Thursday’s TPS Report: Black Paige Jacket

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Our daily TPS reports suggest one piece of work-appropriate attire in a range of prices. Tahari Black Paige JacketBluefly has this cute, lightweight Tahari jacket on sale. I like the teeny tiny shawl lapel, and the flaps on the pockets. I'd keep the jacket it in my office to wear with dresses and more. It was $188, was then $119, and is marked to $83.30 today. Tahari Black Paige Jacket Seen a great piece you'd like to recommend? Please e-mail tps@corporette.com. (L-2)

Sales of note for 2/7/25:

  • Nordstrom – Winter Sale, up to 60% off! 7850 new markdowns for women
  • Ann Taylor – Extra 25% off your $175+ purchase — and $30 of full-price pants and denim
  • Banana Republic Factory – Up to 50% off everything + extra 15% off
  • Boden – 15% off new season styles
  • Eloquii – 60% off 100s of styles
  • J.Crew – Extra 50% off all sale styles
  • J.Crew Factory – 40% off everything including new arrivals + extra 20% off $125+
  • Rothy's – Final Few: Up to 40% off last-chance styles
  • Spanx – Lots of workwear on sale, some up to 70% off
  • Talbots – 40% off one item + free shipping on $150+

And some of our latest threadjacks here at Corporette (reader questions and commentary) — see more here!

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250 Comments

  1. I like the idea of keeping a jacket or coverup in the office, but if I really like a piece, I want to have it at home too (and if I don’t really like it, I wouldn’t want to wear it even as an office coverup).

    1. Yeah me too although I could see the advantages as this is probably a magnet for pet fur. I swear I need to start wearing all orange.

        1. Yep, Mr C is all orange. And a total snuggle muffin so I change as soon as I get home to prevent the worst of it.

          And I feel like a cat lady….Until a year ago, I was committed team dog but this rescue cat has won me over (except when he cries when I’m on conference calls).

          1. Oh me, too! I was a dog person growing up, nobody in my family EVER had a cat and my brother is deathly allergic. But then my now-ex H showed up with the cat who was the love of my life (RIP) and I never looked back.

      1. LOL!!!! My tortie covers the spectrum of fur colors so no color is safe with her!

    2. agreed.. I think this is where a case could be made for multiples! I have the same problem w/ shows- I keep them at my office, but that means if I want my black ankle booties (or whatever) to wear on the weekend I need to remember to take them home.

    3. My “office” jacket ended up back home because I really love it.

      I am more comfortable being dressed for anything — and am 99% of the time — so I don’t really need it to bale me out should a surprise meeting (or the like) happen.

      I also have employed as many of the freezing cold office suggestions found here (the hive rocks), so I don’t need it for that anymore either.

  2. Ladies, I need some help. I am the WORST vegetarian. My diet is total crap. Tonight I want to cook a healthy meal (I’ve been telling my bf I need his help and encouragement, so when I offered to cook dinner since he’s working late he said, sure, and let’s cook something healthy). But it occurs to me that I just don’t have that many ideas for a healthy vegetarian main dish that won’t take me hours/require tons of ingredients. It’s so easy to come up with a healthy non-veg menu for the bf (fish or grilled chicken + vegetable side = voila). Why can’t I do the same for myself?

    Ideas?

    1. Use the same structure, just sub in a vegetarian protein?

      For example, if you’re making veggies anyway, why not add a sweet potato (and maybe chickpeas?) for yourself? Or tofu, if you eat it? Or a veggie burger? It’s not the most creative option, but it’d probably make cooking something that’ll work for both of you easier.

    2. Cook some lentils and keep them in the fridge until needed. Or use canned beans or chickpeas. Mix with cooked quinoa and vegetables.

      1. Or, Jane Brody’s curried lentils recipe. It can be made with vegetable broth or water. I serve it over brown rice with a little greek yogurt on the side.

    3. I’m not a vegetarian, but this is one of my favorite veggie recipes:
      http://www.skinnytaste.com/2013/11/butternut-squash-and-black-bean.html

      Rolling the enchiladas is the most time consuming part, but once you get the hang of it, it goes a lot faster.

      Some other go to meals without meat:
      – Pasta with lots of veggies or veggie lasagna.
      – Taco bowl with black beans, rice, tomato, avocado, peppers, salsa, cheese, etc.
      – Buy some pizza dough and make your own pizza with tons of veggies.
      – Salad with chickpeas or beans, plus other veggies.

      1. I’m lazy and tend to just make these as an enchilada casserole, you can layer the ingredients and not worry about rolling. Also seems to make them a bit saucier.

        1. can you elaborate? do you just lay the tortillas out in the casserole? how many per layer? thanks!

          1. Sure, I’m a bit of a fly by the seat of my pants cook so I’ll try to figure out the steps.

            1. Saute the veggies in salsa for a bit to speed up cooking (normally butternut squash, peppers, onions, spinach, I often use frozen veg b/c I hate cooking)
            2. Cut tortillas in quarters
            3. Add one layer of tortillas at the bottom
            4. Add a layer of veg
            5. Layer of beans
            6. Layer of cheese
            7. Alternate (going easy on the cheese) until you’ve run out of ingredients
            8. Add enchilada sauce on top as well as cheese
            9. Pop in oven

            Cutting the tortillas allows the sauce to make its way all the way through. It holds together with more cheese but I try to be minimal on cheese

            Bonus, this makes insanely delicious leftovers, possibly better than the first time around.

          1. Agreed. This is a great idea. I like adding spaghetti squash to my enchilada filling (usually mix with black beans, liquid smoke, and green chiles) to cut down on the cheese I use. I think I”m going to try making it as a layered casserole this weekend. Happy Herbivore has a recipe for tofu black bean enchiladas on her website, but those taste very tofu-y to me.

            [For the spaghetti squash, just stab it a few times with a knife and microwave until it’s soft (usually about 8 min, depending on size). Scoop out seeds and then scoop out flesh with a fork.]

        1. Stirfry is a great option. I find it helps to have easy protein (tempeh, seitan strips, or tofu that I’ve previously prepared–I press the water out and “dry fry” by heating in a nonstick pan to brown both sides) and precut or frozen veggies. Costco makes a nice stirfry veggie mix if you’ll eat frozen veggies.

    4. Do you eat eggs? I often do an egg scramble with one egg/two egg whites, spinach, mushrooms, black beans and maybe a little quinoa. It’s really easy and one pot only. I add some garlic powder, cumin and chili powder but you can season to taste. Also, you can substitute whatever veggies you like. I also love Scott Jurek’s vegan chili. It is so delicious, although it does require some prep work.

      1. I don’t eat eggs unfortunately :( To be clear, I’m not vegan and I will eat eggs if they’re in something (a cake, even a quiche occasionally) but I don’t like eating eggs as a dish. I realize this is really limiting but my mom doesn’t eat eggs and so I never developed a taste for them.

        1. I’m vegan and cook a lot. The easiest sources of protein are beans – find any kind you like, and throw them in everything – rice, soups, salad, sauces. I literally make tacos/burritos like three nights per week. Add white beans or chick peas to pasta sauce. There are a ton of ways to cook tofu, but the easiest is to dice it into cubes and saute it with soy sauce and various seasonings until it’s crispy. I don’t eat much “fake meat” but I do like the ground soy stuff for pasta sauce. Again, saute it until it’s brown and then add the sauce.

          1. great suggestion, as I eat a lot of pasta- what is the “ground soy stuff” called at the grocery store? it’s a little embarrassing how little I know about being a vegetarian, given that I’ve been one for most of my life

          2. There are a few different brands, but I like “Yves Meatless Ground Original.” Light Life is another good brand. It’s almost always in the refrigerated section where the tofu is located.

          3. Also check out Boca and Morningstar Farms products in the freezer case. I don’t think it’s great to eat fake meat stuff every night (sodium, processed food, etc.), but it’s really nice to have it as an option. In addition to the meatless grounds, we eat the “ribs” and various types of meat-less strips, and we always have the breaded cutlets (spicy and regular) on hand for easy meal options.

          4. My favorite fake meat is the Quorn mycoprotein crumbles – they’re made from mushrooms, not soy, and aren’t vegan because there’s some egg in there to hold everything together. The flavor is really realistic, though… meat eaters are always surprised then they taste them.

            LilyB, thanks for posting this topic! I’m a committed vegetarian for non-health reasons but was told by my doctor yesterday I need to go on a low-carb diet because my triglycerides are too high. I thought I was going to starve, but now I have some meal ideas (although given that my husband hates squash, mushrooms, tomatoes, cauliflower, salad greens, yogurt, avocado, beets, sweet potatoes, and Indian food, mealtime is still going to be complicated).

          5. @Anonymous at 12:03pm, if you haven’t tried this already, substitute cauliflower (or rutabaga or turnip) for potatoes or rice. No, it’s not the same, but you can still enjoy meals or cuisines with sauces. This has ensured that I can still eat things like stir fries, bowls of Indian food (although your husband won’t agree), or meatballs with tomato sauce.

            I often will make mashed rutabaga or turnip (like how I would make mashed potatoes) and top it with stuff (like Indian food, or roasted veggies and an egg). You can find instructions on cauliflower rice online, but basically I just pulse the florets a few times in the food processor until they’re rice-sized and then saute briefly with some salt in some oil so it gets slightly crispy and browned. I use this in stir fries, for Indian food… really, for anything. No, it’s not the same as potatoes or rice, but it’s delicious and it’s filling.

          6. @ Anon in NYC – I’ve never mashed cauliflower before (and hadn’t even heard of mashed rutabaga or turnip) but think it’s going to be a staple in the new diet. Thanks!

    5. Do you ever use reddit? Since I started following the vegan and vegetarian subreddits I’ve been cooking so many delicious, healthy and easy meals. I like reddit.com/r/veganrecipes, /r/vegetarian, and /r/vegrecipes. They also all link to other blogs and sites so I can branch out even further.

    6. Keep in mind that many plant sources of protein also contain a ton of carbs and fiber. I am not suggesting you consciously try to avoid pure carbs, but you probably will have a hard time keeping your diet balanced if you sub beans and lentils for meat without making any other adjustments. It’s helpful to focus on legumes and hearty vegetables (like squash). Some of the best dishes that meet your criteria are crazy easy and only dirty one pot (bonus!). AND, without animal products, leftovers keep longer safely.

      One of my favorite vegetarian meals is a bean and vegetable chili. It’s awesome on it’s own and as a filing for enchiladas. I’ll try to summarize here, but it’s a very flexible dish, so I have been making it without a formal recipe for years. There are recipes for similar things on the internet if you need more specifics. Start by sauteing onion, then add any veggies that need a lot of cook time (carrots, celery, add zucchini slightly later, if using). Cook the vegetables down until softened (6-12 minutes, depending on volume and types). Add crushed tomatoes, seasonings (chili powder, garlic powder, a bay leaf or two) and bring it up to a boil. Add in rinse beans (from a can or soaked and rehydrated, if using dried) and bring to a boil again. Turn the heat down and let simmer for 30-45 minutes while the flavors meld.

