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Wednesday’s Workwear Report: Stretch Crepe Knit Tie Waist 3/4-Sleeve Midi Sheath Dress

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A dress with sleeves in a festive color? Yes please. In the days of in-person holiday parties, I would have worn this to work on days when I had to run directly from work to a party.

This year, I’m planning to get dressed up for our at-home celebrations because even if I can’t go out, I’m still looking forward to feeling fancy, even for a few hours. I like the idea of wearing this dress with a festive shoe, like these plaid ones from J.Crew, and some chunky gold jewelry.

The dress is $129 and available in sizes 0–18. It also comes in black, blue mist, blush, and navy. Stretch Crepe Knit Tie Waist 3/4-Sleeve Midi Sheath Dress

Sales of note for 3/26/25:

  • Nordstrom – 15% off beauty (ends 3/30) + Nordy Club members earn 3X the points!
  • Ann Taylor – Extra 50% off sale + additional 20% off + 30% off your purchase
  • Banana Republic Factory – Friends & Family Event: 50% off purchase + extra 20% off
  • Eloquii – 50% off select styles + extra 50% off all sale
  • J.Crew – 30% off tops, tees, dresses, accessories, sale styles + warm-weather styles
  • J.Crew Factory – Shorts under $30 + extra 60% off clearance + up to 60% off everything
  • M.M.LaFleur – 25% off travel favorites + use code CORPORETTE15 for 15% off
  • Spanx – Lots of workwear on sale, some up to 70% off
  • Talbots – $64.50 spring cardigans + BOGO 50% off everything else

Sales of note for 3/26/25:

  • Nordstrom – 15% off beauty (ends 3/30) + Nordy Club members earn 3X the points!
  • Ann Taylor – Extra 50% off sale + additional 20% off + 30% off your purchase
  • Banana Republic Factory – Friends & Family Event: 50% off purchase + extra 20% off
  • Eloquii – 50% off select styles + extra 50% off all sale
  • J.Crew – 30% off tops, tees, dresses, accessories, sale styles + warm-weather styles
  • J.Crew Factory – Shorts under $30 + extra 60% off clearance + up to 60% off everything
  • M.M.LaFleur – 25% off travel favorites + use code CORPORETTE15 for 15% off
  • Spanx – Lots of workwear on sale, some up to 70% off
  • Talbots – $64.50 spring cardigans + BOGO 50% off everything else

And some of our latest threadjacks here at Corporette (reader questions and commentary) — see more here!

Some of our latest threadjacks include:

379 Comments

  1. Speaking of Adrianna Papell, the brand used to make an origami dress that was amazing. The structure was great, and mine was in a very saturated sapphire blue. Mine no longer fits and I would love to find a replacement. Any ideas?

    1. Calvin Klein makes one called the starburst or sunburst. Macy’s has one in bright blue on sale at the moment. https://www.macys.com/shop/product/calvin-klein-sunburst-sheath-dress?ID=2755347&pla_country=US&cm_mmc=Google_Womens_PLA-_-RTW_Womens_LIA_Calvin_Klein-_-335009026795-_-pg1051252226_c_kclickid_fb3c76f9-8cb8-48c4-a9df-82e8362d25c9_KID_EMPTY_1560661853_66763703269_335009026795_aud-842598045241:pla-304772549705_194414187492USA__c_KID_&trackingid=424×1051252226&m_sc=sem&m_sb=Google&m_tp=LIA&m_ac=Google_Womens_PLA&m_ag=CalvinKlein&m_cn=RTW_Womens_LIA&m_pi=go_cmp-1560661853_adg-66763703269_ad-335009026795_aud-842598045241:pla-304772549705_dev-c_ext-_prd-194414187492USA&gclid=CjwKCAiAiML-BRAAEiwAuWVggtUe9-5YcCycBg-LO7s14j-FU7Y4VROvODUqymPYcOi1HSXnU7_uDRoC1oIQAvD_BwE

      1. I have this dress, and I love it, but it doesn’t really have structure per se – it’s one of those scuba type dresses.

    2. I have that same dress and love it- following with interest because it may not fit anymore

    3. Maybe search Poshmark or e-bay? I’ve lucked out a time or two replacing my favorite dress with one in a different size.

      1. The second one – literally called origami dress.

        The Fold one is closer. The MMLF dress is nice, but it doesn’t have the same structure. The origami dress has a stiffness to it; it’s not flowy.

  2. Help!! I went through two huge bags of chips and a box of chocolate after dinner last night. Normally I’d be like, no biggie, there’s a pandemic and it’s a strange winter. But I realized I’ve been doing this (and justifying it as such) for weeks now and I’m now officially “obese”. I know I can’t suddenly stop a bad habit cold turkey so I’m looking for healthy post-dinner in-front-of-the-telly munchies/snacks. Any other general ideas welcome too!

    1. The best idea that works for me: don’t keep that kind of food in the house. I can’t rely on myself to eat it in moderation, so I don’t bring it in to the home. I’m a quantity person when it comes to snacking so I go for things like grapes, blueberries and even popcorn to get that fix when I really want a snack but don’t want to feel (as) badly later.

      1. This is me. I can’t control myself if it’s in the house. If I want something when I’m shopping I just buy an individual size when I get to the check out.

        I try not to eat after dinner as feeling super full makes it hard to sleep but I’ll usually do a bowl of cereal or oatmeal if I want something. I’ve really gotten into herbal teas as hot tea makes me feel better when the weather is gross outside – lemongrass tea is the best!

        1. Or if an individual size isn’t available, buying what you want, eating what you consider reasonable, and then throwing out or giving away the remainder. A neighbor gave us homemade cookies, we ate a couple and then gave the rest to another neighbor. They appreciated them (they knew they were a regift from first neighbor) and we didn’t feel bad trashing them or binging them since they went to someone that enjoyed them.

          A little harder with say pringles, but eat what satisfies the itch then dump the rest out in the trash.

          1. That sounds good in theory but I definitely don’t have the willpower to eat some and give away or throw out the rest.

          2. Gotcha. I have the will power to stop the first time but not the will power to avoid going back. That’s why giving it away or throwing it out works for me. I can’t go back for it then.

      2. Same. I can’t bring certain foods into the house (cheezits/potato chips/cheeseballs) because I can’t help myself. Other ‘less good’ options I do keep around for our kid are tortilla chips, peanuts, and pretzels. We also have whole kernel pop corn so that I can portion out and make it myself (vs downing an entire bag of smart pop). I’ll also make cookies from scratch and then freeze them so that I can have 1 or 2 cookies vs an entire box (and we still have cookies in the house for kid requests). Forcing myself to get up and MAKE snacks stops the mindlessness of it, and then there is a set end point. I also find flavored water/teas helpful for the ‘I want to reach for something sweet’ urge.

    2. 1. I often think that cold-turkey works for some people. If you open the package to have one cookie, it’s not hard to get another. If you never open it, it sometimes stays closed.
      2. Be your best friend at the store. If it’s not at home, you can’t eat it.
      3. Cereal? At least it has fiber (often) and some vitamins. I like corn chex and honey nut cheerios.

    3. Air Popped popcorn with no butter or salt. It is the only way I have learned to stop putting stuff in my mouth that will fatten me up. Think about your getting svelte for swim season. That also will stop the eating! Good luck!

    4. I keep around large amounts of fresh fruit for this reason. I will put out a big bowl of berries, or grapes, or cut fruit of some kind. When I suddenly realize the bowl is empty because of absent-minded snacking, it doesn’t’ really matter.

    5. I put myself on weight watchers in Sept because I had gained 10lbs over the pandemic + 15lbs over 3 babies. I’m now down to pre baby weight!!

      If a formal program isn’t what you want, my trick for junk food is to either not buy it at all, or if like me you have a house of other people that eat it, take your portion, have one bite, then throw the rest out. Don’t put it back for later. That’s how I got through Halloween! RIP 90% still good Kit Kat’s.

    6. I’m really having that problem too. I need to just STOP BUYING the darn chocolate bc I know I binge eat it all the time. I think I’m going to not buy it but if I’m desperately craving it, allow myself to go out and buy just one small chocolate bar. Then, I’ll have to see if I really feel like dragging myself all the way to the store to buy it. I’ve learned I can’t have big bars or a few bars that I’ll “eat over time”. I just can’t.

      As for alternate snack ideas, I’ve been liking grapes late at night as well.

      1. I love chocolate, and while I don’t think its a bad thing to have a tuchus during the pandemic, now that there is a vaccine, we have to start thinking about getting rid of our tuchii before summer and our need to wear our bikini’s.

    7. I’d swap low calorie popcorn for the chips, and one or two pieces of very dark chocolate for the box of chocolates. It’s a start!

    8. Are you me? SAME. Aside from not buying it as others recommend, I brush my teeth within a half hour after dinner, before putting my kids to bed, etc. It really helps me not want to eat if I’ve already done all of that… Anyway, it doesn’t go exactly to your healthy snack request, but it’s worked pretty well for me to put a stop to it.

    9. I’m working to lose my covid 15 too!
      Two things I’m doing are tracking everything I eat in lose it and not watching tv in the evenings. Instead, I take a walk every night and then after that I’ll read, knit, call a friebd, etc. Just something that isn’t sit in front of the tv and veg.

    10. A few things. First, try to make sure you eat more at dinner so you aren’t as hungry later. Second, air popped popcorn (can get a collapsible silicone microwave air popper on amazon if you don’t have one) is excellent for salty cravings. I put a bit of olive oil and plenty of salt on mine, sometimes pepper or other spicy seasoning too depending on my mood. For sweet cravings, make yourself eat fruit first. I will sometimes think ok I can steal some of my son’s leftover halloween candy but only if I eat this orange first. Make sure any sweets in the house are in small serving sizes and yes, try not to keep it in the house if possible. I don’t buy that stuff myself, but it keep showing up nonetheless…

    11. One of my favorite post-dinner snacks is popcorn, with a cheese topping from Urban Accents – either the cracked pepper asiago or the cheddar one. Or rice cakes.

