Tuesday’s Workwear Report: Stretch Sheath Dress

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Our daily workwear reports suggest one piece of work-appropriate attire in a range of prices. Happy Halloween! This sheath dress is from Emerson Rose, which may or may not be the brand that Nordstrom intends as a replacement for Classiques Entier, which before that sort of replaced Semantiks. (They mix up their house brands from time to time — the last time this happened, I don't remember whether there was overlap between the two brands or not.) Emerson Rose has been around for a year or two, and the pieces are generally office appropriate. This dress, which looks great, does have a bit of an exposed zipper, but it's not horrible, and it certainly isn't the full zip like we noticed at the end with all Classiques Entier dresses. People usually either love or hate these kinds of necklines — I kind of like this one, but in general a lot of them remind me of the ’80s movie Soapdish (which is amazing, by the way). It does sound like they're having fit issues with this — that's why the reviews are low — but it's a great sheath dress for $149. I like the three-quarter sleeves and the neckline and the hemline, and note that it's not ponte; it's a suiting fabric. It comes in sizes 4–16 at Nordstrom for $149. Stretch Sheath Dress Here's a plus-size option. This post contains affiliate links and Corporette® may earn commissions for purchases made through links in this post. For more details see here. Thank you so much for your support! Seen a great piece you’d like to recommend? Please e-mail tps@corporette.com.

Sales of note for 2/7/25:

  • Nordstrom – Winter Sale, up to 60% off! 7850 new markdowns for women
  • Ann Taylor – Extra 25% off your $175+ purchase — and $30 of full-price pants and denim
  • Banana Republic Factory – Up to 50% off everything + extra 15% off
  • Boden – 15% off new season styles
  • Eloquii – 60% off 100s of styles
  • J.Crew – Extra 50% off all sale styles
  • J.Crew Factory – 40% off everything including new arrivals + extra 20% off $125+
  • Rothy's – Final Few: Up to 40% off last-chance styles
  • Spanx – Lots of workwear on sale, some up to 70% off
  • Talbots – 40% off one item + free shipping on $150+

And some of our latest threadjacks here at Corporette (reader questions and commentary) — see more here!

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309 Comments

  1. Ever feel like you make an effort to keep in touch but no one ever does the same for you? I’m naturally someone who wants to keep in touch with current and old friends. Have sent out 3 emails in the last week to say hi – to put a smile on others’ faces and selfishly hoping they’d say hi back. One person responds a week later and it’s an email that’s a monologue of their lawn care issues – not even asking about me – and this is the current friend. The other 2 are old friends and when we were around each other we’d literally talk daily; I realize life moved on but you’d think that’d still warrant an email to a – hey any chance you’re going to this event, would love to see you – message. I know these posts always devolve into – well I don’t respond to email or phone, you should’ve texted etc. but this stuff happens with such regularity that I’m always left thinking – why bother, everyone has their BFFs from high school and their mom friends and I’m not it so just stop trying.

    1. I hate to say it, but “[he’s] just not that into you” applies so tragically generally these days. Friendships, job-seeking for a job you’d really love and knock out of the park, etc. I pet sat while a friend was deployed and it was never truer: if you want a friend, get a dog.

      I have told my too-busy friends that we have to pledge to be in the same retirement villa. They were all in — a sure sign of how life is so all-consuming sometimes.

      Maybe: people just need to vent before they can be social? [I am so adult-interaction starved that I have vowed NOT to be that person]
      Maybe also: new friends.

      JSFAMO

    2. Maybe they’re jsut not that into you, but also consider that maybe your expectations of how staying in touch and stuff goes and theirs aren’t aligned.

      I know this is a bad excuse, but I tend to take too long with responding to emails from people I care about (and am not constantly in contact with) because I really care about giving them a good response, and so I don’t want to just throw anything out there.

      For some of my friends, bonding is talkinga bout substantive things, for others it’s chit chat about lawn care.

      All I’m saying is that your expectations of how people show they care aren’t the only right ways to show you care and are interested. Consider how they may see it differently and you might not think that they just don’t care. Of course, maybe they don’t.

      1. +1 I’m also guilty of putting off replies to friends I care about because I want to say the right things or just give more time and energy to writing.

      2. OMG me, too! And then it gets to be too long and I’m so embarassed it doesn’t get done at all and here I am, a simmering cauldron of self-loathing, and my friends think I’m awful. Which I kind of am, I guess.

    3. I wouldn’t say they’re not into you, they’re just more into themselves. And, you may be the person in the relationship who is the keeper-in-toucher and the planner-of-get-togethers. I have that role and yes, sometimes it makes me feel like I am doing all the heavy lifting. And some people are just rude. And some are just not emailers. Try not to take it personally, and keep investing in the friendships that matter to you. If they are real friendships it will be reciprocated although maybe not on your schedule.

      1. I had that role for years and years with my high school friends…I finally decided to just let it go. We rarely see each other now.

    4. We’ve had this convo a few times here, and I’ve said this before- I am sometimes not very good at reaching out to friends I truly adore. I’m super busy (whassup biglaw), and I’m just not that great at it. But I want to be better and it’s 90% of the time *not* personal. I say this not to take the stance that my way is acceptable/justifiable/likely to keep my relationships strong, but only to say please don’t beat yourself up or take it super personally. I understand the impulse but really, it doesn’t mean that they basically just don’t care about you.

      1. But, as someone in the OP’s shoes most of the time, it is personal. Friendships are personal. It does, actually, mean you don’t care about these friends that you blow off. Maybe not true that you don’t care at all, but you don’t care enough to maintain the friendship. That’s something. I’ve finally given up on the friends like you who can’t be bothered to speak to me over months. I’m busy too, but my job and my family don’t mean that I’m too important to maintain friendships. What you are saying here is that you’re “super busy” and that means you don’t care about your friends enough for them to matter. Just own that.

        1. “What you are saying here is that you’re “super busy” and that means you don’t care about your friends enough for them to matter.”

          Are you illiterate? This logical leap makes no sense. You’re completely wrong. WTH is this b*tchy response that completely invalidates what I said for no reason and with no basis? You have no f’ing clue how I actually feel about my friends or my work. Maybe it is personal for some people, but it’s not for me. You don’t get to tell me whether I secretly don’t like my friends or don’t care about my relationships. You also don’t get to accuse me of “blowing them off” or not speaking to them for months. Maybe you are too needy and that’s why you’ve had to drop friends who don’t meet you demands. I said what I said to try to make OP feel better. Did you respond to me just to try to make me feel bad?

          I work terrible hours. My friends who get off at 5:00 or 6:00 might have to wait a few days or hours for text responses to things that aren’t urgent. It’s truly not personal, it’s just called working a demanding job that I can’t always take a mental break from to respond to your latest text about what your sister said about your weight or why that guy didn’t text you back or a “hello” email that frankly isn’t urgent. Super thrilled for you that you don’t have a job where you can always prioritize your friends and family but some of us don’t. It has nothing to do with *me* being too important, it has everything to do with serious deadlines for clients or needing to prioritize going to the grocery store so I have food in the fridge or whatever.

          1. Who peed in your cheerios? Do you know what “taking it personally” means? Saying it’s not personal means that the reasoning for an action isn’t related to my feelings about or opinion of that person and actions are not intended to offend them on a personal level.

            Fine. Have it your way. I hate my friends. I love “ignoring” them for long stretches at a time, and laughing at them as they pathetically attempt to crawl back. OP, your friends probably hate you too. They’re trying to let you know gently how little they care about you and how horrible they think you are by simply not responding, but you’re too dumb to take the hint. It’s totally personal.

            Is that better? Does that seem accurate? Is that a kind, open-hearted, reasonable interpretation of what is likely going on?

          2. Chuckling that you’re too busy at work to respond to a friend’s text…and yet you’re getting into an internet fight on a blog at 1:26pm on a Tuesday…

            LOLZ

          3. Hahaha, exactly– she can’t be bothered to respond to her friends, but she can write a diatribe to an internet stranger who calls her out. These responses just further indicate that she thinks she’s too important for her friends. We all have to go to the grocery store. We all have jobs. Some of us have to stay late. You’re not the only one– you’re just one of the ones whose friends don’t matter enough. (Though internet strangers do, apparently.)

            My ability to respond to my friends does not mean I do not have a demanding job. I suspect my hours are similar to yours, based on what you’ve written. I don’t get off at 5 or 6 either. I have clients too. Your tone is identical to the friends I’ve cut out, and it reminds me why I did it.

          4. You’re not “calling me out” on anything, because you don’t actually know anything about me. I simply cannot understand why you attacked for trying to make OP feel better. All I was trying to do was say something kind and honest to her and you lashed out at me, making baseless allegations and telling me how I actually feel and how I run my life, based on absolutely nothing. Probably because you’re taking your friends’ treatment of you personally. Who knows. Frankly, I don’t care what your reasoning is for attacking a stranger and deliberately misrepresenting what I’ve said, but I think you should consider where your hate is coming from. Pro-tip: if you accuse and insult someone like you accused me, they’re not going to respond with a nice “tone.” Maybe that’s why your friends quit talking to you?

