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Updated: Oct 30, 2018 200 Comments · by

Suit of the Week: Talbots

Suit of the Week |

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For busy working women, the suit is often the easiest outfit to throw on in the morning. In general, this feature is not about interview suits for women, which should be as classic and basic as you get — instead, this feature is about the slightly different suit that is fashionable, yet professional. I think this gingham suit from Talbots is fun — and it's lightweight as well, with a touch of spandex for stretch. It has a good vibe for summer, especially if you don't want to deal with linen and its inevitable wrinkles. I also like the little pop of red on the lining of the collar. I think you could wear the jacket and skirt as separates as well as a suit. (I like the skirt version the best, but also note that it has a cropped pant.) The jacket (One-Button Jacket) is $179, and the skirt (Pencil Skirt) is $89.50; there are also matching pants. Size ranges are misses, petites, woman, and woman petites. This post contains affiliate links and Corporette® may earn commissions for purchases made through links in this post. For more details see here. Thank you so much for your support!

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Comments

  1. Wedding Processional Music

    Need inspiration for processional songs for the bride and groom/wedding party. Any suggestions? TIA!

    • anony

      If you like opera, I used “Voi, che sapete” and “Sull’aria…che soave zeffiretto” from The Marriage of Figaro

    • Anonymous

      classical or not? We’re doing Canon in D for wedding party and Vivaldi Spring for me (which is kind of fast for a processional, but my favorite classical piece and my musician tells me they can make it more majestic sounding:-) We’re recessing to the Star Wars theme, because I am a nerd. But I’d ask your musicians or DJs for suggestions and just listen to all their suggestions and see what you like.

      • Baconpancakes

        My friend recessed to the Voyager theme. It was highly amusing to the nerds, but no one else thought twice about it.

        • Mpls

          I’ve always liked the trumpets from the Star Trek Deep Space Nine Intro as well :)

          Wachet Auf is another nice classical piece.

    • Senior Attorney

      We did Bach’s Toccata & Fugue in D minor on the organ for the wedding party, then segued into Here Comes the Sun (sung live with guitar) for the bride. It was a fun juxtaposition and the organist just slew the Bach. Recessional was the traditional Mendelssohn Midsummer Night’s Dream Wedding March.

      • Ellen

        I asked my Dad, who does NOT like classical what I should have, and he said only “VOLGA BOATMAN”. Does anyone know this song?

    • NOLA

      Jesu, Joy of Man’s Desiring can be played forever and easily wound down as attendants process. Jeremiah Clarke Trumpet Voluntary is so traditional, but still beautiful.

        • SC Lawyer

          I would recommend Trumpet Voluntary for the processional too. We recessed to Toccata by Widor which I think is a really happy piece.

    • Pompom

      I walked down the aisle to a string trio playing the West Wing theme song.

      You can do anything!

      • Senior Attorney

        Oh, love this so much!

        You just reminded me that for my first wedding in 1984 we did the John Williams Olympics theme song.

      • Anonymous

        Oooh, I wonder if it’s too late to change my processional to the West Wing, because brilliant.

      • Calico

        That is so cool! I walked down the aisle to a bluegrass band playing Bowie’s Modern Love.

    • Anonnn

      We had a piano version of “Heaven” by Bryan Adams for bridal entrance.

      Recessional was “Its Not Unusual” by Tom Jones (played on stereo, not by musicians)

    • anon

      “Joyful, Joyful, We Adore Thee”, “Here Comes the Sun” or “What a Wonderful World”. Congrats!

    • Anonymous

      The Duchess of Cambridge walked down the aisle to I Was Glad by Sir Charles Hubert Hastings Parry.

    • Lise

      Bach Suite No. 1 for wedding party, Clair de Lune for me. And then we walked out to my husband’s college fight song, which I arranged with the musicians as a surprise to him, and he was so excited/worked up he didn’t realize until after!

    • Need a new handle

      Really depends on the feel you want! I wanted my wedding to be this great 80s/90s rom-com feel. We did the processional to an instrumental of Let My Love Open the Door, I walked down to Unchained Melody, and the recessional was Power of Love by Huey Lewis and the News. All done by a guitar and keyboard – it was very light but familiar. Perfect for what we wanted. Don’t feel like you have to do classical unless you want to!

    • Mrs. Jones

      The theme from Pixar’s Up is great. And of course the Bach Toccata in dm.

      • Anonymous

        Is the theme what’s playing in the opening montage of Up? Because just thinking about that makes me cry.

    • Anonymous

      My friend walked down the aisle to Yellow by Coldplay and everyone I knew was like, “Isn’t that a sad song?” So don’t do that.

    • Anon

      “I Am Moved By You” by India Arie or “Spend My Life with You” by Eric Bennet. Recessional: Instrumental of “Marry you” by Bruno Mars.

    • Anonymous

      Mine was the Vitamin String Quartet version of Keane’s Somewhere Only We Know. I had a friend use the regular version and I really liked it. The groom / bridal party was VSQ’s version of Dog Days are Over. I forget what the recessional was, some other VSQ song, maybe All You Need is Love.

    • Dora

      Recently heard a friend use “Dear Theodosia” from Hamilton which was lovely. I used “True Love” by Cole Porter, and my husband used “Love Me Tender” by Elvis (we both processed). For recessional, we used “New York, New York” which was a super fun energy burst after the ceremony. In all cases, these songs were performed by live music (piano/string quartet) so they were familiar enough but not the exact song. I love this part of the planning process – it’s a chance to sneak a little more character and meaning into your day, even if others don’t fully appreciate it.

    • Anonymous

      X Goin Give it To Ya. DMX Anything less is a copout to something you don’t really like and are playing to satisfy someone else.

    • pugsnbourbon

      We walked in to Asha Ali’s “The Time is Now.” It’s only 3 minutes long, our bridal party was small so it was just right for us.

    • Jules

      Our processional (if that’s what it’s called – when we walked to the altar, which BTW we did together) was Canon in D, but maybe that’s overused. (It was a long time ago.)

      Our recessional (?) was James Taylor’s “Sweet Potato Pie,” which played off a private pet name we had for each other, although no one else knew that. It was bright and peppy, made for a very happy first song. (The first line, which of course we heard in our heads, is “Oh lord, I feel fine today, walking on cloud nine today, over that line today, happiness is finally mine today.”)

      Both were live on piano, instrumental only for the James Taylor song.

    • Alanna of Trebond

      My friend did Jupiter by Gustav Holst (from the planets suite), which was AWESOME. We walked out (for the reception) to K’naan Wavin’ Flag (the World Cup Song), which was a really wonderful feeling.

    • Anonymous

      Was at a wedding last year where the bride walked in to I Adore You by Miley Cyrus. I’ve been to 20 weddings in the last 2 years and it is the only entrance song I remember (in a good way)!

    • cispink

      OMG read this as a request for “professional” music for a bridal party and was very confused what the theme/occasion/event was. Our parents walked in to a jazz arrangement of the “Married Life” theme from Up. Our bridal party walked into a jazz arrangement of “Here Comes the Sun” and we walked into a jazz arrangement of “You’ve Got a Friend in Me” from Toy Story.

      • Senior Attorney

        HAHA that would be a great April Fool’s post: “Is it unprofessional to have contemporary music for your wedding processional?”

