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Updated: Nov 1, 2018 273 Comments · by

Thursday’s Workwear Report: Twill Henley

The Personal Shopper (TPS) |

This post may contain affiliate links and Corporette® may earn commissions for purchases made through links in this post. As an Amazon Associate, I earn from qualifying purchases.

Our daily workwear reports suggest one piece of work-appropriate attire in a range of prices. This henley from NYDJ seems to be harder to find than in years past, but it's been around  for a thousand years in regular, petite, and plus sizes, and a lot of people like it. With the pullover style, you don't have to worry about gaping buttons, and it's machine washable, so it's really easy. This pretty windowpane pattern comes in sizes 1X–3X and XS–XL at Amazon, where it's eligible for Prime Wardrobe. You can find lots of other NYDJ options with the henley neckline at Amazon, and tons of other options for a hidden placket at Nordstrom, Last Call, and Lord & Taylor. Pictured: Twill Henley This post contains affiliate links and Corporette® may earn commissions for purchases made through links in this post. For more details see here. Thank you so much for your support! Seen a great piece you’d like to recommend? Please e-mail tps@corporette.com.

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Comments

  1. COtoNY

    Paging London Leisure Year and others who are better at gifts than I—

    Need a last minute idea for a gift for my mother-in-law’s 60th birthday. It’s in 4 days. She loves gardening and cooking, but already has everything she could probably ever need related to those two things. HELP!

    (Please, no comments about how this is my husband’s responsibility)

    • Ouch! That hurts

      Mary Berry cookbooks if you’re not in the UK. Delightful stuff!

      Purchased gift card for favorite plant nursery shop or a local master gardener for a consultation.

      Cut Flowers for the month … interval up to you. or fruit, or candy, etc.

    • anon a mouse

      Does she like magazines? Something like Southern Living or Cook’s Illustrated could work. My MIL loves getting mail, so subscriptions are a good option for her.

      Otherwise consumables. You could get 2-3 small bottles of nice olive oil and bread, and do a tasting for her?

    • anon.

      Look at the Food 52 website!! My similarly inclined mother has loved gifts from there. The wreaths in particular are striking and basically die after 6 months.

    • DLC

      What about an experience gift? Maybe a cooking class or food tour? or a tickets/ membership to botanical gardens or arboretum or a garden tour? And going with her? I know my mom values time spent with us more than things we can buy her.
      My husband, an avid gardener loves British gardening magazines- BBC Gardens, and Gardens Illustrated are two of his favorites. They are beautiful, but can be pricey. One Christmas I went to Barnes and Nobles and bought him a stack of gardening magazines and he loved that.

    • christineispink

      My mother-in-law loves gardening. We bought her a copy of Paradise and Plenty: A Rothschild Family Garden at an event with both the author and Sir Rothschild and had it autographed. It’s hard to figure that out last minute, but she read the book cover to cover (I didn’t know people read coffee table books!). But we’ve since been bookmarking really beautiful coffee table books related to gardens and gardening.

    • Anon

      I took a relatives dog that I was dog sitting last weekend to the beach and have never seen such pure joy than this dog playing in the ocean.

    • anon

      My seven-year old son had been begging to attend a weekly soccer practice scheduled for the same night as his tennis lesson. I told him no because 2.5 hours of sports was too much on a school night, and academics always comes first. His response was to secretly spend the next two days working ahead on his weekly homework packet, completing it on his own before the day of the practice/lesson. He then asked me again (and of course I said yes).

      • Anonymous

        Wow high five to him, that’s amazing that he planned and executed that! Very impressive! Sounds like one of those mom moments where all you can do is shake your head and give in (while inside bursting with pride).

    • Anonymous

      Replying to myself: My hobby is painting and last year I was juried into an artist’s group. Next week our show opens, so this is the first time I’ve ever seen *my name* on a flyer for a gallery show. So I’m lowkey pumped about that. Also I splashed out for professional framing and it makes SO MUCH difference, so I’m really proud of how my pieces look.

    • Anon

      My husband, who grew up in small rural town in a family of Trump supporters just voted in a midterm election for the first time and voted a straight Democratic ticket.

      • Anonymous

        My goodness, that sounds like a big change! Good for him for doing a considered assessment.

      • Anon

        Good on him, and good for you for marrying a guy who votes with his brain based on what he sees going on in the world and not based on tradition.

      • Anonymous

        My husband is from a family that is solidly D, but D in a Catholic-Kennedy-historic sort of way. They live in a big East Coast city and find that Ds are just getting too sort of college-town-far-left for them to stomach. They are almost distressed that there is no middle-left left, it’s all far-left or far-right with no place for them. They were not McCain fans (outside of being veterans of that era) but were genuinely sad when he died.

        • Anonymous

          This is the kind of D I am. We are indeed becoming a rarer breed. Purity tests (“WHAT?! You don’t unequivocally support X?! You’re not a TRUE [R or D]”) aren’t good for politics or our society. A coworker of mine who’s been involved in D politics for years is distressed to see the Dems’ historically “big tent” shrinking.

          And I, too, was sad when McCain died.

        • Anonymous

          I’m still kind of new to the Democrat party (both sides of my family were fairly knee-jerk anti-Democrat after bad experiences with unions when working factory jobs the last generation, though they were otherwise kind of hippie). What are the far-left Democratic politics that are hard to stomach? Or what’s the difference between the far-left and middle-left?

          • Anonymous

            far-left is normally code for socialism and is frequently triggered by the idea of Medicare for all or universal health care, higher minimum wage, and sometimes, support for LGBT+ civil rights.

            I think people get spooked by the “Socialist” part of “Democratic Socialists of America” but let’s be real, capitalism isn’t going away. I’m the painter above and Bernie Sanders isn’t going to stop me from trading my paintings for cold hard cash!

          • FridayYet?

            At least in my city, far left is rather militant. Trump came to town this week and the anti-Trump protest became an anti-cop protest. I despise Trump but respect law enforcement and I’m starting to feel like there isn’t a place for someone like me. I would have joined the anti-Trump protest, but changed my mind when I heard the “cops are pigs” chanting. It’s the kind of thing that can delegitimize the anti-Trump movement by making its supporters seem more extreme than we really are.
            I agree with a prior Anonymous that “purity tests” seem to be the norm now and it’s only serving to isolate and silence moderates.

          • Anon

            I know a lot of people on the far left who will denounce anyone who doesn’t agree 100% on a litany of issues as an “oppressor.” The most hot-button issues are typically policing, immigration, and especially transgender politics. You can’t say something like “I think that police are important for crime prevention” or “I am concerned that children are taking potentially unsafe hormones in record numbers” without someone jumping down your throat and making it personal.

        • Anon

          I’m not far left but I’m firmly liberal. I worry about the d party moving to the farther left to appease the Bernie bros… I fear we’d lose the middle left voters you describe. And there is SO MUCH ROOM in the middle right now!!

    • Anon

      I just got a job after a very long and frustrating job search. Not only am I excited about the new opportunity, now I don’t have to show up to Thanksgiving reporting that I’m still unemployed (anyone else here who has been unemployed for a while will understand how much that means).

      • Anonymous

        I can totally relate to the dread of answering “So what are you up to?”

        YOU GO WITH YOUR BAD SELF. Congrats on the offer!!

    • Woodworking

      I recently got a new job that has turned out even better than I imagined!

      And with the considerable reduction in stress, I’m using all this extra time to take a woodworking class, and I think I’m going to end up with a gorgeous piece that I love.

      • Anonymous

        Yay! Fantastic on the new job, would love to hear updates on your woodworking as you go through the class! Bookcases for everyone!

    • Anon

      I won a local election this week and now I’m on the city council! (Or, I will be shortly after I’m sworn in.)

    • Anon

      I had an extremely stressful health scare 2 years ago, involving PET scans and biopsies and checking my life insurance, etc. I have young kids.

      I just got the all-clear yesterday!

  3. Anon

    I’m mid 20s and already seeing some wrinkles!! I use moisturizer 2x daily and my moisturizer and B.B. cream both have SF (in addition to wearing sunscreen when I’ll be outside). Any tips in preventing wrinkles? Hoping it’s not terribly genetic.

