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![black-velvet-suit-tahari-2](https://corporette.com/wp-content/uploads/2016/11/black-velvet-suit-Tahari-2.jpg)
Sales of note for 8.30.24
- Nordstrom – Summer Sale, save up to 60%
- Ann Taylor – 30% off full-price purchase; $99 jackets, dresses & shoes; extra 50% off sale
- Banana Republic Factory – 50-70% off everything + extra 20% off
- Bergdorf Goodman – Final Days Designer Sale, up to 75% off; extra 20% off sale
- Boden – 20% off
- Brooks Brothers – Extra 25% off clearance
- Eloquii – Up to 60% off everything; extra 60% off all sale
- J.Crew – 40% off sitewide; extra 60% off sale styles
- J.Crew Factory – Extra 20% off orders $125+; extra 60% off clearance; 60%-70% off 100s of styles
- Lo & Sons – Summer sale, up to 50% off (ends 9/2)
- Madewell – Extra 40% off sale; extra 50% off select denim; 25% off fall essentials
- M.M.LaFleur – Save 25% sitewide
- Rothy's – End of season sale, up to 50% off
- Spanx – Lots of workwear in the big sale, some up to 70% off
- Talbots – 25% off regular-price purchase; 70% off clearance
- White House Black Market – Up to 70% off sale
Some of our latest posts here at Corporette…
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And some of our latest threadjacks here at Corporette (reader questions and commentary) — see more here!
Some of our latest threadjacks include:
- What to say to friends and family who threaten to not vote?
- What boots do you expect to wear this fall and winter?
- What beauty treatments do you do on a regular basis to look polished?
- Can I skip the annual family event my workplace holds, even if I'm a manager?
- What small steps can I take today to get myself a little more “together” and not feel so frazzled all of the time?
- The oldest daughter is America's social safety net — change my mind…
- What have you lost your taste for as you've aged?
- Tell me about your favorite adventure travels…
Bonnie
I felt great about my outfit today until 2 people asked me if I was pregnant. :-(. Please don’t ask that question EVER.
Anonymous
Ughhh why do people still do this!? It is never appropriate, even if the woman IS pregnant!
Anonymous
What are you wearing?
I’ve got a bit of a pooch going and want to make sure I’m avoiding the right cuts / outfits.
Runner 5
Don’t worry about avoiding certain cuts. Avoid rude people instead.
Bonnie
+1. But tweed sheath dress, open blazer, boots and pearls. I gain weight in my stomach so only a mumu would hide it.
ITDS
I had that happen once. I was wearing a slim fitting shift dress and had gained 5 pounds. I weighed 105 total, but the extra 5 was all in the lower belly and looked like a baby to someone in the office. Ugh.
Ellen
Oh, me too! Why is it that men alway’s ask if we are pregenant? I think they do it b/c they want to know if we are haveing sex, and if so, with who. That is why they want to know “who the father is?” FOOEY on men that stare at our croteches when they ask! DOUBEL FOOEY!
Wildkitten
I’ll kill them.
Anonymous
I was born and raised in the Nebraska but I moved to New York for school 10 years ago and I still live here now. My family are still back in Nebraska. I’ve never not gotten along with them but now they are all excited on social media because the death penalty was reinstated in the election yesterday. None of them voted for Trump, they campaigned for Hillary and they hate him and are pro-choice but they are all rabidly pro death penalty. My sister, who is in law enforcement, is especially happy. Like I said I have never disagreed with my family (immediate and extended) over something major before but I am the only one who is really upset about this. Anyone have any advice as to how I can deal with this when I go home for Thanksgiving and the Christmas holidays?
Anon for this
I consider myself a left of center Democrat who is also pro-death penalty. I truly believe that the death penalty should be reserved for only the most heinous of crimes, but that it should exist. There are simply some crimes that are so brutal and vicious that death is the only appropriate punishment. I do not discount the terrible instances in which innocent people were put to death. But that simply means that we need to ensure that defendants get access to good legal counsel so that better evidence can be gathered. That doesn’t mean we need to get rid of the system altogether.
Solo
I used to be just like you. But after ten years as a criminal defense lawyer, I have to tell you that the system is SO BAD and SO underfunded that we will never have enough “good” lawyers for everyone. We just won’t. We can’t keep executing people when we don’t give them the opportunity to defend themselves.
emeralds
I strongly recommend Just Mercy by Bryan Stevenson for anyone interested in learning how the death penalty works in an unfortunate number of cases in America.
BabyAssociate
Yes!!!! Seconded.
Anon
+1. I am a criminal defense lawyer also. I have never been pro-death penalty, but I see first-hand (I do appeals) how bad it can be and even very good lawyers are unable to present adequate defenses because of systemic underfunding.
Some of my family is pro-death penalty including a member of law enforcement. We mostly just avoid these topics at family gatherings. We have occasionally started a discussion and some family members can have a respectful disagreement, others in my family devolve quickly into yelling and name calling. So we mostly discuss the weather, local sports, upcoming vacations, the kids, etc.
Anonymous
Juries are so stupid though. I think great lawyers for everyone is unrealistic, but even if we could achieve that, there’s no way we could possibly guarantee juries make correct decisions. I am in favor of the death penalty if we could ensure no mistakes were made, but I don’t see how we can practically implement anything close to 100% accuracy.
Solo
+1. Juries are incredibly stupid.
asdf
Is there a better solution than a jury? Not a lawyer which is why I’m asking. I agree that 12 random uneducated in the law people could be really stupid.
Gail the Goldfish
At least in my state, cases in which the state is seeking the death penalty are the one type of cases where defendants can’t waive their right to a jury trial.
Anonymous
Actually in Nebraska any case where the death penalty is on the table has the sentencing heard by a panel of judges. Juries have nothing to do with it. So your point about juries being stupid has no basis in fact when it comes to the state being discussed.
Anonymous
But juries decide guilt/innocence in Nebraska right? So juries do have something to do with it.
Anonymous
Most death row exoneration relates to wrongful conviction, not wrongful sentencing.
Anon
Yeah the law should be left to the elite and all of the lawyers who live in their liberal upper class bubbles. Forget the “stupid” masses who obviously know nothing. We know what’s best.
numbersmouse
Anon @ 6:34
Is it really an outlandish idea that those who have studied the law know more about it than those who haven’t?
