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Updated: Nov 1, 2018 157 Comments · by

Suit of the Week: Boden

Suit of the Week

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Corporette's Suit of the Week: BodenFor busy working women, the suit is often the easiest outfit to throw on in the morning. In general, this feature is not about interview suits for women, which should be as classic and basic as you get — instead, this feature is about the slightly different suit that is fashionable, yet professional. An orange suit is a bit outside my comfort zone, but a) this does come in a more muted navy/beige palette, and b) I'm kind of loving the orange/pink combo, at least as separates. (I really wish they'd shown the pencil skirt, at least, with the jacket — I think they'd look lovely together. I'd probably stick with a simple white or black top beneath the suit, but that's me…) There are a lot of pieces in this line: the blazer (Chancery Jacket) is $198, the pencil dress (Aldgate Dress) is $228, and the pencil skirt (St. Pauls Pencil Skirt) is $118. Not pictured but also available: a v-neck faux wrap dress (Greenwich Dress) for $218, and an A-line dress (Haymarket Dress) for $228.
Boden Chancery Jacket Boden Aldgate Dress Boden St Pauls Pencil Skirt
(L-all)

Sales of note for 9.30.24

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Comments

  1. Kathryn

    Piggybacking slightly off of Killer Kitten Heels post from this morning…

    I know this is way far in advance, but we are currently planning wedding for October 2015 (the New Orleans post from a few weeks back, thanks for your great suggestions!), during which I’ll be in nursing school. Sadly, as a result we won’t be able to go on a honeymoon immediately, so therefore I’m thinking either the end of December or spring break would work well (so we don’t have to wait all the way until next summer, although I suppose that’s not completely out of the question).

    We really, really want to go to Europe, particularly Greece, maybe southern Italy or Spain (open to other suggestions), but we are worried about the weather. We don’t need to be able to enjoy the beach, but I would obviously like for there to be sunny and warm-ish weather. Am I kidding myself with these two times of year (December or March) anywhere in Europe? Any other suggestions of great little European cities during those months would be great. We want to just immerse ourselves in the culture of one picturesque town/city for a week or two. Should we just wait until summer?

    Alternatively, I am a HUGE fan of Christmas season, so if there’s a cute town that’s even better during that time I would be open to the suggestion! Cold is definitely preferable to rainy. Sorry for the novel!

    • NOLA

      Well it wouldn’t be warm but the Christmas markets in Vienna and Salzburg are beautiful! Austria can be pretty gray in the winter, but I thought it was still lovely. Cold stone streets require boots. When I was a dumb kid 20 year old, I wore sneakers and nearly froze.

    • BB

      I just came back from Rome (left March 12), and it was sunny and 65 degrees all week.

    • LH

      We honeymooned in Greece – its a fantastic honeymoon spot. My impression is that the weather in March should be pretty nice for walking around and sight-seeing (probably much nicer than the oppressively hot summer months). Unless you have your heart set on going swimming, I don’t really see a big downside to going in March as opposed to in the summer.
      I’ve also done spring break (mid-late March) trips to Spain (Barcelona and Madrid), Paris and Italy (Amalfi Coast and Venice). The weather for all of them was pretty good for walking around – as I recall Spain was sunny, in the low 60s and very pleasant with a light jacket, Paris was similar although I hit a couple of gorgeous 70 degree days, and Italy was sunny and in the 60s, except for Venice where it poured rain and was quite a bit colder (probably only in the low 50s but felt a lot colder with the pouring rain). So I’d say the weather in March in Mediterranean Europe is likely to be pretty decent but you may have a few bad days (or maybe Venice is notoriously rainy – I don’t know).
      If you’re going in December I’d probably try to do the Alps (Austrian or Swiss) or some place that’s known for skiing or tourism in the winter months. I don’t think the Mediterranean would be a lot of fun in winter.

      • LH

        Oh and I’m not sure when your spring break is, but if it falls on Greek Orthodox Easter (normally in April I think) I’d avoid Greece – all the Greeks travel then and I’ve heard its really crowded and unpleasant.

        • Sydney Bristow

          My apartment backs up to a Greek Orthodox Church and every year for Easter they have the hugest celebration. Fireworks, food, a midnight parade where everyone is dressed in white and carrying a candle, and lots of chanting throughout the day and night. It’s actually really cool to see, but it makes sense to avoid traveling then because I can only imagine how intense the crowds would be during that time.

    • Anon

      Vienna is magical at Christmas. (Afterwards, dark and depressing.) Having lived there for 2 years, I pine to go back at Christmas every year. The city just lights up. If you go in early December, there is a market in Grafenegg which is just outside of Vienna for a few days. It’s at a castle and was my favorite of all the markets we went to during our time in Austria.

    • CHL

      I went to Greece (Athens and islands) the last week of March a few years ago and it snowed. I think that was unusual, but it was pretty cold. Beautiful views in the islands, but a lot of things were closed because it was the off season and it was chilly.

    • mama of 2

      You might consider Eastern Europe. Budapest, Prague, and Vienna all have gorgeous architecture and charming Christmas markets. You’d also probably be there right in time for opera, music, or other performing arts. (We did the opera in Budapest and it was great.) Budapest also offers the thermal baths or spas, which would make for a nice counterpoint to the gray, cold weather.

      But if your heart is set on a warm, sunny climate, I’d wait and try to go for spring break.

    • LizNYC

      Not the question you asked, but when I got married in October 2010 to DH, who’s a teacher and therefore can’t take off massive amounts of time during the school year, we waited until summer 2011 to take our honeymoon — and I’m SO glad we did. We took a few days in another city immediately after the wedding just to rest and recoup (and not be at home and go right back to the mundane), but I could not imagine how people go right from planning a wedding –> wedding day (a marathon 48 hours, with the rehearsal dinner, really) –> leaving for a travel-intensive honeymoon immediately. Instead, we had something to anticipate 8 months later and it was fabulous!

      • Kathryn

        Thank you for this! I might consider just not making things super hard on myself!

    • AIMS

      I think if you’re set on Europe, I would do Vienna in December. But if you are negotiable on the location, I would go to Hawaii in December. We have friends who just did that (married in September, honeymooned in December) and they LOVED it. In fact, they’re already planning a return trip for their first anniversary. Just another idea…

      • preg anon

        We went to Hawaii last December, and it was magical. We went a little before Christmas, so it wasn’t the boom time, and the weather was perfect. We finished the trip off with some time in Napa and San Francisco, which was also fabulous.

      • LH

        I love Hawaii but December is one of my least favorite times to go. It’s usually pretty crowded, which translates to very expensive flights and hotels, unless you can go in the first half of December and leave before the school Christmas vacation starts, which seems unlikely since you’re on an academic schedule. I’ve gotten phenomenal deals to Hawaii (flights under $400 roundtrip from CA and nice hotels under $150 a night) in March (over a big university’s spring break). I’ve paid three times that for flights & twice that for crappier hotels in December, and there will be more traffic, bigger crowds at the beaches, etc. March is a fantastic time to go to Hawaii though!

    • BBL

      I honeymooned in Munich and Vienna over Christmas, and like the many posters above have said, it is beautiful. It isn’t a warm adventure, but our personal philosophy is to see a city at its best, and that meant scrapping beaches in favor of a really great cultural experience. You can’t beat Vienna at Christmas time.

