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Thursday’s Workwear Report: Crepe Side-Tie 3/4 Sleeve Sheath

Stretch Knit Dress for Work: Tahari by ASL Crepe Side-Tie 3/4 Sleeve Sheath Our daily workwear reports suggest one piece of work-appropriate attire in a range of prices. This Tahari by ASL dress is only $49, which is a price I usually only associate with lucky finds at TJ Maxx or Century 21 — but this has tons of sizes left (2-16) in normal, solid colors. What what? It’s even eligible for Prime shipping. Nice. Happy Thursday! Tahari by ASL Crepe Side-Tie 3/4 Sleeve Sheath Here's a plus-size option. Seen a great piece you'd like to recommend? Please e-mail tps@corporette.com. (L-3)

Sales of note for 12.5

And some of our latest threadjacks here at Corporette (reader questions and commentary) — see more here!

Some of our latest threadjacks include:

231 Comments

  1. My 15 year old wheelie bag is on its last legs — I checked it once and something spilled on it and it reeks of vomit (after 6 months of airing out / febreeze / etc). Splurge for a fancy replacement (or a hard shell one so b/c these things aren’t terribly cleanable)? Or recognize that these are ultimately consumables? Current one is a budget one from Sears and I’ve been very pleased and would repurchase a basic cloth one.

    1. I like the spinner bags, find them much easier to use on planes and trains. I have a small hardsided Brookstone (19″) which is 8 years old and is going strong and I have a larger (22″?) cloth Samsonite that works for weeklong trips although it is looking a bit beat up after 5-6 years.

    2. Also, I used to buy colored checked bag bags (or have a colorful tie on them to help spot). For a wheelie that you will probably carry on (but may have to check or gate check on occasion), still black (clients may see for fly-in visits)? Or (if hard-sided) a color?

      I see that Away bags has black, navy-ish, green (but dark), all of which look black enough to not be helpful, and a pearl color in hard-sided luggage.

      1. I’m a fan of navy luggage–still looks professional enough, but just unusual enough that it’s easier to spot amidst everyone’s black bags. But I was once on a flight with a guy in a suit who had a straight up floral suitcase, like looked like an old couch your grandmother might have floral. His explanation to his traveling companion was “it’s easy to spot and no one’s going to steal it.” He’s not wrong.

      2. I have a predominantly black rollaboard with multicoloured spots (Roxy, a couple of years back). I love it.

    3. I spent a little more to get a carry on from Travelpro’s Crew line, and it still looks new after 3 years of frequent (monthly/bimonthly) travel. Mine isn’t a spinner; I agree spinners can be easier to use but the wheels are more likely to get knocked out of place than a bag with recessed wheels.

      1. I have been very happy with my Travelpro. I also chose standard wheels over a spinner because the largest spinner carry-on had a significantly lower capacity than the largest carry-on with standard wheels.

    4. You can get good quality bags for a fraction of the price at Marshalls/TJ Maxx/Ross, etc. I really like the Victorinox spinner I got a few years ago. It’s so much easier to maneuver than a regular wheelie. I would not get a hard shell bag because they’re generally heavier and harder to squeeze into bins.

      1. My aunt is a frequent traveler and convinced me not to go all out on a great expensive bag. Rather buy a good enough cheap one from TJ Maxx and replace as needed. Also, I don’t ever want to carry a non-spinner ever again. I am fast like lightning in the airport!

    5. I bought a hard-shell carry-on spinner from Amazon that is a TANK. I bought it when I was traveling constantly for my old job, and it was thrown around, smashed, etc and still looks brand new.

      It’s also light and very easy to maneuver, and holds s surprising amount of junk. It was a godsend when I was constantly on the road.

      It’s $60, and comes in every color, from basic black to purple and lime green. I’ve had it for five or six years now and love it. http://amzn.to/2aMpOJa

      1. Do you have the one with horizontal stripes or vertical ridges? It looks like there are selling two types of bags on the same link.

    6. I love my Victorinox spinner. It’s a deep plum color, which I think is fine for a business trip and stands out if I check it. I’ve only had it for a year but the quality is excellent. After doing a ton of research, it seemed like hard sided just doesn’t hold up very well over time.

      My other roller suitcase is 20 years old and from Costco. I only got a new one because I wanted a spinner and my husband needed a new suitcase. Since he doesn’t like the spinners, he took the Costco workhorse and I got the shiny new one.

    7. My longest-lasting carry-on, surprisingly enough, is a dark purple Ricardo-brand canvas wheelie from Kohl’s. The dark purple color is just different enough from black to be relatively easily find-able while still being business-travel-appropriate, and I’ve used it at least a half-dozen times a year for like six or seven years now, and it still looks good. Plus, I think I only spent about $60 or $75 on it, so, all in all, it’s been an awesome deal.

      1. Mine is dark eggplant and I LOVE it. Such a nice change from black while still being a little different. Got it at TJMaxx/Marshalls.

    9. You may not want to bother any longer with the old one, but if you haven’t tried a good enzyme cleanser, that’s what I would use on vomit odor in a fabric. A bottle of something like Kids’n’Pets will set you back $5, so it may be worth a try.

  2. Hi All!

    I am looking for advice and recommendations for a week long vacation to Myanmar. Has anyone been? I am thinking of spending 2-3 days each in Yangon and Bagan. Anywhere else I should go? Recommendations for things to do / places to eat, and general travel tips for Myanmar would be very welcome. Thank you!

    1. This is my fantasy trip…. Shoot, I even looked to see if I could retire here, but not yet possible per my research.

      The food, the food…

      I will be following this thread.

  3. How to decide to apply for a promotion or not? My boss is going into retirement. He job is very different than mine – think a lot of management and administration, while mine concentrates more on teaching and workshops. (Work in a NGO). Still I could apply. I would like his job because it has a lot of prestige, but I would be stressed out by a lot of the actual work.
    I like my job now a lot and have great life-work balance, but also have the feeling that I could do more than that – only the “more” I want to do, is not management and administration, but perhaps research, which on the other hand is hard to come by.
    I do not want to set myself up for a stress full position, but still find it hard to let go of the idea of applying for the “next thing.”
    Any thought, please?

    1. Usually when it comes to applying for jobs my attitude is “apply now, decide later”, but I do think that when you’re applying for a position in your own organization and department you need to be reasonably sure you’d accept the position if it was offered to you. Based on what you say here, I wouldn’t apply if I were you. Not only are you happy in your current job, but you think you would be unhappy in the new position. If you’re looking for “more” perhaps a volunteer position on a board or something similar would make like you are contributing in a different way? And let your network know that you’re interested in research positions (e.g. “I’d absolutely love to end up in a research position one day”) so that you have feelers out there working for you, and you might be more likely to hear of research positions you otherwise wouldn’t.