      It also helps to put whatever you want to eat in a small bowl, eat that portion, and then wait 15 minutes before deciding if you really need more.

      But one thing you could try, if you find yourself feeling snacky late at night, is to eat dinner later in the evening.

    12. I typically don’t crave for snacks, but I do get midnight hunger if I stay up past a certain hour and when that happens PB&J on whole grain bread does the trick. My brother who’s a (healthy) snacker snacks on nuts and fruits, e.g. pistachios, dried apricots etc.

    13. Some ideas I’ve tried, not all worked:

      1. Push dinner later and/or protein load it. If you’re so hungry that you’re gobbling late night snacks, your meal isn’t lasting the way it should.
      2. Keep your hands busy while you watch TV. Knit, fiddle with fidget spinners, use hand weights, fold laundry. Bonus points if you do a chore while standing up.
      3. Develop an evening ritual you look forward to and save it for only that time, like a mug of special herbal tea (decaf if you need that).
      4. Floss and Waterpik after meals (but wait a bit, per dental studies regarding acid production). Making a production of cleaning my teeth after eating makes me more reluctant to dirty them again. I also put in my (post-braces) retainers to enforce this.

    14. Know your A1C! It can be easy to assume something’s just a habit or a matter of psychology and willpower alone when in fact there’s a physiological process contributing. I personally have never gone through a full bag of chips without there being a medical issue contributing.

      On snacks: Lately, I have been making chocolate pudding out of silken tofu + chocolate powder + my preferred sugar-free sweetener, blended in a blender and set for 10 minutes in the freezer. My doctors have always recommended protein before bed if I’m still hungry after dinner, but I am not always in the mood for something savory at that time, so this is helpful.

      Probably soon I’ll buy seasonal pistachios which I always enjoy, sometimes with clementines and a good cheese. Not exactly diet food, but a step up from chips and chocolate, and it feels holidayish and indulgent to me.

      1. Or an anxiety disorder with a compulsive eating component. That’s what my issue is. By nighttime, I’m exhausted and my discipline from earlier in the day is gone.

        2. Good point. And there are meds for this (I would want Contrave if I had tipped over into the obese category where it’s actually on label, but that’s because I know I do well with its components).

          There’s also therapy (which can easily be done remotely if insurance allows; mine is encouraging remote appointments currently).

    15. A routine I use is to brush my teeth early in the evening – no later than 8PM. It marks a firm cutoff time for me of no more eating for the day and the minty toothpaste taste that lingers for a while serves as a nice reinforcement. Also, individual packs of chips, etc have helped me keep the portions under control.

    16. I have been buying individually wrapped chocolates, and I measure out a serving into a bowl. It slows down the mow. I also like those really thin rice cakes as a chip alternative.

    17. Don’t bring the whole bag/box with you to the TV. Portion out what you want to eat, then put away the rest. Take your portion to eat. If you’re still hungry, wait a few minutes and then decide whether you should get up to get another serving.

      But I also agree with the other posters: I can’t keep certain foods in the house. I live alone, so if I buy a package of Oreos, I’m going to eat the entire package of Oreos (not in one sitting, but certainly over the course of a week or two).

      1. Do you think 2 huge bags of chips and a box of chocolates in one sitting is a normal snack or can she go ahead and be concerned about her eating habits?

      2. It sounds like she’s more concerned about how the weight gain has happened. BMI is not a great measure but eating two big bags of chips in one evening is unhealthy on any metric.

        1. Or you can treat it as not a big deal and move on with your life. Hyperfocusing on every “incident” makes it worse. Binging daily? Sure, seek some help for that, but we don’t need to pathologize or freak the eff out about one evening of overindulgence in a year that has been very trying.

          1. OP specifically states that this is an ongoing problem. No one expects perfection; normalizing binge eating & obese-level BMIs also isn’t helpful.

          2. The OP literally said she has been doing this for weeks. Sounds like you are the one ignoring an issue.

      3. This type of eating is clearly an issue, no matter what anyone’s BMI is. Stop justifying what is objectively a problem.

        1. This. I’m all for health at every size, but this is not healthy at any size. All of these suggestions would similarly hold if this person was underweight.

    19. It me. I’m so embarrassed about this, I’m a little comforted that I’m not the one one. A couple tricks that have worked for me in the past:
      1. Go to bed earlier.
      2. Do something else with my hands/brain so I’m not fake-hungry. Adult coloring books ftw.
      3. Guzzle a big glass of water.
      4. No alcohol when I’m feeling munchy. I’ll tell myself I can have either a snack or a glass of wine but not both. Alcohol inevitably leads me to be munchier so I try to skip it (during the week).
      5. Keep less-good snacks in the house. Carrots, cucumber (with some seasoning on it), pickles, sauerkraut, nuts, air popped popcorn, berries, anything that takes effort to make (I tell myself if you’re too lazy to make something then you aren’t hungry and shouldn’t be eating).
      6. Gum. I can chew mindlessly and it’s ok.

    20. This sounds a lot like my binge eating disorder. The only thing that worked for me was therapy.

    21. Wean off slowly. Buy lower calorie chips (or kale chips from TJ’s) and maybe some chocolate RX bars and eat those instead. Eat lots of protein all day to keep satiated, and start tracking your steps.

  3. I have a pantry with wood shelves and the sliding of cans has really worn the paint. I don’t want the sticky (but non-adhesive) shelf liners b/c I’ve found them actually become one with the paint (humid SEUS at work?) when it is time for removal (generally: after a spill). Is there shelf liner paper that is more like a very heavy paper? That is also not the fancy and $$$ drawer liner paper?

    1. This is not the cheapest option, but I swear by LifeLiner. We’ve had them in two houses, and they’re indestructable. I also like that I can wipe off any drips, spills, etc.

    3. I have used heavy wallpaper for this purpose – don’t glue it down though. Buy from a remainders or clearance bin.

    4. Yes. There is both plastic and sort of rubbery shelf liner. I am currently using some of each in my kitchen. It is not hard to find.

      1. I was going to suggest the rubbery stuff as well, but there are lots of options for liner these days that you don’t need to stick on. If you’re at Walmart or Target or a store with home goods you should be able to find the stuff pretty easily.

    5. Brown paper bags, cut to fit. It’s not going to win points for style, but works well and is free. Parchment paper also works, but isn’t as durable.

  4. Gift ideas please! Every year, I send a Harry & David gift box to my barre studio to thank the staff. I hesitate to send a shared consumable gift this year – especially because while some are working in studio, others are livestreaming from home. Any COVID-friendly ideas? There’s about 20 staff members in their 20s and 30s and I’m happy to spend up to $150.

    1. The gym I go to (or: went to) has a holiday gift fund for staff you can opt into with the December payment. Maybe that or buy merch?

        2. It hasn’t occurred to me, but I don’t think it’s a super crazy idea. I think it depends on the size of the place, how often you go, and how much of a personal connection you have with the people there. I can think of a small, independently-owned studio I frequent in non-COVID times, where I know the owner well and he’s taught most of the classes I’ve taken, and there’s only a few other instructors, I could see myself bringing in a consumable gift for the staff at the end of the year. Not this year, but maybe next year.

      2. There’s a contingent on this board that is has very narrow rules about when it is appropriate to send gifts. Please understand – some of us give gifts. Yes some of us give gifts to people in our lives when you would would not. It doesn’t make us weird. It makes us different. Learn the difference.

        1. To me it seems the opposite–most of the discussion here is about giving large gifts to all kinds of service providers, which I find odd because I don’t come from that kind of $$$.

          1. Really? Because every time gifts come up there’s comments about not giving one at all. This isn’t a large gift, btw.

        2. Yes, accept that people and situations differ. I always give food to our tire and oil change place. They aren’t friends, but they are wonderful people who do great work. Why shouldn’t I?

        3. I received a lot of awkward and unwanted gifts when I was in a service role. I did and do appreciate the thought behind it, but I also wish this weren’t a tradition. I don’t eat just anything, so I was always trying to find someone who take a restaurant gift card or a food based gift basket. I know it was absolutely kindly intended, but in some ways it felt condescending or even controlling, especially when the $ would have meant more than the gift.

    3. Money. If I were working in a direct client service profession this year, I wouldn’t want anything else.

      1. This. I promise you they don’t want any gifts. Maybe a gift card to someplace you know they frequent.

        1. I agree in general, but giving money seems weird in the context of a barre studio. OP said she wants to spend $150 for a gift for 20 people. So they would each get $7.50? I think something like cookies or other consumables is fine for this one.

      1. oh thank you! yes individually wrapped would feel a lot better and I wouldn’t have thought to look there.

        1. Check the H&D website, there may be options with more individually wrapped items. I seem to remember receiving a basket from H&D last year that we divvied up easily amongst my group at work.

          1. If you normally order from H&D, Cheryl’s cookies is a sister company, and has individually wrapped cookies that are often discussed on this board.

          2. thanks NYCer and Marie! Marie, I’ve often used the $5 cookie card thanks to this site :) In my head, they only sell cookie cards!! haha.

            PS I am still making hummus chicken a few times a month for lunch/dinner.

        1. :) one of the things I like about the H&D gift box I usually send is that it has the full spectrum…pears to nuts to chocolates. Those cookies look great though!

        2. It’s the holidays. I’m sure each one of them at least knows someone who would eat a single individually wrapped cookie. Healthy holiday gift food … do you know of some?

      3. I would love for anyone to give me any kind of consummable! I think you should give a gift and cookies sound great!

  5. My parents have septic and soak their stainless flatwear in a large cup of soapy water before putting it in the dishwasher (yes, they pre-wash a lot!). But it stays nice and shiny. I have the same flatwear and it is frequently put into the dishwasher with stuff on it (peanut butter, butter, other stuff from what it was used to eat). I always thought that this was OK, especially if you are on a city water supply: the dishwasher is to clean dishes and a little bit of stuff on them is OK. But . . . stainless flatwear is coming out stained and it seems crazy to polish stainless steel (and yet it looks so bad I am tempted to do it).

    3 other people’s behavior is at work here, so not sure I can get everyone to pre-soak if that is truly the less-effort solution.

