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- What to say to friends and family who threaten to not vote?
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- The oldest daughter is America's social safety net — change my mind…
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anonforthis
Please help. My awesome small firm is joining a larger firm and I need to research the new firm’s salary structure. Any hints for where to find this type of information? I haven’t done this type of thing in a million years and I’m so freaked out and devastated.
mascot
NALP? Also, even if they are lock-step, that doesn’t necessarily mean that laterals are treated the same. So there may be opportunities for side-deals.
JJ
Search Above the Law? If the new firm is large enough, the compensation structure might have been leaked to them in the past.
Anonymous
GreedyAssociate has some older information on this; also check Infirmation (both of these end in . com).
Anonymous
Forgot to mention Glassdoor often has info as well, although it’s really up to the particular submitter (so not guaranteed accurate).
Socksberg
I’m putting an offer in on a condo today! I’m nervous and excited and trying not to get my hopes up because it’s all up in the air right now. Does anyone have any tips for this stage of the process?
Anonymous
I’m putting an offer on a house today (1st time). I want tips too!
Ellen
Yay! I love this outfit, but the manageing partner will NOT let me wear pant suit’s. FOOEY b/c I think I could look good in this one. Mabye some of the others in the hive could wear this and look good.
As for the OP, My dad did all of the bidding on my co-op. He had alot of troubel with it b/c there were OTHER peeople who wanted the co-op b/c it look’s out on the EAST River, which is in Manhattan. If you are lookeing out on a river, you will HAVE to expect to bid more for a coop. I think the same rule’s apply to condos.
Sam stopped by the office for his visit with the manageing partner, and afterward, he came into my OFFICE. He laughted and said THIS IS A PARTNER’s OFFICE? I said we were moveing soon and that I would have a window in my new office, even tho the manageing partner has NOT yet signed a lease yet. We will probabeley go MONTH TO MONTH HERE b/c he has not decided on Madison or 3rd Avenue Yet. I say Madison b/c it is close to Grand Central, so I could just take the 6 or the 4 or the 5. Sam wants to date again and I said he has to wait. Why is it these men are so anxious. It’s as if I have a special scent that causes men to come to me. I do NOT even wear perfume. FOOEY!
Anonymous
FOOEY indeed, Ellen.
Anon
Make sure the condo is warrantable ASAP (google the term if you are not familiar with it) and read the condo docs carefully as soon as you can get your hands on them.
Good luck!
long time lurker
Ask the broker the percent of condos that are owner-occupied. Banks handing out mortgages want to see 50% at least (in NYC, in my experience, which was a few years ago). Also if it is a new building, what percentage has been sold? I did not focus on these things. I thought, I have great credit, I am fine – but the bank wanted all this information about the building that I did not anticipate. It all worked out but was nerve wracking.
Also I made a lot of offers. It is hard but I had to force myself not to start planning out my living room furniture arrangement in each place, and be a bit more detached.
Pink
Has anybody ordered from shoe mint? what was your experience like?
Have you been able to cancel your “membership” via their number?
In the Pink
I did it via email easily with Jewel Mint which is their sister biz I think. Right after my first purchase. No problems.
anon
Hi everyone. Need some advice about marriage and biglaw.
My husband and I are both in biglaw. We both work long hours (this will be a 2200 hour year for me — not as bad as some places, I know, but nothing to be ashamed of) but he works longer hours than I do. He bills 10+ hours most weekends, and regularly (at least once or twice a week, for years) comes home after 1 or 2. We don’t spend time together during the week. One or two nights, we hang out for 30 minutes before I go to bed. Saturday afternoon/evenings are usually “ours” and we hang out then. He has been doing this for three years since he started. He insists that it’s out of his control, and he’s doing his best, but he really has *that much work.*
I can already predict what some of you are going to say – “This is Biglaw.” But I don’t buy it. I’m in Biglaw, and yes, it’s unpredictable and the hours are long. I have pulled many all-nighters, and cancelled many dinner plans. But here’s the thing – I don’t do it the time, every single night, for years on end. I can leave at 6 sometimes, and the world doesn’t end. And I know people at lots of firms with reputations for working their associates like crazy, but they still manage to do normal human things like have dinner with their spouses more than once a week, work out regularly, and see friends, and take the occasional weekend completely off.
So, what I’m saying is, I think it’s not his job–I think it’s his personality. I believe that he (a) feels guilty for not working all the time and (b) gets in a really bad cycle where he burns out, isn’t as productive as he needs to be, and then has to stay really late to make up for the work that he is falling behind on.
We’ve talked about this, and I’ve told him what I think, and he insists that’s not the case. He says that what he wants more than anything is a break, and to enjoy life more, and to spend more time with me, and take care of himself–but that his hands are (in the short term) tied because he’s on an extremely busy and understaffed case. What’s more, he’s hurt that I accuse him of, to some extent, bringing this on himself.
I want to put my foot down, and insist that, for example, we go to bed together every night. (I usually fall asleep at midnight, and he will go to bed at 2 am because he’s up working. He does often work from home after midnight, so at least I get to see him.) Am I unreasonable for requesting something like this? And if he’s right–that it really, truly is not within his control–am I hurting him and our relationship by making him more stressed than he already is?
Or is it absolutely crazy that we’re married with no kids, and we don’t spend more than a total of a couple hours during the week together?
preg 3L
If you think it’s his personality, do you think it’s a disorder (OCD) or an admirable trait (hard working)? Maybe this is just because of the discussion in this morning’s thread about the depressed husband, but I would suggest to him that he start weekly therapy. He obviously doesn’t have control over what he wants if he tells you that he wants to be working less and he just keeps working more. Does he go to the gym? Does he get an annual physical? Does he take care of himself generally? If you’re both 3 years out of law school, you’re getting to the point when you can start making decisions about your future — one of those decisions will be whether to stay in biglaw forever. My only knowledge of biglaw comes from what people have posted on thissite, but it sounds like this could go on forever and it sounds like that is not the life you thought you signed up for when you got married. Good luck.
NYC
Yes, good thoughts. I posted below (in a similar situation). My DH was much happier and more balanced when he was working out and seeing someone once a week, even though that took precious work hours away from him. I think the longer term issues are finding a job that doesn’t ask this much of him (because he will give it, if it does) and finding a way for you to talk about this without him feeling defensive.
meme
Yes it’s crazy that you hardly spend any time together. But it’s possible that it truly is his firm and not his personality. I’ve worked at 2 biglaw firms and they most certainly are not all created equal. Even different partners within the same firm can dictate widely disparate workloads. Of course it’s possible he is not good at saying no sometimes when he could actually get away with it, but it sounds like your only evidence of that is that your biglaw experience is different than his.
If this is just his firm culture and it’s this or get a new job, yes, you’re making it worse for him (and you) by being unsupportive of the requirements of his job and the incredible stress he’s under. I generally work part time, but my workload is extremely variable based on trial and briefing schedules, and there are times when I’m working 24/7 with all-nighters and managing our home and kids falls entirely upon my husband. Sometimes he has a meltdown in the middle of it, and that really isn’t.helpful.at.all (please I don’t have time for a 2-hour conversation right now about how my firm is overworking me).
I think it is ungenerous to assume based on your own experience that his workload can be just like yours, and that giving him an ultimatum is unlikely to be good for your marriage and will just make him resentful. I know I’d be thinking “why can’t you be supportive when clearly this sucks for me even more than it sucks for you?”
Can he consider finding a new job?
Taylor
Ungenerous? I would leave him if he didn’t spend more time with me. Why would he choose that job over spending time with his wife?
NYC
Ouf. I’m not sure that I have any good advice here, but I can certainly commiserate. DH and I were both biglaw for the first few years and I would say that he was very similar to your DH and I am very similar to you. I always felt that I had more of an ability to control my schedule than he did. I never really tried to make the point to him, because I knew he was unhappy and planning to leave. Now he is at small-law, and in general the hours and expectations are better for him, but he still takes it very seriously and thinks he has less control over his schedule than I do. We will probably bill about the same amount this year even though I have been part time part of the year and I make it home for bedtime more frequently (for our toddler).
What do I do about this? I guess that is what you are asking. I think acknowledging that you are different is part of the battle. As much as I wish he could just convert to my attitude and work habits and efficiency level, he is not going to just switch over to my way of thinking about/handling things. I try to encourage him to push back more on the schedule and encourage him to realize that the other folks at his firm slack off where he does not. But not from a “I’m right and you are just making things up” perspective. I would start with baby steps. Work on carving out an extra hour or two together in the week. Is everyone in his office with him on those late nights, or is he the last to leave? What are his goals? Does he want to make partner?
Susie
My husband and I have very different schedules and it can get to be like ships passing in the night. No kids, I’m in-house and he’s a CPA. We have one night a week that is designated date night when we both make it a point a eat dinner together, and often it is the only night we do eat together. We quite often don’t go to bed at the same time either. It’s not a problem for us. Sorry to say, to me it does sound quite controlling/needy to insist on going to bed together every night.
V
Biglaw partner here.
A lot of this is based on firm / city / practice group / partner you work for/ case or transaction load at the moment. Your experience is more typical than his experience, and his may be somewhat self-inflicted or based on expectations he’s given to his work providers.
So, if he’s at CWT/Skadden/etc., then if he moves firms, he may have a better life if he’s not the driver of this. But if he is, he could hang out a shingle in a small town and you’d never see him.
Is paying down debt / making bonuses a consideration driving this (so maybe you have a long-rnage plan for when that’s paid off) or saving for a house? Maybe the thing is to start making some 5- and 10-year goals or trying to have the discussion of what all of this work is getting you (other than more work).
JJ
Yeah, I agree with all this. And I’ve explained my past with my DH before on this website. My husband and I had very similar schedules a few years ago and I found that I was as supportive as possible while he was working like crazy. We would see each other for a similar amount of time each week and I always made sure to let him know that he didn’t need to be working those crazy hours *for me.* But ultimately, I figured that my husband was a grown man and when he decided the work load was too much, he would do something about it or look for a new job. Once it was important enough for him to do something about it, he did.
MH
So, if I were in your shoes, I would have a big problem with this. The reality is that neither of you have to work in biglaw, or live in a city that has a market where 2200 is expected for the year. You both are actively choosing to be in your jobs–it’s not something that has been forced on you. I guess I’m in the camp that thinks it’s pretty crazy to work that much in any situation, let alone when it’s causing you to spend almost no time with your life partner.
You say that this is only in the short-term (presumably until he makes partner?), but there is no guarantee that his hours will get any better if or when he makes partner. If you are unhappy with the current arrangement, you need to start making it clear to him that you need change. I don’t think you are hurting him by grounding him in the reality that work is not everything, and working too much has real consequences on relationships.
I’m not a fan of ultimatums, but I think you are allowed to at least express your lack of satisfaction in the current arrangement, and begin a discussion about how to make positive changes in your life.
anon
Thanks everyone. A couple of answers: (1) no, he doesn’t want to make partner (2) we have no debt and (3) I’ve been expressing my dissatisfaction for years, and see no sign of change. Susie, it’s actually really helpful to hear your perspective–so much of what drives people’s dissatisfaction is their perception of what is “normal.”
roses
If he doesn’t want to make partner and this has been going on “for years,” it’s probably prudent for him to start looking for a new job anyway. Around 5th year is the ideal time to leave, from what I’ve heard.
