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Holiday Workwear Report: Taja Double-Breasted Houndstooth Cotton-Blend Tweed Blazer

I love a blazer that can double as outerwear. This houndstooth tweed number from Veronica Beard would look fantastic in the office, paired with a black top and black pants.

It would be equally lovely for a weekend look when the weather is in that weird spring stage where it’s still a little chilly, but you’re tired of wearing coats.

For the weekend, I would wear it with a pair of dark skinny jeans and ankle boots. (Sorry, Gen Z, you can have my skinny jeans when you pry them from my cold, dead hands. I’m keeping my side part, too.)

The blazer is $595 and available in sizes 0–12. 

A couple of more affordable options are from Express (on sale for $88) and Claude Pierlot (on sale for $204).

Sales of note for 12.5

Sales of note for 12.5

And some of our latest threadjacks here at Corporette (reader questions and commentary) — see more here!

Some of our latest threadjacks include:

264 Comments

  1. Can anyone rec a waterproof mascara that will not bleed at the end of the day?

    I somehow must have superhuman oily powers as most that I have tried bleed.

    1. Tube mascara works the best – Glossier, Fiberwig, and Blinc all make them and they’ve all worked well for me.

    2. I have very oily eyelids, and I like the Covergirl professional remarkable mascara (purple tube). It’s not waterproof, but it says it’s smudgeproof, and that’s true for me. I get it at Target.

    3. I love L’Oreal Teloscopic. Doesn’t budge for me and I also have oily lids. The downside is it can be hard to fully remove it! But it stays put.

      1. I started using Thrive recently and I really like it. It sort of flakes off or wipes off with just water, which is awesome, but it never bleeds or smudges otherwise.

      2. L’oreal double extend is my go-to for humid days, rainy days, oily skin, or any other circumstance where my mascara could possibly smudge/bleed. I have long lashes and struggled with these for a long time. Great price point, too.

    5. I am in LOVE with Hourglass’s unlocked mascara – it’s a tubing mascara, and I find it’s easier to get a hold of in person than Thrive. I always have a problem with smudging, and this never smudges. Despite no smudging, it is very easy to take off (like most tubing mascaras).

    6. Agree with the tubing mascaras and just want to mention that Trish mcEvoy’s mascaras are also tubing.

      But try wearing your mascara without using eye cream for a day and see if that’s the culprit. It’s often the oils in eye creams that cause the running.

      You might want to switch to an eye serum instead, if so. Someone on here recommended the Hylamide SubQ eyes and I’ve been really pleased with it.

  2. I enjoyed the Virgin River tv show and having seen the books recommended here thought I’d give them a go. I really enjoyed the first two so far but I was surprised at the scenes in the first book with the 14 year old, it seemed a bit odd to be written in a ‘steamy’ way?

    1. It was a little weird and kind of awkward, but that whole scene does make more sense later in the books.
      The actual descriptors were totally unnecessary, but the scene itself is important.

      1. This is a good point actually, I can see how for the second book the scene was relevant but you are right it was the description I found unnecessary.

    2. I don’t know what scenes with a 14 year old are in this book or series, but I’m perplexed by how often popular books (and especially literary fiction) either have steamy scenes with very young characters, or spend a lot of effort humanizing predators, or both.

      For example, Marilynne Robinson’s recent novel Jack is an entire book about a character who in Gilead has a “touching” redemption arc; he needs redemption because, while he was a well off college student, he knocked up an unnamed character who is described as a “child,” as a very young girl, and who is portrayed playing with children’s toys some time after this. Reviewers seem completely unperturbed!

      1. That is probably because predators are human and it is worthwhile to understand how people work, if for nothing else than to stop them? And also human beings are capable of redemption; and also people are fascinated by such stories? I don’t know how to take this comment, would you rather have books where villains wear top hats and evil mustaches and nothing is ever complicated?

        1. His redemption arc had nothing to do with the predation though. It wasn’t addressed at all. He just got away with it, and it troubled other people in his life, while he just kept feeling sorry for himself as if he were somehow the victim of his own behavior. I realize this is how real predators groom and manipulate communities in real life, and I’ve seen it happen before, but the book seemed to be selling the manipulation?

  3. Any gift ideas for my turning 7 year old niece? Budget around $20.
    She’s more of a tomboy, but does have some barbies and other dolls. She and her family just moved into a new home with a large lot and she does enjoy farm-type activities with her family (taking care of their chickens, gardening, etc)

    1. I’m not quite sure about age appropriateness, perhaps she’s too old, but we have this really cool Schleich rabbit hutch, with rabbits and food. It’s quite small and realistic, so not babyish. My 3.5 year old likes it, but I LOVE it. There is something so satisfying about setting it up. Also, we really like the Helen Peters books, about a girl who lives on a farm and rescues animals. Chapter books so age wise should be about right.

    2. Velcro ball catch ( where you have Velcro paddles on your hand and toss the ball back and forth), seeds and sturdy (real) gardening tools.

    3. Wagon she can haul plants and tools around with? As a country kid I was really into the idea of hauling stuff around.

      1. Oof, just googled and saw the price, never mind, that’s way out of range
        I second people saying plants.

    4. Maybe an herb seed kit? Something she can start indoors and then move outside when the weather warms up (assuming she can’t move them outside now, but in some parts of the US she could). Maybe in the summer, you could suggest a few simple recipes she could make using the herbs. Maybe some pesto over pasta with basil?

    5. Does she have a child sized shovel? We have a spade and a snow shovel and both get a lot of use. We also have a rake and how, but they aren’t used as much.
      Other outdoor ideas: soccer ball, bucket, one of those outdoor fairy house kits, bird feeder, dump truck.

    7. Children’s almanac
      Build a bird house kit
      Insect hotel (unless allergic)
      Growing butterflies kit
      Tools or gift card to farming supply place
      A tree or shrub (plum, peach, blueberry, apple – whatever’s appropriate for geographical area)

    8. How about flower seeds and a cute little flower pot that she can plant this spring? Gardening gloves and the Melissa and Doug rake also have been big hits. Target usually has kid-sized watering cans, although it might be a bit early for those to be in stock.

    9. For Christmas, I got my nieces who are around that age the following + a book (I always always get them books). I especially thought the Beat the Clock one was cool.

      https://www.amazon.com/gp/product/B01LXPW0BV/ref=ppx_yo_dt_b_search_asin_title?ie=UTF8&psc=1

      https://www.amazon.com/Top-Secret-Missions-Detective-Set/dp/B01M5EEE06/ref=pd_bxgy_2/135-5981665-7337144?_encoding=UTF8&pd_rd_i=B01M5EEE06&pd_rd_r=07531e46-b65a-48f4-9ccf-98185d757de4&pd_rd_w=mHpa2&pd_rd_wg=NHiQp&pf_rd_p=f325d01c-4658-4593-be83-3e12ca663f0e&pf_rd_r=A2GKDY6DP0VZD0AE14R2&psc=1&refRID=A2GKDY6DP0VZD0AE14R2

    10. American Girl has a “garden to table” cookbook. You could get that with a few packets of seeds and an apron?

      Other items that are hits with my 7 year old adventurer: Lego sets, perler beads, the Zoey and Sassafras books (about a scientist girl who likes to help magical animals), scrunchies to hold her hair back while she plays in the dirt/snow, and Polly Pockets (they have a camping set, space set, and skateboard/snowboard set). You could also buy some outdoors items if their weather allows it now – like a soccer goal and cones, or a treeswing, or stomp rockets.

    12. I bought my niece that age a gardening kit to grow a sunflower plant. You can buy them on amazon. She really had fun with it.

  4. How do you deal with jealousy?

    I have had the most intense jealousy lately for some of my friends. It’s about everything… their homes, their partners, their children, their careers. I feel this burning resentment building in me, and I know it’s not healthy. I also know that my life might appear enviable to many from the outside, and it is, in many ways, but my inner struggles are so, so painful.