      1. Yummy! This sound’s good! I love CHILI! Mom make’s great Chili and she add’s a little hot sauce and that really makes it HOT! The onley thing to watch out for is that what goe’s in must come out and if you do NOT mix it with something like YOUGURT, then it is very hot in the tush, and you can get adult diaper rash. FOOEY! That is not fun and I remember as a child mom rubbing Zincofax on my tuchus. YAY!

        Does anyone in the HIVE remember ZINCOFAX?

        I froze my tuchus this morning walking in, even with Myrna’s coat. I wish my dad would give me an exemption when the temperature is less then 20 degree’s! DOUBEL FOOEY!

    7. Coincidentally, Cupcakes and Cashmere has an interesting vegetarian recipe today – Japanese soba noodles. I thought it looked yummy.

      This probably won’t help you today, but when I was trying to incorporate more vegetables into my diet a few years ago, I resolved to learn more about Indian cuisine. There is such a tradition of vegetarian food in South Asia and I found it really opened up a lot of doors for me in terms of getting away from the “vegetables as side dish” mindset. Maybe something to try? I liked Madhur Jaffrey’s recipes for this – not too complicated and geared for the North American kitchen.

      1. I’m actually half-Indian so I should probably have a few dishes under my belt, now that you mention it… my stepmom gave me a tin of Indian spices a while back, maybe this is a good time to start using it!

        1. Funny – I’m half-Indian too. (And half Jewish). The weirdest of combinations.

      1. Whole Foods website has some great quick and easy vegetarian recipes. I also am a fan of Pinterest for finding new recipes to try.

    8. Here are some fast and easy veg dinner ideas that I’ve posted before. The cannellini beans dish is one of my go-to meals when I want something healthy and good in a hurry.

      – Black beans (spiced yourself or TJ’s canned Cuban black beans) over rice, topped with avocado & tomato

      – Put dressed lentils (TJ’s sells vacuum-packed in fridge case) on a green salad

      – Make your stir-fries with rice noodles (soak in hot water first) and call them pad thai. My favorite fast sauce: mix equal parts stir-fry sauce (general tso’s is good), crunchy or plain peanut butter and water; boil or nuke for a minute and stir, then finish cooking in the wok with the vegs and noodles plus a protein

      – Scramble eggs or tofu with veggies; add corn chips or toasted tortillas & salsa, cheese if you want and call it migas

      – Use veg chik’n strips (I like smart menu but my son prefers gardein) in stir fries and other recipes. I like to sauté chik’n strips with chopped artichoke hearts, onions and green olives. Serve over rice (with a little broth or wine to deglaze the pan and make a sauce) or stuff into pitas or crusty rolls (I cut out some of the soft bread in the middle), with provolone or parmesan if you like

      – “Tuscan white beans,” my dolled-up canned cannellini beans. Fastest version: saute some garlic in olive oil or spray, throw in a can of drained & rinsed beans to heat and then put in a whole bunch of baby spinach, cooking (covered) until it wilts; add some kind of liquid (water, broth, white wine) if it starts to stick. Add salt and pepper and drizzle each dish with olive oil. Serve with crusty bread or put it on rice or pasta. If you have more time, add more produce, sautéing e.g. zucchini and onions with the garlic, or add some chopped fresh tomatoes and/or basil at the end. Or use artichoke hearts.

      – Hash of potatoes – I sometimes buy fast-food plain potatoes on the way home and chop them up – plus some kind of protein (marinated tofu/veg bacon/veg chik’n/veg sausage), onions, bell peppers, etc.

      – Fried rice with veggies and proteins of your choice

      – Use already seasoned, baked tofu in the same way as fish or chicken. Trader Joe’s has savory and teriyaki; my local supermarket has those plus spicy Thai.

      I am also using a crockpot more lately – it’s very easy to make bean soups, stews and the like in a slow cooker. This is my family’s current favorite recipe:

      http://allrecipes.com/recipe/mushroom-lentil-barley-stew/detail.aspx

      Notes: Cut the pepper WAY down (I use 1/2 tsp instead of 2 tsp.) and soak the lentils overnight before dumping them in. I use fresh onions, etc., not dried, and also add a lot of chopped carrots (fast and easy if you use the pre-washed baby carrots). The hardest part is finding non-quick-cooking barley — go to a health food store. This is a great recipe because you can do a lot of it the night before and just add the wet ingredients/veggies in the a.m., and it can cook all day while you’re at work

    9. I’m a mostly-veggie and the easiest veggie meals for me are salads. Current fav:

      +Lettuce
      +Can of black beans (or sliced/crumbled black bean burger, whatever)
      +Avocado
      +Halved cherry tomatoes
      +Cucumber
      +Salsa, if you want
      +Sherry vinegar + olive oil + lime/lemon dressing
      It’s filling, tasty, and so healthy!

      Also, don’t forget about easy, protein-rich grains like quinoa. They’re easy to mix with veggies for another filling, healthy meal. Or veggie soups, maybe with white beans. Or veggie lasagna. Seriously, you can do this! Cooking veggie food is so easy–way easier than meat, IMO, once you get a few recipes down.

      1. thanks for the suggestions! that salad actually looks really good- I generally hate eating salads as my main meal because I feel cheated somehow, but the combination of avocado and black beans makes that one seem appealing and filling.

        can you suggest ways in which to use quinoa? do you just sautee veggies and then add in the already-cooked quinoa?

        1. I do a quinoa bake that is surprisingly delicious, made it (sans cheese) when I had to cater to my veggie SO and gluten / lactose free visitors.

          1. Cook quinoa according to instructions
          2. roast broccoli, butternut squash, sweet potatoes, tomatoes, peppers, really any veg you’d like to throw in there, add spices
          3. Mix them all up
          4. Drizzle a small amount of olive oil and brush over the top
          5. Add cheese if you’d like (I like goats cheese), sundried tomatoes are also awesome
          6. Bake

          It was inspired by this recipe but I think just squash sounds horribly boring
          http://www.thekitchn.com/recipe-quinoa-and-winter-squash-bake-recipes-from-the-kitchn-197118

        2. You can use it in place of rice. Beans and quinoa, stir-fryveggies and quinoa, salads made with quinoa and veggies/cheese (like a pasta salad)

          1. i use quinoa like rice or pasta. I can either throw it in at the end of the sauteeing and mix it up with the veggies and beans. Or, just put a pile of quinoa on the plate, and put the rest of the dish over it.

        3. I’ve been considering making stuffed vegetables with quinoa instead of rice. I bet using the soy crumbles instead of ground beef would be awesome. Mix cooked quinoa, ground protein (meat or fake meat), sauteed onions/carrots/celery, all the herbs, tomato sauce. Stuff in peppers, zucchini, whatever. Throw some cheese in. Bake. Devour.

        4. The discovery that I could make delicious, filling main-course salads seriously changed my life. Corn’s also a good, filling salad-topper; other favorites include beets (hearty!) with crumbles of goat cheese (feels luxurious, isn’t that unhealthy!) or orange (mm, citrus). Sometimes I also throw in lentils. Basically, anything that I have sitting in my fridge! I used to think of salads as only being sides, but they can be really versatile, filling, and tasty once you start just throwing in everything but the kitchen sink :)

    10. The easiest, laziest veggie meals for me are basically veggie bowls: either lentils or quinoa plus veggies. Example: Buy pre-cut butternut squash at the store (or peel and dice some sweet potatoes), roast in the oven with some olive oil and salt & pepper. Meanwhile, cook up a pot of French lentils or quinoa. Toss all together, with some chopped green herbs (flat leaf parsley? cilantro?) and a sprinkling of cheese (parm? feta?) and voila! If you want to be fancy, you can make up some kind of dressing (olive oil, s&p, and a bit of white wine vinegar? miso + olive oil + lemon? etc.). If you don’t ear cheese, omit it, it will still be good. If you have pumpkin or sunflower seeds, toast and add them for crunch. Infinite possibilities. Other easy ingredients to consider: avocado + chickpeas + asparagus; beets + carrots; shelled frozen edamame + sautéed kale; sweet potato + broccoli…

      Another easy idea: get a head of cauliflower, some pink lentils, and a large can of diced tomatoes. In a Dutch oven, sauté a small onion and some carrots with some curry powder or whatever spices you like, toss in the lentils and diced tomatoes + their liquid, cook a little, add chopped cauliflower and a little liquid so everything is more or less submerged, bring to a boil and then simmer. It is so good. You can throw that over rice or eat on its own. It’s delightful either way. Makes great leftovers too.

      My laziest of all lazy dinners: the TJ frozen veggie lasagna.

      1. Is there anyone else here who cannot eat lentils? Cannot = full-scale projectile vomiting (to the point where I am surprised that my eyeballs haven’t flown from their sockets and I have broken blood vessels I haven’t otherwise had outside of 2 hours of pushing out a baby). I don’t have any other legume / real nut issues, but I feel like it is just me (and even though I like Indian food, I have sworn off everything but chicken tikka masala after a particularly adventurous buffet trip).

        1. After being horribly, horribly ill eating lentils during pregnancy (same reaction you had, it was practically instantaneous) I’ve never been able to eat them again. So weird.

        2. I used to hate lentils and then I started cooking the little tiny green French ones – if you don’t overcook them, they stay firm and not too mushy, and they don’t fall apart like red or pink lentils and they don’t get super mushy like brown or any lentils in lentil soup. Now, I am slowly experimenting with other lentils but that’s what it took for me.

          I generally find that a lot of food I don’t like is just food that’s not cooked right. I used to hate salmon and then realized it was just because most people and many US restaurants overcook it. Likewise, I thought spinach and broccoli was gross but same thing – just didn’t like how it was always overly soggy.

          1. It’s not that I don’t like them, they seem to want to take me out! I’ve only had them twice (soup and in something at aforesaid Indian buffet) and it was exactly the same each time. I don’t otherwise have food issues and love beans otherwise. But it seems that this may be a thing for a teeny minority of us.

    11. When I was a full-time vegetarian, my quick go to meal was couscous cooked with spices and mixed with a can of chickpeas and diced veggies (tomatoes, cucumbers, peppers).

    12. “Fresh from the Vegetarian Slow-Cooker” has lots of pretty good, very easy meals. I bought it based off the rec on this site for the bok choy recipe,which is one of my favorite foods ev-ah (usually I just bake frozen veggie spring rolls or pan-sautee frozen dumplings with it). I haven’t found another recipe in it I like as much, but it is good for variety, and everything in it is super easy.

