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Updated: Nov 1, 2018 162 Comments · by

Suit of the Week: Theory

Suit of the Week

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Donnelly Wallner BlazerFor busy working women, the suit is often the easiest outfit to throw on in the morning. In general, this feature is not about interview suits for women, which should be as classic and basic as you get — instead, this feature is about the slightly different suit that is fashionable, yet professional. Something about this gray suit looks thoroughly modern — in a conservative way — and I love it. The black lapels (with “tux inspiration,” Saks notes) and single button look chic, and the tapered pants, while not my favorite, do look more modern than trousers. There is a matching dress, but I fear it's only for those rare birds among us who fall into the “creative conservative” bucket — not only is the dress rather short (18″), it also has a shiny leather bodice. Hmmn. The jacket (Theory Donelly Wallner Blazer) is $475, the matching pants (Theory Taye Wallner Pants) are $275, and the dress (should you dare) is $355.
Theory Donnelly Blazer Theory Taye Wallner Pants Theory Orinthia Leather Dress
(L-7)

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Comments

  1. Ellen

    I love the color and the cut, but I can NOT wear slack’s in the summer OR TO COURT. And the optional skirt, with a tight leather bodice, is NOT something I could wear in the summer either. FOOEY b/c it is VERY cute and I will show ROSA. Even tho she does NOT work, Ed likes to have her dress formally so that he can take her out with his cleint’s — she is even more engageing then I am with new cleint’s.

    On that score, the manageing partner says I need to get NEW cleint’s. It is NOT good enough that I keep getting NEW cases from my existing CLEINT’s — he says we NEED TO GROW. I agree, but we do DEFENSE work and that mean’s I can’t go out and find peeople on the street with WC issue’s. He want’s me to teach a CLE where there will be CORPORATE CLEINT’s there. He figure’s that if I talk about WC issues and these CORPORATE’s need us to do the heavy lifting for them, I can get hired. He is probabley right, b/c the in-house peeople usueally give the heavy stuff to us to do. We have to face the judge’s who are usueally VERY temperemental. We have to know how to handel these judge’s, not them and they are happy to just come to the court, even to sit quietely in the back while WE do all the talkeing. YAY!

    Dad wants to meet Sam, and he told me to have him drive me out to the house on Saturday. He said he would grill up some steak until I reminded him that Sam was a VEEGAN. FOOEY!

    So now, I have to ask Sam first what he would like Dad to grill for him. If anyone in the HIVE has idea’s please let me know, so I can make a good impression and have him MARRY ME! YAY!!!!

    • Silvercurls

      Ellen, Your DAD can gril Veggetablez. Maybe even some tofu if you’ve marinated it for a long time. Marry sam but only if he’s really a GOOD Person, you know, a MENTSCH! Yay!

  2. dismal science

    Any recs for a foundation/powder combination? I’ve used Lancome’s dual finish makeup compact for years but the last one I bought wasn’t as creamy as the old ones–it’s too chalky and I don’t like how it goes on. It seems even drier than a face powder. Clinique’s has seemed too dry to me in the past but it’s been a long time since I’ve tried it.

    • MaggieLizer

      I tried Pur mineral foundation over the weekend and was surprised how much I liked it. I’m not sure I’m ready to take the plunge and give up my old foundation (Bare Minerals), but I’m going to try it on weekends for the next few weeks and see how well it wears. You can apply it with either a brush or a sponge. It’s so much faster than my current routine I’m really hoping I end up liking it.

    • SAlit-a-gator

      I really like Laura Mercier’s Silk Creme Foundation…I think that’s what its called. Very good stuff.

    • backgrounder

      I like Sue Devitt’s seaweed gel foundation – light to medium coverage – never feels dry.

    • Romey

      I use MAC’s studio fix powder foundation and really love it. It has great coverage without being heavy.

    • Roro

      BareMinerals Ready foundations are the BEST! Better than the original loose powder minerals. Better than Pur, IMO. That said, it’s important to get color matched at a store since the Ready Foundation lines look very different on than in the compact and do not necessarily correlate to the same Original/Matte color formulations. For reference, I am a Fairly Light/Light in the Original foundation and a Medium Beige in the Ready. I use my baby buki brush to apply and get medium coverage but if I use the brush that is designed for the Ready line, then it’s full coverage and it takes next to no time at all; either way it’s a quick application. I have oily skin and it lasts at least 10 hours on my face, though I do blot periodically throughout the day. Love it!!!

    • Carrie Preston

      I like NARS’ version — it’s matte & coverage is nice/I don’t feel made-up.

    • Lilly

      Chantecaille compact makeup. Sheer but evens out skin tone with a brush, more coverage with the included sponge, and lasts a while – I usually re-powder my nose and chin midday, and that’s about it.

  3. DAR

    I like the jacket but don’t like the pants and wouldn’t wear the dress to work.

  4. Anonymous

    It looks modern because the pant lines are slimmer, and jacket is more tailored with only 1 button, even though the coat hangs lower. Reminds me of The Limited suits for the slimness.

  5. TCFKAG

    So I was all for it when they were adding bits of leather as highlights to work wear or interesting tidbits. I can even get behind the leather pencil skirt trend (in most colors other than black) if you work in a non-formal office. But that shirt is….fairly absurd.

    Otherwise the suit could be nice for a tall, skinny person (as is the case with most Theory I have found.) Definitely very modern, but traditional enough to work for anything that’s not an interview or court (or the equivalent) I would think.

      • TCFKAG

        Oh god – I didn’t realize it was the top of the dress (I assumed it was a skirt with a tucked in shirt.) Laundering would be a problem (can you imagine the poor dry cleaner’s face?) And the fit would also be a problem – I hope its lined, since leather isn’t EXACTLY the fabric I want for my top to sit around in the office all day.

        Overall….the dress is probably NOT for me. Maybe if you’re in….band management? or something?

        • NOLA

          I know – I thought it was a skirt with a leather top tucked in until someone else mentioned a dress. Yikes!