    Already in therapy and it helps, but I’d appreciate any other tips.

    1. Whoops! Threading fail, so I’m copying my reply back here.

      I go through this as well. Taking a break from social media helps me a lot when I get into these thought patterns. I will also distance myself a bit from the people I’m most jealous of until it passes. Nothing dramatic, just that I wait a few hours before responding to texts, am not constantly available to hang out, etc. Mindfulness meditation and journaling have also helped me process through this and feel truly happy with what I do have.

    2. For me this is what depression feels like. I treat it with meds but also yoga, long walks, baths, books, and disconnecting from social media.

    3. First, you never know what is actually going on in someone else’s life. When I was struggling in a job once, a coworker told me not to judge my insides against other people’s outsides. That comment was a game changer for me because that’s exactly what I was doing. I thought everyone else was killing the job while I felt terrible at it. Neither of those was true.
      Second, I remind myself that no one has everything. People are entire packages and not individual items. So the compare game is actually a lot harder than it seems. For a very simple example. Maybe Friend A has prettier hair than I do because mine is thin. But Friend A also has to deal with more body hair than I do because my thin hair on my head means I don’t have body hair. She might be jealous of me that I don’t have body hair while I’m being jealous of her for having a beautiful head of hair. Or Friend B might have a beautiful new house while I live in a small apartment. Friend B (and hopefully her spouse) have to spend more of their resources (time and money) doing maintence, upkeep, cleaning and I spend that time on my hobbies. They also may have that big house because they have kids who are now in virtual school and they’re trying to manage that while doing their jobs full time, while I don’t have kids and can get my job done quickly and then do whatever I want to. Everything in life is tradeoffs. Nothing is all upside and nothing is all downside. And remembering both sides helps me keep perspective.
      Third, I honestly celebrate other people’s successes. Their successes do not mean I failed (their successes say nothing about me). Their successes mean they succeeded. That’s it. And I’m happy for them to do so.
      Finally, sometimes I see cool things my friends do and realize I have absolutely no interest in doing that, but I’m glad the activity sparks joy for them. Maybe I’d like doing it in my imaginary life, but Real Sunshine doesn’t. A friend recently sent a picture of a beautiful brunch she made on a Saturday morning. And I thought that I wish I wanted to do that. But I don’t. There are other things I love doing on Saturday morning. So be happy for her being able to and dedicate the time to doing it, but realize I don’t want to.
      That was a lot of words. I hope some are helpful. I bet most of us struggle with this at various points in life; you’re not alone.

      1. *1 on judging your insides by other peoples outsides. Changed my life! And stay off social media for a while!

    4. How is your home, your partner, your children, and your career, or do you not really have any of that yet? Are you in your 20s, wherein it’s hard to understand that life can flip pretty drastically in ten years, or are you in your 40s or above, when things are pretty much settled?

        1. Reality. Reality is where I got that idea.

          If you don’t have bio kids in your 40s, you aren’t going to have bio kids. Some adoption agencies have age limits on prospective parents. IVF, even with donor eggs, works less well after a time; fertility specialists often have a very hard cut-off for a woman’s own eggs at age 43. If you aren’t married by 45, there’s about a 1-in-5 chance that it will happen in the next ten years.

          If your career has really taken off, it’s likely to stay on the same track. While some people do have great second acts, many people are competing against people 20 years their junior, which comes with its own set of challenges.

          It is not impossible to change things up; however, the OP would be advised to understand the headwinds, and, likely, sooner rather than later. The questions I have are mostly about whatever various hiccoughs and snags hit her along the way, and whether or not anyone can offer advice on recovering from those circumstances (career), beating the odds (marriage), etc.

          I personally know several people in their 60s who blithely assumed that things would eventually work out, who never examined the reasons why they hadn’t worked out by middle age, and continued to make the same mistakes for the next twenty years.

          1. Way to show some empathy for the OP. I need to pull out that meme from the Big Lebowski. You’re not wrong, but you’re not being nice about it at all.

          2. Oh my. That is the most self-limiting thing I’ve read in a long time and is so far from the reality of pretty much everyone I know. I hope you’re not really buying that for yourself and OP ignore that nonsense.

          3. Recently I, in my eighth decade and semi-retired, met a goal long desired, a Ph.D. and publications in a new field. There were plenty of disappointments along the way,but it ain’t over until it is over.

          4. Enough. You know that I correctly stated a general principle: life is not endless and it’s much harder to make changes as time goes on. We all know that “much harder” does not mean “impossible.”

            Try your own lack of compassion. Twenty years from now, what do you think the OP will have wanted to do with her life now? The answer isn’t to be happy that a bunch of internet randos blew rainbows up her tush about how “life will surprise her!” The correct answer is: obviously what you’re doing so far isn’t working, so let’s figure out what has worked, what doesn’t work, and what will work for you.

          5. Congratulations! Yes, it’s not all about having bio kids. It’s funny that such a feminist group is so fixated on this one thing. Having bio kids can be amazing, or can not be amazing, just like anything else.

          6. “life is not endless and it’s much harder to make changes as time goes on”

            The best thing OP can do is try therapy to understand why she’s not currently content and what it will take to get her to more contentness. Some things can be changed, some things can’t. Tammy Duckworth lost her legs, she can’t get them back, but somehow that didn’t stop her from running successfully for senator. If anyone thinks a double amputation is less devastating that not having bio kids, please seek therapy for yourself in dealing with your current unhappiness.

          7. OP herself says her life appears enviable to outsiders, which leads me to think she’s not sitting alone in a trailer park with no career success. Clearly her jealousy is coming from something within, not a fixed inability to change due to being (gasp) 45.

        2. You are certainly free to think that things are settled in your 40s but I am here to tell you that it ain’t necessarily so. I’m 62 and other than yes, I had one child at 40 and didn’t have any more, everything about my life from my career to my finances to my appearance to where I live to who I’m married to is completely different than it was at 40. Like, EVERYTHING.

          But, of course, the OP is right that I made it all happen. No “blithely assuming.”

          2. Let’s drill into your penultimate sentence more, Senior Attorney. Can you elaborate on what you did differently, from dating choices to career choices, to change your life? Can you elaborate on what you did in your 20s and 30s that set you up for success now?

          3. In my 20s and 30s? I was a mess and I swear it’s a wonder I made it through. In my 40s and 50s I did the following to set myself up for success:

            I got a lot of therapy.
            I left my horrible marriage.
            I took charge of my finances (paid off consumer debt and didn’t take on any more)
            I left private practice and took my career in a new direction.
            I had weight loss surgery.
            I didn’t chase boys and I didn’t waste time with guys who weren’t crazy about me.
            I left the religion that required me to check my common sense at the door.

      4. Oof, this was hard to read I am 43 and the feeling that it is all settled now makes me so sad. Life can still change for the better and surprise us at any age, right?

        2. It could, or not, at any age. It’s up to you, partly. What changes do you want to make? What is stopping you? If a random person on the internet thinks life settles at 40, what does that mean for you personally?

          1. Exactly. You’re never too old to change. You’re going to turn 45, 50, 60 anyway, why not do it pursuing whatever will make you happy?

        4. I’ll chime in to say yes, it can change considerably. A cousin got married for the first time at 49 in a gorgeous wedding, bought and restored a farmhouse in New England where she worked as a professional artist, and sadly had to take over a quasi-parental role to her nephews after their mother passed away.

          It might help to hear that I wanted to be just like her when I grew up, even before all of the above transpired.

          1. +1

            My parents took in my cousin when he was a teenager/ young adult during their empty nester years. My mom, who has a high school degree and worked as a part time bookstore clerk, became a successful small business proprietor in her fifties. Life is long and meandering.

      5. Eww, also hate the idea that in 40s things are pretty much settled. If you live until 80 (although I always say I plan on living until 120 :)), you have half your life left at that point.