    13. I second the ideas for quinoa above. I keep quinoa and couscous in the pantry for most weekend nights – just cook according to directions and add some roasted veggies.

      Another option is polenta. Not the slice-and-eat tubes, but the grain. I just cook it according to directions, spread it out on a plate like you would a pizza dough, and then top with marinara and some parmesan. Not super high on protein, but a quick and easy meal.

    14. Check out the blogs: Oh She Glows, Sprouted Kitchen, and A Couple Cooks. I love the lentil loaves on Oh She Glows, and they make great leftovers for lunch. Lentil “Meatballs” with Lemon Pesto on Sprouted Kitchen is another winner. And don’t underestimate how yummy some pan fried tempeh over mashed cauliflower can be (top with some mushroom gravy or marinara if you’re so inclined). I’ve been working my way through two vegetarian cookboks lately as well–Vegetarian Supercook and Vegetarian Cooking for Everyone. The latter book is especially good if you want to learn more about how to prepare all sorts of vegetables; it’s a literal treatise on vegetarian cooking. I find it very inspiring when am stumped about what to cook. Oh! And the sweet potato blintzes from Smitten Kitchen’s cookbook are ah-mazing–serve with sauteed spinach or other greens.

      1. Mark Bittman’s How to Cook Everything Vegetarian is super helpful. As is his blog, VB6 book, etc. Most of his recipes are quick, fast, and delicious.

    15. spaghetti squash plus jar of pesto. The squash takes awhile to cook but it’s just sitting in the oven and doesn’t require any active cooking and then it only takes a few minutes to scrape it out and mix with pesto. Sometimes I like to add chopped tomatoes to it, too.

      1. I’ve done spaghetti squash asian-style as well. It absorbs flavors so well – my favorite is a soy/chili paste or soy-lime sauce with seasame. Throw in tofu and/or whatever veggies you like.

      2. I would add some other vegetables and a protein source (tofu, tempeh, beans) to this, for a more balanced meal.

        1. I know I’m super late to this but it might help someone later who is searching or (catching up). I roast small purple/red potatoes, carrots, and cauliflower with olive oil and garlic (or whatever other vegetables roast well) and mix it with prepared pesto. I’ve eaten it vegetarian with extra Parmesan added and also with grilled or sauted boneless chicken, but you could add tempeh, tofu, or even crumbled veggie burgers. Takes about 25 minutes, the only real labor is cutting up the vegetables, after the vegetables are done I throw everything in a big bowl and mix it up, and it tastes great. The only aggravation is finding pesto that only uses olive oil instead of substituting other oils, which I find mind-boggling. So I will make a special trip for rusticella d’abbruzzo pesto, but prepared pesto sauce is available everywhere and it’s more the principle of the thing than the taste that gets me about non-olive oil in pesto – there are lots of choices that taste just fine.

    16. Not so much a recipe, as a strategy: PINTEREST. When I’m perusing recipes online, I’ll see a casserole or soup or something I want to try, and I used to just forget about them, or worse, print them and put them in a folder, never to be seen again. Now, I pin everything, and when it’s time to go to the grocery, I just check the recipe board. Also, if my husband’s doing the shopping, he can just see the things I’ve pinned, and he knows they’re all things I’ll like, so he can shop (and cook) any of them. Seriously changed how I approach cooking dinner.

  3. Sorry for the early threadjack. I have an interview apparel dilemma. I am interviewing in a corporate setting, in a company with a business casual dress code. The company culture is very relaxed and people who work there pride themselves on the unstuffiness of their culture, relative to their competitors. I plan on wearing a conservative, navy, interview-appropriate suit. I am stuck on what top to wear with the suit. I would normally wear something very bland like a plain white button-down shirt, but I am considering wearing a blouse with a small print, maybe some color, or an accent around the neckline (so it would be visible with the jacket, which I plan to keep on). Alternatively, I could keep the outfit traditional but carry a brighter colored bag or wear a slightly interesting (not flashy) necklace. I know I need to keep it conservative for an interview, but I don’t want to give off the impression that I wouldn’t be a good fit for the company. I am more advanced in years than many potential future-coworkers, in addition to coming from a more traditional work background. I feel like I need to prove cultural fit more than almost anything else. Please help!

    1. I would wear a colorful blouse, more jewelry than you normally do for an interview, AND carry a colored bag. If the company is all about “We are not stuffy!” then be that unstuffy person. If you are wearing a suit, any conservative-minded person won’t ding you for the suit. BUT if you wear only a dark suit, small print blouse, conservative bag, then the more aggressively unstuffy people MIGHT ding you for lack of imagination. :)

      1. I like this. I will also say that when I interviewed with an EXTREMELY casual company (think jeans every day for everyone, up to and including the CFO), I did not wear a full suit, but did wear a pants and a jacket. I know this isn’t the usual advice, and I wouldn’t do it almost anywhere else, but in that case I think it was the right choice. I got the job, in any case.

        In this case I would definitely keep the blouse and accessories interesting.

        1. I’ve heard advice like this too. The idea is that you want to dress one level of formality higher than what you’d wear every day as a worker. It’s always resonanted with me since I do work in an uber relaxed atmosphere where a full suit is only seen on visitors (and rarely at that).

      2. We pride ourselves on being not stuffy here, so I’m with Diana Barry and baconpancakes … lots of color and print. If someone wore just a navy suit, my boss would definitely ding you … and most likely cut the interview short. (Yes, interviewing here was a stressful PITA … I thankfully got awesome advice from the hive before the interview and got great compliments on how I was dressed after I got the job. I was terrified at the time.).

    2. Agreed on the advice here to stick with the suit but bring in colorful accessories wherever possible – bag, necklace, AND shoes, as long as you think it still looks good. My SO recently interviewed (and was offered a position) at a company that prides themselves on being casual and cool, and he wore his charcoal suit with a lavender shirt and plum tie, and while they repeatedly told him everyone wore jeans at the office during the interview, the suit didn’t hurt. In an “aggressively unstuffy” environment (ha, Diana Barry, love that), dressing conservatively with lots of flair is unlikely to hurt you, and will impress anyone on the staff who is maybe a little more conservative than everyone else.

  4. I am v proud of my shopping skillz today – wearing a cashmere sweater from Bloomies that I ordered on presale. The original price was $229 and I bought it for $44! :)

    1. TJ: This is somewhat related to yesterday’s emergency fund discussion. How do I encourage my significant other that he needs to build an emergency fund savings and not just spend everything he makes? We are living together but not married. We both contribute to a joint account to cover all household bills in an amount proportional to our salaries (ie. my salary is higher than his so my contribution covers 60% of the expenses while his covers 40%). A portion of our joint account goes to various joint savings accounts (emergency fund and a couple other savings accounts for joint vacation, home down payment, wedding fund, etc.). Out of the portion of my paycheck that doesn’t go to our joint account (and that hasn’t already been taken out for 401k contribution) I contribute to my own emergency fund and a couple of my own independent savings goals, pay student loans, pay my car payment, and then have a small amount remaining for my own discretionary spending. Outside of contributing to our joint account, my SO basically just spends what he earns. He doesn’t have his own independent savings set up, and although he contributed to retirement in the past with a previous job, his current job doesn’t have a 401k or other retirement plan so he hasn’t been saving for retirement recently.

      In general I’m comfortable talking with him about money, and I’ve casually mentioned the issue of him saving an emergency fund and saving for retirement, but I don’t want to seem overly controlling or like a nag. Does anybody have any helpful tips for how I can encourage him to save up?

      1. Sorry, I didn’t mean for my question/TJ to be a reply to you, Diana Barry!

      2. This would be a deal killer to me. I am on my second marriage (not actually married because of marriage penalty, former spousal obligations etc, but together many years). My first husband was wildly financially irresponsible. One of the things that I found, and still find, so attractive about my husband — in addition to how smart and sexy and nice and a good father he is — is that he is painfully financially responsible. Perhaps because we are older and have fewer earning years left, or can see future health bills more clearly, or have been to the school of hard knocks, this is a huge deal for me.

        My husband and I did pre-marital counseling before we merged households — not for financial issues, but really for more broad-based things. It was tremendously helpful. I have seen lists (perhaps on LearnVest) of “ten financial things to discuss before you marry” and the like. I think it could be really helpful to have a series of discussions, based around one of these lists to avoid blaming anyone. After hearing his thoughts on these issues, you should have enough data to determine whether you want in or out.

        Re-reading this, I sound like an old curmudgeon. But I assure you that knowing my husband and I are on the same page financially is highly romantic.

      3. Maybe approach it with some questions? “You may have noticed that I have all these accounts like an emergency account and retirement funds and so on. And I have definitely noticed that you don’t. And I’m wondering what’s up with that? Do you have some other plan for emergencies and retirement? Do you have a terminal disease and don’t think you’ll live long enough to need it? Would you like to be doing it but are not sure how?”

        And then see what he says, and go from there.

        Just a thought.

        1. And yes, if the answers are not satisfactory it would be a total deal-breaker for me, too.

        2. Thanks for the tips!

          In general I think we’re on the same page. He’s been an enthusiastic contributor to our joint savings but he just seems to be struggling to motivate when it comes to his own personal finances.

          1. In that case, is he willing to turn everything over to you? I am admittedly bad with money, but hated that I was that way. Now my husband controls the finances and gives me a weekly allowance and I don’t have any financial problems because I just don’t spend more than he puts in my checking account for my weekly allowance. I love it. Some people would probably hate this type of arrangement but for me it really decreases my stress about finances.

          2. If he’s enthusiastic about your joint savings, it sounds like this may not be as big an issue as some are making it out to be. Is the problem just that he doesn’t know how to get started or lacks the motivation to set up the accounts? If you were just dating I wouldn’t advise this, but since you are saving for a wedding I assume marriage is in the fairly new future? In that case, I handle all of the retirement savings for myself and my husband. I set up the accounts, tell him how much he needs to contribute and handle the investments (to make sure all of our assets are diversified and rebalanced periodically). My husband 100% supports our savings goals, but the mechanics of how its done is just not something he has much interest in. If this sounds like your SO and he’s comfortable, maybe a similar arrangement would work for you.

          3. My fiance and I live together and since he is horrendous with money (although getting a lot better) he just turns everything over to me and I pay all the bills, do savings, etc. We each get a set amount of free money every week. Since he has some expensive hobbies, he has me withhold about $150 of his every month to put in a savings account for him so he can go “blow” larger amounts when he wants. I was not initially a huge fan of setting up a “me controlling his money” type system, but it has worked well because he doesn’t have the self-control not to spend it if it is just cash in his pocket. I should mention that we discuss and decide together on any major financial decisions even if I am the one ultimately managing the accounts.

