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Our daily TPS reports suggest one piece of work-appropriate attire in a range of prices.
Zara has so many cute yellow blazers right now, but this “tangerine” herringbone blazer strikes me as just perfect — love that bright, saturated pop of color, and it feels super chic and modern when styled with all white.
And it's only $79 — score! — in sizes XS-XL. Zara Tangerine Herringbone Blazer
Seen a great piece you'd like to recommend? Please e-mail tps@corporette.com.
Sales of note for 10.24.24
- Nordstrom – Fall sale, up to 50% off!
- Ann Taylor – Friends of Ann Event, 30% off! Suits are included in the 30% off!
- Banana Republic Factory – 40-60% off everything, and redeem Stylecash!
- Boden – 10% off new styles with code; free shipping over $75
- Eloquii – Extra 50% off a lot of sale items, with code
- J.Crew – Friends & Family event, 30% off sitewide.
- J.Crew Factory – 40% off everything
- Lo & Sons – Fall Sale, up to 35% off
- M.M.LaFleur – Save 25% sitewide
- Neiman Marcus – Up to 30% off on new arrivals
- Spanx – Lots of workwear on sale, some up to 70% off
- Talbots – 40% off entire purchase, plus free shipping no minimum
- White House Black Market – Buy more, save more; buy 3+ get an extra 50% off
And some of our latest threadjacks here at Corporette (reader questions and commentary) — see more here!
Some of our latest threadjacks include:
- What to say to friends and family who threaten to not vote?
- What boots do you expect to wear this fall and winter?
- What beauty treatments do you do on a regular basis to look polished?
- Can I skip the annual family event my workplace holds, even if I'm a manager?
- What small steps can I take today to get myself a little more “together” and not feel so frazzled all of the time?
- The oldest daughter is America's social safety net — change my mind…
- What have you lost your taste for as you've aged?
- Tell me about your favorite adventure travels…
Tara
Hello ladies, early threadjack here. I recently purchased a silk blouse that I decided to wear to work today. It’s a beautiful shirt that got rave reviews online. You can imagine my surprise when I took off my coat this morning and saw that my shirt had become a wrinkled mess. Since I am at work without access to a hair dryer or a steamer, is there anything I can do to help bring my shirt back to life? Also, is this common for silk blouses? I admit that I tend to shy away from natural fabrics like wool and silk, so I don’t have much experience with this sort of thing. I don’t know if I should just return the blouse or what. Any advice would be much appreciated!
roses
Might sound super strange, but if you can wear the shirt tucked in, tuck it into your underwear (and/or tights, if you are wearing them). It will allow you to pull the shirt more and hold it in place, making the wrinkles less noticable.
Ellen
Tara, when I had this probelem, there was nothing I could do, b/c I could NOT take it off to have someone steam it for me. So I was ONLEY able to give the blouse to my cleaneing lady, and I told her she could keep it unless she could give me a solution. She kept it and still wear’s it to holiday parties, she says!
Willem is anxius that I am not dateing him exclusively. He asked me if I could get some time off in June to go to Belgum with him to visit with his family. I said I did NOT have alot of free time, especialy b/c I have 600 more hour’s to bill this year. He said I should be home as a non-workeing mom, and if we lived in Belgum, I could live with him and his parent’s and be a stay-at-home mom. Why would I live with his parent’s? I am pretty sure they live on a farm somewhere. I do NOT want to milk cows or tend to chicken’s or whaever they do on a farm. FOOEY!
I want a guy to MARRY me who can give me a home in Weschester or LI, not Belgum. DOUBEL FOOEY! Myrna say’s she would consider moveing there, but not to marry Willem. He is to stiff for her, she think’s.
I am still waiteing for Dad’s freind’s son to call me. Nothing yet. He must be playeing hard to get? FOOEY on that b/c there are plenty of other smelley fish in the sea. I will NOT sit around waiteing for this smelley one to call me. YAY!!!
zora
That should not be the case with a quality silk shirt. That happens with rayon and other wrinkle prone fabrics, but one of the whole points of paying for good silk is that it does not hold wrinkles. I would definitely return it if I was you.
Moon Moon
I don’t “get” this color. I wouldn’t have enough other items to wear this with. Then again, I’m a fairly neutral person — though today for the first time I am wearing colored ankle pants (with a black silk blouse, because I’m not yet up to color-mixing). Look how trendy I am!
Scout
I love this color but I agree that I don’t think I have enough items to pair it with. I feel like white pants are too fashion forward for me to pull off. What would color pants or skirts besides white would people wear with this?
Also the color ankle pants with a black silk blouse sounds cute!
Carine
I have a cardigan in a pretty similar color and wore it a lot in the fall over an eggplant dress. I also wore it with navy or neutrals, often with red shoes. This blazer looks a little too orangey for red shoes, though.
Senior Attorney
I’d wear this with cobalt and other brights. I have a jacket this color and wore it last week with a red skirt and a blue oxford cloth shirt and really liked the combination. It’s great with navy, of course. And it’s surprisingly good with gray.
S in Chicago
Charcoal gray, or light gray? I love orange, and gray is usually my go-to to neutralize. This still seems really bright though.
Senior Attorney
I’ve done it with both. My fave is kind of a medium gray.
Anne Shirley
If yellow didn’t make me look like death warmed over, I would wear this with gray or navy skirts and pants, with white or pale blue underneath , or over a navy sheath dress.
KLG
+1. I love this for a pop of color with navy, but I just don’t think I can pull off tangerine.
emeralds
+2!
DontBlameTheKids
I like the color, but not for me. That shade of yellow does not go well with pale skin. It makes me look green.
Carrie
+1
Even the model with this blazer looks sickly.
DontBlameTheKids
Yes, she does! Not a good look for her. Poor girl.
January
I think she looks a bit like hipster/unwashed Lady Mary.
Susedna
Completely agree. Although the ZARA people could have helped themselves along by choosing a model with skintone that would look really good in tangerine. Someone like Alek Wek would totally rock that color.
I know that not everybody cares about social justice, racism, diversity issues. But…even if designers don’t have it in their hearts to want to try to improve diversity on the runways, catalogs, and other print advertising, don’t they want their clothes to look their best and improve their bottom line? *SMH*
KC
I think you could wear this with navy, white, gray, emerald, and cornflower blue.
I tend to go for brighter yellows though. Anything too mustard doesn’t look great with my coloring.
a passion for fashion
there are so, so many colors you can wear this with — black, white, tan and navy obviously, but also red, orange, blue, gray, green
I have a silk blouse this color and i love it.
preg anon
Ditto. I would wear this a ton!
Sydney Bristow
I like this color, but prefer it for accessories or maybe clothes. Various shades of yellow wash me out but some are ok and I like a pop of color in a necklace.
Sydney Bristow
That souls say maybe *shoes!
