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For busy working women, the suit is often the easiest outfit to throw on in the morning. In general, this feature is not about interview suits for women, which should be as classic and basic as you get — instead, this feature is about the slightly different suit that is fashionable, yet professional. Also: we just updated our big roundup for the best women's suits of 2023!
Cropped blazers are very in right now, and I don't think I've seen them styled with skirts, so I thought I'd post this one. (Yes, that slit, as styled, is a bit too high to wear to work — it might work on a more petite woman, but know your office!)
It's kind of odd to see them paired together – I tend to think of Abercrombie as being one of the top places if you want a cropped blazer, but they always style them with wide trousers (or, sigh, shorts), which all looks very young and modern. On the flip side, the cropped blazer styled with a skirt reminds me of a 1950s-style suit. In fact I'd almost prefer the skirt as a simple fitted, below-the-knee pencil skirt.
The pinstriped navy suiting also comes with a matching vest, pants, and (wow) a skort. Know your office before wearing the the mini-skort. (Similarly, know your office before you wear the vest-with-nothing-under-it look that's so common right now, this may not be appropriate for a lot of offices!)
The pieces are $78-$118, sizes XS-XL, at Bloomingdale's.
(Looking for something similar? ASOS has a lot of options in regular and plus sizes (but nothing with midi skirts); Abercrombie and Banana Republic Factory are both down to lucky sizes with similar options. Also take a look at J.Crew's cropped sweater blazer (up to size 3X), to see if you like the look of that one with complimentary pieces. Ooh, or Lafayette 148 New York has a lighter blue option in sizes XS-2X.)
Just want a basic navy suit? These are some of our latest favorites:
Sales of note for 10.10.24
- Nordstrom – Extra 25% off clearance (through 10/14); there's a lot from reader favorites like Boss, FARM Rio, Marc Fisher LTD, AGL, and more. Plus: free 2-day shipping, and cardmembers earn 6x points per dollar (3X the points on beauty).
- Ann Taylor – Extra 50% off sale (ends 10/12)
- Banana Republic Factory – Up to 50% off everything plus extra 25% off your $125+ purchase
- Boden – 10% off new styles with code; free shipping over $75
- Eloquii – Extra 50% off a lot of sale items, with code
- J.Crew – 40% off sitewide
- J.Crew Factory – 50% off entire site, plus extra 25% off orders $150+
- Lo & Sons – Fall Sale, up to 35% off
- M.M.LaFleur – Save 25% sitewide
- Neiman Marcus – Sale on sale, up to 85% off
- Spanx – Lots of workwear on sale, some up to 70% off
- Talbots – 50% off 2+ markdowns
- Target – Circle week, deals on 1000s of items
- White House Black Market – Buy one, get one – 50% off full price styles
Anonymous
Would you let this friendship fizzle away? We’ve known each other for 20 ish years, initially met in biglaw though we’ve both been doing other things for the last ten years. Both mid 40s, single, and for many years functioned as best friends – speaking by phone at min once a week, texting a lot, and generally knowing each others lives.
Then covid happened. I know she found me annoying because before Covid hit the US, I was working a lot with China and saw what was coming and was warning people. Friend lives in NYC – I left about ten years ago – and basically called me paranoid, continued going out, and was generally not very nice. She had Covid that spring and I think it was scary as there was minimal med care in NYC. Afterwards she got long Covid, stopped working for a few months, and then went back to a part time solo law firm job.
She’s pretty secretive but AFAIK things are better now in the sense that she has been to a few weddings, will go out with a friend, will go cross town for errands. Yet with me – we basically only communicate if I initiate. Half the time if I’m just saying something casually, she will back of the hand it with K or – well if that’s what you what, that’s nice I guess . . . . As for being secretive I’m not suggesting anyone has to share health info but she’s the type where if you let any minor health info into the conversation she goes on and on, asks questions, second guesses the doctor, but any info about her or her life is off limits.
Nowadays she basically only initiates communication if she has a question – usually about investing, news, or covid related like new vaccines. So part of me is like why do I keep reaching out? Yet every so often like a few times a year she’ll reach out and we’ll kind of speak like old times. I can only assume it’s life just moving on and I’m not a part of it – AFAIK she has gotten close to an old friend from college who is a stay home mom. And even with me when she wants to communicate it’s about recipes and organic eating and those types of things that I don’t particularly know much about.
