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Updated: Nov 1, 2018 344 Comments · by

Weekend Open Thread

Weekend Open Thread

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elena sandalSomething on your mind? Chat about it here. As mentioned, the Nordstrom Anniversary Sale started today. I picked out my favorite clothing pieces for office wear earlier today, and now I thought I'd take a look at the shoes, bags, and hey, some weekend clothes also. Pictured above: Although there are some amazing deals on boots right now, it's too darn hot to think about any of those — these sexy sandals lend a nice ha-ch-cha element to your summer dresses now. They're available in three colors for $99 (will be $150 after the sale ends). MICHAEL Michael Kors ‘Elena' Sandal Some more notes on shoes, bags, and more: (I”ll try to update it later with some notes on weekend fun clothes — tons of great denim offerings (Hudson, Paige, Citizens, J Brand, Current/Elliott, etc) and, as noted by the readers, a zillion leather jackets) (L-all)

Sales of note for 9.10.24

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Comments

  1. splurging in biglaw

    In one of this week’s earlier threads, for those short of personal time b/c of time spent at work, someone recommended “throwing money at anything that could be solved with money-based solution” or something like that. What kind of stuff do you biglaw ladies splurge on? Put another way, what would you forgo if you weren’t in biglaw?

    • mascot

      House-cleaning, dog daycare, grocery delivery, dry cleaning delivery are all good starts. Friends of mine swear by hair blow-outs as a splurge.

      • k-padi

        This and adding: lawn maintenance, clothing shopping (Nordie’s personal stylist), yard remodel (this year) and interior decorating (next year), handyman for home repair, massage therapist, and trusted auto mechanic.

        I calculated that all my splurges add up to about $10k-$15k per year. Considering that I’d have to take a much larger pay cut (even considering tax implications) in order to have time to do these myself (or not need them–ahem massage therapist, meal delivery service, and personal shopper), I consider it money well spent.

        I still do my own taxes and investments. I keep those simple and enjoy money management like other women seem to enjoy cooking or shopping for clothing. I strangely enjoy my weekly trip to Target so I don’t automate some purchases like I probably should.

    • Cat

      I don’t splurge on many of the typical things (only have a condo that takes a few hours to clean, so no cleaning service, don’t have pets so no dog walker, prefer heating up soup or toasting a pita for hummus + veggie dinner to takeout). Plus I’m always mindful of the lifestyle creep / golden handcuffs that I fear coming with getting used to day-to-day increases in spending level.

      What I have found myself spending more money on is when I’m very much “off the clock” — it’s like I have so little time to have fun, I don’t mind maximizing the experience. So we tend to spend more on vacations, dinners/drinks, and browsing cheese and wine.

      from that lottery thread earlier today, though, I can tell you my first splurge on the services front would be one of those chefs that comes in and makes you super healthy but filling dinners, like celebrities have.

      • JJ

        We do have a housekeeper and did have a dog walker while we had a dog that needed to be walked during the day. We pay for a nanny so that we have child-care more compatible with the hours necessary for working professionals.

        I completely agree re vacations and the like. We have so little free time, we’re willing to splurge to stay somewhere nice on vacations, buy or upgrade to first class seats when we can, drink good wine, buy quality food to cook, etc.

    • LH

      Things that I buy that I wouldn’t buy or would buy a lot less if I wasn’t in Big Law: grocery delivery, lots of takeout and restaurant meals, regular pedicures. I also have a biweekly house cleaning service but I don’t think I would give this up if I had a normal 40-hour a week job with a much lower income. I really hate cleaning. If I had less income, I might switch them to once a month and try to do a light clean myself in between. But I doubt it. I think it would be one of my splurges no matter what.

      • LH

        Also an accountant for my taxes for the first time ever last year, which was well worth it.

      • Anne

        I have a 40hr/week job, with less than a big-law salary (but still pretty decent) and have biweekly cleaning people coming in . I finally took the plunge on it this year – and I feel so much happier because of it. Before I was always scheduling in when it was time to clean this or that, but almost always gave up after I’d cleared the area of mess – now, I just clear the area of mess for the cleaning people to do the actual cleaning.

        I envision that this a) will make me a bit more organized when it comes to cleaning up mess in my flat and get me into the habit, b) give me time to do the things I like to do , c) have people over without doing a huge plan and clean first, and d) give me the time to get the mess that is hidden away in cupboards and closets, from when I first moved in here, a bit more organised.

        It’s just me, no pets, and not a huge flat – and since I don’t work crazy hours I often have to justify it when I talk about it with others – but the chief cause was that I don’t like cleaning. I don’t want to spend time on it. Paying someone to clean is absolutely worth it.

        It’s a bit expensive, given it is Norway and through a reputable company, but I wanted someone trustworthy and someone with insurance should the cleaners break anything.

        • Alice

          I love this. I live in a small one-bedroom with my SO, and we both have VERY reasonable hours (40 hours/week), no pets, no kids. But we spend an entire day cleaning once every two weeks. And I am itching to clean the entirety of week 2. I cannot wait to hire someone to clean at least once every couple weeks, and I do not make anything close to a Biglaw salary. Neither does my SO. And we are on a tight budget.

          It may actually be our Christmas gifts to each other next year :)

    • SFBayA

      Biweekly apartment (never giving this up), accountant for taxes (so, so worth it), massage therapist, trusted auto mechanic that costs more than the cheaper shady guys, chiropractor, looking into an acupuncturist. But what we really should do is go on vacation.

    • Cornellian

      I have a dogwalker that comes after lunch for a short walk with my dog. I have been known to get groceries delivered and had a monthly cleaning service for a few months, but couldn’t really swallow the costs.

      Mostly I use my salary to pay taxes and loans, i feel like. I would like to save up and be able to take a real vacation (not just a long weekend to see my sister an hour away or something).

    • Anon in NYC

      My two biggest splurges are takeout and specialty fitness things (like, fancy spin classes, personal trainer, etc.). I could definitely rein both in if I had to… but I’d be really sad about it.

    • Veronique

      I’m about to start a new job with more responsibility and a lot more money. The one thing that I plan to splurge on is biweekly cleaning. I absolutely hate cleaning and can’t wait to outsource most of it.

    • ss

      Not a lawyer and probably older than the other posters, but care for aging family members is a big one for me. My parents are not yet in need of special care and are very well-provided for in any case, but my husband and I pay for a maid and a part-time driver so that my widowed FIL can continue to live in his own house, and we provide a financial backstop for medical extras required by some elderly aunts as well eg. 24-hour nursing care while one of them was recovering from a bad fall last year. We come from a culture where responsibility for the elderly rests primarily with their family, rather than their own savings or a state-sponsored safety net, and I am just grateful that we can outsource some of this care by ‘throwing money at it’.

    • TCFKAG

      I’m not Big Law (though DH works in a semi-equivalent type profession). Our biggest “splurge” in this category is that our dogs go to playgroup every day. We also have all household “fix-it” things done by someone else, though that is as much do to a lack of skill as a lack of time. Thus far I have not convinced DH that a weekly or bi-weekly cleaning appointment would be awesome and totally worth it. But I’m hoping I’ll win that battle soon.

    • Burnout from Thursday

      I was the one who complained about feeling burnt out. Just wanted to say thanks for all the encouragement and perspective. TBK — you’ve made me think seriously about getting a housecleaner. I’ve been dragging my feet on that one.

      • Cb

        A friend explained this to me as one of the few problems you can throw money at.

    • Romey

      Ordering dinners/going out to dinner and other meals on the weekends (sometimes I’m just too tired to cook), house cleaning (although I don’t do this too often, I like cleaning and it relaxes me), I probably would spend less money on work clothes too. Otherwise, my husband and I try to live below our means. I always cut coupons and look for as many deals/sales as I can.

    • Need to Improve

      Housecleaner

      Home-cooked meal delivery service

      Nannies/babysitting

      Gardener

      Those are the ones I would not have if I did not have a BigLaw job.

  2. MBAs

    So, I know many on this board are lawyers, but I’m sure we have some consultants/high level corporate management/finance  ladies floating around. For those of you who have stuck around in these types of fields, when (or did you at all) did you head back for you MBA? Do you think the big name schools are a must? Do you feel the big price tag for the competitive MBAs are completely worth it? 

    -Finishing up my first year in consulting and wondering if I really must begin studying for that GMAT

    • Miss Behaved

      I have an MBA from a Boston-area school. No, not that one. I think it’s a good mba, but I don’t really use it. I’m in IT and I don’t really want to be a manager. I enjoy my job.

      Have to go to a meeting, but I’ll check back in a bit.

    • Anonymous

      In my opinion as an MBA student at a top school:

      – To move up substantially in either management consulting or finance you need an MBA or comparable graduate degree. There are people who don’t have them, of course, but these careers are fairly standard in their tracks and therefore everyone expects that people will mostly follow them. You can decide not to, of course, and it might work out — or it might not.

      – Because of that, major consulting firms and big banks offer you an absurd amount of help with your MBA applications. Ab. Surd. Like having you review essays from 10 former applicants at your current company, paying for your test prep course, setting up seminars where they’ll consult on your application, preparing packages for you to give to potential recommenders.

      – Also because of that, most of the top organizations offer sponsorships to their middle-top employees (to some schools). This is a hard one to turn down and (IMO) you really only should if you are SURE you want to change careers. Otherwise, come back, put in your two years post-MBA and graduate debt free.

      – An MBA is only going to help you substantially in the top tier of these fields if the MBA comes from a very small number of schools (and most of them limit their sponsorships to only a small number of schools). If you won’t do an MBA at those schools but want to check off the box, go part-time or get scholarships .

      – An MBA si really only worth paying full freight for at a tippy top school or MAYBE a top school in your region. Maybe. Even then, I’d look to get scholarships / merit aid. (I say this as someone paying full freight for a tippy top school, so take my advice with a grain of salt)

      – MBAs teach you a little but the real value of the degree is the name, and the network of students you meet and opportunities you glean. People do not take coursework as seriously as you would expect at the top schools.

      – A lot of people look at MBAs as the only career “break” they are going to get before a long lifetime of crazy hours and a ton of work. So most people spend a lot of time living life to the fullest which translates into some incredible experiences.

      – Is the price tag worth it? That ultimately depends on you. “Brand names” can help in a career longterm a lot of the time – but only you know what you WANT out of a longterm career. Do you want to move up the ranks at McKinsey or become a partner at PWC? Yeah, an MBA from H/S/W etc is going to help. Does your dream life involve owning a coffeeshop in Idaho? Or being a yoga instructor? Or a teacher? I’d say (for me) the experience is overpriced but it’s a necessary hoop to get through and it really, truly is something I’m very glad I am doing. The people I have met have been incredible, the experiences I’ve had have been extraordinary, and there’s something hugely uplifting about being around people 24/7 who really believe you (and they) are going to rocket to power, change the world and one day, run it.

      I haven’t started my loan repayment yet though — so my answer might change.

      • Veronique

        I agree with this completely. I’m not an MBA, but I have a BBA and both my parents have MBA’s, so I have lots of insight into the issue from both of them and from my peers. I agree that most of the value of the MBA is the name and networking 110%.