    • Anon99

      I just got back from Italy a week ago and the weather was great. Not beach weather but comfortable to walk around all day with a light jacket, and plenty of sunshine.

      I’ve done Christmas season in Scandinavia and in London as well, both of which were awesome, but you do have to be okay with cold and snow. (And dark, depending on how far north you go.)

    • SAlit-a-gator

      I know you have your heart set on Europe, but you also want somewhere warm between December – March. How about a compromise. Why not go to Thailand? That’s the most beautiful time of the year over there, it’s warm, you can go to the beach, see all the cultural sights, and eat amazing food. Plus the flight is just as expensive as for Europe. Think about it.

    • Kathryn

      Thanks everyone! I have some really good information to work off of now. So many great options!

  3. Jessica Glitter

    To my paper obsessed friends, Anyone have favorite thank you note brands? I would like a professional option, and not so professional (say for shower thank you’s).

      • preg anon

        Also, for my shower, I bought some personalized ones on eBay. They were really cute but not as nice as the two brands I mentioned above.

      • SW

        +1 for Embossed Graphics. Very nice and very affordable. I order monogrammed note cards from them for personal use. My firm orders foldover cards with our logo on them for professional use.

    • In the Pink

      I really like the quality of all items from American Stationery Co. you can get them all personalized in a variety of colors and fonts. Fairly quick service; excellent customer service (just yesterday they dug up an order I did for a friend 5 years ago … and were able to duplicate it now that the friend’s items have been consumed.

      Used them now for >20 years…

    • Anon

      Rifle Paper Co. for non-profesh. I’m obsessed with basically everything they have.

    • anon

      Minted has a great selection. I used them for stationery and Christmas cards and was very happy with the quality.

    • Carine

      +1 on Crane for professional paper. For non-professional, I have also used Minted and TinyPrints and was happy with both.

    • anon

      professional – Dempsey & Carroll (they have an annual sale in Dec/Jan – worth waiting for); fun – Rifle Paper Co.

  4. BigLaw Q

    I’m in BigLaw but via a series of mergers, so I know that “we’re awesome at everything” but don’t have a lot of first-hand experience with my colleagues. I’m neither senior nor junior, but well-established with clients in a niche. I’m getting pressure to use other colleagues, but keep wanting to meet them and get a feel for their skill sets before giving them any real responsibility on things. People don’t want to discuss things over lunch (or over the phone, if distant). I can’t tell if they are any good at all and don’t want to find out the hard way (particulary from clients that I already know are particular and have fired other firms for either not being responsve or for not being as good as advertised). Can anyone offer any ice-breaking ways to test-drive colleagues? When I need services outside of my primary area, I’ve been very happy with my new friends. But in my primary area I find that we’re not really on the same team (at least in terms of responsiveness and possibly, I fear, on expertise).

    • Anon

      In my big law firm no one is going to agree to meet with you for very long or somehow be tested- we can’t bill for that! You get to know who will do good work for you by finding out who has experience, giving them the work , and reviewing it.

    • Silver

      Biglaw is so hierarchical – can you not work as a team with you reviewing before things get sent out? Also, if it is more junior attorneys that you are expected to recruit, I would think that it would be clear that you would still be primarily responsible for responding to the client and managing the relationship? Another thing to do would be to see who shows enthusiasm and wants to work on those particular matters with you.. the self-selection might help weed out people who should be on other matters?

    • Ellen

      Hug’s b/c this sounds alot like me, as the firm’s designated WC expert, as well as litieagator. I all of a sudden am given MASON, and am told to “get him up to speed”. He is young and dumb, and it took me almost 5 year’s to become what I am now: A competent litieagator who is admitted to the NYS Bar with Second Department Authorization’s. FOOEY! I worked hard to get here!

      But YAY!! Pretty soon, I will be abel to apply to become a MEMBER of the US Supreme Court bar, my con law professor told me. He will sponsor me to be eligibel to be sworn in to the Supreme Court of the USA! They decide all the realy BIG case’s, like International Shoe v. Washington and Brown v Board of Ed, and many more that I have long forgotten about — Basic v. Levinsohn, etc., etc., and me, Ellen Barshevsky will soon be a member of that bar also! YAY!!!!!! The profesor was a bit of a hornbag, stareing (and once grabbeing) at my tush and boobies, but he turned out OK by calling me and telleing me that he will sponsor me. If anyone else in the hive wants to be a Supreme Court lawyer, mabye I can get him tlo sponsor you. I have to make sure he does not grab at your tuchusses. That would NOT be professional, but he is already a profesor ENTEMERIOUS, which mean’s he can NOT be fired at this point, b/c he is over 70 year’s old.

    • Blonde Lawyer

      I’ve never been in big law but I know new associates often get tested w/ non-billable research and writing “article” projects for partners. Maybe ask someone to write an article for you on a topic related to one of your cases? Let them know that there may be work coming down the line on the same subject so it won’t be for naught. While I hate having to do non-billable work I knew as a junior it was the hoop I had to jump through to get the real stuff.

      Before I joined one of my boards, I was asked to research and write a memo on a small legal question they had. Turns out, their attorney already did it and they were “trying me out” before taking me on by comparing my work to theirs.

      • preg anon

        This just makes me feel really bad for the junior associates. I just think you should let them do the work and supervise it. You keep the contact with the client, so you will always be responsive. You look over their work, and if it is bad, you cut their time, redo the work, and don’t give them any other. This is how big law is set up.

    • op

      I should have been more specific — this is for senior associates / counsel / junior partners (who survived the recession, but didn’t gain a lot of skills during it). I think all juniors were let go prior to my arrival.

      I’m senior in terms of experience and actual title. But there are more of them.

      Again, it’s an arranged marriage and I’ve seen worse dysfunction. Adding juniors is easy (agree with JSFAMO). It’s managing the middle and not getting labeled as a silo that’s a problem.

      • MJ

        The way to figure this out is to have one confidant in the office who knows what’s up or a partner you trust. Then, when someone says, “who do you use for soft IP matters?” or whatever, that person will say, “Well, there’s a whole cadre of folks that do it, but our group tends to use Fred, because he’s responsive and doesn’t let his juniors run amok.”

        At some level, you have to delegate, especially if clients are requesting services outside your practice area. If the folks needed are within your practice area, the advice still stands–find out who the best associates are and see if they have availability. If they don’t, find the next best ones and supervise them. Supervising includes making sure that their billing and time descriptions are accurate and on point–that’s the fastest way to get clients mad. Also, it necessarily makes sense that you should be the client-facing point if you have the relationship. Therefore, it’s not weird at all to tell other folks that you would appreciate that client communications go through you for the first week or so (or you should be informed if client contacts them directly) until they have a working rapport. That should mitigate some disasters.

        Last, don’t act as though making sure people you work with are “good” is completely outside your realm of responsibility. I’m sure you’re busy, but if you educate colleagues (to the extent they need it) about your clients’ expectation, such colleagues could quickly become integral teammates, up to your standards. When you work in a large organization, people might not do things just the way that you do (at first), but that doesn’t mean you can’t train them up so that you can leverage them, be a team player and take some stuff off your plate. Good luck!

