Suit of the Week: Max Mara
For busy working women, the suit is often the easiest outfit to throw on in the morning. In general, this feature is not about interview suits for women, which should be as classic and basic as you get — instead, this feature is about the slightly different suit that is fashionable, yet professional.
Oh my. Now this is a suit worthy of kicking off the year. I loooove the color, the cut, the pieces together, the pieces as separates… gorgeous. I know we discussed years ago whether colorful suits might age you, but we should probably revisit the topic — my personal opinion is that a single color, matte suit like this (no black accents anywhere, no shiny fabric) is actually quite chic, and particularly when we're talking Max Mara, it's a very lux look — opinions, ladies? The jacket (Max Mara ‘Reus' Peplum Jacket) is $995, and the dress (Max Mara ‘Gavino' Belted Sheath Dress) is $795, both at Nordstrom.
Psst: this similar Michael Kors suit, previously featured, is 65% off now, bringing it down almost to Hugo Boss prices. Here's a teal plus-size pants suit.
(L-all)
Sales of note for 12.13
- Nordstrom – Beauty deals on skincare including Charlotte Tilbury, Living Proof, Dyson, Shark Pro, and gift sets!
- Ann Taylor – 50% off everything, including new arrivals (order via standard shipping for 12/23 expected delivery)
- Banana Republic Factory – 50-70% off everything + extra 20% off
- Eloquii – 400+ styles starting at $19
- J.Crew – Up to 60% off almost everything + free shipping (12/13 only)
- J.Crew Factory – 50% off everything and free shipping, no minimum
- Macy's – $30 off every $150 beauty purchase on top brands
- Spanx – Lots of workwear on sale, some up to 70% off, plus free shipping on everything (and 20% off your first order)
- Talbots – 50% off entire purchase, and free shipping on $99+
And some of our latest threadjacks here at Corporette (reader questions and commentary) — see more here!
Some of our latest threadjacks include:
- What to say to friends and family who threaten to not vote?
- What boots do you expect to wear this fall and winter?
- What beauty treatments do you do on a regular basis to look polished?
- Can I skip the annual family event my workplace holds, even if I'm a manager?
- What small steps can I take today to get myself a little more “together” and not feel so frazzled all of the time?
- The oldest daughter is America's social safety net — change my mind…
- What have you lost your taste for as you've aged?
- Tell me about your favorite adventure travels…
Ohh I love Max Mara. The fabrics are so gorgeous. In my dream life I’d dress head to toe in Max Mara or Marina Rinaldi. But I’m not sure I’d wear a teal green suit.
Question – what’s on your Amazon wish list? I need suggestions for fun items in the $50-$75 range to put on my wish list and I am feeling uninspired. My birthday is next week and my sisters are bugging me to update my wish list. Clothes are out – I’m hard to fit and a natural fiber/ ethically made snob.
A little under your range, but how bout the Buddha Board? Just got one, fun and relaxing. Mine is at home but also good for the office. Sand garden would be fun too. Happy early birthday!
This was on my xmas list (& I got it!)– a co-worker had one & it looked so great! I’m a post-it obsessive person.
http://thewirecutter.com/reviews/easy-gifts-for-50-100-200/
http://thewirecutter.com/reviews/special-gifts-for-your-favorite-people/
Except for the submarine there isn’t anything on that list I would get excited about.
I want the foot warming pillow.
Cookbooks, hardbound books related to my hobby (sewing), yarn (color and number of skeins), other craft type supplies.
Mostly I keep this as a list of things that I want to remind myself of, though. And don’t forget, you cann add non-Amazon items to your Amazon wishlist (there’s a browser extension to do that).
The Food Lab: Basic Home Cooking through Science and the Victorinox Fibrox Chef’s Knife that America’s Test Kitchen recommends.
Actually, I just bought the cookbook and have already made the quick pantry tomato soup. It’s really yummy. I just had it for lunch.
Membership to a museum/activity? That’s something I balk at paying for, but I like to be able to use all year.
Makeup, like the Urban Decay eye shadow palettes. A super wide brim straw hat for summer poolside reading. Cards Against Humanity expansion packs. A cookie press and super nice half sheet baking pans. Upgrading basic kitchen utensils. A designer clutch or wallet.
I always make list for my husband with things that I love to have but always hate paying for- new smoothie cups, punch-card package to gym or pilates studio, back bar size Aveda shampoo and conditioner, personalized portable phone charger, nice leatherbound journal.
I’m having 5-7 friends over Sunday to watch the Golden Globes. I want to make this relatively easy on myself, so I’ll probably order pizzas for the main course, but what should I add to it? I have a day to devote to making snacks, but I’m also open to dropping some cash at Whole Foods or something to put together a good spread.
Any recommendations would be great! TIA.
I’m curious about what other people would do in my position. My husband and I have about $22k in private student loans remaining with interest rates between 3.25 and 4.5%. We also have federal loans of $65k left with a 6% interest rate. I’ve been focusing on paying down other private loans with an interest rate comparable to the federal loans for the last two years. We both work for non-profits, with an annual income of around 75k combined. IBR with loan forgiveness is not really useful to us because it doesn’t decrease our monthly payments and the loans will be paid off in 8 years if we continue making minimum payments. Would you focus additional payments on the private loans at the lower interest rate or the federal loans with the higher interest rate? At my current rate of extra payments the private loans could be paid off in about a year and a half, which is about when we would like to plan to start having children and day care costs will dramatically decrease our available money for extra student loan payments. I initially intended to pay off all private loans first because of the various federal loan benefits, but now that I’m down to just the lower interest rate private loans I am second guessing that decision. Are the federal loan benefits worth the additional interest?
As for IBR, there were a couple posts on Mr. Money Mustache about how IBR or PAYE (can’t remember which one) looks at your adjusted gross income. Thus, you can decrease your AGI by contributing to tax-deferred vehicles like a 401k or an HSA. I’m usually of the camp to pay them off as soon as possible but if you are looking at the difference between 8 years and 10 years, it might be worth seeing what things would look like if you maxed your tax-deferred savings and if that would lower your overall lifetime payments on IBR and qualify you for forgiveness.
Can you refinance your private loans to an even lower interest rate? I also like the Dave Ramsey suggestion to pay off your smaller loans first. Even if that makes less sense mathematically it’ll give you fewer items to deal with later when you’ll be swamped with small humans.
Yes, when the interest rates aren’t dramatically different and the federal loans have potential benefits (like the ability to defer if you lose your job) that the private don’t, I’d go with paying off the private loans just so you have only 1 bill to deal with instead of 3 – Dave Ramsey is right that it just feel so good to pay off a loan! Or maybe you could throw everything at the 4.5, then the federal, then the 3.25?
This is also assuming all of those rates are fixed. Interest rates are going to go up, IMO, it’s just a matter of when and how fast, so if any of those rates are variable then I say that needs to be the priority.
Although if you are planning to have kids in the near future and don’t have 6 month emergency fund and/or will have enough money saved up to take more than the bare minimum 6 week maternity leave, I might say priorities would be
1) emergency fund
2) private loans
3) public loans
My husband and I were in a similar financial place to where you are now, and all we have left to pay off is our public loans, and honestly, even at 6% we are not priotizing them – we are actually working on paying down our mortgage and increasing our emergency fund over that, because if we had a crisis, we could defer our loans – but there is no deferring a mortgage.
This might be unpopular, but I would pay off the highest interest rate loans first. If you can, refinance those loans to a lower interest rate. You’ll have a lower monthly payment, OR you’ll pay them off faster (or both). For example, SoFi has plenty of protections similar enough to the federal protections that I was comfortable re-fi-ing most of my loans with them.
I completely agree. If you aren’t using the benefits you’re just spending more money on nothing by not prioritizing the highest interest rate.
This makes the most sense to me, too. Just curious: what are the benefits of paying off private loans/not refinancing the federal here? Is it just the protection of being able to defer if needed? The public interest loan forgiveness?
Yeah – Private loans don’t have any of those protections.
Are you sure that you mean IBR in addition to the Public Interest Loan Forgiveness Program? There is some type of income-based repayment system that requires 25 years of repayments. However, combining IBR and PILF is available to non-profit workers, and the repayment period is 10 years.
There have been great discussions about finance lately. I’m wondering if any of you might share how and how much you budget for groceries? Here’s my family’s situation: We are a family of four with two little ones. We are a completely gluten free household (my husband has Celiac’s Disease and is very sensitive to any gluten). We spend…1600 a month on groceries. That amount excludes pet food and eating out (which we don’t do because of the Celiac’s). We make and eat dinner at home and bring lunches. I’ve tried clipping coupons but that doesn’t seem to make a dent worthy of the time it takes. What could I be missing here?
Costco?
One thing I use is Ibotta. It’s a smart phone app where you activate rebates on things you buy. It includes no name stuff like bananas too. In the beginning it was a pain because I’d have to watch videos to activate. I’d just mute them. Now I’ve moved up in it to just tapping basically. I’ve been using it a couple months when I remember and I’ve made back $35 so far. Target has something similar called Cartwheel.
For Ibotta, use this referral code and get $10 – ncnelrw. They have gluten free things on there too!
As another gluten free and dairy free household, I don’t think you are doing that bad. Try to cut back on the gluten free replacement foods though and just eat stuff that is naturally gluten free. I know that is hard with kids but I try to make the cookies/crackers/ice cream sandwiches treats rather than regular purchases.
I don’t have kids yet and was wondering if there would be any detriment to keeping my gf/df household if they didn’t also have the reactions. It would really help prevent me from getting cross contaminated. At the same time, I don’t want to make them be gluten free if they don’t have to be. What did your pediatrician say?
Yikes! That does sound like a lot. Are you in a HCOL area? I’m in a fairly expensive metro area, but can get myself by on $50-$75 a week eating a paleo diet (less when I’m not…. hello, rice and pasta), so that just sounds like so much money to me.
