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Updated: Oct 30, 2018 198 Comments · by

Suit of the Week: Reiss

Suit of the Week

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Light Gray Summer Suit: Reiss Aleggra SuitFor busy working women, the suit is often the easiest outfit to throw on in the morning. In general, this feature is not about interview suits for women, which should be as classic and basic as you get — instead, this feature is about the slightly different suit that is fashionable, yet professional. I've said it before, I'll say it again — I kind of prefer light gray to white in the summer, even though every fashion magazine will tell you how a white suit is a must-have. (Let's face it, though — the fashion magazine is probably telling to wear a white suit with shorts, or sleeveless blazer, or something else that's a bit too trendy for an office where you actually would wear a suit.) Anyhoo: this light gray suit from Reiss looks perfect — sleek but light for the summer. The jacket (Reiss Aleggra Single-Breasted Blazer) is $445, the skirt (Reiss Aleggra Pencil Skirt) is $240, and the pants (not pictured: Reiss Aleggra Tailored Trousers) are $220. Here's a plus-size alternative (jacket + pants), as well as a more affordable option in regular and petite sizes (jacket and pants + skirt) and plus sizes (jacket + pants). Admin Update: If the site has been weird/laggy/crashy for a few days for you, please tell us more in comments to this thread. I noticed a weird delay when I tried to comment, while logged in, in Chrome today on the Tales from the Wallet post, but thought it was just my computer. (L-all)

Sales of note for 9.19.24

  • Nordstrom – Beauty deals through September, and cardmembers earn 3x the points (ends 9/22)
  • Ann Taylor – Extra 30% off sale
  • Banana Republic Factory – 50% off everything + extra 20% off
  • Boden – 15% off new styles
  • Eloquii – Extra 50% off sale
  • J.Crew – 50% off select styles — and 9/19 only, 50% off the cashmere wrap
  • J.Crew Factory – Up to 60% off everything + 50% off sale with code
  • Lo & Sons – Warehouse sale, up to 70% off
  • M.M.LaFleur – Save 25% sitewide
  • Neiman Marcus – Friends & Family 25% off
  • Rag & Bone – Friends & Family 25% off sitewide
  • Spanx – Lots of workwear on sale, some up to 70% off
  • Talbots – Anniversary event, 25% off your entire purchase — Free shipping, no minimum, 9/19 only
  • Target – Car-seat trade-in event through 9/28 — bring in an old car seat to get a 20% discount on other baby/toddler stuff.
  • Tuckernuck – Friends & Family Sale – get 20%-30% off orders (ends 9/19).
  • White House Black Market – 40% off select styles

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Comments

  1. Anon

    Gorgeous suit!

    How do I write this email without feeling smarmy?

    A former professor of mine – a big player in my field – has just been appointed to a prestigious position. I emailed him to congratulate him (and to stay in touch). He emailed back asking how my career is going.

    I dislike my job and am looking for something else…but not right this minute. I’ll be looking to make a move this fall. I feel like if I say something, he’ll think I only emailed him to take advantage of his connections. How should I reply so that I don’t feel like I’m using him?

    • Anon

      Tell him “I’m doing X right now, bit long term I want to transition into Y” – keep the conversation focused on what you want to move towards, not what you want to move away from! Is he bases a reasonable committing distance from you? if so, as to meet for lunch.

    • Ellen

      Yay, Kat and Kate! I love REISS and these suit’s! I am goeing to show the manageing partner the grey suit, even tho I am usueally better suited in the darker colors. Thank’s for pointing these out to us!!!!

      As for the OP, Do NOT worry about this. You did the right thing contacting your professor, and he may very well be abel to help you in the future. You are lucky to have profesors who can help you WITHOUT expecting what we in law call a “QUID PRO QUOU” (meaning a payback). In my cases, in order for me to get help from my profesors, they wanted to date me. Can you imageine? Me, a young inexpereinced 22 year old dateing a 46 year old Contract’s profesor? Or worse yet a 50 something Tax profesor? FOOEY! They were NOT interested in me for my mind, Myrna said, even tho they all told me how smart and fresh thinkeing I was. I did NOT even pick up on the fact that they were interested in haveing sex with me, onlye that they were NOT age apropriate for me. FOOEY!

      In your case, go for it, but do NOT let him ask for a QUID PRO QUOU. DOUBEL FOOEY!

    • Anne

      I like something similar to what the anon above me said (I’m currently x but long term am thinking of transition to/focusing more on y). I’d also include a bit more about what you’ve done since last spacing and what you do now before it – chronological order, basically (not cover letter like, either). Then I’d probably include some other discussion that connects you (something happening at the school or relevant in your field) and mention catching up more soon in person.

      I wouldn’t include more than a line on transitioning.

  2. Anon

    Never purchased Reiss before, however, I just got some clothing that I recently purchased from the brooks brothers sale, and it’s the best fitting and most professional suiting that I have ever seen!!

      • BB

        I do a lot of Brooks Brothers, but only their “normal” line. The Red Fleece stuff fits differently, I think. I’m an incredibly average size 12 (like I’m a size 12 in every brand imaginable), sort of a broad-shouldered pear. Something like 38-33-43…might have the hip measurement wrong, but I have a pretty muscular backside :)

    • Elizabeth

      I love Brooks Brothers but I hate the new stuff from Zac Posen. If you got stuff on sale, you probably got pre- Zac stuff.

      • TBK

        +1000 I was just starting to really make BB my go to, but ugh. And what’s with using that Wednesday Addams model for everything?

      • anon-oh-no

        I LOVE the new stuff, but agree the model is awful (Wednesday it the nail on the head)

        • TBK

          Wednesday Addams in her fug shoes. I don’t get it. Why does uglying something up make it more appealing to buyers?

  3. Seattle to Europe

    Reposting (as I was late posting this morning)… Can any Canadian readers comment on Air Transat? My college kid wants to go to Europe and their fares are much cheaper than US airline’s airfares, even without the exchange rate benefit and even factoring in getting from Seattle to Vancouver. Safe? Low-hassle (seats, on-time) etc?

    • AMB

      They’re safe and I think relatively on time but bare, bare bones. I don’t know if they have any entertainment systems and am pretty sure the seats are tight, so it may not be the most comfortable flight and that is a long one!

      • Wildkitten

        College kids are perfect for forgoing comfort to save money. Are you both going, or just the kid?

        • Seattle to Europe

          Just him and he’s paying for it. He’s 6’3″ though so he’ll be pretty jammed in the seat with 31″ legroom. But if that’s his choice, I’m sure he’ll survive.

    • Anonymous

      Canadian here. Used Air transat and really liked them actually. Bare bones, but on time and great prices. Would fly again.

    • LF

      I’m in the US, but 2 hours from a major Canadian city and my colleagues all speak highly of Air Transat for their Europe-bound flights. It’s safe and supposed to be quite good.

    • Anon

      I’m a bit late, but I’m Canadian and I fly to Europe about every six months or so, and take Air Transat exclusively. It’s tight, but gets you there and back and it’s about half the price, so… who cares!

