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Updated: Oct 31, 2018 114 Comments · by

Suit of the Week: Oscar de la Renta

Suit of the Week

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skirt suit for work For busy working women, the suit is often the easiest outfit to throw on in the morning. In general, this feature is not about interview suits for women, which should be as classic and basic as you get — instead, this feature is about the slightly different suit that is fashionable, yet professional. If you, like me, are a little appalled that December 25th is almost upon us, it's nice to see that some stores are STILL offering delivery by Christmas, including Nordstrom and Amazon. Huzzah! So if anyone on your wish list (or, ah, you) needs this lovely twill skirt suit from Oscar de la Renta, you can have it in no time. I like the blue and white, the tweedy wool, and the very feminine, flattering cut of the jacket. The jacket (Oscar de la Renta Shimmer Twill Jacket) is $2,690, and the dress (Oscar de la Renta Tie Neck Pencil Dress) is $1,990. These two suits are both similar and more affordable (and both on sale!), and here's a similar plus-size option. (Also, totally not similar, but doesn't this striped blazer look much richer than $119?) (L-all)

Sales of note for 9.30.24

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Kat Griffin is the founder, publisher, and editor-in-chief of Corporette. You can read more about her here.

Comments

  1. Vent/Gift Question

    So I’m totally annoyed – two gifts that I ordered from the same retailer on Black Friday were shipped last week, but it appears they are not due to be delivered until tomorrow by the USPS. Our USPS mail service isn’t until the end of the day (like 7pm some nights) and my flight out is at 5pm. GRRR. I ordered this stuff nearly 4 weeks ago. So if you were in my shoes, what do you do? Do you go out and re-buy gifts tonight? Or ship after the fact? They are both for adults (my sisters in law) who are in their early 20s. So they totally understand the shipping thing, but these would represent 50% of the gifts they would be getting on xmas morning. Plus I would have to spend extra to ship separately later. (Not to mention the fact that the gifts will sit on my door step until next Tuesday when I get home.) GRRR. Thoughts?

    • Wildkitten

      I’d call the local post office and see if the can hold them and you can pick them up tonight.

      • Vent/Gift Question

        Can the USPS do that? I’ve had UPS do that with success, but I’ve always found the actual post office to be terrible about those kinds of things…

        • Wildkitten

          It probably depends on the person who answers the phone. You should call and ask. You might be able to pick it up tomorrow before your flight if you can’t today.

          • Rogue Banker

            If you catch them before end of business today, you should be able to ask them to hold the packages for pickup at the local post office – I’ve had to do that before. I’ll agree that it does depend on the person picking up the phone, though. Customer service with the post offices has been… let’s call it “inconsistent” and leave it at that. :P

    • Terry

      If UPS holding fails, I’d vote to wrap up a picture of the item (and an explanation) so they can be surprised on Christmas morning.

      • lawsuited

        +1 I’ve opened an internet print-out on many Christmas mornings! It’s torture for kids, but totally fine for adults. If the retailer guaranteed delivery by a certain date and is late, call the retailer to get a refund of your shipping fee, which will offset the cost of shipping to your SILs.

        • OP

          Sadly, because I ordered it so long ago, I went for the free shipping option. Which did indicate a potential for 14 days. That was more than 22 days ago though… again, GRRR. So annoying. I did all my shopping early to avoid the last minute rush and the crowds. Plans.thwarted.

  2. Paging 2005 grad looking for a DC recruiter

    I’m belatedly responding to the OP who got passed over for partnership, is in gov’t in DC, and wants to get back into Biglaw. If you’re really set on getting back into private practice, the one path I have seen work very well is to become an AUSA for a few years. I know several attorneys who left BigLaw as a senior associate, worked as an AUSA for 3-5 years, and then returned to BigLaw as counsel or even junior partner. Obviously this is not a short term solution and AUSA jobs are hard to get, but with your credentials you would at least be in the running. Also, I have heard that the DC Us Attorney’s Office is easier to crack into (maybe because you start out doing a rotation of DUIs and misdemeanors which not everyone wants to do).

    I’d encourage you also to explore other gov’t jobs. There are so many great agencies in DC that do challenging work. If you are interested in the private sector because of the money, look at agencies that don’t pay on the GS scale like SEC and CFPB. I have friends making $200 K + at those agencies.