Sydney Bristow
Ugh *should. I give up today!
hellskitchen
I love love this color and I might have to get this jacket. I prefer my yellows to be more orangey/reddish so this would be perfect. And I think it would go well with a bunch of tops and dresses in my closet – cream, navy, chocolate brown, gray.
anne-on
Agreed, I wear mustard yellow a ton since it goes beautifully with all my navy/grey/green basic blazers and dresses. It also looks really nice with red, but more of a tomato-y red if that makes sense.
NbyNW
I’m ok with colors but can’t wear yellow or orange or even orangey-red. Does it come in other colors?
Bonnie
This color would look horrible on me but some people can rock it. Mustard, like camel, just washes me out.
anonish
Me too. I look great in yellow but it has to be like, buttercup yellow.
zora
Is this color really tangerine?? It looks more yellow on my screen. Are they just making up color names again?
BB
What are your favorite “opening lines” for networking events? You know, one of these “cocktail hours” where everyone stands around and has some vague things in common with each other, but are basically strangers. How do you start conversations?
Wildkitten
“How much does a polar bear weigh? Just enough to break the ice!”
kidding. I’d be like “Hi I’m Wildkitten!”
Carine
“What are you reading right now?”
Carrie
Really?
All I could say are my medical journals/texts, and then would feel bad about myself (!)
But I guess that’s my hang up.
I have to start reading something fun before I fall asleep….
Carine
Well, even if it’s work-related, I still think it’s interesting and easy to ask follow-up questions. I also work in healthcare, so I would love to hear about what you’re reading in medical journals! Don’t feel bad. Reading for fun regularly is such a challenge.
Sydney Bristow
I’m not in healthcare but I’d be interested too. I’m interested in learning about what other people are learning about, pretty much regardless of subject matter though. I wouldn’t want to make anyone feel bad with my question though!
Clementine
After the “Hi, I’m Clementine,” bit, I usually go with some variation of ‘So, what do you do when you’re not hanging around at [insert type of event]/forcing yourself to go out and network?’
I developed this after a rather awkward ‘So where do you work’ that ended up with me being cornered for an hour listening to someone’s lifelong unemployment story. People often answer with their jobs, but sometimes their answers surprise you- a woman who is now a great professional contact and I got into a great conversation about running at an event and that’s how that relationship developed.
emeralds
I usually make a quick comment on something topical and brainless, often around booze. No doubt I could do a better and/or more professional job, but IDK, alcohol is how I relate to people. “What did you think of the speaker?” “Wow, they could have a few more bartenders–this line is ridiculous!” “What do you think of the white?”
zora
“Alcohol is how I relate to people.”
I like how you think, woman. ;o)
In-House Europe paging NOLA
NOLA, I keep meaning to post this, but I saw that you were going to be travelling in Europe and possibly stopping in my city. I believe I owe you a coffee (or a martini, or a beer!) for a very pretty work dress which you sent me a few years back when we were doing clothing exchanges. Do you have an email address where I can get in touch with you?
NOLA
Sure! That would be awesome. My email address is nolar e t t e @gmail.com (without the spaces).
My friend is going to think I’m totally nuts, of course. She met Susedna in New York, then eek and DC Jenny in DC and now you in Europe. But I think it would be fun. And I was thinking about that dress the other day!
Polished Pinstripes
Love the idea of wearing yellow to work during the summer, but not sure this is the right shade for me. I’d definitely have to go try it on. Maybe a yellow blazer roundup would be a good idea for a summer post, since yellow is one of those colors where everyone seems to need to find their own individual shade.
Wedding dress hunt
Would anyone like to help me shop for a wedding dress to wear to the court house? FI and I are having the ceremony next year but because we are buyin a house we will be signing the papers this summer. I’m looking for a short, knee length dress that could preferably be worn again later on. Do people usually wear full blown wedding dresses to court house weddings? We’re in nyc fwiw and will only have close friends and family with us that day. TIA!
Sydney Bristow
I was at the courthouse in Queens and most of the brides were wearing short white dresses. I think you can wear whatever you want though! There were people getting married in everything from jeans to a short white dress and suit complete with the bride carrying a bouquet. I’m sure nobody would blink an eye at a long white dress.
Congrats on the wedding and the house!
NOLA
I think DC Jenny got hers at Nordstrom. I remember her saying that finding a short dress was like finding a unicorn. There are a few dress designers that make short dresses. One she was looking at was Justin Alexander, I believe. Also, you could look at David’s Bridal. They have some of their bridesmaids dresses in ivory.
NOLA
Oh and I think there was another site people have mentioned here with vintage style short dresses, if there’s time. I can’t remember what it was. Dolly something?
Leigh
It’s Dolly Couture. I got my dress there and loved it. They were great to work with as well.
emeralds
I’ve actually seen a ton of short white dresses everywhere this spring. I think it’s supposed to be one of the hot looks for summer? One of my BFFs was actually wearing an adorable white lace dress from Anthro the last time I saw her, that I think would be great for a courthouse wedding. I’ll go find a link.
emeralds
http://www.anthropologie.com/anthro/product/clothes-dresses/4130204584747.jsp?cm_sp=Grid-_-4130204584747-_-Large_18
Parfait
I love that! Damn, now i want to get hitched in it.
Killer Kitten Heels
If you’re cool with ordering online, Modcloth has lots of cute options in this category.
Killer Kitten Heels
Also, you’ll see the full range of clothing at an NYC courthouse wedding. My H was a witness at one a few years ago, and while the majority of people were dressed up to some extent, he said he saw everything from full-on ballgowns to people in polar bear pajamas, so feel free to “do you” and wear whatever makes you happy.
PolyD
Also online: BHLDN, Anthropologie’s wedding shop. I am pretty sure they have short dresses, both in the “for brides” section and also “for guests.”
I kind of want to get married just to wear stuff from there. Maybe even get married a couple of times.
Susedna
I feel the same way about the dresses at BHLDN! I want them all. I joked (?) to the husband that I’d like to renew our vows one day in an over-the-top celebration that involves several wardrobe changes on my part.
Wildkitten
At a court house wedding, like any wedding, you can wear whatever you want. Liz Lemon rocked a Princess Leia dress that was pretty great. Nordstrom allows you to sort by color and Rent the Runway now has a section of white dresses.
zora
+384288348392 for Princess Leia wedding dress… im totes doing that someday .
WordsTheyHaveMeaningz
You’re having the ceremony this year at the courthouse when you get married on your wedding day. I don’t know what you’re planning for next year, but it ain’t a wedding ceremony.
char
That seems awfully rude and unnecessary.
Anon
Oh good, this again!
But can she carry a Birkin to either event? What about sporting a french manicure? Also – her husband-to-be probably has an opinion one way or another – WHAT ABOUT THE MEN?!?!
Godzilla
Yes to the french mani only if the thumb is blue and she has a hair tie around the left wrist.
zora
i thought the pinky was blue? or the 4th finger??
dead horse
if the OP wants lots of opinions on this, she can look here: https://corporette.com/2013/09/19/reiss-salma-bodycon-dress/. Yes, people have lots of feelings on this. no need to re-hash.