    • coffee

      Retinol is the holy grail here. Try one by skinmedica – it doesn’t have a lot of unnecessary junk added.

    • anon

      I wear sunscreen like a crazy person on all exposed parts of my body. mineral if you can, and sunglasses. Otherwise, I’m following these comments closely!

    • Two Cents

      Go see a dermatologist and get a prescription for Retin-A (retinol, which is over the counter, is not as strong and considered not as effective). The generic should set up back only $25 and it WORKS. Start with a low dose, 0.04%. It makes a huge difference.

      • Anon

        You can also get a solution containing real tretinoin from curology. It’s a prescription. You send them pics of your skin and fill out a questionnaire and they ship it to you. It’s $19.99 – $24.99 a month and so worth it. No derm appointment necessary – you do it all online.

    • JS

      Sunscreens actually don’t “add up” coverage when you layer, so you really aren’t getting enough sunscreen in your moisturizer or BB cream (you’d have to use a huge amount to get the claimed coverage). Use a dedicated sunscreens (La Roche Posay and Cerave if you want something you can pick up in stores).
      For already existing wrinkles, retinol is your best bet.

    • anne-on

      A dedicated face sunscreen every single day, even on cloudy days, and use at least 1/4 tsp worth (spread a line of sunblock on 3 fingers from finger tip to base of your palm – that will give you about the right amount for face and ears).
      If you want to add to that, I’d start with Differin (gentler than Retin-A as its OTC) and a good vitamin c serum (I like Timeless Vitamin C). I heavily prefer Asian sunblocks for texture/feel/lack of scent, but Neutrogena seems to be upping their game lately, so YMMV. A’pieu pure block is about $10 and my go to recommendation if your skin is not super sensitive – works well on dry skin and my SIL’s rosacea prone skin. My finicky PCOS skin like the super dry oil free eclado sunblock.
      Good for you for starting early! I only became a fanatic about sunblock in my 30’s and wished I’d done it sooner!

    • Anonymous

      Sunscreen, sunglasses so you don’t squint, and being aware of holding tension in your face. I had Botox, which I hated, but it made me realize I was clenching my forehead and I was able to break the habit. I like REN retinol, it’s in an oil base, and serums with peptides for day.

    • Anonymous

      In addition to the recommendations above, wear sunglasses! They protect the delicate skin around your eyes and they reduce the squinting that can contribute to wrinkles.

    • Anon

      +1 to what everyone else has said, but I also started doing the Korean skincare regimen and my skin has never looked better, more hydrated, and the fine lines that were starting to appear have disappeared (probably due to the hydration and the reparative serums in the regimen). It highly effective. Sunscreen is definitely a big part of that. I prefer physical sunscreens that don’t sink into the skin, but a good chemical sun screen Korean line Biore Rich Aqua Watery is the best one I have seen so far. It is 50+ spf and thin (see the watery part of the name), so you can’t see it even on bare skin. A good physical sunscreen is La Roche Posay.

    • Anonymous

      I agree retinol is very helpful. Ive used it on and off for 5 years and i can definitely tell a difference when “on.”

      Following for more suggestions bc my expressive forehead creates all sorts of trouble…

      • Anonymous

        I really fell off using my retinol as I rotated in other acids… and I started breaking out for the first time in years. back on that every night game now!

    • Anon

      The Environmental Working Group scores retinol as hazardous. Are there any other alternatives besides sunscreen and sunglasses?

  4. Getting ready for fall

    Tried to put on my favorite flannel shirt last night and found that the seam totally came apart. Trying to see if it’s salvageable but in the mean time, does anyone have a good rec for a flannel shirt? My favorite was from Target years ago but I can’t find a similar style online. Looking for something that is super soft without chest pockets that also comes in small sizes. TIA!

  5. Anon

    What are your best health tips/practices? I recently saw a relative for the first time in a few years and I was shocked to see that she was in such bad shape with multiple health problems at a relatively young age. Even though I’m healthy with good habits (generally eat well, exercise, drink water and try to get enough sleep) I thought it’d be fun to ask everyone their favorite healthy tip or secret fountain of youth!

    • Anonymous

      A lot of it is genetics and luck, so no need to be so smug about your relative.

      • Anon

        Wasn’t meaning to be smug. I was just saddened to see it. She is a relative by marriage so her genetics don’t come into play but honestly it was sad to see someone mid 60s have limitations like she did. My family tends to die in their 60s or their 90s with very little in between and I’m just hoping to be in the latter group!

        • Anonymous

          That’s kind of my point though. You don’t get to choose whether to die in your 60s or your 90s. You can do your best to live a healthy lifestyle and improve your odds, and it sounds like you’re already doing that. But there’s no magic elixir that guarantees you’ll live to 90. My aunt was one of the healthiest people I knew – ate well, got lots of sleep, exercised, never drank – and she died from breast cancer in her 50s. It was just sh!tty luck.

          • Anonymous

            So much of it is luck! My mother-in-law is a super healthy woman – eats all the servings of fruits and veggies, her only splurge is on dark chocolate (one piece per night), walks and lifts gentle weights 4x week, rarely drinks, religiously wears sunscreen, AND meditates…and she needed both hips replaced at age 55, has dangerously high blood pressure, and a couple other chronic conditions.

            Meanwhile, my mother is 75 and subsists on a diet of cookies, ice cream, pretzels, crackers, Milky Ways and tea (I am 100% telling the truth – her diet is impressive in its awfulness) and hasn’t exercised since 1961 and spends all day playing on the computer and is healthy as a horse. Her physical comes back perfect every year. Oh, and she looks 60 to boot.

    • anon

      I’m a scientist who spends a lot of time analyzing studies relating to cancer and health in general. The list you have is great and already covers most of the big things. I would add: make sure you don’t get into a car accident (one of the major preventable causes of death/disability – prevention strategies include minimizing time spent in a car, especially at night/during bad weather/when people are likely to be drinking, and adopting safe driving habits). Get your flu shot and other recommended vaccinations. And (seemingly contrary, but really not), be very selective about the medicines you agree to take. Sometimes drugs are necessary and good – but they always have costs, and I find those downsides are often underestimated by people (especially for over-the-counter painkillers, antacids, and antibiotics).

      • Anonymous

        Geez, your comment is like all of my worst fears combined. My parents instilled a fear of driving in me which took me years to overcome. Their fear limits their ability to participate in society. I get where you are coming from but wow, not helping me this morning.

        • January

          I hear you on the fear of driving — I have it, too –but I actually think a fear of driving is probably more rational than most people make it out to be. Have you taken a defensive driving class? It’s helpful for learning safe driving skills.

          • anon

            I posted the comment above about driving, etc. I just want to point out that in all cases, it’s a cost-benefit analysis. Every choice you make involves accepting some level of risk. In many cases, the benefit will outweigh the risk. The things I mentioned above as “dangerous” are aspects of modern American life where in my personal opinion, people tend to underestimate the risk. There are also areas where people overestimate risk and underestimate the benefits in my opinion (e.g., child kidnapping, vitamin deficiencies, and vaccines).

            For a driving-related example, I’m loading the kids in the car for a 5 hour drive to Grandma’s house, because to me, the benefit of strengthened family ties and the pleasure of a visit home outweighs the increased risk of a car crash. I will somewhat mitigate the risk by being a sober, careful driver, using correctly installed child seats and seatbelts, and leaving an hour earlier than I would have preferred to avoid making the trip over the mountain pass in the dark. Once I’ve made my choice, I stop worrying about it, because I’m satisfied that my decision was deliberate and appropriate, and after that it’s just chance.

        • Anon

          I really think it’s society that has the problem when it comes to driving. Somehow all the people who are killed and disabled in car accidents are considered an acceptable sacrifice vs. safer transportation options and better urban planning. Most of us just live in denial until the next person dies.

          • Blueberries

            I agree that it’s society that has the problem when it comes to driving. I dislike how much people in my area (and probably other areas) pooh-pooh infrastructure for alternatives to driving because of downsides that are far less severe than the car collision deaths and the health effects of the pollution (not to mention the effects of pollution on the planet).

          • cbackson

            So much this.

            Try this as an experiment: start saying “car crash” instead of “car accident.” Note how it changes the way you talk about and think about road deaths. Driving is literally the most dangerous thing most of us do every day, and yet we’ve normalized road deaths as a cost of doing business that can’t be prevented or reduced.

