can. you and your mom take stuff way to personally. its not that your sister is choosing lacrosse over your mom, its that she has already scheduled stuff over a not yet scheduled party. if the party was this big of deal it shouldve been planned a while ago.

    • Moonstone

      Best of luck on the whole thing. You know your family dynamic better than anyone responding. (My family is similar, so I feel for you.)

    • anon a mouse

      +1 to take a deep breath. You asked the readers here for their thoughts. Be respectful if they don’t agree with your point of view. Remember that we only know what you wrote here. We don’t know your family dynamics, your relationship with your sister, how important this is to your mother, etc.

      I think at this point it’s up to you to say to your mother that if she wants a huge tent party in July, she runs the risk of not having your sister there. If it’s more important that everyone be there, then she may need to reschedule.

      You also might consider calling your sister and saying look, your response makes it look like a lacrosse game is more important to this party, which is important to Mom. Is there a way that you can shuffle or skip something to make this happen?

      • ANP

        Miss Behaved, I know you’re a regular commenter and I’m sorry you’re so upset by what people are saying — but based on my relationship with my own sister, I’m guessing there’s more to the story here re: her relationship with you/your parents than you’ve written in your scenario above.

        I would actually not recommend getting in the middle of things between your sib and your parents — it’s up to them to work out their issues, even if you’re empathetic to mom and dad’s side vs. your sister’s.

        I agree with the other commenters, though, in that if you’re celebrating with your parents with the clambake on their actual anniversary, why not give everyone involved (sister included) more notice and hold the party later in the summer? From a purely logistical standpoint, you may even have issues with tent rental and catering on the Cape during the month of July at such short notice.

    • ORD

      Oh wow, how awful. Just wanted to say that my parents’ 50th anniversary party is next weekend, and I hope you can manage to pull off a party for them. I suppose my brother and I were supposed to throw the party, but my Mom is a huge planner and has pretty much done it all herself and they shrugged off my offer to help pay. I do need to come up with a gift and a toast, though . . . Anyway, your sister sounds like a pain and I think you should just work with your parents to throw a party and invite all their old friends.

      • Idea

        YOU DON’T UNDERSTAND.
        She is NOT hating on her sister!!!!!1
        I have no idea what the OP *IS* doing, but can’t you just RESPECT it?! GEEZ.

      • Alice

        My parents are divorced, so I hadn’t known it is regularly considered an obligation to throw your parents an anniversary party. Is this a thing?

        • CountC

          I don’t even know when my parent’s anniversary is, or how long they have been married for that matter (I am guessing a few more years than I, their oldest child, have been alive).

          I agree that a month is REALLY short notice in the summer and for an event that is being made into a big celebration. If you are sending paper invites, people aren’t going to get them until a couple weeks before the event! I agree with someone who said it is sad that your mom feels like she has to have this party with the alternative being that she will feel embarrassed.

          In the end, your parents should do what they want to do and how they want to do it. If your sister doesn’t come and guilt trips everyone, then you just have to ignore her. When people don’t behave like adults, don’t engage.

          I am not one for a giant party like this, so it seems a bit dramatic to me to be so upset about it, but you do you. Of course at this point you are off this site forever, so . . .

    • Sydney Bristow

      That sucks. It sounds like getting anything planned in the first place was difficult, and I’d be annoyed too if my family member thought a kid’s soccer game was more important than a once in a lifetime event.

      I’d equate this with trying to pick a wedding date. We coordinated with our VIP people way in advance, but everyone who sent in conflict dates made it clear that anything except for major out of town plans would be dumped in favor of the wedding. My younger sister is going through it right now too. She asked us for our date conflicts and everyone responded with what they had going on but made it clear that her wedding was more important.

      If I were you, the response I’d have wanted from my sister would be for her to list everything she had going on but say that they are willing to work around the soccer games (maybe not the dates that they have people visiting from out of town or their own vacation schedule). I understand why the lack of a response like that was frustrating to you and hurtful to your mother.

    • KittyKat

      You are being way too ridiculous. My family tries to do this sort of stuff all the time. I have an essential role and a 5 hour drive so I can’t always attend their last minute things, which then becomes me being a bad person or selfish. I’m sure your sister probably feels similarly. Who plans such an important event with no notice?

    • Anonymous

      You don’t need to tell us that you are “off this site for good” THREE TIMES. It is really juvenile and disrespectful to all the ladies who took their time to leave you thoughtful comments on your situation.