Do I just let it fizzle? Kind of feel bad doing that with a LONG time friend – I mean it’s not like life gets less lonely for older single people. Yet I also don’t want to be dismissed by a supposed friend all the time either.
anon
I feel like the fizzle out has already happened?
Senior Attorney
Yeah this isn’t your call. She is already fizzling you.
Anon
Yeah, girl. It done fizzled already.
PS she hates you because you were right.
Monday
Yes, I would let it fade. I wouldn’t think of it as dropping her, so much as that she seems to be dropping away and you just won’t keep resisting. If she continues contacting you, you can still enjoy those exchanges for what they are. Maybe in the long run you’ll be more on the same page again.
The backstory about Covid reminds me of the gem I read here: people will forgive you for being wrong before they forgive you for being right. I bet she’s ashamed that she denied Covid and then ended up having such a serious experience with it–I have seen this dynamic among friends and family too.
anon
+1
Anon
On the other hand, in 2020 my friend was an anxious wreck telling everyone that the US government will start requiring passes to leave your own home and we’re all going to die. I minimized contact with her for a while because I didn’t need that level of anxiety in my life. I did catch Covid in 2020 and am still dealing with certain long term effects. When I mention any medical problem (even just a random headache) she gets all OMG IS THAT LoNg CoViD and catastrophizes so it’s easier to limit what I share with her. I don’t know if that’s the case for OP though
Anonymous
OP here – I definitely was NOT doing that. More like – this is what’s going on in Asia, buy food, don’t go out all weekend every weekend – stay in more even if it isn’t required now, stay out of crowded places. It just offended her because she saw it as me telling her not to socialize and live life.
And I say nothing about her medical issues now. She doesn’t tell me much and even if she did, I’m not a dr. I am supportive of where she is at, don’t speak negatively of her working part time or anything.
Anon
Yes, I have a good friend who was frantic about me scalloping the the Gulf of Mexico because OMG Flesh eating bacteria. I mean, we all drive cars!
Anon
I have a family member who felt COVID wasn’t real, the lockdowns and vaccines were totalitarianism etc and was ALL OVER social media about it. She did not obey lockdown, didn’t mask, didn’t limit her life one bit.
I haven’t invited her to my home since 2020 for this reason. I’m never invited to her home because she is a hoarder but that’s another story.
We were finally together again at a family wedding this spring and she was telling everyone who would listen that she’s had COVID three times, so I guess it’s real now, and that her lung function is permanently damaged and she can no longer climb stairs. And she was shrugging about it like “what can you do?” A LOT MORE THAN YOU DID, that’s what.
This thing created permanent divides that will never heal. Everyone really showed their a55.
Anon
Speaking as someone with a chronic illness who has done a bad job of staying in touch with old friends, I vote for doing your best for trying to keep reaching out. It’s really hard to keep up friendships when every update is that there’s nothing new with me, I’m still just trying to get through every day the best I can. I don’t want to complain about my health issues, and they’re not really the focus of my life, but there’s also not a lot of energy to do all the things I used to do or that most of my friends are doing- exciting travel, big work things, having kids, etc. I’m more like your friend: trying new recipes, reading books or watching movies, making the best of the little things. There are so many people I’d love to be more in touch with, but it just feels sort of embarrassing when I have so little to tell them or if I have to explain what’s going on with me and I feel like they’re likely to be judgy about my health issues, so I hesitate to contact them. If you can make it clear you’re willing to accept her as she is now and not be judgmental about her health issues (which it maybe sounds like you are?), that will likely go a long ways toward making things easier between you.
Anonymous
OP here – I’m not judging health issues. I don’t even know her health issues besides the fact that she had to go part time for work and is prioritizing healthy living.
When I think about it, I guess I am offended that if I reach out, I’m told K or that’s nice. I mean if friend is sticking close to home and watching movies and cooking, great. But if I say – I heard this funny thing and am told K, then yeah it doesn’t make me want to talk to you more. FWIW I’m not reaching out like daily or even weekly so this isn’t like I’m being annoying and tiresome to someone who doesn’t have energy. And I have enough sensitivity to not be like OMG I traveled to this amazing place or had this amazing work accomplishment. It literally will be little banter about nothing dramatic. Oh well.
Anon
This is fair, but it seems like that’s not always the response and sometimes you get along well. I guess I just feel like it’s worth being patient with long time friends when you know they’re going through a rough time. Unless you have a good reason to take her behavior personally, don’t, because it sounds like there’s a lot going on here. I’d always rather maintain a friendship, even if it has some rough patches, than blow it up over distant text responses. Maybe she really is over you and the friendship naturally fades away, but maybe she’s just having a tough time and in a few years you get close again?
