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Updated: Feb 12, 2021 282 Comments · by

Holiday Weekend Open Thread

Weekend Open Thread

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Something on your mind? Chat about it here.

This super-soft cardigan is in the Nordstrom Winter Sale (clearance up to 50% off!), and I like the fun print, the loose fit, and the cozy fabric. From the product page description:

Knit from Madewell's signature kitten-on-a-cloud-soft Coziest Yarn, this ribbed V-neck cardigan is boxy, cropped and easy to layer over or under other pieces.

Nice! The sweater was $110, but is now marked to $74 at Nordstrom and Madewell (where, hoo boy, their featured jean is the “balloon jean.” IMHO it looks better than it sounds…).

A few other things that caught my eye: the big sales on Natori bras and this cute Ted Baker camisole in a lovely print. OK also: this ruched Leith tee dress is a classic so it's nice to see it down 50%, and I kind of like these Blondo waterproof boots.

Also, I've done a mini-roundup for President's Day sales below — of particular note: Three of our favorite sweater jackets for the office and beyond are on crazy sale, including J.Crew Factory (new colors, down to $59-$69, XXS-3X), Talbots (regular, petite, plus sizes, down to $32), and this reader-favorite Macy's one (down to $14, regular and plus).

This post contains affiliate links and Corporette® may earn commissions for purchases made through links in this post. For more details see here. Thank you so much for your support!

Sales of note for 9.10.24

Sales of note for 9.10.24

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Comments

  1. Anon

    Help! How do you active women stay full (without eating an entire bag of pretzels in one sitting)? I need ideas for healthy but FILLING meals and snacks, because what I’m doing isn’t working.

    The hunger seems to hit a few hours to up to a day after a super intense workout. It’s like nothing will satiate me. I try to eat grain-based meals with stir-fried veggies (and I do love those foods!) but I’m still hungry after eating them. Then I’ll eat an apple and vegetables. Still hungry. So then I stick my spoon in the peanut butter jar or eat way too much crackers and cheese.

    Do I need more snacks? Bigger meals? More protein? All of the above? How are all of you doing it? 

    • Anon

      More protein is more filling imo. I eat a piece of salmon and it really fills me up (say, a costco size frozen portion, which is maybe 7 ounces raw). If you eat plant based, can you add tofu or tempeh to the grains and vegetables? I also find quinoa keeps me full longer than pasta or rice. Pasta or rice honestly just make me want to eat more.

      • Ellen

        This is a good suggestion from Anon. I would add Brown Rice b/c it is not like White Rice. If I eat Brown Rice, I usually get full, and more importantly, am able to go to the toilet early the next morning emptying myself out and making room for more food. I also believe that eating sammon helps b/c it is protein, and the fish fat that is in sammon is good for you. If you steam some brocolli, that is good for you even if it does cause the apartement to smell like a toilet, it does not taste like that. Good luck you you! You will become svelte if you eat this religousely. YAY!!!

    • BeenThatGuy

      After these super intense workouts, the only thing that works for me is liquid protein. It immediately helps my body recover. Personally, I use Muscle Milk. I accept that it’s chemicals but there are plenty of other options out there that aren’t.

    • Anon

      I’ve given this advice on here several times, but the thing that matters most for me is making sure I eat enough fat. I eat mostly vegan, but make sure that every meal has plenty of healthy fats- nuts, olives or olive oil, peanut butter, avocado, etc. So add a peanut sauce or peanuts to those stir-fried veggies, some more oil to the stir fry, peanut butter with the apple, etc. You don’t want to go overboard with the calories, but when I eat enough for my meals, I pretty much never end up snacking.

    • Sunshine

      Now that we work from home, my husband jokes when I head back to the refrigerator that I’m eating Second Lunch or Second Dinner. I am a big believer of eating when you’re hungry and not eating when you’re not. As a result, I end up eating frequently, but not a ton of food at any one time (I hate feeling overly full). This is not an eating program, and I don’t count how many times per day I eat or how many macros at each feeding. But when I’m hungry at 2pm, I eat even though I finished First Lunch 90 minutes earlier; and if I’m not hungry until dinner, then I don’t eat Second Lunch that day. Like you, I find my hunger level is impacted by the type of activity I did today and yesterday.
      In addition to eating regularly, protein, fat, and lots of veggies are key for me. I’m vegetarian, so this means eggs, tofu, lentils and beans, and some protein bars and protein powder. I mix protein powder into my coffee and only have that until lunch because I’m never hungry in the mornings. I eat a lot of cauliflower rice and use more oil than other people would when I cook.

    • Anonymous

      I actually use Metamucil in between meals for extra fiber, appetite control, and blood sugar regulation. There is also a gal named Kelly Leveque that has some decent recipes on her website that help keep you sustained throughout the day.

      • Anonymous

        This. Back when I was leaner, I could probably eat 5X/day and not gain. It wa a just my metabolism back then vs intake.

        When in doubt, add guacamole.

        • anon

          Love it! As a former Texan, I’m prepared to argue the addition of guac is good for both body and soul. :)

    • Anon

      Definitely more protein and fat, especially if you’re strength training. Your described eating is way too carb-focused.

      • Anonymous

        This. I can’t tell if you are vegetarian, but eggs, nuts, avocado, full-fat low-sugar yogurt are all veggie options here. There are obviously tons of other options if you are omnivorous. These days I pretty much always start by eating a hard boiled egg if I am hungry. I just make sure they are on hand. I give myself a little time before moving on to more and find I am usually satiated after one or two. Yogurt and apples with peanut butter and nuts are my next go-tos. But I also keep cooked, low-calorie meats and fish available to grab — turkey burger sliders, smoked salmon (my farmers market sells on-site smoked filets, so I am not talking the cured, packaged kind, but that would be okay), steamed shrimp, beef jerky, etc.

    • Ribena

      Lots of healthy fats and proteins. This was more difficult when I was working in an office but now I’m WFH I frequently grab some yoghurt or a mini cheese mid afternoon.

