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For busy working women, the suit is often the easiest outfit to throw on in the morning. In general, this feature is not about interview suits for women, which should be as classic and basic as you get — instead, this feature is about the slightly different suit that is fashionable, yet professional.
The Fold makes some of my absolute favorite suits, I think. The cuts on the blazers and tops are so flattering but unusual. We've featured the Belmont blazer before — I love the asymmetrical closure and (on this version at least) the frayed edges. This tweed/linen version looks absolutely stunning, either as a separate or a suit.
If tweed/linen isn't your jam, the blazer also comes in both navy and black wool — there's also a fun orange crepe version that's down to lucky sizes.
The tweed/linen blazer is $625, and the matching pants are $395.
Pssst: I think I prefer this one as a separate, but this pink tweed blazer is so fun!
Looking for something similar but more affordable? This sewing pattern looks slightly similar and is only $5 on sale.
Sales of note for 9.10.24
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- White House Black Market – 30% off new arrivals
Hearing aids
I finally Did The Thing and got my hearing tested. I was diagnosed with mild hearing loss as a child, which hasn’t really affected me much until now when I’m in my mid 40s and noticing that it’s worse. And unsurprisingly, it’s bad enough that the audiologist recommends hearing aids. They sent me home with some brochures and an appointment for a consultation, but I would love to hear (hah!) from anyone here who has hearing aids. What type/brand? Any considerations I need to keep in mind? Any recommendations? Do you wear them all the time or only in settings when you think you’ll be challenged? I’m fine in small groups, one on one indoors, on the phone, etc. I’m more challenged in outdoor settings (my climbing partners started to point out that it’s dangerous that I can’t hear them well), in larger meetings, in conferences etc.
Thank you for any advice!
anonshmanon
I’ve heard good things about hearing aids through Costco! No first hand experience though!
Anon
My daughter has a hearing aid. First, good for you for getting tested! It’s great for your long term brain health. I think you may be surprised and keep them on more than you think you will! Depending on your insurance coverage, costco has a good reputation for adult hearing aids. You can also ask about a remote microphone, which can pipe your climbing partner’s voice directly into your ears! Good luck.
OP
Ooh, interesting re: the remote microphone. I will have to look into that. The amount of anxiety I have over listening for my climbing partner’s “I’m off belay” shout….
Anonymous
Costco is a go to for several people I know who need hearing aids, including my husband. One thing to keep in mind is that you will have to go back multiple times no matter where you go. Hearing aids are highly adjustable, tons of setting and the adjustments will be based on your feedback.
I think outdoor spaces will always be a challenge because of wind will impact how well you can hear and you usually won’t be looking at the person to use lipreading to assist.
Anon
Costco is a go to for several people I know who need hearing aids, including my husband. One thing to keep in mind is that you will have to go back multiple times no matter where you go. Hearing aids are highly adjustable, tons of setting and the adjustments will be based on your feedback.
I think outdoor spaces will always be a challenge because of wind will impact how well you can hear and you usually won’t be looking at the person to use lipreading to assist.
Sunshine
+1 to Costco and being prepared for lots of adjustments/trying different brands. Last I heard, Costco had a longer return window than other places, which meant you could do more of the adjusting and trying new brands. When my dad got hearing aids, he was told you’ll never hear the same as you did before. They aren’t like glasses where you put them on and your vision is back. You have to retrain your brain and it will always be different. He specifically said music never sounded the same. From being around him, I’ve also noticed that things that are loud to him are not necessarily loud to me. Places with a lot of background noise like restaurants are the hardest.
anon
You are likely not going to want or need the type I have, BAHA (bone anchored) because I have full loss in one ear that is unable to be amplified and has to be sent to my good ear.
But, hearing aids have come A LONG WAY, since I first started wearing one in the ‘90s. I wear mine less frequently than most because I have adjusted well over time but they do come in handy in places where I can’t utilize my accommodations well (I lip read – somewhat unreliable, and position myself in certain places – only useful in small rooms).