WestCoast Lawyer
Are you corporate or litigation? Your experience sounds pretty common for the transactional attorney (excluding some crazy M&A practices), but it sounds like your husband is in litigation so I can’t say whether it’s normal for this to go on for so long. I do agree that even in BigLaw there are big differences between firms and even partners as far as what is expected. My impression is that in some groups/offices you really aren’t going to get out of working these kind of crazy hours unless you quit or are fired.
Eyelet
I agree with MH — I think you’re within your rights to find this situation untenable. Sure, some people are fine with really only spending time with their SO one night a week, but I’m not one of those. Right now both my husband and I work more than we like, and it’s no where near how much you and your husband work, and it’s taking a toll on our relationship.
I think this is especially true given that from what you’ve said there doesn’t seem to be a financial necessity for this, nor is this a once every few months situation.
Of course communicating this in a way that gets results and/or isn’t just more stress on the over-worked partner something I don’t know how to do.
So no real advice, just sympathy.
Anon in NYC
My first two years in Biglaw I billed ~2200 and then ~2500 hours. That case is no longer 100% of my time, but for other associates, I wouldn’t be surprised if they’re on their way to a 3000 hr year. I’ve had partners tell me that I had to *bill* at least 12 hours a day, at a minimum, when things were really busy. I will also say, my first two years at my firm I have felt as if I have zero control over my schedule (and still do, to a lesser extent). This is because the partners that I have spent the majority of my time working for have no respect for my time. And when you spend a long period of time like that, it becomes normal. So, I wouldn’t immediately say that it’s not your husband’s firm/case/specific partners.
I think others have said this, but think about potential reasons why he is working so hard. School loans? Debt repayment? Fear of getting fired? House down payment? Fear of financial insecurity? Maybe he believes that if he isn’t always working that people will think he’s slacking, meaning he’ll get fired, leading to financial insecurity. Not saying that this mindset doesn’t need help, but perhaps it will help you communicate with him better.
Divaliscious11
Do you work in the same firm? In the same practice area? How long have you both been practicing? I know you don’t want to hear that it is BigLaw, but it kind of IS BigLaw, unless he is in a practice like Estates & Trusts, which usually has more saner hours. The truth of the matter is, if you are junior, you essentially do what you are told, and as you get more senior, you get more responsibility – both of which can result in absolutely crazy hours and an insane pace.
ps – all may have been said already – didn’t realize I never hit post
Need to Improve
I have been in BigLaw for 7 years and know people who bill 2200 and go home for dinner 4 nights a week and people who bill 2200 hours and work until 1 or 2 in the morning once a week. In my experience those categories of people do not have different aggregate hours over a year, but the dirrence in daily hours comes down to work habits. The working moms who need to get home are the most efficient. They bill every second they can and rarely surf the web. The young single people tend to be more relaxed in the day, have coffee breaks, etc. and stay later. I do think it is in part habit driven.
Anon
Last year, I billed 2400 hours and barely saw my husband (no kids). It wasn’t by choice. I was on a seriously understaffed case that went to trial that year. It was really horrible because I knew I wasn’t being fair to my husband but there was absolutely nothing I could do about it at the time. Everyone on the team (and in my practice group) was working the same kind of hours. If your husband is on an understaffed team right now, he probably can’t do much in the short term. So it’s probably not helpful to start demanding he goes to bed with you every night. If it were me, I’d just lie awake thinking about all of the work I still had to get done.
Instead, could you talk to him about long-term strategies for changing the situation? After my horrendous year, I made a serious commitment to spend more time with him through little changes. I try to work more from home in the evenings, I try to take a weekend totally off now and then (pathetic, I know), and I really, really try to not take my work laptop on vacations (haven’t take it so far this year). I’m still really busy, but we both feel like I’m spending more time with him and I’m “present” when I do spend time with him.
Maybe something like that would work for him, or maybe his long-term solution is going to another firm or going in-house. But I would frame the discussion more in terms of what you both want for the future and incremental changes you can both agree to for the present that will actually result in quality time together.
NYC
I read that whole post from last year about productivity in the evenings, and was really interested to read in the comments about people’s schedules. Commute seems to be a big factor. I was also surprised how early some people leave the office (and wake up, but it makes sense that some schedules are just shifted much earlier). Would people be willing to post their schedules? I will post mine.
deets
State attorney. Wake up at 6:30. Leave for work at 7:30. Take bus. Get to work by 8:15. Leave at 4:40 to catch bus home. At home by about 5:30. Others in my office come in at 9 or 10 and stay until 5:30 or 6, but I am not productive in the evening. Like right now, I’m reading corporette instead of doing work because my day is winding down and all my most productive hours are behind me.
Susie
My typical weekday:
7am – wake up, eat breakfast, pack lunch, get dressed
8am – leave for work
5:30/6 – leave work, go to gym
9 – shower at gym, drive home, shop for groceries if needed
9:30 – eat dinner
10 – study
11 – tv
12 – go to bed
NYC
Biglaw, senior associate, 1 kid
7/7:15 am: wake up when kid gets up, everyone hangs out, eats breakfast, and gets ready
8:45 am: nanny arrives and DH and I leave for work. Subway ride involves either working, hanging out with DH, or reading paper
9:30 am: work. Lunch at desk.
6 pm (twice a week): go home. Other nights, work until 8/9/10/11 pm.
6:45 pm: play with baby, monitor email if things are crazy
7:30 pm: baby to bed (nanny feeds him dinner)
7:30-11 pm: if work is busy, I log back on and work. If not, watch tv and maybe do a load of laundry, if feeling ambitious. Rarely exercise during the week, or even cook a real dinner unless the kid needs more food.
Anon
Can I ask, do you leave at 6 twice a week and your partner leaves at 6 twice a week? (i.e. do you trade off kid pick up / nanny relief nights)?
that is the only system I can envision working for me when we have a kid (we both work a lot) so am curious if it works for you.
NYC
Yes, this is what we do and it works well. Sometimes we have weeks where he does 4/5 days and sometimes we have weeks where I do 4/5 days. We usually discuss on the weekends who has what deadlines and can cover what days. On the few occasions where we are both really busy, we have the nanny stay late or have a family member come over for bedtime (the latter is totally amazing to have as an option). We’ve only been doing it a little over a year, but it works well. I find it takes a little bit of policing on my part to make sure DH remembers the equal arrangement we strive for (see the discussion above). If work isn’t crazy, sometimes I use my late nights to go do something fun, and encourage DH to do the same.
anon-oh-no
my husband and i both work in big law (we are both partners now, but were obviously both associates at one point). We leave consistently at 5:30. The plan is that we both leave at that time, though of course work interferes now and then, but one of us always leaves at that time.
It works if you make it work. Getting home to have dinner with the kids and put them to bed is what we decided was important to us. If that’s what is important to you, it will work. If its not that important, it probably wont work. (I know others for example, who have decided that they never want to work on the weekends, so they stay late during the week but have the whole weekend free to be with the kids).
ADS
This is really great perspective, anon-oh-no. I am not in BigLaw, but I am glad to hear someone in BigLaw chime in to say not every firm has its people working such crazy hours.
health care anon
+1000
Anon
My weekdays:
545-6am – wake up, workout
(finish workout by 730am, walk dog, shower, dress, etc, drive to work)
9am – at work. lunch at desk most days/occasionally out with coworkers
6/630ish – go home. 2nd workout 3-4 days a week.
8ish – dinner, tv/reading, LGP, talk to SO, etc
11pm – bed
Live with SO, no kids yet
Anon
Oh, I guess I forgot food. I do a lot of meal-prep each Sunday for the first few dinners of the week (as well as foods for packed breakfasts and lunches) and then probably cook a new dinner 1-2 nights a week as well.
Kate
No need to answer if this is intrusive, I’m just so fascinated by how different people’s routines can be. Can I ask why you work out that much?
Anon
Not intrusive at all. And forgive the deliberate vagueness but I’m trying to stay anon so I don’t want to give away identifying details. I train for regular, specific athletic competitions and my workouts are geared towards those (so for example, this morning I lifted weights, and this evening my workout is a sport-specific workout). And i find it both easier for scheduling and more effective for training purposes if I split it up into, for example, an hour in the morning and 45 minutes after work than trying to do it all at once.
Anonymous
My typical workday:
6am-6:30-wake up
7:30am-leave house
8:30am-get to work (commute is an hour)
5:30pm-leave work
6:30pm-get home, walk dog
7:00pm-work out (Jillian Michaels 30 day shred)
7:30pm-make dinner, do dishes, tidy up
8:30-9pm-play with dog
9pm-10pm-watch tv while dog is asleep
10-11pm-go to bed
Anonymous
7 am: wake up, read emails in bed; out of bed by 7:15
715-9: (Wow, I’m really slow…) Shower, make breakfast, coffee, pack lunch, get dressed, do makeup, feed cats, snuggle with cats, clean up kitchen, get out the door)
9-930 or 9:40: Commute (metro)
12-1:15: Gym during lunch, eat lunch at work immediately following
5:45-6:30: Commute (metro)
6:45-7:30 or 8: Cook dinner
Half hour after that: Eat dinner and watch TV
8:30-til: Read or watch more TV, usually in bed by 10 or 10:30
When I get a job with longer hours / have a kid I’m realllly going to need to speed things up…
Alice
I am slow too–glad I am not the only one who takes 2 hours to get ready! But I HATE being rushed in the mornings! I take the same amount of time as you do in the mornings and I even eat my breakfast at my desk at work…
Anonymous
I do too. I probably could get ready much faster, but starting the day with Pandora and leisurely making lunch and scrambling eggs for breakfast is just really nice. I’ll just enjoy it while I can, I guess.
Fiona
This has been great to read! I always take 1.5 hours in the morning (no kids) and for some reason had the idea that everyone else managed to get out in an hour. Nice to know I am not the only slow-poke/morning relisher.
AIMS
I can be very slow in the morning too and I purposefully wake up early so I can have a leisurely cup of coffee, breakfast, watch morning news, etc. But the most helpful thing I have noticed is to figure out my clothes the night before so that I don’t have to deal with that in the A.M. — it saves me a LOT of time and I can usually iron whatever I need while I watch the Daily Show the evening before.
Etc
Holy cow, Anonymous (3:41) – what job do you have where you are working under 7 hours? I want one!!
Batgirl
That used to be the norm! 9-5 lifestyle. I have a similar gig at a non-profit. More like 9:30-6 but still pretty good!
Alice
Government lawyer, no kids, SO who works at a hospital (and is therefore doing all the domestic work about half of my workdays, and none of the domestic work the rest of the time). I have a flexible schedule and often telework once a week when there are no meetings to attend in person (and on those days, I catch up on sleep).
5:15/5:45 am (depending on if it is a wash and blowdry hair day): wake up, shower/hair/makeup, walk dog, grab lunch from fridge, heat coffee for thermos, etc.
7:15 am: leave for 45 min walk to work (listen to podcasts, enjoy my beautiful neighborhood)
8 am – 5:30/6:30 pm: work (lunch at desk).
6:00 pm/7:00 pm: errands or workout for an hour
7:00 pm / 8:00 pm: 45 min. walk home (usually talk on phone to family/friends/SO, maybe stop by the store)
7:00 pm / 8:00 pm / 9:00 pm: arrive home. If SO is there, am greeted by a well-exercised dog, dinner, a glass of wine, and a TV show. If SO is not there, walk dog / make dinner / pack lunches for next day / dishes / clean up after SO (likely while drinking wine, except for the dog- walking part).