      1. Thank you for your reply.
        Yes, applying and not accepting would made me persona non grata in the firm.
        Also very helpfull to explore what “more” would be to me

        1. You should consider meeting with your boss’s boss and say that you’re interested in learning more about the position and who they’re looking to hire for it. Are you willing to say at your current role (and salary level) forever? If not, it sounds like you’d be moving into this kind of role eventually – might as well learn more about it and judge whether you’re a good fit early on. And having a conversation, rather than full-on applying, means you can bow out without upsetting anyone if you decide after that conversation that it’s still not for you. The opportunity to explain to your management why (I’d rather move into a role with more XYZ) means they’ll be more likely to think of you when that sort of role comes up!

  4. In an unexpected turn of events, I’m going to be away M-F for the next 4-5 weeks. It’s 1 week of holiday and 4 weeks of work. I’m assuming I should buy doubles of everything so I don’t need to unpack my bags of toiletries, chargers, etc each week but any other pro-tips for this lifestyle? Sadly no hotel / expense account so trying to keep things cheap with AirBnB + supermarket visits.

    1. Hmmm, I wouldn’t double up. I’d just have two notecards – one listing out all toiletries, and one listing out all tech-related items (chargers, etc). I’d keep them in the toiletry bag/tech bag, respectively, and spend 10-15 minutes on Sunday night refilling/repacking them. Buying double just for a month of travel seems like a waste of money.

      1. Agreed. I don’t think you need to do anything much special! I’m a tea and oatmeal in the morning person, so I’d bring some packets of each with me to save time and money.

        1. Oatmeal packets are a good idea. I travel quite a bit and am perpetually buying deodorant and toothpaste at the airport so a better list / pre-packing might be helpful.

          1. You do you – I always (ALWAYS) forget either my contact lenses or contact lens solution, so now I have extras that live in my suitcase. If you’re forgetful like me, buying doubles of everything might be the better solution – by the end of this travel-intensive period, you’ll either be packing like a pro or so tired that you’ll forget your head if it’s not screwed on.

          3. I agree with January. I do keep a list so I will remember things, but I don’t see a problem with doubling up. You’re going to use the stuff eventually. I don’t travel all that much, but I still keep extras in my bags (and switch them out as I use up containers so they won’t sit too long) of essentials (shampoo, conditioner, contact solution, lotion, deodorant) so I don’t have to pack them when I need to.

          4. I end up having tons of samples and smaller containers so I keep my toiletries pre-packed. I throw my every day makeup in the makeup bag but if I was traveling as frequently as you were, I would definitely just buy doubles and keep it packed.

            I’ve done M-F trips for 2 weeks in a row before and I found I was so exhausted leaving for the second week that I could barely think straight. I would do everything I can to automate this.

    2. I do think toiletries are a good thing to double. I bought an organizer from Target (I think it was called a weekender-it had two separate zippers that made open flat and lots of clear pockets) and that’s my double toiletry bag. I use it mostly for the gym when I’m not traveling and it’s so nice to be able to pop it in my luggage when I do travel without having to keep packing/unpacking it. I keep everything–shampoo, conditioner, soap, cleanser, razor, makeup, glasses, contacts, contact solution, etc.

    3. Do you already have your accommodations?Are your 4 work weeks all at the same place? If so, could you call to see if you could get a deal/discount to book the same place for a straight month so you could leave things behind when you go home for the weekend instead of packing up every Thursday night/Friday morning? You might need some extra paperwork for the work reimbursement process (a quote showing the cost of M-F for 4 weeks vs a quote for the whole month, for instance).

      One friend that did extended travel like this used to drop off a bunch of clothes at the dry cleaners every Friday before he left the work location, and then pick them up the following Monday, so he only had to travel with one set of work clothes on those in between weeks, and didn’t have to do laundry on his home weekends.

      I do think for month long travel it would be worth buying additional toiletries (or travel sized versions of your favorites) so you can leave your regular bottle of shampoo in the shower for your home weekends, and just refill your travel bottles every weekend as needed.

      2. Good ideas! It’s a freelance contract so travel and accommodation are coming out of my pocket, sadly. I’m staying in a different Airbnb each week but the dry cleaner idea is a genius one.

        1. Still might be worth seeing if they’ll give you a discount for a month’s stay, rather than week-by-week. I’ve actually been able to negotiate a monthly rate with a hotel before, that didn’t usually do extended stays, because they knew the room would be filled.

    4. Road warrior here:
      It’s been 6 months that I work in another country M-R every week with occasional day trip to another nearby country on Fridays.
      I have my 3-1-1 liquids bag and my solids bag pre-packed as follows:
      – Liquids: refillable transparent bottles from muji: face cleanser, foundation (I mix 2 diferent shades), primer, witchhazel gel, argan oil, etc. you know what you need best. the only things that are in their original packaging are mini toothpaste, eyecream and a serum that is a small size anyway.
      – Solids: minimal makeup but one each (thick eye pencil that I can use as liner or as all over the lid color, mascara, felt tip liner, eyebrow pencil, transulscent powder and a blush) + solid makeup remover (Clinique take the day off balm) + deodorant
      – Makeup removing wipes and a small bottle (15ml) of laundry detergent
      Every Thursday evening when I arrive home, I take 5 minutes to refill all my bottles. But truth is I can go more than 3 weeks with no refill except on the small listerine bottle. Every now and then, I might take a travel mini cream or something like that to try.
      I keep 1 lipbalm, 1 nude lipstick and 1 bright lipstick in my day bag (the Tumi Lunada flight bag)
      For clothes, I have a capsule wardrobe so I don’t think of what i’d be wearing: 3 Tahari sleeved dresses – 1 trench coat – Flat shoes with block heel – 2 hosiery – 8 undies with liners and 2 bras – pajama set
      If I plan on having long nights or casual events, I’d bring one comfy outfit (I have given up on the fantasy of working out but every now and then I’d bring a yoga outfit with doubles as my loungewear).

    5. I’ve been packing all my chargers back and forth to work every day and I put them in a big kate spade toiletry pouch. They all go in the pouch. They all go out of the pouch. They only get plugged in to one location.

      At home my chargers lived in various locations where I used my stuff, but since I’m on the road in temp housing now, I just make sure to keep them all in one location or in the pouch – not spread out. It’s worked for me and is cheaper than buying a second computer charger.

  5. I posted back in June looking for advice about asking for a 10-15% raise rather than the 5% that is typically offered. For a variety of reasons my review was postponed until yesterday – I got a glowing review and was offered a 20% raise which I happily accepted! Whoop!

    1. always Ask for as much as you can. Men take advantage of us so you go for it. I got 25% but had to sleep with my boss. Yuck.

  6. Poll: How many of you are streaming the Olympics at your desk? I want to, but I also feel kinda guilty?

    1. Ugh, we had a major nastygram email office-wide about this the other day. Don’t do it… especially if your office has teeny tiny bandwidth.

    3. I’ve been doing it – I have three screens (two large monitors and my surface) so it’s been great to have in background. Definitely think about your culture though.

    5. I’ve been streaming gymnastics on my phone. Based on the number of people who watched the World Cup games at work, I think it’s ok. I’m making extra sure to keep my review pace up.