    • DocAnon

      We used “linus and lucy” (vince guaraldi, aka “theme from Snoopy”) for our recessional with a string trio. Big hit.

    • Anonymous

      Our processional was Bach’s “Air on the G String” (yeah, yeah, hahaha) and our recessional was Vivaldi’s “Spring.” But we got married A Long Time Ago and using popular music wasn’t really done in my family, for weddings.
      If we were getting married now, we would process to the Star Wars theme used in A New Hope during the awards ceremony, and recess to Stevie Wonder’s “Signed, Sealed, Delivered.”

  2. Custom Shampoo

    Has anyone tried custom shampoo? I can’t find a normal formula I’m happy with (very fine, blonde hair that falls out frequently and gets greasy quickly but is somehow also dry), and I feel like tried everything (more moisture, less moisture, dry shampoo, no poo, deep conditioner…etc.).

    Would love any thoughts/recs on custom formulas, including Function of Beauty, Form, any others?

    Thanks in advance!

    • anonymous

      I saw a video with a YouTube-er with blonde hair talking about Monat. Haven’t tried it myself.

      • Anonymous

        There has been some bad press lately about Monat damaging hair, leaving some signs of chemical burns and whatnot – proceed with caution

    • Anonymous

      Following. Greasy yet dry hair that falls out easily is typical of hypothyroidism, which I have, and I am always looking for a better shampoo.

      • The Frenchie is My Favorite Kid

        This is my hair type due to hypothyroid. I like:

        L’Oréal Extraordinary Clay Rebalancing Shampoo and Conditioner
        L’Oréal Everpure Sulfate Free Moisturizing S & C
        Morrocan Oil S & C are fine, though maybe not really worth $$$
        Pureology Hydrate S & C are good, but not so much better than L’Oréal options

        I try to only wash every other day, which means ponytail/bun on off days due to greasiness.

        Dry shampoos don’t work well for my hair, and I’ve tried tons.

        If I do wash two days in a row I alternate S&C on day 1 with cleansing conditioner on day 2 (I use L’Oréal Everpure one, I haven’t tried others bc it seems fine).

        Also, I got long bangs and wash and style just my bangs on updo/ponytail days for a change.

        • Anonymous

          Thank you! I used to use the Everpure line, and I liked it, but it was a little too moisturizing in the summer. Cycling with the Clay Rebalancing might be the solution. I’m going to try it!

          • Anonymous

            Holy cow, I have this kind of hair and totally believe in the first two shampoos you mentioned and now I’m convinced I have hypothyroidism. Diagnosis through hair!

    • Anonymous

      Have you ever had your thyroid checked? That aside, you might try a shampoo with oil in it. It’s probably meaningless, but “weak hair with a tendency to fall” is a category of haircare in the middle east / southeast asia. Garnier UltraDoux Hammam shampoo is one, not sure how widely available it is.

    • Anonymous

      It’s so silly and indulgent, but I got this silk turban (brand name Silke) to sleep in and it genuinely helps because the oil gets distributed evenly down the hair shaft, instead of greasing up my scalp while my ends stay dry. I can go longer between shampooing.

    • Miss

      I have fine blond hair that gets dry easily but also a very greasy scalp. I started washing daily with Kirkland’s shampoo and conditioner. I’m careful to rinse thoroughly and have been very happy. I do a clarifying shampoo with a deep conditioning mask on the weekend.

  3. Anonymous

    Dating a guy for 9 months or so and as we’re getting serious we’re talking about life, expectations etc. Both of us are undecided on kids and feel maybe we’d have 1 mad but if we didn’t or couldn’t, that’d be ok too. He clarified this again yesterday because he wanted to make sure I’m on the same page and not viewing it as, I must be pregnant by x date. I agree with him. Then as we got to talking, he basically said if we had a kid, they’d be mostly my responsibility. He’s a cardiologist – loves it and doesn’t intend to cut back in any way. I’m not shocked because cardiology isn’t a lifestyle speciality where you can easily cut back but his tone was more like — I wouldn’t WANT to be making it to the preschool holiday show or Halloween or whatever so that’d be on you. Thing is I grew up with kids with dads like this — dad was proudly around for high school graduation, proudly bragging if the kid was going to an ivy or med school or something like that, and of course money was no object. But daily life – parent teacher conferences, pizza night, driving to the school dance – that was mom. IDK what to think — is this something you’d continue if you were 100% ok with no kids? Because all I’m thinking is — no kids, fine; but if there is a kid, isn’t it sort of unfair if dad doesn’t even WANT to be around? FWIW I’m in a busy all consuming job myself though not high stakes like cardiology, so it’s not like I’ve given off the vibe that all I want is to be a doctors wife and mother.

    • Anonymous

      Eh, does it matter to you? To me it would. You’re saying that you don’t think you have a shared responsibility for life’s surprises.

    • Anonymous

      Ewww. Is he getting snipped then? I think you do want kids. He doesn’t. End it. Also he’s misogynistic

    • Anonymous

      This is a very personal decision. For me, it would be a no-go but that’s because I picked a DH who took 6 months off after our first kid when I went back to work and a year off after our second. There’s no right or wrong way to do this but it is a lot of work to balance ALL parenting responsibilities plus a career. If you have local family who would love to be involved then it could work. But you have to decide if this is a deal breaker or not for how you envisage your life for the next 20 years.

    • Marshmallow

      Ugh. I’d see this as a red flag about his view on gender roles. You are both ambivalent about kids and you both have demanding jobs, but somehow he still sees you as the default parent.

      Think about what this means even if you don’t have kids: are you going to be the default homekeeper? Default social secretary? Will you wind up responsible for remembering his family’s birthdays and buying gifts at holidays? I mean, maybe this is 100% confined to the kids question and you can avoid that issue by not having kids. But I’d probe a little deeper at why he thinks it’s okay to say that a future kid would be mostly your responsibility.

      • Anon

        +1 yep. He’s telling you his views on gender roles, and he’s telling you he hasn’t been listening when you’ve said you are in a “busy all consuming job.” He’s the kind who will expect you to quit or “dial back” if life gets hard for HIM.

      • Anonymous

        +1 to this. Personally, a hands-off spouse who viewed kids as just another trophy would be a dealbreaker for me, but there are many ways to do this as long as both partners are on the same page. But even without kids, would it extend even to whose career came first if one of you received an amazing opportunity? To housework, the mental load of planning family life, and so on?

        • anonshmanon

          is he going to expect you to uproot your life when he takes a great job opportunity in a different city? Would he do it for you?

      • Wow

        + 1 I would be so resentful with a spouse like the one you have described. Would not work for me or for most working moms I know.

    • Brunchaholic

      At the risk of being judgmental/unfair to a guy that I only know through a small snapshot you’ve provided, I think the issue is less about whether you’re okay without kids and more about whether you’re fundamentally compatible with someone with values that dictate such a limited ability to compromise.

      Maybe I’m being dramatic, but to me that’s the much more glaring issue that you’d be living with with or without children.

      • Torin

        +1

        He’s telling you his career comes first. I would understand that to mean, not just first before kids, but probably also first before yours and first before your accomplishments and emotional well being. He’s telling you he would refuse to be emotionally available for kids, and I would question whether someone who says that is capable of being emotionally available for _me_.