  4. anonymous

    Someone close to me died about two years ago. I grieved in a healthy way and moved on, but my life feels a little emptier without her, and I’m sad that I’ll never see her again. Is this just how it feels after you lose someone forever? Or at some point will I stop having feelings about her being gone, and just acknowledge it as something that is? I think it was a pretty normal experience for me and I don’t think there’s anything complicated about my grief process. I just know that other people I love are going to die in my lifetime, and I’m wondering when I’m a lot older if this just gets easier or if there’s always going to be little parts of me that are sad that people I loved are gone. Won’t I just be a lot more sad then, when I’m older and have loved and lost a lot of people? Am I being ridiculous?

    • hoola hoopa

      There’s always going to be little parts of you that are sad that people you loved are gone.

      Everything you say here sounds completely normal.

    • Lh

      Yes, it can get sadder as you get older. It also changes how you look at life. It has pain. And value…

      Many memories become bittersweet, and not just bitter….. with time.

    • Anonymous

      I don’t think you ever really finish grieving – you just do most of it right away and then it flares up once in a while. I don’t think it will get easier, but it won’t be as new so it won’t be as shocking? You’ll be sad those people are gone because you loved them, but you’ll also be adding new people to your life that bring in joy to balance that.

      • Grief

        I posted here a month or two ago about my ongoing grief after losing a friend who was like a father to me. I did stop crying on a regular basis but every now and then I still bawl my eyes out.

        It’s funny, my friend who died was someone who really lived in the past. His parents had him at an old age for the time, and a lot of his relatives and family friends had died by the time I got to know him. He loved telling stories about them all and would always end the stories with this faraway look in his eye and say “of course, he’s dead now.” He was so sad to have lost all these friends, and I think he was just ready to go be with them. And now I sort of understand that, having lost such an important person in my life.

    • Delta Dawn

      I don’t think you’re being ridiculous. I lost a dear friend about five years ago and had many of the same questions. I have lost one other close family friend since then, and it wasn’t much different– big sadness at first, which gradually tapered off into a dull ache that throbs when I bump into things that remind me of them. Sometimes I notice it; sometimes I don’t. You’re right that the older we get, the more this will happen.

      My grandmother, whom I am lucky to have still, often tells stories the same way “Grief” above describes– “of course, she’s dead now.” From the way she talks, I think she accepts the passing of friends more readily than a young person does. The older we get, the less shocking it is for someone to pass away. But I don’t know that it’s ever less sad.

    • KT

      It never stops. My best friend died 9 years ago and I still miss him every day. The rest of my life is full and rich, but there’s still times when I wish I could call him when something silly happens and I still think I see him sometimes in the grocery store and realize it’s someone else and just feel sad.

      • Anonymous

        I have a friend who emails a friend of hers who passed unexpectedly. I know it’s not the same, but I’ve done it on occasion. Obviously not healthy to be doing for a long time. But sending a story off in to the void once a year isn’t going to hurt anybody.

    • Anonymous

      it doesn’t ever really stop. A good friend of mine died 10 years ago in a horrible accident and our 15 year college reunion is coming up. While it’s been a while since I cried about it, I definitely got teary thinking about how much he’d love to play with my kids, who are interested in all the same things he loved. With my grandmother, it’s been 7 years and I am sad when there are major life events I know she’d love to have seen- birth of my kids, my siblings’ weddings (esp those the entire family were convinced would never wed!), etc. But with her it’s a bit less sad because she lived a long wonderful life and died suddenly in her sleep. I’d never wish her to be alive today if it meant a slow end. I was/am a “mini” version of that grandmother, so I always hear how much I look like her/act like her, which is bittersweet (she was awesome, it just makes me sad).

  5. Woods-comma-Elle

    What would be on your dream Sephora shopping list? I will be in the US in a couple of weeks and can’t wait to binge-shop in Sephora so I’m getting a shopping list ready…

    • Anonymous

      Where are you coming from? I don’t think Sephora will have anything that any Western first world country doesn’t already have. It’s usually the opposite – people from the US stock up on cosmetics in French drugstores, for example.

      • Runner 5

        She’s in the UK where we don’t have Sephora.

        Check out the Sephora own brand stuff, especially their liquid lipsticks. Also the Marc Jacobs stuff because it’s a Harrods exclusive in the UK I think.

      • Woods-comma-Elle

        From the UK, but it’s not so much a question of not having stuff but more that stuff is cheaper in the US! Plus we don’t have Sephora anymore and I just love having everything in the same place without scary individual-brand counters!

        • Anonymous

          In that case, my usual Sephora purchases:

          Anastasia for brow products. NARS and Urban Decay for makeup. Ole Henriksen for skincare. NEST for perfume. Tweezerman for tweezers. Sephora also has a wonderful selection of makeup brushes and sets and other beauty tools. And remember that the salesgirls will give you free samples of anything you want (including perfume, which is really handy when you don’t want to spend $100 on a bottle). And you can get extra free products and samples with points if you sign up for a Sephora card (free).

        • Anonymous

          You may also consider visiting Ulta. It carries many of the same prime brands as Sephora, and a variety of drugstore brands. Ulta store brand is pretty decent.

    • Anonymous

      Sephora Pro brushes. My Sephora has the BEST perfume selection and they’re great about samples. Near the register they usually have tons of travel size products so you can try a bunch of stuff.

      Urban Decay 24/7 eyeliners and the Urban Decay primer potion. Benefit and Anastasia brow products. Smashbox for BB cream, Clinique for tinted moisturizer, Dior for light coverage foundation. Josie Maran high SPF moisturizer. Living Proof and Bumble & Bumble hair products. Literally everything Bite Beauty makes for lips.

    • CTAtty

      Kate Somerville- I like the goat milk line. Anything Tata Harper. Anything from Sunday Riley. The Ole Henriksen vitamin c serum.

    • Anonymous

      Living Proof shampoo and hair products
      Peter Thomas Roth retinol fusion and glycolic acid moisturiser
      Urban decay eyeshadow palette, if you wear it
      All the lipsticks

  6. Anon

    I’m curious if this happens to anyone else…

    I’m seriously starting to wonder if I’m programmed wrong or something. I want to meet someone. I date a lot. But unlike other friends who seem to always have dating drama or go from one relationship to the next, my dates mostly lead nowhere because I just never feel it. I would say I’ve been excited about 2 out of maybe the last 20 guys I’ve been out with. I rarely want to have a second date. I don’t think I’m too picky because I have been with great guys in the past… So is it just that great guys are hard to find?

    I have had only a few relationships in my life, and they have been special, with men who I felt close connections with and even though things didn’t work out, I still think of all of them and get a happy feeling knowing that people like them exist. They were great guys.

    So I know that I can have these feelings. But they’re so few and far between. Is this normal? Before you ask, I am on a low dose of antidepressants, but I was also on them when I met my last partner for whom I had insanely strong feelings for, so I know it’s not meds getting in the way of passion.

    • Anonymous

      I’m the same boat. I want to meet someone in the general sense, but I have no desire to actually date or make the effort. I just don’t get very excited about guys anymore.

      • Anonymous

        +1 – I like them just fine if I get to the first date part, but generally don’t feel like making out with most of them. And the ones I do, tend to fizzle out.