Do you do meal planning ahead of time? Buy anything in bulk? (I’m a single female and I find things even I can buy at Costco!) Could you maybe share some of what your family likes to eat on a regular basis?
Seriously curious…how do you do Paleo on $50-$75 a week? When I eat Paleo, I spend over $150 per week in meats alone. Yes, I’m single also.
Meal planning, judicious portion control, sticking to the plan, and a lot of eggs.
If you’re like our family – kids snack foods add up quickly. We try to buy cheerios and other snack type cereals in bulk instead of the small packages of snack puffs for kids/babies.
Agreed. Similarly, avoid gluten-free copy-cat products (ie, sliced bread) since they tend to be very expensive – instead, buy naturally gluten free snacks and products and flours. (I have family members with Celiac’s and have had to eliminate wheat as part of an allergy elimination diet).
We spend ~$600/mo for family of 5 (more like 4.5 – one is very young). That’s everything aside from take out ~2x/mo.
We used to spend more than that for just myself and my husband, because we bought organic meats and produce, high end cheese, wasted a lot of food, etc. What helped cut down the cost was (a) shopping at three stores, one lower cost store for most items and one higher cost store for only the items we needed there, plus Costco for the things that we use frequently and much cheaper (b) meal planning! We only buy what we will use, and (c) eating less meat. Plus the standard recommendations of buying in season, less processed, and prioritizing organics, although I honestly think the a-c did more for cutting the budget.
We are a three-person household (one huge-appetited baby, me, spouse who eats A TON) and spend around $450, which includes all three of us bringing lunch every day. We do cook meat but only once a week or so, so we make it “fancy” (organic or as close to it as possible). We splurge on fresh produce which is why we spend what feels like a LOT to me – it’s probably a little higher in the summer, a little lower in the winter due to the quality of produce available. What kinds of things do you eat? Would you be okay eating simpler meals? We eat oatmeal or other cereal/milk for breakfast daily (sometimes with frozen or fresh fruit), leftovers or simple lunches (sweet potato with toppings, cottage cheese/homemade muffin/fruit, sandwich etc.), and often eat a grain bowl with roasted vegetables, beans/tofu/meat and some kind of sauce (soy, yogurt, salsa, hummus etc.) for dinner, or pasta, or quiche, a big salad, homemade soup etc. With the baby we now eat more frozen veggies too.
Same Anon here. We also don’t buy snack foods that are marketed as such, other than individual yogurts, or foods designed for babies. Also don’t buy sweets to have on hand except for (a) chocolate and (b) my spouse sometimes buys small ice creams.
That seems incredibly high to me. We spend about $400 a month for two people and don’t really budget or use coupons at all. We don’t buy super exotic things like lobster, but we buy mostly organic dairy and produce and we typically have steak once every week or two and salmon at least once a week, so it’s not like we’re on a pasta and rice diet.
Where do you live? I know in HCOL places, NYC especially, grocery prices can be significantly higher than in cheaper places.
It’s not couponing exactly, but if you drive a car and your grocery store has a fuel rewards program (Payless, Kroger, Hy-Vee and others all do), make sure you’re using it. We save a lot of money on gas that way.
Where are you shopping? Even if you care about buying all organic, I’ve found that the “regular” grocery stores are a way better deal than Whole Foods or the like. You can buy the same amount of stuff, all organic, at pretty much any regular grocery store and your bill will be half what it would have been at Whole Foods. Safeway and a lot of other grocery stores have their own organic lines that are significantly cheaper than “name brand” organic lines (but are certified USDA organic).
We live in the Northeast. I try to buy in bulk, especially the gluten free stuff, which is crazy expensive. We avoid Whole Foods, except for special occasions (Thanksgiving and Christmas dinners when I need random, unavailable GF weird ingredient). We plan out our meals, and try to stick with one grocery store visit per week. I think it is crazy high, but my husband says that he can’t see how we could do better.
Is it possible you could cut down the bill by avoiding GF specialty stuff and just planning meals that are based around meat and veggies and don’t include gluten or gluten replacements? There are a lot of food bloggers now who are focused on gluten free cooking.
GF is indeed crazy expensive, and a lot of it is not terribly healthy for non-celiac family members (think pretzels made of CORNSTARCH instead of whole grains). If you are looking to cut costs, can you move away from GF packaged and prepared foods towards more home-cooked dishes that aren’t trying to mimic gluten-containing foods? For instance, pack husband a salad for lunch instead of a sandwich on GF bread, or get a spiralizer and make zucchini “noodles” instead of buying GF pasta. This is how a very frugal GF family member handles it.
Yeah, gluten-free substitute products are expensive. If you just cut out the foods traditionally made with gluten to begin with, it forces you down a somewhat healthier path of veggie, etc substitutes.
Yes, I was going to recommend this as well. GF bread, for instance, is crazy expensive, unless there is some source for it I don’t know about. So especially if your family is relying on things like GF bread for the kid’s daily PB&J, that is going to add up really fast, instead of making naturally GF meals. Or looking at the GF substitutes as special occasion treats, not daily items.
This might be a case where it’s worth looking at couponing for only your very most expensive items, and/or bulk buying and storing or freezing the ones that are shelf stable. For instance, if GF bread freezes well (no idea if it does or not) and you can find a source that cuts the price by 1/2 to 1/3, it might be worth it in the long run over the years to buy a chest freezer and freeze a ton of GF bread bought cheaply, instead of buying it every few days from the local grocery.
That said, I think everyone else is also correct that the number isn’t insanely high if you aren’t ever eating at restaurants, and especially against the alternate of paying for a lot of medical expenses or missed work if your husband or son gets sick from not being super careful with their diets.
Not necessarily a cheaper path, though.
Fresh veggies are expensive, but not as expensive as gluten-free bread.
I would like to move to less GF substitutes. I think that is something for us to focus on going forward.
Re: spiralizing veggies, I got a spiralizer attachment for my kitchenaid forchristmas and it is awesome.
yes! Zucchini in a fry pan with ANYTHING (laughing cow cheese and chili pepper is my go-to)… absolutely awesome, fast, healthy meal!
+1 Also, keep in mind that you and the kids don’t necessarily need to be eating the GF foods, so if that’s the expensive part of the bill, maybe limit the GF-speciality foods to the person who needs it (if you aren’t already). You may need to be careful about food prep spaces if you are doing GF and n0n-GF foods, but that should be a minimal cost (washing the cutting board and knife between GF and non-GF foods, for example).
That may mean making two pots of pasts (one regular, one GF), but it’s up to you whether the time is worth more or less than the cost of the food.
Everyone I know who has a family member with true Celiac disease (not just doing a fad diet) keeps the whole house completely gluten-free. Apparently it’s incredibly easy for people to get sick from cross-contamination and it’s not just a matter of washing the cutting boards. If they’re avoiding restaurants because of his disease, I’m sure they don’t want to introduce gluten into the house.
I’m speaking from what I’ve seen from my college roommate (we are not in college anymore) who has Celiac’s (as does her grandma) and her family (spouse and kids) does not eat GF. I think they do focus on having foods that are just naturally GF, to avoid contamination and the hassle of making multiple meals (so, meat and veggies), and she’s doing a lot of the food prep so she can track what is going where.
Restaurants are crap at the cross-contamination because there is so much going on in the kitchen with mulitple cooks and multiple, which are different conditions than are happening at home. I’m not saying everyone can/needs to do it that way, but it is an option.
Even individuals with Celiac’s have different levels of sensitivity and reactivity. Some people with Celiac’s can handle very small levels of exposure (i.e. eat foods that have been processed in a facility that also processes wheat, barley or rye) and other individuals will react to even that same small amount. Unfortunately, my husband (but not my son) is incredibly reactive.
Regarding restaurants, we eat at two in our area: in one, the owner also has Celiac’s, and the other is a very high end restaurant that keeps different equipment.
We are squarely in the camp of no gluten in the house. It is incredibly easy for my husband and son to get sick, even with strict precautions, and the fall out just isn’t worth it.
Do your kids also have Celiac’s (I didn’t see that in the original post)? Because the strict elimination of gluten from the diet can make anyone sensitive to gluten when it is reintroduced. But continued exposure should get a person acclimated. If Celiac’s is not currently an issue for the kids, you might consider not being as strict with them, so they do have chance to acclimate to digesting gluten, which they are very likely to run across in everyday life.
My son has Celiac’s as well. My daughter does not, and I try and introduce gluten into her diet on a limited basis when we can. Yes, you can become sensitive to gluten if you go without and then eat it again, but that is worlds apart from the damage that Celiac’s causes to internal organs and the increased risk of cancer with exposure.
$200 per week for two adults and one kid in elementary school. This includes groceries only. Beyond that, we go out for dinner once a week, husband and I each eat lunch out about once a week, kid eats school lunch two or three days a week, and kid and I usually go out for a snack or treat once a week. We brew our own coffee.
We shop at Trader Joe’s plus a regular grocery store. Organic milk, butter, and certain produce. Non-organic yogurt and cheese. Vegetarian-fed, antibiotic-free, preservative-free non-organic poultry and meats. Wild-caught frozen seafood from Trader Joe’s. About half of our dinners are vegetarian. I cook most dinners from scratch but do rely on some Trader Joe’s frozen meals.
A few months ago we were at $250 per week despite the fact that I was already planning out all dinners before shopping. I was able to cut the bill by $50 per week by no longer keeping basics like lettuce and tomatoes on hand unless I had a specific plan to use them, planning meals to use up every last bit of bunches of produce and jars of stuff, and not buying packaged foods ahead of time (e.g., ooh, I like this sauce and it’s hard to find so I’ll buy three bottles while I see it … a year later, two bottles still haven’t been used and are now expired). I would really like to get it down to $150 per week, but that’s a tall order. We spend about $50 per week just on milk and yogurt, which is non-negotiable and would leave just $100 for everything else. To get it down further, I think we’d have to stop eating so much fresh produce and rely more on convenience foods.
What are you buying? Do you know? What are you throwing out?