    6. I have two screens and I’d like to do it – what site are you streaming off of? My brief 5 minute forays into bringing it up haven’t led to anything that looks particularly user friendly. I’m cable-free, so no NBC subscription…

      1. The Guardian has an excellent live-text blog if streaming doesn’t work or isn’t viable.

  7. How do you gracefully decline a job offer that is beneath you, while keeping the door open for a higher level job?

    I interviewed for a job that seemed great on paper, but realized in the interview process that it would be a step backward for me. This is a very small market, so I don’t want to offend the organization by pointing out the shortcomings of the job. Yet, I also want to be clear that I would be interested in a higher-level position should one become available, so I do feel like I need to tell them why I am declining beyond, “not a good fit.” Can I offer criticism of the job that shows that I am thinking bigger-picture, without seeming like a jerk?

    1. “Thank you for taking the time to interview with me. I am very excited about the work the organization does, but the interview highlighted this position is not the best move for me, growth-wise. I would be excited to be considered for more senior positions as they become available.”

      As for criticism/shortcomings – it’s not your job to explain to the company they are doing things wrong in their job search. So, no I don’t think you can offer feedback without looking like a jerk.

      1. +1. I’d use this language and VERY careful in using any of the loaded terms (e.g., “beneath me”, “shortcomings”, etc.)

      2. to clarify – it’s not your job to explain to the company the things *you* think they are doing wrong in their search. They may have their reasons. All you know is that the job isn’t one you want to take, so that’s all you can really say.

      3. This is good advice, thanks. I want so much to tell them that they’re program could be so much better, but I also understand that it is not my place.

  8. Need some shopping help to replace a beloved black cardigan. (You’d think this wouldn’t be so hard…)

    It’s an open front Bobeau cardigan from Nordstrom about 5 years ago. It’s not tightly fitted, but definitely not baggy/oversized either. It’s polyester/rayon, but would love to find one in cotton if it exists.

    The main relevant feature is that the bottom hem is longer in front than in back, so it sort of comes to points at the front. I thought this made it extremely flattering. But Bobeau doesn’t seem to be making this style anymore, and I can’t find it elsewhere, either. If this style has become horribly out of fashion in the meantime, please feel free to tell me that’s why I can’t find it anywhere! :)

    I’m including a link to an image in a reply comment below. If you can find me a replacement, I will love you forever.

      1. This link didn’t work for me…can you post a brand or something so I can search it on the L/T site? And thanks everyone for the suggestions!

      1. Thanks, didn’t even consider Amazon, and these are so cheap.

        It’s soooo comfortable, but definitely on its last legs.

    7. I just bought something very similar (without the cute sleeves) at Nordstrom Rack last weekend. It was Bobeau.

  9. I could use some networking advice. I know networking is critical to a job search, but I am very uncomfortable reaching out to people I don’t know and rarely do it. I currently work in a pretty traditional corporate position, although I have a distant background (more than six years ago) in non-profit. I took the corporate job because of a relocation due to my husband’s job and I’ve done well at it, but my heart isn’t really in it. Last week I found my dream job at a local non-profit, and applied via the online posting. My skills are a good fit, but I don’t have recent non-profit experience, and my corporate job is a totally different industry. Then I discovered that my relative has a LinkedIn connection who works at the non-profit (same level as the dream job but different department – likely would not be on the hiring committee but if I got the job we would definitely collaborate). I reached to my relative, who forwarded my resume to this current employee.
    Employee wrote back that she is on vacation until next week but that I should email her then. My question is – what, exactly should I say when I email her? Ultimately, the “ask” is that she refer me for the position, but I can understand that she may want to speak to me and get to know me a little bit before passing the resume along. So what is the initial “ask” in the email? For her to take some time to speak to me about the position? The company? Is it disingenuous to ask that of someone who is not the hiring manager? Also, do I ask to speak to her on the phone or offer to meet for coffee?
    I’d appreciate any advice from experienced networkers. Thanks so much in advance!

    1. Use it as an opportunity to talk about yourself and learn about the company. She may not know much about the position/department, or she may. Ask her about her experience, her background, what she has observed about the company in the time she is there. Frame it as a way of learning about it before you walk in so you are familiar with their mission, goals, etc. Be sure to talk about yourself; be honest about your gap in experience but also be very honest about your enthusiasm why this is dream job. Let her offer to pass your resume along. If she doesn’t, she has still done you a favor by giving you intel before you walk in, so no matter what, be sure to thank her AND follow up. Crucial!

      1. Thank you! This is helpful and makes me feel much more comfortable. I appreciate the advice.

  10. I have a talent review meeting this week with our General Counsel and HR. I have been identified as a top performer, and they want to know more about my career ambitions. Here’s the problem: women in my department regularly are delayed in terms of advancement and promotions when compared to men. It’s becoming an apparent problem. Should I mention this? I have to temper my career ambitions with this fact, so I think it is relevant. Or is this just career suicide? FWIW, I am actively looking and will bail as soon as I can.

    1. Focus on your goals, not a company-wide issue. I would be up-front about your career ambitions. If you have recent relevant examples of men who were promoted, you can point to that (even obliquely): I have observed that many people here are promoted after X years. I’ve been here X+2 years and am a top performer. What is the process for promoting top performers like me?

  11. So someone asked yesterday and I responded late…

    if you followed my roach nightmare, I mentioned thinking of getting a giant lizard as a rational response. A poster asked if that was a thing…

    FYI!

    As a child, my dad was a snake collector. We were in a very busybody neighborhood, so we were known as the weird pet family, and people often dropped off exotic animals at our doorstep, I guess when that cute lil snake or lizard got too big. One day we heard a knock at the door, and there was a four-foot lizard stuffed in a trash bag.

    We found out she was a Savannah Monitor Lizard and she was the sweetest thing ever. She ended up having free reign in the house, because she was litter box trained, came when called and slept in a dog bed (sometimes with the dog). She was an excellent hunter of both bug and mice (very old row home house!) so she was a godsend. She loved to be petted and snuggled and would curl up in your lap.

    If I would see a bug, I’d call her in my room and then sleep peacefully, knowing that if it was there, she would find it.

    Yes, this is yet another “KT-is-really-weird” story, but my lizard king idea for roaches is completely sensible to me for this reason.

    1. It’s unbelievably mean to domesticate a lizard until it is 4 feet long then abandon it. They shouldn’t take them in the first place, it’s just egoistic and irresponsible. I’m happy it found a home with your parents but hadn’t it been in that situation, it would have been run over by a car or something equally horrible.

      1. Oh yeah it was awful, unfortunately it happened a lot (and happens a lot of places, hence the python epidemic in Florida!)

        She was so affectionate, she must have been a well-cared for pet; how they just dumped her in a bag on a stranger’s porch is beyond me. But she was with us for over 10 years and had a good life with us. We have no idea how old she was when she appeared, but she was fat and loved every day with us :)

    2. A similar thing happened to us, but it was a desert tortoise. I love turtles so I created an entire backyard habitat for him and he lived back there for about 15 years. When I moved, he went to a local wildlife habitat and he’s still there as far as I know.

    4. I’m not sure what it says about me, but I didn’t think your suggestion was weird. But then I am kind of a “weird animal person” too. I had a pet snake growing up and he would have had free reign if he wasn’t a jerk.