        Which I think is fine – my perspective is that I’m holding out for someone good, not just good enough. I like my life a lot and anyone I add to that is going to have to be pretty special.

        • Faded

          Yep, me too.

          I wish I had a solution, or even a story with a positive outcome, to share, so I’ll be following this thread. (The guy I posted about yesterday was someone I was between !! and ! about, depending on what we did on the date, but it did seem to fizzle, and then I met a different guy that I was definitely !!! about, but he’s playing games now. This is why I stopped dating, ugh).

      • CountC

        Yeap. I don’t even have the desire to meet someone! I am busy and happy in my own life and don’t care if I meet someone anymore. I don’t even have the desire to be physical with someone really, even for fun as I have in the past. Healthy? Maybe, maybe not . . . but I’m cool with it.

    • Anonymous

      Is it possible you’re closing people off too early? My very close friend has a similar dating experience, but her view is if it isn’t fireworks and jumping for joy in the first 20 minutes of a date, she’s not interested. My current boyfriend is the absolute love of my life, but I left our first date and called my sister and said “well, that guy’s not into me and I’ll probably never see him again.” He texted before I even got home and we went on a couple more dates before I felt the real spark.

      People are very rarely their best during an awkward first encounter. Maybe it’s worth trying a couple more dates with people, even if it doesn’t feel like it’s soulmate territory at first.

      • Senior Attorney

        I agree with this. It took a few (or even more than a few) dates with Lovely Fiance before I really felt the spark. He’s quiet and reserved until you really get to know him, and if I’d written him off after the first date or two I would have missed out on the best man in the whole wide world.

        • Faded

          :) This is a little bit related to what was frustrating me yesterday – I was trying to give that guy a chance, because I did feel like he was growing on me, and then he went and faded. Which is annoying, but apparently also somehow my fault for not showing enough interest upfront or whatever. Ahh!

          • Senior Attorney

            Not your fault.

            You did the right thing by being yourself and giving it a chance at your own pace/level of enthusiasm. If it wasn’t a match, it wasn’t a match.

          • Faded

            ((Thanks))

            To borrow another one of your sayings: most men are unsuitable, most men are unsuitable…

      • Anon

        OP here. I don’t think that’s the case because it’s always a mutual decision after the second date, like we can both clearly tell it’s not going anywhere, no attempt to kiss, etc.

        I would say these 20 dates have been over the course of the last few years, not months or anything. I tend to date in short bursts, get frustrated, and then give up for long periods of time.

        • January

          I tend to do short bursts of intense dating followed by giving up for long periods of time (like, years at a time), too. It hasn’t really gotten me anywhere. I can’t tell how much dating you’re doing when you’re “on,” but if, like me, you do A LOT of it, then crash, you might want to moderate your efforts somehow.

          Since it’s a mutual decision after the second date, it sounds like you might be choosing dates that aren’t particularly compatible with you? Is there anything you could do to screen a little more upfront?

    • anon

      Same for me. You’re normal. Is the issue that guys aren’t meeting your on-paper standards or because you’re not feeling a connection/spark?

      In college/grad school I met and had wonderful relationships (many fairly long-term) with deep connections. Post-grad school….. online dating/meeting randos… it’s a wasteland. And I rarely if ever want to see someone again. I have high but not unreasonable standards, but the thing that scares me is that I almost never feel that connection. I have started to wonder what’s wrong.

      BUT! I have felt it a few times- and when it’s there, its THERE. I’d say that in about 50 first dates, I’ve really clicked with about 4 people on date 1 or 2. Like, really into each other, talk all night sort of clicking.

      I think hard when you’re dating because the window is very small to form a connection. 3 hours over drinks v. meeting people and developing connections organically over months? University is a buffet of eligible men that you can get to know naturally. It’s easier.

    • Alamo

      It’s possible that you just say yes to more first dates than other people! I was always really picky about first dates so I rarely went out with a guy even once unless I thought there was real potential. My best friend says yes to a first date unless there’s a serious red flag. This sometimes leaves her feeling like every guy is “meh” because she goes out with a lot of guys she’s not interested in from the get go. Just something to consider!

    • Anonymous

      This was me a few years ago. I was going on 2-3 first dates every week and just never felt any chemistry. I took breaks from dating, I switched dating sites, I tried new hobbies, but every guy was just a dud for me. This went on for 2 years. I even started a FWB/NSA relationship with a guy who was so wrong (ugh).

      Then, magically, I went on a blind date and …click… I felt something. I was so unused to feeling anything that I didn’t realize what I was feeling at first, then I didn’t trust my feelings, then I was kicking myself for not seeing it sooner. This was a 3 month process.

      Don’t beat yourself up. You aren’t doing anything wrong. It’s just how dating goes sometimes.

    • Daisy

      I’m worried I have the opposite problem. I joined a dating site at the beginning of the year, and am still dating the first guy I met. I mean it’s going very well, he is great, and I feel a spark, but sometimes I worry that I just wanted a relationship too bad …

      • Jen

        Just count your self as lucky unless you are unhappy for some reason with him (in which case, obviously you should make a change or investigate that). Many of us have been trying for years without any luck.

    • Anonymous

      “I would say I’ve been excited about 2 out of maybe the last 20 guys I’ve been out with. I rarely want to have a second date. I don’t think I’m too picky because I have been with great guys in the past… So is it just that great guys are hard to find?”

      This was me when I was dating. I treated dating like poker meaning I needed to be folding a LOT.

      What that meant was that I went out on a ton of first dates, a few second dates, and almost no third dates. I didn’t end up having much relationship drama cause I wasn’t jumping in and out of relationships (just lots of funny dating stories). The two people I hugely clicked with though were really really good fits for me. The first one didn’t work out because of the age gap and the second one is now my husband.

      I’m one of those people who says that dating (and marriage) should be easy. I think that may be though because my style is like yours, where I am someone who knows pretty quickly if someone is not for me, so it makes sense for me to just keep going and wait for someone who’s an exceptional fit for me.

      In other words, keep going on lots of dates, be patient, and pay attention when you find yourself really interested in someone. The process might take longer for you but it also means you’ll end up with someone who’s a very good fit for you.

      • Zelda

        “What that meant was that I went out on a ton of first dates, a few second dates, and almost no third dates.” This is also me. I was having a conversation recently with a friend about how I had met/dated lots of nice men, but still haven’t found “the one” (not that I believe in “the one”, but that’s a completely different conversation). She reminded me that there is an extremely small number of men who you’ll truly click with to the point that you’d consider them as a life partner, so most of the people you meet/date will not be “the one.”

        Some people take more time deciding if they click with someone or aren’t necessarily dating for a life partner. That doesn’t mean that there’s anything wrong with you. There are tons of great guys out there, but there’s a much smaller number who are great for you.

  7. Honeymoon Ideas

    Looking for ideas for a honeymoon in the U.S. during the fall (not this year). We’re planning to budget in the $3-4k range, and are thinking 5-7 days. We are not very outdoorsy (no camping) or extremely high-adrenaline (not going to be base jumping) – we’re thinking more along the lines of fun museums, good food, and casual sightseeing. Thanks in advance!