That’s a very high bill. As annoying as if is, probably helpful to start keeping all your grocery receipts and writing down everything you buy and the price in Excel for a month might really help.
Do you meal plan? Shop with a list? Eat everything you buy?
But I think knowing what you are getting is the first step in figuring out how you can cut.
If you shop at Wegmans and sign up for an online account with your card, you can get all of your receipts online in electronic format and export it into a spreadsheet, etc. Not sure if other stores do this, but if you hate saving receipts it is very convenient.
That sounds high, and others have given good suggestions here. But I think how much you can/should cut your grocery budget depends on your overall food budget.
I’m reading these posts for ideas to cut my own budget, so I’m not suggesting mine as a good model. Our grocery budget is about $850/mo for 2 adults. I also spend about $250/mo on diapers, formula, and food pouches for 1 baby. DH and I both spend money on lunch out, which adds up to $450/mo, and we spend about $400/mo on takeout or restaurants. All that adds up to almost $2000. I’m guessing that, with a celiac in your family, you guys eat fewer lunches out and get less takeout than many people. So when comparing yourselves to others’ numbers, make sure you’re comparing apples to apples.
Oh that’s a good point. We don’t eat out, get take-out, buy lunch out, etc., so the 1600 is our total food budget.
Oh that’s a very different question then! It’s still a little high, but way more in line. I said we spend only $400 a month on groceries, but it’s probably more like $800-$1200 on food each month.
Yeah, I’m not terribly shocked by the number. We are a family of 4 without dealing with the gluten issue, we’re in the neighborhood of $1400/mo all in for groceries + eating out.
It seems like you’re already being very mindful about what you’re eating, so agree with other people’s suggestions to be careful of waste, look into buying staples in bulk if you’ll use ’em (e.g., from costco), etc. I think the health issue is going to mean that you’ll always run a higher budget than average, but the limited dining out probably helps!
So, as others have suggested, there are ways you could spend less. But my impression is that preparing 21 GF meals for 4 people every week is already a lot of work and takes a lot of discipline (even though it’s worth it for some members of your family to not get sick). Maybe the convenience items and GF substitutes are worth it within your budget, just like takeout once a week and a meal at a restaurant once a week is worth it in mine. As someone said this morning, as long as you can afford it, there’s no “good” or “bad.”
As I said above, though, I’m trying to reduce my overall food budget, mainly by taking my lunch to work and reducing takeout.
I actually think that this may not be all that insanely high for four people who NEVER eat out and who shop organically for a special diet. It probably could be lower and there may be ways to cut by more closely monitoring what the money is being spent on, as others suggested above.
For reference, my crew consists of two adults, one child in LCOL. We eat out about twice per month and the SO eats his lunch out (I eat at my desk). We spent about 800/month on groceries (the 800 does NOT include SO lunches out or eating out). We eat almost all organically, and I eat gluten free (although my other two do eat gluten, so its not exclusively gluten free).
I coupon for household and personal items and often get those way discounted through couponing/buying them on sale at stores other than Whole Foods-type places. If you’re willing to buy those at somewhere other than whole foods (you may have said that, sorry if I missed it), you probably would be able to cut back there.
I agree that it doesn’t seem all that high. My grocery bill for a family of 4 (kids are big-eating teens), all organic produce and meat, is about $300/week. But my husband and I also buy lunch frequently, which probably adds up to $100/week. We rarely go out to dinner.
We spend $200-250 per week for our family of 5 (Me, my husband, 15 year old girl, 7 year old boy, and 4 year old girl). We all take our lunch, eat breakfast at home, and dinner at home 5-6 night a week. We usually go out to eat one night a week and occasionally pick up the local taco place’s family pack of tacos or something one night if it has been a long day or something.
I buy lots of things in bulk at Sam’s Club–oatmeal, dried beans, rice, pecans. I also get some of our meat and produce here. I also get cleaning supplies, soap, etc. here as well.
If you’re regularly buying alternative-grain products to avoid gluten (as opposed to just going grain-free), you can actually deduct a certain amount of the difference between G-F and glutinated products at tax time.
(Or at least there used to be an IRS deduction; I never took advantage of it because it was too much of a hassle saving all those grocery receipts, so I’m not an expert.)
But I feel you. Eating G-F is hella spendy.
I believe some of the excess celiac food costs may be tax deductible. Might be worth looking into that.
You can deduct the cost difference between GF and regular food. You need a note from your doctor as well. The easiest way to take advantage is with you FSA – otherwise you only get to deduct the amounts over a certain percentage of your gross income. It’s fairly high so we rarely hit it. For what it’s worth – family of 2 and we spend about $550 on groceries/month maintaining a gluten free household.
Do you eat a lot of prepared or processed foods? If you’re buying gluten-free bread, I’m sure that adds up… but then again, if that is what your family truly loves to eat, it’s probably worth it. You can look at low-cost gluten-free foods and try to include more into your diet, like dried beans and things like that. You could probably make a lot of soups or stews or chilis for a low cost.
RE: soups, stews, etc, the author of “A year of slow cooking” (both the webs!te and book) keeps gluten free, and while a handful of her recipes have been misses for me, a lot have been really good, or good with a few minor tweaks. That might be a good way to stretch your food budget, if you can stock your freezer with a lot of good “go-to” meals so you don’t wind up relying on gluten-free convienece food, which I could imagine would be quite expensive.
For instance, we make her chicken enchilada chili pretty regularly and freeze it in small portions, and it also works very well with a little cheese as a burrito filling (we usually use flour tortillas, but I bet it would be good in corn tortillas as well).
$200/week for 2 people, no kids, excluding eating out, so your #s look fine to me. I realize this is high, but I have no problem with it. I like to eat. I like to cook. I do a weekly run to Whole Foods because its produce and meat are much better, and supplement with random runs to the local mini-store, which is probably very overpriced, but a lifesaver when you’re busy. My view is if it’s in your budget, and it’s working for you, there’s no huge reason to change it.
Gluten free is expensive. That is my budget x 4 (I’m by myself). However as a fellow celiac not much choice.
We get paid monthly, so we do a big shop at the beginning of the month. I have a wipe off calendar and I sit down at the beginning of the month and plan out all of our dinners around night activities, meetings, travel, days I expect to work late, etc. I try to plan meals that use similar ingredients near each other, and make things that will create lunch leftovers at the beginning of the week. Then I do our big shop, and only buy fruits/veg for the first week or two. I try only to go back to the store for fruits and vegetables once or twice during the month. (I’m not counting special trips to the store to make a fancy dinner instead of going out on a weekend night – that I file under going out).
This has helped us tremendously with sticking to a grocery budget for several reasons: 1) I waste fewer vegetables because I can plan to use things that will spoil faster, like broccoli, earlier in the week, and I only buy for 1-2 weeks (I can buy fresher in summer so can get 2 weeks out of stuff); 2) I don’t end up getting take out because I don’t get home and wonder what to make and then realize I don’t have some of the ingredients or need to defrost something; 3) I can space out more expensive items like meat or fish, so I’m not constantly buying and replacing.
I keep a running list of meals in evernote, and consult that to decide what to have in a given month. I also keep my shopping lists in there and recipes.
I have a similar bill but I’m in a more expensive country. I found the biggest savings are on eliminating processed food – for example eating rice instead of rice crackers (or making your own almond or rice crackers if you have the time) and oatmeal instead of boxed cereal for hot cereal and home made granola (made in a huge batch once a month or so) etc. My family is too busy for homemade bread but my friends pre-mix their flour at home in large batches (you can buy direct from mills etc and if there is a Mormon dried food store where you are quantities of beans and oats and stuff are often a awesome price) and then taught their kids to use the bread maker. They do the same for pizza etc whereas I tend to make socca or other flat bread.
Wanted to give The Hive an update on the former saga with me, the unavailable and emotionally distant BF, and the repeated blow-out fights we were having.
Well… after the last major blow-out (the one where I drove to his place in an emotional mess and argued for hours – and then he stopped talking to me for days thereafter) – we did not speak for about a week. He eventually did reach out, much to my surprise (and I’m sure most of you, too). We had a pretty candid conversation for the first time ever during which he expressed fears of being too vulnerable, getting hurt, or being abandoned by me if he were to fully open up and trust – most of which stem from his issues with his mother (I believe).
Something about that conversation really allayed my fear. I was able to see/feel/hear that he does care about me, that the behavior is not reflective of him not caring or not being into me, and that it’s more paralysis by fear than anything else. This, in turn, has calmed my inner panic about not hearing from him while he’s at work or reading into everything as a sign that “he doesn’t care about me”.
Long story short – it felt like the pressure was let out of the pot. There have been no blow-outs or arguments whatsoever since then. I do not feel that heartache I used to physically feel often enough. Without me asking or questioning, he calls me every night to catch-up on our day. We spent all the holidays together and he just booked our first vacation (Tulum, Mexico). And…. his level of contact, affection, and adoration is pretty close to how it was in the very beginning (barring when he is neck-deep in a deal at work or when I’m out of town for biz). I’ve actually never gotten along better with anyone. Just last week, he mentioned “window shopping to see what a joint home would look like”.
Here’s to hoping that our “meeting of the minds” is what we needed to get back on course and that I was not totally off my rocker when I really believed and invested in the idea that he is my “one” (whatever that means).
Happy 2016, folks!
Oh honey. You deserve so much better than this guy, but I’m glad you’re feeling happier right now.
Yay! I am glad thing’s are better with this woman, but b/f you cruxify the guy, remember that they are entitled to have SOME probelems, as none of us are perfect. It is ONLEY when the guy becomes such a mess and so much worse then the woman that the woman should pull up steak’s and loose the guy (or as Rosa says DTMFA).
In this case that is what I did with Sheketovits, who was a total drunken mess. This guy has alot of issues, but this OP does love him and probabley is very romantic with him. Beside’s she says he has some good point’s and that is a good thing. Finaly, it is often the case that whatever schlub we are dateing is the best alternative we have, so we stick with him even if he is imperfect and schlubbey b/c no one else is on the horizon willing to tickel our fancy. There may be some of that goeing on with the original OP (It’s me again).