      6. Last week, a woman asked about moving to a different part of the country. My advice, which absolutely no one disagreed with or got catty about, is that it’s a lot easier to do when you’re young. Several women chimed in that the second post-college move tended to “stick.” Others said that people think they are going to move back but meet a spouse, find a job they love, or have other reasons for staying. A lot of women talk about how it’s harder to make friends later in life.

        This week, I point out that 45 isn’t 25, using the term “pretty much settled,” and you’re all ripping me apart.

        If the OP’s career and life aren’t working out for her, she can certainly, for example, leave Seattle and move to Atlanta take a dramatically different role. However, that comes with challenges integrating into new friend groups, professional groups, and having a long run at a career. Age discrimination, like racial discrimination and sex discrimination, is completely illegal and prevalent. There are physical limitations to pulling in the long, long hours that 20-somethings do when working their way up. Loneliness can be a factor as it’s harder to make friends.

        More importantly, the issue was her jealousy. My advice to a jealous 25 year old is pretty straightforward: people’s lives at 25 are often a product of their backgrounds. Later on, those early advantages are less important. Don’t like where your life is? Go to grad school. Switch careers. Move across the country. Understand that the vast majority of unmarried people your age will eventually get married and have kids. Most of the professionals who don’t own homes will eventually buy their own places. The advice to a woman who is 45 is just not the same.

        1. You may have framed it in a way that hit a nerve, but you’re not wrong that the advice for jealousy does differ based on age.

          1. But that’s just because of the difference in life experience between any 25 year old vs any 45 year old. A 45 year old already knows not every childhood dream comes true. All the advice given to the 25 year old won’t solve their jealousy problems (change city, change career) especially if the jealousy is coming from within. The OP in her 40s already stated her life appears enviable from the outside, so she’s clearly got some very good things going on. Not everyone’s life can be the same.

        2. I never said you were wrong, per se, just narrow minded and not nice about your advice.

      7. First, I wholeheartedly agree with Anon at 2:23 who hit it on the head. And to Anon at 1:58, what makes you think you get to control the dialogue by saying “enough”? You don’t, sorry, not at all sorry. I stand by that you have been being mean and I think your thoughts as to what is a fulfilling life is ridiculously narrow. You’ve been less than kind and others are calling you out on it. We will not be silenced by you.

    5. I deleted my instagram account a few years ago and it has helped a lot. If I don’t know about your beautiful house, then I can’t be jealous of it.

      1. Agreed. It’s usually a signal that I’m out of touch with what I really need, OR that I’m being too perfectionistic about things in my own life and thus feeling dissatisfied.

      2. Agreed to use it as a signal to turn inward. On a Lori Harder podcast I remember her talking about jealously and changing her self-talk thoughts from “Not fair; why does she get that and not me?” to “Me next!” – it’s an abundance mindset – totally get that not everyone would be into that. But I did like the idea of flipping the script on those thoughts.

      3. Yeah, this never helped me. All I have wanted in life is self-sufficient parents. Not going to happen.

        I am incredibly jealous of people who have parents that live off their own income, have no major health problems, can manage their own affairs/emotions, and are willing to compromise for reality (rather than everything triggers a meltdown – and I do mean everything).

        1. YES, me too. That is the only thing I get jealous of- my friend’s healthy and stable parents. I can’t imagine what it would be like to have active parents who could help with childcare or give me advice instead of the other way around. All three of my parents (bio and step) fell out of the middle class in their 60s with untreated addiction and mental health disorders. Their morbid obsesity has kept them homebound and relying on my help for years. Their infested/hoarded homes have been my burden to clean. I’ve had interventions. Tried tough love. I even moved my mom in with my family when I was 38. I’m tired. And very jealous.

          1. Oh man, good luck to both of us. My parents live with me too. Their stuff is spread out between home, garage, storage units, and my dad freaks out if I suggest getting rid of even a chipped cereal bowl.

            I love my parents so much, but I am sad that caretaking for them has boxed me out of having my own family or anything close to a normal life. I hope they live a long time, but I also hope that there is time left for me to live a little after they die.

          2. I’ll be thinking of you, brit. And hope you get that time for yourself!

    7. This may be an unpopular view, but I read books that showcase people who had/have it way WAY worse than me. I just finished a novel set in China during the Great Leap Forward. Holy geez being a woman in China was awful, and maybe still is.

      I also think about all the ways my life can be worse. To be honest, my life is pretty awful right now. I just turned 40, my job is brutal, and I’ve been saddled with nearly full-time caregiving responsibilities for my very toxic family on top of all the pandemic stress. My brothers and dad believe that I am always wrong – (e.g. when I told my brother 20 years ago that I didn’t want to marry my fiance and felt that I was being manipulated into marriage, brother sided with fiance). And I’ve basically had to cut off my two closest friends for their extreme selfishness during the pandemic. Oh and my health is failing in a big way, and I’m facing potential life-long disability and chronic pain.

      But I can walk and talk. I have my own money and credit cards. I have modern painkillers in my medicine cabinet. I’m not living through famine in a 3rd world country. This is still a super privileged time to live through, especially for women.

    8. I am in my mid-sixties, so quite a bit older than the OP. I was having drinks with longterm friend, all about my age in pre-COVID days. The question arose about whether any of us were where we expected to be. The answer was not one single person had not suffered enormous losses of different kinds. Unfaithful spouses, late-in-life divorce, business failures, major health issues, fires, parents and a spouse with dementia, kids with disabilities, addiction issues, suicide: all were on the table. And I know, in my case at least, I have never revealed my greatest area of pain and worry because it would potentially cause issues for a family member. If you looked at our lives, we would all look pretty strong on the envy-worthy meter, and honestly, relative to the world, we are. Life has much pain, and much good. Try to find the good in your life, and focus on that. If there are things you can do to bring yourself closer to things and people that really matter to you, take those steps. Turn away from the things that cause you envy, and look inside of yourself to find your joy. And choose it, to the best of your ability, every single day.

      1. Yep. And also OMG when you get to this age you really know for sure that life has seasons and that nobody is ever “set for life.” Some years ago you would look at my husband and his closest friend and think the friend was on top of the world and had it totally made with a beautiful wife and three great kids, and my husband was a sad and lonely childless recent widower with not much going for him. Fast forward and the friend’s family has imploded in unbelievably tragic ways, and Hubby has a new wife and a new happy life. Things change and you have to be grateful for what you have.

    9. I have my moment of envy, then I do a moment of gratitude for what I do have, and try to remind myself that comparison is the thief of joy.

      I agree with others as well that just seeing someone’s shiny exterior, especially that curated for social media, doesn’t tell the whole story. I don’t wish misery on my friends who appear to have things I don’t, but it is helpful to remember that things are not always as perfect as they (intentionally) appear.

    10. Oh, this is hard. I have realized for me it’s helpful to consider if I’m jealous of their exact thing. For example, if I’m jealous of a friend’s relationship, I ask myself “do I want to be married to her specific husband?” Most of the time the answer is no- I just want the more vague notion of what she has and that’s helpful to me.

    11. Start a gratitude journal and really commit to it for a month. Write down 5 things you are grateful for that happened that day before you go to bed — look for new things vs writing down the same things every day. I think you will be amazed at both what you start noticing and how you feel.

    12. When I am jealous of someone I don’t particularly like, I try to remember that karma is a long game. They may have the perfect-seeming life at 25, or 45, or whenever, and then suddenly, they don’t anymore. Probably petty as hell, but that’s me! Sometimes people don’t get their comeuppance, but it happens often enough.

      Also, I’ll tell myself that I’m comparing my blooper reel to their highlight reel.

  5. Oof… I go through this as well. Taking a break from social media helps me a lot when I get into these thought patterns. I will also distance myself a bit from the people I’m most jealous of until it passes. Nothing dramatic, just that I wait a few hours before responding to texts, am not constantly available to hang out, etc. Mindfulness meditation and journaling have also helped me process through this and feel truly happy with what I do have.