    • Anonymous

      Ask yourself if, in 10 years with no MBA, you would be happy at your company or at another company doing substantially what you’re doing now. Signed, my bffl didn’t get her MBA and as she nears 40 is really regretting it.

      • Exec MBA

        Tell your BFF to not regret it – Nearing 40 is the perfect time to consider an executive MBA program!
        I just finished one, and am glad that is the path I took, as it was a great opportunity to learn from the diverse real world experience of the other students – rather than the “book study” (or case study) of the other program. Instead of thinking of it as being the program that moves you from being an individual contributor to a manager, the EMBA (hopefully) should prepare me to move from manager to exec level.

        I’m mid-30s, but class age ranged from 30-50.
        It was set up to be on alternate weekends for 1.5 yrs, so you could still work a real job & have family time while doing the work.

        The main downside of EMBA programs is their tuition can be a lot higher than a ‘regular’ program.

    • Anon

      It depends where you work. I got my advanced degree so I could get promoted faster. Where I work, it didn’t matter which school it was from, just that I had it. I’ve never really needed to use much of the information I learned, but it’s nice to have and I’m glad it’s out of the way. My work paid for it. I would probably ask a mentor for advice for your situation.

    • Anonymous

      In finance; top undergrad business degree but haven’t gotten an MBA. I’ve taken the GMAT twice but haven’t pulled the trigger. I’d need a top program to improve upon my undergrad degree, but the MBA itself is not a requirement for my finance niche. Management tends to only mention the top MBAs to show the world how credentialed a couple of employees are. If they were willing to pay for mine, I’d be much more inclined to go.

    • Manager by Day, Mom at Night

      I went to a Chicago area school for my MBA after four years at a consulting firm. Received a sponsorship from my firm and came back to it. It didn’t help my career trajectory significantly but gave me valuable life skills which did. For example, my classes were all case study and group project focuses which taught me how to lead with influence, not authority. The program placed equal emphasis on academics and extracurriculars, which taught me the value of and gave me experience in time management and project management. The managerial leadership classes gave me great anecdotal stories and a body of knowledge I reference all the time. It was worth it for me and I’d do it again. I do agree that if you do pursue it, top 20 helps in both career acceleration and financial gain.

    • Holla

      I went to a Chicago area school for my MBA after four years at a consulting firm. Received a sponsorship from my firm and came back to it. It didn’t help my career trajectory significantly but gave me valuable life skills which did. For example, my classes were all case study and group project focuses which taught me how to lead with influence, not authority. The program placed equal emphasis on academics and extracurriculars, which taught me the value of and gave me experience in time management and project management. The managerial leadership classes gave me great anecdotal stories and a body of knowledge I reference all the time. It was worth it for me and I’d do it again. I do agree that if you do pursue it, top 20 helps in both career acceleration and financial gain.

    • Susedna

      Anon 2:59 gave some great advice.

      The more important question is: Where do you see yourself in 5, 10, 15yrs career-wise? You may want to do something that does not require an MBA. Or which does.

    • Anon for this

      I’m only anon for this because I’m disclosing information from my DH. I’m not in finance, but my DH is in the corporate finance department of a substantial but not enormous company here in the states. He doesn’t have an MBA and currently has no plans to get one. His impression of MBAs, especially from the top tier schools, is they are an absolute necessity if you want to go into high-end analysis/consulting (whatever its called) or if you want to be a CEO or high end executive of a big company. But since he doesn’t want to do either of those things, he’s pretty happy working with the substantial experience he has and the lack of crushing loans that a Harvard MBA would leave us with. The only MBA programs he’s actually considered are very narrowly tailored to the industry he currently works in (and likes) and would be more about moving laterally or into a different position within that same business area.

      So, while I think if you want to be a high powered consultant or executive, the top business schools may be a good choice, you do have to remember that they leave you with *substantial* student loans. So much like law school and, really any school, I wouldn’t go unless you know exactly what you want to do with your degree. Or if someone else is paying.

    • OHCFO

      I’m glad that I got my professional degree when I was young–I’d only been out of undergrad for 1 year. I was able to really commit and go full-time and fully immerse myself in the process. So many of my friends (and my DH) have gone part-time once they’ve been established for a few or more years. It’s just not the same experience and its so much stress doing it that way.

      I will say–MBAs aren’t the only path to corporate awesomeness. Some of the brightest folks I have worked with had advanced degrees in economics.

  3. Doctors in NoVa?

    Can anyone provide a recommendation for a primary care physician in the Northern Virginia area who takes patients without insurance? My parents (in their mid-50s) have not gone for a checkup in over a decade because they are uninsured. Also, any idea how much a general check up would cost without insurance?

    • L

      Virginia Medical Alliance. They’re in Springfield and amazing. You can also call and get prices from them; they’re amazing and very kind people.

    • ADL

      Not sure if you’re still reading, but I would guess that all physicians would take someone who is paying cash (meaning doesn’t have insurance and is willing to pay). It’s just a matter of if that physician is taking new patients. If your parents are more of the don’t have insurance and are looking for someone that bills based upon income on a sliding scale, then they should look for a federally qualified health center – you can look them up on the HRSA website, http://findahealthcenter.hrsa.gov/Search_HCC.aspx

  4. Newbie

    I am currently a federal law clerk. My term is up in just a few weeks and then I will be starting in BigLaw. I have never worked in a law firm before, having only interned for judges while in law school. I know the department I will be working with through interactions throughout my clerkship, so I am not necessarily nervous about who I will be working with. However, I am extremely anxious because I have no firm experience and I have absolutely no idea what to expect or how to get ready. Does anyone have advice on (1) how to prepare for a new job like this and (2) what to expect out of associate life? I really appreciate any advice offered. Thanks!

    • Anonymous

      Sleep a lot before you start and don’t expect to sleep for a long time after. Also, make your apartment VERY comfortable and sleep-friendly.

    • Anon

      Search for one of the threads where someone asked for how to prepare for life with a newborn baby, and then do those things (except for buying baby supplies).

      Seriously.

      See eg – get lots of sleep, relax, take care of things around the house, stock up on food, spend lots of time one-on-one with your SO, take care of doctor’s appointments/haircuts/etc., go to a movie. It is uncanny how similar the list is.

      • Cat

        ha – this is so true. Your time will no longer be your own, even (especially) after you leave the office walls for the day.

      • anon

        +1 on appointments/haircuts. I just got my eyebrows done today for the first time in ohhhhh 6 weeks. They were SCARY. But i honestly haven’t had any time.

      • LH

        +1 to all of this. Just relax and do all of the things listed above to get your life in order as much as possible before you start. Don’t do anything substantive to prepare. You’ll learn on the job like everyone else.

    • Ellen

      Yay! Open thread’s! I love Open thread’s! And I LOVE these Michael Kors’ Shoe’s! YAY!!!!

      As for the OP, You have NOTHING to worry about. Clerking will be a great intro into Big Law. I never clerked or worked in Big Law, but have read ALL ABOUT Both. Relax, but do NOT forget to work hard. No one care’s what you used to do. What is important is what you will be abel to do today and tomorrow! The manageing partner taught me all of this!

      And OMG, today’s lunch was HYSTEREICAL! The manageing partner brought Margie, who did NOT want to be there b/c she had wanted to meet her OWN FREINDS in the City at 40 Karat’s, but the manageing partner insisted that she meet Sam and Myrna as potential new firm cleints. So we all met at the Lambs Club and it turn’s out that Sam is a VEGGAN, which I am not sure is different from a Veggetarrian. He couldn’t have anything with meat or eggs or even Cheeze! How am I suposed to cook for a guy who does NOT even eat Cheeze? If we went out for Italian, Myrna says he eats salad and pasta primavera with ONLY marina sauce but NOT any kind of creme sauce. Since he comes from Great Britan, why doesnt he eat meat pie? So he ate alot of salad and NO dressing and bread but NO butter, and he had fruit for desert but NO cake b/c there was butter in the cake. He could turn out to be a bigger pain than dad, and I am NOT even married to him yet! OMG!

      The manageing partner liked him and he kept OFFERING me up to him like some sort of FRINGE benefit if he gives us BUSNESS. I told the manageing partner that I did NOT want to do ANTITRUST law, but the manageing partner kept saying that I can do anything and he even told him about the case with Jim, and all about the HSR fileing, which I thought was suposed to be confidentieal.

      So we left and just got back, and Sam said he still wanted to see me so he is goeing to text me tonite and mabye meet WITHOUT the manageing partner. I told him I was busy with Myrna, so he said she can come too. YAY!!!!!!!

      • Mulva

        Ellen, your eggs are not getting any fresher. Since your over 30, don’t be afraid to take the lead, bring him home and jump his British bones. He can help you collect your money from grandma, and if you marry him, it sounds like he has enough to support you! Go for him! Now!!!

    • ML

      TAKE A VACATION

      If at all possible, take a vacation. I don’t care if you can’t afford it, or you only have 4 days off in between jobs, TAKE ONE!!! Some law firms are nice and will be okay with you taking time off around the holidays, or whatever, even though you haven’t been there long. Other firms its frowned upon for new associates to take any time for 6m-1 year. even a day off! So TAKE IT NOW! haha, i’m really adamant that. Also, go somewhere fun. You’ll soon have plenty of money and no time, so don’t worry about the $$ part and just do something fun. Same re visiting family. If your mom lives in another state and you haven’t seen her in months, go visit her. Or get her to come to you. It might be awhile until you can schedule even a weekend away.

      As far as the other stuff…in my experience, most laterals and new associates don’t really ramp up fully in the first month or two, so they aren’t totally slammed right away. But, you have to be ready for that just in case there’s a big trial or something you get staffed on. So I think you should have time to sleep, cook, clean, whatever, in the first couple of months, but I wouldn’t make big plans like going out of town for a wedding or something.

      Set up your life to be convenient and easy. MAke sure all your bills are on auto pay. Delegate rent payments to your SO. (assuming you have one and you pay rent, if not, try to delegate other stuff wherever possible). Are you happy with your internet provider? cell phone? car insurance? credit card? if you’ve been meaning to switch but haven’t gotten around to it, do it now. Move into a place that’s an easy commute to the firm or make sure you have good, reliable, quick transportation. If you use a gym, make sure its convenient to the office or switch gyms. Get anything dry cleaned or ironed or whatever that might need and organize your closet so its easy to get dressed in the morning. Do maintenance on clothes/shoes/bags/self, i.e. get your shoes re-heeled and buffed, dry clean suits, make sure you have a nice bag that you like, get your eye doctor/dentist/GP/gyno visits taken care of.

      • Blair Waldorf

        +1 to organizing closet and doing maintenance on clothes/shoes/bags. When you do have a free weekend, I can guarantee you will not want to go to the tailor, cobbler, and Salvation Army/Goodwill all in one day.

    • TO Lawyer

      Spend time with friends. I sometimes go through weeks where I’m so busy (even though I’m not at a big firm) that I don’t see or talk to any of my close friends and I’ll end up feeling super isolated. Try to find something that can be a standing date i.e. a group of my girlfriends will go for brunch every other week or a pedicure sunday evenings. I find even if I have to work on weekends, I can generally be more flexible about when I’m working so I can make brunch with my friends and then work all day/night.