    • Alana

      Is it possible for people from modest backgrounds to work for agencies such as the SEC and CFPB? I am interested in financial regulations and have a background in nonprofit work during and prior to law school. Currently I work at a social services-related federal agency and wonder if it is possible to make such a transition, and if so, how?

      • OP

        When you say “modest background”, do you mean non-top law school/not great grades, or something else? I don’t personally work at either agency, but I know a few people at the CFPB who are not from top law schools (I don’t know about their grades though). It certainly doesn’t hurt to apply. I think for these jobs (and any job for that matter), knowing someone on the inside is really, really helpful. Use your network/law school alumni/LinkedIn and try to find folks you know at these agencies that you can speak with and ask them for their advice and to keep you in mind when a position opens up.

    • Nope

      The DC AUSA’s office does not try DUIs (DC OAG does) and it’s one of the most competitive for hiring in the country.

      • OP

        I’m surprised by this comment. I know 3 AUSAs in DC, top law schools but only mid-level grades, and they got the jobs just 2 years out of law school. These candidates did not get offers at other US Attorney’s Offices. Also, they were in the criminal rotation, which requires you to start out handling misdemeanors (you are perhaps right that DUIs are not included). And I’m talking about the US Attorney’s Office in DC, not DC OAG.

    • Anonymous

      I get what you’re saying, but I hesitate to point that poster in the AUSA direction unless she REALLY wants it. I seem to recall that she may have the credentials, but you can no longer assume that 4-5 yrs in the US Atty’s Office guarantees you partnership or even a counsel role. That’s totally how it used to be and my firm was full of junior partners who worked at the US Attys office for 5 or so yrs and then cashed out with a partnership gig. But now I hear from my AUSA friends that it is VERY VERY difficult to get out and get into biglaw. Biglaw has gotten a LOT tighter and they really don’t want to give people a shot to develop a practice — that’s very likely why the original poster didn’t make it, not her work. Biglaw instead wants to take on folks with business, which an AUSA won’t have. So having trial skills may not compensate for lack of business and the fact that you’ve been out of law firm life for 5 yrs; trial skills don’t necessarily matter at every biglaw shop since most firms may have 1-2 trials per yr and everything else settles.

      The original poster seems unhappy with where she’s at, and if she wants to go back to a firm, she should find a way to do it — whether it’s biglaw or a smaller law firm that tends to poach from biglaw or whatever – even if it takes her another yr or 2 to make the switch. I don’t think anyone should sentence themselves to 5+ yrs of unhappiness on the hopes that it WILL get them to where they want to go bc if it doesn’t — they’ve wasted a lot of time being even more miserable and now feel even more stuck.

  3. Excited

    I am so excited.

    I posted a while back to get thoughts on working remotely and how to propose a working remotely plan to my boss (in order to relocate to where my husband has moved to for the next few years).

    Boss jumped the gun on me and mentioned offhand yesterday that if I need to relocate, it will not be a problem and we can work out the details.

    Gaaaaaaahhhh!

    I’ve been fretting about how to sell the plan, and now all I need to do is put together a rough version of logistical details to figure out the nitty gritty!

    Speechless and ecstatic :)

    • Ellen

      Yay! I love Oscar delaRenta! My mom wears alot of his clotheing ever since he dressed the President’s wife! Dad think’s it looks dumb on her b/c of her tuchus, but she insists that she dresses with a signature designer, so dad let’s it go.

      As for the OP, Kudo’s on getting to work remoteley. I think it is great to be abel to not go in every day. I wish I could work remotely so that I would not have to get pinched every day by Frank. He realy should NOT be pinching my tuchus — he has his own wife for that. If I could work from home I would be VERY productive. I could avoid haveing to commute every day and the time saved could be devoted to doeing extra work. Also, I could do laundry while working and then also watch some day time TV shows I can NOT watch when I am at work.

      I am staying late tonite so that I can get 1/2 of the rest of the hours billed to get to 500. I have to go with Myrna to the Catskills, but now there is no snow. Myrna’s friend will be comeing also. I do NOT know her. I do NOT know if there will be anyone else there w/o snow. There was a guy today in Grand Central station that said I looked pretty good for a lady — he was about 20, and way to young for me. At least some men still find me attractive beside’s the manageing partner’s brother. He said he had made reservations at the Harvard club after all. I hope they have good food there.