        • Anon in NYC

          Also, for the sake of argument, let’s say you and he get married and choose not to have kids. What if something debilitating happens to you and you become dependent on him, in a caretaker sense. Is this guy up for that? Is he really up for what happens when people get older and become infirm, or your/his parents need caretakers? Is he only signing up for the fun times where you’re both relatively carefree?

        • Brunette Elle Woods

          This 1,000%. He reminds me of my most recent ex as far as his career always came before me and I knew if we had children, I would be the primary caretaker. There’s nothing wrong with staying with him and enjoying yourself/having fun with him, but I don’t think I would get serious with someone like that because his career would come before you. What if you are sick or in the hospital or you need him because well life happens. He wouldn’t be there for you and he wouldn’t be a partner regardless of whether you have children. He’s being honest and that’s great, but believe what he is saying. It’s not just about having children, it’s about his priorities in life. To me, a career is a means to an end, Retirement, traveling, going to great restaurants, etc. I work to live. I don’t live to work.

      • Lana Del Raygun

        I think this is spot-on. Personally I would not marry anyone whose first answer to a big question like “how would we raise children?” is “like this!” and not “let’s discuss this like co-equal partners.” Not that he can’t have boundaries, but it should be “Here’s what’s important to me; what’s important to you? What would work for both of us?”

        Also personally, I suspect anyone who would categorically refuse to go to his children’s events of actually just being a selfish jerk.

    • Anonymous

      I would not have kids with someone who wasn’t willing to be there for his kids beyond paying the bills.

      • tesyaa

        Right. It’s not just her POV that matters here. If he’s not there for them, that’s not a good atmosphere for kids growing up.

    • Baconpancakes

      If you decide you don’t want kids, it’s not a deal breaker. (Although I would be wary that this attitude would continue on to other parts of your lives, like meal planning, groceries, dishes, pet care, holiday gifts, wedding thank you cards, etc.) You do have to decide before you get serious with him, though, and tell him.

      If you’re truly undecided on whether or not you want kids, you need a guy who will be a great dad or just a great partner.

      • Anonymous

        +1 to even if you don’t want kids you need to scope out whether he expects you to be responsible for all things domestic

    • Anonymous

      My thought – he wants a dr marriage from 1955, where big prestigious cardiologist was at work all the Time and stay home wife and mom did everything else. He came home to a perfect home, sweet children who knew they were to be seen and not heard because dad had a rough day at work and then dad retired to his study/arm chair with a cocktail. Do you want this?

      And FWIW this is NOT all marriages to doctors – even high level ones. My bff’s husband is a Hopkins oncologist and granted he doesn’t have a ton of time and yet when he does – he is ALL about his 3 and 1 year olds and he very much cares about his lawyer wife’s career goals too and doesn’t expect her to put them on hold for him.

      • Anon

        +1 My brother is a successful cardiologist, with a wife who is also physician who works full time, and they are both very involved with their two boys and have made them a priority. They are both fantastic parents and physicians. It really does come down to priorities.

      • Jen

        I have close friends- one is a neurosurgeon and one is a pediatric endocrinologist. Both are best in their field/nationally recognized etc. They have two kids and it amazes me the degree to which they are present. They’ve made choices like living in a small condo ($$$) in Boston super close to work and super close to school. They have no family in the area, and they only have a moderate amount of help with their young but school age children. Mom is Pinterest-level with her birthday cakes and dad coaches at least 2 teams.

        My great friend is a cardiologist. Her husband is an on-the-road management consultant. They outsource a LOT (way more than my married doc friends), but they both make the important things happen for their kid (singular).

    • Delta Dawn

      I would think about how this would make your child(ren) feel. Your little kid is going to feel sad that Daddy doesn’t “WANT to be making it to the preschool holiday show or Halloween,” etc. I know what you mean by saying you grew up with a proud dad/involved mom, and I did too, but that was thirty years ago. It’s not as common now as it was then (even though it’s still a dynamic for a lot of families).

      Independently of this being sad for your child, I would be very cautious about marrying someone who quickly assigns you the tasks he doesn’t want. It won’t be limited to children.

    • Anonymous

      I would never choose to have a child with him based on this attitude. He sounds selfish and uninterested in the life-changing reality of having a child. I am concerned he would expect his life to go on as it always has and resent it now focusing around someone other than himself and his job. I have friends who are incredible workers in demanding corporate and medical careers who are men and they absolutely adore their children – and don’t consider them ‘second’ to their oh-so-important careers.

      If it’s just you and you don’t have a child with him, no judgment from me. Putting all your collective time into your careers is a valid choice that you both could make. If this is a ‘price of admission’ you are okay with along with the rest of your relationship, I think you could continue dating him and seeing if your opinion changes over time.

    • Anonymous

      That’s a individual thing. One of my friends has a horrible husband we all hate who seems baffled by basic childcare activities, but their life works for them. She’s happy, she likes staying at home with the kids, and she doesn’t really care about having a spouse around to help. Plenty of single women decide to have a kid solo, so this is like an expanded version of that. At least he’s honest – he doesn’t necessarily want kids, but he doesn’t mind if if she wants them.

    • anon

      I would not be OK with this kind of arrangement. It’s completely unfair to the child, not to mention you. If you’re even a little bit interested in having kids, look for a better co-parent.

    • anon

      You do you, but this would be a dealbreaker for me. He’s putting his career ahead of his family. I would not have considered having children with my husband if I knew he would not be hands on. Agree with the others that this could potentially be a larger issue. Even if you both decide not to have kids and he keeps focusing on his career, what happens if/when you need him? Will you be on your own or will he take a day off? Will you be shouldering all of the emotional/mental labor for the relationship? Planning holidays, buying gifts, coordinating hired help, etc.

      But, kudos to him for setting that expectation now and not after you’ve walked down the aisle.

    • Anonymous

      I guess I’m wondering if he said they’d be mostly your responsibility, or that he wouldn’t want to make it to a bunch of school events. Because the first sounds pretty bad, but I sympathize a lot with the latter (did he even enjoy participating in holiday shows, etc., when he was a kid? I did not). If he is willing to co-parent when it comes to actual parenting, why not hire a nanny for the things that aren’t really parenting, and be more particular about the sorts of activities the kids are involved in.

      • Anonymous

        I would have been devastated as a kid if my parents sent a nanny to watch my recitals or performances.

      • Anonymous

        Yes, you need to support your kids! But your kids really do not have to do a bunch of recitals or performances. It’s possible to parent (and educate) outside these cultural expectations. Think of the conversation surrounding Bringing Up Bebe and Tiger Moms–there are plenty of people who are exhausted by American parenting culture. If he is opposed to attending the annual recital for the one musical instrument his child is invested in mastering, then yeah, he’s a jerk. But if he’s just opposed to attending an amateur holiday skit several times a year, then maybe he just needs to send his kids to a different sort of school so the situation doesn’t arise in the first place.

      • Anonymous

        Reply stuck in mod, but I was unclear–I didn’t mean to send the nanny to the play! I meant, why should your kids do a bunch of plays. I agree that can’t be outsourced to the nanny.

      • biglawanon

        “I guess I’m wondering if he said they’d be mostly your responsibility, or that he wouldn’t want to make it to a bunch of school events.”