    • Anonymous

      Of course you’re always hungry sounds like you aren’t eating protein or fat.

    • Curious

      One of the things I learned from Whole 30 is the value of eating (1) a half serving of protein with some fat 30 min before a workout and (2) a serving of protein with some carbs after. Holy cow did I finally feel sated — and put on more muscle! It was great.

    • Ellen

      Eat Popcorn! It works for me. Low cal, no fat, good for digestion and your tuchus will thank you!

    • Fat + Protein

      Incorporate more fats! Fats help you feel satiated. I like olive oil on my mixed greens (with a little lemon juice and a little coarse/sea salt), putting almond butter in my smoothies, and hummus in my grain bowls. Research/look into high volume foods. Fiber helps a ton with this. I make things like taco and burger bowls–all super easy to make, as I get the ready-made quinoa and rice from TJ’s/Whole Foods. I top it off with a side big salad of greens and put tomatoes, shaved carrots, and hummus in my bowl!

      Also, you should consider taking in liquids carbs pre- and intra-workout (8 oz of OJ is a fave of mine) and then do a post-workout high-protein shake.

      TL;DR: High volume foods (i.e., not pretzels).

  2. Anon

    Holiday, what holiday? Lawyers will still be working on Monday. I’m so over billing requirements and would give about anything for actual PTO and paid holidays. End rant.

    • Anonymous

      Holiday? We had long weekends for Presidents Day when I was a kid. I’m 50. Not sure who has this as a holiday.

    • Anonymous

      In consulting and this workplace is the only one I’ve been in that has Presidents Day off. So glad for it since our clients aren’t working either.

    • anon

      Look, we chose law. Many of us get compensated accordingly. With so much out there to complain about, I’m not complaining that I miss an extremely minor holiday. If I have to miss Thanksgiving and Christmas because I don’t get my vaccine, THEN I’ll be complaining.

      • Horse Crazy

        Yep, I make a pitiful government salary, so please let me enjoy my holiday.

          • Horse Crazy

            Sorry, I realize it looks like I was aiming my comment at you, which I wasn’t – it was more meant for the OP. And thank you, I will! Looking forward to takeout sushi in my pajamas :)

    • Bonnie Kate

      Yeah, I’ve lived in the midwest my whole life and I have never even gotten one President’s day off for school. I appreciate that it’s a holiday weekend elsewhere and have no issue with the mention of it in the post, however it is completely not a holiday here.

    • NY CPA

      That was my first thought as well. Auditors dont get days off (including weekends) between New Years and mid-March.

      • Anon

        Yes – from someone currently considering a 75% pay cut just to get away from them.

    • Anonymous

      My firm surprisingly is taking Monday off. Of course one of my partners has obliviously volunteered me for work that day anyway.

    • Anon

      I’m in government, so have it off*

      It really makes me sad how many companies are walking back holidays off- I get them all off (technically), but so few of my friends get MLK, Presidents, Columbus/Indigenous Peoples Day, Veterans Day, etc. off. They all used to be standard, but fewer and fewer companies are offering them as holidays.

      *working on COVID-related things, so haven’t really had a full day off in a year. But, it is technically a holiday for us.

  3. Anonymous

    For that Leith dress, where would you wear that? I feel like it is too slinky for work (and I’d be cold) and a bit too formal for going-out.

    This is all theoretical. I wore a real bra for the first time in months yesterday. Baby steps.

    • Monte

      I don’t know that it is as formal as they have it styled — it’s a $40 poly dress. I have a similar grey dress with the same shape and ruching, and I have worn it with long cardigans for watching football at the bar or otherwise hanging out on weekend afternoons.

      • dfad ffd

        Do we think that dress would look good on a size M with a belly? I’m having trouble telling.

    • Anon

      It’s not formal, but it’s a bit boring for going out. I think with the right jewelry and shoes it could be dressed up a bit.

    • pugsnbourbon

      I’d wear it to an outdoor event, like an art fair, with flat sandals or sneakers. I might also wear it to brunch or patio drinks, but my style is on the minimal side.

    • Greensleeves

      I have this dress from a prior year, and I wouldn’t call it formal! It’s casual but can be dressed up some. For the person asking below, I’m a curvy pear who has the dress in XL and I think it’s very flattering.

  4. anon

    DH and I have always had a very unequal division of household labor, partly because my job is less demanding and partly because of how he was raised. He really tries, and he’s gotten a lot better in the years we’ve been married. But we still got in our worst fight ever last Sunday night, and need to talk it out this weekend. So, since part of this is genuine ignorance, I was hoping to find some things I could refer to during our discussion, so that I won’t just be ranting on about how overwhelmed I am.

    Do you ladies have any good lists of what needs to be done to keep a house running? The more detailed and comprehensive the better. Errands, cleaning, planning, all the stuff we always have on our minds.

    • Maudie Atkinson

      Check out the FairPlay Conversation Deck. It’s not a list, per se, but you could develop a list from it. Mostly, it’s meant to inspire conversation about how you divide up these kinds of responsibilities in your households, why you divide them the way they do, and whether those divisions make sense and are working for your family. In any case, seems like it’s more likely to help you have the conversation you want to have, and it lets you rely on something external to do it.

      • anon

        Interesting. I read the first half of her book and got really offended, but the cards actually look pretty good.

      • Anonymous

        Was she the one who presented her husband with a list of like 750 tasks that she was responsible for and he blew it off? I think we discussed it here at the time and agreed that that number of tasks means you’re creating work for yourself and nothing more.

    • Bonnie Kate

      Good luck with your convo! I literally have no advice on helping them see all the steps, but I offer commiseration! My husband is so smart, our marriage is genuinely great, but he just literally doesn’t see all the steps of household labor. Like last night he happily put away the leftovers (after I jokingly thanked him advance for doing it) but left dirty pan out on the counter. When I said something (not mad, amused) as I put it in the sink/took care of it – he totally hadn’t thought of that as part of the job. This isn’t nefarious on his part, he just doesn’t see it.

