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Updated: Nov 11, 2021 94 Comments · by

Coffee Break: Extra Large Weekender

Coffee Break

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Weekend Travel Bag: LeSportsac Luggage Extra Large Weekender

If you don't already have one of these — or if you know someone who doesn't — this needs to be on your gift list, stat, particularly if there's airplane travel coming up. Not only does this collapse small enough to fit in the zippered sleeve of most luggage, it's so durable that you can even check it on the way back. (I often use mine for dirty laundry — the bag is also washable if needed.)

The crazy colors and patterns can be a bit much, sure, but what are the odds that you'll be looking at a luggage carousel of 15 similar bags? The pictured bag is $154. LeSportsac Luggage Extra Large Weekender

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Comments

  1. tesyaa

    Durable, functional, attractive… my daughter got the lesportsac weeekender as a bat mitzvah gift and is still using it as a college freshman.

    • Ellen

      Tessya, I always thought you are MY age, but you are alot older (unless you had your child at 14!) I also love this schlepper, and will get one for Rosa b/c of her 3 kid’s she needs something like this when she goes out and need’s to carry their stuff! Since it’s lined, she can carry the baby’s stuff, even if the baby spit’s up! FOOEY! And then she can just sponge it off. If it get’s to smelley, she can just throw it out! YAY!-

  2. Nice Cube

    Hi ladies! I need a present idea for DH. We bought a house this year, so I was thinking of getting him something house-related or kid-related, since he has been a great father to our one-year old.
    No booze or food, we’ve got that covered and he’s not really a sports person. He is really into video games, but I feel like those gifts are not really romantic or memorable, but I’m open. I know that is super vague – but you all are amazingly thoughtful…

    • Senior Attorney

      For Gentleman Friend I made a calendar of photos from the past year online at http://www.walgreens.com. It lets you upload your photos and it’s pretty easy. They always have coupons for 40% or so off, too. Note: it’s worth it to have it delivered rather than pick it up in the store because the ones they print at the store are on paper that’s not as nice as the ones that come in the mail. On the other hand, you can get it printed same day in the store so if you’re in a time crunch that’s a plus.

    • TBK

      Online services like Shutterfly can put your photos on pretty much anything. Depending on your and DH’s taste, he might like: (1) mug with kid’s photo on it; (2) large format prints to hang on the wall; (3) nice framed desk photo of kid and/or all three of you.

      While you might not think video games are romantic or memorable, I am pretty certain that he will think it’s both if you give him a game he’s been seriously waiting for (my husband’s all over FallOut 4 right now) with a note that promises him [X] amount of guilt-free playing time (e.g., you will wake up with the kid in the morning and take him out for the day to let DH play all. day. long. if he wants until, say, 10:00pm). New fathers pretty much never get that kind of “me” time.

      • Anon

        +1 to mug with kid photos – my husband has loved and used this. Get one where you can put a few different pictures and include some of him doing activities with kid.

      • Nice Cube

        Very cute ideas! He already has Fall Out 4 (early gift) and plays every night after he puts the baby to bed. But, its sounds like we have similar households. =)

        • N.C. anon

          I’m a bit of a gamer (I love Fallout 4 and all the other games by that company) and my husband is the one who got me hooked. If he has an XBox, the new Tomb Raider might be a good choice. If he has a PS4, Witcher is supposed to be fantastic. A slightly older pick if he doesn’t have it would be The Last of Us (or the first Tomb Raider remake).

    • Shopping challenged.

      Your first house? Why not a grill, wheelbarrow, tool bench, deck furniture or similar big stuff that apt-dwellers are unlikely to own? If you can sneak it into the back yard, you could give him a scavenger hunt with one clue leading to the next (themed to his favorite game), or just wrap a miniature dollhouse or Lego version.

  3. Gail the Goldfish

    I just paid off my highest-interest student loan with the first actual bonus I’ve gotten as a lawyer! Still have a lot more in loans to go, but now my monthly student loan payment is less than my rent for the first time since I graduated law school, so I needed to celebrate with someone since I can’t share with anyone in real life :-)

    • anonymou

      Yay! Congrats :) On a different note, I don’t understand why this kind of thing can’t be shared in real life. If a friend told me this, I’d be happy for her/celebrate with her.

      • Gail the Goldfish

        I’ll tell parents/BF, but if I tell anyone else, I hear my mother’s voice in my head telling me it’s tacky to discuss money.