Anonymous
I think you’re saying a different thing though. Most people with moderate sensitivity which it seems like OP has understand that someone with a chronic illness isn’t going to regale them with their tales of scuba diving in Australia. Yet most people with chronic illness I think understand that when friends DO reach out to you, don’t brush them off with K because they will stop reaching out – not because your life isn’t thrilling but because you are being rude.
Anon
+1
Anonymous
Could she be in bad health? Why did she stop working fulltime? Were you gloating that you were right? In any case I think you just stop reaching out you will stop hearing back and that will be that.
Anon
It already has fizzled.
Anonymous
Hang in there. Not exactly the same, but when I got cancer I pulled away from folks for a long while. I had pretty major surgery but opted not to do chemo (so wasn’t ongoing treatment–but my day-to-day physical wellness wasn’t the same). I just felt like I was in a different place than most people could understand and I also was new in a miserable job that had all my energy. Things like hearing about them going out to movies or traveling just felt like things I didn’t want to hear. Not that I wasn’t happy for them but it felt too much like old life. My world shifted a lot smaller since I was still being pretty cautious about Covid exposure as well. So a great weekend to me now was going somewhere alone with my dog or having good takeout food with my husband. Surgery was two years ago and only recently have I started to initiate or return calls again. You likely are a stark reminder of the career she had to leave and maybe even mundane things like someone who doesn’t feel like they have to eat organic or whatever else she is doing at the moment to try to get her mojo back. Be patient. This likely has more to do with her own mental health rebuilding than it does with anything you have or haven’t done or the value of your relationship to her. That’s too many years invested to just walk away. It may be fizzling at the moment but there’s probably a very high chance of it flaring back at some point given the history you have.
Anon
This was my reaction honestly… it is an era of life she is going through, but the past memories and history could mean a lot in the future someday. So it’s worth it to hang there with a minimal investment for the future. Survival mode is wild.
bird in flight
+1 Random unedited thoughts:
I have long friendships with people I’ve known since I was 5, and the key thing to maintaining them has been to let them go through seasons/eras where the friendship has been quiet/dormant. My bff and I have been best friends since kindergarten however we faded during college years and didn’t text/talk for months at a time during that time. Then we reconnected mid-twenties and have a very rich adult friendship. I have other good friends that are the same way now – we don’t talk regularly, but when we do the interactions are rich with common history and I treasure these friendships for what they are, not a forced version where communication frequency and proximity is the highest value.
Instead of writing the friendship off as dead or gone or fizzled, you can just let it be what it is right now. IMHO you can dial back your initiation – like I don’t think you need to initiate when it feels very forced or like you are pushing yourself there. Like I would be thinking the same thing as you right now, since the reciprocity with the texting does not sound fulfilling. So that is what that is right now; don’t keep doing that to yourself. Let her take the next steps/initiate. You can be open without feeling the need to make the friendship work.
one more thought… I think the fact that she is still texting you questions is a sign that she isn’t going to let the friendship go altogether. I don’t text questions about that news, investing, etc to people who I don’t want to talk to or be friends with. If she was radio silent altogether with NO intiation, then
Anonymous
It jumped out at me that she’s backed away from you and reconnected with a friend who is a stay home mom. To me that suggests where she’s at in life. She may feel she has less in common with you now if she can’t trade tales of high level jobs or travel. I’m not suggesting that YOU expect that all discussion be about these things but sometimes just being around someone reminds you what you don’t have – so it may unconsciously make her feel bad that she has nothing to say on those issues. Whereas with stay home mom, the conversation was never about work and likely not even things like travel because they tend to be on a school schedule. So she feels here is someone with whom it’s normal to talk TV and recipes while she tells me about her kids 5th grade adventures.
It’s just where life is at. Let it fizzle – when she reaches out, talk, but I wouldn’t keep going out of my way to initiate.
Anonymous
Sounds like it already has fizzled, and for whatever reason she hasn’t told you outright that she doesn’t want to be friends anymore…
bird in flight
This is probably the Midwest in me, I think it’s so weird when people tell people outright that they don’t want to be friends. What is the purpose of that? Just let the friendship evolve into a different one. Unless there’s a clear harm done to one another, the “friendship breakup” is odd to me.