        This is exactly what I was wondering too. Is he going to expect you to go to all this stuff in his absence, or is he just voicing that he is likely not going to be able/want to do this stuff? I relate to both of those sentiments. And both my husband and I work demanding jobs, and often cannot make it to every single game, etc.

    • BC

      Is this how he is generally? I usually subscribe to the, “When people tell you who they are, believe them,” BUT I also believe that many people’s idea of their life as a parent and then how they act as a parent don’t always match up. Like, a hypothetical kid’s parent-teacher conference is not the same as an actual conference for a kid you love and care about. You know the guy: do you believe him? To me, part of that assessment is whether he takes care of things and is an active contributor to housekeeping side of your relationship. Because if he’s not, he won’t start. But if he is, then make sure you don’t let him stop.

    • Sarabeth

      I would never ever ever sign up for this. I have a demanding job that I like. I could not keep doing it while being the only engaged parent. I don’t care how much money he has to throw at household help, there are some things that can’t be outsourced. It’s not the same to have a nanny at your preschool play, and what if you have a kid with complex medical needs? Also, frankly, there’s a significant chance that your shared kids will resent having an unengaged father, even if you are around to pick up the slack.

      And I agree with everyone saying that this dynamic is likely to be an issue even if you don’t have kids. This is not a guy who is going to prioritize your career when it conflicts with his, or who’s going to be willing to show up to holiday events that you want to go to, etc etc etc.

    • honestly

      He sounds frank and self-aware and also a bit ignorant in the way that you can never truly know how you feel about children until you have them. I don’t see this as selfish since no one is under an obligation to want children. I was married nine years before having a child and my husband made a lot of the same comments. He was 39 and I was 33 when our daughter was born. He worked long hours as a patent lawyer while I scaled back to part-time and carried much of the weight of child care. He spent all his non-working time with us but was not particularly engaged with our infant. However, as she started talking and walking, he immediately became more into her. Fifteen years later, our daughter probably feels that she receives more from him than me. He still works a lot but now has more flexibility than my (now full-time) position allows, and children of any age understand who is feeding, driving, and helping them solve complex math problems. :)
      I live in an area where many women and some men stay home to raise children while their spouses support the operation with what appears to be little more than financial contribution. It seems to work for them. I do not think being equal partners necessarily means that each partner contributes 50% to every single thing. For example, I rarely cook but do ALL the laundry. We hire out the yard and cleaning. People just make things work, and what works can certainly evolve over the years.

    • Sloan Sabbith

      I agree with everything above, but I’d also like to add- what if the child has some sort of a chronic health condition? In that instance, especially, it can cause burnout to be the only parent in charge of the care for the child and management of their condition. As someone with such a condition that was diagnosed when I was 2, I cannot imagine doing what my parents did alone. My parents switched back and forth when I was younger about who was working part time/freelancing/at home, and then my dad was home in the daytime from 3-7th grade and home in the late afternoons 8th-12th grade. We also had my grandparents around- do you have that? It meant that when I was inevitably sick at school, someone could come pick me up. Someone could always make a 10:30 AM only-time-in-the-next-2-months doctor appointment work. I would be really uncomfortable being told he had no intention of being a hands-on parent before you even have kids (or, ever, but saying it now is very telling).

    • Another perspective

      Honestly it just sounds like he doesn’t really want a kid. Or rather, he’d be okay with having a kid as long as he didn’t have to do a lot of the day to day drudgery associated with being a parent. I get this. It’s not that he’s selfish. It’s that he is not that interested in being a parent. Someone who was actually selfish would be like yeah I want two kids and I want you to handle all the annoying parts of parenting (I have seen this play out). The answer is to assume you won’t have children (unless you want a kid so badly with this guy that you’d be okay with being the primary parent).

      For context, my husband is not and never has been interested in having kids. I am largely ambivalent and could possibly convince him into having one kid, but I can’t see him coming around to the huge lifestyle change, and I would likely end up being the primary parent. I have zero interest in this, and I love him more than I love the idea of being a parent. So we’re not having kids. None of this makes him a bad person. Hopefully that gives a sense of what your emotional calculus could look like here.

    • Anonymous

      You should only marry this man if you’re sure you don’t want children. I can’t imagine having children with a partner who thought they were primarily my responsibility. I have a new baby and even though she’s by all accounts a really good baby – sleeping a lot, not crying for no reason, etc. – the newborn period was tough. I can’t imagine how stressed and frustrated I’d be if I didn’t have a partner who was willing to get up for the night feedings, change a lot of diapers, bring me food and water while I nurse, etc. etc. Even if you think you can handle being the primary caretaker, it may be a rude awakening when you have to actually do it.

      I also second the comments that it’s not fair to your children to have them if one partner is not enthusiastic about it. My parents had me because my mom really wanted a child. My dad was ambivalent about it and that was always pretty obvious and hurtful to me as a kid. He didn’t work crazy hours and he did show up for school plays and stuff like that but he’d grumble about it and it was clear he wasn’t emotionally invested in me. We had a pretty bad relationship for a while. Interestingly, he’s obsessed with his granddaughter and has been super involved with her, and that’s done a lot to heal our relationship. But I’m very glad my daughter will grow up with two parents who actively wanted her.

    • Anonymous

      I have “married single mom” friends and it is a nightmare. My friends haven’t left yet because either finances or religion are keeping them in place. They hate their lives, they hate their husbands. They’re miserable.

      IMO, there is no point in having a kid if both parents aren’t all-in on being there in a meaningful way, every day. By having a child with someone like this, not only are you making your own life unbelievably hard, you are depriving your child of an active, involved father that really WANTS to be there.

      It would be better to find a guy who actually wants to be a father (“I’ll have a kid, sure but I don’t want to put the work in” does not equal “really wants to be a father”) or have a kid on your own so you know from the jump you’re in it by yourself and you won’t be constantly frustrated by this guy’s detachment. Because the thing is – once you have a kid – you love that kid so much. You WANT the kid’s dad to love the kid and be as invested as you are. If they aren’t – you’re buying yourself a lifetime of heartache.

      If you truly want kids – DTMFA and move on.

    • Anonymous

      An abstract idea of a kid is a lot different than a sweet little girl or boy who you love more than life. IRL he may totally change. I would not rule him out.

    • Anonymous

      This attitude will carry through on elderly parents, animals, and any children that might end up on your doorstep because a relative died.

  4. Calling BigLaw Veterans/Alums!

    I feel like my situation has to be pretty typical of many Big Law ladies in the hive and I could really use your insight. I’m a fifth year associate in a quasi-specialized transactional practice in a HCOL city. For a Big Law associate, I actually like my job itself more than most, although the hours and availability expectations are grueling – I typically work weekends and am very much always on call. I work in a group of extremely smart high achievers that are all intense about work (but that I really, really like and respect). We’ve got a few mothers spaced out across a few offices but no one that is really doing any type of reduced hours or alternative path. DH is in a lower paying field and has more reasonable hours, but we very much rely on my high income for our lifestyle.