    • Anonymous

      Not trying to burst your bubble, but a similar thing was said to me often by many people in power (they knew my DH’s job would require us to eventually relocate) and then when that time came and I made the formal request it was summarily denied. So while this is definitely a good sign (and I will think good thoughts for you!!) try to moderate your expectations until everything is officially signed.

      • Bewitched

        Why say that? It’s possible her boss is nothing like your prior situation, so not sure how the wet blanket helps. Plus, let the woman be happy for like 12 seconds! OP, I think your news is great and I’m guessing it will all work out!

  4. Self Eval

    My workplace does self-evaluations (which it seems most people here hate). I’ve only been here since April and so this is my first time going through this process. I just got the form I’m supposed to fill out and one of the questions is “how would you rate your work compared with that of your colleagues?” I don’t even know how to answer this. The way most of us work we’re pretty siloed, but we do get to see others’ work product when it’s done. But we all have very different areas of specialization and so I honestly don’t have the expertise to evaluate my colleagues’ work compared with mine. What kind of question is this? The kind of work we do also doesn’t have very clear metrics and so it’s not like I can say “well Ann made 2,000 widgets but I made 2,3000.” I think in the past they didn’t have much formal accountability and this is a process that was just implemented a couple of years ago, so still working out the bugs, but, ugh. I don’t even know what to say.

    • Anonymous

      I would answer with what you just said. Or ” Bob makes apples. I make oranges. It is all delicious fruit”.

    • Serafina

      Maybe you could use this to point out what you think are your relative strengths – “I would rate myself particularly highly in doing X, and evidence by…” I also can’t think of any way to actually answer this question. Could you ask someone you trust how people generally answer this question? It seems like in the long run at least you have to advocate for yourself and say that your work is better than that of your colleagues (which seems like a bad culture to be building), but I think as a first-year you’re fine not really answering.

      Totally agree on the “ugh,” I would hate to have to answer a question like this!

      • Self Eval

        There are already sections on “achievements,” “key highlights,” “strengths,” and “areas for improvement.” This question is very specifically about how I think I compare to others. The thing is that this is so out of character for my workplace. It’s a non-profit and generally adheres to a really low-key management style. It’s one of the most down-to-earth, non-egotistical, supportive places I’ve ever worked. So being asked to compare myself to colleagues is just totally weird.

        • Anon

          I would just say something vague like we all work hard and do good work and I appreciate the supportive work environment or something

    • Anonymous

      another option is to highlight the good qualities that you have in common with your coworkers. ie. it’s clear that a strong work ethic is maintained by x, y, z in demonstrating consistent hours to get projects done. or people are timely. or people take pride in their work product. or they are responsive.. I am just throwing it out there. Lots more to compare than just outputs.

  5. Annie

    Paging Basically Trash or anyone else who knows —

    I’m curious about what was the thread that started this whole thing, with BT. I suppose I’m just bored, and it’s something that I’ve been wondering for the last few weeks when I read this blog.

    Does anyone know?

  6. Another wedding etiquette question...

    I know, duck and cover.

    I am traveling to a wedding, and I have a date who I am not romantically involved with, but is a good friend. He paid for his own ticket and half of our hotel room (3 nights). He mentioned splitting the rental car and I was like, no, don’t worry about it – which begs the question – who pays for what?

    I feel like since I’m the invitee and he’s just my guess, I should pay for everything, or at least the rental car and the wedding gift, as well as pick him up from the airport (at this point, since travel and hotel are booked). Or, can we just treat it like a normal travel trip together where we split everything? (We’ve traveled recreationally together as well) I feel like Emily Post would say I’m on the hook for everything.

    • Annie

      I think the answer to this is largely specific to you and your friend, and what would be normal for you. It would seem to me like the costs should be split, especially since if you’re staying for 3 nights, then this trip isn’t “just” about attending the wedding. You’ll be doing other stuff as well.

      My one thought is that you should take care of the gift for the couple.

    • Anonymous

      I think you go with Emily — you are the host. It is like he is going to your prom or sorority formal. If it were his prom, your job would be to be dressed up and ready to go and let him treat, no? He’s been generous so far, so maybe treat the rest?

      [He sounds like a nice guy — no possibilities? Maybe for the rest of us?]

      • Anonymous

        Eh, sometimes I wonder.

        I have a short list of eligible bachelor friends in DC, though.