Anonymous
Yep. I spent two years in law school helping a professor with death penalty research using multiple regression analysis, etc. etc.. My take: juries are stupid and/or racist, and the mitigating and aggravating factors used at sentencing are way too loosey goosey to rein in juror stupidity and/or racism.
Anonymous
The answer is definitely to make people alienated from the justice system by letting only a certain segment of the population be in change. Even moreso than they already do. Look how well it worked in the election.
Anonymous
7:37, why is it that all of these alienated people seem to lack basic literacy skills? I know, I know, I’m so elitist, dreaming of jurors who aren’t morons….
Anon
Also, that only works if the District Attorney only reserves the death penalty for heinous crimes. I had a case where the crime was not heinous, and the death penalty was pursued. There was also not enough evidence to convict my client, and the jury acquitted. Did the system work this time? Yes, but someone’s life was on the line. Juries have convicted on less. If you’ve never actually been through the voir dire process in a criminal case then you’d be shocked at how many jurors assume the defendant is guilty for the simple fact that he’s in the courtroom and/or assume you are “guilty until proven innocent.”
Anonymous
The more you learn, the more you will be against the death penalty.
Anonymous
Does Nebraska have some giant crime problem I’m not aware of? I get that Chicago (no death penalty) has an awful murder rate, but I’m thinking that maybe Nebraska has other problems that are more pressing?
And maybe I’m old fashioned, but the last thing I’d want to do is talk politics with anyone, anytime, much less among a crowd that probably knows where all of its members stand already.
Maybe this is the upside of football and L-tryptophan?
Anonymous
Just a note- Houston has an awful murder rate and more people are sentenced to death here every year than the next 15 counties (not including Texas) combined. Having a death penalty doesn’t solve for high murder rates.
Anonymous
I know. If you don’t have a rampant crime problem, why bother with the death penalty? I get it in theory, but they wind up being expensive and slow and my sense is that they don’t do much to help the non-criminal populace, esp. if crime isn’t a huge problem. I understand why a place with awful crime might try it, but not a place not known for crime. But I’m not in Nebraska — maybe I’m missing something about the current vibe there?
Anon
Because the death penalty is never really about deterrence or public safety. It is about retribution (and is morally bankrupt, if you ask me.)
anon
If you all get along well with each other, it shouldn’t take much more than a casual “Oof, can we talk about something else? It’s been a long year for politics!” when the subject comes up.
Anonymous
Have you ever talked to someone you disagreed with anything? Just do whatever you then.
Pep
“How ’bout those Huskers?” Repeat as needed.
Wildkitten
My husker friends are devastated.
numbersmouse
Some of the advice in Heather Havrilesky’s holiday survival guide might apply: http://nymag.com/thecut/2015/12/ask-pollys-holiday-survival-guide.html
Anony
I really like this suit.
Anonymous
I want to like it, but the stance is all wrong. Would make me look pregnant.
Anonymous
wtf are you talking about?
PrettyPrimadonna
This was not nice, but I guffawed. Gah!
Meg March
The “stance” refers to where the button is placed– some jackets button higher or lower.
Good shoe-booties?
I know I will look like I have a hoof, but I am willing to look at shoe-booties (shooties) or sock booties. Any good recommendations?
It is finally tights weather where I live.
Shortie
Not sure if this fits what you mean, but I just got these and they are surprisingly comfortable. I got them in black to wear with tights and skirts as well as slacks.
http://m.shop.nordstrom.com/s/bella-vita-dylan-cutout-pointy-toe-bootie-women/4073112
SW
I have these in black leather: http://shop.nordstrom.com/s/vince-camuto-vecka-bootie-women/4414471. They are really comfortable and tailored enough to not look like hooves. I thought the tassel would be annoying but it isn’t.
Tetra
I just got the Nine West Hadriel and really like them.
Sydney Bristow
In attempting to focus on the positive today, I read that experts expect a Trump presidency to result in a lot of work for law firms. It has been an extremely slow few months so I’m looking forward to a lot of overtime hours. Or my student loans are.
anon
As a healthcare regulatory attorney, I’m also anticipating an uptick in work when the ACA comes crashing down.
Sydney Bristow
I’m even more grateful that I was able to get out of contracting and get a job directly with my firm that comes with health insurance.
Anon_sad
Yes, we had a meeting already to discuss of we are staffed right for everything that is about to happen. From a short term economic perspective things look good for me. From a long-term, what’s going to happen to the world perspective, I still want to cry every 15 seconds.
Baconpancakes
I’m definitely expecting growth in the alcoholic beverage industry. I’ll be contributing to that tonight. Where’s my girl Shots?
Fancy Champagne
I am not shots. shots. shots., but I am her chill big sister. Might I recommend a glass of bubbly? Perhaps you bought a bottle of me in anticipation of popping corks to celebrate the first Madame President. Let not such enthusiasm go to waste– drink me anyway!
Anonymous
In related news, the recreational use marijuana prop passed in CA. I think we’ll need it!
Anonymous
On the flipside of this I work in a STEM field at a university and am worried about what his proposed cuts to NSF, NIH, etc. funding would mean for me and my colleagues. :(
Anonymous
Based on what happened in Canada under Harper (who is not even remotely as erratic or anti-science as Trump), I’d say this is a very legitimate fear.
When the facts don’t help their cause (e.g. climate change denial), defunding the fact finders is a frighteningly effective strategy.
Anonymous
I’m a Canadian in a STEM field. Our new Liberal Prime Minister hasn’t done much better and things are still the same if not worse. It’s not just one side of the political spectrum that can decimate funding for STEM. It’s an equal opportunity thing and Liberals are just the same as Conservatives when it comes to that.
Anonymous
I will counter this and say almost immediately after Trudeau took office my field of study got ALL it’s funding back.
Anon at 3: 12
Are you in the federal government? Both DH and I are. Different STEM fields. I cannot even begin to describe the different atmosphere with the new administration. The communications controls and fear mongering before made it a very uncomfortable place to work.
Anonshmanon
Huh. I (not Canadian) had understood otherwise. Can you recommend a good article/source of information on science in Canada?