    • Anonymous

      California, for sure. Wine country or city hopping (San Fran, LA). Great sightseeing, beautiful weather in the fall, great food.

    • Daisy

      Napa? PCH? I’m from nowhere nearby, but that’s always sounded so wonderful to this East Coaster!

      • Gail the Goldfish

        Where do you recommend for a day trip to see the sequoias from SF? I’m going to a wedding out there late this summer and am trying to make a vacation out of it. Wedding is actually in Monterey, if that makes a difference, though I’m planning a few days in SF. (and I welcome suggestions for other things I must do/see within easy driving distance. Planning on being there about a week, hopefully)

        • Anonymous

          There are bus tours to both Yosemite and Napa/Sonoma. This format is not for everyone, but it worked for us then (early aughts)

          • Wildkitten

            Redwoods are pretty too, if you don’t want to go all the way to the Sequoias.

          • Anon

            If you are okay with Redwoods, Muir Woods National Monument is very nice. I just love that place but can be hard to find parking during weekends. You can go on short or long hikes as well.

    • Anonymous

      East of the Rockies: Asheville

      East of the Rockies & after hurricane season ends: NOLA, Savannah, Charleston, Wilmington NC

      Also: St. Michael’s MD

      • Gail the Goldfish

        I wouldn’t worry much about hurricanes if you’re going to Savannah, at least not in terms of a direct hit (maybe some rain, but eh, then you just have hurricane parties). Georgia almost never gets hit by hurricanes–I think the last time was in the late 70s? Thanks to the dip in the coast line, they usually skip and hit FL or SC instead.

        Also, I disagree on Wilmington, NC. It’s just not that exciting. Fun for a couple of days, but unless you’re planning on spending a lot of time at the beach, I think you’d run out of things to do if you were there for 5 days. Charleston is a lot more interesting.

      • NOLA

        Yeah, not New Orleans during hurricane season or even the summer (just too miserably hot and humid to be fun and touristy). The fall is really up and down temperature-wise. Best time of year is January through April.

    • Elizabeth

      Newport, Rhode Island. Mansions to explore, beautiful coastline, great restaurants.

    • Anonymous

      Since no one else has, I’ll state the obvious: NYC. You’ll never run out of things to do, it’s picturesque in the fall, obviously great food and museums, and I love the feeling of being in some of the larger outdoor parks where it’s so beautiful and green but you can see all the buildings and know the bustle is just outside the park walls (I know you said not outdoorsy, but I read that to mean “not looking for a weeklong trek up the Appalachian Trail” vs. “no outdoor time period”–even if I’m wrong, I think the other reasons still make it a great choice to consider).

      • SC

        Good points! After living in NYC for a few years, I forget how fun and romantic it can be! Great restaurants, Broadway, picnics in the park, the leaves changing, the sculpture garden at MOMA, the view from the Brooklyn Bridge… I’m sure it can be done on $3-4K, but OP would have to budget and plan pretty carefully, especially for a 7-day trip.

    • ChiLaw

      I would do northern California (stay at a cute place in Sonoma! hire someone to drive you to wineries! look at the mission! take a day trip to walk amongst redwoods! spend some time in SF and some in Monterey!) or Chicago (it’s just gorgeous in the early fall! great food and booze! so walkable! great museums! music! #unbiased!)

    • SC

      I’d go to northern California wine country. Depending on when exactly you go, it may be expensive because fall is harvest time.

      I live in New Orleans, and you could definitely do a romantic 5-7 day itinerary on your budget. The weather is usually beautiful beginning in October. Let me know if you’re interested in more information, because planning other people’s trips to Nola is one of my favorite hobbies.

      • Anonymous

        Since you offered.. plan my Nola trip? Business trip in mid June, with an extended personal weekend tacked on. Should I stay in the French Quarter? Or is there someplace else that is less touristy, but still beautiful/convenient/walk-able/transit-able? Any vegetarian food and/or coffee places to recommend?

        • SC

          The French Quarter is lovely to stay in, especially if it’s your first trip to New Orleans. It also has the most to do at night if you want to go out to bars or hear music. Since I live here, I haven’t stayed in many hotels. In June, it starts getting pretty warm, so it might be nice to stay somewhere with a rooftop pool (the Omni and Monteleone come to mind). Or, if you’re the B&B type, I’ve heard great things about the Soniat House, which is closer to Frenchman Street. If you want to be just outside the Quarter for convenience but able to get away from the noise, the CBD has good options. NOLA always recommends Le Pavillon, and it also happens to have a rooftop pool.

          There are other good, walkable neighborhoods, but they have fewer hotels. If you want to be out of the Quarter, I’d stay uptown. My parents used to stay at the Hampton Inn on St. Charles, which (while just a Hampton Inn) has the perks of free parking, free internet, and a great location. It’s very close to the Garden District, and there are tons of restaurants and bars within walking distance.

          Vegetarian is probably the most difficult culinary request in New Orleans. Ask about everything you order – a lot of vegetable dishes, even french fries, are cooked in or with animal fat. Restaurants in the downtown/French Quarter area that have good vegetarian options include Domenica (dinner), Green Goddess (lunch), and Cafe Amelie (brunch, and my favorite in the city – request outdoor seating and order the fig and goat cheese). Uptown restaurants with good vegetarian options include Shaya (get a reservation now, if available, since it just won the James Beard for Best New Restaurant and has been on every other foodie list this year), St. James Cheese Co., and, for brunch, Surrey’s or Satsuma (which also makes a great cappuccino) or, for a very special meal, Commanders (not too many vegetarian options, but it’ll be delicious). New Orleans has a lot of good Vietnamese restaurants, which almost always have vegetarian options. I like Magasin. Also, beignets are vegetarian ;)

          Coffee is having a bit of a moment in New Orleans right now. Stumptown just opened in the new Ace Hotel. I love French Truck Coffee and (for espresso based drinks but not coffee) Merchant. I’ve heard that Krewe du Brew will out-coffee-nerd the coffee nerds.

          • SC

            I just reread this, and I did not intend to imply that french fries are a “vegetable dish.” I was just trying to emphasize that a lot of things most people wouldn’t think twice about are not necessarily vegetarian in Nola.

          • Gail the Goldfish

            Vegetable dishes not actually being vegetarian is common in most of the south. We like our fatback in everything. Be wary.

          • Anonymous

            This is so wonderful, thanks! I wouldn’t have thought of Vietnamese restaurants. Great lead, thanks. Shaya looks great – all booked for dinner during my trip, but lunch here I come!

    • TBK

      New England! Boston has lots of great museums (MFA, Isabella Stewart Gardner), historical sites, restaurants, places to stroll. It’s a quick trip from there to beautiful rocky beaches (for walking, not swimming if it’s fall), scenic drives, cute seaport towns with shops and restaurants and galleries (Newburyport, Rockport, Portsmouth), historic houses, fall farm stands and apple picking, plus local museums (Peabody Essex in Salem — and, fyi, it’s pronounced “peeb’ddy” by the locals). Or you can easily take overnight trips to Cape Cod, Vermont, the Berkshires, Newport, Mystic.

