ByElizabeth Hours Updated
Comments 362 Comments

Workwear Hall of Fame: Stretch-Cotton Short-Sleeve Tee

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This post may contain affiliate links and Corporette® may earn commissions for purchases made through links in this post. As an Amazon Associate, I earn from qualifying purchases.

Our daily workwear reports suggest one piece of work-appropriate attire in a range of prices.

This T-shirt from Theory was a reader favorite around 2010, and I’m delighted to see that it’s still available. (H/t to Kat for finding this one!)

For those of you who didn’t have this in your closet 12 years ago, it’s one of the all-time greats for wearing under suits. It’s 94% cotton, 6% spandex, so it’s wonderfully soft, but it still has just a touch of stretch. I also find that the scoop-neck is incredibly flattering without being too revealing.

The top is $29.25 at the Theory outlet and comes in sizes P–L. In addition to black, it comes in white, medium heather, and deep navy.

This post contains affiliate links and Corporette® may earn commissions for purchases made through links in this post. For more details see here. Thank you so much for your support!

Hunting for other t-shirts for layering with work outfits? These are some of our longstanding favorites…

Above: elbow scoop / v-neck / scoop / long-sleeve / elbow (not pictured but also)

Sales of note for 3/26/25:

  • Nordstrom – 15% off beauty (ends 3/30) + Nordy Club members earn 3X the points!
  • Ann Taylor – Extra 50% off sale + additional 20% off + 30% off your purchase
  • Banana Republic Factory – Friends & Family Event: 50% off purchase + extra 20% off
  • Eloquii – 50% off select styles + extra 50% off all sale
  • J.Crew – 30% off tops, tees, dresses, accessories, sale styles + warm-weather styles
  • J.Crew Factory – Shorts under $30 + extra 60% off clearance + up to 60% off everything
  • M.M.LaFleur – 25% off travel favorites + use code CORPORETTE15 for 15% off
  • Spanx – Lots of workwear on sale, some up to 70% off
  • Talbots – $64.50 spring cardigans + BOGO 50% off everything else

362 Comments

  1. Good Morning and Happy Friday ladies. Can I make a request for today. In light of the discussions that have taken place over this week, can we all give ourselves a break today. Can we avoid complaining about our bodies or the bodies of our loved ones. Can we avoid talking about weight loss, weight gain, workouts or low calorie eating plans. Things have gotten to be nuts around here lately.

    So—what are you looking forward to this weekend?

    1. Was going to type the same post!!

      I’m excited to dive into my stack to “to read” books. I’ve picked up some really great ones and while I do have some causal social plans this weekend, nothing major so I can chill poolside with a book. I’m also excited to enjoy my space/ last weekend was all about a major and majorly overdue clean out of my bedroom and it is so pretty and relaxing now!

    3. No. If you don’t want to engage in a topic, then collapse and scroll down or stay off the site. You have no right to control what other people discuss because you don’t like it.

      2. Why not just make a positive post? I don’t like being chastised even if you do have good point. Communicate with positivity.

        1. Right. It’s the request that is the problem. I’m not going to request that people not post about their relationship issues, even if I don’t like those posts. My wants just aren’t more important than their wants.

      6. I agree. If you don’t like a post topic, scroll past it. Women use this forum to discuss topics relevant to their lives, and many women do care about working out, meal planning, etc. It can be difficult to maintain a healthy lifestyle when working long hours and much of the advice given here on that topic has been very helpful to me.

      8. +1. Those posts aren’t my jam, but it’s very easy for me to respect that they are other people’s jams, collapse them, and move on.

      1. YES! Also looking forward to the fact that my kid could be fully vax and not subject to quarantines before real school starts in the fall!

        Otherwise: I am cooking a bunch of food and having people over for a bbq which always makes me happy. And taking aforementioned kid to a fair with bouncy houses and wine for me.

    6. Not this weekend, but I work 100% remotely. The rest of my team works on an idyllic island. I just got the go ahead to book a work trip to meet up with the rest of the team! I’m so looking forward to it.

    7. Ugh I hate the notion that if I’m talking about/focusing on/wanting to change something about my body it must be negative or internalized fat shaming or internalized diet culture or something. Lots of people like to talk about their workouts or what they’re eating or whatever and can, and do, have these discussions positively. Every discussion about fitness/food/bodies isn’t inherently negative.

      1. The Queen’s social secretary was interviewed once on throwing great dinner parties. She said the most boring topic in the world is diets. Lol. I think it’s true.

        2. Totally. I also hate how gendered it is. Women talk about it non-stop but men never seem to.

      2. There are many spaces on the Internet where you can have those conversations. This does not have to be a space focused on those types of discussions, especially since there are a number of people here who A. don’t like it at all or B. like me, feel like those topics are starting to dominate the conversation here (we had three nearly-identical questions posted in one day this week, and all three questions received basically the same responses – why is that necessary?) and it’s getting tiresome. There are multiple subreddits and places like MyFitnessPal where you can discuss diet and exercise to your heart’s content. Maybe seek out those communities instead of trying to bend this one to your will.

        1. Kat designed this platform in a way that allows numerous comments on any number of topics, and a collapse option if you want to skip a discussion. I often start with all threads collapsed and open what I find interesting. People really don’t need to police themselves to your tastes.

          The repetition is great when I need to deal with something later. I skip in house attorney posts, but when I company approached me about a job I like having years of posts from real working women in the same situation. It is a great resource. I skip most travel posts, but I will absolutely read every post about Santa Fe when I make my way there.

          And when millions of people gained weight because a global catastrophe forced them to be unusually sedentary, millions of people will try to lose weight at the same time. Not their fault!

        2. If a topic is starting to dominate the board, logically it seems that it of interest to many readers, so seems like it belongs here. What topics will you allow?

        3. I love the irony of saying “those topics are starting to dominate the conversation here” and “seek out those communities instead of trying to bend this one to your will.” You do understand that by weighing in on this, you are trying to bend this one to your will, right?

          Just let people comment what they want to comment. It’s not that deep.

      3. I honestly find it very hard to make new lifestyle changes stick without a lot of social support.

        I can’t decide between the downsides of cultures where every individual is on their own with this stuff, vs. the downsides of cultures where your busybody community will help you stick to your diet whether you like it or not.

      1. I don’t always mind them but one day this week we had three big threads on pandemic weight gain in one morning, and yesterday’s atrocious post by Diana Berry who started a really hurtful thread and then just bounced was a lot. I think OP is just suggesting a breather today, and I think it’s a nice idea.

        1. She did no such thing – folks really piled on with what was a pretty innocuous question. I just hope they didn’t run off a long-time, valuable contributor with their ugliness. Yesterday’s debacle said a lot more about the community, if so it can be called, than it did about Diana.

          2. It was not at all an “innocuous question” when Diana Berry basically asked how she could body-shame her daughter. She specifically asked for advice about how to “correct” her daughter’s perception that she was thin. Appalling.

          3. It speaks to Diana’s basic decency that she “ran off” rather than contribute any more. I really hope she knows that it is probably rando Anons who piled on, and those of us who have been around for a long time appreciate her and think she was treated in a terrible, undeserved way.

          6. Agreed. I felt terrible and hope she saw the actually helpful posts in what was a pile of…mean.

          7. It was a lot of cra-cra. I like reading thoughtful responses from people with different backgrounds, not whatever that was yesterday

      2. I love these discussions too. There are others, often repeated, that I don’t love, and I scroll by them.

    9. Request denied. Oh, and I’m starting WW this weekend. Thanks to THIS community for helping me process some very real, challenging feelings in the last few weeks.

      2. Hey, congrats on trying something new! Always exciting to give something new a shot, especially when it might help with something that’s been bugging you for a while.

    10. We are going to have a quiet weekend at home which seems delightful after a busy few months! And I’m going to get out into the garden and do some proper work which I find satisfying.

      1. How dare you bring that up when other people have mentioned exercise!

        Just kidding, congratulations. That’s a BFD.

    12. Looking forward to a weekend in the mountains of hiking and hitting the rural farmer’s market!

    13. I hope the responders here who are unable to go one day without talking about diets, or those who see a fair request to challenge ourselves as some kind of personal attack, do some reflecting this weekend on why that is.

      1. Why? I’m very interested in healthy eating, exercise, and lifestyle. The strength of my body and my overall health make everything else I do in my life possible. I learn a lot from the personal experience, and I see no need for me to reflect on that. I don’t see it as a personal attack, do you? Perhaps you’d like to reflect on why it’s ok for you to police what others want to discuss?

          2. “I object to censorship, don’t you?”

            No one outside the government can “censor” you. I imagine you are one of those “free speech” folks who thinks it means that you should get to say whatever you want, to whomever you want, at any time with no consequences? How charming.

          4. This is a rather measured response. Why so you think it is “over the top” and “emotional,” when it is obviously neither?

        2. +1 – I have absolutely no interest in the diet/exercise posts, but I have no beef with people posting them, and it’s definitely the people who can’t use the “collapse” button who are on the side of needing to do some reflecting.