    We’re right at the point where we are contemplating TTC, and DH especially is adamant that having an even remotely balanced lifestyle with a child is something that cannot achieve in my current situation (and the money issue is entirely separate but mind boggling). We have been considering a move to a much smaller LCOL market where I would work for a regional firm, with the result being that culturally I would be able to work less and at the very least the LCOL would allow me to give up more pay in exchange for more flexibility if it came to that. I like this idea in theory and know that many make this move, but it’s been very hard for me to swallow the idea of letting go of my city and my firm/group. I know that if I wanted a more balanced life in my present situation (which to be clear, I want when I have kids, but honestly I’m okay for right now), I would need some kind of alternative arrangement (of course giving up partnership). But I would be the very first person in my practice group to do this, and I truly have no idea whether I would receive the full and unconditional support to do so that I think that I would need politically, and when it comes to thinking about the future of our group, our group leadership is apathetic at best and willfully ignorant at worst (we have a very large contingent of talented mid to senior associates).

    My real question here is about timing: legal recruiters would have me believe that the second the clock strikes midnight on my fifth year as an associate, I will become an absolute pariah to mid-sized law firms as too senior to remold and too expensive. I’ve been encouraged to waste absolutely no time in getting out now and rebuilding in the smaller market. But part of me kind of wants to keep working in my HCOL area, proceed with TTC and try to make things work, and if I don’t end up with the support that I need, then try to make the move. The recruiters I’ve talked to are really adamant that if I do that, it’ll be too late and I’ll be forfeiting options and generally taking a big risk.

    Thoughts? I can’t tell if the recruiters actually have a good view on this or not, and I think I’m really uneasy about taking such a huge career gamble when I’m not even really in a situation that seems that bad in the moment, but I can’t tell if I’ve just got Big Law Goggles on and I can’t see the end because they’ve successfully obscured it – it’s it the BigLaw model to dispose of the majority of associates after some time? Maybe DH and I are just going through a very normal pre-baby panic where we just don’t understand how anyone finds the time but we would just figure it out. If you can’t tell, I’m a person that grossly prefers being proactive to be reactive, but I want to make sure I’m because proactive based on an accurate set of assumptions. Help!

    • Anonymous

      I wouldn’t advice re regional firms bc I’m not a corporate associate but generally – do NOT make careee decisions based on scary stories from recruiters. They may $$ by placing you – so of course they say, if you don’t move now, you’ll be career less bc they want their fees now, not in 2 yrs when a move is right for you.

    • Anonymous

      If you’re not specific about where you are moving, I would stay and move later but start researching your options in terms of locations to focus on so that when you are ready to move and exhausted from caring for a baby, the job hunt process isn’t so overwhelming.

      But, if you are interested in a specific area/smaller city, I would be inclined to start looking so you can at least understand the options. I’m in a smaller city and while at least one firm is always hiring, there are not a ton of amazing options like in a bigger metro area so jumping on them when they do come up is important.

      The first year back to work after baby can be tough. It’s good to have a strong reputation to draw on if you need to leave early due to pregnancy complications or be off unexpectedly if baby is sick – daycare means lots of colds.

    • Anonymous

      I’m a fourth year looking to do this same kind of thing and just got that same story from a recruiter (but claiming I’d be unhirable after the end of my fourth year). At the very least, one of us is getting bad advice! ;) Realistically, I think this is something recruiters say to get you to take what they have for you now rather than waiting for the right time or the right thing. I’m following 3:49pm’s advice, looking around generally and thinking about what *would* be the right time or the right job for a move.

    • Anonymous

      Would you want to move even if you never have a baby? If not, definitely don’t leave. You are borrowing trouble here.

    • New law mama

      Stay. You CAN do it. But you and your partner need to be on the same page.

    • Anon

      Have you looked at options in your current market? I can’t see a reason you have to uproot your ENTIRE life. There are always options at more reasonable work places. There are even “lifestyle” big law firms (i.e. office generally clears out by 6:30, not expected to be answer after hours or on vacation for something urgent), that may pay a bit less but not remarkably so. There is so much between “leave everything for small town life” and staying in a job that’s too much.

    • OP

      A sincere thank you to all that have responded so far! Really can’t tell you how much I appreciate it and it’s already given me some more food for thought.

      As far as more info (in case helpful!) – we have a specific city in mind. We have family connections both where we are currently and where we’d be moving.

    • Blueberries

      About six months after returning from maternity leave (at a reduced schedule) for my second, I quit biglaw to take on a high risk independent project. I was also a midlevel in a specialized transactional practice. I suspect that if I’d been in a more sustainable job, I wouldn’t have quit. Whether that’s good or bad depends on how my project turns out.

      I’m with everyone who says don’t leave before you leave. I think that’s correct. For some, the flexibility of biglaw can help with parenting (you work all the time, but for many, it’s easier to duck out for a few hours/work from home than it would be in other jobs). However, if you’re certain that your biglaw practice is incompatible with how you want to parent, there is something to be said for being where you want to be before you are in an untenable situation. I think this is particularly true because moving to a different city can take quite a bit of time.

      • Anonymous

        For some, the flexibility of biglaw can help with parenting (you work all the time, but for many, it’s easier to duck out for a few hours/work from home than it would be in other jobs).

        I think this is very true – the flexibility that biglaw offers is pretty under-appreciated. Being home with a sick kid or leaving early for an appointment or making it to the 4:00 daycare Halloween parade can often be done without anyone noticing your absence, without having to request/use/get approval for time off, etc.

        Plus, I think many attorneys at big and mid-sized firms are surprised to find that when they become parents they find it easier to manage the “emergencies” that would have kept them continually working pre-kids. Your perspective shifts and you get better at putting off dealing with an “urgent” thing until after kiddo’s doctor appointment or bedtime or whatever it may be. And in most firms you don’t have to give the explanation that you didn’t respond to the email until 9:00 pm because you were doing the bedtime routine…it’s not a shock (and may even work in your favor) to have work product time-stamped into the night.

        • baby move

          Agree 100% on this. This is one of the main reasons I will not leave for government or another job with more set hours. I need the flexibility to come and go as I please and work from home when necessary or more efficient. My old biglaw firm was very good about this and lots of people worked from home and very little face time was required. My new firm is not like this but I made clear when I accepted my position that I needed that flexibility and they agreed. Though most people at my new firm don’t, I work from home pretty regularly and try not to feel bad about it because I got “permission” to do so before I came here. Definitely consider this before moving to a new firm. I could never go somewhere where I needed to request time off for a doctors appointment etc.

    • baby move

      A year ago I moved from HCOL Biglaw to LCOL (maybe MCOL) mid-size regional law firm. My husband was also a biglaw associate at another firm and we were both 6th years. We decided to make the move about 5 months after I came back from maternity leave because we realized the life we would have to live in order to stay in our HCOL city was not desirable for us. I also wanted to be closer to family and didn’t see myself long term in HCOL city for other reasons as well. We both got good jobs right away. We pulled the trigger on the move a bit earlier than we would have liked for the reasons you described and sometimes I wish we would have stayed longer because we did enjoy our old city, but ultimately we are very happy here and with the move.

      I would be sure that you are really ready to give up the biglaw type career though before you make the move. It was definitely an adjustment for me and I think alot of it was ego and that I had spent the last 6 years focusing 100% on my career, being on call and all in for work. It took a little bit to get used to the slower pace and the different type of work, but I’m very happy now with having a real life and time for family. My husband is still at a big firm and though he definitely works more than me and has more work stress generally it is not nearly as bad as it was at his old firm and the people are much nicer.