  6. Y’all, how does my dog go from being a double pooper to a triple-pooper? Other than 2021 mischief when it is barely above freezing and raining sideways.

    1. Might be worth trying a food change, my dog switched from a single to a double the last time we tried a different food so we switched back and he has returned to single pooping.

    2. Our girl has been spending 15+ min in the backyard to find the perfect spot. Not only is it freezing and snowy, we’ve had reports of coyotes (multiple) in the neighborhood. Girl you are a walking cupcake, hurry up and p00p and get back inside!

      1. Oh man, I went out with the dog last night and could hear a lot of chicken squawks and shrieks coming from our neighbors across the road (they have a flock of 30+) and then, sure enough, “awoooooo!” I’ve never hustled him inside so fast.

  7. I can’t believe it is Ash Wednesday this week. Last year for Lent I gave up wine and then all social interaction so was thinking this year I’d give up nothing. But I’m tempted to give up drinking for Lent altogether? Maybe with an exception for vacation weekend/first dates?

    1. I like the idea of doing something *more* for Lent – especially this year when we’ve been in deprivation mode for so long. Volunteering, thoughtful generosity, reaching out to those in need, etc.

      1. That’s a wonderful idea. We have all been deprived of enough for long enough (as you already said.) Even if/when the pandemic ends and if/when the political wounds mostly end, this is a generous way to adapt an outmoded custom.

        Or if you feel you must “give up” something, do it in a way that benefits someone/thing else, like not consuming any snacks (like Girl Scout cookies) containing palm oil.

    2. I’m setting the bar real low this year- I’m going to show up at mass. The super early ones are sparse enough to allow social distancing.

      1. Our church could be open legally in our state but isn’t because none of us think it is safe. They tried doing one early morning reservations only service and no one went. Which is also hard! I usually go every Sunday in Lent and now it’s been a year.

    3. Honestly, the best I’ve come up with thus far is to give up commenting on blogs and this site.

    4. I will probably do a commitment to 15 minutes of mindfulness/presence with or without any commitment to praying every morning. Years ago my secretary who was devoutly religious talked about how she would commit to doing things for lent, not just a diet, and it stuck with me. I tend to flirt between spiritual and religious with a lot of the traditions of religion still engrained.

      1. Oh I love this idea. I’ve stopped praying out of grief and miss it. A morning mindfulness time sounds perfect.

    5. I don’t know if you come from a religious background or not, but I have always struggled with the “fasting” type of Lenten observance bc I have a history of eating disorders and so giving up foods has some negative resonances for me. A few years ago I learned that traditionally Lent had three pillars – fasting, prayer, and almsgiving – so now I focus on the other two during Lent and find that’s more beneficial for my spiritual life.

      So this year I’m trying to make it to mass every Sunday (we have reservation-only outdoor services) and praying Evening Prayer and Morning Prayer with my baby (I have a children’s Daily Office that someone gave me). I’m also trying to do a certain number of hours of volunteer service during Lent (although finding COVID-safe opportunities in my community is challenging right now).

      1. Cbackson, I really love your posts about religion. For the past five years, I’ve been finding my way back to the church, and the way you frame things really helps me a) get over my past hangups; and b) interpret Scripture and spiritual practices in a more modern, authentic way. So thank you.

    6. Great idea!

      Another for those of you looking for Lenten ideas but worried about fasting, etc: I’m Episcopal and our church has sometimes encouraged us to ADD something for lent instead of taking away. Last year, I committed to reading the Bible every day, another year I increased my volunteering. My priest always says that the ultimate goal of Lenten deprivation is improvement and discipline, so are are ways to achieve that same means through additive measures.

      1. +1. For Lent, my church focuses on adding a spiritual discipline. Fasting is just one type of discipline you might choose.

      2. My ELCA church encourages the same. Commit to donating time, goods, or money or commit to reading every day or praying or … whatever. I’ve signed up for a daily devotional email.

    7. If you want to give up drinking permanently, or cut it back to specific occasions, go for it, but I don’t know why you would layer that decision with attenuated religious overtones. That seems fraught.

      1. Religious fasting has normal for many people for millennia. Arguably it’s psychologically less strenuous than self-deprivation without communal support or any disciplinary practice besides the exercise of will.

      2. I think the idea of giving things up “for Lent” is pretty secular these dayside. Most people I know who talk about doing so are barely religious.

        1. Kind of true. The people I know who make a big showy deal of it are the same people who go to church only on Christmas and Easter.

          1. That’s because Jesus said not to make a big showy deal of it. See Matthew 6:16-18. There are plenty of people who fast or practice other spiritual disciplines who are not advertising it.

          2. Yes. As one such person, I honestly hope this modern trend of requiring weekly mass attendance from the laity ends soon. Things were perfectly fine when non-religious people sought confession and attended mass when they wanted to with an obligation of “at least once a year.” And it was better when people took the holidays and fasting seasons more seriously too. The people who built the cathedrals are Catholic enough for me.

          3. Anon at 2:36, I feel incredibly fortunate to be able to attend Mass every week and be in the presence of Jesus. Why do you not?

      3. I read the poster to be suggesting she is going to go big and just make Lent the launch of her sobriety, not that she is going to give up wine for the period of Lent like last year. That seems like an entirely different venture and I am not sure it is ideal to entangle the decision with loose religious strings if it is not really a decision she has come to in order to more closely follow her faith.
        I also get that some people like to say “Because Christianity” about a lot of things and find some sort of comfort or strength in that, but that doesn’t seem to be where the OP is coming from at all.

        1. I thought OP meant “altogether” as opposed to “giving up nothing” or just cutting back.

          If OP is Catholic and intends to give up all drinking forever, Pioneer Total Abstinence Association of the Sacred Heart may be a source of information.

          But it’s perfectly traditional not to drink wine during a fasting season, aside from on Sundays.

    8. My friend used to give up drinking for lent but she always said she didn’t think Jesus was impressed.

      1. My issue with drinking during Lent is that wine in my religious tradition is celebratory. I don’t know how to dedicate a swath of time to somber self-reflection and also nurture a buzz; it’s just not a concordant experience. Both are fine, but I can’t do both at once.

      2. If Jesus were real and currently alive, I think he’d be mired in lawsuits alleging misappropriation of his name and “likeness” and defamation and drunk a lot of the time.

  8. Hi – we’re first time homebuyers and need to pick all of our paint. What finishes should we pick for trim and wall? Do we do different finish in the kids’ room (we have young kids)? Also – anything you wish you knew before you got your whole house painted before moving in? Thanks!

    1. Eggshell for walls, satin for trim.

      Matte is super hard to clean; glossy highlights every bump.

    2. Eggshell or satin for walls, semi-gloss for trim. Flat/matte are impossible to clean–could be used for things like ceiling paint. Kids room should be on the shinier side, so satin (over eggshell), but not actually semi-gloss or gloss. I think semi-gloss on walls looks silly unless you have wood paneling you’re painting.

      1. +1. Eggshell or satin for walls, semi-gloss for trim.

        I also suggest doing the same eggshell or satin for the ceilings, if you are doing ceilings. It’s a very in look right now to do whole room one color, including ceiling. That said, I did white everywhere in our new house, so it was easy to just do the same eggshell on the ceilings and walls.

    3. There are scrubbable flat paints. Just never use a magic eraser in walls — it is like sandpaper. Use them just to clean things.

    4. We used satin throughout our house. 10 years later, it still looks really good overall. The kids’ rooms have occasionally needed touch-up jobs, but we have not repainted the whole room.

      I really don’t remember what we used for trim, only that it’s slightly shinier than the walls. Maybe semi-gloss? If you’re doing white trim (which I love), make sure you pick something super scrubbable because it does it grimy in areas where kids are prone to touching.