            I love this little gotcha game.. really f’ing pathetic from grown women. Yeah, congrats, you caught me! Woo hoo, you really put me in my place! LOLZ! I just happen to not be super busy at work right now. But hey, this s*te has been tr0ll infested for a while, so.

          5. Whoa, Anon @ 1:26 pm, from an internet stranger who is just now reading this thread, you are sounding kinda insane. Telling other people that they are illiterate, b!tchy, pathetic, and needy just because they politely disagree with you??? Maybe you’re this upset because what they said struck a chord with you? Because your reaction was waaaaaay more heated and personal than warranted by what people have actually said to you.

          6. Anyone who has time to read and comment here has time to text or email a friend. You’re choosing not to. And that’s okay! I get it. Real life connections take much more work than jumping into a conversation with internet strangers. I can skip in and out of the internet with no repercussions. I can’t skip in and out with real people or they get p!ssed off. So, yeah. I’m here commenting instead of asking my friends how their weeks are going. I’m taking the easier road.

            We all get the same 24 hours. You chose how to use it.

    5. I’m you. I’m generally always the persons to reach out first, make plans, call, etc. even though I have young kids and work full time and often feel frazzled. But being social and staying connected is really important to me so I make it a point to reach out. Last week I told my BFF that I was the always the one who reached out first — I said it in a joking way, but she got the hint because she called me last night.

      Some of my friends are super responsive, others not so much.

      I do think some people are bad with email and better with text. Reach out if you want to, but perhaps step back if you’re feeling bad about it.

    6. I 100% emphasize with you and have dealt with this myself. The best advice I received was that as soon as you start getting that feeling it’s not being reciprocated/you’re doing all the reaching out, take a step back and don’t contact them. Its easier said than done but it’s really the best solution. Once I started taking a step back I realized which friends were simply busy and would get to my text, call etc when they had time and which friends did not value our friendship the same way I did, then I acted accordingly.

    7. Emailing just to say hi is too open-ended. Say hi, and if you don’t want someone to go on and on about whatever’s on their mind, ask about a specific topic, or say something made you think of them. You need to direct the conversation to be one about catching up.

      Also, suggest Skype calls, or say “hey, I’d love to catch up sometime, when are you free?”

      And maybe this is just a millennial thing, but I sorta suck at responding to social, “how are you” emails, I tend to respond better to Facebook messages.

      1. Please. I’m pretty sure OP knows how to say hi?! You can’t be suggesting that the messaging was wrong — I mean it seems like she asked if she’d see one of them at an event — pretty limited question if you ask me.

        1. “Have sent out 3 emails in the last week to say hi – to put a smile on others’ faces and selfishly hoping they’d say hi back. ”

          Yeah, I’m clearly a moron for picking up on that line.

        2. Um, yes?? She’s clearly not getting the kinds of responses she wants. I wouldn’t go straight to deep, meaningful conversation if I just got an out-of-the-blue “hi!” email. I’d just say hi back.

    8. Commeriseration – it’s exhausting to feel like you’re carrying the emotional labor all the time in relationships. I feel this with my family (like I think my mom thinks we don’t talk enough, but does she ever call me? nope – I always initiate) and used to feel it more with my friends. I’m still struggling with letting it go and be with my family, but a couple years ago I let go a lot of the friend expectations. In particular, I had one friend who was always flaking on plans. So I started creating alternative “rewards” for myself if she flaked again. So we would make a plan, I would accept that she may not go through and would tell myself that if she didn’t, that was ok because I was going to buy a pecan pie for myself. For some reason, this really worked. We sometimes hang out, sometimes not, but I feel less desperate and OK with it overall.

    9. Two thoughts on this:

      1. People seem to think that friends/people are an unlimited resource to be burned through. A friendship with Jane from college is equal to new friendship with Sarah who lives across the street and hosts playdates. Friends and people are interchangeable, so whoever is closest wins by default. Jane doesn’t rank higher than Sarah because of distance, but also because…

      2. Highlight Reels. A negative effect of social media is that people are more interested in a varnished “perfect” life than being real with friends. The history and feelings of “we’ve been through so much” should be strong with Jane, but since we’re all looking at our lives as highlight reels to be edited for public consumption, we don’t care that Jane has been there for years. We’re looking for picture perfect friends and experiences to stuff on our feeds. Like Sarah, and our kids playing in the sandbox together while we sip wine. I can filter that into a lazy, old-timey summer day in the neighborhood. #blessed

      1. Unfortunately yes – this is how people are nowadays. Shared history means much less to most than being the friend or acquaintance that allows you to put on social media — omg love my neighbors and that our kids are bffs #blessed.

      2. Wow, I didn’t put OP’s issue together with the highlight reel issue. I’m not an avid social media poster so I would never think that #blessed is more important than shared history. Interesting insight.

      3. The danger is that when you don’t make time for your old friend, Jane, she’s going to fade out of your life. Then when disaster hits the fan (your husband has an affair, your child has a severe health issue, your parent dies) you’re going to really want Jane.

        But, Jane has drifted away and your left with Sarah, who may be a fantastic person, but odds are you two had a superficial Highlight Reel friendship and she’s going to ghost when you get all weepy or angry and not very #blessed.

        So let’s all make time for Jane! We need Jane! Jane is going to visit you in the hospital, or hold your hand at your mom’s funeral. Don’t ever be too busy for Jane.

    10. I think about this a lot, since I am the person always reaching out, organizing, suggesting get togethers. I don’t mind too much, but sometimes it does feel like it’s always me doing all the work. I realize it’s not (usually) because friends don’t want to see me, but more so that people are so busy. I am too, but I also realize that if I didn’t do this, it would not happen and I would never have plans, which is not what I want. Making these plans is one of the ways I combat loneliness.

    11. I get this. So. Much. I have a group of women friends who used to have a set meeting once a month through the year. Ten of us, with a big helping of group dynamics – We did forming, storming, norming, performing, buuuuut…that’s not a neat process when you are 15 years in, and all of you are past 50. There were late joiners to email that are late joiners to texting. We have that sense of communal friendship, and yes, love, even if we have buried one and seen another through 2 servings of cancer and a return to health, and yet another through the suicide of her teen son and the tsunami of mental health issues that flooded in with the family as survivors.

      So – I am one of the youngest. And of course, I was not shy about using email. And I developed a sense of yeah – they know what to do with some correspondence. But I often did not get something back. It was well above survey responses but yeah, not close to 50%. People will disappoint you, but take a look at your expectations. As a kid, my grandmother wrote me on the regular. When I was a young adult, my aunt who I dearly loved, and who WROTE for goodness sake, said she is a poor penpal. And I was full of young adult internal WHAT? HOW IS THIS POSSIBLE? Then I took some perspective. My grandmother was retired and transitioned into an elder care facility, and her daughter was finishing a career, had several grown kids and grandkids, and was content to well, research and write up 3 geneologies. I do appreciate that, but it took “a minute” to gain perspective. A Ted talk on sending letters to strangers helped me understand the part of my correspondence that was for ME. Sending love into the world is important. It’s great, really. It’s at the heart of all work that supports family and community.

      I get that the lawncare bit might have left you flat. There might be room for writing back that makes it a joke. Or invite them out to lunch at a place where the greenery is beautiful, or have them stop by to administer last rites to an ailing potted plant (home or office)…you can make this yours & help others play ball. I say this as someone who, when sleep-deprived (often), can be more tone-deaf than the average Jane-on-the-street.

      Peter Gabriel has a “don’t give up” song that speaks to some of the ache. I’m in your corner, handing out some grains of salt for processing the replies. People still need each other, it’s just often on each person’s individual terms, which may include some banal chitchat about the lawn. Hugs.

    12. I’ve said it before, and I see you recognize it, but text don’t email. Email =work. I have a pile of them that I have to respond to. Text = friends/fun. I’m much more likely to respond to a text and have a bunch of ongoing threads with different groups of friends (group texts are great because the burden of replying isn’t always on you). It’s an easy way to stay connected. Also consider spontaneous plans rather than far in advance planning. It’s not that I don’t want to have a plan with you, it’s that a lot of times when that day rolls around I.am.exhausted and just not into it, and I know this, so I don’t make a lot of advance plans. But a “free for lunch or coffee today” or “drink after work tonight,” way higher likelihood of success. I’d just reframe how you communicate and plan – people are tired, overworked, and exhausted but they still love you and if you can adapt to that, you’d probably not feel so bad.

      1. Hate to say it, but I agree.

        Email just doesn’t have that same conversational, back-and-forth feel that texting and messaging does. I often feel like I have to write a lot to justify an email rather than a text or instant message.

