Suit of the Week: Classiques Entier

145 Comments

1. Reposting to get some eyeballs on the new thread:

   Sorry for the TJ but I could use some advice. I’m interviewing for a job that will include a lot of business contract negotiation. I anticipate (based on previous interviews at this company) I will be asked to give examples of previous negotiations. I have spent significant time as a corporate attorney drafting and negotiating contracts of various types but am having trouble telling the story of a negotiation. I think this has to do with so much of it being knowing the parties involved and a lot of going back and forth discussing parties’ goals and values for specific terms. Sometimes there’s a creative solution, but much of the time it’s just knowing how much weight you can throw around and how long something can be waited out…

   Not sure what I’m asking for other than help structuring the story of specific negotiations that won’t bore my audience but gets across that I can handle a business position with substantial negotiating required. Also, any advice for how to describe my skills?

   TIA!

   1. I’d be prepared to describe in general the types of documents and customers you worked with, and have a few examples of a difficult situations or impasse and how you resolved them, as well as maybe a few big wins and how that impacted your company. Then just be prepared to discuss what you enjoy about this type of work.

      1. +1. In recent interviews, I’ve been asked what are some of the key issues that I’ve had to negotiate or that customers have pushed back on and how I’ve handled them. It was almost like a mock negotiation, where the interviewer pushed back on my explanation of the issue to see how I would handle the situation with a customer.

   2. Why are you good at contract neogtiations? 1) I understand the position of my client and what their sticking points are; 2) I’ve drafted and negotiated over 100 contracts so I am familiar with the standard language/pitfalls/ biases and can explain their importance to a non-lawyer; and 3) through my experience, I have learned when to stand firm on an issue and when to back down. Then have a story or example for each point. You can mix and match from the highlights of your career. That may be easier than trying to use just one project to illustrate all of your strengths.

      1. I agree with both of the above comments. I think that, rather than trying to explain the intricacies of one specific deal, you should highlight the main/relevant/best parts of some different deals. That makes for a shorter story while getting the point across – and showing that you’ve had experience with many different deals.

         I always find the questions asking for one example more difficult, because I feel compelled to fully explain the situation. Thus, I try to break it down and tell a few different highlights whenever possible – keeps me on track.

   3. You guys are awesome! This all seems obvious and correct as written out, and was more than my tired brain could pull together this afternoon. A great jumping off point to finish my prep.

      Thanks a million!

2. This suit seems like it would camouflage a tummy, but if this is not a problem area would just make you look bigger than you are.

   1. That was my first thought too Susie. This would be a great suit to hide a bump!

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   2. That was my first thought too Susie. This would be a perfect suit to hide a bump.

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3. I think this ruffle looks awful. The should have cut it off at the button level.

4. Love the suit, have something very similar! I like to have a few ‘fun’ suits that can still be office appropriate without seeming costume like.

   Speaking of suits, for those of you work in a more formal environment (business casual 1-2 days, formal the others) how many suits do you own? And if I may, how many of those are ‘standard’ versus ‘fun?’

   1. This suit is a bit too ruffly for my taste, but I veer towards simpler lines and when I want a “fun” suit I go with different colors or textures. This suit would definitely work as a fun suit in my office.

      I wear some version of a suit (jacket, no cardigan) most days of the week. For my standard suits I have 7 options: Black and grey pantsuits, black and grey skirt suits (and the grey one has a matching sheath), and a brown suit with both pants and a skirt. For fun suits, I have 3 options: a tan textured pant suit, a blue jacquard skirt suit, and a lighter tan-ish skirt suit.

      Most days I mix and match between all these suits with a few blazers or more interesting skirts or dresses thrown in, so I rarely have a full suit on, but I feel like I have more than enough options! My bf only has 3 suits – granted, he doesn’t have to wear a suit every day but ends up wearing suits a fair amount because of court appearances. I feel like suits for women are so different than suits for men, and much cheaper, so I feel ok having more variety, even though 10 (!!) suits seems like a lot when I write it all out.

   2. Hmm, now that I think about it, I have an awful lot of suits (especially given that I don’t wear them every day). But they don’t all necessarily fit me at the same time (all about the same size, but some fit me well when I”m on the lower end of my desired weight range, and others at the higher end). I think I have: 2 black suits (pant and skirt), 4 gray suits (light gray skirt, solid charcoal pant, two patterned gray pants), navy pinstripe skirt suit, 2 tan suits (pant and skirt), stone colored pant suit. So that’s 10 actual suits (although 3 of them I’d only wear in the summer). I have a number of “fun” blazers that I can mix in, but nothing that I’d describe as a “fun” suit.

      1. Yes! I forgot about the suits I have that don’t currently fit but may fit if I ever eat like a summer associate again. I have saved two of those suits and both are standard – navy skirt suit and black skirt suit.

         So 12 suits!

   3. I have a lot of suits for someone who is no longer required to wear them every day. I also love thrift shopping and many of them are thrifted or second-hand purchases.

      Serious pant-suits:
      1. navy all-season wool Theory (this is my go-to court suit)
      2. black pin-striped calvin klein
      3. new gray Express
      4. new olive Express (not sure yet if I’m keeping either new suit, I probably should have ordered a size up in the pants, but they were on clearance so I can’t exchange for size I want b/c it’s no longer available)
      5. brown pin-striped BCBG (but getting a little old, so I only wear it to the office, not court)

      Serious skirt suits:
      6. aubergine VS
      7. grey NY&C

      Fun suits (so classified due to their color or the non-standard shape of one of the pieces):
      1. Navy wool Brooks Bros with pleated skirt and gold buttons on jacket
      2. coral skirt suit
      3. bright orange skirt suit
      4. cream-colored wool with pleated skirt and vintage-y looking jacket
      5. pale yellow summer skirt suit
      6. black pin-striped suit with flared/trumpet skirt
      7. light brown heather Banana Republic wool with vintage-y swing jacket
      8. vintage purple & navy plaid jacket with matching purple midi skirt
      9. Royal Blue Express pantsuit

      So, 7 serious suits and 9 fun suits. Plus, I have a lot of jackets that I bought as separates or that still fit me even though the matching bottoms have become too small. I mix those with an assortment of pants, skirts and dresses.

      1. I saw a really stunning light yellow Nine West skirt suit at Macy’s when I was there a few weeks ago, and I couldn’t justify buying it because summer is beginning to draw to a close, but damn, I loved it so much.

   4. I have:

      3 navy suits (one I don’t love)

      Of those navy suits, one is the J. Crew super 120’s pinstripe, so I have two skirts (one pencil, one with a little flouce on the back), two pants (regular and slim Paley pant) and 1 dress (Emmaleigh). The other is a Brooks Brothers sheath dress with jacket. The third that I don’t love is a thicker wool Ann Taylor circa 2006 (I bought it for OCIs) with pearl buttons on the non-collared jacket.

      2 black pant suits – one regular (BR) and one with slim Paley pants (J. Crew)

      1 black and tan houndstooth skirt suit (Ann Taylor loft, recommended by this site circa 2009, has cute ruffles at the shoulders)

      1 black pinstripe pantsuit that is too big and a little outdated that I hang onto for weight gain / pregnancy purposes.

      I also have the Emmaleigh dress in the lagoon color, so assuming that color stays in the J. Crew rotation, I could get a matching jacket at some point to make it an actual suit.