  5. preg anon

    I want that sheath dress SO BADLY. Sleeves, color, classy, I just could not love it any more. I have a feeling it will be coming my way after Easter (I gave up shopping for Lent).

  6. Research proposal?

    I’m applying for a few fellowships and academic positions (law and policy) and they request a 2500 word research proposal. Do any of you academics know where I could find some samples? I can’t seem to get the right keywords on google to get actual proposals versus more job listings just talking about proposals. I’ve only done this for hard science before and want to make sure I don’t miss any key topics that should go in there. TiA!

    • Coach Laura

      Perhaps try the Chronicle of Higher Ed’s “research questions” forum and ask there.

    • NOLA

      Google sample research proposal. Some of what you get is for students but there are a lo of options.

  7. tesyaa

    The Boden styles highlighted are very cute, but what is it with those model poses?

  8. zora

    hey Killer Kitten Heels,
    I was late to the morning thread, so I’m posting my couple of thoughts here so hopefully you’ll see it.

    1- If this is your first time traveling alone, I would stick with something easy and classic for the first trip to get the basics under your belt. Like London/England/Paris, somewhere where it’s easy to get around with English, etc. The first time I did a long trip by myself there were lots of little things that were a little stressful and it took some getting used to. Then once you’ve done it once,I think you’ll feel more confident about doing something more ambitious like SE Asia, etc.

    2- If you really would like to have travel friends rather than going alone, it is possible! Check out the Lonely Planet travel forums, the TripAdvisor forums, TravBuddy, they all have at least one forum dedicated to finding travel buddies! You post and say where/when you want to go, and people match up to travel together, or meet for part of the trip together. There’s also a site called solotraveller dot com that matches up travel partners. of course you want to have an inperson or video chat meetup first to make sure they are reallywho they say they are, but it has been a popular system for travellers for years.

    3- look around the internet. There are many sites for ‘women traveling alone’ with lots of ideas and tips and recommendations, and even pages dedicated to women traveling in specific places.

    ok those are my thoughts. Have fun! You better report back all about your travels! ;o)

    • Woods-comma-Elle

      I am only just reading it, too, and wanted to say great suggestions – also Stockholm/Copenhagen/Helsinki are great smaller big towns, very safe and practically everyone speaks English.

      Also, you can fly direct from East Coast US to Iceland in like four or five hours, which was talked about on here before, but it is price.

      BUT most importantly, if you come to London, I’d be happy to take you for wine/coffee/soft drink of choice so you won’t be on your own the whole time!

      • Woods-comma-Elle

        When I say ‘I’d be happy to’ I mean ‘I would love to’, since I rarely get a chance to meet people from here in real life and have only ever met one (holler at Senior Attorney)!

        • Killer Kitten Heels

          Elle, you are awesome – if I choose London I will let you know!

        • TO Lawyer

          Speaking of meeting people in real life, am I remembering correctly that you’re coming here? Have time for wine/coffee/beverage of your choice while you’re in town?

          • Woods-comma-Elle

            Yes, I am, – next week! I’ll only be there Friday and Saturday and I’m not sure how much time I will have, but would love to meet up if we can make it work!

        • Senior Attorney

          Holler back!

          You (all!) should definitely meet up with Woods-comma-Elle if you get a chance because she is super fun!!

    • Killer Kitten Heels

      Thanks! I appreciate all of the recommendations. Any particular “women travelling alone” websites you’d recommend? I tried the Google thing, but I get everything from “ohemgee, don’t go anywhere alone ever or you will get mugged and killed” to “try Somalia, it’s totally safe if you just use your common sense” and was having a hard time sorting out the legitimate information from the alarmist/overly optimistic stuff.

      • Anon

        Killer Kitten Heels –

        My aunt gifted me this book when I was in high school, and it has always held a dear place in my heart. It isn’t a travel guide, or a guide to traveling alone as a woman – it’s a collection of stories written by solo female travelers. It is a lovely, lovely read, and I always find it inspirational!

        http://www.amazon.com/Woman-Alone-Travel-Tales-Around/dp/158005059X/ref=sr_1_7?s=books&ie=UTF8&qid=1396468154&sr=1-7&keywords=women+traveling+alone

      • MBAwannabe

        First off – the “You’re posting comments too quickly. Slow down.” message is super obnoxious, considering this is the first thing I’ve posted today.

        Anyway, someone here once suggested the blog YoungAdventuress. She does a lot of solo travel as a young woman. It seems geared towards student types, but she has great suggestions on places to see/things to do.

        Also, I’ve traveled through most of Italy on my own and never had a problem – in contrast with several men I know who have been pickpocketed or something along those lines. I know you said you wanted an English-speaking city, so Rome and Florence would both be good choices.

        • Sadie

          I hate that message too. Someone explained that it pops up if too many people are posting at once, but if that’s the case I wish it said something like “oops! Everyone can’t talk at once! Try again!”” or something that was less like YOU ARE DOING SOMETHING WRONG.

          (also, I got that comment the first time I tried to post this reply. OBNOXIOUS)

        • emeralds

          That was me! I was just getting ready to suggest her. She’s done at least one specific post on being a solo female traveler. I’ll go see if I can find the link.

      • zora

        Hmm, good question. The last time I was reading those blogs was like 2007, so I don’t remember any names. ;o)

        Just looking around a bit here’s what looks good to me:

        Wanderlust and lipstick dot com – This one is still up, yay! i like it because they have lots of different bloggers that all post, so you get a variety of different travel styles. Go under the Tips tab to “Solo” for some good short posts on traveling alone. But also look by the locations and read some blogs.

        Journeywomen dot com has a terrible, outdated layout, but just clicking around a bit I found some things that look really helpful. Safety tips as well as a lot of posts by readers, so could be some great updated info about wherever you choose to go.

        the blog Adventurous Kate gets a lot of recommendations as a travel blog. Check out this post: http://www.adventurouskate.com/travel-safety-always-consider-the-source/

        Also, the Solo Travel and Women’s Travel forums on the Lonely Planet thorn tree forums and the Trip advisor forums. Check those out. There is a lot to wade through but just do some clicking around. It gives me great ideas as well as just giving me confidence hearing other women’s stories.

        If I think of any others I’ll let you know. ;o)

        • Killer Kitten Heels

          Thanks! Thanks everyone in general, today. I was feeling a little bit apprehensive about solo travel (not the solo part, I’m a pretty big fan of my own company, but more of the “alone-in-a-foreign-country-and-I’m-pretty-sure-that’s-the-opening-scene-to-many-many-horror-movies” part), and I’m so reassured by everything posted!

          • zora

            No Problem! I’ve traveled in Europe and in South America by myself. As long as you have the standard street-smarts needed in cities in the US as well, you’ll be all good!