  5. Anon8

    Is there anyone else who can commiserate with how frustrating it can be to sell a house? We’ve had our house on the market for about two months now. We’ve had plenty of showings, but no offers yet.

    At first I was hopeful and excited about getting showings, but now I just want to be done with the whole process.

    Most of our showing appointments are schedule for an hour. They generally show up close to start of the hour and spend about 20-30 minutes. We have three cats, so it’s nice that we don’t have to be out of the house for the full time with all the animals.

    Today’s appointment was especially frustrating. It was scheduled from 1-2, so I got out of the house at ten til.

    I drove up the road a bit and parked so I could see when the realtor showed up. That would give me an idea of when I could head back. Anyway, at 1:30 no one had shown up yet. I called the showing service to see if maybe the appointment had been canceled and I wasn’t aware. While they had me on hold to check with the realtor, I finally see someone show up at 1:40. Then I see them leave at 1:45.

    At this point, I felt like my head was going to explode. I spent the morning getting the house spotless, then wrangling the cats and sitting in the car in 90 degree weather waiting for a showing that lasted 5 minutes.

    I vented to my husband once I got home and finally calmed down a bit. I think I just reached my breaking point today. We lowered the price last Friday and this is our 5th showing since then, but nothing. I think all the stress just got to me.

    Anyway, TGIF. I’m going to celebrate with some hard liquor tonight. And maybe a lottery ticket so I can just move out and start building my dream home.

    • k-padi

      I hate to tell you this but if two months on the market is not normal in your area and potential buyers are leaving within 5 minutes–your house has a fatal defect. It could be anything–a smell (my first thought when you said you have 3 cats), a weird paint color, worn carpets, out-dated kitchen, water stains on the ceiling–but something is wrong with your house that is causing it not to sell.

      Can you ask a trusted friend (who hasn’t been to your house before) to look at your house as if they were a buyer and be completely honest about what they think?

      Best of luck! Selling a house is always frustrating!

      • Merabella

        This. 5 minutes is super fast. I would have an objective 3rd party observer come in and give you the brutal honest truth.

      • KLG

        She said they are generally there for 20-30 minutes. If only one potential buyer left in 5 minutes it’s more likely that something was offputting to that specific buyer.

        • JessBee

          Yeah, this was my reading of it, too. Having just done quite a lot of home shopping, 20-30 minutes feels like plenty of time to do a thorough showing (most of ours were 10-15 at most, but we were looking at smaller condos). If most people are getting 20-30 minutes in, it’s likely that this potential buyer just saw something that turned him or her off. It’s probably the realtor’s fault, not yours — we saw at least a few places that, when reading the listing, we said “That could be okay, if X” or “That would have to be pretty special to overcome the fact that it’s not Y” (where Y was in the right location, or the right number of rooms, or whatever).

          • saacnmama

            Or this was the last house in a long session, they liked one of the earlier ones a lot, but think they need to look at the rest of the list just in case they like another one even better.

            But being allergic to cats and really sensitive to the scents of fur and litterbox and the feel of dander in the air, I agree with earlier posters that you ought to look into that possibility

      • Anon8

        This is the first showing where they left that fast. We get feedback via email and haven’t heard anything from other showings about major problems. We are meeting with our realtor tonight to get some more feedback/advice, so I’ll ask her for an honest opinion.

        We take the cats with us and remove their litter boxes to prevent any sort of smells.

        I think I was just having a bad day and the stress of the past couple of months just got to me.

        • Anon in NYC

          I once walked out of a house almost immediately upon walking in. I can’t remember why, but I just knew that it wasn’t going to work for me. I’m sure it’s upsetting to have witnessed that, but just know that it’s probably not anything too personal – especially because most of the other showings have been in the 20-30 minute ranges. From what I remember of those types of appointments, 20-30 minutes is in the normal range.

          • MH

            I did this once too, and now I feel kind of bad. I just have this thing with kitchen cabinets that don’t go all the way to the ceiling. It wasn’t clear from the pics that the cabinets didn’t go all the way up. When I got there and saw what they were, I just turned around and left.

          • Brant

            May also be that since they were running late (you said they didn’t get there until 40 past…), they had another showing in the area for another house they were more interested in. Perhaps this was just a “while we’re in the area, let’s check out this one even though it has X or Y [thing that might be a dealbreaker]”

      • Litagatrix

        We were house-hunting a few years ago. We entered a lovely house at the top of a sunny hill, with a 180 view. Big old rooms with moulding, great, thick doors, bright yellow paint, white trim.

        Within minutes I got the creeps. I asked the realtor if someone had died in the house. Then I got dramatic and said (and meant) “I just feel death around here.”

        She turned green and said that the house was build on an old Hawaiian burial site, but the Iwi had been removed years ago, (Iwi are Hawaiian bones and we respect our elderly.)

        I told we would not be taking the house and that I felt she should tell people IMMEDIATELY that the house was built on a burial site.

        Maybe my “ability” to detect such things should be my new job. See my post below about how I’ve lost my job due to the sequester.

    • Anon

      People typically see a bunch of properties back-to-back with an agent, so they don’t always get there at 1 on the dot – particularly if you’re not the first showing in the sequence. They may be running late from previous showings, getting stuck in traffic, checking out the neighborhood, etc. That’s why there’s a such a big range of time. It might help to go do something rather than sit there and watch for them to leave.

      • Anon8

        I know that might have been the case this time with the buyer seeing multiple properties. Normally we drive over to a park and hang out, but this time I thought if I knew when they got there I would then drive away and come back in 20-30 minutes. Anyway, like I mentioned above, I think the stress just got to me and I got extremely frustrated.

    • AIMS

      I’m sorry. You should definitely indulge in some delicious c*cktails tonight.

      I can’t commiserate on the selling part but I’m having a similarly frustrating experience with the buying side right now. In NYC where I am, there is hardly anything for sale, what is available sells for above asking price, mortgage contingency clauses and even just plain old mortgages are no longer standard (all cash prefered, or just lose your deposit), and every open house starts with the broker telling me that they already have 3 offers and if we want to bid, we should do so by the end of the week. Ugh.

      I think it’s just an inherently frustrating process no matter which end of it you’re on. It sounds like your house is generating interest on paper, can you talk to your agent about what the buyers are saying when they get there?

      • MH

        I was in a similar position when I bought last year – seller’s market, every property was getting multiple bids, I had to see houses with other potential buyers coming in and out and adding pressure, people were buying in all cash for well over the asking price. IT WAS SO FRUSTRATING and I was feeling so pressured. I put an offer on a house that probably would have been a horrible fit, but luckily was outbid. By a lot.

        I kept at it and after a few months ended up looking at a place that was pretty great a couple days after it went on the market. I was the only offer and it was under list, and the seller accepted.

        It didn’t show as well as some of the other places (dirty yard, floors needed to be redone, dated furniture), but the bones were really really good and all the fixes were cosmetic and were things that I would have done anyway to put my own touches on it. Anyway, long story short, keep looking and something will come up. Keep an open mind and see if you can find something that other people are overlooking for superficial reasons.

      • Anon8

        I’ve heard that inventory is low, especially in big cities, so I’m sure that is tough. Good luck with your search!

        We’re in the midwest, in a sub-division and I’ve been seeing a lot more houses pop up for sale. A couple of months ago the market was really hot, but it may be leveling out a bit now.

        We are doing a new build, so we do have some time to sell, but we’re just anxious to move forward to the next step.

        • AIMS

          I think summer is also a tricky time. On the one hand, people are looking but on the other, lots of people are away, etc. Just try not to get discouraged (I know from personal experience, much easier said than done) — you’ll find the right buyer eventually.

      • BigLaw Refugee

        If you buy a co-op, the mortgage contingency is kind of irrelevant – if you don’t get the mortgage, you won’t be approved by the co-op board, so you’ll get your deposit back.

        I am in the process of selling my place. I got 11 offers, but I don’t think any of them were all cash. So don’t feel like your needing a mortgage is going to kill your deal. (However, I had intentionally priced my place low, and several of the bids, including the one I accepted, were about 20% over my list price. So don’t be anchored to the list price – if you love a place, bid what you really think it’s worth even if it’s priced much lower.) It is nice if you can do more than a 20% down payment – that means that the deal is less likely to fall through if the appraisal comes in low, which is always a risk in a rising market like this.

        One other tip I have for you is to make sure you have your financial statement accurately and fully completed when you make your bid. If you’re bidding on a c0-op, your seller is taking a big chance on you – if you don’t pass the co-op approval, the seller’s apt has now been sitting around for months and has to go back on the market, which may have turned, and the seller gets no compensation for that risk. So the seller should scrutinize your financials carefully. Make sure it’s clear that you have a) enough liquidity to make the down payment, and b) enough liquidity in addition for at least 18 months’ of mortgage payments and co-op fees. (Some boards want more – 2 years, or even the value of the apt – but 18 months is pretty close to the minimum.) 401(k) and illiquid securities don’t count. If you’ll need to sell some assets or take other steps to create the liquidity, have your broker mention that when making the offer, so the seller knows you are actually prepared to do the deal. If you receive bonus income, see if you can get some kind of letter from your employer saying that some portion of it is guaranteed or that your minimum bonus every year for X years has been Y.

        I rejected an offer from a BigLaw associate and his life partner, even though it was 10% higher than the next highest offer, because their financial statement didn’t make clear where the necessary cash would come from. We asked them questions and they said things like “well, the IRS owes us $24K…yes, we can sell that bond…we’ll save lots over the next couple of months.” but I’d have been more confident if they’d laid all that out from the beginning. I decided to go with a couple who seemed to have more of a clear plan for how they were going to satisfy the co-op board.

    • Cornellian

      I have never sold a house, but I just bought a condo. Honestly, this is probably more of a problem for me than most, but if I felt like I was getting too hard of a sell or the agent was trailing me around, I just left. Do you know how your agent behaves when you’re not there?

      Also, is there some detail of the house not mentioned? If I were not committed to a pretty full renovation (new paint and floors and all) and I didn’t know there had been cats living there, I’d turn around with my extreme allergies.

      • Anon8

        The buyers come with their own agent. I think we actually put in our contract that our realtor could not represent a buyer interested in our property b/c of conflict of interest

        The house is 15 years old, but overall in good shape. No major structural flaws, etc. We did put in the realtor notes that we have cats so people are aware of that up front. They are gone for the showings and we clean, dust, etc. But as you mentioned, someone with allergies would still be affected.

      • saacnmama

        Realtors who trail me around, car dealers who won’t shut up on the test drive–I ask them once or twice nicely, get firm or snappish if they haven’t caught on yet, and then just give up and leave/return to the showroom.

    • mascot

      Hang in there. Showing a house with pets/kids is a huge hassle. You can’t leave the pets in the car in the heat so you are stuck driving around with them. Sometimes we would wait until the people actually showed up before we would leave. Or ask the agent to give us a call as they were on the way to our place. We’ve even just gone around the block or hung out in the yard/neighbors with the dogs while people looked.