Sydney Bristow
Can we please stop with this? Unless she specifically asked for input on whether this was ok or a faux paux then this response is just rude. Some people obviously feel the same way you do but others think its fine to separate the two events and celebrate each how they wish. Just let it be. Please.
Orangerie
Seriously. I’m surprised nobody has dropped the term “pretty princess day” yet.
Anon
Of course she can have a ceremony later on if she wants. Is this comment really necessary?
Wildkitten
Why do some people on thissite hate parties so hard?
Anonymous
I for one love parties. I don’t like calling getting married “signing the papers”
But in general I can’t stand that attitude oh that’s not what she asked about. You are putting it up on the internet for thousands of people to see. Its fair game to comment. And I am fine with people doing it this way, but I do think its good for people to know that you will or could offend people you love. My friends grandmother, who she adores, was devasted. She wanted to see the moment they said the vows the first time, and the moment they decided to live from that moment on as married.
NOLA
I don’t think that’s what people were responding to. It was the fact that this was a very contentious discussion not that long ago and nobody wanted it to start up again.
Senior Attorney
I have long thought the U.S. should adopt the system they have in most or all of Europe, in which the civil and religious ceremonies are totally separate. That would solve this issue once and for all.
Olivia Pope
I agree. To me the legal aspect of my marriage and the emotional/spiritual/religious aspect of marriage are not even on the same plane. I would be open for civil unions for everyone (for the legal aspect) with emotional/spiritual/religious ceremonies handled by individual communities/ houses of worship, but that’s never going to happen.
Also, kudos to OP for getting legally married before the buying the house! Many people buy the house first because of timing issues and because they don’t want two ceremonies, but handling the legal aspect first is smart IMHO. Not that you need my opinion.
As for the thing OP actually asked about, I would search clothing websites for white dresses, not just “wedding dresses.” Mod cloth also seems like a good choice for this.
KLG
+1
anonness
I thought you had to get another permit in order to have a religious wedding (aka outside the courthouse)? Ours was secular and done at the courthouse.
Killer Kitten Heels
This varies by state/municipality.
Blonde Lawyer
Technically, they are in the sense that if you have a civil wedding it is not recognized by the Catholic Church but does not preclude you from having a religious wedding ceremony in said church.
So, a friend of mine had two very real wedding ceremonies. One was the legal marriage for military purposes done outside of the church. When her husband returned from deployment they had a Catholic marriage ceremony where they were married in the eyes of the church and received the marriage sacrament.
Lynette
Ignoring that it’s really not anyone’s business how people choose to get married: I was married on paper during my husband’s lunch hour. We were living in different countries and if we ever wanted to live in the same country, we had to be married. Grabbed burgers with coworkers after the deed was done. Months later we had a wedding (yes, a “wedding”!) with friends and family. There is nothing that compared to saying vows and saying them in front of the people we will count on to hold us accountable for those vows. There is meaning in ritual and ceremony (not to say a marriage is devoid of meaning without it, but rather that there are valid reasons for handling legal things one way and ceremonial things another if that’s what a couple chooses). FTR, in many countries this is the only way you can get married…the legal step is completely unrelated and cannot be completed the same day/location as a wedding. No need to micromanage someone else’s decisions. Sheesh.
Karma
Hi Words,
Are we still on for our date later?
AnonLawMom
You win.
ANP
Hi Karma, I love you!
L
Water everywhere.
my desk is really soaked
pretty princess day
Niktaw
I spent an hour reading an old wedding dress discussion on Jezebel yesterday (I tend to get stuck reading random stuff when I have multiple deadlines at work) and the commenters there loved dresses on BHLDN, Anthro wedding brand.
Carrie
J Crew has a couple cute, very simple ones… if you want to be practical.
Anon
Also Anthropologies’ wedding line (blanking on name)
Clementine
BHLDN
Parfait
What were they thinking when they named it? I can never remember what it’s called either. Is that an acronym for something? It seems like it should be pronounced “Beholden” which doesn’t seem very festive.
char
I wore a “fancy” blazer and dress from J.Crew for my courthouse wedding. They have tons of knee-length dresses that are dressier than wearing a regular suit but could be worn more than once. Congrats on the wedding!
Carine
BHLDN has some short dresses with a vintage look, if you like that style. I’m not sure you have enough time to order for the summer, but I almost bought a short Lela Rose bridesmaid dress in ivory for my wedding. That line has a lot of really pretty options to choose from. Congrats on buying a house and getting married!
LizNYC
The Knot has a whole gallery of short wedding dresses. There are some cute options! But really, I think you could wear anything — in any color/style/design — you wanted. http://www.theknot.com/wedding-dress/short-gallery?pn=gown%20length&ctx=0:100:-1:-1
Anon
You might be able to find a great white designer dress that’s not classified as a wedding dress. I don’t know what the selection is like now, but department stores like Bloomies or Nordstrom often have a great selection, especially this time of year.
Monday
That’s what I did. Cost me $150! My mission was to get something I can wear many times again, and I did. Once they had me on the phone they tried to get me to salivate over Vera Wang and other upscale bride stuff, but that’s just not me. Enjoy and congrats!
Sadie
I got my wedding dress (not white) from simply dresses dot com.
Great experience.
TO Lawyer
I’m not sure what your style/body is like (i.e. if you’re really tall, some of these dresses may be obscenely short) but I think BCBG has nice white dresses. I’ll post a few links in a reply
TO Lawyer
I’m not sure what your style/body is like (i.e. if you’re really tall, some of these dresses may be obscenely short) but I think BCBG has nice white dresses. I’ll post a few links in a reply
TO Lawyer
I’ve actually tried this dress on and it’s really pretty and simple in person: http://www.bcbg.com/Alice-Shift-Dress/ADV64A44-101,default,pd.html?dwvar_ADV64A44-101_color=101&cgid=dresses
TO Lawyer
I think this one is fun! http://www.bcbg.com/Solace-Ruffle-Sleeve-Dress/LMQ6Z163-100,default,pd.html?dwvar_LMQ6Z163-100_color=100&cgid=dresses
TO Lawyer
And this one has sequins so obviously I’m all over it: http://www.bcbg.com/Onyx-Beaded-Side-Panel-Dress/MUV6Y966-101,default,pd.html?dwvar_MUV6Y966-101_color=101&cgid=dresses
PinkKeyboard
BHLDN which is Anthropologie has a ton of short dresses as both wedding and reception dresses. They are pricey (not sure on your budget) but you can frequently find them on sale. These looked really cute:
http://www.bhldn.com/shop-the-bride-reception-dresses/sienna-dress-ivory/productoptionids/fbcaeb8b-b90b-4e9a-9313-32da085940dd
http://www.bhldn.com/shop-the-bride-reception-dresses/fresh-blossoms-dress/productoptionids/fbcaeb8b-b90b-4e9a-9313-32da085940dd
http://www.bhldn.com/shop-the-bride-reception-dresses/ainsley-dress-ivory/productoptionids/fbcaeb8b-b90b-4e9a-9313-32da085940dd
http://www.bhldn.com/shop-the-bride-reception-dresses/omari-dress/productoptionids/fbcaeb8b-b90b-4e9a-9313-32da085940dd
AEK
Congrats! I checked the sale dresses at Saks and filtered for “white” and “c*cktail,” and saw lots of options depending on your style. I thought this was pretty, but check out the rest if you have time to browse!