        • emeralds

          I sincerely believe that the societal ban on discussing money is a huge weapon in the consumerist/capitalist hegemony’s keep-the-workers-down arsenal, to say nothing of the gender-based wage gap, so I flaunt it as frequently as I can. I mean, I don’t walk up to people and say I MAKE $X/YEAR HOW BOUT U?

          But seriously though. Information is power, especially for women in the workplace. I’ve had some really fantastic conversations with close friends (and even some professional acquaintances) about finances, and have found people are very receptive to it if you’re the one to open the door. Obviously know your audience there.

    • Care

      I think loan pay-off parties should totally be a thing. I would love to celebrate with my friends as they cross that milestone. Even if not a full-fledged party, it’s totally worthy of a night out – and I would probably buy the friend a drink to celebrate.

      • Shopping challenged.

        Aren’t mortgage-burnings a thing? You could burn something representing the loan in the same way.

  4. Kelly

    I have an extra large and a large weekender – whatever pattern I liked most from an outlet sale a few years ago – and I always pack one in my suitcase when I travel! And yes, I usually use for dirty laundry and then throw in the machine (means my souvenirs – which are often from grocery stores – can be packed in my marginally more protective 22″ roller ;-)

  5. Going anonymous

    Regular user going anonymous to post this..

    I am in my second year working in biglaw. I HATE it. My life is work and sleep. I have to pay people to buy my food, do my laundry, pick up my dry cleaning etc. I don’t go out, date or have a social life and I only talk on the phone, email or text if it’s work related.

    Since I started working I have worked every holiday. This year for Thanksgiving I was able to go home for a visit to a different part of the state, though I had to being work with me.

    I stayed with my cousin. We are the sane age. She stayed in our hometown and did night school. She makes $40,000 a year and bought a small house for $200,000. She drives an old truck and has no debt except for her mortgage (and she didn’t have a trust fund or inherit) She bakes, travels and has time for a social life and family. She works at a non profit and makes a difference.

    I make more than 3 times what she does but I have huge debt from student loans and bills from the high cost of living in the city. Seeing her life drove home how much I hate biglaw. I want to quit biglaw but I am afraid it will impact my career later and I’ll never pay off my student loans. Any sage advice (or telling my how stupid I am being) would be appreciated

    • Anon

      I would pick a date to get out of biglaw that would not be overly detrimental to your career so that you can spend the next X number of years telling yourself this is temporary and will only last for a set amount of time longer. Then I would try to figure out which of the things you are paying other people to do can be skipped or can be done at a lower cost. Put those savings into paying off the loans. As you get paid more and more over the next however many years you stay in biglaw, do not adjust your lifestyle accordingly, even as your coworkers are. By putting more into your student loans and adjusting to a lower income, you are setting yourself up to be free later and to take a less-demanding job. More than likely, that job will still pay significantly more than your cousin can hope to.
      Also, remember that the grass is not always greener – your cousin may still be unfulfilled in other ways, may wish she could have different/nicer things, or may be envious of you for leaving your hometown behind.

      • Going anonymous

        Thank you for the perspective. I know the grass isn’t always greener. I hate to admit this but I was so jealous of my cousin because she is so happy that she glows. She hates the city and is content to be in our hometown. She even turned down a job offer from another non profit that paid twice what her current job pays because she likes her job. She is not driven by money but by helping people. I wish I had that freedom.

        I appreciate you advice about scaling down my life and I will look into how I can do that. I am afraid I have to stay in biglaw a few more years for it not to affect my career. Thank you again for responding.

        • Em

          Sometimes the grass is greener on the other side! You do not have to stay in Biglaw a few more years to have a good career. A lot of lawyers never are and I know a ton of people who left after a year or two and have rich, satisfying legal lives. Look for something you’d like better.

        • Shopping challenged.