My tip is go back as many times as you need to get them adjusted properly. Also, you’re going to think you’re screaming when you first wear them when you are really talking very softly. That’s an adjustment I didn’t think about!
Anon
This sounds like me, though I got them when I was in law school in my 20s. Good job doing the thing!
Echo the recommendation for Costco -so much less money, and quality seems fine IMO, at least for non- complex cases. I got the fairly basic Kirkland brand.
I don’t wear mine all the time, but usually when I’m at work or socializing. I keep them turned off when I’m alone though (I don’t think about them much when I’m listening to people, but when I’m alone, I find them distracting.). There’ll be a lot you’re not used to at first -your hair rustling against them, papers, air conditioners, footsteps that you just didn’t hear before), you’ll need to adjust them done to get enough volume without getting feedback. It will take done trial and error.
One thing I would say is be very open about them – you’re young enough most people will just find it interesting or surprising, so be comfortable about that. The modern ones are basically invisible.
OP
Thanks! Did you get over the ear or in ear ones?
Anonymous
I’ve worn hearing aids for 20+ years (since I was in my early thirties). They’ve come a long way and make a tremendous difference in quality of life. I wear them all the time and have the highest quality because I’m in meetings all the time and hearing is critical to my work. I have almost complete loss in one year (this happened over time) and moderate loss in another. I have a bicross model that streams sound from my “bad” ear to my “good” ear. My hearing aids stream phone calls and music so it’s like wearing earbuds all the time but I also hear ambient noise. I love them.
Your hearing aid is only as good as the audiologist who does the fitting. A good audiologist will recommend appropriate brands for your particular circumstances and will be able to calibrate it to your particular type of hearing loss. Good hearing aids will also adjust to filter out ambient noice and amplify voices.
I disagree with the Costco recommendation. This is where I would ask your physician for a recommendation for a good audiologist (or two) and start there. I’ve been to many different audiologists over the years, I worked at a university with an audiologist program and training clinic so I saw audiologists there as well as those in private practice. I have found that the skill of the audiologist makes a tremendous difference in how well your hearing aids function. There are some good YouTube videos about this—I recommend starting with Doctor Cliff, Aud to learn more.
Anon
I disagree.
I’m a doctor and the ENT doctors I know regularly advise their patients to go to Costco rather than work with the academic center audiologists in their own clinic! For the vast majority of people, it will be more than sufficient. The thousands of dollars charged extra is just not worth it, never mind the inconvenience of having to schedule a formal audiology appointments for every adjustment/trouble shooting, which is another pricey clinic visit charge.
I do recommend looking online for Costcos near you and reading reviews of their hearing aid clinics. We always used used the most senior tech working at our Costco hearing aids center.
Anon
I don’t know how common this is with other hearing aid brands. But I worked for a company that helped Starkey design a microphone accessory. It was intended on being used in conference rooms to help people with hearing aids have the speaker’s voice across the room bluetoothed to their hearing aids. This was nearly 10 years ago, so I’m sure their form factor options and the technology have only gotten batter. Might be something to look into.
Idea
my friend is a public school teacher and she wears a remote microphone for the student in her class with Bluetooth hearing aids. my friend does have a ton of stories about forgetting the microphone is on when she goes to the bathroom
Anonymous
If you can afford them, I recommend Widex. Add them to your home insurance coverage.
Make friends with an audiologist that you like and trust.
Getting them was life changing and I wish had started using hearing aids much sooner than I did.
Morton's Neuroma
Anyone here with Morton’s Neuroma? I’ve tried cortisone injections, orthotics and different shoes (wider toe box, no rocker). My PT says that my beloved Hokas may actually have contributed to it since they have a rocker shape. I’ve tried Altras but they don’t help. Seems like the only remaining option is surgery. Have you found anything that worked for you? Or, if you had surgery, did it help, and what was the downtime like?