Anon
My parents have never been to Europe. One of their best friends daughters is now getting married in Italy next September, and this is the push they needed to finally bite the bullet! I’m so excited for them but my mom is already freaking out and overwhelmed by the planning.
The wedding is 45 min outside of Perugia. There is a pack of my parents friends who are all attending and want to travel together after the wedding. Since my parents have never been, I’m recommending they fly in to Rome and spend at least 2 full days there, then can train to Perugia, attend the wedding, and travel with their friends after (sounds like they want to get an agriturismo in Tuscany somewhere). Any other tips/recommendations?
MinnieBeebe
No. 1 Recommendation: Make sure they submit applications for passports soon if they don’t already have them (and make sure they don’t expire until at least 6 most after the planned trip.)
They could hire a travel agent if they’re overwhelmed by the planning aspects — they do still exist and can be helpful for this type of traveller. I haven’t got any specific recommendations, but a quick internet search should yield some possibilties. Also: check out the Rick Steves books– yes, they are hopelessly dorky but they do contain useful information and their target demographic is basically your parents. No matter what they end up doing, let them know that they should check online before the trip to buy tickets to various museums/tours/etc– many places require pre-booking now, and it would be a shame to miss out on something because they didn’t buy tickets ahead of time.
Anon
Sounds like a good plan to me! +1 to passport applications ASAP and a travel agent if they find the planning overwhelming.
Anonymous
Don’t forget that americans will need a visa for Europe next year, so add that to the to-do list too.
Anon
It’s not really a visa, it’s just a form you have to fill out before you go and pay a nominal fee. Good to have on the radar, but it doesn’t require advance planning like obtaining a real visa.
https://www.cntraveler.com/story/americans-will-need-visa-for-the-eu
Anonymous
Thanks Karen!
Anon
Can we not with calling people Karen? It’s so sexist, there’s no equivalent term for men. And I even don’t see how this comment is inappropriate. The linked article has lots of useful info.
Anon
That was really uncalled for, and I agree, also sexist, in response to real advice.
Anon
Also a totally incorrect usage of the Karen meme.
Anon
There is nothing Karen about that helpful comment. If you’re going to snark, do it right.
Anonymous
Yea, I don’t like travel agents for my trips, but this sounds like the type of thing they would be perfect for.
Monte
Have they traveled much (even if not in Europe)? Rome is such an outstanding city that I would want to spend more time there than two days, but that has to be balanced against potentially being overwhelmed if they are not experienced travelers.
Also, do you know which direction outside of Perugia the wedding will be in? If it is NNW, maybe it makes sense to tack on a day or two in Florence as well.
I agree on getting the passport ASAP, especially since Americans will need travel authorization to go to Europe starting in 2024. If they don’t have much of a travel history, that process may take a bit of time and it is one more thing that could stress them out.
anon
What are some of their friends doing pre wedding? Can they tag along with someone for the Rome portion as well? If not, then I would hire a tour guide for them, who will pick them up at their hotel and take them around to the various points of interests, then drop them off at the hotel at the end of the day. That way they aren’t overwhelmed with navigating a new city and timing their visits to the attractions.
Anonymous
I think this is a good suggestion. For people who are new to international travel, arranging car service from the airport, a tour guide (even more helpful if they explain/show the train system to them) will be so helpful. I went on a trip 10 years ago to Paris with my mother and neither of us have much international experience so having these services arranged ahead of time really helped us feel more secure and enjoy our travel.
They’ll also need to think through their cell phone plan.
I agree about adding in Florence! Worth seeing!
Anon for this
For those of you who have tried ThirdLove, are their bras for closely set b–bs only? I received a gift card from my SIL and the ones I tried don’t fit right and I think that’s because my b–bs are more wide set? FWIW, i’m a 34A in natori feathers. I’m trying to decide whether I should order other ones (like wireless) or just give up and give away the gift card.
anon
I am 32D in Natori feathers, wide set and the feathers fits me perfectly. And yes, I agree that thirdlove was not quite right for my shape. But in the end I actually kept two different sizes (!) as I was still experimenting with fit. I needed to try one of their 1/2 sizes to get a better fit. And the whole design of the bra is completely different than fathers, with more shaping/padding (I feel)? It took me awhile to adjust the bra but now they actually work ok for me. I just spend more time adjusting the straps to make sure it fits perfectly after each wash, and “bending and scooping” since I am wide set shallow.