        • Anon

          Why not think of the benefits of reducing driving rather than the risks of driving? Reframing it can be helpful. Off the top of my head:

          – Increases safety
          – Better for environment
          – Opens up opportunities to exercise (walk, bike, scooter), improving your physical and mental health
          – Supports public transit
          – Reduces wear and tear on your vehicle
          – Avoids parking hassle
          – Reduces time spent breathing emissions
          – Contributes to local business (a big reason why small businesses love pedestrian zones in shopping areas)

      • Anon

        I think the last point is an important one. I have a large family that shares some common health complaints. The family members who always, always opt for meds and interventions are now at the point where they are medicating the side effects of other meds. The siblings who tried lifestyle changes first and approached meds and interventions with a bit more caution are aging better. I’ve experienced that there are some meds that will help now, but you’ll pay a price later–which is fine and may be worth it, but it’s much better to go in knowing that.

        • Anonymous

          + 1

          So true. Of course genetics come in play, as someone else mentioned, but there is so much that can be achieved through diet and exercise. It’s lazy to blame genetics and not to try to make active efforts to combat those genes what whatever you can. Not possible for everyone of course, but for most of us– yes.

        • Anon

          +1 I’ve always favored doctors who take conservative approaches to medicine, the “try the non-medication, lifestyle, or proven natural home remedies” first doctors. If necessary, I will start a medication to ease symptoms while making the lifestyle changes, then wean off in a few months. That is the way I virtually eliminated my acid reflux and eczema, although I do miss dairy, tomatoes, and coffee.

          • Eczema advice

            Any chance you would be willing to share how you eliminated your eczema please? I have it and have seen numerous derms and each writes me a prescription. I would love to hear other advice you have received that have brought you relief!

          • Anon

            For really bad outbreaks, I use/used a topical steroid cream that banishes it within 3 days. But to avoid outbreaks, I went to an allergist who did skin testing on various allergens, including food allergens. Avoiding the food allergens and using gentle, fragrance free products on my skin seemed to do the trick. As well as using extra thick moisturizing cream. You can still get eczema outbreaks from stress or cold, which is the only time I get them, but from external stimuli, not anymore.

      • Anon

        What is the issue with otc antacids? I have a hiatial hernia and my understanding was that preventing the esophagus from being burned by acid repeatedly & then repairing itself is a key to preventing cancers like Barrett’s esophagus. I try to prevent it with diet but there are time where I reach for the tums or one of those dual ranitidine/tums type chewables.

        • Anonymous

          I don’t know what the general concerns about OTC antacids are. For me, it turned out my symptoms were actually a sign of low stomach acid, so the antacids were only a bandaid on a more serious problem, so missing the bigger issue was the downfall of the OTCs for me.

        • Is it Friday yet?

          The proton pump inhibitors have some fairly serious long term risks, so you want to manage with diet and stress control as much as possible. If you have truly terrible reflux, then you weigh the risk of the long-term PPIs versus the risk of esophageal cancer, quality of life, etc. I don’t think reaching for OTC antacids once a month because of a spicy curry or whatever is an issue.

    • Anon

      Avoid excessive drinking, good sleep, good nutrition, sunscreen and maintaining a healthy social network.

    • Wow

      Cook and eat most of your meals at home. I pretty much next get sick anymore (knock on wood) now that I eat a lot more veggies and fruits and don’t eat out much.

      When you feel like you’re going to get a cold/cough, chew on a small piece of raw garlic. Works every time.

      At least 20 minutes of walking daily plus some strength training.

      Cultivate friendships and see/call/interact with your friends as often as you can.

    • anon

      Sunscreen. Even in winter. That sounds draconian, but really, as with finances, your bad or good habits literally will add up and help or hurt you over time. So find a facial moisturizer you love with SPF and wear it religiously – not forgetting neck and chest – adding more on as required for outdoor activities. (Yes I’ve had some burns in my time, so don’t think I’m perfect over here)
      Water, water, water! With lemon or ice at most, but, for me, water is the high priority beverage to drink each day. Coffee/Tea right after, and alcohol has recently been downgraded to weekends. Not quite as ‘fun’ but my body likes that schedule better.
      Vegetables. Eat more green leafy plants. That’s my mantra, the actual results vary.
      Movement everyday – I’m not convinced you have to do extreme exercising, but keeping your body moving is the best way to ensure that your body can move. The general idea is you stop using it, you lose the ability to move it and it’s hard to get that mobility back. Find what sort of movement and exercise you like and commit to doing it.
      This one is probably the most difficult because it’s abstract (and my personal experience is life doesn’t necessarily help you here): minimize stress, and toxic emotions. I think they are debilitating to your body and mind.
      I think the rather unsexy, daily habits are your best bet, but even those don’t preclude something happening that’s out of your control.

    • Anonymous

      I think that the wildcards are lifestyle ones — I recently saw a woman who is maybe 4 years older than me, so we are on either side of 50. I’ve always lived on the east coast, where it is colder and cloudier. The sun damage on her made us look wildly different — I never realized that I was having a good neck day, but OMG stuff like that can age you so much (not to mention the cancer risk — I’m just shy of 50 and know so many people who have had it and melanoma is no joke).

      Also: smoking; glad it isn’t cool and hasn’t been (although vaping — WHY?!)

      The rest is have a normal weight and normal blood pressure and you will do so well in the long run. The rest is pretty much the genetic lottery / hope you don’t get into a car accident and wind up with a opioid problem you didn’t intend to have.

    • Longevity

      Practice functional fitness and strength training, eat whole foods that are not processed and no sugar, sunscreen year round, lower your stress (whatever that looks like for you) anytime you can, take your makeup off religiously (as soon as you get home), no alcohol, get enough sleep, and get a dog (science backs this up).

    • AIMS

      Exercise. Not necessarily going to the gym but just being active inasmuch possible. Both of my grandmothers lived well into their 90s and both started their mornings off with a 10-15 “fitness routine” all the way to the end, even when one couldn’t stand on her own she’d do stretches in bed. I think we have this notion these days that exercise is an all or nothing proposition but it doesn’t have to be. Everyone can do ten minutes of light exercises at home with no equipment in the morning and I think it makes a huge difference in how you feel.

      • anon

        Yes, was coming here to say this. Anecdotal evidence, my my older relatives who move and are active (even activeish) are doing much better than those whose aren’t.

      • Anon

        Yes, a BIG revelation for me is that a little exercise goes a long way. I always figured that if I couldn’t go all out and exercise full on, then what’s the point? But that’s not the way it works. At all.

    • Worry about yourself

      Lots of people mentioned sunscreen and not drinking to excess, I’ll second those. I also recommend sleeping, not smoking cigarettes, and avoiding stress. The people I know who aged quickly work in very stressful jobs that are physically demanding, require being on their feet a lot, don’t have much flexibility for vacations or sick time, and don’t pay very well so money is always a big concern for them. If you’re in a high stress job where people generally respect you, you get paid well and find your career fulfilling in some way, that’s different.

      And really, just taking time for yourself, doing things that make you happy, and spending time with people who make you feel good are pretty huge.

  7. Anon Old

    I admit to being an old. However, I’m seeing tons of influencers on social media wearing leggings, a visible lace cami and an oversized sweater or sweatshirt worn off one shoulder. This must be a thing? As I counsel young women, at times the topics come around to events, propriety, manners, appearance etc. Should I just go along with this trend? Clearly it’s inappropriate for work. But otherwise?

    • K

      Yes? They’re comfy and look cute, what does it matter to you? They’re not wearing it to work or meetings with you, presumably. Just make sure they know what is appropriate to wear to work things and that’s all you need to care about.

      • Anonymous

        I’m 48 — that’s an outfit for my couch and stepping outside to get the paper. I wouldn’t wear it out and about lest I burst out into a Jennifer Beals / Flashdance routine.

    • Anonymous

      I am an Old (41) and wear basically this outfit around the house all the time. I will even wear it to the grocery store. P.S.: It’s probably not a cami but a br@l3tt3. Let the pearl-clutching commence.

    • Anonymous

      I have been wearing that for 20 years.