      One other thing to consider – biglaw maternity is awesome. You will likely not get that other places. I would have kid at big firm, go back and see how it goes, and then move if it won’t work. If you have connections to the city you are moving to I wouldn’t worry so much about what the recruiters are telling you re class year.

      • Anonymous

        ditto ditto ditto on the maternity leave. and don’t let anyone guilt you or make you feel like you don’t deserve to take that leave if you’re even contemplating not coming back.

    • Anon

      Also, FWIW, your BigLaw maternity leave benefits might be better than wherever you go, so consider that on timing (and eligibility for your benefits), on top of how long it may take to TTC. One of the biggest reasons I stayed early on, because 20 weeks paid leave is hard to find. Now I’m a 6th year, on partner track, love what I do and who I work with, planning on a second kid and just making it work. We bridged this gap for us personally with my husband deciding to be a SAHD and me negotiating a one day a week work from home arrangement (but not reduced hours). Presumably you’re doing well at your current firm and they invested a lot of money in training you – I think you might be surprised about what you may be able to negotiate down the road (and if it’s not working, at least my firm would likely help me find my next step).

  5. Marshmallow

    Talk to me about skirts. I’ve realized in the last few months that I just hate wearing them. I love dresses but somehow I never reach for skirts, so much so that I didn’t even bother buying the matching skirt for a recent suit purchase. Things I can’t stand: waist gap, spinning while walking, lumps created by a tucked-in shirt.

    I want to be a person who tucks blouses into pencil skirts! Skirt-wearers, what am I doing wrong?

    • Anonymous

      I don’t own a single skirt beyond the skirt of my interview suit. I hate them. They twist and slide up/down and I don’t find them as pants when it comes to coordinating tops. Dresses 4ever.

    • Baconpancakes

      Get thee to a tailor.

      Also, try stretchy skirts. My Greenpoint skirt from MMLF fits without tailoring. The Skirt (ponte) fit without tailoring.

    • anon

      I hate skirts. I own a grand total of one that actually gets worn, and it’s made of a fairly stretchy fabric. I’m sure tailoring is a solution, but it doesn’t work so well if you’re even a little prone to weight fluctuations.

    • anonymous

      For the waist gap, you may want to consider getting the skirt tailored. For the tucked in shirt look – maybe tuck the shirt into something like Jockeys skimmies. In the winter, I used to tuck my shirt into my tights first.

    • Anonymous

      I’m sorry to hear this as a skirt aficionado! I have like 40+ skirts for all weather. I have had maybe one tailored. They are easy, mix well with different tops, and I never really wear pants in the summer because it’s cooler. You don’t have to shave your legs EVERY day. :)

    • Marshmallow

      Sounds like I need a tailor– I guess my problems mean I need the waist taken in? That’s a great tip to tuck a shirt into Skimmies. I hate seeing the extra fabric gathered up under the skirt waistband. Somehow I never notice it with pants the way I do with a skirt.

    • Anonymous

      Everyone has already mentioned getting the waist taken in, but also consider going up a size to fix the spinning problem. That’s because it’s too small around the hips. Get slightly bigger for hips, then get waist taken in.

      • Anonymous

        Yep, I had this problem until I started sizing up. My thighs are substantially larger than my waist so I still get the waist taken in to be secure but the skirts have room to move around my legs, if that makes sense.

    • Lana Del Raygun

      I tuck my shirt into my hose/tights/slip/undies so it doesn’t come untucked. You can also get button-up-bodysuits (with the snaps) if you want.

  6. Cleveland Recs?

    A friend and I are heading to Cleveland and Columbus this weekend. We’re checking out exhibits at the Kent State museum (from Cleveland) and the Wexner in Columbus but would love recommendations to fill the rest of our time.

    1. The weather is going to be…not favorable. Our plan for Cleveland had been a bike tour but that’s off the table. Any indoor things we should do in Cleveland?

    2. We’ve got dinners covered, but would love recs for lunch or brunch.

    Thank you!

    • Anonymous

      The Cleveland Museum of Art is excellent (and has an elaborate website if you want to use it to plan a visit). You are also right on time to visit Daffodil Hill in Cleveland.

    • cat socks

      In Columbus…

      If you like pizza, Harvest Pizzeria in German Village is great. They also have a location in Dublin.

      The Pearl is good for brunch.

      Cap City Diner has a couple of locations and is good for lunch or brunch.

    • New law mama

      The art museum is beautiful! And second rock and roll HOF, thought it would be cheesy but actually quite well done

    • I grew up near Kent State

      And I’m so excited you’re going there for the weekend. The Cleveland Art Museum is fantastic. It dramatically expanded a few years ago and is a wonderful place to visit, in part due to excellent curation. The Wade Memorial Chapel is also great – although it may not be open yet (seasonal hours).

    • Anonymous

      Columbus:
      There is an excellent cafe at the Wexner.

      Lunch or Brunch (Short North area):
      Northstar Cafe on High st.
      Tasi (a block off High Street) for breakfast or brunch
      Fox in the Snow (Italian Village) for an egg sandwich that could feed a family of four, and great cinnamon rolls.
      Katalina’s for breakfast/brunch in Harrison West
      Brown Bag Deli in German Village

      Librarians Guide to Columbus has recs for food and other venues: https://www.google.com/maps/d/u/0/viewer?mid=1GS2BPAznzTKCnSE92Rp5jUwysz8&hl=en&ll=40.03498411316056%2C-83.08594605000002&z=11

      Breakfast with Nick: http://www.breakfastwithnick.com/list-of-reviews/

    • Jules

      Depending on the day of the week that you’re in each city, they both have cool public markets – the West Side Market in the Ohio City neighborhood in Cleveland and the North Market in the Short North neighborhood in Columbus. Both of those – but the Short North more so – are also good neighborhoods for small cafes, galleries, little shops, etc. I like the Townhall restaurant in Ohio City.

      In Columbus, the Pearl that cat socks mentioned is in the Short North and is great, as are its sister restaurants Martini’s and Marcella’s. (Full disclosure: one of my sisters is an exec in that organization. But I still love the food.) For something more casual in that neighborhood, I absolutely love North Star.

      The Columbus Museum of Art was recently remodeled and expanded and it is very nice, if not on a par with Cleveland.

    • Jules

      Trying again:

      In Columbus: The Columbus Museum of Art was fairly recently renovated/enlarged/updated and is very nice, if not of the caliber as Cleveland’s. Depending on the exhibits that are at each institution right now, you might prefer it to the Wexner. The Wexner is on the OSU campus, which is not all that interesting of an area, IMO – a lot of franchise places.

      Both cities have good public markets (check for open days), the West Side Market in the Ohio City neighborhood in Cleveland and the North Market in the Short North area of Columbus. The Short North is just down High Street from the Wexner (and not far from the Columbus Museum). There are great food shops in each.

      Both of those neighborhoods, especially the Short North, are good for walking around, checking out galleries, boutiques, cafes. In Ohio City, I like Townhall, and there’s a large bookstore on that block if you like that sort of thing.