      We painted a new build and picking colors was tough because our furniture situation was in flux. We had the hard finishes to work from, but I was overloaded with options. It all worked out OK, but ideally, you’d have your furnishings and art in place before picking colors. And definitely test paint colors in specific rooms if you can.

    5. I do flat paint on walls (cleans fine for me and hides flaws) and semigloss (or satin if it’s not in great shape) on trim.

    6. I think totally flat paint is ok for exteriors but agree you need something with a little bit of sheen for inside. Because it just looks better and more modern, as well as being easier to clean.

    8. Crayola makes washable crayons (this is paint related, trust me). Congratulations on your new house!

    9. WASHABLE paint in kids room and kitchen.

      I stripped the paint off the wall in our last apartment trying to get spaghetti sauce off the wall.

  9. Weird question of the day: How do you handle listening to music from artists who have fallen out of public grace?

    Do you switch radio stations when R. Kelly comes on? Do you avoid listening to Michael Jackson?

    I was a huge Michael Jackson fan in my teenage years and love his music to this day, but also get ambivalent feelings because the older I get the more I understand how troubled this person was and how their disturbing their behavior was (even though MJ was acquitted of any charges, I do think there probably was inappropriate and boundary-violating stuff going on ).
    But I would love to show my kid videos of the music and dancing because I believe my kid would enjoy it a lot, and it’s brought me so much joy that I would be sad to not share this piece of my own musical history with them.

    So, can you separate the artist as a person from their product?

    1. With MJ, I have a sense that he is probably a victim and victims often become abusers and his whole situation is sad. He was very talented and troubled.

      R Kelly tho. Nope.

      1. I don’t think you get a pass on child abuse because you were abused. (And R Kelly also was abused as a child.) “Boundary-violating stuff,” OP?!? That implies those kids could even set a boundary.

        1. Like I don’t know what the answer is. I’m not saying you get a pass, just that it is complicated. I’m fine with people boycotting, etc. For a lot of us, we already owned the music before MJ even became weird and then before the allegations surfaced (I’m 50; I loved Off The Wall and even Thriller, but by the time I was in college, MJ had a whiff of EW about him and it went down hill from there). I liked the MJ music out there from when I was maybe 10-15 (Smooth Criminal, Off the Wall, etc.). The Pepsi commercial seemed to be a turning point in my perception of him, but all of this was likely brewing back when I was an unaware kid.

          1. Jackson definitely “had a whiff of EW about him” even earlier than that. His weird sleepovers at his creepy ranch were a topic of discussion among the kids at my elementary school in Los Angeles during the early to mid ’80s.

        2. You are right, that was poorly worded on my part. Apologies.

    2. I’m really interested in this and really open to anyone’s thoughts. I can share mine but they’re not totally cohesive.

      I can and do appreciate the art while not celebrating the artist as a person. I have shown my kid videos of MJ moonwalking, because I think it’s a cultural touchstone and I thought the kid would like it (he did). I’m not really an MJ or RKelly fan though, so I don’t really struggle with this. I definitely don’t judge anyone who still enjoys that music. I do find artists who have passed away less problematic somehow, because again, it feels like fandom of the art rather than the person.

      I always really liked Ryan Adams, and while I’m not ready to never listen to his music again, I dont really find I enjoy it as much since certain things have come to light. So it feels like an organic, rather than a moral, rejection of his work, if that makes sense.

      1. “So it feels like an organic, rather than a moral, rejection of his work, if that makes sense.”

        This is exactly how I feel about MJ.

      2. This is similar to my approach too. I can’t even see Louis CK’s face without remembering the accusations, so he’s done for me. R Kelly is the same way. But MJ or the Beatles – I still enjoy the music without immediately connecting it to to the actions, although not nearly as much as I used to.

        I do introduce my kids to the music that I loved, but usually as part of an overall age-appropriate discussion we’re having on power and money corrupting people. (They’re into superheros, so Spiderman’s mantra is big.) There’s also such an emphasis on fame and viral videos, so I’m trying to explain that there’s a dark side to fame and most people struggle with that.

        Michael Jackson was an immensely talented boy, but his dad was really unkind and didn’t treat him well. He grew up and also didn’t treat people well. John Lennon was one of the best known artists in the world, and super famous, but he was so mean to his first son. Your choices impact others, and even though MJ had a really mean dad, that doesn’t mean he can be mean to others. You can always make the choice to stop the bad decisions (although it might be really hard and take a lot of work.)

        I’m not a fan of Justin Beiber but my oldest is starting to have friends who like him, and I must say his song “Lonely” helped reinforce this message really well. Fame may feel like power, but it is really tough to be famous, especially on young kids. He made some bad choices, but he’s trying to be better now. I don’t know if that means we shouldn’t listen to his music, but at a minimum we should learn from his mistakes.

        1. With Louis CK, they’re not just “accusations,” as he has admitted to the behaviors reported. I know it’s a reflex, but we can just call them things Louis CK did, period. (I can’t enjoy his comedy at all anymore either.)

    3. I can be difficult. I vote with my wallet. I try to not listen or watch in a manner that generates new income if I’m uncomfortable with an artist’s public image or their actions but still enjoy the music.

      So would listen to a CD (already in collection, or bought from Goodwill), but not spotify.

      I have found that some feel so tainted that even that doesn’t work, though.

      1. Arrgh. IT can be difficult, not I….

        Agree with Ribena below, watching Woody Allen has become impossible. And I resent having all Miramax films tainted, but they are. When that logo shows up, I loose interest in the film.

    4. For me it matters a bit whether they will actually benefit. So MJ is dead and therefore won’t benefit – but I won’t watch Woody Allen films because I don’t want him to get any money because of what I do.

      1. I’m with you on Woody. I continue to be shocked about how not only does Roman Polanski get a pass but is practically treated with kid gloves and celebrated.

        1. It always annoys me when I see trailers and adverts for films that look SO like my aesthetic but that are directed by him. I’ll watch them when he’s dead?

    5. This is something I have faced with some Ivanka Trump branded clothing and shoes. I would not have remotely considered buying the brand for at least 5 years, but must I discard what I already own? It seems wasteful but I decided I would never be at ease wearing the items again. I bundled and donated to a group that works with women reentering the workforce after abuse.

    6. I don’t have a coherent framework for answering this question but will say Chris Brown is ruined for me altogether, and I even avoid *radio stations* that continue to play this abusive a$$hat.

      1. Yeah, I don’t have a coherent framework either. But Chris Brown? Eff that guy and any radio station that plays his crap and anyone who collaborates with him.

    7. Like one of the other posters, I am ambivalent about Michael Jackson and I still sort of enjoy his music. I cannot watch the Cosby Show even though I enjoyed it for years. Also, despite there being no career ending scandal, I can’t listen to the Rolling Stones. So many of the songs have overt misogynistic and racist lyrics. It’s absolutely shocking, even though as a Gen X I liked their music when I was younger.

    8. Thanks for asking the question! I always read things like this closely because I’ve struggled with this a lot this past year – I even posted here about it a few months ago. Nahko, one of my very favorite indie artists, was “cancelled” last year due to allegations of at best inappropriate behavior and at worst predatory behavior. Really it is a lot of internet rumors at this point – I have looked for real evidence and I can’t find any, and there have been no legal or formal proceedings. But I still haven’t let myself listen to him although I miss the music a lot. I don’t want to be the person who doesn’t believe women and I believe in using my wallet/purchase choices (i.e. Spotify listens) intentionally. But I also am not one who typically gives credence to vague unproven stories (related: I have absolutely zero patience whatsoever for conspiracy theories) and it feels like that a little.

    9. I mean, every time you listen to a song, someone gets royalties. Do you might want to think where that money goes. Who benefits from MJ’s music royalties now? Is it his children? Or is it people who enabled his abuse of young boys?

    10. Roxanne Gay has amazing essays on this in Bad Feminist. If you haven’t read her, I bet you’d love the book.

    11. The one I have the most trouble with is the Cosby Show because I LOVED that show growing up and I still think about a lot of its amazing life lessons, but I feel that I cannot watch it because of what Bill Cosby did. It also has such a talented cast and I miss watching them.