10:00 pm – 11:00 pm: go to bed.
NYC
If I had a dog, I would totally drink wine while walking him. Your walk to and from work sounds lovely. Would love to be able to do that.
EB
My SO travels quite a bit for work. About once a month when he’s home we take “wine walks” where we pour wine in sports bottles/Nalgenes and take the dog for long walks.
Alice
Hmmm…food for thought! Maybe once the dog is trained enough that I don’t have to walk her with a hand full of bacon-flavored treats, I will give this a try.
And NYC, my walk to work is lovely, and I’m enjoying it while I have the time to spend doing it. Not having a car is a pain sometimes, but it’s probably good for the body and soul as well as the bottom line.
Anon
I am a government lawyer with 3 kids and a husband.
5:45 wake up, shower, get ready, eat breakfast
6:45-7:30 drive to work (my husband gets the kids to school)
7:30-4:30 work (I walk for an hour at lunch and then eat lunch at my desk)
4:30-5:15 drive home
5:15-8:30 eat dinner, help kids with homework, play with kids, drive them to various activities, ect. get them ready for bed, etc.
Once kids are down, I try to do another short workout (usually jillian michaels or pilates) and then watch TV or something. 3 nights a week my husband works late (midnight), but if he is home then we spend time together.
I usually go to bed around 10.
A Nonny Moose
Any way you could cut back the cooking dinner time? Pre-chop on weekends/crockpot/frozen meals?
A Nonny Moose
Sorry, this was for poster below.
marketingchic
I haven’t seen a schedule with both working out and kids yet – I’m hoping someone will give me the solution! Here’s mine:
5:30 wake up
Shower, feed and dress kids, get ready,pack lunches, put laundy in, maybe put dinner in the slow cooker
7:00 – 7:30 drive to work, DH drops off kids
7:30 – 4:30 work, lunch at desk, sometimes lunchtime errands
4:30 – 5:30 commute home, pick up both kids (different places)
5:30 – 6:15 cook dinner while having a glass of wine
6: – 6:45 eat dinner
6:45 – 8:30 homework help, kid baths, put kids to bed, clean up dinner (all split with DH)
8:30 – 10:00 laundry, clean, pay bills, occasionally catch up on work, read or TV rarely
10:00 bed
At 10:00 I’m done. I need to work out, but it isn’t happening.
Anon
I don’t have kids yet, but I have gone through periods where I’ve had far fewer free hours than I do now (former Biglaw), and even during crazy times, I just made it a priority. At least for me, I’d rather get 4 hours of sleep and an hour of exercise than 5 hours of sleep, so I made it happen. I’m sure that is about as helpful as telling someone who wants to lose weight “eat cleaner! smaller portions! exercise more!” but it was just a non-negotiable in my mind, so I stuck to it, the same way I still made sure to brush my teeth/walk the dog/do laundry/etc.
A Nonny Moose
Any way you could cut back the cooking dinner time? Pre-chop on weekends/crockpot/frozen meals?
NYC
Ha! I was fitting in 3 real workout a week (2 in the morning during the week and 1 long one on the weekends), when I was training for a race. But once that ended, I’ve had a much harder time making it a priority.
Stephanie
You asked for it– working out, with kids. Two kids, school aged, work in house with five minute commute. This is work out days only
5am– get up, get dressed, drive to gym
6-7am body pump class OR do elliptical machine in my garage
7am shower, get ready, husband already gave kids breakfast
8am drive kids to school
8:15am arrive at work
noon- lunch at desk
about 6pm– leave work
6-8pm dinner, sit around, hang with kids who did homework and piano with our sitter
8-10pm hang out with husband, TV, read, whatever
But on non-workout days I get in to the office at 7am and leave more like 4:30 or 5pm. Sometimes I work out at lunch instead– no shower, just a light workout and stick work clothes back on and pull hair back.
Stephanie
I should add that I drive to the gym, stake out a spot for my class, then go on the treadmill. It doesn’t take an hour to get to my gym.
anyanon
I have to say that if I had a 5 minute commute each way I would have no excuse not to work out. As it is, I have a one-hour commute each way and two kids under 10. Life is harder with a long commute.
Anon
I have kids and work out 5-6 times a week. It helps immensely that my work has a gym that I go to at lunch, but I also go to a team practice one evening a week while my husband takes care of the kids. (He plays in a sports league another weeknight when I stay with the kids.) On the weekend, I either fit in a run while my husband watches the kids, or I run at the track while they do their sports activities. It helps that I do exercise I enjoy – bootcamp-style classes, running and a sport I did as a child. When I was trying to fit in sessions on the elliptical trainer or exercise videos, I never seemed to find the time to do it.
CapHillAnon
Look at Anon at 3:43! She has children and 2 workouts! That is amazing.
zora
marketingchic: I don’t have any of these responsibilities, so this is just an idea, but I have been trying to work out more, too, so I’ve been thinking about it a lot.
first, can you start slow? Figure out how to get in one workout per week first?? Once you’ve done that for a couple of months, then try to add one-two, get up to 3-4 workouts per week, not 7, while you have young kids?? It’s not perfect, but better than nothing, right?
second, can you ask your husband to cover you for the workout? I would think somewhere in that morning getting-ready block, or somewhere in the evening dinner block, when both you and your husband are there, can he be on duty, while you take 20-30 minutes to do a workout video or routine in the house? Or even a 10-15 minute routine to start with. Again, it’s better than 0, and willl get you started.
And, if you start with once a week, it should be possible for the two of you to figure it out logistically with the kids. Once you’ve gotten it down in muscle memory/made it a habit, it might be easier to increase it to 2-3 times a week.
This is what I’ve been trying to do for myself, remind myself that 10 minutes is better than 0 minutes, and if I can create the habit with a 10 minute routine, it will get easier to make it longer and more regular in my schedule. Haven’t actually succeeded yet ;o) but it seems like a good idea in theory! haha
health care anon
I’m not a lawyer, I work in health care and work 9-12 hour days depending on the crisis. One son, one step daughter who is with us part time (every other week for the full week), and I train for half marathons and century rides… here’s what I do:
5:15 alarm off, husband up (or usually off to work, depending on where they are in his work season)
5:30 shower
6:00 kids up (I know this sounds harsh, please bear with me until you see bed time), kids and I have breakfast and visit, plan the day, do a load of dishes/laundry, help kids get ready
7-715 leave the house, stop for coffee if everyone has been good, kids get lollipops
730-745 drop my son off
745-8 drop daughter off (this is gone on the weeks we don’t have her)
8-5 or 6 work
off at 5, spin at 6, off at 6 run three miles in the work gym (mostly due to daylight savings now)
7: Home, dinner, put kids to bed, read books with kids, walk dogs if light enough/necessary (my husband is the cook and will have everything ready to go when I get home, including house vacuumed and kids showered)
8: kids in bed (this gives them about ten hours), husband goes to gym, I do strength training at home 3-4 times a week
Fridays I usually leave a little earlier and we have family game or movie night, I always do long dog walks Fri/Sat/Sun
KLG
Gov’t lawyer, married, 1 kid every other week.
On the kid weeks I do meal planning/grocery shopping on Sunday and post the meals on the fridge:
6 am get up
7-7:15 am – leave for work
8-8:15 am – get to work
4:30-4:45 pm – leave work and call DH to tell him what needs to be started for dinner
5:45-6 pm – get home
6 pm – 9 pm – finish making dinner, have a family dinner, do dishes, help with homework, read with kid
9 pm – kid goes to bed and I walk the dog, straighten up, etc.
9:30-10 pm go to bed
non-kid weeks – replace everything after 6 pm with lying on the couch watching tv or running errands
Miss Behaved
IT for a University
6:30 am – Get Up
6:45 am – Leave apartment
7:00ish – Arrive at T station (by car)
7:45 am – Arrive at T station near office
8:00 ish – Arrive at work (10 minute walk from work, arrival depending on delays on T)
1:00 pm – Treadmill at gym (I try to do 45 minutes, but depends on meetings, schedule, etc.) I prefer 1 pm, but I move it around depending on my schedule
4:00 pm – Leave work
5:00 pm – Arrive back in my town. Do errands (market, gas, etc).
5:30 pm / 7:00 pm – Get home. Watch tv. Surf the web. Shower (every other day)
7:00 pm / 8:00 pm – Do one of the Netfit workouts on Roku (usually Kickfit, Tabata or Step)
8:00 pm – Dinner. TV. Internet. Read sometimes.
10:00 pm / 10:30 pm – Bedtime
Oops, it’s about 4:00. Time to go home.
Miss Behaved
Realized I forgot blowdrying my hair at about 9:30 every other night
Anonymous
Associate Attorney, small firm
Wake-up: 6:15
Workout (run from house, back to house): 6:45 – 7:45
Shower: 7:55 – 8:05
Hair and Make-up: 8:05 – 8:30
Get dressed: 8:30 – 8:35
Grab breakfast, lunch, keys, any afterwork stuff: 8:35 – 8:45
Commute to work: 8:45 – 9:00
Work: 9:00 – 5:30 / 6:00
Yoga: 6:30 – 7:45 (only once or twice a week); if no yoga, shift dinner to 6:30
Make dinner: 8:00 – 8:30
Eat dinner: 8:30 – 9:00
Clean kitchen: 9:00 – 9:15
Watch TV / read / talk: 9:15 – 10:00
Bed: 10:00 (non-negotiable!)
Anonymous
Also, spouse, no kids (one in the oven!)
ADS
Congrats! I’m impressed with how you’re organized your life. I’m one of those who just can’t get motivated enough to work out even though I work fewer hours than you.
Anonymous
I do have a very short commute (~2.5 miles) and running from the house means I don’t have to get in the car to go to the gym and can get right in the shower when I’m done. I also love working out and have run for 15 years. It’s like a fun hobby for me. I look forward to running.
I’ve learned that: 1) if I don’t workout in the morning, I will not do it (excluding yoga, but I meet a friend for yoga, so it’s harder to bail) and 2) if I don’t go to sleep by 10:00, I will not get up to workout.
My house is always moderately messy until I clean on the weekends, and my job is relatively low stress. I have a nice thing going with a nice boss and steady work, but nothing overwhelming. There are days when I stay late or work on a weekend, but it’s far and few between. But, I am paid commensurate with that job-style. It works for us because my husband makes a lot more and doesn’t mind that I don’t!
MH
Lawyer in a firm (not big law), husband, no kids:
6:45 wake up, shower, get dressed
7:45 leave for work (10-15 minute commute)
8:00-8:30 arrive at work, read news, blogs, check email, etc.
8:30-12:00 work
12:00-12:30 eat lunch at desk or go out (if out, lunch is an hour)
12:30/1:00-5:00 work
5:00-6:00 work out or get drink with friends
6:00-7:00 head home, cook dinner
7:00-7:30 eat dinner with husband
7:30-10:00 watch tv, read, generally hang out at home
10:00 get in bed, read
11:00 go to sleep
Orangerie
Finance, single, no kids and no pets.