      • Anonymous

        I will say that with all the leather accent pieces coming out this year, dry cleaners had better up their games and start figuring out how to clean half-leather or partial-leather pieces. I have a wool coat with leather trim and my dry cleaner throws a fit every time I bring it in for its end of year cleaning. They always try to send me to a leather specialist and I always tell them just to do it and not worry about it. I’ve had the coat since 2009.

    • TO Lawyer

      I love this dress. When you see it in person, the leather looks less shiny. But it’s purely aspirational because I can’t imagine myself wearing it to work. I did however recently buy a black tulip skirt with a thick leather waistband and I am SO excited for fall just so I can wear it.

  6. Filmmaker

    Has anyone used the Vaginal Contraceptive Film? My husband and I want to go off hormonal birth control (while I chart per Taking Charge of Your Fertility) with the idea of getting pregnant in a year or so.

    Condoms have been a horrible discomfort to both him and me.

    Any experiences with the film? Looks like you can buy it in drugstores, you stick it in, and it dissolves into spermicide. Almost sounds too good to be true.

    • mascot

      No experience, but the failure rate is higher than I am comfortable with. If you are ok with getting pregnant earlier than anticipated, that might not be such a concern.

    • ITDS

      I never tried the film, but we did use a cream type thing that you put in with a plunger like you would a yeast infection treatment. That doesn’t sound very romantic, but it did the job and also added some lubrication, which was great. I think it came in pre-loaded, single “serving” tubes in a box of 6 or 8.

    • Anon

      Yup. Went off hormonal bc, hated condoms, tried the diaphragm and felt like it was very difficult to use, then started using this. It worked great until I got pregnant. :)
      So…its awesome, i’m sure it prevented some pregnancy, but its certainly not the best method for preventing babies.

    • Need to Improve

      I have gotten pregnant accidentally twice with non-hormonal barrier methods. They have a high failure rate. I was not using the exact one you propose, but I think the rates are pretty similar. I would do it only if you are comfortable with that potential outcome.

    • Margaret

      Note that TCOYF provides information on how to avoid pregnancy as well using FAM (charting). She claims that if you pay attention and are willing to avoid sex or use a barrier during your fertile window, her method is something like 95% accurate. FWIW, it worked for my husband and me for three months. :) Anyway, keep in mind that if you’re using FAM, you wouldn’t have to use condoms very often to have a pretty effective method of birth control.

  7. Portland Reccs

    TJ!

    Any reccs for a place to stay in Portland for a weekend at the beginning of October? Preferably not exorbitantly priced, with cool things to do nearby because we will not be renting a car. We like: eating, drinking, walking, music, parks, etc. Thanks so much in advance!!

        • zora

          Oh! then I can help!!

          Hotel Jupiter if you want to really experience Portland’s weirdness. There is a s3x shop in the lobby and they leave condoms on your pillow. ;o) It is right on Burnside on the east side, so lots of great stuff in walking distance on Burnside, plus an easy walk/short bus ride across the river/to the Waterfront.

          If you want something SUPER unique and Portland-y, you could stay at this hotel my friend’s just opened: http://www.tinyhousehotel.com/ But it is a little more of a trek by bus to get to downtown/the Waterfront. But the neighborhood has a lot of amazing food, shops, live music and you can get a bus to some place like Mount Tabor if you want to hike up a (small) dormant volcano. Although it’s not a bad walk to the Max (rail) line, which gets you to the West side, the Northwest/Nob Hill neighborhood, pretty much all over town.

          Ace Hotel is also super trendy, but it was a little more expensive last time I checked. I would recommend staying in close-in East side, because I think the East side has more fun stuff, but it’s nice to be a short bus ride to the river, because wandering up WaterfrontPark and across the bridges is a must do.

          The buses are pretty good for getting around, so you will be good without a car.

          Let me know if you have any other specific questions. ;o)

          • Anonymous

            +1 stayed at Ace Hotel 18 months ago; it was great and felt very Portland.

          • Portland Reccs

            This is so incredibly helpful! Hotel Jupiter looks awesome and like it’s in a great location. What would be your Top 3 Things To Do? Or Top 3 Places to Eat? We’re total Portland noobs.

          • zora

            GAH, Top THREE?!? That is so hard.

            1. Go to Higgins Restaurant. It’s right across the bridge from Hotel Jupiter, bus ride and short walk. Greg Higgins is one of the chefs that started the locavore thing, but his restaurant is still amazing, and suprisingly well priced. Plus the staff and sommellier are super nice and I always learn about wine there.

            2. VOODOO DONUTS. Also just off Burnside on the west side of the river. Amazing donuts, adn it’s just a Portland institution. Acutally you could do a little Downtown walking tour, go to Powell’s City of Books, amazing bookstore that takes up a whole city block, and voodoo donuts, and hit Stumptown for coffee, all within about a mile loop.

            3. There is a ‘walk’ i like to do but it could also be a bike ride if you rent bikes (there are a few places to do that). You can google this, but basically it’s a big loop, you start on the east side of the river, go north along the river on the East Bank Esplanade, cross the river at either the Burnside Bridge or the Steel Bridge, and go back south through Waterfront Park (stop at the Japanese memorial) and then cross back over on the Hawthorne Bridge. It should be really nice in October, but it can get windy on the river so bring a hooded rain jacket.

            There are a million different little walkable neighborhoods in Portland, so pick as many as you want and just go walk around. I am partial to Hawthorne Boulevard, but there’s the Alberta Neighborhood, the Division/Clinton Neighborhood, Mississippi Ave, Northwest/Nob Hill. You can look them up online, they each have a different kind of personality, but they are all fun, and all have great food to stop and have a snack.