So, unless the original OP has another guy waiting in the wing’s to sweep her off her feet, it is best she try and do her busness with this schlub. YAY!!!!!
I feel like people over suggesting therapy have ruined it for those that really need it. Wasn’t the day you drove to his house after he asked you not to just like 2 or 3 weeks ago? So one week of not talking which means you haven’t had a blow up in 2 whole weeks and you just had your first ever candid conversation where you diagnosed him with mommy issues. Snark aside take some time for yourself- you seem really over invested in this and I am worried if something goes wrong you won’t have the tools in place to handle it.
I am so glad you’re feeling happy! Do us all a favor though? Don’t go from blow out fights to house hunting in a month. They’re basically the same behavior- running to extremes instead of just having a normal relationship. Don’t be afraid to say “oh, yeah let’s not window shop for a joint home yet. Way too soon.”
You’re right – and I said just that. Let’s keep up the good work for at least a half a year… and then window shop.
It feels good for now and I’m hopeful. So we shall see!
But I appreciate everyone’s support, feedback and thoughts!
I don’t want to rain on your parade, but be careful with this one. He doesn’t sound stable. Please don’t waste you time and 6 months is a really long time to give him, especially considering you didn’t speak for a week. That sounds crazy to me. Don’t think of it as keeping up the good work for at least half a yea…and then window shop. Think of it as I’ll see how we are doing in a week/month.
Right. This.
I have had pretty severe feelings of insecurity in my current relationship that have led to pretty dramatic freakouts on my part. I’ve been reading your posts but didn’t want to comment because I was worried about judgment from the hive. Things have settled down after dating my boyfriend for over a year but I just wanted to tell you – the best thing I ever did was go to therapy. It basically gave me a safe place to freak out and helped stabilize my feelings overall.
Glad you’re feeling happier now!
Yes… I started seeing a therapist and it has really helped me to realize that we are both operating from a place of really serious fear. Knowing that helps me to put things into context. In me being a little more vulnerable, he is able to be a lot more vulnerable, and we are finding that common ground where he’s not running away and I’m not chasing after him with a theoretical stick.
I’m glad you’ve read and kept up with the story… I’m hoping there won’t be any more dramatic freakouts for either of us!
Just to weigh in on the other side of this because I see a few negative comments above…
When I met my current boyfriend (of 6 years), I was definitely the emotionally distant one. I had some abandonment issues from my father that I never dealt with, exacerbated by my previous ex leaving me to move to Abu Dhabi. (Which is sort of privately hilarious to me, because I always think of Abu Dhabi primarily as the place where Garfield was always trying to send Nermal, a place by definition always far away.)
From my experience, I’m glad that you are happy and supportive with this guy, because sometimes people are “the one” but have some issues and baggage that might need a little working through. Occasionally I see comments on this site that quickly advise people to give up on relationships because things are tough or complicated, and I’m so glad that my boyfriend was patient enough to stay with me while I worked through a few things. I hope you continue to work together and improve your relationship.
Something to consider though – my relationship with my boyfriend didn’t TRULY solidify until I got some therapy for my other issues and worked through my abandonment fears. Over the course of our relationship, my mindset went from, “It’s not okay to love him, because he’s just going to leave,” to “It’s okay to love him, because he promises he won’t leave,” to “It’s okay to love him because I DO love him, and even if he does leave, I will survive.” It sounds like your partner is arriving at the second phase, which is good progress but not the finish line. Also, my boyfriend was absolutely my rock while I was getting my therapy and working through those things, and hopefully this is an important step in building enough love and trust in your relationship that your guy will feel the same.
Not to make light of your situation, but that makes me think of Chandler “moving to Yemen.”
Hahaha – no worries, it has been several years now and I am completely over it!
I saw that episode again within the past year and did think of this situation. It actually sort of made it funnier. Also, tip of the hat to my friends who managed to keep a straight face through all of my sadness about this, because I have to imagine that on one level, my whole drama with this guy was hilariously absurd.
Thanks, “Anony”. It helps to hear some positive encouragement. :)
I tend to agree with the other posters — I’m glad you are feeling happier, but the red flags that were there before are still there. Even when you’re at the top and it feels exhilarating, you’re still on the roller coaster and that’s really no way to live.
It’s great that he’s shared that his behavior stems from his mommy issues or whatever, but knowing where bad behavior comes from doesn’t excuse bad behavior. It just provides a starting point to work on correcting it. Bad behavior is still bad behavior, whether it comes from abandonment issues or just being a jerk or whatever. Hopefully he will get some therapy, too, so you can both work on being healthier partners to each other.
But this is how emotionally abusive/manipulative relationships work. Things are great, then there are little things that build into a catastrophic blowout, then you’re both shellshocked and resolve to be better and calm and everything is great again for a while and “so different than before”…until it happens again. And again. Get out now, for your own good.
This! 100 times this.
This is textbook behavior for a guy with abusive tendencies.
Also, I can’t help but comment that, when it comes to relationships, you should really be focusing more of your attention on his *actions,* not his words. Anyone can say anything to anyone (and someone charming can sound darned convincing saying it!), but the proof of who this guy (or any person) really is will be their actions. I wasted years of my life on multiple guys who talked a good, sympathetic game about their broken pasts and their mommy issues and how they were just “afraid to really be in love/vulnerable/whatever,” and I let that fuel my savior-complex-fantasies about how *I* would be the good, smart, kind, loving, special woman who would heal them of their past hurts! And then we’d live happily ever after! (Because Disney!) And each and every one of those relationships ended in spectacular blazes of horrifying glory (and one turned abusive before I left). Because the guy was saying he was oh so sorry and oh so in love and he just needed *patience* and *understanding,* while he continued to behave exactly as he had before – his words were right, but his actions were basically saying “whatever, I do what I want.”
Do you know how I knew my husband was a keeper? Because we had a recurring fight when we moved in together, and when we talked it through, he realized it was happening because he had an unresolved issue, so he WENT TO THERAPY AND RESOLVED THE ISSUE. Those are the actions of a man who wants to heal himself so he can continue to be a good partner to the person he loves – doing actual things to actually heal, without turning it into his partner’s burden! Everything else is just so much hot air.
Ok so the blow up where he asked you to stay away and you frantically showed up to his house screaming was what- 2 or 3 weeks ago? Subtract a week of no talking and you’ve had no blow ups for… one week? Maybe two? And now you are window shopping for houses. Sure sounds great
Yassssssss.
My husband and I are thinking about spending a week or so in Copenhagen in early April. Does anyone have any recommendations in terms of where to stay/what to do? Anything that surprised you about visiting there? We are looking at airbnb rentals, since it would be nice to have a kitchen.
We did a canal cruise and that was really fun – definitely my favorite thing.
It will probably still be awfully cold in early April. I visited in January and really didn’t like it all that much (I know, I know, I’m the only person ever to dislike Copenhagen) but the main reason was the weather and the fact that we hadn’t planned anything in advance so we followed my normal Europe plan of “wander the city and take pictures”…which is great in 70 degree weather and awful in 30 degree weather. I would definitely do research in advance and plan a list of indoor activities you can do if the weather is bad or if it’s not comfortable to walk around for long stretches of time.
Thanks! We live in northern Minnesota (think, Canadian border) so we have a pretty high tolerance for cold. Will have to plan to dress accordingly, though!
I think you’ll be fine with the cold. I studied abroad there (while studying in upstate NY) and found it a bit warmer (the sea has a temperate effect). By April, though, MN will probably be having volatile spring weather where it’s sometimes 70, and KBH will almost definitely not be.
You aren’t alone. I went in late October and didn’t love it for similar reasons. It was just starting to get dark early and I was adjusting well to it (even though I was coming from Berlin so not a whole lot farther south). It is hard to wander a city just to explore when it’s cold and dark!
Definitely have plans (and look into what is open and closed – a lot was closed when I was there). The canal cruise is excellent – it was my favorite thing as well.
We were there in the spring (late April). Stayed in an airbnb in Kristianshavn for a few days and then at Hotel SP34 for a few days. Personally I thought they were both great areas, both very walkable, and it was nice to see two different neighborhoods. Nothing “surprising”, hospitality is very good, everyone speaks English, etc. We did a canal cruise which we loved. We also went to Tivoli which was a lot of fun. Actually you can’t go wrong, everything we did we liked. I would go back in a heartbeat. It was chilly but you warm up when you’re walking around.
We went for a few days in late March a few years ago. It was cold but we had the right clothes are were fine. If you like design, I recommend Designmuseum Danmark and shopping at Hay. For food, we liked Geranium (up there with Noma in terms of price) and Manfred. Also the Mikkeller bars are the prettiest I’ve ever seen, if you like good beer.
I also went in January once and yeah it was really cold. The Carlsberg brewery was a fun day out. Good chance to get inside and out of the cold. And not insanely expensive to drink there (unlike the rest of the city). Have a great time!
So, I was there in college, which was quite a while ago, but – I loved visiting Karen Blixen’s (aka Isak Dinesen, author of Out of Africa) house. We went to “Hamlet’s Castle” as well, and it was beautiful. We did both in the same day using train transportation, so they must be fairly close??
If you’re a foodie, go to Noma. Third best restaurant in the world (never been myself).
+1 Never been but Noma was on my bucketlist (I say “was” because it’s closing at the end of 2016 and I am definitely not going to Copenhagen before then). Friends who are big foodies loved it. Reservations might be really hard because of the impending closure though, and there are a ton of other Michelin-starred restaurants in Copenhagen. It’s supposed to be a great food city, even though Scandinavian cuisine does not have a reputation for being especially delicious.
I recommend this every time, but Bike Copenhagen with Mike is an awesome bike tour.
Hire a bike and cycle around – it’s a great city for that. And duck across to Malmo for the day – the bridge is very impressive and there’s nothing like seeing another new country.