http://www.saksfifthavenue.com/main/ProductDetail.jsp?FOLDER%3C%3Efolder_id=2534374306422146&PRODUCT%3C%3Eprd_id=845524446664053&R=713642103281&P_name=Kay+Unger&N=306422146+1553+4294929616&bmUID=kkD31Pp
Sacha
Unfortunately, no shopping help here. But in your situation, I would look for something I would want to wear to the rehearsal dinner or on the way to the honeymoon. If you want to go fancier, you could shop for a reception dress. This way you could incorporate it back into the wedding next year.
Sydney Bristow
That’s a lovely idea!
emeralds
Agreed! What a sweet idea.
kj
i found mine (for winter) at club monaco — might be worth a look if you’re going for more of a simple, clean look (rather than vintage)
A Nonny Moose
Kate spade usually has some cute options, albeit pricey ones.
Lily-Student
Get the Isabelle dress from Boden. It’s the same as their Selina but in plain pretty colours.
Susie
http://shop.nordstrom.com/S/laundry-by-shelli-segal-back-cutout-lace-shift-dress-regular-petite/3640343?origin=related-3640343-0-1-1-2-RR&PageCategoryId=PP
Michelle
some very cute short wedding dresses at Ann Taylor on line…
http://www.anntaylor.com/wedding-dresses/cata000034
threadjack - well meaning but annoying pregnancy comments
Hi ladies, please allow me to vent.
So I’m pregnant and about 5 months along. Most people at work know at this point, either bc I told them or they could tell. I have a sweet lady here that I ended up telling before I wanted to – she tends to hug me whenever she sees me in the morning (story for another day). Several weeks ago she walks up and says she’s feeling terrible – just terribly sick – and she still starts coming towards me for a hug. So though I’d barely told anyone at that point, I had to let her know I was pregnant so she wouldn’t hug me and possibly get me sick too.
Since then every single day – every time I see her – it’s “How you feeling?,” and then a discussion of my pregnancy. I know she’s just trying to be kind but I wish she wouldn’t, because she comes up to my desk and then it’s a big discussion of my pregnancy, daily.
So this morning I had a debilitating headache – I’ve mentioned to her that I’ve had them when she asked, and she expresses sympathy but keeps the convo going, which I really don’t want. Just want to be left alone at that point, you know? They’ve been worse and worse. One thing that helps is coffee. I still keep the daily dosage to only about a cup or so. So this morning I’m getting about a quarter cup or so. She comes in and asks how I’m feeling, and I’m quiet bc I honestly can barely see, my head hurts that bad. So I just say that my head’s hurting. She looks down at my cup and says, “What are you drinking?” And I said, “Coffee,” and she says, “Is that okay for you to drink?” And I said, “Hmm?” but I was *seething.* What the hell? And she says, “Oh, did the doctor say you can have coffee?” And I said, very shortly, “Yes.” And she kind of laughs and says, “Just tell me if I’m overstepping!” And I was so irritated by that point, and with my head pounding, that I just kind of tersely said, “Nope, it’s fine.” Which is dumb, because she obviously did, but I couldn’t deal.
Was I being a jerk? On the other hand… I mean, for goodness sakes- if I’m not supposed to have coffee I won’t drink it, you know? And I wish she would just quit constantly bringing up I”m pregnant. I am over the moon about it, so it’s not that, but I don’t feel like talking about it at work constantly.
MJ
I’m more direct than most, but I would just look her in the eye and say, “Sally, I would appreciate if we could not discuss my health, including my pregnancy, at work. I realize you’re excited for me, and I am really touched, but…I don’t want the higher-ups to think I’m not focused on work matters. I hope you understand.” Nuff said.
Awkward for 30 seconds to prevent weeks of awful conversations….totally worth it.
char
+1
Senior Attorney
Yes.
L
“to think YOU or I am not focused…”
Because clearly this woman needs to realize work is about work. The OP doesn’t need to make this about her at all, though I understand it is less awkward if you can lump yourself in too.
Michelle
this is just so perfectly polite and appropriate while getting the point across that I want to know you IRL! Honestly, +111111
NOLA
This is such good advice. When I was engaged, everyone wanted to talk about my wedding planning. Then, when I had my evaluation (with my somewhat crazy supervisor at the time), she dinged me for not being completely focused on my job that year.
zora
YES. MJ for THE WIN. Next time I need to know what to say to someone, I’m coming here to ask you, MJ!
roses
MJ’s approach is obviously the most effective, but if you’re not comfortable with that, at the very least when you have a headache, when she comes by and says “how are you feeling?”, say “actually I have a terrible headache, not really up for chatting right now to be honest.” And as for the constant preg-talk, you can say “I’m kind of sick of thinking about it at this point – I’d rather just focus on my work.”
Sorry you have to deal with her, she sounds like a pain.
threadjack - well meaning but annoying pregnancy comments
you’re both so lovely for responding with this great advice, mj and roses. I’m going to adopt both.
Just wondering – did I overreact to the coffee thing?
TO Lawyer
Personally, I think you under-reacted by keeping your cool. A close work friend of mine was pregnant and it astounded me how many people in the office (mainly older women) thought that previously inappropriate conversation topics were now appropriate just because she was pregnant. Being pregnant does not make it ok for others to comment on your body/weight/coffee intake.
threadjack - well meaning but annoying pregnancy comments
Thank you, TO LAwyer. :) I appreciate it.
Marise
When I was pregnant, the receptionist at my law firm came up with a new pregnancy related question almost every morning, such as “So, do you have to pee all the time now?” It’s amazing how people think its okay to ask you all kinds of privacy related questions once you’re pregnant. Hang tight and congrats!
preg anon
Totally. It’s ridiculous. They think they have a right to tell you what to do or not to do. And it seems that as soon as you’re pregnant, that is ALL people want to talk about.
LizNYC
Seriously. I think you were showing great restraint. I’d imagine I’d go full RAWR on her and then blame it on the hormones raging through my body. I’ve never been pregnant (yet), but as someone who’s struggled with her weight her whole life, it’s never failed to amaze me how much other people seem to think it’s their business what’s you’re doing with YOUR body at any given time. (“Should you be eating / drinking / doing that?” “Wow, when did YOU become my medical professional?”)
It’s time to put this Nosy Parker back in her barn.