            Two amazing parks depending on how hardcore of hikers you are: Mt Tabor, the aforementioned dormant volcano. You can easily take the buses to get to the ‘bottom’ of the mountain, and then walk up the awesome spiral path all the way to the top where you get an AMAZING view of Portland and if it’s clear you can see Mt. Hood and Mt St Helens from the top. Sort of nearer Jupiter, though, is Laurelhurst Park, its a beautiful park with huge trees. A great place to take a picnic or just wander around, and sometimes they do free events/movies in the park.

            Also, there is lots of good food on Burnside near Jupiter, so you can walk a few blocks in either direction if you want to grab something. There’s a fancy French place, Le Pigeon, that is amazing, but there are also more casual places like Farm Cafe, Eastburn, Screen Door that also have amazing food.

            Oh, and brewpubs. There are a BUNCH of local brewpubs that make their own beer. Theya are all fun, google and pick one, but you have to do that at least once ;o)

            Ack, so manythings sorry!! I’ll come back and post here again if i think of any other must do’s.

          • AnnonFoo

            Thanks, this is amazing information. I was looking for short vacation trip somewhere in the US and preferably without having to drive, this is great idea. I might do something in october too.

    • Sad Runner

      The Portland marathon is early October. I’m not sure if that would mess with your plans, but would certainly be a consideration for me, so thought I’d mention it!

  8. Windsor UK?

    Any recs for things to do in/or around Windsor? I’m going for meetings, so I may not have any free time, but just in case are there any must-dos or -sees?

    • Nonny

      Well….the obvious are Windsor Castle and Frogmore. The Windsor Castle grounds are gorgeous and worth walking around even if you just have an hour. But Windsor Castle itself could take hours so I would only recommend going if you have a whole morning or afternoon.

      Eton (the school) is across the river from Windsor and you can walk around the grounds there too. I’ve never done it but I believe they even offer tours.

        • eek

          Windsor Castle takes forever and it’s not terribly cheap (hello, fire). I feel like you can see enough from the outside and from the chapel. There used to be a Changing of the Guard along High Street, so that would be worth a look.

    • A

      +1 to Windsor Castle, if you have time. When I visited, we weren’t allowed on the grounds at Eton, and had to stand outside the gates and look in to the campus. (Not 100% sure on this, but I think I recall something about only males being allowed onto the actual grounds?) Still worth the walk across the river if you get a chance, though, just to see the town.

      • Lily student

        My (female) friend did a summer school at Eton, so it may have been a term time only rule? :p
        I’d definitely have a potter around the shops they’ve put into the old part of the station, if only to experience how surreal it is! The river path is pretty wide so you could rent a bike if you want to get some activity in? The Great Park is apparently nice to cycle through too. Escaping into London might also be a possibility?

    • M-C

      I took a week-long hiking vacation around there (based in Maidenhead) and really enjoyed it. Many castles to visit with lovely gardens. I’d recommend looking to a barge tour on the river, as that is a really fine way to see the countryside from its best vantage points. Many local trains too, so you can go up river a bit and stroll back, sampling the lovely villages and pubs back along the way. There are pedestrian paths most everywhere in that area, the British are really good that way.

  9. zora

    Online dating is Completely Stressing Me Out right now. I want to give up and run away.

    So, rather than the common Worst Date stories, I was hoping the hive could help cheer me up and inspire me with Best Date Ever stories! What was a particularly awesome date you’ve been on? Alternatively, tell the meetcute story of how you met your current sweetie. I need some positive vibes here! ;o) Thank you, r3tt3s!

    • S

      My friend brought her very pregnant sister on her first ok cupid date to make sure the situation wasn’t sketchy. It wasn’t, and he didn’t mind, and now they are married, adorbs and very happy.

    • Anon

      I met my husband on Match. For our third date he took me to the horse show they do every year at the Verizon Center in DC. It’s so random to have all these horses wandering around downtown, and he wanted to check it out. I loved it! Then he took me to his favorite dive-y bar where, after a couple of beers, my he really loosened up and we had a great flow-y conversation for the first time. Then we had our first kiss when we said good-bye at the Gallery Place metro. I was unsure about him after our first and second dates because he was so quiet, but after this date I knew he really had some potential.

      I will also say that the great thing about meeting him online, is that I can go back and look at our initial email correspondence for a warm fuzzy feeling any time I want.

      • S in Chicago

        I love that you look back like that. I’m the same way. Our IT person even put the first voicemail from my now husband on a CD, so I didn’t lose it when we changed phone systems at work.

    • Anonymous

      No good stories, but I feel your pain. I was actually thinking about posting today too. I went on a second date with a guy last night and he finally told me he’s living with his parents. At 35. Because rent is a waste of money. And he’s the FOURTH guy IN A ROW – who were also all in their 30s – who has said the same thing to me. I just can’t even with these people.

      • Anonymous

        Wow. I wonder if these 4 guys would still call rent money a “waste” if they knew how much they were missing out with women due to living with their parents! Hang in there-you’ve had a bad run but I guarantee this is not any kind of new normal for this age group.

        • Anonymous

          And I’d like to think if I’d been living rent-free for my entire life, I could have saved up enough for a sizable down payment on a house by 35…

        • 3:32

          Thanks, I needed the encouragement today! I’m talking to a guy on the phone for the first time tonight and he seems really promising. So maybe I’ll have a cute story in a few months! But so help me god if he’s living with his parents….

      • Nonny

        Well, to be fair, I met my SO online and when we met, he had gone back home to live in his parents’ house. But this was after owning his own house for years, selling it to go back to school across the country, and then coming back. He lived in a basement suite in his parents’ house. But he did it because he specifically didn’t want to buy another house when he was actively looking for someone to share his life with, and he did own income property. So not all guys who live with their parents are total washouts. It might be worth giving them the benefit of the doubt and finding out the backstory. If I had ditched my SO when I found out he lived in his parents’ basement, I’d be missing out on a great thing.

        • Anonymous

          These guys have all given their reasoning, and it wouldn’t work for me any more than it did for the OP. call it a mismatch in values and priorities, if nothing else. I could not see rent as a “waste” independent of any extenuating context– which none of these guys evidently have.