      I would like a summer weight cotton suit for next summer (perhaps I’ll luck into a great end of season deal somewhere).

      I only need to wear suits a few times a month and I much prefer pencil skirts and blouses or dresses without a jacket.

   5. I own quite a few suits:
      – 2 plain black suits (1 3-piece, 1 4-piece)
      – 3 navy (all 3 piece: navy, dark navy pinstripe, and denimesque navy)
      – 4 brown (3 3-piece in various shades of brown, 1 2-piece tweed)
      -2 gray (both 3 piece: plain and pinstripe)

      Mine are all pretty boring, although a few have some fun details (e.g. buttons in the flap of the jacket, purple pinstripes). I want to branch out and add some more fun suits, but I have yet to run across one that I want and that is in my price range.

   6. I probably have close to 30 but some of them are seasonal, e.g. seersucker and tweed. I do wear suits frequently and have been collecting them for a while.

5. I love this suit. I normally am not big on ruffles on suits in this fashion, but something about this really stands out to me in a good way. I don’t like the way that it has the opening over the stomach, though – I wonder if there is a way to keep it closed there? (not that I can afford it currently)

6. Over the years, and again recently, I’ve received a lot of commentary that I am standoff-ish, or hard to get to know, etc. Has anyone else had this problm? How have they fixedi t? I’m quite introverted which I don’t think helps, but I’m starting to think this is an actual problem I need to fix.

   1. Good question…. I have this problem too, and am also an introvert.

      The commentary you have been given is likely the polite version…. I have learned that not being as naturally sociable and touchy/feel-y as a woman can also make people think you are ?conceited and/or just vaguely…. a b*tch. Little do they know that I don’t speak much because I am often scared/insecure and do not want to bother people or say something that might be perceived as inappropriate.

      People just say practice practice… For me, at work I just try to get my work done well and let my work speak for itself. In social settings, I accept that I will never be a social butterfly and focus on small groups/one on one and participating in activities I enjoy that take the social pressures off a little and help to relax me.

      Curious what others will say…. I really don’t think we should have to “change” our fundamental personality, but if you are willing to practice and fake it, that is the other option.

   2. This would actually be a great topic for a post. But I’ll bite (no pun intended).

      As someone who used to be extroverted and is now gradually becoming introverted, I think it’s important to have an image of how we portray ourselves – a virtual 3rd person point of view. Pay attention to how other people interact with everyone and try to view how you interact with people.

      Are you in an office that says good morning or hello to everyone? Do you say good morning/hello to everyone? Stuff like that. Also, you may need to prepare harmless personal information about yourself so that people feel like they “know” you. Whether it’s about sports or tv or something that makes you more than a job function (I’m assuming you’re talking about work). “Elevator talk” is a very important soft professional skill.

   3. Is this criticism from people you know at work, or from people who aren’t connected to you through work?

      If the former, you may have to play ball a little to fit in (but question how much conformity is worth staying at your current gig).

      People who have no influence over your employment status will just have to deal. You shouldn’t have to change yourself to please them. Obvious exceptions to this are spouses and significant others, close friends and family members you like and respect.

      1. This is criticism heard from friends, told to them through acquaintances, and also confirmed when friends think back to when they first met me. Apparently it is hindering my ability to date and meet friends generally because I seem unapprochable, uninterested in others, and hard to get to know, and I think they’re probably right. I was pretty hurt when they said it, but maybe it’s a criticism I should be listening to, since they all mean well and are good friends who also know all my positive traits.

         I haven’t heard similar criticisms at work, I’m generally well-liked once people get to know me, so after a few weeks things are always okay, even if I’m quiet at first.

         1. Well, that’s a little tough. Do you want to meet more people? Because if you do, then I think my previous response still applies. Maybe you can ask your friends what specifically you do that gives off the uninterested/unapproachable vibe?

         2. Have you read, “Quiet?”

            Also a tip: when chatting with others, don’t always look for anecdotes of similar experiences. For example, don’t do this:

            You: How’s your work?
            Them: Ugh. It’s awful, my boss is a total jerk.
            You: Mine, too!

            This signals to them that you aren’t interested in them. Instead, do it like this:

            You: How’s your work?
            Them: Ugh. It’s awful, my boss is a total jerk.
            You: Oh no, what happened?
            Them: etc.
            You: Gosh, well, I hope it gets better, soon. (segue into something else) … Have you seen XYZ movie? I heard it was pretty good.

            I hope all this makes sense. Don’t beat yourself up, but work at it in ways that make you feel true to yourself.

            1. Oh, this is a really good conversation tip! I’ll check out the book too

            2. This is incredibly helpful. Is there a book or website or some resource that provides sample scripts like this that one can memorize and employ as relevant? I’ve always thought that something like that would be a great resource for people (like me) who are naturally quiet and introverted but who like to become more outgoing for personal/professional reasons, and also, who learn in a very systematic/analytical/logical (I’m not sure exactly what word to use) kind of way.

               Kind of like learning how to play the piano by reading music before getting into improvisation. Some people are naturally very musical and can just sit down at a piano and play by ear, and then riff on that. Most people need to learn to read music, and can then use those skills to help them improvise (and in fact, you can learn certain techniques to employ while improvising).

            3. And the book Quiet is already on my reading list.

            4. I don’t know if there’s a book for scripts, I think the main point here is to not worry so much about making yourself seem interesting to them. Rather, you want to get them to share more about themselves. They will think you are interesting and interested, even if you don’t really share anything about yourself, if you can get them to talk about themselves. It also has the strategic effect of putting the burden of conversing back on them (in the form of an answer to your question).

               Now, at some point, you will also have to share some things about yourself. You can’t just ask them questions. :) If you find that you slip up and share an anecdote too quickly (I do this!), then just go back to what they said before, “Oh, sorry, you were saying that he was a total jerk. What happened?” You can always reset by repeating what they said and go from there.

               So, make it your mission to talk to people about themselves. And don’t fret trying to make yourself seem interesting. It will happen without your trying if you can get them talking.

            5. Great point, FrouFrou! I would also add that reciprocity is important:

               Them: So, been on any great vacations lately?
               You: Yeah, I went to XYZ… beautiful in the fall.
               Them: That sounds wonderful; I’ve always wanted to go.
               You: How about you? Where have you been lately?

               I bring this up because I feel like I’ve been in many conversations recently where the other person doesn’t reciprocate on a perfectly benign question I’ve asked. I always try to look for ways to reciprocate in a conversation because it’s a clear signal from the other person that they view it as a safe (i.e., not something controversial to them, like politics or religion), pleasant topic because they’re the one who brought it up.

               Maybe this is already very evident to all of you… I just feel like sometimes I cycle through general topics like vacation, movies, and sports without someone ever asking, “What about you?” to really keep the conversation going.

            6. The best general tip I’ve heard about this is: to be interesting, you should be interested. When in doubt ask people about themselves.

         3. I have this issue too. Traces identically, my friends heard from their friends, reflected on time before they really knew me and realize they felt the same way. When I pressed, it turns out I never consciously said or did anything to make people feel this way. It is literally just how my face looks. I suffer from BRF – bitchy resting face. (Name courtesy of the recent discussion and video in The Atlantic http://www.theatlantic.com/sexes/archive/2013/06/memoirs-of-an-un-smiling-woman/277063/ ). It all kind of makes sense now. People constantly ask me what’s wrong or why I am upset when I am neither and not consciously projecting either. Many of the people who report I come across as distant, or cold, or bitchy, or like I just don’t like them end up saying that they’ve had interactions with me where I glared at them and I will either have no recollection of the incident or I’ll remember but have no recollection of being annoyed/upset. Now that I know about it I can consciously monitor on occasion or warn people that it’s just how my resting face looks. It isn’t a fail-proof solution, but at least it’s an explanation.