      • cc

        It is so extreme. People aren’t going to fall over themselves to make you stay- no one said anything crazy out of line to you. Just in general that you need to relax. It is not the end of the world, and you and your mom seem really similar in that you get wrapped up in what other people think. A Friday clambake sounds amazing, I think you are just stressing yourself out for no reason. I feel like the last time you left it had something to do with your family too- maybe its just a senstive spot for you.

        Its not like people on this site had a secret plan to gang up on you as soon as you posted this. But you present yourself through your words- people reacted to them and gave you advice. No one was rude, but it maybe wasn’t what you wanted to hear. We all need that sometimes! Getting an outside perspective is usually good. if you feel like you left out some major plot point that would change people’s opinions than feel free to add it, but to hysterically start saying that you are off for good really doesn’t change people’s opinions that you are stressed and taking things overly personal.

    • Senior Attorney

      I’m so sorry this has turned out to be such a mess for you. I hope the clambake is great and your parents have a great time. Or, as others have said, just have the big party a couple of months from now when there’s time to really do it up right. Or schedule it when you want and let your sister come or not as she chooses.

      I hope you will reconsider leaving the site. As you said in your post, your parents procrastinated about picking the date and you ended up with your back against the wall because of the short notice, which made it hard for everybody including your annoying sister. (Just because she’s annoying and selfish doesn’t mean it was adequate notice.) I really don’t see anybody hating on you or thinking you’re hating on your sister. I’m sure there’s a ton of history here to which we’re not privy, which makes it even harder for you.

    • bridget

      Pointing out the obvious: presumably, your sister has known for several DECADES when her parents’ 50th wedding anniversary would be. I fail to see why Sister has an issue with… skipping a lacrosse game? For something she knew would be happening for DECADES?

      And how would early planning have changed things? It’s not like she scheduled a family vacation to France for the weekend you chose. If you scheduled this in April or in June, her kids would still have lacrosse.

      So ridiculous.

      • tesyaa

        Hmm, these parties are very rarely scheduled the exact day or even week of the anniversary.. keeping her calendar open for the entire summer probably wasn’t viable.

        • bridget

          Hum… don’t think I suggested that. I was just pointing out that Sister knew for a long time that this general event (i.e. 50th wedding anniversary) was coming up. Maybe it’s on her to be at least somewhat proactive, or at least not gripe about soccer games and such.

      • Anon

        Um, is big 50th anniversary parties a known thing? Because I know when my parents anniversary is, and I wish them a happy anniversary every year, but it would not have occurred to me that I’ll need to throw them a big party in a few years. Is this normal???

        • Sydney Bristow

          My grandparents had a big 50th anniversary party when I was growing up. It is such a milestone that I think it is worth a party. It depends on your family, but I think that a 50th anniversary is worth doing something bigger than normal.

          • Anon

            Interesting – thanks. Neither set of grandparents made it past 30 years of marriage (cancer sucks) so I guess I missed out on this tradition.

          • Mpls

            +1, both my grandparents had a 50th party (and had to coordinate 10+ siblings to do so), though there was a lot more lead time than the OP is talking. One set also had a 60th anniversary party and will be up for their 70th in 2 years.

        • anon-oh-no

          yes. Big 50th Anniversary parties/celebrations is normal. Everyone doesn’t do it, but lots and lots of people do.

        • Pep

          I know my mother would have been disappointed if we, her children, did not mark it in some way.

          It wasn’t a huge production: we reserved the party room of a nice local restaurant, and all of the kids and grandkids came and we had a nice dinner together. I brought a beautiful cake to serve after. My parents were thrilled to have everyone together and many family photos were taken.

          My parents celebrated by booking a two week Scandinavian cruise for themselves. Unfortunately, they did not get to take that cruise as both were hospitalized two weeks before and had to cancel. Thank goodness for trip insurance!

          (Also – I put a 50th wedding anniversary notice in the local paper, many will do this free of charge.)