Anon
No, you didn’t overreact. Unless you deliberately solicit opinions/advice, I think it is rude to offer up opinions/advice on what a pregnant woman is eating or drinking during her pregnancy (unless she’s doing lines of coke or just polished off a bottle of wine or something else clearly beyond the pale). Coffee, a glass of wine, lunchmeat, sushi, unpasturized cheeses, etc — between the woman, her partner, and her doctor.
threadjack - well meaning but annoying pregnancy comments
Bahaha, ah, you lovely ladies are making me laugh. “Unless she’s doing lines of coke.” I pretty much felt like that’s what I was doing, when she asked, “What are you drinking?” Thank you for your reply.
anonish
Yeah, I think I would have said “Rum, but I’m hiding it in a coffee cup because of this stupid baby.”
Just to see her face.
But you handled it much more appropriately, and not un-cool at all!
Katie
Next time tell her it’s spiked :)
Mrs. Jones
+1.
MBAwannabe
Posting this for the second time because I got the Posting Too Quickly comment again (again, first time posting today).
I don’t think you overreacted at all. I have zero tolerance for people commenting on my food choices (ie the woman in my office who makes a comment every time dessert is around that I need to keep my figure until I’m married). You do you, and tell Nosey Nelly that you’re perfectly capable of making healthy decisions for you and your baby.
TO Lawyer
Yes also this. My boss’ assistant constantly comments on my body and tells me that I will not be able to find a man if I keep working the way I do and eating the way I do. It’s absolutely infuriating. Also see the incident when she told me I couldn’t have chocolate that someone else brought in because it would make me fat and then no man would want to marry me. How do these women think it’s ok to make these comments?!
Carrie
Oh my God….
That is so awful.
Anon
Geez, is your boss’ assistant Ellen???? Gotta keep that touchus in shape, otherwise Daddy will get mad…
TO Lawyer
haha update (this is so timely – maybe she knows i’m talking about her): she’s filling in for the receptionist right now so I walked by with a bag of cut up veggies in my hand. her comment: “oh nice to see you eating so healthy. you need a trim figure to attract a man before it’s too late.”
I wish i was joking…
KLG
How do you two not go insane or not make sarcastic comments like “yes, my life will be totally incomplete without a man” or “yep! I’ve got to stay svelte until it’ll cost him to divorce me!” You guys are saints.
Anon too
“What IS it with your generation?”
L
It doesn’t mean you. It means there are comments being posted too quickly for the website to handle. Just click refresh until it posts.
Nora
Unfortunately, the woman is crass, but is espousing the truth; that being that in this society (US) women need to stay in shape while single, and hook a man ASAP to marry him. Once married, then and only then can you relax and let yourself go, weight wise.The rule may be different in some sub-Saharan countries, but I don’t think we have a lot of readers from there on this website!
Godzilla
Totally underreacted. You are being way too nice.
zora
yes, you underreacted. “Just tell me if I am overstepping!” “Yes. Yes you are.”
KLG
I feel like you missed a chance to be direct there and say “You know, I really appreciate you checking up on me, but I ‘m actually getting tired of talking about pregnancy-related stuff. It’s all anyone asks about these days. And honestly, I’m feeling pretty terrible at the moment so maybe I’ll just get back to work right now and we’ll chat later?”
But I understand the seething and frustration. I have wanted to strangle EVERY SINGLE PERSON who asks about me drinking coffee. Especially since I actually switched to decaf so I could drink 2-3 cups without the caffeine exceeding the amount in the one cup limit recommended by my doctor. You know, the person I pay big bucks to because they developed actual expertise after attending 4 years of medical school, completing their residency, and passing their boards, and not my coworker or my husband’s distant cousin, etc.?
Hang in there, and next time, be direct!
threadjack - well meaning but annoying pregnancy comments
Okay, you are awesome! That made me laugh, in the mist of this freaking headache. How did coffee suddenly become another version of crystal meth, when you’re pregnant?! Yes, I’ll refrain from the 6 daily cups that have been vaguely associated with harm, not that it’s any of anyone’s business. I’m dying at your description of the doctor versus your husband’s distant cousin.
And ugh, I know, I totally missed the perfect chance to be direct. But I was so mad at that point I just wanted to walk away.
CKB
Or you could always say “Actually, I’m shooting for a birth defect. I think it would be a great new challenge” or some such silly answer.
Lily-Student
CKB, that’s hilarious – although it would only work with certain audiences!
(Just to clarify, I don’t think birth defects are funny, but there are some people I know who would need me to be completely unacceptable to point out how unacceptable they were being)
CKB
Lily – that’s exactly how I intended the comment. I also don’t think birth defects are funny, at all, but sometimes a ridiculous question deserves a ridiculous answer.
Like the other day when my 14yo (who is actually very intelligent) looked at the container of brown sugar, looked at his bowl of oatmeal and then asked me what he should use to put some brown sugar on his oatmeal. I told him I thought a toothpick would work well. After a withering look, he grabbed a spoon and said to himself “stop asking stupid questions, stop asking stupid questions”
TT
The coffee thing is weird in North America. When did everything start thinking it’s so bad for pregnant women? I’m 34 weeks now and here in Asia nobody bats an eyelash when I order a coffee.
hellskitchen
I had a barista give me the raised eyebrows and up-and-down look when I ordered a coffee while 6 months pregnant. I glared right back at her and said loudly “Yes, it’s spelled C-O-F-F-E-E. Do you have those at Starbucks?”
RR
Love.
Scout
I love this. When my sister was pregnant a starbucks barista gave her a terrible look and asked if she meant decaf. My sister looked directly at her and asked for extra caffeine instead.
Susedna
Pregnancy seems to really open the floodgates for people who think that women’s bodies need to be under their constant control and supervision.
They think that of all women (e.g. the people who comment on unmarried women needing to keep their figures in order to get married) , but the pregnancy gives them an unprecedented, societally acceptable angle — control masquerading as concern. “It’s for your CHILLLLLLD.” Ugh.
Katie
Ugh. Sometimes I think this is worth educating baristas about, because many of them are younger or haven’t been pregnant recently. My mom was saying how when she was pregnant 30 years ago, they were told point blank no caffeine. I plan on letting them people that are weird about it that it’s perfectly acceptable by most doctors nowadays to have a cup of coffee.
Godzilla
I’m really loving these stories.
RR
You poor thing. You weren’t a jerk at all. She’s way out of line. I wish you had said something truly snarky to her. She deserved it.
preg 3L
You were super nice to her and there was no need to be! Also, get comfortable being more direct — I’m still getting comments about coffee and I’m 2 months postpartum (“Oh you’re having coffee, have you stopped nursing already? No? Well you know coffee really isn’t good for the baby.”)
ezt
I agree – I totally understand why you answered the way you did, that would be my first instinct too, but I’ve started to be more direct. Recently I was discussing an urgent work matter with a colleague who interrupted me mid-sentence to say “You look sooo cute! Stand up and let me see your belly!” WHAT. My initial instinct was to smother my rage and just do it, but I forced myself to say “Let’s just focus on this right now, please” and was really glad that I did. And she actually reacted really well – dropped it immediately and didn’t make it more awkward – and has been way more bearable ever since. I think sometimes people assume that this is all you can think/talk about, and they just need a reality check that you’re still a person, not just a baby receptacle.