    • Anonymous

      I don’t actually think this is an etiquette issue. I’d pay for the gift and the rental car and call it a day.

    • Anonymous

      I think you should offer to pay for everything, except perhaps his own plane ticket, since those are basically all things you’d need to pay for anyway and his being with you doesn’t add to the cost. It would probably be appropriate to cover all his costs, including the ticket, but since he’s already bought that I don’t think you need to fight him about it. The exception to that would be if you’re extending your trip and turning into a mini-vacation (3 nights of hotel suggests to me that might be the case), in which case splitting costs 50-50 seems more appropriate.

      I have to admit, the main thing that jumped out at me from your post was that you are sharing a hotel room with an opposite sex person with whom you’re not romantically involved. Is that common now? I never would have done this when single and I don’t know that any of my friends did either, but we’re all 35+ and have been married for a while so maybe we’re just Olds.

      • Blonde Lawyer

        I’ve done it married. Separate beds of course and someone my husband knows very well and trusts. Once was the night before or after a long hiking trip. The second was for a wedding or reunion weekend where husband flew in a day later. Four of us would eventually be in the one room but just two of us the first night. Ditto that hotel rooms are expensive, particularly in prime locations on prime weekends. If it was $150 Holiday Inn I wouldn’t care but for weddings I think we have faced $350-$400/night before.

        • OP

          It’s a “destination” wedding, per say – not in the islands, but an expensive city almost all attendees will make undertaking significant travel to get to.

      • Anonymous

        I’ve shared hotel rooms with friends like that and I’m 35… I think it’s pretty normal. You’re friends!

      • Anonymous

        I’ve done it all the time with platonic male friends. Same bed. I also used to crash in their dorm room when we didn’t want to walk back to mine late at night. Nothing ever happened.

      • Wildkitten

        It’s totally normal especially if there are two beds in the room, but I could swing it even with one.

      • Annie

        It is not something I would do, and I don’t know of any of my friends that have done that. (Late 20s.)

      • TBK

        I’m 38 and I think it’s totally normal. I’ve shared rooms, beds, etc. with platonic male friends.

      • Anonymous

        I think sharing hotel rooms is pretty normal, even if you’re married, but am really surprised by the comments saying bed-sharing is ok . I would flip if my husband said he was going to share a bed with another woman, even someone I knew and trusted. And I don’t think of myself as particularly jealous. He has lots of female friends and I know and like them and am totally fine with the relationships. But sharing a bed (in a one-on-one overnight away situation, not like 10 friends are having a party and a guy and a girl fall asleep on the same couch kind of thing)??? Maybe I’m just a huge prude, but that would be 100% not ok in my book.

        • Annie

          I don’t think room-sharing (and especially not bed-sharing) is normal. I would not be okay with my husband sharing a room with a platonic female friend.

          And part of it is just the appearance of it. I used to be in a job that involved travel, and we had a bunch of females (who each had their own hotel rooms), and then a male intern (who would be on the hook to pay for his own room if he came with us). Our boss joked about which girl would house the guy. He was a perfectly nice kid, but neither I nor any of the other women were comfortable “hosting” him. It just didn’t feel right to me. Plus, there is the aspect of appearance of it all.

          I’m sure to some people this seems sticky or fuddy duddy. But to me it is just what is comfortable and feels right.

        • Anonymous

          Sharing a bed is weird if you’re married or are in a relationship, but if you’re both single and are just friends and for some reason it’s the only option, it’s not weird.

          • OP

            I’ve stayed in a hotel room with married friends of the opposite gender traveling solo as well, once or twice, not super common. Separate beds and nothing resembling anything happened.

      • Anonymous

        I’ve shared rooms and beds with platonic male friends when I was single, shared a hotel room and bed with a female friend since I’m married and shared a room as a married couple with a single friend, and I’m nearly 40. Hotel rooms are so expensive!

      • OP

        We’re both in our late 20’s and have done this before in a couple situations (as well as the falling asleep on the couch thing). It never occurred to me it might be weird! Though I guess my grandmother would maybe be scandalized to hear it – I check the reservation and we have two beds, though I wouldn’t have an issue with one if that was what it came down to.

        If it was a business trip I’d 100% want my own space. I made the mistake once of letting friends who were attending a conference stay in my room when I was working.

