Suit of the Week: J.Crew

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woman in blue suit leans against white brick wall; she has her arms crossed and is wearing animal print boots

For busy working women, the suit is often the easiest outfit to throw on in the morning. In general, this feature is not about interview suits for women, which should be as classic and basic as you get — instead, this feature is about the slightly different suit that is fashionable, yet professional.

Oooh: I've been meaning to recommend the dusty pink suiting J.Crew has, but when I checked out their page today they have a ton of new suiting that looks great. The Willa suiting, above, comes in three neutral colors, and three fun colors: the light blue above, magenta, and burgundy. I like the flared pants (available in both cropped and full length), as well as the classic cut of the one-button blazer.

The suiting pieces come in sizes 00-24 in classic, petite, and tall sizes, and are priced from $198-$298. I love that this blue tweed jacket matches almost exactly (they're styled together in one of the pants pictures), and it hasn't occurred to me to wear a bold animal print shoe with light blue pants before, but I love it.

While you're there… note that readers love this blazer, this blazer, these pants, and their sweater blazers. Also note that they've expanded their size range up to 3X/24! See our full roundup of what to buy for work at J.Crew.

This post contains affiliate links and Corporette® may earn commissions for purchases made through links in this post. For more details see here. Thank you so much for your support!

Sales of note for 2/14/25 (Happy Valentine's Day!):

  • Nordstrom – Winter Sale, up to 60% off! 7850 new markdowns for women
  • M.M.LaFleur – Save up to 25% on select suiting, this weekend only
  • Ann Taylor – Up to 40% off your full-price purchase — and extra 60% off sale
  • Banana Republic Factory – 50% off everything + 15% off (readers love their suiting as well as their silky shirts like this one)
  • Boden – 15% off new season styles
  • Eloquii – 300+ styles $25 and up
  • J.Crew – 40% of your purchase – prices as marked
  • J.Crew Factory – 50% off entire site and storewide + extra 50% off clearance
  • Rothy's – Final Few: Up to 40% off last-chance styles
  • Spanx – Lots of workwear on sale, some up to 70% off
  • Talbots – Flash sale ending soon – markdowns starting from $15, extra 70% off all other markdowns (final sale)

160 Comments

  1. This is a pure venting comment, so skip if you aren’t interested! this past weekend I saw a lot of friends I had not seen since the pandemic, and for the first time was subjected to many questions about when my husband and I would be having kids. It annoyed me SO. MUCH. I even want kids, and probably pretty soon—but right this second is not the right time for a few reasons (just moved cities and have new apartment, DH starting a new business, I am easing into a new role at work, we just had our two years postponed wedding celebration). We’ve worked super hard to get to where we are at right now, and sometimes the questions about when we will have kids feel like they are denigrating our current stage in life. Totally aware that these questions are not meant like that at all, and are just small talk, but it really got under my skin. Don’t ask people this question!!!! Even if you’re a close friend!

    1. No one should ever ask someone directly when they are having kids. You never know what someone is going through in terms of TTC or even if they want kids, but that’s none of their business! I’m sorry you had to deal with that.

    2. It’s even more grating when you’re childfree. Everyone seems to think I’ll magically change my mind and have a crisis regretting my tubal.

    3. +1 million. The only thing I disagree with you on is the “questions are not meant like that at all.” You literally just had your wedding after postponing it for two years, you’re both in new jobs, you’re in a new city, and your friends are asking you when you’re going to start crapping out babies? They are rude.

      You are me from four years ago. I thought it was just “excitement” or “small talk,” but it became apparent that the purpose was to be rude and to run our lives. We first gently explained to people that moving + new jobs + family of origin issues + my general need for privacy = they need to settle down and quit the baby talk. We then firmly explained that to people, who continued doing it. Finally told these a–holes that they weren’t meeting our first kid until it *completely* stopped.

      The firm talks were FIRM. I said things like, “The decision to have a kid is a very personal one. It involves our sexual, physical, health, financial, and psychological states, and none of those things are up for discussion or fodder for gossip. Also, when you’re saying things like you think I’m X weeks pregnant, you’re saying that X-2 weeks ago, we had unprotected sex when I was ovulating. It’s really gross to speculate about my body and our sex life that way.” Someone was so insistent that I was “hiding a secret pregnancy” that I texted her a photo of the tampons in my trash and told her to believe me the first time I tell her that I’m not pregnant. She. Still. Didn’t. Stop.

      1. Okay, I agree with the cajoling about having kids, but this is kind of taking shame around having sex to another level.

        1. Adding to previous response: pugsnbourbon, Anon at 3:26, and Kansas IT Chick are all saying the same thing. These questions are actually about your sex life and aren’t anyone’s business, and that has nothing to do with “shame around having sex.”

        2. I don’t think sex is shameful, but I also don’t want to discuss my sex life with people besides my spouse! I don’t think that’s that weird?!