      2. Thank you; my husband never saw a snake or lizard up close before outside of a zoo so he was convinced I lived in the house of horrors.

      1. There’s an episode of Frasier where they have a cricket in the apartment they can’t find and it keeps them all from sleeping, so the dad buys a gecko and a harness so they can hunt it down.

        Everyone thought that episode was absurd. It seemed utterly sensible to me!

    6. This may double post – but I was that poster! I am so intrigued by this – and thank you for following up!

  12. I am a hobby cook and enjoy spending time in the kitchen. I am interested in maybe “upping my game” a bit when it comes to equipment without adding unnecessary gadgets. What’s your favorite kitchen item? Any recommendations? I already have two nice knives (a chef and a santuko) and a kitchenaid, but I’m guessing there are other places I could step it up that are fair game!

    1. I have this cool bread hook thing (the name is escaping me, but wooden handle and metal twisted wire) that’s pretty neat. I’d also like a bread cloche. I like the ceramic knives for cutting veggies and those silicone lids that can fit any size bowl.

      1. There is a bread hook extension like this for the kitchen-aid mixer, if you have one.

    2. Good cookware – enamel and cast iron pots (Le Creuset, or something like it) in various sizes and All-Clad stainless steel. Other things I use a lot, in no particular order: microplaner, rice cooker, strainers/sieves.

    3. I have a set of small nesting bowls that are constantly in use. I want more. Also, it was slightly life altering when I bought an actual cast iron citrus juicer instead of just squeezing lemon wedges. Both of those were like less than $10 at home goods and I kick myself for not doing sooner. A solid Mortar and Pestle is next on my cheap happiness from Home Goods/TJ Maxx list.

      I’m also slowly working though my kitchen items and upgrading the items I use all the time to sturdier better made stuff. I think that’s the best way to think of it – what do I do often/use often and is there a better alternative I could upgrade to.

      1. Also, a set of tall white ribbed ramekins. Small pyrex scalloped cups. All great for food prep and warming up small portions of frozen items. Even use the large pryex measuring cups for the same purpose.

        Just remember, the newer pyrex baking dishes are a new formulae and they are prone to bursting into a thousand pieces in the oven or when going from oven to contertop. So it’s only the measuring cups and small cups that I never place in the oven for me. So sad the day I put my childhood pyrex baking dishes into the recycling bin …

    4. I have an ancient Black + Decker 1.5 cup Mini-Chopper that is a total workhorse for me. Perfect for chopping onions, peppers, blending dressings, etc. without dragging out the blender or food processor. Looks like the current version is a steal at under $15 at major retailers.

          1. I actually have 2-my black and decker is electric (I think it’s black + decker, but upon reflection, it may be Oxo), but then I have another that’s not–I think it’s this one: http://www.bedbathandbeyond.com/store/product/chef-39-n-reg-veggichop-hand-powered-food-chopper/1040107455?skuId=40107455&ioid=HH000032&mcid=PS_googlepla_nonbrand_kitchenfoodprep_&adpos=1o3&creative=43742640949&device=c&matchtype=&network=g&product_id=40107455&gclid=CIPt1bT5uc4CFQiJaQodCf0AVg Neither one seems to be particularly better than the other one.

    5. Things in my kitchen that are worth the money and get a good bit of use- VitaMix blender, Le Creuset pots, higher end non-stick skillet, immersion blender, digital thermometer, metal steamer basket, pulltap corkscrew

      1. I agree 100% with all of these. Other items that have been (surprisingly) very useful: a citrus juicer (like the $15 black and decker one you can find on Amazon), a small collapsible funnel (less than $10), and a rice cooker.

        I also get a good amount of use out of my slow cooker, but I don’t think you need to spend a lot of money on one. Same with the rice cooker.

        1. An Instantpot can combine the slow cooker/rice cooker/pressure cooker. I haven’t used mine enough yet to really say it is life changing, but I see the potential.

          1. Does the instantpot really cook rice well? I had a cheap rice cooker that made great rice but it died and the few times I’ve tried making rice in my slow cooker it’s been a disaster. I’m thinking of getting an Instantpot but I want to make sure it actually works for rice before I do.

          2. I’ve only tried making rice in it once and it did ok. I think my measurements were a bit off. I mostly got it to replace a broken slow cooker and to experiment with pressure cooking so the rice feature is just a bonus.

    6. I’ve been reading equipment reviews on the America’s Test Kitchen website https://www.americastestkitchen.com/equipment_reviews and using them to upgrade my stuff as the need arises. You need to create a sign-on to look at the reviews but it’s been worth it so far. My favorite is the colander. I really wanted a cute one that looked like it was plucked directly from a cooking show but the one they recommend (RSVP International Endurance Precision Pierced 5qt Colander) is very utilitarian but actually rinses/drains so well that I don’t mind that it isn’t cute. I’ve also found that this is the perfect stuff to put on my birthday/Christmas list when my parents ask what I want because a lot of the things I’m looking for end up in the $10-30 range.

    7. I used to think all clad pots were ridiculous. Until I got one (from my wedding registry) and now I’m an evangelist. It boils water so much faster than cheap pots and cooks things incredibly evenly. Definitely ups my kitchen game without even trying.

      Also love le creuset, would love a vitamix. I echo others that an immersion blender, citrus juicer, good microplane, good thermometer are all cheap game changers.

      2. i think vitamix is selling their certified refurbished c series for 250 ish. I got one last week and just got it, it looks BRAND new

    8. I’m obsessed with my herb scissors. They are just scissors, but they have 5 rows that cut. They make thin, uniform shredded pieces. I’ve cut thin strips of bacon, lettuce, and garnishes. It’s a fun gadget.

      1. +1,000,000 can’t wait for cooler weather to start baking

        I have to add the small round enameled steel disc that you put over a gas burner on a stovetop to disperse heat. Works wonders on man things, including creating the perfect hard boiled eggs and rice.

        A medium sized Lodge cast iron skillet and the deeper one – great for a batch of cornbread.

        Bubba blade. Don’t laugh. The handle is so friendly and you can grip it well. Slices through just about anything. We got the longer, curved blade one. Sad but you have to order directly through them for best pricing. Cutting a personal watermelon, cantaloupe, bell peppers, onions, wow – I don’t have to worry nor push “so hard.”

    10. A couple sets of Mise en Place bowls make a world of difference in prepping stuff for dinner. I got some colorful ones from Sur la Table, but any small bowls work. I got a Thermapen for Christmas last year, and it felt like a ridiculous thing to spend $100 on, but it works so much better than my old cheap thermometers.

    11. Things I couldn’t live without:

      Cast iron skillet
      French oven
      Chef’s knife and sharpening steel

      Gadgets that I use all the time:

      Mandolin
      Pepper grinder
      Citrus squeezer
      Microplane!
      Immersion blender
      Cuisinart food processor
      Stainless steel garlic press

      1. Anon, are you me?? This is the exact list I was going to type.

        I would add two things: a food scale (the OXO or Sur La Table brand) and an instant-read thermometer. You’ll be able to really start to control and fine-tune your results with these two items.