   4. I have a close friend who is a bit like this. I’ve known her since the sixth grade, so I don’t find her to be off-putting like I might if I had met her when we were both adults, I just consider it one of her quirks. I’m not sure she’s “fixed” it necessarily, but I’ll just comment on the things I’ve noticed that make her seem standoffish to me sometimes, in hopes they might help you…

      During a conversation, she often looks bored or scans the room… especially if it’s between more than two people. It’s like she assumes that the speaker is only talking to the other person(s), not to her. So it seems rude, like she doesn’t care what they’re saying, when in actuality she just assumes the speaker would preface it with her name if you meant to speak directly to her. If people are milling about, like at a party, she will often physically wander off during a conversation rather than politely excusing herself, which seems even more rude. Again, I think she just figures that they don’t really care if she’s there or not, but instead it makes others feel like they’re not interesting enough.

      Also, because she is introverted and comfortable being alone, she would also not think twice about, e.g., sitting at a table by herself at lunch rather than coming up to a colleague’s table to ask to join, or flagging down a colleague to ask if they’d like to sit with her. (Obviously, the colleague could also do the asking in either of these situations, I’m just saying that it wouldn’t even cross her mind.) Similarly, she wouldn’t think, “I’d like to read a magazine alone today but I don’t want to appear rude, so I’ll just sit at my desk.” She would got sit in the break room alone, ignoring a table of other people… which to her is no big deal, but to others seems almost brazenly saying “don’t bother me.”

      Maybe you’re not like this at all, so I hope I’m not projecting! I do wonder, though, with your handle being Daydreamer, if maybe you’re sometimes lost in your own thoughts and not actively engaged in a conversation, especially in groups? Maybe if you made it a point to seek others out, they would feel more comfortable returning the favor?

      FWIW, I’m sure others are just interested in getting to know more about the good qualities they see in you!

      1. Traditionalist, this is really helpful info for me. Thank you for posting it! It is helpful to have concrete examples of behaviors as well as how those behaviors appear to others. I definitely do some of the things you’ve listed, like wandering away from a group conversation at a party without saying anything. I’m like your friend and assume that the people don’t necessarily care if I’m there and don’t want to interrupt to excuse myself. It’s helpful to know that people do see that as rude, which rationally is something I guess I knew but having it pointed out makes it real to me somehow.

      2. I definitely do all of these things, especially scanning the room and just wandering away from groups- if people are involved in their own conversation, I assume I’m not really relevant. My mind does tend to wander during group conversations, so, I’ll work on being more engaged

         Very helpful.

   5. I like a lot of the suggestions so far. I’d add that instead of trying to be “on” in a big group, make an extra effort at work to engage in ways that you feel comfortable. For example, if happy hour isn’t your thing, try going out to coffee in the afternoons with one co-worker & having a real conversation there. I also think being authentic is a big deal – if you can engage in a smaller arena and let people get to know you for who you are, that can go a long way too & make the bigger events a lot less necessary over time. You can even “confess” to being introverted in smaller conversations & that can help people understand you better.

      1. Just read OP’s follow up that it’s personal not work criticism. I think the same idea could apply in your personal life — try reaching out more to do things one on one with people & I think sharing about yourself (you don’t have to be an open book, but a closed one is hard) is useful.

   6. I am also an introvert, and have gotten similar (kind) feedback from friends in the past. I like to spend time along, but I also don’t want people to think I dislike them when I don’t, so I’ve adopted a few strategies:

      1. At public events, I often introduce myself to someone standing alone, then when a third person wanders near us I rope them into the conversation. This is great because three people can usually sustain a conversation, and having two others means I don’t have be “on” the whole time; sometimes the other two can carry the conversation. Also, often people standing alone are really grateful when you introduce yourself and start talking. I do this at parties and also at networking-type work events.

      2. I try to give some information about myself. I used never to do this, because why would anyone care? But I think Godzilla is right that people like to feel like they “know” you, even if it’s just that they know you visited California on vacation last year and loved it.

      3. I often go to parties and whatnot with a buddy. I don’t mind going places by myself (erm, introvert!), but having someone there I know well means when I get exhausted from being chatty I can go stand near them while they converse, and I look like I’m participating. I also sometimes take breaks from being social by spending a long time getting another drink or going to the bathroom, which re-energizes me.

   7. I actually have this probelem for peeople who do not know me. Peeople are afraid to approach me b/c I appear to be to serious and men especially are afraid to approach me b/c they say they are afraid that I would REJECT them! Nothing can be further from the truth, so I asked the manageing partner about it and he said that I am very formal looking and that if I appear less formal, peeople will NOT be afraid to approach me.

      In fact, it was the manageing partner who at first endorsed my use of the schrunchie, tho now he hates it b/c he likes my hair down not up and not pulled back in the summer.

      So mabye you should take my advise and be more approacheable. Also, dress a little less formal, and do NOT be afreaid to wear schrunchie’s, b/c they make you look more causal, which is a good thing.

      I am not sure yet about tonite — Sam texted me about meeting, but I am very sweaty from walking to work. My fitbit says I am excerciseing, but my tuchus has NOT gotten any smaller. Beside’s Myrna wants to do 3 miles tonite on the FDR walkway. FOOEY! But I must do it if I ever am to show Sam me in a batheing suit, or even my bikini! YAY!!!!

7. Can anyone recommend a good intro accounting book or free online course for a non math person?

   I am doing some prep work before taking a class in it, and I am trying to mentally get over the hurdle of “this sucks and is boring and not useful” by getting the fundamentals down so I can get to the (hopefully) cool stuff.

   1. We used this: https://www.goodreads.com/book/show/6749973-essentials-of-accounting for pre-MBA prep (it looks like there’s a new edition). It’s a workbook, so not just reading, but also doing. I thought it was good, and it was useful for when I started my course.

   2. I think Coursera has a intro to accounting course (or maybe it’s finance). If Coursera doesn’t have it, I’m sure another MOOC will.

8. I know some people have discussed in the past the transferring of their student loans to other servicers. Mine just got switched over, and they confirmed that they capitalized the interest in the process of the transfer. Is this common? Can servicers just capitalize interest whenever they want? It just seems so unfair since there doesn’t seem to be any leverage for me, and they can just do whatever they want to rack up my interest payments.

   1. Is it federal or private? If federal, I think it might depend on which repayment plan you are on. As far as I know, my IBR loan interest can only be capitalized if I request a deferment or forebearance. Hopefully someone here knows more, but I’ve had good luck googling these things when my servicer randomly decided to put me in an administrative forbearance. Also don’t be afraid to call your new servicer repeatedly to fix it. Mine messed up applying my payments and it took multiple phone calls and 2 “investigations” on their part but I finally got it fixed and it saved me almost $1200.