      2. This sounds like you are acquainted with an unhinged person, or possibly a Real Housewife. I’m sorry that happened to you.

    4. You’re obviously entitled to feel as you do. Personally though, I would find it really unsatisfying to not talk about things like having kids with my close friends. For me that’s the difference between friends and acquaintances. With friends, the best part is sharing and talking about all the ups and downs and even the feelings you’re feeling about wanting kids eventually but not now and what that feels like for you.

      1. I never directly ask though, because you could be touching in something deeply painful before the person is ready to share.

        I am intimately aware of my friends’ fertility journeys, from easy to tragic, but they let me in when they were ready.

      2. Agree – these are things I talk about with my close friends frequently. Not all friends, but certainly with my inner circle.

      3. I get this, but there is a difference between a close friend asking, “What are you two thinking about kids at this point?” and making space for a thoughtful response and having a friend at a big gathering say, in front of a bunch if people, “When are you two going to start having kids?” like it’s a light topic and a foregone conclusion.

        1. Exactly this. Only thing I will add is that if you’re asking questions about people’s reproduction, you need to accept whatever answer you get. A lot of people thought that they were doing us a favour by “asking” very smirky, loaded questions about “when is #2 coming along??”. Being an only child is hard, our kid would want a sibling, these adults always wanted more kids than they could have so they thought we would be happier in the long run if we sucked it up now, grandma wants herself another grandbaby, etc. They’re just trying to help by getting us to have another!

      4. Nope. It’s one thing to be at a one on one dinner with a friend and the topics get personal and it comes up. But people who think they can just bring it up at any dinner party or BBQ in front of other friends and other couples as everyone then sits around commenting about – oh don’t wait too long, or don’t you want kids, life won’t be complete without kids. Nope. And if you’re the one doing this because these are friends not acquaintances, you’re being nosy.

    5. i also HATED those questions. we were married for 6 years before we had kids, which is longer than many, so we got these questions a lot. DH and I each did grad school and moved a bunch and wanted to wait until we were a bit more settled and then we were trying and having trouble… we have twins and everyone wants to know how they were conceived

      1. I never understood why people ask that. What do they expect you to say? “Gee, we had too much to drink at Chili’s one night and forgot the c0nd0m! Good old reverse cowgirl, haha. How about your little Billy, how’d you make that one happen?”

        1. Oh, try adopting and getting the questions about why the “real parents” “didn’t want the baby/kid” “are they really siblings” and “why didn’t you adopt an American child when there are so many who need homes” and on and on.

      2. Also married 6 years before we had our kid and I think most people had given up and expected us to not have one. We actually had quite a few people who asked us if it was an accident, which I also thought was weird given that we were married, in stable jobs, homeowners with a pet, etc., our situation didn’t exactly scream “accidental pregnancy!!!”

        And it never ends. Once you have your first people just ask when you are having a second. We told some friends we’re not going to have a second and they responded “Is [husband] going to schedule a vasectomy then?” JFC, I don’t want to discuss my husband’s balls with you!

    6. I started responding: “we plan to start trying one year after the last time someone asks us when we are going to have kids. And now the clock has reset again.”

      1. I had a friend who responded, “Not today” to these types of questions. She and her husband were high school sweethearts, got married as undergraduates, and had their first child after they were 35. They got a lot of these questions.

      2. I use this with my mother in law. After 11 years of marriage I think she may finally be starting to take the hint now that I am aging out of my childbearing years!

      3. I used the raised eyebrows and would say “are you really asking me the last time/how often we are having s—?” Most people got it on the first response.

        One of the most persistent was in doula training and badly wanted to help me deliver babies (my husband and I are childfree). It took me asking her if I could ask her the last time she had s— before she caught on that what she was asking was pretty personal.

        1. Heck, it’s weirdly personal to want to help *you personally* deliver babies. Like not just that she needed clients and asked you, then asked if you knew anyone once you said you wouldn’t need her, but it had to be you yourself? Shudder.

    7. I hear you. I had to deal with second child questions and comments while dealing with secondary infertility. You’ll either have to find a strategy for not answering them, or you’ll have to flat out tell people you never want to hear those questions again. People who are your actual friends will respect your feelings.
      As an aside, you don’t have to justify or explain -to anyone- why now is not the right time. I’m not even sure why you felt the need to type that part, lol.

    8. I think this question is really inappropriate for small talk. I get the poster above who thinks you should talk about this stuff with your close friends, but that to me is in the setting of having a bottle of wine with my friend, and having Big Conversations. Not casual dinner party talk where someone just throws out the “When” question out of the blue.
      Depending on who asked and whether it really annoyed me, I’d reply with “Without treatment, I can’t have kids.” I wouldn’t tell them the treatment would be removing my IUD. But it shifted the awkwardness back to them for asking the inappropriate question.
      Good thing about being over 40 is that people have stopped asking the question!