    • TO Lawyer

      There is a podcast called Awesome Etiquette hosted by the grandchildren (I think) of Emily Post which is delightful. They actually answered a similar question to this on the most recent episode. At the very least, I would say you should definitely pay for the gift.

  7. This suit

    I like it! I just watched The Sound of Music (actually, a subtitled Sing Along with The Sound of Music), and it is is a wee bit Baroness Schraeder (that is not a bad thing in my book). But OMG, not with those shoes on the right!

    • Cat

      I also watched the sing-along! I had no idea re: some of the lyrics of the puppet show, so that was fun to learn :)

  8. Godzilla

    I WANT TO GO HOME BUT ALL OF MY COWORKERS ARE BEING PRODUCTIVE AND THAT’S JUST WRONG

    • August

      Same here..especially because I am going on a long vacation starting tomorrow…But these guys are forcing me to be productive till I leave tonight.. :-(

    • Jules

      I thought things would be quiet and I would wind up a lot of things before the holiday but All the Clients are calling because want to wind up their own things (i.e., give them to me) before the holiday. I’ve been on the phone all day. Rawrr.

    • Wildkitten

      Whoa. I am working all week but nobody else is in the office and I am totally just cleaning out my inboxes – not being actually productive! Who are those monsters you work with?

      • Anonymous

        Transactional attorneys on year-end closings? Busiest month of the year, every year.

          • Anonymous

            Maybe (no offense Godzilla, I’m a longtime lurker but can’t say I’ve ever paid that close of attention to remember anyone’s field).

            I was just speaking generally as to one example of people still in full blown work mode.

      • TO Lawyer

        Litigation lawyers who set deadlines for the end of December instead of early January as I suggested?

        I’m clearly bitter about this because I’m the only associate still working and all I want to do is go home. Or get a massage. Or both…

      • Anon

        FINANCE PROFESSIONALS CLOSING THE BOOKS.

        The newborn king was very inconsiderate with his birthday. It’s like he doesn’t understand year-end work.

      • Trish

        I started a new job yesterday! This job has been months in the works and I am “already behind” due to red tape before I could start. Busy!

    • Rogue Banker

      Don’t these fools know it’s supposed to be Vacation Time? RAAAWR indeed!

    • Suzy

      I’m here in Sydney Australia and everyone else in the whole city is at the beach!!! But on 26th I am flying to USA then Caribbean – YAH!!!!!!!

  9. Stressed

    Ladies, I need advice. My husband and I are both big law associates (he’s super big law and I’m regular big law on a reduced hours schedule). We have an 8 month old daughter. We are starting to have major communication issues to the point where he doesn’t tell me important information relating to our schedule. Most of it is due to him being extremely stressed and slammed at work right now, part of it is due to his personality and just not being that organized with his personal life. I guess what I’m asking is, do you have any communication systems in place with your SO that you resort to when you’re both insanely busy (as in we’re outsourcing everything there possibly is to outsource because we don’t have time to do anything but work and take care of our daughter). We already have a shared google calendar where I calendar all of our events (daughter’s doc appts, our social events, even our individual events so that the other person knows what’s going on, our bills, etc.). The problem comes into play when he finds out information but doesn’t share it with me, so the key is how to get that information from him, which is challenging when he’s slammed at work b/c he forgets to tell me. Any thoughts? Thanks in advance.

    • Two Cents

      My husband and I use texts for this purpose. As soon as something comes up where the other person needs to know, we send a text that probably takes about 30 seconds to write. I find it particularly useful when we’re busy and don’t have a lot of time to talk on the phone during the day.

      • Stressed

        Thanks Two Cents, we do text regularly, I guess the key is getting him to send me that text when he gets the info. I’m so frustrated right now. The most recent thing that popped up is he’s known for a week now that we won’t have childcare tomorrow, and he literally just told me TODAY.

        • Anon

          So do you have to deal with the child care situation? Because if he knew for a week and didn’t say hey we need to figure something out, then I would leave him to deal with it. (Assuming you trust him to do so, of course.) It will probably be a pain and then he will start to remember!

        • Anonymous

          His brain and caring would seem to be the key issue. He doesn’t tell you about childcare? He finds a solution. You leave for work as normal.