6:00 am: Wake up, shower (only rinsing off & washing face, I shampoo & blow dry my hair at night after the gym), hair & makeup
7:00 am: make the bed, get dressed, pack the day’s lunch
7:20 am: out the door, walk to bus stop
7:45 am: arrive downtown, grab a coffee and walk to my building
8:00 am – 5:00 pm: work (eat lunch at my desk, try to squeeze in a 30 minute walk if I can)
Gym Days (M, W, F):
5:30 pm – 6:30 pm: workout
6:30 – 8:00 pm: walk home, put away the day’s clothes, wash lunch tupperwares, shower & blow dry hair, lay out clothes and shoes for the next day
8:00 pm: make and eat dinner
8:30 pm – 10:00 pm: watch tv/call a friend/surf the internet/relax before bed
Non-Gym Days:
5:00 – 5:30 pm: bus ride home
5:30 – 10:00 pm: same post-gym schedule as above, minus the shower and bumped up by an hour.
I tutor once a week so on a non-gym day I will go straight from work and usually arrive home by 7:15 or so. All grocery shopping, laundry and big errands are done on the weekends. I have a cleaning service come every two weeks and will try to pick up small things I need (deodorant, qtips, etc) at Walgreens during lunch, otherwise I make a list and do a Target run when necessary.
Can you tell I like routines?
mascot
Atty in mid-law, 1 kid
6 a.m. shower, dress, breakfast, feed/dress child, straighten house
8-ish: leave house, drop child off at daycare
8:30-9: arrive at office
12-1: lunch or errands, I try to get out a few days a week
6: leave work
6:20-8: dinner (child, maybe us), family time
8-10: dinner (adults), life chores, time with DH and dogs
10:30: bedtime
Anon
5:45am wake up, run or do body-weight work-out in basement
6:30am shower, breakfast, make lunch, dress, make-up, hair
7:45am leave for work (walk 1 mi to Metro, then Metro to city, walk to office)
8:40am-5:15pm work, lunch at desk
5:15pm-6:00pm Metro home
6:00pm pick up dog from doggie day care if M, W, or F; maybe hit grocery for last minute item
6:30-7:00pm make dinner
7:00-7:30pm eat dinner, usually with husband (arrives home 7:00ish)
7:30-11:00pm watch TV, do more work, play with dog, talk with husband
11:00pm (try for 10:30, but usually winds up being 11:00) bed
Anon
Typical workday in first job out of college:
5:45 am: wake up, make coffee, pour cereal
6:00 – 6:45 – watch the Daily Show and Colbert Report with live-in boyfriend, pack lunch
6:45 – 7:35 – quick wake-up shower, get dressed, out the door
7:45 – ~8:15 – commute (on the T)
8:30 – 4:45 – work, usually at least partway through lunch
4:45 – 5:20 – commute home – usually longer in the afternoon
5:20 – 9:00 – run any errands on foot or on bike, make dinner, shower (wash hair, shave, etc)., search for jobs online, hang out with boyfriend
9:00 – 10:00 – bed. I need my sleep. I usually get in bed around 9:00 and read, check the news, etc.
Working out has gone by the wayside a bit this year, but I’m hoping to get back on track even with winter approaching. Having a bike for errands and fun rides has been awesome, though!
Also, I would work longer hours in a different position, but work-life balance and spending time with the boyfriend is also really important to me. I don’t think I could handle the biglaw schedule in the comments above.
Lyssa
Medium law, 1 baby, DH is a SAHD.
5:30 – get up, shower, makeup
6:15 – get baby up, feed him bottle, play with him, eat breakfast, get dressed
7:15 – leave (drive to work)
8:00-5:15 (hah!) to 5:45: work. I eat lunch approx 12:30, usually at my desk, theoretically working, but in reality, reading junk on the net.
6:10-ish – Home, feed baby dinner and/or start cooking dinner, maybe veg for a few minutes if baby is asleep
7:00-7:30 (ish) – eat dinner, watch TV
8:00ish – play with baby until he gets cranky
8:30-9ish – get baby ready for bed, feed him bottle. Cuddle with sleeping baby while watching TV w/ hubby (Awww)
9:30-10ish – force self to put down baby, maybe watch a little more TV with hubby
10:30ish – bed.
Anon
Client-facing finance role, live with BF, no kids.
6:20 am – alarm goes off, lay in bed reading emails while BF finishes getting ready for work/leaves for the day
6:40 am – out of the bed & getting ready for work.
7:30-7:45 am – leave for work. I have a mercifully short commute, so I’m in my office within 15 minutes of leaving the house.
7:45-8:00 am – arrive at work.
5:00-5:30 pm – leave work.
5:30-6:30 pm – barre class (occasionally I ditch class and meet a girlfriend for happy hour, but I try to go to barre at least 4 days a week).
6:30-9:00 pm – dinner, catch up on work emails, watch a show with BF or read a book/blogs.
9:00 pm – in bed, watching a show or chatting with BF. Lights are normally out before 10 (we’re the human equivalents of cats and love to sleep).
NOLA
Academic, so obviously very different from law:
5:45: wake up
7:15: leave house
7:30 get to work (yeah, short commute)
4:15-5: leave work
5:00: on Tuesday and Thursday, go to the gym
5:00: on MWF, go home
5:00-6:00: do dishes, feed the cat, lay on my bed like a lump, eat something
6:30 or so: every night but Wednesday, I walk on my treadmill for an hour, later if I go to the gym
7:30 or 8: shower
8-10:30: watch TV, read, knit, whatever
10:30: go to bed
NOLA
Should have clarified (I guess) – I do weights at the gym, so on the nights I go to the gym, I still come home and walk on my treadmill.
Mary Ann Singleton
Single, lawyer, no kids but two demanding four-legged pets (canine and equine).
5.30am: wake up. Snooze for 5-10 mins. Sleepwalk to coffee maker and make coffee; walk and feed dog; pull on horse riding clothes and wash face. The day’s clothes and lunch should be packed and ready to go, on a good day.
6.20am: out the door (with dog who comes with me), 45 min drive to stables; drink coffee while driving.
7.05: Arrive at stables, check work emails on phone and respond to anything urgent; snuggle with my horse a bit and love every second of being there; brush horse and get it tacked up; chat with friends in the stables; get on horse and ride 45 mins or so; untack, clean; relish how great of a start that was to the day.
9.10am: hour-long drive to work.
10.10am: Arrive at work late; sneak in and start computer, sneak out and shower at gym downstairs.
Work until 7/8pm, lunch at desk, only short breaks to walk dog.
7/8pm: Drive home (45 mins), followed by simple dinner at home, catching up on personal email etc.
In bed by 9.30pm most nights, lights out at 10 if it’s a good night.
On days when I’m not riding I might sleep in until 7am, or take the opportunity to get to work early and avoid traffic.
Anon
Wait – you can bring your dog to work????!!!!
Mary Ann Singleton
Yup! This is why I will never leave this job. I can bring my dog and nobody really cares how late I show up.
Anon
OMG that is awesome. I am so jealous. I would love to bring my dog to work (he is essentially Dug from Up! – so he’d love it, too).
So, so jealous.
Mary Ann Singleton
Yeah, I recognize how lucky I am. He is snoring at my feet in my office right now.
Anon in NYC
OH MY GOD I AM SO JEALOUS. If I could bring my dog to work all would be right in my world.
a lawyer
We’ve had three dogs in our office at various times, and they are great, even though I am a cat person. All have either died or become too old to make it up the stairs to “dad’s” office, and I was thinking today that we really need someone to get a dog that they bring to work. We do host the neighbor’s large tom cat on occasion, but he generally just comes in, gets some attention, and leaves.
Circadian Screwup
In my dreams, I have your lifestyle. In reality, as a nightshift employee, I think my dog would be miserable even if I could bring him or her to the office. Dogs are pretty diurnal, right? I don’t think I’d be awake the hours when the dog wanted to play. Boo.
Becky
In house attorney, LDR
6.45-7 wake up
7.15-7.40 – head to work
7.30/8- 5.30 – work; lunch away from desk up to 3X per week
5.30- head home
6-6.45 – work out; start dinner prep
7.15-10 – eat dinner; chat on phone with SO and family
10- prep outfit for tomorrow; bedtime.
EB0220
Preface: Work is really really quiet right now. I have 1 kid, husband traveling during the week, I work from home.
6:30 am: Get up and make kid lunch
6:45 am: Kid wake up/get dressed/she eats breakfast
7:30 am: Daycare dropoff
8 am: Workout #1 (cardio kickboxing/weights circuit)
9 am: East breakfast at my desk, start working
12 pm: Workout #2 (cardio)
1 pm: Return to office (home), lunch at desk
5 pm: Leave office, pick daughter up, groceries/errands if needed
6 pm: Dinner
7-8 pm: Kid bedtime routine
8-8:30 pm: Household chores (cleaning/dishes/etc.)
8:30 pm – 9:30 pm: Finish up work
10 pm: Yoga/reading to wind down
10:30 pm: Bedtime
Sydney Bristow
My weekdays look like this:
6:45am – Get up and get ready. Pack lunch if I didn’t do it the night before.
7:10am-8/8:30am – Commute to work
8:30am – 9pm – Work
9pm-9:45/10pm – Commute home (the trains seem to get delayed less at this time at night than in the morning)
10pm-11:30/12 – Work out for 30 min at home 3 times a week (going on 4 weeks in a row), eat dinner that my boyfriend makes, read/watch TV/spend time with my bf, shower, lay out clothes, and I’m normally in bed by midnight.
Saturdays I get up at 6:45, work about 8am-2:30pm, then go home to start my weekend.
I work too much but thankfully have a truly supportive partner who cooks for me most days and does things like take my laundry to the laundromat. We tend to keep things tidy through the week and do any necessary cleaning on the weekend.
Sydney Bristow
Oops forgot to add that I’m in NYC and a document review attorney at a biglaw firm. My boyfriend and I live together and he is a bureaucrat with fantastically reasonable hours. I commute on the subway so I always read both ways. It adds up! I’ve read nearly 70 books this year.
zora
i like my super short commute right now, but i actually really miss reading on the subway!! i miss books. ;o)
Miss Behaved
I read on the T, too. I’ve read 117 books this year.
BB
In-house consultant, no kids, married. Would like to add that I was an external consultant before, and my hours are SO MUCH better now (with not a huge pay downgrade either), so if anyone is considering the switch…it gets better! :)
7AM Wake up, do 5 min workout to wake up, breakfast, read news
8AM Drive to work (~1 hour commute)
6-7PM Leave from work
7:30-ish Put dinner on to cook and go to gym downstairs while it cooks
8:30-ish Eat dinner/hang out/make lunch for the following day
10:30-11PM sleep
The only down side is that due to the commute, I can only do errands on days I get to work from home (maybe once a month).
B
Regional big law, 2 kids with a stay at home husband
7:30-8ish: Wake up
8-9ish: Shower/get dressed/play with kids as they come in the bathroom while i’m getting ready
8:45-9ish: Leave for work (2 days a week, drops kids at preschool on the way)
9:15/9:30ish: Arrive at work
Noon: lunch – try to do business development lunches or catch up with friends, if no plans, eat at desk and work
6 pm: Leave work (try to leave no later than 6:15, some days this doesn’t happen, but it’s the exception)
6:30 pm: Home for dinner
7-8:15 pm: play with kids and if not busy, read books or take a bath with them – really busy days, this time gets shortened and I get back online for work. Always keeping an eye on email during dinner and this time
8:30 pm: back online for work, TV in the background and checking in with hubby about various things
Anytime between 10:30pm and 2pm: bedtime, depending completely on work load
One day a week, get up early and go to gym with trainer and get in to work closer to 9:45.
