Suit of the Week: Reiss

84 Comments

1. Does anyone have the Botkier Stella pump? Do you like them? How’s the fit?

2. How do you deal with fatigue? I’m doing the usual things – been to a doctor to rule out medical problems, mindfulness meditation, daily exercise, keeping up a social life – but I’m still exhausted a lot of the time. Even small things like emptying the dishwasher feel like a lot of effort. How do you recharge when you feel this way?

   For context: no kids, lovely supportive partner who does a decent share of the housework and cooking, some problems with anxiety/depression (therapy isn’t an option, it’s very inaccessible in my country), high stress work environment, but very contained in 9-5 hours.

   1. Anti depressants

   2. Did you get good bloodwork done? This sounds like me when I am not taking enough thyroid hormone replacement. I have hypothyroidism and it is very common

      1. Fatigue and anxiety can also be symptoms of hyperthyroid. Fatigue because you never get good-quality rest even if you sleep a lot.

      2. Get iron levels tested too! I had anemia that iron pills treated fine after I realized the problem but wow the exhaustion was unreal

         1. B12 anemia will also produce some serious fatigue.

            1. (And, I discovered, is not easily ruled out by labs.)

         2. +1 My iron levels were shockingly low as a result of fibroids.

   3. What did the MD already rule out? Are you napping a lot or just low energy?

      When I’ve felt that way in the past it’s been various things– low iron, low vit D and low B. Also had a sleep assessment and had mild apnea (I think the apnea was the biggest thing).

   4. As mentioned already, I’d make sure your doctor checked your vitamin D and iron levels. Maybe vitamin B too? Also, run through a list of your medications to see if any of them cause fatigue as a side effect and then look for an alternative. Depression is a real possibility here as well. This is the first way it manifests in me. Finally, I added an hour of sleep (up to 9 from 8) several years ago and it did WONDERS for my afternoon energy level. If you’re currently getting 7 (or less–agghh, noo!!) try adding an hour each night and see if you feel better. Oh, one more idea, nature can be super helpful. Just put on some tennis shoes and get outside for a half hour after work. Make it non-negotiable. Good luck–I hope you feel better soon.

      1. +1 – a high does Vitamin D pill and the sublingual B6/B12 bills daily (without stopping, even when I feel ‘normal’) made a huge difference for me.

   5. Sorry I didn’t see your medical already looked at- for me, reading fiction takes me really to another place, any kind of exercise but if it gets my heart rate up that’s best, favorite music…and yes being outdoors for a little while helps too, good luck to you!

3. What’s everyone’s thoughts on jumpsuits for casual workplaces? I was strongly against, but I’m warming up to the idea, as long as they fit the other standard professional requirements – not too tight, no cleavage, sleeves, fabric that isn’t revealing, etc. I used to think they were too “fashiony” to be acceptable, but as they become more mainstream, I am on the fence. Are jumpsuits the new above-the-ankle trouser?

   It’s also possible that my views are being skewed by the preponderance of jumpsuits on fashion blogs, so who knows?

   1. I’ve done one in my business casual office. Black, worn with heels and accessoried with a belt. I’m sure some of the older partners thought I was wearing black pants and blouse but I felt like it added a fresh element to my wardrobe. Avoid a casual vibe and it’s fine.

      1. +1 I threw a blazer over mine. I would be surprised if anyone noticed it wasn’t pants + top. It’s very plain ans the pants part looks and fits like my wide leg trousers.

   2. Hideously awful. Not appropriate.

   3. IDK — the waist/rise is always wrong on me. It’s like wearing bad drapey mom-jeans.

   4. I think it depends. I have a friend who wears off the shoulder dresses to her real estate marketing job so a jumpsuit would probably be fine at her company. I work in a male dominated old school industry so it probably wouldn’t go over as well here. But perhaps in Fridays, when we can wear jeans.

   5. I have a jumpsuit that I rotated in/out of my summer work wardrobe. I always wore a cardigan with it because, well, spaghetti straps. I always received compliments and I felt fantastic in it! I would wear it more if going to the restroom wasn’t such an event.

   6. Hard no. Be edgy fashionable on your own time. This isn’t really about jumpsuits per se. It’s about the fact that any article of clothing that illicits strong reactions is not what I want to be known for in the workplace. Perhaps if you worked in a creative field where everyone was edgy…maybe. But make yourself known for your work not your wardrobe.