          Are there any big things you could cut that would let you make much bigger loan payments? Is there any reason not to live in a simple studio and take public transit, for example? If you have a nice apt, it doesn’t sound like you spend time in it anyway, so don’t pay for wasted space.
          Little ways to cut back can be harder to come up with, because time savings is usually what you’re paying for. Could you avoid dry cleanable clothing, get groceries instead of prepared food delivered (I set up an assembly line to pack several salads in mason jars, and take cans of soup other days). Could a cheaper phone plan work, if you use a wifi app for texting?
          But I would also encourage you to find little ways to add pleasure to your daily existence now. Your life sounds very routine, so you could probably grow a couple of beta fish or kitchen herb plants easily–just feed or water them daily. It doesn’t sound like you’re getting any exercise; there are plenty of quickie workouts (like 6 min) available online, or you could do a few vinyasas or sun salutations every morning. You will feel much better for it. If you miss cooking or baking, you could occasionally boil some orange peels and cinnamon cloves or sauté a slice of onion or pop some crescent rolls or cinnamon buns in the oven –practically no prep time, and lovely scents to enjoy. Those exact things may not appeal to you, but try to find something inexpensive and enjoyable (5 min with a coloring book? Belly dancing while you brush your teeth?) that you can do now so you aren’t living entirely in the future. You could probably do everything I mentioned in under 10 min per day, as long as you alternate coloring one day with exercise the next. Good luck!

          • Shopping challenged

            Cinnamon cloves? I got ahead of myself, meant cinammon sticks and cloves, clearly.

    • Anon

      You can make a decent living, pay off law student loans, and not be in Biglaw. It’ll take a little longer but it can be done. I work in a boutique firm in D.C. I make, oh, half what I would in Biglaw (and just made partner where I’ll probably make a third to a quarter). But: I have a nice, albeit not luxurious, apartment in the city, save for retirement, travel, eat out, and am on track to pay off my loans within ten years after graduation. I am also home for dinner most nights and don’t work most weekends. I also do interesting work that I like.

      It’s very, very easy to believe you can’t make less money than you do, but you can. People go their whole careers without making a Biglaw salary ever and still have nice lives. You won’t achieve your financial goals as quickly or as spectacularly but sometimes you have to recognize, enough is enough and call it a day.

      Figure out how much you need on to live in the cheapest place that will still make you happy and pay off loans at a speed you can live with and look for a job in that range. I have zero friends who have regretted leaving Biglaw (most after a year or two) and a couple who have made themselves miserable because they’ve convinced themselves they can’t leave. No reason to be in the latter category.

    • Betty

      I could have written this post in 2009 back when I was in my second year in biglaw. I think one of the most harmful myths that biglaw tells itself is that you will never find another job, you will be just as miserable at another job and your career will be doomed. And it is just that, a myth. Do like many others have done before you, and like Anon at 2:52 suggested, cut expenses as much as possible, pay down those loans to a reasonable level and then get out! A job cannot make you happy, but in my experience, a job that eats every waking hour of your life and where being a jerk is preferred, can absolutely make you miserable.

      What really helped me what setting a limit: I was going to do biglaw for four years, pay of X amount of loans, aim to gain x, y, and z experiences (e.g. draft circuit brief, take deposition, and argue in court) and then move on. Determine your own benchmarks and know that this too shall end, and the experience that you gain by being in the belly of the beast will be a credential you keep for long to come. As someone who has been there, there is life after biglaw, and you can leave.

    • Killer Kitten Heels

      My advice to you is stay in your job, and cut your expenses to the bone as much as humanly possible. Even in the most expensive cities in the US, there’s no reason you shouldn’t be able to aggressively pay off student loans on a Biglaw salary. For example, here are NYC numbers (which I’m most familiar with):

      2nd year Biglaw salary (without bonus) = $170K, which translates to about $8,500/month after taxes. I’ll be even more conservative, round down, and say your take-home is $8k/month.

      You can rent a normal (non-luxury, non-fancypants) studio or 1 bedroom in, say, Long Island City or Astoria for about $2K/month (alternatively, if you’re set on having the perks of a luxury building, look for a roommate!). If all you’re doing is sleeping and working anyway, the car service can take you to Queens just as easily as it can take you to a fancy high-rise in whatever trendy part of Manhattan the average NYC Biglaw associate currently lives in. That leaves you $6K/month. Even factoring in that you’re outsourcing basically everything (groceries, laundry, cleaning, etc.), there’s no reason to spend more than an additional $2K/month on that stuff, which leave you $4K/month to throw at your student loans, plus 100% of your (sizable) bonus checks. At those numbers, there’s no reason you shouldn’t be debt-free and able to go do literally any other thing within 2-3 years. Suck it up and pay that sh!t off, then do whatever you want.