Monday
I had a neuroma that ended up getting more complicated after cortisone shots (due to my teaching barre at the time and injuring myself). But one of the most helpful things for managing it has been using tape. Did any practitioner show you how to tape your problem area?
Morton's Neuroma
Interesting, I have not had anyone show me how to tape it.
I’m now walking on it funny to avoid the super inflamed area, which has made my hip really sore. Oh, getting old is fun!
Monday
I’m hesitant to describe how to tape it, since yours could be totally different from mine. But it was about maintaining place with my toes. You could ask one of your providers how it would make sense to tape it.
Anon
Hokas and Altras are at the extreme ends of the spectrum. I would try something in between those two – maybe the Brooks Ghost.
Flats Only (for a reason!)
I have that! Try birkenstocks – the additional metatarsal support in their footbed really helps me. You can get birkenstock insoles to put in your sneakers.
One thing to try – I find the neuroma really acts up when I’m wearing lace-up shoes that squeeze the top of my foot in any way. I can go all day in heels, but lace a sneaker too tight and I’m in agony in 5 minutes. So you might want to change your definition of “comfort” shoes. Obviously sneakers are necessary for running but can you wear birkenstocks or supportive loafers for day-to-day casual wear to avoid the lace up problem?
anonypotamus
I have not been diagnosed with a neuroma, but have suspected it for a long time. My flare ups also seem to be triggered by a shoe being too tight/squeezing across the top of my foot. Glad to know I am not the only one!
Anon
I had Morton’s neuroma, which resolved magically during the shutdown when I stopped wearing work shoes. I am back in the office now, but very careful about my shoe selections.
Anon
Your Hokas may be too soft actually, allowing your toes to spread more and expose the nerve. I’ve always had better luck in something a bit more rigid.
eertmeert
Check out the Barking Dogs Shoes blog – they have lots of recommendations and reveiws for various foot issues.
anon
Assume you tried it, but in case not.. did you try shoes specifically with metatarsal dome pads or getting some inserts? I had them specifically fitted for my foot, which was key to get them in right place. I had better luck at a running store that did a foot scan than anything i got from a podiatrist. That was what was most successful for me.. i wore only those shoes, and wore them literally all the time.. no barefoot time in house unless i was sitting. I also did frequent ice rolling
Anonymous
What’s everyone making for dinner? We’re having leftovers of the pepperoni pizza pasta we made from TikTok the other day.
Anonymous
Beyond sausage and pepper sandwiches on fancy buns from an Italian grocer.
Anon
My husband is making chicken quesadillas. Not my favorite, but I don’t have to cook so I can’t complain.
Anon
Nevermind, we ended up going to the farmer’s market instead and eating wood-fired pizza there :)
towelie
Going to try NYT Cooking Meera Sodha’s Chicken Curry, hopefully it will brighten up this June gloom
Anon
Serious Eats pressure cooker mushroom risotto.
Anon
Leftovers of a roasted potato and lentil salad with sesame aioli and a strawberry rhubarb crumble. The potato salad is from Hetty Lui McKinnon’s new cookbook, Tenderheart. Highly recommend for interesting vegetarian/vegan recipes. I have it from the library, but flagged so many recipes that I’ll definitely be buying it.
Seafinch
Baked ham, scalloped potatoes, steamed broccoli, and maple glazed carrots. If my husband gets home at a decent time I will ask him to make his mother’s mustard sauce.
anon
Watermelon poke from The Stripe.
Anon
Our power is out due to someone hitting a transformer in our neighborhood very early this morning. So unless they get it fixed soon, it’s going to be dinner out.
Anonymous
Black bean burgers on onion rolls, frozen fries.
Bette
This morning’s wedding planning thread made me realize I need y’all’s advice. I am the MOH for my future SIL. I am sharing MOH responsibilities with her little sister who is like 22 and not very reliable. Aside from our sisterly love I know that I was asked to do this because I get GSD.
However… I’m not totally clear on what S*** I should even be getting done! It’s been ages since I was a bridesmaid; back then we were all very young and very broke so there wasn’t much to it. When y’all have been MOH, what did your responsibilities entail?