        1. Believe it or not, people even asked my husband and me after we got married at the ages of 57 and 68. Our response: “Nah, we’ve already got two 90-year-olds and a 29-year-old.”

          1. well, adoption could work. Probably would be difficult through adoption agencies (although I have NO idea about this, just think it might be) but through family it happens. I know several older couples who are in retirement ages raising kids full time because of family situations. One set adopted their son’s child because of some kind of situation, another is raising the grandkids because the parents aren’t available.

            However I totally agree it’s a super weird thing to ask an older married couple.

          2. I think people just absolutely don’t think before they speak. I guess for some people that’s their standard chit-chat at a wedding. Sheesh.

          3. I think raising your grandkid because the parents are unable to do so is pretty different than choosing to adopt a random child in your late 50s and 60s.

          4. You’re nicer than I am. I would have told them with a completely straight face that we wanted kids and would be trying within a few months.

    9. Wait till you have a kid. Then the immediate question is when you’re going to have another.

      If you’re like my friend who had four kids (to be honest, three planned and one oops) then the question is when are you going to stop? “isn’t that enough kids?”

      People need to shut their F%&*ing pie holes.

    1. I think I don’t like the shoes. I generally love a bold shoe, and I think I am in favor of a light blue suit with something like a cowhide or cheetah print, but there is something that puts these a bit over the top for me. I think this is a season of zebra and other bold animal prints, though, so maybe I am just being a “fuddyduddy.”

      1. True, it’s a bit over the top :) I couldn’t personally pull it off but maybe that’s why I’m into it!

  2. I love the look of Athleta’s Brooklyn Ankle pants, but I really need a petite 16/XL. The petite sizes only go up to 14. Any recommendations for a dupe? I’m looking for a performance/travel fabric ankle pant in black. Not interested in a jogger. The gathered ankle reads to informal for my work.

    1. I have other pants in this brand from Amazon and they’re nice quality. I think the inseam will be a little long for petite ankle length, but you could probably get them hemmed.

    2. I don’t know where you work, but I would not consider the Brooklyn pants to be work attire. Perhaps they look different on the website. I do love them for casualwear and travel, though.

    3. Try the Zella Getaway Ankle pant. It’s not petite but I’m petite and they’re ankle pants on me. Very similar to the Brooklyn and super comfy.

  3. First oncology checkup since the end of treatment today. I am sure I’m fine, but man does being back at clinic make my body want to panic.

    1. Hugs. I am three years out from active treatment and I still get ill driving into the parking garage. One foot in front of the other. And treat yourself when you’re done (fancy coffee, milkshake, ice cream, whatever floats your boat).

    2. Big hug. It’s really hard to separate from the anticipatory dread, some patients even have PTSD. I hope you planned something fun afterwards. It took you a lot of mental strength to get through treatment, you’ve got this!

    3. Hugs. I think it’s a form of PTSD or something. I get really nervous weeks before just seeing the appointment in the calendar. On the day it’s terrible anxiety. I usually try to schedule something fun after to have something to look forward to. Olivia Newton John having a recurrence after 20 years was not helpful to my equilibrium either. With BC you can never say that you don’t have to worry.

    4. Sending good vibes for continued remission/good health. Funny, we spent all day there yesterday – one day we’ll meet. I’m having my six month follow-up on 9/6 too.

      Have you ever checked out TheCancerPatient instagram? The posts are aimed at the AYA (adolescent young adult) group, which includes you but he (I think it’s a he) is hilarious, even though I’m old. And some posts are sad, so sad I cry sometimes, so read with care. There are some posts that might be triggering for some. The poster is an RN who went to nursing school after diagnosis, works in oncology and is dealing with post-cancer health and life issues.

      1. I love that instagram. Also, solidarity Curious. It always feels like my life goes on pause and the doom spiraling around wondering if the other shoe is about to drop is rough.

    5. Thank you all. This community means so much to me. I ended up talking more about pregnancy and The Body Keeps the Score with the NP than about cancer, which was ok by me. It was fine. Bloodwork looks fine. But blegh. Thank you all, again.

  4. The colors are pretty but man, do all those pieces look exceptionally unflattering.

    1. Seriously, right? Maybe it’s because they styled them with real shoes and shirts instead of strappy stiletto sandals and bras and my eye just can’t handle it. But they don’t look good on the models.

      1. Since they still use model-shaped models, I wonder if that means they would be more flattering on a more typically shaped person.

        1. This. You can tell from looking at the pictures that these are not high (or even middling) quality pieces of clothing.

      2. What animal are the boots on the model even supposed to be made from? A Lisa Frank cartoon zebra?

    2. I rocked these kinds of cuts in the aughts as a curvy short person so I’m psyched they’re back. I think it’s more that all of the model poses for the skinny jeans/ankle crops/tunic days don’t work so well with the high-waisted flare and hip-length blazers.