        • 3:32

          Yeah I always ask why because like you said there could be a good reason. What I look for is how long he’s been living with his parents, whether this is serving a goal with an end in sight, and whether there’s a plan to move out. Usually the conversation begins with “Well I have this totally legit-sounding reason (saving for a down payment, lease was up and he’s looking for a house, illness in the family, starting up a business, etc.)” and ends with “Actually I’ve been living with my parents for over a year because I just think rent is a waste of money and why would I be independent when mommy will cook and clean and house and clothe me?? And maybe if you play your cards right one day you can too!” Well maybe not that last part, but it’s implied.

        • I agree with OP

          Unless the person is a caregiver for a parent, I would feel like the OP. There comes a time when rent isn’t just about the money but having adult-levels of respect for not intruding on parents’ privacy.

    • Anonymous

      I applaud you for doing this, I’ve yet to pull the trigger on online dating because I have visions of ending up on an episode of Law & Order, but realistically knowthat a) the chance of someone awesome wandering into my office is slim and b) NYCs male to female ratio is not in my favor…some positive stories would be great to hear

      • Anonymous

        Agreed, The reason I haven’t tried online dating yet is because if I can’t meet someone there, then I’ve really exhausted my options and I will have no choice but to become a cat lady.

        • anon

          Exactly. Plus, what if the guys that contact me are not who I think I should be attracting (bless my self-esteem and confidence)?

          • Filmmaker

            This is always going to be true. Women get WAAAAY more messages than men normally. So you’re going to get a bunch of duds no matter how awesome you are.

            It’s like Goodwill – there are jewels, if you are ok with sorting through all the junk.

          • Parfait

            Men always see the schlubby guy in the movie ending up with the knockout. That is what they expect will happen for them too. Just ignore the ones that don’t interest you.

        • January

          I really didn’t want to do it, either, but it’s honestly not been anything like I had feared — the guys I have met have been relatively nice and normal, even if some of them are not a good match for me. It’s also increased my confidence in the dating world because I’m going on more dates and not feeling like I somehow missed that train. It can get overwhelming and stressful, though!

          I told myself I was probably going to end up alone anyway, so it wouldn’t hurt to test that theory out by trying online dating first.

      • zora

        Well, I live in a town that is very techy-heavy, so it feels a little more ‘normal’ here because everyone does everything else online, why not meet people there, too. It took me 2 years to work up the nerve though.

        • cbackson

          I met way, way better people online dating in the PNW than I have in my new city, and I think it’s for that reason: everyone was so tech-y in Seattle that everyone dated online. Here the cross-section of the male gender that turns up is far less awesome.

    • SunnyD

      I met my boyfriend of 9 months on my first date from Okcupid. I messaged him first (the only guy I sent a first message to) because I thought his profile indicated he would be at least half as nerdy as I am….and I was right. We exchanged lengthy messages (the email type ones) for about three weeks before he finally asked me out, by which time I was considering not talking to him anymore because I didn’t think he was ever going to ask me out. Our first date was to a coffee shop where we talked for over three hours. I finally told him I had to go to a friend’s house for dinner and was going to be late. We kept emailing during the next week and a week later had a second date, which went about the same way in that we talked for over three hours; the second date ended because I had to go to the bathroom and we were at a park with no bathrooms. And subsequent dates followed.

      No terribly “cute” stories from the early dates, but I am so happy to be with him.

      • AnnonFoo

        wow, this is wonderful to find someone and talk for 3 hours, I have never found that sort of connection online. I have close guy friends from work and we have all spent hours hanging out, but it just doesn’t happen with anyone I meet online. Not getting involved with these work friends obviously..
        I wasted a couple of hours on okcupid last night, it is just so frustrating. I do message guys but I hardly ever hear back from anyone that I am actually interested in. I admit I am not an extrovert and it takes me a while to open up to people and really connect, but this makes dating seem so much more difficult. My past serious relationships all started organically from group of friends or classmates so I never had much experience with online dating.

        • NOLA

          When my SO and I got together, we talked for hours on the phone – he had a long commute and we would talk for those two hours every day. Now, we laugh about it. We love to talk and laugh together but we wonder what the heck we talked about for so long back then!

    • Lyssa

      Not a meetcute, but a funny first date. I met my now-husband at a party thrown by that cool guy who throws all the parties in that cool historical house just off campus during my freshman year in college. He got my number and we planned our first date for what happened to be the last day of classes that year. Nothing fancy, we went to dinner and saw a movie, but meanwhile, that same guy (who happened to be a close family friend of my husband’s and I had known him pretty well, too – we actually went out few times, but just no spark), of course decided to throw another party to celebrate the end of the term. All of my friends were going, and I felt sort of bad about missing out, so we decided to stop by after the movie.

      It was late when we got there, and only a handful of people were left. It being a college party, everyone was thoroughly drunk, of course, though we had not had anything to drink. Shortly after we arrived, the party-goers somehow got it in their heads that they should go swimming (in April, in a river that you’re cautioned not to eat fish from). The entire party was going, so we tagged along. Oh, and when I say swimming, I mean, skinny dipping. We bowed out, but were already there.

      So that is the story of how my first date with my husband involved sitting on a dock watching drunk naked people put their lives at risk.

    • January

      On a related note, any strategies for managing it all? I tried the [thissite]-approved “meet as many people as possible” method, but then I just found myself trying to juggle first and second dates. Fortunately (or not), it’s an ever-changing landscape, so I haven’t gotten as overwhelmed as I’d feared… but still, I want to continue living my regularly-scheduled life, too.

      • MaggieLizer

        Dating is really time consuming. I find it’s easiest if you can set aside certain blocks as designated “date times” that you fill in with dates, rather than letting the guy propose a day and time and then suddenly all of your free time is booked. I really like doing Saturday and Sunday brunch because it’s relatively short, it sounds more fun (or at least unique?) than grabbing a coffee/drink, I’m so not a morning person so I know I’ll just sleep away those hours if I don’t have anything scheduled, if the date goes really well you have the rest of the afternoon to check out a farmers market or go to a movie or whatever, and I feel more safe because it’s the middle of the day with lots of people around and I’m usually not going straight home (so he won’t be following me home after).