Further
I completely agree that her comments on your beverage choice were way, way over the line.
However, as for general discussions of your pregnancy, I probably wouldn’t jump right to a comment along the lines of “I don’t want to talk about it.” It sounds like you have “opened the door,” somewhat, to the conversations to this point. If she asks you a question, and you respond with a substantive answer regarding your condition, then you’ve invited discussions about how you feel. To wit – “Since then every single day – every time I see her – it’s “How you feeling?,” and then a discussion of my pregnancy.” A discussion of your pregnancy doesn’t HAVE to follow, unless you give her a substantive response.
I would just start answering the “How are you feeling” question with a short, direct, “I’m fine, Thanks.” Then either go back to your work, or just deflect, “What about that report coming up?” “Can you believe X did Y in the break room yesterday?” Only if she doesn’t pick up the change in conversation thread would I respond with, “I’d prefer not to talk it.”
If you’ve entertained long detailed conversations about your pregnancy to this point, I would give your coworker a chance to realize the chats have gone over the line. I tend to be open, and have used this tactic in the past when I realize I’ve gone too far beyond my comfort level. It can change the conversation without creating awkwardness.
Anonyc
Nothing new to add, other than a fist up in solidarity/needing to vent. I am 37+ weeks right now, still FT with massive projects still blowing up, it’s my third pregnancy, and as a result I am really, really, really grumpy at everything. (Ex: just got a call from the bar association–which I am not a member in, and do not want to be a member in–soliciting something and was like, “I’m tired, I don’t want to talk, and I don’t want to talk later, CLICK.”) RAWR indeed.
But something about being obscenely pregnant makes every. d*mn. person. feel the need to comment (“How much longer? You look ready to pop? Girl or boy? Are you excited?” GAH!) So the bad news is that it seems to get worse the further along that you get, at least in my experience.
Needless to say, today might be the day when I loose it at the next stranger who pesters me. As my husband and I joke, I should respond to the annoying “how are you” queries with “BIG AND MEAN.” It has the benefit of being totally truthful.
Shay-La
Solidarity! I’m week 21 of my second pregnancy, and totally understand where you’re at. The worst part, for me, being as far along as you are is when people feel like they can RUB your stomach. At 30 weeks I started rubbing people’s stomachs back… when they responded with a horrified “What are you doing?!” It opened the door for a discussion on how weird it is to touch pregnant women.
Anonyc
That is a totally amazing and awesome response. Thankfully no one has gone for the stomach rub, but that would certainly end badly for that person at this point.
Philanthropy Girl
Tons of sympathy, but no real advice. Because of complications in my last pregnancy, and need for TONS of support (and plenty of warning that I could have complications again), it’s pretty well known even though I’m only 15 weeks. I’ve already been belly rubbed. I have a coworker shopping for maternity clothes for me. Not because I asked. But just because. She is still “trying to decide if she’s overstepping her bounds.” She wanted me to use my lunch break (when I normally try to get some exercise) so she could show me all the cute stuff she found that she wants me to buy. And this isn’t like fun girlfriend shopping trip, this is like “my mom is dragging me to the mall because cheap stuff is on sale.” My boss informed me the other day that I was “filling out nicely.” Arg.
I have a colleague who has agreed to join me in creating a pregnancy retreat center, so the rest of the world can leave us alone for 9 months while we grow a person. Because it is hard enough growing a person without having to deal with people.
Pip
Back in the days, ladies would withdraw from society when they were visibly pregnant. They may have been on to something.
TT
Heh, I think you’re right.
Man Question
I’m going to ask the question of the ages:
How do you know when a guy (30+, so really man) is interested in you?
threadjack - well meaning but annoying pregnancy comments
this might be silly, but i heard that if a guy touches his hair a lot when he’s talking to you, he’s feeling some attraction.
Orangerie
Is this for real?
Anonymous
I feel like ELLEN should take this one.
Carine
+1
Anon
If he is “really a man,” he will tell you if he is interested in you.
DC Darling
He asks you out for dinner or drinks.
zora
This.
If. He. Tells. You. He. Likes. You. OR if you ask him out and he says yes.
Anything short of that, he’s an immature baby that you dont’ want to be with anyway.
Anonymous
he’ll drive you to every Walgreens in the state looking for fleece tights.
January
That right there is a sign of a keeper.
NWanalyst
I feel like I’ve missed something. What started the Walgreens + fleece tights meme?
Susie
I believe it was a commentator called Horse, who has since passed on.
Susie
*commenter
January
There was briefly a troll (?) here called FLEECE TIGHTS!!!! who would always talk about, well, fleece tights and how you could buy them at Walgreen’s.
Orangerie
I think the troll was satirically commenting on how often other posters here talked about fleece tights. (aka a lot)
Anon
It’s in his kiss.
Avery
That’s where it is.
Traditionalist
Oh yeah. It’s in his kiss.
zora
Here is your Gold Star, ladies.
emeralds
I’m going to assume you’re serious, because you’ve gotten a lot of flippant replies so far, for what can be a really confusing/difficult question. With that said…there is no one answer to this. It varies from man to man and situation to situation. In my experience, I think I’ve always just kind of–known? There’s a certain level of flirtation, and going out of his way to see you, and quality of eye contact, and of course, being asked out by said guy.
But of course, none of that s**t is foolproof. If this is a guy that you want to be interested in, why don’t you ask him out on a date and see what he says?
January
And… yes, on a more serious note, I agree with emeralds. If you’re really trying to read the signs, I’d put the most weight on how much he goes out of his way for you and, even more importantly, whether he has actually asked you out.
The other things emeralds mentioned could indicate interest, or not, but in my experience, you’re unlikely to get all that far with a guy who won’t do the other two things in my first paragraph. Interest is nice, but it’s better when it’s accompanied by action.
rook
In all kindness: if you have to ask, he isn’t.
emeralds
Disagree. Not everyone is great at reading other people’s signs. I mean, personally, mostly I’ve known. But with my longest-term manfriend, according to a friend we’d been flirting for months but I was still surprised when we ended up in bed after a drunken night out. I knew I’d liked him but I wasn’t sure he reciprocated until, well, 5-7 beers had bulldozed his shyness.
Lily-Student
I agree with this disagree. I’m also terrible at reading signs and I’ve told my normal way of getting to know people is slightly flirty, so it could be quite a while before I picked up on it.