  6. Hi Sloan, I saw your post in the afternoon thread late yesterday. I’m so sorry about your dad, and hope that things seem a bit brighter today. Sending virtual anonymous hugs!

    1. Also paging Sloan – I responded late in the day and my post went to mod, so you may have missed it. There were a couple other evening responses too.

    2. Sloan, echoing others sending you support and encouragement. I hope your dad is improving today.

    3. It looks like my comment yesterday didn’t post. My MIL had a small stroke a few years ago with atypical symptoms, so it was only diagnosed days later when FIL convinced her to see a doctor for her raging headaches. She made a full recovery with a few months speech and physical therapy.
      The thing I want to mention is that despite lots of testing, the doctors never identified a specific cause or trigger (other than stress), and said this is common for a large share of strokes (maybe it was 40%?). This lack of pinpointing a thing that you could avoid going forward and therefore lack of closure means that we all had to learn to accept that it could happen again at any point and I am pretty sure FIL has some PTSD issues but he won’t get help, because older men.

    4. Thanks all. He seems ok but we haven’t heard from a nurse or doctor today and my dad is a poor reporter of medical stuff in the best of times. The most he’s told us today is that the transporter (?!?!) to MRI told him he’s doing “very well.” Good god, dad. Until he’s transferred out of ICU my mom can’t go see him. She has a call out to his nurse to get some actual info.

  7. Wise hive, please help! My 10-year-old nephew is really good at golf, takes classes, and plays in tournaments. He has requested “golf stuff” for xmas. I know nothing about golf and when I looked up gift ideas I got ideas for little kids golf sets, not really what I am looking for. Any ideas on what to get a 10 year old, serious golfer?

    1. A polo shirt from the Masters? Or a quarter-zip? I see a lot of those and the white hats all over. It’s not just golf gear — people wear that stuff as clothes, and not just guys (I’m in the SEUS).

    2. Tees, golf balls, maybe a golfing glove, golf clothes. I think Nike, Adidas, and Under Armour all have kids’ golf gear.

      1. Alternatively, maybe something that’s a nod to his hobby, like a water bottle with a golf ball design, room decor with golf stuff on it (golf ball pillow?).

        1. +1 — unless they have given you specifics on what he wants (the specific type of ball, a certain glove, etc.), do not buy him gear. It’s very likely you will be buying gear that doesn’t meet with what he wants. A hydroflask with a golf ball design or something is probably a better idea.

      2. Agree with all of this. Golf stuff wears out and it’s nice to have replacements or extras.

        Alternately, ask his parents. :)

    3. A nice golf bag? A gift card for his favorite sports shop? Fun club covers? New gloves/shoes/clothing?

    4. Ask the parents for specifics if the kid won’t give them. By age 11, and with that level of interest in a hobby, kids know exactly what they want and will be thrilled to receive those specific items.

      1. Yes ask the parents. They’re the OP’s sibling so I would imagine they’ll be frank about what would make a good gift (e.g. driving range suggestion below, would that be brilliant or a nuisance?)

        1. I feel like as a parent that’s a terrible idea. At 11, the parent has to take them to this. And driving ranges aren’t expensive.

          1. My four year old is obsessed with golf and it’s the easiest place to take him. It’s outdoors, he’s occupied all I have to do is hang out and try to ignore the stares from people who think I’m some kind of crazy parent who forced him into this. It’s been a lifesaver in pandemic times.

            Also-boring but pro-v1 golf balls are always a hit with golfers.

          2. OMG I love the thought of a four-year-old driving away at the driving range…

  8. Is anyone in or familiar with Lancaster, PA that can recommend a local business to order a family present (gift basket/consumables with delivery option) from? Two kids under ten and two adults with fairly traditional taste. Thanks!

      1. I live in the next county over….S. Clyde Weaver is a great pick…we buy from them at the farmer’s market all the time….best cheese shop in the area

    3. Doorstep Dairy may do one-time runs if you ask – they’re like a milkman but you can also buy from other stores including multiple bakeries.

  9. Any Syracuse, NY corporettes? I am making the move from NE (regional market) within the next few months for DH’s job. I am finally barred in NY which took so much longer than expected. I don’t know anyone personally in the legal market up there and am starting my job search with some informational interviews with people introduced though my network. I am trying to get a feeling for salary ranges for Syracuse firms. I have 3 years of experience. I know cost of living is a lot lower than what I am used to as far as housing prices, but should I be expecting salaries in the $70,000 range or $100,000 range?

    1. That sounds right. My DH is from SYR and I interviewed at a firm that was going to pay $75,000 right out of school.

  10. Tell me about your ear piercings. Do you have one on each ear? Multiple piercings on the lobe? Cartilage piercings? I have decided to get my ears pierced but I can’t decide what to get.

    1. Start with one in the traditional spot. If you like it, you can always add more.

    3. One in each lobe.

      People are basically in three camps for additional piercings – fun and cute, dated, or just too much. I’m of the “too much” school personally.

      1. Do you mean you like “too much” for yourself or you think they look like “too much” on others?

        1. I think they are “too much” and don’t like the look personally. But to each her own :)

    4. I have one on one lobe, two on the other lobe. Because symmetry bothers me. Would love to get cartilage piercing as well but my ears aren’t shaped for them to look good.

    5. I have each lobe pierced twice and 2 cartilage piercings both on the same ear. I like it and it’s pretty easy to just take out the extras for really formal meetings. Six seems like a lot in the abstract but it’s not in real life.

      1. I’d say start with the traditional lobe piercing – one piercing in each ear.

        I’m not far behind – 2 on each lobe and currently not cartilage (but have plans for a second as soon as I feel ok going to a piercing parlor). My mom is always like “FIVE piercings is so many”, but as you said it’s really not. As you said – it’s easy to play them down when you need to. I don’t ever take out my cartilage (but easy enough to hide with my hair). I probably wear my second holes 1/4-1/2 of the time.

        My mom thinks additional piercings are scandalous but they’re so commonplace now they’re really not. I know big law lawyers and people in the defense industry with multiple cartilage piercings. There’s very few professions where it doesn’t fly anymore (they’re not compliant with military uniform regulations, for example)

    6. Two lobes each side, one forward helix and a tragus on the left, and one conch on the right.

      I get a cartilage piercing on milestone birthdays. It started as a joke when I said I needed a birthday like I needed another hole in my head, and my husband joked that I may as well actually do that, so I did. It became a tradition.

      Only use an APP certified piercer (Association of Professional Piercers) who uses implant-grade titanium as the starting jewelry.

      Warnings: Now is not the time to get a helix or a conch, because healing them while a mask is pulling on your ear is a painful nightmare. Also, if you frequently use earbuds or wear a stethoscope for work, avoid a daith or a tragus because they interfere.

      Be aware that lobes heal differently than cartilage. Cartilage is much slower and heals from the outside in, so it will look “done” before it truly is, which means you will be tempted to change jewelry sooner than you should. APP recommends a bar or labret for 6-12 months before changing to a hoop, depending on the location.

      I give all these caveats because this is a time investment. You aren’t going to immediately pop in a glittery ring and look cute, you need to wear the proper starters and baby the area for several months first.

      Lobes are the best starter, if you don’t already have them. They heal quicker and with less sensitivity than most cartilage.

    7. You should start in 1 in each lobe and see how you feel about it.

      I have 2 in each lobe, and 2 cartilage in one ear (helix and orbital) and 1 in the other (faux rook). All but the “main” hole have small, essentially permanent gold earrings, and I switch up the main earrings (but mostly wear the same small gold ones day to day). I love them all! I really want to get a nose ring but I don’t think it would look good on my face, sadly.

      1. Also I’ve always worked in public interest/government, and regularly appear in court and in front of juries and it’s never been an issue. At least one judge in my jurisdiction has a wrist tattoo that you can see if you’re up at the bench and several have multiple ear piercings.

          1. I am of the “I couldn’t care less what others do regarding piercings” school and that included my employees, some of whom have multiple tattoos and visible facial piercings, but I do think it’s possible that *some* piercings (and/or tattoos, and/or unconventional hair colors) do have negative impact in conservative settings — it’s just that people are too polite to say anything. In other words, I wouldn’t take “no one has ever said anything to me about it” as an indicator of “everyone is cool with it.” At the end of the day, you do you of course, but I’m not convinced that there aren’t people who secretly judge those with multiple tattoos / piercings / unconventional colors negatively, but simply aren’t coming out and saying it.

        2. My last workplace had a dress code that said women could wear no more than one earring in each ear. I can’t imagine it would stand up in court, but as far as I know no one challenged it.

    9. I have 4 in each ear: 2 cartilage and 2 lobe. When I was going into the office daily, I rarely wore any earrings. Now that I transitioned to a full-time remote worker (even post-pandemic, whenever that will be), I repierced/reopened all 8 and wear minimalist style gold earrings in them day and night.

  11. Are orchids easy to keep alive? I would love to get one but always thought they were super hard to care for and I definitely do not have a green thumb

    1. If you don’t mind just replacing them when the bloom is done (the way you’d replace cut flowers but it lasts way longer than that), they are super easy. It’s re-growing the blooms that requires a lot of patience :)

      1. The blooms come back if you water them with orchid food! The blooms can take awhile to return, but they’re really quite easy plants.

        1. This is my experience, too.
          After the bloom is done, when the orchid is dormant, you want to put it in a bright window and basically leave it. It only needs water once a week or so. And though I have never used orchid food, I have one that’s been blooming twice a year for the last four years, plus another couple that are on a rotation with that one. I’ve also lost one or two, but I’m still batting over .500.

        2. oh interesting! My old assistant was forever talking to them and fussing around with spray bottles but maybe that’s because she was trying to grow them under fluorescent lighting. Glad to hear they are easier than I thought!

    2. I’ve found they thrive in a bathroom, preferably with a window so they get enough light, though I’ve kept them alive in windowless bathrooms. The frequently humid environment reduces the need to spritz them with water to keep them happy.