          • Stressed

            Hahaha at his brain and caring. Ok, I’m pleasantly surprised that you ladies are suggesting leaving him to deal with it. I have been tempted to do that but then I feel bad. To give a little more detail, I’m in a slight lull at work this week so I don’t think I’ll have hardly anything to do tomorrow, whereas he’s doing like 15 hour days for the past few weeks. Not trying to make excuses for him, but I guess the point is I DO have time to help watch our daughter tomorrow. But then I also do want to “teach him a lesson” so to speak but is that vindictive and petty of me?

          • Wildkitten

            You don’t want to teach him a lesson to be mean, you want him to feel the consequences so he internalizes the importance of being a team player for the next 18-22 years.

          • Anonymous

            My advice actually changes then. You said you were equally busy. I do think it’s petty to refuse to help if you have no work. But I think being on Team Us means you pitch in this time, but make it very clear it is a favor you are doing not an expectation.

    • TBK

      What kind of information? If it’s scheduling, can his secretary input it into a calendar you can access? It might be easier for him to just immediately hand the info to her rather than waiting until he sees you again to remember to tell you.

      • Stressed

        TBK, you always give great advice, glad you read this! So I just posted above, but for example he’s known for a week that we won’t have childcare tomorrow (his mom watches our daughter 2 days a week and then we have a nanny 3 days a week). His mom told him last week she wouldn’t be able to come tomorrow, and he just told me today. So he expects us to tag team and watch her tomorrow and take shifts. It’s going to be doable but I’m SO annoyed that I’m just finding out the day before.

        • Anonymous

          Tell him no!! How else will he learn? “No. This is your problem. You knew for a week and didn’t tell me. I don’t care that you’re busy, we both are, and it’s unacceptable for you to dump this on me.”

          • Stressed

            Anonymous, I was totally tempted to do that, but the truth is I do have a bit of a lull at work right now (as in I don’t expect anything to pop up tomorrow or for the rest of the week). So then I feel bad if I go into the office and then not bill anything all day, ugh.

          • Wildkitten

            If this is the first time this has happened and you have a lull, you can spot him one. But if this has happened several times and he assumes you will always have a lull, he needs to feel the consequences.

          • Stressed

            Wildkitten, you always give great advice too – thanks for chiming in. I like the idea of spotting him one, ha. This particular issue (of him knowing about childcare and not telling me) has never happened before.

            Maybe what I’ll do is give him the pass for tomorrow given the circumstances, but then only under the condition that he calls his mom tonight and tells her that any childcare related scheduling stuff has to go through me, and then if it happens again then he’s SOL the next time. And also take 1 hour out this week, no phones no computers, and talk about all of this crap.

          • Killer Kitten Heels

            While I see the practical benefit in telling your MIL to route childcare stuff through you, I don’t know that I’d do this unless you’re prepared to become the keeper of all of the things for the next several decades – if you just take something off his plate every time he messes it up, your H will just continue to do this to you. I’d make a big point of making it clear that you’re “spotting him one,” so to speak, this time around, and plan to let him deal with his own self-created problem the next time something like this pops up.

          • Anonymous

            Stop it. The solution isn’t you taking on even more emotional labor or putting a burden on his mom. He needs to be an adult and take responsibility.

        • TBK

          Aww, thanks. If he’s really slammed and it’s a short term thing (end of year closings, upcoming trial, etc.) it might be easiest to just have information go around him for the time being. For example, your MIL can contact you directly with childcare stuff. Yes, it’s a short term fix, and yes, the risk is that you then become the Keeper of All Knowledge forever, but if it’s clearly time limited and you can commit to coming up with a new solution after the deadline for whatever has him slammed, he might have more head space to help you really find a solution that works. (By the way, what’s super big law? Isn’t big law big law?) If it’s not a short term thing, then I would suggest you find an hour when you’re both free and schedule a conversation about this. He might not think it’s a priority but putting it on the calendar as a problem you need to solve together will help him to realize how big a problem it is while also giving him (and you) the space to figure out a fix.

          • Stressed

            TBK, yes, I was thinking that – to tell him to tell my MIL that she has to communicate directly with me on anything related to childcare scheduling. (The “super big law” I just made up, I mean that he bills more like 2500-2600 hours a year and even before my reduced schedule I never had to and never did bill much more than 2000).