      1. With this one, maybe you could look at it as not wanting to make the rest of the cast any more victimized by Cosby? They are, surely, entitled to royalties/syndication fees and are being punished for being associated with him when there is certainly no evidence they in any way enabled his misconduct.

  10. I just ordered a pair of non-skinny jeans. We will see how that works. I can’t rock a middle part though.

      1. I only do a middle part when I am trying to court drama already (like one NYE, I did a center part and slicked back hair into a low pony with a white lace top and black pants). I was on the Metro and got a lot of attention for “being Russian, are you Russian, [speaking to me in Russian], etc.” At any rate, it was a look. And I am usually straight out of The Preppy Handbook (I still don’t get the Russian comment; DC has a bit of a Russian community but it’s not super-big; this was before The Americans where I would have found it the equivalent of an A+).

        1. I’m the one you’re replying to, and yeah I happen to think the unavoidable Tiktok “news” is not news

      1. There’s a whole story about how someone’s mom sent that in response to news of a death, thinking it simply meant crying, and I relate to that too hard.

        My thumbs up emoji got stuck on the black thumb and I am white and I seriously thought it was going to kill my kids.

  11. I’m looking for a very pale shade of pink nail polish that is opaque, with zero shimmer. Any recommendations? Bonus points if it’s available in a quick-dry formulation.

    2. I’m obsessed opaque with opaque creamy pinks. It’s almost the only thing I wear! Here are my go-tos:

      Essie “Fiji”: my #1 go-to. Pale white-y pink but definitely pink. Opaque in two coats. My skin has cool undertones and so I love that this is a pretty cool/blue pink.

      Essie “Peak Show”: whiter than Fiji, but still pinkish. I find this to be a little more neutral and understated than Fiji just because it’s slightly less pink. Ok in 2 thick-ish coats, but need a third if you want totally opaque.

      OPI “Mod About You”: pretty similar to Essie Fiji, but maybe a little warmer of a pink. It feels like maybe it’s slightly less white/more pink than Fiji.

      If you’re doing Shallec, try CND Shellac “Cake Pop.” I LOVE this one! Cool, creamy pale pink and completely opaque.

      Essie “romper room” and “ballet slippers” both have cult followings but I personally find them to be too sheer – I like the more opaque ones listed above :)

      1. Thank you! I have ballet slippers and don’t love it, so I’ll try Fiji and Peak Snow.

  12. I’ve started to nice French manicures maybe coming back. What do you think? Are they dated? Professional enough for work?

        1. You cannot possibly need advice about whether a French manicure, literally designed to just look like regular nails but better, is professional enough for work.

          1. I am in PNW, and have not noticed anyone with a french manicure since I left the east coast in the early 90s. It would probably be seen as tacky here. So it is a valid question – even if you don’t think so :)

    3. For me, French manicures are too much upkeep. A red polish on shorter nails is always a classic IMO.

      1. Agree with this. French manicures may have started out kind of posh but they quickly went downhill and there is very little that is uglier than a French manicure that needs redoing like yesterday (which is mostly what I saw at its peak in my office)

        Also, while I definitely don’t like the current pointy long nail, I would also very much not like to see the very square nail make a return. This is associated with bad French manicures in my mind.

    4. I think French manicures with non-traditional colors were cool on shorter nails sometime before the world paused. Traditional pinky beige and white? Maybe so far out it’s cool again, but I haven’t seen that. It seems to me that the cool kids are doing either very minimal (short, matte polish in a non-traditional color) or very maximal (long, nail artistry, pointy or coffin shaped), or they were before the world paused.

      I think I’ve been saying this for 1000 years on this blog, but I think nails are regional! So what passes for normal here on Long Island (long and requiring a biweekly fill) is probably considered vulgar or high maintenance in other areas. A French maincure on long and not quite natural nails here is de rigour for women of a certain age here and no one would question its professionalism. I think there might be men in my town who are not aware that women’s fingernails do not grow that way naturally.

      1. Hah, that last comment is to true and made me laugh! My boyfriend once made some comment about the fact that his mom has really white nail tips. I said “honey, she wears French manicures! That is nail polish.”

        1. Haha! Exactly- she’s probably had those nails his whole life. I wonder if, were it not for this pandemic, my son might have thought my nails grew in long perfect ovals of shiny beige- pink.

    5. I haven’t noticed the true french manicure coming back. What I have noticed is a pink to white ombre nail without that distinct line. Also, for a more understated look you can try an American manicure. It is not as distinct as the french.

      1. I don’t wear nail polish, but a subtle pink to white ombré sounds really pretty.

    6. On the topic of nails, I used to get gel manicures regularly in the Before Times. I loved them, I’m not gonna lie. I went every two weeks, occasionally able to drag it out longer but not usually. I always have short nails. I preferred darker colors in the winter and lighter colors in the summer. I just loved it.

      But I was always having to get different treatments for a couple of nails that tended to crack. My nails were generally weak and tended to break easily.

      Now it has been a year since I’ve had a gel mani and I have come to realize my nails are actually strong. I didn’t realize until this break that it was the gel mani (the entire process, not just the policy) that was making my nails weak.

      It makes me kind of sad because I loved the look and the durability, but I guess it’s not for me in the long run.

      1. Same – I’ve learned that I need to go easy with the gel manis, reserving them for special occasions. As an alternative, I really like dazzle dry polish. It dries faster and lasts much longer than regular polish, but doesn’t need to be soaked in acetone and scraped off like gel.

      2. I’ve gotten 3 gel manis in my life, all at different places, and my nails were wrecked every time. Never again.

        1. As a counterpoint, I regularly got gel manicures (mine lasted about 3 weeks) “before” and my nails were not wrecked. I did find that I needed to give them a break for a few weeks periodically (which I usually did between Valentine’s Day and Easter and then again in the fall). The only time a gel manicure destroyed my nails, I had a new person take the old ones off and she rushed the process.

          The three things I am most looking forward to when the world re-opens is getting my keratin treatment, getting my nails done, and going to a day spa for a massage!

  13. Would anyone care to help me with baby girl names? My little guy has a family surname that’s not unusual as a first name, and has an English origin/occupational meaning (think: carter). I’d like something that goes with it but I’m out of family names that aren’t strange as first names, and I’m really not feeling the Ella, Emma, Ava names that seem really popular right now. My husband’s surname is pronounced like a word that means something similar to “riot” so place names sound like terrible historical incidents (think: Georgia Riot) to my ear, although I do love that vibe. Anyway, thanks for any thoughts!

    1. Harper, Parker, and Piper have a similar vibe to Carter.

      If you’re looking for names that don’t end in a vowel, maybe Arden or Hazel or Margot or Willow.

      If you’re wanting something that could be a family name, Charlotte, Louisa, Emerson, Rowan, Sutton.

    2. Maybe Virginia vs Georgia or Caroline/Carolina? I have a state name and had a doubled partner who was also a state name and we called ourselves The States.

          1. Was so hoping this was the reference I thought it was.

            “The Bookaaaaaaay residence, the lady of the house speaking!”

      2. I have a flower name which was relatively uncommon in kids when I was born but has since had a HUGE surge of popularity among both kids and dogs, much to everyone’s amusement. The ‘bulge’ of kids with my name are all 10+ years younger than me and not in the workplace yet but I’m sure it will come at some point.

        1. I know your name (Instagram) and I want to assure you that here in the Bay Area with our large Asian population, your name has always been popular!

          1. Moving to San Francisco would solve all my problems! Actually, it very much wouldn’t, but what a lovely thought!

    6. I kind of really love Ruth (after RBG of course) right now and it seems

      Apparently Bader is also a girl name! Google says “Bader as a girl’s name is of Arabic origin, and the meaning of Bader is “full moon”.” Okay I’m sure this is massively unpopular now I really love Bader as a girls name – It might be a good thing I’m not having children. :)

      I always love the name Charlotte with the nn Charley for a girl.