      2. This millennial disagrees strongly. I hate nothing more than text chains that linger on forever. A friend on the other side who wants a full update via text? NFW. I’d much rather email during a down moment at home or at the office. IF you want the back and forth, call me, and if I have the time for the back and forth, I will pick up.

      3. I also disagree that email = work and texts = fun. To me, texts = logistics. They are brief bursts of information for making plans or checking in for updates.

        Anyway–the communication method isn’t important. If you prefer texts, then TELL YOUR FRIENDS TO SEND YOU TEXTS. Don’t just ignore the emails or the phone calls and think smugly, “Well, if you want to get a hold of me you have to send it in just the right way.” Maybe friendships would work better if we all opened our mouths and said something like:

        “Texting is the best way to reach me!”
        “My days are really dragging right now…if you find a funny meme, text it to me! I need a distraction!”
        “Hey–I can’t get together for coffee this week, but I’m dying to hear how your last date went. Can you send me an email?”

      4. I like email communication, but one of my good friends never responded to an invitation to get together until a week later. When we got together, she was like, “Why do you email? Nobody emails anymore. Text me.”

        It was a wake up call for me. Now I do more texting and get way more responses. Even for catch-up type communication, texting can work well. You can’t go wrong with sending someone a photo of something you’re both into or some inside joke with a text. People love that stuff. Sometimes the format does matter. Everyone is different, but things are going the way of texting.

        1. I don’t understand people who aren’t getting their emails but are getting their texts. Everyone is carrying around a smart phone that’s connected to their texts, email, FB, FB Messenger, Instagram, Twitter. It’s all right there!!!! They check it multiple times per day!!!

          I know there’s a meme about 2 Types of People with two pictures of iphones–one has no email notifications and the other has 999 emails. Clearly I’m the person with her accounts neat and tidy. I don’t understand the other type.

          1. Well, my texts come up as notifications. I don’t automatically check my emails because that is WORK. Why would I check it just for you?

        2. Also–I’m not yelling at you, anon @ 3:33. Just venting to the world in general. :)

        3. This – the key is figuring out what works for your friends. I am a texter. My friends know this. They don’t email. All of my friends (except for one dear friend who clings to email) get this. Even my email friend is catching on and texting. It’s what MY crowd is doing (YMMV). 10 years ago, it was email. In 5 years, who knows, maybe it will be Snapchat or something else I find annoying or for another purpose now. These threads all just remind me of my MIL who is sad all the time because people don’t call her but she refuses to communicate the way people are currently communicating. If you don’t like the trend, fine, you just don’t get to be hurt when you’re left out.

    13. Try something other than emails. They probably just don’t have the same preferences for how to keep in touch as you do, and that’s fine. There’s no one right way to keep a friendship going, so be a little less rigid.

      1. +1

        But it’s also okay to say to friends, “I like getting emails! If we can’t get together and you need to talk, shoot me one!”

        Friendships are give and take. It’s not up to the OP to figure out her friends preferred communication and then change herself to fit that. If she’s an email girl, her friends can step out of their comfort zones and send her a few emails.

    14. Please keep trying. I felt the same way and one day just decided: that’s it, I’m done putting forth all the effort. If my friends want to see me or talk to me they can reach out to me. Result? I’m in my late 20’s and have no friends.

      1. I agree. Keep trying. Your social support is really important to your health and happiness. It does take work. That’s just part of it. Nothing is necessarily wrong because it takes effort. Try not to keep score.

    15. I’m going through the same thing right now and can commiserate. I’ve sent a bunch of emails/FB messages/texts over the past month and my response rate has been pretty poor, which is disheartening. I’ve chalked it up to being at an age where everyone is just busy with their own lives, career, kids, etc. but it makes me sad. I’ll keep trying but I’ve accepted that other than a small core group of friends whom I talk to regularly, I probably am not going to have much luck in this endeavor.

    16. I read this just to get a perspective on a situation I was in a few years ago. I relocated to another country for work and hope to stay in touch with my then-friends. I was busy with relocation, new job, new people, being pushed out from my comfort zone to max, but still tried 120% to keep connected with my previous close friends. After a few months, sadly, realized that I was the one initiating all conversations and doing most of the effort only to find out min interest from others. During that year, my “friends” came to visit exactly zero times, even though they were in the city and we had plans made (they were on a business trip and we were supposed to meet for drinks after work), Which hurt. A lot. Then I have realized that other friends came and visited and made the effort to stay connected even though they were outside of my primary friends group. And I really appreciated it.
      Now I am back to my home country. I could not pretend that this never happend and I slowly let go of some relationships on purpose. I miss the old times from time to time, but I feel much better overall. For me, it was a reality check.
      To sum it up, if you want to stay in touch, try a different comms channel (a call or text maybe?). If this doesn’t work, well, you may find out to be better off with new friends.

  2. Best costume you’ve seen so far? Your own counts!

    I’m not dressed up, but I just saw an ON POINT Handmaid at the DuPont Circle Starbucks.

    1. My billing manager is Freida Kahlo. . . . great ! She’s Irish with red hair, so she says she’s Freida “o’Kahlo. . .

    2. Our theme at work was Dress Like a Food (this was on Friday) and a colleague came dressed as a box of Cuties!

      1. Fun! My beloved engineer put on his pumpkin hat and his Pi shirt, so, Pumpkin Pi at work, and pumpkin yeast bread for the potluck. Not *quite* cannibalism, eh?

    3. Ha! Would have loved to see that handmaid costume! I’m at a conference today so nothing fun. But I wore a cat costume to coach my exercise class this morning. :-)

      1. It was phenomenal. I took a photo for her holding her Starbucks, looking very moody and perfect.

    4. The best costumes at Trunk or Treat last week were an Amazon Echo (this kid always has an amazing costume; he was a Dalek a couple years ago) and a fidget spinner.

    5. Was my own casual WW costume, but obnoxious coworker made multiple teasing comments in a meeting, so I took off the lipstick and belt and lasso and now I’m just me, wearing my red blouse and blue skirt. I’m pretty bummed about it, but I don’t want to have to deal with more teasing. (Yes, he is immature. Everyone knows this. He’s senior enough that he gets away with it.)

      1. Aw, jeez, that’s a bummer. Can I persuade you to put back on just the lasso? I feel like that makes a point.

      2. Your coworker is an idiot.

        Also, I read that as “Was my own casual Weight Watchers costume…” Tells you where my mind is at today. *sigh*

          1. Don’t get me wrong, I know some great ones, but I encounter terrible dudes way too often.

          2. No, I get it. My husband and my son, for example, are fabulous. But most of ’em? Bah!

      3. Thanks all. I’d really like to put the costume back on and go out for lunch, but we have a mandatory potluck team lunch, and I’m not sure which will be worse, being in costume and getting the comments, or not being in costume and getting questions as to why, when I and other coworkers planned to dress as Justice League members and I was so excited about the costume (the other JL members did not follow through on their side of the plan).

        1. I’d opt for the costume and talk about the movie…or use the plotline about how she went undercover to support the war effort, which must be what the colleagues are doing, so you’re falling in line?

          Trying to help you out, while giving MAD PROPS for the excellent costume. And WW was known for some witty repartee, so if your idiot commenter doesn’t come around, there are enough Me Toos in the world that others will respect your efforts to insist on reasonable exchanges. Even if it’s a plain – “was that comment necessary? I don’t believe it adds to the conversation.”

          1. My response to the last comment was “I’m not sure how that’s relevant. Are there any more items on the agenda?” He apologized “if he had said something out of line,” and then went on with his day like nothing happened, and has blithely asked for my help on two other items so far today.

            Blech. He’s retiring in a month so it’s not worth a fight but I still feel deflated about the whole thing.

        2. girl. PUT IT BACK ON. own it. He’ll feel like the idiot. It’s not a good look to continue to harass someone. After all, what would wonder woman do?

      4. What?!? What a jerk. I actually saw your post last week and copied your costume. My belt will be delivered this afternoon, though. :-( I’m still wearing the blue skirt and red blouse, with knee high boots. I have the bracelets. I went with a WW necklace instead of a tiara, but I kind of wish I had the tiara. I love it, its a great costume.

        1. He wore incredible metallic gold make up – I have no idea how he actually applied it. He was completely unrecognizable. He seriously looked exactly like that statue.

        1. Seriously. He is one of our most beloved native people and it’s the world’s ugliest statue!

    6. The three of us who dressed as my boss ~killed it~

      Took a pic with him laughing. We are all anxious for our CEO to arrive so we can show off to him — and then take these damn wigs off.

      1. Nice! My coworkers chickened out on the plan we had so i am just ye ole boring devil’s avocado today

        1. Is that auto-correct? Because I am really intrigued by what a devil’s avocado might be….

          1. Advocate XD although I now have flashbacks to the “avocados at law!” scene from Daredevil…

    7. My company had a costume contest – departments dressed up in themes. The “Price is Right” (with a wheel and plinko!) won. It was amazing.