    14. My husband and I watched the original Top Gun on Monday (I had never seen it) and we are going to watch the new one tonight! Also planning to do some yard work this weekend that we’ve been badly procrastinating – and once we have it completed, we can hopefully just do maintenance for the remainder of the season. Also excited for a friend’s housewarming party and celebrating Father’s Day with my parents.

      1. The new one is really fun to watch in the theater! I liked it better than the original. Have fun!

      2. The new one is so good. It has a bit of the delightful cheesiness of the original but is also kind of a thoughtful intelligent movie. Tom Cruise is a garbage person but a really great actor. And yes definitely a good one to see in the theater. It was my first movie theater movie since 2019 and no regrets!

  2. I have been looking for a functional yet stylish crossbody bag and am out of ideas. Checked all the usual suspects – Tumi, Lo & Sons, dagne. Any brands am I missing? I don’t mind nylon, but don’t love the look/feel of the Travelon or Baggelini brands. I need a thick, camera bag type strap (either as a part of the bag, or added separately) and enough space for a glasses case, large iphone, lipstick, mask etc. I like the Tumi Voyaguer, but it is just a hair small for all my stuff. Have multiple trips overseas in the next couple of years, so don’t mind spending up for something that will be really functional but won’t scream TOURIST. Appreciate any recs

    1. Lululemon Festival bag? It holds all of the things you mention and then some. I find it to be kind of a PITA because of all the flaps and zippers and pockets, but that does add some security to the bag– probably tougher than most to pickpocket, if that’s a concern.

    2. I love my old MZ Wallace crossbody
      I got a Rothy’s crossbody a while ago that I like — maybe look on resale sites for those.
      I think people like the Cuyana crossbody too

    3. I’ve been looking for the same thing. I bought a Baggelini on Poshmark and really love it; and it was $30 so I thought if I didn’t like it, I could just resell it. Give Baggelini a try….

      if you need a Poshmark code, you can use mine: merrpg

      You get $5 or $10 off and I get the same.

    4. MZ wallace small sutton. It’s awesome, weighs nothing, and looks reasonably stylish.

    5. For what it’s worth – I also hated the look of the Bagallini bags, but then got one as a hand me down and have used it exclusively since getting it. I love it now :) The strap is thick and it has a secure inner and outer zipper. I don’t see my current model exactly but it’s very similar to Sorrento.

    7. Do you want a cross body bag or a tote bag? The Tumi Voyaguer is a tote, so I just want to clarify.

      1. I believe Tumi calls a “line” of nylon bags Voyager…including multiple crossbody ones from a quick search.

    8. I had a really hard time with this and posted my request on here. I ended up with a bag from Portland Leather that I thought was a bit stiff at first but is breaking in nicely. It’s the smaller crossbody tote.

    9. Which Voyager body did you look at? I have the Voyager Capri (gray nylon with gold hardware; crossbody) that seems to meet all your requirements. I used it a lot on trips and don’t find it too small—have been able to squeeze in a small umbrella or water bottle and thin wrap. It may be out of production now so check the resale sites. It’s almost perfect for me—minor con is it may have one or two too many pockets (4 outside accessible pockets and a zippered inner pocket in the main compartment) and I don’t have good habits of putting wallet / hand sanitizer etc back in the same place. I admit this is a me issue!

      Other ideas of brands:
      The Sak (I still lament getting rid of a leather crossbody from the early aughts)
      Vera Bradley
      Latico (I was eying a leather one in a shop Memorial Day—soft and good sized)
      Longchamp has some good looking crossbody one recently
      Not sure your budget, but I’ve been getting IG targeted ads for leather crossbody bags from Neiman Marcus in the $300-$600 range.
      And from a leather company (forgot the name) whose bags are named after cities.

      Other travel-y bag brands: PacSafe, Ebags (my mom has their Piazza going strong for more than 10 years)

  3. Question re: your personal, not work, email. My inbox has over 7000 emails in it, b/c everytime I order something, I use that email address to get confirmations, notifications, etc. Every time I sign up to get 10 or 15% off an order, I use that email box. Everytime I sign up for anything, I use that. Anyone have a great system for using different email addresses for different personal purposes, that I can copy?

    1. I just have a separted email for shopping and signing up for things. Mine is old (hotmail), but I would just start a new email somewhere and use it for shopping, subscriptions, discount codes, etc. I do go in and clean it out every once in a while, but it’s just mass delete.

    2. Why? I have 64,000 emails in gmail. I just search if I need to find something. Life is too short to organize personal e-mail

      2. Thank you for this. I don’t know why this made a difference but I had this niggling feeling like I was sucking at life by taking this approach and now you have freed me!

    3. My system is deleting emails I no longer need (like the confirmation and shipping notifications once the online order arrives), or the coupon once I use it. Why are you keeping everything?

      1. Yeah, this. Or at least archive it so it’s not clogging up your inbox. I don’t know how you can function with an inbox with 7,000 emails!

    4. So I haven’t done this myself, but I’ve seen that you can change the punctuation around in gmail addresses and then apply rules based on it. So, if you entered your email as e.xample@gmail.com for shopping stuff, you could then filter it all into a folder. It seems like a great idea, but I’ll admit that I’ve just given up on having a personal inbox with less than 5000 unread emails.

    5. Unsubscribe and filters. I’m ruthless about unsubscribing from anything I don’t need. After that, I make good use filter automatically to trash for things I don’t need to see but for some reason I can’t or don’t want to unsubscribe from- I can always scan my trash if I suddenly decide I want a coupon code for brand X, but don’t want to see them on a regular basis. I also have a filter for promotional emails I do want so that those things don’t end up in my inbox. After that, I delete or archive anything I don’t need anymore, so the only things in my inbox are the emails about active matters. I do keep all of the confirmation emails, but they’re archived, not in my inbox (this is helpful if you need to go back and provide proof of purchase. I got ~$500 in a class action lawsuit about contact lenses because I had all of the emails easy to find).

    6. I just checked my personal Gmail account and I have 24,000 emails in my “updates” tab and 43,000 in my “promotions” tab, so I have no advice, only commiseration.

    7. When friends have mentioned being in a similar position and ask me what I do, I tell them the following things. So far, no one has actually done this, so I don’t expect people to like this response —- I ruthlessly unsubscribe from all the shopping emails. Ann Taylor wants my email for a 15% off coupon? Okay, Ann. Here is my email. Then, I literally wait for that 15% off coupon email to come in and I scroll down to the link at the bottom to unsubscribe from all future emails. I don’t need the “look what’s new in at J crew!” daily/weekly emails and found that once I stopped getting those, I spent a lot less money because shopping wasn’t at the top of my mind all the time. I will also spend a minute or two maybe once a week unsubscribe from other emails that have built up. So, in my personal email, I truly am only getting emails that I want to read – kiddo’s school newsletters, emails from friends and family, and the few newsletters I so subscribe to. It’s maybe an average of 10 emails a day.

      1. Yup, this. I use one email, which I’ve had since you need an invite to get a gmail account, and I just unsubscribe from everything. It took a while at first, but if you give yourself a half hour to do it one evening while watching TV or something, then “select all” in your promotions and updates tab and just delete, you’ll be a long way towards it. I bet that would stem the flood and the you could spend 5-10 minutes a week unsubscribing and within weeks your incoming emails will be down to a trickle. The only subscriptions I keep are ones I actually want — like a museum I’m a member of — and not shopping. Once something has been delivered, I delete everything except the original order confirmation. I also archive everything that I don’t need in my inbox right now, so I usually have no more than 10-20 emails in my inbox at a time. If I fall behind, I just select everything unread and delete. If I wanted it I would have looked at it by now!

      2. Same. Ruthless unsubscriber.
        If I’m being honest I don’t even do the 10-15% intro emails just because I don’t want to deal.

        1. Same. I’ve never used filters, but I just unsubscribe relentlessly. I have 20 emails in my inbox. Probably took a year or more to go from 20k to 20, so it was a process. I have a subfolder called shopping where I stash any purchase confirmation emails, receipts, etc. If I unsubscribe to something and seem to continue getting emails, I’m a ruthless “spam” flagger. Gmail makes it easier to flag as spam and also unsubscribe. DH hates it – he’s in marketing, which includes a lot of emails, but whatever.

          Also, there are pretty strict rules about unsubscribing in email marketing land, per DH. I think best practices are ‘one click unsubscribe’ vs what I used to see a lot – click unsubscribe, then get routed to the company page, then prompted to log in and then change preferences, etc etc. I still get that from time to time, but largely it’s a one or two click, max, unsubscribe process.

    8. Gmail is really good at filtering what goes in primary vs updates vs promotions vs forums or subscriptions- sometimes updates or promotions get unwieldy if I’m doing a lot of shopping, but they aren’t mixed up with “real” emails. If you aren’t using that system I highly recommend as a starting point.

      1. Oh and I am also ruthless with unsubscribe. Like anon above, I will do it the minute after I use whatever coupon required it.

    9. I use Email #1 (gmail) for friends and family. Email #2 is an old one I’ve used to sign up for newsletters and stores, it forwards to Email #1. Email #3 is an old hotmail one I now use for Act Blue donations and signups for things I don’t expect to buy ever again; it does not forward and I rarely check it. (I also have Email #4, which school/camps get, and husband also gets, that forwards to Email #1. And Email #5, a new business email, that forwards to Email #1.