      But cropped flares are an abomination, they all just look like they’re hemmed to the wrong height.

  5. Random church question: if you are church shopping (or visiting, hoping to find one that clicks), has anyone going through that felt like it was weirdly consumerist to you? Like shouldn’t all churches welcome all people (at least of their faith? Not talking about bringing bacon to a mosque)? It might be odd to be the only young person at a church full of retirees. But a newlyweds ministry might mean we all get out of sync fast in ways that hurt (I felt abandoned by my young adults group by the happily pregnant couples when I went from that to being a person who had a gruesome miscarriage). Religion is fine when it is me and god but there are so many issues when you throw the rest of his creation into the mix. (Maybe I need a church more diverse in ages and stages. I don’t like it when even church seems competitive.).

    1. I don’t understand the appeal of church at all. Why do you feel the need to join one?

      1. This is like asking “why do people join groups?” Most people like to belong to a group, and when groups exist they get messy because people are messy.

      2. Presumably because they believe in one of the hundreds of sky daddies and sky mommies.

      3. Not OP but most people join churches because (1) they are seeking community; (2) they believe in service to others and churches tend to be a good way to organize that; (3) they find comfort and support in an active communal prayer life; or (4) they believe in God and their conception of God includes coming together with other believers.

      4. For community mainly, I think. My husband and I aren’t even religious but we joined a synagogue for the community and so our kids could meet other Jewish kids and learn more about our heritage.

      5. I mean, I don’t understand the appeal of rock climbing, but some people really love it.

    2. Nope. I’ve never walked into a church and felt this. To me this says you’re going to evangelical mega churches so maybe don’t do that? Try a Methodist church or Episcopalian.

        1. I am a female pastor at a United Methodist Church in the south and I can sympathize. It wasn’t that long ago that I was church shopping (this is my second career — I used to be a lawyer) and sometimes it is hard to find the right fit. I would encourage you to keep looking and would also stick to smaller mainline congregations that focus on areas that interest you. I used to be on staff at a Methodist megachurch (yes, they exist) and currently serve a small, multiethnic church that leans heavily into outreach ministries. The two churches are in the same denomination, but feel like they’re on different planets. I’m happy to chat more offline if you’d like.

      1. I had this exact problem at a Presbyterian church. It’s congregation-specific, not denomination-specific.

    3. Of course churches should be welcoming to everyone, but the reality is that many aren’t. There is nothing wrong with choosing to invest your time in a place where you are welcome. My family was “unchurched” for about 15 years because we couldn’t find anything suitable. I especially did not want to raise a child in a church that did not live out the teachings of our faith, because attending a toxic church as a child turned me into an atheist until my 20s.

    4. Wouldn’t it be nice if churches weren’t subject to human flaws?
      As it is, it sounds like you’re going through a process of discernment and healing. It might feel a bit like shopping, but those two processes are both considered holy in many faiths. All the best in your search.

    5. As someone who is actively involved in my Church, these ministries are meant to help create small groups/community for people who feel lost in the crowd among the greater congregation and to allow people who have life stages and experiences in common to connect. If you are concerned that the groups based on age/stage of life will (eventually) exclude you, I suggest looking for groups that are based on an activity (so one of the ministry teams – whether for congregational services (ushers, choir, etc.) or or outside services (homelessness, thrift shop, etc.)

      1. Our young couples group was toxic. Guys introduced themselves like they were reading off their resumes. Wives seemed to dress competitively. I attend church as a civilian (not as a graduate of X or an employee of Y or with disposable income of Z). Forgive me for judging. And eye-rolling. And not wearing the right sort of nap dress.

    6. How is it consumerist? Like many journeys of faith, it’s about finding a spiritual home. There is a very broad spectrum of what different churches represent and even within denominations there can be difference between churches. We attend an Episcopalian church here and when visiting DH”s family in another country we drive two towns away to attend a Catholic church with a priest who was a friend of DH’s father because he still allows altar girls and communion for Protestants despite the Vatican edicts to the contrary. But a newcomer to the area would not find that church unless they visited a few different churches in the area first (very catholic area – all the churches are catholic).

      While I personally would hope that many more people understand Jesus’ message as one of welcoming love, I know that unfortunately in many churches that does not extend to full participation by women or LGBTQ+ parishioners.

      1. “While I personally would hope that many more people understand Jesus’ message as one of welcoming love, I know that unfortunately in many churches that does not extend to full participation by women or LGBTQ+ parishioners.”

        I feel like the Venn diagram of people who “understand Jesus’ message as one of welcoming love” and people who belong to a church is two barely intersecting circles. Maybe that is just because I live around a lot of Baptists, but it doesn’t seem like they have a monopoly on exclusion either.