      1. You may want to reconsider your position on workplace dress. To get to an executive level, having a personal brand is Necesssry and how you present yourself makes a difference. I have an edgy, identifiable style, and I’ve made that part of my brand (in addition to doing good work, which will never speak for itself). I’m sure I wouldn’t sit where I do in my company absent the work plus brand plus political capital. Playing it safe doesn’t get you the corner office.

   7. I think it depends on the jumpsuit. I have a jersey knit one that is very casual and I would not wear to work. However, I have too that are very formal and professional looking and wear them often to the office. I don’t think jumpsuits are per se an office no-no. Just like anything else, it depends on the formality of the jumpsuit itself.

      1. * Sorry, I meant two!

   8. I’m sure there is a jumpsuit out there that would look fine in a workplace, but I can’t picture it right now.

   9. Fine for my work from a fashion standpoint. I’m not quite sure how it would be a problem – they just look like a matching pant and top. I will caution that when I’ve worn one, going to the bathroom is a major pain.

4. We really really try not to have any plans on Sunday evening, saving it for family dinner and dance parties in the kitchen. A friend just asked us to dinner on Sunday night. We want to decline. What’s the best way? I don’t want to hurt her feelings or seem weird.

   1. Sorry, but we have an early morning the next day? I don’t think that seems weird at all unless she already knows that you are total night owls. I also don’t think anyone should feel hurt when someone declines an invitation on a “work night.”

   2. I think it’s like a real honor when someone asks you to dinner. This is special. I’d go or counter with a “we’d love, to, but we have this family tradition of family dance parties. We can throw on an extra steak / burger if you’d like to come partake.”

      This sounds like a good friend.

      1. +1 I am the sole single friend among many couples and friends. I TOTALLY get wanting some family-only time, but if you don’t mind opening the invite, please do! It makes my day when friends do this for me. I don’t mind if your house isn’t perfect, or your kids are bouncing off the walls. I just appreciate the company.

         1. Just to counter this, I find my friends without kids stay too late, and I feel terrible hinting that they should leave, much less outright telling them. I can’t stay up entertaining someone past 10 on a “school night.” Even if they leave at 10, I still have dishes and laundry etc to take care of.

            Please just keep that in mind for when you do get invited.

            1. It’s not your single friend’s fault they stay too late, it’s your fault that you don’t communicate well. Don’t blame someone for wanting to spend time with you. Be direct and say, “alright, it’s close to the kiddo’s bedtime, would you like some food to go?”. It’s just not that hard.

            2. Oh my god, just tell them! If it’s more comfortable to tell them in advance, that works too.

            3. Then you need to tell them. “Hey, I’d love it if you came for dinner, but just FYI, I need to be in bed by Xpm!” And then when Xpm rolls near, gently remind. As another single friend, I’m never offended when parent friends (or non-parent friends!) let me know that the evening is ending because they need to get up early or whatever. But if they keep hanging out and chatting, I assume that they’re cool staying up. I’m not a jerk…. but I’m also not a psychic.

   3. “Oh gosh, I’m so sorry we can’t. Please keep us in mind for another time, maybe a Saturday. We’d love to join you!”

      Miss Manners frequently writes about the beauty of a simple no. Explanations are rarely needed.

      1. I feel like you have to say something about how Sunday doesn’t work though. Otherwise they may keep inviting you on that day and then conclude you don’t like them when you keep declining.

   4. Tell her you save Sundays for family time and ask if you could do Saturday instead? This doesn’t seem that complicated.

      1. +1

   5. Just tell her you’re busy. If you want to foster the friendship, propose another day.

   6. “I’m so sorry, but we won’t be able to make it on Sunday. Would you like to meet us for dinner on Saturday night next week?”

   7. “Sorry, we can’t how about the following Saturday?”

   8. I’d say that you reserve Sunday nights for family dinner and you’d enjoy scheduling for another time. My parents and I still reserve one night per week to have dinner together and we all love it. My friends know I’m not available that evening.

   9. Say you can’t and suggest another day. Don’t make it harder on yourself than you have to!

5. Resources for supporting spouse through loss? DH lost his relatively young father very suddenly almost 6 months ago, and just 30 days before our daughter/first grandchild was born. They were extremely close. He’s not that close to MIL and SIL is aloof and lives on the other side of the globe. Somehow we’ve made it this far since his death and her birth, but I’m struggling now. Any good books or blogs to point me to?

   1. Has he done grief counseling? That really helped my DH and wish I’d encouraged it sooner. You can support by figuring out insurance requirements and recommended grief counselors in your area.