    8. 6 people walking 2 by 2 on the street in DC dressed up like little LEGO minifigure people. It was seriously impressive.

    9. I was Rosie the Riveter for our work Halloween potluck on Friday. I won the costume contest, though I have to admit… competition was not fierce. My bumper bangs were pretty legit, though.

      1. Haha nice. I wore comfortable jeans, lace up boots, a flannel, and vest and said I was a lumberjack. Lazy comfortable clothes for the win.

  3. Reading the Manafort indictment, I’ve never read one before. Is it common for an indictment to read like a story? I’m finding this so fascinating.

    1. I don’t know if this indictment is typical in style or not. However, I would like to emphatically recommend Preet Bharara’s podcast. I have been catching up, and the last two weeks’ episodes are great (interviews with Benjamin Wittes and with Bill Browder) and I am really, really, REALLY looking forward to this weeks’episode. I have to imagine it’s gonna be a good one. I think new episodes release every Wednesday (i.e. tomorrow)

    2. In my state, no that is not typical for a grand jury indictment. If it were a criminal complaint and had a preliminary hearing instead of going to grand jury, then yes the criminal complaint reads like a story, generally told from the investigating officer’s point of view and how he or she conducted the investigation. In my state, a grand jury indictment typically just has the charges with the applicable details filled in. But I don’t practice in federal court, so I don’t know if this is typical for federal grand jury indictments.

    3. I’ve practiced some criminal defense in federal court. In my area, it’s not typical for an indictment to read like a story when compared to all the indictments that come out of the US Attorney’s office. But it’s not unusual for there to be more detail and more style in indictments in high-profile, white-collar cases.

    4. This is typical of a federal indictment that charges a white collar conspiracy. The government is required to describe the “scheme to defraud” with sufficient particularity. So every indictment does not read like a story, but some do, depending on what is charged. It is typical for a case like this (by “like this” I mean white collar conspiracy).

      1. Yes agreed, for white collar crime (because of describing the ‘scheme’) and for high profile cases, especially. I was taught that a truly good legal brief reads like a story, but time constraints on prosecutors and the need to just check the necessary boxes means that doesn’t always happen. You better believe they knew this would be read widely so it had to read easily, flow well, be in plain English, and – most of all – connect every single dot leaving nothing open.

  4. I’m so grateful my office make things optional, not mandatory. I’m not feeling it today- UTI for me, toothache for DH, and I’m getting ready to go travel for a conference.

    I’m still looking forward to seeing the daycare kids come trick-or-treating, though.

    1. I opted not to dress up today, and I’ve been a bit worried that I’d have to explain that decision to everyone, but thankfully only one person has asked why I’m not wearing a costume. I get being curious since I decorated my desk, but there are only so many times I want to say “I just didn’t feel like it” or “I didn’t have the bandwidth for costumes this year.”

    2. Ooof UTIs are the pits. I hope the trick or treating kids make everything better.

    3. I’m wearing a onesie to work today (it’s an animal) and I want it to be halloween every day.

    4. I’m wearing a tshirt I got from a company commemorating a big project (at the time they were just starting). The project ended up destroying billions of dollars in shareholder value… I’m telling people it’s the scariest shirt in my closet. Sort of an inside joke but the other finance nerds in my office love it ;)

  5. I need some help motivating my team. They are generally good folks and hard workers, but people are phoning it in lately and it’s our busy time. I get that we all have real lives and no one wants to spend all of their time at work, but my boss (CEO) has started to ask a few pointed questions. He’s right, and I’m annoyed. Help me not be a jerk as I address this with them.

    1. Asking people to work “harder” in a generic fashion is likely to fall on deaf ears. You need to have a talk with each direct report about expectations, metrics and which of these they are meeting or not meeting. If they are phoning it in, you need to call them out on specific actions or behaviors which are not acceptable. You need to set a time in which you revisit their performance. This is management. If you’re still lost, read “Winning” by Jack Welch.

      1. This. I’d sit them all down at a team meeting and tell them it’s time to re-focus. I’d give examples of the phoning-it-in behaviors, and also let them know that the big boss has taken notice of it as well, and tell them what Big Boss noticed too. I’d let them know what my expectations were (being on time every day, meeting deadlines, billing more hours, etc.) Then, depending on whether things changed immediately or not, I’d have individual meetings. I’d also give praise at the next meeting if I saw individual change.

    2. It may be helpful to quickly read or review some of Sinek’s stuff- what comes to mind is his TED talk Why Good Leaders Make People Feel Safe and Leaders Eat Last. Approach it in a manner that gets buy in.

      I also like Daniel Goleman’s 6 leadership styles. For me personally, I’ve never been as motivated to never phone it in when my supervisor exhibited coaching leadership, but you may need to start at a different level right now.

    3. If it’s your entire team, it’s you.

      Have you been clear about expectations in terms of product (not face time)?

      Are people overworked, such that they burned out during your not-busy time and now DGAF?

      Are people being rewarded when they succeed (being thanked, getting good reviews, being put up for raises or promotions, etc.)?

      Are you carrying your own heavy load?

      1. +1

        You basically have described me. I have had month after month of busy-ness, even in periods that are normally slow. Now that it’s the actual busy time, I am already exhausted and am finding it hard to motivate. Throw in some minor personal life crises, plus the fact that I was told I will not be promoted this year, and there you have it. You have no idea how many bribes I set for myself just to do the bare minimum.

  6. I am looking for a dress for my husband’s Christmas party. I attend as a mere spouse, but want to make a good impression (selfishly, on my own behalf). DH’s company isn’t a client, but management types attend and are VVVIPs here.

    I’d love some sleeved gown / jeweled maxi-caftan, but just want whatever I wear to give off an August Thinking Woman vibe (sort of like what Mrs. Robinson would have worn to a Christmas party if she were a BigLaw partner and not after recent college grads).

    I wore a sparkly shift last year, which was fine but I had to wear with black tights b/c it was freezing and it came off more casual than intended.

    1. Can you tell us something about the party? Where is it held? Is it a come-from-work thing or does it have more of a night-out vibe? What do others wear?

      1. The party is on a Saturday, in the evening. It’s usually held onsite somewhere, but it could be like the company museum or on the floor of a factory that they are yet to christen (so not always fancy, but something that says “hell yeah we are awesome”).

        B/c they have factories, all strata in a division goes and they don’t want anyone to buy new clothes (esp. if hourly), so you see EVERYTHING — recycled bridesmaids dresses to something I think was Oscar de la Renta to something you’d wear to church the next day. It is very no-collar to white-collar for the crowd and of all ages (18-65ish). There is dancing also and people cut a rug.

    2. Thanks all! I probably can’t wear the plunging red one (which I do like) b/c with my bad sitting posture, I will be forever not attached to the dress part (and I’m flatchested enough that I could get away with it if I did nothing but stand). Lots of good ideas though!

  7. For some reason it’s not popping up in the search function easily, but what is the Target brand of sheets that everyone here loves? They’re having a 30% off bedding sale, and I think it’s time to replace and upgrade…

    1. I love the Threshhold Percale sheets. They sleep cool and are crispy cotton. This means they do wrinkle, but they are so comfy and wear like iron.

    2. Threshold. Their towels are great too they’ve stayed big and fluffy much longer than much more expensive ones.

    3. Love these, and have a set that may need replacing because my dog loves them too (…ate a hole in them…ay ay ay)

  8. Has anyone here had any luck clearing acne scarring with dermatological procedures? I’m talking about true textural scarring rather than hyper-pigmentation. I’ve finally gotten my acne under control after seeing a dermatologist, but the “purge period” from my retinoid left me with scarring that’s visible even under foundation. So far, research has indicated that lasers, peels, dermabrasion, subcision, and microneedling are the best options. I’m going to see my dermatologist in a few weeks, but I’m interested in hearing any success or failure stories from the crowd!

    1. What type of scars – hollow or keloid scars? Sorry to say that with hollow (ice-pick type), there is little hope. You can make them less noticable by reducing the redness. My derm did not recommend laser as she has seen only little improvement. But I am following this in case someone else has a success story :)

    2. I have heard success stories with microneedling for hollow scars, but it’s still only mild/moderate improvement. And that’s having it done in office, not with at home devices.

    3. I have various kinds of texture scars and have finished 2 out of 3 microneedling sessions (usually they recommend anywhere from 3 to 6) and my results are pretty amazing. I don’t expect that my skin will ever be as good as it was before I had acne, but I am 100% impressed and I’m not even done with my set of 3 yet. If I had known the results would be this good, I would have done this years ago. Also I have dark skin, so the minimal risk of hyperpigmentation with microneedling was important to me. Minimal downtime (my skin looked presentable enough after 24 hours and felt pretty normal if not a little dry. If you can afford it I would recommend it.

      1. Thank you so much for your reply! I have dark skin as well, which made me wary about some of the more aggressive treatments as well. It’s awesome to hear that your results were so good! I will definitely ask my dermatologist about this option the next time we meet! Thanks again!