      • Anon

        I love this idea. I’ve lived all over the U.S. and I think my favorite thing about New England is how small it is (compared to the south or west). Lighthouses in Maine, maple trees in Vermont, mansions in Newport, history in Boston, beaches, mountains, quaint architecture – it’s all just a short drive away. If you get bored in one town, drive to the next!

    • NYtoCO

      We went to Kennebunkport, Maine in October a few years ago and I think it will always be one of my favorite trips. It wasn’t on-season and was therefore a little chilly in the mornings/evenings, but I loved that about it (and we weren’t there for the beach). We stayed at a little B&B called the Tides Beach Club. We had stopped in New Hampshire and bought a bunch of champagne on the way there (no tax!) and basically just drank champagne in our hotel room/the lobby of the hotel and explored the little town. There were some great restaurants. The whole trip was just super quaint and romantic.

    • Me

      Late to the party, but we went on a road trip to Canada (no, really!). Toronto, Mont Tremblant, Quebec, and Montreal. Cheap, but different enough to feel like we really got away. We had the best time. Quebec especially is a great romantic getaway

  8. Style Help

    The discussion about going-out clothing a few days ago caused me to realize that my casual wardrobe is totally outdated. (I typically wear/wore dark jeans, heels, and a knit top for going out – and my clothes are all at least 5 years old) The thing is, I think a lot of the current styles are too young looking for me. I’m 33, and crop tops, etc ( if those are even still in), do not appeal to me at all. I want to totally revamp my casual wardrobe. Also, I also just moved to San Francisco, and I want to fit in style-wise. Any suggestions, recommendations, blogs, etc? Thank you!

  9. Couples Therapy

    My fiance and I are starting “premarital” counseling with a therapist tonight. Instead of what I imagine regular premarital counseling to be like (what religion to you want to raise your kids, etc), we have some more complicated issues around trust, etc, that we want to work on before the wedding. It was a mutual decision and something we both think is a good decision. We’ve both been in individual therapy before, as well as couples therapy in past relationships. I.e., we’re both a little difficult so I don’t see needing therapy this early on as some big red flag.

    Suddenly I feel really really nervous. He hates talking about past events/fights, etc. When I mentioned I was worried because these things would come up in therapy, he said we could “just answer questions she directly asks us.” He generally hates discussing feelings, and we both have a “blame pattern” in which we tend to always blame the other person. Basically, I am worried this whole thing will turn into a miserably, fighty experience. We fight on occasion, and we both hate it. I also feel anxious that he won’t talk at all during the session. Yes, I have brought these anxieties to him and he has responded with compassion. At this point, we’re just going to see how it goes. And yes, I will bring these anxieties to the therapist. Just curious to hear about others’ experiences.

    Tips for making couples therapy a more productive and less painful process? For encouraging him to talk? For avoiding blowouts?

    • Senior Attorney

      I think it’s the therapist’s job to handle all of that. Your job is to show up and participate in good faith.

      Also? With all the love and respect in the world, I hope you don’t have a wedding date yet. The relationship you are describing doesn’t sound like the makings of a very good marriage.

      • Wildkitten

        And spending $200 to go to therapy to find out will be so so so worth it.

          • Anon for this

            So, SO much better to find out now, instead of getting married, if that’s the way that it goes.
            There is a difference between sad, and unhappy, as it turns out.

            I wish you the best, in any case.

    • Alamo

      It’s possible that all of your fears about how your fiance will respond and how the session will go. And that might be the best thing that could happen! If you go into couples therapy and there’s no conflict, no issues to resolve, everyone’s getting along perfectly well and you both leave with big smiles, you probably didn’t do any of the hard work you need to do.
      If you’re committed to being married, but acknowledge that you need to resolve trust issues, work on communicating and stop playing the blame game, you guys will probably have to do some pretty painful and tough work on your relationship before getting to that point. And the therapist will lead y’all through that process.

    • Care

      Your therapist may say otherwise and others here may disagree, but I like having a rule about not continuing the conversation when you first leave the appointment. Usually I’m feeling either overwhelmed with emotions or emotionally drained and I have no desire to continue to hash things out. I prefer to think about them overnight and then (maybe) plan to discuss more at dinner the next night (or wait until the next appointment – but that can let things build). Sometimes we also add on a bit of an agreement (or just an intention) to love on each other when leaving – hug in elevator, hold hands in car, etc. – the appointment because we both need the affirmation at that point. Also, someone said it here before and DH & I are trying to repeat it to each other, but assume good intentions from the other person when you’re talking through things – assume they are not saying these things to hurt you, but to work with you.

  10. The Preakness

    I got tickets to the Preakness (reserved grandstand) as a milestone birthday present. I’m super excited, but also a little nervous. Has anyone been?

    We’re not from Baltimore and will be staying near the inner harbor (also part of the gift). I’d love some thoughts on getting there – I’m a bit nervous about driving.

    I’m also curious about eating there as we plan to be there all day. The only thing Pimlico’s website has for dining options are rather expensive “all you can eat & drink” meals at the track’s restaurants. Are there other ways to buy food & drink there?

    Thanks

    • Cat

      Aw! I went ~10 years ago with infield tickets. That was definitely an experience for the young… I’d recommend taking light rail to Pimlico as even semi intoxicated 21 year olds managed to find their way back to Inner Harbor successfully :)

  11. Anon

    Continuing yesterday’s Internet-only confessions of the day…

    You know all those uplifting, girl power, love yourself articles you see on sites like MindBodyGreen or Pinterest? I don’t get them. My mind can’t wrap itself around the idea of loving yourself and liking yourself and believing you’re a good person. I simply do.not.comprehend. What do you mean you’re supposed to love yourself?

    So for homework this week, my therapist yesterday told me to write down 2 things I like about myself every day. I used up the only two things I could think of yesterday: I’m a savvy shopper and I have a good eye for color in interior design. I literally can’t think of another good thing.

    Anyone else have something they didn’t post yesterday?

    • Anonymous

      I am a native English speaker and “check your privilege” irks me in the unclear use of check

      Check as in:
      check your prostate (examine)
      check your coat (leave it someplace)

      Who knows?

      • Anonymous

        I like the phrase “check your privilege” because I think both meanings of “check” apply — either examine it, and be more sensitive about the privilege you have, or imagine life without that privilege and proceed.

      • Anonymous

        It’s obnoxious because it’s commanding a stranger to do something. I’d prefer, “it is requested that you thoughtfully examine and consider the privileges you enjoy.” Shakespeare said it better in Hamlet when he described: he who jests at scars that never felt a wound.

        Check ye privilege, I guess.

    • OP pls help me!!!

      If you have a good eye for color in interior design, would you rather have a reddish/burgundy leather couch and loveseat and ottoman in a khaki room with white trim and tan carpet or an espresso (brown, but dark and a blackish brown) ones? Why?

      My brain will only reveal the wrong choice to me if I’ve sunk 10K into acquiring the wrong objects. Stupid brain!

      • Cat

        Are the khaki walls a must? Either way, that is a lot of brown.

        I’d pick the espresso couch, tan carpet, white trim, and walls that are a different color, perhaps a nice light blue?