      4. Also, the actual amount he makes may contribute to this conversation. It sounds like you’re more established in your careers than I am, but I had a similar issue with my boyfriend whom I live with. We worked together to make his (first ever…) budget, to figure out where his money’s going. Turns out after his average monthly spending, he does not have any money left over. His “frivolous” expenses are things we like to do together (date nights, events with friends) that I don’t want him to cut out. He’s saving in his 401K but right now I know that in an extreme emergency, my emergency fund would be able to help us both.

        Basically for me maintaining OUR lifestyle is more important than him having his own fund (when mine is good enough for us).

        1. Gah. Proceed with caution here. You are setting yourself up to basically subsidize a lifestyle he can’t really afford. How would you really feel if he lost his job, didn’t have any emergency fund because he spent all his money on date nights, and then looked to you to support him in his unemployment because you figured your emergency fund is good enough for both of you?

          I might timidly suggest that perhaps a better solution, and one that makes it more transparent to both of you that you are in fact subsidizing his lifestyle, would be for him to start building an emergency fund and for you to pay for the date nights and other “frivolous” expenses.

          It just seems like every adult person should know how to manage his money (it’s great that he’s contributing to his 401(K), BTW), and that includes putting money aside for emergencies. And your plan deprives him of that opportunity. (Plus, what if the “emergency” is the two of you break up and he needs to find a new place to live?)

          1. I totally agree about all of this in theory, but I think our age and personal situation play a big factor in this. He’s in a career that takes 1-2 years of coming up through the ranks but he will have a higher paycheck once he gets a promotion which is expected very soon. Honestly right now if he lost his job or we broke up, his parents would pay for everything until he found a new job. He would also move with them in a much lower COL area, and he lives in our area to be with me. So, yes, I’m subsidizing right now. But we will adjust the budget as soon as he makes more money! His salary right now is just so low that saving for an emergency fund would mean NO fun ever, which I don’t want for us.

          2. So then, maybe YOU should be the one that pays for the frivolous fun stuff, so that he can establish a savings account of some kind.

          3. Right. That was my point. Better for him to save while you pay for the friviolous fun, than for you to save while he pays for the frivolous fun. Or better yet, both of you do some of each.

          4. Agree with Mpls. I make a lot of money but live in a low-cost-of-living city, so it’s typical for me to be the high earner in a relationship. In both of my significant relationships (one about 5 years ago, and a marriage now), I paid out of my pocket to maintain the lifestyle I want – which includes more vacations, a bigger mortgage/rent, etc. than my SOs could afford. If they weren’t with me, they just wouldn’t be doing those things. This makes more sense to me than asking them to deplete their savings to maintain MY desired lifestyle. That way if the relationship ends, they still ahve the same money they would have saved if they’d been single, instead of with me. All that changes is that they no longer have the ‘improved’ lifestyle they got by tagging along with me.

      5. I just don’t understand amassing a joint emergency fund when you are a) not married, and b) planning to get married (so you’re not in a long term, we are not marrying for x reason situation). Why would he be saving money on his own if you’re regularly gifting him money through your joint account?

        I am seeing someone behaving recklessly with emergency savings here and it’s not him. If you want to pay expenses together, awesome, but your savings should belong to you.

        1. To me, having a joint savings account makes a lot of sense even though we’re not married yet. There are certain emergencies that affect both of us together and since we are currently also saving for a house down payment, it makes sense to me to make sure we are saving up for emergencies that come with home ownership and not just the down payment itself.

          I have my own personal emergency savings (and own savings towards other personal goals) in addition to our joint emergency savings (and other joint savings goals) because I recognize that 1) since we are not yet married there are certain “emergencies” that might currently only impact me, and 2) there are no certainties in life and something could happen either to one of us or to our relationship.

          My SO and also I signed a cohabitation agreement (yes, I’m a lawyer).

  5. Boston Corpor3tt3 meetup today at 6 pm at Charlie’s Kitchen in Harvard Square. If you’re interested in joining us and haven’t already emailed, please send a message to bostoncorpor3tte @ gmail (just substitute e’s for the 3’s)

  6. I’m having a terrible day today (this week has been pretty terrible in fact). I’m pregnant and this has not been a smooth pregnancy at all. There’ve been a lot of scary moments and we’re still not 100% sure the baby will be fine. That’s just incredibly stressful on its own. Then I found out around Christmas that my job will likely be going away just about when I get back from maternity leave in late spring. (I don’t think this is because of my maternity leave. I think it’s just bad luck on the timing.)

    So I’m trying to find a new job, which is not very easy when you’re visibly pretty darn pregnant. Also, my husband currently works for a start-up and he’s concerned the company isn’t doing well and that he might be back in the job market by fall. I’m a lawyer but my current job isn’t a legal job. I’ve been basically job hunting on and off for the last three years. I got laid off in 2011 and searched for nine months before finding my current job. It wasn’t what I wanted but I really didn’t want to have been out of work for a full year. My job before this one was technically legal but was really more of a policy position. I know that if my next job isn’t a legal one, I pretty much have to give up on being a lawyer. I’ll just have been out of practice for too long. My husband (an ex-lawyer) thinks I should focus more on non-legal jobs because the legal market is still terrible. Rationally, I know he’s right, but he hated being a lawyer and is glad to be out while I really enjoyed it. It’s just so hard to give up on something I worked hard to become. Especially because I did really well, going to a top school and then going to a top firm afterward. In fact, up until this job, my career was fairly impressive.

    Now I’ve been trying for about a year to find a new job (starting from before I got pregnant) and have had almost no luck at all. I’ve gotten some professional help in re-vamping my resume, but I don’t know if it’s helped. My background is just too all over the place now. Other people I know are able to find new jobs and every time I hear that this person or that person is going to some cool new job, I just feel like a total loser. After looking for so long, I just have trouble believing I’m going to find something else. This job was a bit of a come down for me and I feel like every job from now on will be one step down from the job before. Never mind the stress of worrying how we’ll afford a baby when both our jobs are in jeopardy.

    Meanwhile, my current job has been a disaster from day one. Not at all what was described to me. (And I didn’t even really want what was described to me — and this is even worse.) The whole job is basically trying to get my co-workers to play ball. My position is structured in a way that’s sort of outside the basic office structure and so none of my priorities are anyone else’s priorities and it’s impossible to get anyone to give me any of the information or resources I need to do my job. It’s all just been a game of trying different approaches to get the input I absolutely need to do what I’m supposed to do. It’s mindbendingly frustrating. On the one hand, I don’t believe it’s possible to be successful in my position because of the way it’s structured. On the other hand, I worry that it’s totally possible and I’ve just failed. Either way, I have to stick it out for the next two months or so until I go on leave. It’s just so hard to put in serious effort when my effort has never been successful, I know that the job is going away anyway, and I’m worried about my baby.

    Even though I know that I need to spend my evenings and weekends working on job applications, I feel so hopeless about it that all I want to do is escape into TV or a movie and not think about all of it. No resume I’ve sent out in the last three years has been successful, so why would one I send out now make any difference? Today especially I just want to spend the day curled up in bed crying.

    1. Big hugs! Where are you located? I am sure someone can take you out for juice or a v small glass of wine!

      First, do you have a time frame for when you will know about how the baby’s health will be? If so, I would try to be busy before that time so that you can try not to worry about it before then. (I had to do follow-up screening for one of my pregnancies and it was AWFUL waiting for results, unless I was super busy.)

      Second, ask your OB about depression during pregnancy. You are in a tough spot and all these worries plus hormones can really do a number on you. Your OB should be able to help you or refer you to a psychiatrist or therapist who can help.

      Third, I would talk to your DH about finances and jobs on a global scale. Not just your job being awful, but his company potentially going under. Is he looking yet? If not, should he be? It sounds like both of your jobs are uncertain right now. Should you be tightening up the budget or doing other things to prepare for the potential job loss(es?)?

      Fourth, if your job is definitely being eliminated, then I would start doing job applications etc. at work. Make your job less frustrating for you by doing something productive. If sending out resumes hasn’t really worked, go back to your network and start having lunch with people, etc. FWIW, although job hunting while pregnant is tough, I job hunted during maternity leave (at about 3 months post) and I think it does show employers that you are committed to work (because you already have a baby and you are job hunting!).

      Hugs!

    2. Hugs. I can’t say that I know exactly how you feel, but I was under a lot of personal and professional stress during my first pregnancy. It was really tough. What helped me was basically to compartmentalize the issues rather than trying to give emotional bandwidth to all of them at once. So I would try really hard to focus on the issue at hand – i.e. focus on work during the day, baby prep for certain short periods, etc.. I exercised every day, and that was my hour to think about nothing. At night, I would do a short yoga/meditation session and practice mentally setting aside everything that I was worrying about but couldn’t change or do anything about. It wasn’t perfect, but I got through it and all was well on the other side. For some reason, having a baby raises the emotional stakes, I think, so please be kind to yourself and reach out to someone appropriate when/if you need help.

    3. That sounds just so hard. I would want to curl up in a ball too! You have lots of good advice from others, but I just wanted to commiserate with you. It’s a tough spot. These things have a way of working out, but that’s not very helpful when you’re in the middle of the bad place! Good luck and I am rooting for you.

  7. Has anyone else had a partner who had difficulty performing on key nights while TTC? In my case, I don’t think it’s performance anxiety related to the TTC aspect, he just doesn’t consistently finish on nights where he is not the initiator. Plus because of our jobs we usually only do it on weekends, so he has trouble on weeknights where I suggest that we have s*x. I also asked him if I should keep the fertility timing to myself to reduce pressure, but he said it doesn’t matter.

    This is making me absolutely crazy and furious (about situation, not at DH) and sad and unable to sleep. I’m ready to TTC now (or have been for several years when financially we were too nervous to start), and I’m a year older than when I started, which was not that “young” in conception terms — I am over 35. I’m nervous to convey any of my feelings to DH, since it may make the performance issues worse. But for the past 12 months or so, I have been taking my folate, charting my temps and fluids, taking my LH tests around the middle of the month, and initiating s*x (which if I am honest I am not all that interested in to begin with, but I put on a good face, conception night or not), and then, on the night it matters most, we get halfway through, and then the garden hose quits. And then it’s another 30 f’ing days until the right night arrives, and it’s again a crapshoot. This week, he was fine the first two times I initiated, but these were (weekend) days where the likelihood of conception was lower, and then the next time, when the likelihood was much increased, he said “not tonight,” and then the next night — when we left our horrible jobs “early” (10:30pm) to get home to do it on the absolute last night that it would make a difference — it petered out. Again. (And because I went offline for an hour or two, I missed important emails, and I fully expect to get bitched out today.)