      1. I’ll finish my first thought – “it seems not super popular, but an old name that could make a comeback and not sound old”. That said, I’m very much not in new-parent/naming kids loop, so maybe it is really popular already.

      2. I also like Ruth, both because of RBG and because of a character in Swallows and Amazons – although she goes by Nancy because she’s ruthless!

        2. I was devastated when I learned that Swallows and Amazons would not be welcome gifts for my nephews – too old fashioned! Will have to get them from the library for myself to re-read.

    7. Just found out I am having a boy, but when it was unknown, my list of baby names for girls included Lily, Tess, Zoe, and Riley. My husband was not on board with this one, but if you have a soft spot for old-timey names like I do, I also really like Adaline.

          1. My daughter is a Sarah and yesterday she complained bitterly that her name is just too common. I don’t think she’d like a super unusual name, either, just something in the middle. Can’t win.

          2. They’re honestly solid names. None of us have hated them and we all had a nickname-worthy last name as kids.

            I remember reading an article about how there’s something called ‘The Grandparent Effect’. Parents tend to name kids after their grandparents (the kids’ great-grandparents). So – look to names of that generation to find suggestions.

            Names from that generation that are Anglo-sounding to me are: Opal, Ruby, Ruth, Hazel, Dorothy, Briony, and Lydia.

    9. I love these names, which tend to be botanical

      Iris
      Ivy
      Olive
      Fern
      Rose
      Laurel

      Have you done ancestry or other genealogy? Are there historical names in your family you might use? Kids love to hear where their names came from.

      1. When my son was in the NICU, there were boy/girl twins who came in whose names were Ivy and Jude.

        The name we picked for our daughter (note: working on finalizing an adoption right now and this is the first time I’ve ever typed ‘our daughter’ and it is VERY exciting!) is a family name although we didn’t know that when we picked it.

        I’m also a big believer that the right name will come to you. We had a short list of names for our first and got a really clear sign from the universe. Same with our daughter’s name. Trust the universe.

        1. Aww congratulations and thanks for the sweet sentiment! Thanks also for all the nice suggestions-I’m particularly smitten with Sutton, which my husband had rejected but maybe he’ll come around. Thanks again!

      1. My daughter is an older teen and she had Madison B, Madison K, and Madison S in her classes. She went to college and it is the same.

    11. Cordelia, Beatrice, Evelyn, Vivian, Rosalind, Rose, Liesel, Catherine, Estelle?

    2. I think I’m into it. Skinny jeans don’t look great on me. Flares, however, do. Not sure I can do the cropped wide leg or cropped flare though.

  15. I think I have hit the pandemic wall. Being in the same room with any member of my family, or even the sound of their voices, fills me with rage. Why do they feel the need to follow me around demanding attention? Why can’t they speak in normal indoor voices without shouting 100% of the time? I cannot take it any longer.

    1. This is where the Pandemic Puppy is useful. Time to take yourself out for a walk (even if you have no dog). I bet they feel the same way and you are safe person they can be annoying to / angry at.

      Signed,
      Been home almost 12 months since our schools closed last year

    2. I am right there with you, except I live alone. I can’t stand MYSELF anymore, ha.

      But seriously, this sounds tough. Can you go for a ten-minute walk to clear your head?

      1. I want to go for a walk. But its 0F, -11 wind chill, and snowing. I am ready for this weather pattern to end.

        1. I’m in Minneapolis. The high was -11 when I first got up. It’s now a balmy -6. I would still go for a walk around the block if I were you. Or maybe go for a short drive. You need to get out of the house. I did both yesterday and it helped a lot. I like grocery shopping but I have never been that excited to go than yesterday…I think I have hit the pandemic wall. The weather is certainly not helping.

        2. Yup, in Canada here and it is frequently -20 celcius or colder and I just go. Currently running 55 minutes four times a week and walking 15k steps a day. I need it as love it. As the Germans say, there is no such thing as bad weather, only bad clothes.

    3. I have a husband and two teenagers. A skunk sprayed its essence somewhere near our house a couple of days. Within 1/2 hour of getting up, every member of the household who was not me had asked me why it smelled like skunk. The expectation that I would do something about it hung in the air along with the skunk odor.

      Calgon, take me away!

    4. Same. My husband went for a few essential groceries, because his Jeep is the only vehicle that can handle the ice storms (I can’t drive stick), and came back with everything wrong despite a detailed list that included name brands, descriptions, and quantities.

      Go for a walk outside to calm down? No. I’ve already fallen on ice twice in the past week, and now I need an MRI.

  16. Inspired by the Lent thread above–does anyone have suggestions for books, devotionals, blogs, or other Christian readings that would appeal to a progressive Christian? I read Rev. Lydia, but lately have been disappointed in the lack of content and the focus on promoting her paid on-line groups. Most contemporary Christian writing I’ve encountered seems very shallow and/or comes from a conservative or evangelical perspective. In the past I’ve enjoyed some of the classics–CS Lewis, Bonhoeffer, Nouwen. My book group read The Fire Next Time with a focus on race, but I found a lot of meaning in it from a spiritual perspective. Any other suggestions that you have enjoyed?

    1. I really enjoyed Rachel Held Evan’s writings on her blog and in her four books. She was an ex-evangelical who wrote extensively about becoming more progressive. Sadly, she died young of a brain infection. She promoted a lot of progressive Christian writing as well.

      Austin Channing Brown (who I maybe found from RHE?) wrote a fantastic book on Black Christianity, I’m Still Here.

    2. I liked Rob Bell’s podcast in the past but haven’t listened in a while. Similar to Nadia Bolz-Weber, I liked his work more when he was lesser known. He always did some promotional stuff at the beginning of the episode, but that was it. (I know that I’m basically criticizing content creators for being successful and making money, but what can I say? It affects the experience of following them.)

      I have tried to read Rob Bell’s books, but IMO he’s a preacher and is accordingly best in the spoken format.

    3. “A Practical Christianity” by Jane Shaw is amazing — one of the best Christian books I’ve read so I can’t recommend it highly enough. We read it in my (progressive Episcopal) church book group. It’s written by the former dean of Grace Cathedral in SF who is now the head of Religious Studies at Stanford.

      I’m curious to hear what others recommend though because I 100% hear you. I’ve tried googling Christian book recommendations but a lot of those lists seem to be populated by more fundamentalist or conservative readings, which is very different than my own faith.

    4. Take a look at Fleming Rutledge’s work. She’s an Episcopal priest, now retired from parish ministry, I think. I used her Advent book this year and it was fantastic – it balanced the intellectual and emotional aspects of Christian belief in a really powerful way.

    5. The most recent episode of the Lazy Genius podcast is about coming back to faith, and I’ve also enjoyed the podcast Unholier Than Thou.

    6. I read this in university (oh Catholic school…) so not sure how it held up since then but I remember Reading the Bible Again for the First Time to be really lovely.

      1. At first I missed the capitalization and thought that you read the Bible cover to cover and found it really lovely. I was thinking, wow, that is really not the adjective I would choose!

    8. You might enjoy America magazine. It’s a Catholic publication, but from the liberal wing of the church that believes Jesus was a proponent of social justice, etc.

      Dorothy Day? Though not strictly contemporary since she died in 1980.

      Building off Nouwen, I have friends who are quite fond of Richard Rohr, though he’s not my cup of tea.

    11. Richard Rorh and his Center for Action and Contemplation. I would recommend signing up for the the daily emails.

    12. Religion can be so personal that it’s hard to make recommendations, but, if you’ll excuse my chutzpah for speaking up (I’m not Christian*), I’ve found much to ponder in the mystery series written by Julia Spencer-Fleming, which features a woman Episcopal priest as half of a crime-solving pair in small-town upstate New York. I’ve also enjoyed the blog posts of Ruth Everhart, who is a writer, a feminist, and a Presbyterian minister. Each writer shows, in different ways, how organized religion can touch a person’s heart deeply, provide profound comfort, and induce anger and/or rebellion–sometimes all at the same time. The fictional priest and the real-life Rev. Everhart present religion at its best: as something powerful yet not beyond being questioned by its followers.