      I have a zillion labels set up in Email #1 to filter all the different incoming emails, which is good, but it doesn’t help with the accumlation of a million emails where I don’t want to read a 3-month old NYT story or see a sale that happened a week ago. So I started using Sanebox to automatically delete the older emails.

      Now I spend about 5 minutes a day starring emails I want to read and deleting the rest. Then when they get too old Sanebox archives, deletes them, or moves them to a different folder.

    10. Gmail sorts for you into different tabs (actual email, ad promos, etc.) and that works well for me. Haven’t figured out how to make that work on mobile (bc I don’t care that much), but on a computer it’s great.

      1. On the Gmail app, you can see the separate sections. They do not display as tabs, but if you click on the menu, it will show all your folders, including the Social and Promotions sections.

    11. I don’t delete emails. I do try to mark them all as read. But I like to be able to search for an email and my crowded inbox isn’t hurting anyone. I also don’t do folder organization because I’ve found it actually makes it harder to find anything.

      If I need to archive emails due to size or inbox constraints, I do so by date.

  4. Is theory outlet overstock from the classic brand, or a separate clothing line theory makes that is less quality / different sizing / inflated “original” price so it looks like a big sale?

    1. It’s separately manufactured. All of my suits and most of my work wardrobe is from the Theory Outlet and I’m very happy with the quality. Upgrade from Banana/JCrew. I have avoided the full price Theory stuff because I don’t want to create an expensive habit for myself — so I can’t compare directly — but I’m sure it’s not as great.

  5. I just moved to a new apartment that was professionally cleaned and I’d like to use it to refresh my cleaning habits to preserve this state. My struggle area has always been the tub/shower. I fall behind and then I hate scrubbing. What’s the right frequency, intensity of cleaning, and set of products to use to keep the tile walls and tub looking spotless with the least amount of elbow grease?

    1. Ironically the more you do it the less work it is – like if you do a quick squeegee every time you shower (30 seconds) you’ll save a 15 minute grime session every 2 weeks.

    2. Think of it as a continuum. If you spray down daily you don’t need to scrub as hard as if you only clean every two weeks. My routine is Saturday morning I put on a fun playlist, get naked, scrub the shower, and then scrub myself.

    3. I got one of those shower scrubbers on a handle and it’s changed my life — sooo much easier. We have 3 people using one bathroom and a cleaning service every other week, and 1-2 times a week when it starts to look grubby, I spray the tub, wait a minute, and give it a quick scrub — minimal elbow grease — then rinse it off. In the middle of that, I put cleaner in my toilet, then after I’m done with the scrub I scrub the toilet, flush, then wipe the seat and rim with 2 clorox wipes. Then I wipe down the sink. This sounds like a lot but takes 3-5 minutes — about the same amount of time as emptying the dishwasher.

      I think if you’re the only one using that bathroom, doing something like this once a week and a more thorough clean on alternating weeks should be plenty.

    4. Daily shower spray really helps cut down on the build up of grime. I use the Method brand. Squeegees are great on glass surfaces, and I keep a scrub brush in the shower to periodically scrub while I’m showering since I’m in there anyway. I spray with a general cleaning spray and use Bon Ami or Barkeeper’s Friend to scrub the tub, although you’ll want to use something gentler if you have an acrylic tub.

      If you have a shower curtain, buy the two sided open hooks so it’s not a chore to remove your curtain liner and toss it in the wash at least a few times a year. And buy a woven, not cheapie liner so it lasts a lot longer (but you can also wash the cheap liners in the machine. Toss it in with an old towel to “scrub” it).

      1. Oh, and get a detachable shower head (the magnetic ones are awesome). So much easier to rinse off when cleaning and it’s great for a number of other tasks. It’s a very easy DIY that just takes a couple of minutes, and you can replace with the original shower head when you move out.

  6. We are getting around $18k of landscaping done and two weeks in it is nearly finished. The company owner (local business which employs 3 people) today discussed some changes we have made along the way based on his advice is putting the price up £1.5k, plus the fact the original quote was actually £1.5k short. The £1.5k is listed on the quote but wasn’t included in the total due to a spreadsheet error. We said we are fine to pay the extra and the missed amount, they have done excellent work and for example tricky corner areas we expected to get gravelled they have cut paving to fit etc. He seemed surprised though that after admitting the error was his fault that we paid with no argument. I’m curious what would others have done?

    1. I don’t exactly know how this went. If you knew your changes would result in an additional fee then yeah, of course you should pay it. If it was not disclosed that your decisions were $$ change orders then no, I would not have paid.

      On the spreadsheet error I might have asked to split it 50/50.

    2. Would have paid it no problem if I received the work that was included in the proper total.

    3. I would have paid it as well. You received the benefit, it was an honest mistake, and it was how you would want to be treated if you were in the landscaper’s position. You did the right thing.

    4. Absolutely would have paid. Quotes and estimates are close guesses, I always figure something will cost more and it’s on me because it’s my project.

    6. Absolutely would have paid it, and you did the right think by paying it without giving them a hard time about the honest mistake. But I can picture a lot of people who would have given them a hard time about it, so I can understand why they were nervous to have the conversation with you! Enjoy your beautiful new landscaping when it’s finished!

    7. Yeah, if they did good work, absolutely would have paid it. I generally assume changes are going to add to the cost. Now, if they’d done a bad job AND messed up the quote – totally different story. Good contractors are worth their weight in gold, and it sounds like he was reasonable, nice about the error, AND did good work – omg hang on to them.

    8. Definitely would have paid for the work done that was not included due to the spreadsheet error. It seems shitty to me if someone would not pay for that type of error. Particularly since you were happy with the work.

    9. This happened on our bathroom remodel. Contractor forgot to include the cost of the tile. We paid with no argument or complaint. I should have noticed it wasn’t included as well!

    10. Based on what you are describing here, you are doing not just “not the wrong thing,” but affirmatively the right thing. Kudos to you.

  7. Has anyone here ever had spider veins treated? If so, how did it go? Has it lasted? Was it very painful? Any side effects in the long-term? I have always had some spider veins, even in my 20s. I’m a petite woman and I think it is part hereditary and part that most chairs are too deep and high for me so there is a lot more pressure on my thighs. I’ve noticed some more since I had my baby. I would wait until after I am done with kids but curious about others’ experiences.

    1. I have, I believe it was in early 2017. I went to a vein specialist recommended by my primary care doctor, affiliated with a hospital. It was a long process, but I’m glad I did it and the results have lasted. Only in the past year I have noticed a few new spider veins develop, and they had told me that eventually that would happen. First, they evaluated me for venous insufficiency in both legs. The spider veins were worst in my right leg and I was developing a bulging vein in that leg as well, with some discomfort and throbbing. The evaluation was weird but not uncomfortable. The technician has you stand in different positions with a cuff placed on different areas of your leg. The cuff is attached to a machine that causes the cuff to tighten (like a blood pressure cuff) and at the same time the technician is doing an ultrasound of the leg to measure what’s happening to the blood flow in the veins. I did have mild venous insufficiency in the leg that had the discomfort. So the next step was checking if to-the-knee compression stockings would resolve it or if I needed venous ablation. They referred me to a place that fits you for compression stockings and I had to wear them all day for I think it was a week or two. So I just wore long pants over the compression stockings (Note – if you live in a hot climate like I do, schedule all of this in the winter). The to-the-knee stockings didn’t do the trick so I was a candidate for venous ablation. I needed the saphenous vein ablation before any spider vein treatment or more spider veins would develop. The procedure was easy and not painful and I was awake for it. I wish they had warned me that my heart would start racing when they injected the solution because there is some epinephrine in it and I just didn’t expect that. They also treated the worst of the spider veins at that time. It was done in the clinic office and I had to get a ride home afterwards and keep my leg as straight as possible the rest of the day. When I had been fitted for the to-the-knee stockings they also told me to get fitted for the full length one (like thick tights) and they had given me a prescription for them. I had to wear the full stockings for a while after the procedure. I don’t remember how long, maybe a few days? I was able to return to work the next day. I went for a second spider vein treatment maybe a month later, and just needed to wear the to-the-knee stockings after that treatment. Insurance paid for the vein ablation but not for the spider vein treatments as that is considered cosmetic.

      1. Interesting. Thanks for sharing.

        Do you remember the cost for you, approximately?

        Did they actually diagnose you with varicose veins?

        Do you continue to wear compression stockings?

        I got the sense that these treatments don’t last long unless you do other things to decrease your risk factors for the veins. Not exactly sure, but maybe I think elevate your feet when sitting, compression stockings, maybe weight loss for some? Or is your expectation that you need to go back every few years and repeat the procedures?

        1. I don’t remember the out of pocket cost for the spider vein treatment, as it’s been 5 years. Consult with your doctor, but I don’t remember being told to do certain things to prevent new spider veins from developing. As I understood, if you are susceptible to them, you will develop them eventually. But the saphenous vein ablation prevented varicose veins from developing in the one leg that had venous insufficiency. The few spider veins I have developed since the procedure are so small, they don’t bother me, and I’m not planning on doing anything about them.

