Suit of the Week: Etro

103 Comments

1. Hive, I need help. I need to talk to an attorney. I think I have a gender discrimination case at work. It’s been building for years and today was just more evidence of unequal treatment. I’m so sad and angry. Mostly angry.
   I’m in New York – can anyone recommend a name? Can anyone tell me what I might expect when I call for a consultation or initial conversation or whatever it is called?

   1. https://www.outtengolden.com/

   2. No advice, but I’m really sorry you’re in this situation.

      1. thanks, internet friend

   3. Hi! I’m not in NY but I am an employment attorney. Most serious Plaintiff’s side employment attorneys are part of NELA. I believe they have a referral service but I’m not positive. There are state chapters and big states may have more than one. If they don’t have a referral service, your local bar organization likely does and you can vet that person’s profile by seeing what they list for experience / groups.

      I give free consultations to employment clients. If you are still working and just want help negotiating a severance or getting fair treatment while remaining employed there (say needing ADA accommodations) I do that on an hourly fee basis. If you have been terminated, I do that on a contingent fee basis.

      They will likely want to review a copy of your personnel file to see if there’s anything you aren’t telling them or anything that needs to addressed head on, like a fake memo in your file.

      Many states have a 180 day deadline to file with your state Human Rights Commission so you have to move quicker with these cases than say a car accident. Happy to answer more questions!

      1. is there some way I could get in touch with you?

         1. Post a burner email address and I’ll email you. Just FYI, the laws while the same federally can vary greatly state by state so it is important that you do speak to a NY specific attorney as you may have more rights than just what the feds grant you.

   4. I don’t have a name. But be prepared for the possibility that you will have to call several attorneys before you get one to let you get your whole story out. You will have an easier time getting someone to listen if you are willing to pay for the consultation and pay an hourly rate for representation, at least at the start. I know that is rough to hear, and I am not suggesting you shouldn’t or won’t find someone willing to hear you out for free and take the case on contingency, it is just a fact that attorneys value their time and can be impatient and very critical of cases of this nature because they are hard to win for employees. Also, depending on the facts, there may be work to be done to get you to a place where there might be a financial award (and you may want to avoid ever getting to that place), so the early work needs to be compensated. (I do this work, I hear people out, and I am regularly told that other attorneys do not.) Here is my other advice: when you talk to the attorney, focus on the events and facts that make you believe that actions were taken on the basis of your gender, rather than general complaints about the workplace (you can discuss those later and maybe some will be relevant but a lot won’t), explain how those actions have caused you harm, and identify what evidence or support you have for your claims. Also, it would be helpful for you to have available any company policies regarding reporting of such claims and inform the lawyer where you are in the process of reporting. If you are talking to someone quickly, you should wait for advice before reporting, as the lawyer may want to guide you in that process. Good luck and good for you for sticking up for yourself.

      1. Oh man is your advice about sticking to the gender stuff so important. This is the biggest issue I have in depositions with clients. I can tell them 100 times that the case is only about the times they were discriminated against because of their gender and not other irrelevant crappy workplace conduct, yet they always want to air all their grievances. Then the defense will try to make it about one of those non-actionable grievances and not about gender.

      2. Thank you. If you’re still reading… I can easily document a long pattern of men getting things… opportunities, reassignments, etc. etc. that I have not. I can even document additional instances of other women getting screwed out of things. I’m not worried about keeping the narrative on gender. What I am a little more worried about is that there is no clear “award.” There was not, for example, a higher-paying job open that I tried out for that went to a man. It’s just constant promotion of others’ work even though mine is demonstrably (as assessed by third-parties) better. It’s the cost of moving two men across the ocean with company apartments when I couldn’t get the courtesy of knowing I could relocate to a different office. Etc. Etc.
         What also gives me pause is that I have never investigated company policies around this as you suggest. I just never thought about it. I guess maybe I need to look into that first. THANK YOU.