      Except for the off-one-shoulder thing. Seriously, can anyone tell me how that works? I mean, a formal gown needs a lot of design/shopping wizardry to stay put. A soft sweatshirt that slides around would never look artfully posed on me…

      • Anonymous

        In my case I have a very oversized sweater (as in I bought it in a much larger size than I normally wear) which makes the neckline slide around. I don’t pose for Insta pics with it artfully draped, it just naturally falls off one or another shoulder.

        • QuasiOhno

          Ah. I have 1 should malformed due to surgery and often necklines and things like bra straps fall off the smaller shoulder. Either way, we’re so on-trend!

    • Anonymous

      It’s a super cute weekend look and not remotely problematic for casual occasions.

    • busybee

      I’m curious as to what your role is in “counseling” young women regarding “propriety.” I’m also curious as to what would possibly be offensive about this trend. What would you prefer these young women to be wearing?

    • emeralds

      I’m 30 and this is what I wear all fall and winter on the weekends, and I’m as far from a social media influencer as you can get while existing within the millennial demographic. It’s comfortable, on-trend, and appropriate for the activities that I’m doing (walking the dog, hitting the farmer’s market, lounging, maybe checking out a brewery, running errands).

      Why does it matter to you what other adults wear outside of the workplace?

    • Anon

      Your only goal is to counsel young women on what is appropriate in particular settings (I took her “counsel” to mean informal mentorship of young women in life, not a work mentor). So helping them understand common and expected manners and dress in different circumstances is key (ex. wear to work v wear to church v wear to funeral v formalwear), but the outfit you describe is perfectly normal and age appropriate. I’m not sure what you would want to say to a young woman about her casual outfits, especially one as innocuous as the one you described.

      I think I’ve only commented on a woman’s outfit that I was informally mentoring (and in this case was a family friend/ southern “cousin” so the relationship allowed it) when her outfits were insanely revealing on a day to day basis to the point where anyone who knew her or knew of her had the impression that she was not smart, lacked judgment, and was “asking” for a certain kind of attention (let’s not get into how terrible the last sentiment is, I know, but it’s the south and that kind of perception matters in our circle).

      • OP

        OP here… I’m NOT pearl clutching.

        I want to be certain that I have give modern, timely advice.

        She has run into current/potential employers and co-worker under casual situations. The issue of her shoulder slippage/cami showing and being able to see her leggings rather than covering her hips etc. made her wonder if it was appropriate to wear on errands …

        I’m really unconcerned otherwise.

        She asked me!

        • Worry about yourself

          Ah yes, I can see where she’s coming from then, but I’d assure her that reasonable people will not view her as less smart, less capable, or less professional if they see her in casual clothing outside of work.

          • OP Old one

            THANK YOU. I needed to know if this is the right feedback.

            This is NOT about old me. It’s about HER. She was worried and embarrassed. She basically raised herself and tried to be “invisible.” So revealing herself is uncomfortable for her but she has been trying to “blend in” with her age demographic socially and style-wise.

            Again, thank you Worry About Yourself for the information and feedback.

            As for most of you, thank you for saying it’s your self.

            I should not have had to reveal all of this to you – but I am to stop the judging and name calling towards myself. I’m trying to help her, she looks up to me and sought me ought, and I know I don’t belong in nor fully understand this demographic. I was honestly asking for help. And I did value your experience, opinions, and style, but gee … I have been a reader since the start. While I’m an old, I still try to understand and pick and choose from your style demographics for myself. You’ll be surprized that I have enough items I should own stock in Alexis Bittar.

            And for the few who leapt to conclusions and made assumptions … well, … yeah.

        • It depends...

          In my opinion, the problem with declaring yay or nay on this ensemble is that it can take on many different variations which are all generally described as leggings, off the shoulder top and lace bralette. For example, leggings of thicker, non transparent fabric that are fitted properly look completely different from leggings made of thin, see-through fabric that appear to be too small.
          Similarly, men wearing khakis covers everything from a very crisp look to worn pants of the same color that look like something one would wear to work in the garden.

    • Anonymous

      Ok I’m an Old too and I have had to adjust- not at all pearl-clutching, but worry based on my own life and experiences in past times- worry over how this would negatively affect others perceptions as well as give “the wrong idea” and possibly endanger these women. I’ve now realized this lacy, bra-showing, leggings type dressing is so common that it’s the norm and it’s now undstood that there’s no “message” being sent- except for the message of “yeah, I’m a fantastic human and capable of anything!”. It’s been fun to see this- thank you younger women!

    • Worry about yourself

      You mention your counseling being related to events, propriety, and manners, yet I fail to see how the outfit you described pertains to that. It sounds like something young women are wearing during their free time – around the house, out to run errands, wandering the neighborhood, or hang out with friends in casual settings. They’re not wearing leggings or exposed undergarments to weddings, baby showers, fancy restaurants, professional conferences, afternoon high tea, dinner with the grandparents, or even on evening dates with relatively new partners.

      I’d like some more context that might illuminate why you feel this may be inappropriate. Are you from a background where people always put considerable effort into their appearance every time they left the house, even when they were just going to the grocery store or taking the dog for a walk? Did you go to a prep school or do your undergrad at a college where business casual was the everyday standard?

      • OP old one

        I didn’t say I thought it was inappropriate. I was asking the hive their opinion. I know I had no information with which to make a decision … I told her that and that I would ask others who knew more and were wiser than I on this. So I did and now I got shamed.

        Thanks for those with direct and honest feedback. Clearly it’s appropriate. Great.

      • Anonymous

        Don’t worry- if you do, there’ll be a spot on the Supreme Court or Senate waiting for you;)

    • Anon

      I’m not sure who you’re following, but there are influencers out there who wear every style. I find most people who would wear that outfit dress appropriately for events. I’m 30 and my default casualwear is uber preppy. Nothing would make me personally more uncomfortable than a lacy bralette and off the shoulder sweater. I have to resist rolling my eyes when someone says “you’re always so dressed up!” – good lord, I’m probably wearing jeans, a cable sweater and loafers. You also put on a top and pants, so what?

      In my life, a scenario that closely resembles this is that there are a couple women at my country club who started golfing later in life and wear strappy fitness tops and super racerback “golf” shirts. A few of the older women get irate about their attire. I personally could care less, it doesn’t affect my game one bit. Apparently the golf director has decided it’s within the bounds of the dress code. All of “younger” under-35 women and the junior golfers dress considerably more conservatively, but I think your appreciation for etiquette is different when you grow up around the game. If it doesn’t affect me and people aren’t naked, I might raise my eyebrows but it’s not my place to say anything.

  8. Anon

    I am about to have a long commute and I want to try listening to audiobooks. What’s the best app (for iPhone) that won’t drain my battery? Is it easy to use the Overdrive app to get them from the library?

    • Anonymous

      Youtube has a audiobooks of classics I believe. Librevox or something like that.

    • anon

      Yes, it’s very very easy. Just download them while on Wifi. Some libraries are switching over to Libby, which also works well.

    • BB

      In my experience, the audiobook apps I’ve tried (Audible, Hoopla from library) have been pretty good on my battery. You just need to make sure your screen isn’t on. I think my Hoopla played for 30 minutes one night on 5% battery (and then the phone died).

    • Anonymous

      Yes, overdrive is very easy for library connection, especially if you already use the e-book resources from your library. I really liked Hoopla when my library had it, too– rarely a wait list, even on popular books.

    • Tippins

      I get them from the library using both Overdrive and an app called Libby. It’s easiest to select books and download at home with good wifi. Inventory varies depending on your library – there’s usually a waiting list for the most popular books.

    • Anonymous

      I used Hoopla and get four free books a month from the library. You download them to your phone from home and then they don’t use much battery life while you are playing them.

    • C2

      I love my library apps – Cloud Library, RB Digital and Overdrive all allow downloads on or off wifi. Once it’s downloaded I find it doesn’t use too much power. Podcasts can also be downloaded in advance, as are Audible audiobooks.

      I’d recommend investing in a small external charger to carry in your bag. My Anker charger is good for ~6 full charges. Keep a charger at work so you can leave with a fully charged phone.