        1. There are different flavors of Baptists (who knew?!). Kiddo went to a program hosted at one (not sponsored by it) and it seemed to have female preachers and be LGBT / BLM supporting. And let lots of community groups use their building for their activities. Major SEUS city with lots of Baptists not at all like this.

    7. I’m always interested in thoughtful discussion of church on this site because people have informed and educated perspectives, which matters to me. I’ve been in many contexts, some religious, where I was the only young person among a lot of older folks, but actively seeking a “young people” church usually means messaging way more juvenile than I’m willing to tolerate. I guess you could try thinking of the core church functions and the springboard to community connections separately and see which one meets your needs better.

      I remember as a young teen going with my grandparents to their city megachurch and being extended the offer of a trip to the in-house church bookstore as a treat. It did not seem like a treat once I realized how awful all the books on offer were. Terrible writing, plots that you could knock over with a feather, but as long as the correct Moral was present it was considered okay and even beneficial. That experience has long been the typification of my issues with modern American Christianity. I would much rather read a “secular” book that is well written and meaningful and even morally pointing about the same direction, than one that is stilted, forced and inane but overtly “Christian” in tone.

      Not sure if any of that helps you, but I guess it was on my mind!

      1. My problem finding a good church is more about education level and lifestyle than age. There are actually a fair number of families with kids the same age as ours at our church, but I am pretty sure there are exactly two other moms with non-teaching jobs and only one of them has a graduate degree. Nobody is interested in the kind of deep intellectual exploration of religious texts and topics that my small group engaged in back in college. It’s all very superficial and dumbed-down and frankly quite off-putting.

    8. Can’t speak to church but mosques have cliques too, as do most groups where humans gather. In mosques in the US it tends to break down by nationality which is a shame because I think there’s a lot of benefit from people from different cultural family backgrounds knowing each other for real – not just in the fake bring a dish from your culture potluck type of way.

      1. I can see that. In the city I grew up in Catholic Churches shook out this way: Slovakian, Polish, Irish, Italian, etc. Some were Eastern Orthodox, etc separate branches but where the population s were too small the Russians (etc) would go to a service of a vanilla Catholic Church (so segregated by ethnicity by time of service). And don’t you dare sit in someone else’s pew.

        We are Episcopalians and got a lot of disgruntled Catholics (often post-divorce, etc.).

    9. Okay, so there are a lot of issues in your post, from the consumer mindset associated with church shopping to feeling abandoned by a prior church friend group to feeling like church is “competitive.” If you’re currently looking for a faith community where you really feel at home, it might help for you to do some journaling or other work to explore what all of those issues are and how to heal from them, as well as to get a solid sense of what the right church for you looks like.

      Focused ministries and groups are intended to create community for people who have a common life stage or interest. Even at a church, not every group will be meant for all people, and I don’t think we should abandon offering specialized support/options for community just because not everyone needs or wants that specialized support or community. That being said, you need a church that offers ministries and groups that are welcoming to you, and so thinking about what kind of church group you *would* want to join may help you find the right place for you. For example, I attended a church where all of the Sunday School classes were life stage focused – 30s moms class, 30s couples class, 20s-30s mens class, etc. – and then there was one “singles” class that was a horrible mix of 24 year old college graduates and 50s something dudes on their third divorce. It was clear that they viewed singleness as a transitory state that would hopefully be fixed by marriage, and so they weren’t thoughtful about it. It wasn’t the right place for me.

    10. Really not responsive to the OP at all, but I recommend the book “Search” about a church seeking its new clergy person and the immediate aftermath. I grew up belonging to a church, have not belonged to one as an adult, and found the thinking and priorities of the search committee members to be interesting. Many who have religious interests, whether participants or not, would likely find it intriguing. There is also a lot of commonality with searches in higher education.

      1. I was also going to recommend this book! I’m not religious and my only church experience was a few years at the Unitarian church as a kid, but that was enough to relate to this book (it’s about a Unitarian church) and really make me think about whether I would enjoy going to church as an adult. I’m also in academia and could very much relate to the search committee experience.

    11. I just go to the service. I don’t even stick around for coffee afterwards or stand in line to exchange chit-chat with the priest. Church isn’t a social scene for me. It’s for my soul.

  6. My view is this board leans high income but fiscally frugal as in buying as little house as possible, maxing out all retirement and non retirement investment vehicles etc. Question – how did you draw that line between saving as much as possible versus splurging on things you want whether it’s a house or a luxury car or whatever? I don’t mean the one time purchase of a fancy watch or vacation, but rather something that’s going to cost you money month to month. Was there a certain number of years where you doubled down and saved and invested hard and then go to a certain age and said that’s it – time to live larger? Or did you always get the things you want as long as you were reasonably saving and investing even if you weren’t as maxed out on saving as possible?