      A few weeks ago I coached him through loading the dishwasher. I was honestly flabbergasted when he tried to put a plate! on the top rack. And asked “aren’t you embarrassed that you don’t know that?” when he didn’t automatically know where the soap was/where to put it….Heads up, that question isn’t a winner and he (understandably) got a little salty. :) However a couple weeks later we’re still laughing about it now that we’ve all calmed down.

      • Senior Attorney

        Also his parents should be embarassed for not raising him better.

      • Anonymous

        I was about to defend myself because I do sometimes put small plates on the top rack of our dishwasher (it has very strange racks on top) but then I realized that question was about not knowing where the soap goes. There’s an obvious spot!!!!

        • anon

          +1 my husband didn’t do any housework, but then he got divorced and was a single dad for some years, and let me tell you, he was perfectly capable of figuring out housekeeping without any hand-holding.

      • Anonymous

        This is me in my relationship sadly. My husband sees crumbs on the counter I don’t unless he points them out or seems to know the best way to clean like everything. He does the majority of household work. I think my family failed me on this. They were both working parents with little time at home and never really taught me how to manage household things. My mom’s mom was neglectful so I’m sure she was winging what she could. I will help when I see it and know how, but I swear you aren’t just born “knowing” this stuff. I learned how to properly fold things by reading a book. Weirdly I also probably take on more of the traditional “guy” things–shoveling, taking the garbage out, etc. I feel blessed every day that my husband is as amazing as he is. (That said, I would have known that’s not the top rack! LOL)

        • anon

          Yeah, OP on this thread, my husband’s grandparents apparently kept a nearly unlivable house, and his mom outsourced everything. He’s learned a ton, but often says, “do you think this is clean or not?”

        • Anon

          “You aren’t just born knowing this stuff” is exactly the reason it’s bs to pretend you’re incapable of doing it. Nobody was born knowing it, everybody is capable of learning it if they actually want to.

      • Anon

        Maybe he didn’t grow up with a dishwasher, or a clothes dryer, or a microwave oven… I didn’t, and I’m 50.

        • Anon

          I’m 53 and we had all three of those appliances when I was growing up. Which my little brother never used because he always said he didn’t know how and my mom wouldn’t make him learn. Yes it still annoys me all these years later.

          • Anonymous

            You don’t need anyone to teach you how to use a dishwasher. The soap compartment and all the buttons are labeled, and there are instructions on the soap package.

          • Anon

            How to load a dishwasher properly so that the dishes get clean is something that evidently needs to be taught (vs. putting in the soap and turning the dam**d thing on)

    • anan

      I found the a pretty good list in the book The Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work. I liked that it also included long term projects and social/family activities.

    • A

      So my husband has a ‘big’ job and I worked part time for a few years which both hid and exacerbated the uneven household roles.
      Then I returned to work full time, with a long commute and had to have him help out more.

      He used to say I kept all the house and kid info in my head and muse out loud that I was just nagging. Then I pointed out he had 300+ employees and several billion dollars of sales to retain, (working for a large Canadian bank) and his boss didn’t tell what to do every minute. He stopped in his tracks. He didn’t really want to know what house / kid stuff had to be done as I was doing it. It got ugly for a year or two, I outsourced everything I could and now we tackle the jobs fairly evenly. But truthfully he didn’t really want help, I’m not sure how we arrived where we are today but it’s all good now. FYI, we’ve been married 25 yrs and the kids are big, 23 and 20 so that helps too

  5. DoesntBelongHere

    I hate to be a stranger complaining on the internet, especially because I love this blog and its community. But…I’m confused about why this weekend has a “holiday weekend open thread” and the one before MLK Day was not marked as such.

    • Anonymous

      I feel that MLK is not a holiday but a day of reflection and reverence, like what Veterans Day is (and what Memorial Day was designed to be). Holiday is different to me. MLK is a somber day.

    • anon

      I think it is just a way of telling us whether there will be a post on Monday.

      • Unsub

        I don’t considering pointing out inequalities with racial undertones as complaining and I hope you don’t either.

    • Ses

      This is a valid complaint. The degree to which MLK Day is minimised and ignored as a holiday, compared with other holidays, has a racial dimension worth commenting on.

      • WCEC

        Agree. I was sort of internally annoyed our firm was open on Monday but when I expressed surprise in a meeting (given it’s a federal holiday and courts are closed), others who had been with the firm longer said it was changed recently so that we could close for MLK day (and are considering Juneteenth?) instead. With that explanation I’m totally fine with our being open on Monday.

      • Anonymous

        ??? My office and my kid’s school are open for Presidents’ Day but were closed for MLK Day. Presidents’ Day is only recognized by mattress stores, car dealers, and financial companies that will take any excuse for a day off.

        • anon

          It’s also recognized by the federal government :) I’m off tomorrow, just like I was for MLK day.

  6. Anonymous

    I am going to get my own backpack and stop borrowing my husband’s / stepsons. I’m 5-4. I have an appointment at REI in a couple of weeks. We just go with scouts , never more than 4-5 days. I’m tired of camping being mansplained to me. Ladies: what do I really need to know? Any advice?

    • Anon

      Figure out what size backpack you want and then get one that’s comfortable, which should be all the big brands pretty much. Anything that you can buy at REI will likely work fine. I like Deuter’s women’s line personally.

    • anon

      If your going to spend the money for a hiking backpack from REI, have them fit it properly. That probably means they’ll measure you from neck to tailbone, and then they will load up the pack with beanbags and have you walk around the store wearing it. Bring your usual hiking shoes. Don’t let your family or your inner nice-girl hustle you along before you’ve found the best fitting pack.

      IME the salespeople there are very helpful and good at answering questions. They can probably also give you excellent tips about the most comfortable way to load your gear in for a trip (hint, heavy stuff close to your center of gravity). A comfy pack is almost as important as comfy shoes.

    • Anon

      Look at Outdoor Gear Lab for reviews, but honestly fit is most important and that’s what the person at REI will help you with.