    3. They are not hard at all as long as you choose species or hybrids that are well adapted to where you want to keep them.
      What you see in the grocery stores are almost always some sort of phalaenopsis hybrid. They do well in a window with filtered light, but sunburn easily. When you get one (this really goes for any orchid you get from a supermarket or big box store), if it’s in a pot with spaghnum moss or a pot with no drainage, repot it as soon as possible if you intend to keep it. They are potted that way so they don’t dry out during shipping and display, but this isn’t sustainable – if you keep it that wet all the time, the roots will rot and your plant will die.
      I live in north Florida (ie, it does freeze here, so I can’t just stick my plants in trees and call it a day). I grow mostly cattleyas and oncidium hybrids, as they can deal better with our heat, sunlight and rain for the 10 month of the year they are outside. I have a spot where I know their needs are met, use a time release fertilizer and after that, they thrive on benign neglect. I could not do that with a phalaenopsis – they cook in my yard. Vandas do well when it’s warm but I don’t have the patience to bring them inside every time it gets below 50. Too much work for me!
      If you’re someplace further north, or want to grow indoors only, you might have better luck with phals. Whatever you do, don’t put ice cubes on your plant (that’s something one mass-producer recommends… don’t do it!) There is probably an orchid that you can grow easily – but you need to have an idea of where you want to keep it/them, first.
      Google “Your City Orchid Society” and you’ll probably find good advice for what works best in your location.

  12. Y’all this week needs to be over already. All week has been just banging my head against the wall continuously. No wonder I’ve been grinding my teeth in my sleep again.
    Send me something funny.

    1. Have you seen the clip from election week of Trump’s spiritual advisor set to Eminem and Vibing Cat? That’s what you need. It carried me through that dark time. Don’t have the link handy but just Google those words!

      1. OMG me too! By day four of the election counting, I saw that video and started laughing hysterically. My husband heard me and thought I was sobbing. He came running over just to see that vibing cat and the crazy lady spiritual advisor speaking in tongues.

    2. I’ve been loving the FB page “Memes to discuss in therapy.” If you are an attorney, I also love the “attorney problems” FB page.

  13. Anyone interested in some virtual shopping help please? I’d like new winter boots that I’ll use to walk the dog, chase my kid, run errands on weekends, and possibly if we ever go back to work would be a commuting shoe in winter. I’d like them to be pull on or zip on; low mid calf or ankle height (so they cover socks when worn with leggings and don’t leave a gap but not much higher because I’m short), rubber soled with decent grip; black, grey or purple; not too clunky looking; and waterproof. These Sorel Out N’ about are pretty close but aren’t pull on and I’d really like pull on.

    2. Shoot, the out-and-about is what I was going to recommend. They are so cute. Could you make them pull-ons by keeping the tie loosely knotted at all times?

      1. If I don’t find anything better that’s probably what I’ll do — I’m probably just being picky! But you all are so fantastic at this I thought I’d ask!

    3. I have the Kamik rogue 6 which is also lace up and not pull on, but I leave the laces tied loosely so it basically functions as a pull on. They are warm and quite cute looking so good for errands and running around.

    4. I just got the Sorel out-and about in black for exactly this and I LOVE them. I have serious boots for the real snow (which we get a lot of) but there are great every other day. I leave them tied and slip them on. If you have small feet, the kids are slip on. I tried them (I’m a 7) and they just didn’t feel right.

      1. Thanks to kiddo I’m now an 8 – but this is awesome to know. I’m in the DC area so we rarely get real snow and these (like you) wouldn’t be for that.

      2. Are they slippery in icy conditions? I got similar looking Columbia boots last year and while they are very comfortable and warm, they were super slippery on the ice and I fell and injured my tailbone last year the second time I wore them. I’m been dreading putting them on this year for this reason.

        1. I haven’t been able to test them in ice yet. I can report back when they get the official test.

    6. I have two pairs of J. Crew Nordic boots…black and brown. They have gray, but they keep selling out. They are clunky but comfortable, always warm, GREAT on ice, and I can drive and walk quickly when they are on. I have had them both for a few years.

    7. I love my Ugg Keseys for this. They have a zipper and laces for perfect fit. I did size .5 up for thick socks. Very comfortable.

  14. Please someone find me a dupe for this now sold out dress – I had it in my cart yesterday but it sold out before I could purchase :( Ok with a different color but I love the neckline, smocked waist to maybe compliment my Covid pooch, and I’m ok with the length. Different length ok, just not a mini dress.

    https://www.anntaylor.com/smocked-sweater-dress/551322?skuId=30412668&defaultColor=9159&prodId=551322&currency=usd&cid=ogDisplayAT%3ACRIT%3ARTG%3A478087547

    1. No recommendation, but keep checking back at AT since things sometimes come back into stock.

  15. hi Ladies – you all helped me decide about a family gathering in the summer and I wanted to ask for your help again. Every year at this time (next week) I go to Las Vegas by myself for 2 nights. Typically it’s not very busy this time of year in LV and I walk around and look at all of the pretty decorations at the hotels, spend a day at the spa, do some shopping and sit at a slot machine by myself. It’s a trip I look forward to every year. Of course, this year is very different. I think the biggest risk is flying – being by myself for 2 days in LV doesn’t seem to be that big of a risk. I was there in August and they require masks in the casino and they have disinfecting wipes everywhere that I used to wipe down the machine I wanted to play. They don’t let people sit next to each other in the casino unless they’re part of the same party. I’m married, no kids and healthy – as well as my husband. Should I still go? I think this year of all years, I really need this time by myself. But …wondering if this is a stupid move? TIA

    1. No, you should not go. People are literally being told not to travel to see elderly relatives on Christmas. Going to Las Vegas is not in the cards this year, sorry. Especially since your activity list includes being indoors with other people (casino, hotel, presumably eating out) and going to the spa!

      1. This. Questions like this make me feel like I am living in a different reality.

        I also don’t understand why people say they feel safe because surfaces are being wiped down. Unless you are somehow wiping down your respiratory system or disinfecting your lungs (not a thing), this will not keep you safe from COVID. It’s the air your breathe that’s the problem!

    2. No, you should not go. Yes, it’s a stupid move. I’m sorry, but how is this even a question right now?

    4. I’m not sure why you’d ask here when you know what the response is going to be. Just pick something else to do this year. :)

    5. They might theoretically require masks in the casinos, but from what I hear from my family living there, the reality is that they don’t enforce.

    7. Yes, it’s stupid. No, you don’t need this time by yourself to take place in Las Vegas. ICUs are full, elderly people are dying alone, and this is the easiest decision you should ever make.

    8. Is the very peak of the pandemic really the best time to go? When there’s a high chance of spreading disease but also no hospital beds? COVID with access to health care is one thing … but potentially no care, taking a hospital bed so another can’t, traumatizing medical staff, suffering alone, no ambulance available if you fall down the stairs or get in a car accident. If you need to go, is now the time? You could’ve gone before or you could go later. Poor planning.

      1. I thought that whoever made that observation last week or so that we need to stop acting like anyone “needs“ to travel for their mental health is just showing their privilege. Traveling to a funeral is one thing but traveling for me time is a luxury.

        OP, obviously you don’t go. The fact that you posted this makes me concerned for whatever else you are doing in your life that could be blatantly awful for virus spread, honestly.

        1. I am one of the anons who made that point last week. A funeral? Yes, makes sense; that’s an extenuating circumstance. Going on a fun trip because you’re sad/bored/struggling? No, please don’t. And lest I be accused of not respecting people’s mental health needs, my own anxiety is on overdrive right now. Yet I know that seeking relief through nonessential travel would be very, very selfish.

          1. Weirdly, it is selfish yet also not even in your own best interest. I’m hanging in there with you. It’s difficult but some things just aren’t even an option right now,

    10. Don’t go now. If you really need the alone time, maybe this is an opportunity to try something different- somewhere in driving distance and more outdoor focused. This time next year will hopefully be better.

    11. Seriously? That sounds like a lovely outing for one….good for you for prioritizing self care….this year you reaaly need to figure out a different option for a personal get away/Christmas light viewing/slots gambling trip this year….

    12. Sorry, time to cancel.

      I had a trip planned for this month, but accepted I had to cancel. Almost the entire USA is in code red emergency status. We blew it as a country, so we don’t get to travel for fun this December.

      I am compensating by planning a trip for December 2021 with hopes that I can actually go on it.

    13. i would say the flying is potentially the smallest risk of this horrible idea. i find it hard to believe that people drinking all day in vegas follow mask rules at all times. please stay home.

    14. Not a good idea. I get that in August we were able to move about a little and enjoy some level of normalcy because cases were down in a lot of places, but it’s different now, pretty much every state is seeing uncontrolled spread. I understand that they found being on an airplane to be safe, but I still think people should only fly when they absolutely need to, not just for funsies.

      I do understand your need to be by yourself for a couple days, and I’m wondering if you could find a cabin to rent that’s a short drive from where you live, that might be a safer way to satisfy that need.

    15. Obviously not. What kind of moron would even contemplate hopping on a plane for a 2 day vacation? Are you this stupid about the rest of your life?

      1. wish i could say this to my two friends planning on flying later this month with their kids

        1. Yup or my boss planning to go stay with his grandkids for a few month – a flight away and in a rural area. He views it under the “relocation” exception. He’s relocating for a few months. Nope, you are going to visit family that everyone in the world wants to do. You are not even providing child care or caregiving for your kids to work as you are working too. Maybe his wife is. That I don’t know. Maybe I should be less quick to judge but it certainly just sounds like funsies for me.

          2. I mentioned rural not because it was safer but because I think it is worse – less access to health care!

        2. I want to say this to one of my acquaintances who I’d reconnected with at a wedding a couple years ago, and I now kinda wish I didn’t. I’m pretty sure I’d unfriended him for being a libertarian/contrarian d-bag. He was all over the place this summer, and keeps talking about wanting to take trips to Vegas and other places, etc., and I just feel like we’re not close enough for me to call him out, but I had to unfollow him because he was making my blood boil with his reckless behavior.

      2. I wish this were far from the worst type of offense but it’s not even close. I know of at least two people hosting 100-person indoor weddings. “But it’s ok because we’ll be putting masks on the tables and encouraging guests to wear them.”