    DH and I are going through this right now as we debate staying in a rental apartment forever or splurging on a townhouse. We are in a HCOL where renting, saving the difference and investing always comes out millions ahead over a lifetime compared to buying a home. And we don’t NEED a house especially since it’s just the two of us without kids and we’re over 40 so unless there’s some major surprise, there won’t be kids. But then there’s a part of us that just wants to live a little and have more space especially now with hybrid workplaces becoming a thing forever and we keep thinking what is the point of saving forty percent of our income and all the other things we’ve done if we never live how we want. FWIW a nice but not luxury TH in our area can’t be had for less than 700-800k within reasonable commuting distances. We qualify for the mortgage but then look at the monthly payments and are like wow our living costs would be 3 times what they are now between mortgage, higher utilities, property taxes, furnishing a place bigger than a one bed apartment though furniture is a one time cost, some renovating which is also one time. We’re both white collar professionals but neither of us is a biglaw partner or anything, so we will never ever have a year where we make 700k or a million. How do you think about this?

    1. I’ll answer since I’m probably different from the majority. My HHI is 170k, we bought a townhouse for 550k which was a bit of a stretch. However we’re childfree which provides a lot of extra disposable income, we live somewhere with universal healthcare, and DH and I both have iron clad pensions so we’re comfortable with the decision. YOLO

    2. My husband and I make a combined $230kish and we’re considering upgrading to a house in that range in the next few years (if/when we have kids). I think the mindset of not buying a house unless you make that in an annual salary is a crazy high bar that the vast majority of people would never be able to reach! I also think saving 40% is admirable but not something I would be willing to do forever. I am the bigger saver in our household, and we are currently saving ~30% of our income (which I would consider relatively aggressive) with the thinking that it’s most important to save aggressively while we’re young due to compounding interest, and that if/when we have kids we will likely have to cut back to pay for childcare costs, the bigger house, etc. If it’s reasonably within your budget (e.g. you can still continue to save a decent amount) and you want to do it, go for it! We all spend SO much time in our homes these days. I would argue it is the easiest splurge to justify.

    3. If you’re white collar professionals, over 40 and have been saving 40% of income for the last decade and a half to two decades, you are well well ahead of most everyone, including many who have earned more than you but haven’t saved or invested aggressively. I’m going to assume that you’d qualify for a home in the million plus range and are being conservative by looking a few hundred grand below that. Assuming that you aren’t touching the investments for the house or at least not all of them, consider that they will continue to grow. I’d go for it. While rates are rising, prices are also declining as is competition in most major markets, so who knows you may be able to get something a bit cheaper than you would have a few years ago and then you can always refinance down the road if you want.

    4. With apartment and house purchases, we always compared to our prior living situation, while factoring in what we would pay on the current market for what we wanted. (So if we needed to go from 2 to 3 bedrooms and it was a gigantic stretch from our current situation, we looked elsewhere.)

      With other stuff, I try to say “how much would I be happy to pay for this on a monthly basis if I could rent it.” Then assess how many years I’d probably be happy to pay this. When my kids were small, we had like a $9000 budget for outdoor playgrounds when we did this math ($25 a month per kid for X years)… so buying a set for $3600 seemed like chump change.

      1. Sometimes I do this in the reverse- eg the difference between nanny and daycare is approx 24k. I ask myself is 2k/month worth it to see my child more (WFH) and the convenience of not doing drop off? And so on..

    5. People don’t solely buy houses as investments. They buy them because it’s their home. When you’re renting, you can’t really count on being able to stay there long-term. I know lots of long-term renters and every single one of them has involuntarily lost their rental at some point. There’s more to it than strictly dollars and cents. That said, as a homeowner in the Bay Area, my house has been my #1 best investment, hands down.

    6. So I’ll bite on this – I’m frugal in some ways but I still spend a lot of money on stuff that makes my frugal parents clutch their pearls.

      I track my expenses religiously and I like to sit with my reactions as I do it. Do I remember that $185 trip to Target? Oh yeah, it means I didn’t have to do laundry every three days because I bought a bunch of back up stuff for my potty training toddler. Oh look, the car insurance just autopaid. Wow that number has crept up – might be time to shop around. We spent how much money on burritos this month? Clearly I need to add burrito bowls to my menu rotation instead of going out all the time.

      Beyond that, I analyze how much of my cash is going to fixed versus discretionary expenses and if we can support our lifestyle on one income if needed. How much am I saving? How much am I donating? When I look at my expenses on an annual basis am I spending according to my priorities/values?

      You can always put more money down on your townhouse if you want to keep your monthly fixed expenses low. For some people this means your cash is tied up in an non-liquid asset. For me it means that we can cover fixed expenses on one salary.

      As for retirement, run some calculators and have some conversations on what your target number is. If you’ve been going hard for quite awhile, then maybe you can ease your foot off the gas.