    • Anon

      I love my Osprey Viva – enough for the occasional weekend trip and not ginormous. Fits well (but something else might fit you equally well). Good value for the price.

    • Bemused anon

      It’s so odd to me that there are this many posts this frequently from moms going on scouting trips (especially in the SEUS) and wanting an “intro to camping” from this site. It wouldn’t be the first place I’d think of for that advice, but I guess others disagree.

      As for packs, I prefer Deuter to Osprey, but it’s a very individual thing.

    • anon

      Anything you buy from REI is returnable in the first year. You can try it on there and think it fits *great*, but you may find out later you hate it!

      I would go in knowing about how large I want the pack to be (in liters – look up how big your husbands/stepsons packs are), and having a general price point, but being flexible otherwise.

      • Anonymous

        This is helpful — my mind doesn’t really think in metrics. I just know the gear to put in it and what I have liked / not liked about pockets. I will see what theirs are and maybe pack one up and walk the dog in it to see if I am remember the annoyances right (one is too tall for me; I have the torso of a 12YO boy apparently).

        Would it make sense to bring my stuff to the store to see how it holds it? Or just think through things like “where would my rain gear go in this” and “is there something I can carabiner my crocs to on the outside”? Also the random “I need to carry a bag of potatoes with me up his mountain; now they tell me”.

        Do y’all clip your mess kit to the outside of your packs? [I tend to forget mine, which is bad, but I don’t have a habit for where that ideally is.]

        • anon

          I would not bring my stuff to the store. I would think about how many external pockets you need (for example: first aid kit, rain gear, toilet paper/toiletries, snacks, easy access to cell phone / medications) and how many clips or straps you need (crocs, I have a big sleeping pad, so I always clip it on the outside, etc). They may have gear you can “stuff” into the pack and try it.

          My mess kit / cookwear is all inside my pack as I don’t need it until I stop for the night and set up the tent.

        • Anon

          If you know how big the packs you’ve been using are and you know if you want the same size, bigger, or smaller, you don’t need to bring things with you. You’ll already have that metric.

    • Friday

      FWIW, I’ve never felt mansplained to in an REI. Their employees are really knowledgeable and respectful and don’t try to upsell you. Get measured. Once you know your size, the sky is the limit. They will let you try on every bag they have there. I would encourage you to walk around in several – they can fit differently.

    • Anonymous

      If you have a short back, Gregory packs in size XS is your friend. They come in different volumes, but if you have a short back, their XS is gold.

      In the store: wear the kind of bra and somewhat the kind of clothes you’ll be using. You want to make sure that the breast straps and hip straps work for you.

      • AnonATL

        Love my Gregory pack. I don’t use it for backpacking as much as weekend trips away when that was a thing. It fit great on airplanes. I’m 5’5” but shorter torso.
        I’ve had great experience with the staff at REI. They spent tons of time talking to my husband about mountain bikes when he was first starting and with me about other gear.

  7. Sloan Sabbith

    Trying to find a home health aide or agency for my dad. A woman applied, but said “Oh, and I won’t be able to start until March 15th, finally going on a 2 week vacation to Hawaii! I can start the day after I get back though!” I knew at that point it was a hard pass but asked if she was vaccinated. “No, I’m waiting for more info, don’t trust the vaccine!”

    Deep sigh.

      • Vicky Austin

        On second thought, is there someone available through a local hospital system? All our nurses are vaccinated and we have a home visit program/respite care available. Even if that’s not the level of care you want, maybe it can be a temporary solution.

        • Sloan Sabbith

          Yes, but they won’t provide the aide services, just nursing. Which we do need and they’ll be doing but we also need someone who can get him up, dressed, to the bathroom, etc when mom and I are working.

          • Vicky Austin

            Ah, got it. Thank you for the reality check. I hope you find someone ASAP!

          • joan wilder

            Sloan, I am so sorry you are going through this. I had to hire someone for a parent during the pandemic after a hospital and rehab stay. Unfortunately, I think we’re on the opposite coast so I don’t know if I have useful specific recommendations. But what worked for us for options was: the provider used for the Medicare-covered discharge services (which my parent trusted) also had a separate private pay channel for services, including non-nursing/home health aide. One of my parent’s nurses at the rehab hospital had recommendations for trusted companies. And we got a recommendation for an agency that specializes in referrals–they pre-screen applicants for all of these things (which can include things like COVID protocol compliance) and have worked with people for years, and we interviewed people who were available and that they thought would be a good match, and ultimately this is how we found the person we hired. Wishing the best for you and your family.

          • Sloan Sabbith

            Joan, just looked at this- the agency we’ll be using doesn’t have private pay services, unfortunately. :( That would have been a very convenient option.

    • Anonymous

      Ugh, I’m sorry. That’s just the exact opposite of what you want to hear during a stressful time. Maybe this home health worker plans to party with my uncle in Hawaii, though, since he’s apparently going to be there at the same time “wearing his mask though.”

    • Anonymous

      Yeah. Sorry. You’re going to find many home health aides won’t be vaccinated.

      • Anonymous

        I think she was just curious in this particular case to in order to determine exactly how inappropriate this woman’s travel plans then lack of quarantine before going to work in elderly patients’ homes is.

      • anon a mouse

        Genuine question, why? I would think they would be eligible in an early wave.

        Sloan, I am sorry that happened. So frustrating!

        • Jules

          I am reading that many health care workers, particularly home health and nursing home workers, are declining to get the vaccine even though they are eligible. I’m in Ohio and something like half of nursing home workers so far have refused the vaccine.

          • anon

            See also: the story today that 60% of long-term care workers are declining the vaccine in the Walgreens-administered programs.

          • LaurenB

            In-home caregiver for my 88 yo FIL didn’t wear a mask, and exposed him to Covid. (Luckily he tested negative.) And FIL is a retired physician, who absolutely has all his marbles and just has physical issues requiring a caregiver in the home, and didn’t insist that she wear one. Sigh.

        • joan wilder

          My mother’s home aide took her to her vaccine appointment for her first shot this past week, but in their state was not eligible.