        The only point I want to stress: a solid, super sharp 8″ chef’s knife and a sharp paring knife that feels good in your hand are worth more than any huge block of junky knives. Splurge on these two, then supplement your knife collection with ones you’ll use most often. I find that those two, plus my serrated bread knife (also mega-sharp) and a tomato knife (great for all sorts of fruits and veggies with slippery skins) round out the four pieces that I use most often.

  13. Anybody want to help me shop for a 30th birthday present for my manfriend? We have been dating for 6 years, and I’ve got a budget of $500-$1000. I’d like to find something thats significant and will last for another 30 years (slight hyperbole here) and bonus points for made in the USA. He’s well dressed and likes outdoor activities, frequent reader of gearpatrol, already has a ghurka bag and plenty of nice cufflinks and luggage. What have you gotten for significant others for significant birthdays?

    1. How does he feel about watches? If he is into them, I would get a decent/cool watch. That’s a fairly decent budget for something that is considered to be a nice watch (excluding Cartier and Rolex, etc.).

      1. If we werent already into watches, this would be a great idea – but we each have a Patek and a couple others and so I’m not sure a Tissot would hit the right mark.

      2. Or a Shinola if you want the USA thing. My former manfriend, now friend, has a gorgeous one!

    2. Depending on whether he likes nice whiskey or scotch, a nice decanter set with good glasses. I got some antiques for my husband’s 30th that are very classic and masculine crystal. He loves them. They sit prominently in our dining room.

      Otherwise, I’d think about some great shoes.

    3. If he doesn’t already have a nice watch, I’d look at Shinola. Made in Detroit, they look awesome in person and I’m pretty sure they have a lifetime warranty. My husband got one for his 30th bday present and has loved it.

    5. Fancy raincoat — thinking Burberry outlet but that’s not made in the USA? Or leather jacket?

    6. There is this company called The Heritage Flag Company that makes the most beautiful wood flags from old whiskey and red wine barrels. They are pricey(but def in your range), but one of those things that are heirlooms and stunning.

      May be totally off base for this individual, but personally are on my list of one day items, and when I saw them thought, that is an awesome milestone gift for the right person.

    7. I’m a big fan of experiences, not things, as gifts. Put the money towards a weekend away, a super fancy dinner out, a fun outdoor experience he would enjoy like golf or skydiving or whatever he’s into.

    9. I got my SO a leather portfolio from T. Anthony, engraved with his initials. He travels a lot for work and it’s great for holding meeting materials. Probably the best present I’ve ever gotten him (certainly the one he uses the most). T. Anthony makes all their leather goods in-house in their NYC workshop and the quality is fantastic. The price range is about what you’re looking for.

    10. My 30th is coming up in 2 weeks and I’m hoping to get a DSLR. I’m not a man, but I like outdoor experiences and I’m looking forward to being able to document them with a nicer camera than my iphone. :) Unfortunately, I think the Japanese dominate the industry here. As for a specific model, the Wirecutter has good suggestions for a variety of price ranges.

  14. Need some basic investment help. I’m signing up for a TDA through my job (no 401k and no matching). I’m a little clueless when it comes to financial items. Looking to save for retirement (so long term investment). Mid 30s. I’d say my risk tolerance is low to medium.
    Unfortunately, I have over 40 different TDA options to choose from and I’m feeling overwhelmed. There are just too many options.
    First, they offer 4 asset classes (fixed income, equities, money market and multi asset). Where is a good place to look up real explanations of what those mean? And are there any that I should avoid.
    Second, should I care about morningstar ratings or are those meaningless (bear in mind my references are the Big Short).
    Third, am I looking to keep gross expense ratios below a certain amount?
    Fourth, would it be wise to avoid any option that has lost money in the past 4 years? Or is that short sighted of me.

    I realize that I need a financial planner, but it’ll probably take me a year to schedule that appointment. And I’d love to cross this off my to do list.

    Anyone able to help?

    1. This is not a very basic investment – I think usually reserved for people who already have basic retirement plans and are looking to do additional investing. Is there some advantage that you’re getting through work (very low fees or something?)? Maybe it makes more sense to put that money into an IRA or Roth?

  15. Need some basic investment help. I’m signing up for a TDA through my job (no 401k and no matching). I’m a little clueless when it comes to financial items. Looking to save for retirement (so long term investment). Mid 30s. I’d say my risk tolerance is low to medium.
    Unfortunately, I have over 40 different TDA options to choose from and I’m feeling overwhelmed. There are just too many options.
    First, they offer 4 asset classes (fixed income, equities, money market and multi asset). Where is a good place to look up real explanations of what those mean? And are there any that I should avoid.
    Second, should I care about morningstar ratings or are those meaningless (bear in mind my references are the Big Short).
    Third, am I looking to keep gross expense ratios below a certain amount?
    Fourth, would it be wise to avoid any option that has lost money in the past 4 years? Or is that short sighted of me.

    I realize that I need a financial planner, but it’ll probably take me a year to schedule that appointment. And I’d love to cross this off my to do list.

    Anyone able to help?

    1. If this isn’t a company sponsored 401k, then is it still a qualified retirement account? If not, and your goal is to save for retirement – skip it and open an IRA with Vanguard or Fidelity and contribute there. Unless this account allows you to save more than $5000 annually for retirement. You can contribute to the IRA in one lump sum, or transfer money through out the year.

      1. Is it a 403b? I have that through my company and I believe it’s also known as a TDA. That is definitely a qualified retirement account. It’s just offered by non-profit and govt employers, not private corporations.

        1. Hi ladies. Thanks so much for the responses! Yes, it is a qualified retirement account. Benefit of this is that since it is affiliated with my govt job, they can pull the funds pre-tax out of my paycheck.

    1. Just prepare for them to reach 4-7 feet :)

      Savannahs make very good pets, if cared for properly. But they do require a lot of room and you know, rodents and other weird things to eat.

  17. Hi all, my husband and I are thinking about relocating to Denver from NYC, with our 6-month-old. Would anyone from Denver mind weighing in? Do you love living there? My husband loves the mountains, and thinks the hiking and skiing would be amazing….how do you like the city itself? Is it all about the outdoor activities (I’m not a huge outdoor person)? Are the winters as great as he thinks they are? :) Thank you in advance!

    1. I spent several years in Denver after moving from NYC and I absolutely loved it. It is an incredible place! The city is really growing which means great new restaurants and shops opening all the time, and it seems like there are always new neighborhoods to explore. The sun is pretty much always shining. The winters can be brutal but only for short periods of time. I remember one week in early spring where it started out snowing and with a high around 15 degrees on Monday, and by Friday it was almost 70 degrees and the sun was shining and all the snow had melted. The weather can be crazy but it keeps things interesting. The opportunity for outdoor activities is also incredible. I never really considered myself to be that outdoorsy so I really took it for granted, and now that I don’t live there I wish I had spent more time in the mountains. I honestly really miss living there, but husband and I knew it was always a temporary thing.