    1. I haven’t but there’s a great resource at Seat 61 which might help answer any questions

  9. Travel help please! We need to reschedule an August to Yellowstone due to the conditions there, and we need an alternate vacation site. Coming from DC area, primary goal is to be outside in great nature where it’s not too hot in August (no beach, no urban adventures). Where would you go that would have reasonable availability as of now? Maine? Banff? Alaska? Scotland? We have 6-10 days to spend depending on where we go. We thought about the Utah National Parks but it looks like many of them are already close to capacity and lodging is pretty booked up.

    2. So sorry! I have a mid-to-late September vacation planned there and am keeping a close watch on things. My Yellowstone trip was going to be at the tail end of a trip to the Badlands and Black Hills, and I’m just going to extend our time there if Yellowstone isn’t possible. We’re flying into Sioux Falls and starting there, and then Badlands, Black Hills, Custer National Park, Mt. Rushmore, Crazy Horse, and even Devil’s Tower isn’t too far over the Wyoming line. Perhaps something similar could work for you!

    3. Banff is amazing and I would 100% recommend, but when we went several years ago I remember having the sense that you needed to book like 5-6+ months ahead of time. And with pent up COVID travel it might be even harder now. But I’m also very picky about where we stay on trips.

      1. Yeah when I looked in March Banff seemed pretty booked. Check rental cars before getting your heart set on a destination anywhere too – they seem to be limiting factors more than usual. OP, what about Nova Scotia or Newfoundland? Check cars first though – they are really limited there. If you haven’t done a lot in the Pacific NW, you could also look at Vancouver Island or the Olympic Peninsula. But anywhere that is pleasant in August is probably going to be fairly booked. You could also look at inland Maine. We had a great stay at one of the Appalachian Mountain Club lodges there a few years ago. Not fancy but very comfortable and they provide all meals, have boats for use, etc.

        1. It’s impossible to get a rental car anywhere in Newfoundland (my friend is getting married in August and i check every week). Nova Scotia has better availability but still not great.

          If yuo’re set on the mountains, what about the Okanagan or Jasper?

          1. I second this – Okanagan Valley and Kamloops, Kelowna. Fly into Vancouver and do a loop to Kamloops, Penticton, Oliver and Abbotsford.

            Or Vancouver Island. Not sure how much more crowded it would be than normal, but the temps are usually low but it often has less rain than Vancouver or Seattle. I love Victoria, the harbor and the drive to Nanaimo, plus the area around Sooke is very beautiful. Victoria is a small city and not very urban but it has some great museums that my kids loved at that age. And gardens!

    4. What about Iceland? It’ll be busy but with that much time you can get away from the Golden Circle and the south coast and def find some good less-crowded spots. I was there in July one year and it was chilly at night.

      A lot of Icelanders have summer cabins in the countryside they rent out on Airbnb. They’re basic but you can stay on some lovely very quiet spots that way.

      2. Iceland is fabulous. And yes, it will be chilly even in August but totally worth it!

      1. There’s been severe flash flooding that washed away several main roads into and in the park. They had to evacuate the park earlier this week when this all happened and the entire park is closed through at least the weekend. The northern half of the park is likely to remain closed for the rest of the year and they are trying to open the southern half of the park, but it will be on a reservation system with limited capacity when it reopens.

        1. Anyone who is thinking that by “later this year” things will be okay hasn’t looked at the video footage. Huge sections of roads are gone, like they don’t exist any more. It will be years – maybe a decade – before they can get it rebuilt to be the way that it was. Until then anyone wanting to go to Yellowstone needs to expect they’ll run into some difficulties.

          1. The main roads that washed were in the North, so you can’t easily get to the Lamar Valley (which is absolutely spectacular–America’s Seregeti. Other entrances to the park will be fine right quick.

        1. Or CNN.com or literally any news. My husband’s in Europe for work this week there and it’s in the news there.

        2. FFS, I missed that headline amidst I dunno, inflation, January 6th hearings, Roe, Covid. Give me a break.

    7. Bar Harbor/Acadia is definitely busy in August but you can likely book a hotel and rental car for August now. It’s peak season there so definitely crowded but also beautiful weather and lots to do. I go annually because my family has a home there and love it.

    8. Glacier would be my top choice. Crater Lake is supposed to be great in the summer as well, but I’d tag it along with the Washington parks because it’s only worth a few days.

      I did a Dakotas trip in 2020 and while the Badlands and Custer State Park are beautiful, it doesn’t compare to Yellowstone. I would try to get into Glacier first but leave the Dakotas as a second option.

      1. It’s probably way too late to book anything for Glacier, though. Reservations in the park go a year out. I had lodging reservations for August booked a year in advance but forgot to book a rental car until last month. I ended up having to rent one in Missoula instead of Kalispell because Kalispell was basically sold out (there was one rental place that had cars left and it was insanely expensive) (luckily I hadn’t bought flights before rental car…). Plus, you need reservations for Going-to-the-Sun Road and those are sold out; they’ll release more the day before, but no guarantees.

      2. Crater Lake is in Oregon not Washington?
        It is beautiful but IMHO agreed, only worth 1-2 days at most. But drivable to Bend and Sunriver where your could spend the rest of the time!!

    9. Glacier is probably full already, but you could go to other parts of Montana… it’s a giant state! Flathead Lake is gorgeous, Bob Marshall wilderness, you might be able to stay outside of Glacier and go to the non-main parts (like the western entrance near Polebridge). Also lots of hiking around Missoula and Kalispell.

    10. This will seem off the wall, but head to Peru! Especially the Colca Canyon. Fab mountain scenery, high altitude hiking if that’s your thing, ruins, hot springs, adventure activities (rafting, zip lines, ATVs). Bright sun, day time temps in the high 50s (strong sun will make it seem warmer), very cold at night. Acclimate to the altitude in Arequipa for a couple of days – charming colonial city, walkable, amazing food. Add a quick trip to Machu Picchu if you want. Flights from DC on Copa Airlines are cheap, and accommodations are available at all price points. Post a burner email and I can provide anecdata from my recent trip.

    11. Banff is amazing, but super $$$ in August (we went toward the beginning of June the other year – way more reasonable, and still able to do the lower hikes).

    12. Utah National Parks will be terribly hot in August anyway. A couple of mountain locales to consider: Jackson WY/ Grand Tetons and Steamboat Springs, CO. I would also consider areas around Aspen. It is stunningly beautiful and there is a lot of lodging nearby in Snowmass. There is plenty of outdoor activity to keep you busy there for a week or so.

      1. +1 to all of this. I also highly recommend Alaska, but planning a trip there requires a lot of legwork in my experience. It would probably still be doable, but just something to be aware of.

      1. Does not compare to the other places mentioned like Banff, Glacier, Acadia. It’s a fun road trip if you’re already nearby but I can’t imagine flying there.

    14. The UK is about to grind to a halt with public transport strikes, airport backlogs and possible public sector strikes (public services).

    15. If you want to go to the same area, the Tetons are lovely as is Jackson, Wyoming. The Black Hills/Badlands in SD and the Bighorns in Eastern WY also make a good combo. If you want a mountain town experience, there are lots to choose from: Telluride, CO; Jackson, WY; Boise, ID are all great. All are geared toward outdoors tourism with hiking, mountain biking, horseback riding, spas, etc. Crater lake combined with Bend, OR are a good combo as well.

  10. My husband and I are attending a wedding on Ireland’s west coast over Labor Day. We will be near the Cliffs of Moher for the wedding so will definitely check that out. Does anyone know of a good itinerary for a short trip to the west coast, or have any must see recs? We haven’t booked flights yet but we’re thinking of staying around 4-5 nights. Thanks in advance for any help!

    1. I spent half my junior year in college in Ballyvaughan 25 years ago – it is an amazing area! I was there in the off-season and 25 years ago, and I don’t remember a lot of specific sights; the whole area is just otherworldly beautiful and wild and rural. Definitely explore the Burren a bit, and Galway is a fun little town.

    2. oh so fun!
      Galway is wonderful, maybe stay there 2 nights?
      if you’re up for a drive, maybe 3 hours?, we drive from Galway to Killarny and then Kilkenny (or possibly vice versa, I don’t remember). Both were fantastic. Rent aa car in advance so you can get automatic (I love driving stick but doing it on the opposite side of the car and road? no thanks).
      We didn’t do Dingle but that is probably a good option too.

    3. I did a trip around the Irish coast a few years ago and would recommend seeing Tralee and the Dingle peninsula. It’s very beautiful – both the drives and the beaches – and Tralee itself would be a good lunch or dinner spot.

  11. Retirement Consideration: I will first be eligible to retire (criteria is the sum of age plus years of service) in January of 2025. I will be 60. Assume our assets and pension and other income streams are sufficient (assets of $4m plus pension income starting immediately and SS which we won’t claim until age 70). Husb has already retired/downshifted to a hobby job. I enjoy my work but could easily and happily occupy myself. If I continue working, I will increase my pension but not enormously because I have no interest in upward growth that would significantly increase my salary. It’s just the two of us and we have no need to preserve inheritance for heirs.