6. Planning a roadtrip in mid October from Southern California up to Southern Oregon.
   Any must-see or must-do activities?

   We are planning to stop in Carmel, Napa, Cathedral City + 4-5 days in Coos Bay area.

   1. What’s in Cathedral City? San Diego or LA would be way more interesting. Carmel and Napa are good stops though.

      1. Cathedral city is near the Redwoods.
         Trip is northbound starting from SD — prefer to have somewhere to stop to break up the driving between Napa and Coos Bay vs doing all in one day.

         1. *Correction – Crescent City, not Cathedral City

         2. Ah must be a different one. I thought you were referring to the one in SoCal near Palm Springs.

   2. We did a similar trip a couple of years ago! I loved Carmel and Sonoma. Also check out:

      – Solvang, a cute town just North of Santa Barbara

      – Elephant seal rookery in (or very near) Cambria, CA. (Also, spend the night in Cambria if time permits, it’s very cute and I think in October they have a scarecrow contest that the whole town participates in.)

      – Avenue of the Giants was one of my favorite stops

      Enjoy your trip!

      1. Ooh if you go to Solvang definitely make time to stop at the ostrich farm on the way in (you can’t miss it, it’s pretty well advertised.) We drove past it for years thinking it was too schlocky or something, but I personally love schlocky so i finally talked the family into it.

         Everyone loved it and it was much less schlocky than we thought it would be. You get to feed ostriches and emus and some other large kind of bird I can’t remember. I could kick myself for all of those years we drove right by. (We are native Californians and do a Pismo Beach/Santa Barbara trip almost every year)

         Save some of your food for the birds at the end of the path. Everyone feeds the ones up front so the ones at the end are much more excited to see you.

         And speaking of schlocky, if you do Avenue of the Giants, DEFINITELY stop by one of the touristy stores and see all the Bigfoot themed merch.

   3. Here ya go–

      https://www.sunset.com/travel/california/california-travel-101

      https://www.sunset.com/travel/wests-best-road-food

      Sunset has great travel guides for all of these destinations. The search on their website itself is lacking by use the goog and you’ll get great tips. Sunset never ever steers me wrong.

      In my opinion, I would recommend stopping in Sonoma, not Napa, or alternately in Anderson Valley. Tasting rooms are friendlier and cheaper, varietals of wine are more broad, and you will actually be able to buy stuff–the price of land in Napa is so absurd that everything is $80 a bottle and up. If you’ve never ever been to Napa, go, but…know that. Also know that the town of Napa itself is not as cute as some of the other towns. I recommend not staying in Napa.

      Enjoy! Should be a great trip!

      1. In Sonoma, I recommend the day spa at the Fairmont and the Girl and the Fig for dinner. It’s wonderful – enjoy!

         Go see a play at the Shakespeare Festival in Ashland, Oregon.

         If you’re driving up the coast, then I love Hearst Castle in San Simeon, and I also really dig the Big Sur River Inn – have lunch, and then sit in an Adirondack chair in the river and experience bliss. Avila Beach is one of my all time favorite places to experience the California coast – it’s just a perfect tiny beach town.

         The Monterey Bay Aquarium is totally worth it.

         There are a million state parks off the side of Hwy 1 and many have great walks and visits. My favorites include Lime Kiln, Andrew Molina for the hike out to the beach, Point Lobos, and Montana de Oro.

      2. I prefer Napa. It is more expensive and more touristy but it offers a lot more than just wine. I much prefer the scenery and food in Napa. If you don’t stay in Yountville I don’t think of lodging in Napa as being much more expensive than Sonoma – lodging in downtown Sonoma is crazy expensive.

   4. Monterey and Big Sur are really, really not to be missed. They are some of the most beautiful stretches of California coastline.

      1. Monterey and Carmel are super close. You can easily stay in one and see the other. Big Sur is a bit further, but I agree you should drive by it. I don’t think you need to stay over though.

   5. I love Hearst Castle. Stay in Cambria and have brunch at Linn’s Fruit Bin and buy some ollallieberry jam to take home.

   6. In Carmel, if you stay in Carmel Valley you can avoid the coastal fog,

7. Anyone feel like their spouse doesn’t love them quite as much as they love their spouse? How do you handle?

   He is generally considerate and thoughtful, put me through law school and supports my career ambitions. We are vastly different personality wise, but it works in a complementary way. While I think this is partly due to our differences, I do think at the end of the day I feel things more strongly (he’s very relaxed) and I just want to feel pursued and like someone is crazy about me (because I think he is generally super awesome and I feel lucky to have him in my life).