    • Marie

      Sloan, I have been around only sporadically in the last couple weeks, so maybe I missed an update if you posted it, but how is your dad doing? It sounds like he is coming home, but I know there were some memory issues he was suffering from. I hope things have improved since I last saw your posts.

      • Sloan Sabbith

        Not better mentally, unfortunately- he’s having psychosis (hallucinations and delusions), aimed at my mom and I. So things are still really unpredictable and upsetting. Today is a good day, yesterday was a bad day, day before was a good day, etc. They’re still trying to adjust psych meds. We’re really hopeful that helps. We want him home.

        Physically, he’s much improved. Transfers are much, much easier since he has a bit of use of his left leg now.

        • Marie

          Rooting for the meds to help him even out and sending extra support for you and your mom. What a tough time to go through!

    • AIMS

      I think she did you a favor by displaying her judgment early & often. Consider yourself lucky! Good luck with the search.

    • Senior Attorney

      I’m so sorry, Sloan!

      My dad is in assisted living but I found a great aide for him (to do the things that aren’t included in the SIX THOUSAND DOLLARS A MONTH he’s paying — oops, sorry I just get a little ragey) through the facility. You might want to check facilities near where you are and see if they have anybody they can recommend.

      • Sloan Sabbith

        We were going to ask a nurse we + dad had begun to trust if he knew of anyone and then they transferred him to a different floor and they won’t put us through to the old nurse since it’s not HIS nurse now. f-ing ridiculous.

        we asked if he could stay in the SNF after medicare ends coverage. yes, for $370 a day. Hahahahahah

    • KP

      Why don’t elderly parents move closer to their kids? USA born and raised, but I don’t get it.

      • The Lone Ranger

        Because they like where they live? They’ve built a life there and have friends (at least until they start dying off), church, etc. They know the roads and what hours the farmers’ market is open, they have social groups and can get to the senior center on their own. They have established medical care where they are.

        Also, how would you decide which child to mover closer to? My mom had kids in Iowa, Washington State, Texas, Virginia, Maryland and NY. My mother in law has kids in Pennsylvania, but on opposite sides of the state, Maryland, and overseas. I don’t expect my two to stay in the same area, who should I move closer to? And why? To end up in an area where I would only know them and no one else? I get along great with my kids, but I don’t think either one of them wants to be my only contact in the area.

      • LaurenB

        I think it’s odd to assume all of one’s children are going to wind up in the same city. People move for work and in some professions they move / get transferred frequently. Why would elderly parents “chase” a grown child whose job moves him around?

      • Sloan Sabbith

        Because kids can’t quit their jobs to be full time caregivers even if their parents do live in the same city?

  8. Horse Crazy

    My dad got his first vaccine today, and my mom is getting her first tomorrow!!! I’m so happy.

    • Anon

      Yay!! My mom got her second dose yesterday and my dad had his last week. I feel so relieved.

      • Horse Crazy

        Me too!! Especially for my dad, who works in retail. Such a relief!!!

    • Sloan Sabbith

      My dad got his second dose earlier this week, and my mom and grandparents have all had their first dose.

    • Senior Attorney

      Yeah, it seems like it’s happening! My dad and son (healthcare worker) have had both doses and my husband has had the first. Looks like I’ll be the last in the immediate family to get the jab. — I’ve been telling Hubby the only thing wrong with having a young trophy wife is you can’t get her vaccinated!

    • Anonymous

      CA just announced that everyone of any vaccinable age with a specific list of preexisting conditions goes next in the queue, likely in mid-March.

  9. Cat End of Life

    An update to all those who commented on my Cat End of Life post from a month or two ago: I ended up calling the vet, who prescribed two different medications to control the pooping, which have worked well enough. I switched to disposable litter boxes and to a different litter for her box (so she doesn’t hate it as much?) and have started keeping her in a bathroom at night (with a cat bed, food, and litter box) to contain the floor-poops. She’s gone from about 6 floor poops, to 12, now to 2 a day, which is manageable – for now.

    She’s still alive and doing okay – although I know now more than ever that the end is near. In case it’s helpful, my vet recommended some quality of life online calculators/quizzes to keep track of how she is from week to week. I didn’t know those resources existed, I hope they’re helpful for others. I’ve never had to make the choice to euthanize a pet, so this is new and scary territory for me.

    • Anon

      I’m glad you found a manageable solution. You’re a great cat mom. You’ll know when the time is right – trust me. <3

    • Ekaterin Nile

      I don’t comment often, but I have been thinking about your situation. Three years ago, my beloved 19-year-old kitty went from being skinny and needing subcutaneous saline injections due to kidney disease (but content with her peaceful life) to basically non-responsive and unable to get into her litter box. I knew it was time to take away her pain but it was horrible. I’d had her since she was 8 weeks old. One thing that made it more bearable was that I found a service that would euthanize her at home. She hated going to the vet and I did not want her last moments to be full of unhappiness and stress. So she was put to sleep on my lap in my house. And as much as I still miss her (I’m tearing up as I write this), the fact that she passed in her own home and on my lap, with no stress, is comforting to me. You might want to identify services in your area that will do this if you think it will be easier for your cat. Hugs.

    • Anon

      Your cat is so lucky to have a human who loves her so much. She has clearly had a really great life with you. It will be hard, but you will know when it’s the right time. My 19-year-old cat also had to be confined to the bathroom at night to manage litter box issues near the end of his life, so you’re not alone.

  10. Anon

    i know someone else on here posted about this recently…but I’m a healthy 35 year old and have shingles! I really thought it was an illness for older people

    • Anon

      Had it for years on and off from late 20s to 40s (I am now 52)…had chicken pox as child and mono after college…for me, shingles only surfaced on back of one leg that had been injured(torn ligaments) in college and only when I was stressed..was a clear reminder that I needed to take care of myself , get extra rest, eat healthy food.

    • biggest balls in the room

      I’m mid 40s and have had shingles twice so far. Once in college, and once just a couple of years ago. Sadly, you can get it at pretty much any age. Hope you feel better soon.