        • Anonymous

          My grandparents did. That’s when I realized my Dad was born 7 months after their wedding…

      • Maddie Ross

        I’m going to kick myself for flaming this fire, but I don’t think anyone is specifically disagreeing that Sister’s excuse of having sports games is lame. In fact, I don’t think anyone is supporting the Sister, per se. I think the issue – to me, and I am super planner – is that it’s difficult to make such last minute plans for something so major. Esp. something that I am expected to be at, would want my whole family (husband and kid) at, and something that I am assuming I would be footing a portion of the bill for. I’m obviously reading me and my experience into this, but if my sibling called me up and said, ok, we’re planning something for mom and dad and it’s in a month and it’s such a big event that we are sending engraved invites and getting a tent out of town, I’d freak a bit and probably list a ton of other things that were already on the calendar. Not saying any of them are more important than a wedding anniversary, just saying that such short notice for a big event is tough. My parents started talking about what they wanted to do for a big annivesary a year in advance. Maybe that’s too much to expect, but I don’t think you can blame her for having a full calendar already. Esp. with kids in the mix.

        • Meg Murry

          I think part of it also could be coming from how you asked the question. If the email said, “Hey Bro and I were thinking a weekend in July for Mom and Dad’s anniversary party, what works for you?” then I can’t blame her for saying “well, my Saturdays are already booked so how about Friday or Sunday?” I wouldn’t imply it in a “if it’s Saturday I’m not coming” way – more of a “well, as long as we’re discussing dates what about Friday or Sundays instead?”

          This kind of thing can get ugly over email quickly, and I can totally see my sister and I getting annoyed at each other when one person spent a lot of time with Mom and Dad hashing out details and the other just tosses back “no, that won’t work for me, how about totally other option”?

          Sorry you and your sister are having this argument, but I do think the clambake sounds really nice. And if your parents like the idea of a tent party, maybe you could plan one for a milestone birthday – I suspect if they are celebrating a 50 year anniversary, one of them will probably be having a 70th, 75th, 80th or 85th birthday coming up in a few years.

      • Anonymous

        Yeah I don’t really get the criticism that the problems with sister would’ve been solved by planning this 6 months in advance. Really? She’s going to not sign her kids up for the entire sport season just to keep that one weekend open? Kids’ sports are an ongoing thing throughout the year. There is going to be a game every single weekend other than major holidays (and no one wants to give those up to travel to someone else’s event), so sister either needs to learn to live with missing one game on the sideline (kid can still play) or missing the party and having her family think her priorities are off.

        • bridget

          “Yeah I don’t really get the criticism that the problems with sister would’ve been solved by planning this 6 months in advance. Really? She’s going to not sign her kids up for the entire sport season just to keep that one weekend open?”

          EXACTLY.

          As I said, it’s not like she planned a trip to France, is skipping work, or is at a big conference.

    • Lorelai Gilmore

      When I read the original post, it seems pretty clear that this isn’t about logistics or party planning at all – it’s about the fact that the sister doesn’t seem to prioritize family. And I totally get that. It’s hard when you’re putting a lot of work into making a family event happen – whether it’s planning a party or trying to figure out where the family will be for Thanksgiving – and others just don’t seem to care. I don’t have any advice, just sympathy.

      But I do have two anniversary-related thoughts: 1) a clambake sounds amazing; and 2) what about a Sunday brunch/lunch party? You could do the big tent party during the day, with a brunch or luncheon. I actually think that would be really fun and it would allow your parents to have the party they want when they want it with out-of-town guests (who could drive back after the party) and with your sister.

      • la vie en bleu

        This exactly. I think everyone is being ridiculous assuming that the sister wouldn’t have done anything selfish if it *had* been planned 6 months in advance. She would have found some other way to show that she doesn’t want to prioritize her mom. It’s not about the logistics of a party at all.

        And I completely feel you, Miss B, I keep taking longer and longer breaks from here lately. The Anon snarking to every single post is so freaking old. When someone specifically says they’re venting, why exactly is it so hard just to say something supportive or just keep your mouth shut?

      • la vie en bleu

        This exactly. I think everyone is being ridiculous assuming that the sister wouldn’t have done anything selfish if it *had* been planned 6 months in advance. She would have found some other way to show that she doesn’t want to prioritize her mom. It’s not about the logistics of a party at all.

        And Miss B clearly said she was venting. So why exactly can’t anyone just say something supportive or be quiet?