      • Killer Kitten Heels

        Also, leaving Biglaw will *always* affect your career, in the sense that you will no longer have a Biglaw career. That’s kind of just definitionally true. But what do you actually want out of your career? For me, I wanted reasonable hours, steady work, good coworkers, and possible partnership potential – I have that (in spades) in my suburban firm. I don’t have the Mercedes or the Hamptons house or the “prestige” that would come with a same-level position in Biglaw, but, since that’s not actually what I wanted in the first place, why would I care? I mean, realistically, choosing to go to a suburban firm has meant that I will never be a Biglaw partner, or a Supreme Court clerk, or some other super-prestigious gig, but 98% of Biglaw associates will never be those things anyway! Focus on where you actually want your career to go, figure out how people who have the job you want have gotten there, and then do those things, instead of buying into the Biglaw hype about how working in anything other than Biglaw is inferior and will ruin you.

    • Anonymous

      A few thoughts:

      1) Try a different firm. Big Law is very demanding but working every holiday sounds worse than average (assuming you mean working 8 hours, not logging on for an hour or two to respond to urgent email). If you’re a second year, you should be able to lateral soon.

      2) Agree that your cousin may be unfulfilled in other ways. One of the hardest things for me when I left Big Law was coming to terms with how much of my identity was wrapped up in that job. It is crazy and awful and stressful and I was very glad to leave for many reasons, but I did not realize how much pride I took in the job until I left. I also doubt on $40K her finances are as good as they seem. We live in a very LCOL area and it has a been a shock to me how hard it is to save money now that I’ve left Big Law, and we have a six figure household income. We are covering our expenses and saving a little, but at a much slower rate than we did in a very HCOL area with Big Law salary. It’s hard to really appreciate the money until it’s gone. I cannot imagine paying for a mortgage, insurance, property taxes, household maintenance, pet care, etc. on $40K and really doubt there would be any leftover for travel and other fun stuff unless she has generous family or credit card debt.

      3) Agree in general with throwing all your money at loans so you can get out quickly, but being too frugal makes a miserable job even more miserable. One of the main (to some people, the only) benefits of Big Law is the huge salary, so don’t be afraid to treat yourself every once in a while. I’m not saying to buy a BMW, a Louis Vuitton and a trip to Tahiti in the same month, but treating yourself to something small when you’ve had a particularly bad week at work is the only way for many people to survive in that job.

      Good luck!

      • Anonymous

        Not sure where you’re located, but if you’re open to a move and a new bar exam, consider other, cheaper cities. You’ll make the same salary in Chicago or San Diego as you would in NYC or SF, and you’ll have a much lower rent, which allows you to throw even more money at the loans.

    • Coach Laura

      In addition to the steps so nicely outlined by KKH, Betty and the several anon(ymous) posters, what about exploring options such as working for a non-profit or other entity where you would qualify for some type of loan/interest relief? I’m not an expert on this but in additional to quickly paying down debt, what if you were able to move to a job that you liked that may pay less but where you have debt options? Check out Liz Brown’s book and/or blog entitled Life after Law and also the blog Leaving the Law.

      • anon

        As someone who spent the last six months trying to network out of big law to public interest… WHY is it so hard to get a job where I get paid so much less? It’s easy to say “go do public interest” but those jobs are really few and far between! Especially outside NYC/DC.

        Signed, top HYS grad with impeccable credentials who was offered “internships” to get her foot in the door when she has a child and has to pay childcare. And therefore continues to languish in big law even though I would loooove a pay cut for a normal schedule.

        • Coach Laura

          Yes, I’m sure it’s easier said than done. Not a quick fix. But for the OP, it might be a long-term strategy but quicker than waiting until she pays off her student loans. Also, perhaps government jobs might be an option.

          • DCR

            Government jobs are not easy to get either. Sadly, my easiest job to get was biglaw and its extremely hard to get another

    • Going anonymous

      Thank you so much ladies for the advice and perspective. I appreciate it and it has helped me to feel better.

      I have been thinking about moving. To anonymous who said that people who don’t work biglaw can still have nice lives, this is spot on and I think I need to remember this. I know she doesn’t live in the city but I was floored at what my cousin had and that she has no debt (except for her mortgage) and pays for everything with cash and not credit or help with family. I think I need to keep in mind that I could certainly live on a lower salary and can pay down my loans quicker.

    • You plus 2

      I am you plus two years of big law. I’ve done all the money things recommended by KKH below (almost those exact numbers) I’ve switched firms etc. and I’m still staring down $100k+ in loans. Bonuses at my firms haven’t been enough to make a dent in loans. I don’t have any advice but I sympathize. I’m always doing the math to find out how much money I need to get out of these loans and run away to some cheap part of the country and reset my life.