    Apologies for the rant and TMI, I just find this so amazingly frustrating, and I’m not sure we should even be approaching a fertility clinic since I can’t say that we’ve been having s*x “accurately” for the past 12 months when it has mattered, as we don’t always do it to completion. I’ve thought about going to a therapist, but it seems like such a stupid issue to hash out, and I don’t really have the time, anyway. And if I told DH I were seeing a therapist, I think he would guess why, and it might add to his performance anxiety, if that’s a factor….

    1. The swimmers can live for days (up to 5?) and really need to pre-positioned in order to do their intended job. So those “before” times do you much more good than something at/after the positive ovulation test. Depending on your cycle, I’d maybe make a point of saying that now’s not the time and maybe have some fun practicing time (and then do just that). And maybe forget (or “forget”) to test?

      If it’s just this issue, this may be the solution.

      1. Actually, the ovulation test tells you that you’re about to ovulate not that you have ovulated so the before days are not likely to result in a pregnancy.

        Is your DH completely on board with TTC? If so, you may need to be a little more assertive and tell him that “not tonight” is not an option. It would be wise to have DH see a urologist to rule out any hormone imbalance or physical problem that is the root of his issues.

    2. I haven’t TTC yet (I’m not even married), so I can’t say that I have any first-hand advice. But, it does seem like you are both super stressed, which definitely makes it difficult. I know you are afraid to broach this with your DH because you think it might make it worse, but are you both on the same page about having a kid? Maybe it’s a subconscious thing for him, meaning that maybe he really isn’t ready or doesn’t want to be a father. I’m not saying that it’s at all, but it seems worth it to me to try to talk with him about it because it doesn’t seem like it could get much worse from your point of view.

      So sorry!

    3. The rule that you have to be trying to conceive for 12 months doesn’t apply if you are in your 30s. I would get thee to a doctor.

      It sounds like something is going on. Discussing it with your partner is very important.

      It may not be psychological. Could taking a viagra earlier in the day when you’re ovulating make a difference?

    4. This is a tough one. It could be any number of things. I would suggest, first, that your husband see a doctor to rule out any physical problems. You never know! Second, is he familiar with all of the details of charting, etc? I used OPKs and checked CM during our TTC phase, but I didn’t mention any of it to DH. The details made me feel good, and him feel like a sp3rm donor. Third, as another poster said, it is really more important to have s3x on the days before ovulation, so make sure you’re doing that (I’m sure you know this). Overall, I think you probably need to have a frank discussion with him about how he is feeling – maybe that will help you make some adjustments and have a plan going forward.

      1. Also, the Taking Charge of Your Fertility book recommends involving your partner in your charting. He could hand you the thermometer, or write down the temp when you read it, or check some of the other data points. I think that’s really good advice. I can see how he could just feel like a “s. donor” if he doesn’t feel involved. I had my DH read the main chapters so he knew how everything worked.

  8. Ladies–I’ll spare you the dramatic backstory, but how do you deal with the (very young/not professional) head of a school club that is simply out of control? We’re in grad school–I’m older/have professional experience, and the woman in question “went straight thru.”

    This is what I’ve tried so far: writing back polite email responses to her objectively rude emails, dodging meetings which are undoubtedly going to be horrid (she likes to hold “reprimand” meetings, where she excoriates volunteers for not following her [uncommunicated] directions) or just smiling and keeping my mouth shut when in meetings.

    I am really trying to distance myself from this woman, but the fact remains that she is determined to “win” and have a personality conflict and “lord” it over all of us (hardworking, non-confrontational) volunteers. She’s objectively bat$hit and unprofessional, but she _thinks_ she’s being professional, because, for instance, she has agendas for these types of meetings. (An agenda to yell at us and flaut that she’s the President, and she’s in charge! )

    My dilemma is that two days after my prior two back-to-back reprimand meetings, she has scheduled a new one. The scheduling via email was painful and drawn out–I’m having a crazy week–and frankly, these meetings don’t accomplish anything except her yelling at me. There’s not even anything new to discuss since our last meeting–it’s only been a few days.

    What to do? Resign? Attend the next meeting where she yells at me again? For now, I have punted, telling her I cannot meet until next week. I really want to remain a part of this organization so that I can help lead it next year (and make it much better–I have professional experience which is highly relevant). Also, I want to keep this club on my resume….

    Would love advice on how to cope. Thanks!

    I have done, literally, nothing, since our prior reprimand meetings other than send her a polite response to her query for a status update.

    1. I would definitely stand up to her about this. Is there anyway you can get other members to back you up? This is seems absolutely disrespectful and ridiculous. Let her know that you think her meetings are not accomplishing the goals of the organization and that you all will not continue to let her put you down when all you want to do is good things for the club.

    2. Ugh — the stakes here seem to be too low for the drama.

      If someone were to yell at me, I would say something like “Let me know when your’re ready to talk civilly,” as I was walking out the door. And I would go on about my business and take care of my responsibilities. I bet if you stand up for yourself publicly, you’ll be the first person but you won’t be the last.

    3. Wow, she sounds like a b1tch, but I don’t know why you need to reference that she “went straight through.” So did a lot of us, and we would never have acted in such a heinous way. If anything I always would have appreciated someone who had relevant experience to whatever I was trying to do.

      1. I reference this because she is “play-acting” at what she believes is professional, but it’s not professional. She’s confused due to lack of work experience. Having a padfolio and agenda and speaking clearly does not a professional make.

        I don’t think that younger/less experienced classmates are ipso facto less professional, but it’s my theory on why this particular woman is. I hope I did not overly offend by drawing this distinction. Apologies if I did.

        Keep the advice coming!

        1. She’s not “confused because of lack of work experience”. She’s a controlling maniac. Do you honestly believe that every person who doesn’t have work experience acts like this? And if so, how does it ever happen that people keep their first job for more than 3 months?

    4. Dude, why is it that you’re not RAWRing back? You have professional experience, yes? You’ve dealt with crummy coworkers, yes? Like Math Chick says, the stakes are so low. You can literally yell at her (not that it’s a good idea for everyone). DO SOMETHING.

      Walk in. “Oh, is this another meeting where you’re just going to whine? Call me when you have a real meeting with an actionable agenda. Peace.” Say something like that IN PUBLIC, in front of others. You don’t have to be abused by her.

    5. Why are you even attending or scheduling these meetings? As Godzilla says – respond with ‘I don’t see this as a good use of my time, please let me know when the next meeting with a substantive agenda is scheduled’. I’m usually not a fan of reply all – but maybe do so in this situation?

      1. OH THE HUMANITY! (ellen caps intended)

        More backstory – I should add that this last meeting is (i) special for me only, but will be 2 on 1 because SHE WANTS A WITNESS (wha?) ; (ii) she will not tell me the agenda, despite repeated requests; (iii) although we chatted on the phone, finally, to schedule, she STILL would not tell me the agenda. (iv) she expects the meeting to last ten minutes but we’ve spend at least thirty scheduling and (v) I have asked her to just send me the necessary next tasks for the project we are working on but she will not, as “meeting in person” is “the only way forward.”

        HEADDESK.

        Frankly, this woman is a CRAZY BULLY. I have a co-representative and he also thinks she’s BAT$hit, and he is going to come to the meeting with me, but I have been thinking more and more that going to the meeting at all is just fueling the flames for this crazy-pants.

        1. You absolutely should not go to this meeting.

          This person is not your boss or a professor. She has no authority or right to reprimand you. I think you should email her and say that you’re not attending a meeting for which there is no agenda or purpose. Repeat your request that she communicate the necessary next tasks. And at the next general meeting, if she behaves in any way that’s unprofessional, tell her straight out that it’s unprofessional and that you will not tolerate being spoken to in such a manner. If she continues, leave and tell her to let you know when she’s ready to behave like a professional. Let the faculty advisor know why you’re leaving.

          I find it hard to believe that any school club is worth letting someone behave like this, even if you’re interested in it. Is there some reason why you can’t rejoin next year?

        2. Why would you even entertain the thought if going to this meeting? Stand up to her or resign and get involved again next year when she is out of leadership. You could also look at the bylaws and figure out how to remove her! Put that backbone of yours to use!

    6. Have you considered talking to a faculty advisor or dean’s office administrator or similar?

      1. I think I will. That’s probably best. Thanks for all of the suggestions. I can’t even believe I have spent this much emotional energy on this woman. What a crazy time suck.

      2. Yup. Every faculty member associated with my program would be enraged if one of their students was acting like this in a leadership role, and would absolutely want to know about it YESTERDAY. Because it reflects on them.

        Other than that, I agree with what everyone else has said. There’s no reason for you to take that kind of abuse in such a low-stakes setting. And I’m wracking my brain to think of what kind of grad-level club would be that awesome on your resume that quitting isn’t an option, if managing her behavior/your responses doesn’t work.

        1. +1

          Get out of this. I mean…. why? This can’t be worth it. No one will remember in 2 years if you were in this club.

    7. Do you need this for resume purposes? If not, resign. Just the time you spent typing your question and watching these responses is an absurd amount of time to spend stressing about personality conflicts in an extracurricular club.

      1. yeah, this, i think you’re spending too much time on this crazy person. And people like this only get away with it because other people are willling to show up to meetings and put up with their abuse.

        If i were you i’d spend your time thinking of other things you could do that would build your resume just as well. Internship? Get on the board of a local non-profit organization? Found your own chapter of a national non-profit org? There are lots of ways to get professionally relevant experience for your resume.

        Sorry you are dealing with this nutjob!!

    8. I feel you. I had someone pull this on me my 3L year, because she felt she HAD to be pres, and could do it better than me (who had been part of the organization since my 1L year and done a lot for it, and was friendly with all the members, and not just her small group of 5 1L friends who all secretly hated her by the end of 2L year but were too chicken to say it to her face/publicly). I got the brunt of it because she thought i was “in her way” but she basically treated everybody (who she deemed not be someone who could provide her with something) like crap.

      She made anything I had to do for the org unfun, dread anything to do with the org, and put an awful pallor on everything having to do with that org and basically undermined everything I did, which was whatever. She still thinks that she is/was more “professional” but basically, b1tches be b1tches and eventually it’s not gonna fly.

      By the time I graduated and had moved onto real life, it came out that everybody else hated her too once they got to know her better.

      Advice: JSFAMO. Get what you need out of your involvement, but know that in the end, it’s going to bite her in the @ss.

      (oh, and she had work experience before law school too)

    9. Take a sabatical from the group. Tell them in a nice email that other commitments have come up that must take precedence, and for the good of the organization you need to step back until you can give it your full attention, etc. Your sabatical should be exact length of time that this woman is in a leadership position. You can return next year when she’s gone, and you don’t have to pull it off of your resume.