        Most people in my social circle are regularly having dinner parties with friends indoors. “But it’s ok because I know these people and know they’ve been cautious.”

        (That’s also why I think the criticism of people who are quarantining for two weeks and then visiting one or two other people is totally misdirected. That’s not how this pandemic is spreading.)

        1. I don’t think most of us are criticizing people who are ACTUALLY quarantining – we just know too many people who speak about “lockdown” and “quarantine before travel” and “not going out AT ALL!”…except for outdoor dining and visiting Grandma outside and running to the bookstore real quick…

          1. There’s definitely someone here who is anxiously accusing people of lying about quarantining (like yesterday).

          2. If you’re speaking about my post yesterday, it’s not about being “anxious.” It’s about directly observing people in my own social network (my real-life social network) who are doing exactly what I described. They are either complete idiots, in total denial, or both. I am allowed to observe that and post about it.

          3. You were replying to a poster who isn’t in your social network about an event that hasn’t happened yet, so unless you’re a time traveler you didn’t observe anything…

          4. agree with anon at 12:01, this accusation keeps coming up and I don’t think it’s warranted.

          5. IDK where y’all are reading but there’s literally people posting that their quarantining by only going grocery shopping, seeing the people in their pods and making a quick trip to the gas station and through the airport and so on.

        2. +1. My parents have been having indoor dinner parties, going to indoor restaurants, etc. with various permutations of people. They will let just about anyone into their condo. This weekend, they are traveling to a funeral–a close friend’s 40-year-old daughter died after being hit by a car while she was jogging. They wear masks, at least, but their behavior is indicative of what’s causing uncontrolled spread.

        3. I honestly didn’t realize until recently how much more locked down I am than other people in my social circle and it was a shock. Since March, I have seen friends only three times (all for outdoor, masked walks), haven’t been inside a retail store other than CVS, Target, or the grocery store (and I’ve only done that maybe 5 times total – the rest has been delivery), and have eaten in a restaurant, on the patio, one time. I WFH and I’m basically home all the time, other than when I go running in my suburb where I see no one.

          Notwithstanding that, I don’t think of myself as particularly COVID-strict – I have a nanny and a house cleaner, my stepkids attend in-person school (subject to very strict precautions), and I see my parents, because they have decided that notwithstanding their age they are not willing to be isolated from their new grandchild in the final years of their life (but they otherwise live the same lifestyle as I do with the exception that they don’t have a nanny/housekeeper and haven’t seen friends at all).

          And yet I have learned recently that I am widely considered in my friend group to be extreme because of the above – lots of my friends are socializing freely and just slapping a mask on it (indoor parties – but we wore masks! Christmas-themed bars – but we wore masks except when we were drinking! indoor restaurant dining – we had to wear masks except at the table! group rides/runs with parking lot socializing afterward – we didn’t need masks bc we were outside!). I was out riding my bike and ran into a group of women I know, who invited me to join them for lunch at a restaurant afterward. I didn’t even know how to answer them – like, you haven’t seen me since February, you have no idea how covid safe I’m being, and who is meeting up for group lunches at restaurants these days?

          It’s super weird to me. Bc I am under no illusions that my lifestyle is risk-free and I had actually been turning down a number of invites for outdoor activities bc my stepkids go to school and I didn’t want to be a vector for others. Turns out I am considered super conservative, which is pretty scary.

    16. I always do a pre Christmas getaway somewhere nice where I can wander, look at decor and zone out. This year — uh did you notice the raging pandemic and the — don’t be indoors if people aren’t masked warnings? I’m sorry but the kind of person going to Vegas now isn’t worried about masking. They’ll put one on to enter the Bellagio and then it’ll be on their chin the whole time and no one will say anything about it because they’re carrying a drink so no mask required when you eat/drink.

      My plan this year – drive to Philadelphia (my closest city where I normally commute for work), drive around looking at the building and society hill house decor. Alone in my car, windows up. Done. It’s a pandemic, you adjust your plans.

      1. This. Or drive to a smaller town/more rural area that has some scenery/decorations that you can enjoy while outdoors.

    17. My sister and BIL live in Vegas and BIL works at one of the big casinos. No surprise that they both got covid in late summer and he’s in quarantine again after working closely with someone who then tested positive. Masks may be required, but people take them off to drink and smoke and there’s no enforcing distancing in places like that. It’s also my understanding that Vegas is contemplating another shutdown soon, so your trip may not even be an option. Regardless, I would not go.

    19. I would postpone to next year. Nevada is having a case spike. The Reno hospital is overwhelmed, treating cases in the parking lot.

    20. Wanting time to yourself is a good idea, but traveling and doing indoor activities is not. A friend recently booked an AirBnB in a different neighborhood of her same city and I thought that was a fantastic idea – different takeout options, different walks, and felt like a getaway because she wasn’t at home facing her to-do list but without the risk to herself or others that comes with travel.

    21. I understand why you want to go, and in theory, it sounds like you are taking good precautions. But I’d ask myself, do I really want to be sharing air with other people who decided a trip to Vegas was a good idea? And then I would stay home.

    22. I totally understand the need to get away by yourself. Personally, though, I would not get in a plane anytime soon. Nor do any indoor activities, especially in casino type places.

      I don’t know if this will still be controversial, but instead, could you drive somewhere close, rent an Airbnb for a weekend, and just chill in that place and go for outdoor walks? I feel like even staying at a big chain hotel near you, perhaps with a view of some sort, and holing up in that room for a weekend would be a better option, given all the precautions that hotels are taking now. More of a staycation that would be safer all around – and still get your alone time.

    23. You already took one trip to Las Vegas this year that wasn’t for an essential reason and you’re asking about a second? Sorry, I don’t get why you would want to enter an indoors place that had lots of people in it, even if they are socially distanced / masked, unless it was for a completely unavoidable reason. And you know darn well the kinds of people who are still crowding casinos in Las Vegas 8 months into a pandemic aren’t exactly the most compliant / public-health-concerned folks out there.

      1. It’s hard for me to imagine wanting to fly to Vegas during a pandemic to play…the slot machine. Like, what?

    25. You are not thinking this through. You are walking into a hotel where there are hundreds, if not thousands, of people, and they aren’t disappearing to their rooms, but they are gathered in public areas doing an activity. You are eating your breakfast, lunch and dinner, in a either hotel restaurant or a regular restaurant, during a time when it has already been well established that indoor dining is a big risk factor. This isn’t comparable to walking around outside at a farmer’s market or the downtown of a charming city or town. The poster below who talked about driving around the pretty parts of Philadelphia is on the right track. *That’s* the time by yourself this year — or perhaps walking in a forest preserve or some such.

    26. Since part of your desire for the Las Vegas vacation includes a spa, what spa activities are you thinking you would indulge in during a pandemic? I would not consider a massage or a facial to be particularly safe, nor would I want to be in a hot, misty steam room or pool setting with strangers. I mean, the rest of us are either not getting haircuts, or we are stretching them out a lot more supplemented with home trims, so I really don’t get why one would think a spa would be a great choice.

    27. (1) No the OP should not go to Vegas in December. Maybe book an Airbnb in a city within driving distance? (I live near the coast and am doing that the week between Christmas and New Years. I am literally driving 30 minutes but it will be like being in a whole new place.)

      (2) But I think a lot of you are way underestimating how much of the country is basically wide open with no or minimal restrictions which would lead someone to think this is not an obvious problem and makes this not a stupid question. My home state has a mask mandate that is being completely ignored in my home town except for Walmart. Restaurants are open for indoor dining. Last weekend my sister took her kids to their (indoor) volleyball game (masked) and dance class (not masked). They just started their delayed track season (not masked and not distanced). They had their annual Christmas Parade with what the local paper described as a “nice crowd.” There is literally a picture on the front page of the county newspaper with two sheriff’s deputies standing in front of an indoor Christmas tree and neither of them is wearing a mask.

      I know a lot of us live in California or New York or places where this is being taken at least marginally seriously by a critical mass of people but if you live in a place where your lived reality is this is not a big deal, it is not surprising that people think it is not a big deal.

      1. I get that, but we are 8 months into this thing; this isn’t late March at the “huh, do you think we should wear masks?” stage of the game, and it’s not as though it is not on the nightly news that the entire country is in a dark crisis. And it’s not as though the areas where they *think* it’s not a big deal are actually escaping unscathed. These are people who are deliberately choosing to overlook that their doctor/nurse/healthcare worker neighbors are overwhelmed with cases and their healthcare systems are overwhelmed, because they’re too immature to pull back on socializing.

        1. But again (and I agree with you on the basic principle; I am certainly not suggesting people go to Vegas) – the events I just described literally just happened in the last week. The volleyball tournament and track season are school sponsored/approved and pulling out is not an option unless you want to lose your place on the team and get an F in PE. And the front page story in the local newspapers was the aforementioned Christmas parade and the picture of the deputies winning an award. Covid is not an above-the-fold news item there, much less the burden on local health care facilities. (And their nightly news is Fox News. Seriously take a look their website for what they think is “news” right now. The lead story is “S*xpionage” – about claims that China has sent agents to seduce members of Congress. And the first mention of Covid is after “send us your Christmas photos” (and is Fauci saying schools should be open.)

          Calling all of those people (or the posters who come here to ask questions) immature or stupid not not fair and not helpful. They have been deliberately misinformed by political leaders and media that views this as a political rather than public health issue.

          And while we are at is, for everyone who keeps saying “where would we wear those business formal clothes”, take a look at he photographs posted to CourtWatchLA on Twitter over the past two weeks and spare a moment’s thought for those of us who have to be there.

  16. Gift idea help needed! I drew my 20-year-old brother in law for our family secret santa. Budget is $150. He’s a well-rounded college kid, but as far as I can tell, has pretty much everything he needs in the way of clothes and electronics. He lives in an off-campus apartment. I am really drawing a blank. I thought about custom/monogrammed golf club head covers but all the good websites seem to require lead times of months, not weeks.