    • Cornellian

      I still don’t know if it was connected to me somehow but I had three (age-appropriate) boyfriends in my 20s get it back to back.

      Heads up, though, for one of them it was a precursor to a MS diagnosis and apparently that is not unheard of.

      • Ellen

        Dad says Yes. He said he was victimized in Eastern Europe from a local woman who infected a number of American operatives who were working with him undercover. I asked him if he had s-x with her, and he said yes, b/c she was cute and he was not yet serius with Mom yet. Mom made him get cleared by the military hospital b/f she would marry him and she did not have s-x with him until AFTER they were married. She did not want to get sick just b/c he had had s-x with this European woman.

    • Jules

      My kid got it at about age 2 1/2, after having had chicken pox as an infant.

    • Anonymous

      I got it after a car accident when I was in my 20s. Stress can suppress your immune system which can lead to shingles because the virus is already latent in your body from childhood chicken pox.

    • TO No-Longer-Junior

      Hello, I am a (otherwise) healthy 34 year old and also just had shingles! I was as surprised as you are, for the same reason. I put it down to intense stress in the months leading up to it. Thankfully I was lucky and it cleared up pretty quickly with only minor pain. I hope yours is similar!

    • Anon

      I got it at 32, and was FURIOUS at my GP for casually referring me to a dermatologist without explaining the urgency. Took almost a week to get in, then the derm gave me a lecture about why I didn’t come sooner. Um, because I took what your office had, and nobody told me there was a countdown?

    • Senior Attorney

      Ugh, that was me! So sorry — sending ALL THE COMMSERATION!!

      I think it’s mostly for older people because most younger people these days haven’t had chicken pox.

    • Anonymous

      I don’t want to brag but I got shingles when I was 16. I topped that off with cancer in my late 20s followed by menopause (caused by the chemo) at age 30. Now that I’m healthy and have some distance from the awfulness of being sick, I do like to joke I’ve always been advanced for my age :)

    • LaurenB

      My daughter got shingles in college. She had had chicken pox when she was 6 (and she’d been vaccinated for chicken pox, so she had a mild case). Just bad luck.

  11. The Original ...

    Remember how we were all buying the T@rget Gillian and O’Malley modal pj pants way back when? Ya know how everyone is into decluttering now? Hoping this goes together…

    Does anyone have any in medium size, short length that they are getting rid of? I’ve been looking on p0shmark and no dice and t@rget no longer sells them.

    Figured I’d try <3

    • Anonymous

      Target hasn’t sold them for what, 10 years now? I loved them too but had to move on.

    • Flats Only

      If no one has leftovers for you, look at Latuza pajamas. Bamboo rayon, very soft and comfy, and similar to how I remember the Target ones being. I got a couple sets thru Amazon, but you can also order from their website.

    • Anon

      The soma cool nights pants are their better quality cousin and they come in a short inseam

  12. Anon

    In the Atlantic article about not keeping score or having lists of things to do by X age, this struck me: Relying on external rewards lowers satisfaction. You will like your job less if your primary motivation is prestige or money.
    What is your motivation for your job?. I wouldn’t do it for free ie if I won the lottery I would quit in a heartbeat, but I also do enjoy a lot of the work. So money is a huge motivator for me.

    • Anon

      Or maybe it’s the security money provides so I can enjoy other parts of my life.

    • anonnnn

      My motivation for my job is paying my bills and living a very nice life. I DGAF what other people think about my job and if I could work driving a street cleaner for the money I make now, I would do it.

    • akub

      A big motivation for me is the sense of accomplishment. Honestly I get bored if I’m not working for a while, like when I was unemployed. I could do hobbies and stuff all day, but I like having a goal and dealing with challenges and generally the work environment. It does need to be work I care about though.

    • Anonymous

      My motivation is saving the ocean and I think I get to do it. I am blessed to be able to write marine law domestically and internationally. Its really fulfilling to do good every day.

    • Anon

      Yeah, it’s money. I don’t care about job fulfillment because I’m artistic (write poetry, compose music). Working is just funding my ability to create. Even if I could make good money as a creative, I probably wouldn’t, because I don’t want anyone else to have control over my art.

    • Anon

      Honestly, the money. It allows me to do my very expensive hobby (hi, horse, you cost a lot) without really having to think about what I spend on it because I can afford it, and that is a blessing. I also like my coworkers. If I didn’t, I couldn’t do this job.

    • anon

      Mostly knowledge that I’m helping and fulfillment; a little bit money (in that if I won the lotto I’d still work but would no longer do this job. Not really the money though, because if I went private sector I’d almost double my salary, but also the only reason I’m staying with my current employer is that local gov’t pays better than non profits)

    • Anon

      I feel like anyone who doesn’t do it for the money is either already rich or has been brainwashed.

    • Cat

      Sense of accomplishment and respect…. but also yes, most definitely the money. I like the freedom it gives me and DH.

    • Anonymous

      I’m surprised so many are saying money. Maybe because so many lawyers? I like what I do and am generally energized by it. My job is product development and it’s hugely satisfying to research things and create. And I sort of landed in a weird created-for-me part of my job where I get to write and give presentations to those in our field pretty regularly as well. There are times when I know I’ve created something so perfect where I feel like an ice skater who just completed a flawless routine. I assumed everyone kind of felt this way…The money is good but I could make it other ways. And to be sure some parts are a slog. But if I ever felt like I was just making widgets/lacked ability to make a mark and I was doing only for the pay, I’d be miserable. I guess I sort of live for the rush of project victories—coming out with something profitable, making seemingly impossible deadlines or creating content that gets appreciated.

      • Anonymous

        You are not alone,
        I construct public buildings / infrastructure. I could do the same or more money doing other type of jobs with my degree but I am really proud of my contribution to society and more now in pandemic situation when my company provides an esential service.
        My sis studied law and she always wanted or to be a prosecutor (to put bad guys in jail) or a labour lawyer to help workers. My brother and BIL work both in the economic and journalist world trying to raise the level of understanding of normal people regarding finalcial issues.
        Not sure if it is for the family we were raise in or our catholic school where day after day we were asked how we were going to “service” society.
        Yes, we all have to pay bills but if you can choose how to do it please try to leave a better world behind you.