      1. I think Target has a 3-figure exit fee. It is just how it is. It’s not like detergent goes bad and I just cannot with the madness that is Costco. Plus Target has shopping bags.

        1. For real. My husband would always be like “why did you buy three of X” and the answer was ALWAYS for the $5 gift card and he’d roll his eyes at me. With the bananacrackers inflation, that was like a $7.50 gift card in today’s dollars!

          After all, what else am I going to do with my excess house if not to store the multiples of toiletries I bought because Target asked me to buy today what I could have waited six more months to buy?

        2. If you’re looking for a way to cut back on unnecessary spending at Target, I highly recommend a RedCard. Free two day shipping with no minimum. I order pretty much everything I need from Target shipped to my house. It’s not the most environmentally friendly but it avoids the temptation of the store.

    7. Are you taking the appreciation on your possible townhouse into consideration? Where we are there is steady appreciation so our house is an investment. We bought ages ago, paid off our mortgage, and heading into retirement just have property taxes to pay, which are much less than rent would be. When we can’t sustain the cash flow, we can sell and buy a condo with the equity and cash out the rest.

    8. I’m not the target of this question, and so my comment is nonresponsive, but I am surprised by the suggestion that in a HCOL area you come out millions ahead by not purchasing a home and owning a townhome would triple your living costs. I guess I live in a very different kind of market — MCOL heading to HCOL — as my mortgage with PITA + LPMI for a small intown SFH 2/2 with a big yard is lower than entry-level rent for a 1-bedroom intown apartment. It comes out about even when I add in outsourcing lawn care and the occasional service or repair. And I now have about 40% equity (which of course fluctuates but that is pretty conservative).

      1. That’s the difference between MCOL where likely there aren’t as many apartments and HCOL like NYC or DC or wherever which is loaded with apartments. Also sounds like OP lives in a one bedroom apartment but they’d be looking to buy a likely 3 bed TH, not buy a one bed apartment. Very likely about triple the space. I understand that as they’re specifically looking for more space and also likely looking for a long term situation that they won’t outgrow.

        A few of my financially savvy friends in NYC and DC have stayed in tiny apartments longer than they wanted to often where they had a decent rent deal though not rent control or anything, then looked at what it’d cost to have a house with all the added costs of mortgage, utilities etc, and invested that difference for years and years. When they leave that apartment situation they leave with a fairly hefty stock portfolio in hand, which is much harder to accomplish when every dollar of your early savings is going towards a down payment. Sounds like that’s what OP has been doing to some extent. OP if that’s the case, you can definitely buy!

    9. There are different ways to invest. Choosing a TH could be considered investing in yourselves and quality of life. Having room for home offices could mean more career flexibility down the road, if you thrive in a hybrid or WFH situation.

      I think whether it makes sense also depends on how much you’ll enjoy living in the area of the TH you can afford. You have to want to be in the neighbourhood, not just the house. And do you enjoy a little DIY and small home fixing jobs? A house will mean small projects for life, but you can make everything exactly how you want it to be.

      You don’t have to furnish the whole place at once. It’s okay to have empty rooms or walls. It’s okay to spend years making the TH how you’d like it to be. It’s a lovely luxury to have some extra space that you don’t fill with stuff.

    10. Omg just buy the house already stop being ridiculous! You can very easily afford it. Congrats on being rich and never spending money.

    11. I never comment on the financial posts because I’m far from the norm on this board. I’m not frugal, I think you get one go and should enjoy life. I’m responsible and have a decent investment portfolio but none of my choices are geared to maxing things in the bank.

  7. Had such a great interview for a new job yesterday….really felt like it went well, I had great experience for the job, they really seemed to like me….
    And then they emailed me to let me know they were moving forward with other candidates 2 hours later.

    Job searching sucks.

    1. Ah, sorry to hear! That’s so tough to hear that kind of news. Have experienced where it felt like they wanted to make an offer at the interview, only to get an email that shucks they’re moving on with another applicant. So many unknown factors! Hang on!

    2. My take is that the decision was likely made prior to your interview and they waited to finalize it until after your interview. It’s hard to shine so brightly that you can undo that.

    3. I’m sorry that’s the news, but it’s actually good they let you know now. I have been in too many situations where they drag out the process and keep you on tenterhooks for way, way too long.

      Hugs to you, though. It sucks either way.

      1. Preach I applied for a job at the end of May. I am now on interview 5 and have completed an exhaustive take home test. I still haven’t met the people I would work with day to day. (Huge company.) If I do not get this job at the end of all of this, I am going to be super upset for the massive waste of time in preparing. Feels like I’ve lost my entire summer. A few years ago I had a job not move forward after two interviews that I thought went well and submitting letters of recommendation. (I’ll never put my references through something like that again without a firm commitment or further interview rounds.) It stings when things like this happen. But If the result is going to be the same in the end, it’s better to know sooner than later.