    • Anon

      +1 to a LCOL area making a world of difference. I was in small-to-medium law and hated it. I got an in-house gig a year ago that is 8-5 (and an hour lunch break I actually can and do take every day) with paid holidays (albeit a crap vacation policy and no maternity leave). I had a little over $80k a year in student loans (less than a lot of people, I know), and my salary has been around $80k for the last 3 years, and I will have my loans paid off in about 2 months, so just shy of 4 years from graduating from law school (we have basically thrown every extra penny at those loans for the last 3 years). We live in a LCOL area and bought a $250,000 house and just bought a vacation home with some family. I have plenty of time to bake, travel, hang out with family/friends, etc. I probably traded some earning potential by going in house, but for me it was totally worth actually being able to have a life.

    • BigLaw

      What are hour yearly billables this year and last? Straight billable, not all that other stuff. this will help assess what the problem is.

  6. Going anonymous

    Excuse any typos or formatting errors. I’m on mobile and forgot my contacts today.

  7. Sunglasses

    I want to buy myself a new pair of sunglasses. I know I want polarized, and (think) I look best in plastic frames on the larger side that have very dark lenses. Aviator styles with a flat line going over the nose look horrible on me.

    I want good quality, and I’m willing to pay for it, but I tend to shy away from designer branding (ie: they can be designer, but I would prefer to not have the designer’s name on them.) This is not a deal breaker for the right pair, though.

    Given that information, does anyone have any recs? If not, is there anything specific you look for in a good pair of sunglasses or brands that you’ve been impressed by? TIA!

    • Wildkitten

      Warby Parker? Otherwise I don’t know how to find them that don’t have a designer name on them. Designers license their brands to be put on sunglasses and sunglasses companies pay to plaster the brand. So, the designer brand isn’t especially meaningful, but they are ubiquitous.

      • Anonymous

        I have Oliver Goldsmith glasses, and adore them. They’re sturdy, not branded (there’s a small logo inside one of the arms) and just different enough that after more than a year I’m still getting compliments. Not cheap–frames were ~$500–but totally worth it.

        I had a pair of Bebe sunglasses most recently (~3 years ago) and they did not last at all, so I’m seriously considering some OG ones. These:

        http://www.olivergoldsmith.com/collection.aspx?template=&sid=54&cid=3

    • anon

      I like my Maui Jims. Many of their styles are more sporty than trendy and there are a variety of lens options. The lenses have a tiny logo on one top corner, but its not distracting IMO. Optics and polarization are some of the best I have found.

      • Anonymous

        +1 to Maui Jims. Love mine. Comfortable, sturdy and while not trendy (which in my mine is a plus, since I want to wear my pair for more than a couple years) they flatter my face.

    • Ems

      I loved my Rayban Polarized and then when I lost it replaced it with the Polaroid brand polarized sunglasses which at $70 are cheaper, no branding, and does the same thing. larger lenses than the Raybans as well.

  8. mmc advice

    I went in for my first ultrasound today at 8 weeks and found that i have had a missed miscarriage. My husband and I are still processing, but I would really appreciate any advice on the choices we have now. Since it’s early, it looks like I have three choices: (1) wait for it to happen on its own (with an end date in mind when we’ll do an intervention); (2) have a D&C; and (3) take a medication to induce a miscarriage. My doc explained the risks of each option, but I’d really appreciate any advice from anyone who’s been there. Thanks so much, ladies.

    • lucy stone

      I am so so so sorry to hear this. I had a missed miscarriage in April and it was emotionally the worst thing that has ever happened to me. I was 12 weeks along so I had the option of taking medication or having a D&C. I chose the D&C because I didn’t want to deal with the pain and mess of what’s essentially a mini-labor and I was afraid of making a big bloody mess at work. My D&C experience was pleasant as far as they go, I was sedated, operated on, and out of the hospital within two hours. I bled lightly (less than a regular period) for about five days. Know that you cannot use tampons after the surgery, or I think during any miscarriage-related bleeding. I felt physically fine in about two days and went back to work after a week. There is a lot of information available online trying to persuade you which way is best – do what works for you, your health, and your body and everyone else can go to Hell.

      Please make sure you take care of yourself mentally as well as physically. I went to counseling afterwards and have remained in counseling since then.

      I am now 6 weeks along with my second pregnancy and hopefully my first take-home baby. I hope that if this is what you want, you’ll be able to have it as well.