      We didn’t have kids at the time so I really can’t speak to that. But what I did find was that there were so many transplants who had moved there it was really easy to meet people and make friends.

      Also to note, a growing city means not so great traffic. Especially if you aren’t used to having to drive living in NYC. There is really only one highway so if you work out of the city in the Tech Center it can become a frustrating commute.

      Hope this helps, Denver is honestly the best!

    2. I am also interested in people’s responses. I am toying with the idea of relocating to Denver from south Florida. I find the legal market down here too saturated, how is the Denver legal market? I am a person of color and also interested in the diversity of Denver.

      1. I lived in Denver post-MBA.

        It is not terribly diverse. This was a horrid thing that actually happened to me. Had been living in Denver 6+ months and got off the plane at SFO. What popped into my racist head? “Asian People!” My brain was surprised to see them, because I hadn’t seen ANY in a very long time in Denver. (I am ashamed of this story, but it also shows how not diverse much of Denver is. There is a sizable latino population and a sizable black community, but there are certain specific historically black neighborhoods that make the city seem really segregated.)

        I found the adage about MENVER to be true. Lots of hot, unambitious guys. Dating was hard. It was also hard to be a woman that made a really good salary (I worked in finance then, and this was super-offputting to guys there that had “regular” jobs–and it wasn’t me acting better–it was this weird “you fancy” vibe I was getting, (same with my fancy college/b-school degrees, see below).

        The job market there is REALLY insular. LIKE ELLENCAPS REALLY INSULAR. I found that people looked at my non-Colorado degrees with suspicion, whereas they’d been greeted with, “Wow! Great education” on both coasts. People from Boulder like to hire people from Boulder, etc. This is especially true with legal stuff. There are some good local firms–Brownstein Hyatt comes to mind. A lot of the corporate/tech work is out toward Boulder. Cooley has an office there in the foothills.

        The best thing about Denver is that it’s becoming so much more cosmopolitan even than it was ten years ago when I was there. As people mentioned upthread, a lot of growth, great food scene.

        I loved the ski scene. Everything that others are mentioning about the weather is true. It snowed a foot in early September when I lived there, and was sunny and 70 a few days later. This is common. It’s really, really, really dry usually because Denver is in a rain shadow and the humidity is super-low. Hard on those who wear contacts.

        I would move there in a heartbeat if I were partnered up or had a good in at a good company. It was a very inclusive town in terms of people being socially inclusive–lots of BBQs, let’s grab drinks here, etc. I liked the social scene other than the fact that being “educated” and “fancy coastal” seemed to be some weird aversion locals had about me and many of my transplant friends, even though we weren’t trying to give off that vibe at all.

        1. Thank you so much for the thorough reply. I am engaged, so less worried about the male prospects. I’m of East African and was hoping that there would be more of a community there in Denver than here in Florida. The insular job market certainly gives me pause. I think q trip is definitely in order.

    3. I don’t live in Denver but live nearby and visit frequently, as we have friends there. It is a lot more expensive than where we currently live or we would probably move there (a positive for you, though, is it is going to be a lot cheaper than NYC). There is a lot of outdoorsy stuff but there is also a lot of indoor stuff to do (like a ton of great restaurants, shopping, etc.), plus some of the outdoorsy stuff is “mild” meaning that it’s not all intense hiking, skiing, etc. and someone who isn’t super outdoorsy (like me) can still enjoy it. One thing to note, the airport is not close. It can be upwards of an hour drive depending on if you are coming from a suburb.

      1. Agreed about the “mild” outdoorsy stuff! That’s my demographic, too. Re: getting to the airport, it all depends on where you live and how amenable to public transportation you are. I’ve lived near Denver for decades and am really pleased with how public transportation has improved. For example, light rail service from downtown Denver to the airport has just started, and although my area does not have light rail, the bus is very convenient.

    4. Denver is a terrific city. COL is still relatively low compared to the coasts, but many people think the city is in somewhat of a housing bubble now. It is in a serious growth phase though, and there are a lot of questions about whether the city can handle all of the people who keep arriving. It historically has a boom-and-bust pattern of growth (no idea if this time is different). People there tend to be healthy, and very focused on the outdoors, and nice (must be all the sunshine!). A friend who is a lawyer there says it can be hard to get legal jobs without a sterling resume because there are tons of people leaving BigLaw on the coasts who want to go there. It does have several BigLaw satellite offices, though I think those are harder to get into than the main city offices.

      I love Denver and have family there, so I’ve spent time there on and off for the past 30 years. In the last two years the traffic has become really, really bad — with very little planning for how to alleviate it. It’s fine if you live near work, but think about those weekend activities. Everyone is trying to get out of town on the same few roads on Friday and coming back at the same time on Sunday afternoon/evening. It’s also changed a good bit with the pot legalization – far more teenagers and 20-somethings “hanging out” and begging. The city has started criminalizing vagrancy but doesn’t really have a plan to build more housing or the services to treat addicts. Same with schools. Many schools are full to bursting now because so many people have moved there.

      That said, I still love it there. But if you decide to move, go in eyes wide open.

  19. Anyone had joint pain (specifically, knee) with Mirena? And/or back pain beyond the type normally associated with cramps/period? I’m starting to get really nervous this was not a good choice for me (had it about 5 weeks now). Waiting on a call back fromy doctor and I have a follow-up appointment next week, but would love some additional input…

    4. I had intense back pain, similar to cramps but worse. Tried to wait it out…ended up getting Mirena out after 6 mo

    5. No joint pain here, nor do I recall being warned about it. Is this a common thing? I’ve had mine for over 4 years–getting it switched out for a new one soon. Is

    6. No joint pain for me, but I do get some discomfort and tenderness in the spot where my endo hangs out now when I ovulate (or, more accurately, when I think I ovulate because I have not actually menstruated in over two years now — which makes the Mirena well worth it to me).

      It did take about six months for my Mirena to fully kick in and the first three or four cycles were not great, but things now are perfection other than what I think might be a bit of hair thinning (which could just be perimenopause starting). I would not judge based on only one cycle.

  20. How do y’all introduce yourselves to a client in email when you haven’t met yet? i.e. partner asks me to send an email to the client on a new file where they haven’t met me/haven’t seen me cc’ed on emails/don’t know my name.

    Usually I start the email with something like “We haven’t spoken yet, but I will be assisting Partner with your file.” Any other suggestions?

    1. “By way of introduction, I’m one of the attorneys/associates in [Partner name]’s office/practice and will be working with them on this case/matter” You can leave out the attorney part if your signature has your title in it.

    2. I do something similar to what you’ve proposed – “Good Morning, I am an associate attorney working with Partner on X matter. Partner has asked me to reach out to you regarding Y.”

    3. I use “Dear x, I am working with y on this matter. She asked that I send you the attached.” And in the subject line, I always put some short form of the matter. I don’t specify that I’m an associate.. plus the title is in my signature.

  21. Wildkitten: Thank you so much for the heads up on the Reddit support group. I can’t believe how much I (and my husband) identify with so many of the stories. They are helping with the guilt and support our decision.