    • anonymama

      Ohh, family can be hard… It sounds like you are feeling annoyed with your sister, but mostly protective of your mother. And I don’t really think a month’s notice (or 6 weeks) is “last minute”. If she knew it was your parents 50th anniversary (obviously public knowledge), and knew that she had a very busy schedule over the summer, you would think she’d be the one most eager to hammer down a date way ahead of time. But even though families can be so good at hitting the exact spots to aggravate you, you have to step back a bit and not take it so personally… your sensitivity over the past is definitely getting your outrage out of scale with the situation (both in real life and on the internet). I’d take “Anonymous” comments with a grain of salt… other people obviously also have their own issues that are coloring their perspectives and responses as well, and I’d say their harshness is probably mostly not about you, but about their own sisters that do things last minute without consulting them.

    • Bonnie

      I don’t think it’s fair to villify sister without knowing all of the details. It could be an out of town lacrosse game, it could be a championship game, she may have volunteered to take other kids… I don’t think it’s reasonable to just expect her to change plans on such short notice. Yes, the anniversary has been known about for years but this type of celebration is rarely set so quickly and on the day of the anniversary. That being said, if Saturday works best for the family then set it for Saturday and let her make the decision about her priorities.

      • la vie en bleu

        the problem isn’t with one specific Saturday. It’s that she listed an *entire list* of things that were more important on literally any Saturday in the summer. Clearly that is going to make her mom feel like she is saying those things are more important to her than her mom. That’s what is hurtful.

        • Bonnie

          Actually the sister, according to OP’s post, had conflicts with 3 days (Saturdays in July other than 4th of July weekend).

        • Anonny

          I have friends who have the entire summer devoted to some combination of vacations, weddings or wedding-related things. So, honestly… it’s not that uncommon even if sister had listed “every summer weekend”. Personally, I have things booked through mid Aug every Saturday and I’m not the most social person ever.

          • Anon 2

            “Booked” = / = kids sports events of a fungible and non-life-changing way (so if I were Michael’s Phelps’s mother, I’d consider the Olympics perhaps of a non-fundible nature but not a national championship; I think that even Venus Williams’s parents could miss a grand slam if it conflicted with a once-in-a-lifetime event for the grandparents).

            50th Anniversary > kiddie activities and other random things

            Booked can mean out of town guests who already made plans are visiting.

  7. Lyssa

    Hmm, I like this look a lot, but all of that leather + 3/4 length sleeves bugs me. Seems like this would be too cold-weather oriented for 3/4 sleeves (or, well, June).

  8. Trip suggestions

    I’d like to take my mother on a trip as a gift and would love some ideas. She is 68 and in excellent health and very active. The only international travel she’s done is to Ireland. I’ve only been to England. I’d love to take her somewhere fun and memorable. International would be nice but not a requirement. I’ve thought about a Mediterranean cruise because she has indicated that she would love to do a cruise some day but I’m open to other ideas.

      • TXLawyer

        +1 on Paris. That would be such a beautiful and memorable trip. My experience was that the language barrier was not a big problem, the environment was very slow-paced, and it all felt very indulgent (in a good way!). Plenty of tourist sites, but amazing shopping, art, food, people-watching, etc.

        If you prefer to vacation in a way where the trip is guided and pretty much planned for you, I’d definitely say Mediterranean cruise. That gives you the opportunity to see a little bit of a lot of places without having the hassle of booking travel and accommodations in each location.

      • abcdefg

        Dahling, I’m coming with you :). My aunt took a cruise down the Seine, stopping at little towns along the way. She LOVED it. You could combine your ideas by starting in Paris and continuing south.

    • anon

      Also would like to do the same with mom so interested in responses. My mom and I have been to Prince Edward Island and Montreal/Quebec City, both lovely trips.

      • KittyKat

        Both of the above are lovely trips. Id also add that Nova Scotia is historic and inexpensive with fantastic sea food, beautiful beaches and lots of uncommon things like candy shoppes that make everything from scratch. East coast Canada is great for vacations.

    • roses

      Both of the above are lovely trips. Id also add that Nova Scotia is historic and inexpensive with fantastic sea food, beautiful beaches and lots of uncommon things like candy shoppes that make everything from scratch. East coast Canada is great for vacations.

    • Brit

      What about one of the boat tours through Europe? It would check off both a cruise (of some type, not necessarily the big boat kind) and also Europe. I think most of them allow for some type of off-shore touring time as well.

      • Anonymous

        I honestly think that 68 is too young for these. My parents 65 year old friends tried it and said most people were 80.

      • Nancy P

        I don’t think 68 is too young for these. My parents did one when they were 70 and loved it. Off shore excursions for every level (cathedral tour versus biking). I think they did the Viking Cruises Danube cruise.