  9. Really gorgeous dress today. Who’s getting it? I’m plus sized so I can’t – I need a vicarious shopping high.

  10. Following from the Rothy’s discussion yesterday, I am looking for pointed toe black flats with a leather insole. I LOVE the look of Rothy’s but after all the smell warnings I think they’re not for me. I have stinky feet naturally and I really need a leather insole. Does anyone have any favorites? I’ve been hunting for these for months and they’re surprisingly tricky to find!

    1. I’m looking to replace my pointed toe black leather flats as well. I’m considering Rockport’s Adelyn Ballet flat, though they don’t have a leather insole. Also looking at Vionic, they have a pair called Caballo. I need something with a little support and I too, would prefer a leather insole. I had the perfect pair from Clarks but finally wore through the sole, only to find they’re not making that style any longer.

      1. I just got these a couple of weeks ago – Trotters Estee Pointed Toe Flat (https://shop.nordstrom.com/s/trotters-estee-pointed-toe-flat-women/4086824). I wore them to a conference where I was working an exhibitor booth for 4-6 hours every day without a break-in period. Besides a little rubbing on my pinky toe, they were great. Pricey, but excellent and full leather. I definitely got several compliments on them as well. I have high arches and felt that they offered a great amount of support.

    2. I just bought some Frye flats with pointed toes — they come in a variety of colors. They seem like they will break in well. The only concern is that the back rubs a bit on my heel. I’m going to try to break it in with moleskin and hope for the best, but the rest of the shoe is pretty soft and comfortable.

      1. If it is rough stitching that is rubbing your heel/ankle, try a nail file to sand it down a bit. Sounds weird and destructive, but it’s really effective.

    3. I have the Everlane pointed flat in black, and I’ve been very happy with them. Narrow at the heels, which took some breaking in, but once I did, they are super comfortable and look great.

    4. A shoe repair place can replace the insole on shoes for a leather insoles – not sure if this would work if part of the upper lining is synthetic, but FYI.

  11. I know everyone suggests picking your own outfit for family pictures first, but what do you like to wear yourself? I’m in Texas and doing pictures soon, so it won’t be particularly cold. I’m 5’4″, size 4-6, mid-30s, and generally prefer to have my waist defined. Help me, kind internet friends!

    This should not be stressing me out so much but it feels like the one factor I can control in a very annoying annual ritual that I nevertheless force upon my family :)

    1. Ha I was just thinking about what I was going to wear for our own family photos. I’ve come up with dark jeans and black, heeled ankle boots so far. I am leaning toward a long sleeved white shirt with an interesting cut out detail. My husband can wear dark jeans and a gray/black/white and I will probably put our toddler in dark jeans and a colored top.

    2. What about a fit and flare dress in fall colors? You could pair it with booties, heels, wedges, or flats. I personally wouldn’t do sandals, even though it is warm, because it is fall. You could wear a pattern and dress your family in some of the other colors, or wear a solid color and dress your family in patterns.

      1. This is what I would do. Booties and a fit and flare dress in like, maroon, pine green, something like that.

    3. Patterned collared shirt under a sweater that shows your shape (I like a Tippi for this); jeans in color of your choice; pointed toe flats.

      I think ankle booties (particularly when worn with a dress), like cold or off the shoulder styles, are going to look dated quickly and aren’t flattering in pics.

    4. Guys, this is already so helpful. Anyone willing to virtually shop for me? I would love a long sleeved white shirt with an interesting cut out detail! Or a fit and flare in a pattern. Or actually a denim shirtdress with a defined waist!

      I feel like when I look online all I see are fancy sweatshirts (could do? but I’d be pretty casual?) or cold shoulder tops or giant bell sleeves which will look weird holding a kid!

  12. Ya’ll, what are your favorite pens? I know some of you have particular opinions on pens, and I’m looking for a new go-to. I’m currently using the BIC Ultra Round Stic.

    I’m left handed and I hate felt tips. I’d also like green and purple ink in addition to the traditional colors.

    1. I like the papermate inkjoy pens. Cheap and come in every color of the rainbow.

        1. They are great–I like multicoloured pens for big trials, to flag particular issues or cross-examination questions, or things to return to later. These are wonderful: smooth-writing, non-smeary, don’t bleed through or leak if they get wet.

    2. I am ride or die with Pilot V Ball – this pen, to be exact, in blue: https://www.amazon.com/dp/B00006IEBD/ref=twister_B00DK6PQB4?_encoding=UTF8&psc=1

      I have been using these for over half my life. Got some other people in my office addicted, too. I’m a left, and I like that this dries pretty quickly for a liquid ink pen – so, no lefty smears. They also have gorgeous color options – the green, red and purple are all excellent. I love this pen. Love it.

      1. I LOVE the Pilot Precise V5 (in red). I have my assistant order several boxes of it at a time so I never run out.

    3. Dang it, in mod. Here’s my post, without the l!nk:

      I am ride or die with Pilot V Ball – this pen, to be exact, in blue: [Pilot VBall Liquid Ink Stick Rolling Ball Pens, Extra Fine Point, Blue Ink, Dozen Box (35201)]

      I have been using these for over half my life. Got some other people in my office addicted, too. I’m a left, and I like that this dries pretty quickly for a liquid ink pen – so, no lefty smears. They also have gorgeous color options – the green, red and purple are all excellent. I love this pen. Love it.

    4. Curses! I am in mod twice. I am also a lefty and this is the perfect pen – Pilot V Ball Extra Fine Point in blue. Also other colors.

      1. you guys are crazy with these pilot v balls! I once had a teacher in school that required we use them and it drove me crazy. I hated them so much that got approval to use something else because I was left handed and claimed they’d smear – I’m not actually a lefty smearer, but I was desperate to avoid them, haha.

    5. Papermate Flair ultra fine. It’s more of a very fine tip marker actually but I love the way it writes. I have it in all the colors. I use blue, purple, green, and red most frequently.

    6. Never anything but Pilot G2s. I use the .38mm in Black because I have a deep need to carve the page like I’m using a quill but they have a ton of colors in 1.0mm too. And the ink is replaceable! ?

    7. Ooh I’m kinda of a pen snob. Most recent favorite that I bought a box of was the Staples OptiFlow Rollerball Pens, Fine Point in blue ink. The only thing I don’t like about these pens is the way they die – they leak and then I get ink stains on my fingers.

      Randomly, although I normally hate the giveaway pens found at expos/conferences, I ended up with a pen that I really liked this fall. So at the last conference I went looking for them and asked the sales guy (who I’ve known for a few years) for them, since they didn’t have them out on display. He gave me an entire bag of them – there are probably 25 pens in there. :D :D :D Yay for work friends! They’re white with a very small logo on them (important – I pretty much never use products that are branded, including our own), felt tip, blue, and I love them. Only complaint is that they die fast. I wish I could figure out who manufacturers them.

    8. I’m left handed and I only use the Pilot Precise V5, extra fine. It also comes in light blue, purple, green, and pink, which are the colors I use at work.

      1. +1 The Pilot Precise V5 in black is my go-to. I love that they’ve added a BeGreen version made of recycled plastic.

      2. +2 in blue. The only negative is that they are prone to exploding on planes, so I generally bring some backups when travelling.

      1. Ps I switched from a pen with a cap like the pilot V because I often found the cap off in my purse, or the cap would fling off when I was writing. I’m now retractable all the way.

    9. Uniball micro roller. It flows very smoothly, does not dry out when I leave the cap off – which is all the time – and the tip is solid enough to write through multi-layer forms if needed.

    10. Two pen recommendations, approved by my lefty DH. (1) the amazing erasable Pilot Frixion (2) Uni-ball jetstream. I prefer both in the fine point versions.

    11. Apparently everyone else here is ride or die for gel ink, but I am team ballpoint forever. The paper mate flexgrip ultra is my favorite. I think it just comes in red, black, and blue though…

      1. Ball point ink is usually oil based = awful to get out of fabric, upholstery, etc. if an accident or a toddler happens, and I’ve banned them from my desk/bag/home. Gels are usually water based.

    12. uniball signo DX (um-151) 0.38mm; I always stock up on refills when I go back to Asia to visit family (or ask them to bring me refills). It looks like it’s available on Amazon (albeit pricey) with several colors available

      Japanese pens are the best

  13. Are combat boots really weird looking or out of style? I’m trying to decide whether to get a pair. My personal style is simple, understated, but with a hint of edginess. I’m 30.

    1. Ive been seeing the occasional pair of Doc Martens in Chicago recently,and have been considering buying a pair. I still wax nostalgic about the boots I purchased back in probably 1991-1992 from Allston Beat (in Boston). I loved those boots!!

      I don’t know if they’re considered weird, but I also feel like it’s a classic boot— they’ve been around forever. So they’re never really completely out of fashion, IMO.