    • DLC

      I’ve switched from Overdrive to Libby- I find it More streamlined for searching and borrowing, and your books on hold automatically get checked out to you when they become available. Also, you can read/ listen via streaming, which I appreciate because I have unlimited Data, and limited storage available on my phone.
      I find there are more steps to getting your book on Audible since you can’t purchase directly from the app.
      I haven’t noticed any severe battery drain with either app.

    • Anonymous

      Somewhat unrelated but when I had a long commute, an extra battery pack was key for days my phone unexpectedly drained faster/wasn’t fully charged. I would highly recommend, even if it’s just a little one!

  9. Kale

    I have a dust mite allergy that bothers me every morning for about an hour after I wake up. Does anyone have the same issue and any advice on strategies?

    • S

      Yes – get a good air purifier and run it in your bedroom all night (not an ionizer). Remove rugs from your bedroom. Get allergy pillow covers and mattress covers. Remove dust collectors from your bedroom. Wash your blankets somewhat regularly. You should be good then. Good luck!

      • Anonymous

        Make sure to wash and replace the allergy pillow and mattress covers regularly–I want to say they have a lifespan of three years and should be washed as often as you wash your sheets.

    • busybee

      Yes, and get dust mite covers for your pillows and mattress. Wash in hot water.

    • Anonymous

      take an antihistamine at night, and use a nasal spray (like flonase/fluticasone) in the morning.

      • Anon

        In addition, doing a nasal rinse with a neti pot (I use the squeeze bottle, it’s so much easier and comes with a 1 micron filter), which will flush the allergens that have entered your nose and the accumulated mucus right out.

          • Anon

            I just use the Walgreens (and CVS has an equivalent) “Micro Filtered Sinus Wash”. You can technically use tap water with it, but I still use distilled for safety. Very reasonable, and you don’t have to pour a teapot up your nose.

    • Anonymous

      I used to have a lot of trouble also, and I finally bought a Roomba that I set to vacuum regularly, including under the bed. I definitely have noticed an improvement.

  10. Another Kate Middleton Fashion Q -- boots

    I like my 6-year old LaCanadienne Passion boots. The calves are really big on me and I’ve been hunting for snugger replacements (even though flat-heel tall boots are sort of out right now).

    Enter Kate Middleton and her Penelope Chilvers boots. Pricey, but Kate has been wearing them for years. And like most things, they look really good on her.

    How do they fit? I’m willing to gamble with shipping to the US, but if you tell me they run really, really narrow, I’ll pass and just look for something similar maybe from Aquitalia (although I didn’t love anything on their website last time I checked).

    I have a high arch and slightly broad forefoot (with narrow heels). Aquitalia boots fit me (as do the LCs) and the calves are narrow enough not t o gape on my legs.

    Thoughts?

    • Avis

      For a pair of boots that pricey, I think you should be able to contact the company and ask them for advice. They should know the fit better than anyone who’s just tried a pair. They’re beautiful boots: if I got a sudden windfall I would be very tempted.

    • Anonymous

      No advice, but I saw those boots on WKW and loved them too! I am not so sure whether a non-royal living in the U.S. could get away with the tall-boots-over-jeans look right now, though.

      For something sort of similar, less expensive, and easier to return, I have a pair of knee-high Phillip harness boots from Frye. I also have high arches and narrow heels, and the Phillips fit just fine. They are not too loose in the calf.

    • Laura

      I own the Penelope Chilvers boots and love them. I’m a size 8 foot with narrow heels and a normal-width front of the foot. They fit great and are warm, and I wear them whenever possible in fall and winter.

  11. Comfy yoga pants/leggings

    Most comfortable stretchy pants under $30? I just realized that I have no ful length yoga pants or comfortable leggings as the weather gets cooler. Size medium, curvy but need a smooth/non-constricting waist. I have cheap hue leggings but they have an awful elastic band that just cuts into my stomach.

    • JS

      For under $30 check out ColorfulKoala on Amazon – they are Lululemon dupes and have no elastic at the top of the waistband

      • pugsnbourbon

        I like 90 Degree by Reflex and Oalka on Amazon. Both have wider, softer waistbands that aren’t constricting (I hate that too).

    • Anonymous

      Eddie Bauer has made my favorite leggings/yoga pants, believe it or not. I’m shaped very similar to you, and they are super comfortable, smooth waist band, and hold their shape all day. I get mine on their clearance rack during their frequent extra % off sales. In fact I just got another pair this weekend.

    • Anonymous

      I really like mine from Uniqlo. I have the Heattech leggings and I love the way they fit.

    • IHHtown

      The VIV Collection Print Leggings (they also have solids) are amazing. As in, I was shocked at how stretchy yet soft they are when they arrived. I haven’t used them for exercise, only for lounging/casual wear, but they are holding out well, and since they are so cheap, you can buy some in SO many styles and colors.

    • Worry about yourself

      Victoria’s Secret just brought back their classic Most Loved Yoga Pant, and it is seriously my favorite thing. Just bought a new pair over the summer, and they’re so soft and comfy! I’m looking to order another pair or two, but I’ll admit I’m not loving the current foldover pattern, and they’re all out of regular black for now. I do forget if they’re under $30 though, I bought mine on sale for $23.

    • Is it Friday yet?

      Also on Amazon for under $20 are the 90 Degrees by Flex leggings. The plain colors are really soft and comfy, the prints are also nice but a more lycra-ish material. I have multiple pairs of both – lounging is best in the plain ones. I buy the prints for rock climbing (because it’s a lot less distressing scuzzing up a cheap pair than a pair of lulus), and I do get compliments on the patterns.

    • Anon

      I like Hue leggings. You can get them pretty cheap on the Nordstrom rack site.

  12. Downside?

    I’m an attorney who advises on internal operations at a state agency. An acting HR director position opened up at my job. It would be a pay raise and would only be a temporary appointment of no more than a year. I’m thinking of applying because 1) it would be a significant but temporary raise; 2) it would expand my skill set; 3) I would get some management experience through it; and 4) there isn’t much hope of otherwise moving up. But I’m wondering about the perception it would create about my resume down the line. If you were hiring an in-house attorney, how would you perceive this on their resume? Could this be considered a step down?

    • Anonymous

      If you don’t have any HR accreditation I doubt you will be qualified, attorney or not.

      • HR administrator sans shrm cred

        Totally depends on the organization. Some state agencies–in my experience of being a state governmentHR administrator without a SHRM designation but with a law degree, license, and employment/labor practice experience–don’t always buy into the commercial accreditation. Read the spec carefully, though. They’ll almost certainly spell it out.

      • Anonymous

        +1. If you don’t have any real HR experience, you would not be qualified.

    • Tina

      I run a state agency and have hired personnel directors.

      Are you an attorney currently staffed on personnel matters?

      If so, I can see you being good in this position. In fact, the most recent personnel director I hired was previously our employment lawyer.

      If you are just a random litigator or similar, I do not immediately see how you would be qualified. I would not see just any JD as translating to HR experience.

      No idea how this would play with law firms. I think it would depend on what you wanted to do next?

      Good luck.

  13. Anon

    Any renovation inspiration sources or tips for repainting cabinets? I have flat cabinets and haven’t been able to find many examples of them repainted. Trying to figure out if flat white cabinets would look weird.

    • long time renovator

      be sure the original paint is either stripped or sanded … repainting cabinets is a difficult skill. Best is that they are removed and powder coated by a professional painter/shop …. I just don’t advise. YMMV

      • Anon

        Thanks, we’re getting it done professionally. Just trying to get ideas for color/hardware style.

    • lawsuited

      I have white flat-fronted cabinets in my modern kitchen. I think they look great but I added substantial modern-looking stainless steel handles which I think helps them more interesting and intentional.

      Having them professionally painted with a sprayer will give you the best finish, but if you want a DIY project I’ve heard that chalk paint is the easiest to work with.

    • Anonymous

      I haven’t seen the “before”, but one of my neighbors got cabinet veneers for her kitchen. It looks terrific.