Sydney Bristow
I’m sorry. I really hope it isn’t as bad as we fear.
Anon
Yes, me and my fellow STEM friends are worried. Along with people that work in social services…the list goes on.
X
I also work in a STEM field at a university and am concerned. He’s shown interest in eliminating the Department of Education altogether.
NOLA
I know. If funding for federal financial aid goes away, a lot of universities could be in big trouble.
(not that) Ellen
I work in scientific research too, for the fed gov, and am terrified about what’s going to happen to our budget. Especially our climate change program.
AnonyMom
Just chiming in. I work in the cleantech industry (and previously was a Fed working on STEM issues). I expect a very, very large number of people in my industry will be out of a job in a year or so.
While in general what’s troubling me about this election is not the issues (which polite people can disagree on), I don’t want to think about the implications for climate change.
asdf
A friend works in the bankruptcy division of a bank and was wondering if she would get more business.
Anon
Probably the same experts who predicted HRC would win.
Anniversary of Berlin Wall coming down
Apparently, when it came down, David Hasselhoff showed up and started singing. Must have been so surreal.
Runner 5
Yep, and then took all the credit. When really it was down to a mistake at a press conference.
Anonshmanon
It’s a myth. He was 2 months late.
Annon
For you progressive leaning ladies – Gleen Greenwald’s site – the Intercept – wrote a great peace on what we can do to move forward during Trump’s presidency. Its going to be a rough 4 years but not all hope is lost
https://theintercept.com/2016/11/09/donald-trump-will-be-president-this-is-what-we-do-next/
Annon
*piece – its been a long 24 hours =(
Emmen
Thank you for posting this; I would have missed it in this nauseated fugue.
Annon OP
Michael Moore also has a great piece on 5 things to move towards after all this:
https://www.good.is/articles/moore-five-point-plan
*just spreading some hope but at the same time – things really need to change…
Anon for this
To my fellow attorneys in federal government (but not political appointees) are you thinking about how the change in administration will impact your job? Do you plan to stay in your job? Can anyone who has worked under an administration that didn’t align with their personal politics speak to how, if at all, it impacted the day to day of your job?
Anonymous
I have worked for the federal government as an attorney since 1990. You don’t have to support the president to do your job. Most of us are so fare removed from it anyways and we are expected and mandated to do our jobs and not be partisan. Where I am anyone who worries about this would be looked at like they were a nut bar because for non-appointed staff this is totally not a thing
Anonymous
Doesn’t this feel different, though?
Anon
But are you worried about losing your job when Trump cuts this that and the other thing?
Bonnie
I am because I work for a political appointee who has the ability to drastically change the scope of my work. I’m not worried about losing my job but what I do may change.
shamlet96
+1. I suspect the priorities of the new administration may change; a NYT article from this morning suggests cuts to white collar crime prosecutions. I personally think more resources will be devoted to immigration crimes/prosecutions, but that’s pure speculation based on what Trump has said about immigration policy moving forward. Otherwise, the mood is somber here and people are worried about how things are going to look in the months to come. I plan on staying in my job unless/until i’m asked to do something I can’t abide by. I figure i can impact things positively, at least in a limited fashion.
http://www.nytimes.com/2016/11/10/business/dealbook/how-trumps-presidency-will-change-the-justice-dept-and-sec.html
Anonymous
Please stay in your job. Don’t let him drive good people out of government. Your career in government can easily outlast his.
AnonyMom
I have been thinking about this a lot today. I’m a former Fed who had a civil service position in the Executive Office of the President. I’m also a sexual assault surviver. While I did not work in person with the POTUS in my position, obviously he set the atmosphere of the WH. I honestly don’t know if I would be able to stay if I were still working there.
My boss’s personal politics were very progressive, but before I came on board he had worked very will with the Bush Administration on major policy initiatives that you definitely know about. What Feds today are faced with is not just about policy/politics.
Anonish
I am a career federal attorney. My work will be impacted by the election. I’m unlikely to be fired, but given what I expect I’m beginning a serious job hunt now.
Anonymous
I would love the help of the eloquent among us…
Is there a good way to verbalize why I feel so grief-stricken by the results of this election?
My husband is a sweet guy, but his natural capacity for empathy is.. not great. And last night when I sat on the couch and cried at the results he was genuinely confused about why I felt personally affected. Because I wasn’t in a frame of mind to explain my grief, I told him I’d be happy to talk about it after the initial wave of emotions was past, but I feel at a loss for words to explain what I’m feeling.
Does anyone have suggestions for how to vocalize this?
asdf
I’ve just been going through everything that would happen, but sanitized
– people will lose the ability to do a necessary medical procedure
– cannot get married
– pay more for health insurance because of how they were born (female)
– feel afraid because of their ethnicity
– have their movements controlled because of religion
Anon
Yeah I feel you on that, my mother is the same way. When she heard the results she was annoyed but didnt get the grief either (personally i feel shes using denial and emotionally disengaging as a defense mechanism because shes a highly educated woman and should understand the implications of this but i digress…) and wasnt much of a help so i had to step back from talking about it with her.
I think you need to speak your truth and it was smart to let the initial wave of emotions pass before talking to him. After you’re not feeling as emotional (which are VALID feelings) I would honestly just speak your truth. He may not get it but there are literally dozens of reasons to be afraid about this….
Even if Clinton would have won – i think this election has opened our eyes to some issues the majority of us were willing to ignore – myself included and i say that as a WOC…
Before I start rambling just know that youre far from the only one grieving today
Rebecca Bunch
I don’t. But I’m having the exact same issue. Eager to hear advice from the hive.
Jeffiner
One of my coworkers provided a good verbalization of how I feel. She said she feels insulted, like the country just told her that the issues she faces as a woman, as a woman of color, and as a gay woman, aren’t important.
nasty woman
THIS.
I have many feelings (as you all know b/c I’ve been all over these threads today, #sorrynotsorry), but this is one I didn’t plan for: I am disappointed that people were willing to vote for a man who is so unqualified, so dangerous, and so hateful for the office of the presidency over a highly qualified woman for two main reasons: First, makes me think that old white men truly can get away with anything and still appear successful and actually obtain success, while a woman can never be good enough or prove herself enough. Second, makes me feel like my concerns and the concerns of other marginalized groups aren’t important as compared with wanting “change” or to stick it to “the establishment” and “needing to feel heard.” And that all of our very real concerns about actual impacts to people’s lives aren’t as important as peoples’ desire to “vote their conscience” and piss away their votes on Stein or Johnson.