    10. It might actually be helpful to know what kind of grad school. From what you write it sounds like an MBA program. In that case a faculty adviser might be helpful because they are nominally there to foster future leaders and this “leader” needs a significant course correction. Even then I’d still probably quit. MBA extracurriculars are notorious for only being a big deal to MBA students. What is your end goal of being involved in this extracurricular? Can you accomplish this on your own (e.g. Networking in your industry of choice by calling up alumni of your program)? Can you accomplish it by taking a step back from leadership in this organization and just be a member? It is a useful life skill to learn how to tell off bullies, so maybe that is what you will learn from this organization as you stand up for yourself for a predetermined period of time before you quit if things don’t improve.

      If you are a phd student or a masters in anything but business, quit the club. It is a distraction from your real work and no one looks at extracurriculars on your resume anyway. Not sure about law school.

      1. Unless it’s a journal (and it doesn’t sound like it is) I can’t think of any clubs in law school that would be worth this kind of nonsense. Unless you’re providing some kind of public service (e.g., Street Law) and even then I’d say just do a clinic or something and help people that way.

        1. +1.

          Or start your own similar club if it’s really all that necessary. If she is the head of the Cosmetics Law Society, you can start the Cosmetics Legal Awareness Committee.

  9. So, it’s cold here in DC. Not compared to other areas, I know, but I have decided to bite the bullet and buy a down coat. I have a 45-minute walking commute in the morning, and spend time at the dog park, and it’s been a bit miserable. I’m hoping r e t t e s can help me narrow down my options below.

    FWIW, I’m looking for a WARM coat (that will keep me comfortable down to 0 degrees Fahrenheit without a ton of layers underneath…like, with tights, flats, dress, thin sweater). At or below the knees (I’m 5’3″). With a hood. Ideally under $250 but I could stretch to $350ish for something perfect. A slimmer fit would be nice.

    Options are:

    1. Patagonia Downtown Loft. Pros: slim fit, good length, hood. Cons: Some bad reviews on backcountry.com.

    2. Patagonia Down with It. Pros: slim fit, good length, hood. Potential con: I’m not sure if it would be warm enough?

    3. North Face Metropolis. Pros: Good length, hood. Cons: Some bad reviews on backcountry.com, seems bulky and less slim fitting.

    4. North Face Miss Metro. Pros: Good reviews, looks cute, hood. Cons: Seems like it may be short. And I’m not sure it if would be warm enough?

    5. Land’s End Down Chalet Long Coat. Pros: Good reviews, good length, hood, GREAT price. Cons: Land’s End tends to be bulky.

    Thoughts?

    1. I would add the Patagonia Tres – I just got it and it is WARM.

      Also, sorry to break it to you, but you will not be warm if you are wearing tights and flats. Your legs and feet will be freezing. You need some fleece lined tights and boots!

      1. I was just about to write exactly what Diana Berry did. I also bought the Patagonia Tres about a month ago and it is VERY warm! And you need either lined tights and boots, or pants and boots.

      2. Yes to the Patagonia Tres Parka. I bought mine last winter, and have raved about how amazing it is on here a few times. It’s toasty, and I live somewhere that gets quite cold (-40 happens here…). And, I am 5’3, and it’s probably three inches above my knees? Perfect length. And the shape is very flattering, and the down liner zips out so you can wear it when it’s not freezing and just rainy!

        I love this jacket so much. So much.

        You should also look into boot liners- sheepskin or thermal or something. An extra layer to keep the cold from coming up to your feet through your boots. I buy new ones every year, they’re great.

        1. Can you recommend some super warm gloves (gloves not mittens) that would be good for those types of crazy temps? I live where it gets cold but not absurdly so, but will be traveling to the Great White North fairly regularly going forward (for work), and would like some gloves to pair with my Tres Parka.

          1. So, what you’re saying is, I can bring/wear my snowboarding gloves and no one will think the lesser of me :) because that works for me!

            Thanks!

          2. When it’s really cold, you need mittens, if it’s freezing, no one will judge you for mittens. And if they do, they’re the crazy ones.

            I have a pair of cashmere lined leather gloves, and a pair of shearling mittens, they’re from the Old Hide House, which is probably not very accessible to you, as it’s in Acton, Ontario, but the shearling mittens are the warmest ever, so if you can find shearling mittens, get them for toasty fingers. My gloves are also pretty warm, but honestly, not great below -10C, because fingers need to be touching to be warm.

          3. I totally understand that mittens are warmer than gloves, but it’s not a fear of judgment – i have an actual, tactical reason for needing use of my fingers!

          4. If you really need warm gloves, other than the cashmere lined leather ones, I think the only warmer option is ski gloves.

            If I needed my fingers outside, I’d try to find shearlings that have half-fingers and the mitten top that flips off, so you can pull out a finger or two as needed, then put the mitten part back on. Just make sure the top that the flip porton fits securely, or ties with a button or snap or something. They’re awful for playing in snow, you get snow all in your fingers, but if you’re not actually playing in snow, they’re fine.

      3. Ha, good point, I do have a pair of taller black Ugg-knockoff boots I wear to work, but I haven’t yet moved from regular to fleece-lined tights. My usual coat is the J. Crew Lady Day and I guess my issue is, I don’t really mind the cold knees part but it doesn’t keep my core warm enough on the way to work.

        The Patagonia Tres looks amazing but a bit above my price range at this point, and from pictures it seems it isn’t particularly long…I have a lot of skirts that go to knee length and I’d love something that length. Maybe I’ll have to try on.

    2. I have the shorter version of the Land’s End Down Chalet Coat. I’m in the Boston Area. The temps are in the single digits and the windchill is negative. I love my coat. It keeps me very warm and I don’t think it’s especially bulky. The North Face coats seem bulkier to me, although my only experience with them is sitting next to people wearing them on the T.

      I got my coat for Xmas last year. And it’s basically the only thing I wear when the temps drop below 25. I even skied in it last year! Also, I love the hood and the color. Mine’s a cherry red. When it’s this cold, I don’t think I need to settle for basic black.

    3. I would go with the Lands End (because of the price) since you won’t be needing this coat for more than a few weeks every winter. My other pick would be the Metropolis- I see tons of women wearing that coat and I think it actually is flattering and looks very warm. I have an old version of the North Face Transit, which is the same material as the metropolis, but shorter and not as streamlined, and it’s very warm.

    4. I own the Land’s End long down chalet coat. Pros–cheap, great pockets, warm, good hood, neck is really toasty and comfy. Cons–not particularly shape-specific–it is a long sleeping bag coat with a slightly defined waist that you can define a bit more. I wore it today in the single-digits and I was toasty, but it’s not particularly cute. Also, I initially got it in green and looked like the Jolly Green Giant (mostly bc I am almost 6 ft tall), so switched to black. Black is much better.

    5. I have the Isis Snow Queen. Originally purchased for somewhere much colder, but now I’m in DC and have a similar walking commute + dog-related outside time. It is very warm (you should be able to compare various jackets based on down fill). I love the hood: down hood w/removable fake fur trim. The fake fur helps a lot with wind and keeps the hood on my head better.

      However, I am 5’8” and the jacket is just above my knees. My knees and thighs get so cold (numb) in pants, jeans, fleece-lined tights +skirt when it is as cold as it is right now. If you currently get this cold in whatever jacket you have, you might consider getting a longer coat.

      1. I have this same coat and love it.

        I will argue that the length is perfect. I’m also 5’8 and if the coat were any longer, it would get in the way of my stride and/or add unnecessary bulk.

        I solve the ‘cold legs’ problme by frequently doing tights/fleece lined tights with leg warmers over them. Extra bonus- the leg warmers keep your tights from getting salt splash on the back of ’em!

        1. I don’t want a longer jacket (I’m not buying another and have the same stride concern), so thanks for the legwarmer tips. That was just a warning to the OP. I think I may have poor circulation, too, and get unusually cold.

          I also love the pockets in this jacket, forgot to mention. At least one inside, and then three on each outside side–one larger without lining (tissues/dog pick up bags), one smaller lined (phone/keys), and lined handwarmer pockets, which are sometimes the only way I can keep my hands warm (especially if my gloves/mittens have been off to pick up after the dog).

    6. Sorry for the double post, my replies keep ending up new threads.

      I’m in NYC and I just couldn’t deal with the cold this year, so one day I ran to Macy’s and picked up a down coat. I ended up with a DKNY one (the warmest one I tried on) and it has been amazing. The only place I feel the cold is my legs between my boots and my coat. I am a serial layerer though. Today I am wearing a tank top, Uniqlo fleece lined heat tech top (highly recommend!), a cable knit turtle neck, wool skit, 2 pair of tights (I need to get some fleece lined ones) and knee high boots. I also recommend boots instead of flats. I have an uber warm pair of Lands End snow boots, fur throughout the boot, waterproof bottom for snowy days, and warm knee high boots for regular days.

    7. I have been wearing the LE coat you mentioned all week in DC and it’s fabulous. Previously wore it for three years in Boston, which has this kind of weather all the time. Mine is a size too big, but if you size down it shouldn’t be too bulky.

    8. I previously had a Land’s End coat and I didn’t find it too bulky when compared to other similar coats (though I can’t speak to the ones on your list). I called it my “sleeping bag” coat because it was so long, so warm and kinda puffy. But when walking near the water daily in NYC, it was perfect. Plus, it had fleece-lined pockets, a nice touch that kept my hands extra warm.

    9. I own the Chalet. It’s bulkyish, but I’m in Boston and when it’s cold here, I want to be warm. I’d wear a clown costume on my commute if it meant I was toasty warm.

      I only wear this coat maybe 10x /year, so I was pretty pleased with the purchase given the cost of the alternatives. Maybe if I were in my youth, bar hopping until 3am and whatnot, I’d have sprung for something slightly more stylish. But this mama just needs to get from the train station to her office and back home!

    10. If’s its 0 to 20 degrees F out, then a coat is not going to be magic. You need to have warm shoes for your feet and at least two layers on top under your coat (sweater and silk long underwear for instance.

      I also agree with the comments above about going for the LE coat – cheap and warm for the few periods when you need it. Then you’ll have money left over for some warm LE boots. Flats aren’t going to cut it.

      Now, if you were working on steady diet of below 10 degree temps (as we are here), you might match that cost per wear with one of the other coats.

    11. I’m petite also and I just got the ultra light down hooded coat from Uniqlo (currently on sale for 60 bucks!) and I looooove it. It is light as a feather and has a hood that stays on, and I’ve been pretty warm in NYC the last few weeks during some very cold weather with minimal layers.

  10. Hey ladies, regular commenter, anon for this. DH was fired yesterday and wants to meet with an (plaintiffs) employment lawyer. Any NYC recs? TIA.