    • Anne Shirley

      After a year of meeting absolutely no one online. None. At all. Not even meeting for coffee dates. I found a guy who love the same museum as me, likes my obscure sports, thinks post-dinner walks are the best, didn’t freak out when I told him if I get pregnant I’m having a baby now, goes to church once a month, likes to read, and thinks I’m the best thing since sliced bread. Sometimes I pinch myself.

        • Anne Shirley

          Yup. Online. He messaged me, mentioned a couple specific details we had in common, and I replied. Frankly his pictures were not great, but I thought I’d give him a shot. He planned a great first date, second was iffy, third fantastic. A couple months later I’m in a relationship with a guy who shares my values and who’s a great gardener. After 3+ years of singleness, it’s nice.

    • Anon in ATX

      Met DH on Match while I was in college. He messaged me first, but I ignored b/c he was already graduated and I was looking for someone still in school. He persisted with a follow-up message and I accepted b/c I thought that showed he was really interested. Also was not having luck with the college guys so thought I would try someone older. Worked out and here we are almost 10 years later, married 6 yrs and expecting our first. Also, my brother just got married to his wife this summer, and they met on Match, so it can work! Good luck to you.

      As an aside, I really wish we still had those early messages that were sent through the Match website. I bet they would be hilarious to read now.

    • Anon

      I never did on-line dating, but I met my now DH by agreeing to go on a weekend trip away with a group of people (only one of which I knew) that turned out to be entirely made up of guys. Drunk guys. And me. In the middle of nowhere Virginia. With a bonfire. You can imagine the shenanigans.

      And yet, DH managed to come out of it looking pretty good (his friends did a good job of appearing appropriately foolish – he appeared sane by comparison. Little did I know. ;-)

    • Anon

      I feelya, sister. I had a terrible date last night with a guy who looked literally nothing like his photo. It was so awkward and I felt so misled, and like I had wasted my time on someone who was truly dishonest in a cowardly way (the difference was extreme, not just adding a few inches to his height or something for confidence).

      While I don’t have a happily ever after story, I did meet an awesome guy on OKCupid who I dated for a while, and we had one of those first dates where we closed down the coffee shop because we talked for so many hours. So it happens…just wish it would happen again soon! I am getting really frustrated, too, as it seems like I have been trying it forever and it just isn’t panning out…but the alternative is giving up and becoming a spinster with 10,000 dogs.

    • Veronique

      My cousin met her husband on Match. She was living in our native country and he lived in New York, but had family in NativeCountry, and had visited every summer since he was a kid. They talked online/over the phone for a while, then she traveled to NY to meet him, which happened to be the week I was sworn into the NY bar. He braved lunch with my mom, sister and I that weekend, where he won our whole-hearted seal of approval.

      They got married last year and now live in NativeCountry with her kids from her first marriage. They really are a “perfect” match and have made such a difference for each other, as well as the kids.

    • Diana Barry

      I met my husband on Match in 2001!!!! It was brand new so the only people there were geeks. ;) Our first date was 5 hours long! Totally awesome. :)

    • LizNYC

      I met my now-DH (of 3 years in October!) on eHarmony right after I decided I was going to quit doing it. Our first date: at my fave Thai place, where he ate exactly two bites of dinner (turns out he’s a very picky eater), followed by hot chocolate at a Starbucks, where two homeless guys decided to wrestle on the floor right behind us over an Rx pill bottle, followed by an hourlong walk in the falling snow, at the end of which, neither of us could feel our feet, or hands, or noses. He said he’d call two days later — and did :)

      One of our best early dates: the Met Museum to see the Egypt halls (where he first held my hand!) and a special exhibit about love in paintings. Followed up by Japanese (he eats that…), and a walk in the snow (with better footwear).

      Hang in there! It can work :)

      • Anon @ 3:34

        *grumble* this is making my current plan of sitting in my apartment on a Friday night with Redbox and wine sound way less fulfilling…maybe in a few weeks when there are people in the city again I’ll give it a shot (and when I have a nice tan pic of myself post vacation…)

        We should start our own 3tt3 internet-dating support group

        • zora

          Yes, we DO have a dating support group on FB. It is a secret group, so you can’t search for it and none of your friends will see it on your page. You don’t have to out your ‘handle’ to us, there are about 37 of us on there right now.

          If anyone wants to join, send me an email at zoradances at the gmail, and I will send you an invite from the fb page. We do have lots of commiserating and supporting each other it has been a life saver! I was just hoping for more romantic cute stories to inspire us. ;o)

          • Anon @ 3:34

            I had no idea… emailing you later, I could definitely use some motivation/commiseration before I end up the crazy goldfish-lady

          • Anonymous

            do you need a RL name or just an email from a Facebook approved email address?

          • zora

            I think just any email address. I can send you an invite to your email, and then you have to log in to fb to redeem it. As far as I can tell.

        • LizNYC

          Hey, that was TOTALLY me before I signed up on eHarmony the 2nd time. The 1st time, I did it myself and was completely not honest — like I put “I’m outdoorsy,” when a really good friend pointed out to me that “outdoorsy” does not mean walking to the subway and back or eating on a patio. This friend gave me a glass of wine (or 3), took control of my new eHarmony account, and answered all of the questions that I stumbled over (my Type-A-ness was answering questions as “Ideal Liz” instead of “Actual Liz as she actually lives and is happy.”) It was kinda eye opening. I highly recommend getting your most brutally honest friend to do this for you! (And seriously, the wine.)

    • zora

      These are AWESOME keep them coming!! doesn’t have to be an online dating story, also any stories about a date that was totally amazing and romantic, or crazy and fun?