      Let me know if you have more questions.

    • TigerMom

      I am so sorry. It’s so hard in the first trimester as you are still trying to process all these potential changes in your life. I had the same thing happen to me before I went on to have two more. One thing that my best friend kept telling me is that 20% of all pregnancies are miscarried. I actually found out the day that I was getting married so I opted to wait until after the event. I also wanted some control over when it happened so I would not have to explain to coworkers, friends etc as we had not really told anyone about the pregnancy yet. I opted to take the medication as an appt. for the D&C was still a three week wait. It induced labor and for about 10 hours I was really in pain. Although a quick poll of some friends that had opted for the pill I was on the longer end. I thought that I had passed the fetus but a follow-up with my doc showed that not 100% had passed so I was scheduled for a D&C anyway. If you opt for the pill or D&C follow-up on this thread and I can pass on some practical things to do that helped with the healing at home.

    • JJ

      Oh, I’m so sorry for your loss.

      I had a very similar thing happen to me – good ultrasound at 6 weeks, spotting at 12 weeks, and a ultrasound confirmed I had miscarried at 10 weeks. Faced with the same choices, I chose a D&C. My doctor told me that I had (unknowingly) waited two weeks already, and my body had not decided to do anything on its own. So, it would make as much sense to wait even longer to see if it happened naturally. I also appreciated having a “date” that I knew it would happen and not have to wonder when/if it would occur. My doc didn’t mention taking the pill to induce, but I still likely would have chosen the D&C.

      The surgery itself was uneventful. It was out-patient and I was home and recuperating in several hours. I had the surgery on a Friday and physically, felt fine to return to work on Monday. I took a couple more mental health days after that, though, before I went back to the office.

      Please be kind to yourself and let yourself grieve for as long as you need. Time does heal all wounds, but it was rough again when my “due date” arrived and I wasn’t pregnant. If it helps you at all, since that miscarriage, I’ve had two healthy, uneventful pregnancies. I’ll be thinking of you.

      • JJ

        *would NOT make as much sense* edited for up there.

        Slightly related tangent: I’m sadly happy that more and more people seem to be talking about miscarriages these days. It is such an isolating experience. I had a good friend who was also going through infertility issues and miscarriages with his wife, and being able to talk about with him (in addition to my husband, but he was grieving as well) truly kept me sane.

        • TigerMom

          Agreed! I happened upon that batSh**t crazy post by Penelope Trunk and it oddly made me feel better to read through someone elses experiences.

    • Anon for this

      I’ve been there. It.sucks. There are no two ways about it. Since you’re just asking about the mechanics, I’ll only address that now. I initially decided I was going to wait and see what happened naturally, but after 4 days of that, I couldn’t handle it – just walking around with that knowledge made me feel like I was a time bomb ready to explode. And to be frank, I had things coming up personally and professionally (including a trial) and I just couldn’t wait. So I scheduled a D&C, only to have it happen naturally the morning of the D&C. It wasn’t traumatic or awful. And for me it was not all that painful, though I did take the prescribed painkillers after the fact (as much to blunt my emotions as anything). With my personality, I wish I had scheduled the D&C sooner. I wish I hadn’t made myself wait those days, though it often can take much longer. Good luck with whatever you decide. My sympathies are with you!

    • Syd

      So sorry for your loss. I’ve had two miscarriages and gone both the natural and medicated route. The natural one was at seven weeks and the embryo had already naturally broken apart and it was just like a heavy period. The medicated one was at 9 weeks, baby had just stopped growing around 8 weeks. I took the prescription to induce the miscarriage and it was an absolutely awful experience and I strongly wish to this day I had done the D&C.

    • Anon

      I had a mmc at 10 weeks, baby stopped growing at 8 weeks. My doctor recommended the pills, and I took them that first night. It was rough, physically and emotionally and it took longer to recover than I had anticipated. I had to go in for a couple ultrasounds which showed the miscarriage was incomplete. I took three doses of pills over the course of about 10 days. Finally everything resolved without surgery but I bled, sometimes heavily for a good three weeks. It was the right decision for me, only because I had a very understanding boss and plenty of sick leave to burn when I needed to stay home. I think the time at home helped with the emotional recovery and I was able to bounce back once the physical symptoms were gone. I got pregnant three months later and am almost out of the first trimester today. There is light at the end of the tunnel,I promise. Good luck.