      • Bewitched

        +1 for ALASKS. One of the most beautiful locations I have been to, and the cruise made it easy and stress free. (Although I also lurved Paris!)

      • Anonymous

        Only if you are willing to do the shore excursions, go rafting, etc. Otherwise, the cruise is pretty boring for active people. I’m in my late 30s and I think a cruise to Alaska would be a nice place to go back 40 years from now.

        • Bewitched

          Since her mom is 68, yes, I believe the suggestion still holds. I’m not a huge cruise proponent either (only have taken 1 in my lifetime), but there were people of all ages going to Alaska-from senior citizens down to newlyweds. You are correct that the excursions made it alot more fun, but our cruise ship also went directly alongside a glacier-which is a pretty fantastic thing to see (and they may not be around forever :(

        • lucy stone

          I don’t k now why you would do this as a cruise without doing the shore excursions – that’s the point of the trip in my mind! We’ve been to Homer and Anchorage not on a cruise and also had a blast. We caught enough halibut to fill our freezer for two winters to the extent that we don’t eat meat at home we didn’t catch/kill ourselves since my husband hunts. I’ve also hiked part of the Chilkoot Trail, gone whale watching at Point Adolphus, floatplaned in Misty Fjords, driven into the rural YT, hiked on a few different glaciers – Alaska is amazing and beautiful and should be experienced while you are still active.

    • TO Lawyer

      My parents are in their mid-50s, but they love Mediterranean cruises. It’s a really good way to get some international travel in but is still relatively comfortable so is really good for people who haven’t done a ton of international traveling.

  9. Shopaholic

    Not sure if anyone has mentioned… Barney’s Warhouse and Saks Off 5th are both offering 40% off. Naturally, after I’ve just spent waayyyyy too much money on clothing this past week.

  10. Asideralis

    Absolutely unrelated:

    I finally got my effing code to compile! Yay! I’ve been working on an http-to-string converter in Java after working in C++ exclusively for MONTHS. I’ve never coded in Java before and I finally think I figured this out. Jeeze. This has taken me since last Thursday, and nothing makes me feel more like I suck at life than not getting what should be an easy function to work. It makes me feel like I do nothing all day.

    • Houda

      throwback to my CS classes where the compiler did that crashing sound that i though was just in my headphones… little did I know everyone in the lab could hear it…

    • moss

      You’re awesome! I know the feeling… I know all the feelings… the frustration, the “I’m an idiot why”, and the blissful triumph. Congrats!

  11. Anon For Underwear!

    Shopping help, please! I need a reasonable dupe for the Soma Traveler modern brief, available in a brick and mortar location. I love Soma, but can’t get to the store at the moment (nor do I have time to wait for shipping). I’m looking for nylon mostly seamless full coverage briefs that do not ride up and are mostly invisible under clingy clothes. No thongs, no lace (I know everyone here loves the hanky panky lace thongs, my cottage cheese flabby butt does not) and no cotton (they drag for what I’m looking for). Preferably reasonably priced, available at you average Macys/Lord and Taylor.

    Does Jockey make something like this?

    • mascot

      I got some no line tactel bikinis at a Jockey outlet. I imagine that they have something similar in retail stores.

    • Emily

      Uniqlo has these. Some find that they ride up, others do not. But for $7 may be worth trying.

    • Hollis

      I found the same – no line bikinis – at a Macy’s. they have them at target as well. I’m pretty sure that Calvin Klein makes them as well. Just go to your Macys and see what they have – I’m sure they’ll have plenty of non-cotton things to choose from.

    • Meg Murry

      Another option that isn’t quite what you asked for is that I’ve found I’m grabbing my Jockey Skimmies when I want no lines but nothing constricting as Spanx. If you were wearing a short skirt or something very tight on the legs that might not work (the leg band may or may not show, you’d have to see) or if the pants/skirt are low rise. I wound up wearing them one day when I made a last minute change from a skirt to dress pants, and I was suprised how much I liked wearing them under pants.

      They are available at Macys, and there is also a knockoff made by Jockey at Target that I haven’t tried yet but plan to.

      • HSAL

        Side note to your last comment – I bought the knockoffs at Target last week and I think they’re just as good as the Skimmies. No problems wearing them for 9-10 hours.