        • zora

          Oh and to follow up on the “finding a travel buddy” idea if anyone is interested, I found this list on TripAdvisor:

          http://www.travbuddy.com

          http://www.travellerspoint.com

          http://www.triptogether.com

          “Companions to Travel” I think they charge about £5.00 a month (which I think is a rip off). I also think they do socials to get to know the person/people you are intending to travel with.

          http://www.thelmaandlouise.com

          vivitrip.com Be sure to get know the persons well by exchanging private messages, reading their trips, etc.

          http://www.wandermates.com

          If you have a particular hobby then a dedicated site to that would be a good place to start

      • cbackson

        Late to this, but I’ve done a lot of solo travel in Europe and elsewhere. I just got back from a solo trip to Lisbon and Porto and LOVED it like a crazy person.

        I probably wouldn’t do Iceland solo – I think that cities are easier for solo trips, and Iceland is mostly a nature-y, outdoors-y trip (Reykjavik wasn’t super interesting to me).

        I’ve also done Madrid and Andalucia solo (as a teenager, or maybe I was 20?) – no problems there at all – and London. Honestly, I loved doing London solo because I have very quirky interests that a traveling companion would have been unlikely to indulge :-)

        If you want to stray from Europe, I’ve done Colombia, Chile, Costa Rica, and Panama solo (but I’m fluent in Spanish, which changes the experience, I think) and could share thoughts on those.

        I love traveling alone – I’m thinking about a repeat solo UK trip (I’ve never been to Scotland, and I want to do some pilgrimage-site touring as well- as I mentioned, quirky interests) or venturing to Japan for hiking/ryokan visiting.

        • Anon

          Pet peeve – when people say “I’ve done/I did [country/city]”. Makes it sounds like the speaker/writer is assuming that they have seen and experienced everything that the country/city had to offer, and that it is now complete for them.

          (also it makes me think of a certain late 70s “film”)

          Rant over.

          • AIMS

            Eh – I’ve done X solo is not the same as I’ve done X, period. But as cbackson says, whatever floats your boat.

      • Firstgirl

        I did my first big solo trip last year (Paris, Amsterdam, London, Rome & Barcelona) and had a blast. This is the best article I read before I went – looking back, the advice was really spot on.
        http://www.transitionsabroad.com/publications/solowomantraveler/thewomantravelingalone.shtml

        There’s a lot of alarmist stuff on the internet about traveling as a solo female, but I found it really helpful to remember that there are advantages too – not only are you more approachable and will have an easier time meeting interesting people, but lots of people will look out for you too – like the older, more experienced female traveler who walked me back to the neighborhood I was staying in after a late night walking tour in Paris (and had wonderful travel stories and tips to share) or the locals who gave me directions when I got lost in Rome.

        And if you’re lonely or looking to meet people, I found that walking tours were the best way to make friends – the guides generally won’t talk while people are walking, so people naturally fall into conversations. I did the free (with tips) New Europe tours in every city they were offered and other paid tours where they weren’t.

        Have fun – I’m sure it will be a wonderful adventure!

  9. LH

    Anyone up for vicarious shopping? I’m looking for a cobalt blazer (I know some people are sick of the color but I’m still completely obsessed). I like slim-fitting blazers – I have one from TheLimited that I don’t wear much even though its nice because I feel like its too wide in the shoulders and looks boxy. It’s ok if it doesn’t button, I plan to only wear it over dresses. Preferably under $75 but more expensive ones are fine if the store regularly has sales.

    • E

      J’s every day fashion did a post on cobalt blazers. I can’t get the direct link right now but it was pretty recent. You can probably check her facebook page because she posts pictures which might link to the original post

        • E

          She’s one of my favorites. Lately her styling has been more professional, and regardless she gives me ideas for color and pattern combinations that can be applied in a work setting and she really is a good bargain hunter.

        • ST

          Whaaaaaat? Oh man, sorry to disagree, but I can’t stand her style. It’s like she looks at the inspiration photos and does everything she can to make it look bad. I don’t believe she goes out in public in those outfits. I’m convinced she only wears half the stuff because it was given to her c/o. Her tips on bargain hunting are good though.

          • zora

            way harsh, Tai.

            Besides, I don’t think her pics look ‘bad’ at all, she looks like a normal person going to a normal job version of the inspiration photos, as opposed to a fashion model doing a photo spread.

  10. Sigh

    I’m a lawyer at a small firm with a busy niche litigation practice. I find that in weeks and months where things are slower and I have no pressing deadlines, it takes me forever to do anything. But now all of a sudden I have something like 8 major deadlines in the next month and I clearly have to get my butt into gear.

    Advice on how to stay productive during the slow times? And commiseration about the fact that my April will suck?

  11. Anonymous

    Relationship Threadjack, Anonymous for this, for obvious reasons.

    I am the luckiest woman in the world as far as relationships go. I have been in a very happy relationship for about a year and a half. My significant other is, in a word, wonderful. He makes me laugh on a daily if not hourly basis. He’s definitely a looker. He is an equal partner with me, willing to resolve conflict via discussion rather than fighting. He’s a great cook, a great family, the type of guy who has gone to visit my sick father on his own without my prodding or even me there. He cooks, cleans, we deal with finances and prioritize the same way, and we share common interests. We have been in a distance relationship, but he’s the regional vice president of a financial consulting company, and is often in my city during the week and weekends, and he alters his schedule to be here as often as possible. He lives in a nearby city where the rest of my family lives. He certainly makes me a priority in his life, and has made me extremely happy since even before we started dating. I met him through my family, actually. I can picture him in my life until forever and I can picture him as the father of my children. We’ve discussed marriage, rings, and children.

    Insert recent complicating factor here. For the past three years, I have worked for a man over 20 years my senior. This man is astoundingly accomplished in our field, and one of the best I have ever encountered. Also, he is one of the best people I have ever met — he does significant charity work, mentors young people at the drop of a hat, and will drop anything for anyone. He shares some of the qualities I love about my significant other, and some he does not — but he has this added intellectual connection with me. He also knows me better than I know myself at times. He is the ultimate gentleman, and never did anything other than be that even now that he has left the company.

    He has somewhat recently left my company. We have kept in touch by having drinks/lunch etc. My significant other knows all about this. However, strangely and without noticing, I have developed feelings for this man. I have never gone for older men, I really can’t identify any needs that aren’t met by my current relationship, nor do I have any “Daddy issues” or anything of the sort. I’m also not very young and naive — I am in my mid-thirties. I come out of these meetings just with that “in love” stomach flip and excitement. As it turns out, the feelings are mutual (he brought it up, not me). He, true to form, has been a total gentleman about it.

    I have no idea what to do, and I feel wracked with guilt. Should I cut off contact with this man who has been a friend/mentor in my career for so long? I don’t want to leave my significant other and still see the future with him that I want — I see no practical future with this older man. Does anyone have any advice? Should I see a therapist? These are such irrational feelings for me that I’m not sure what to do or where they are coming from. I just have this magnetic connection with this older man, but still a very solid very loving connection with my significant other. I have identified all of the problems and feelings involved, and I just don’t know what to do.

    Sorry for the long post, but I’m hoping the anonymity of the internet will come up with suggestions on how to reconcile this or the next steps to take/who to talk to.

    • LeChouette

      Others may disagree…but I think if this is causing you so much anxiety you really should just cut it off entirely, at least for some period, then maybe you can ease back in to a distant professional relationship. If he has, as you say, been a total gentleman about it he’ll understand – depending on the conversation you had where he admitted his feelings you may even be able to just tell him straight up that you are focusing on your relationship and career and think its best if the two of you don’t have contact for some time.