  14. Kelsey

    I’m a junior partner at a law firm and am assigned to 2 mentees. I’m also naturally kind of an anxious person. But one of my mentees will spend our entire hour together (we do mentoring lunches) talking about her worries about underperforming and not having enough hours, and I have to brace myself because I was like that for awhile and it caused me to enter into a depression spiral when I was at my previous firm. Obviously it is not me and I don’t make it about me, but I am finding it hard to be a mentor. Literally every meeting is like this because the mentee is in a group that’s not that busy and there are too many 1st year associates in that class. Do I just deal with it and treat myself to a coffee drink afterwards? Any other thoughts? This is through the firm’s official mentoring program.

    • BC

      I’d give her some homework in advance of your lunch so you have something else to discuss. Ask her to draft a business plan that you can comment on, or identify for herself some bar association committees or boards she can seek to join, or an article she can write (or you two can co-author). Neither of you is getting served by regular vent sessions. Find action items to work through.

      • Anonymous

        I’d be seriously put off if a mentor asked me to draft a business plan as a 1st year. That’s just not productive or realistic.

        OP, junior associates in big law, especially women, have so few resources for mentoring and guidance. If you’ve been there before, and are not there now, then you are in a position to give her valuable advice and perspective. It’s up to you to steer the convo. That is your job. To mentor her. Why don’t you treat yourself to a coffee drink if you manage to provide helpful advice?

        • NYCer

          Totally agree with this. There is no need for a 1st year to have a business plan, and if I were in her shoes (the 1st year), that would totally stress me out!!

    • Anonymous

      You’re a partner. Help solve the problem. Talk her up to people! Figure out how to get her more work!

    • Anon

      Can you let her know that you were in a similar situation and advise her on thoughts on how to possibly avoid what you have been through or is this divulging too much personal information?

    • Anon

      Are you saying that your mentee’s anxiety is making you spiral back into anxiousness? If so, admit that to yourself, go back to your therapist for help, and line up a new mentor for her. If you’re just complaining that you hate listening to her worries because they remind you of yourself, you need to get over it because, honestly, since you have been in the same situation, you are in the best place to give advice. You say you aren’t , but you literally are making it all about you. All you’re thinking about is “let me let her vent, not give her any advice, and think about how terrible this is the whole time and I can treat myself for sitting here for an hour without actually helping”. Either step up and give her advice based on your experiences and what you know about the group (so that she doesn’t place unnecessary blame on herself), or line her up with a mentor that actually cares and can do something for her. Ugh, sorry for the harsh words, but I had mentors like you in big law and they were the worst. Don’t sign up for this program if you can only mentor people who don’t need one.

      • Equestrian Attorney

        Yes, as someone who was in a similar situation as your mentee, I really wish someone had talked to me about what to do (my firm’s mentorship program was “on pause” for three years (!) while I flailed through practice groups and eventually left in a fit of despair – thankfully to a much better place). So either you need to deal with this and give her real advice (I like the homework idea – ask her to come up with a plan, but also help her implement it by introducing her to new people, helping her get work etc), or you need to step down so she can get a new mentor who can help her through this. Kindly, it sounds like you are making this about you and I’m not sure why, unless you feel some insecurity in your current position or are too overwhelmed by anxiety to help (I say this a follow prone-to-anxiety person).

    • Anonymous

      I think this is an excellent opportunity for you to impart the wisdom of what you did to overcome those problems. If the answer is… you had to go to another firm for things to get better, you might not be able to say that… but, if there are other things that she can do to get more hours or do pro bono work, or what not. Perhaps she can switch to a different area, or something. Also, counseling her to take care of her mental health is probably important. And, if her worries are totally unfounded, you should tell her that to.

      This is what I would want if I was her… however I am also the kind of person who likes to complain. Maybe changing the subject on her would be helpful? Especially moving toward the positive side, what are the things she enjoys doing the most? What parts of the process are her favorites? If she is the kind of person who is going to talk for an entire hour, then moving her toward talking about a positive subject would be good for mental health.

    • anon

      I don’t really understand the issue– are her concerns reminding you of your previous struggles and making you feel bad?

  15. JS

    Hi All, hopefully a fun question. Does anyone have a favorite sweet recipe without chocolate and with not much salt? I want to make something for my grandmother’s birthday and those are her restrictions.

    • SomeoneOutThere

      It’s similar to H&M, same company. They’ve supposedly updated their sizing to be more commensurate with US sizes, so what was a 12 would now be a 10. Haven’t tried anything on recently, though.

  17. Anon

    An in-house recruiter has signaled that I am close to getting an offer. I am currently a borderline BigLaw super-senior associate, where I have a good reputation and get along with everyone, but have no book of business and no expectation of inheriting a book. No one has tried to push me out at the firm. The in-house position was posted for someone more junior than me, but I feel like that’s how I’ll get in the door at this point. The comp will be a big step down, which my family of 4 can swing, but it will make a difference because I’m the main breadwinner. What would you be considering as to whether to take the jump (with the big pay cut) and how to prepare for it if I do?

    • Anon

      What else are you gaining by switching to in-house? Better hours? Better PTO that you actually use? RSUs? An opportunity for growth?

      If you’re looking for similar pay for an in-house position, and not entering as GC or AGC, it is very hard to find a position where you DON’T take a pay cut so honestly I don’t think the pay cut is the biggest consideration when it comes to going in-house, as long as the pay is market for the position. Also, the sooner you go in-house, the longer period of time you have to grow your position and your income, and you may reach your current income in just a handful of years with promotions and movement.

    • Betty

      I made a similar jump, where I took a junior position in house from being a senior associate in biglaw. A few things to think about in terms of compensation/benefits: Did they give any insight into a bonus? What is the value of the benefits? I went from pretty bad health insurance in terms of coverage, premiums, copays and out-of-pocket max to an amazing policy where 100% of the cost to me is pre-tax and the coverage is amazing. Does the new employer offer STD, LTD, or Life Insurance? How much vacation time will you have? In biglaw, we could carry a large amount from year to year and didn’t take much vacation, whereas in house I get 27ish days that are use or lose and everyone uses every single day. (So my compensation went down, but because I genuinely take more time off, my per hour pay didn’t take as huge of a cut as I thought.)

      Other considerations: Will your hours decrease and allow you to outsource less? I have time to cook when I feel like it! I pick my kids up from school 2x per week, so less childcare is needed. I work from home those 2 days, so I save on gas/work clothes.

      In terms of the junior position, I was hired for the junior role. I really threw myself into the role and learned as much as a I could as quickly as I could. Within 6 months, I was being moved up in terms of projects. I’ve been in my job for three years, have a senior role and my pay is rapidly increasing. It has absolutely been worth it to me.

    • Georgette George

      I’m not quite a super-senior yet, but I’m getting close and also looking to make an in-house move (with similar concerns re: family can swing it but I’m the main breadwinner). Having seen a few friends go through the same process, I think it could be really helpful for you to talk to someone in your firm – ideally a junior partner or counsel in your group if you can trust one to be confidential – about what you could expect if you stayed in terms of support, etc. For example, you say that no one has tried to push you out but is there a chance that you could be promoted? Is there a service partner role/path that could be open to you?

      And also I would treat myself to a delicious lunch, because you’re closing to getting an offer and that’s great whether you take it or not.

    • Daffodil

      How much more junior is the in house position, and how quickly can you move up? I did a similar move from BigLaw to government, taking a huge paycut into a more junior position in exchange for a better lifestyle. But I have found it really frustrating to be a more junior attorney again, and (despite what was told to me during hiring) a not-so-fast pathway to more senior positions. I knew I would be taking a step back, but its a much bigger step back than I ever expected, and if given the option, I’m not sure I would make the same choice again.

  18. So Anon

    Going to an unexpected funeral for a dear friend this weekend (wife of best man in our wedding) who lost her battle with cancer. She has two young kids that match my kids’ ages. I want to work but am utterly useless today. DH is coming with to to the funeral, although he and I both question how he will handle all of this. He is in the midst of MDD-severe and utterly incapable of seeing how hard this is for anyone but himself (e.g. he’s asked me exactly once how my day was in the last week — and that was only after me saying, “it would be helpful if you asked me how my day was.”)

    I need waterproof mascara (or something) for the funeral. Any recommendations?

    • Anon

      Do you have mutual friends that you can lean on for support? If your DH isn’t capable of providing that support right now, you should seek support from someone.