          • Stressed

            Wildkitten, he’s usually the communicator/scheduler with his mom, and I’m the communicator/scheduler with our nanny (we have nanny 3 days a week and his mom 2)

          • Anonymous

            “Isn’t Big Law Big Law?” No way. Skadden is very different than some firm no one has heard of at the bottom of the AmLaw 200. I think most people around here define Big Law as large law firms that pay market salaries and certainly the AmLaw 100 is all big law. There’s a HUGE range in there.

          • TBK

            If she’s working a reduced schedule and he’s billing 2600 hrs, then it might make sense for her to handle childcare scheduling. If that results in balance. To me, what matters is whether, over all, both people in a couple have the same amount of work and same amount of free time (which can be tricky to determine — is cooking dinner while listening to a fun podcast the same as spending the same amount of time banging out a brief? maybe. but maybe not.). If she works, say, 40 hrs/wk and does 30 hrs/wk home/child care work, that seems to be the same as him working 60 hrs/wk and doing 10 hrs home child/care.

      • Blonde Lawyer

        Doesn’t solve your current problem but I was going to suggest what TBK suggested. I’ve seen this done at another place I worked really successfully. Your jobs blend personal and work time so personal time ends up needing to be on the work calendar so you don’t double book. You don’t have to say what it is if you don’t want but I typically do. I have “pet duty” on my calendar when my husband is out of town for example so my assistant doesn’t book anything after 6 pm for me. In the old firm example, the respective assistants of a married couple at different firms consulted each other for scheduling things after hours for the couple. So one might say “I’m scheduling Joe for travel on x dates, does that appear to work on Jane’s schedule?” Then the individuals only got hassled where there were conflicts. Once something was scheduled the assistants sent it to each other to add to the other’s calendar if it was outside of “normal” hours. Then it would just get on your calendar right away.

    • Serafina

      There might be some way to make this a bit easier for him – but it sounds like he needs to suck it up and recognize that communicating crucial information to you is an essential part of being a father and needs to be prioritized.

      • Stressed

        Serafina, yes! Agreed! I don’t know how to get that to sink into him. A b*tchy side of me wants to be like sorry, you’re on your own tomorrow (with our daughter) and go into the office

        • Aunt Jamesina

          I don’t think that’s b*tchy at all. It’s fair. Maybe you don’t have tons of crazy, time-sensitive work to do, but you do have SOME work, no?

          I feel you. I don’t get how my husband is somehow able to prioritize and calendar things for work, yet when it comes to his personal life, he flies by the seat of his pants and it often blows up in his face. We don’t have kids yet, but I’ve been very up-front about the fact that he needs to get his sh*t together in this department because I refuse to pick up the pieces. He’s a great partner in many ways, but it drives me nuts that men are socialized to be “bad” at these things.

    • Maddie Ross

      We do outlook calendar invites to each other for after-work activities, travel, and kid stuff. But that only works if both people are on board. Agree with TBK that perhaps his secretary can help if it’s work related and include you when s/he puts his stuff in.

      • mascot

        We do this too and it works pretty well. I’m willing to give up a little bit of privacy to only have to keep one calendar.

    • Anonymous

      So. I disagree a bit.

      OP, I totally get why you’re frustrated and you definitely need to work out some system where he does a better job of communicating with you so you don’t find you have no childcare at the last minute when he’s known for two weeks. That said, I think many of the commenters are making a huge leap to “he’s an entitled jerk.” As the wife of a VERY forgetful, spacey, disorganized but incredibly loving person, I don’t think this means he is a bad person. It is a practical problem that needs a solution, however.

      I also don’t think it’s the worst thing in the world that you are shouldering the bulk of the child care responsibility and planning. You have made a (hopefully joint) decision for you to have a less demanding job and it makes sense for more of the childcare to fall on you. If you were saying you both bill 2,500 a year and he’s not being an equal partner, I’d join everyone else in saying “step it up jerkface husband.” But that’s not the situation here. You don’t have equally demanding jobs, and when you’re a parent and you work a reduced schedule and your partner does not, it’s expected that you will take on more of the work at home than your partner. Especially since you admit you don’t have much to do tomorrow and he’s been pulling crazy hours, it’s just petty to dump this problem on him and go to work, even if it is a problem he should have warned you about earlier.

      • Amy H.