    1. I would check out the gift page on the Orvis website. They have nice stuff that could be a stepping stone from college to real world (like nice wallets).

        1. I don’t know, spin it as encouraging him to drink quality instead of quantity. That was the line my parents took when I started to drink a little, a few months before I reached drinking age (18 here).

        2. What about cocktail supplies that don’t include alcohol? Shaker, ice mold, book, etc.

    3. Does he have a nice(ish) work bag? Bloomingdales is doing their friends and family sale now – maybe a backpack? I know we’re not traveling now but my dad bought me a Coach duffel before I went to college and I am STILL using that thing literally 20 years later – Lo & Sons, Monos, and Dagne Dover are my personal brands of choice since I doubt you can get a Tumi for that amount. I HATED Away but I realize they’re a social media darling.

    5. Board game – Azul, Sushi Go Party or, if he is more geeky, Wingspan, Everdell, Scythe. Lego has great sets for adults, including Star Wars, Harry Potter, architecture, etc. Or is he into cooking – then a cookbook, nice olive oil, cast iron pan?

    6. What about nice leisure-wear? A friend recently recommended Outdoor Voices as having really nice, soft sweat pants and sweatshirts. I ordered the cloud knit ones for my 24-year old brother, who is also impossible to shop for. Pants plus shirt came to about $150 – way more than he would ever spend on them, but I think will be appreciated.

      1. I was going to suggest this as well. Also $150 is a lot for a secret santa/blind gift! I think comfy sweats/leisure wear will almost certainly be used and appreciated.

    7. What about a food delivery service gift card? Or gift cards to his favorite restaurants so he can get take out? This would have been awesome in college, pandemic or no.

    9. Weighted blanket, waterproof case for airpods or airpod pros if he has either of those, a gift certificate to Dick’s sporting good, cash wrapped in a clever way, Oakley sunglasses (great sales going on right now).

    10. Lululemon ABC pants (which many of my friends wear to work – if he has an in-person internship this summer…)

  17. Has anyone ordered shelving from Uline? I’m looking at wire-type shelves to store paper goods, extra food products, etc. in my basement. Uline has the most options in terms of sizing, so that the shelves would exactly fit my space (it’s a corner). But, they’re rather pricey.

    Target and even Container Store (the Intermetro line) have cheaper and similar looking shelving, but with a much more limited number of dimensions, such that I could get much fewer shelves for this corner space.

    If Uline is good quality, I don’t mind spending the extra $ – but I hadn’t heard of them before google searching for shelves, so thought I’d see if any of you have tried them. Or, in the alternative, if there is anywhere else that has shelving with a variety of dimensions, that would be useful too. Thanks!

    1. I haven’t purchased from Uline but I would avoid wire shelves if you are looking to store smaller items and food stuffs. I find them very annoying and much prefer solid shelves. If it is just for big, bulky stuff, they are probably fine. We have a few sets of these for the basement and they have held up for probably ten years with no issue (including a move)
      https://www.homedepot.com/p/HDX-Chrome-6-Tier-Heavy-Duty-Metal-Wire-Shelving-Unit-48-in-W-x-72-in-H-x-18-in-D-HD18481302PS-1/203846551

    2. My husband has some of their shelving and a table from them in his workshop and loves them. They’re very sturdy, although I’m not sure which ones he has.

      OTOH, the Uihlein family is… not so great and major Trump supporters.

    3. Forgot to add that I also have some of the Target wire shelves in a closet and they’re great and perfectly sturdy for your purposes. The Uline shelves are built like a tank, but I think they’re overkill for what you need. To combat things falling between the wires, you can buy shelf liners specially made for this purpose. I think I got those on Amazon.

    4. I’ve never *personally* purchased from Uline, but I have purchased on behalf of an employer and the quality was really good since uline’s target demographic is commercial spaces/businesses.

    5. I guess you never worked retail or in a restaurant, then, LOL. Yes, get them. ULine, Madix and Metro are industry standard – they’ll hold up well in your house.

    6. Costco might have something. We bought some of their garage storage racks and they have held up great.
      I feel like my life is practically sponsored by costco at this point.

    7. The owners of Uline are huge Trump supporters and donors. Do what you wish with that information.

  18. Anyone have a non-Apple smart watch that doesn’t suck? Looking for a gift idea, non-apple phone user.
    TIA!

    2. The Galaxy watch is great for android users. I have gotten compliments from iphone/apple watch users because it looks more like a watch and less like a “computer screen on your wrist” than the apple watch. The outer edge of the face is metalic, and you can select a traditional clock face for the display if you want to, but I think it has the same functionalities of an apple watch.

      1. +1 I’m wearing my Galaxy watch right now. I like it a lot. My only gripe is with the Samsung Pay – it seems to work at more places on my phone than it does on my watch. Granted, I haven’t tried it at all since March so maybe there have been some updates since then. But otherwise I’m a big fan.

    3. Love my FitBit Charge 4. I get texts to it. Android users have form replies they can send from it.

    4. they get mixed reviews but I really like my Fitbit. I have the ionic, which is not one of their wunderkinds anymore but is good. The biggest thing for me is that the charge lasts for days, unlike Apple. I don’t need photos or games on my watch and even though it would be nice to have some of the Apple apps, any of the stuff that is supposed to replace your phone I wouldn’t use because I don’t like going on walks without my phone just in case.

    5. Android user and love my Garmin Forerunner 245 Music. I got it for running and had no desire to have the smart watch functions, but turns out I really love it.

  19. I’m not sure if this exists, but does anyone know of a place to buy a nice looking framed magnetic display board? I am trying to find a nicer looking version of a pin board for a tween room (tests/artwork/photos/etc.) all are displayed and I’d prefer to do that with magnets vs. push pins.

      1. I do not know why Etsy never occurs to me! Thank you, there are a zillion shops that do JUST this and let you customize the wood/etc.

      2. +1 for Etsy. I have a custom magnetic board I ordered several years ago that I love – custom color and custom design (not framed though).

    3. What about a magnetic whiteboard? We had a regular one with a wooden frame when I was a kid that totally looked nice enough for a wall, if we hadn’t been continually using it to write song lyrics on. Googling brought up a couple options at Target or BBB.

  20. I love media about scams and scammers, and got some good recommendations here for it! To return the favor: the Chameleon podcast. I remember seeing an article about this scam years ago, but the podcast offers soooo much more!

    Any other new finds?

    1. Have you watched McMillions? It’s a documentary about the McDonald’s monopoly scam. I think it’s on HBO.

      1. +1. Incredible doc.
        If you told me it was fiction I’d believe you – the characters are crazy.

    2. Have you listened to the Bad Blood podcast yet? The book is also good.
      The Dream is less about out-and-out scams as it is MLMs and the “wellness” industry.
      There’s also a podcast called Fraudsters – I wasn’t really into it but it sounds like you might be. They’ve covered Miss Cleo and the Psychic Readers Network, Anna Sorokin and Jim Bakker.

    5. Chameleon is BONKERS. I’m still at “wait wut?” in terms of understanding it all though!

    6. Check out the podcast Swindled. The narrator is a bit weird but the stories are good.

  21. I just found out I’m being “redistributed” out of my department (where I’ve been the last 3 years) to a department that I have no experience in. I’m being moved with about 30 other people. I’ve been assured it wasn’t a performance problem, and that the decision was made several levels above my supervisor. My supervisor found out an hour before I was told.
    I’m just feeling very unmotivated now. Though I had been in the department for 3 years, I started a new role 4 months ago. I worked very hard to get placed in that role and was excited about it and learning a lot. This role was a milestone for me, and I feel like I no longer have control over my career.
    I’m grateful to still have a job, but this just really stinks.

    1. Cheerfully handling acquisitions, mergers, spin and a zillion internal reorganizations is the key to a long term career. Investigate what the new job will entail and if asked internally profess your interest in learning a new skill set.

    2. I’m sorry this happened to you. Generally speaking, having broad experience can be a positive so I hope you will be able to benefit from it in the long run. But having your job changed against your will sucks.

  22. Ladies,

    Just wanted to say that if you aren’t using a retinol and Vitamin C serum yet, now is the time. I took the plunge a couple of months ago, knowing I was going to be remote until at least next spring and I’ve had a terrible case of retinol uglies that for the most part doesn’t show up on video calls and is covered by my mask when I have to venture out. I had been putting off regular use of both because of the skin peeling/flaking and redness I knew came along with skin acclimating. I am now through the adjustment face and my skin is looking awesome.

    1. I still prefer retinaldehyde. But I agree that now is the time for treatments that affect appearance, especially if you have the Zoom filter turned on.

  23. Another post looking for gift ideas. I am out of ideas for my BF this year. He loves and collects old books manuscripts and maps, and likes gadgets, updated electronics, and cocktails and Scotch (but already has most barware essentials and I don’t want to buy him just a nice bottle). We’re not big gift people but this year feels like a good year to show appreciation. Thinking in the $50-$75 range.

    1. Cocktail kit? Not sure where you are but we have several local markets doing cheese of the month clubs (Each Peach and La Jambe in DC if anyone is looking for some around here). Virtual tasting class? Contact a local bookstore and see if they have anything you might buy for his collection?

    2. Does he have fancy ice molds? Giant cubes or spheres are preferable for sipping cocktails because the ice melts slower. Another idea is a decanter.

      1. +1. I have a silicone mold for six giant cubes and vastly prefer them over the standard plastic molds that came with the freezer. Also great for ice on a hot day that will last a while in your glass.

    3. Does he like making cocktails? Maybe the Drinking French book from David Lebovitz.

      1. Funny enough… I just bought this book for myself! It’s amazing! Maybe I will let him read it :)

          1. Unrelated to the question but his book about renovating his French apartment is delightful.

    5. I saw a book recently of maps of places in books- so like, Hobbit-ville (I have not read nor watched LOTR or the Hobbit, judge away…) or GOT-land (same). Probably classic book maps too. Could be a cool part of a gift!