      3. I think you should call the woman NY attorney who is representing Charlotte Bennett in the Cuomo case. I read a NYT article where she sounded great and she was on the Nora O’Donnell show on TV. Debra Katz is her name. and you can read and see more here:

         https://nypost.com/2021/03/06/cuomo-grooming-claims-shouldve-been-probed-charlotte-bennetts-lawyer/
         https://www.cbsnews.com/news/cuomo-accuser-charlotte-bennett-sexual-harassment-claims-textbook-abuser/

2. WW ladies – what are some low-point treats like licorice? All I have so far is Tootsie Rolls — looking for more. Thanks!

   1. I like butterscotch hard candies I get from See’s. They satisfy my sweet tooth.

      1. Similarly: Werther’s and hard lemon drop candies. Or as my husband calls them, my “grandma snacks” :)

   2. Smarties, though IMO they taste like soap.

   3. I don’t know the points but would Fudgesicles count? They’re pretty low cal.

      1. Sugar–free jello and puddings if you have a sweet tooth like me.

3. In my fantasy life where I attend movie premieres and award shows, I would wear a suit exactly like this. I would wear a silk cami under the blazer. In my real life, this does not fit into my capsule wardrobe very well.

   1. I want this suit so much.

      1. Saaaaaaaame.

      2. Me too!!!

      3. Yep.

      4. Not to be an enabler, but I think it would be awesome for the fun events we hope are in our futures. I bought a teal brocade jacket and cannot wait to wear it.

      5. Omg me too. I love it so much.

      6. Gorgeous! Love looking at all the Etro!

      7. Love this !!

   2. I actually love Etro but I usually only venture into their scarves. A full head to toe is, I imagine, reserved for the top tier fans.

   3. This is some Harry Styles nonsense. Twenty years ago, it would have been some David Bowie nonsense. Either way, I adore it. I have no place to wear it, but I’m just glad that it exists in the world.

   4. If I were going to an Indian wedding, I would totally wear this. If I can’t wear a DVF wrap, what chance do I have with a sari? This sparks joy!

      Can someone fwd me this week’s PowerBall #s pls?

      1. Ha, DVF doesn’t work for me at all, but I felt (and looked, if I do say so myself) great in a sari at my BFF’s wedding. DVF dresses are just badly designed I think. Not the style but the way they’re cut just seems to not work for a lot of women.

      2. Lehengas for the win! Much easier than a sari with same bright colors and bling :):)

   5. I think in the right work environment, I could pull off just the blazer with black/navy pants, but probably not the whole thing. I do have some pretty bright blazers (a purple tweed and a bright coral), so I could see it! I think I could pull off just the pants too with a plain top.

      1. I would completely wear it!

   6. My former boss would wear this and look amazing. She’d wear the pants with a patterned top that absolutely should not work but somehow does. And she’d wear it with black and white sneakers.

4. Any ideas for a virtual retirement party? A gift is already taken care of. Other than that budget is zero. The workplace overall is formal and stuffy.

   1. I’ve been to a ton of virtual retirement parties since my org used a big voluntary retirement offer to reduce headcount in 2020. The best ones had people submit short videos in advance talking about the retiree, and someone edited them together into a long tribute. I also attended ones where everyone spoke live about the retiree, but those were generally less organized. Beyond that, encouraging executives to use filters to add party hats and the like really makes a zoom work party feel more festive.

   2. I just finished attending one. The highlight was her family wrote a little story book about her next adventure and her son read it to her grandson who is about 2. Other than that, a combination of spoken and written tributes set to music, a skit that was an interview about the retiree and a couple of speeches. The chat function was used really well and the audience connected with each other through that. It was about an hour and it was great!