      1. I still have my Gibson Docs from high school. Resisting the temptation to wear them a babydoll dress and frilly ankle socks a la 1992.

    2. Kim France just did a roundup of combat-y boots on girlofacertainage. I love her and I trust her implicitly, so definitely in style in New York!

    3. I love my combat boots. My style aesthetic is just like yours. I usually wear them with skinny jeans.

      1. Same! I have the Leyton boot in black and the sole is a little more understated. I’ve been wearing them a ton.

    4. I’m curious about this too. I just bought a pair, but I can’t decide if I want to keep them or trade them in for engineer boots.

    5. I never know what is *in* really, but combat boots are awesome and you should wear them.

  14. My request is in moderation and no idea how long it will be. Can anyone recommend a good divorce a t t orney for someone in Prince Georges County Maryland? She is young and probably doesn’t have a lot of money.

  15. Sephora VIB Sale: What are you buying?
    I’m getting:
    2 refills of the Drunk Elephant Vitamin C serum. It’s the only one I’ve tried that lightens dark spots without aggravating my acne, eczema or dermatitis.
    Drunk Elephant TLC Framboos Serum
    Anastasia Brow Wiz
    Fenty Beauty foundation (if my shade comes back in stock :-/ )

    1. Dang, girl, how quickly do you go through the Vit C serum? I bought mine in February and my bottle is will last me well through the sale.

      That said, I’ll be refilling that, my Tatcha Camellia Cleansing Oil, and probably grabbing a ridiculous Stila glittery eye shadow for holiday parties.

      1. LOL! Yes, it lasts a while, but I really want the 20% off. That thing is pricey! :-P
        I probably should just get 1 bottle…

        1. I had to rein in my tendency to buy multiple refills of things at VIB sale once I started still having leftovers at the next VIB sale. No, I really will not go through three beauty blenders in six months…

    2. YSL Glossy Stain in 5 if it’s back in stock, or a similar shade
      Smashbox holiday primer set
      Jack Black lipbalm set
      Ciate nail polish holiday set
      L’Occtaine advent calendar
      Nars Creamy Radiant

    3. I just used a “friends and family” discount to treat myself to some early VIB-sale type things. I got…

      Drunk Elephant Vit C. Also have eczema, love it so far.
      Drunk Elephant Shaba eye serum. It’s really oily but since my eczema is on my eyelids, it’s the only eye cream that really hydrates enough.
      Cicapair: I went whole hog. Refilled with the color corrector set that also comes with some travel sizes for the same price as the regular full-size; the serum; and the night masks. The serum and night masks are new to me and so far I like the serum and LOVE the mask.
      Sephora Favorites “scouted by Sephora” set: inspired by someone here who suggested L’Occitane’s advent calendar as a treat, I found this fit a little better with my personal skin needs. Sometimes you just want a bunch of mini things to try and have fun!
      Blinc mascara: I’m so loyal to this tubing mascara. VIB sale reminds me to toss out my old tube and buy a new one every six months.

      1. Ahh – I have been getting eczema on my eyelids and was wondering what to do about it! Thanks, people.

        1. Unsolicited tip: if you haven’t seen a derm about this, you should. The vast majority of eyelid eczema is actually caused by allergies (like fragrances, etc.). I had allergy testing done and avoiding certain things has drastically reduced the problem.

          1. I’ll look into that, too. I do see a derm, but so far he has not suggested allergy testing, just prescribed hydrocortisone for sparing eyelid application. I’d actually prefer to stop using steroid cream on my eyelids, if possible.

      2. I love the Sephora Favorites skincare sets – I just can’t resist. They have a couple so I’m probably going to get those, plus some refills of Drunk Elephant skincare, maybe the Stila liquid lipstick set as well.

        I love this time of year.

    4. Vitamin C question — I love Paula’s Choice products but the C15 booster didn’t do anything for me. Any suggestions on a good Vitamin C serum that isn’t crazy expensive? Drunk Elephant is so pricey (but if it really works I may be tempted….).

      1. I went through a full-sized bottle of the Drunk Elephant C, and although I liked what it did for my skin, I’m not re-upping this VIB. I hate the smell, and it tints my skin a little yellow-orange. I’m quite pale, and don’t wear makeup, so YMMV, but there were times I felt like I had fake tanner on when I used it.

      2. Mad Hippie, which has been recommended here and elsewhere. I haven’t used it long enough to see results on old discoloration, but love the texture, minimal scent, and it has already helped fresh discoloration i had from a vacation.

    5. I would STRONGLY suggest trying the Timeless CE Ferulic acid as a dupe FYI unless you really super duper don’t mind paying the Drunk Elephant markup.

    6. I just stocked up with a 20% F&F code, though I will probably use the VIB code to get a few holiday gifts.

      3 of the Living Proof Dry Shampoos (it’s THE BEST)
      First Aid Beauty Ultra Repair Cream
      Korres Greek Body Butter
      Sephora Favorites – Beauty Sleep Box
      First Aid Beauty Facial Radiance Pads
      Sephora Ombre Seamless Hair Ties (because they were pretty and on sale)

  16. I’ve written a few briefs for a partner outside my practice group on a specific matter. I’ve never met the client or been on emails with him and my name isn’t on the filings. We have a shared electronic file that includes all email correspondence on the matter. Last night I was looking through the file to get info needed for a filing today and saw an email from the client sent yesterday afternoon. In the email the client asked for a recommendation for counsel to handle a new matter in an unrelated field. The client said he would like to use an attorney at our firm if possible, but “no girls.” The partner recommended an Atty at another firm. After my initial outrage wore off I’m just generally feeling sad about it. should I say something to the partner? How would you handle it?

    1. I would, if you have a reasonable relationship with the partner. “Hey, I was reviewing the __ file the other day and saw an e-mail from the client that said they didn’t want “girls” doing legal work for them. What’s the deal with that?” And make him explain it. I wouldn’t make a huge deal out of it – but I would give him a heads up that you are aware of his gutless response to a sexist client. Not cool, partner. Not cool.

    2. Ugh. That’s just. It’s so gross.

      I would ask about it. Is it normal at your firm to write full briefs for a matter and not get any credit for it, either by being on the fillings or by being involved in emails with the client? If it’s not, I would personally wonder if the reason for both of those things were that this particular client is a misogynist. And if your firm is willing to disguise your work and your gender in order to keep one misogynist client, how many others are there? This could be a one time thing or it could be a systemic problem and unless you ask you won’t know. If it’s a one time thing, maybe you let it go, maybe you don’t, but if it’s systemic at this firm, how are you ever going to make partner? If it’s systemic, you have to go somewhere else. I don’t think you have a choice if you want to advance.

      1. Yeah that’s a really good point. I’ve only been at this firm for about 6 months. On other matters that I’m more permanently staffed on I’ve gone to meetings and my name is on the briefs. This case has been going on for a while and I needed some work so it’s more a situation where I’m helping out rather than being fully staffed on the case. The partner did express that he wants me to get more involved though. It would be interesting to see if he starts including me more going forward or continues to downplay my role. This firm generally has a reputation for being very old school

    3. Oh my God. I would for sure say something to the partner. Depends on your relationship how you approach it, but I think something like, “I was surprised to see him ask for “no girls” and surprised you referred him to someone else. What happened there”? And honestly, I’d save the email in case it becomes a Thing later.

    4. I agree with everyone above. I’d ask about it, in a tone that makes it seem like you’re genuinely curious and initially not really accusatory or anything.

      My one question for you though is – do you have anybody at your firm (of either gender) who actually does the kind of thing the client was looking for?

      1. Yes that’s the other thing – though the area isn’t my speciality it is a subset of my practice area so I believe that if I wasn’t female partner would have asked me if I had experience in it.

    5. Is there a female partner at the firm who you’d feel comfortable talking to about it?

      1. Yeah, just, wow. Nothing to add, OP, other than that is so wildly f*cked-up and inappropriate.

        Basically operating from a position of automatic dislike for and mistrust of men these days. I meet a new dude and I assume he’s horrible until he proves otherwise.

  17. Does anyone have a recommendation for a gym tote with a relatively small profile (which is why i don’t want a duffel) and a zip compartment for shoes? I’m looking around and struggling to find anything that isn’t either oversized or very expensive. TIA!

      1. I like this but its out of my budget! I should have specified, I’m looking more in the 50ish range (but less would be great too!)

      2. I will sing the praises of the Lululemon gym bags. I have a tote from an earlier year, and it is excellent. I use the little pouch that comes with it for dirty gym clothes.
        And it’s been great to use as a travel bag on short trips and as a “personal item” for travel when the purse I’ll actually want to carry is smaller and stashed away in my rollaboard.

    1. I got an Avia one at walmart for $15 – no shoe specific compartment but it does have an interior slot that you could maybe use for shoes…

    2. I bought a diaper bag to act as my sports bag – has the right size for me and tens of pockets to keep dirty clothes away feom clean ones.