Anon
Small law, married with a young baby and one dog.
6:00: Wake-up
6:00-7:30: Coffee, cuddle with the baby, nurse, talk to husband, play with the dog.
7:30-8:15: Shower, get dressed, pack bottles and pump parts for the day.
8:30: Daycare drop off.
8:30-8:45: Drive to work.
8:45-5:15: Work. I’m pumping 3x/day right now so I eat lunch at my desk.
5:30: Daycare pick up.
6:00-8:00: Home. Comfy clothes. Eat something fast and easy for dinner while playing with the baby and the dog. Chat with husband. Share some beer/wine.
8:00-10:00: Cuddle the baby while he sleeps on me on the couch (I know, I know, Dr. Ferber…)
10:00: Lights out.
Anon
Don’t sweat Dr. Ferber. You will never regret a minute of that cuddling. Those boys are lucky to have you!
Circadian Screwup
Ayup. In our family photo album, there are some great photos of my mom cuddling baby-me. She and I very close! She is really my favorite person in the world to hug.
L in DC
BigLaw, SO is a consultant, no kids.
7:30 AM – Wake up, make breakfast, sit down and eat with SO, shower, get dressed
9:00 AM – Leave for work
9:10 AM – Arrive at work
I generally spend an hour at some point either eating lunch out, going to the gym in my office building, or meeting a friend for a run.
5:00 PM – Eat snack at work
7:00ish – Leave work, get drinks with friends, go for a workout with a friend, or stop by the store to grab food to make for dinner
8:00/8:30 PM – Home, make dinner with SO
8:30/9:00 PM – Eat light dinner with SO, hang out, read, go for long walks, meet up with friends, etc.
11:30 PM – Bed
If I have a lot of work, I will sometimes just work through the middle of the day, but I generally manage to fit in 3 workouts a week and I try to exercise with friends when possible. For evenings, I’ve noticed I end up with a lot of social time and time to read primarily because I live downtown, which means I have next to no commute and many of my friends also live or work close by. I also find that sitting in a chair staring at a computer all day at work means the last thing I want to do in the evening is a) sit and b) look at a screen, so I tend to not watch TV/movies or get on my laptop on weeknights. It’s seriously amazing how much more room in my evening I have without evening screentime. And the whole not sitting thing also hugely helps unkink some of the aches and pains that I get from sitting all day.
I know everyone’s mileage varies, but I do think a lot of people have sort of fallen into thinking they need TV/computer to unwind in the evening when those activities are often energy-sucking rather than recharging. I don’t know anyone who feels full of energy after a couple hours on the couch watching TV or surfing the internet.
RR
Regional BigLaw partner, 3 kids, one of which is infant, husband is in profession with more regular 9-5 schedule.
5:00 wake up/work out/eat
6:00/6:30 shower/ get ready / feed baby / get baby ready (H gets older kids fed and ready). On bad days (most days now, I skip the workout and get up at this time)
7:30 leave house/drop kids off at daycare
8:30ish at office
12:00 lunch (50/50 on going out vs eating at desk)
6:00 leave office
6:30 home/H has picked up kids and cooked dinner/eat dinner /baby to bed by 7:00ish
8:00 older kids in bed/watch TV/spend time with H
9:30 bed
I don’t work at home in evenings beyond monitoring and responding to emails. I only occasionally am in the office past 6:30. I have periods where I go to the office for at least a half day every weekend and periods where I never work weekends.
hoola hoopa
Non-law, 2 kids, SAH husband
5-6 am: youngest wakes me up and we snooze
7 am: oldest wakes me up and I get everyone ready for the day
9 am: arrive at work (~10 min commute)
5:30 pm: return home, make/eat dinner, play with kids
8 pm: start kids bedtime
9-9:30 pm: kids asleep; I clean, do something useful, hang out with husband
11 pm: go to bed
I bike commute when the weather is nice (which adds ~10 min each way).
roses
Biglaw, married, no kids. Husband also in biglaw but works from home for a few hours in the morning. This can vary tremendously (and does not reflect the 1 day/wk I meet up with friends), but a typical day may be:
6:00 – 6:20 AM: wake up, eat small breakfast, put on workout clothes
6:20 – 7:20 AM: Workout in gym in my building
7:20 – 8:30 AM: Shower/morning routine (I have an extensive hair routine, so it takes a while)
8:40: Wake up husband; leave and catch bus to work
9:00 AM – 7/8ish PM (although very unpredictable): Work
If I’m home before 7:30, I’ll cook at home; if not, I eat at work
8:30 PM – Usually home by now; TV, catch up with husband, computer
10:45 PM – Cuddle with husband until I fall asleep around 11 (he will stay up later)
b. barnacle
This is fascinating. Associate at a boutique firm. pre-pregnancy routine (now i just work and sleep):
7:15: alarm
7:15-8:15: shower, breakfast, read paper, get dressed
8:15-8:35: walk to subway
8:35-9:05ish: subway (23 min) plus walk to office (5 min)
9:05 (if I’m on time) – ~ 7:00 — work, lunch at desk or sometimes gym/run/walk at lunch
any time between 6:30 and 9 – leave work
if before 8:30, go to gym, run, or go to my weekly hobby group meeting or sometimes meet a friend
commute home is ~45 minutes but subway runs much less frequently at night than in the morning, so sometimes that’s 60 minutes.
8 (or much later, if went to gym) – make dinner if spouse hasn’t
9-10, depending on day: dinner
10- anywhere from 10:30 to 12 – hang out with husband, read, chores, internets
10:30-12 – bedtime
CKB
Accountant at a large public company.
A typical day for me looks like this:
5-6am get up, depending if it’s a running day or not, shower, get dressed, make kids’ lunches
7am – out the door
7:45 – arrive at work
Take 1 hour for lunch (often hit the gym in our building)
4:30- head home
5:25 – arrive home, dh has dinner ready or almost ready, eat, help with homework, laundry, whatever needs to be done, errands, whatever
10pm ish – in bed
Occasionally I’ll have meetings, projects, month end that will require staying a little later. Month end generally requires staying a few hours late one night a week, and working on the weekend for a few hours if month end is on the weekend.
My commute is train & bus.
Divaliscious11
In-House lawyer/Unnamed new business role – duo role (thats new!), senior, LDM (long distance marriage)
5:15 – first alarm, snooze/listen to news/weather
5:30 – up, make lunch for daughter, coffee, breakfast for little girl
6:00 – make sure daughter is eating; shower and dressed
6:30 – out the door to work (daughter bus pick-up is 6:31) – drive either to train 915 minutes or work 35 minutes to 1.5 hours, depending on traffic. If train 7-7:45 on train
(Meanwhile son is asleep until 7am, au pair gets him up, fed and off to school for 8:10)
8ish-6ish – work
6:45ish-8ish – either home, checking homework etc… or at yoga/barre
8ish – dinner for me, hang with wee people (girl off to bed at 8:30)
9ish – bed, FT with hubby, internet etc….
If H is home edits
Sleep til 6 (he gets up and does breakfast)
Catch a ride to train/morning chat with H
6:45ish 11ish – catch a workout/ hang with family/H
11ish – bed
Seattle Freeze
Editor, live with SO, two dogs, no kids.
Weekdays are simpler now that I’m not marathon or tri training – when I was, I’d get up early two or three days/week to run or swim, and run or bike after work/before dinner most days, with long workouts on the weekends.
6:10 – 6:30 am: wake-up
6:30 – 7:30 am: coffee, shower, dress, makeup, chat with SO (if awake)/cuddle with him & dogs
7:30 – 8:00 am: drive to work (if carpooling, leave 10 min. earlier)
8:00 – 4:00 pm: work (incl. lunch @ desk)
4:00 – 4:30 pm: drive home
4:30 – 5:30 pm: play with/walk dogs
6 ish – make/eat dinner
Evening – hang out with SO, read, hobbies, etc.
Bedtime – prep coffee pot for next morning, plan/prep lunch, clothes, etc.
Nancy Blackett
I was not expecting so many people to get off so “early.” External consultant, travelling M-Th, single (ha, typing this out makes me understand more than ever why that is).
Mondays wake up 6AM, go to airport, fly to work – work until 8-11PM usually. Breakfast, lunch, dinner in office.
Tues-Weds:
8:15 wakeup
8:30 leave hotel room, walk to client
9:00 arrive at client, McDonalds breakfast in tow
12:00 lunch
7:30PM leave for pilates class, get dinner on the way
9:00 back to hotel to work
11-12ish sleep
Thurs same morning, 3PM leave work for airport, fly home (work on plane)
7PM dinner – I try to make this but usually all of my fresh food has gone bad so I end up ordering in, catch up with roommates, watch TV
12 bedtime
Friday
8AM wakeup
8:30 leave house for ~20m walk to office
9AM arrive at work, get breakfast in cafeteria
12 lunch
5PM Happy hour in the office
Usually no weekend work.
Anonymous
This weekly schedule is exactly why I left external consulting.
SoCalAtty
I think these are great threads, too! I am in-house legal for an international design firm.
Let’s see…
5:30am: get up, dressed
5:55am: Leave for work/gym
6:30: workout (spin then weights, or yoga), shower / get dressed at gym
8:15: get to my desk (gym is across the street from office)
12-ish: lunch at my desk, or lunch meeting, or if I was tired and didn’t get up for morning gym, pick up a spin class at lunch
5:30: leave work, 25-45 minutes home depending on the season, weather, and when I leave the office.
Dinner around 7pm, usually husband cooks (he is usually back at the house by 4pm to do paperwork – he is a commercial contractor)
The goal is to be asleep by 10 – in reality it is usually later than that. I check emails throughout the evening, and I may have to take a few work calls. I’m in-house and we’re essentially on call all the time, but my internal clients don’t abuse that so it is fine.
Saturday/Sunday – I have a riding/jumping lesson on the horse at 9 or 10am, and I’m done with that by about noon, and we do whatever errands we have to do for the week and any “fun stuff” after. I almost never have weekend work, and if I do, it is some kind of international emergency (in the literal sense) so I don’t mind.
I just realized that is gym 5 days a week with no day off! I usually miss at least one day, and once I hit my goal weight/goal fitness level I’ll probably back off to 3/4 days. 2 of those 5 are yoga, though, and I’ve been told by my physical therapist I should keep that up to protect my back from the horse riding.
Anne Shirley
At 10pm I ladygarden. Interesting how many people mention workouts, and how few mention gardening.
MH
Every day?
Alice
Ha! I consider this activity a part of going to bed. I ladygarden practically every night SO is not working. Though to be honest, at least 3 nights a week, I require that the gardening is quick and unromantic so that I can get my beauty sleep.
NOLA
LOL. My SO doesn’t live here and when he’s here, the whole schedule goes out the window, although he does try to work around my workouts.
L in DC
Hah, I put this under the category of “hang out with SO.”