      • Anon8

        Thanks! I love my pets, but it does make selling a house a bit more challenging. We have a couple of outdoor enclosures and will set those up in a nearby park so the cats can hang outside for a bit.

        One of my cats is leash trained so he’ll walk around the park and eat grass. I feel bad for him though b/c he’ll start panting if he gets too hot.

        Anyway, I keep telling myself that this process will be over at some point. And the other good thing is that my house is the cleanest its ever been!

    • Carrie Preston

      Hmm – I agree with the comments that maybe something isn’t quite showing right. In my area, it’s really popular to stage homes for sale. Since you’re living there, this may not work for you, but maybe it’s worth someone coming in to help you prepare it to show? It looks to me like stagers tend to take out a lot of furniture, have nothing personal in the place, and use a lot of bright colors (light/neutral walls) and plants. Maybe you could face-lift while it’s showing beyond just cleaning up to help it move faster.

  6. Eleanor

    Does anyone have a recommendation for a legal recruiter in NYC? I live in another state, but am looking to move there. Thanks in advance!

  7. Inheritance

    For those of you who have inherited money, how, if at all, have you spent it? On needs or wants? On yourself or others?

    • MH

      I put an inheritance from my paternal grandmother directly into a down payment for a house. My parents put it in a trust for me until I was ready to use it, and this past year with interest rates so low DH and I decided to buy. I could have used it for a number of other things, like paying down student loans, building an emergency fund, retirement, etc., but I really wanted to get a house.

    • Miss Behaved

      I inherited a very small amount from my paternal grandmother almost 20 years ago. The bulk of it is still in a stock account. It’s my rainy day fund. The market has been up and down in 20 years. But I’ve used it to pay for my car and to pay off some debt and to take a vacation.

      The 6 grandchildren each inherited the same amount, but I think I’m the only one who has any left. The others used it as a down payment on a house, but I still rent. For me, it’s just nice to know it’s there in case of an emergency.

    • Pest

      Spend it on yourself, no one else. The person who left it to you wanted YOU to have it. You should honor his or her wishes.

    • Brant

      I got a surprise check from my grandmother’s estate. There are 4 kids and 18 grandkids, so I wasn’t expecting anything, so when I got several thousand dollars, $1,000 went to an heirloom quality necklace that both reminds me of my grandmother and will be passed on (by me), and used the rest toward my student loans.

    • TCFKAG

      Well….I have two answers. My parents got an inheritance of a decent size from my great-uncle after the “family home” was sold and they used it to renovate their kitchen and two bathrooms. It seems shallow, but it is also a permanent reminder of their last gift to you.

      On a smaller scale, my grandmother (who died when I was…8 or so) had left me several bonds and the like. And when it came time for me to get married, I used them to pay for part of my wedding dress. Honestly, I could have paid for the dress myself, but it meant MORE to me that I was able to think that my grandmother (who always loved buying me Christmas and Easter dresses for me) was able to buy me my wedding dress.

      Anyway – I’m sure those aren’t super helpful – but I think using it for something that will be permanent and remind you of the person in a good way is nice. Unless is a *really* substantial sum, in which case you should really be talking to a financial consultant.

    • TCFKAG

      Reposting because of mod-botting.

      Well….I have two answers. My parents got an inheritance of a decent size from my great-uncle after the “family home” was sold and they used it to renovate their kitchen and two bathrooms. It seems shallow, but it is also a permanent reminder of their last gift to you.

      On a smaller scale, my grandmother (who died when I was…8 or so) had left me several bonds and the like. And when it came time for me to get married, I used them to pay for part of my wedding dress. Honestly, I could have paid for the dress myself, but it meant MORE to me that I was able to think that my grandmother (who always loved buying me Christmas and Easter dresses for me) was able to buy me my wedding dress.

      Anyway – I’m sure those aren’t super helpful – but I think using it for something that will be permanent and remind you of the person in a good way is nice. Unless is a *really* substantial sum, in which case you should really be talking to a financial consultant.

      • ss

        If it is a *really* substantial sum, hopefully the giver has provided an early heads-up of what you’re likely to be responsible for …

  8. Miss Behaved

    Woohoo! In my meeting just now, my boss told us that they’re implementing an office sharing program and my team is the pilot team. Effective August 1st, I’ll be working from home (or, more likely, the Cape this summer) 2 or 3 days a week! So excited!

  9. Merabella

    DH and I are going to go stay with a friend and her inlaws for the weekend at the inlaws beach house. I want to bring a hostess gift, ideas? The MIL drinks, but FIL doesn’t – so I feel like booze is off the table. Any other suggestions welcome.

    • Anonymous

      A local specialty from where you’re coming from? Like a nice boxed set of local candy/chocolates? Otherwise, I like nice olive oil/vinegar sets, baskets of cheeses/meats/crackers, or anything else that is not too difficult to transport and can be used up or regifted if they don’t like it.

    • Nordies Lover

      What about some nice flowers or a potted plant? Or some good food that you can enjoy together over the weekend, like pastries or chocolates?

      • Famouscait

        I like giving potted basil or another kitchen herb. Even if it just sits there, it smells nice. And tastes good, too!

    • Anon in NYC

      I think something that is consumable over the weekend is a good idea. Maybe ask your friend what their usual practice is at the beach house, and what her inlaws would appreciate.

    • Veronique

      In these types of situations, I make up a gift basket of the mini specialty foods that the sell at World Market. It can include everything from chocolate to cheese to condiments.

    • Anon

      I’m a fan of doing something for breakfast. Maybe getting it delivered or cooking something special.

    • Brant

      Is it their summer beach house (ie- do they spend the summer there)? If yes, then the potted plants are a nice idea. If they rent it out for part of the summer, perhaps go with a nice bouquet. I’d also suggest a nice basket of snacks or breakfast fixings.

      And/or give them a gift card when you leave good for a local restaurant as a thank-you.

  10. Elle

    Has anyone heard about the Matt Lauer and intern story? So angry. This is why women can’t get ahead in business. Because a male boss having a public lunch, at the request of another staff member, with a female intern is “suspicious”.

    • LH

      To be fair, he has a pretty sketchy reputation and I think that’s a big part of why people have jumped to the conclusion that its suspicious.

      • Susedna

        My takeaway is that we need more women in senior management.

        If that (female) intern were seen lunching with a female big-boss, those ugly rumors would be less likely, because let’s face it- the people who start these types of rumors almost always operate from the two a priori assumptions:

        (1)hetero-normative
        (2)it’s always about s#x

        • Anonymous

          But it wasn’t because they were seen lunching, in fact the people who saw them defended him. She gave her text messages to the press and tweeted “omg, lunch by myself with matt lauer” I think it was her over the top excitement that got the story going. People at four seasons defended him pretty hard, saying he is there all the time with all different people.

  11. KK

    Do you ever tell someone something and then mid-story, you’re like why am I telling you this? It’s not even relevant and you probably don’t care (in your head). And then they walk away and you’re sitting there thinking – they probably think I’m a total idiot. Yeah that just happened to me. I think sometimes I talk for the sake of talking when I’m nervous. Just being silent might be better for me sometimes…

        • A Nonny Moose

          Meant to add: But, although I’m sure many people do this, I really can’t think of a time when someone else said something like that to me and I found it particularly odd. You’re your own worst critic.

          • P

            Yes! Although I know I’ve been on the receiving end of these stories (the feeling of “ugh why would I care” is familiar, rude as it sounds), I can’t remember specific incidents because it’s never noteworthy. If you asked me 10 minutes later I might, but 2+ days and it’s literally as though it never happened. That’s basically what brings me comfort when I make myself cringe by doing this to others.

    • KLG

      Worse. I start thinking that and then lose my train of though and can’t even remember what I was talking about or why I was telling the story in the first place. Talk about awkward.

      • KK

        I’m glad I’m not the only person that over analyses everything they say. Good point, the occasions are rare when I think “why would they tell me that” unless it’s grossly inappropriate.

  12. Bra help!

    Ladies, I FINALLY got a proper bra fitting and was advised that I was a smaller band size and bigger cup size (kind of what I was expecting…) But after wearing both of my new bras, I am super uncomfortable! It feels like the band is too small and leaves itchy red lines on my ribcage. This seems like it must be the wrong fit, unless I’ve just been wearing ill fitting bras for so long that I can’t tell. Any advice? Thanks in advance!!

    • Anon

      Bras will stretch out, but I found that the bra fitter I had at Nordstrom’s kept putting me into bands that were way too tight. I think they try to emphasize that you’re the wrong size so that you’ll buy more bras, but different brands size differently. I went onto the Natori website afterward to look at their measuring guide and I was actually a different size (bigger band, smaller cup) than the fitter at Nordstroms insisted I was. I am bony of ribcage and I don’t need that much support, so I don’t see the point in squeezing into the smallest size I can get on my body. I did have a Chantelle bra I kept in my smaller band/bigger cup size since it was less squeezy and it did stretch out to be more comfortable after a couple weeks.

      • L

        I had this happen too. I got home and after 20 minutes I thought I was going to pass out. My b**bs looked fantastic, but I was squished. I took that bad boy back and went up a size in the band. Not as perky, but SO much more comfortable.

      • Lady Harriet

        Also, your size depends not just on the measurement of your torso, but your body type as well. I’m rather flabby, so I generally have to wear a band size smaller than my ribcage measurement. Someone with a more muscular or bony torso might need a band size with the same or even a higher number. Bras will definitely stretch out with wear, especially if you wear them frequently. I only own 3, so they get a lot of use. Ones that I wore on the loosest hook brand new 6 months ago I now wear on the tightest, and I don’t think my weight has changed significantly. A wider back may help too–I find that bras with 3+ hooks instead of 2 dig in less because the tension is distributed over a larger area. I would love to get a longline that has 5 or 6 hooks. It would probably better disguise my back flab, and stay put better. :p

    • Anne Shirley

      I find fitters often do that to me. It’s the fit that makes my boobs look their best, but also it hurts. So my “evening bras” are one cup size larger and one band size smaller than my regular ones. I also have returned bras with this problem after wearing them. IMO if you give me a fitting, and the fit is bad, that’s the stores problem.

      • Evening Bras

        Ha, it probably says a lot about me that when you said “evening bras” I was thinking of a bra you wear when you get home from work. I was like, “my evening bra is a t-shirt.”

        Then I figured it out. Sigh. Must be nice to have somewhere to wear fancy bras. :)

    • Anon

      When I have gotten fitted for new bras, the first few times I wore them they were torture, and I was really upset feeling like I spent a ton of money on fancy new bras that were threatening to sever my torso in half. But they stretched out and now I love them. If the breaking in period is too torturous, get a bra strap extender to loosen it up until it stretches.

    • mascot

      Wear it on the loosest setting until it stretches a bit and then move it to the middle setting is what I was taught. I’ve also found that my more expensive bras don’t stretch out as much as the cheaper ones so I keep that in mind when judging what is too tight to buy.