   We have these convos all the time, so he knows, but it bums me out because things are going really well in every other space of my life–I want that same awesomeness in our relationship. I don’t know, just generally have the blues on this topic.

   1. sending you internet hugs…

      Does it ebb and flow, or has this been a consistent thing for the two of you? I’ve found that I have sometimes felt that way about my husband, and other times have been more accepting that he loves me, just differently, because we are wired differently.

   2. To me this immediately sounds like it’s a “season of life” issue. It also sounds fixable, and may not require much (if any?) change from your partner. I’d start with individual therapy, or maybe confiding in a very close girlfriend, if you have one that fits the bill. Therapy may be able to help you unpack how you can feel more loved, which you can then communicate to your spouse. We all feel and give love differently. Also, check out the love languages book if you haven’t already. I think it’s a bit simplistic (I disagree with his conclusion/premise that nearly everyone has a sole primary love language) but it will definitely provide some additional vocabulary when discussing things.

   3. This sounds like a case for reading the 5 Love Languages. You’re more passionate; he’s less so — that doesn’t mean he doesn’t love you, or love you as much?

      1. This!

   4. He’s your spouse! What’s he pursuing you for? He already got you! I think this is worth working through in individual therapy- this is about your insecurity. He put you through law school! He’s considerate and thoughtful and loves you, you just need some help seeing that.

      1. This too. A husband won’t pursue you. Did you marry young?

   5. I’m single now, but that was definitely missing in my last relationship and I think I’ve decided it’s something I definitely need in any future relationship.

      Anyway, I know how you’re feeling and why you’re bummed. I’m sorry you’re not getting the excitement and enthusiasm you want from your partner.

   6. Eh – I think you are trying to quantify his level of love using your metric instead of his. He demonstrates his love in a different way (support thru law school, support generally, low-key consistency) than you are expecting (effusive, constant date nights?), so maybe you have a mismatch of love languages, but I don’t think you can definitively say he loves you less, just because he’s not as demonstrative as you think you want.

      Do you want him to be more demonstrative? Schedule more date nights? What? If that’s a thing you are trying to recapture, then talk to him about it!

   7. My husband is the best man on the planet and he is crazy about me.

      But. Especially early on, he was not a feelings-talker. At all. I sat him down and asked about it, and he said “I let my actions speak for me.” And the best thing I ever, ever, EVER did was to take him at his word. Because each and every one of his actions shouts “I love you!” at the top of its lungs. Over time he has gotten more feelings-talky but still I use my words way more than he does, and I watch his actions and I am super happy.

      That said, if this is something you need and he’s not able to give it to you, talking about it isn’t going to fix it. You are going to have to decide if it’s a deal-breaker or an acceptable price of admission to the relationship.

   8. Read the love languages. It helped me a lot. I am an unusual female in that my love language is physical. I don’t feel adored unless my husband is grabbing my butt (only my husband, not your assorted federal judges and so forth.)

      My husband was raised to be more respectful than that so he wasn’t a butt grabber, and it became obvious in reading the book that his love language is acts of service. So he does the laundry and makes sure my oil changes are up to date (not a euphemism!)

      Once I figured that out, I felt more loved, and I also learned to express my love for him in his preferred language.

      Also, he grabs my butt more often now. :)

      1. ALSO just take a moment to look at cultural messages. Look at our movies. Movies aimed at women and girls are romances, and generally feature a man who is completely and totally obsessed with the female lead. Sometimes he’s a total a-hole, but it turns out that he’s just that way because he loves the female lead so much! What an awesome message for our girls! (Twilight anyone?)

         Movies aimed at men are completely different. Whether they are buddy comedies or action flicks, the male leads are DEFINITELY not obsessed with a particular woman. Usually they’re just hyper masculine womanizers and to the extent they get with a particular woman, it’s because she is gorgeous with a perfect body, wants to service him s3xually all the time, and is super cool about him hanging with his buddies or going off on a spy adventure that may or may not involve womanizing.

         So I’m just saying, your need to be demonstrably adored is certainly your prerogative, but may be partly the result of your own cultural programming, while your husband was not culturally programmed in the same way. It doesn’t mean he doesn’t adore you, it’s just that adoration may mean something else to him, like putting you through law school.

8. Have any of you been advised to take a vitamin D supplement by your doctor? I just had my annual checkup and my bloodwork showed significantly low vitamin D so my doctor told me to take vitamin D.