ChiAnon
Small firm associate, engaged, dog; SO is in healthcare and works fairly 8 to 4 (or longer during busy weeks)
7:15 – 8:30 Walk the dog, prep coffee and breakfast, shower
8:30 – 9:15 Walk to work
11:30 – 12:30 thirty minute walk + thirty minute lunch
5/5:30 – Leave work; walk home most evenings
6:15 – walk the dog, if I get home first
7 – 8 Dinner (usually I cook something easy, though we occasionally order in)
8 – 11 Work (freelance stuff), or on a non-busy night, reading or watching movies
11 – Bed
During marathon training season (which is actually the majority of the year for me), I do training runs 5 days a week from 6:30 to 7:30 or 8 pm, in which case, I do freelance work in the AM instead (5:30 until 7); when I’m not training for a specific race, I run in the mornings (5:45 to 6:45 or so).
anon
oh dear. you all get up so early…. I have never consistently gotten up before 8:15-8:30 and have been working, first in education then in biglaw, for 5+ years…
Circadian Screwup
As a nightshift person, my eyes practically bugged out when I read the wakeup times. Then again, I don’t think my current schedule is going to be good for for me in the long-run.
OHCFO
Job is in public finance, 2 kids.This is my schedule most work-days:
4:15/4:30-wake up, get dressed to workout, eat light breakfast, put in a load of laundry
5:10-drive to gym
5:30-6:30 workout
6:45-7:40-shower, get dressed/ready for work, help get at least one of the kids up & dressed (DH takes kids to preschool)
7:40-drive to work
8:00-5:15 work (except for one night a week where I staff a public meeting and I work until 9)
5:15-drive to preschool, pick up kids, head home
6:00-arrive home w/ kids, start prepping easy dinner
7:30-8:30-kid bedtime routine & quality time
8:30-9:30-adult quality time
9:30-bed
Maribel
I need 8 -9 hours of sleep. Really, I do and it is frustrating. If I go to bed at 11, I really want to sleep until 8.
Yellow
Thank you to everyone who responded to my MIL question this morning. Not borrowing tomorrow’s troubles is great perspective.
The phone calls are the most concrete one where it went from Behavior A pre-wedding to Behavior B post-wedding. We’ve dealt with multiple surprise visits (which only stopped because she came one week where DH had an absolute non-negotiable business trip and left 2 hours after she arrived, after spending 500 on a flight) and meltdowns during times where there’s the perceptions that DH is unavailable. Like the weekend we had my cousins’s wedding/rehearsal dinner/brunch- MIL left 3 absolutely histerical voicemails that she had been robbed, insisted she couldnt cancel her credit cards on her own, had DH jump through all these hoops to help her… only to find the purse that had been “stolen” Monday morning. Etc. Etc. Etc. I want to make sure we’re not just further engraining bad patterns.
DH and I are able to have good conversations about these things and we seem to be on the same page. It’s almost like he feels guilty about setting any boundary with his mom until I say I want it, and then he is fully supportive and enforces it. But like if it bothers him alone, he shouldn’t do anything about it. I guess it’s good to have the lines of communication open but not to overly stress about anything before it’s a reality. Thank you guys for the help.
ADS
ZOMG. Your MIL sounds totally out of control. Surprise visits are just absolutely unacceptable. They’re rude and designed to push boundaries. Seriously? I say drawbridge up, in cases like this. I recommend therapy for your husband to figure out why he’s so weak at boundary setting and so guilt-ridden. It’s counterproductive for him, for his mother, and for your relationship. He’s still enabling the addict, as it were.
LizNYC
I’m not sure if this is totally a case of your hubs necessarily being “weak willed” when it comes to his mom. A few things to consider: 1) She IS his mom. I know I don’t act rational sometimes when my mom is concerned. 2) This has been his family dynamic for a long time — and it may have been his mom’s (or dad’s) dynamic with their parents before that. This is probably all he knows. 3) The fact that he enforces the boundaries once you raise a red flag says to me (who is not a therapist, but would recommend one for your DH) that he may suspect that some of things she does are strange, but until an “outsider” (i.e. someone who didn’t grow up in his household) points out that it’s OK to not put up said behavior, he does it because he may feel guilty or a duty to do so because … it’s his mom.
Good luck to you guys! And if my mom started barging in on us on weekends (DH’s mom passed away pre-marriage), I’d refuse to answer the door :P
SoCalAtty
I’ll second the ZOMG! She now sounds more like my MIL than ever!
Mine lives 600 miles away, but when we visit we stay at my grandfather’s house (which, since he recently passed away and we are in the process of selling the house, isn’t going to be an option so we’ll be hotel-ing it). Once time we were coming in very late, and we let MIL know we would be really tired from travelling after work and were going to go to grandpa’s and shower and straight to sleep.
About 11:30pm, husband is dead asleep, I’m about 20 minutes post-ambien and in nothing but a tshirt, reading and going to sleep. I hear a car drive by (not unusual, the window in my bedroom faces the street). Seconds later, I hear crunching on the gravel under our window. Then…tap tap tap!! It was my MIL!!! It scared the living heck out of me. Husband went outside to ask her what the…you know…she was doing, and the response was “I needed a hug!!!” It was not a good moment for me.
It is a constant battle. It really is…and SO frustrating. Maybe we need a support group! I agree with ADS…therapy, and drawbridge up. Maybe therapy for MIL too!
Circadian Screwup
Another “ZOMG” here! Wow. Just wow. I’m always amazed at how the bad behavior of family members gets excused merely because they are family. I mean, it seems unfair. What if I said the same sentence but said that bad behavior should get excused because someone was born light-skinned or dark-skinned. Suddenly, it looks really objectionable, right? Just as your natural skin color is not something you choose, your being so-and-so’s relative is not really something you choose. Why give a free pass to relatives for bad behavior? I think everybody should be held to pretty much the same standards for good behavior.
Whereas if you do want to make the argument that family is special, then giving them a free pass seems backwards, no? I mean, if they’re supposed to be the near and the dear, then aren’t they actually supposed to treat you better than strangers and so-called outsiders? So when they act out, in a way, they’re actually being worse!
Tired Squared
Thank you all who responded to my diamond question this morning! I’ve suggested that my friend at least talk to her girlfriend about her views, but she’s firmly in the “it ruins the romance if it’s not a surprise” camp.
Godzilla
She should propose with a Ring Pop and then go shopping together. So it’s still a surprise but girlfriend gets her pick.
If I am not proposed to with a ring pop, I will be SO MAD RAWR
Avery
Love this!
Wildkitten
I like this too.
anne-on
Is the friend willing to propose with a placeholder ring and then take the GF out ring shopping afterwards? Perhaps directly afterwards at a store where the rings were pre-selected to all be in a certain price range?
Tired Squared
I love this and Godzilla’s response, and will suggest both! You’re right that she could definitely use a placeholder and then get the real thing with the fiance’s input.
MH
100% sincere question: to all the women who work in Biglaw, why do you do it? Just curious in light of all the posts we’ve had about the hours, difficult partners, etc. I hear a lot about the downsides, but there must be some upsides that are not often talked about.
JJ
Granted, I work in a “lifestyle” Biglaw firm (to the extent that exists), but I love my job. I like the area of law that I practice–labor and employment–dealing with sophisticated clients, working on cases large enough to have tangible effects, keeping up on the cutting edge of law, and working with lawyers that are considered nationwide experts in their fields. I also like knowing that if I ever have a question about the law in another state, I can just shoot an email to the lawyers in that state and have an answer. And while it’s totally snobby, I like it when I tell other lawyers where I work and they say “Oh! That’s a great firm.”
springtime
Co-sign. I look at the hours people work and I think “wow, I could never do that”. I feel like I am a slacker compared to y’all.
Anne Shirley
The money. The work is high-end interesting stuff. My clients have the realizes to permit me to do excellent work. I’m getting great training.
Anne Shirley
Resources.
MH
Oooh, can you elaborate? I love hearing about this stuff. I’m always curious about what perks/resources other offices have.
Anne Shirley
If I think a case needs an expert, I can hire the best one available. If I want research done, I have a junior associate to do that. If I need tech support for a major doc review, we have that. It’s not to say money is no object, clients clearly appreciate value, but I’m not in a position where I know I could be doing better lawyering, but my clients won’t pay for it. In my field, Plaintiff’s lawyers often are, and it shows in the quality of their work. I didn’t want to start out like that.
Killer Kitten Heels
I’m not in Biglaw, but I’m at a Biglaw-style boutique (same hours and pay rate, small office, basically), and for me, I love my work. I would pay other people to let me go to court if I could, I love being in court that much. And I enjoy the mad rush that goes with prepping briefs on tight deadlines, doing the research, doing the writing, solving the client’s problems as best I can, etc. Basically, it’s the one place in my life where I get to feel like a total rockstar, and that’s something I need to be happy. I tried a lower-key job, and while I certainly had more free time, I had a lot less overall life satisfaction.
long time lurker
I could have written this post. I am an adrenaline junkie and I love the courtroom. I also like digging into a problem and solving it. Also, I have a lot of excess mental energy. During the times I am not busy at work, I pick fights with my husband, parents, or overanalyze/worry about everything in my life. Yes I probably need therapy!
I had a few bad years in big-law. A few crying jags in the bathroom. A long trial where I didn’t sleep. But as I rose up the ranks, things got better. I got more experience, knew how to handle difficult people, and was more in control of my schedule. I am not saying my experience is the same for everyone, OR that everyone wants to be a partner, but I think there are perceptions of biglaw that are not necessarily true and it is hard not to wonder if those perceptions scare women off, given the abysmal partnership stats for women. In my firm, most women leave (voluntarily) before they are up for partnership. I want to be clear that I am not criticizing anyone’s choice, I just wonder if the whole “big law is hell” thing is scaring off women who might otherwise try to stay in biglaw from doing so.
also interested to hear
And I’m more interested in answers besides “the money”… because yes, nearly all of us lawyers have student debt. I have tons. But working in big law to pay it off quickly is only one option for dealing with that, and it forces you to sacrifice a lot of your life during an important time in your life (when you are young!!!).
FWIW, I’m totally biased because I’ve taken the opposite path (work at an attorney job I love but make very little money at, on income based repayment, planning to work here at least ten years, maybe longer).
So what I’m asking is, what are the perks BESIDES the money? There have to be some that aren’t often advertised. Because I don’t buy into the “I HAVE to do this miserable job I hate because of my loans” trope.
also interested to hear
Ha! As I was writing this some of you responded with non-money answers that sound great. Good to hear that there ARE upsides!
TBK
I wouldn’t discount the money so lightly, though. I grew up in a house where money was always extremely tight and my mother worried over it constantly. I never had the things my classmates had. But it was always okay because I told myself “when I grow up, I’m going to college and then I’ll make plenty of money so it’s okay not to have this stuff now.” So having the money wasn’t just about about paying off loans (I actually got fantastic scholarship money for law school and had very little debt, comparatively). It was about the complete and utter freedom of never, never, never worrying about money. Every month, there was so much that I never watched what I spent and I still stashed half my paycheck in savings. I could see something I liked and just buy it. I could take taxis sometimes instead of the subway. I could fly places. It was amazing. So don’t discount the money too much.
But aside from the money, there’s prestige, resources, caliber of co-workers, caliber of work, and training. Having my biglaw firm on my resume is as much of a resume-booster as my T10 law school. Also, everything in the firm was dedicated to making sure the attorneys could spend as much time billing as possible. There were no inconveniences. It was easy to get food, office supplies, photocopies, translations, travel arrangements, whatever I needed to help me work. The work itself was always top notch. My cases were on the front page of the NYT and the WSJ all. the. time. We never worked on run-of-the-mill stuff. My co-workers, from the newest associate to the most senior partner, were hands-down brilliant, and hard-working. The pressure and the long hours were often exhilarating. My absolute favorite time at my firm was the three month period where I was working on a hugely important case and I had no days off and billed 300-400 hrs/month.