        OR the reddish/burgundy could look gorgeous against the right light gray walls.

      • Senior Attorney

        I would rather have unmatched sofa and love seat. One each, burgundy and espresso.

      • OP

        Haha :)

        Unless the reddish burgundy is one of your favorite colors ever, go with the espresso. It’s neutral (just like black pants) that you can put literally any other color with. With burgundy, you’ll always have to take it into account (how many different ways can you wear a burgundy sweater?).

        • OP pls help me!!!

          Thanks!

          When I am a crazy old lady, I will get a little crazy with the red. In the meantime, I get what you’re saying about the espresso.

      • OP pls help me!!!

        To clarify, the khaki walls are a greige-sort of khaki. They look like a gray except when the light hits a certain way, then the brownish shades show that it’s not gray. The carpet is definitely tan and is a different neutral than the walls (needed due to foot traffic from outside and until I have enough of a commitment to the room layout to spring for hardwoods).

        • JJ

          Here you go, OP: You are a kind person because you took time out of your day to help an internet stranger.

    • yeah i need therapy

      I “believe” that I have to park in the same parking space every day or I’ll disappoint a boss/mess something up at work.

      I’ve gone and reparked my car if I didn’t park in the correct place initially.

    • Anon

      I had a friend who had similar issues. She has depression, and tends to be mildly negative in general. She is also shallow, as in her only hobbies seemed to be shopping and eating at restaurants. The shallowness was such that she did not understand why Olivia Wilde divorced a wealthy, handsome man and later dated Jason Sudekis. I tried to explain that connections are not just about what a person is like on the outside, but she seemed not to get it.

      In short, if any of this resonates with you, maybe digging deeper can help.

    • Jen

      It sounds like you don’t WANT to find two thing you like about yourself, not that you CAN’T. Are you a good daughter/sibling/worker? Do you say hello or smile at strangers? Do you do any volunteer work? Are you a good dancer/singer/baker/cleaner/surfer/etc.? Do you devote yourself to tasks? Do you read a lot? Do you stay informed? How about the fact that you’re in therapy at all–that means you took a brave step after recognizing you needed help. I’m certain if you stop fighting it, you could find quite a lot of things to like, even if you don’t like lots of other things.

    • Anon

      Oh, boy, I’ve got a few. I keep things bottled and secret, but I’m only posting a few that I think people here will appreciate!

      I appreciate that so many were about work crushes. I definitely have a crush on a coworker (and technically under me but in reality about equal) whose office is next to mine and I’ve become friends with. He’s honestly the guy I wish I could meet outside of work, meets just about all of my wishes (and no dealbreakers, not that I have many). I’ll obviously not act on it (too much potential drama), but I secretly wish I could.

      Another is that I would like to actually date someone. I’ve had one BAD relationship but otherwise not even dates. I’d also like to figure out how to meet friends as a reserved person. Alas.

      I’m scared to go to a mental health professional.

      I’m normally very quiet and keep things to myself, but I’m concerned I share too much at work now in my attempts to not be so closed off. I’m still figuring out the friend/friendly/possibility of backstabbing coworker (happens here, just not in my group) balancing conundrum.

      Finally, as is the case here, I feel like I come across as slightly boring and a little sad sometimes when describing life, but I’m actually fairly happy overall and would change few things (which I’m working on already)!

      • belated confession

        At one point, I was in love with a gay man. He was just so great, so smart, so wonderful, so kind, a great communicator and so totally married to his partner.

    • Anon

      I had a teacher who made us write one good thing a day. It seemed silly at first, but it made low days much better and good days great. The trick I realized was that it’s not about something large or encompassing; start with the small and appreciate that note, then it builds naturally. This may also start with more outward validation and move inward. Sometimes I still use these tricks to feel better and build – at times, the best I have is that someone else told me x.

      Things I think many can say at least one of: I look put together/like I have my life together; I can communicate; I recognize my own feelings; I have friends; I contribute with my work/activities; I make a family member/friend happy/proud; etc.

  12. Jitterbug

    I’m having a communication issue with a coworker. I’m in a research role on a recruitment team, and the recruiters tell me what skillset to look for and I find people with that skill set. One recruiter, however, is often unclear in what she wants. For example, she’ll tell me what skill set to look for and then tell me it “might be helpful” to target employees at specific tech companies she’ll list out. Then, if I send her a candidate that doesn’t work at those companies, she’ll get all annoyed and insist she was very clear when she said she wanted to see candidates from those companies, or she’ll make a passive aggressive comment like “that’s funny, I don’t remember that company being on the list!”

    It had me longing for a glass of wine at lunchtime today . . .

    I want to be respectful, but I also need to explain to her that she isn’t being clear when she says something “might be helpful,” and instead needs to be more clear which things are requirements and which things are “nice to haves,” understanding that if she says something is “helpful” I might try to find it but I’m not going to treat it as a requirement.

    • Killer Kitten Heels

      I’d start asking her in the moment what she means by helpful – so, if she says something “might be helpful,” I’d straight up ask her whether it’s mandatory or a bonus.

      She’s being unclear, but if you’re having this problem with her repeatedly, and you understand what’s causing it (her vagueness around nice-to-haves vs. musts), it’s also partially on you for not trying to manage that issue from your end. It’s annoying, I know, and not totally fair that her lack of communication = your problem, but it seems like it’d be better to get ahead of this and start asking her for clarification, instead of continuing to get dinged by her for not giving her what she apparently wants.

    • NewRecruit

      Every job description has a “Required qualifications” list and a “Preferred qualifications” list. Ask her to clarify accordingly and then you can find candidates that meet the basic ( bottom of the pay range) needs and also recognize stand out candidates that would be “ideal” ( gets top pay) for the position.

  13. Anonforthis

    Has anyone had experience continuing to TTC when starting a new job? I know FMLA doesn’t kick in until 12 months in, but I’m 31, and I’m realizing getting pregnant is not a given. I can’t imagine there is a way to negotiate maternity leave before you’re pregnant without scaring HR. Basically I feel depressed that women are put in this situation. I want to take advantage of new opportunities, but I also am excited to start a family and have seen first-hand that it doesn’t happen right away.

    • CPA Lady

      If I were in your shoes I’d take a 3-4 month hiatus from trying (unless you’re doing a bunch of fertility intervention stuff already). Both to make a good initial impression and to get the FMLA protection. I was very ill and exhausted my first 3 or 4 months of pregnancy, and I cant imagine trying to make a good first impression in a new job while feeling like that. Go in, knock it out of the park for a few months, and then get back to trying.

      • Spirograph

        +1
        I started a new job newly pregnant, and I wouldn’t wish it on anyone – especially if this is your potential first pregnancy and you have no idea how your body will handle that. 3-4 months will give you time to learn your new company and role without being worried you might puke or fall asleep at any given time, and unless you are very confident in your new employer’s family-friendliness, FMLA protection will give you some much-needed peace of mind in what can be an otherwise stressful situation.

        This is all assuming that you already have the job offer in hand and are starting soon. If you’re just looking for a new position but don’t have a firm timeline for when your start date at new company might be, I wouldn’t stop TTC.