  18. Someday my request above will get out of moderation:

    All, I’m hoping someone can help out with this. One of my former students, a woman in her mid 20s, is in a mess and needs an a t t orney. She married this guy fairly quickly and (like many of us) ignored the warning signs about him. He ended up beating her up pretty badly and broke up everything in their apartment. She decided, this morning, to report the abuse to the police. She just wants to be done with him and safe. She is seeking an annulment or divorce. She is in Prince Georges County Maryland. They were married in DC. Can anyone recommend an a t t orney? I am too far away to be of any help and I’m not an a t t orney.

    1. I had a really great experience with the Geller Law Group in a very emotionally traumatic situation.

    2. I don’t know any attorneys, but would the National Domestic Violence Hotline have a list of recommendations? Also, I’m in PG County too, and I’m happy to offer her a place to stay if she doesn’t have one, or anything else I can do. (I realize she may not be interested, since after all I’m a complete stranger, but I thought I’d offer just in case.) I’ll certainly keep her in my prayers, and I’m sorry I can’t be more help!

    3. Sam Brown in Annapolis. I don’t know if he practices outside of Anne Arundel County (one county over from Prince George’s), but he’s the absolute best here.

  19. They said everyone dresses up. No one dressed up…except me. At least its a Rosie the Riveter rather than an elaborate zombie makeup thing.

    1. Oh no, that’s the worst! But do your best to own it, Rosie the Riveter is awesome.

    2. Gah! I agree — own it!

      Fun fact: My husband’s mom’s name was Rose and she was, in fact, a riveter during WWII.

  20. I have an opportunity to do politically relevant work that I know I’ll find really fulfilling. If I do it, I have to briefly leave my firm and go without pay and benefits for what I expect to be a period of 2 months. DH is in school, so I’m our only source of income. I’ll be 3 months into a super high paying job and no debt. I can manage this financially, but the financially conscious part of me wants to cringe at the thought of having no income for several months. Tell me something that will make me not care about the money (or lack thereof)

    1. You said you can manage this, but writing up a detailed budget/plan for exactly how might help calm your nerves!

      Also: in a year or two, you probably won’t miss the money anymore, but you will be glad you did the work, right?

    2. Do you have an emergency fund? How depleted will it be at the end of 2 months? Can you obtain health insurance for you and your husband while you’re gone, even if you have to pay for it? Is there a clear cut-off date and an easy path back into your firm/job? What will the long-term impact be on your job at the new firm and on your career in general?

      I don’t think foregoing 2 months of income in a high-paying job is a huge deal if you plan for it. Many people take unpaid leaves of absence for a variety of reasons (FMLA where paid leave isn’t a benefit, for example). I would be most concerned about the potential risks of not having health insurance and it negatively impacting your job/career–but only you can think through those things and assess your comfort level with the risk/reward.

      1. +1 to this – see if there’s a way for you to remain on your company insurance and pay all the premiums, or another way to ensure you’re covered. I would also confirm that there’s a clear end date and a straightforward return to your job, and plan out your budget for that period of time. And with those details sorted, you should be proud of being able to contribute to an important cause!

    3. Excellent suggestions above to work through a detailed budget plan for those months. Then, my question is: What are you earning the money at your high-paying job for? I wouldn’t be surprised if your answer is “I’m working hard at this job to earn enough money to allow myself the freedom to take advantage of opportunities like this.”

    4. I’m more concerned that you’ve only been at your job for 3 months. That’s not a lot of time to to build up some goodwill and capital.

    5. What does your firm think? You’ve only been there three months and now you want two months off? Unless they are offering this as some sort of unpaid secondment, I think you need to stay put and concentrate on your real job. What if while you are gone they realize that you didn’t contribute enough in the three months you’ve been there for them to hold your place open?

  21. I got their most recent catalog and found a couple things I liked. I went online and 3 out of the 4 were not even listed. Not marked as sold out, just didn’t even show up in the color I wanted. Is that common for Boden? Do they sell out of things and not restock? Haven’t shopped there much before.

    1. I’ve noticed lately that I have trouble finding things on the site if I’m just browsing through their categories/pages. What’s worked for me is just do a search on the item number.

      1. Ugh! it’s a drag. I did try searching by item number at that a least brought up one of the items, but it didn’t have the color I wanted. My kingdom for red pants!

  22. My spouse and I just booked a late-December ski trip to Les Trois Vallees. We’re there for 7 days and staying in Courchevel.
    Has anyone been to this area? We’ll ski most days, but we’ll certainly take a couple days off, so looking for things to do, and of course, restaurants and cafes. Also, would welcome spa recommendations. I speak pretty good French, so being off the beaten path isn’t too much of a concern.
    And if anyone has skied this area and can recommend specific mountains–or even runs–would love to hear that too. I’m a solidly blue skier, but my spouse can do any run, anytime.

    1. I grew up skiing in Trois Vallées (Méribel side) every year and it’s one of my favorite places in the world (although most of my recs will be Méribel-focused, sorry!).
      A few slope recommendations: Mont Vallon and Cime Carron are the prettiest views and beautiful runs (although the Cime Carron lift may give you mild altitude sickness – it’s high!). In general, aim to go higher as the lower sections can get crowded and a little soupy, especially on the holidays. The Val-Thorens Les Menuires area is a bit quieter, although the village is less charming. I think Moriond on the Courchevel side is also quieter, although to be honest I never made it that far. It’s one of the biggest ski areas in Europe, so make sure you have some sense of the time and how to get back. if you miss the last lift up, there is a shuttle to take you home but it can a bit of a hassle.
      France has for levels of slopes: green (beginner), blue (easy), red (a little harder), black (advanced).
      There are some really great on-slope restaurants that make for a wonderful lunch break: Altiport, Col de la Loze and les Adrets come to mind but there are lots (these are actual sit-down restaurants with wine, local specialties etc – there also are more cafeteria style places but it`s fun to have a really nice meal in your ski gear with a gorgeous view). Have a fondue savoyarde (but please don’t call it Swiss fondue) AND a raclette just to compare. And blueberry pie (tarte aux myrtilles) is also a local specialty.
      No idea about spas, but there is a rec center in Meribel Village with a water park, climbing wall, ice rink and cinema which can be fun. Courchevel has become very upscale and has a lot of nicer stores (think Chanel ski gear). The weather can be quite nice and people-watching from the cafés is always fun.
      Check out special events – there are often competitions, demonstrations, sledding, etc – information can be found at the Tourist Office. Lots of people will speak at least some English since there are a lot of Brits there – just try and speak a little slower than usual because the French tend to not be used to American accents (assuming you are American). The various ski schools all have English speaking teachers and several often private lessons for adults – I’m a decent skier but a two-hours lesson really improved my technique and allowed me to do some off-slope/deep snow skiing which was good practice.
      It’s a beautfil area, have fun! Now I wish I was going too.

    2. Thanks so much for these!
      I am (white) American, but because I lived in Francophone West Africa for a bit, I speak French with a heavy African accent. It tends to be very confusing for the continental francophones! In any event, slower speech (for both the speaker and the listener) is always helpful.
      We skied in Austria last season and loved the apres ski culture there–bars midway down the slopes with heavy snacks, warm drinks, and ample outdoor seating. Any recommendations for that, or is that just not a phenomenon we’ll see on the French side of the Alps?

      1. Yes, there is some of that too. La Folie Douce was the party place in my youth (although honestly this was a while back and the vibe was somewhat clubby – not sure if that’s your taste). I’m sure there are other places as well. We always stayed in Meribel village which also had a nice après-ski vibe, but the bars were not on the slopes themselves. I don’t know the Courchevel villages as well but I am sure there are similar places. I haven’t been in a while though… I hope you have a great trip!

        1. FYI, the British blog Simon Seeks (not linking b/c of mod) has a lot of good recommendations for Trois Vallées, including apres-ski.

  23. For the people who recommended the Paprika app for recipes / grocery shopping yesterday, is it easy to share recipes with people who may not have the app? Can you upload a picture of a recipe to the app and still have it recognize the ingredients?

    I’m part of a book club…. specifically, a cookbook club, where we pick a new/classic/interesting cookbook every other month and the 4 of us take a course. Then we have a meal together as an excuse to socialize. Usually we get the cookbook from the library or one person buys the cookbook and we just take pictures of whatever recipe we’re interested in making. I’ve been cobbling together an approach using my google calendar, but if Paprika works with pictures and allows you to share recipes with friends – even if they don’t have the app – I’m sold!

    Thanks!

    1. You can easily share the recipes with people who don’t have the app. There’s a function to email the recipe, and it exports all the information stored in the app directly into an email.

      There are also functions to export the recipe to Facebook, but from what I can tell, it only works for online (not manually created) recipes and exports the link to the original recipe, not what’s saved in the app. (This is good for bloggers and other recipe creators because they get the web hits for their content, but it’s slightly less convenient if you have manually adjusted a recipe based on your own preferences and want to share your adjustments.)