      • Burgher

        My first “date” with my now husband, was not intended to be a date at all. I was actually pursuing another guy in class. The rest of the group bailed on us at the last minute, so we decided to go out anyway, just the two of us.

        Oh, and he wasn’t even supposed to be in the class we met in. He had a very similar name to another student, and misheard the heavily accented professor on the initial roll call. By the time it was discovered, they told him to just stay in the class.

      • cbackson

        My dad was set up on a blind date with my mom to console him because he was getting kicked out of college only five days into freshman year for drunkenly yelling s*xual things outside a womens’ dorm (yes, you could get kicked out of college for that in the rural South in the early 1960s).

        My mom always says, “I thought he was an idiot, but he was cute and he kept coming back.” 45 years later, they’re still going strong.

      • Solo Practitioner

        I met my husband on okcupid. He had ignored the prompts, and put in one of the spaces, “Which would win, Pirates v. Ninjas?” I sent him a messages that I thought pirates, because they had their own language, and a navy. He thought ninjas.

        Our first date was a drink at a local microbrewery. Our second date was lunch. I was about to go on a family vacation immediately after our third date, so he wanted to make it memorable. After a nice dinner, he took me to a local park and brought a blanket out of the car and a small cooler. Once he spread the blanket and we sat down, he pulled out two martini glasses with chocolate mousse in them that he had made earlier in the day. Each glass also had hand-whipped whipped cream and chocolate shavings on top. He had two spoons and two napkins, too. (He had also packed a bottle of desert wine, in case I didn’t like chocolate.)

        I eventually got over the “HOLY CRAP, I DON’T DESERVE THIS GUY’ and married him this spring. :)

        • AnnonFoo

          wow, this is such a lovely story, a guy who can make chocolate dessert ! Now I am mad at all my ex-s for never doing anything this romantic but it also makes me hopeful that such guys exist in this day and age.

          • Solo Practitioner

            I know! I honestly didn’t believe dudes like this existed.

            It took a great deal of self-convincing to realize this guy was doing this *because he actually liked me* and not because he just wanted something physical, or because he was creepy or some other reason.

            Just affection. For *me*.

            And, he’s cute & funny & smart. :)

            They are out there, ladies! But I never would have given him the time of day even a few months before. I rejected guys all the time because I thought they were “too nice” or “not able to handle my history.” My eyes needed to be open in order to let this one in.

            I highly recommend Baggage Reclaim – http://www.baggagereclaim.co.uk. I read that a few months before meeting my husband.

      • Deep End

        I did online dating in NYC about 4 years ago. It is a lot of work but looking back on it I’m really glad I did it. At one point I had gone on something like 17 dates (with different men) in 5 months. I got to meet a lot of people, go to a lot of new places all around the city and have some great stories. Some of the dates were bad, some were even painful, but most were just ok without a great connection. I went on to have 2nd and 3rd dates with a handful of the guys and dated one guy for about a month and a half.

        I then had a hook up with an old friend, which turned ugly and I swore off men and got off of online dating sites. About 2 1/2 months later I went to a wedding, where I ran into my now husband who was a long time family friend that I first met when i was two weeks old and hadn’t seen in 15 years. We started dating long distance, 3 months later he moved to NY, and we just got married last month.

        Even though I didn’t meet my SO through online dating, I am really glad I did it. Give yourself an out to not have to be as diligent about it all the time. I went through phases where I would answer messages really regularly and then would have busy periods at work where I couldn’t log on for a week. For this reason, i would try to plan a first date with the guy within the first 3 or so messages because the prolonged messaging was just too much.

    • Triple step

      I met my new BF like this: Went to a weekend swing dancing workshop. The first event was a Saturday morning audition. There were judges walking around while we danced and rotated, giving out colored bracelets corresponding to a certain level. He was the cute judge who gave me my (very first!!!) “advanced” bracelet. I was over the moon and gave him a huge hug. After that, I began to see him more at local dances. Finally 2 months later he asked me out. We went to dinner…and then to a bar…and then suddenly it was 2AM and we had been talking for 7 hours!

      It has been only one month (!!!), but we were fairly inseparable after date 1 and feels like a while. Our favorite thing to do is take a walk and talk. It is pretty silly…we’ve made plans to do something like see a show, walk 2 miles to the show, and then decide we would rather skip it and continue to conversation. Our to do list of stuff to do together grows.

      We will see:)

    • LH

      I sort of met my husband online but not on a dating side. My best friend was living in his area and had a lot of friends in common with him. They were at the same party and he was in some of the photos she posted on facebook. I thought he was really cute and told her and she decided she had to set us up when I moved to her area for a summer position in a few months (I was pretty recently out of a long-term relationship and at that time was quasi-involved with a guy who was a jerk, so my BFF was looking for any distraction for me). When I moved for my summer internship, she immediately organized a group outing that we were both at. I thought he was cute and nice but we’re both very shy especially around people of the opposite sex we don’t know so we didn’t really talk. However, my BFF was giving us a ride (neither of us had cars) so we ended up at her place awkwardly watching her and her boyfriend makeout on the couch next to us while the 4 of us were “watching a movie.” She was too drunk to drive us home so we both spent the night at her place (100% platonically) and actually talked to each other for the first time in the morning. We hung out in groups a few more times and then he asked me out (over Facebook) on our first “date” to finish the movie we had started at my BFF’s. It was awkward, because we’re both really awkward, but I thought we had both had a really good time until the end of the date when he said “Ok, I’ll see you around” in a tone of voice that sounded like he really didn’t ever want to see me again. I actually called my BFF and yelled at her and told her she was never allowed to set me up with anyone again because it was so awkward and embarassing. But it turns out he did want to see me again (he was just awkward and didn’t realize it sounded like he was blowing me off) and he facebook messaged me and asked me out again. Our second date was amazing and after that he basically moved in for the summer. Less than a year later I moved back to his area (and in with him). People thought I was crazy to move for a guy I had dated in-person for only 2 months, but it obviously worked out. “When you know, you know” is a cliche but definitely has some truth to it.