      *I follow a mostly liberal branch of Judaism, which provides me with spiritual support, intellectual stimulation, and many occasions to ask both sympathetic and defiant questions. (To paraphrase Jessica Rabbit, I’m not a disbeliever, I’m just built that way–skeptical.)

  17. Give me some alternatives to retail therapy to deal with COVID. I can definitely afford what I’m spending, but I’d rather not. It’s just tough to have so many long and tough days at work and not peruse stuff online and once in a while feel like I deserve something for my troubles.

    2. Maybe not helpful but I’ve gotten really into project cooking and baking so researching those things online is a fun outlet.

      Also I’m very into skincare these days so that’s another fun thing to peruse (although it’s not entirely without retail damage).

      Finally, maybe try a capsule wordrobe if you’re shopping for clothes? I love project 333 and I find the planning phase to be a lot of fun. I pin outfit ideas on Pinterest to get a vibe, then make a list of what I’d need as far as specific items. I sometimes even set a budget. Then, I can do a targeted search for a smaller number of items and even try to find some on Poshmark, which I find to be a really satisfying form of retail therapy.

      1. Regarding project cooking, I am working my way through a cookbook and trying to tick all the recipes off. It’s Midnight Chicken (of course!) and I’m averaging 2ish recipes a week. On Saturday I made BAGELS!

      2. For the first time, I have a skin care and supplement routine. However, this does not help with the financial or shopping aspect. I have quite the collection.

        I also took the time to do laser treatments and get all the brown spots off. My skin looks amazing now. Not cheap, but better than buying clothes that have no place to go.

        1. Oooh tell me more about this laser treatment! I’m heading to the Botox and filler doctor as soon as I can after this baby is born, but I wanted to look into laser for some pigment and capillaries around my nose.

          1. Not the original commenter, but I had BBL for mild rosacea (capillaries) and the result was fantastic. It’s been over a year and my skin still looks better. It was minimally painful. The same treatment would work on pigmentation; it did remove one small light brown spot I had. The capillaries go away quickly; the brown spot stars to look like coffee grounds and then goes away too. I also did baby Botox on my horizontal forehead lines, 7 units in total, and it was amazing as well. It takes about 2 weeks to fully kick in.

          2. Yes, it was BBL. I did 3 treatments, and no more spots. I think they have different BBL filters for different skin concerns, so it can also treat other things. Usually a consult doesn’t cost too much and you can apply it towards treatment, so I would do that.

            I also went to a facial plastic surgeon. I would be nervous to do anything like that at a MedSpa type place, though it might be cheaper there.

      3. I tried to do the project cooking thing for a while, but found it too difficult to source ingredients for things.

        I changed it up by purchasing something I’ve never cooked before each week and figuring out how to use it.

        Leeks, lamb chops, and scallops are an example.

        I’ve never been a scallop fan, but the ones I cooked myself were delicious!

    3. I am a living SNL sketch because I spend a LOT of time looking at houses on Zillow. I like old houses so I set the built year filter accordingly.

    4. I am doing a really, really simple embroidery kit from an Etsy shop called Jiggery Pokery. And now I am spending lots of time perusing Etsy for other small, simple embroidery projects. I am thinking of looking for one that I could give to my sister – maybe something Paris themed or something “rude.” Modern embroidery kits are awesome.

      Another thing I have been doing is searching Amazon for postcard sets and then sending postcards to friends. I got one set that was all women in science, those were fun to send.

      Oh, and also, I’ve mentioned several times, I started learning to play the cello. Virtual lessons are not the greatest option, but good enough for me to get to a point where I can play recognizable songs after about 5-6 months of lessons.

      But, not gonna lie, I just placed a bunch of orders for tops I don’t need, pants I don’t need, and leggings I kind of need, but not really.

      1. Bada$$CrossStitch on IG has some free patterns that are awesome. She’s the one who made the “Boys will be —- held accountable for their actions” embroidery that went viral during the #MeToo movement.

    5. Flower arrangements. I took a class and buy fresh flowers on Sunday from Costco or Trader Joe’s. It gives me something to do, I have beautiful fresh flowers around my home, it’s not too expensive. And the flowers are completely dead in a week which means I have to start the process all over again. It’s a perfect pandemic hobby.

    6. I’ve definitely been hitting the “beauty as self care” button- using up face masks, taking baths, painting my toenails.

      I’ll read magazines for fun- my library has online ones for free so I’ll look at those on my iPad.

      Zillow is a great idea as someone else mentioned. I’ll sometime browse in fun cities too. Similarly, HGTV and design blogs.

      Reading a thriller/murder mystery.

    7. When I feel like spending these days, I do some research and buy several shares of a penny stock. It satisfies “the hunt” that I usually fulfill through thrifting or Poshmark browsing, and since the unit price is low, I can afford the learning curve. (That said, technically I haven’t lost money, since I haven’t sold anything below my purchase price.)

    8. Download a microinvesting app and buy stock instead.

      My 401(k) is managed by real professionals but my husband and I both started little stock portfolios for fun with spare cash and compete against each other to see who can do the best.

      We opened the portfolios a couple years ago and put a little money in each week. It adds up over time and now we each have a few thousand dollars stashed away.

      It’s all money from our discretionary budget so if it crashed we’d be sad but not in financial trouble.

      This is our first time investing outside of my 401(k) and it’s a really fun way to scratch the retail therapy itch while learning something new.

  18. I need ideas for an adequate thank you gift. A close friend with media skills created a video application of me for something important. (Think Elle Woods’ video application to Harvard ha.) She spent about an hour filming, then spent a couple hours editing, adding music, etc. I have no idea how to convey my thanks, but I couldn’t have applied without her.

    1. I’d write a thoughtful thank-you note and give her a generous gift card to a store you know she likes. (So many other options are out due to Covid.) $100 or $150 would still be far less than she could have charged for her skills, I assume.

    3. Normally I would say treat her to a fancy restaurant for a lovely meal and cocktails, or something that’s an indulgent treat but very much not payment but spending time togetether in an indulgent way. (This would be assuming that she has done you a favor because she’s your friend, likes you and want you to succceed and did not consider this work.)

      Could you get tickets for a show or something – well in the future – something you know you’ll enjoy together, and which you can both look forward to? Or what about a museum membership?

      1. I’d stay away from anything so far out and not impose doing an activity together.I’d gift card to something you know for sure she likes and can use now or near term. Make sure she really would use an art store or bookstore card if you go that route (people have gifted me Barnes and Noble in ridiculous high amounts and it’s been useless since I go through a book every week or two on Audible where I can combine it with working out). I’d rather have treats delivered or something like a Sephora gift card or Door Dash gifting for dinner.

        1. Anon at 6:19 above here. That’s really interesting, I hadn’t thought of a common activity as an imposition (because of the close friend description from OP), but I totally see how that could be. I did also think that food or other treats delivered could be nice, but was, like you, thinking that it’s difficult to know which service or what style delivery would actually be appreciated.

          One thing I’ve seen in London, but that might not be a thing in the US, is DIY food delivery kits from upmarket restaurants. So like, your favorite dumplings, but you get the ingredients (premade as much as possible) but have to do the last prep yourself. For a favorite cuisine or restaurant that might work?

  19. Can I cancel this free trial of 2021? We are in Feb only and I am already scheduled for a 2x wisdom teeth extraction and a laparotomy of ovarian cyst, which apparently 2x in size during 2020. Bonus – can’t visit my family who lives cross-border without 2x covid tests and a 10-day quarantine on each side of the border.

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