      In the Short North, in addition to the Pearl that Cat Socks mentioned, its sister restaurants Martini’s and Marcella’s are great. (Full disclosure: one of my sisters is an exec in their parent organization. But I love their food, for real.) For something more casual in that neighborhood, I absolutely love North Star. (Salads, bowls, burritos, flatbreads, juice drinks and cocktails and the best double chocolate cookies on the planet.) I like Cap City, which also was recommended, but its closest location is not near anything fun to walk to; I’d find something in the Short North.

      Oh, also, Jeni’s ice cream is unbelievably good; they have a location in the Short North, possibly the original.

  7. Pregnancy Shopping Help!

    Two events coming up and need help shopping! One is a major movie premiere (I’m in the film industry). I’ll be 6 months pregnant. The other is a friend’s black tie wedding -DH is a groomsman – and I’ll be 7 months pregnant. For reference I’ve always been overweight so while my pregnancy has been healthy, I’m anticipating a significant bump at 6 and 7 months (already have one now at 5 months).
    I recently bought a black maternity maxi dress in cotton. For the wedding, the material is obviously wrong, but could I dress it up with lots and lots of sparkles (jewelry, great blowout, etc.)? Will it stand out too much?

    • Anon

      When you have a significant bump, people give you a lot of leeway on what you’re wearing so you will be fine for the wedding.
      The movie premiere will be harder. If you’re going to be on the red carpet and potentially on the stage, you’ll need a flashier dress. (If you won’t be those things, you can get away with what you mentioned.) For flashier maternity, check out asos and H&M and Macys. You’re probably going to have to try on a million and return most of them. Another option is Rent the Runway Maternity – but I would suggest renting more than one (and getting the extra sizes on each) because your bump can shift and move right around the 6 month mark and you won’t know what’s comfortable or flattering until then.

    • K

      I think since you’ll be very clearly pregnant, you can get away with the black maxi dress. No one will (or should) hold it against you for not being more dressed up.

    • Anon

      +1 on not worrying about the wedding. At 7 months, people are impressed you showed up. No one is really paying attention to your clothes, because (let’s be honest) maternity clothes are hideous. Well, mine were hideous…

  8. Wedding Woes

    Update! I posted a few months ago about not giving my uncle with questionable judgement a +1 to my family only wedding. The rsvp card came back last night and in pen he scribbled himself a +1 along with a name of a lady I’ve never met. I just had to laugh, such a bold white man thing to do.

    • Anonymous

      You definitely won’t be the first bride who has had to reply with a “Thank you for your RSVP. We are delighted you can attend. Unfortunately as our venue only seats X, our invitations were sent out with that number in mind and we are unable to accommodate anyone additional. We look forward to meeting LADY FRIEND at another event in the future.”

      • Anon

        +1 Call him out, tell him that you are at capacity and THERE WILL NOT BE A SEAT FOR HER. Literally emphasize that she will have to stand. That will prevent the unwanted guest.

        • Anonymous

          I wouldn’t reference that she would have to stand – that implies that she can come if she’s okay with standing! And probably causes uncle with questionable judgment to joke about how she can sit on his lap and he won’t mind. She can’t come. Period. They will meet her at a future family gathering.

          • Linda from HR

            Yep, I could see that happening, definitely not a risk I’d be willing to take.

      • Linda from HR

        Perfect script, I love it!

        That said, it could open the door for uncle to think “well the issue is space, surely someone will send their regrets and she can have their spot!” so OP may want to think about what to do if that comes up, especially if he hears that someone got an invite and couldn’t come.

      • Anonymous

        Disagree..roll with it and see what happens. Could be an epic story/ memory. Don’t foreclose the chance at an experience–embrace the unpredictable because all of like is…

        • Anon

          Lol you’ve obviously never been married with a big reception and many moving pieces. No one wants some big unexpected drama at their own wedding, it’s only fun to see it at other people’s weddings.

          • Jules

            Right. Not to mention the hurt feelings of people who complied with the invitation and did not bring a plus one when they see Uncle Yahoo got to bring a random person.

          • Anonymous

            @Jules – good point. We wanted to have a childfree wedding and didn’t invite any kids. My husband’s cousin wrote in her four (!) uninvited children and my MIL and FIL twisted our arms into letting them come in the interest of keeping the peace. At the time I figured it wasn’t that big a deal because kids meals are really cheap, but I wasn’t thinking about how all the other guests who didn’t bring their kids must have felt when they saw those rugrats at the wedding.

      • Anonymous

        I wasn’t even that diplomatic when one of my relatives added a plus one (except their’s was their kid. Same relative had already asked me if kids were invited and I said no). I just straight up said, “Sorry, so-and-so is not invited.” It meant the person who was invited didn’t come, but at that point, I didn’t really care.

    • Fishie

      No way, but this is not your problem to fix. Whichever parent is sibling to this person needs to call him and say, “nope.”

  9. References?

    I’m looking to escape a fairly toxic work environment. I’ve done a great job here, but I really can’t live this insane workaholic culture for much longer without burning out completely.

    My issue is this: I don’t want my current bosses to know I’m job seeking (once they know you’re leaving, you’re dead to them and they have actually gone out of their way to block people from leaving). I’ve been at the same job for 7 years – my previous supervisor left on really bad terms and I don’t trust that he would give me a good reference because he’s done everything he can to make sure that his bridges are burned. Oh, and my previous job doesn’t give references, only verifies employment as a corporate policy (even for grad school!).

    So my plan for references is this: two coworkers and one supervisor from 5 years ago. It also helps that I have good relationships and a good reputation, but I don’t feel like those things are the same as a ‘check the box’ reference. Is there some magic plan I’m not thinking of? Do I risk the more recent supervisor?

    • Anonymous

      Can you reach out to him? Maybe that didn’t extend to you?
      What about clients and people outside the company?

      • References?

        Thank you!

        My clients would likely be the ones hiring me, but I could certainly ask! As for my former supervisor, I think that this whole place has left such a poor impression on him that it’s not wise to ask him for a reference.

        • Anonymous

          Surely he can separate the aura of the workplace from your performance? Yes, clients or maybe if you volunteer somewhere too someone from that place.

  10. 6pm

    Tell me about 6pm. I’m fairly new to this board and I’ve seen lots of you mention it. Is it truly a sale site, or is there a catch?

    • Torin

      No free shipping and no free returns, so make sure you really want what you order. Otherwise, no catch that I’m aware of.

      • pugsnbourbon

        Thanks for the reminder that I need to return a few things!

        You can get free shipping when you spend above a certain amount. Check amazon before you buy to make sure they don’t have your size at a better price.

    • Anonymous

      True sale site, affiliated with Zappos and Amazon. It used to have free shipping and now you can sometimes get codes for shipping, but returns are on you (no free label). It’s mostly last season’s styles, if that matters to you.

    • Anonymous

      Half the time you can find 6pm merchandise on Amazon, so I always check there first because then you get free returns.

    • tesyaa

      There are a lot of no name brands I don’t recognize in addition to brand name merchandise that I see in stores (again, last season’s styles and/or colors).

      • Sunflower

        Just adding: returns are such a pain that I’m never ordering from them again.