I feel insulted and abandoned. And scared, because now the repubs have such a lock down everywhere, rebounding from this is going to be extremely difficult.
Dana
Yes. This.
I am a survivor of sexual assault. This election was not about politics for me. It wasn’t democrat or republican. The first line on the ballot read ‘Does it matter if someone is racist, if someone discriminates based on sexual orientation or religion? Does it matter if a man assaults a woman? Do I matter?” And the very sad, resounding answer from my fellow citizens was no. This was a big blow to my view of the world (that everyone is and should be treated equally and the majority of our country feels this way). I am grieving the America I thought we had. I am less disappointed about the outcome of the presidency, though I did shed many tears due to disappointment that we won’t have Hillary as our leader for 4 years, but I was more disappointed in the values of those that I walk past every day.
I feel like all of us non white, non male, non cis gendered, non evangelical folk can no longer rely on being treated as 100% human, and that makes me my soul weep.
also
My friend today said she feels like the country just told us all to go “make me a sandwich.”
Anonymous
The “good old boy” talk about grabbing someone’s P didn’t matter. Not one bit in the end. And that hurts us all.
Anon
I’m having an even harder time explaining it because I’m Canadian.
TO Lawyer
+1 – me too.
I feel like it’s a bit of a rejection of me (i.e. I’m an other, I don’t belong) but I’m Canadian so it’s not like I’m actually losing any rights as a result.
Except what is also terrifying here is a candidate for the conservative party leadership is latching onto this as being a great victory and as supportive of her quest to screen people for “Canadian values”
Never too many shoes...
She is *horrific*. That is all.
AnonyMom
I think it’s because our country just elected a man who came to power by devaluing me as a human being. His policies are irrelevant to that reality. And while I actually understand (though disagree) with the majority of his electorate who feel left behind by the establishment, I don’t understand his enablers who aren’t the ones left behind. I don’t understand my father, a successful UMC physician in a swing state that Trump flipped who is okay with a Trump presidency even if he personally did not vote for him. My dad just told me that me (and my sister, and my mom, and my daughter, and my niece) feeling safe and valued is not important enough for him to take a stand against Trump. There is no amount of hate he could have for Clinton that makes what Trump said about my humanity okay. It’s people like my dad who trouble me the most in this election, because he personally had so little at stake but was unable to see how much the people he supposedly loves most do.
Sydney Bristow
My sister just sent me a heartbreaking text expressing her concerns for all sorts of people and very specific concerns for her future step-children, each one of them a minority. One of whom is a gay teen. Her (minority) fiancé voted for Trump and nothing she said could convince him otherwise. His own young children couldn’t convince him otherwise. My heart aches for my sister and those kids more than I could have possibly imagined.
The next time I’ll see him is at their wedding. According to my sister, she put a moratorium on any discussion of national politics. I don’t know how she is holding up and truly don’t understand how she is going to go through with the wedding.
anon
At least your sister’s fiance was honest about it. What scares me more is all the silent votes. How many men voted Trump but didn’t tell their SOs?
1.0
This is it exactly.
My mother voted for Trump. I’m a lesbian. I didn’t come out until after I graduated from college, paid off my student loans, and was entirely financially independent; as far as I’m concerned, the fact that she’s okay voting in a ticket that thinks my existence is something to be tortured away makes me think I was right to do so. Whether or not my immediate family accepts my “preferences” is less important to me than, for example — can I be fired for being gay? Will I be evicted? Can I still see a doctor? And I’m lucky — I’m able-bodied, strong, financially stable, and living in a liberal city. And a friend of a friend still got bottled in the face on Tuesday night by a bunch of Trump supporters celebrating his victory by gay bashing the first visibly gay man they saw.
The thing that terrifies me — the modern LGBT movement is built on the corpses of a generation of gay men failed by their government. What’s going to happen to us? How can my own mother not care?
Anon in NYC
I’m struggling with this as well. It feels personal, perhaps because I identify with Clinton more than I did with Obama or Gore because she’s a woman and has dealt with all the BS that women deal with in the workplace. I’m including a link to a Cosmo article that partially addresses some of what I’m feeling. http://www.cosmopolitan.com/politics/a8261651/donald-trump-victory-failed-women/
Ugh
I think men have a hard time understanding what it’s like to always subconsciously fear $exual assault. I am never going to be in a room with Trump so I don’t have to worry about him $exually assaulting me. That’s the black and white thinking some men have. They fail to see the impact on culture as a whole. That the acceptance of his statements empowers other men to behave more brashly. They will chip away at the progress we have made, little by little until it isn’t anything we recognize.
Lana
To me, among a million other reasons which I can’t put into words as well, a part of the hurt comes from feeling like as a woman, I have to be perfect in order to beat a man who is average. It reminds me of a line from Scandal that Olivia Pope had to be “twice as good to get half of what they have.” And that hurts. It physically hurts.
And then there is the fear for my friends and fear for the future. That’s a pretty consuming feeling.
Excel Geek
This is it for me. I live in a sea of Stay at Home Moms and sometimes I feel like I’m failing my kids because I can’t host the playdates or drive the carpools as much and what if they’re missing out on stuff. I have many reasons for working- to pay the bills, for my own personal fulfillment, but also to show my daughter that I think it’s important to work hard and have your own career. And I’ve seen it at work and now I’ve seen it on the biggest stage of all- you can work harder than everyone, be the most qualified, be the smartest, and you still will get passed over for the promotion. And then some blowhard white dude with no experience comes in and gets it instead. It’s not theoretical, it has happened to so many women who are trying to climb the ladder. So to see it play out in front of the whole country hurts so much.
Nylon girl
Absolutely true! I am not convinced we will see a woman president in my life time. Still a man’s world says the woman that works with all men.
AIMS
I think part of it is that it was so unexpected. It’s not that I took it for granted that she would win but even the republicans seemed to believe he would lose so I was completely unprepared for how last night turned out. Somehow that makes it worse. Like an unexpected death.