Specifically I’m curious about bachelorette planning, I’ve never been to one of these destination bach weekends but it sounds like that’s what the bride wants. Any tips on herding eight cats from across the country into a weekend that will be fun without blowing everyone’s budget? For something like this, how much is planned/decided by consensus vs the MOH(s) vs the bride?
Of course I’m talking with the bride often about her vision/expectations but she’s a little overwhelmed as the wedding is in four months and they pretty much just started planning a few weeks ago.
Anon
I’ve been a MOH twice, but have never planned a destination bach. It wasn’t common (at least not in my circles) when my friends and I got married in the early 2010s, and my SIL got married in the pandemic so it wasn’t on the table. I would decline to plan that. The bride can organize it herself if she wants. As MOH, I planned a bridal shower (sometimes in conjunction with bride’s mom and/or other bridesmaids) and took on the role of wrangling other bridesmaids on the wedding day. That was pretty much it.
Anon
I’m 28 so currently in the throes of this.
As a regular bridesmaid, I haven’t been asked to do anything except show up to various events and buy the right dress. I know MOHs do a lot of bachelorette planning but the extent of which depends a lot on the bride.
For the last bachelorette I went on the bride chose the date / location, the theme, and a few things she wanted to do and the MOH planned the itinerary (activity, chose restaurants and booked reservations, chose bars, bought supplies / decor / favors).
Another Bach I went to this year, the MOH is in law school so the bride planned the bachelorette.
If the bride doesn’t care about the destination, I’d look at destinations that are popular for bachelorettes that are easy for your party to get to. I was at one innScottsdale last year and most people were coming from the east coast and it was a PITA to get to.
I suggest choosing a popular bachelorette destination because it’s easy to find itineraries, suggestions, and blog posts about them online. That way you don’t need to do as much legwork to decide on restaurants or activities
NYCer
I am a decade older than you, but this has basically been my experience as well. Lots of different iterations in the planning of bachelorette parties….
OP, in your case, at a minimum, I would ask the bride to choose the location. Also, I can’t tell for sure from your post, but are you quite a bit older than her? If so, you may want to enlist some help from one of her closest friends with planning the activities, restaurants, etc. A closer friend may be more in tune with what the bride would enjoy in that regards. [And if you’re not and you and the bride are actually besties, you can disregard that advice!]
Bette
Ha, I am only five years older than the bride but in a very different life stage (just had my second baby) so yes that’s fair, I’m probably a little out of touch with how these things should go.
Bette
This is helpful, thanks. The bride does have a destination in mind but it’s not particularly easy to get to (Charleston). At least one bridesmaid is on the west coast and two are in NY. I think it would be easy to plan activities there but I am worried about people making it in for a short weekend, especially with the required wedding travel a month later.
Anon
Charleston is tough. I would encourage her to pick something that has non-stop flights for the majority of people, if not everyone. Contrary to what someone else said, I actually think Phoenix-Scottsdale is a good one because almost everyone can fly non-stop to Phoenix (and Scottsdale is a quick car rental or uber ride from the Phoenix airport).
Anon
Depending on where her West Coast friend lives, they might be able to get a nonstop flight to Charleston (at least from LAX). I suggest that she reach out to the people she wants to have present and ask them if that would work. I live on the West Coast and would have no issues going to Charleston for a bachelorette party for a good friend – and would honestly much prefer that to any location in the desert in the summer.
This is one of those issues on which communication goes a long way rather than assuming that people don’t want to come or vice versa. Unlike a lot of people on this board, I love weddings and wedding events and would happily fly across the country to attend. It is better than the last time my college friends got together – which was for the funeral of someone’s husband killed in a car crash.
This all assumes of course that the bride is no completely unreasonable. In which case she is just going to be unhappy no matter what.