   At the drugstore everything was labeled D3 which isn’t what he said. A quick google recommended gummies and taking with food because they are fat soluble. I ended up buying one jar of gummies that combine calcium and D3, and one jar of just D3 gummies.

   Any other tips for taking these? I don’t drink much milk, but I do eat yogurt and eggs and meat, which are all supposed to be high in D3. I am pretty religious about hats/sunscreens/shades and am the farthest thing possible from a sunbather, so I’m probably not getting much from the sun.

   1. I got the same comment from my doctor (oncologist) this year. She tests me for everything under the sun annually so I wasn’t surprised that there was some sort of deficiency and started taking calcium again since it has D3 in it. I’ve since seen news articles questioning the recent rise in recommendations to supplement D3 and it seemed like it could be an overplayed concern. But, I figured I should be taking calcium daily anyways so have kept at it (most of the time). Personally, I wonder if more people using more sunscreen is part of the increase, but that’s anecdotal at best.

   2. I think whether you get enough from the sun has way more to do with location than whether you sunbathe. Apparently most people at northern latitudes are deficient. I take a daily multivitamin that has Vitamin D. It’s D3 though I think. Why is that supposed to be bad?

      1. No, I don’t know whether it’s bad, it’s not what I meant to say anyway. Just simply that my doctor said to take vitamin D and everything was labeled D3. There are a million kinds of B so I wasn’t sure whether D3 was the right thing.

   3. D3 is the good kind. My doctor advises it’s best to take vitamin K2 along with high doses of vitamin D (there isn’t a lot of empirical data on this that I’ve seen, but there’s theoretical literature). I don’t know if D is hard to digest from food or what, but it seems to be a common deficiency in autoimmune disease, Celiac disease, hypothyroidism, etc. Another doctor I saw also suggested 15 minutes in the sun, but I’m not doing that.

      1. I have some kind of not well understood autoimmune issue (possibly sarcoidosis) and hypothyroidism (itself an autoimmune – Hashimoto’s) so this makes sense, thanks!

   4. Yes, my doctor told me my vitamin D levels were low and to take 1,000 IU’s of a supplement every day. I picked some up at Trader Joe’s and started taking them in the morning. Wasn’t at all conscious about what I took them with, just took them consistently in the morning. Several months later, doctor re-checked my levels. Still low, so I went up to 2,000 IU’s. Several months later, my levels were all good. It was a pretty simple process.

   5. Yes, two years ago and last year she said new studies came out that debunked the vitamin D advice.

      1. Sounds like you have a doctor who only read the headlines both times.

   6. Salmon and tofu are good food sources as well.

9. I am hoping that crowdsourcing this frustration will help me find some new ideas: I am attending a black tie wedding in November in Boston. I cannot find a gown that I even want to try on. I am 5″ 3″, a size 14, buy some petites and some regular clothes, I have even proportions, but round in the torso. (not a spring chicken-in my 60’s). I want sleeves, not too low cut, not matronly, a skirt that moves (no mermaid fit, no sheaths, no columns without a slit) and jewel tones–or black. No grey, beige, champagne, etc.

   Mostly, I want some new websites to look at. I have searched all the usual large department stores sites, as well as modcloth, anthro, etc but to no avail. I would like find an interesting dress–artsy, architectural, boho, creative, and not stodgy.

   Can anyone suggest some websites that are a bit different? Something unusual? I am not sure about my budget, but not too much as I will probably need it tailored, and also will not wear it often–maybe again, but not obvious to me.

   And, Rent the Runway has nothing in petites, and I cannot hem those dresses, so that won’t work. Most of them are pretty bare, too.

   Thanks in advance!

   1. Have you tried browsing Pinterest using some of those adjectives? I’ve had good luck finding “inspiration” images there, which will often point to a particular designer/brand with the aesthetic I want (which then narrows searching on retail sites). For example, when I think “architectural” I think Roland Moulard (which will not be in your stated budget but you might find “inspired by” lookalikes) https://www.rolandmouret.com/collections/dresses

10. Sorry for the lateness on this one – I forgot I had the tab open …
    But, wide-leg trousers are back in again for professional suits? Really? Yay! All my classic suits are back in style? Yay!
    I’ve been out of the business world for about 3 years and wore a lot of business casual before that. I’m re-entering the professional sphere and trying to be strategic about my wardrobe.

    Thanks!

Comments are closed.