    • NOLA

      I tried the multi-way bra at Soma last week and I felt like a trussed chicken! For one thing, the band, in my regular size, felt too small, and then they had put silicone around the edge to keep it in place, but how the heck do you get it on?? You can’t hook it in the front and turn it around because the silicone makes it stick to you. I ended up buying a multi-way elsewhere to wear with the dress I ordered. But sheesh!

      • Susie

        Okay I was really surprised when I saw in the locker room that other ladies were putting bras on backward and turning them around. I’ve always put my arms through the straps and reached back and clasp. I can’t be the only one?

        • NOLA

          Interesting. I’ve never been able to do that. But I am large of chest. And I’ve had surgery on one shoulder.

          • Mpls

            I’ve tried that too – sometimes I’m coordinated enough, sometimes not. I think it takes a certain spatial dexterity to hook 2-3 little hooks blind and backwards.

        • tesyaa

          This is how I was taught by my mom (hook it in front and turn it around). But my daughter seems to put hers on and take it off without even opening the hooks, go figure.

          • Anon

            I do this. I hook the bra first and then put it on over my head, similar to a shirt/tank top. I do unhook it to take it off, though.

            I never realized this wasn’t the common way until someone (I think my mother) laughed at me for it (I think we were at a hotel and I was getting dressed over a towel). Nobody ever told me how to put one on, so that seemed to fit with other things (shirts) that you put over your head. I’ve since learned that I put dresses on oddly, too. I’ve also tried other ways since that but over the head still seems easiest to me.

  13. Otter

    Longtime lurker but MBA’s post got me thinking – those ladies who aren’t in big law, what do you do? I’m curious to see!

    I’ll start: NYC, non-profit/international development org manager.

    • Miss Behaved

      Boston area: Business Intelligence Analyst (IT) for a major university

      • ANON QC

        OMG — you’re the first CLT person I’ve ever seen here. Yay — there are two of us!

      • Anonymous

        Ahhhh. A lifetime ago I did that in Boston. I left to go to law school and I miss it all the time.

    • Hannah in IT

      Midwest. I work in software development, doing system analysis. A lot of my days are like the movie Office Space.

    • Lady Harriet

      Florida, university research assistant in the statistical end of economics/sociology. It’s just a temporary job, so I’m trying to transition into a private-sector research analyst/statistician position , hopefully in California. We’ll see how it goes!

    • JessBee

      Midwest: Academic social science research (soon to be a PhD student in Business)

    • Silvercurls

      Metro DC, administrative assistant, seeking employment. I also copyedit for a local political organization and post comments (often brief essays) to one of the main community listservs for special ed parents.

      • Nonny

        That sounds fun.

        Or maybe I’ve just been involved in too many proxy battles where an exec has (allegedly) been very, very bad.

          • backgrounder

            Haha, I think it sounds more exciting than it sometimes actually is…a lot of routine due diligence and background investigations although I will agree that finding titillating information on execs being bad can be a highlight :)

    • Nonny

      PNW, midlaw (well, by the standards of my city…small law by the standards of somewhere like London or NYC), corporate and transactional work.

      • MH

        Same, but I’m just a couple cities south of you (I think), and I’m in business/commercial litigation.

        • Nonny

          I’d so come to a Seattle meetup sometime….I don’t think there are any other [this site] ladies in my city and would love to meet others in the PNW! As well, it would give me an excuse to visit Nordie’s. :-)

    • Jenolen2161

      New York City — Copy Editor, Proofreader, Copywriter, anything they need me to do — Boutique Ad Agency

    • manomanon

      DC- development at a nonprofit here… though as an entry level it’s a lot of everything and anything that needs to get done

    • CountC

      DC, analyst/reasearcher/admin/legal for duo consulting/international energy consulting companies owned by the same person. Was a full time lawyer, turned subsitute teacher then happened upon this opportunity.

    • Litagatrix

      Honolulu. Federal Defender — it’s actually a judicial branch job. Due to sequester, I’ll be unemployed at a date to be decided, but sometime before September 1., as will half of the other defenders in our office. Most of us have worked here many years. For some reason the sequester hasn’t affected the AUSAs; so, there are soon to be only 3 or 4 defenders opposing over 30 AUSAs, or what the prosecutors like to call, a “fair fight.”

      Not a good time to be a poor person accused of committing a federal crime.

      I’m so enraged I’m past rage. It’s wrong on so many levels. Our country is going no where good. What few people seem to get is that defenders keep the power of big law enforcement (DEA, FBI, SS, etc) at bay. Dummied up search warrant, we’ll find it. No warrant when you should have one? We’ll bring that up to the judge. Made up those alleged “reliable informants” on the search warrant, our investigators will figure it out. We are the gatekeepers to our Constitution, but few understand this. And I can’t help thinking that those who do understand what we do are part of the current financial problem,

      Sorry. I admit this rant is sponsored by a large glass of merlot.

      Maybe I’ll be a teacher next.

      • rosie

        Very late in the thread, but thank you for what you do, and that really, really sucks.

  14. onehsancare

    Did everyone get to see Kat’s picks this morning? I saw a couple of posts from people who couldn’t see them in IE (like me), and then nothing. I still can’t see them.

    • Anonymous

      I saw them (IE). Try clearing your cache/history? Otherwise, I think you should email her about it because she doesn’t always check these comments right away.

  15. SFBayA

    I’m thinking about planning a ~10 day trip to France with the DH. We’re in our early 30s. We were in Paris for a day once, but that’s pretty much it. We’d be looking to go next spring, I think, probably to Paris and one other tbd city/area. We like food, wine, some art, sitting in cafes and people watching, walking around neighborhoods, and I’m not sure what else. Looking for a culturally immersive type experience. We’d want clean, comfortable, quiet enough, reasonably well located local flavor hotels, but a tiny room and unremarkable decor etc are fine. This may be the big vacation before thinking about trying for a kid (which completely freaks me the f out even thinking about) so we’re willing to spend some $ to enjoy ourselves.

    Are there any guidebooks or websites or blogs you ladies would recommend? I don’t even know where to begin.

    • Eleanor

      I generally like Lonely Planet guidebooks. I’ve never used one for Paris or France, but I’ve used several in other countries and have found they usually give honest and straightforward advice for different budgets.

      • Trixie

        I also like Lonely Planet but be careful if you’re traveling during a peak travel season and relying heavily on LP. There’s nothing more depressing than heading to a restaurant that LP describes as “an authentic, local secret”… and sitting there with 20 other people holding the same guidebook.

        Getting out of Paris, I would recommend Nice as an incredibly pleasant spot – there is a candy store there called La Cure Gourmand which is pure magic, like a candy store from a fairy tale. And a flower market, a promenade, narrow alleys in the “old city”, you can day trip up to Monaco or other small towns along the coast like Eze… lovely.

        Also take a look at Marseille and see if you think it would suit your vacation interests – it’s a little “grittier” than most French cities and if you’re looking for a purely beautiful / idyllic trip, you might not enjoy Marseille. Being a major port city means that it’s been a major entry port for immigrants for most of its existence and it has more of a “melting pot” feel. It’s a cool city and has a long history and gives you a little bit of a different flavor than you can find elsewhere in the country.

    • Cat

      I’d strongly recommend renting an apartment in Paris if you’ll be there more than 2-3 nights (we went for 4 nights and that was the minimum for many rentals). You get SO much more space for your money, plus kitchen*tte room to facilitate more wine, cheese and bread eating. We used flipkey, I think, and were very pleased with the experience – got an apt with a balcony in the 5th on St Germain.

      • darjeeling

        second this. I stayed at a great place through VRBO and it was so much more relaxing to have our own space, and fun to feel like a local for a few days.

      • ML

        +1
        Loved the apartment we got in Paris thru VRBO. We really love to food shop on vacation (grocery stores, markets) so having a kitchen, even a tiny one, is really, really nice. Sometimes you just want to come back to your apartment, kick off your shoes, and bust out some cheese and wine before you can even make a coherent decision on where to spend your evening.

      • Lady Harriet

        My grandmother has an apartment in Paris, and I’ve been there to visit her twice. (Unfortunately, last time was 12 years ago and before I learned how to speak French!) It gives you so much more flexibility versus staying in a hotel room.

      • Jules

        Yes, rent an apartment. We got one in London through NY Habitat several years ago; a friend used them for a place in Paris last year and said it was wonderful. I don’t know Paris that well, but think you might like the Marais district.

        I also second the vote for Rick Steve’s books. And you can take trips from Paris to other parts of France (or other parts of Europe) but you also might consider taking the Eurostar — the train that goes through the Chunnel– to London for a day or two.

        It sounds wonderful!

      • ss

        Caveat about renting is that you may not be able to leave luggage, which is a pain if you want to head to your second location with a smaller bag. On the brighter side, I’ve found Paris a good place for rentals, lots of choice from luxurious to basic, and most seem to conform to a reasonable standard of maintenance (not the case in Southern European destinations).

        We have a fairly standard routine for 10 – 15 days in France, honed over many trips. We arrive in Paris, hang out for a couple of days, take a train to location #2, pick up our rental car at the station, drive the region for a few days, drop off the car and return to Paris via location #2, do a couple more days (mostly shopping at this point), then head off. This makes for the most relaxing transits because we avoid city driving and bumbling around busy train stations with huge bags. The French rail company SNCF does well-priced rail + car deals to encourage weekend trips and domestic tourism – look around their website while you are booking your train tickets.

        For planning purposes, you can get from Paris (north) to Marseilles (south) in 3.5 hours by TGV – nothing is very far away. I’d say Avignon and Lyon are good destinations to spend 2 – 3 days with good rail connections for interesting day trips, and Aix, Bergerac and Beaune are good starting points for exploring the pretty small towns of the Luberon, the Dordogne and Burgundy by car.

        I mostly look at resto-related blogs and like Gilles Pudlowski (in French but lots of useful pics and good coverage beyond Paris), John Talbott and Alec Lobrano (US expats in Paris – the latter writes a bit for the NYT). Paris by Mouth is another English-language website which usefully aggregates practical info on opening times etc for restaurants and food shops.

    • A Nonny Moose

      Shameless plug for you to add the south of France as the second area so I can live vicariously through you.

    • AIMS

      The Time Out Paris guide’s pretty good from what I recall and their app is very helpful for restaurants, shops, etc.
      I also really like the David Lebovitz website (his name dot com) for lots of little local info and food tips.
      You will have a fabulous, fabulous time. There’s so much to see in Paris that ten days is really perfect even if you don’t go anywhere else. If you do go, Giverny is a delightful overnight or two day trip.
      My biggest advice – although totally not mandatory – would be to start brushing up on some French now so you can get a little working knowledge of the language before you go. Even knowing just a few phrases and food items will make your trip so much more pleasant (and the people will be so much more fun!)

    • KinCA

      My BF and I are doing a 10-day trip to France this August/September, splitting our time between Paris & the Loire Valley (lots of wineries, historical chateaux, country roads & little villages). My excitement for our trip is OUT OF CONTROL.

      My mom got me a “Paris Top Ten” book that’s been really useful. I’ve also relied hardcore on TripAdvisor & its forums during the planning process – very helpful.