Anon
Charleston is sooo humid in the summer though, and the agenda would (I assume) involve a lot of walking around. Phoenix and Vegas are hotter, but at least you go there with the expectation you’ll spend all day in the pool, which to me would be preferable. Walking around in 90 degree weather and high humidity would be miserable.
Anon
The wedding is in four months and they just started planning? Dial it down many notches. There isn’t going to be a bachelorette party, especially if people are scattered all over. You could possibly do one of everyone were close, but you’re not going to plan a fun weekend away in that short of a time, and people are going to be very annoyed at being asked to travel twice in a short time frame.
A “vision” for the wedding is probably not in the cards either. The bride needs a ceremony site, marriage license, officiant, reception site, and food. I don’t mean to diss her wedding; if you start with adorable little details, you’ll blow up the weekend. Get the basics down first and add anything that she wants later on. You can get sparklers at the last minute; you (usually) can’t get a last minute reception site.
Logistically, start counting backwards. When do your bridesmaid dresses need to be ordered by so they arrive in time for fittings and alterations? Get those details. Add two or three weeks and send an email to the bridesmaids and bride, informing them of when decisions need to be made by. Don’t know where you’re getting the dresses? Look at three different places and get info from them.
Where are you all getting hair and makeup done? If she doesn’t have any idea yet, call up a handful of places and get information and quotes.
Coordinate shoes, jewelry, etc with bridesmaids. Make a master plan of where bridesmaids are needed wedding weekend – rehearsal dinner, makeup/hair, getting ready pictures, wedding, reception. Look for any logistical pain points: getting people from A to B and food being the two big ones.
Anon
+1 you really can’t ask people to fly for a bach party and then fly again for the wedding a few months later. And last minute plane tickets are crazy expensive, especially right now. A spa day with local friends would be fun if she has a local group, but it’s really unreasonable to ask people to travel for a bach party at this point.
Anonymous
this is all excellent advice. +1 to dialing it down many notches – the bride should be doing most of this stuff though; I would think that as MOH it’s primarily moral support for the bride, encouraging her to pick a bridesmaids’ dress or color. i would think MOH duties include primarily 1) bridal shower planning/coordination and 2) attending rehearsal dinner, bach party, and 3) generally being the Grownup in the Room if family drama means any of the wedding events are stressful. Oh and 4) bringing the bride water and food on her wedding day. but i’ve only been in a few weddings and didn’t have bridesmaids for my own.
Anon
It sounds like you are taking on the actual wedding planning which is very nice of you, but not a typical MOH duty. It is a LOT to do that as well as coordinate dresses and outfits as well as a destination bachelorette and maybe a shower. I’d encourage you to think in the next few days about what you can and want to take on and then be very clear about that with the bride so there is no misunderstanding. I’d just say, I want to make sure we are on the same page. With the wedding in four months and some other things going on, I can definitely take on XYZ but don’t have the bandwidth to take on ABC. Is there anything else you had in mind for me to do/go to that we should talk about and figure out if I can do it or should defer to someone else?
Bette
Preach! I mean, I planned my wedding in two weeks but we only had six people there so it was basically an elopement. They are trying to put together a 90 person wedding in five months. The ceremony and reception will be in a family member’s backyard so at least that’s handled. Similarly, a family member is officiating. But the food is a big question mark – the bride wanted to “just order 25 pizzas” so I’m currently helping them find a caterer, too.
I think our dresses are just supposed to be floor length and black, and the rest is up to us but very good points about hair, makeup, jewelry, shoes etc. and putting together a schedule for the actual weekend.
Anonymous
Eh. For what sounds like a low-key bride and a backyard wedding, I’d send out the name of a local salon and let people decide if they want to have their hair or makeup done and sign up for a slot. Or ask how many want it and then arrange for an appropriate number of stylists to come to the house beforehand. Some may want to do their own. As to jewelry, have the bride select a necklace and earring set and give that as the bridesmaid gift.
Bette
Oh also thanks for the point about travel difficulties for people – would it be crazy to propose doing a bachelorette dinner or something a few days before the wedding so that people only have to travel once?