I think the other reason goes hand in hand with the first: I didn’t expect to feel as emotional as I did voting for HRC and because everyone was basically celebrating voting for her all day with all the social media stuff, the fact that the outcome was so different really stung. It’s like having something and then not within moments.
And last I am just sad for this country. I was excited to think that a country that just had two terms of its first highly accomplished and self made African American president was going to now elect a highly accomplished and self made woman as president. That a kid born during the Obama years would go on to think presidents looking like this and coming from these backgrounds was just normal. Instead we elected an ignorant, vapid man who personifies the past and whose claim to fame is a reality game show and a business record of unscrupulous business practices and 6 bankruptcies. I would probably be unhappy with any republican because the supreme court has gotten as politicized as it is, but it wouldn’t feel nearly as irrational of a choice for the country to have made.
Anonymous
+1 million to all of this.
January
I think AIMS nailed it, at least for me. I do think somebody I had policy disagreements with, instead of somebody I find personally reprehensible, would have been easier to take (I had really been looking forward to not hearing from him for awhile, after he lost), but, you know, unfortunately, under our country’s rules for electing a president, the country made its choice. And as far as I’m concerned, it was a bad one.
Gail the Goldfish
This. Intellectually, I knew there was a real chance Trump could win. Emotionally, I didn’t think it would happen. And it’s hard.
Sydney Bristow
So much this.
Anon
I feel it very personally. I’ve been sexually assaulted (not raped – some unwanted groping, as Trump bragged about) at least a half a dozen times. It isn’t theoretical ‘locker room’ talk … it is the actual lived experience of most women. I cannot understand how anyone could vote for that. Much less how the ‘majority’ of people could vote for that, or at minimum think that that mindset is no big deal.
I feel like the country just told me that women don’t matter, Muslims don’t matter, immigrants don’t matter, people with disabilities can be made fun of, black people who get shot are asking for it. I’ve just been told that the “pain” and “suffering” of high school educated working class white men is more valid than the centuries of collective pain and humiliation suffered by women, minorities, immigrants, the disabled … now that WHITE people feel disenfranchised, it’s suffering worth addressing.
God what a miserable day.
AnonyMom
So much this.
LawDawg
Van Jones said it best (paraphrased here). We teach our kids not to be bullies. We teach our kids not to be bigots. We teach our kids to do their homework and be prepared. Then we elect Trump and we can’t explain anything any more.
Anononope
Agree with others that it feels personal because people’s desire to upset the status quo mattered more than saying no to someone who devalues me and my loved ones with his words and actions.
Count me in as another woman who has been sexually assaulted,* and now the country has told me, “eh, that’s just what men do to women, get over it.” I’m Jewish, and my beloved friends and family are Muslim refugees, are Latinas, are POC, are gay, are gender nonconforming, have disabilities, etc. I’m told that electing a purported ‘outsider’ is more important than refusing to condone hatred and mockery of me and my friends. I have a young daughter and I want her to find her identity without fear; I want her to live in a country where her humanity isn’t questioned. I was told that America doesn’t care very much about that. That’s why I am so sad this morning.
*The man in question reemerged from the woodwork recently, and last night some of my tears were certainly about that specific occurrence. It can’t be Therapy Day soon enough.
Samantha
I thought about this a lot (and my husband had the same reaction as yours – sad, but doesn’t take it personally). This is the reasn I take it so personally:
Trump challenges my very personhood as a woman.
By saying that women can be treated as objects one acquires if one is powerful enough, to be felt up and manhandled at will, he insinuates that women aren’t actual people.
Greensleeves
A friend posted this and I found it helpful. Maybe you will too! http://johnpavlovitz.com/2016/11/09/heres-why-we-grieve-today/
ANon
Because last night you learned that there is an underlayer of hatred, prejudice, and ignorance throughout the country that was finally given the opportunity to bubble up and break through. I’m sure there were a lot of folks who voted for Trump who wanted, for example, to protect the supreme court and were willing to put someone like Trump in the Oval Office to do so, but I don’t think most people who voted for Trump had logical intentions in mind. I genuinely think that most people who voted for Trump thought how great it was that someone was finally saying out loud what they only dared to think in the dark recesses of their minds.
Anonymous
He doesn’t have to understand why. He just has to love you and support you because you are da.
Anonymous
I am THRILLED that Trump won. He is going to save the country. I suggest that instead of planning your speech about your feelings of losing you instead focus on learning more about how the winning side thinks and why they were motivated to make sure Hillary the Wicked Witch of the West never takes office.
Go on wikileaks, read about her corruption, back room deals and lies. Try Reddit/the Donald and read all the Hot posts. Get out of your bubble – your side lost big time and it’s time to grow up and figure out why the American people rejected your candidate. A woman who will probably be arrested in 2017.
Wildkitten
No thank you.
Sloan Sabbith
Yeah, no.
anon
Have you seen the data suggesting that Trump’s policies will literally tank the economy? No? Then maybe you shouldn’t be voting.
Anonymous
Have you not seen the stunning stock market rally?
The irony is that Trump will make all of you crying on this thread much richer, in spite of how clueless you are about the evil and ineptitude if your candidate.
Wanderlust
How come all of the Trump supporters always resort to name-calling (or at the very least… “she”… which is equally as cringeworthy) when mentioning Hillary Clinton?
Anonymous
She is getting investigated by the FBI and she is wicked and a witch. She supports satanic practices. That’s a fact.
Anonymous
L
M
F
A
O
(The FBI investigation is one thing but, literally… “SHE’S A WITCH!!!1!” is killing me.)
Anonymous
So, who’s decided to run for office now? I, for one, would like to, but I don’t know where to start. Thoughts? Ideas? FWIW, I’m a lawyer.
Anon in NYC
I am motivated to volunteer (also a lawyer), but I’m not sure how to go about doing so. I would be terrible at canvassing.
Carrots
This. I did some canvassing for Obama during his first primary when I was in college and just felt terrible at it. I’m trying to think of other ways I can contribute to make the world better/safer on a tangible level with my time.
asdf
They had lawyers getting trained to be poll workers or whatever its called when you need to be a lawyer to do it. So maybe do that? Volunteer campaign lawyer?