    • Samantha

      DH and I went a few years ago for a similar trip (down to the last trip pre-trying for a kid part!) – Paris, Provence and Nice. We didn’t stay at an apartment, but bid for a hotel on Priceline and got a good deal in Paris. The Lonely Planet guidebook was helpful for me. I particularly enjoyed Provence a lot for the things you mentioned – food, wine, people watching, interesting locations (very recognizable sites of Van Gogh’s paintings), unique lavender-based stuff (it’s grown in that area so lavender ice cream, milk shakes etc.), Roman sites and so on.

    • Anne

      I stayed at a Adagio Aparthotel while I was in Paris last August. The Tour Eiffel one, where I could see the Eiffel tour from my window. I am recommending it, although around the hotel entrance and the closest block wasn’t that charming (razed and rebuilt in the 70s, apparently). The hotel was really great and it was fantastic to have a small apartment of our own to make breakfast, (dinner one night for my vegetarian friend who was kind of despairing) and shop groceries for instead of just being at the mercy of cafes and the like.

      I asked questions here on Paris back then (I went on a weekend trip to Brussels as well on the same trip) and printed them all out and brought along.

      Things I loved that were recommended to me:
      * The Rodin museum. Even if you just pay 1 euro to walk in the gardens and don’t go into the house, it would be worth it, imo.
      * L’Orangerie . I went on my last day in Paris – had nothing else planned besides chilling out. It was pretty amazing.
      * L’As Falafel gets quite a few recommendations, but we unfortunately didn’t go there. Instead we went to Maoz in the Latin Quartier (I think it was) which was also recommended here and it’s a hole in the wall shop, but it tasted fantastic.

      * Versailles was a bit of hit/miss with the recommenders. Personally I loved it, and it was quite good a place to chill out and just wander about – especially since we’d seen all the “must see” tourist attractions in Paris, so didn’t need to rush back. And the Angelina pastry shop/coffee house there is divine.

      I actually thought the Louvre was kind of overrated, and preferred the Rodin and the Orangerie.

    • locomotive

      I highly recommend renting an apartment through airbnb – there are tons of chic, comfortable, convenient options on there that give you a lot of flexibility. I stayed in a place in Montmartre when I was in Paris for 2 weeks earlier this month and adored it. I also used the Rick Steves guidebook and thought it was helpful.

      My highlights of Paris were Pere Lachaise cemetery (strangely beautiful and peaceful), musee d’orsay, the Rodin museum and gardens, a Seine night cruise (we used Bateaux Parisiens), and the catacombs (MUST see in my opinion, I’ve never seen anything like it before).

      I also really enjoyed all the pastries (pain au chocolat! chausson aux pommes!) and the French pharmacies (if you like beauty products, there are some fantastic French products either way cheaper or only available in France). Longchamp is also definitely cheaper in France.

      Have fun!

  16. Children...

    … do not belong in the office. Even on a Friday. Believe it or not, people are indeed working. That’s why they’re at work. Do not tell your drooling toddler to waddle into my office and say hi to me and act like I should ENJOY seeing a tiny poop machine looming menacingly over my antique Oriental rug. Do not stand outside my office and clap and say YAYYYY and AWWW in high pitched voices. Dear God, and now it’s screaching. Someone please take it off the burner or whatever it is that’s causing it to make that godawful racket.

    • Nonny

      I’m pregnant and I still agree with you.

      I promise not to do that when I have a small gremlin.

    • Silver

      Seen in a pet store: Unattended children will receive a cup of coffee and a puppy.

      :-) if only we could do that ..

      • Anon

        There is a restaurant near me that has on the menu: ‘unattended children will be given a large chocolate cake, (some sugary/caffeine drink – I forget exactly what), and a puppy.’ I love it.

    • k-padi

      I keep a stuffed toy (Mickey Mouse) in my office for exactly this reason. They can introduce everyone else to Mickey.

    • AN

      I have two kids and agree with you. The only time my son came to work, he spent 30 mins colouring in a corner of my cubicle and only spoke to people if they initiated conversation.

    • saacnmama

      Please be kind and clear in asking your colleague to keep the kid away from your office.

    • Baby DC Attorney

      The partner I work for frequently brings her 7 or 8 year old daughter into the office and she runs around the halls for hours on end. This week, she came into my office and – no joke – told me that “we need to have a talk about [my] appearance.” She then proceeded to absolutely pick apart everything about me, from my makeup (or lack thereof) to my hairstyle (pulled back in a ponytail, I’ll admit, but it was at least 80 degrees in my office) my outfit (which I was pretty proud of, but she told me with a finger point to “never wear THAT again”) and my shoes (flats, because I was using my standing desk). I felt absolutely crushed.

      • Baby DC Attorney

        To be clear, it was the 7/8 yo daughter making these comments to me. The partner was nowhere to be found.

          • ITDS

            We have one like that in our office. She developes assignments for the interns and demands that they prepare book reports, etc. Charmingly, she is often brought to the office when she is too sick for school/daycare.

      • anonymama

        It sounds like she’s watching waaay too many of those reality TV makeover shows (either that or her mother is way harsh on her own or other people’s appearances, which would make me feel sorry for her). I bet it had way less to do with your outfit and more to do with her trying to act like (what’s that lady’s name on What Not to Wear?)

    • anon..

      Yikes. I hope you aren’t my colleague. I swear mine was just in the office for less than 5 minutes…and it was because my husband had to bring him by so they could grab something from me on their way home…

  17. Sarah

    I’m finishing up my third week in a new job. This was a lateral move for me – my responsibilities here are pretty similar to those at my old job – but the organization I’m supporting is a big deal, especially here in DC. I like the job and my bosses, and have only one issue: I am seriously undertasked. On busy days I might work for 1-2 hours; on quiet days like today, I had only three tasks to accomplish, and each took <5 minutes to complete. (No, not exaggerating.) I know this might sound fun to some, but I find it to be dreadfully dull and mind-numbing.

    Anyway, another department in the org. recently posted an opening for their version of the job I'm in now. Now, I have no interest at all in abandoning my current department after just three weeks (I plan to stay for 2+ years), but I'm wondering if it might be appropriate to try and leverage more work out of this by taking on duties for both positions? (Obviously this is contingent on the other department not requiring 8 full hours per day, which I think is very likely the case.) I think I can pitch this as a cost-saving thing for the organization as a whole (one salary, instead of two), and it would result in much more productivity and happiness on my end.

    Is it a terrible idea to ask around and see if people might be interested in this? I hesitate because with just three weeks under my belt I haven't really had much opportunity to really show off yet, but on the other hand am confident (based on chats with the woman who had this job previously) that my workload won't increase very much. Moreover, I really think I could pull this off. So, you tell me: am I nuts?

    • JessBee

      I have no idea whether or not you are nuts. :)

      I’m also not sure whether this is a good idea or a bad one — but I would proceed with caution. Personally, I’d be at least a little bit skeptical if an employee who had only been with us 3 weeks wanted to take such a drastic step to increase her workload. My inclination would be to assume that, as a new employee, her workload would continue to increase steadily, and I’d wonder whether someone at only 3 weeks really knew the job well enough to judge whether she needs that much more work (or whether she could handle it). And even then, it’s awfully early in your tenure at this organization to be taking it upon yourself to restructure the job.

      Having said all that, it sounds like you have good reasons to be fairly confident that your workload has hit cruising altitude — have you talked to your boss(es) about that? I’d probably start with that — let someone know that you would like to take on more work, if they have it. You could even mention this opening as a possibility — i.e., rather than offering to just take over that job, ask whether there are things you can do to help with the vacancy or the transition? That might allow you to gauge whether suggesting something even more drastic would be viewed as a initiative or hubris. Good luck! It’s totally frustrating to be undertasked.

      • Anonymous

        I really like the idea of framing this as “whether there are things you can do to help with the vacancy or the transition.” Lots of industries are slow right now, what with summer vacation taking people away from their regular jobs, so you might pick up drastically in the next few months.

  18. Granola

    This is how you know you’ve almost run yourself to the ground (after week of brutal hours at work and a raging sinus infection / nasty cold): I found a shard of glass in the lasagna I’m having for lunch (I cooked it myself so I must have broken something in the process for the glass to get in there). The thought of not eating this lunch that’s in front of me and walking to the cafeteria to get a replacement lunch seems like an insurmountable hurdle. So I’ll just keep eating my lasagna and hope for no more glass.

    Sigh. Need. some. sleep.

    • Silvercurls

      Oy! At least stay alert to the sound/feel of crunching. Might also try eating something soft & squishy and drinking a h*ll of a lot of water to cushion the glass (?!) and move everything through your system as soon as possible. Better choices: Ditch the lasagna, eat whatever you have in your office, call in an order to be delivered, or ask someone else to just. this. once. please get you something to eat b/c you are too famished and exhausted to make it to the cafeteria.

      • Granola

        Already finished it and I seem to have survived :), but seriously ladies, don’t get yourself so exhausted and sick that you are willing to eat lasagna with glass in it.

        • Susie

          Umm, I don’t have to be exhausted for that. I think if it was part of my lunch on any day I’d just continue eating just being extra careful.

    • TOS

      I can relate. My food issue was making pasta with a colored pepper “red” sauce as a test drive for the recipe as tomatoes make DH ill in a GI way – really, really hopeful for the recipe, bringing it to a social work book discussion group, and finding random mini staples in it.

      I have little kids at home, but couldn’t account for small staples in either direction.

      I ended up quietly throwing it out. So now you’ve inspired me to drop that halo/aura and try the recipe again.

      Now I’m thinking of MacArthur Park.

      Oh the perks of being overtired & punchy…dance music for dinner divination…

  19. EC MD -- Question for Canadians

    My brother in law just had his second kid (well, his wife did, technically….). They live in Vancouver, BC. I always like to send a food gift to the family to welcome the little one. Any recommendations for Canadian (or Vancouver based) purveyors of foods? I’d be happy to do mail order, or local delivery. Thanks in advance!

    • Nonny

      Meinhardt. Not exactly sure what the options are but I’m fairly certain they do gift boxes/baskets. Will see if I can think of anything else as well…

      • Nonny

        Urban Fare might also do gift baskets (pretty high-end grocery store). If you are looking for something more mundane (e.g. groceries so that they don’t have to go shopping), try SPUD Urban Delivery or Thrifty Foods. SPUD is a CSA box-type place that has a full grocery selection, and Thrifty Foods is a more middle-of-the-road grocery store that is known for really good quality and awesome customer service.

        • Nonny

          Sorry, I keep thinking of things but I think those are a good start. If you were actually thinking of something more product-related (e.g. a nice pie, a catered meal, etc.), let me know and I’ll shoot you some other options. Also, it does make a bit of a difference whether they live in Vancouver proper or in one of the outlying areas, which could affect delivery, so let me know if you actually know what municipality they live in.

    • EC MD -- Question for Canadians

      Meinhardt was exactly what I was looking for! Thanks so much

  20. anoooon

    quick rant: I love love love nordstrom, but they just cancelled an item from my NAS purchase (and the thing I was most excited about!). This is the third time in a year (probably a total of 7-8 orders) that they’ve canceled something. it’s the age of the internet! get your inventory system together!!