Anonymous
At the risk of sounding harsh and judgmental (of which I’m not– been there done that many a times) falling into bed after drinks does not mean he reciprocates anything — that means after 5-7 beers he has the realization “hey my friend’s cool I’d b*ng her” not that he over came any time of shyness. That is a terrible indicator of anything.
Any time you have to question or decipher any type of adult male’s feelings he’s just not that into you– seriously go look up that book. Because if you’re playing the does he doesn’t he: a) he’s not a grown adult man or b) you’ll get hurt now or later because his feelings will never be at the same level as your own feelings towards him
Dallas Meetup?
Has there been a Dallas meetup in a while? If there’s interest, I can set up an e-mail address to coordinate. Or, if someone has a list going from previous meetups, and either wants to organize or pass it along, let me know where to e-mail you. I’ve met a few of you and would love to catch up and meet any new ‘re++es here.
This weekend will be crazy with the FF and is obviously much too short of notice, but would a brunch next Saturday work for people? Maybe Company Cafe on the Katy Trail? Feel free to suggest other dates/times/places.
Avery
I am interested! I think there are a few of us lurking here.
txatty
I’m interested too! Next Sunday would work better for me than Saturday though. If you send around an email, include me – i’m txattyjen at the google.
Emmabean
Aw man, are there any Austin ladies on here? Can we do one?
Presidio
Late to the party, but yes, I’m in Austin and interested!
Consultant rate?
Any digital marketing consultants in health/biotech industry? SF Bay Area and trying to determine my hourly rate, 10 years experience. Contracted through an agency. Any advice appreciated!
CC
Sorry for the threadjack, but I need some advice! I’m working in a small department and small company, and my team lead/manager is making all sorts of racist remarks. These aren’t remarks against my race, but I find them highly offensive nevertheless. She mimics this race’s accent and their culture in general. We are working with an outside group that doesn’t speak English all that well, and while I also have difficulty understanding them and at times am frustrated, I find it appalling to make fun of their accents and their culture. She doesn’t do it to their face or while they are on the phone, but afterwards. And the whole team just laughs along with her! I have made it clear that I do not find it funny, but am at a loss as to what else I can do. If it were my previous job, they had an HR person who I could talk to, but this is an extremely small company and there is no one for me to go to but the top dog here… I am becoming more and more uncomfortable and unhappy with the work culture that this has created. Any advice as to what I could do?
sympathies
No advice, but total sympathy to you. You sound empathetic and kind, and I’m sorry you’re having to deal with this. I’m a minority myself, but it sounds like you’re not, and it’s kind of appalling that this woman thinks that because you’re not of the same race that she’s mocking that you (or others) wouldn’t be offended. I mean, not as appalling as the fact of her actually doing it, of course. Horrid woman. And you must be really disappointed in your team, too – I’m so sorry.
Layla
Also, you should wonder aloud, just kind of musingly, how well any of your team or this lady can speak the language of the outside group. It always boggles my mind that the very people who mock the English skills of foreign speakers think nothing of the fact that they themselves – the mockers – can’t speak the foreign speaker’s language at all.
Layla
And for what it’s worth, I think the fact alone of you not laughing and thus tacitly supporting her is a statement. It sounds like you wish you could do more, but that seems like even this small act is something. It will be noticed by at least one and hopefully more team members and hopefully give them a sense of shame. Certainly it reflects your own strong character. Good for you.
CC
Thanks, Sympathies and Layla. I really appreciate both of you saying that. I just pointed out to the team lead that she doesn’t speak another language and therefore cannot know how difficult it is, to which her response was “I don’t have to speak another language – I live in America!” …. I could not even believe she said that. MIND BLOWN. It is nice to hear encouragement from others – I was starting to feel like I was being too sensitive about this since my team seemed so blase about it.
Sydney Bristow
Not overly sensitive. Sounds like a really negative office culture.
There was a discussion here awhile back about people who say things like “being raped by the client” or using the word “retard” and a couple of people had great examples of how they’ve responded to the comments in the moment. I wish I could remember who had the good examples but you might try searching for that thread. I thought it had some great advice, which I should clearly reread since I can’t remember it very well. Luckily I haven’t experienced a situation like that.
emeralds
You are not being too sensitive and I’m sorry your boss is such a fool. In the past I’ve kind of gone squinty-eyed and perplexed and asked, “Why would you say that?” Also, classics like *raise eyebrows* “Wow” and “Ouch,” can be useful.
And also…is this a client? Do you think the bigger bosses at the organization would care if, somehow, it got back to this outside group that they were being openly mocked by a member of your company? YMMV on escalation, but if you think this could really damage a key relationship, it might be worth having a quick chat with 1) your idiot boss and 2) upper management if she responds with something characteristically asinine.
Sydney Bristow
Shoot I’m in moderation. Trying again changing the words I think caused it.
Not overly sensitive. Sounds like a really negative office culture.
There was a discussion here awhile back about people who say things like “being r*ped by the client” or using the word “r*tard” and a couple of people had great examples of how they’ve responded to the comments in the moment. I wish I could remember who had the good examples but you might try searching for that thread. I thought it had some great advice, which I should clearly reread since I can’t remember it very well. Luckily I haven’t experienced a situation like that.
char
I also offer my sympathies. I currently work in a very rural “country” county and though I haven’t heard overtly racist comments (my boss is pretty “progressive” in that way) I do routinely hear derogatory comments made about gays, e.g. “he sounds like a fruitcake”, or referring to someone as gay being the ultimate insult, etc. I don’t participate and those comments always make uncomfortable (even though I’m not gay). I try to make my feelings known in the most professional way possible but there will always be those that will continue regardless. But I think it’s important to not tacitly approve of that kind of behavior so I commend you for not laughing along.
Thistle
I’ve seen/heard similar and have often fallen back on the old “well, their English is better than my Greek/Hindi/Korean/Japanese” (delete as appropriate). And sometimes all thats needed is a just a “reeeeeeally” or if I’m in a particularly bad mood “charming”.
EEO
Our EEO training suggested just saying “ouch.” It gets the point across clearly but in a non-hostile way.
B
Does anyone know what happened to Silver Linings? I ran out a few months ago and their website said they were out of stock, but to check back on March 1. I’ve since checked back several times and they are still out of stock. No one responded to my customer service email.
I really hope they didn’t go out of business. I love my Silver Linings – to keep my heels from getting smelly and gross. Can anyone recommend an alternative?
Anon
I was wondering the same thing and also emailed but got no response. I’ve tried a couple of inserts from Amazon’s recommended “people also bought” but haven’t loved anything as much. Please post if you find out.
lhh
Wedding Attire TJ –
I have a black tie wedding that will be held in a garden in Dallas. The wedding is in May and I am completely clueless on what to wear! Anyone interested in some vicarious shopping? I’d like to spend less that $200 and I don’t want to rent the runway because I want to rewear the dress for other weddings.