    January 2025 is also when I hope we will be peacefully inaugurating a new President. If it doesn’t go well, would you consider delaying retirement? Would you say screw it, life is short and I want my freedom to travel and enjoy life before the ish hits the fan or would you stay employed because you never know and a job is always good?

    1. If I had 4m I’d retire today. I guess the promise of a pension might get me to postpone it a few years, but I value my time far more than stuff or expensive experiences.

    2. I’d instead focus on your anxiety. Because you do not need to be worrying about this.

    3. How long do women in your family tend to live? In my family, the ones who never exercised (cultural then) and cooked with lard are lasting into their 90s, living on their own until maybe 6 months before the end.

    6. Retire, though I’m not following the uncertainty related to the next President. How exactly is that impacting your thoughts?

      1. yeah, I don’t see the connection. I would hope that a lot of your assets already are in less volatile investments than stocks at this point.

      2. Yeah, that last paragraph is a head scratcher. Is there some reason to stay employed past January 2025 if Biden remains President?

        1. OP here The only reason I focused particularly on the inauguration was 1) it happens the very same month as my forecasted retirement and 2) the specter of more violence and what it means for the stability of US democracy scares the heebie jeebies out of me. However the transition happens, I don’t think we will quickly return to a government that can work together to solve problems, a kum by yah society, or a steady state climate. I also know enough about history to know that we fool ourself if we don’t remember that economies upend, hyperinflation and currency devaluation and civil disturbances all have precedent and can happen quicker than anyone wants to remember. i freely admit to being anxious about these things and am trying to walk a line between putting my head in the sand and “giving up/giving in to fear unnecessarily.” The responses here have been a helpful reality check.

          In the world I thought I was preparing for, I know I’m more than set. But the future looks a little fuzzy these days.

          Thanks everybody

    7. If work tied me to a chair, they couldn’t get me to stay if my pension was vested and I had $4M in assets. Unless you want to stay because you love the work, go.

      1. Same. Also start taking that SS ASAP because actuarily you’re likely to come out ahead. (Bet on yourself to live longer, says I!)

        1. Agree. My parents (71) took theirs at 65 and have had several of their friends die while they were waiting to take their Social Security at 67 or 70.

        2. I was just going to say the same thing as SA. I did the calculations, and starting at 64 would be better than waiting, unless I live to be more than 85. If SSI was my only asset/income, then waiting might be needed. But I may not live to 85. Why pass up SSI from 62-70? SSI might not be available in 10 years. Get the $$$ now.

    8. As long as you have a plan to cover health insurance until you’re eligible for Medicare, go for it. I’m not very old and already know way too many people who died or became incapacitated before retiring or shortly thereafter. Don’t wait, if you have the assets to retire.

      1. OP here. Pension program covers my premium and subsidized DHs until 65. Same for the MA plan if we choose to enroll. Definitely a benefit worth hanging on for.

    9. If it doesn’t go well, your perfectly timed retirement = you can move to Europe or elsewhere.
      If I had 4M plus a pension I’d retire today.

    11. I qualify for my government pension but am staying until I qualify for Medicare because unknown medical costs scare me. If we had universal healthcare in the US, I would email my retirement/resignation letter today.

      1. I’m the 57 year old below. Check out your state’s ACA website. I have a “gold” plan for the reasons you mentioned and it’s expensive but it’s predictable and it was part of the decision making process that got me here. Thanks Obama (but literally)

        1. Just curious… how much does it cost you? Must be over $1000 per month, yes? And still doesn’t cover lots of medicine costs…

          1. It is just under $1000 for me, but I pay more because my kids are on it too.

            It has covered everything my employer plan from my last job covered. I don’t notice any difference at all.

    13. All your responses made me feel better. I’m 57 with $4mm* and my retired husband has a pension. OP we are twins.

      Except I’m now working part time as a contract employee.

      *I had $4mm before this week anyway.

    14. I mean I think the new president will be inaugurated peacefully in 2025 no matter who wins. You’re suggesting Biden will stage a coup? It’s in 2029 that we potentially have to worry about a peaceful transition of power.

      1. No way, you think if a Democrat wins in 2024 that Republicans aren’t going to try Jan 6th all over again?

        1. That’s what I’m more worried about, although at this point a clear win for Biden seems far from certain.

      2. Is Biden on track to win? Are Republicans on track to allow a peaceful transition if he does?

  12. How do you deal with friends whose only mode of communicating seems to be complaining? Something is constantly not good enough whether their job or the fact that the supermarket checkout person looked at them wrong or the t shirts at the store are all polyester and they wanted cotton. Is there any way to deal without cutting off the friendship? This is a long term friendship and to some extent they’ve always had this personality but now in our 40s it’s like non stop and annoying.

    1. I have a three strikes rule and communicate it. Friend, I hear you and I am happy to be a sounding board for you on XYZ problem, but after three b i t c h sessions with no action or change on your part, my willingness to be the sounding board on this has reached it’s limit.

      I voiced this to my best girlfriends once when it was non-stop complaining about their spouses and it’s not really been an issue since. YMMV

      1. This works well when the complaining is focused on a particular issue, but the chronic complainers in my life will find literally anything to prattle on about.

        I find a comment like, “I feel really worn out about all the negativity in the world right now, can we chat about what’s going well?” can work. It moves the conversation in a better direction without making me sound like Pollyanna.

    2. Break the cycle. Friends complain the most when the encounter is only about talking – e.g., phone call, grabbing lunch/drinks/dinner. Instead, propose doing something more involved – e.g., pop up flea market, wine tasting, etc., – that provides you with a new source of conversation. If nothing else, complaining seems to germinate when there isn’t a lot going on in life. Also, bring along a buffer – someone new. If you want to think of it in animal terms, when someone is just complaining its like the animal at the zoo that is pacing around in their cage, you break the cycle by providing some “enrichment activities” to the encounter.

    3. This used to be me, because complaining about everything was how I learned how to communicate with my family of origin. I was a full adult with a fancy resume before someone who loved me told me the impact this had on them and I learned to knock it off.

      I’m very grateful. I just wish someone had explained the impact of so much complaining earlier.

      1. This is me in some respects (someone whose opinion I cared about told me) plus also realizing that depression makes me complain/judge everything constantly. Complaining stopped when drugs started.

  13. I’m trying to figure out if I should invest more, but tbh I’m a little nervous especially with how the market is.
    I’m in my late 20s, NYC, have a masters degree, not married, no kids, don’t own property, no loans or debt.

    I have about $20k in a IRA, $12k in a 401k, $23k in a variety of investments (mainly mutual funds and ETFs), and about $43k in a HYSA. A 6 month emergency fund would be $24k – $30k, so its more than that. I think I was saving it in cash because even though I’m not saving for a house or a car in particular, I just wanted to build savings. Does it not make sense to keep that much in cash though?
    I have trouble thinking of investments as savings, even though I don’t need the money immediately at all.

    1. How much are you saving towards retirement annually and how much are you able to save in addition to that? Do you want to buy a house or a car eventually?

      1. I’m maxing out my 401k. I’ve put $3k in my IRA so far, waiting on my bonus / just extra money to put in more. I save $1k – $1.5k per month in addition.

        1. Then I would invest your additional savings, above anything you’re saving for a more immediate goal. I like to keep my retirement in 100% stock index funds and put my non-retirement investments in some slightly-less-risky funds, or combinations of funds, at Vanguard. I feel like doing this means I’m diversified across my entire portfolio.

    4. I would absolutely max out retirement and not have all that cash sitting around at your age.

      If you max out your 401k match, and your roth IRA, then I would buy iBONDs every year. That gives you a nice mix of more “aggressive” market investing and special bonds that often have great rates now – 9.62% !!!!!!!You are limited in how much you are allowed to buy in iBONDs each year. I buy $10,000 per year
      directly from their website, and then overpay my taxes so that I can use $5k of my rebate to buy $5k more. I think that is the max you are allowed per year.

  14. Is there a store, brick and mortar and/or on line, that is basically the teen version of Evereve? My daughter is sick of all the teen mall stores and is looking for someplace to shop that has a well curated selection from a variety of brands. Urban Outfitters is too clubby/dramatic for her. We are in RVA, if anyone has local knowledge. She struck out with the boutiques on Cary Street.

      1. Answered my own question and how did I not know about this! Ladies, y’all are letting me down with a lack of fashion mentions here.

    3. I hate to say it, but REI has good summer casual wear that my kids seem to like. It’s not all for camping. They even carry Athleta in the one near me (CLT).

      Also, my kids are liking Carve Designs, which some stores here carry, for clothes. But honestly, they get a lot from Old Navy and J Crew Factory, so maybe just a different mall or shopping center?

    4. Altar’d State. More on the girly side but good variety of brands and less clubby than urban outfiters.

        1. It is very clubbing for Jesus. One kid was just entranced by how over the top it was (and this is not her personality at all). I blame that on the pandemic.

        2. Yup. I keep having to explain to my daughter that not all dresses from Altar’d State are automatically appropriate for church.