      • Anonymous

        OP here. The thing of it is, I think about him all the time and miss seeing him every day. I tried for a few weeks to let it be cut off but ultimately couldn’t help myself. Also, he works in a building a block away and I ran into him getting lunch, unplanned, which sparked this new wave of anxiety.

        He has expressed that he knows this is complicated, and he has offered to back away. When I think about losing him in my life though I want to cry.

        • January

          It sounds to me like you have a strong crush, and I’m wondering if the excitement of new love is partly what you’re missing from your primary relationship.

        • TaleAsOldAsTime

          A guy 20 years older than you, in a position of authority over you (even though he’s no longer your boss , the residual feelings are there) who knows you are in a relationship is not being a nice guy when he “offers to back off.” He shouldn’t be pursing you to begin with. He’s manipulating you. 100% guarantee he will f*ck you a few times, ruin your life, and be no sort of partner to you whatsoever. If he actually cared about you he wouldn’t be putting you in this position. If you want to save your relationship stop seeing this guy and wait for your crush to pass.

          • BeenThereTappedThat

            This.

            I have also been in your shoes. Although I wasn’t dating anyone at the time, I became captivated by a charming, sweet, brilliant, mentor ten years my senior. I used to work for this man and we reconnected after I had moved onto a different job. He too is astoundingly accomplished and a leader in our field. We had a very powerful connection, and for a number of reasons (including wanting to eventually work for his firm again, down the line), I tried to keep our relationship in the friend category rather than anything more. Obviously that didn’t work, and we began an intense emotional, intellectual, and physical dalliance that ended with both of us devastated.

            Frankly, I tried to set boundaries over and over and he kept pushing them, justifying to himself that he couldn’t resist me and our connection was “too strong.” Not a mark of a person who respected me and absolutely the actions of someone who was manipulating me. Now we’ve ruined our friendship. Part of me thinks that he never cared about my friendship or my professional worth to begin with, and only wanted to f*ck me. That wreaks havoc on one’s self-esteem.

            Practically, you have no idea what it would be like to be in a relationship with this person, and you know you love being in a relationship with your current boyfriend. Don’t throw that away. Back off from him, refocus on you and your life. Your gut knows this is bad for you.

          • also anon for this

            This, exactly. When I was very young and had just started working after college, I was in this position as well (except I had just broken up with an ex so I was single) and my former (also single) boss had just left the company. He wanted to get drinks to catch up, and then dinner, and then told me he had never felt like this about anyone else. etc. but really pushed the boundaries until it was a physical relationship. Of course I know my part in this but I do think his former position of authority over me for 3 years and my trust in him as a boss/mentor really factored into this. I was so awed by how intelligent and fantastic and charming he was that… eventually came to my senses and realized he treated me poorly but just wanted a physical relationship with me, and it was not totally my fault that I ‘let’ myself be involved with this.

            OP, just keep in mind that if he is a mentor/former boss then it’s NOT even grounds and part of you may be letting his former position of authority influence you as well and contribute to the butterly-like feelings

        • Further

          Sounds like manipulation to me. Does this guy have a history of this type of behavior?

        • Moonstone

          You’ve gotten a lot of good advice here. My 2 cents is there is no need to demonize the guy; let’s say he’s sincere and trying to take a chance with you. But even assuming everyone has good intentions, choosing him might lead to — what? — a two-year relationship that leaves you starting all over again after it ends? As opposed to the great guy you want to marry and have kids with. I know how intense this kind of crush can be, but it’s like any other kind of breakup. You have to minimize contact to give yourself the space to regain your equilibrium.

    • tesyaa

      I don’t think it’s abnormal, even in a totally monogamous relationship, to have feelings of attraction for another person. If the feelings are very strong, are starting to take over your life, or if you consider cheating/leaving your SO over them, that would be a problem. If it’s just butterflies, it’s not a big deal. The problem in your case is that the other guy has the same feelings, and you’ve discussed them, and you’re still seeing each other on a regular basis. That’s a real red flag.

    • anon for this

      As someone who was in nearly this exact situation about five years ago, I’m pretty sure you won’t listen to any of the advice on here, but I think you must cut this relationship off as soon as possible. It has already become an emotional affair and, trust me, it will slip so easily into more than that.

      I too, had a wonderful, amazing significant other. I, too, had an older mentor who confessed feelings to me. I, too, felt that “magnetism” you describe. What did I do? I let the emotional affair become a physical one, broke up my fiancé with little explanation a few days later, and thought I could run into the sunset with this man. Instead, it was all illusion. We were caught up in butterflies and on the thrill of it. The imagination is so powerful! Within a few months, we realized what a horrible mistake we had made and stopped seeing each other.

      This event is the Biggest Regret of My Life. Not only do I continue to be wrecked with guilt, I also live every day with the knowledge that I will never marry my original fiancé – he has since moved on, could never forgive what I did, etc. He was the true love, the one who had sustained through the grittiness of daily life, and he was magnificent.

      Please cut it off with the mentor. Get a therapist. Or break up with your SO before things go further. I know this from experience: you will never trust yourself again if you pursue things further with the mentor. You will hate yourself. These are choice you must live with for the rest of your life.

      • Anon for this

        This. I’ve been in a similar position, except smaller age difference, and it is the biggest regret of my life. We started off in such a charged but rocky place. It’s so hard to build a relationship from such foundations. We never did normal couple things like go to the grocery store together before uprooting our entire lives on the basis of this attraction. If we had both been single and just started dating we would have seen the incompatibility in six months or so. I ended up losing my dream job due to poor performance at work. My family and friends didn’t support me or my decision. It was a nightmare.

        The only small glint of a silver lining is that now I know how “innocently” these things begin and I know where to draw the line, and draw it firmly. We, too tried to cut it off like you did. We couldn’t “live” with out seeing/communicating with out each other and broke our promises again and again.

        I thought he was the great love of my life. A couple months ago we were trapped at the same restaurant but different tables and he sat there giving me death stares, the person I thought I couldn’t live with out.

    • Killer Kitten Heels

      I’m leaning towards therapy, if only because you seem so, so distressed over what is basically a crush. Crushes happen – as long as you don’t act on them,* and don’t let them turn you into a less-present partner in your existing relationship, they’re no big deal.

      If the guilt thing is coming from a strong temptation to act on the crush, then you need to take steps to prevent yourself from doing that – maybe that means seeing your mentor in person less, or not at all, or only in groups rather than one-on-one. If you’re just feeling intense guilt over having found another human being attractive, cue therapist.

    • Anon

      You only used the phrase “in love” with the older gentleman, not your boyfriend. Maybe that tells you all you need to know. Your boyfriend sounds wonderful, though, and I kind of feel sad for him reading your predicament. You have to do whatever is right for you, though.

    • Godzilla

      Well, what do you want?

      Your SO sounds awesome but it doesn’t sound like you want him. If you want your mentor more than your SO, you should let him go. It’s not fair.

      You don’t really mention anything about yourself and your career. If you the thought of losing your SO is also OMGTHEWORSTTHINGEVER, then are you looking for business/professional opportunities to live near him?