5. Hello all —
   A lighthearted recommendation for TV to improve your life:
   (1) Ted Lasso on Apple TV. I am behind the curve on this one and will fully own that. But I binged the series this weekend and it is a gosh-darned delight. Hilarious and witty but so, so refreshing to see a story about a person who is intentionally choosing kindness and compassion. I was entertained, but also profoundly moved.
   (2) Bluey, on Disney+ if you’re in the US. If you have young children this is miles away the best kids’ show I’ve ever seen. Funny and touching and honestly the dog mom and dad inspire me every day to be a better, more fun parent. Not cloying like Daniel Tiger, not annoying like Peppa Pig. Plus so refreshingly modern — the parents are truly equal parents.

   1. Ted Lasso is cute. It took me a bit to get into it, and I think it’s kind of over-hyped but I’m glad I watched it and will definitely watch the second season. I haven’t seen Bluey but have heard similar comments from other parents. I don’t mind DT or Peppa but definitely seem to be in the minority on that one.

   2. I loved Ted Lasso too.

      I’m watching Broadchurch on Netflix now. Kind of the opposite of Ted Lasso, but no one can do a detective series like the Brits (why is that?) and Olivia Colman, well I think everything she does is spectacular.

   3. My kids ADORE Bluey. Also, the episodes are like 8 minutes long, so they’re the perfect bribe for everything in my house.

6. I have a room of a couch and a love seat I got in my 20s (get leather — it lasts). And 3 side tables that don’t really match. And a rug that was given to me and the dog has chewed on. I’d love a new room (the furniture is in B condition but just looks meh in a space I didn’t live in until recently) since I’ve now had the stuff in it for decades. My husband thinks that I should just go to Rooms To Go, but IMO that is for the post-college crowd and definitely worse quality than what I have now. But decorators in my city want $$$ per room and to get all your stuff from them (vs just sourcing things) and only seem to cater to the .01% vs actual people with some $ but not unlimited funds (also: we ruin things, so it can’t be what is locally trendy: tons of white and cream with wallpaper everywhere). Has successfully thrown $ at a primary living room — t and found something not shockingly expensive, overly matchy-matchy (like everything is Ethan Allan circa 2021), and that actually felt like you? Like I’d get a needed coffee table and new rug, but not when I when I want to re-do everything potentially and don’t want to throw more money at temporary fixes.

   I could do this myself, but with a year of zoom schooling, a new dog, and the inefficiencies of extended WFH with family still at home, it’s just not going to happen.

   1. A lot of stores have in-store designer services, but if you want more variety in your selection there are app services like Modsy or Havenly that source from a bunch of stores. I’ve used neither but they maybe seem like what you’re looking for? If you want a local interior designer I’d honestly ask locally on Facebook communities. There are probably a lot of small and reasonable designers people would recommend through word of mouth that don’t show up in google listings.

      Also, just because something is white doesn’t mean that it’ll get ruined. I have a 15 year old white microfiber sofa from Room & Board that still looks like new.

   2. I would do a LOT of browsing/saving on Houzz first. After a while you’ll train your eye what the similar thread is in the photos you like. It is hard to buy furniture until you have an idea of your own personal style. We have an antique house and I joke that my ideal aesthetic is steampunk Sherlock Holmes – which time-wise is about right for the age of our house. In reality that means a lot of ‘maximalist’ touches – deeply saturated colors for walls (deep green, navy, mustard yellow) with neutral main pieces (leather arm chairs, beige couches) in classic shapes (english roll arm sofas, chesterfields, wingback arm chairs) mixed with metal accents/brass.
      My rule of thumb is to pick 2 main colors per room (usually wall/rug color and furniture color) and then everything else is either a neutral (grey or beige), metal, or a wood tone. If you don’t love color skinny it down to one color (blue is pretty safe) and then do everything else in 2 neutrals – say beige and grey. I also find that copy/pasting pictures into a PPT slide before I buy is shockingly helpful (cheap and easy version of a mood board) to see if things ‘go’ together before I buy them.