Orangerie
I like this one:
http://shop.nordstrom.com/s/adrianna-papell-lace-yoke-drape-gown/3491731
Navy is great because it works equally well in summer and winter, so you could potentially get several wears out of it.
Orangerie
This is also pretty but maybe less appropriate for May in Dallas?
http://shop.nordstrom.com/S/lauren-ralph-lauren-sequin-lace-sleeve-jersey-gown/3389311
I don’t know if it’s faux pas where you are to wear black to a wedding. In SF nobody would bat an eyelash.
Orangerie
One more, if you wanted a bright color:
http://shop.nordstrom.com/S/lauren-ralph-lauren-one-shoulder-matte-jersey-gown/3653744
Anon
I hope it’s at least a 3am wedding, because sitting outside in the sun in a heavy black tie gown in May in Dallas sounds dreadful. Even at 3am it’s still 75 degrees.
lhh
Oh trust me, I know. I feel so sorry for the guys.
Senior Attorney
Heh. I love the idea of a 3 a.m. wedding. In the alternate universe in which I ever get married again, I’m totally doing it at 3 in the morning! ;)
NOLA
LOL! In a crazy way, I have planned my entire “next wedding” in my head in a way that I never did the first time around. Totally nuts since I/we have no plans to get married. But if we did, I know *exactly* what I want – when, where, reception, etc.
Senior Attorney
I feel the same way about weddings as I do about big remodeling projects: They are expensive, they take a lot of planning, and because you do it only a few times in a lifetime, you generally start out knowing little or nothing about it, learn from your mistakes along the way, and end up with a hopefully-satisfactory-but-less-than-perfect result and a whole lot of knowledge that would allow you to do a much, much better job if you had it to do over again. Which you don’t. Because you only get married or remodel your kitchen once. Or, once every decade or two.
NOLA
Oh, what I want wouldn’t be expensive it all. It would be along the lines of what one of my friends did when she got married in her 60s. They got married at the church on a Saturday afternoon. Invited family but didn’t make a big deal about it. Invited friends to show up. She bought a non-white dress at Macy’s. I bought her flowers. We did a little cupcake reception at a friend’s house then they had a lunch at a restaurant.
Senior Attorney
That’s definitely what I would do. (Or at least what I thought I would do before I decided on the whole “3 in the morning” thing!) I have a dear friend who is a judge and I would ask him to do the honors, and then we would all go out for an awesome lunch. Or brunch!!
But after my last wedding I definitely remember thinking “This was a great dress rehearsal. If I could do it again tomorrow it would be even better!”
Katie
Ugh, I once went to a wedding in mid June in southern Florida at 1 pm. I’m sure it was lovely, but I was so blinded by the white sand I couldn’t see a darn thing. And sweating up a storm in 110 degrees with no shade!
preg 3L
Rent the Runway has a sample sale coming up I believe if you’re interested in purchasing.
Lily-Student
This is beautiful in the Banana Republic sale http://bananarepublic.gap.co.uk/browse/product.do?cid=1008564&vid=1&pid=000949899SP04-13649
Also, check out Boden occasionwear. It’s lovely. What’s also worth a try if you’re in the UK between now and then is Marks & Spencers’ occasionwear. It looks so much more expensive than it is.
Anon
I went to lunch with some co-workers last week. One of them is on the Board of Director’s (secretary) at our company. I’ve only been here a short time and quickly learned that the reason people want to go to lunch with her after board meetings is because she tells all the juicy (private) details of the meeting. She apparently sees no issue in doing this. I find this extremely unprofessional and I’m sure if the president of our organization found out he wouldn’t be too happy.
Anyway, while at lunch she says to my supervisor “Jo Sho, you know the guy they hired last week?” “Yea, well they gave him stock options and didn’t even tell me. How am I supposed to give him the proper paperwork? That is part of my job.” My supervisor immediately looks at me concerned because I wasn’t offered stock options when I started. He then says to her “they need to be careful with doing that because not everyone was offered options when they started”.
I’m well compensated for my position but this really irks me. I looked at the new hire’s LinkedIn and he does have a couple more years of experience (and probably better experience) than me but I’m still annoyed. He is not in the same position as me, he is in a different group. I wish she would just keep her mouth shut. This is a case of if I didn’t know….I wouldn’t care.
Wildkitten
Negotiate stock options when you next negotiate your salary.
tazdevil
Agree with wildkitten. Though I can’t help but notice that the new person is ahe while (I presume) the poster of this message is a she. Perhaps it is your company’s policy to grant stock options – to everyone with a p#n*s!! In any case smile, and keep doing you job well. During y0ur next annual review or after you have killed it on a major project request that you be granted options.
Lily-Student
Especially since if you manage to imply without making it too obvious that you’re keen to make sure you’re not part of the pay gap statistic.
You know ‘I wouldn’t want people to come to unfounded conclusions about the way women are treated at x firm, as I love working here’
Bonnie
If he has more experience, he probably deserved higher compensation. But I agree with wildkitten about asking for them at your next performance review.
hoola hoopa
Learning things like this IS frustrating. However, I don’t sniff gender bias. Honestly, it sounds like the new hire out negotiated you. He asked for stock options and you did not. You also don’t know whether it’s an unusual addition used to improve his overall offer while staying within budget because he had a competing offer. It doesn’t sound like the person putting his paperwork together does it routinely.
I agree to ask about getting options at your next performance review. Your supervisor will likely remember this and know why you’re asking, so he may explain more about how typical it is or at what position level it is extended. I disagree that you should base your argument on gender equality. You should base it instead on getting fairly compensated for the quality and level of work you perform.
Bewitched
That is gender bias. If companies were allowed to pay different wages for the same job just based upon who negotiated what salary, there would be even more rampant wage variations among genders than there are today. According to the EEOC, once this company decides that position X with seniority Y is worth $ plus (_) stock options, they have to offer that same compensation to others who are similarly situated, or it can be the basis of a sex discrimination claim.
DCR
But the OP specicially said that he was not in the same position, had more years of experience, ect. It’s not an apples to apples comparision.
Olivia Pope
My understanding was that companies can absolutely offer different compensation based on negotiations. If there is a discrimination claim, whether similarly situated employees are compensated similarly is one of the factors/elements analyzed to determine whether discrimination occurred. Are there any labor and employment lawyers who can clarify?
Also, these two are not similarly situated (different position, different group, different experience).
That said, I agree with the others that you should negotiate for stock options (or whatever else you want) at the appropriate time based on your performance.
Midlaw
Any recommendations for simple silk tops – shells, short or long sleeve? I have many from around 2009 with all the pleats and ruffles that just feel too fussy now. Preferably not too many pleats or buttons because I don’t dry clean, and I’m horrible at ironing. Thanks!
Anon99
Classiques Entier (Nordstrom) always has a bunch of nice silk shells, usually in prints, with simple styles. They are expensive for what they are though – I buy them on sale when they change out the colors/prints for each season.
Susie
I like the Calvin Klein shells at Macys – not silk though.