        • Meg Murry

          Oh, good to know! Please report back on whether they hold up after a few wears – they are half the price as Skimmies, so if they have at least half the life I’d be happy, now that my Skimmies are starting to stretch out and slide around sometimes.

    • LOLE

      Just discovered LOLE seamless bikinis. You can order them from Zappos w/next day shipping (still free).

    • Underwear OP

      Update: bought the jockey seamless lightweight panties and some skimmies and they are perfect–thanks all!

  12. ANP

    Hi all: have any of you taken a maternity leave (or had a similar absence from work) shortly after starting a new job? I’m running a department and was hired into this role (from another org) in early April. Baby #3 is due at the end of June and my department is a hot mess (hence the reason this position was created). Everyone here is being very understanding about the fact that I’m going to be pressing the pause button for a bit (I will likely take 10 weeks off, then come back part time for 4 weeks). I have no really good second-in-command to delegate to although my boss is willing to cover for me. Will likely be checking email and staying semi-connected during leave, but nothing heroic. Any words of wisdom from the hive would be greatly appreciated! Thanks.

    • Hollis

      I did, twice. The first time went well because my company hired a temp (someone who had experience in my area, but not an exact match and was planning to move out of state) to take my place. The second time did not go so well – I was literally asked to attend a meeting while my baby was 11 days old and while it worked out fine (my DH was sitting in the parking lot with my crying baby), I’m still bitter about being pulled in this manner while I was supposed to be on leave. Any thoughts on possibly hiring a temp person to handle your duties while you were out?

    • Meg Murry

      So never in the role of managing a department, but I was project managing before I went out on leave at a company that was very thinly staffed with my boss holding down the fort while I was out, and one thing that helped was to schedule weekly phone check-ins with my boss from about 6 weeks on for a one hour call or so. I was able to get my mom to come play with/hold/distract the baby on those afternoons, and that way I could stay in the loop and give feedback like “oh yeah, we already did a study on that, no need to repeat, look in file XYZ” or “no, that usually takes at least 2 weeks, so better promise the customer no less than 3”. I eased back in by going to work first just for 2 days the first week, 3 days the next week and then full time.

      Technically “working” in this capacity by taking the phone calls was violating our leave/FMLA policy, but we got around it since I wasn’t on disability anymore, just FMLA, as considering it “intermittent leave” and we just banked that time by my boss turning a blind eye to me slipping out early a few days to deal with a sick kid once I was back to work.

      My concern is that even if you are supposed to be going back part-time, will it actually turn into being in the office part time but then having to deal with email from home to effectively be back full time, with part of that being working from home? Will you have full time childcare lined up if it turns out that way?

      Even if you don’t have a true second in command, can you at least delegate to “Sue handles all A, Tom handles all B, John handles all C and the boss deals with the rest scenario while you are out? Is there someone parallel to you that also reports to your boss that your employees could go to if they need assistance that at least will have a clue or will know what to filter to wait for you to come back and what needs to be dealt with by you sooner?

  13. Wildkitten

    I have a pair of colorful ankle pants that I love so much I was going to buy a pair of the BR Sloan. However, ladies here have convinced me I would need “tall” and there aren’t BR talls in my size in a color I would wear. What similar pants do people love?

    • TNTT

      The LOFT Julie and the J Crew Minnie (or J Crew Factory Winnie) are my go to ankle pants in fun prints/colors.

    • Bonnie

      Do try the Sloans. I’m 5’4″ and wear the petite version so a regular version may work for you.

    • Anon

      I have a 34″ inseam and I think the non-tall BR Sloan pants look fine. I also have a tall pair and they also look fine. You can have a little wiggle room with ankle pants.

  14. anon

    Question for the group. I’m not into “paid personal upkeep” as a rule – I get a couple haircuts a year and can count the number of mani/pedi’s on one hand – but I do wear some makeup and try to avoid beauty faux pas. My question is about my feet in sandals. I don’t really know what my feet are “supposed” to look like, particularly my heels. After a recent pedicure, my heels still looked dry and have some calluses (no cracking or anything like that). I guess I thought the pedicure would make them look perfect for at least a couple days. I don’t know if it was a bad pedi or if I have unrealistic expectations. My past attempts at moisturizing and salicyclic acid washes haven’t worked (I may not stick with them long enough). What do you all consider a “presentable” foot condition (aiming for acceptability versus perfection, in keeping with my current standards)? Mid-30’s in case that matters.