      Wrt makeup, any Maybelline waterproof mascara will do the job. Honestly, for funerals, I forgo pretty much all makeup except for waterproof eyeliner, waterproof mascara, and maybe some powder if my skin is looking weird. You’ll cry it all off and no one will really be looking at you anyway.

    • Anonymous

      I’m so sorry about your friend and that DH is not being supportive. Can you go home early or maybe take a half day? Take care of yourself.

      The last waterproof mascara I used was by Maybelline in a blue tube – the name was rocket something. It did not budge EVER. Like to the point where I would still find traces on my lashes days after wearing it.

    • Anon

      You need a Team You plan. Make non-you arrangements to take care of the kids during and after the funeral. Drop DH off at home after the funeral. Then depending on what makes you feel better, arrange for a meal with friends, or go see a movie by yourself, or volunteer at a pet shelter, or go get in a workout. Whatever helps you process emotions and recharge your batteries. Find someone(s) to check in on you each day for the next week or so – just say “Friend, I’m going through a rough patch this week with the death of a dear friend. I know this is weird to ask, but do you think you could check in on me each day with a text to ask how I’m doing? I think I need a visual reminder that I have other friends and they love me too. Thanks.”

      I’m thinking of you. I know this is a very hard thing to go through. Take care of yourself and find ways to recharge yourself. DH will have to find his own Team Him to help him through, but it can’t solely be you. Maybe he proactively schedules some extra time with his therapist, maybe he schedules a game watch with friends, whatever helps him and doesn’t involve direct emotional support from you. This is a “put on your own oxygen mask” kind of situation for both of you.

    • JS

      I’m so, so sorry for your loss. I can help with funeral-proof mascara –
      Fancy: Lancome Monsieur Big Waterproof
      Drugstore: Maybelline Lash Sensational Waterproof

    • Vicky Austin

      No idea about mascara, just wish I could give you a hug and shoulder some of that heavy weight you’re carrying.

    • Anonymous

      I’m so, so sorry. I lost my dad this year and wore tube mascara (blinc)—not perfect if you’re a heavy crier like me, but at least it didn’t smudge.

      Take care of yourself.

  19. Anonymous

    I need a new makeup bag and can’t find one that I like. Does anybody have one that they just love? I’m trying to find something with multiple separate zippered compartments and a dedicated spot for brushes. Any ideas?

    • Anonymous

      I added a soft “pencil case” to my regular make-up bag to hold my brushes.

    • Anon

      Late response but Trish Mcevoy cases are made for this. You can often find them new on eBay if the retail price is too high for you.

  20. Georgette George

    Good morning, ladies! Here’s a (hopefully) fun question for all of you: if you had one week free in April, where would you go? My husband and I will be celebrating our anniversary sans bebe and looking for ideas. The only requirement is that we want to be within a reasonable direct flight (5-7 hours) of the mid-Atlantic East Coast. Thanks for any suggestions!

      • Anon

        I went to Iceland last June and I highly recommend against it! The cheap airfare is almost a bait and switch…because everything else in the country is 3x what you would pay at home. And home to me is Canada, where we pay more for things than in the US. So, maybe even more than 3x if you are used to American prices! This was also not just limited to touristy restaurants – it extended to grocery store produce and off the beaten track areas.

        Also, let me just tell you that all of the major sights are overcrowded and have lost their natural feel. Parking lots and restaurants and washrooms have been developed practically right up to the edge of every single water fall/glacier/you name it. The country is obviously sick of tourism, and beyond everything else I’ve already said, many locals are downright hostile to visitors.

        Avoid! I wish someone had warned me. It wasn’t worth the money.

        • Anonymous

          I disagree on the parking lots/restaurants everywhere. Yes, there were in certain spots (wholly welcome) and the nature is just SO AMAZING. We went twice in 6 months (dec and mar and loved both times). Maybe because it wasn’t June and the height of tourist season. I’m from Hawaii and I LOVED iceland :)

          yes, the restaurant food was pricey and grocery stores weren’t super cheap, but very doable, I thought.

      • Seventh Sister

        We went to Reykjavik for a a teeny-tiny vacation/extended layover in August (36 hours) and I totally loved it! It was super-expensive but I didn’t find the locals unfriendly or hostile at all, even though it seemed to be the height of European tourist season. I’d like to go back and see more of the countryside (the taxi ride from KEF into the city is quite long so we did get to look at a lot of meadows and flowers from the comfort of a late-model sedan).

        Maybe people were nice because we had the kids? Both are super blonde so maybe we passed as Danish tourists until we opened our mouths.

        • Seventh Sister

          And I have to say, it was almost worth the price just to see the babies bundled up in prams left outside in the cold to sleep “for health!”

    • Anonymous

      The Caribbean – do one of those super romantic adults-only resorts. You could also do Iceland. There’s a lot of adventurous stuff there (glacier trekking, etc) that’s hard to do with kids under about the age of 8.

  21. Paging Nati

    I’ve made it to the final interview for many pools. Any advice? I’ve already had a few interviews so know the general format. It feels like I might be missing something though because they just go through all the same qualification questions I’ve already answered on paper. (FWIW these are for entry level EC type jobs as I’m a younger analyst)

  22. Boston Area recs?

    I wrote in last week for East Coast vacation advice and thanks to your advice, booked a lovely ocean view room in Rockport for the long weekend. We will be exploring the area (Plum Island, Crane Beach, maybe Salem for the Halloween atmosphere?) and probably taking a day trip to Boston.
    Any recommendations for (1) nice dinner in Boston to celebrate my birthday (we like all kinds of food, looking for a nice splurge but not stuffy or Michelin-star material) and for (2) things to do towards Cape Ann/ Rockport/ Newburyport?
    Also, any unique shopping recommendations in Boston? I have most major chains where I live, but like to explore different options on trips.

    • Anonymous

      For dinner, I love Island Creek Oyster Bar and Row 34 (seafood), Banyan or Tiger Mama (Asian), Alden and Harlow (mostly American) and Sarma (Middle Eastern). Those are all mid-range and you can definitely do the splurge there, but non-stuffy.

      For shopping, depends what you’re looking for. If you’re in town on Sunday, I’d recommend SoWa for the atmosphere and for interesting finds. I also like Olives & Grace in the South End for local products — mostly food items.

      • Cookbooks

        +1 for Island Creek Oyster Bar. I’ll add Eastern Standard Kitchen and Aquitaine.

        Salem goes all out for Halloween! Its pretty fun. As for shopping, Charles Street in Beacon Hill has lots of cute boutiques and shops.

    • Anon

      Asta is fun and not stuffy (although expensive) for dinner. Another restaurant idea is Juliet in Somerville, with the same vibe. Newbury Street in the Back Bay is a main destination for shopping. I like and actually prefer Charles Street in Beacon Hill for a smaller feel.

  23. Shoe Shopping

    I need a black pump, almond or pointed toe. 3 inches or taller. Basically everything in the “guide to heels” is sold out. What is current, comfortable, and actually available for purchase right now?

    TIA.

    • Little Red

      Stuart Weitzman has their TIPPI pumps in various heights that I think could work for you. I just bought the 70 mm heel height ones during Bloomingdale’s F&F sale.

    • Laura

      I always like Ann Taylor for basic work pumps, and I generally find them very comfortable.

    • Anonymous

      This could be challenging because flats are more current this season. I see a few pairs of black pumps on the Ann Taylor website that meet the shape/height criteria and don’t look super dated to me. AT heels are very comfortable.

  24. How to help after a C section

    My little sister just had her first baby by c-section. I’m going to bring food, of course, but any other ideas about what would be helpful post-C section? I’ve heard that you can get special compression underwear that’s helpful for holding everything together while the scar heals. Any thoughts or recommendations?

    • anon

      congrats to your fam! i recently had a c section. i personally wore the disposable underwear from the hospital until i recovered, but lived in loose fitting shorts and pants. she might already have some from her pregnancy that still fit, but some loungewear could be nice if you are looking to buy a gift. Someone had recommended the Under Wrapz underwear to me, though I personally didn’t use them. in terms of food, obviously know your sister, but in the days/weeks post birth we were eating so much greasy takeout, i would’ve loved a huge fruit salad and muffins or something like that.

    • anon.