   3. When I was stuck on what to do with our living room, I went to a local furniture store that carries a variety of brands. For around $250, I hired their in-store design person to help me make some choices and figure out what would work best for the space. It’s not a full-on interior design service, but it helped a ton. Of course we ended up buying most of our stuff there and the fee went toward those purchase, but I feel like we found high-quality stuff without going crazy expensive. Five years later, I am very pleased with our choices, save for one chair (chair is awesome, but I regret my fabric choice).

   4. It may just be a big city thing, but our Room and Board has a design team that was really good. And Room and Board leather also lasts for ages.

      1. Agree with this recommendation. Room and Board also does free virtual design sessions. I actually just did one last week for our living room. Our designer was great. I sent her some pictures of the room in advance and she talked to me about my preferences. She then put together a few different plans and modified those based on feedback from me. We loved many of the suggested pieces and are planning to buy a few.

   5. 10 years ago, my parents redecorates their family room and got rid of paneling, etc. They went to lazy boy. They didn’t buy any recliners, but they had a designer come to the house and prepare a plan for them. She came up with a recommendation for a layout including suggestions for rugs, lights and furniture. I was amazed how well it came together. And 10 years later, all the pieces, including the upholstered pieces have stood up really well.

7. I want this suit soooo badly. It is absolutely gorgeous.

   I applied for a job recently that I’m very excited about. I got an email last Thursday saying they would like to interview me and that somebody from HR would be calling to set that up. I still haven’t got the call and I’m getting so anxious! It’s also been sunny and spring-like where I live this week and I’m just a bundle of excess, excited, jittery energy this week.

   1. Sending you good vibes!

8. Recommendation of the day – Gap high-waisted cigarette jeans. Slightly stretchy slim fit around the hips and thighs, with a straight-leg opening at the ankle. I’m usually a skinny jeans only girl (hello fellow millenials!) but I’m really feeling these for spring.

   1. What wash / rinse did you get? I feel like my dark denim is not really even a spring shade, so I am opening to a lighter shade (but not all the way to what I wore in the 1980s).

9. I live right next to a chain drug store dispensing COVID shots and the neighborhood is generally hospital workers or retirees (i.e., people likely to be vaccinated already). I put myself on the list in the hopes that they have overages and sort people signed up by proximity just in case I’m lucky. IDK if anything will happen, but if the goal is to get shots into arms, possibly I will be lucky.

   1. DH and I got leftover doses at Walmart this way! They didn’t sort the list by proximity but you had to answer your phone and get there within 30 minutes and apparently a lot of people either didn’t answer the phone or couldn’t get there in time, so we got lucky. Fingers crossed for you.

      1. How do you get on that kind of list?

         1. I called all our local Walmarts and got on the list at each store. But the policy definitely varies by state – I tried to call Walmarts in my SIL’s state for her and they said you had to be currently eligible according to the state guidelines to get on the waitlist. That’s not the case at Walmarts in my state.

            1. Again, can we not be coy? It would be helpful to others to list your state when having these kinds of discussions.

         2. hidrb . com is one way

         3. https://www.nytimes.com/2021/03/09/health/covid-vaccine-leftover-doses-dr-b.html

         4. A lot of sites have a list for appointments where you can fill in your info and birthdate even if not currently eligible. If they keep stepping down eligibility by age (50s, 40s, 30s, etc.) that may come into play. But also I’m home all day if a dose would otherwise go to waste and I do think all locally-eligible people have had it already (so if they open a vial for 1 person who is eligible, they will need to do something with remaining doses).

            1. Yeah I’m the one who said above that we got leftover doses at Walmart. The pharmacist told us they go in reverse age order down the waitlist and it just happened that even at 37 we were the oldest people who answered the phone. It wasn’t a huge surprise to me that we got the call, since 50+ in my state is now eligible to make appointments (and there are plenty available) so it’s really only people who are 38 to 49 that would be ahead of us on the waitlist. I know there are lots of states where older people are still struggling to get appointments, but fortunately that’s not the case in my state. (Or maybe unfortunately because I think we have a lot of anti-vaxxers and that’s why we have so much availability…good for me right now, but not good for our longterm future.)