    • SV in House

      They did the same to me, then I checked the website and they were still showing it as available. I did a customer service chat and it turns out it is back ordered. Might be worth contacting them. Mine was a Vince Camuto T.

  21. Brooklyn Paralegal

    I’m prepping for the LSAT (taking it in October) and beginning my personal statement for my law school applications for Fall 2014. I’m so intimidated by the LSAT. Any tips for preparing, both in terms of studying and in terms of not going totally insane with fear/doubt/worry?

    • Alice

      I know this is easy for me to say, but try not to stress–I think a large portion of the LSAT is (1) timing; and (2) staying calm. If you do a lot of practice tests, you will get a feel for the timing.

      And remember, if you take the time to study for the LSAT, you will probably experience a dip in score off the bat. It’s normal to get worse before you get better.

      The essay is something you can control. Write lots of drafts, and get feedback from people you trust. Make sure there are no typos.

      You will be absolutely fine.

    • NYC Paralegal

      I took the LSAT and applied to schools last year.

      1. I studied along while my SO took the Blueprint class (I couldn’t make the actual class due to my work schedule). I liked the materials (I did the drills separately in a notebook), and it helped having a set pace and program. If you have trouble motivating yourself to study, like me, I would look into it.

      2. The great thing about studying for the LSAT while working (which I assume you are, based on your name) is that, if you don’t do as well as you would have liked, you can keep working and retake. At the end of the day, working an extra year and applying a year later isn’t that bad.

    • Chainon

      Definitely study, take practice tests, and take timed practice tests so you figure out exactly what you tend to skip when you speed read.

      For me, I took a yoga/meditation series at my local y in the month before I took the LSAT and I remain convinced that being able to meditate and visualize right before and during the breaks in the test actually really helped. If you have test anxiety, it might be a useful tool.

      • Brooklyn Paralegal

        Thank you to everyone for the tips! I think I’ve been aware of all the things I can/need to do for the LSAT but have been so anxious that I’ve psyched myself out, if that makes any sense.

        Thanks for the feedback! I’m going to get myself up to a coffee shop to take a practice test now…happy Saturday!

    • SC

      I took a prep course, and it really helped me – I think my score went up around 15 points.

      Whether or not you take a prep course, take practice tests under real conditions – wake up early on Saturday morning, go to a quiet area and sit at a desk or table, and take the whole test with actual testing times and actual break times. I took the LSAT in college, and without the prep course (which had scheduled practice tests), I would have just done practice questions while lounging on my bed. Getting used to the standardized testing environment for the first time since the SAT and figuring out the timing of the LSAT was probably half the battle.

      • B

        Ditto. I got a decent enough score after working through Logic Games Bible and 10 real LSATs…

        BUT my score improvement came from doing Logical Reasoning Bible + Kaplan 180 + a month of full length tests (including the extra section on Sat/Sunday mornings). I was still working full time, but had taken out the night time Masters program for the improvement portion.

  22. hellskitchen

    Reposting from the NAS thread – How does the Classiques Entier suiting line work? I bought this dress but would like to get a coordinating blazer/jacket… can I get any of the CE jackets in a contrasting color like black to go with the dress? Is this brand TTS? I have never tried it but just bought a big haul of suits and dresses because I have heard it praised on this forum.

    http://shop.nordstrom.com/s/classiques-entier-rachel-weave-dress/3460807?origin=category-personalizedsort&contextualcategoryid=0&fashionColor=&resultback=594&cm_sp=personalizedsort-_-browseresults-_-1_1_D

    • CE

      It is a bit generous in the sizing. I sometimes wear a size smaller in it than in Halogen. I think it’s hard to mix and match because the materials are different–not just the colors but the type of fabric– across CE products, but that may just be a matter of my preferences.

  23. Ms. Basil E. Frankweiler

    So has anyone’s blog reading frequency changed with the demise of Google Reader?

    I find myself reading 2-3 times per week as opposed to the 4-5 times per day I would check into Google Reader.

    • anon

      YES! Which I guess is a good thing. I have trouble opening Feedly at work, so I can only access the app on my phone, and it is just too tedious. I loved the fact that I could read the full text of the posts through Google Reader. Either I don’t know how to use Feedly, or it may just not be the right alternate option for me. But, my blog reading has gone way down. Which is, of course, good for productivity, but bad for fun!

      • Anne

        You can set up Feedly to view the full text, though and not just the brief summaries that are standard.

        • anon

          you are right, and thank you! ‘undo open directly’ worked well enough for me.

    • B

      I’m having a lot of trouble with feedly. I get a 404 error very consistently so I can’t see my blogs at all on their page. I can see the list and which have new posts, but then I have to go to the actual site to see the post – I can’t even get the headers to post. Has anyone else had this problem? Recommendations on a different service?

    • Ms. Basil E. Frankweiler

      The fact that I haven’t downloaded Feedly onto my work computer probably has something to do with the decrease. Thanks for the input ladies!

  24. Veronique

    Apartment hunting from afar is not easy! I wouldn’t mind renting a condo directly from the owner. Does anyone have any suggestions for websites to find condo rentals? Or any suggestions for specific apartment complexes ITP in Atlanta? It seems like the only people who review apartments online are disgruntled customers. Every single apartment can’t have bugs or break-ins!

    • Olivia Pope

      I just rented a condo directly from an owner. I used a combination of craigslist and the website of local realty company. Craigslist helped me narrow down which buildings I liked. When a unit appeared on the website of a local realty company’s leasing section, I called the company.

    • KinCA

      I’ve had good luck with CraigsList in the past. Also, a lot of people in my area list their rentals like they would a house, on the MLS, so using a local Realtor or perusing local real estate listings can also help you find a place to rent from a private owner.

    • mascot

      Where ITP? The Brookhaven/Chamblee area is nice and well located although not as pricey as midtown/buckhead.

    • Veronique

      Thanks everyone!

      Mascot, I’ll be working downtown (near Civic Center Marta), so I’m pretty open to anything that’s less than a 45 minute commute in rush hour traffic. Ideally walking distance to shops/restaurants (more of a city feel) but would settle for something within close driving distance.

    • Anonymous

      This is late, but generally the Gables complexes are great. Area matters a lot (even one mile away, or one street away, can matter.) I lived at Gables Sheridan for 5 years and loved it. Very easy access to midtown, downtown, and Buckhead.

  25. Heather

    Does anyone have any advice for me? My company has a “referral” program for new employees. Basically, if you know someone who gets hired for the job after going through the interview process, they will give you a bonus. Recently, we were looking to hire, and I told a friend about the job. She then told a friend of hers about it. So a “friend of a friend” mentioned me in his cover letter/application/resume, was interviewed, and eventually hired. So far, he hasn’t turned out to be the greatest employee – he doesn’t know his stuff, seems to annoy everyone around him, etc. I really didn’t give him a recommendation because I didn’t really know him. However, I feel like this may come back to haunt me should he leave/get terminated. Any suggestions?

    • TOS

      You were straight with your people – your target didn’t apply, but referred. Could this person have applied from an ad?

      I had something similar happen to me. I left a job with 1 professional peer, and one junior-who had a LOT of issues. She was either hired or on probation at the new, large firm I was at. The head of HR came by and mentioned that she had dropped my name. No warm up call, but she knew I worked there. Soooo, I took a breath, and said I’m not comfortable with making a recommendation, for a wide variety of reasons. She caught my drift.

      What would you do – talk to HR if you are worried about the shadow this person casts? Offer to return the referral fee? It links you more strongly with someone who is struggling to find their wings.

      It may be a live & learn.

      But also, are you sure he’s failing? Is there a chance that he has 1-2 people pulling for him and the learning curve will settle and this is person is fine?

  26. Susedna

    Weekend warriors threadjack – how often do you bring work home on weekends?

    Me: I work a weekend about once every three months. But I tend to work late on weeknights to avoid having to bring work home on weekends.

    Some of my colleagues work a weekend every couple of weeks, but they’re the ones who leave at 5:30pm. So both approaches are accepted by management, because our dept isn’t ruled by clockwatchers (thank goodness.)

    • Susie

      I pretty much only bring work home around quarter end, plus for occasional special projects. So, maybe 10 weekends/year? But I do check email.

    • Jordan

      Depends on the weekday schedule. If I have meetings or events on weekdays, I try to come in the weekend before and get ahead. That happens probably every three weekends. I try not to bring work home because I never get it done but I do not really have a place to do it so that could be why.

    • cbackson

      I work every weekend. Typically I go into the office on Sunday afternoons for 4-5 hours; if not, I’ll do 2-3 hours at home.

      • SFBayA

        Yes, 2-3 hours every Sunday, if not 4-5. This Sunday is going to be a 4-5+ type.

        • Cat

          Same. I feel like Miranda come to life — “Saturday is my free day, so I go to spinning, dry cleaning, grocery shopping, and then manicure…” (As a side note, this is why weekend getaways are a blessing and a curse — missing one Saturday means I’m “off’ for the whole next week.)

          Sundays are work days. I actually don’t mind putting in 3-5 — it’s a good way to get ahead on hours for the week, and sets up Monday well — handing the partners a few things to review immediately makes me look good, helps them get a good start on the week, and gives me some time to start the next project in peace while they review that pile.

        • cbackson

          Just commenting to confirm that, yep, it’s 3 PM on Sunday and I’m at my desk :)

      • Mulva

        Me too. If not directly billable, it’s background reading on work issues, because we cannot bill this to the clients, who all expect us to know everything about everything for the $650/hr we bill out at. I haven’t been able to read a trashy novel in years!

    • Mary Anna Singleton

      I try really hard to leave my weekends free of work when I can – I find that long term this helps against BigLaw burn-out, but of course that’s not always in my control. I stay late most evenings of the week, try to get as much work out of the way as possible, and I go in super early on Mondays (rather than doing a few hours on Sundays). I do feel like I’m falling behind a bit sometimes so it’s a balancing act, but it’s so, so beneficial to have a real break on the weekends. My early am Mondays in the office are really productive as the place is empty, and I think if I tried to do the same work on a Sunday it would take me longer due to general resentment of working on weekends / household chores getting in the way / opting to pet my dog instead of drafting agreements.

    • Hawthorne

      I usually bill 8 to 10 hours on the weekend, broken up between Saturday morning and Sunday afternoon. Every two or three months there will be an awful weekend with 20+ billed hours, but I also try to take one weekend day off completely about once a month when there aren’t any pressing deadlines. I work more on the weekends than most of the other associates at my firm, but I also tend to put in fewer late nights on the weekdays than they do.