      • Anon

        I suspect some of the sifference may not be due to profession but age.

        I am in tech, lead teams, deliver great products and the money is still my primary motivator at thisvstage in my life as I want to be able to retire some day. If I won the lotrery tomorrow, I would do what I do jow but half time, if they let me.

        Working is interesting but exhausting, in the end of the day…

        • Anon

          This is a great point. I’ve been laid off and struggled to find work in my field for long periods; I no longer have the luxury of working for “good”. I need to afford retirement and health care. I was more idealistic in my 30s and 40s.

      • Anon

        On Insta the hashtags #yardigras and #kreweofhousefloats also have tons of pictures. It’s been an easy way to pass the time this afternoon.

  14. Anonymous

    Important question! How / where do you store your bread? Drawer? Bread storage thing on counter (built in or stand alone?)? Other?

      • anonshmanon

        Fridge as well. In a plastic bag. Most breads (regular white bread, bagels) see the toaster before I eat them.

    • Anon

      This is probably not going to be a popular response, but… in the freezer! That way it stays fresh as long as I need it. I just pop it straight into the toaster from the freezer and it thaws nicely.

    • Anon

      Freezer. There’s just two of us, so we don’t go through it that quickly and these days I’m mostly baking my own, so no preservatives. Once in a while I make something like focaccia that we eat fast enough and is a little messy to freeze and then it just goes in a large plastic snaplock container.

    • Anon

      On the top of my fridge. This is also where chips live. I think this is maybe weird, but it’s where these things lived in my house growing up, so it’s where I put them now.

    • Anon

      On top of my toaster oven (and then removed and temporarily relocated to the counter when I actually need to toast something). On top of the fridge is actually making a lot of sense to me now that I am seeing this option though…

    • MagicUnicorn

      On the counter, usually sitting on top of the tortilla shells, next to the chips.

    • Anon

      Currently in-use loaves are in the fridge, back-up loaves are in the freezer. I buy in bulk on sale, bread is freaking expensive! We also don’t share because he eats the worst version of everything, and I eat health food.

    • Anon

      On a cutting board because I make sourdough rounds. I made white regular yeast bread this week for the first time in a long time and stored it in a clean produce bag.

      Highly recommend a slatted cutting board with a crumb tray for anyone slicing their own bread.

    • Anonymous

      In a breadbox on the counter. Used to just sit on the counter until we got fed up with our dog stealing whole loaves of bread, or a bag with 16 tortillas in it.

  15. Anonymous

    We are sprucing you our kitchen (new granite, painting cabinets). We currently have a regular depth 36” Home Depot grade fridge. It’s fine, but it is a bit of an eyesore poking out into the room.

    We have room for a 42” (but not 48”) counter depth fridge, which is the same storage space. We have too much food for a counter depth 36” fridge. It would make the room feel a lot more open. Downside is the only 42” counter depth fridges on the market are the high end (~$10k) ones.

    I feel like if I’m buying a subzero, I want 48”. But I also really want to get rid of our giant fridge.

    Thoughts?

    And if you have a subzero, any regrets? Particularly if you upgraded from the standard kind?

    • Lilau

      I bought a house with a giant subzero fridge. It must be 20 years old. I love it so much that I can’t tell you. It fits everything- my house isn’t set up for a garage or basement fridge and I don’t need one. Really- like I can fit an entire case of beer or whatever after having gone grocery shopping. It’s super customizable and it organizes itself. It’s kind of a problem because now I’m going to miss it if we don’t have one in the new house, but like you I think the price is steep.

    • Anonymous

      My parents have a sub zero that thing is 20 years old and still to this day every time I use it I think ‘this is a nice fridge.’ I’ve never encountered another brand which has such longevity, style and functionality. That said the fridge cost as much as a small car.

    • AIMS

      So you have room for your eyesore fridge in a garage? We have friends who recently renovated and took their old fridge to their garage and now all their bulky, extra or non-essential stuff lives there and they have a nice open fridge and kitchen. Just another idea.

      • Seventh Sister

        We got a crappy-ish fridge for a meat-curing project my husband wanted to do a few years back. The meat-curing project was a bust, but it turned out to be awesome to have a fridge for drinks, bulky dairy, frozen stuff, etc. Definitely recommend keeping it. I haven’t noticed our utility bills go up having the fridge out there.

    • Anon

      I have a 42″ counter depth fridge and I went with Kitchen Aid, which is absolutely not cheap but seemed to be the cheapest on the market and should be less than $10k. At that size all the fridges are built in, which is pricey. I really do like the layout, though – nothing gets lost in the back.

    • Anon

      My house had a sub-zero, built into the wall when I bought it. I was happy . . . and then I lived with the sub-zero. It wasn’t great at keeping things cold in hot weather, which seems like a major flaw. I also swear the machine wrecked my elbow joints, so hard to open. I thought maybe the cooling issue was my machine, but I checked out Consumer Reports and received confirmation. Sadly, at some point I actually replaced the sub-zero with another sub-zero because there literally is no other refrigerator made that fits in the space. This one is better on the cooling , fortunately, but my elbows are still trashed. Oh, and repairs are expensive. If you have alternatives that fit, I would not choose sub-zero.

      • Anon

        I concur. We have a am at least 10 year old subzero and have had issues with the temp display breaking down. A few dicey situations where it got left open and then would not cool down for several hours. It has always sprung back to life but it makes me nervous so I keep a manual thermometer in there to be sure it’s staying cold.

        • LaurenB

          I have a 20 year old subzero fridge and freezer (both are independent units, not a combined fridge/freezer) and my problem is — because of the custom size, I cannot just replace it – but I literally have to tear down all my cabinets and re-do them, as no manufacturer makes anything that size anymore. Since I have the two each flanking a door with cabinets built in, that means that when one of them goes, I have to replace both and it’s going to be a HUGE bill. If I were to do it again, I would only want standard-size appliances so I could swap them out without having to re-do cabinets.