    • Anon

      I suppose this depends on the industry you are in, but you can absolutely negotiate maternity leave prior to becoming pregnant and before you accept an offer. It is part of your overall benefits package, just like negotiating flex-time, teleworking, more vacation, salary, etc.

    • anon

      31 is not anywhere near difficultly-conceiving-because-of-age territory. Unless you have some other underlying issue, it doesn’t drop significantly until 40. Just wait a few months. You will appreciate the lower stress on both ends.

    • Anon

      Just because it takes a long time for some doesn’t mean it will for you. I’ve started a job just finding out I was pregnant and it was very awkward. My second, I waited 3-4 months and got pregnant immediately. Still awkward but I felt better about it. I had more time to build up a credibility bank a) before I had to tell my new boss and b) before I left on leave.

      Good luck!

  14. Shayla

    Letter signing question. I have been authorized to sign a letter on behalf of my boss. His name is in the signature block, we’ll change this eventually. But in the short-term, with a stack of these letters that need to go out, should I sign, “p.p. Shayla” or something else?
    The internets have revealed that p.p. is the abbreviation for the Latin, “per procurationem” which I understand is used to mean “on behalf of.” But is this commonly done? Is there something better to do?

    • Anonymous

      I frequently see assistants sign on behalf of attorneys (letters of transmittal, not actual court documents) and they sign the attorney’s name in their (assistant’s) own handwriting and then add assistant’s initials as a superscript after the signature.

      I’ve also seen the assistant write the attorney’s name in print toward the top of the signature blank space, and then below it write “With permission [print], Assistant [signature].”

      Not sure if either of those are technically correct, but I wouldn’t bat an eye if I saw it.

      • JJ

        As an attorney, I’ve had to sign pleadings (back when e-filing wasn’t a “signature”) “with permission” for other attorneys. I would sign the attorney’s name, and write “with permission” and my name.

      • Alamo

        When I sign on behalf of partners I sign the partners name (in my handwriting) and then add my initials to the signature (just like Anonymous at 3:15 suggested)

      • Anon for this

        I always signed including the phrase, “with express permission”. Non-law office.

    • Anon

      My assistant signs my name and then puts a slash and then her initials after. When we (other attorneys) sign court documents for each other, sign our own name and then put “for” and then underneath our signature is the attorney’s signature block. I think long ago our Court expressed a preference for it to be done this way though.

    • Mrs. Jones

      I used to sign my boss’s name then put “by “. Not in quotes though.

    • Anon

      People at my law office just sign each other’s names on letters. I dislike this, so I sign and include my initials (connected to the last letter, if that makes sense, whenever possible). I dislike the general system as of someone signs my name, it comes back to me. But then again, I’m not in a position to say anything and nobody has complained about my initials.

  15. Helping without meddling

    My sister’s life is spiraling out of control. Her fiancé, who’s never treated her very well, is a sinking ship and is taking her down with him. She’s always been at least 75% the breadwinner with many bouts of his unemployment where she’s the sole provider. He makes horrible decisions with her money from what I can see. He’s offered me several hundred dollars to fix something I was complaining about even though he was unemployed and even in the best of times he and my sister live paycheck to paycheck. Not to mention the fact that I could afford to fix it myself. Another example is the large amount of money I’ve seen him spend on alcohol, which he consumes excessively.

    He’s currently employed but hasn’t worked in 2 months and isn’t sure when he’ll go back. This is due to a suicide attempt he made while drunk. He has major psychological things to figure out, I realize that.

    I’m just so concerned about my sister. She’s tied herself to this man who I going through so much but also has a ton of other baggage including child support issues, jail time, and other things. My sister’s life has stagnated or even gone backwards since they met. She’s been working full time and going to school part time to get into a grad program but just dropped out of school because of all the stress. So her student loans are going to start coming due again but that’s money she doesn’t have. She had to ask our parents for help paying the rent this month and their phone service was just shut off. Her fiancé is going to have a very large medical bill that they’ll never have a hope of paying and I’m positive he’ll have to declare bankruptcy. I’ve told her he needs to do that before they’re married.

    I wish she’d leave him but I don’t see that happening. I want her to feel like she could though because I don’t think she even feels it’s an option because she’s so tied into the relationship, doesn’t want him to hurt himself, and doesn’t want to leave his kids alone in this situation. The rest of my family has expressed concerns to her over the years which made her feel alienated. I never did so that she would have someone she felt she could talk to. She does talk to me about all of this and I try to provide practical suggestions. Should I tell her why I’m worried for her? Is there anything I can do here?

    I’ve offered to help her set up a budget and buy YNAB for her. I’d like to help her get some level of control over her finances. is there anything else I can do?

    I know I’m rambling but I’m so sad and scared for her. How can I help her without meddling?

    • Lobbyist

      I recommend you try Al Anon (for family and friends of alcoholics) and maybe see if your sister wants to go to a meeting with you. If she doesn’t want to go, check it out anyway. It’s been very helpful for me.

    • Anon

      This is so hard. My sister ended up married to a man just like this and had a child with him. It took years before she left him. We all tried talking to her many times, which sometimes just resulted in getting shut out. She had to decide on her own she was ready to leave him. It was heartbreaking to watch happen in the meantime.

      • Ms JJ

        I agree with Anon. She has to make the decision herself. It doesn’t hurt to talk to her even at the risk of being alienated. If she has a child with him, things get more complicated. He already has other children that from what you wrote he is not supporting. Does she really want that for herself? She could easily leave him and find someone else who is responsible and not an alcoholic. She is trying to be a fixer and it cannot end well.

    • Helping without meddling

      Thank you everyone. I live thousands of miles away so I can’t go to Al Anon with her but I’ll suggest it and look into it for myself as well.

      I did wind up sending her financial advice with her permission. I hope that will help her at least a little bit. I just want to swoop in and take her away from all this but I know I can’t. I may pass along Senior Attorney’s advice that a man is not an improvement project. Other that that I’ll try to do my best to just be there for her.

      • Anonnnnn

        You can also send her a care package occasionally with some small treats for her (JUST HER!), and books or audiobooks of Melody Beattie’s works on codependency. My favorite is “The Language of Letting Go.” A lot easier and more accessible than going to Al-Anon, but the same help is available there. It may really, really help her.

        Including the small treats, like bath stuff or chocolate or whatever, makes it seem like less of a homework assignment?

  16. Etiquette Question

    B, a good friend of mine was trying to get my husband and I to buy tickets to an expensive gala for a charity she’s involved with. While we could technically afford it, it really wasn’t in our budget for this month, so I declined.

    Fast forward to today. B texts me that C, an acquaintance I know socially through B and whom I would like to know better, has a pair of extra tickets to the gala. C initially purchased them to give them to someone else, but that couple can no longer attend. C asked B if my husband and I would want them. I felt like it was hard to to turn “free” tickets without potentially offending B and C, so I accepted them.

    To complicate things: C’s husband is a senior partner at my husband’s firm, where my husband is a mid-level associate who would like to make partner in the future (they’re not in law but that’s the best analogy for it).