        I’m so sorry though. Interviewing seriously sucks.

  8. I fully recognize that I am asking for a lot of information here, but can anyone point me to solid resources on where laws stand post Dobbs decision, interpretations of the Dobbs decision, timelines, etc.? I am an attorney, have read the Dobbs decision, and am generally knowledgeable about this area of law, but I need resources to use for presentation on this topic to non-lawyers. Presentation will do its best (as will I, though it will be VERY tough for me) to not get too political. Thanks.

    1. I am a lawyer who works on these things professionally and the answer is that no one knows. Truly.

    2. Are you looking to give an overview of each state, or explain the law in your state? Because this varies radically! In many states, nothing changes.

      But in other states, the nitty-gritty of the law is extremely complicated and it’s difficult to guess how things will play out. I’m a healthcare lawyer in a very red state, and we’ve been analyzing these things to death; it’s not easy! And we all agree there’s a lot we can’t predict. You probably won’t find much publicly available that explains it more then superficially, simply because no one really wants to go on the record yet about how the hard cases might work.

      But I will add because you said you want to keep it non-political. I’ve given a few presentations on it to non-lawyers now, and it’s been surprisingly easy to keep politics out. Everyone just wants to know what they should do; they’re professional enough to leave the political out of it.

  9. I hope it’s not too late for some book recs! I want to be emotionally wrecked by a novel. What are your saddest recs?

      1. The Push isn’t really a tearjerker IMO. It’s dark and a little bit of a thriller and I definitely felt a sense of dread in the pit of my stomach while reading, but I wouldn’t say it emotionally destroyed me.

      1. I cry easily, but I actually did not cry at this book. It was SO MUCH that it just felt like emotional overload and made me feel totally numb to all the bad things happening…if that makes sense? I’ve heard it described as trauma p0rn and that description feels accurate to me.

    1. Isn’t this the exact niche of Hanya Yanagihara?
      Never let me go wrecked me, but it’s more a ‘mannered’ sadness. Death be not proud destroyed me as a teenager even though I was on a steady diet of those awful ‘pale beautiful teen dies of cancer’ books by Lurlean McDaniel – the writing was SO unsparing and honest in a way that made it much more immediate.

    2. The Sandcastle Girls by Chris Bohjalian I could not stop reading it and I sobbed at the end.

    3. Angela’s Ashes is a memoir, not a novel, but one of the saddest books I’ve ever read. And the novel, Sophie’s Choice, is gut wrenching.

    4. Passage by Connie Willis. Almost 800 pages, but what page-turning 800 pages! Stunning book.

    5. Not all of these are destroy you sobbing books. Some of them are “leave you feeling really, really some type of way” emotionally wrecked.

      It should go without saying: triggers abound.

      A Little Life. I sobbed. I will never read it again. I think it is an incredible book. But I will never reread it. This is a destroy you book.

      And Every Morning the Way Home Gets Longer and Longer. It’s actually a novella by Fredrik Backman. In like 100 pages he destroyed me. I will also never read this book again. Destroy.

      After Life by Clare Mackintosh. Somewhere in between.

      Notes on Grief by Chimamanda Ngozie Adichie. Destroy? Depends on your experience.

      Molokai by Alan Brennert, although it’s more heartbreaking than sad and then becomes beautiful while also still being heartbreaking.

      On the Bright Side by Hendrik Groen (read the first book first, which is light, though or you won’t get what’s going on.) probably some type of way sad.

      Salt in My Soul by Mallory Smith. Depends.

      Half of a Yellow Sun by Chimamanda Ngozie Adichie. Some type of way probably.

      Dear Justyce by Nic Stone. Destroy you. (First one, Dear Martin, is also good.)

      The Four Winds by Kristin Hannah. Sad but not destroy you sad. Just sad sad.

      The Only Plane in the Sky: An Oral History of 9/11. Destroy you. Best on audio.

      1. +1 on Molokai and his other book Honolulu.
        Anxious People by Fredrik Backman is ultimately pretty uplifting, but made me sob like a baby.

        1. Oh yes – this and A Man Called Ove had me in tears but in a cathartic uplifting sort of way so I don’t classify them as ‘sad’ books per se.

    6. The Nickel Boys by Colson Whitehead. Or the Underground Railroad, same author. These both had me crying in public as I read them. Outstanding books.

      Also, this is non fiction but if you haven’t read it, The Year of Magical Thinking is brutal and beautiful.

      1. I read The Underground Railroad last year and I think it’s one of the most overrated books I’ve ever read. I ended it feeling totally indifferent.
        After my mother passed away this spring, I have read The Year of Magical Thinking, Paula and Death: A Memoir. This latest from Cory Taylor has been my favorite. But none of them have had me crying all the time or leaving me with a bad feeling afterwards. The three of them have helped me during these months to grieve.

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