Oh, and take shoes you can walk in – cobbles are awful if you’re not used to them.
April will be iffy weather-wise, but the odds are more on it being damp than freezing. Do pack something decent and waterproof. And a scarf. Oh, and lots of money. I spend time in both Oslo and Zurich regularly, so I’m not unfamiliar with expensive cities, but Copenhagen is right up there, particularly for decent food and drink.
+1 We went to Malmo for the day and it was a lot of fun. Very cute little town!
Does anyone else tend to speak in a higher pitched voice when you’re nervous, particularly over the phone? I always cringe when I hear myself. That’s not my voice! Why do I do that??? Any tips on how to improve this?
Fwiw, I’ve worked hard to slow down my speech. I’ve tried to apply the same strategies to my pitch issue but I still get tripped up.
Yay! I am glad thing’s are better with this woman, but b/f you cruxify the guy, remember that they are entitled to have SOME probelems, as none of us are perfect. It is ONLEY when the guy becomes such a mess and so much worse then the woman that the woman should pull up steak’s and loose the guy (or as Rosa says DTMFA).
In this case that is what I did with Sheketovits, who was a total drunken mess. This guy has alot of issues, but this OP does love him and probabley is very romantic with him. Beside’s she says he has some good point’s and that is a good thing. Finaly, it is often the case that whatever schlub we are dateing is the best alternative we have, so we stick with him even if he is imperfect and schlubbey b/c no one else is on the horizon willing to tickel our fancy. There may be some of that goeing on with the original OP (It’s me again).
So, unless the original OP has another guy waiting in the wing’s to sweep her off her feet, it is best she try and do her busness with this schlub. YAY!!!!!
The issue isn’t that your pitch is high, the issue is that you’re nervous. Smile on the phone. It comes through the receiver and it relaxes you. I also write down a script if I’m nervous. Use a handset phone if you can -cell phones are uncomfortable to talk on.
Agree with Baconpancakes–it’s not your pitch. It’s your breath support. Sleuth the internet for some breathing and/or singing exercises.
thinking about adding on a trip to montreal in march. we live in a warmer climate, so real winter is a novelty, but with that said, will there be fun things to do? and are we at risk of getting snowed in?
yes & yes
Lots of fun things to do, but you’re at risk of getting snowed in and at risk of being their for the melt. It’s not an ideal time to visit.
If you are looking for winter novelty, Ottawa’s Winterlude (in February) or Quebec City’s winter carnival (January-February) would be good options. Montreal in winter can be just a cold, windy, slushy city… in winter… there are less “winter celebrations” to enjoy (spoken as a Toronto native – another cold, windy, slushy city in winter).
Meh, I live in one of the cities mentioned. You might get snowed in, in terms of your flight getting delayed, but that is not the end of the world either, unless you absolutely have a huge meeting or court case the day you are supposed to be back. Weather delays from here (because we are used to it), don’t usually last very long.
All three of the cities mentioned have winter festivals, but mostly in Feb. It can be unpredictable in March. 3 years ago I was walking in to work in shorts and a t-shirt in March. Other years we can have freezing rain in April.
Recommendations for a classic, petite-friendly trench coat? I’m 5’1″ and somewhat busty. All the attorneys looked so chic in their Burberrys at court this morning, but I always feel like stuff either has too much going on, is too tight, or too long when I try things on at the store.
I got a good petite trench from LL Bean a few years ago that looks pretty classic and fits over a jacket. Check out their site – they’ll probably still have it!
Ooh, they have one right now that looks great and simple. Only in navy though, will have to keep an eye out for one in a different color. Thanks for the rec!
I’m 5’1″ and busty but with narrow shoulders, and as much as I love LLBean products, I don’t fit them well as the shoulders are always too wide. I’ve had recent luck with Lands End and a very old Eddie Bauer.
The key is to avoid flaps and epaulets. That stuff is just too overwhelming on a small frame. Search “trench” at Nordstrom and you will get lots of trench-coat-like options.
Thanks for the tip! I think avoiding epaulets is a big one for me – that’s a good way to weed out losers quickly.
Depending on your size, did you try Burberry kids?
I’m about 2 inches taller but have had similar issues. Two that worked for me: the Jcrew Factory Petite Trench (out every season, not sure about the regular JCrew trench because they didn’t have a petite option to try in store when I looked and the reg. size was too overwhelming) and a DKNY petite trench coat. Both are the classic variety but cut well for a smaller frame.
I bought the Calvin Klein petite hooded single-breasted trench coat earlier this year. I am 5’2″ and overweight. I’ve been looking for a flattering trench coat for years, and have tried on dozens, and this is the only one I’ve found flattering on my frame. Granted, if you’re shopping Burberry, this is going to be well below that price point. I live in a warm climate and only need a coat about 30 days of the year unless I’m traveling, so the $100 price tag worked well for me.
Thanks for the rec – CK has a couple promising options. I’d rather not pay Burberry prices if I don’t have to, but at this point I will if I can just find something I like!
The blogger Extra Petite always has really detailed reviews on stuff like this. I think she spent a long time looking for a trench coat. Even if you don’t get the one she did, I think her reviews are still really helpful in how to evaluate fit, how to get things tailored, etc.
Jinx.
Haha, I’ve followed ExtraPetite for the past five years or so, so I’ve seen all her many trenches, but she starts with expensive pieces and then gets them extensively tailored, so I’d rather not follow that route if I don’t have to. I’m starting to think I may though…
Whatever the blogger Extra Petite wears. She has a great trench coat.
It’s Burberry. He!la $$$$
Brooks Brothers also has a petite-sized classic trench that would be worth checking out.
I’m a 5’2″ hourglass and have a Michael Kors trench I love.
Second the Micheal Kors petite trenches. I’m 5’1″, hour-glassy, and the proportions are great.
Awesome! I’m hour-glassy as well so I’ll check them out.
Nordstrom has many petite options, Banana Republic and Ann Taylor also come out with petite trenches now and again.
If length is your only problem even with a petite size, Nordstrom’s alteration service should be able to shorten the sleeves and hem for you (choose plain buckleless sleeves for easy alteration).
My problem is that I’m both short and skinny, so nothing would fit except for the one Burberry style that’s slim-cut. Paid $1800, got them shorten the sleeves for me (they altered from the shoulders as a rule to keep buckle details pristine), and I seriously don’t regret a dime of it. It goes with almost everything… jeans, dresses, and I get complimented every time I wear it out.
Has anyone else watched Man in the High Castle yet? It’s an Amazon original, and available free for streaming or download to Prime members.
Just wanted to highly recommend it and discuss, if anyone’s seen it. I think the premise is so interesting.
We’ve watched about 3 episodes and have really liked it. It’s intense so I can’t watch more than an episode at a time (also, I’m old and need to go to bed at a reasonable hour).
I loved it.
Yes! So good.
For anyone unfamiliar, the setting is North America in the 1960s, but in a world where the allies lost WWII. The Nazi Reich controls everything from the Rockies to the East Cost, and the Japanese control the West Coast. The Rockies are a neutral zone.
Thanks for the rec. I’ve read the Phillip K. novel it’s based on and it’s a very interesting story.
Thanks for mentioning! It looks good, I might start it tonight. Other recs for shows streaming free on Amazon? I was planning to start The West Wing from the beginning but just saw it’s no longer available for free :(
Recent shows I have really enjoyed (I am current on/have finished all of these): VEEP, Parenthood, Parks and Rec, Mindy, Good Wife, Casual (Hulu), Girlfriends’ Guide to Divorce. I started Transparent on Amazon and wasn’t a huge fan of the first couple of episodes but I will probably watch a couple more before I give up completely.
I’ve traditionally used Netflix more, so I don’t have many other Amazon recs. But if you have Netflix, I’ve really grown to like New Girl (which I thought was annoying at first), How I Met Your Mother if you haven’t seen it, Arrested Development.
The Americans is also another original series that is good
I really like Bosch. Unfortunately, I’ve only been able to watch episode 1 of the Man in the High Castle, because I’m not the primary owner of my Amazon Prime account
I’ve seen the first three episodes and really like it so far! Can’t wait to see where it all goes.
I just finished the first season. I was loving it and then it sort of went off the rails at the end.
Really? I still liked it a lot at the end. I somehow really like Fuhrer John, even though I know I shouldn’t.
I can’t wait for the second season.
What are your favorite fashion blogs?
OK, shameless plug for my blog that just started (theofficerblog dot com), but I also have a “links to love” page on my site with lots of other great blogs I follow. A lot of them are regularly cited on this blog (ExtraPetite, Caphillstyle), but there are quite a few I don’t see on here as often, so if you’re looking for new reading you should check it out. And I have new guests posts starting on my blog next week!
Oh, I follow so many! This is the only one I really comment on, but the rest I have on my RSS reader feed. Mostly casual/business casual, and they skew a little bit younger. I love Franish, Blue Collar Red Lips, Alterations Needed, Anne in Residence, Sarah’s Real Life, Work Clothes I Suppose, and Putting Me Together.
Extra Petite is just so cute. That category doesn’t apply to me, but she puts together things really well (if you don’t mind a bit of prep).
Agree. I’m the opposite of petite (5’11”) but I use her blog for style inspiration. I will say the quality has gone downhill in the last year or so for me, as pretty much everything is now sponsored and I feel like she is trying to make it more of a lifestyle blog, and she’s had a fair amount of posts about non-fashion stuff, including her wedding and home decor, which is pretty boring to me.
Agree with others above re: Extra Petite and Blue Collar Red Lipstick. They’re pretty much complete opposites in terms of aesthetics, but I enjoy both. EP is perfectly curated and aspirational, while BCRL is more real, thrifts almost everything, and takes more risks.
I also love Girls of a Certain Age. It’s Kim France’s blog — she was the first editor of Lucky for ten years. She just has such a cool point of view. It’s not like the other blogs mentioned here in that she’s not posting daily outfit photos or anything, but she posts a great mix of interesting links and products.