    Should I reach out to C and offer to pay for the tickets? My thought is that I should, as we weren’t their intended recipients when C bought the tickets, but I also don’t want to offend her or make things awkward if she’s viewing them as a “gift”. I don’t know her well enough to guess how she might view this gesture. If she declines, I’m thinking that we’ll make a donation to the charity she supports? What does the hive think?

    • Anonymous

      I wouldn’t offer to pay for the tickets- they were bought to be a gift, the couple never intended to be paid for them.

      I’d instead offer to take C out for dinner as a “thank you” at a later date, which gives you the opportunity to get to know them better and say thank you for the gift.

    • Zelda

      I don’t think you should reach out to C. C purchased them as a gift, therefore C always intended to give them away. C also had the option of (attempting to) sell the tickets when she realized her chosen recipient couldn’t come. I think you run a greater risk of seeming ungracious or even insulting C by offering to pay for the tickets.

      If I were you I would write a lovely note to C thanking her for the tickets and mentioning that you’ll also be making a donation to the charity in C’s honor. The donation does not have to be the same as the cost of the ticket.

      • Zelda

        Ugh, the first sentence should be “I don’t think you should reach out to C to offer to pay for the tickets.” I miss the edit function…

    • Etiquette Question

      Thanks for the feedback, everyone. I will send C a nice note to show our appreciation and will make a donation in her honor.

  17. Bewitched

    Weird to offer to pay (if you ask me) but you can certainly thank C for her generosity and let her know how much you are looking forward to going and to supporting B. I would either bid on something at the event (if they have live/silent auction) or make a (reasonable) donation to the charity.

    • Senior Attorney

      This. Do not offer to pay, but it’s nice to make some kind of contribution to the charity.

  18. Alamo

    This may seem off-the-wall but the Gala Etiquette question made me think of this…

    As I develop in my career I find myself being responsible or at least partially-responsible for filling tables at galas and charity lunches.

    Does anyone have a good system or recommendations for how to get seats filled for these events? When it’s an organization I have a personal connection with, I have no trouble asking everyone I know to come support, but more often than not my firm has made a donation to an organization or event I have no familiarity with and they don’t want a firm table with open seats. I don’t want to keep drawing on the same well, especially when I have personal commitments and interests I want to support.

    I know this is such a #FirstWorldProblem but I’m always shocked at how much time and effort it takes to organize these things (and how it inevitably gets left to female associates and partners to make it come together).

    • Zelda

      Firmwide email? That’s how they did it at my last company. I had a great time using the basketball box seat tickets!

    • Bewitched

      My husband sometimes has to do this at his firm (firm has bought table and needs to fill seats), and he tells me how many tickets are available and I often invite friends or colleagues. It’s a great way to catch up, and since I’m in house, technically I am a “client” of the firm as are my colleagues. We are last resort though-as Zelda said above, the first offer goes to attorneys in the firm and their clients who may support the cause.

    • anon

      Firmwide email is the way that this gets handled at my past and present firms.
      Can you contact the organization that is hosting the gala and see if any unused seats can go their guests? Or if they have anyone that they would like to have there, but may not be able to absorb the cost of the ticket? Obviously, know your audience and ask your firm if this is ok.

  19. Help decorate my deck?

    We recently moved to a home with an awesome backyard. It has a back deck (wooden) that we can see through the kitchen/breakfast nook windows. To the right of that deck, about ten steps lower (the yard is sloped), there is another patio area (concrete). We can see the concrete patio through the windows of the living room.

    What furniture should I put on this deck? Should I also have some furniture on the lower concrete patio? I would like to treat this like an extension of indoors; i.e. decorate cohesively as if it were another room in the house. We have small children, if it matters. (I want a fire pit, but maybe we should wait until they’re big enough not to throw themselves into it.)

    I currently have a few pieces of patio furniture: two small wicker chairs, a matching loveseat, and a low table. I still like them and could buy bigger pieces to use with them. Or I could put them on the lower concrete patio by themselves. Or I could sell them and start over. Any thoughts? I mainly want to avoid buying a bunch of random stuff and tossing it onto the deck without a plan.

    • Killer Kitten Heels

      I’d probably turn the wooden deck into the outdoor version of an eat-in kitchen – grill, large table with chairs, bar-type furniture if it fits – and then turn the lower concrete patio into an outdoor sitting room, and I’d keep the fire pit there. So, for now, I’d probably put the wicker furniture on the lower level and then get something new that doesn’t clash with that furniture for the wooden deck. I’d wait to replace the wicker until you’re ready to get a fire pit, since there are lots of really nice sitting area sets with fire pits out there, and I’d probably want to buy the set all at once.

    • Care

      Living in Yellow (a blog I read) had a post about her deck and side patio today and it looked a lot like you’re describing. You might find some good inspiration there!

    • Snick

      We have this exact arrangement. On the deck, I have a large round glass-topped table with an umbrella and six armchairs with cushions, plus a glass topped coffee table with two rocking armchairs with cushions (all a coordinated set). It’s a big deck. On the patio, two Adirondack chairs with a side table. I also keep the grill on the patio. I bought all of the deck furniture on Craigslist about 10 years ago and it is still in great shape.

    • peach

      I’ve been happy with my IKEA teak patio furniture. I’ve only had it a year, but so far, so good. I had it delivered — definitely worth it — and it wasn’t even hard to put together, and looks much, much more expensive than it was.

  20. nutella

    Anyone else having issues with this [place] crashing all day today? And, come to think of it, the past few days? I think it’s the auto-play Barcelona ad.

    • Mary Ann Singleton

      Yes, the last week I have been getting “unresponsive script” messages and then the site crashes. It may be my computer though.

    • Carrots

      Not necessarily crashing, but it’s been bugging out and slowing down my computer when it’s open…

      • Kat G

        Yikes — I’ll look into. Can anyone give me more details on what’s going on? I know I experienced lag today also while trying to comment on the money post and then got the “oh snap” WordPress message. Is everyone experiencing problems on PC? Is everyone seeing the same Barcelona ad? (Will go try to find it and block it now; hadn’t seen it before.)

    • Anonnnnn

      I am a Chrome user on Windows and the site has crashed for me multiple times over the last week. It’s always an “unresponsive script” error.

  21. Runner 5

    Woman allegedly fired for not wearing high heels to work… link to follow.

  22. Multiple offers

    How do you handle multiple job offers? I am applying for postdoc positions and I currently have 2 options and a potential third one. I am in the U.S. but all the jobs are outside the U.S., in different countries. Offer 1 came from a Professor where the selected candidate resigned before the job started. He was to start in May. Offer 2 is open ended i.e. the Prof said I could start anytime I wanted. I am also being considered for another position, where they have asked for references.

    How do I let the other Professors I have other offers on the table and would like some time to consider them all before making a final decision? I know I have to send an email but it is the wording I am unsure of.

    • lost academic

      That’s exactly what you do. Thank them for the offer and let them know you’d like X period of time to consider all your options and if they need a decision earlier please don’t hesitate to let you know. It’s just like any other situation where you’re balancing multiple job offers. Clarify, of course, first with the third offer so you know you’ve stated X period of time correctly. And discuss the options with your current advisor.

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