  15. I loved the tv show 1883, does anyone have book suggestions that might be similar?(i’m in Europe and haven’t really read anything set in this period other than Little House on the Prairie).

    1. Haven’t watched the show, but maybe My Antonia or other writing by Willa Cather? Caveat that I only read My Antonia and that was 25 years ago.

    2. You might like Hell on Wheels, which is about the building of the transcontinental railroad. I overdosed on Little House on the Prairie as a kid, so it’s not my go-to historical TV period, but I thought that show was good. The 2010? remake of True Grit is excellent, similar time period. Ditto 3:10 to Yuma.

      There are a couple of recent-ish, spooky movies about the same period, if you like horror and/or mystery. My favorites are Bone Tomahawk, The Wind, and The Power of the Dog.

      1. Sorry, I didn’t realize you wanted book suggestions! Those were all movies and TV.

    3. Empire of the Summer Moon or Ride the Wind (both regarding Cynthia Ann Parker and the Comanche Tribe in 1830s-1860s, one non-fiction, one fictionalized)
      Centennial, by James Michener (development of the West viewed through a fictionalized Colorado town – also made into a pretty good 1970s miniseries)
      The Hunger, by Alma Katsu (horror fiction about the Donner Party – 1847 expedition)

    4. A book about the author of the Little House books came out a couple years ago – called Prairie Fires Everywhere. I haven’t gotten to it yet but my mom read it and liked it.

  16. Is it ok to wear a cream jardigan to a wedding? Dress is a pastel color. I have other jacket options if it’s a no, but the cream one does look best.

    1. No – do not wear anything resembling white or cream.

      If you have to ask, the answer is no.

    2. I think that is fine. You are not going to look like the bride or like you are competing with the bride in a cream jardigan and a pastel dress.

    3. No, because you’ll be in cream from the waist up. In photos at the reception, you will be the person in white/cream.

    5. Personally, I think it’s ok-ish, but it definitely wouldn’t be my first choice if there are other options.

    6. I think it’s okay to put it on in the church or similar if it’s cold. No one is going to confuse you with the bride. But if it’s an all event wardrobe choice, I would select something else.

    7. If it looks best but others look good, go with others. I subscribe to, “if you have to ask…..” with nearly all questions of fashion and appropriateness.

      1. Confused… I need a layer to wear over my dress because it gets chilly here at night, it’s a formal wedding; why not a jard? My options are lapelless blazer, jardigan, or cardigan? Is a jard over a floor length silk dress really not appropriate?

        2. Cardigan or wrap. A jardigan or blazer does not work with a floor-length silk dress.

    10. Goodness, I’m apparently the a**hole, because I’ve worn a cream cardigan to multiple weddings. Of course, it was open over a colorful dress! I don’t think anyone was mistaking me for the bride.

      1. I’m shocked by these responses. Unless you button the cardigan up to your neck the dress will be very visible. I’m think I’m fairly pearl clutchy about white dresses at weddings but I wouldn’t even think twice about a white or cream cardigan over a purple/pink/blue dress.

        1. This is a cream cardigan over a pastel dress. Which could read as all very pale/offwhite in pictures

          1. I guess I feel like that’s a separate issue then? And the dress is the problem, not the cardigan. But honestly brides get white and off white. They don’t get all the pale pastels too.

  17. It’s happened – a work event for which my pre Covid wardrobe plus what I’ve been able to buy since just isn’t right. My summer formal options have always been limited (I live in Scotland so…) but I have a client presentation in London next month and I’m stumped. It needs to be one step down from a suit – jacket and bright colours, that sort of thing. In any other season it would be easy – blouse, wool blazer, black skirt, black tights. But in summer I’m stumped. Ideally I’d get a bright blazer and wear it with a white top and black trousers I already have, but of course everything available right now that’s remotely formal is either skewed towards garden parties/weddings (ie not the right type of formal) or the baggy wide look right now that doesn’t suit me at all.
    Anyone else having these problems? Any suggested retailers to check out? I’d rather not spend more than £150 to solve this issue, maybe slightly more if it’s something I could wear into spring and autumn. (Part of the problem with summer dressing is that I never want to spend too much because the season is so short here)

    1. For an indication of the style I’d want to get close to – I just searched ‘Parisian summer workwear’

      1. I can’t afford either at full price. I do have a striped navy and white Hobbs dress which I can pair with a camel cardi if I need to

    3. Perhaps consider a dress with jacket. For this type of thing, I like dresses that pair navy with brightly colored patterns, and then a navy jacket. Somehow, navy feels slightly more summery than black to me.

      1. I love the dress and jacket combo. My two good jackets are black and grey -although I’ve seen John Lewis has the navy version of the black one in stock so might order that. Also found a camel one on Nobody’s Child which might be a nice option. But then the trouble is that I don’t have any dresses that work – mine are almost all thicker fabrics and shorter lengths which are fine in winter but not ideal in summer. Again there are some options on Nobody’s Child so I might just be like every other 20 and 30 something woman in London and pair a floral midi dress with a blazer!

    4. neutral linen blazer, slightly oversized but not baggy, might be a good piece to wear over a simple white top, pairs easily with slim/straight trousers. Sezane archive sale starts 19 June, might have some good blazers and/or blouses.

    5. What about a polished shirt dress? I also have a really nice linen open front blazer that looks smart but is lightweight.
      But summer work dressing in this country is impossible.

      1. A shirt dress that starts the day looking polished on me will usually look horribly wrinkled a few hours later, sadly

    6. I feel like this calls for M&S or next, not the most long lasting for work trousers but you would get a whole outfit for £150.

      1. I have trousers! They’re the element that are most difficult to fit but I have a pair of black Richmond trousers from Boden that are a few years old. It’s the ‘everything else’ that’s the problem – my wardrobe skews autumn/winter in style and colour

        2. To your black Richmond browsers, add a plain black sleeveless top and a coloured linen jacket. M&S have linen-blend jackets (some with scrunched sleeves that will hide any linen wrinkles). They also have some nice 100% linen blouses with just a wee cap sleeve and a notch neck. IfM?&S shapes worked for me, I’d do that.

        3. These are great picks, thank you!!! So glad M&S have finally got some workwear back into their range

      1. We’re not currently maxing retirement so I guess I’m wondering if it’s crazy to buy I-bonds before maxing retirement accounts.

        3. Ooooh.. yeah I’d max retirement first (I’m the poster who asked what the downside was).

    5. Yes, we upped our automatic monthly purchase from $100 to $200 and bought $5,000 worth in one transaction a few weeks ago. I don’t want to completely deplete our cash in case of a job loss, but want to take advantage of the 9.62% base interest rates on I-bonds purchased before October.

        1. Congratulations on being technically correct, which as I’m sure you are well aware, is the best kind of correct.

    6. Absolutely! Just posted about it in an earlier thread. I buy the max you are allowed from the website early in the year $10k, and then overpay my taxes so I can use $5k of the rebate to buy more. I think that is the max you are allowed.

      Everyone in my family is buying them every year.

  19. It’s the Rothy’s Archive sale – I have a few pairs already (I see you Flats Only!) but want to buy the pointed loafer, does anyone have it already?

    FYI, it does stack with a referral code so I’m putting mine here JUST in case someone wants it :) https://share.rothys.com/x/rjwoV7

    1. I have many pairs of Rothys and the only pairs I don’t like are the pointed flats. They just don’t fit right.

  20. PSA here for the small-band-sized. Adult 30D here (which is IBTC — it’s like a 34B on a small ribcage). Favorite bra was discontinued, stockpile is wearing out. I took my teen/tween kids to Aerie for them based on recommendations here. I got things for them that fit. The Aerie 30 band size is more like a 28, which one kid needed. I went up to a 32D and it fits perfectly. We are all happy — comfy smaller bras that are available with linings and also with not a crazy amount of padding. Perfect for all of us.

    1. Thanks for this! I just realized that my existing bras are too big because I’ve lost weight, but I don’t want to spend $$$ because I have a breast reduction later this year. I’ll try Aerie.

  21. What are you giving your dads this weekend? I feel bad because I always default to a food gift. But my dad doesn’t have hobbies/interests that require “stuff” and is a decidedly un-fancy person. Does not need clothes, according to my mom. He always seems pleased with whatever I give him; I just feel bad that I don’t branch out much beyond consumables. He gets funny calendars for Christmas and food for Father’s Day and birthdays.

    1. We’re just taking my FIL out to lunch. He’s not really a “stuff” guy either.

      If he’s happy with the consumables, then don’t feel bad. Some people don’t like or care about getting physical gifts. I feel like this is a love languages things. I would rather have quality time with a loved one rather than exchanging a gift. You have to “speak” the other person’s language even if it feels weird to you.

    2. Do you hav to get something? I don’t think I’ve ever given a gift for Father’s Day. I send a card and call. If I didn’t live thousands of miles away, we’d get together, but I guess my family just isn’t big on gifts? None of us really need anything these days so it seems sort of pointless.

      1. This is what I do. My dad doesn’t want stuff. I don’t want to buy stuff. Win-win. (My husband and I are the same way. We haven’t done presents for any occasion for years).