9. Since we were discussing ATL this morning, I wanted to share this. An article by David Mowrey (not a full-time ATL editor, as far as I know) just went up that begins with a numbered list. The third item on the list seems verbatim from our conversation. It says, “I am rarely shocked any more by the comments on this site, but I have to say that in my opinion, they have devolved so far into a cesspool of misogyny and lack of humor or wit, that I have decided to continue to write columns without the ability to comment. I have been doing this long enough, and been called enough names and insulted sufficiently that I have become inured to being ‘hurt.’ If you have a genuine criticism, suggestion or correction, write me at the Gmail address.”

   1. Mowry has written about this topic before, and good on him for doing so. Google his name, and “House Rules: Really?” To pull up his June 5th 2013 post on this topic.

   2. Yay!

10. Can anyone comment on using the Fitbit or Jawbone Up during pregnancy?

    1. I notice you haven’t gotten any comments yet, and I don’t use either piece of equipment…but if you feel up for exercising then I would say do whatever you are comfortable with. I do use My Fitness Pal, and since about week 6 I have only entered exercise and not kept track of food consumption – I just think that given my current goals, and my generally healthy food choices, it’s not necessary. Plus, for about 7 weeks during my first trimester, it was WAY too much effort to keep track of calories consumed.

11. TJ: has anyone here adopted a child from foster care? Husband and I have two bio kids but are seriously considering becoming foster parents in the hope that a placement could result in an adoption. I’d love to hear about other peoples’ experiences but haven’t been able to find much online.

    We have a son and a daughter now; gender and race don’t matter to us. Probably hoping to adopt a child who’s 2 years old or younger.

    1. I haven’t adopted from foster care, but have worked for a law firm where the partner both adopted himself and developed a practice in it. Where he practiced, it was really hard to get younger kids. I know that’s a problem nationwide, but I’m sure the extent varies. He ended up fostering a nine-year old that had been taken away from her parents in a DUI traffic stop at 6 or 7 (obviously not IN the stop, but that being the final straw in their legal history with her), and she was a bit of a terror in the first couple years. She had severe anxiety that she would be given away again, as she had been by other foster parents. She just turned 16 and is doing much better now. She’s secure, confident, gets along with her brother (not adopted). They made a HUGE difference in her life, but I think it was in large part possible because the wife was a SAHM who could provide the structure that the daughter needed.

       Anyway, good luck and maybe consider slightly older kids if you haven’t been!

    2. Not from foster, but we are adopting internationally. My local agency also does domestic and fostering, so we sat through the training on that, too. I also went through CASA training before law school, which provided some exposure to the realities of what happens when a child is placed in foster care.

       As a foster parent, in general, you have to be prepared to take in a child at the last minute (and sometimes, in the middle of the night or wee hours of the morning) and be in a position to provide stability and comfort with little to no notice. Your children will also need to be prepared to handle the ups and downs that come from having another child pop into your family, possible create some havoc, and then possibly be removed from your family to go back to the birth parents. You will also need to be prepared to interact with birth parents about their child and be mature and confident in how you navigate these relationships. Imagine for a second that you royally effed up something and your child was removed from your care by the state and placed in the care of a perfect stranger. You are trying to sort out the thing you effed up, because having your child removed from your care can be quite a wake-up call.

       On the adoption front, children who are fostered (and those adopted when there is no fostering) do tend to struggle with attachment, because of the removal from their birth family and placement in multiple homes. These losses are not something that children from tough places necessarily get over, nor are they issues that can be parented out of them with the right amount of love and patience. Rather, through your parenting and patience, hopefully, they learn to cope with these losses, over their lifetime, in a positive and healthy manner.

       Personally, I would love to foster, but I am not certain that it’s what is best for our child or the one that is joining us soon. I also think that I would probably need to be a SAHM or have a schedule with more flexibility.

    3. I’m friendly with a couple who started fostering four siblings about five years ago–the youngest was at that point a baby, and the eldest was probably eight or nine–and just recently completed the adoption process.

       The children have absolutely *blossomed*. They’d bounced a bit in foster care before my friends took them (and they’d also been separated, which is a common tragedy–not many families are geared up to take on four kids at once), and they’re now just sweet, goofy, well-rounded kids with great, loving parents. Their adoptive mother is also a SAHM, and I agree with Cornellian that that probably helps.

    4. Thanks, gang. I know that fostering brings with it its own unique set of challenges. We have a distant relative who adopted two brothers from foster care (they had four bio kids prior to that) and she’s talked me through quite a bit…BUT she’s a SAHM and I agree that that would make a big difference. Much to chew on here.

       1. I think that if you can get past the daydreamy side of it, and look at the harsh realities, and still be inclined, then do it. :) I don’t think it’s a decision that is either there or not, just waiting to come up and be accepted. I think the decision comes over time, after you chew on it, and talk to as many people as you can. You might decide to do it and then feel mightily discouraged and wish that you hadn’t started. You might worry if that means you should pull out of the program. All of these insecurities are normal and OK. :) There are many unknowns and only so much you can control, but it would be like this even if you had never fostered/adopted. Right? You can also try contacting some agencies in your area to speak with them/get more perspective. Our agency has a birth parent panel (which I realize is different from fostering), but I think it might help you to speak with others in person or to hear their stories in real time. I will share the one thing that I have always found disturbing about adoption (and by extension, fostering), is the focus others place on my DH and I “saving” a child. Or that this was all part of a divine plan and it’s just the invisible hand of God working its way through our lives.

          So, for perspective, let me be clear and offer one that is different from the mainstream speak on this: we’re not going into this to save a child, it’s just something that we’d always thought we’d do, because we enjoy being parents. We wanted to add another child to our family and this child, her/his losses, the birth family’s heartache, troubles, and poverty (and our financial ability to pay for all of this) are making this happen. Not some divine plan. While the outcome of this child’s life in our home will arguably be different from the one he/she might have had being raised in poverty in an orphanage, we ultimately gain from the child’s losses, which are real and deep.

          Good luck with your decision!

       2. A friend has fostered-then-adopted three children, two of whom are bio-siblings. She showed up at church one day with a baby, and I though, wow! She was already an adoptive parent, and has a really full life and wonderful family. Both she and her spouse work full-time although her spouse’s schedule is very flexible. They were told not to use childcare for some weeks/months after getting the children, so that is a recommendation you should explore when making a plan.

          Another acquaintance and his wife were having, last I heard, a good and hopeful foster-to-adopt experience with a pair of bio siblings who were preschool-aged.

    5. Had a friend go this route; started 5 years ago fostering baby at 5 days old due to drug issues with parents, had the baby until about age 2 when the back and forth with bio parents began. Bio parents had another child that also came with Baby 1 during one of the back and forths, ultimately adopted both children one year ago. Huge legal battles with bio parents to get to that point; children have many issues with attachment and abandonment due to back and forth experiences. Not for the faint of heart.

       1. Similarly, someone very close to me was a foster parent for years. There was one child in particular that bounced to foster care while their bio mom was in jail for drugs and go back to bio mom upon release. This cycle repeated for 10+ years until the child eventually ended up in juvenile detention. Someone this foster child would come with a couple siblings, othertimes on their own. The foster parent was never able to adopt this child or any of the siblings because bio mom would not sever parental rights.

    6. I have friends who adopted foster kids, 2 biological siblings who were around 8 or 9 when they were first placed with my friends. The first few years were incredibly rough, given the background of the kids. Not sure what kinds of resources are out there that are specifically geared towards this. One of my friends was a work-at-home parent (so always physically available) and the other was a mental health professional. Not sure if that helped, but it probably didn’t hurt. The kids are adults now, and seem to be doing well.