Anon
Not crazy! I had a destination-ish wedding (in the US but in a popular tourist area and most guests came for at least a 3 day weekend) and we did an informal joint bach party on Friday night, our welcome dinner on Saturday and the wedding on Sunday at lunchtime. For a Saturday wedding you could bump everything up one day. You won’t get 100% attendance, but I bet a lot more people are up for extending their wedding trip by one day than flying for an entirely separate event.
anon
I’m a big fan of a dinner or lunch or night out a day or two before the wedding as a bachelorette. In my experience, it’s always been super fun.
Anon
It’s a good idea. Members of the wedding party often arrive early anyway – they don’t want to miss the Friday night rehearsal because their Friday morning flight got cancelled.
Anon
Great advice. If the bride wants a destination bachelorette and all the cute little Pinterest trimmings, she needs to push the wedding date out to allow more time for planning (and budgeting).
Anon
I was MOH in a wedding where the bride’s nearest and dearest were all over the country and we did the bachelorette in Vegas. It was actually pretty easy, because that’s a place with a built-in party atmosphere, so you don’t really have to do too much – book a couple of rooms, make some dinner reservations and that’s it! The clubs/drinking situation will take care of itself once you’re there. In addition to Vegas, somewhere like New Orleans, Nashville, Miami, or maybe even Austin would also likely be easy. Get the bride’s thoughts, availability (plan to arrive on a Friday afternoon/evening and depart Sunday mid-day), and guest list. Circulate dates to the guest list and ask for budgets for housing/food – everyone is on their own for flights. Then book a couple of adjoining hotel rooms or a VRBO in the destination and price range and call it a day. If you do Vegas or Miami, booking a pool cabana for the day on Saturday could also be fun.
Anon
This is exactly what I did as the MOH for a fairly last minute wedding (originally planned way in advance but Covid threw those plans out the window and then they needed to actually get married for other life reasons). I got a proposed guest list from the bride and her OK to Vegas, emailed everyone a survey about dates, picked the one with maximum availability, and booked a couple of adjoining rooms, fancy dinner reservations for Saturday night and Sunday brunch. A cabana would have been fun if it had been warm but since it was not I booked us a Hoover Dam tour instead (bride went as a kid and loved it). It was great and we all had a wonderful time without spending a fortune (pro tip – plan on eating at least one group meal off the Strip!).
It worked in large part because the bride was not super high maintenance and was very clear that while she would love to have people join us she would 100% understand if they could not come. And not everyone did but the people who made it had a blast.
Other than the bachelorette, you will need to plan or help plan a shower. (I outsourced this; it cost a fortune but I honestly had more money than time.) And make her life easier on the actual wedding weekend, the details of which vary enormously.
Anon
Destination bachelorette is going to be hard with that little lead time and people scattered across the country. But I think that’s the bride’s responsibility to suss out – she needs to talk to her bridesmaids/friend and find out if that’s realistic for them. You don’t do that unless you’re all part of a close friend group – you help plan the weekend once it’s confirmed that a weekend is going to happen. So the bride needs to talk to the people she wants to invite and determine if this is feasible.
Do you live local to the bride?
Anon
My advice, is first to do somewhere with easy direct flights if she wants to do destination. Vegas has already been suggested but Austin or Chicago could also be fun. What I did for my sister because I had the means was I booked everything including a large Airbnb, told everyone that their share at a manageable price for people much younger than me (which was clearly not the actual cost). Not the answer for everyone but sometimes spending a few thousand (if you can) of your own is worth avoiding all the back and forth over price with the group.
Anon
Well, I would ask her if you are expected to give a toast at the reception…
I was MOH at my best childhood friend’s wedding, which was done for appearances/family, as she had already quietly married her now husband months earlier before his Visa expired (yikes..). Anyway, at the reception, the best man/brother of the groom stood up and gave a long, obnoxious, “my brother is the best person in the world and let me tell you why….blah blah blah” speech, and even acted out some of it. When it was done, the room full of my friend’s family looked a bit irritated and annoyed, as the speech didn’t mention anything about the Bride, their marriage, their future etc….