Sorry to post twice in a row but wanted to poll the hive for honest responses…
How many of you have a regular handle you use, but post anonymously when you’re either 1) asking a question you think might be embarrassing/annoying/naive or 2) responding to someone’s post in a controversial/mean/snarky way?
I’ll admit that I sometimes post anonymously for the first reason. Just curious how common this is on this site, since we have so many anonymous posters.
What’s the going rate for a full-time+ (50 hrs/week) nanny where you live? Do you go by an hourly rate, plus 1.5x for anything over 40 hours?
NYC. Seems to be $15/hr. from what I’ve been told.
It’s $12-15/hour here. Generally you will get Filipinas and other recent immigrants at the lower rate (and we love our Filipina nanny and pay her $14.50 an hour, but many of her friends make $12-13).
Canadian born nannies don’t seem to answer ads until the higher end of the range.
SF Bay Area
$17-$25 hour, plus time & a half over 40 hours/week
Oh my god. I guess it has to be that much so they can afford their rent?
Here it is $12-$15/h. In the lower end of the range you will only get Filipinas or other recent immigrants (or here on a live in caregiver visa). We love our Filipina nanny. We pay at the higher end of the range but many of her friends make in the lower end. Native-born applicants also ask for the high end of the range.
Chicago area. $13-15/hr take home pay for a nanny caring for 1 baby. Typically raises annually to the tune of $0.50-1/hr, plus $1-2/hr when you add a baby — as a result a long-time nanny of 2+ kids can pretty easily be over $20/hr.
PDX
For one kid, $15-18/hr.
If 50 hr/wk is expected, my impression is that it’s usually accounted for in the flat hourly rate, although I’m sure various arrangements are made.
In case it’s a helpful data point, I was babysitting in NYC last year semi-regularly (2x a month) and the going rate was also $15 an hour.
Someone asked yesterday and there weren’t a lot of responses so I wanted to repost –
What are your favorite life hacks?
Mine – housekeeper every other week, nespresso machine, nighttime laundry, showering at night, wet hair in a bun for bed (gives me great waves in the morning). For travel I have a permanent travel kit that has my toothbrush, hair ties, travel size things, etc., so I know anytime I travel I won’t forget anything. Also when I was a NYC subway commuter, working/emailing on my commute to get those extra billables.
Always, always, always, always put my keys at the front door. No matter whether I’m at my house, my parents’ house, my boyfriend’s house – if I am somewhere I’ll be sleeping overnight, keys go by the door.
Dry shampoo. Buying duplicates of the things I feel silly having two of but always want to have in my car/purse, like the exact lipstick or hand cream I love. Buying tons of phone charging cords to keep one in the car, one in my purse, one at the office, and one by my bed. Frozen salmon burgers in the freezer (TJs, so delicious, probably terrible for me but whatevs). Multiple lightweight purse “organizer” bags (I think they were originally makeup bags by Sonia Kashuk) in different sizes to move from one purse to another and be able to easily find my hairbrush/concealer/tissues/hairpins (bag 1), pens/headphones/USB cord/sunglasses (bag 2), or ibuprofin/pepto tablets/safety pins/band-aids/tea (bag 3) without hesitation.
I can’t wait to not be a student any more to get a house cleaner.
+1 for duplicates. I got a second set of the make-up I might touch up at work and my hairbrush. Given how hectic mornings are at our place, not worrying if those things have gone bag to bathroom and back again saves on stress and on running back and forth (and getting distracted).
Also took advantage of the fact our kitchen has an insane amount of storage for its size and purchased enough plates etc to get us through between housekeeper visits. I hide them in the dishwasher and she figures out what can stay there, what’s a handwash etc. Totally indulgent but it was a constant source of fights and the solution works for us.
Related for keys – keys I need daily (house, car, work) live on a carbiner, and that gets clipped to my belt loop when wearing pants, or purse if I’m not. Or if I am somewhere unusual and carrying a bag I don’t usually carry (ex: at my parents house with laptop bag) the cabinet gets clipped there so I can’t leave them behind. The rest of the keys I don’t need daily either live on our key rack at home or in my purse – I don’t carry them on my regular keychain.
Small men’s wallet with only the bare minimum number of cards in it, again, rest live at home or in a separate wristlet in my purse.
My phone for every freaking thing i need to remember. LastPass for all passwords (including my kids and some of H’s) and all kinds of random stuff like what model refrigerator, DVD player and vacuum cleaner we have so I can buy a new water filter, remote or bags when I think of it. Google contacts for phone numbers, addresses and birthdays.
Google calendar for everywhere I need to be. Time blocked off is not just the appointment time – it’s the time it will actually take, including travel and buffer. For instance, title: Dr Jones appt, 3 pm; time blocked off: 2:15-4:45, with a reminder alarm at 2:00 so I wrap up (and sometimes a reminder 24 hours before so I don’t forget).
I assume I’m going to forget everything an write everything down, and/or email it to myself.
Trained my direct reports that if they didn’t email it to me and/or put it on my calendar its as if they don’t ask/tell me about it. “hey boss, can I take off early on Friday?” “Sure, just make sure to put it on your calendar and send me an email about it”. Working on training my husband to do the same, but he’s not so good about it :-)
Meds I need to take every day live in my purse, because otherwise I will leave home without taking them, or get to work and say ” did I take my XYZ pill today?” but won’t be able to remember and won’t want to risk a double dose.
Phone and laptop chargers both at home and work so I don’t have to remember to unplug and take them back and forth.
Canned soup, giant conatiner of oatmeal and jar of peanut butter at work for days I forget my lunch or don’t want to go out to eat.
Only own black socks and white socks, and they are all the same so I don’t have to match them. Hanes socks from Target with the “easy match” color coding system, so my 4 year old wears the ones with red words, 8 year old wears green words and I have either blue (boys large) or pink (ladies) words. H is on his own for laundry so he can have whatever socks he wants.
Split my direct deposit between 2 different banks, so that all $ for fixed monthly bills (mortgage, student loans, daycare, etc) is automatically direct deposited into a separate checking account where those bills are auto-deducted from.
Maybe this is obvious, but I’m drawing a bit of a blank when it comes to writing thank you notes for baby gifts we’ve gotten from people that I’ve never met. Some are from Mr. AIMS’s colleagues, others are from friends or coworkers of our parents. I want to acknowledge the gifts but it feels weird to write, “Dear Frank…” to someone I’ve never met. I’m probably overthinking this and the key is to just send a sincere acknowledgement but any tips would be appreciated.
This feels too obvious, but can’t Mr. AIMS write those ones?
He can’t. I mean he could but he already thanked people in person and says it would be weird to write a thank you note based on their office culture. But because I am a woman and the mom I think it’s still expected that I write one.
Dear Frank,
Thank you so much for the Sophie. Baby Aims loves chewing it and I think it’s adorable.
Happy New Year,
AIMS
Right? My favorite thing about little cards is you only write one sentence and it fills up the paper appropriately.
This is a good script to follow. I would sometimes try to give a little unique connection to the item, if possible. I wouldn’t overly think it and certainly didn’t do it in every card, but for example, we got a dress that looked very similar to a dress I had as a child. So I said that I was happy to have something that reminded me of my old dress. Or a favorite book, etc.
Also, it still leaves me with the issue of how we write thank you notes to the nice lady my mom works with, etc.
I think you can’t really go wrong with Dear Ms. Lastname. It is formal, but you don’t know the lady so you aren’t really on casual terms with her. I’m sure she will just be happy to receive the note.
Also, smash the patriarchy!
+1 – if you thank in person, notes are not required. They know you got the gift and were appreciative.
I love you WK.
Is that really true that if you thank in person, notes are not required? Under that theory, couldn’t a bride skip thank yous for bridal shower gifts because she opened them at the shower? If you thank a friend in person for a wedding gift, are you really excused from writing a note? That would be awesome (thank yous are the bane of my existence right now) but I don’t think most people follow that rule.
Nooooooo. Sorry. You or your partner have to write the notes.
Wow. No. Your husband writes the thank you note for gifts from his friends and coworkers. You are not Bettty Draper, this is not 1959. No excuses
Oh come off it, the idea that every task has to be divided exactly 50/50 is absurd. My husband doesn’t write Christmas cards or thank you notes to our family & friends because I’m the one who wants to do them and he really dislikes hand-writing things. He does lots of other chores around the house that I don’t enjoy, including traditionally female tasks like cooking and cleaning. I’m sure Mr. AIMS is the same way.
OP was complaining about having to write them to people she doesn’t know. OP’s husband knows these people. OP’s husband writes the thank you notes = problem solved. It wasn’t an issue of dividing tasks 50/50- it’s an issue of husband knowing coworkers.
The issue is – it’s Mr. AIMS’s friends, and it’s stressing out AIMS because she doesn’t feel comfortable addressing a stranger by his first name. This isn’t a 50/50 issue, this is a “who should do this task due to the current situation” issue.
But he doesn’t feel a thank you is necessary; she does. It’s a gray area whether it’s required, and she’s the one who feels it’s important. It makes sense to me that she should do it.
They’re not even suggesting 50/50, just that he writes notes to his people.
Is it a grey area, though? I’ve honestly never heard of the “in person” rule unless it’s family. Emily Post agrees.
http://emilypost.com/advice/thank-you-notes-to-send-or-not-to-send/
I’m sorry but… really?! First of all, if you have thanked someone in person you either 1) don’t write a thank you note at all– not what I would personally do, or 2) write a thank you note, even if you’re the one who verbally thanked the gift giver.
You are not the only one who had a baby. I completely disagree that youe husband shouldn’t write the note, and I think it has nothing to do with office culture.
Without going into too much detail, it would be considered weird if he wrote them by the people who would get them and I think it might be considered slightly rude if I didn’t write them to acknowledge the gift. Agree this is a double standard as no one I work with would ever expect a thank you note from Mr. AIMS for gifts they gave our baby, but it is what it is. That said, I could probably omit those cards all together except that, yes, I always send thank you cards so it’s more important to me than to him. He doesn’t care if I do or don’t.