    7. We have not fostered or adopted, but looked into it and discussed the possibility for the future. The best resource of information for us was our pediatrician. She treats a lot of children in the foster care system and was able to give us a very real look at what to expect and how fostering/ adopting would affect our lifestyle and our bio children. She would love to see my husband, who is an amazing dad, influence some of the kids that she sees but she thought fostering might be tough on us. For example, our lifes- two full-time working parents with some travel responsibility; and two preschool aged children in daycare- currently allow us to pick up and take weekend get-aways, or overlap our work travel with the help of very good friends that will watch our children overnight, if needed. That would not be possible with foster children. Trips with them, or extra-ordinary care givers, need to been screened through case workers and okayed; then permission must be given by bio parents, who may or may not be responsive/ supportive.
       Another point that we’ve really had to wrestle with is that adopting from foster care often means that the bio parents are still (somewhat) in the picture. Depending on the size of your town, you may still have interactions with bio parents/ grand parents/ extended family.
       I hope I don’t sound like I’m trying to talk you out of it! It is amazing of you to consider it and to be so open to the children who need love/ care. These were the two things that made us say ‘not now’, that I may not have thought of if I hadn’t spoken with our ped about it. Best of luck. Keep us updated on what you decide to do!

    8. Check out the blog fosterhood. It’s written by a single woman currently fostering two infants. It’s a really great perspective on the realities of foster care and it’s interesting to see how she makes it work as a working single woman. She has also created quite a community there. I recommend finding her first post and reading the whole story, for context.

    9. It’s depends a lot on the state you’re in. Children under two are generally pretty rare, and only the most severely abused babies have been taken away from their parent permanently. So you would need to be prepared for some serious mental and physical issues, as well as the possibility of fostering a baby, falling madly in love, and then needing to take them for visitation with their abusers or giving them back. The state’s goal is always parental reunification, and you have to be ready for that.

       We realized early on that adopting a child under two in Florida with any chance of a normal life was going to be vitally impossible. We decided to adopt older children from foster care and waited nearly a year to start the training. Without going into all the gorey details, we dropped out after three weeks of classes.

       Well, I’ll give some details. The social workers matched us up from the minute we walked in and before they even reviewed our bios. Two boys, one animalistic and a feces smearer, and the other with a very low iq who would never be self sufficient. One had been institutionalized and only released a few weeks prior for violence. Both horribly neglected, not just by the parents, but by a,long term foster parent. We are two working professionals, only children, no church support…. They thought we’d be just GREAT!

       My advice is to do a,lot of research, including reading blogs of families who have had both good and bad foster adopt experiences. There are some good blogs out there of what I call “super adopters” who have adopted 10-20 kids that will give you amazing insight because they’ve see it all. (They are truly remarkable people with a calling.) Also research what happens when an adoption fails (including the frequency) and what your recourse is. Some states make adoptive parents plead guilty to abandonment to get children the medical/mental support they need that their parents can’t afford.

12. Hi – I just decided this morning that I need to flat iron my hair far more often. I know this has been discussed here in the past – I just searched the site and read some of the older threads – but after doing a little research I am confused.

    If you frequently use straightening irons, could you comment on negative ion plates v ceramic plates v tourmaline plates? I have dark red hair – so, kind of coarse and thick, but not really. Really more just kind of wavy, tends to behave when subjected to any kind of heat – but not fine or thin. It looks like ceramic is the way most people go?

    And, my hair is about bra length – so do I need 1 1/2″ inch plates? Do you use your iron to curl, too, and are smaller plates better for that? (I’ve never used a flat iron for that)

    And – finally – can anyone compare Chi, Sedu and/or Solia? T3 seems to have some options out there too, but their products don’t seem to have nearly as many reviews/press as the others. They all kind of look the same to me. I just want one that won’t fry my hair and heats up really quickly.

    1. I have a T3 iron with ceramic plates and I really like it. My hair is naturally very thick and curly and the T3 does a great job in straightening my hair without destroying it.

       1. Also, when my hair is long, it’s about your length and I find the one inch plates do the trick. You can also use it to curl although I’m hair-illiterate and cannot seem to do so.

          1. Hair-illiterate – love it. I am also completely hair illiterate. Somehow I missed that phase in my life where other girls learned to braid and do updos and other interesting hair things. Mine is just down all day every day, unless it’s in a ponytail at the gym.

    2. I have the T3 One Pass, and it’s delightful. Heats up fast, stays hot, I don’t have to go over the same section more than once, it has different temperature settings, doesn’t fry my hair, I’m so happy with it.

       I had a Chi and really hated it, it fried my hair.

       1. Good to know re the Chi, thanks!

    3. Give GHD a look – I researched obsessively because I wanted a good straightener I could curl with that wouldn’t damage my hair (much). I’m really happy with it, despite no longer straightening everyday. My new routine is to blow dry my hair out with a round brush on days I wash my hair, the next day (shower but don’t wash hair) I touch things up with the straightener, and the third day I either wear it up (too greasy to wear it down but just greasy enough that an updo looks and holds nice) or start over again. My hair is thicker and healthier and I’m not bored with my hair as easily.

       1. GHD, okay. I saw those on folica today, too. Thanks!

    4. Was going to ask for suggestions myself today. Does anyone have a good flat iron that is not hot to the touch behind the plates? Mine just died, and I liked that about it, but there is no brand name on it, so I can’t figure out how to replace it.

13. For some reason I am not able to post replies, so this will probably show up as its own post.

    As a pretty extreme introvert, my experience and response is similar to frugal doc. And I too am suspicious that special expectations of warmth and bubbliness apply to women in particular. What has helped me is close observation of people I see being sociable in a way that wouldn’t be impossible for me to replicate, even if it wouldn’t be comfortable either. Learn to do what they do, even if you can only keep it up for an hour or two. I also suggest asking close, trusted people who have known you for a long time to talk to you honestly about how you come off to others. They can give you a fuller sense of what the specific issues are, but also more importantly they can highlight the attributes in you that ARE particularly likeable and help you work on playing them up. For example, I don’t talk much in groups either, but I listen very attentively and remember things about people between meetings. I’ve been helped to realize over time that this really “counts” and it’s ok that different people bring different relational strengths to the table.

14. I’ll be in Salt Lake City for 2-3 days. Anyone on here have any suggestions on good restaurants/activities to try? TIA

    1. Hatch Family Chocolates is pretty much the best thing Utah has ever had to offer. (The owners are awesome, and no relation to Orrin that I know of, if that concerns you.)

    2. I was there for work in the fall and had an amazing dinner at Pallet. Good food and wine; lots of locally sourced ingredients.