So everyone turns to me and waits. For me. To give a speech. That I had not prepared. Because no one told me to.
Anon
Oh no! Nobody should have to give a speech without notice.
Anon
To be fair, I think the maid of honor and best man have some duty to find out if they’re expected to give toasts. It’s not an unreasonable assumption that you would! And truly, I’m sure nobody cared about anything other than the length of the best man’s speech, as long as he wasn’t actually derogatory.
Anon
Well, I had no idea. I was single at the time, and had been a bridesmaid in a few weddings and still had no idea it was common for a MOH to give a toast.
Anon
Beyond the usual – old fashioneds, manhattans – anyone have a good cocktail recipe for National Bourbon Day?
AIMS
Many julep?
Boulevardier?
Anonymous
Sub bourbon for the gin in a negroni and you have a boulevardier. I like the ratio in this recipe: https://iamafoodblog.com/negroni/
Not Instafamous
I love the bourbon peach smash from Smitten Kitchen
Anon
I love a brown derby!
Anonymous
random poll: do you keep a journal? do you keep several journals, such as for different things or in different mediums?
I’m ADHD so i have like 8 journals and they never get used – paper journal, a memorable-day-preprinted journal, a journal on my desktop in a hidden pw protected doc, a journal on my ipad doc program, and random notes sprinkled throughout my iphone. i use them all kind of sporadically…
anon
I keep 1 journal at a time that I shoot to write in daily (actual frequency varies but I write consistently). I have been doing this since I was 8 and I am 35 now. I keep all my old journals and periodically go back and read them. It’s really incredible to have that kind of longitudinal insight into my life vs just my memory.
NotInstaFamous
My SIL pickled/canned a bunch of food from my garden. I’ve now opened three jars in a row where there’s mold on different types of goods. I think the answer to this is to just toss all of her preserved offerings right? I hate wasting food but not as much as I hate getting sick or dying of botulism.
Anon
The answer is to pitch it. I jam and pickle and have for years; I have never had mold on anything that is properly preserved and sealed. Her process is faulty.
Anonymous
Yeah, you gotta compost them, sorry food waste sucks I understand.
anon
Never ever ever eat home-canned food with visible mold, or if it looks/smells off, or if the seal isn’t intact when you open it. I can food at home and it’s not always a foolproof process, even though I’m meticulous about sterilizing everything and following instructions. I would never want someone to get sick from something I gave them.
Anonymous
Yes. My mom does this and I dump it right out. I’ve tried talking to her and that went over like a less balloon.
Anon
You should still tell her, lead balloon or not, because she might have given some jars to other people who weren’t as observant. She could make someone really, really sick.
Moose
Yup – she may have not gotten a good seal on the jars. Unfortunately you have to toss.
Seventh Sister
This is sort of an AITA, but more of an “am I the bad daughter/daughter-in-law?” My elderly narcissist of a MIL is planning a three -day-long-all-day “celebration of our love” for her 40th wedding anniversary. She wants the entire extended family to sit around her house while we have “fabulous” food and “fabulous” conversation and maybe even “take a dip in their pool-bring a cute swimsuit!” My in-laws are pretty dreadful hosts, especially if you don’t like getting food poisoning or being interrogated about your gas bill. They throw a great party if you like being fat-shamed or want your kids fat-shamed!
Spouse and I live about an hour away. The party is planned for the weekend before school starts for my tween and teen. MIL has roped my similarly-aged mom into helping with the preparations, so my mom is now calling all my local cousins to get everyone to come. Lucky for me, my MIL is terrified of me, but my mom is laying on a HUGE guilt trip that I’m not doing more to facilitate this event. My mom is also mad that I’ve told her I can’t guarantee we’ll be there for all 72 hours of this nonsense.
I have a full-time job! I have offered to anything MIL needs EXCEPT paying for the event. Am I terrible?