    1. Do you think that there’s something actionable there?

      Even there is, I’d never recommend that route if you are at all employable somewhere else (and then I’d get there ASAP). I’ve seen a ton of cases where something bad may have happened, but in an at-will employment situation, these are loser cases (so hopefully a good lawyer will say that ASAP, but so many just don’t seem to be) that just leave the plaintiff bitter, humiliated, and worse off in every possible way.

      1. Agreed; we dont think there’s anything actionable; just trying to determine whether DH should accept severence package or resign (he was dismissed but termination is not effective til Feb 1). Would a lawyer be able to help us? Mostly DH wants to cover his bases before walking away.

        1. What would advantage be to resigning?

          Does severance package come with a recommendation (will he get a good one, ie this was an economic decision, or a bad one, ie for cause and no comment)?

        2. Yes — in that case, I think a good lawyer can help. I think it would be helpful to be upfront when calling for a consultation that you want help reviewing a severance agreement and understanding its consequences (can you get unemployment if you resign? what do you give up if you sign a waiver (usually part of a severance package) and take the $?).

          IMO, it’s a bit tidier to explain to a new employer that you were let go as opposed to resigning, especially in this climate. (Your husband’s situation doesn’t sound like “being fired,” I reserve that for when people are let go 100% and walked out the door.)

          Good luck!

    2. Jonathan Ben-Asher at Ritz Clark & Ben-Asher is excellent, as is John Beranbaum at Beranbaum Menken. Good luck!

      1. And yes, you should definitely talk with an employment lawyer — it’s just generally a good idea to have one look over the severance package and agreement, help negotiate other terms if they are appropriate for you, and just generally help you understand your rights.

  11. I’m in NYC and I just couldn’t deal with the cold this year, so one day I ran to Macy’s and picked up a down coat. I ended up with a DKNY one (the warmest one I tried on) and it has been amazing. The only place I feel the cold is my legs between my boots and my coat. I am a serial layerer though. Today I am wearing a tank top, Uniqlo fleece lined heat tech top (highly recommend!), a cable knit turtle neck, wool skit, 2 pair of tights (I need to get some fleece lined ones) and knee high boots. I also recommend boots instead of flats. I have an uber warm pair of Lands End snow boots, fur throughout the boot, waterproof bottom for snowy days, and warm knee high boots for regular days.

  12. Ladies,

    I am wondering how to give advice tactfully. I know to step away after giving it, and I’m likely just planting a seed in someone else’s head.

    Our nanny is 21 years old and is getting married this spring. She comes from a very poor family and I just learned she is giving all of her paycheck to her fiance for savings for when they get married while she is living with her grandparents, who themselves live (barely) only off social security. Her fiance is very nice – not worried about any sketchiness there – but is also very poor.

    I grew up in a fairly low-income environment myself and know how much the financial decisions she makes in the next 5 years can affect her. I am also fairly concerned about the fact that she doesn’t seem to have her own accounts at all.

    I’d like to get her set up (1) with basic investing, maybe an IRA, that she can have long after us, and (2) with some knowledge about having her own emergency account. But I don’t want to sound too preachy. I think she’d be fairly open to this.

    Does anyone have any advice on how to broach this topic tactfully with someone?

    1. There used to be something called a SIMPLE that was for very small employers to offer retirement benefits to employees. Somewhere like Vanguard can probably help you set up one for her (or its equivalent).

      And please say that you’re paying her on the books and withholding taxes — having her be eligible for social security when she’s older is a huge gift that you will be giving her (plus: not putting your family at risk for nanny tax audits).

    2. “Nanny,you must be super excited about the wedding! It’s a big step! Have you thought about how the two of you will handle your finances? I totally get that this is super none of my business, but there are some financial things I wish I’d known when I was a newlywed that would have made things a little easier both at the beginning and in the long run. I’d be happy to share some ideas if you’re interested. If not, that’s perfectly great, too, of course. I know you must be super excited about the whole thing!”

    3. When you say that she doesn’t seem to have her own accounts at all, do you mean investments or literally nothing? Because if she literally has nothing, I think a more appropriate first step would be a basic savings and checking account. If she seems capable of being responsible with credit, you could get her set up on a credit card so that she could begin building a credit history. That’s a double-edged sword, though.

      Also, is there a reason she does not have any accounts? I ask because I knew someone who didn’t because they didn’t want to put their under-the-table income into a bank account to avoid tax fraud flags (note, I have no idea whether that works or not, but that’s was her reasoning). In her case, it was because her income was made illegally (prostitution), but it could also be the case for someone who was in the US illegally, or?. It’s worth asking her. If she distrusts banks, maybe get her started with a credit union, for example.

      It sounds like she and her fiancé *are* saving and understand the importance of having savings, so as long as you don’t approach the conversation as assuming they don’t know or don’t care, I think they’d be appreciative. As someone literally living paycheck to paycheck, they may appreciate the advice but not have the available cash flow to do anything about it, so don’t be offended if they don’t take action on your advice.

    4. I would give her a copy of Nice Girls Finish Rich. It’s a great book with an intro to personal finance, but a bunch of the book is also dedicated to how important it is that women independently manage their own finances, so they are not dependent on men in their lives (fathers, husbands, etc.).

  13. Threadjack:

    Has anyone here done the SAHM thing, either permanently or temporarily? I”ve read threads on how to maintain your network while staying at home, and that sort of thing, but i’m more interested in how you managed maintaining your sense of identity without working outside the home (especially if, like me, you are a former workaholic atty), how you dealt with SAHM feelings of isolation, managing the financial piece, and generally whether it was a good decision or something you regret.

    I’d love to hear thoughts on this…

    1. I was a SAHM for six months and I found it to be brutally hard. Housework, caring for children, the relentless tidal wave of laundry and dishes and picking up toys – it was really hard work. It was wonderful to have the time with my kids and I think it was good for my whole family, but it was not good for me personally. And the funny thing is that even though I do most of that stuff while maintaining a job, having a job made it easier for me to handle the housework.

      I do have a few thoughts on how to make it better, though:

      1) Be really explicit with your spouse about what work he will take on. It was really easy for DH and I to fall into a very stereotypical division of labor where I took care of the children and did all the housework and he just had his job. (He’s also a workaholic type, which contributed here.) Even if you do more work at home, you still need help and support in managing the children and the house.

      2) Set up routines – for example, get up every morning, shower, dress, and take the kids to school. Getting out of the house is KEY.

      3) Find other SAHMs and be really assertive about setting up playdates or other times to connect.

      4) Make dinner first. I would try to make dinner as soon as the breakfast dishes were done so that I would feel liberated to have more of the afternoon to do fun things. The crockpot is your friend.

      5) Make sure your budget includes some childcare. I made the mistake of thinking that because I was at home, I didn’t need to have a babysitter and could just cover all the childcare on my own. Big mistake. You need time to yourself for exercise, to pay the bills, for general sanity. This will vary depending on the ages of your kids, but with two little children, like I had, it was virtually impossible to get stuff done with them both in the house. If you have a 3-4 year old, you should also make sure that your budget includes some preschool or some form of early childhood education.

      6) Make an effort to do something besides be a SAHM. Volunteer work is usually what people suggest, but I actually think it’s more helpful to do something connected to your long-term career plans because a) for most women, you don’t SAH forever, and b) it’s so helpful for your psyche and self-esteem to stay connected to the competent professional part of you.

      Good luck!

    2. I haven’t done it– closest I came was going part time for a few years, and my maternity leaves. Almost all my neighborhood friends are SAHMs though. It seems to me that their main outlets are social stuff with each other, and volunteering at the school. That second one becomes like a job, and generally I think they get more interaction with normal people in a day than I do as an in house lawyer. The younger SAHMs with the babies and toddlers seem more lost, more bored– the answer there seems to be finding good mommy and me groups and scheduling lots of activities. I failed at that and was never very happy back then, probably a big reason why I never quit to SAH (that and $).

    3. Thanks, this is all excellent information.

      I’m on month 5 of an extended mat leave right now and am really, really, loving it. There are definitely some hard days, and hard parts of every day, but overall it’s been wonderful. It has been key for me to have a routine, get out of the house every day, have 1 “activity” per day (mommy group, story hour, baby yoga, etc), get dinner done or at least prepped in the morning, and connect with other moms. Still working on finding time to exercise, but if thus were permanent, I would probably join a gym with child care so I could have an hour to work out a few times a week.

      I’m feel like I’m still waiting for the other shoe to drop though… It can’t really bd this great, right??! I’m a little worried I’m going to commit to it and then start hating my life.

      This is rambling, but if anyone had any other experiences to share, I’d really love to hear them.

      1. I think you should think of it more the way others recommend thinking of any possibly-imperfect childcare arrangement: you’ll do it for X months and then reassess. You say you know about the importance of keeping up contacts, networking, etc., so make sure to keep doing that. Maybe tell your contacts that you’re on X months of maternity leave, or you’re SAHM for X amount of time, so that they can keep thinking of you as one-foot-in-the-workforce. That might not be appropriate — YMMV. FWIW, I think it’s worth going back to work for 3-6 months after your maternity leave ends before quitting, but mostly so that you can experience working with a baby at home. (At the same time, I met a woman who took a 7-year maternity leave, had all her kids, and went back to her old employer who took her back at her old salary after a 7 year leave.) Good luck!

  14. I know I’m not the first to post a grammar rant on here, but grrr just have seen too many today. It’s “free rein” not “free reign” (because it comes from giving your horse freedom to move its head). It’s “I wish I had” not “I wish I would of” or even “I wish I would’ve.” It’s “I’m going to go lie down” not “I’m going to go lay down.” (Should I just give up on lie/lay? It’s completely out of control these days!) And, Washington Post reporter from that article yesterday, it’s “it’s unclear who her lawyer will be” not “it’s unclear whom her lawyer will be.” Nice try, though. (Because the lawyer is doing the being. It’s the subject, not the object. Subject = who. Object = whom. Who/whom is used correctly more often by ESL speakers these days anyway so, reporter, you’re better off just giving up on it and using who. Most native speakers don’t know the difference anyway.)

    1. Also, “sneak peek, ” not “sneak peak.” Unless you’re planning to sneak in a mountain.

    2. This is a post after my own heart! I try to give people a bit of slack when they’re posting on the internet (sometimes even I find myself typing “know” instead of “no”, but really, some mistakes are so pervasive it makes me shudder:

      i.e.

      “tow the line” instead of the correct “toe the line” (this comes from cross country or tennis where your toe needs to remain behind a line – it’s not about towing some kind of rope)

      “phase” instead of “faze” (as in “it doesn’t faze me when my boss goes on a rant”)

      “loose” instead of “lose” (so common that I hardly even expect to see it correct anymore)

      Anyone have any others??