    3. Sorry in advance for the novel. My suggestions are a little downtown-centric because that’s where I live and work.

       Restaurants
       Best American food – Copper Onion, Zy, Pallet
       Best Mexican food – Red Iguana (be warned, though, the lines can get ridiculous, especially on the weekends or during the OR shows)
       Best Asian food – Plum Alley (Asian fusion, recently won a Food Magazine award), Takashi (I’ve been assured by coworkers who used to live in Japan that this isn’t just good sushi *for Utah*, but great sushi period)
       Best Italian food – Vinto, Cafe Molise, La Jolla Groves
       Fine Dining – Forage
       Most Salt Lake specific experience – The Roof (kinda fancy) or The Garden (more casual) on temple square – both have amazing views of the city

       Drinks
       Pubs – The Beerhive, The Tavernacle
       Microbreweries – Squatters, Red Rock, the Avenues Proper House (conveniently next door to Hatch’s chocolates)
       Speakeasies – Avenues Bistro on Third (purportedly haunted), The Bodega

       Treats
       Hatch’s Chocolates, Eva’s Bakery, Lion House Bakery

       Activities
       Temple Square – you will probably get approached by female LDS (aka Mormon) missionaries, but they are friendly and don’t tend to be too pushy
       Bus tours – http://usbusutah.com/index.php?option=com_content&task=view&id=15&Itemid=28
       If you are downtown and want to go for a stroll/hiking, City Creek Canyon is super accessible.
       City Creek Mall – A range of stores from H&M up to Nordies, Tiffany’s, Michael Kors, and Hugo Boss, a stream with trout in it, and a water fountain show designed by the people who did the one at the Bellagio in Las Vegas.

       1. Wow. Thanks all. Now I’m really looking forward to this trip!

15. I love this suit, but I cannot justify a new suit until I have a job offer in hand. Sigh. Another day, another thanks-but-no-thanks. Job searching sux. Feeling pretty down about it all. I’ve been in my workout clothes since 9am, but I don’t have the energy to work out. I just want to mope and wallow.

    1. Sending you lots of Internet hugs! I too am job hunting, and it really does totally suck. For me, it’s definitely an up-and-down thing as far as my productivity and moods–there are definitely days when I’m very down and can’t manage to shower until late in the afternoon (if at all!). I have found that working out helps with my moods (until I got a stress fracture in my foot, so I’ve been out of commission for the last month and a half), but sometimes I still feel so down that I can’t even handle working out. I think it’s okay to give yourself permission to mope and wallow in bed or on the couch for a day or two when you feel really down. But after a day or two, I find that it helps me feel better if I can force myself to get out of the house, even just for coffee or to go to Target (always a mood lifter for me!), or best of all, to meet a friend for lunch or a drink. Overall, I have also found it helpful to get involved in some organizations, since it helps keep me busy and helps counteract that feeling of “oh my gosh, no one will ever want to hire me and I have nothing to offer!”

       So yeah, I totally get what you’re feeling! I don’t know if it helps, but you aren’t alone in the struggle to find a job, and all the no-thanks responses aren’t any reflection on you–the market is still just really tough right now. Hang in there–we’re pulling for you! >Hugs!<

16. I believe someone asked the other day, but Preg Anon posted on her blog today that she’s had her little boy! =)

    http://workthatbump.com/we-interrupt-your-regularly-scheduled-programming/

    1. OH MY GOSH YAY!! Thanks for posting that. :)

    2. Oh that’s great news! I had checked her blog a few days ago and nothing.

    3. Awww, what a cute little nugget! I love new babies.

    4. What a cutie! Thanks for posting this good news.

17. Speaking of suits, I have an interview coming up and I have decided not to wear a skirt or pant suit because I always feel dowdy in them. I work in the nonprofit sector so I have some leeway. Instead I’d prefer to wear a sheath suit (sheath dress with a matching jacket – not sure what the proper term is) OR wear a good structured sheath dress with a coordinating blazer. I have picked out a few dresses from Nordie’s – does anyone want to help me pick one?

    http://shop.nordstrom.com/S/adrianna-papell-cap-sleeve-sheath-dress/3566424?origin=category&BaseUrl=Work

    http://shop.nordstrom.com/S/marc-new-york-by-andrew-marc-seamed-sheath-dress/3522765?origin=category&BaseUrl=Work

    http://shop.nordstrom.com/S/calvin-klein-cap-sleeve-peplum-sheath-dress/3490989?origin=category&BaseUrl=Work

    http://shop.nordstrom.com/S/ivy-blu-for-maggy-boutique-cap-sleeve-sheath-dress-regular-sizes-online-only/3491097?origin=category&BaseUrl=Work

    1. Honestly, none of these. For an interview, with a sheath over it, you want just a very plain sheath dress. The ones you linked all have elaborate necklines or detailing which I don’t think would work so well with a blazer.
       For example (I’m not sure about the color, but in terms of silhouette): http://shop.nordstrom.com/S/calvin-klein-belted-ponte-sheath-dress-online-only/3490978?origin=category-personalizedsort&contextualcategoryid=0&fashionColor=&resultback=1497&cm_sp=personalizedsort-_-browseresults-_-1_5_C

18. Hi. I am wondering if people could recommend some affordable tops that cover belly weight that won’t make me look as if I am 6 months pregnant as I have not yet lost baby weight even though my youngest is 4. Thank you.

    1. My only suggestion: maybe some loose-fitting tops paired with cardigans or more fitting jackets? I’ve gotten some e-mails from JC Penney that show some cute sleeveless kind of flowy tops that would look cute under cardigans or jackets.

       In case you don’t receive many suggestions here, also check out TCFKAG’s blog at http://tcfkag.weebly.com/ & consider e-mailing her. She’s a regular Corporette commenter and helps people find specific items. :) Good luck!

    2. Have you tried peplum? I have a belly I like to hide (no pregnancy, just not society’s definition of skinny/fit) sometimes. I find that peplum, tops that are more fitted on top, and cowel (spelling?) necks work well. There are other shirts that work well, but I don’t know the terms for them. I also find that the top part of my bottoms is essential to hiding the belly in some outfits. Plus, they are more comfortable when they are just a little higher up!

    3. I wear shapeware tank tops EVERY DAY. It keeps my tummy from falling out over my pants, and that is worth every penny. I carry all my fat in my belly. Then I really appreciate skirts with a wide band so they go over my belly instead of falling under it.

19. A saleswoman at Nordstrom told me Classiques Entier suits are made at the same factory as Theory. Their fabrics and construction are very nice, especially at the Anniversary sale price.

20. Anybody else seeing some, uh, female anatomy in the ruffles? I can’t unsee it now.

    1. I have a blouse from The Limited with limp ruffles down the middle that I secretly call my V*gina shell. It’s always covered by a blazer!

21. Ladies-

    I started this plan to bring my lunch and snacks to lose weight and save money. However, I feel like I’m overeating the snacks/lunch/dinners I bring in. I end up eating my lunch dinner at obscenely inappropriate times (i.e. by 10am and 4:30pm). Any way to combat this?

    As I’m typing, I realize that I had my dinner sandwich on my desk, so I ate it. Perhaps one step would be to keep food out of sight.

    Any tips? Or at the very least any of you that can sympathize?

    1. I can definitely relate. The key to me is watching the clock and having food at regular, predictable times. I have a snack (granola bar or banana or something) at 10am; lunch at noon; afternoon snack at 2; etc. Really plan for your hunger inbetween meals. If you’re still hungry, you need to bring more food or you’re thirsty or you’re bored. Think through whether it’s true hunger or something else. Maybe you need a walk. If you’re bringing an apple for a snack but it’s not enough, bring individual-serving-sized peanut butter or hummus. Also, consider what you used to eat and whether you’re just used to eating more calories. Calories in dressings and little “extras” (cheese on salad) can really add up. Maybe you need to bring bigger meals. Good luck!