      If a poly/multi relationship is out, then pick. Or dump both. Get therapy, figure yourself out.

    • roses

      In the same vein as the posters above, I don’t think this is weird or wrong at all. I don’t think there’s “the one” for everybody – there are multiple people you could be compatible with. But you have to decide how you want to deal with that fact: either you can decide to move through life dating whoever feels best for you at the time, or you can choose to commit to one person. I present both options with no judgment at all, but it’s easier to do the marriage + kids thing if you choose option #2. If you go that route, you need to develop coping mechanisms for when you inevitably find yourself attracted to another person – because that will happen whether you stay with your current boyfriend or start something with this other man – whether it’s having a firm “friend zone” where you continue to socialize but do nothing to feed the attraction, or cut off contact, or relegating him to your fantasy life only.

    • LH

      I agree that you need to cut off contact with him if you decide you want to stay in your current relationship. I’m also not sure this guy is the gentleman you say he is – I don’t think its very gentlemanly to tell a woman in a happy long-term relationship that you have feelings for her. It would be one thing if your BF were treating you badly and he could see that, but that’s not the case here. By telling you about his feeling, he’s putting his own happiness above yours. Thinking about him this way might help you to see this guy in a more realistic light and not as this perfect ideal man.

      • tesyaa

        Agree! I’m also bothered when the OP says she can see no future with the older man. He’s only in his fifties; there’s no reason she couldn’t have a happy marriage & kids with him. I’m wondering if he’s married or otherwise off-limits – in which case the problems are multiplied.

        • Anonymous

          OP here — see below. Confirmed bachelor due to a bad marriage which resulted in bankrupty, no ability to have kids nor any desire. So what I really meant was the future that I want (which definitely involves kids — people have split up for less), rather than no future for other reasons.

          • January

            In a way, I think you’ve answered your own question – people have split up over the kids/no kids question. You say you want children, which are not a possibility with this man. I think you’re allowing yourself to be drawn into a situation that has the potential to be self-defeating, if marriage and children are what you really want. I think a good therapist could help you a lot.

      • Killer Kitten Heels

        Agreed with this entirely – there’s nothing gentlemanly about “hey committed-and-definitely-unavailable-lady-over-whom-I-have-enormous-influence-and-power, what would you think if I said I’d like to date you.”

        • BeenThereTappedThat

          “over-whom-I-have-enormous-influence-and-power”

          This part, especially. He is automatically putting you in an awkward position by telling you about his feelings because you risk losing the benefits of the relationship for your professional development if either a) you accept his advances and things go badly or b) if he decides to withdraw after you reject him. He has put you in a very difficult position and it was very unfair of him to do so.

          This is the reason I maintained a friendship with my “mentor” when my gut was telling me to back off, that he wanted too much beyond friendship- because I knew he was a person who had power over my future and so I didn’t want to alienate him. He knew that, too.

          I know you’ll make your own choice but I wish I’d backed off earlier, and I beg you to be kind to yourself and don’t put your long-term sanity on the line.

      • Monday

        I’ll be one more joining in the opinion that it wasn’t at all respectful, kind, or “gentlemanly” for him to disclose his interest in you. Doing that with someone who isn’t available is always self-serving, but it looks especially bad when the that person is much younger and more professionally vulnerable.

        If you don’t ultimately want to be with your current SO, fine, but hopefully you can come to see that (if it is true) without maintaining this overly rosy view of the older guy. I say yes to cutting off contact with him, and also yes to therapy. Let your decisions from now on be made consciously and with the minimum necessary damage.

        • Killer Kitten Heels

          “Let your decisions from now on be made consciously and with the minimum necessary damage” is really an amazing sentiment/phrasing of that sentiment. This is one that’s going to stick with me.

      • roses

        Eh, I think you all are being too harsh on Older Gentleman. I agree it probably wasn’t a “gentlemanly” thing to disclose his feelings, but I am trying to think of the advice I’d give a guy who told me 1) he had strong feelings for a lady, 2) she was no longer his subordinate, and 3) she’s in a relationship but it’s long distance and he’s been meeting her for drinks and dinner and feels a spark. I’m certainly not on Team Break Up With SO, per my post below, but if Older Gentleman were a friend I think I’d probably tell him to say something to her lest he regret it.

        • Anonymous

          OP here. I had no hint of his feelings whatsoever (but rather only had my own feelings, which I all but wrote off as a crush) while he worked for the same company. he did not even mention feelings until after a few weekly lunches or happy hours, and long after he left the company. While he could potentially be a reference in the future if I decide to switch jobs (or mention things about my work to people I currently work with, potentially, I guess), he has zero direct influence on me in my career right now.

          • TaleAsOldAsTime

            You can’t keep seeing him for weekly lunches. That’s ridiculous. You’re cheating now. Break up with your boyfriend if you want to continue this, but it’s a stupid crush on a man old enough to be your father. All you will have with him is an affair/fling and a heartbreak. Treat yourself better than that.

          • Silvercurls

            + a million. Yes, indeed, treat yourself better. You sound like someone who has piloted her life by careful decisions. Don’t throw yourself into a whirlpool now! Life will probably do that to you sooner or later because bad stuff happens to everybody. That’s no reason to set the table and invite Trouble to dinner.

            P.S. Don’t blame yourself for having feelings. You’re human, thus not the first person in a committed relationship who suddenly turns a corner and Encounters! Temptation. You also won’t be the first person to tell those feelings to go to h*ll while you either sort out what you really want, or go back to the good solid BF that you described.

            Gah–all over this topic. Already posted below also. Sorry to write a novel.

    • Anon

      I once had two strong crushes when I studied abroad in Spain. One was on a Spanish guy I lived with for six months and one was on an American in my program. Both made me question my long-term relationship back home, both gave me stomach flutters and found me making excuses to bump into them, and both really caused me guilty feelings. I never acted on either crush other than flirting and ended up coming home to my boyfriend, the nicest guy in the world. There was an adjustment period, but five years later, we’re still going strong and I can’t imagine how awful it would’ve been to dump him for a crush. Sure, there’s a chance that if my crush feelings had been reciprocated, I could’ve been happy with either of the men abroad – I think we can all be happy with many people out there. I’m really happy with my boyfriend, though, and I don’t feel like I’ve “settled” or neglected to follow my passion. You just need to find out whether your crush is just that and whether or not you love your boyfriend – easier said than done.

    • anon

      I disagree with the naysayers. You’re not married to your BF, the relationship is only 1.5 years old, you haven’t promised him anything at this point. It sounds like you met someone you’re potentially more compatible with. I also don’t think 20 years is really that big a deal when you’re talking 30s and 50s. Sure there are pro’s/con’s depending on what you want out of life (mostly I’m thinking kids and the possibility of caring for someone when he’s older and you are younger as being possible negatives with the older guy. I think you should listen to your gut and pick the person you really click with and not the person you think you should be with on paper.

      • tesyaa

        We don’t know that the older guy is interested in marriage and children. In fact, the OP says she can’t see a future with him (which bothers me because like you say, he is only in his 50s and the age difference is not a big deal). What commitment is he even offering?