Either way, we still have to write thank you’s to family friends we don’t know and honestly while we could split those 50/50, he would just write “thanks for x thing, we like it” and I want the note to be a bit more charming than that so unless I want to write it for him to sign, it just seems easier to do myself. I chalk this up to “I care about this more, I’m better at it, so I do it” and the gender roles on this don’t bother me. I have zero concerns about whether our relationship is unequal or if this is somehow going to set me on the path to becoming Betty Draper.
” says it would be weird to write a thank you note based on their office culture. ”
I reallllllllllllly wanna know what office culture this is.
+1 Get Mr. Aims to write notes to his coworkers.
For the rest:
Dear X,
Thank you so much for your gift of the [baby monitor]. We are sure that little Julia will love [preparing for the surveillance state.] It was sweet of you to think of us and we appreciate your helping welcome our daughter!
Best,
AIMS.
If they’re friends or coworkers of your parents, it’s appropriate to err on the side of being more formal. Or ask your parents what the person in question would prefer. If they’re colleagues of your husband or friends/coworkers of his parents, your husband should be writing the thank you notes.
Colleagues of your husband I would have no problem as addressing “Dear John and Sue…” Basically if your husband calls them by their first names, I see no reason why you shouldn’t too. Friends of parents is where it always gets tricky for me. I still feel like I should call them Mr & Mrs even though I’m in my 30s and they would probably be fine with me calling them by first name. Did they include a card? If so, address them how they signed the card.
Friends of my parents are now first name to me, but parents of my friends are Mr and Mrs until I am invited otherwise.
And no, neighbor, I am not happy that you introduced your kindergartner to me by my first name. That’s MISS GOLDIE, thank you very much.
Aims. Get it together.
Dear Frank,
Thank you do much for your good wishes and the fluffy pink bunny! We look forward to using it with baby.
Best wishes,
Aims
Ha, thank you! I agree – I am completely overthinking this. Probably because when I have the free 30 minutes to spare for this, I am too tired to want to sit down and compose notes. This is a very helpful template.
Yes, if I have learned anything about thank you notes, it’s that it’s far better to just get it done than to agonize over a lovely note that will hang over my head for weeks and then may never get sent. If you can’t think of something lovely in a minute or two, then just pound out the basic nice note, and it will be fine. You just had a baby! (or are about to have a baby!) People will understand!
This is a little off-topic, but I wrote a thank-you note to my boss and his wife, a federal judge whom I have never met, for a baby gift. I’m on a first-name basis with my boss but had no idea how to address his wife. So I addressed the card to Firstname and Judge Lastname. It was probably wrong, but I hope that if they noticed at all, they found some humor in it.
That’s wonderful. In my experience, judges wind up being called “Judge” as their “first name” frequently, or even called Judge So-and-so in informal convo, so I doubt it seemed super off :) (citation-my grandfather is a judge, I worked for a judge). I thought my grandpa’s name WAS “Judge” when I was little….
haha I knew a judge that I thought was named “Judge” too!
when I gave my coworker a baby gift, his wife wrote a thank you card to me which I found very nice, not odd to have it “Dear Emily” even though we hadn’t met because coworker called me “Emily”
first name and sign it from the both of you, with his name first.
Thanks all! I appreciate all your comments.
What’s the playlist y’all recommend for adults with ADHD?
Spotify “productive morning” is the one I learned from here or on AAM.
Spotify “songs for editing” by Stephen Thompson is another one that works for my ADHD self
Either Pandora or Spotify or Amazon Music (or all, I can’t remember because its just in my “playlists” bookmarks) has a list or category of lists called “Classical for studying” or “classical for reading” or something like that that I also use.
Thank you! I ended up punching “study music” into spotify and finding some good stuff. I don’t have ADHD but it’s still hard to concentrate when my co-workers are being chatty! Thank you.
Thank you as well! I ruined an ipod that had an EDM podcast from the 2000s that I liked, and have been at a loss. I type faster when music drowns out typing sounds.
Has anyone else been reading the “Pink Ghetto” series on Above the Law? The stories are obviously disturbing, but I don’t see any real purpose in publishing them. If the goal is to shock, they may be effective, but I don’t see how they can help anything be improved because they don’t actually suggest any improvements. Maybe they are raising awareness, but a minute reading the comments is just depressing.
Also, several of the emails have an “Ellen” vibe to them. I feel like it would be much more compelling if the series focused on the true everyday sexism that the average man engages in without realizing it rather than on trying to find the most outlandish stories.
I recently put together a permanent travel kit and it has made me so much easier than I would have imagined. Along the same lines I’ve starting “splurging” on travel size items of the things I use– I used to consider them a waste of money but they’re just so convenient.
Putting a full garbage bag/cardboard boxes/anything else large that needs to get thrown out/recycled at the front door as SOON as I notice they get full (garbage) or unpacked (boxes). Our trash and recycling chutes are on the way to our elevator. Especially during Christmas seasons and with a small apt, this is the only way to keep cardboard from piling up and driving us insane.
Packing lunch and setting up my coffee routine (chemex and kettle) the night before.
I put all my packing stuff into a basket (travel toiletries, dopp kit, packing cubes) and it is really helpful to have that all in one place.
Oops, meant for APC above.
Buy Go Toobs – you can decant your regular stuff into travel size silicon tubes, which are way cheaper than travel size items
+1. Also make a habit of refilling them as you unpack from a trip, so they’re always full and ready to go when you need them.
When I was on the road constantly I had a suitcase with travel sized duplicates of all toiletries, spare stud earrings, extra chargers (I was forever forgetting to add them the morning I left), old workout clothes, pyjamas and a belt I rarely wore. That way, if I got sent on the road suddenly, we had a family meltdown when I was packing, I was distracted I really only needed to manage clothes and shoes. If I had something special to go to hopefully I was paying more attention but it let me pass as on top of things, even the times I wasn’t.
I’m new-ish to running (have been doing it for about a year) and was able to get down to a consistent 15:30-45 mile by Halloween when I ran my first 5K at 48:something, but I typically only do 30 minute runs at this point. My goal for this year is to get to a 45 minute 5K or roughly a 15 minute mile, so not cutting down a lot, but definitely an improvement of some kind. Any advice from other runners on what specific to focus on? Should I focus more on increase speed with shorter runs or increase stamina in some way with longer runs? Or a combo of the two? I had started running with a Couch to 5k program and really liked having that structure in a app that told me when to do certain things, so if there’s a program/app that would help with this, I’d love any recommendations.
TIA!
Check out Hal Higdon’s plans
Probably both. What’s the general structure of your weekly workouts? What kinds of distances do you typically run, what’s your long run distance, etc?
My 30 minute run is typically anywhere from 1.7 to 2 miles – not very far and at this point that’s all I do, but I know I need to expand upon that.
If you are running as part of weight loss you will get faster when you lose weigh – one minute per 5k for every 10 lbs lost. (That trick doesn’t work if you’re underweight, just if you have extra weight to lose).
Okay, definitely both, then. You’ll want to add one day a week where you run faster and one day a week when you run further.
For faster, I’d start with doing some strides (20-30 seconds of running faster) at the end of one of your 30 minute runs each week. Start with a few (maybe 3?) and build up to maybe 8. These little bursts of speed will help you get used to the feeling of going faster. Eventually you’ll want to do more extended high-paced runs, but I’d start with strides, because they’ll get you out of “jog” mode.
You’ll also need to run longer. To really drop 5K speed, you need to be running more than 5K as your standard run, but you’ll want to build up for that. For now, I’d make one of your 30 minute runs a 45 minute run, even if you have to run/walk that last 15 minutes.
Also make sure you’re running more days weekly than not (i.e., at least 4, although you’ll want to get up to 5 or 6).
So those would be my suggestions: strides, extend one of your runs, and make sure you’re running at least 4 days a week. I bet you’ll see big improvements in a few months. Also, I recommend finding a running group that has runners at all paces – running stores are a good place to ask. Have fun, and report back! I have faith that you’ll be blowing away your PR in no time.
Whoops, that was me.
Co-sign this.
check out runsforcookies who talks about improving her running.
Darn it – I checked out the site because I liked the name but instead of inspiring me to start running now I just want to eat cookies. Where has my motivation gone?
Mix in some intervals. I used to do the Zombies, run app, which I think has slow running and fast running. It might be walking and jogging, but you can jog when it says walk and run when it says jog.
Honestly that’s my walking pace. You just need to push yourself to run faster! I really struggle with doing that, so when I want to increase speed I run with a faster friend or on a treadmill.
That was my big issue with Couch to 5k. I followed it to the letter, but never got to be any good at running because left to my own inclination I run slower than I walk. Much more luck just setting the treadmill gradually faster and pushing myself to run, full out, as if I were being chased by a man with an axe outside until I couldn’t go any more.
Oh, and in case you’re reading this meanly, I totally didn’t mean it that way!! I really really struggled with running for a long time until I embraced that it had to feel sucky and awful in the moment for me to improve. I felt lied to by people who think running is actually pleasant.
There’s always the Zombies Run! app instead! It has really terrifying sound effects that made me want to run faster to get away from the zombies.
No – I totally get it – no meanness taken! I know I have a slower walking pace. I downloaded the zombie run app, so I’m going to try with that. I know part of it is I just have to do it – I don’t particularly like running on treadmills, but for one a week to help get me used to a faster pace, I think I can suck it up. I think I also need to really focus my running playlist to songs that will keep me a faster pace.
Thanks everyone!
Look for songs with a little faster tempo than what you are using now. I think there are lists on the Runner’s World website that tell you the tempo of certain songs, and you may find your increased speed easier to achieve if you use faster tempo music.
Good luck!