    • Anon

      Smooth, moisturized, and with nails trimmed and buffed. Color is, IMHO, completely optional. I don’t paint my nails, but I do all the other manicuring/pedicuring steps and stop shy of the polish.

      • Mpls

        +1

        As far as the heels go – clean (as opposed the grime that accumulates when wearing sandals often).

        If you want to go beyond that, I would try to keep the skin on your heels from actually cracking (like dry hands in the winter), but only because that’s hard on your skin. I think the moisturizing is going to do more than salicylic acid will to that end, as will filing/sanding your heels in the shower (when skin is wet), if your heels are of particular concern.

      • hobbity

        can you really tell if someone else’s nails are buffed or not? I just can’t imagine noticing that.

        I say if feet are clean and not obviously cracking or peeling, they are good. And honestly if my feet were peeling a bit I’d probably still wear sandals. Many people need some sort of calluses because they actually do stuff on their feet. I find it helps keep my feet nicer if I scrub them in the shower with some sort of washcloth or scrub, and then moisturize when I get out.

    • roses

      I have very, very low standards for this – toenails even and fungus-free, no cracked or peeling skin. Done.

      • Anonymous

        I’m a marathon runner and this is pretty much my standard. No oozing blisters? Sandals it is!

        • CountC

          Yea as a runner, if my feet are not actively showing oozing blisters or bleeding, I don’t really care what they look like (and I am a foot hater and used to be obsessed with giving myself pedicures). Priorities have changed!! I am currently sporting one black toe/toenail and a LOT of old blisters. I give no effs.

          Please note, I do not wear open toed shoes to work.

    • L

      FWIW my standard is that I don’t notice your feet. So if your feet look like they need medical attention or if they’re bedazzled and look like they belong on the Vegas strip, I’m going to notice.

      I’d care only about the cracking if it was so noticeable that it looked painful. If it were my feet, I’d care because it can be painful.

    • NYNY

      My feet build up calluses quickly, so I probably always have them to some extent. I try to minimize the issue with two small habits:
      1) Moisturize feet & legs with a thick cream when I’m getting into bed at night (nightly in winter, e/o day or so the rest of the year)
      2) Use a pumice stone on my feet every time I shave my legs in the shower

      My standard for other people’s feet in sandals is pretty simple: No open wounds (oozing blisters, bleeding cracks in skin), no long nails, done.

    • Bonnie

      A once in a blue moon pedicure will not make your feet look perfect, especially if you run or do other activity that’s rough on your feet.

    • Cat

      I buff my heels with a pumice stone in the shower each day, and moisturize once every few days (as in, put random Jergens lotion on when I’m watching TV). The buffing every day means calluses don’t really have a chance to get bad.

      • Anonymous

        Thanks everyone. Sounds like I have bought into some unrealistic expectations about needing to have baby feet and need more pumice and lotion.

    • Sunshine

      Korean foot peels are amazing for soft feet. You soak your feet for 60-90 minutes, and in 3-5 days they start to peel. Seriously, it’s like your feet are molting. You definitely won’t want to wear sandals when they’re peeling. In a week at most, the peeling stops and your feet will be super soft.

      Note I didn’t use this because I felt pressured to live up to some “perfect feet” standard; I gave it a try purely for personal satisfaction and I was happy with the results.

      http://www.amazon.com/The-Face-Shop-Smile-Peeling/dp/B00D3D01KU

  15. anonymous

    Speaking of toes- tips for getting rid of toenail fungus? My nails are turning a bit brown. I tried to get rid of it years ago and nothing I tried (over the counter) seemed to help.

    • Anonymous

      Go to the podiatrist and get a prescription, and keep your feet clean and dry.

      • Meg Murry

        +1 to a podiatrist, and I would discuss with him/her whether you will re-infect yourself by wearing shoes you had while infected or if there is a suggested treatment for your shoes, especially if you tend to wear shoes without socks.

    • Senior Attorney

      I have no personal experience with this, but a friend of mine swears by laser toenail fungus removal.

    • Carrie...

      This is rough. Nothing over the counter will help, and most “treatments” only work for a portion of people. The most definitive way is oral anti-fungal pills which are taken for weeks to months. They are also not very safe and are quite toxic to the liver, so many docs will not prescribe them.