      1. “shoe in” when it should be “shoo in” (as in, you’re such a lock to get in that you just get shooed right in–I have no idea where people thing “shoe in” comes from)

        In any event, spelling/grammar check makes all of this knowledge a MOO point ;)

      2. “Phase” in place of “faze” is one of my worst pet peeves, and EVERYONE seems to do it.

    3. Bill Bryson did a Dictionary of Troublesome words – things people THINK they know, but only kind of half know. Which go more towards “toe/tow the line” and “phase/faze” than correct grammar.

      The one that I remember the most is “jury rig vs jerry built”, Jury rig being the clever temporary solution you came up with to solve a problem, and jerry built being a degratory term (referring to Germans) for poorly constructed.

      1. I cannot explain how much the “phase” one drives me crazy. “Loose” could be a typo and “tow the line” may be an unfamiliar reference for people who don’t participate in sports. But there’s no excuse for mixing up “phase” and “faze”. They don’t look remotely alike and the words are not related.

        1. I kind of enjoy “phase” but that is because I imagine that they’re trying to tell me that the situation didn’t stun them with a phaser :)

      2. I’ve heard “jury rig” and “jerry rig” and another version from my racist redneck relatives. Never heard “jerry built.”

        1. I’m guessing you mean n-rig? I’ve also heard that, and it shocks me every time (deep south, y’all).

        2. I believe that “jerry rig” is a conflation of the jury rig/jerry built. And also the term that the ex bf knew (and was VERY insistent was the correct one).

    4. Isn’t “it’s unclear who her lawyer will be” correct? If you turn it around (Who her lawyer will be is unclear), who works.

      If it’s an object of a transitive verb (“You sued whom?” “Whom did you sue?”) or the object of a prepsition, I think that whom is correct. “He is the one to whom I sent the bill.” But this isn’t that.

      Or is this more nuanced still?

      1. Yes, you’re exactly right. The reporter did the opposite and said “it’s unclear whom her lawyer will be.”

        1. Thanks! I didn’t always go to US schools, so I’m constantly overthinking things relating to wording. And when I overthink, my reading comprehension seems to take a nosedive. :)

    5. Yes. This is why I think two years of Latin should be mandatory in elementary school, but I realized that will never happen.

    6. I really don’t like needless and improper uses of “myself.” Also, you try to be on time, you don’t try and be on time.

      1. ugh yes, I hate it when people use “myself” when they should use “me” or “I.” And I also hate it when people use “I” when they should use “me.” Sometimes “me” is the correct answer, people!

    7. I’m trying to cut down on my grammar rants because I think it’s unattractive in most contexts. But…

      The one that drives. me. insane. is “walla!” or “wallah!” for “voila!”

      Gah.

      It’s French, people.

      It’s French.

      1. Another pet peeve. Though my daughter wrote a story with “wha-la!” in it when she should have used “voila”. She was 10 years old. We thought it was cute at the time.

        1. It’s totally cute when a 10year old does it. When a grown man does it on his online dating profile????

          Not. cute.

          1. *second-guessing self because “fantastic” is not precisely a synonym for “really great”*

          2. …although certainly many of the entries on the list are “odd and remarkable; bizarre; grotesque.”

    8. Not quite the same thing, but I detest “gift” as a verb. As in, “I was gifted a lovely bag.” Stop! We already have a verb for that, it’s “give”!

    9. One of my clients consistently refers to me in emails as his “council” — gah!

  15. Confession:

    I have a really hard time with lunch if my DH doesn’t make me a great sandwich. He got on this great kick to have healthy lunches, and made us both healthy turkey sandwiches for a few months. With sprouts, cheese, on healthy bread, etc.

    But now that he’s not doing that any more, I’m back to running to Wendy’s and Taco Bell. It’s cheap and filling, but not good. Or tuna kits that I buy at the store.

    What are some good healthy lunch suggestions that are cheap and filling and take minimal effort at home the previous day? I’ll take leftovers from the previous dinner if we have them, but we don’t often have them. (DH likes to eat them for breakfast.)

    1. Can’t you make yourself a great sandwich? It takes a few minutes and minimal effort, so that fits your requirements.

      1. I’m looking for something that takes less effort than making a sandwich.

        Yes, it just takes a little time. I understand making a sandwich isn’t the most complicated thing in the world. But I just can’t seem to get it done. I’m good at all other meals, and eating healthily and cheaply. I’m just really bad at lunch.

        1. For me it’s about the prep ahead of time and similar to the vegetarian meals we were discussing up thread.

          I have existing ingredients i get together on the weekends:
          – make a big pot of quinoa in the rice cooker, put in the fridge
          – buy Trader Joe’s precooked strips of chicken: Just Chicken
          – have precut frozen veggies in the freezer

          For lunch the night before I get a smaller tupperware, put some quinoa, a few pieces of chicken, some veggies and other things like maybe nuts and dried fruit. sprinkle some salt/pepper and maybe add a little bit of some kind of sauce. take it, throw it in the microwave to heat up.

          You can do this and switch up the kinds of veggies you use and the flavors/sauce to make it different.

          Example: mexican style, add pinto beans (from a can), salsa, shredded cheese.
          indian style: pistachios and raisins with the veggies, add some curry powder and top with chutney. Bring yogurt seperately for a topping if you want.

          You can do it with rice instead of quinoa, but I would recommend brown rice since it’s more filling.

    2. Once a week I try to make a big batch of quinoa (or rice), roast some veggies (squash, sweet potatoes, carrots, cauliflower, broccoli and root vegetables work the best), and chop up other veggies (if they need chopping – some things like cherry tomatoes don’t). If I know that I’m cooking one of these items for dinner then I’ll just make extra. Otherwise I just cook a batch up on the weekend. In the morning I can just grab a container and put in a scoop of various ingredients to make a quick salad/veggie bowl.

      I also sometimes will purchase a couple of the pre-packaged salads from Trader Joe’s or Whole Foods so that in a pinch I can just grab one of those. Additionally, I keep a couple cans of soup at work so that if I forget my lunch I don’t end up eating out.

        1. Great minds, Zora.

          It’s easy (to me if feels easier than making sandwiches), delicious, and doesn’t feel like you’re eating the same thing every day since you can change up the toppings!

          1. Exactly! It’s awesome how a different sauce or topping can make the same ingredients feel like a different meal. ;o) I also am in lurv with TJs salads.

      1. The Trader Joe’s salads are delicious but many of them are not any healthier than a fast food meal. I always try to pack my lunches the night before and use leftovers or put together quinoa, beans and veggies. In a pinch, I make my own healthier lunchables with whole wheat crackers, deli meat, string cheese and raw veggies.

        1. Ok, i’m sorry but this has been said before here and I really honestly don’t understand. No snark here at all. But why is a TJs salad not healthier than fast food?

          Most of them are a pile of raw greens, various veggies, sometimes a grain, and a small handful of chicken on top. Granted, they have a large volume of dressing included, but I don’t ever use the whole thing. I get that the dressing might include a lot of calories, but I don’t see how a salad with fresh vegetables and lean protein is ‘not healthier’ than a big mac and fries. can you explain what you mean by that?

          1. ok, that makes sense, but I think that is different from what you said in your original comment, when you just said “many are not healthier”.. i personally have never eaten the bacon salad, and I have also noticed that the salads stocked vary by region and store. 90% of the salads in my local Trader Joes are definitely clearly healthier than something from mcdonalds or taco bell.

            I think if you are going to say something like that, you should be more specific about what is or is not healthy about which salads. It just doesn’t make sense to make a blanket statement that salads are not healthier than fast food.

          2. I said many of the salads are not healthier; there was no blanket statement. Even their seemingly healthy sounding spinach salad has 19 grams of fat and 53 grams of carbs. As I’ve said, it’s important to read nutrition labels and not assume that a salad is a healthy option.

          3. She’s a hater and a Debbie Downer. Bonnie never has anything nice to say. Ignore her.

          4. Whoa, Nellie! That is pretty extreme. I like Bonnie a lot and I think she contributes a lot to the community, that’s why I genuinely was asking her why she was saying that, because I was trying to understand what her thinking was. I don’t think it’s called for to call her a hater. We can agree to disagree with each other on salad healthiness.

          1. Many are also very high in sodium. Not all the TJ’s salads are bad but it is important to read the nutrition labels.

          2. The fact that there are unhealthy versions of items is true of almost anything – even salads you make yourself. If I topped a salad with bacon, mozzarella cheese, an egg, and then piled on the dressing it would be just as unhealthy. There are plenty of options at Trader Joe’s that are healthier and less processed than almost anything that can be found at a fast food joint. And as Zora noted, nobody requires that you use all the dressing that is provided .

        2. The salads at my local Trader Joe’s are vegetables, dressing, and protein. They are just as healthy than “whole wheat crackers, deli meat, string cheese and raw veggies.”

          1. +1. Also, just pick the one that doesn’t have mozzerella balls, bacon, and pasta or whatever.

            And if you are watching sodium, deli meat is the worst– just sayin.

    3. I share your bizarre affliction that prevents you from making sandwiches. If we don’t have leftovers, I usually bring a combination of these stand-bys:
      – yogurt
      – frozen burrito
      – apple, banana
      – pb sandwich
      – bagel with cream cheese and microgreens
      – kale and red cabbage salad with lemon/oil dressing and sunflower seeds (make a large batch beginning of the week if I know I won’t have lunches)
      – baby carrots
      – nuts

      I usually pack my lunch the night before.

    4. my lunch this week: a hard boiled egg (made 5 on the weekend), string cheese, baby carrots, celery sticks and cucumber slices, hummus, whole grain crackers and a square of dark chocolate. I brought it all in in bulk at the beginning of the week and make a plate at lunch. I graze all day so this may not work if you want a large meal, but it keeps me full for about 3 hours.

      1. This is my type of lunch too. I throw in a handful of nuts (eg. almonds). I need a little more fat/protein to keep me full.

        But it is a wonderfully healthy lunch, and is great because I don’t have a real lunch break and I continually just grab a bite/piece of food between seeing patients.

    5. Do you like salad? I have been making salads every evening to eat at lunch the next day and I love it!

      Right now I am on a greek salad kick–so romaine (I know traditionally greek salad doesn’t have lettuce but I like it for added bulk), red onion, cucumber, tomato, artichoke, good olives, feta and a delicious greek dressing that our local deli sells by the bottle. I chop everything on Sunday and then assemble each night.

      I also like spring mix with craisins, pecans, feta and raspberry dressing. But the possibilities are endless!

      Sometimes I will make a healthy casserole-type dish on Sunday and divide it out for the week so I just have to grab one in the morning (my faves are a black bean, spinach artichoke bake or chile relleno casserole with mostly egg whites and low-fat cheese to make it healthier.)

      Soups and stews are also good for having all week.

      As for sandwiches, can you bring the ingredients on Monday and keep at your office so you just assemble at lunch time?

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