+1 I did Couch to 5K outside and never got below a 12:00 mile pace (and I have really long legs and can walk a 13 minute mile). The only thing that helped me get faster was doing intervals on a treadmill. When you’re running outside it’s just too hard to really push yourself (for me, at least).
Great job!!
Check out Jeff Galloway. He has training plans that incorporate speed work.
He’s also an interval running guy. He’s found that people often speed up when incorporating them. With fewer injuries. Win. Win!
Honestly, I started out around 13min/mile, and I’m now just under 10, and the answer is to be consistent and log more miles. I find if I’m doing less than 10 miles a week, I get slower, and to maintain I need 12 miles, I need around 15 miles a week to actually improve speed.
At some point interval, speed work, hills, etc. become important, but at your current pace, you simply just need to run more miles, and you’ll speed up.
Two things have worked for me: (1) occasional sprints, full out, so you get a sense of what it feels like to have a much higher turnover and (2) cross-training, in particular squats and burpees and wall ball, which strengthened my legs so much that running became dramatically easier even though I was not doing much actual running.
So, one of my guy BFFs got me a fancy piece of cookware for Christmas I had been asking for (a dutch oven) – however, I’d just bought myself one a couple weeks prior! I talked to him and we debated returning the one he got me, but because he ordered it online it was going to cost more… etc. So I ended up returning the one I had purchased at Williams-Sonoma (because I knew it was from there and could return it in person.)
Plot twist. Because I didn’t have the receipt, they still took it back because it had their SKU, but they had to do a spot exchange. I had to pick out $150 worth of stuff, right then. It was overwhelming! I finally settled on one thing, they didn’t have it in stock, I settled on another that was $140, when she scanned it, it came to $100, so then I had to spend another $50…
I ended up with a Shun Classic 8″ Chef’s Knife, a maple cutting board, and $10.22 less in my pocket. I’m pleased, but geez, was that mentally exhausting!
I had a similar experience over the summer with my wedding dress. Unfortunately I had gained too much weight between buying my dress and the first fitting so I had to exchange it for a bigger size. It turned out to be on sale but they couldn’t give me cash for the difference. I was so grateful they were letting me exchange it that I didn’t care about the money. They couldn’t close out the transaction until I found $50 of merchandise. I was stressed and in a hurry but I found a cute $50 clutch, which turned out to be on sale so I had to go back and find a necklace. I actually love the clutch but you’re right. It was such a mentally exhausting experience!
A day late on this, but I think this is a good situation for buying sort of generic things you can give as gifts (housewarming presents, holiday presents, weddings/shower presents, etc.). Maybe that’s less stress than feeling you have to pick out really quickly something you need or want.
Anyone else consistently have trouble not hitting snooze in the morning? What are your favorite tricks/treats that would motivate you to get out of bed earlier? Coffee isn’t cutting it, and neither is something ill-defined like “pleasure of not having to rush getting ready.” I’ve tried the ol’ alarm clock across the room trick. I need something drastic — this has gotten out of control! (FWIW, I’m like this no matter how much sleep I’m getting; it’s like I don’t receive my daily allotment of self-discipline until 11:00 a.m.) TIA!
The app Sleep Cycle will wake you up during your lightest sleep.
This is mostly in jest but… share a bed with someone who arises on the first alarm.
My husband is a habitual snooze pusher, and it drives me INSANE. I view it as inconsiderate, since if he’s waking up earlier than me (which admittedly isn’t often), I have to wake up every time his alarm goes off, and I have trouble falling back asleep. Now, he gets up on the first ring because of how ragey I get.
Also, set your alarm for when you actually end up getting out of bed… I mean, there must be some boundary for the latest you can possibly get up before you will be late. Set it for then.
Thanks, but it seems like you might misunderstand the whole problem with chronic snoozers — it’s, for whatever reason, incredibly hard for me to wake up immediately. Setting the alarm later just means I’m… later. There’s a small chance I’ll actually get up, but it’s much more likely that Sleepy Me will convince Rational Me I can totally definitely get ready in 12 minutes today. I wish it weren’t so, but that’s how little control I have over it.
Also, you said in jest, but honestly you nailed it, the only thing that’s ever worked for me is getting up to avoid a ragey bed buddy. (Unfortunately, he was ragey about everything all the time, sooo… back to being single and snooze-y.)
Put the alarm across the room so you have to wake up and get up to turn it off.
Why fight it then? Set your alarm before you need to get up and hot snooze three or four times.
Fitbit alarm helped for me. Something buzzing on my arm jolts me awake.
A cat that paws on the door bedroom door when he hears my alarm go off. And will not stop pawing on the door until I get up to open the door and let him in the room.
Besides having ragey, light-sleeping husband next to me, the other thing that gets me out of bed is when I need to be somewhere, like for real. Whether its a workout class that I will have to pay for even if I no-show, or meeting someone for work right at 8 am, if I need to be somewhere right away, the fear of missing out gets me out of bed. Can you start attending workout groups in the mornings? Meet a friend for coffee first thing? Set important work appointments for early hours?
Love the Max Mara suit! If I had a job where I needed to wear one on a regular basis, I’d be on it like butter on corn on the cob.
Hi all! I might be too late to post this for East Coasters, but I’ll try:
I have stick straight hair, and I’m looking for a relative-ly fuss free to curl it for certain occasions (my go to hairdos are down or ponytail, so I’m not the most experienced in this department). The problem is my texture, I have bone-straight hair air-dryer, and I have fine strands, but a lot of them so my hair tends to be heavy. With bra-strap length hair, how can I curl this? I’ve tried damp buns overnight, but I wake up with one wave in my hair, nothing more. I’d prefer not to use hot tools, but hairstylists have managed to curl my hair with an iron and loads of hairspray. I’m too lazy/inexperienced to redo this at home. My attempts at sponge curlers and hot rollers aren’t much better. Help? TIA!
You can’t. There is no easy way to do this. An iron or wand and lots of hair spray is how you do it.
It also helps if you haven’t washed your hair in at least one day, preferably two. I have similar hair, though mine’s shorter, which helps — plenty of dry shampoo (I like Pssst), then wand and spray.
Honestly, if damp buns aren’t working for you, probably nothing will except hot tools. That is how most people with non-curly hair end up with curled hair, after all. Although honestly, from posts I’ve seen from people with stick-straight hair, it super hard to keep their hair curled even after using a curling iron and hairspray.
Do you need to curl it? I bet you could find lots of awesome up/half-up styles that you just haven’t thought of.
Look at curlformers. The are by far the easiest rollers. You can also try different spiral curlers – they will be long rods, usually you can bend them or connect the ends in a loop. If you have trouble rolling your own hair, curlformers will be easier for you. You should put it in when it is damp and make sure it is completely dry when you take it out, then spray it and let it sit before you loosen the curls. Also, make sure you aren’t putting too much hair in each roller if you want to try again with the ones you already have.
My hair never, ever stayed curled. Like you, I had very long, very straight fine hair but a TON of it. The curling wand was the answer. I don’t even have to hairspray it now, it just magically stays curled. Small sections, wrapped around the wand (with heat protectant) for a very short time at high heat. Magical — my hair stays curled for 36 hours like that.
I also had some luck with this technique: http://www.justlaine.com/2012/02/no-heat-headband-curls-experiment.html The key is that your hair has to be alllllllmost dry when you put it in the headband, because otherwise I just wake up with wet, straight hair
I think this post highlights that OP is just going to have to try various things and see what works for her. I say that because I also have very fine hair and TONS of it, and my hair will do absolutely nothing with a curling wand (for reference I used the Sedu clipless wand, 1.5″). My hair will also not hold a curl from hot rollers. The only thing that works is a Hot Tools Marcel wand-style curling iron where I start about halfway up the hair length-wise and slowly let in more hair until I’ve got it wrapped around all the way down to the bottom. I can do this and I only have to break it into 12 sections (3 per side with a bottom and top layer), spritz with a super light hold hairspray and the curls hold for 3 days. The Marcel wand is a little tricky to get used to at first but once you’ve got the hang of it, I think it makes it a lot easier to do the slowly-let-in-more-hair technique without getting bad clamp lines.
Ha, yes — experimentation is key! I’m Anon at 5:56 and I have that very Hot Tools iron in that very size and it gets me nowhere!
For wands, I used the Conair Infiniti Curling Wand (.5 – 1 in).
I have the same type of hair, and only one kind of curling technique works for me. You’ll need a strong hairspray, and a curling iron with a clamp (3/4″ or 1″ barrels work best for me). You can also use a texturizing spray for dry hair, if you’re serious about hold (this is optional, though).
Take a 1″-ish section of hair and spray with texturizing spray. Then I following the first curling method as shown in this video: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YuGN8T72Ecw (it looks like it takes forever, but you get faster as you learn. I can do my whole head in less than 10 minutes). I then wait for my curls to cool a little bit before shaking them out/gently brushing them and spraying with hair spray.
I have your hair & the only thing that works for me is using a flat iron to curl it. Curling irons aren’t hot enough. I’m sure there’s got to be a you tube tutorial somewhere, but basically you just keep twisting the flat iron down through your hair instead of using it to straighten. I think mine’s about 1.25 inches wide. If I don’t use heat, nothing will hold for long.
I have your hair too. The only thing that keeps the curl is curling it with a flat iron or using a very hot curling wand like the Sultra Bombshell. Regular clamp wands (that I have tried) are not hot enough. Of course, all that heat damages the hair, so I don’t do it that often.
I have used hot rollers and steam rollers. They do a pretty good job at curling hair, but it usually falls out within a few hours.
I have used the curl formers and while they do work (when put in with damp hair and slept in overnight), they are pretty uncomfortable to sleep in.
I have the same kind of hair – flat iron (or variation thereof, like the Philips easy natural curler) plus Living Proof Prime Style Extender works. I used to use hairspray but gave it up because it gave me a headache.
This may be too late, but can anyone help point me to prior posts on here or AAM about how to negotiate salary for a new offer when they ask your current salary, which is far below market? I know I’ve seen it discussed before and my google skills are failing me.
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