   2. I just got one yesterday through a similar series of events, so it might happen for you too! My spouse was in a small meeting with someone that got a text that there was an overage. We were already signed up for when our turn came, so we just had to get ourselves to the site before they ran out. I did, and now I’m vaccinated.

      …and dealing with the post-vaccine side effects, but I’d rather have those than COVID.

10. To anyone struggling on Bumble, like I have been – remember, you can expand the mile radius for the profiles they show you. This is so simple, but I completely forgot. I live in a medium size city with a large city nearby. I just expanded my search and hello cute + encouraging looking profiles!

11. Any fun gift ideas? For my sister, 36, young toddler at home, small crowded apartment, likes small pretty things, Iceland, and already has memberships to every local outdoor activity. Around $100

    1. Likes Iceland? I actually love the skincare products from the Blue Lagoon.

       1. I had the same thought!

       2. Genius thank you!

    2. Does she have a portable hammock?

12. Ethics opinions wanted. There is a government-run vaccine supersite in my city that is opening. My city is in the 1B phase, which means certain categories of essential workers and under 65 with comorbidities. I should not be eligible yet. I visited the registration page, and checked the appropriate boxes for my specific situation, and it determined I was eligible, even though I am definitely not. The website criteria were overly broad. Am I stealing a vaccine? Does the answer change if a family member from a suburb of my city does the same? Reiterating no false information was ever given.

    1. Omg stop with these questions. Get the damn vaccine if it is offered to you! Waiting around looking at each other is helping no one.

       1. This. Get it don’t – I could give two flips. But the hand-wringing is driving me bananas.

       2. This, please! It’s literally what the public health and medical ethics experts want you to do!

          1. No, you won’t find an ethicist who says jumping the line this way is ok. Most ethicists are saying it’s only ok in the “broken fridge” scenario where a dose would truly go to waste that day.

             1. If she was truthful and was offered a shot, I fail to see how it’s jumping the line. I doubt the vaccine would go to waste because of waitlists, etc. but I’m not at all convinced it would be an eligible person taking her spot if she turned it down. Fwiw, when I got a leftover dose at a retail pharmacy they told me that if eligible people don’t fill the appointments they just walk around the store offering the vaccine to random people – I don’t see why those people are more deserving than OP.

             2. She wasn’t offered! She sought it out and knows she isn’t eligible. It’s like the white people in Marin who were “offered” access codes meant for people of color.

             3. At least in my area, everyone is encouraged to register and then you’re contacted when they have a shot for you. Even if you’re not currently eligible and don’t expect to get a shot soon, there’s nothing wrong with signing up, assuming you’re truthful about age/health conditions/occupation.

             4. “it determined I was eligible”

                Y’all are crazy. Have fun not being vaccinated, hope it’s nice up there on your high horses.

             5. I don’t get this outrage about her “seeking out” a shot. Maybe it depends where you live, but in many cities and stages people are encouraged to pre-register regardless of eligibility. It helps the government determine how many people want the vaccine and what categories they fall into. I don’t think filling out a registration form truthfully is even remotely the same as stealing an access code intended for another individual.

    2. You know the answer to this question. You are not eligible and yes, it would be wrong for you to get the vaccine right now even if a system glitch would seem to allow it. You’ll be able to get it soon. Hang in there.

    3. Why are you assuming you’re not eligible? More people are getting added to the 1B phase all the time. Bottom line, I agree with the above poster. Get your dang shot when it’s offered. Waiting around is helping no one.

    4. You need to wait until you’re eligible. That sounds like a glitch/mistake and it wouldn’t be right to take that vaccine slot away from someone who is eligible.