Yes, finding the right style/bra/size really takes a lot of work!
Anonymous
Random question – but does anyone know when new apples get to grocery stores? Meaning ones that have been picked this season rather than coming from cold storage. I’m in Virginia in case it matters. Are there certain varieties of apples that are the first ones to arrive in the fall?
anonshmanon
Maybe keeping an eye on a farmer’s market can help figure this out? Or you could see when the u-pick apple orchards open. For what it’s worth, the apple trees in my neighborhood (Bay Area) are just beginning to ripen now.
Anonymous
Ask the produce manager. They love these kinds of questions.
Anon
+1 I just did this a couple of weekends ago and Igor some fresh off the tree gravensteins, which are delish!
Anon
Definitely get apples from farmer’s markets instead of the grocery store!
Anonymous
I would think they’ll start showing up soon. Our GA farmers’ markets are now in apple season.
Anon
I have an heirloom gold and diamond necklace that is very special to me. Sadly, I’ve developed a contact dermatitis allergy and break out whenever I wear it. I have been tested and know that I am allergic to both gold and nickel. Can anyone offer thoughts on how to address this so I can continue to wear it? I know I can get the chain replaced with a platinum chain and that should be OK, but I prefer the yellow gold color if possible.
Anon
Convert it to a broach?
Cora
Depending on how severe the allergy is, putting clear nail polish on the bottom / sides might work
Veronica Mars
Depending on the necklace style, you could have it rhodium dipped. It will eventually wear but you’ll be able to wear it in the meantime. Or, again, depending on the style, you could have a jeweler recreate it in platinum and move the stones over.
Anonymous
Wear it over clothes?
Anonymous
Don’t wear it–it’s not worth having the allergy worsen. I used to put clear nail polish on things. My minor nickel allergy is now so severe that I can’t wear normal jeans because the rivets make my skin blister.Shopping for winter coats where the zipper won’t touch my neck or chest is miserable (lot of moto puffers with cotton scarves that aren’t nearly warm enough). I wish I could go back to younger me and warn her. You’re honestly better off converting it into jewelry that won’t touch your skin (like a broach on a cardigan or saving it to gift to someone in the next generation.
Anonymous
I would talk to a really good jeweler about this. They might have solutions.
Anonymous
I’m trying to wear what’s in my closet instead of buying new stuff. Are there any wardrobe apps you like that are more focused on wearing what you already own?
Anon
I can’t believe no one has invented Cher’s outfit planning software from Clueless yet.
anon
People have – Articles of Interest did a whole podcast on why it never caught on.
Anonymous
Stylebook
Anonymous
Cladwell is good for this.
NaoNao
I use “Whering” for the “paperdoll” outfit building function. It’s a bit of a pain to find or take pictures of everything you own, and keep up if you’re someone who shops and rotates your wardrobe frequently, but once you get it set up, it has that function, plus it can show you most worn, least worn, and other stats.
Anon
Thank you to all blood and platelet donors. My mother is undergoing chemo and gets platelets after each session. She is A-, which I think is a rarer blood type and also matters for platelet donations also. It turns out that most plasma donated goes to cancer patients (not car crash surgeries, etc.), which is surprising and sobering. I’m not local to my mom, but am eating all the iron now to prep for the hemoglobin test so that I can donate blood soon.
lifer
Thanks for this reminder. I wish your Mom all the best with her treatment. You are a great daughter!
Yes, many of us a perfect for donating. Although some of us young women tend to be anemic (!) which sometimes that is a disqualifier. But most of us just never think about it.
Here is where to donate blood near you:
https://www.redcrossblood.org/local-homepage.html
And if you’d like to save a life in your spare time, register to be a donor for bone marrow. You may stay on their list forever and never get a call. Or you might save a child or a Mom’s or someone else’s life.
https://bethematch.org/support-the-cause/donate-blood-stem-cells/how-to-join-the-donor-registry/
They are looking for donors under the age of 40.
Peaches
Yes, please sign up for Be The Match! I did this recently – one of my college classmates was just diagnosed with leukemia and hasn’t found a donor yet. Maybe it’ll be me, or maybe it’ll be one of you!
Anonymous
Yes! My mom received a bone marrow transplant that saved her life after she was diagnosed with a blood cancer. None of our family was a close enough match (except her sister, but her sister was unable to donate due to a medical condition.) A young man in another country donated and saved my mom’s life!
bird in flight
Thank you for the link. I have meant to do that for years and hadn’t yet; I just signed up!