Carrots
Not personally a lawyer, but I did sign the list at my polling place as being interested in working it for then next election. I’m also going to look at volunteer opportunities with Planned Parenthood in my city. I also have a friend who’s saying he’s thinking of running for a state seat in our area and I’m going to get in touch with him about helping him with that.
Blonde Lawyer
Don’t forget to thank volunteers. Everyone knows *that person* that was spent a ton of time for Hillary. Even if you only know them through a professional organization – reach out. Send an email. Tell them you are thinking of them and appreciate their efforts.
Anonforthis
Yes. I had been thinking about it but I’m galvanized now. I just have absolutely no idea how to start. Also I’m pretty junior in my career and think I probably need more experience first?
CMT
Yep. I’d thought about running for city council before, but I thought public office would be too difficult. But today I feel like I have to do it anyway. I’m going to apply for one of my city’s committees. That doesn’t require getting elected. (Not to mention there aren’t any local elections happening right now.) Next step will be city council or local state rep. Then national office.
Anon_sad
City committee! Thank you, I’ve been trying to think of a way to get civically involved without running for office.
AnonyMom
Please do it. I just talked to an acquaintance who’s been trying to get a non-profit off the ground to help progressive people who are interested in running for office figure out how to do so. If things shape up with that, I will share it. But just start asking around. For municipal elections, you may be able to just visit your city government’s website. And short of running for office, why not throw your hat in to be appointed to a city commission?
Anon_sad
No one knows, to be honest. It depends what they do – repeal, repeal and replace (with the super secret better plan), or talk a lot and don’t really do anything. Please go ahead and sign up. I would guess a one-year wind down, but …. Who knows.
Anonymous
Really late to the party, but I just finished running an election for an extremely left-of-center candidate in the reddest state (not Texas) and we won. It’s just for state house, but it’s something and he may be the only thing standing between the folks in his district and the racists at the capitol. It’s really hard. Knock lots of doors, and don’t give up. If we can win and be a bright blue dot, it can be done everywhere else.
CMT
Congratulations!
Anonymous
Congrats!
Wildkitten
Do it! I would be so proud of you, and so proud to donate to you, and so proud to campaign for you. Many states have a state-level Emily’s List. Everyone on this board has friends and family. MAKE IT HAPPEN. That would make this okay.
Friend question
How much would this damage a friendship? One of my very good friends is having a destination wedding in Hawaii next fall. I was totally planning to attend. For context, we are pretty close but live on opposite coasts, but I’m not “BFF level” and not in her wedding party. My partner just received an invitation to speak in Europe within 10 days of the wedding. How bad would it be if I went to Europe and skipped the wedding? I feel odd going alone to a destination wedding, and I could ask my partner to decline if necessary. We can’t really do both for cost/stamina reasons.
Tetra
People who have destination weddings generally understand that not everyone will be able to attend. Hopefully she’ll understand, and y’all can get together some other time to celebrate her wedding.
Anonymous
I think this is a Know Your Friend situation. Right or wrong, she may react negatively. I know I have some friends who would be devastated and others who would totally understand. If I were you, I’d be inclined to skip the wedding in favor of support partner at his event and wouldn’t consider it “bad” at all, just the outcome of competing opportunities.
Anonymous
send them something cool from europe?
it’s a long way off; call when you get the formal invitation (to decline)
Anonymous
If you live in CA where going to Hawaii is fairly common, I think it would damage your friendship a bit. If you live anywhere else, I don’t think it would damage your friendship at all.
Anonymous
I definitely don’t think you should ask your partner to decline the speaking opportunity, but I also feel like it might be hard to come back from missing the wedding for what is essentially a vacation. I’m not saying that it will end your friendship, but it’s a pretty clear statement that you don’t view her as a super close friend and that might surprise and hurt her. Can you send your partner to Europe and bring a friend to the wedding? (Check with the couple first, before subbing your partner for a friend-date, but I bet the bride would be understanding in this situation and if she’s not that you can skip the wedding with a clear conscience).
Anonymous
*then you can skip the wedding
Anonymous
Why is she obligated to spend a bunch of money going to her friend’s wedding in Hawaii instead of going on a “vacation”? Sorry, but getting married does not give someone else the right to dictate my travel plans. If this friend is going to be offended that OP went to the conference, then she is not a friend worth keeping. The whole point of a destination wedding is that you don’t have many guests, anyway.
Anonymous
She is not obligated. As is said here all the time, an invitation is not a summons. But by choosing a vacation in Europe over a trip to the wedding, you are sending a message to the person getting married about how much you care about them. It’s fine if she wants to make that choice, but I also don’t think the bride would be wrong to be hurt if they are as close as it sounds like they are, and especially since she seems to have already indicated to the bride she’s coming (of course from an etiquette perspective you can informally tell someone you’re coming and then decline when you receive a formal invite, but I do think it would be more hurtful to the bride if you’ve been enthusiastically talking about attending with her and then back out).
Anonymous
It’s not a mere vacation, it’s going to support a spouse on what sounds like a big deal for the spouse. I’ve done travel speaking before and would be touched if my spouse came along, especially somewhere overseas.
You’d think that a person getting married would get that. Spouse > friend.
With 2 working spouses, even vacations can be heard (my spouse’s field is busy when my work has a lull). Our vacation time is so precious that even a mere vacation might trump a friend’s wedding if both involve lengthy travel.
anon
It would be a different story if OP’s husband was super nervous about this speaking opportunity and really needed her there to support him. It doesn’t sound like that’s the case; it sounds like OP just wants to go to Europe. Which is fine, but the fact remains that this is really Europe>friend not husband>friend. If OP really wants to go to Europe, though, she should definitely pitch it as “supporting the spouse” not “tagging along on a conference in a fun location” and maybe limit the social media posts about the vacation.
anon
Adding in my apologies for the heteronormativity in my comment.
Anonymous
No need to apologize for political correctness run amok
Anonymous
Oh please. My husband speaks at international conferences. Do I want to come along? Um, yeah! He goes to some really cool places. But I don’t go because I need to support him. I go because I would enjoy traveling to (and having a paid hotel) in those places. This isn’t Spouse>Friend, it’s Europe>Friend. And that’s an ok choice to make, but it does send a message.