    • tesyaa

      I always (well, twice with 2 similar missed miscarriages) had the D&C. I had no physical ill effects whatsoever.

    • meme

      I’m sorry for your loss. I’ve done all 3 options. I preferred the “natural” way, but twice my body wasn’t doing anything after 2 weeks. The D&C was fine, but you have to be under anesthesia and wake up groggy/spend the rest of the day in a fog. I also took the pill once and preferred that over the D&C. I took it on a Friday evening before bed (hoping to be done by the end of the weekend), was up a few times in the night with mild cramping and heavy bleeding, and I passed all of the tissue by morning. I was terrified I’d have severe pain (I read too much online), but didn’t want to go the D&C route again, and I basically just had some not-that-bad cramping. I didn’t need the pain meds my OB prescribed. I think I took a few Motrin and that was just fine. Best of luck with whatever you decide.

    • Anon

      So sorry for your loss. I had a MC at 7 weeks several years ago and still grieve for that lost child. All I can say is that the pain lessens every day. Be kind to yourself and feel free to skip baby showers for a while. As far as the medical options, I went for option 3. We waited for a few days to have it happen naturally but it didn’t and I was going nuts knowing that I was still carrying a dead baby. We waited until the weekend and I took the pills on Friday night and it happened a few hours later. A close friend knew what was happening so we scheduled an outlet trip for the next day so I would not wallow on the couch. All the options suck but I appreciated being able to do it at home and on my schedule. Good luck.

    • mmc advice

      Just wanted to check in and say thank you to everyone for your advice and sharing your experiences. As sad as this is, it’s definitely comforting to know that others have been there. Just based on timing (it especially sucks with Christmas next week and family visits, etc.), I’ll probably take the pill over the weekend. Thanks so much, everyone – I really do appreciate it.

  9. (Another Seeking) Gift Help

    Hello hive, I am hoping for some ideas! My best friend had her first baby in August and I am trying to think of a gift for her ($50-75 range-ish). I was thinking along the lines o f a massage or pedicure or… something to encourage her to take some “me time”. She isn’t working, and she lives in a different state than me (otherwise I would take her for a spa day myself!). Alternatively I would get her a nice little splurge gift that she wouldn’t buy herself, like a nice beauty gift or jewelry or something. She is the first one of my friends to have a baby so I don’t know much about this! I just don’t want to do something baby-focused, like a new diaper bag or something- I got the baby gifts, and want this to be just for my friend. Any interesting ideas? Or was there a gift you got as a new mom that you loved? TYIA!!

    • anon

      Agh, so hard because I’d say the real best thing is babysitting!

      I actually think a beauty gift would be great because it took me a while to get back into taking care of myself. A mani/pedi can be stressful to take time for. A beauty gift would totally get used. So that’s where I come down and also you are amazing.

      Alternatively, necklace with baby’s initial or similar. I have one that I love.

    • Anonymous

      In case you are still checking… I had a baby in August. Finding the time to go out for a mani/pedi, while an awesome, is tough. Something like nice bath stuff, a face mask, etc, if you know she’s into that kind of thing is better IMO. I can take a bath after the baby is asleep for the night, and, especially if I’m exhausted and covered in baby puke, I probably need one.

    • October

      If you’re still checking, I vote massage! I am in a very similar boat to your friend. Pregnancy/holding a newborn/changing diapers does a number on the back. I would love a massage, but in my HCOL area I feel like I can’t justify the spend. If she has a partner who can watch the baby on weekends, I say go for it! Alternately, a restaurant gift card (one that offers take out) could also be nice. If she’s not working she may not want to spend the money to eat out, and it’d be a nice treat.

  10. ashville NC?

    Good restaurant recs for ashville? I want to get a friend who just moved down there a gift cert to try new places.

  11. Another Holiday Party Attire Question

    After seeing another commenter post this dress a while back, I fell in love, but, unfortunately, have had few occasions to wear it. I really want to wear to it one of my office holiday parties this month, but I’m just not sure how to transition it to winter. The shoulders and back seem too exposed, but I’m not sure what to wear to cover them given the trapeze shape of the dress. What do you ladies suggest? TIA!

    http://everlyoak.com/back-detail-trapeze-dressre/ (sorry, it’s not available for purchase anymore and these were the best pictures I could find.)

    • tesyaa

      Cropped cardigan, possibly one with lurex/other sparkly fabric? It would hide the pretty back detailing, obviously.