  24. Warm gloves help, please. I’m looking for gloves for walking, not hiking, skiing/winter sports, when the temp is in the 30s and below. I have some leather gloves with furry lining from Macys a few years ago, but my hands still get cold. I’d like to order online from REI or similar, or get curbside from local outdoor stores, but I don’t’ want to walk into a store. Any suggestions for specific brands and styles? Being able to text with the gloves is nice, but not essential. Thanks!

    1. UnderArmour gloves from Dick’s Sporting Goods….I have several styles for winter sports and wear them for running, hiking, walking…they’re great.

  25. What’s the best fake gin? We normally drink Hendrick’s or Tanqueray 10 — nothing too floral or piney — and I wanted to buy some fake gin for dry January. Seedlip? Ritual? MONDAY? Lots of options.

    1. I’d be interesting in any reviews of the fake spirits market in general! Also looking to cut back on booze but it would be great to still do bar-like concoctions at home.

      1. I can’t speak to gin, but I really like the Gruvi line of non-alcoholic spirits. Particularly, their sparkling “wine!”

    3. Seedlip is great, all flavors if the description appeals to you. Ritual was terrible and I can’t recommend any of their spirit dupes. Have been happy enough with Seedlip and fake G&Ts to not try others.

    4. What’s your favourite gin drink? The seedlips have very different flavour profiles.

      I think Seedlip grove works very well with ginger beer. The green one goes better with herbs, like a basil smash or a lighter summer herbal drink. I like the last one less, but IIRC it works okay with tonic.

      But don’t forget fancy bitters. A dash of cucumber bitter with soda water, lime and ice is actually very nice!

  26. I’m feeling kind of salty about something, and I’m trying to decide if I’m justified.

    The minister for a church we belonged to before we moved out of state has reached out to us asking for money to help make ends meet. A lot of money – $4,500. (The amount is tied to our previous tithe at that church…money we tithe now to our current church.) They normally rent their space to various community groups (scouts, etc) and that’s where they get their money, but with COVID, they don’t have any rental income coming in, so they’re really hurting. Understandable.

    But the part of this that’s really bothering me is that the minister doesn’t allow/believe in/support fundraising – you know, all the things groups do to raise money like sell things, work concession stands at ballgames, etc. The minister’s take is that the church should support itself from within and that God will provide.

    But God provided able bodies and clever minds, no? If times are tough, wouldn’t this be the time to look at fundraising, rather than asking former members to give thousands to a church they no longer belong to? (And I understand that COVID takes away some fundraising mechanisms, like, say, ballgame concession stands.)

    We’re going to give something, because we understand the need and because we can, but yeah, feeling pretty salty about being asked for $4,500 from a church we don’t belong to.

    1. I don’t see how his request isn’t fundraising itself! He just contacted someone who isn’t even a member and requested money, even naming a specific amount based on data that was retained from previous gifts.

    2. What the what? Now, I am coming from the position of an atheist, but why would you contribute to a church you are no longer a part of? This seems like a great opportunity to revisit the fundraising suggestion.

      1. I don’t get this either. If you want to show some support, write them a $100 check and move on. I guess my question is – did they reach out to you, personally, for $4,500, knowing that you are no longer a member, or is it that you are just still on some mailing list and a mass appeal got sent asking everyone for $4,500?

      2. actually, after thinking about this for a little, this atheist is a little surprised by the general consensus that there is zero reason to feel an obligation to the church community that you belonged to before you moved. I always thought it was about the community and building relationships, so if you belonged there until recently, I would think that there still is a connection that justifies reaching out and asking for help (although whether you are able to help is another question).
        Furthermore, if your previous church carried important charitable services in the community and you knew that your donation can keep xyz service running, then surely the ask wouldn’t be perceived any different from any charitable organization that I’ve ever donated to, reaching out in 2020?

    3. I am pretty religious and I agree that God gives us many gifts. If I was in your shoes, I’d pray about it, and if no nudge, contribute a small amount (like $450) or offer to pay for a fundraising consultant who specializes in non-secular nonprofits. There are many things churches can do now to help people and stay relevant, including raising money to do those things.

      1. As someone who is not religious and genuinely curious, what does “pray about it” entail? I get the idea of talking to God about whether to do this….but then what? You go with your gut feeling? Or how does that help you in making a decision? (This is not a criticism or judgment; I’m just genuinely curious about this process.)

        2. Not the prior poster but I’ve generally understood it as the equivalent of “pondering about it”/meditating on it and generally what comes out of it is a gut feeling or a weighing of the pros and cons, maybe subconsciously. God or your inner voice or your gut telling you what to do.

    4. This is not your problem to worry about any more. Don’t give it another thought!

    5. It’s offputting for sure — especially the amount, geez — but I would assume that most normal fundraising mechanisms are simply not available during COVID times. And, they may need the money NOW, as opposed to the long lead times that some fundraising opportunities have.

    6. I know this is bad, and I apologize. But I read posts like this and I think to myself, this is exactly why L. Ron Hubbard wanted to start a religion. Because it’s so easy to get believers to open their wallets.

      Why are you giving anything to an organization you aren’t a member of any more? I truly don’t understand your impulse to say yes to this. Let the current members of the church solve the church’s problems. You don’t feel the money you’re giving to that church could be better donated elsewhere?

    7. Fundraising often seems tacky and irrational to me (if I don’t want to give you money for your cause, I definitely don’t want to give you money for your cause + some spaghetti dinner), but clearly my psychology is not the norm because it’s effective.

      1. Actually, you’re right, and most fundraising events are not that effective. There are some exceptions, but they generally don’t make that much money above the cost of putting on the fundraising event.

        My city has TONS of fundraisers. I finally decided I’d rather spend my dining out budget going to restaurants with the people I want to dine with, and spend my charitable giving budget supporting the causes I care about. And never the two shall meet.

      2. Yes, this is very true. Reaching out to people who had some former connection to the cause, with a direct ask for a specified amount of money, is actually by far the most effective way to fundraise. Obviously OP will feel what she feels and give what she gives, but this church leader is doing it right by professional standards.

    8. If the church should support itself from within, then he can solicit donations from current members.

    9. I’m Christian and a professional fundraiser. I think this is tacky. You’re supposed to tithe at your own church. Have you been doubly blessed this year such that you can double tithe? Doubtful. People are struggling. I would donate a nominal amount like $100 and say it’s nice to hear from them, mention you’re supporting your current church home, but want to give a small love offering.

    10. That’s awful. Is this an evangelical church? Our mainline Protestant church would never, ever do anything like this–they wouldn’t reach out to former members, they would never even target individuals, and they would never put a dollar amount on a request.

    11. I guess the minister’s philosophy is God will provide…through other humans.

      Isn’t a big part of fundraising soliciting donations? I don’t have a dog in the fight, but I ask b/c it seems your annoyance is perhaps tied to more? Are there other things about the minister that annoy you?

    12. If they’re supposed to support themselves from within, why are they begging from people who no longer attend?

    13. Just say no and move on. You’re just making up problems because you’re feeling defensive.

    14. So I belonged to a church with a priest who likewise had an opposition to fundraising. His was even stronger than what you’re describing – he didn’t want to rent out our space (we had an essentially entirely unused floor of our parish hall, in a desirable part of town), and that congregation was POOR like, seriously, seriously struggling. I found it frustrating, for the reasons you describe.

      That being said, from a Christian perspective, I’d advise separating how you feel about that issue from how you plan to respond. Pray, decide whether this is the best stewardship of the resources that God has blessed you with, and go from there. If you think this pastor and the governing body of the church are good stewards of funds once they’re in the door, that’s worth considering as you make your decision.

      1. + a million. churches don’t need more money. please give directly to the needy in your community.

    16. I am not religious but in my region (MA) ALL fundraising is off. Everyone has stopped hitting me up for wrapping paper or food bank items or bake sales or wrapping paper or whatever and has asked, politely, for cash. Everyone from boy scouts to the PTA to religious orgs. Even our local NPR station has stopped offering token gifts (gift cards, tote bags, etc) as part of their fund raising campaign.

      A direct appeal to parishioners and recent parishioners seems reasonable. If it doesn’t make sense for your family, simply don’t donate.

    17. So your former minister would rather guilt you into giving him money than do the hard work of fundraising in his own community. That’s convenient.

      I believe that my money is directed to my own parish and our “sister” parish (another parish in a very, very poor part of the state). If there is a systematic need to direct money to other parishes, that’s something to consider. However, I truly do not think it’s a good idea to give money to a church just because their minister doesn’t want to do fundraising.

  27. Obviously there’s a surge almost everywhere but are you personally hearing stories about people who traveled or gathered for Thanksgiving and subsequently tested positive? I’m pleasantly surprised that almost no one I know traveled or gathered so given that tiny sample size, I’m kind of not seeing who was out there.

    1. No, I’m so relieved that no one out of DH’s entire extended family who gathered together (30? 40 people?) has tested positive.

      Meanwhile, my MIL, who’s a high school teacher in a red state where schools are open, got COVID, likely from an asymptomatic student because she hadn’t been anywhere but school and home.

      1. What state are you in? That’s shocking to me. I know dozens of people and 4 who have died in MA and NY.

        1. PA. Our close family, friends, and neighbors are all behaving cautiously (not in total lockdown mode, but not doing anything indoors with others without masks on), and I imagine any casual fb friend acquaintance types are unlikely to broadcast the news in a status update, maybe?

          1. I am in PA and know more than 5 personal friends who have or have had it, and numerous folks who have been exposed to a confirmed positive person. We’ve also had several positives on our local campus even though the vast majority of people are WFH.

        2. I don’t think Cat’s comment is that shocking. I am in NYC and only know two people personally who have had it. One in London and one in another state. No one I know personally in NYC has had it.

          And just to confirm, I am not downplaying the severity of the virus at all, just pointing out that I don’t think it is that shocking to not know many people who have had it…

          1. Agreed. I’m in Northern VA and can only name 1-2 people who have had it so far.

        3. As a data point – I know only two people personally who have had it. I’m in GA.

      2. Same, Cat. None of my family or immediate co-workers or local friends. Some people in my Facebook feed had COVID earlier this year, and some people in my office building apparently, based on the “case on the 11th floor reported, have cleaned the common areas” notices. In the DC region.