    • emeralds

      Aw Zora, I’m sorry that you’re having trouble with online dating. I really don’t think it’s for everyone, and hate it personally…so I know lots of people on [this website] plug it, but I think if it’s bringing you more stress and unhappiness than good things, you should quit. Just my two cents.

      Annnnnd with that said, I just went on a really good (first) coffee date this afternoon. We didn’t do anything exciting or special, but I had a really awesome time getting to know him and really hope we hang out again. We met while I was out walking my dog–we walked past each other twice, said hi/smiled awkwardly both times, I thought he was cute and kept walking, then (very uncharacteristically) decided to say “f**k it,” turned around, introduced myself, we talked for a bit, then I asked him out. Terrifying, but resulted in probably the best first date I’ve ever had. So I mean…it is possible to meet guys not online. Just walking around your neighborhood. So please don’t think you HAVE to do online dating just because it’s “the” thing to do or whatever.

    • coolcat

      I met my fiance on MySpace. Yes, MySpace. We’ve been together 7 years and engaged 4. We’re 2 weeks out from buying our first house and we’re planning on getting married next year. He’s moved across the state twice because of school and a job for me. Dude seriously loves me.

      Good luck!

  10. Miz Swizz

    I’m looking for a new wallet, preferably zip around and I’d like it to be long and flat. Does anyone have suggestions? And how do you decide how much to spend on something like a wallet? Target.com had some cute and inexpensive ones but mixed reviews. I balk at spending a lot on a wallet though.

    • anonypotamus

      I think the 18″ is measured from the natural waist, not the top of the dress. It’s still quite short, at least for someone my heigh (5’9″) but I would actually wear something like that to work (not court!) With the jacket over the dress, I think the top would be a lot less distracting or out-there.

  12. sharpest

    Pregnant ladies – anyone interested in the new book Expecting Better? Anyone buy it/read it yet? I’m tempted to buy it because it seems like it’s my speed, but I’m also wary of it being, at bottom, just another useless pregnancy book. What do you guys think of the premise of the book? Any thoughts/opinions?

    • Anon

      I’ve been reading her articles on Slate, and honestly this just seems like a new level of pressure not to be so uptight as a pregnant lady – just another way women are damned if we do damned if we don’t. I’m 9 weeks along, and I’m sticking with the Mayo Clinic book and the advice of my midwife. The rest just seems too crazy-making.

    • Wildkitten

      Have you checked out the Slate series? That might help you decide if you want to buy the book. I’m nowhere near preg and I’ve enjoyed some of the pieces on Slate.

    • TBK

      I bought it but haven’t read much of it yet. I just know I really respond well to knowing WHY something is a rule. Even as a child, I didn’t do well with being told “do this, don’t do this” unless someone explained the reasoning behind it. I felt her explanation for why she had written the book really resonnated with me. The question of whether an economist should be writing a book on a medical topic remains, but I figure it will be interesting information to put into the mix at any rate.

      • TBK

        This quote, from her WSJ article, pretty much sums up my view: “Of course, for the baby, I’d do anything. But I didn’t want to do it for no reason.” I’d also add “or do something because it’s what ‘everyone knows’ is the right thing, but is actually more harmful than beneficial.”

    • Anonymous

      I bought it yesterday and started reading it last night. I find it very interesting and its a good read. In fact, I can’t wait to skip out of work and dive back into it.

      I have already been employing many of her strategies of deciding whether I want to do something based on the risks and the rewards rather than an arbitrary “no.” I’m 14 weeks and I’ve had 2 glasses of wine so far. I’ve also eaten 3 Italian subs and have been running where my heart rate is probably over 140-150. My doctor is pretty easygoing and he has basically said all of this stuff is fine. (I don’t think he said the wine was fine, but I don’t think I actually asked him about the wine).

      I think the book is refreshing and not simply because its reinforcing my own ideas (even though it is). Its just interesting to read something a little different than what is out there. And frankly, there’s a lot of crap out there.

      The thing about her being an economist is that she points out that she is not providing medical advice, but her background allows her to analyze the value and flaws of different studies and weight their outcomes against that background. This gives her the ability to properly decide if the study actually says what it says it says.

  13. Shoes

    Hi gals, I posted this in an earlier thread but re-posting!

    Anyone have suggestions as to how to clean the inside of your pumps/heels? Not to be gross, but you know how, after a while, the insides just get a little grimy and dirty. I use silver linings and foot powder. I think maybe the foot powder has built up a bit on the inside of the shoe and it also looks really dirty in the heel area. Warm wash cloth? Soap? TIA for suggestions!

    • Houda

      I typically spray a little bit of alcohol and rub using a small bristles brush (or old toothbrush)

    • EleanorR

      I use Clorox or any other brand disinfecting wipe at the end of the day and let them air dry overnight

  14. salt

    I’m applying for a job online that doesn’t list any contact people. It’s a job at a company that has a local presence, but is headquartered somewhere else. I would like to follow up (thissite has made me realize that following up is the norm!), but (1) who would I speak with, and (2) what do I say?

    • Mpls

      If it doesn’t list a contact, they don’t want you to contact them. I would only do a follow up contact if you have previously talked to them (phone interview, in person interview, informational interview), but not just on the basis of sending in an application. They have nothing to tell you and you just annoy them.

      If you know someone that works there, then you can ask them to put in a word with the hiring manager (if they are comfortable).

    • Anonymous

      Following up is the norm after an interview, not after sending in an application

  15. smallaw

    Since you ladies are all such shopping pros, can anyone steer me toward their favorite places to buy area rugs? I have been browsing all afternoon and am running out of ideas…

    • mascot

      Since you ladies are all such shopping pros, can anyone steer me toward their favorite places to buy area rugs? I have been browsing all afternoon and am running out of ideas…

    • MaggieLizer

      Have you looked at regular furniture stores? A lot of times their floor models will be deeply discounted. I got one from Thomasville years ago that’s held up really nicely. Not sure if this is your style, but a lot of carpet stores will bind their carpet into a rug for you. I was just looking at carpet a while ago, and some of the patterns were interesting enough that I could imagine them making a cool area rug.