Finally, it was like boot camp for lawyers. The standards were impossibly high. Mistakes simply do not happen in biglaw. (I mean, they happen. But very very very rarely, and it’s really really bad when they do.) You spend 22 hrs at work and get 20 min of sleep and are expected to be at 100% of your game the next day. Every little detail must be perfect, even on stuff that’s really hard and even on stuff that’s really fussy and mind-numbing. But once you’ve survived that environment, anywhere else is cake. Plus you know your work is really the very best you can do, which is a great feeling (except when you do your very best and it isn’t good enough. That s*cks, but it’s an amazing learning experience.)
Anon
I’ve basically sworn off law school, but this comment almost makes me want to go and get some insane Biglaw job. Well done, TBK.
MH
Agreed. That was pretty bada**. I guess that’s ultimately what I’ve given up to have “better” hours. I think the pay is relative to your lifestyle and city, because you can still get really high-paying jobs in cities with lower costs of living. But, you can’t really get the prestige of working on huge cases.
TBK
Oh no! To be fair, this was all fun and glamor when I was in my 20s and single. Now that I’m a 30something married lady with babies on the way, I can’t imagine living like this (and I don’t know how those of you with marriages and kids do it – I couldn’t even imagine being pregnant in biglaw since I really need my sleep these days!)
zora
Ha, totally! Your last paragraph makes it sound like working on a political campaign, which was much shorter term, obviously, and not so much the money :o( but all the other things, I really liked that stuff in the short term. I also like how you see it as something that is great for a certain time of life, it doesn’t have to be an all or nothing thing.
And also: you just are a BAMF, TBK, totally, and I think you are awesome. ;o)
TO Lawyer
I’m not at a biglaw firm but a boutique litigation firm that does very high-profile cases and I feel similarly. I love that our cases are complex and in the news and even though I will whine about the long hours, I often feel exhilarated by tight deadlines and being able to meet them. Our opposing counsel are always the brilliant partners at biglaw firms so our work product has to meet that and it generally does.
Pink
This is a great reason and response… and I think it was/could still be true for anybody that gets great scholarships for a T10 law school (so jealous).
However, I just don’t know that this holds anymore (for anybody who entered post 2008), and the loans are crushing and eat into the income, and the jobs are honestly just not there anymore… so, person who swore off law school–go you!
Em
I do want to say – not to criticize this comment but just for the benefit of people who aren’t cut out for BigLaw for various reasons – that you can do topnotch legal work, and get topnotch training, other places. The dynamic won’t always be the same – instead of learning to avoid mistakes at all costs, for instance, you might be learning how to get maximum bang for the client’s limited buck – but it can still be as challenging and rewarding, and your co-workers and opposing counsel can be as brilliant. (I gotta say, it’s also pretty satisfying to beat BigLaw lawyers knowing they had twice as many resources to work with.)
Likewise, you can do rewarding, quality legal work on lower profile cases, and there can be an incredible amount of satisfaction in providing that legal work to, for instance, people and organizations who you believe in or who otherwise couldn’t afford it.
So I do think there are a lot of ways to be a kicka** lawyer, which don’t all involve constant sleep deprivation (there will probably always be some sleep deprivation, unfortunately).
MH
That’s a good point. We work with a lot of smaller, closely-held businesses, which are often family-owned, or are still owned by the person or people who built it from the ground up. We are often interacting directly with the owners, instead of through a general counsel or other rep/VP/etc. It’s very satisfying to win cases like that and see on the client’s face that their life’s work is still intact, and that they will not have to file for bankruptcy or break the company up into little pieces and sell it off.
The prestige isn’t necessarily there, but the satisfaction certainly is.
WestCoast Lawyer
“Boot camp for lawyers” is a great way to describe it! I knew going in that I didn’t want to be a partner, but I also knew it was a great place to learn and practice with really smart partner and opens up a ton of opportunities once you decide you are done.
It’s interesting to me how people think BigLaw is so tough – I can think of plenty of other jobs that are, to my mind, so much harder. Off the top of my head (1) military service – hello, getting shot at, (2) doctors – even more debt than lawyers, crazy hours during residency (I think, I can’t keep track of all the different stages of school/training doctors go through), and if you screw something up you can kill someone, (3) trash collector!
Don’t get me wrong, there were times I thought it was going to drive me crazy, but for the most part I figured I was lucky to be able to spend several years building my skills and resume, putting my financial house in order and doing some really interesting and intellectually challenging work.
Em
I think some people can handle being chronically short on sleep and some can’t; I’m kind of convinced it’s just a genetic thing.
Kate
I would also love to hear the answers to this question with the added question: would you have gone into Biglaw if you magically didn’t have any debt? Or for those of you who don’t have debt and are in Biglaw, why are you there/what else did you consider?
Anon for this
That’s me. No debt and biglaw. I 100% agree with all the comments of the prestige, the training, the fact that big law is like the golden ticket to take you anywhere later, etc. Even without debt the money is a big deal. The sole reason that I have no debt because I was lucky enough to be born to incredibly generous and encouraging parents who saved enough for me to achieve my dreams and then some. I want to be able to do the same for my children so that they are not paying off student debt and a mortgage in their 50s when they are worrying about sending their own kids to school.
roses
No, I wouldn’t have, but I am glad my debt forced me to for all the reasons already mentioned. That said, I got lucky and work at an extremely supportive firm with people I like. No one is mean or crazy, and people are respectful of vacations and are ok with working from home when needed. I may have felt differently if the culture were different.
Divaliscious11
My debt is/was significantly lower than what many people have/had (my total debt for private New England undergrad/law and b-school + what most have just for law school).
I liked the job…. I’d have stayed longer if my second hadn’t come along as quickly as she did….
Divaliscious11
that + should have been =
Killing me softly
Couldn’t get a gov/PI job in my field in this economy. Yes, I know it know it’s the opposite problem that most grads have. Yes, I search every day for a way to do something else.
Anonymous
+1
Manhattanite
Because I haven’t figured out how to get out. (Patent litigator who had no intention of being a litigator when she graduated from law school)
NYC
Hm….I have honestly loved most of my time in biglaw. And some of my happiest times have been the most busy/crazy times. I don’t think I am nuts, but maybe I am. I still have friends and love vacation and maintain close relationships with my family. I like the job because the work presents very sophisticated legal problems, the training is incredible, the people I work with are brilliant (and only occasionally crazy), and I know my time here says to most future employers that I know how to work hard and deliver very high quality work product. I also like making a lot of money. I paid off my $60k in loans within the first year and have managed to save a lot of money for retirement and a down payment on a house. I also think I am now a part of a network of awesome, well-connected lawyers and when I work somewhere else, I will still be able to tap into that network.
The hours are a bit crazy, but most of the people I know work those hours, so it doesn’t seem abnormal. Honestly, that’s why reading the thread above is so interesting to me, realizing that people leave the office at 5 pm. (It was also a revelation when I had a kid and started leaving at 6 twice a week, even though I often work later in the evening from home).
Lordy, I am all over the board today.
Cat
-money, of course. I would have a hard time going to a similar effort level of job for less.
-experience – interesting and varied projects.
-clients like me and I’m good at the work (hey, it feels good to know you’re valuable).
-lucky to work often with good partners / mentors, which makes for great training and feedback. (Also for BigLaw my time is decently respected, as in good direction on priorities rather than Do All The Work Tonight.) (That said, I tend not to make weeknight plans, because those are of course the nights there’s something that needs to be sent out ASAP.)
-my colleagues are really smart and a little nerdy, which is great.
-many of the in-house attorneys I know are more worried about their jobs (fear of cost cutting – as once you’re in house, you’re a cost center, not a fee generator) or bored (the work that isn’t outsourced to firms is low risk and repetitive) or the business clients look at them as a necessary evil, rather than an ally.
anon-oh-no
the work you get in biglaw just doesnt compare to anywhere else — you get to try cases with the company’s existnace on the line etc. But personally, I love my firm. I’ve found a firm with people i like and values consistent with mine. Yes, the hours are long and everything isnt perfect. But nothing is perfect at any job (that I have found) and you are well compensated in exchange for the hours. And if i ever stopped liking it, i would leave.
Divaliscious11
I liked the work, didn’t like the lifestyle, so I left. Now I am in-house and have equally interesting work and better lifestyle for less, but pretty durn good money…
V
I like what I do and I have my own clients, so my schedule is much more predictable than it was when I was a first year. That said, it is a lot of work (but other jobs are a lot of work, too).
I have children who may want to go to college and not elope when they get married and in my family, we live too long not to have a massive nest egg for retirement.
hoola hoopa
Has anyone had foot surgery? My husband will have a calcified cyst removed from the bottom of one foot soon, and I’m trying to gauge his recovery. His doc said he should be off his feet for three weeks, absolute min of 2 wks. I’m not sure what that really looks like – will he be completely on his back, moving around the house but not running errands, able to visit homes of friends so long as he keeps his feet up when we’re there, etc?
preg 3L
This might not be too helpful, but my uncle had foot surgery earlier this year (May maybe?). He was a huge walker (probably 3-5 miles/day pre-surgery) and tried to take a 3 mile (“short”) about a week after the surgery. This totally messed up the recovery and he had to have more surgery PLUS a longer recovery. So whatever your DH’s doc tells you, I would just say – do it! Can you call the doc to get more info?
Miz Swizz
When I was in a boot last year, I spent a couple of weeks crutching around and then got pretty good at hobbling in it. I think it depends on what your husband has to wear on his foot and where on his foot his cyst is. If his experience is like mine, he’ll be fairly immobile initially and icing/elevating a lot so I would expect him to be laid up for a couple of weeks and then gradually become more useful (for lack of a better word).
I used the motorized grocery cart while I was booted and it was a lot of fun. He should do that if he can.
Anon
Not a foot surgery, but I recently helped my SO’s mother recover from ankle surgery, and she was given the same time frame for staying off her foot. I would say that the first 7-10 days, he will be on his back, foot elevated, for 98% of the time. He will probably need assistance getting up for the first few days (things like bathroom, occasional sponge baths, maybe eating in a different room or chair). Then he’ll gradually work his way to more. I think it will be 3+ weeks before he will have the “good time” it takes for social interaction that doesn’t come to him (like friends visiting).
I strongly strongly recommend getting a scooter that he kneels on… not sure exactly what they’re called, but there is a concave padded bit that he kneels on, his hurt foot hanging over the back, handle-bars with brakes like a bike. Get it before his surgery and have him practice the route from bed/couch to bathroom. This way you’ll know if he can make the necessary turns with enough clearance. We had to take two doors off their hinges and hang curtains with tension rods — it would have been way less stressful if we’d done it ahead of time. The scooter made the first week live-able. Otherwise, trying to assist someone who is hurting, probably on pain pills, maybe sleepy, probably bigger than you, maybe nauseated, probably in the middle of the night… is just too too hard. There is a time and place for crutches/cain… but this is not it.
Stay on top of his pain meds. Keep a notebook and pen by his meds, and record the time and amount of each dose. It helps to put each dose in a separate tiny bow/shot glass, and lay out a days worth at a time with a post-it note indicating what time he should take them. Generally, at least at first, I really think you should set this up out of his reach and be “in charge” of it. Later, you can set an alarm for him and leave the doses he’ll need on his bedside table.