Anonymous
If you have a destination wedding and *expect* people to attend regardless of cost or their other competing plans, you are a narcissistic a++hat not worthy of their friendship. I would not waste another minute worrying about this.
anon
Have you already told her you would attend? This would really make the difference for me (as a bride).
Even though our wedding is local-for-us, lots of our friends and family are far-flung. I would 100% understand if they couldn’t make it. But if a friend told me she was coming and then later said she decided to go on a European vacation instead… idk. It wouldn’t be friendship-ending, but I would feel disappointed and like I wasn’t much of a priority to her. Also, if she’s a close enough friend that I’ve planned my vacations around seeing her or have otherwise flown out JUST to visit her, I might rethink doing that in the future.
Anonymous
Definitely skip. You’re only obligated to go if you’re immediate family or the maid of honor.
Mindy
I’m planning mine for Hawaii. I get that it’s vacation days + $ +travel. Do Europe :)
Anne Elliott
Go to Europe! I wouldn’t do a 5-6 hour flight for a wedding. Unless you already told her you’d go?
nutella
Honest question here, how much do we expect birth control (pill) to go up next year? I feel pretty confident that will be one of the first things stripped away. It’s benefits enrollment time and I honestly don’t know much it will be. Or would it not take effect until 2018?
Anonymous
Maybe it will become OTC?
nutella
Doubtful. Any idea? Trying to figure out how much to budget during enrollment now and pill is my preferred choice and we want to have kids in the next 2ish years.
sombra
to piggy back, should I get an IUD now? 25, living with a partner, but no desire to have bio kids in the future. I am terrified of an iud though (despite my bio background) and just like….. don’t want to worry about it moving around or messing up and stuff. I will try to rethink this in a better frame of mind, but it seems like the smartest option.
CMT
Yes! Do it in the next 71 days.
IUDs
I would strongly consider it in the next six months. The “IUDs for Free” seemed to good to be true, so I would want to lock that benefit in now. I’m grateful that mine has only been in for a year. Even if I have to pay the $1,000 to get it next time, I would do it.
pugsnbourbon
I got mine replaced almost a year ago … and just realized it’ll come due for replacement around the time of the next presidential election. Oh boy.
Shananana
I the same realization today mine will have to be replaced a year into this presidency – I love it too much to go without, but thinking harder about how much is going in my HSA next year to prepare.
PrettyPrimadonna
Absolutely. They’re stupid expensive out of pocket.
Try it
I made an appointment this morning to get one Tuesday (26, engaged). Go now so you have time to see if it is for you. Look into copper v Mirena. Read the “comments of interest” this week for anecdata.
Anon E. Moose
I’ve been getting mine from an online pharmacy forever. It’s like $100 for the whole year. So even if it’s not covered, not really that big a deal.
Shananana
I’ve been getting mine from an online pharmacy forever. It’s like $100 for the whole year. So even if it’s not covered, not really that big a deal.
anon
My employer switched providers, was no longer grandfathered in, and exercised their right to not cover birth control through our health insurance. At all. Our health insurer offers a very small separate plan to cover birth control, but you can only take one of about five specific things. The generic of mine (very specific due to BP issues) was not covered and my pharmacy would not carry the brand name (which was covered). For a while, I paid out of pocket for the generic and it was about $35/month. I finally looked into the online pharmacy offered by our health insurer and found that I could get the brand name it would be fully covered (free). I now get a 90 day supply at a time. But it took me a year to figure out how it would work.
nutella
Thank you, very helpful. I remember in the pre-ACA days it was around $20/month but that was also like 4 insurance plans ago.
Anon
To help with my mood today given our country’s election, I started Christmas shopping. Does anyone have any suggestions for my two closest friends? Both are attorneys. I am looking for gifts that are somewhat indulgent or are “can’t live without” items that they might not already own. I’m flexible with price. Suggestions?
Sydney Bristow
The indulgent can’t seem to bring myself to spend the money item I want is a perfect black pashmina/scarf. Something really soft and warm that I can wrap around me at the office or around my neck under my coat. I haven’t picked a particular one but that is the type of item that I would absolutely love but can’t seem to spend the ~$100 that I’ve seen them for.
Anonymous
+1
I am planning to buy this for “myself” for Xmas.
One mentioned on this site that I’m hoping will go on sale at Garnet Hill. Good quality.
http://www.garnethill.com/cashmere-wrap/shoes-accessories/scarves-wraps-hats/334124
Anonymous
+1
Terry
How about tickets to do something out-of-the-ordinary with you? I’m thinking an opera friend-date or axe throwing or something.
Anonymous
I would like to thank all the white men with no college education who brought this upon us. Heaven forbid that us women and minorities get the same rights as you.
I have cried this morning and I am so heartbroken. I can’t even believe that this happened.
Anonymous
A majority of college educated white men, and a helluva lot of white college-educated women, voted for him too. Which contributes to my feelings of betrayal by fellow Americans.
Anon in NYC
Yes. It’s the white vote – educated and not – that really drove this.
CMT
It’s white people who did this. Doesn’t matter where or what level of education.
Two Cents
+ Whitelash
Anonymous
Thanks to Gary Johnson too.
Anonymous
As a WOC I am getting sick of the whole “white people are evil” thing. Yes there are problems but blaming everything on white people makes us look stupid and we lose credibility (not to mention that it’s not true)
Anon
Evil? No. People with conscious and unconscious biases with power due to both numbers and hundreds of years of structural inequality? Yes. Selfish? Some.
It’s not that other people are better, but in the USA they have less collective power to make other people’s lives unpleasant.
Anonymous
Don’t forget HRC got less of the Hispanic and African American vote percentage-wise than Obama. With what Trump has said about minorities, that’s a pretty huge slap in her face.
Anonymous
That is surprising to me too, but I don’t think it’s necessarily a repudiation of her. Especially with respect to African-Americans, it makes sense that they were unbelievably energized to vote for the first black President. It would be hard for any white person to match that level of enthusiasm, I think. Given that the Democratic party seems increasingly dependent on Latino and African-American support, I do wonder if there will be white Democratic presidents again soon. I can’t see that happening in the near future with the way the electorate looks now. My money’s on Cory Booker in 2020.