      Keep your feet clean and dry and wash facecloths often with bleach. Choose your shoes carefully… natural fiber soles/linings, cotton socks, and you may have to avoid closed shoes with bare feet if you sweat a lot. Many people use topicals (powder or cream) daily between your toes and on the soles to at least “control” the fungus so it doesn’t spread to more toes/nails. But it is very hard to cure it once you have an infected nail. The topicals don’t tend to work.

      I was intrigued when I heard about laser, but it also doesn’t always work. I’ve known folks who pulled out the infected nail. Sometimes when the nail grows back it will be fungus free, but not always.

      See a podiatrist though. If it is multiple nails and not the typical color changes, it might actually be something else. The smell is pretty classic though… (sorry!). I stopped going to nail salons years ago when I actually detected the smell in some of them, and after my Mom got a bacterial infection after a manicure. Now no one touches my nails but me.

    • Anonymous

      My dad has this and I was looking for a good solution and found tea tree oil on amazon and he’s been painting it on daily and says it is working.

    • Anon

      I had some luck with OTC ointments combined with kerasil to help it penetrate. I was able to cure it on at least a few nails. But that leaves a reservoir for re infection. I totally rid myself of the infection I had had since I was a child using oral terbinafine about 6 yrs ago. I took it for three months, could not drink more than a few sips of alcohol and had to get a few liver enzyme tests. But it worked! The nail bed was damaged from years of infection, so the nails aren’t completely normal looking, but close enough.

      My nails weren’t brown. They were white. And they would get waterlogged and fall off. It’s not pleasant. And yes, there is a distinct smell, although it’s not very strong. You should have a dr confirm its fungus and not something else.

    • Anon

      Also, my podiatrist had me buy Tineacide, which is an OTC anti-fungal but you have to get it behind the counter at the pharmacy (sometimes special order). It’s $20. It works, over time.

      Trim the nail back as far as you can. File the top of it so it’s thinner. Wash your feet twice a day and let them air dry.

      And…this is the kicker. Both your sheets and your shoes could be re-infecting you. You need to get a spray bottle with 1:1 isopropyl alcohol to water and spray the insides of ALL of your shoes and then let them dry for a few days. Repeat once a month, more if you wear shoes more.

      It’s a long battle.

      And no more nail polish ever again. Your nails need to breathe. GL.

    • KS IT Chick

      I’ve had issues on & off for many, many years. Several years ago, I took a prescription oral medication for the nail fungus and a really expensive tube of prescription ointment to clear up the long-term infection that had settled into the callouses on the balls of my feet. Part of the recommendation was to use a PH-neutral cleanser and wash carefully in every fold of skin, then use a clean, dry washcloth to dry them. After they were completely dry, then apply the ointment and allow it to penetrate (about 10 to 15 minutes) before putting on socks or pantyhose.

      That has pretty much cleared up the major issues, to my relief.

      After foot surgery this spring, I had a significant recurrence of the fungus on the bottoms of my feet, because I couldn’t actually wash my foot for the first week after the procedure. Instead, once the surgical shoe came off, they had me wipe my foot down with waterless cleanser, wipe it dry, and then wipe it down with rubbing alcohol. Once the alcohol dried, then put ointment on the spots. After the itching slowed down from “please cut my foot off now” levels, I also used a pumice stone on the fungal blisters to slough off the dead infected skin. That has pretty much gotten rid of the latest flare-up.

      I know that I have to always be aware of signs that it is back, or if I’m taking a medication that will make me more susceptible. Antibiotics almost always cause a problem.

  16. Need a therapist in Houston

    Any other Corporettes out there in Houston know of a good therapist to work on relationship issues with? I would probably feel more comfortable opening up to a female. Any suggestions are appreciated. Thanks!

    • Cora

      Brittany Senseman at Anthology Counseling & Wellness is excellent. I’ve been working with her for almost two years (I used to go frequently and now just occasionally to check in).

    • In the Pink

      You might consider Debbie Longano as well. She is just west of the Galleria off of either Augusta or Bering, I cant remember which.

  17. EB0220

    Anyone up for some vicarious shopping? Looking for some work dresses in cobalt blue or emerald green, with sleeves. Everything I’m finding (Nordstrom and J Crew) is back ordered. I’ve moved to an all-dress wardrobe, but all of my dresses are black, white and/or gray. I need some color in my life but also want a classic style. Ideas?

  18. Anon for this

    Anyone have suggestions for a good website for legal in-house positions?

    On a related note, anyone out there have a recommendation for a career counselor in Boston?

    TIA!

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