    3. In the last couple of years, my sibling and I have been giving dad subscriptions to Spotify, online sub to NYT, and Apple TV (or other streaming service of choice)…

    4. we either don’t gift or just do a token gift like some fancy BBQ sauce, either way with a nice card. Same with Mother’s Day FWIW. We will mark the day by spending time together – lunch, dinner, golf, etc.

    5. I am probably about your dad’s age and please believe me when I tell you that I would just be happy to be remembered, and would be thrilled with a food gift. And also I don’t want to find a place for any more stuff. So please continue with the consumables and feel good about it! (Or if you live close enough, maybe tickets to an event for the two of you — car show? sporting event? comedy show?)

    6. My Dad gets a card, a Starbucks card, and a call/visit.

      He and my mother are complete Starbucks addicts, which is funny to me because we never had a coffeepot in our house when I was growing up – they drank tea exclusively. The coffee thing started when Starbucks started proliferating and it was a easy “pit stop” for them while traveling by car.

    7. An Intro to Flight lesson at a local regional airport. Pretty sure it’s going to blow his mind – proud of this one!!

    8. When my dad passed, I was very touched to find out that he had kept a bunch of the cards I had given him over the years in his dresser. I always made an effort to get a really nice card with a heartfelt but not too syrupy sentiment that I felt reflected our (very good) relationship. So I would focus on a card or just telling him how much he means to you plus whatever food gift you normally get.

    9. Does he like shows / movies / music / sports and is he comfortable going to live shows (Covid caution levels are hard to gauge now!). If yes then maybe a gift card to a cinema or theater or tix to see something you’d think he’d enjoy?

  22. I’ve been needing new bras and figured out via the abrathatfits calculator that I was actually a 36D, not the 36B that I’d been deluding myself into. What even. I am shook, lol. When I hear D, I think busty, and I’m really not. Medium-sized, at most. So I bought a new 36D bra, and lo and behold, the cups definitely fit better. However, I wouldn’t say the band is particularly comfortable. It feels pretty tight to me around the underwire area, even on the loosest hook. But I have measured, and re-measured, and had DH measure, and the number does not lie. 36 it is. So what’s the deal? Am I just too sensitive? Is it just this bra? I really despise anything restrictive these days but have never found a wireless bra that I love, either.

        2. I’m on my second pregnancy and love aerie. Not as full figured (when not pregnant), though.

    2. It can be this particular bra, or you not being used to a proper fit, or you might have little «padding» – body composition matters in how tight feels.

    3. As a 30DD, to an extent I had to get used to a tighter band after years of wearing ill fitting 32Cs because that was the best fit available where I shopped. The tighter band is worth it to me for the support, and I don’t notice it anymore (even when sleeping in my bra, which I typically do). But if you always wear 36s and are used to that band size, maybe it’s just this bra?

    4. It might just be the bra, I’d try another 36D bra and see.

      The band will eventually stretch so long term you’re probably good. For now, there’s a gadget called a band extender – just a little piece of fabric with hooks and eyes on the ends – that you can add to your band until it stretches a bit.

    5. Similar thing happened to me! I also did the abrathatfits, after the Nordstrom fitter put me in a 34AA, which just looked terrible. It turns out I’m a 30DD. I looked so much better in that bra I couldn’t believe it. I am small but my b00bs are spread out over a wider area on a small ribcage. So I was always “falling out” of the small cups on the sides and the bra band was sliding all over the place – too big and too small at the same time.

      However, I couldn’t believe how uncomfortable the new size was. Part of it was I actually was not used to how a better sized bra was supposed to fit. In the end, I couldn’t take it (ie. wait until it stretched out a bit over time…) and I went up a band size and down a cup size to 32D. That is much more comfortable. Probably not as perfect looking though!

      I also looked on Reddit for the bra brands recommended for my size/shape, and that helped a ton.

      1. I also sister size. Reddit will recommend your “snug” measurement as the band size but I find I like something not quite as snug. Up a band, down a cup. Works like a charm.

  23. Update: 2022 immediately did not improve. Yesterday late afternoon the attic 2 doors down from me caught fire, likely due to electrical wiring. It spread into the attic next door to mine and then into my attic. Due to smoke, water, and the gigantic sky-visible holes in the roof of my office, bath, and closet, plus structural damage to the entire building, my condo (which I have owned for a grand total of three months and one week) is completely unlivable for the foreseeable future and will likely need to be gutted. I was able to get all of my stuff out of the upstairs besides furniture, all but one thing my dad got me that is under a pile of insulation. I inhaled a ton of smoke. I’m in a hotel, going to go back to live with my mom until I figure out another option but this is just devastating.

    7. Oh, Sloan, I’m so sorry. Sending virtual hugs and prayers if that is your thing.

    10. I am so sorry, Sloan. That is horrible. Sending you lots of love. You will get through this and this too shall pass.

    11. How awful! I’m really, really sorry to hear this. We had something similar happen with a fire above our unit that we had bought less than six months prior. It was seven months before we returned home. It’s overwhelming, between the loss of your new home, the insurance process, the rebuilding planning, and the uncertainty that may last for months. This is a major loss, so please give yourself space to grieve. Therapy helped me process some of that. Everything will be okay–not because there’s a silver lining or because it’s fate (I detest those sentiments), but because you are strong and you will fight to rebuild your life.

    13. Oh, Sloane, so sorry to hear this! Don’t underestimate the effect that being displaced can have and treat yourself gently. I hope your condo will be gorgeous when you are finally able to move back in. In the meantime I am sure we will all be cheering for you from here.

    15. Sloan – I’m so sorry. I can’t even imagine. Your poor lungs, too. I wish I had some teenaged kids at home to help move furniture or something to help you get your stuff out. Is there anything I can do? Post your burner if I can help.

  24. PSA for those that like the eileen fisher sandal styles but not price, naturalizer makes a great dupe I just received.
    Lifestride zoom

  25. Thanks for all the advice on a second earlobe piercing yesterday. I went and got it done at a tattoo and piercing shop yesterday afternoon. It hurt a tiny bit but as soon as they were done and the new earrings in, I really didn’t feel anything other than a feeling of something new in the area. I had to buy some pretty expensive flat back studs, which they will shorten in 6 weeks if needed, which I wasn’t expecting, but I have that skill of always picking out the most expensive thing in a jewelry case right away and it did not fail me yesterday (failed my wallet though!)

    Anyway, I’m glad I got the studs I like because I’m wearing them for up to 6 months until the piercings heal. I’m really pleased with how they look, and I was super pleased that my piercer really took the time to get the spacing right and symmetrical. I’m so happy and thanks for all the advice!!

    2. My wife got her lobes pierced at a shop and I’m a little jealous of how even they are lol. I went the Claire’s route as a teen and mine are a little wonky.

  26. Thank you everyone who responded to my post yesterday about frustration with living with housemates. Reading through the responses was really helpful and provided a lot of insight, and I realized I do need to start making plans to move out in the coming months. I also realized, as a few people pointed out, that I’m not doing a good job of setting small boundaries and then getting overwhelmed with resentment, which is not actually kind to anyone.

    As an update, if anyone likes drama:

    Yesterday, after I wrote that post, I vacuumed as part of our weekly house chore division. I’ve been crazy booked since I have family visiting, and I tried to squeeze it in before I left for work since my housemate was stressed that we hadn’t vacuumed for the week yet. Fast-forward, I’m in the living room and I hear my two housemates talking to each other from another room. Clean-loving housemate says “Would this be a psycho text for me to send?” Peace-making housemate says, “Yes. It’s absolutely psycho. We can workshop a better version to send tonight instead.”

    It turns out this conversation is about me not having vacuumed thoroughly enough (I missed under the table). I wound up getting super upset. Clean-loving housemate and I then have a conversation in which I communicate how on edge some of her passive aggression and nit-picking has made me, and how I’m worried constantly that if I leave a hair-tie out or put the dishtowels in the wrong place, it will be interpreted as a personal affront to her (or even warranting redistribution of rent). I also said it felt like it was decided exactly how things should be and where things should go, and never communicated to me (except in passive-aggressive/irritated ways after I mess up). She then responds that it is hard for her when systems are in place, but one roommate “refuses to cooperate” by putting dishtowels etc back in the wrong area after folding them. She also says that many things bother her on a constant day-to-day basis that she doesn’t bring up, so she was confused why me getting upset overhearing the conversation about her “psycho” text regarding vacuuming set me off, since she usually doesn’t voice how stressed she is by other people’s subpar cleaning.

    Our house is generally spotless, but it does seem like she is not willing to let go of the idea that any mess in a common area is an enormous injustice and that she’s victimized by being the only one noticing. The whole conversation made me realize how on-edge and stressed I’ve been living there, AND how in-the-right and justified (and to some extent, persecuted) clean-loving housemate feels.

    Anyway, thank you all for your insight to this!! It was really helpful to get a better sense of things. I hope you all have a lovely weekend and enjoy the summer days!!

    1. It sounds like she has a very unusual level of anxiety about cleanliness. My mother is like this – a single thing out of place makes her stressed. She says that she likes to “live in a museum” and cites it as a reason why she will never get married again! Nothing you can do about it.