Consider getting a medical chair/bench for your shower. This allowed my MIL some privacy and was also helpful at times later when nerve pain from recovery gave her nerve pain — we put a bucket of water in the shower and she could stick her foot in it while I ran to the kitchen for a cup of ice. Much faster relief than setting up cold packs.
That said, you’re going to need some cold packs. I recommend getting one of those cold water circulators that are essentially a small cooler you fill with ice water, with a pump attached to a pad. The cold circulates through the pad, making it way more effective than freezer packs.
Good luck! I sort of avoided your actual question… I guess my answer is to just stay flexible. Much like with new parents bringing their baby places. It will start slow. It will be frustrating for both of you. You will make plans and have to cancel. But then one day you’ll look at each other and realize that he scooted all the way across Costco and you’ll high-five.
zora
THIS
Knee Scooter > than crutches, by 100%.
Windchime
I’m a lurker, but this question brought me out of hiding. I’m currently at home, recovering from ankle surgery (bone spur that was growing up into my Achilles tendon). It will all depend on whether or not he is weight-bearing or non-weight-bearing. I’m non-weight-bearing for a total of 6 weeks, which means: Rolling around on a knee scooter or crutches. Crawling up and down stairs because I’m apparently not coordinated enough to do it on crutches.
The first few days were the most difficult, because I had a nerve block on my leg so it was completely dead from the knee down. That resulted in a couple of falls. I also spent most of the first few days mostly in bed. I had people staying with me overnight for the first 10 days because I live alone. I’m up and around now (16 days post-op) in a boot, but still working from home because I’m still supposed to keep my leg elevated. His surgery may be different; sounds like a little shorter recovery time. So I second the advice to give the doc a call.
AIMS
I’m confused: is this suit green? It looks charcoal on my screen?
Killer Kitten Heels
It is green, but it reads very charcoal.
Which is why I want it SO. BAD. But not quite $1100-for-a-suit bad.
AIMS
Oooh, now I want it, too.
BB
Wait about 2 months. I have never bought a BB thing not on sale. This will almost certainly go on sale in December. There is also an additional really big sale they have in store if you have one around you on 12/26. It’s something like 40% off everything in the store, including already on sale items. Make friends with one of the salespeople and they might be able to hold something for you until that day (starting like a week before, not starting now). That’s a bit risky if it’s something you really want, but it’s great for “nice-to-have” pieces.
zora
yeah, i think this is an amazing color bc it is such a subtle green!! how awesome. I wish they would do this with other colors, just barely a color, so it’s ALMOST neutral, but not boring. hope someone gets it, I’ll be jealous! ;o)
Anon
Ladies, please help me out here. I am so frustrated right now. There’s this guy in my grad school program who is ultra competitive and very loud about it. Basically, as soon as we get our scores back for an assignment or test, he basically tells everyone his grade (usually very high…because he works his butt off all day and night..which he’s also very vocal about). Normally I wouldn’t really care, other than considering him a gunner and slightly obnoxious. However, he has this thing where he absolutely has to know that he scored the best out of everyone so he goes around asking everyone what they got. And no matter how I react, I end up annoyed. If I do tell him right away, it just feeds his ego and he acts condescending (even though my grades are usually nearly as high and I don’t spend even half as much time studying as he does) so while I’m generally happy with my grades, telling him them makes me feel kind of…not inferior but for lack of better words I’ll use that word. If I don’t tell him my grade (as I’ve been doing most of the time, ever since I recognized his obnoxious ess) he will bother me over and over, trying to get it out of me through subtle, sneaky maneuvers. I basically try to avoid him but we are in the same track so I basically see him everyone we have class. Almost everyone else will just tell him their grades and not care. Am I being silly for getting so annoyed by him? Fine if he wants me to admit he’s smarter/works harder or whatever. I don’t care about that, I’m not crazy competitive like him and I’ve long ago accepted that there are many smarter people than me in this world. I just am so sick of having to deal with this nearly every time we get a score back.
Feel free to ignore this ramble if you think I’m being petty.
MH
Um, you are not being petty. His behavior is completely ridiculous. If I were you the next time he would ask me I would look at him and just say, “Are you serious? Why do you want to know my grade?” See what explanation he comes up with. If he point-blank says to you that he wants to know whether he has the best grade, say, “It’s not my job to validate you.” And just leave it at that. But, I am fine with confrontation. Others may not be. You can always just say, “No thanks, I don’t want to share.”
preg 3L
I totally agree with this. What the h3ll is his problem. If you were colleagues, would he act this way after every assignment the boss gave out? Did he go straight through from undergrad to grad school? I find this sort of extremely childish behavior is more common among people who haven’t worked full-time. I hope you can get a few friends on board with not telling him your grades, just to irritate him further, but UGH.
ADS
This. Don’t let him push you. He’s a jerk. I like what MH would say. You can also add, “Grow up, already” if you want. I don’t see how anyone can respect that guy.
a lawyer
More like grade school to grad school. You’re not being petty; he is being juvenile.
Anon in NYC
You’re not petty. I would not tell him your grades (perhaps something along the lines of, “I think it’s really rude that you would ask that”), and ignore his efforts to find out. He’s clearly just trying to feel better about himself.
Anon
Op here. Sorry for all of the time I said “basically” in my original post..typed in on my phone and was just ranting.
Thanks for your responses. He is actually one of the older ones in the program but you’re right, he hadn’t worked at all in the real world. I do think he is somewhat insecure because of that.
Last time he asked me, I did sy why do you ask but then he kind of kept talking without answering why. So I figured he would forget about it but nope, the next day he asked if I was above him on the (anonymous) list tht the teacher puts out. So I said I hadn’t looked at it and proceeded to look at it just to see where I stood in the class as a whole. He hovered around me and was like so, did you beat me (he actually didn’t score the highest out of everyone on this test..there were 4 people who scored higher)….and I responded maybe, maybe not. But I kind of feel like that was a really immature way of dealing with it.
Part of the problem is that most people really readily share their grades and the other people who don’t, he doesn’t seem to bother…maybe he’s more intimidated by them? One of my friends also gets super annoyed by him but since he’s really sneaky, she usually ends up admitting her score inadvertently.
I can’t be completely rude back to him because our track is relatively small and I’ll be in classes with him until it’s over.
ADS
“I can’t be completely rude back to him because our track is relatively small and I’ll be in classes with him until it’s over.”
I don’t understand this. He’s being rude to you and he has to have classes with you.
Is he really powerful, socially? Is he connected to the Dean? Did his father endow a library and name it after him?
Pink
Could you just give him false numbers to (a) placate him and (b) freak him out? “I got 105 out of 100!”
Anon
Oh boy, I LOVE this suggestion because he really would completely freak out. I am so saying this next time. First I’ll say I don’t want to share but if he persists, I’ll tell him I got a 105 which is really impossible because we have no extra credit.
Anon
I would do this, too. And give him the same fake number every time. Kind of like how my grandfather always told people, when they asked, that he was 21…
zora
forget 105, go big or go home!! Say 276.
Kanye East
Right? I’d be like “unicorn.”
AIMS
I went to law school with someone like that. He was ridiculous! He posted his first year’s grades on FB and used to complain about getting “too many” offers of employment. He used to also read the full case opinions (rather than the edited versions assigned in the textbook) just so he could bring up something no one else read in class. But it helped to just think of him as just being ridiculous and insecure. I.e., “Oh, Jack is being Jack again.” Towards the end of our three years, we actually ended up becoming friends because I think I was one of the few people who didn’t take him seriously and I have to say once you got past all the b.s., he was an interesting, quirky, intelligent person. But the way I dealt with him was just to treat it as a giant joke.
Anon
Hmm, zero chance of that happening here. Besides for him being super annoying about grades, he is generally not a nice person who makes jokes at the expense of others. I don’t think I could ever be friends with someone who is just so mean spirited.
Anonymous
You are not being petty but pretty passive. How is he tricking you into telling? Next time he asks I would just say “You know John, you ask me what I got every time. I am not really into sharing. I’m sure we both did well.” If he asks again “John, I am positive I told you I didn’t want to discuss this.” If again “John, I really don’t want to say this again. I am not going to share. Is there some reason you think its important to know what I got?”
roses
Comfort yourself with the fact that you are far more likely than him to get a job because you have some semblance of social norms.
Circadian Screwup
Maybe. Maybe not. Some hiring managers have no sense whatsoever for “obnoxious.” Others deliberately seek it out, mistaking it for “initiative.” Regardless, I feel sorry for his future colleagues, just as I feel a deep sympathy for the OP and her classmates.
Anon
Next time, just say to him: “Don’t ask me about my grades.” If he brings it up again, say, “You’re being a dick. Don’t ask me about my grades.” Rinse and repeat.
FedTaxAtty
I just bought a beautiful pair of Stuart Weitzman platswoons online on super sale. I’ve never purchased a pair of Stewies (as my mother so fondly calls them) so I had to guess on sizing. They are gorgeous, but they are too big, probably about half a size – enough that they gap a little at the heel. Unfortunately, I can’t exchange for another size because they are sold out. Should I keep them or return them? Is there a way to make them fit that won’t be annoying?
BB
Honestly, I would return them. You can probably put in a heel insert to make up for the gap, but really, if you’re going to buy super-nice, expensive shoes, they should be perfect. You want to think “I look awesome!” whenever you wear them, not “I hope they don’t fall off!”
Also, sorry to TJ your question, but are Stuart Weitzmans pretty durable in people’s experience? Like, are there heels that are worth the expenditure because I can have them for years and years (with some repairs)?
Susie
To TJ the TJ, I’ve always read that you should try on shoes in the evening because that’s when your feet are at their biggest. I always shoe shop in the evening or afternoon, usually after the gym. Several times now the shoes that I got which seemed fine in the store are incredibly tight the next morning. Is it possible to have the opposite, where your feet are bigger in the morning? Or is it just my buyer’s guilt making the shoes feel too small??
Anne Shirley
Return them! Splurge shoes should be ones you love to wear, and that means fitting.
MJ
Return them if they’re too big. My platswoons stretch a bit over time (to really mold to my foot, so they’re uber-comfy). If they’re big, they won’t fit as SW should. Platswoons rarely go on sale, so awesome you found some….but just wait. They’ve been a staple style for years–stalk them at Bloomies, Saks, Nordies and on SW website…you’ll find the right pair.
In my experience, they do last years and years, even when I wear them, say, once a week or more. Usually I have had the heel patched so much (from stepping in grates/sidewalk cracks and the like) that I finally make them my “wear with trousers” pair and then I get a nicer, newer pair to wear with skirts. My longest pairs of SWs lasted almost 10 years, and I threw them out then because they were tired, not because they didn’t fit awesome…it was the heel thing again. A good cobbler can fix them a few times, but after about 3 or 4, your SOL.
FedTaxAtty
Le sigh. I knew I should return them, but I needed to hear it from you ladies. It’s impossible to find narrow heels in colors other than black without a frumpy height/width heel :-(
AIMS
Get heel liners! They will solve this problem (or inserts) — you can get them and not attach them to see if it helps. If it doesn’t, then you should return them.
ss
Another idea : try a half-sole in the front of the shoe instead of a heel insert in the back. This works well for me (I have very small feet which seldom fit into standard sizes).
mascot
If they are just a smidge too big in the heel, then I agree with a half-sole. Those heel inserts always give me blisters so I stopped relying on them to fix my shoes.