        • Anonymous

          Ditto. My last return cost me $20 – for $55 of returned merchandise. And I wasn’t returning because I didn’t like the shoes – they flat-out didn’t fit and I couldn’t have made them work at all. Never, ever, ever again. As others have referenced – Amazon almost always has the same stuff with free Prime shipping and free returns.

  11. Sale Prices

    Is there a website or program that will notify me when certain items go on sale? I keep a pinterest board of items I want to buy, but I’m usually waiting for a price drop. It’s a lot of trouble to stalk each piece individually. Is there some website that monitors when the price drops? I feel like I’ve seen something similar mentioned here. Thanks for any help!

  12. Linda from HR

    I recently discovered this app called Pixel Art – Color by Number and it’s exactly what it sounds like, you color a pixelated image using a “paint by number” approach. I love it, super addictive way to kill time, great for when you’re waiting for something while out and about.

    • Anon

      Similarly, I like “Cross Stitch” on Android. Same concept but makes it look like a stitch. Super relaxing.

  13. Taxes

    Oh man, 10K tax bill. We owe and have the money (my husband’s withholding was low and my high bonus is only taxed at 25%). I should have been withholding more all year but kept forgetting to change the form. Lesson learned!

    On the (weird) side, we’ll apparently save 13K next year under the new tax bill? Seems…wrong. Because yay money, but we don’t “need” it.

    • Anonymous

      Ugh, us, too. (And sadly the new tax law will hurt us rather than help… but at least I have the incentive to change my withholding now!)

    • Jules

      Your bonus had withholding at 25%, but the actual tax rate is whatever it is but well above that rate. So the withholding there fell short, too.

      • Taxes

        Yes, exactly. My bonus is taxed at 25 but our rate is 33, hence a portion of the 10k

  14. Anon

    Anyone have any techniques for using their credit card points wisely? I feel like I need to get better about this. Thanks!

    • Torin

      My Ally cc gives me a bonus on rewards points if I deposit them for cash into my checking account. If there’s some feature like that where you get more value for the points in using them a certain way, you might try to do that. But otherwise, I would usually just apply the points to the balance on the card.

      • Casper

        We had a great dinner in Hofn. I don’t remember the name but there were only about two restaurants in that town. Also had awesome tomato soup in some random place on the side of the road between Vik and Hofn. Farm to table is big in Iceland so I’d try googling that. We did and there was a list someone put together of the best places. There is a place where you eat inside a greenhouse. We didn’t get to go, but I really wanted to

    • Anon

      Check where you get multiple points (usually categories like groceries, certain retail stores, hotel, restaurant or travel) and make sure to use your card on those transactions. Also when you shop online, shop through the credit card portal if it has one, which (at least on my card) also gives you multiple points per dollar. I just log into the CC portal, search for the retailer, click on it, and go straight to the retailer website.

    • Baconpancakes

      Long reply in moderation. If you give specific towns, I can help more.

  15. Puddlejumper

    In Iceland currently and finding the food is just so mediocre. We knew it was going to be expensive (and it is!) but all the places people have suggested to us are just falling flat. We are road tripping in the south east parts primarily. Any recs?

    • KM

      Casual but I liked Kex in Reykjavik. It’s part of a hostel, but with a really cool bar that has delicious food. Casual and bar not restaurant-like, but great for the ambience and vibe. Get the cheese plate!

      • Puddlejumper

        We aren’t in Reykjavik at all sadly. We were supposed to be there for a day but our flight got diverted to Scotland. No joke. So we lost our time there.

    • Anon

      Really dig deep into tripadvisor. I found some amazing places there. However, if you’re not a fan of seafood, you’ll be fairly disappointed. Also, the local Icelandic food is…an acquired taste. I had a really expensive Icelandic tasting menu meal and it was adventurous but ultimately unappetizing. But they REALLY know how to do their fish (and their whale – if you get a chance, try whale kebabs!).

    • Baconpancakes

      *Stretches typing fingers*

      You can absolutely find good food in Iceland, but you might have to go a little bit out of your way. In general, eat seafood chowder and pizza, if you’re stuck somewhere you don’t want to eat. They’re really into seafood chowder and pizza, and it tends to be decent! Here’s what I’ve got for you.

      Starting at the Golden Circle, you want to eat at the Friðheimar Tomato Farm in Selfoss, get the tomato soup bar, the Healthy Mary, and the tomato gelato. Moving west, we stop at Skogafoss, at Sveitagrill Miu -Mia’s Country Grill Food Truck. Bright red, can’t miss it. In Vik, we were going to stop at Sudur Vik, which has excellent reviews, but we ended up driving through Vik. We ate at “Glacier Goodies” food truck in Skaftafell National Park – wildly overpriced, even for Iceland, but excellent fish and chips. I think I had a lobster roll special when I was there.

      In Höfn, you MUST eat at Pakkhús. Get the catch of the day. Possibly the best meal of the trip. Downstairs is a bar where you’ll wait for a table, even if you make reservations. Stick with cocktails – the Icelandic beer is not exciting, but the mixed drinks are!

      Moving up north, in Djúpivogur, Langabúð Kaffihús is a good little cafe, which looks like nothing and is pretty rustic, but has great seafood chowder. The desserts aren’t anything to write home about, so don’t bother with those, but I did have a fairly decent cappuccino here! If you go up to the mud flats, see if you can make it to Vogafjós Cowshed Cafe. The beef is extremely fresh.

      Other spots with excellent reviews: Kaffihornid, in Hofn, Slippurinn on Heimaey, Vinaminni Kaffihús also on Heimaey, Álfakaffi in Bakkagerði.

      Also, non food related, but if you have a couple hours free, I strongly recommend hiking Hjörleifshöfdi. It was almost empty, and felt magical.

    • pink

      Just got back from 2 trips to Iceland in 4 months…

      In the SE, if you’re looking for good food and OK with pricey, the food at Fosshotel glacier lagoon (the one 20 min away from jokularson lagoon) is great. Like, you can pay $35 for bad lamb at the shack by Skaftafell or you can pay $60 for good lamb or $100 for the tasting menu for dinner.

      I confirm Sudar Vik is great.

      I second the rec to eat at the fish and chips red truck by Skogafoss.

      If you have time to eat in Reyjkavik–Messin is great. So is Osterbudin

      We did go to the tomato greenhouse place–but found it to be a pass. As Baconpancakes says, eat the fish or get the soup special with bread. The bread was pretty great all over.

      Also, the burger + fries combo isn’t soooooo terrible–the fries are usually crisp.

      Get thee to a Bonus and just buy skyrr and ingredients maybe?

      Given that the total population is 300,000 people, the restaurant options outside of reykavik aren’t expansive.

      If you like langostines, there is a spot on the southern coast but it was a “pass” for me (but i may just not be that into langostines, I discovered).

    • Anonymous

      black beach restuarant is fine in vik.

      Pakkhús Restaurant in Krosseyjarvegi 3, 780 Höfn í Hornafirði, Iceland is legit amazing. get the lobster. theyre sweet and small and really good

  16. anon

    I have been contemplating a family trip to Mexico. The prices are so good right now. But, I keep hearing scary stories and scarier travel warnings. The warning do not include the resort areas, Cabo and Cancun, but I still don’t feel good about it. The thing is, I don’t know where else to go for an easy, mindless resort vacation. Would you feel comfy in Mexico?

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