Walnut
For a couple years pre-kids I had a standing platelet donation appointment at my local red cross facility attached to the cancer center at the university hospital. I kicked back with my kindle under a pile of blankets from the blanket warmer and bottomless chocolate milk. Not gonna lie, it was form of self care for me and the blood products went to near immediate use next door.
Anon
I donated a bunch of plasma for covid treatment (I caught it very early in 2020 and had antibodies) and every time I was SO COLD. They had to give me gloves filled with warm water to keep the machine from thinking that I was dead.
Anonymous
Huge +1, from the wife of a husband with cancer who needs platelets.
Anon
For any new platelet donors, the first donation knocked me out. I was exhausted. The second and third were not bad at all, so don’t get discouraged if the first one does not go well. I have not donated since they locked down for COVID, and then they opened but required masks from donors for forEVER, and there was no way I was going to sit there with both arms tied down and a mask. Maybe I’ll go back now that, I presume, they’re more sane. I started donating because 2 friends had leukemia and told all of their friends to donate because they benefited so much from platelets.
P.S. Platelets and plasma are not the same thing. You can get paid for plasma. Platelets are still donation-only, I believe.
Anon
Sorry you’re going through this. I learned the same lesson when my child was going through chemo – it’s all about blood donation. Whenever anyone asked us what they could do to help, I asked them to donate blood. Not specifically to her, but wherever/whenever they could. It’s so important.
Peloton
Thank you also to the bone marrow registry members—I have a close relative alive thanks to a bone marrow transplant. If you donate blood and plasma (or even if you don’t) and aren’t already registered, go to bethematch.com.
Anon8
I’m the anon who posted a few months ago about the very sudden end of a whirlwind long distance relationship. After two months of no contact, I was still really struggling with things and recently reached out to my ex to see if things were still on his mind too. He let me know he has started seeing someone new already. I figured he wasn’t necessarily going to be jumping to get back together, but to hear that he’s already moved on when I’m struggling still was really, really difficult. Luckily I can wallow for the rest of the day, but it just makes me reconsider the whole relationship and the inevitable “what does she have that I don’t” comparisons. It just really really really sucks
Anon
I know it feels awful, but in a sense it’s also a gift because you can definitively close the door now. I know that’s a bitter pill right now, but how many more months might you have spent hanging on to the idea of this relationship and the possibility of rekindling things if you hadn’t heard this?
anon8
100%–I had initially reached out because I figured his answer was going to be something along the lines of “I’m sad things ended but I still feel it was the right thing to do”, and I needed to hear that to close the door. What I wasn’t expecting was for him to already be with someone else, especially given that one of the reasons he gave me for breaking up was that he was still working through emotional trauma from his previous engagement that was broken off last year. So while it really hurts, I was definitely holding out hope that he’d reach out to rekindle and to have that door shut will help with moving on. But definitely still bringing up a lot of hurt feelings regarding my self worth, what I could’ve done to save the relationship, etc.
Anonymous
Mmhhhmmm. He broke up with you! That was the closure.
anon8
Ideally, yes! But sometimes it’s not that easy. When you have a relationship that seemed like it was going really well up until the blindside breakup, it can be hard to just say “Well, they broke up with me, I’m moving on”. I needed to have the door fully closed by him in order to move forward.
Anonymous
You didn’t though. The door was fully closed. I just encourage you to view breakups that way. Someone who wants to date you wont dump you. Holding out for more closure just prolongs the bad times.
Anon
I kind of think “closure” is a myth we tell ourselves to make us feel better. Time is what it really takes to be able to move on.
Anon
+ 1. It sounds like you’ve been holding on hope and reached out to him for the hope he’d want to rekindle, not for closure. The longer you don’t try to move on, the longer you won’t have moved on.
Anon
Anon at 4:16 – increasingly we’re starting to realize that “closure” is a myth and it’s not helpful to people trying to move on from a painful experience. It really doesn’t help. In trying to achieve “closure,” OP just opened an old psychic wound and acquired a new one and is now worse off than she was. Seeking “closure” from another person is generally not a good use of time and energy. That time and energy would be better spent processing the loss and figuring out a way forward.
Anon
There’s nothing an ex can say to make you feel better about getting dumped. Even if he says you’re fantastic, you did nothing wrong, and he’s upset too then you’ll wonder why you’re not together and question your ability to judge a boyfriend’s level of happiness. This is why no contact is the best policy while you’re healing. It’s painful when an ex moves on faster but you’re not going to feel better if you keep pondering what might have been.