    2. This reminds me of the procrastination study article I read earlier this week (posted a link here somewhere – sadly, cannot remember the publication, probably NYT?). Basically, the point was that metathinking – ie., thinking about thinking – is the key when you need to delay gratification. One of the studies it discussed involved kids with marshmallows: whether the kids could successfully wait to eat the marshmallow directly in front of them for 15 minutes to earn 2 marshmallows. The successful ones wouldn’t look at the marshmallow in front of them, would sing songs and look at the walls and engage in other mental exercises to distract themselves. The ones who didn’t do these things (e.g., would just sit there staring at the marshmallow) almost inevitably failed, and pretty quickly. (This all related to procrastination in the sense that procrastinating is a failure to delay today’s gratification for tomorrow’s reward).

       Anyway – maybe engage in some metathinking? Think about how you can distract yourself, when you start focusing on the sandwich in front of you (and move it out of sight, like you said!).

       Outside of that, maybe drink lots of water. Sometimes I find that I’m just bored and looking for something to do with my hands, and water or hot tea works just fine.

       1. Here’s the thread with the link, if you’re interested.

          https://corporette.com/2013/07/25/ileana-makri-diamond-viper-earrings/

    3. Are you eating them at those times because your hungry? A 6.5 hour break between lunch and dinner is totally reasonable so it sounds like the problem is that you’re eating lunch too early. If that is the case and you’re eating because you’re hungry at 10am, I’d start by experimenting with your breakfast to find something that keeps you full longer and/or add a snack (like a yogurt or something) to eat at 10 so you can push your lunch back.

       1. Generally it is not advised to go more than 3-4 hours between meal/snacks, 6.5 hours would be a long time with no snack in between. But you do have to be careful of mindless snacking. If I have food at my desk I’ll eat it just because it’s there. I try to only bring enough for one day, or if I keep food in my desk it is something I don’t like enough to want it unless I’m actually hungry (like dry plain wasa crackers). I’ve also had some success with wasabi edamame because I can’t really eat too much of it!

    4. I sympathize. I try to keep my day at a rough calorie count (for weight loss reasons as well), break down my meals and snacks accordingly, and I try to make them as full of healthy calories as possible and plan as best as I can for hunger. You can only do so much though. Like another poster said, I think you need to distinguish between hunger and boredom. Try drinking more water, or I find that mint tea (or black tea) helps temporarily stop an urge to eat.

       For starters, are you eating breakfast? That might help push back your hunger. I have a friend who claims that eating breakfast makes her hungrier throughout the day (I think that’s BS), but often wants to eat lunch at 11am. I know a lot of people are not “breakfast” people or are not “hungry” in the morning. I think breakfast is something you can train yourself to eat. FWIW, I normally wake up around 6am, workout, and then eat breakfast at 9:30, so I am not one of those people who wakes up hungry and needs/wants to eat breakfast right away.

       My general eating pattern: breakfast around 9:30-ish, lunch anywhere from 12-2pm, snack around 5pm, dinner around 7:30-9pm. If you are an earlier eater (I know some people who eat breakfast at 6am), you will need to eat a morning snack. My personal trainer who knows more about nutrition than I do says that the normal satiety for a proper serving of carbs is about 3 hours, for protein it’s about 4 hours.

       I need to eat a mix of protein and carbs in every meal or I cannot stay satisfied. Eating yogurt or cereal/granola for breakfast makes me hungry in about 1 hour. I eventually realized that I just cannot eat those things because they do nothing for me and are a waste of *my* calories because I just wind up eating more. (Counter point: DH eats yogurt and granola every morning and is full for hours.)

       Here is a “typical” menu for me:
       Breakfast: 3/4 cup cooked grain with about 1 cup of berries or other fruit and almond milk, or about 3/4-1 cup cooked steel cut oats with fruit. Occasionally egg whites with cheese and whole wheat toast.
       Lunch: 1/2 cup grain with about 2 cups of roasted veggies (typically broccoli and cauliflower) and about 2-4 oz of protein, with some sort of dressing. If I wind up getting takeout, I try to go to salad bars and bulk up on lettuce, veggies, a serving of protein, and vinegar and oil.
       Snack: about 1 cup roasted veggies with 2 tbsp. of hummus, or a banana (or an apple) with 1 tbsp peanut butter, or about 1 cup of fruit. On rare occasions some sort of chip (but it’s never satisfying)
       Dinner: about 4 oz of protein and around 2 cups of veggies, or a salad topped with protein with a vinaigrette.

       I think you also have to look at your calorie intake for the day. You say that you’re trying to lose weight. Have you cut your calories or increased your activity levels? That’s enough to make anyone hungry. You could also try eating more veggies throughout the day as a way to feel satisfied for longer. I bulk up on veggies because I feel more satisfied but I keep my calories in check.

       1. I’ve discovered that I’m hungry earlier in the day if I have carbs for breakfast (like an English muffin) but this doesn’t happen when I have eggs. I used to be a no breakfast person, but the eggs really help me now.

          1. Shredded wheat cereal (not frosted!) with skim milk keeps me fuller longer than anything else.

    5. I eat my desk food earlier if I ‘m not drinking enough water.

22. I have bought a couple of CE silk tops recently that have a very loose horizontal hem on them at the bottom…Unfortunately, this hem falls right at the level of my pant pocket buttons and the hems kept getting tangled in my button..pulling, etc..One hem even snapped when I went to the ladies room. Very annoying. I understand that the hems are run loosely to avoid many holes in the silk fabric, but my other silk tops from, say, Theory have finer (short stitch) hems and seem fine.

    Anyway, anyone else have a source or brand for silk or silk blend work blouses that they think are particularly well made?

23. The garden is going crazy and I’m drowning in tomatoes. Favorite recipes, please? I’m more at a loss to use up the big beefsteaks, because while I’ll eat cherry tomatoes like candy, the giant tomatoes seem to demand a little more respect (and forethought).

    TIA!

    1. my mom makes the most amazing tomato soup ever. it’s simple but so good. i would choose that tomato soup over ice cream or any other delicious food item. i could post a recipe if youre inclined, otherwise find one on the internet that speaks to you.

       1. Google Tyler Florence Roasted Tomato Soup. to.die.for.

          I just saw a recipe for a tomato/watermelon/feta salad that looked delicious.

    2. one of my favorite summer meals is a burger with a side of tomato slices dressed only in salt (maybe some other herbs if I’m feeling fancy). They’re so good uncooked!

    3. Tomato sandwiches!!! Nice tomato slices, nice bread, mayo, salt. Eat for breakfast, lunch, and dinner.

       If that’s too many sandwiches for you, try gazpacho. And/or, try roasting them & then freezing them. My SIL does this every year.

       PS: If you’re in NYC, I will take some tomatoes off your hands! (All in the spirit of helping, of course. This offer has nothing whatsoever to do with my complete and total love of tomatoes.)

       1. Ha–not in NYC, but fear not, we have already dispersed a fair number to friends and neighbors.

          Thank you all for these good ideas so far–keep ’em comin’!

    4. BLT’s are a summer staple for us when the big tomatoes are ready. 1-2 thick slices per sandwich.

       Great salads with every dinner with lots of tomatos.

       Gazpacho.

       And if you want to do the work… roast the tomatoes and make tons of pasta sauce and freeze it.

       1. Lobster BLTS!!

    5. one-pan farro from smitten kitchen http://smittenkitchen.com/blog/2013/07/one-pan-farro-with-tomatoes/

       best ever!