  27. RantAnon

    Would y’all pardon me while I vent? I can’t do it IRL. Here’s the scenario:
    There is an American city that is a popular vacation/weekend destination that I have visited regularly before meeting DH, and then in the several years after we got together too. We go once a year or more. Prior to DH and afterwards, its always a long weekend trip only. This is for practical reasons, including financial ones. I love this city. DH has cousins there. Prior to being with me, and prior to Facebook, they didn’t have any real contact for years. Now, when we visit his family takes over and dictates one of the two to three days we have in the city. Sure we could refuse to go along with it. We have tried to tactfully convey that we would prefer to make plans with them by agreement, and they just steamroll right over us. Outright refusal on our part would result in long lasting hard feelings and woukd most likely result in angst and dissention in DH’s family that lives close to us, turning it all into a Big Family Drama. I know different families operate in different ways, but this just makes me see red. They do holidays the same way: dictate time and place and it’s a command performance. For all my life prior to DH and in all my life outside of his family, get togethers where it’s important to the people involved that everyone is included and present are planned by consensus. Is that so weird? Have I lived some sort of charmed fairy tale with extremely considerate relatives and friends, and now I’m facing the norm? Do grown-@ss, competent
    adults dictate social/family plans to other grown-@ss, competent adults and utterly get away with it? Am I overly sensitive? And no, I’m not expecting the world to revolve around me, I just want there to be a discussion of how DH and I spend time in The City, and I want to participate in that discussion. Am I being unreasonable in my expectations or am I being a big beee-atch and all mad about nothing? I think the world of the this-site community and would really value your opinions.

    • Em

      Honestly, I’d be tempted to schedule a trip without mentioning it to them sometime.

      • B

        +1000… sometimes, it’s just better not to mention it if you know (a) that they’re going to be that way and (b) you don’t want to see them.

    • Anonymous

      Why do they even know you are going? Just say sorry we are busy when they suggest stuff. You need to set some boundaries

    • Also Anon

      “Do grown-@ss, competent adults dictate social/family plans to other grown-@ss, competent adults and utterly get away with it?” Yup.
      “Am I overly sensitive?” Nope.
      Been there, done that. :-(
      Re advice of Em and Anonymous: Secret visits work on occasion, but setting boundaries means that you don’t have to remember any cover stories or sneak around avoiding their favorite hangouts (because what if you ran into DH’s cousins there, when you hadn’t told them beforehand you were coming to town?!).

      • Em

        Which is fair, but it sounds like they don’t even want to see these people that much (given that the husband never saw them before they started going there recently), so I’d probably still be tempted despite the potential drama payoff.

    • Cat

      My husband and I both have extended family in a Flight Away city that’s also a popular destination on its own (not a city either of us grew up in — just where lots of family happened to settle). Trying to see everyone on one visit is exhausting and so we usually just don’t tell the other family when we’re visiting the other. We used to try — and then would get lectured about how we weren’t spending ENOUGH time with Side X, so we said F it and stopped telling them unless we knew we’d be able to see them. Fortunately people are geographically spread out, so it’s unlikely we’d get busted :) And as for Facebook, we have very careful friend groups for photo posting purposes.

      If you don’t mind seeing the cousins for a little while during each visit, maybe proactively suggest one activity — “hey, we’ll be in town X weekend, how about a group dinner? We have plans the other days, but what about Friday night.” Dinner has the advantage of not allowing people to try to glom onto the rest of your day once you’re with them, anyway…

  28. Stridex

    I’m almost 43. Could my face please stop breaking out? First, it was puberty. Then it was oily skin. Then it was pregnancy hormones. Then it was nursing. Then it was quitting nursing. Now what is it??? [Medically: nothing going on except breakouts.]

    Is it just me? Have I hit the fountain of youth (this was not the way I envisioned it)?!

    • AIMS

      Go see a derm and get a retin-a cream. Your skin will thank you and you will be treating both breakouts and wrinkles.

    • Sunshine

      Have you been to a derm? My sister had this problem for years and tried every over the counter remedy there is. She had a single visit to a derm, got a prescription cream, and has really never had acne again. When we used to live together I used to steal her cream when I had an occasional breakout, haha!

      I don’t remember exactly what it was, but I do remember her asking why she hadn’t gone to a specialist years ago!

  29. Wildkitten

    What do y’all use for a blackberry case? It seems like nobody (designers) makes them anymore.

    • ss

      I thought the nice thing about bb’s is that they are hardy enough to do without a case !

    • AMB

      Kate Spade used to make them, and I think I’ve seen some Michael Kors ones about.

  30. Swissotel Chicago

    Planning a trip to the Windy City. Has anyone stayed at the Swissotel? Know the area? I know we have a lot of Chicago-rettes here and just wanted to confirm location is good. If there’s anything better nearby, would love recommendations too. Thanks!!!

  31. Sarah

    Are white watch bands only for summer? Being tempted by a really cute watch but trying to figure out cost per wear.

  32. AFT

    I know this has been discussed before, but how do you ladies know when it’s time to leave a job you’re happy in for something that may be a better fit long-term? I love where I am now and the work I do, but I know that life as a law firm associate is inherently unpredictable and I don’t really want to be a partner. So, I think it’s virtually certain that I’ll be moving on in the next few years.

    I have the opportunity now to jump to something pretty different, with great hours and work that wouldn’t include much if any of the stuff I don’t like doing at my current job. It is probably a better overall match for my skills, but it might also be somewhat less interesting/challenging than what I do now, and I think the exit options are probably not as good. I worry that if I step out of the rat race now I’ll regret it, although I would also like to be able to exercise regularly, cook dinner, make plans after work and keep them, not be such a distracted parent, etc.

    For those who have faced a similar job change prospect, how did you weigh the pros and cons?

    • S

      I think you should realize that you’re probably going to have regrets no matter what you choose.

      A few years ago, I had the opportunity to move into a much higher position that was semi-related to what I do but would have meant quite a change (was a very rare opening in my field), and my employer (where I have always been pretty happy) threw a bunch of money at me to stay. I stayed. The new position would have required commuting back and forth from a major city vs. the suburbs (and current position allows me to work from home several days a week). . The culture of new job was completely rigid and corporate, and I’ve always been a bit of a creative, autonomous type. And frankly, change is hard and scary. I still look back frequently though and wonder what would have been. When I’m feeling bored or frustrated with where I am, I start thinking of it as a rut of my own making and feel a little disappointed in myself that I let fear stop me from doing what I could have done. When I am having a good day where I am (which is most often), I feel incredibly lucky to be in a position where I know my talents are well used, I “get” how things work and am able to drive improvement, and the people are downright amazing. And frankly, I also have had many a day where I feel like the most blessed person on earth to not have to commute–whether it’s throwing in a load of laundry while I finish a project or being able to squeeze in a vet appointment before work without it killing the day.

      I guess what I’m trying to say is that there are positives and negatives with any change, and you just have to accept that. Draw up a list of pros and cons, and then weight in importance to you (nice to have vs. need to have). Ultimately, you should use these insights and go with your gut.

      (FWIW, it sounds like a lot of what is tempting you isn’t so much the position as the ability to have work-life balance. There is nothing wrong with that, but there also are many paths to achieve it. And don’t sell that balance short, either, when you are weighting your list. I think when you are a high achiever, it’s easy to get into a mind-set that work and dedication to it is all that matters. It isn’t. You only get one life to live.)

    • Mulva

      S said it all. Live your life! Work is a means, not an end. If money is important, stay. You didn’t mentioned whether you have a partner who can help financially. If you do, go! Men are often a pain, but they clearly have value, financially as well as sexually. I would consider all of that in the mix, and would go if I could afford to. Good luck!

  33. Romey

    Reviewing my NAS items (for reference I’m petite and thin with a larger bust):

    1. Adrianna Papell Drape Neck Dress, item 690245. Purchased in size 2 and 4. The size 2 fit but I just didn’t love the dress. It looked a little like a maternity dress on me for some reason. I really like the color though. RETURNING.

    2. The Skirt in size 2P, black and plum colors. Yall might think I am crazy but I didn’t love it. I’m returning!! It fit but it was just a little too long on me. I might change my mind but for now I am RETURNING b/c I like other things better.

    3. MICHAEL Michael Kors Contrast Panel Crewneck Dress, item 695353, size 2 and 4. The 2 fit perfectly and I really love this – KEEPING.

    4. Cynthia Steffe Cap Sleeve Faux Leather Trim Ponte Sheath Dress, item 687801, size 2. Fits perfectly and wow I really love this one too. KEEPING.

    5. The North Face ‘Denali’ Jacket, size M. Nothing too exciting here but I really needed a new one of these (my old one lasted 10 years!). KEEPING.

    6. The North Face ‘Caroluna’ Jacket, size M. Wow this is so cute, I just bought it b/c it had a ton of great reviews and I am keeping. This looks professional so I could definitely wear this to work (the Denali is more casual although I have worn it to work before). KEEPING.

  34. MoInBoston

    Hello Hive! Boston-based ‘rettes, what are your favorite things to see / do at the Cape? I have friends visiting soon and we want to go — despite my moniker, I’ have never been and don’t have the first clue as to what to do beyond the beach / water. Any suggestions or favorites you would share would be so helpful! Thanks so much for your help!

    • MoInBoston

      Trying again since the first try got stuck in moderation! Hello Hive! Boston-based readers, what are your favorite things to see / do at the Cape? I have friends visiting soon and we want to go — despite my moniker, I’ have never been and don’t have the first clue as to what to do beyond the beach / water. Any suggestions or favorites you would share would be so helpful! Thanks so much for your help!

    • Brant

      If it’s your thing, biking the trails is really nice. daytrip out to nantucket or the vineyard. rent kayaks.

      Are you taking the ferry from boston to P-town? the train from south station? flying? driving? How you get there and where you’re staying will impact my list of things to do.

      • Anon

        Agreed – it depends on how you are getting there. For completely general tips, here’s what I’d say:

        Many people love P-town, so it is probably worth checking out.

        I think a lot of the Cape is basically beach and seeing people and essentially the atmosphere, but that might just be me. There are a lot of outdoor options: swimming, biking, kayaking, etc.

        If you can afford it, I highly recommend a trip to Nantucket. It’s one of my favorite places. There is a lot to do and you can get around the island by walking, biking, or bus (or driving, but you don’t need to).

        • Brant

          Yes–and while you’re on island, rent bikes or scooters and bike/scooter the island. Check out Cisco brewery.

  36. KK

    Just got home from the NAS earlier this evening. I picked up one of the seamed Halogen skirts, it’s a lovely dark green color which will be perfect for fall. Question though, where on your waist does/should this skirt hit? The top of the skirt hits right at my belly button, is this where is should sit?

  37. AP

    PSA: For those of you looking for a basic navy (non-suiting) blazer, J.Crew’s schoolboy blazer in navy is 50% off ($99)! I’ve been eyeing it for awhile due to many recommendations here and elsewhere, but now I finally got it because it doesn’t really seem to go on sale.

      • Monday

        My size for the schoolboy blazer is the same as for any other J. Crew tops. I find the fit is somewhat cropped and the sleeves hit around the wrist bone. I think it’s particularly flattering for petites due to the slightly shrunken look. I will say my blazers are from 2010 and I don’t know if they’ve changed the cut at all. I got petites and I am 5’3″.

    • Anon

      Thanks for the PSA! I love the schoolboy blazers and have been wanting the navy one for awhile. Just ordered it and a couple other things that were on sale!

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