        +1. With the additional emphasis that while *either* lawyer spouse/parent is pulling (truly) 15-hour days — whether for transactional year-end closing or for trial — that is exactly *not* the time to make a point/teach that spouse a lesson. Someone working 15-hour days is doing all they can just to breathe and not die. And forcing them to cover childcare to make a point could cause them serious harm at work. As teammates, I would not ever do this to my spouse. Now, if he/she started doing this all the time while working 8-9 hour days, that is a completely different story….

      • Trish

        My husband and I are not good at the same things. You have to find out what you will each take care of over the next 17 or 18 years and let the other’s faults alone.

    • Trish

      You may need a full time nanny with MIL for backup with that schedule. And you should be the one communicating with both MIL and nanny. He works more hours than you do.

    • Meg Murry

      Based on what you’ve said about communication, especially childcare, could you go to a super low tech solution of asking nanny and MIL to communicate things both of you need to know (MIL can’t watch baby Dec 23rd, almost out of diapers/milk/formula, upstairs toilet is running constantly, FYI kid we had a play date with last week has chicken pox) on a whiteboard on the fridge? Super low tech, gets the job done. Or if MIL and nanny are tech-y, you could ask them to email/text you both – not unlike how when my direct report says “hey boss, can I take off December 23rd?” I say “sure, but email me and the admin and put it on your calendar so I’ll remember”.

      Although I also think its reasonable to keep the division as you mentioned before – he deals with MIL (and figure out a solution days she can’t work) and you deal with nanny logistics, but that means he has to communicate with you if he can’t handle it – and assuming the 2 of you will tag team isn’t communicating.

  10. Still Broken

    I just need to vent. I dated a guy for about 5 years. We lived together. I was part of his family. For the majority of the relationship I always had a feeling about this one girl he was friends with. They had been F buddies in between serious relationships. Anyway, I had a nagging feeling that he really wanted to be with her. He told me over and over he didn’t. He was not very present in the relationship towards the end and we weren’t moving forward. He couldn’t tell me that he saw himself marrying me – couldn’t even say he wanted to get married at all. It was all really sad because we were very good friends at the heart of it. I moved out. This was almost three years ago (I know… I know… move on right? )

    A few months later I found out they were dating.

    Fast forward to today… when I find out that they’re engaged. The timing is shit because my Gentleman Friend and I just ended things on Saturday because the distance was just too much (also very sad).

    I’m furious, hurt, spinning in my head. I feel so unlovable. I’m so sick of getting the “you’re such a special, amazing, wonderful girl… someone is going to see that just as much as I do but be able to give you what you deserve” bullsh*t. I just want to hide in my bed forever.

    • Anon

      They are cute but I probably wouldn’t pay more than like $30 for them. If I’m going to pay that kind of money for shoes I’m going to get heels or boots.

    • Wildkitten

      Yes. So many opinions. I’m on my second pair. They are very expensive and not especially “nice” looking – they get scuffed and are casual. They also aren’t especially comfortable – find for running errands, but not great for sightseeing.

      That said – they are workhorses and are my go to shoe. I wear them on casual workdays, walk my commute in them, and wear them on weekends. I wear them if I am not wearing heels or sneakers. My first pair lasted me 18 months and I just started on my second. I was sick of buying new flats every 3-4 months when I wore through them and was glad to be able to just buy the tieks and have shoes to wear. I also found the life extended if I put shoe polish on the scuffs of my black pair.

      I also got a $50 discount off the $175 pair each time, so look for coupons.

  13. Judy Jetson

    Reposting from the afternoon thread:
    I’m planning to buy a Lo&Sons Pearl bag as an Xmas gift to myself but can’t decide between the Saffiano leather or the Napa leather. I’m worried the Napa will scratch more easily, but I find some other Saffiano bags to be too stiff when I am trying to hunt around in them for my wallet, keys, etc. Does anyone have one or the other and want to weigh in?

    I’m leaning towards black but would love to hear votes for another color as well.

    Thank you for any input! Had a crazy year at work and looking forward to treating myself.

    • CTAtty

      I have the pearl in black Napa leather and don’t find it to scratch easily. No experience with the Lo& Sons saffiano, though.

    • Wildkitten

      When I bought my (nylon) Lo & Sons I ordered two with the full intention to return one. They suggested it since they don’t have storefronts.

    • Scarlett

      So I bought the napa leather pearl and have to say I’m disappointed in it – it’s just not a rich leather if that makes sense. The bag just seems really cheap. It worked for my needs (travel bag) but I don’t think I’ll be using it for much else.

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