      I am great friends with people I would never live or travel with. Hopefully you can start to enjoy her good qualities again when this negative one doesn’t impact you anymore.

      1. Aw I am glad your mom is now able to preserve her peace! It’s so interesting the differences – I feel like my family wouldn’t bat an eye at certain things that would drive other people off-the-wall. It’s good to find people you overlap with in commonalities.

        You always leave such helpful insight on people’s comments and I appreciate your grounded wisdom. Hope you have a lovely weekend!

    2. I’m glad you’ve decided to move out. Make sure you’re not just telling yourself that you’re moving out “soon” or “someday” and that you’re taking concrete steps every day to make it happen.

      Between now and then, now that you’ve communicated with your roommate, I would ignore anything further she has to say on the topic. Please remember that this is a her problem, not a you problem.

      1. Agree with all of this. These people are not normal and you need to start taking concrete steps to get yourself out of there.

        1. Thank you, SA!! I know we all remark on this, but this forum is such a great place to get sanity checks and determine what is and isn’t normal.

          Thank you for your sage advice, as always!!

      2. The ignoring thing is huge – thank you for permission to do so! I tend to fixate whenever anyone is mad at me and that’s for sure a “me” problem. I now know how annoying it would be to post again about the same roommates on my anonymous women’s forum, so that should be a good kick-in-the-pants for me to make concrete plans to move out instead of just wading through more drama :)

        Hope you have a great weekend!!

    3. She clearly has mental health problems. I’m serious.

      You need to get out of the apartment for your own mental health. You are not compatible with your roommates, and that’s ok. We’ve all been there.

      2. Agree. My roommate and I are generally pretty clean. Sometimes she puts something where it doesn’t “belong”. I know I’m the one bothered by it so I just move it to where I want it since I use the kitchen much more. It’s no big deal. If she’s feeling stressed by that, it’s just a sign of a much bigger mental health issue that she’s dealing with and I genuinely hope she gets some help. I’ve dealt with anxiety and phobias and things (related to something other than cleanliness) and it’s really hard, but therapy and medication really do help!

        1. This is such a helpful reframe!! I’d feel so bad saying to her “I just wish it could… not… be a big deal?” since it seems like it minimizes her feelings, but it is also is helpful to hear about a healthy dynamic in which these things don’t create tension and drama.

          She does struggle with anxiety/OCD/control issues in general, but I don’t think she identifies the ways it manifests in her day to day life. Last weekend I stayed up until 1 am comforting her after she came home crying from the bar, because she was hurt that her boyfriend didn’t text her early enough in the day to confirm their going-out plans. She wound up stonewalling the BF at the bar since she was so upset by it and then refusing to let him walk her home – they had to have a sit-down conversation about it the next day. This was all framed as a “him problem” though, as the dishtowels are a “me problem,” so I think she may have a little bit of work to do in terms of seeing her own role in her experience of these things.

          Glad you have such a healthy relationship with your roommate! I’m jealous :) Hope you are having a lovely time in London.

          1. Sounds as if she’s found a winning recipe for being miserable. You’re a good friend for lending an ear for her when she was upset about something that she chose to be upset about.

          2. I think this girlfreind is really needy, or passive aggressive against her boyfreind, who may be a bit of a wuss. I would NEVER play these kind of games with my boyfreind, if I had one, b/c what goes around comes around. Men have always mistreated me, but I do NOT beleive that translates into doeing the same, or worse, by leading the boyfreind around by the nose. You want a boyfreind to be there for you when you need him, and to be respectful, not resentful. This woman is a bit of a headcase, and the boyfreind will run if he is abel to get another woman interested in him. I would tell this woman to respect her boyfreind now, or she will have a lot worse things to worry about in the future, once she no longer has the same s-xueal allure she appears to have now with this schlub. Trust me, it happens to all of us. I am hardly the girl I was at 25, when dozens of men a day couldn’t wait to nuzzel up to me. Now I am lucky if 1 or 2 men ooogle me. FOOEY on ageing out, which kind of happened to me around by 35 or so.

    4. Do you live with my former roommate? LOL. She was the exact same way. She was a generally anxious person and channeled a lot of that into the state of the home, and did all the same tactics–over the top texts, passive aggressive complaining about the state of the home, etc. I am on the opinion that if you have that high of standards for home cleanliness, you need to do the above-and-beyond stuff yourself or you need to live alone/with a partner. One of the trade-offs of having roommates is that you get lower rent and home expenses at the cost of compromising on how you want the house to be run. I think the super-clean person in these situations tends to feel morally in the right because who doesn’t like a clean house? And they don’t understand that their method of communicating their expectations and their reactions when their housemates don’t meet those standards is what’s bad.

      Anyway, tl;dr, move out. Either into your own place (might not be feasible since I believe you’re in the Bay Area?), or with new people. Moving into my own place after living with my old roomate was one of the biggest weight off my shoulders I’ve experienced.

    5. I am triggered by this whole series of posts. I had a similar confrontation with my friend of 20 years because she also has an issue with cleanliness but she only feels affronted by any transgressions made by those closest to her and take it out them. She made a snide and pretty insulting remark about me to a bunch of acquaintances and when confronted about it, she justified it by saying i deserved it because i did not respect her home enough when visiting (I changed my 5 month old son on her rug with a changing pad underneath). We haven’t spoken in a year now. I miss her but also I couldn’t deal with that sh*t.

    6. My comment is in mod but I’ll also add that if you want to preserve your friendship with this person, you need to move out ASAP. I lived with one of my best friends for two years (different person than the clean roommate) and it really strained our relationship. She moved out and our relationship is back to 100% but it took time and if we had lived together any longer it may have done some permanent damage.

    7. Is it normal for people who live together to text each other about non-emergency household matters? Or about anything when they are all at home? There are so many parts of this story that make me deeply dislike your housemates but this in particular rubs me the wrong way.

    8. I lived through nearly the same scenario (including the peace-keeping roommate who enabled the neat-freak one) in my twenties, and I cannot tell you the IMMENSE sense of relief I felt once I moved out. It was like shedding a thousand pound weight that I dragged around every day. By the end, it was at the point where I would avoid using any of the living spaces and just shut myself in my bedroom when I had to be there. I’m a pretty darn clean and organized person (to the point that I get playfully teased by my husband and family), but I felt like she thought I was an unforgivable sloth.

  27. Just on our recent topic of moms and their kids and weight issues. One of my friends won a box of candy at work, and she posted a pic of it on Facebook. 10 good for you messages, and then her mom saying “lots of calories in those chocolates” – AS IF my 50+ year old friend doesn’t know that, as if she still needs her mom to remind her that she could lose a few pounds!

    2. I do not have a weight issue at all but this is exactly the sort of thing my Mom would say. It is not a dig at me and I do not interpret it as one.

      Now she DOES post about my sunscreen use every time I post a vacation picture because she apparently thinks that my 50 years of living with skin the color of grits has not taught me that!

      1. My mom still points out bathrooms for me in public places. IDK mom. I somehow live on my own and when I go to new places solo I manage this just fine. I am always a leaky toddler, apparently.

      2. Right. In your case it would not be a dig at you. It would just be your mother shouting a shaming warning to all the actual fat fat fatties into the Metaverse.

      3. Even if it’s not meant as a dig at the daughter’s weight it’s still a gross comment. Why ruin someone’s joy like that?

      4. I think the difference is between “calories” and if it were something like “sugar.” Sugar is unhealthy in certain qualities, but calories are fundamental to living. Only women’s intake of something so fundamental is policed. Even if it were sugar, though, she should let her daughter enjoy a treat.

      5. Ok I am guilty of the sunscreen policing. I have a 21 year old red haired daughter. I didn’t spend all those years applying and reapplying SPF just to have her throw it all out the window now! Haha

        (But for real, melanoma is really a high incidence problem for redheads, her dad has already had one – caught early, thankfully)

        1. Oh reminding a kid about sunscreen is completely different than shaming them for eating chocolates.

    5. hahahaha. I feel like that is really just a prime example of why there’s a stereotype that boomers do NOT understand what appropriate posts are on Facebook, and thus routinely say things that make us facepalm. This is exactly what my mother in law would post in response to that question. And it would not even be passive aggressive about my weight. It’s just the kind of “random observation untethered to the actual vibe of the post or other comments” comment that she and her friends seem compelled to post. So I would personally chalk it up to that, though I guess perhaps I should reexamine my willingness to stereotype my elders in this way.

      1. It might not be about your weight but it is about her own anxiety about weight in general (maybe her own, maybe others’).

    6. My mom is weird like that too, and it extends to my kids. I joke about it, like “thanks mom! I was planning to eat it all tonight before dinner”. And then my mom just moves on to talk about the next thing.

    7. I’m kind of crying/laughing reading this. It reminded me of when I posted a job update on Facebook and everyone congratulated me except my mom who wrote something weird like “I hope you can make this work you.” (I had worked prior job 7 years and one before that for 13 with promotions and was pretty happy throughout at both–so no real reason for the doubt or crypticness. I remember being so embarrassed and mad. Now I’m just counting my lucky stars I’ve never won chocolate!

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