  22. LAW SCHOOL ORIENTATION – the other day someone asked what to wear. When I went to school twenty years ago, we were very casual. But I now work at a law school and the 1Ls were pretty dressed up for their orientation today. Not full suits, but appropriate for church, at least. Also, I have heard professor speak unkindly of some young ladies who wear what could be footless tights as pants or who show their belly buttons.

    1. We had our pictures taken that first day, pictures that were then used for everything law scool related…
      I wore dress pants, a blouse, and a cardigan.

  23. I just had a job interview which I think went really well (and the whole department was women, which was great). But they told me I was the first interview and now I’m freaked out. I don’t know how many people are coming after me, but I feel like the first person will inevitably be forgotten. Falling into anxiety spiral in 3, 2, 1…

    1. I don’t think it really matters but the conventional wisdom is that first and last are the best spots and it’s the people that are in the middle that get forgotten. If you impressed them, they will be comparing everyone else to you. I was the first interview for my current position. Relax :) I know the waiting game is tough but you’re not at any disadvantage because of your interview order.

    2. I do interviews at my shop and I don’t think the first gets forgotten at all. I think sometimes the first sets the standards for all other interviewees. I have seen people get “attached” to the first one bc if they stuck out in a good way — then the interviewers spend the next 2 weeks comparing everyone else to the first one.

  24. Let’s say you have a really racist or sexist coworker who makes frequent remarks about various things. Where is the line between ignoring it and making a complaint or otherwise pursuing something like that? Like, what kind of commentary may be awful but doesn’t really need to be reported vs something that does? I’m really struggling with this now.

    1. When a coworker of mine (male, straight) made a very inappropriate about the Orlando shooting the day after it happened, I marched right to our manager and reported it, and he was reprimanded. I don’t tolerate that kind of sh!t.

    2. I’ve worked in places where I would not have hesitated to report someone and also in places where I would have kept my mouth shut because I knew reporting it would only hurt me. No one here can tell you which kind of company you work for. My only advice would be to seek out a senior female colleague you trust and ask her for advice.

    3. I think the middle ground between ignoring it and reporting it to someone else is saying something to the person directly, like, “you may think saying things like that are funny/clever/whatever, but they’re not, and you to stop saying them in our workplace.”

    4. Say something directly to the coworker. I’ve done this twice and both times the behavior immediately stopped and was never a problem again. I even got a sincere apology from one.

    5. I think this also depends on whether co-worker is your boss or more powerful than you, and whether you have HR. Because if it’s a small place, and this person is more powerful than you, than he or she is basically aware that this is the culture of the place, created by this person. I worked somewhere like this, reported it to the in-house counsel, and was fired the next week “for not fitting in.” I sued them. They said that because I was not a member of the protected classes at issue (think black or Jewish jokes, but I am a white woman), that I was not protected. Wrong. I was a woman and it was a hostile environment. This didn’t get all the way up to the EEOC, but it was awful, and I was glad to leave and I made them pay me for being d_cks.

  25. What are your strategies for deciding to keep or discard an item of clothing that works well in an outfit, but can be annoying to wear? Example…love the colour of a blouse from BR with my burgundy cardigan, but I never take the cardi off when I wear it as I fear perspiration stains, and it starts to wrinkle, and pull up. If I discard it, I would lose go to outfit piece; if I keep it, I will only wear it on days that it is cooler and I won’t take off my cardigan. The colour sparks joy, but until I wear it at work for a few hours I forget how fussy it is. I am culling my wardrobe today, and overthinking this waaay too much!

    2. No matter how beautiful something is, if it requires fussing throughout the day, tugging or riding up, it’s time to go for me.

      Wear a simple neutral shell under the cardigan until you find a similar colored blouse

    3. Keep it for another season (fall, for example) and see how much you wear it. If you don’t reach for it, toss it.

    4. Cut it, and replace with a similar color that actually sparks joy in all ways when you wear it.

    5. I would totally keep an item such as this that works well in an established outfit that I like.

      Don’t take that silly book too literally.

      If you really like the color but want something more versatile, I would keep your eyes open a replacement long term if it would enhance your core wardrobe, but wait for end of season sales etc… as no need to get one now since it is still doing a decent job for you.

    6. I’d keep the blouse in a storage box, and if you’re want to wear it so much that you take it out of the storage box again, then keep it.

  26. Thank you all for your suggestions… I will keep it and reassess the next time I wear it!

    1. … And hit the post button too soon…. I wanted to add that as a bonus I am going to do some mini shopping with my mom later in the day — she has a magical ability to find fuss free items.

  27. For those who practice family law, I have a hypothetical question for you. If X slept with Y and then X and his family moved far away from Y and then Y somehow found an e-mail address for X and asked him to confirm paternity of her to-be-born child, what would be the repercussions (not on a moral level, but on a legal level) if X simply ignored the request? Can a court compel X to come back and be subject to a test if the court has no personal jurisdiction?

    1. The Y court probably has jurisdiction if X lived in Y’s state when the child was conceived. And worst case I believe she could have X’s state establish paternity. Moving across state lines is not going to get you out of being established as the father.

      2. Yep. In my state, the state where the child has lived for the past 6 months has jurisdiction over issues dealing with the child, so it would be Y’s state.

      1. Right? Also, on a moral level, X should take the test. And maybe consider not cheating on his wife.

      2. Based on her remark that Y “somehow found” an email address for X, I’m guessing she’s Mrs. X – the wife of the alleged father.

        1. Also, “X and his family moved away” not just “X moved away.” Definitely a member of X’s family.

  28. Random TJ: I would like to make a shadow box of my wedding paperwork- invitations, RSVP’s, white house response card etc. Any suggestions on great shadow boxes that would work?

      1. Yeah this is a thing. You get a congrats card back from the President and First Lady. Lots of my friends have done it.

        1. Hahahaaaaaa what??? Omg. I just…what?

          This is seriously hilarious to me. I cannot even fathom a universe in which I would think this was important.

          1. I think it would be fun. You can get them for anniversaries – like parents’ or grandparents’ 50th, babies’ births, etc.

          3. Also, if you send a Disney character a wedding invitation, they will send you a congrats card too.

            Because this is the world we live in.

          4. My friends who have done it just did it for fun and recognized that is kind of silly and not that important, but they thought it would be a cute memento to have (don’t think any of them went as far as framing it though). And then there was my obnoxious cousin who went around telling everyone for MONTHS that she was so special because OMG President and Mrs Obama had personally wished her congratulations…when in reality all she did was get the form White House response card. So don’t be that super annoying person about it. It’s definitely nothing special.

          5. I thought it was silly until I saw my friend’s mother who had the letter from when JFK was president. I did it for our wedding, and it’s a fun memento. It’s also neat to receive something on White House stationery (and with a return address of “16o Pennsylvania Avenue”). But I’m a dork.

        2. Wow. There are presumably White House employees who spend their time sending these response letters. Wow.

          2. Constituent work like this is a big part of any elected office. They generally have form response letters to reply to a wide array of letters they receive. And yes, a lot of lowly-paid interns and admins.