    • Two Cents

      Hmm, this is a cute dress but I absolutely cannot see wearing it to an office holiday party. Way too much skin exposed. I guess you could wear a blazer but that takes away from the dress. Cute dress for date night or a weekend out though!

    • txatty

      I would add black tights (depending on party crowd/style, tights with a subtle design), black high-heeled, stiletto booties, and a black leather cropped motorcycle-style jacket, with a bold statement necklace. Unfortunately, you’re going to lose the details that (presumably) make the dress super special on its own – the back. I think the cropped and fitted jacket on top works with the flowy/trapeze style though, keeps it from looking too frump.

  12. Another Holiday Party Attire Question

    After seeing another commenter post this dress a while back, I fell in love, but, unfortunately, have had few occasions to wear it. I really want to wear to it one of my office holiday parties this month, but I’m just not sure how to transition it to winter. The shoulders and back seem too exposed, but I’m not sure what to wear to cover them given the trapeze shape of the dress. What do you ladies suggest? TIA!

  13. Anonymous

    Any experience visiting Cincinnati, Louisville or Lexington, KY just for fun? I know they aren’t really cities that people think of as tourist destinations but they’re all easy weekend trips from me so I’m wondering which if any I should try to visit. I love food and am happy to just restaurant hop, so thoughts on the food scene appreciated as well!

    • Nashvillian

      I actually think each of these places can be a fun weekend destination. In Lexington, try and go for a meet at Keeneland. There are some nicer restaurants in the historic area near the Transylvania campus. Or some hole in the wall places near UK’s campus. In Cincinnati, go for a Red’s game. In Louisville, there’s Churchill Downs of course, plus the Louisville Slugger factory and museum. 21C is an awesome hotel there, with the really good restaurant and bar Proof attached. Louisville’s food scene is actually pretty good right now. And of course there’s always the Bourbon Trail that is outside Louisville and Lexington.

      • anonimo

        Also in Louisville, suggest visiting the Muhammad Ali museum. We really enjoyed it.

      • Anonymous

        Thanks to both of you! Nashvillian, your city is also within driving distance of me and is currently #1 on my list for a weekend road trip.

    • anon in cinci

      I live in Cincinnati and am frequently hosting friends who want to check out the city. The restaurant scene is fantastic – particularly in the Over the Rhine neighborhood. Also there are lots of breweries across town if you’re into that. There are lots of parks across town and great museums. I also enjoy Lexington but find it a bit small town/college-y for my taste.

    • In House Lobbyist

      And if you are in Louisville there is a 6pm outlet at exit 116 about 20 miles south. The returns go there and are automatically half off. You can tell I go there there as often as I can. Louisville has really good restaurants and their downtown is being revitalized.

    • Jules

      Replying late, hope you’re still checking. There are some great art venues in Cincinnati, Eden Park is beautiful even in winter, the science museum is fun even for grown-ups. And downtown there is a cool hotel with its own art gallery; I’ve only been there for brunch but it was good and a friend and her husband went there for an anniversary night and loved it.

      http://www.21cmuseumhotels.com/cincinnati/

      • moss

        We here in Lexington are about to have a 21C hotel as well, very excited. I think it’s supposed to open in January.

      • Shopping challenged

        Do you mean the science museum in the former train station? I love that whole collection of museums!

    • moss

      I live in Lexington. We have breweries and distilleries (look at Manchester Street district) if you like that kind of thing.

      One thing you may not have thought of, the UK Women’s basketball team is unbeaten so far this season and tickets are way cheaper and easier to get than the Men’s basketball games. They play home games at historic old Memorial Hall so that can be a nice outing.

      If you like the outdoors you can check out the Legacy Trail, McConnell Springs, or Raven Run.

      Keeneland is awesome! Even when they are not having meets, you can go there and park and walk around. It’s gorgeous. If you go early in the morning you can eat breakfast for $6 at the track kitchen. It’s also nice to go to the auctions. (I think the Fasig-Tipton auction is happening now but I might be wrong.)

    • Shopping challenged

      Lexington has a few nice restaurants. If you go in the spring, you could catch some Keeneland races. Shakertown and the Kentucky Horse Park are both popular, for good reasons. If you’re nerdy enough to enjoy a ginormous bookstore, check out Joseph Beth.

  14. the gold digger

    The best thing about a bigger bag is you can wrap cookies or macarons or cheese and crackers in a napkin and slip them into the bag and still have room for your glasses and your book.

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