      3. Not OP, but I am in GA and I know one who had it (close family, acquired from household help) and one who has tested positive for antibodies. That’s it. And I am part of a social group that has continued socializing throughout. It is surprising

      4. I guess I’d caveat THAT YOU KNOW OF. I think there’s probably a lot more people who’ve had it that aren’t saying. Not close friends but neighbors.

        Our kids were playing outside masked with neighbors kid who wasn’t masked. DH asked what their Thanksgiving plans were. Seven year old artlessly told him, “oh we were going to travel but canceled because my mom tested positive”

        We definitely saw her around that time and she definitely didn’t tell us (or anyone so far as I can tell beyond keeping her kids home – i did notice that!)

        1. Well of course- that’s what I meant by my comment about casual fb friends. Maybe one of my college friends that I don’t really talk to anymore but hangs around my news feed had it but I had no clue because they didn’t post about it on fb.

          But yes, only one person that I actually know IRL has told me they have it, vs. hearing secondhand about “a colleague’s sibling” or “neighbor’s girlfriend’s adult son at college” testing positive. Fortunately everyone I’ve heard about has recovered smoothly – to the extent they had any symptoms at all.

        2. +1 to this, especially because a lot of people are judgmental about people who have it (assuming they did something “wrong”) so people may just be keeping it quiet.

    3. Not directly, but our office has had several positive cases within the past few days. Of course, I don’t know what most of those people did for Thanksgiving, but the timing is right.

      1. same. My workplace reports # of positive employees, and it jumped significantly this week.

    4. Yes, my SIL and her boyfriend traveled out of state to spend Thanksgiving with his family and they both tested positive after. They think they caught it from his grandma.

    6. Yes, I’m one of them (brought by a family member from Florida that keeps popping into town and showed up with no warning). I followed the rules. Still suffering.

    7. Yes, I know a family that had a 10 person gathering at Thanksgiving, and now 3 or 4 of them have COVID.

    8. What’s the point of this? Are you trying to counter actual hard statistics with anecdata? None of the people who are represented in the stats are acquainted with people you know on line, so everything is okay and you can go ahead and gather with your family for Christmas?

      1. It’s an honest question. Better to at least question the idea that “it seems safe.”

      2. For me it’s the opposite. There have been so few cases in my circle (which I’m very lucky about) that it’s sometimes easy to forget how real this is. It’s helpful to be reminded that it IS happening. I wish it weren’t happening.

      3. You wish, right? Because then you could lecture me for being irresponsible and part of the problem. You may need to find someone to pick on. I grocery shop once in 2.5 weeks at 7 am and literally go no place else, haven’t seen a friend even outdoors or distanced or whatever since March so no I’m not about to hop on a flight to Vegas for Christmas decor or even drive to see family. Just curious is all because while the numbers are bad, I’m just not hearing anything personally.

    9. Yes, kid’s music teacher at school (gathered with family – don’t think it was big) and now school’s closed for a week :/

      She’s probably mid-fifties? Not cool, but I do love her.

    10. I haven’t from thanksgiving gatherings specifically, but since approximately election day is when I’ve started to hear of many more people in my circle (e.g., fellow suburban mom friend, several parents of kids at my kids’ school, etc.) getting COVID – I went from knowing ~3 people who have had it to ~10. I live in a well-off Chicago suburb, and it seems to be people in their late 30s/40s getting it now, among my circle.

      1. Wonder why? Is it just rampant community spread? Or have people let their guard down in some way? Or have gone back to offices even PT?

    11. Yes – 3 separate friends who saw extended family i.e. uncles, aunts, etc. but didn’t even travel out of state have told me that they have tested positive. I am in NE. Public mask wearing compliance is 100% but the virus is spreading through events like these where people are comfortable with each other and don’t wear their masks. I was so sad about not seeing my grandma, but I stand by my decision.

    12. In North Jersey, I know 8 people diagnosed with COVID since Thanksgiving. A family of 5: kids are asymptomatic and both parents are ill (1 has been hospitalized for 5 days already. The 3 others I know of are co-workers.

    13. I traveled (2-hour drive, no stops) for a 4-person gathering and no one got sick. We strictly quarantined before and after. Like others, I also don’t know anyone who has had covid.

    14. Several staff at my kid’s school and another neighborhood school (both private and open) tested positive this week. I’m in NYC and have long lost count of how many people I know who had it, but thankfully I know only a few who lost someone to COVID and no one I know personally has died of it. Knock on wood. My mom and her husband had it in April and are thankfully fine now.

  28. I had been struggling with a lot of basic life stuff for years, and then around September this progressed to full on depression. I got on medication and started therapy around the same time. The medication helped a little, but after about 8 weeks it REALLY kicked in and I feel just totally different, and better, than I have in years. I’m suddenly able to pretty easily focus on work, to exercise, eat better and am feeling about as good as one can be in the middle of a pandemic. I’m much less irritable with family members. I can make decisions more easily without feeling stuck or bogged down. But now I feel like I have nothing to talk about in therapy? Before we mostly focused on introductory stuff and figuring out skills to deal with my low energy and lack of motivation and all of the above issues. They are basically gone now thanks to medication; it’s been about a month. Most of what we seem to talk about is how much better I feel and all the “wins” I had the prior week — cooking, exercising, keeping up with work… I don’t feel like I really need therapy anymore, but perhaps I’m wrong, since this is my first experience with therapy and it’s only been a few months. Should I stay in therapy?

    1. I know people love therapy, but I really think there are two kinds of depression: situational and chemical. People can have both or sometimes you just have one. In broad, sweeping generalizations, chemical depression responds to chemicals and somewhat to therapy; situational depression responds to therapy and somewhat to chemicals. My depression is purely chemical and I could talk til I’m blue in the face, but it wouldn’t do anything for me; meds are the only thing that work for me. And if yours is just chemical and meds are working for you and you think you’ve gotten everything out of therapy that you can, congratulations! Time to have the “I think I’ve gotten all I can out of this” convo with your therapist :)

    2. Maybe you could talk about setting some new goals to accomplish with your newfound energy (or things to catch up on since you are now more able) and work towards those. But I also think you get to decide how you want to spend your time & where you want to devote your energy — that doesn’t have to be therapy if it’s not productive right now. Kill it at work, apply for a new job, take a class or spend an hour gaming with your family instead. Enjoy your life. You can always go back if you change your mind & feel like you need it.

    3. Do you like the therapist? If so, I would scale way back but maintain the relationship.

      My husband has clinical depression. When he is doing well (like you are now), he might see his therapist quarterly. When he is not doing well, he will see the therapist weekly or more. Seeing the therapist when he’s doing well means the therapist knows what our lives are like when things are bad.

      When he sees the therapist less often, they talk about higher level things (life goals, thoughts on long terms relationships and their issues, etc) and scale meds up or down.

      1. +1. Your needs will wax and wane over time. I’m glad to hear you’re feeling better!

  29. I’m attempting my first Hanukkah celebration. I’m Catholic, husband is Jewish, and in the past we traveled to his family for Jewish holidays. Passover happened right after the pandemic started and I didn’t have time to mentally prepare and was busy with work, so DH threw together a meal and we met his family over Zoom.

    I’d like to do it right this year (as right as I can as a shiksha I guess) because I want to celebrate Jewish holidays with our future kids. We are planning a Friday night meal then Sunday zoom party, and here’s what I’m thinking:

    Brisket (found an instant pot recipe)
    Kugel
    Latkes
    Green beans or asparagus as a veggie

    Do I need to make a dessert since the kugel is sweet? Anything else to consider?

    1. Sounds yummy. Kugel, while sweet, is still a side dish, so I recommend dessert. Cookies are fine with that menu.

      Note, people will tell you Hanukkah is a minor holiday and doesn’t need a big family meal like Passover, but if you feel in the spirit, do as much as you want!

    2. I’m not Jewish, but my Jewish friends adamantly maintain that kugel is a side dish and never a dessert :-)

    3. We normally do that meal minus the kugel. We play dreidel with chocolate felt after dinner so no need for dessert!

    4. Yes, make a dessert! Kugel is definitely a side dish. I suggest something small you can eat all week – brownies or cookies cut into bite sized or two-bite pieces. The meal is big and I always appreciate a little something at the end!

    5. Rugelach! I’d never consider kugel a dessert, even if it’s sweet. Rugelach are delicious and not hard to make.

    6. Donuts are fun for dessert because they are fried and Hanukkah is all about the oil.

    7. The Kitchn did a roundup of their best/favorite Hanukkah recipes. It’s a mix of traditional and modern food that might have ideas for you.

    8. Yes, make a desert. Anything fried in oil is traditional (i.e. donuts) but my mom doesn’t like to deep fry and always made things like brownies and cookies so people could wander around with them.

      We don’t do kugel for Hanukkah, but my mom would roast root veggies (parsnips, carrots) with the brisket to serve. An instant pot receipt probably isn’t going to come out that traditional for the brisket, but we are also the people who hold Mexican Seder at Passover and give Elijah tequila, so I’m the last person to find less-traditional options problematic.

    9. your comment made be think of Charlotte from sex in the city. Sounds like a great meal! but I don’t know if you need latkes and kugel. If you are doing the meal on a Friday night, I’d ditch the kugel, add in a Challah since it is shabbat and for the dessert you could do cookies, rugelach, mandel bread, or the traditional Hanukkah desert is jelly donuts, but i don’t actually like those (and if you don’t like baking, just buy the desert). as someone else pointed out, in Judaism, Hanukkah is technically a minor holiday, with Passover, Rosh Hashanah and Yom Kippur being a much bigger deal.

    10. That sounds like a great menu (you don’t say what kind of kugel you want to make- noodles? potato? carrot?) but yes, kugel is a side, not a dessert. Agree with the above about adding a dessert.

      One thing nobody has mentioned yet is what to serve with the latkes. Some families serve apple sauce with the latkes. Others use sour cream. While some people are open to both, others have strong sports-team level feelings about using one and never the other. You may want to check what his family does.

      Good luck!

      Signed,
      Team Apple Sauce

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