Anon
Have you ever cheated on a past partner? People move on and there’s not a necessary amount of time you need to have been broken up in order to start have feelings for someone new. You couldn’t have controlled him into staying with you and there’s nothing you could have done. Good relationships happen when both people are fully themselves and able to stay together without having to act differently than they naturally would. If you were being yourself and he chose to break up, it means he was not your person.
Focus on not thinking about him, pushing him out of your mind as much as possible. The ruminating isn’t helpful and there’s nothing to ‘figure out’ or work through.
Anon
This sounds like a “he’s just not that into you” story. I’m sorry, because I know it’s tough to accept, but if he wants to be with you, he’d be with you. You’re not going to have the closure you need until you fully accept that.
Anon
This is it. If he wanted to, he would. He doesn’t want to be with you, OP. Likely he didn’t really want to be in contact with you, or he would have been the one to reach out. You have your closure: the relationship is over. He has moved on. It’s done. The best thing you can do for yourself is mentally let this guy go completely, and also – don’t do this to yourself again, in the future. Contacting him was a mistake, period.
Anonymous
He broke up with you, of course he is going to move on.
As harsh as this sounds, you aren’t going to get the “closure” you think you need until you accept that, well, he’s just not into you.
anon
I’m sorry. I’ve been where you are. After months of no contact I saw my ex and his new (super beautiful) gf walk into the grocery store. I hid from them, and then went home and wallowed. But it gave me the closure I needed to really move on, and when I finally started dating again, I met the guy I’ve been with for the last several years. I went through all of the “what does she have/why wasn’t I good enough,” and that’s what I found to be the most painful. Addressing the “I’m not enough feelings” is the most important thing you can do to feel better. It’s not that you’re not enough. You are enough. Relationships aren’t about “enoughness.” Interpersonal connection is wildly variable. You may not have been the right people for each other, but that doesn’t mean you’re not worthy of his love or anyone else’s love.
Anon
What would you wear to an interview at a nonprofit that works with very low income, vulnerable populations? I want to look nice and professional, but I don’t want to over do it.
Anonymous
Have you ever been to their offices or have any clues about what people wear there on an ordinary workday?
Anon
For what sort of role? Fundraising vs legal vs social worker vs graphic designer would maybe not all wear the same thing.
These days, flat shoes + black pants + blouse + third piece can be 99% of work fashion though, just with changes in fabric and formality.
Monday
Business casual. You will be dressed at about the same level of formality as your interviewers, or maybe slightly more formally. Good luck!
Anon
My career is in non-profits and I always wear a suit to an interview.
Peaches
Mine too. My suits are not super formal but they are definitely suits.
Anon
Suit, and if you want to show off some style / personality, don’t do it with anything onviously expensive. So wear a cool ring if that’s your style and it isn’t super distracting, but don’t wear an obviously expensive one (funky stone versus pricey gem). Wear clean and nice shoes, but not a $400 pair. Have a nice professional bag, but not an obvious designer piece or something covered in logos. You want to look professional and respectful – hence the suit – but not come off as out of touch or money-status-conscious.
Anon
A neat and professional suit that doesn’t look super expensive. Simple accessories.
Prof
I am on a shopping hiatus but that The Fold blazer is really testing my resolve.
Nice Pants
I want to get a new pair of really cool going out pants – like to wear with a s3xy top for a date (to a bar or similar non-fancy place). I’m average height, skinny, and early 40s (and very married, so when I say date, I’m more about trying to feel hot then make the right impression). I want something that would be good with a variety of shoes (heels, sandals, boots) and won’t go out of style too soon.
Jeans? (What cut? What color?) Those leather-look coated pants? (What cut?) Something else entirely? I’m just frozen on styles these days.
Anonymous
First, can you go to a local department store and try on various styles to figure out what cut you feel really good in? Or go to boutiques and do the same thing. You need to get unfrozen, and sometimes just going to an actual store to try stuff on (even if you’re not buying) can get you unfrozen.
If you want pants that you can easily wear with all those different kinds of shoes, I’d go for something slim cut and ankle length. Then you have fewer considerations about how the proportion of the pants hem interacts with your shoe.