    5. If you are not eligible according to your state’s guidelines, then no, it wouldn’t be right to get the shot right now. I know that is an unpopular opinion here, but the guidelines exist for a reason (even if they are flawed, even if you disagree). It does not sound like you are in the situation where you have a true comorbidity that is not on the list. You can wait your turn, just like the rest of us, and soon we will all have it.

       1. But people hanging around not getting the vaccine when it’s offered to them is slowing down the process from being able to move on to the next group.

          1. What? She’s not even in the current group

          2. What does that have to do with OP’s question?

          3. She isn’t eligible and hasn’t been offered the vaccine

             1. Yes, she has.

             2. The eligibility rules are incredibly complicated. In addition to varying widely from state to state, the 21 pharmacies in the federal retail pharmacy program are following different rules than the state they’re located in, at least in some cases. If a pharmacy offered her the vaccine, she probably is eligible according to their rules and she should take it, assuming she didn’t lie.

             3. She has not been offered the vaccine. She is actively taking advantage of a broken website system, which is way worse.

    6. If you answered the questions truthfully and it told you you were eligible, I say you get the vaccine. To give you an example, DH and I are college professors and I (truthfully) checked a box that said we work in education when registering on a pharmacy website. The pharmacy is part of the federal government program and I found some CDC guidance that includes higher ed in the educational essential workers category, even though many states (including ours) are limiting it to preK-12. We ended up getting the vaccine a different way, but I would have gotten it through this pharmacy if they’d offered it to us, because it’s a true statement that we work in education. I’m against lying or deceit (eg., smoking one cigar*tte so you can say you’re a smoker), but it doesn’t sound like you did that.

    7. So you are in Philly? :) it is well known that the FEMA registration software was poorly designed.

       1. Not Philly, but yes same FEMA issue I believe. I feel bad for taking advantage of it.

          1. Dallas?

    8. In my state, cities who were in charge of distributing vaccines in their jurisdictions did this when they had enough supply. They want you to sign up if they say you’re eligible. You might when some internet bonus points here for being a martyr but there is literally no other benefit. Get over yourself and get the damn shot.

       1. Lol not being a martyr, I am getting that shot tomorrow! I feel less bad about it now though :)

          1. Ah ok, so you wanted validation or drama or both. Wrong call but I can’t stop you.

             1. She wanted drama. This wasn’t a post in good faith.

    9. Guys, I think the OP here is just mega t r 0 l l i n g you all. This is a classic pot stirring question for this site and I swear, folks have got to start ignoring it.

       1. Sigh. I think you’re right but it sucks since I think a lot of people do genuinely want some opinions on these tricky decisions. This OP clearly didn’t though.

    10. Why not signal-boost the busted system to any essential worker friends or people of color instead? That would be an easy way to use doses for groups that deserve it more (because of disproportionate death and morbidity from COVID) in a case where there’s a system problem.

    11. You are not stealing a shot from anyone. If you can get an appointment within days of registering, then that site has far more doses than people registered. The goal here is shots in arms, and you waiting on yours does not mean someone more deserving will get it instead. If you’re offered a shot, you take the shot.

        If you answered the questions honestly, why do you think you’re not eligible? I’ve seen different locations define different comorbidity requirements. If the form says you’re eligible, sign up. I don’t know how living in a suburb vs the city changes things either.

        My opinion may be skewed, as my city is a vaccine hub for all surrounding rural areas, so residency in the city or county is not a requirement. Also, my city asked anyone and everyone to register, regardless of eligibility. They order the list by eligibility and hand out appointments. It seems to take 4-6 weeks after registration to actually get a shot.

        1. This.

    12. The system in my state is not accurately screening for eligibility. If you aren’t eligible you shouldn’t be getting the shot. Part of how they know whether to expand to a new eligibility group is availability of appointments; if you are taking an appointment before you are truly eligible you are skewing the data on demand for the current group and slowing down process of opening to the next tier.

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