      1. I had a personal connection so actually thought they may show up. Either way, it’s a great keepsake. But has anyone done a shadow box?

    4. If you have a friend who works for the Executive Office of the President they can also request letters such as this for friends and family.

  29. It is so hot here on campus that several buildings have lost power. My building hasn’t lost power, but the a/c can’t keep up. My office temperature is at 80 degrees and I’m so hot. My thighs are dripping with sweat and one of my co-workers told my face is all red.

    I’d leave and work from my air conditioned apartment, if I didn’t have a physical therapy appointment down the street at 3.

  30. Because people seemed amused at my nonsense, my husband reminded me of this story and I thought I’d share for the hives’ amusement.

    As mentioned above, my parents became the unofficial dropoff point for exotic pets. As such, growing up, we had dozens of snakes and lizards. We had a very weird old house, with a monstrous basement for a very tiny house that had small, different rooms. Each room was divided into a “habitat” for the type of animals (a dry hot room for desert-breeds, a humid room for tropical, etc). Each room had special lighting/temperature gauges, but it was literally floor to ceiling shelves of cages full of snakes and reptiles (my dad’s pride and joy was a 14-ft python who had a full room of his own).

    I honestly thought this was utterly normal until I hit late in high school when I had friends over and they freaked out. But if you didn’t go in the basement (and didn’t see the giant lizard napping in the bed), we looked like a normal family with a normal house. My mom is a neat freak and everything was always immaculate.

    When I first brought my husband over to meet my family when we were still dating (this was after giant lizard mentioned above had died), he met my parents and everything was fine. After dinner, he asked to use the restroom, and my mom directed him to the bathroom.

    About 90 seconds later, we hear him SCREAMING at the top of his lungs, and he comes sprinting out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles.

    All he could do was point at the bathroom, gasping for air.

    My parents and I just kind of looked at each other in confusion, and then my dad finally said, “Oh, is [boyfriend’s name] afraid of snakes? I put the Colonel in the bathtub for exercise”

    (The Colonel was a six-foot, morbidly obese corn snake who had been dropped off and who was so fat, had trouble slithering. To help him lose weight, my dad put him in the bathtub so he could swim, and it never occurred to him that it might frighten a stranger using the bathroom to pee).

    So that’s how my now-husband met my parents.

    My family explains so much about me.

      1. Very easily, actually! Many snakes are opportunistic, meaning they eat whenever they can because they expect it will be a while (sometimes months) until their next meal. So if you keep giving them food, they’ll keep eating it. This snake was so fat his scales were stretched, so you could see the tissue connecting them underneath. He looked ready to burst.

        It also takes forever for them to lose weight. He was on a strict diet of eating once every 18 days and spent time swimming and climbing stairs (it looks like a slinky!), and he still only lost 15 grams after six months.

    4. Oh, KT if I ever get to Florida we’re gonna have to have a meetup. My brother had a 12″ long, skinny as a pencil, tiny Alabama grass snake, totally harmless, that roamed free around the house sometimes. One of my mother’s friends spent a long time standing on a chair in our living room until the snake was secured and she never returned, much to my mother’s embarrassment.

      1. His full name was Colonel Mustard, cause you know, he was yellow and red. I thought I was clever.

      1. You’re writing a memoir, right, KT? Because I would read the sh!t out of that.

        1. LOL I had no idea my weirdness was so entertaining.

          Other fun fact that my husband was horrified by:

          Some snakes go on hunger strikes. They can be perfectly happy and healthy, but just…not eat. Sometimes for months. Sometimes they can kill themselves this way. Ball pythons (different than Burmese–smaller and more picky) are notoriously bad eaters.

          We only feed our reptiles frozen and thawed mice/rats/chickens, never live, so feeding a picky snake means you sometimes hold the dead thing with tongs and make it dance to entice the snake.

          (Typing this out, I realize that’s really messed up….but again, I thought this was normal growing up and was very good at it).

          If making the mouse do a zombie dance doesn’t work, there is one surefire trick that works EVERY TIME, no matter how picky/bratty the snake.

          Go to KFC and get a few pieces of extra crispy fried chicken in a brown paper bag. Then put the mouse in there, and shake it around for a while. Take the mouse out with the tongs, and the snake will eat it IMMEDIATELY. Something about KFC spices makes mice irresistible to snakes.

          Which is why I can never eat KFC again.

      2. So, so many. Combine the fact that I am ridiculous with odd fears, married to a man who grew up completely different than me, and weirdo parents who collect reptiles, and I have endless tales of humor/horror.

        A few years ago, there was the time when my parents went on a rare vacation. The snakes are fine for a few days, but the lizards need daily care, so I agreed to house-sit for them; it was a good deal–I was poor and lived in a tiny studio, my then boyfriend (now husband) was still living at home, so this way we’d get a house to ourselves for a few days with premium cable!

        The first day, we arrived and I went into the basement (where my husband will never step foot) to make the rounds and feed the animals, fill their bowls, change their bedding, etc.

        All was well, even checking on the big guy (the 14-foot python), who sometimes can be a jerk.

        Except until I got to my dad’s newest showpiece snake, a 4 or 5-ft butterscotch Burmese python. The lid to the cage, which has triple locks, was completely gone, and no snake was to be found.

        My dad DOES occasionally take some of his rarest snakes to schools and stuff to do educational talks, so I called my parents to see if he was in the area after all. This is how the conversation went.

        KT: Hey Mom, do you have Butterscotch with you?

        Mom: We’re at the beach, why would we have the snake?

        KT: Um, because his cage is empty.

        Mom: Huh. Guess he got out.

        KT: OMG!

        Mom: What are you going to do? No big, he’ll show up *hangs up*

        I went back upstairs, and debated whether or not to tell my husband. Snakes DO occasionally escape (my dad kept the venomous ones under double enclosures, so never them, but the other guys occasionally managed a way out) and while it wouldn’t bother me, I knew it would scare the heck out of him. I finally decided to be honest, because with my luck, Butterscotch would show up in bed.

        My husband freaked the eff out. He insisted on sleeping on a bench in the bedroom (as if that helps) with the lights on, holding a golf club. He also Googled and read you should sprinkle flour on the floor, so if the snake goes by, you know he was there. So there was flour everywhere.

        Butterscotch did not make an appearance that night. In fact, it was six months before he made a reappearance.

        Once again house-sitting, this time around Christmas, my husband and I were in the living room watching a movie late at night, when we heard a weird rustling noise. I couldn’t figure out where it was coming from, so I turned on the light. It sounded like it was coming from the Christmas tree, but I couldn’t see anything.

        Then I realized what I thought was a bright garland was actually Butterscotch, now well over 5-feet long, and still plump. HOW he survived for six months in our house I don’t know (nor do I really want to know), but he was happy as can be. I had to unwind him from the tree like lights and wrestle him back into his cage after his adventure.

        My husband hates visiting that house.

    9. Your husband obviously REALLYREALLY loves you because if my SO ever took me over to a house full of snakes, that would be grounds for immediate break up.

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