Anonymous
I got a pair of black coated jeans in a slim straight leg style last year from Banana Republic Factor that would be perfect. I hemmed them to reach the top of my ankle and they work with so many different style of shoes. They are like a unicorn — I can wear them to work with a blazer and wear them with a sexy top on a date. My best clothing purchase in 2022!
Anonymous
I focus on tops instead of pants, I find there are very few times when people are going to focus on your pants unless they don’t match the outfit.
Anon
Mother hustler jeans. Lots at Anthropologie and Saks.
Wedding Ring Redo
Does anyone have experience using stones from your wedding ring (divorced) to have someone make a new ring with them? Even better if you have a New England rec?
I know I’ll get pennies on dollar if I resell and I would love to “reclaim” my rocks into something I built for me.
Anon
I have seen multiple pieces from Fairbank & Perry Goldsmith (Concord, MA) that reworked stones into new pieces. They’re very nice if you’re going for a more unusual design, but I believe are pricy! I’ve had great luck with Artinian Jewelers in the same area for custom pieces, though never for reworking existing gems.
Anon
If in Massachusetts, check out DeScenza Diamonds. A dear friend swore by DeScenza’s for converting jewelry — heirlooms into modern settings, ring stones into necklaces, etc. Its website looks fairly generic, but the custom work is apparently terrific.
Anonymous
My divorced aunt swapped rings with her divorced daughter so they could make something new without the memories of the old… that might be nice.
I was looking on Etsy because i got some other rings and there are a bunch of multi-gemstone rings out there right now that are really cool. I think Pinterest took me down the rabbithole after I found “toi et moi” rings.”
Anon
Local bench jeweler. I get jewelry remade all the time, but I’m in CA so my rec isn’t going to help. I suggest you ask all your local friends. I’ve been the one to recommend mine to tons of friends, and they’re all pretty much regulars there now. One friend was able to take an old gaudy brooch and use the stones to make a really pretty ring.
Senior Attorney
I’m in So Cal and my favorite jeweler retired. Is your person near me?
Kelsey
I’m planning a girls’ weekend in Boston with my two friends from law school. We like eating, talking, shopping, etc. All moms in our 40’s, traveling without husbands and kids. Any suggestions on fun things to do, interesting restaurants, good places to shop?
Anonymous
I live in Boston (40 something mom of 2) but had a pre-pandemic overnight with college friends at the Intercontinental that was great. The rooms are fairly spacious, and the pool is nice.
There are a ton of good restaurants in the Seaport neighborhood, which is an easy walk from that hotel. Boston Eater is reliable for restaurant recs. Depending on when you’re going, a rooftop bar in that neighborhood could be fun— I’ve heard good things about the Envoy but haven’t been myself. The area is like a brick and mortar Instagram shopping mall, too— lots of stores like Mejuri, Away, Le Labo, etc.
My favorite meal out recently was at Atlantico in the South End— would be perfect for your group if you eat seafood. Another popular and fun spot is Mariel.
For shopping, Newbury Street and the Prudential Center are classic. Theres a Sezane pop up on Newbury until the end of 2023, which could be fun to check out if you’re not from NYC. If you like vintage, the SOWA market on Sundays is fun and has food trucks.
For culture, the Gardner Museum is great (and not too overwhelming). They have a decent restaurant in the new-ish addition. I also really enjoy the MFA, especially the American wing. Alternatively, if you wanted to make it to Cambridge, the Harvard museums are free to the public now— you could pop in briefly before checking out Harvard Square. Harvard square kinda sucks now because of high rent but there’s still a glimmer of the old spirit. Also, Wusong Road (a tiki bar with excellent food) would be very fun for a girls brunch.
Personally, I think the Charles River waterfront is one of Boston’s greatest treasures, so I’d recommend a stroll or bike ride along the banks. You could pair it with a visit to Charles Street in Beacon Hill, which has fun independent stores – including a very instagram friendly bookstore with a cafe. If you’re feeling more sporty, I enjoy renting kayaks from the Cambridge location in Kendall Square.
Anon
You might consider:
* walking some of the Freedom Trail (you can look it up online and select the part that speaks to you)
* second the Gardner museum (really all museums there – BFMA and Harvard ones, too)
* I think there should be a rule that you cannot visit Boston without going to the North End for pasta/seafood and cannoli
* either Public Garden or Boston Common
Coat advice
I am looking for a new winter coat. I live in a cold climate so I want something warm and long. Ideally, I would want the coat Anna Karenina would wear if she were a 40-something professional in 2023.