        • AIMS

          This is what I want to know: why no future with older guy?
          If he is as great as all that, what’s the problem? Is he married? A confirmed lifelong bachelor a la Professor Higgins? Turns into a warewolf once a month? What?

          I’m also of the mind that sometimes you just have crushes when you’re in a committed relationship. Sometimes those crushes even feel like “love.” Especially so if your SO is away regularly and you’re missing that thrill of being able to see them all the time. It doesn’t have to mean the end of a r/ship. Go on a romantic weekend with SO and see if you reconnect. In the meantime, don’t have drinks with Older Guy. Alcohol and temptation is a bad combo.

          An aside: Of course, also, not all people are meant to be monogamous (I think), so that’s a separate thing there, but OP doesn’t bring it up and I doubt this will end up a happy open arrangement so I’m not going there.

          • Anonymous

            OP Here, sorry late in the game catching up on all of this wonderful perspective. I actually know (oddly, from a conversation he had with someone else) that Older Gentleman has had a vascectomy after his daughter was born, who is 2 years younger than myself. He was in a very unhappy marriage at the time, which resulted in his own personal and business bankruptcy, and has since divorced. So it is a combination of confirmed lifelong bachelor, not wanting more kids, not able to have more kids, and kids are something that I absolutely see in my future.

        • anon

          She might not be either – it’s unknown from her post. My point is just that she’s not married & it doesn’t sound like her relationship is all that serious (long-distance, not that long, not engaged) and she’s really into older gentleman. I don’t think he’s done anything wrong by telling her how he feels (a boyfriend is not a spouse) and I’m just pointing out there are some things to think about with someone older, but they may not matter to OP.

        • AnonLawMom

          OP, I think the other responses really give you some great advice. My only added thought is this: when I was reading the description of your SO, I thought, “is she just posting on here to brag about how amazing her life is?” He sounds great. You are incredibly lucky. Unless you aren’t in love anymore, don’t throw someone like that away for a fling (which, let’s be honest, is all you will ever have with this older guy). And his daughter is 2 years younger than you?!! Yikes, just yikes.

          • Silvercurls

            + a gazillion to AnonLawMom: “And his daughter is 2 years younger than you?!! Yikes, just yikes.”

            Barging back in to say very bluntly Don’t let things escalate with this guy. You want children. He’s voted with his feet (or, um, other parts) to prevent that from happening. This is the same as religious person #1 encountering a cute compelling but differently religious (meaning different religion) person #2: a deal-breaker. A stop sign. A signal: NO WAY. The majority of the hive is practically spelling this out in neon.

            Yes, there are some voices on the other side, but you sound like a person drawn strongly to family meaning marriage, children, and strong bonds between generations. This guy may be nice, kind, brilliant, handsome, and/or dazzling but he doesn’t sound at all like a solid family guy.

            Double gah only in the sense that I sure sound like somebody’s mother, if not mother-in-law…(which I am, although not quite old enough to be either for someone in mid-30s) but this guy sounds like Trouble. Over the long haul you can have more durable happiness with a solid good guy than a glittering guy.

            Don’t worry about Older Guy! Just be professional. He’ll survive NOT going to bed with you better than you might survive falling into bed with him. Okay, enough! Good luck. Be good to yourself and your awesome-sounding BF.

          • As Long As It's Not *My* Dad

            I have a stepmother who is my age (and the two half-siblings she created with my father). I also have an ex-stepmother who is 11 years older than I. And I have a third ex-stepmother who is 24 years older than I.

            My current stepmother met, courted and married my dad without making any effort to get to know me. We live in the same county and she had met me. I reached out a couple times to invite her to stuff, and she never accepted or reciprocated. Had she done so, she might have learned a lot about my father that she might now wish she had known before marrying him and bearing his kids. Or not.

            If (and it’s a big if, on which I am not opining) you want to consider Older Gentleman, you might consider his daughter, and consider getting to know her and consider what you might learn from her. It might be enough to kill your crush. Or not.

    • Silvercurls

      Your BF went to visit your sick dad totally on his own initiative? Treats you as an equal in the relationship? Is someone with whom you can both laugh and talk about finances and long-term plans? He sounds like a real mensch, a solidly good person, unpretentious, with good values. In other words, a keeper.

      Older Guy is harder to picture. You describe him as “one of the best people I have ever met — he does significant charity work, mentors young people at the drop of a hat, and will drop anything for anyone.” This is nice but it all sounds like workplace-based behavior. Do you have any idea how he reacts to people elsewhere, not where everyone is well-dressed and accomplished but in ordinary, everyday, unglamorous life settings such as sickrooms?

      You said “He also knows me better than I know myself at times.” When I reread this after reading all of the other comments warning you to run away from this guy, this sounds not romantic, not exceptionally perceptive, but borderline manipulative. I’m not saying he sounds like a classic Bad Guy a la The Gift of Fear but it definitely triggered my “warning” alarm. A person can drag you into a really unhappy situation without being a psychopath or sociopath. Sometimes all it takes is changing the math so that only one person, instead of two people, is resisting the obvious temptation.

      Your time with your BF sounds like mutual happiness on a solid foundation. Your long distance and times apart don’t make you fantasize about other guys. In contrast, your current interactions with Older Guy sound intense but unstable. Maybe in the past he was a nurturing mentor, but right now he’s a source of intrusive thoughts and emotional disruption.

      I would completely avoid this guy until you’ve calmed down enough to think clearly. If you are corralled by circumstances into being with him, keep it totally public, free of alcohol, and look for ways to Leave. Early. He should not walk you to your car, public transportation, the taxi stand, or anything else.

      To repeat: Resisting temptation is easier when both people do it. It’s harder when the temptation is acknowledged and then one of the people isn’t trying so hard to resist it.

    • Anon this time

      For what it’s worth, I had similar feelings for an older mentor. He left my company about a year ago. We’re not in the same city, so we wouldn’t run into each other or meet for coffee/drinks. We keep in touch sporadically via email and phone, and it’s developed into a lovely mentor relationship with none of the feelings that I had a year ago. I was amazed by how quickly the feelings evaporated once he stopped being a part of my every day life. Try backing off if you can and see what happens.

    • DontBlameTheKids

      If you love the person you’re with, and you say you do, cut off contact. It is absolutely ridiculous to think that you can’t love two people, or to think that if the person you are with is “the one” (side note: GAG) then you will not want anyone else. Even if you move on with this new man, there will be other temptations later. Learn how to deal with that now.

      Protect your relationship.

    • Anon--hope you see this

      I wrote something longer earlier but I got the “too many posts” warning. So long story short: you should talk to your boyfriend when you’re afraid you have a crush on someone, it demystifies it and helps you confront the issue as a team. You should cut off contact because that’s what you should do when you want to stay in your relationship. (No reason to put that pressure on yourself to keep “platonically” seeing someone and trusting yourself not to cheat.) And you should see a therapist, just so you have someone to talk to about this without them thinking your current relationship is doomed. Plus therapy is a general good. It might take a while to find a therapist, but it’s so worth it.

    • Another Anon

      Thank you so much for posting this and for all the thoughtful replies. I have had these feelings toward an Older Gentleman, despite my wonderful husband and our great relationship (only difference is that OG hasn’t professed feelings for me). This discussion gave me a lot to help put it all in perspective. Especially people who have been through it whose feelings have subsided over time.