Anon_sad
It’s not just percentage, it’s the turnout. She got a lower percentage and lower turnout from her core demographics groups. It’s depressing that people saw their options, heard what trump said and still didn’t bother to vote. Hopefully they will learn from this.
Sydney Bristow paging KS IT Chick
How did your friend’s statehouse run go?
Ugh
An attorney I used to work with (old white male for what its worth) just tweeted an article mocking Umass Lowell’s multicultural department for sending out an email offering support to those upset about election results. The article quotes the email and I see nothing wrong with the email. The first person to reply, also an attorney I believe said “there are no trigger warnings in real life.”
His prior treat mocks Yale for cancelling a test today because students were up watching results and upset by the results and experiencing difficulty concentrating. Of course the article features a picture of women watching the results and crying.
I can’t believe someone of his professional stature (that works defending colleges!!) would post these things. I hope his liberal college clients see the tweets and fire him.
asdf
Well in real life a colleague was up until 2am watching the election and than had a licensing exam at 8am, which he did awful on. So it’s probably good the professor postponed that test.
Anonymous
Why should students get the day off to recuperate? We all had to get up and go to work today and move on as best we can.
Runner 5
Because a test that forms part of your GPA isn’t at all the same as a normal work day.
Parfait
Because they’re STUDENTS. They’re young. They are learning. Do you remember being 19?
Anonymous
They need to learn that there are no safe spaces in the real world and they don’t get to be coddled when something they don’t like happens. I was heartbroken at what happened and so were millions of other people. The world didn’t stop. People have jobs to do and bills to pay. We can’t hide and cry just because something didn’t go our way.
Anonymous
+ 1. I consider myself liberal, but I am so tired of this trigger warning/safe place nonsense. These kids are going to have a rude shock when they emerge from their PC bubble.
Liberal Here
+1,000,000
Blonde Lawyer
Because be honest – how much did you really get done today?
Emmen
Right?! My work output today was half of normal, and that’s a generous estimate. Thank the stars I work in a fairly progressive (blue) state agency, because all my co-workers were in on the need to commiserate, wander aimlessly, and abuse antacids.
adsf
What are websites I can read that are not news?
I usually read this or like NY Times to take a break from work but don’t want to look at news for a couple days.
Gail the Goldfish
The Itty Bitty Kitty Committee, for your daily dose of kitten cuteness.
pugsnbourbon
I am going to make a donation to Planned Parenthood when I get home and then browse Pinterest. I’ve got two family weddings coming up in 2017 and I will look at pretty things.
PatsyStone
I feel you. I am online window shopping and trying to resist the urge to buy a pack of cigarettes after I leave. Longform dot org always has something really well written and delightfully distracting though.
pugsnbourbon
Love Longform!
Senior Attorney
OMG why did you mention cigarettes? LOL
Anonattorney
If I didn’t have a kid, I would call in sick to work and drink red wine and chain smoke all night, even though I quit years ago.
Monday
Obviously not for everyone, but I’m pretty into religious and spiritual content lately. I have a personal crisis and today I feel like I’m close to the limit of what I can take, and it helps to hear people wrestling with the very biggest issues that cross time and space. The world has always had hatred, sorrow and destruction, so there are many wise words for dealing with them in all faiths.
Wildkitten
Yup.
Anonymous
How do you handle it when someone you look up to says something awful and causes you to look at them differently (not related to the election btw)
One of professional mentors made comments about Shailene Woodley, and actress and ally who was arrested while protesting peacefully at Standing Rock. This person is Native-American. She basically commented that she will boycotting any films Shailene Woodley is in the future (she has made similar comments about other actors like Mark Ruffalo and Chris Hemsworth) and how Shailene is a hypocrite because she is so “for the cause” yet she cries when she gets arrested and if she really wanted to stand up for the cause she wouldn’t shut up and complain. She also called her a ‘brat’ and said she hopes Shailene goes to jail because she wanted to play adult games that have adult consequences. She has been very critical of the protest and says they need to get over the victim complex of her people. When someone tried to point out the merits of the protest that she should look at, she said that someone who is white and not raised in poverty has no place lecturing on things they don’t understand.
I’m especially shocked because she is Native-American and she still made such ignorant comments. She was my mentor and has taught me so much but now I can look at her the same if that makes any sense.
Anonymous
I think she’s allowed to have her own opinion on Shailene Woodley and Standing Rock, and acting like she should feel a certain way about it because she’s Native American is super duper racist.
CMT
+1000000000000000000
CMT
Okay, Shailene Woodley is an annoying brat.
numbersmouse
“When someone tried to point out the merits of the protest that she should look at, she said that someone who is white and not raised in poverty has no place lecturing on things they don’t understand.”
She has a point.
Anonymous
My husband’s cousin is Canadian. She told my husband today that she wishes the people of her country had the guts of the people who voted for Brexit and elected a leader like Trump instead of the powder puff they have now. She is a gay women who is not upper or class. I could barely believe that she said that.
Anonymous (OP)
Not upper or middle class. She is blue collar.
Anonymous
What? This is horrific. Maybe she doesn’t remember but it was only 10 years ago thay she got the right to marry whomever she wants. Trudeau is making things so much better for her. I’m embarrassed and ashamed and horrified on her behalf. I can only assume she’s from Alberta? She needs to see all the privilege she has as a Canadian woman
Shortie
I made a couple donations to environmental organizations today. Made me feel like I was doing something. Although I know it’s just a drop in the bucket…
Anon
So if I’m signing up for open enrollment now on a plan that complies with the ACA and the toads in congress repeal the ACA in Jan, won’t my plan still have to maintain coverage for all of 2017 all the items it promises to cover now? Can they drop coverage in the middle of the plan year?
AnonyMom
I’m definitely not a lawyer, but I thought there is a sort of contract implicit in signing up for something like a health care plan. So if you agree to purchase it, they can’t change the terms for the duration of coverage (i.e. all of 2017).
Can any lawyers chime in on this?
In Health Insurance
This will depend on whether or not your plan is fully-insured or self-funded. A self-funded plan can amend the plan at any time, and that can include decreasing benefits. I don’t believe a fully-insured plan has that same latitude.