Anonymous
No. This is a bizarre event that asks entirely too much of people. Agree to stay a night, fully participate for that period, and GTFO after that with well wishes to the blissful couple and apologies for your (normal) busy schedules. And if you want to skip the swimming given the tasteless invitation to bring a “cute suit” and history of fat-shaming, feel free to say you wanted to but didn’t have anything cute enough for such a “fabulous” event. You might also want to volunteer to host a meal while there to ensure you get at least one decent, salmonella-free meal. Your offer will be selfish in nature but appear generous.
Anon
As long as you go to some of it, I think you’re fine. I wouldn’t stay the whole time either, especially during the busy back-to-school time.
I feel ya. My in-laws insisted on a family vacation for their 50th, and chose a terrible, dirt cheap resort in Mexico. And it was all-inclusive, so we also ate crappy food and swam in filthy pools. When I anonymously complained about it here, I was shamed for not offering to upgrade everyone to a nicer resort, but 1) my husband and I don’t have the budget for multiple hotel rooms at a luxury resort and 2) that would have been embarrassing and offensive to my in-laws, who were perfectly happy at their cheap, tacky resort. (In fact, they still go on and on about how great this vacation was, even though the pools were literally filled with trash and multiple people – including them! – got food poisoning).
Seventh Sister
Thank you! We don’t really have the money to do an upgrade, and I actually think that they wouldn’t like it if we *did* get a caterer or a rented a hotel ballroom or whatever we’d do in that situation. My husband took them to one of the nicest restaurants in LA for Mother’s Day and my MIL was incredibly ticked off that she couldn’t get the right size of SPOON for taking the icing off the cake so it wouldn’t be so “bad” (full of calories). They are also firmly in the “wealthy” category and we are more in the “above-average income but two kids” category. They have plenty of money.
Anonymous
What does your husband want to do? Would he be on board with just going for one day, arriving at lunchtime and leaving after dinner?
Seventh Sister
He’s fine with pretty much anything – it’s my mom that is kind of making me feel like sh*t about the whole thing.
Explorette
This sounds awful. I’d pick a portion of it to attend, and skip the rest.
OOO
Your MIL sounds like a nightmare. But she is your family so I would try to grin and bear it as much as you can. Agree with being there for at least part of it. Can you offer to pay for one meal for the weekend and show up for that? Maybe order the food from a restaurant?
Seventh Sister
I know that paying for some of this is the right thing to do, but it will be a really hard pill to swallow. They are so cheap I’m surprised we don’t get invoiced for Thanksgiving dinner. We went to England (on our own dime) for a relative’s wedding and my in-laws insisted on being paid in cash for our share of the minibus before we left for the ceremony.
I don’t have a bad relationship with my parents, but I’m not 100% sure about the date of their wedding anniversary. It just wasn’t a big deal to them! And their 50th happened during the COVID lockdown, so they didn’t have a party (we sent flowers). But my spouse catches hell if he doesn’t call them on their anniversary.
Anon
Your in-laws sound unpleasant (to put it mildly) but wanting a celebration on a milestone anniversary isn’t that weird.
Seventh Sister
No, it’s not.
Seventh Sister
I realize that to a certain extent, everyone is self-centered, but these are the kind of people that wouldn’t offer a glass of water to a person who fainted from heatstroke at their feet. They are exceptionally self-focused.
ArenKay
Solidarity. Our in laws informed us that for their 50th anniversary we could choose between taking them on a cruise or hosting a big fancy party for them. We chose the latter, worked our damnedest to make it nice, and MIL made it costlier and more of a PITA in various ways (had to drive to the next city to pick up cake b/c she’d alienated best baker in town). All this to say, you are not terrible, your plan sounds sensible, and since 50th anniversaries are typically a bigger deal you should start planning your Nepali trek that will unfortunately coincide with the bigger party.
Anon
“ you should start planning your Nepali trek that will unfortunately coincide with the bigger party.”
Haaaaa