  12. E

    Has anyone ordered from Boden? I think I might give in and order a suit and see if it fits my long arms/broad shoulders since I’ve tried everywhere else. The free returns is appealing.

    • Bonnie

      I have returned everything I’ve ordered from Boden except shoes and a few shirts. Their dresses are all too high waisted for me.

      • Parfait

        Whereas those high-waisted dresses look great on me. If you’ve got free returns, give it a shot!

      • Anonattorney

        Agree with Bonnie. Also, everything I’ve ordered from them have been about 2 sizes larger than anything I ordered from anywhere else.

    • BankrAtty

      I find Boden runs narrow in the shoulders and hips, boxy and high in the waist, and long. But I keep trying because their designs are just so wonderful.

      • Olivia Pope

        Honestly, this description makes it sound like Boden is perfect for me…

    • S in Chicago

      I’m hourglass and have returned every dress and long coat I’ve bought and should have returned the sweaters I kept, too. The cut on all seems to give no waist definition. The dresses and coat were very straight in the hips and long in the arms. If you are long and lean or perhaps apple shaped, perhaps it would work better? I’ve finally given up, although I always lust after the pretty prints and colors.

    • MJ

      I have long arms and broad shoulders. Their sleeves are rarely long enough for me. That said, the Boston Boden warehouse sale…MONEY. Stuff was so cheap that I bought a few blazers and will get them tailored to be 3/4 sleeve jackets because…I can. I am also an ex-swimmer type and find their shoulders fit me great. I have a high waist to hip ratio and sometimes get their dresses tailored to be less sack-like. And I nearly always get stuff taken in bc I am not well endowed in the chestal region :) But, with minor alterations, I LOVE their stuff. The happy colors are totally my style and their workwear is just gorgeous! With free returns, you win some, lose some.

      Takeaway->Warehouse sale = awesomesauce. Apparently there’s another one coming in July.

    • Lily-Student

      I’m very long in the waist and their cuts work on me. I order a UK 14L and it’s perfect – I wear a US 10 Banana Republic suit jacket.

  13. Ondrayah

    Love the suit! But, I’m changing jobs and going to start working at a tech firm in Austin as a director. My team is small, and the office is extremely (EXTREMELY) casual. Casual to the point of wearing 30 year old tee-shirts (not retro cool, no not cool), flip flops and zipoff shorts. I, on the other hand, am coming from a large corporate firm with lots of nice business casual/suits and need to get a new wardrobe pronto. Do I just hit the Rack and get what feels comfy or do I try to be more strategic about it? I’ve also lost about 25 lbs in the past 18 months and don’t many casual clothes to build off of. HELP! (and thanks!!!)

    • Killer Kitten Heels

      Since you’re entering at the director level, I think it’s okay to be a touch more dressed up than the folks you manage. For me, that’d mean trouser jeans and fun blazers (think interesting/trendy cuts, colors, and/or patterns), probably paired with casual-ish t-shirts and casual shoes.

    • E

      Here’s what I don’t get about “casual” environments: just because you’re casual, doesnt mean you should show up in tshirts or sweatpants. You should still look presentable. Like I would wear nice jeans and a blouse/cardigan/sweater. I might opt for more casual tops but never tshirt level.

      My dad’s company changed to casual and people are showing up in leggings/yoga pants/sweatshirts. Never. I would choose to look more presentable.

      • Pip

        +1

        The things people wore to my old job! I would not be seen taking out the trash in some of the outfits people regularly wore to work. Have some dignity please!

      • Lily-Student

        I agree with this – the most casual I ever go even if I’m not leaving the house is a pair of ‘Slim Boyfit’ jeans, t-shirt, and hoodie. To leave the house I would usually go for dark wash skinny jeans (although with the rest still there – I am a student after all!)

    • Aggie

      I am in Austin and while tech firms are casual, they are very welcoming to anyone who is a little more polished. You would fit right in with a nice selection of slacks, jeans, casual skirts and knit blouses. Ballet flats and loafers are just as acceptable as flip flops.

      I would stock up on sundresses, featherweight cardigans and ponte knit sheath dresses – you will be able to wear warm weather clothes for almost 9 months a year.

  14. oil in houston

    just thought I’d share this with you ladies, you might appreciate it:
    I entered our corporate elevator, and in front of me is a lady: party strappy sandals, baby blue toe nails, baby blue cropped pants (at least it’s matching her nails…), and sheer top (to be fair, the front was fine, but still)…
    seriously? in a corporate environment? My office is business casual, but this was pushing it a bit …
    anyhow ….

    • Olivia Pope

      Maybe she doesn’t work there? I would never wear a sheet top to work, but I wear not-work-appropriate clothing to DH’s company when I stop by. (Note: he owns the company so I don’t have to work about harming his reputation or anything).

      Or maybe she’s just wearing an inappropriate outfit. We all know that certainly happens…

    • Jordan

      Ugh this just makes me want it to be warm and nice outside so I can wear cropped things.

  15. Sorta biglaw first year

    Closely related to this morning’s comments re: steep learning curve as a new attorney: please tell me that I will get used to being mentally exhausted by 6 or 7 pm (at which point I take more breaks and make myself keep going). I get that I will become more efficient, faster, better at knowing where to look/ managing /writing/ researching (assuming I’m working hard at getting better), but the main thing that terrifies me is: I’m operating at 100% brainpower (yeah that’s not scientifically accurate, bear with me) all day. I get so freaking tired from thinking so hard. Especially when I have to keep going because I just have to get stuff done. I’ll build mental endurance, right?
    Btw the morning comments were v helpful. I know it’s common to feel paranoid, insecure, and dumb in these early years, but it is always nice to hear encouraging words.

    • mama of 2

      In some ways, it gets easier. When you get more senior (even a little more senior), you have more diversity in your task list – there’s some managing, some committee work, some research and writing, some document review, some supervision, etc. As a junior I felt like all I ever did was legal research or careful proofreading and it was hard. It’s still hard, but it’s a smaller chunk of my day now.

      But yes. Being a lawyer is still hard. If someone figures out a way to make it easy, please call me.

      • Anonymous

        I guess I’m not wanting, asking, or expecting it to get easier, because in many ways, that seems naive. It is more that I’m hoping it’s like training for a marathon or something. I don’t think anyone would say a marathon is easy, but you get used to it and get to like the difficulty and growth through it.

        • mascot

          Yes, you do build some endurance for long hours. And mama of 2 is right in that it gets easier in that you get diversity in projects so you aren’t just sitting there researching and writing for 9 hours straight. Mental cross-training if you will.
          I think one thing that happens as you get more senior is that you realize that your brain hurts because what you are doing is complicated, regardless of how skilled you are. When you are junior and not as confident in your abilities, then not only is it hard for you, but you are also worried that everyone else finds it easy.

  16. Natalie

    I’m a personal stylist and recently found a good newer tailored brand called Jordan Louis (featured one of their blazers on my blog today, ourstylefiles.com). Anyway, my corporate clients have had a positive response and I thought I’d share the find.

    -Nat

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