      Post on the mom board early tomorrow! I had a c-section and honestly can’t think of anything that was as helpful as someone else there so I could shower, but maybe some of the other women there can give you suggestions. Second the suggestion above for food that can be eaten without a plate/knife/fork.

    • BC

      The only “thing” I really used post c-section was a mini-fridge that I put in my bedroom because I was pumping bc I had a difficult nurser and I was on the 2nd floor, away from the kitchen. When we later supplemented with formula, it was also nice to have it to keep the pre-mixed bottles on hand during the night.

      Otherwise, I was thankful for anything I could eat with one hand.

    • Anonymous

      How close are you with your sister? Personally, if it were my sister I would want her to show up with food and then ask what I needed her to do rather than bringing me something. But not all relationships are like that so YMMV.

      • Seventh Sister

        I felt like a total failure for having a C-Section the first time around, so I wouldn’t have appreciated stuff to fix me, but my sister and mom and I are like four decades into Divergent Views on Body Stuff so YMMV.

    • Idea

      Do her laundry!! It’s hard to bend over, lift, fold. even pulling open the drawers can be hard with stomach muscles that aren’t together.

      Do her laundry. Clean her toilets. Fill her freezer. It’s just like having a baby except more like getting run over by a truck.

    • Anonymous

      Get her Dermatix scar gel and special compression underwear. She needs to wear the latter to support her abdominal muscles.

  25. Anon

    Thanks to those of you who responded to my post about negotiating between two job offers yesterday. I was able to get my top choice to come up slightly, which puts me more squarely in the range I wanted even though they couldn’t match my other offer. I’m proud of myself for negotiating and now I’ve accepted the offer feeling a lot more confident.

  26. Anonymous

    We’re taking “fall” family photos this weekend. I had hoped to do boots and scarves but it looks like the temperature is going to be about 75 degrees, so that’s out. Do you think blue jeans, a sleeveless blouse and ballet flats for me + a dress and denim jacket for the baby would work? Or will we be dressed too warmly? I wear dresses a lot but find that casual jersey dresses are not flattering in photos because they don’t suck you in as as well as jeans, and I don’t want to wear a work dress for family photos.

    • Anonymous

      Well, you could just play like a catalog model and wear boots and scarves anyway. The people seeing the photo won’t know that it was 75* that day. They’ll just see the leaves changing. It could look a bit silly to see a fall photo with someone in a sleeveless blouse.

      • Anonymous

        I think we’ll look sweaty and disgusting if we try to wear scarves in 75 degree weather. I meant short-sleeved, not sleeveless – that was a typo.

        • Anonymous

          I personally prefer longer sleeves in pictures, esp. if the wearer is in a shirt (as opposed to a dress) and esp. in the fall. I would reconsider a long sleeve or bracelet length sleeved shirt.

    • SC

      In my area, it’s always still 70-80 degrees when we’ve done fall photos. We’ve taken 2 different approaches depending on our moods that morning. You can (1) pack layers, arrive early, and put jackets/scarves on to wear for 20 minutes, or (2) go for something in-between and comfortable–cardigan over a dress, long-sleeve shirts and pants, etc, with colors that work for all seasons (for us, jewel tones).

      • Anon

        We use our family fall pictures for our Christmas card too, so I tend to err on the side of warmer clothes. We do the same as SC – we wear the extra layers (the cardigans, scarves, puffy vests, etc) for the first 10-15 minutes and get a nice whole-family shot, then take them off for the individual/ kids only pics.

        It takes a little extra planning to make sure both layers are color coordinated, but we typically plan the colors around whatever printed top or dress my daughter is wearing so it usually works. (Like she’ll be in a navy tunic with red/yellow/green flowers and a yellow cardigan. So then I’ll be in a green top with a yellow scarf, DH will be in a red shirt with a navy button down, and DSs will be in plaid shirts with navy and green puffer vests. Everyone in jeans or cordouroys and brown shoes/ boots.) Then no matter what combo of tops we have on, we all coordinate.

  27. How to start weight training?

    I would like to start weight training but I’m not really sure how to begin. I’m pretty intimidated by gyms, so ideally, I’d like to start at home, alone. Any advice/resources for a total beginner?

    • Anonymous

      I feel you on the intimidation, but I’d really encourage you to find a small-group strength training gym if you’ve never lifted before. It’s so easy to get hurt if you don’t have perfect form, and it’s really hard to have great form just by reading and watching videos. Where are you located, maybe someone will have suggestions?
      For what it’s worth, I only notice other people in the gym if they’re being loud/obnoxious, or lifting TONS of weight.

      • pugsnbourbon

        +1 to a small-group setting.

        Also, I’d pick up the New Rules of Lifting for Women and/or Strong Curves (I think they’re by the same authors). You can scale the workouts for the equipment that you have, and then once you need heavier weights, you’ll know what to do at the gym.

        Have fun! Weightlifting is awesome.

        • Tippins

          I recommend both of these books.
          Strong Curves is by Bret Contreras; it provides full body workouts but also specifically emphasizes building your glutes. He also has free videos on youtube.
          NROLW is by Lou Schuler, Cassandra Forsythe, and Alwyn Cosgrove; it was the first lifting program I ever followed and helped me gain muscle and lose fat. It is my #1 book recommendation for new lifters.

    • Anonymous

      Fitness Blender strength training videos online. Tons of videos, all free, amazing.

  28. anon

    I have not tried them on yet, but the Stuart Weitzman – Leigh 70 pump may fit your needs.

  29. Hawaii Planning

    I’m in charge of planning a family reunion of sorts in Hawaii for 11 people: 7 adults, 4 kids ranging age 3 – 10. Open to either hotel / condo community / house rental though access to a pool is preferred. Near beach. Ideally with option of a suite with kitchen (for those of us wanting the option to cook) but walkable to restaurants for those of us who don’t.

    Price somewhat negotiable but prefer less than $1000 / night for all 11 of us. I’m overwhelmed with options and not sure where to look. Can you help?

    • Anon in ATL

      I feel like West Coast people go to Hawaii a lot – ask LA or Bay Area friends or networks? Or be all like, HEY WEST COASTERS and you might get some attention here? Good luck, sounds like fun!

  30. LittleRain

    Help! I have owned a Nina Ricci pencil skirt for years, and only recently realized it may be too sheer for work (it’s more noticeable at distance and in bright light, so embarrassing as I’d worn it at prior jobs a few times). I love the fit, however. Is there anything I can do to make it more work appropriate? Have you ladies ever tried spanx under pencil skirt and if so, which one did you buy?
    https://cdnc.lystit.com/photos/2013/11/19/nina-ricci-blacknavy-eyelet-pencil-skirt-navy-product-3-15054733-311135052.jpeg
    https://cdnd.lystit.com/photos/therealreal/682320d8/nina-ricci-Metallic-Eyelet-Pattern-Pencil-Skirt-Navy.jpeg

    • Anon

      I wear spanx under pencil skirts almost every day but that is not going to solve your problem, assuming you’re taking about the shorts style. You’ll still be able to see your legs individually in bright light. You need a slip for this skirt. I tend to wear full slips but a half slip would work too.

    • Anonymous

      This is where good old-fashioned half slips come into their own — they are made for exactly this situation. Or, if you want, a tailor could add a lining.

  31. Selling Dress

    I have an MM LaFleur Ingrid dress in black, size 8, never worn (tags are still on). Original price was $265. If anyone is interested in it, please email me at pilatesfan1 at the mail of america online with an offer. I am in the Chicago metropolitan area but am willing to ship it. If there is a better place to post this please advise, thanks.

    • Anonymous

      There’s an MM LaFleur BST on Facebook that’s very active – I’d try your luck there!

  32. Non-Legging Workout Pants

    I’ve realized that for working out, I strongly prefer a bottom that isn’t a legging. A few years ago, I purchased several pairs on my perfect pants from Lucy – it was a capri length relaxed performance jersey pant with ribbed cuffs at the bottom – the name was the dance something. They are now needing to be replaced, but everything I’ve looked at is a legging.

    I’ve tried a number (at least a dozen) jogger pants, thinking that was similar, but the ones that fit like I wanted were sweatpant material, and the thinner ones weren’t the right shape.

    Has anyone seen anything like this they can suggest?

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