       1. oooh. That looked so good! I’ll have to give it a try.

    6. Caprese salads, full stop. Tomato + good mozzarella + basil + olive oil. Add sea salt and/or balsamic and/or garlic if desired.

       Along the same vein, simple pasta with tomato basil sauce. Simply toss garlic in a generous drizzle of olive oil over medium heat for a minute or so, then throw in tons of tomatoes and simmer for 5-10 minutes over low heat. Add fresh basil and some salt, as well as pasta, and serve with parmesan. I like Mark Bittman’s method of making a huge ratio of sauce to pasta, and eating it out of a bowl like soup. Delicious!

       Also, if you have the space, I’d make fresh tomato sauce to can or freeze. I always steal some of my mom’s when I visit her, and the taste of fresh summer tomatoes in the middle of winter is amazing.

24. Pretty. But I wonder if the suit would camoflauge or call attention to a big tummy?

25. Style Qu Threadjack — my male colleague and I are having a disagreement about whether the outfit I wore last week was horribly mismatched. I defended the choice, but since I’m actually insecure about my sense of style (or lack thereof) I wanted to ask you guys your thoughts and also what ideas you have for wearing “The Skirt” in the new dark green color?

    Last week I wore “the skirt” in dark green, a navy tank top (Shimera seamless) , long sleeve camel v-neck cardigan unbuttoned, and nude pumps. The nude pumps matched my pale skin, but were a lighter shade than the cardigan. I thought the blue and green were a classic combo, and that the camel would be a good neutral to balance it out (and cover my shoulders), and I would have no idea what other shoes to wear besides nude (navy seems like it would look pretty harsh against pale legs and be too matchy-matchy). No accessories…I rarely wear jewelry so that’s pretty standard. Not so terrible, right?

    1. Sounds fine to me, but not something I would wear because the whole thing sounds like it reads “dark color” instead of “green + blue.”

    2. I think it’s completely fine and something of wear myself. Actually I probably have! I wear a lot of blue and green together and absolutely consider camel to be a neutral.

       1. Thanks a lot for the comments. My usual “uniform” is grey or black slacks and black shoes – so I was trying to expand beyond that comfort zone (both with skirt and with color).

          1. You outfit sounds fine, but maybe you could take it up a notch with a leopard print shoe like this (or one of it’s cheaper cousins of course): http://shop.nordstrom.com/S/diane-von-furstenberg-anette-pump/3466786?origin=category-personalizedsort&contextualcategoryid=0&fashionColor=&resultback=8673&cm_sp=personalizedsort-_-browseresults-_-1_24_B

26. Regular poster but going anon for this.

    A friend of mine experimented with drugs in college–nothing major–but a decent amount. In her personal interview for a security clearance she said she had never done drugs. We didn’t discuss this. Then I was interviewed for her clearance and said she had smoked some w33d during our freshman year of college but outgrew it (which is true, though not the whole truth about her drug use). Now she is being called in for a second interview in a government building.

    I feel awful and she is terrified. Did I screw up big time? Can we strategize? :-(

    1. No helpful advice to offer, but just wanted to say that I don’t think you screwed up – I think she did. Lying in a security clearance interview sounds a lot worse to me than admitting that you experimented a little years ago in college. Don’t beat yourself up!

       1. I agree with this. As someone who did a fair amount of drug experimentation, I would either be truthful in my interview OR make clear to my references that I expected them to lie for me or at least say they didn’t know. The only way that you did anything “wrong” would be if you told her you’d cover for her and then didn’t. And even then, it’s on her head, she shouldn’t have expected you to lie to the gov’t for her.

       2. I agree and don’t think you did anything wrong.

          Possibly naive question, but if she had admitted it in the first place would that have destroyed her chances for getting her clearance? Lying seems like the bad thing here, not the fact that she smoked.

          1. This is exactly right. You can get clearance after drug use, especially just weed, if it is in the past. However lying about drug use (or anything else, really) will get you flagged. They want to know you can’t be blackmailed by anything in your past more than that you were squeaky clean.

    2. I think you screwed up. Why would you agree to be interviewed at all if you were going to say that? You should have declined it. You’ve probably messed up your friendship. It’s something you’re expected to lie about if you tried it once in college instead of being a serious user.

       1. I think this is unfair. It wasn’t right of her friend to expect the OP to lie to the government (and it sounds to me like OP works in the same place, which is even worse). Plus, how was she supposed to know that her friend lied?

          1. I agree with all of this. My impression is that the OP didn’t know that her friend had lied, and I think reasonably assumed her friend was truthful given that it was a security clearance situation.

          2. You volunteer to interview for these things – it’s not required and the investigation is available to the friend, if she wants to check the interview results. If they work in the same place, then it’s even more inexcusable, since she knew they would ask that. It’s like agreeing to be a job reference for your friend and then giving terrible feedback that would prevent her from being hired. Ok, don’t lie if you don’t want to, but don’t agree to be a reference in the first place if you want to keep a good friendship.

             1. I didn’t know she had lied. The only conversation we had about it made it sound like she didn’t think it was a big deal. We don’t work in the same place, this is for a new job she is planning to start soon. I should have told her I wasn’t going to lie for her but I guess I thought that was assumed, idk.. it wasn’t just trying it once or something, ugh, i feel horrible.

             2. OP is not at fault at all. She did not know her friend had lied and lying for her friend could have jeopardized her own security clearance.

             3. To be fair to you, she should have warned you (or used someone else). I guess I think that expecting the friend to confess is very naive, but I’m curious what other people who work in the industry think. There’s no point in confessing, if they find out (unlikely unless your reference tells them), it’s most likely the same consequence as if you had confessed. The same thing happens with underage drinking – everyone lies about it. Honesty isn’t always best in every case.

             4. The background check for security clearances includes asking your references about you but also asking a lot of other people. They don’t rely on the list you give, they dig up other acquaintances as well. If you didn’t mention the drug use they would have found some other friends to ask to confirm what you said.

       2. I completely disagree with this. Honesty is always the best policy. Period. End of story.

          1. +1. Especially when you are talking to the government.

          2. So you’d agree to be a reference for a friend and then give them a bad review? That’s harsh.

             1. I would never assume that because I agreed to be a reference for someone, they would presume that meant I would lie for them, particularly to the freaking government.

                My brother works in a security clearance required government job. She would not have been dinged for weed use in college, but she may be dinged for lying.

                This is no reflection on OP. The friend is the liar, and I guess she will learn how that works out.

             2. Also, at the higher levels of clearance, job applicants are given polygraphs. If she plans to move up eventually, it could come up in that situation, and then she’d really be in trouble.

             3. It’s not a bad review, it is a truthful statement. If you are hellbent on calling your friend an unreliable weedhead, maybe agreeing to the request is unwise, but it isn’t harsh to assume your friend will tell the truth (1) about past drug use (2) in order to get a job that takes integrity pretty seriously and then (3) not expect you to lie about it without even giving you a heads up.

                Expecting your friends to lie — particularly without the courtesy of even telling them that — is a d!ck move.

    3. If you witnessed the use, then you should disclose (but usually your friend would let you know what she disclosed). If you only know because she talked about it, then you can’t say to your knowledge she did anything. At least that’s been my policy.

27. Does anyone have a private banker at Wells Fargo in San Francisco they’d recommend?

28. Smart, but daring, I like it

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