      I don’t think you can take a picture of a recipe and have it upload into the app. If someone corrects me on this, I’ll be really, really happy.

      I love the idea of your cookbook club!

    2. Interested in this too…downloaded the Paprika app yesterday after seeing the recommendation here, and I already love it. Super easy to use, and has nifty features I didn’t know I needed in a meal planning app!

  24. Anyone have experience with Grana vs. Everlane cashmere sweaters? I just got an Everlane one from Nordstrom and found it too itchy.

    1. I don’t have any Everlane cashmere but I’m really pleased with my Grana. A significant step up from Uniqlo cashmere.

  25. Just picked up my first pair of booties in a while and I’m stumped with how to wear them – specifically, what to wear under. They are relatively short and have a v-notch in front. So normal low socks will show at the front. I bought very short “foot covers”, but I’m getting rubbed and blistery just above my ankles. I’m now trying knee-high hose but seems too formal for a more casual flat bootie.

    what do you all wear with booties for the sock-less (but comfortable) look? Thanks!

    1. After much trial and error, I’ve acquired a bunch of nude for me low ankle socks. Note: this strategy is quite expensive, relative to normal sock prices – my collection is Kunert, Falke and especially Bleuforet, but it works. They’re visible if you look very closely, but no-one in my life over the age of three clings to my ankles on a regular basis, so it works for me.

    2. Honestly, I wear socks that match, or nearly match, my booties. Sometimes they’re also in a neutral color that goes with said booties. It doesn’t look perfect, but why maintain some illusion that I’m not wearing socks? No one expects me to go sockless when wearing shoes like that, it’s cold!

    3. Keds sells socks that are higher than foot-covers but lower thank shortie ankle socks–they basically just peek out above the tongue of Keds. Would that be the right height?

  26. Has anyone purchased their fleece-lined leggings? These are on markdown (final sale) on the official website. I’m 5’8″ and 135 lbs., and so should go with the M/L size according to their size chart. However, what looks like the same leggings are available through Anthropologie, and a couple of reviewers close to my height and weight said the S/M fit them well.

    1. Yes, I absolutely love them! However, I’m much shorter than you – 5’2″ and a size 8-10. I went with the M/L size on the theory that they are basically footless tights, and I always size up with tights for comfort.

  27. Husband and I were discussing that it would probably be good to have a relationship with a lawyer, just someone we trust that will answer when we call. We’re getting to a net worth that is high for our age, and we know we need official wills/estate documents, especially now that parents are aging/siblings having kids, etc. etc. We also have a tangentially-related sticky situation with an immediate family member, in that we are POA for this person, and there are ongoing legal matters to address. We do work with this person’s lawyer as needed, but we just want to make sure that none of our personal stuff gets mixed up in their stuff (we keep completely separate records, bank accounts, etc., but still). And finally, husband participates in a somewhat risky hobby, where accidents with fatality/hospitalization consequences can occur (think motorcycles, rock climbing, river rafting… common, but still relatively high-risk). He was in a group participating in the activity within the last year, and a participant died, and he’s now being asked to provide witness testimony about the incident. He was not involved directly in the incident, but as one of the members of the group, he ended up at the location of the accident after it happened.

    All this to say, there’s nothing “wrong” necessarily, but there’s enough stuff that we feel like it would be helpful to have someone we can call. It feels like all of these issues are completely unrelated… the person who would make a will is not the same person you take to a deposition about an incident while participating in a hobby. And we don’t have enough to warrant a retainer (no kids to get into drunken brawls or some nonsense that you see in the movies with rich people having a family lawyer). Do we just look people up as needed? Is this unnecessary and we’re just paranoid?

    1. I work at a mid-sized law firm with multiple practice groups. If you get started with one attorney at a firm like mine (by doing your estate planning, for example), you can mention your other concerns and he or she can refer you to someone in one of the other departments for your other issues. I’m in the tax law group, and we worth with the business, estate planning, and elder law departments regularly. Sometimes we even work with the family law or litigation departments when there’s a nasty divorce with tax consequences. The firm is small enough that the attorneys know each other and have an idea of who to recommend.

      1. +1 to this. I feel like half of the emails I get some days are “Pardon the interruption, but does anyone have a recommendation for a lawyer that does X in Y location? Please do not reply all.”

        So basically, it sounds like starting with your estate documents will put you in touch with a lawyer, and from there, that lawyer can provide recommendations as you need them – whether it be criminal, general litigation/dispute resolution, and so on.

    2. You need a T&E lawyer first. From there, any good lawyer will be able to make a recommendation for someone else, even if it is not their specialty or not even a practice group at their firm.

      Are you high earning enough that you have a wealth advisor? If so, your bank might have a trust advisor that can help with estate planning, tax planning, and that person could also help you ensure your accounts don’t get mixed up with this family member although I’m unclear what your concern is with that.

    3. You don’t need an ongoing relationship with “a” lawyer so much as you need an estate plan and estate documents at this point. Ask around — maybe the lawyer who is representing your family member has some recommendations for you.

    4. Thanks for all the suggestions, this is very helpful! It sounds like starting with the concrete issue of creating a will is the best course of action, and then asking for recs for specific issues as-needed. We don’t feel that we’re wealthy enough to warrant a wealth advisor, but since we don’t plan to have kids, we want to set up siblings/nieces/nephews if something happens to us. And parents are getting old enough that we’ll be dealing with their estates as well, so all the money matters are starting to creep up on us.

      1. We have high net worth for our ages as well and we did the T&E lawyer plus a financial advisor who deals with high net worth clients. Even if you DON’T have a lot of wealth (we certainly didn’t when we started out with ours), it’s immensely helpful and comforting to outsource this to someone who is proactively looking at our finances (in a way that we just don’t have the time to do). Our net worth has increased quite a bit under this guy’s guidance/investments.

  28. Is there a way to see the lowest price options for a particular item on Amazon? For example, you know how you go to a particular shoe page, and it says price $40-130. You then select your size and color to see the actual price. Sometimes, there are 10-15 color options. I’d love to be able to sort them by price instead of individually clicking every color to see the price. I haven’t been able to find this option. Am I missing something?

    1. Download the Honey applet or extension or whatever it’s called. It tracks Amazon pricing, so whenever you go to a product page it tells you if that’s the lowest price option. It takes into account shipping as well.

      1. Thanks, I’ll try it! With the holidays coming, I even like to search for the lowest price across sizes as I’m shopping for differently sized people.

      2. I don’t think this works for what the OP is asking though. If the item is available in multiple colors and sizes, and each color is a different price, Honey treats that as the “lowest price option” landing page. But then you can’t see until you select the size and color you want whether it _is_ the lowest one or not. Sometimes the variation in shoe pricing for different colors/sizes is _huge_.

      3. Yeah, price tracking is helpful, but not the solution to the OP’s problem. I have the same compliant- sometimes there are dozens of colors with huge differences in price and no way to see this without clicking on each one, which takes a few seconds to load each time. A few years ago, I remember that there was dropdown box that would show them all, but I haven’t seen this option in a while. Amazon, I would buy more clothes from you if you made this easier!

        1. I totally agree! Esp. when I search *by size* like looking for flats that are in 8.5, and then it lists the prices “from $29” and I click through excitedly but MY size is $150. Thanks for nothin’ Amazon!

          1. Right?? Ugh. Don’t tease me with low prices that only apply to a size 5, it’s annoying!

        2. OP here: yes!

          I hate seeing that some item is low priced, when its ultimately not in my size/color. But even when shopping for others, it would be a lot easier in a drop down menu. If I saw the $29 option is my sister’s size, then I’m more likely to buy it if I can easily find that info versus clicking eveyr possible size and color combo.

          1. There is a way but it’s super annoying. I can’t remember it exactly but I think if you look at the mobile version, the pull down menu will list the prices by size. I think… I remember thinking this was not any less annoying than clicking on each size/color option when I did it so I’ve only done it for a few things that I stalk and always buy on sale like Cosabella pajamas.

          2. Hope you see this, but what you have to do is get to the multiple sellers page. Then you can choose lowest price and can usually choose one size all colors or all sizes all colors. That way you can see the lowest price for each color without clicking on each one.

          3. And I realize I didn’t explain what I meant by the multiple sellers page. Amazon usually has a link that says something like available for $____ used and if you click on it, it takes you to a page that lists all the sellers and prices for the item. That’s the page you can use to filter by size and still see all colors.

  29. Has anyone here gotten a br*ast aug? I think I’m taking the plunge in December… Any advice? Did people notice at work? Do they look natural?

    1. A friend of mine got one last winter. Hers are very natural. She took like a week and a half off work (timed with a holiday.) She said nobody has noticed. Obviously YMMV based on how dramatic your change is. I think her getting it done in winter when she was wearing layers etc helped with the transition.

      She is thrilled with her results. If I needed one (and had the funds), I’d do it in a heartbeat.

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