    • S in Chicago

      Do you have a Homegoods near you? It’s hit or miss, but I’ve found some really cute rugs and lamps there through the years.

    • TCFKAG

      We have gotten all our area rugs in the past from Ikea because honestly our priority was cheapness over quality or attractiveness (they weren’t hideous though) – our dog (now dogs) are amazingly destructive to rugs.

      For slightly higher quality or more interesting design – weirdly enough I’ve seen some rugs I really love at both Costco and Home Depot. Like if we had a larger room and less destructive dogs I would have snapped them up in an instance. Alas and alack, I have neither of those things. :-)

      • DowntownBK

        Second West Elm! We have four area rugs of varying sizes and two runners from there… they all look great and we get lots of compliments on them. Great colors and patterns, and pretty reasonably priced.

    • NOLA

      I’ve bought mine from Ballard Designs and Tuesday Morning. I even managed to find two of the same rug in two different sizes for my bedroom at Tuesday Morning.

    • Anon

      West Elm has a rug sale on right now. Ikea just released their 2014 collection and some of the new additions are nice.

  16. European fashion blogs

    Recommendations for any European (preferably French) fashion blogs?

    • TCFKAG

      Um, it doesn’t really count but I love Vogue UK as my favorite “High Fashion” on-line source around.

      Also – Women’s Wear Daily (on tumblr) frequently features pictorials from a lot of the European fashion lines if that’s your thing.

      Sorry – can’t direct you to any French blogs (don’t speak a word).

  17. Meg March

    My boyfriend just got a new job, and will be making significantly more (3x more) than he currently does. This is his first “real” job since we graduated last May (he’s been employed, but as part of a fellowship) and we’d like to consult with a financial advisor. We’re really looking for someone to help us figure out taxes, the best ways to save given this point in our lives, etc. Obviously he’s done his research, but we’d still like to talk to a professional. Does anyone have any good recommendations for someone in NYC who might fit our needs? How much should we expect to pay for a consult like this? How did you go about setting up your financials when you first four started?

    • Hel-lo

      I have always loved my Edward Jones financial advisor. They can help you figure out a budget and how much to save and what you should do with your savings/investments.

      Consults are free.

  18. anone 101

    Hi all, so I wrote the other week asking whether I should call my boss on vacay to give notice, which I did. Well he returned today and clearly hadn’t digested the info, because of course rather than putting on a happy face he was criticizing my decision. Ironically, even though you always fall back on “it’s business, not personal” the decision was partially personal because I don’t feel we meshed well. The fact that I’m the second person to leave his department in a span of 2 months suggests he should reflect on his own faults, but whatever. Even if there’s no overt anymosity, do you think I can still use this person as a reference? I’m also curious – is it part of being professional for your boss to grin + bear it when you give notice, and wish you well? Or is some critique and backlash par for the course? This isn’t one of those horror resignation stories I’ve read here and on Ask a Manager, but I still feel poorly about the whole thing.

    • Hel-lo

      No, this isn’t normal behavior. It is professional to wish you well and say they will miss you.

      You should ask him before you use him as a reference. And then use your own judgment as to whether he’s someone you want to be associated with.

      You also don’t owe him any explanation. Even if he asks for an “exit interview,” you probably shouldn’t be honest. He doesn’t sound like the kind of guy who would take it well.

  19. Anonymous

    Small rant. Just tried to talk someone out of going six figures into debt for a degree at a second-tier law school with abysmal employment stats, and the conversation had zero effect. This person is 100% convinced she is going to find a job sufficient to pay off her debt. None of the statistics I’ve shown her seem to affect her in the slightest. And it doesn’t help when an older lawyer acquaintance of hers apparently told her to go for it because “back in my day we didn’t care about prestige.” Yeah, well back in your day it didn’t cost $150k to go to law school, and more than 50% of law grads actually found legal jobs! Ugh.

    • Silvercurls

      Sometimes you can’t talk people out of making a bad decision. Maybe the law school won’t accept her and that will save her! Or she’ll start and quit, still with debt but hopefully able to find non-law employment. I hope for both your sakes that she’s not someone too tightly woven into your life–so that you don’t have to run into each other frequently while she’s working through the fallout of her choices.

    • Anon

      If her grades are decent, and she isn’t necessarily set on working at a big law firm, she’d be better off applying to lower tier schools and shooting for scholarships. I knew I didn’t want the ‘Big Law’ life of 80 hour work weeks, so the name of my school didn’t matter so much, although my grades and LSAT scores got me accepted into a few. But a 4th tier school offered me a full-tuition scholarship, so my loan burden was just to cover living expenses. And I made the absolute most of being the big fish in the small pond, made law review, did a Judicial Externship, etc. Now I work in a government position in a job I love, making a comfortable salary. Many of my co-workers did go to the big-name schools, and incurred twice the debt. So, I guess the moral to my story is, you don’t have to go a big name school to be successful in your law career, but you do have to have a plan!

    • k-padi

      Been there, done that. I’m sorry.

      In my case it was a paralegal who, on top of everything else, insisted that–even though every lawyer she’d met was miserable–she wouldn’t be miserable or that being miserable wouldn’t be so bad.

      At least, and unlike 75% of her classmates, she has passed the Bar. Two years of unpaid volunteering later, she has a paying job.

    • Wildkitten

      If we could convince the kids of this there would be no more second tier law schools. There are still second tier law schools. We all fail. It’s the starfish story – keep telling the kids because at least you can save the ones who will listen.

      I think it’s kids whose parents are blue collar and who believe that being a doctor/lawyer is the key to success are the ones who get preyed on the most by law schools. So, it’s really important that we keep telling people, especially when the law schools themselves refuse.

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