      • Senior Attorney

        Yeah, we have fancy appliances (not sub zero but similar) and the repair bills can be ruinous!

  16. Friday

    I bought Uggs today and I’m obsessed with them. I live in South Texas so the idea of shearling boots always seemed silly to me. I guess some things are trendy for a reason.

    • Country Biscuits

      North Texas and I’m obsessed too. Wearing ones that are 13 years old today!

      • Anon

        I have a pair still in use that are 25+ years old. I have replaced the insoles several times. Not my favorite look but my feet like cozy. Also, my feet are currently in the best Uggs for at home, the Rylan, kind of a cross between a slipper and a sneaker, sadly no longer made. If anyone knows a replacement, please post.

        • Sloan Sabbith

          How about the Tasman slipper or the Alena? Neither are a perfect match.

          Looks like LLBean has something similar, and my mom has the Sorel Mackenzie slippers that maybe would work?

          • Anon

            Thank you- I will check out your suggestions. I love the sneaker sole on the Rylan, but maybe one of these will come close.

  17. Counting birds this weekend!

    For those who enjoy watching birds, even if only sparrows in the backyard: Great Backyard Bird Count is this weekend https://www.birdcount.org/

    You can download an app like eBird making tracking easy.

    Just submitted a pair of bald eagles that circled over our frozen neighborhood pond here in the suburban Midwest.

    • Senior Attorney

      Oh, fun!

      We had a peafowl family out for a stroll in our back yard this morning.

      • Anon

        God I would love that. We get wild turkeys up here in the Bay Area (and they are a-holes) but at least peacocks are pretty. Though I remember you saying they’re loud.

        • Senior Attorney

          I don’t mind the noise. It’s hilarious — they meow like cats, and they squawk like air horns!

  18. confused associate

    Long time lurker, first time poster. Hoping for thoughts on…what to do with my life/career I guess.

    I am a mid-level associate practicing labour & employment at a firm in Canada. My firm is mostly good – hour expectations are reasonable, pay is fine (but not awesome,) I love my peers and have some good mentors. If I am going to stay in private practice I would want to stay here. But I don’t think I want to stay in private practice, and I also am becoming more and more concerned that even though I get good reviews and am well liked by the partnership that I am being left behind, especially in terms of litigation experience, by some of my (male) colleagues who are similar years of call. This is likely part of a bigger embedded issue in the firm in terms of retaining and growing female talent that I have no real desire to fight to change on my own.

    I have been applying and interviewing somewhat casually for about a year, and I now have offer for an in house-type job that sounds interesting. It will come with a cut in pay that seems to be the price of admission to move away from private practice, but is sweetened by some pretty great benefits. Overall I think this job would be a good fit for me on what seems to be a great team.

    My concern is whether I am making a huge mistake by moving away from practice and into what is essentially a non-lawyer job (although using my legal knowledge and skills, it is not a legal title and others in the role are not lawyers) this early in my career. Part of this is concern the fear of not liking it and how hard it will be to get back into a firm if I want to, but I think part of it is also that I was always one of those people who thought I wanted to be a lawyer, and now I spent all this time and money on law school (which I have thankfully been able to pay off) to basically give up on being a lawyer after a few years. I guess I’m torn between sticking it out in an OK lawyer job that I don’t really love but pays well or making a leap into the unknown where things could be better or worse, but either way I’ll be making less money.

    Has anyone done this? Did you miss being a lawyer? Do you have huge regrets? Is it as hard as I’m thinking it might be to change your mind and get back into a firm (even on non-partner track)? I’m so torn between wanting something different and possibly better for me, and fear of making a mistake that closes a door that I can’t reopen if I’m wrong.

    • Senior Attorney

      I moved into a non-practicing but law-related job twelve years into my career and never looked back.

      I also think you are junior enough to go back within a few years if you don’t like it, although you’d have to take a hit in seniority, of course.

      On the other hand, when I was a second-year associate I wanted nothing more than to chuck the whole law thing and become an elementary school teacher, and I am VERY glad I didn’t do that.

      • Anon

        Hah! I decided I wanted to be a mail carrier, so I would get exercise on the job, and my hours would be set. Couldn’t get hired, though, so I stuck with law, but left BigLaw.

          • Anon

            I hope you tested better than I did. I don’t think I had ever taken a standardized test through the LSAT where I was below the top percentile . . .and then there was the mail carriers’ test. I did not excel, and my legal career remained intact.

    • Anon

      I identify! I could have written this message several years ago. I’m also in Canada, also practised labour and employment, and was also at a mostly good firm when I made the decision to move into a non-traditional role. (And also a lurker, first time poster.) If it would be helpful to talk to someone who’s been through something similar, I’d be happy to share my experience. You can reach me at b4908943 at gmail.

  19. anon

    Fashion rant … gawd, I despise the return to cropped shirts. I’m 5’8″ with a long torso. Cropped doesn’t look cute; it looks like I don’t know how to buy clothes that fit me. And yeah, I know I’m supposed to wear them with high-waisted jeans. Trust me, it does not improve the situation, lol.

    • Anonymous

      I hear you. I am not quite 5’6” but my torso is so long that seated I am as tall as my friends who are 5’10 and 5’11”. High-rise jeans + too-short top are absolutely not flattering on a long torso. The proportions are just off. And I am too old and in too serious a job to go around flashing my bare midriff, no matter how toned.

    • Anon

      I am 5’3″ and wear tall shirts, but have a 26″ inseam. Even short slacks need hemming to fit me correctly. I am all torso, and this cropped nonsense needs to go away. I was loving the tunic sweater phase a few years ago.

    • Eertmeert

      Lol, I am the opposite. Stupidly short waisted, so that most crop tops are just regular shirts on me. I am stocking up now so I have plenty for when the long shirts come back in style.

    • Of Counsel

      As someone who has seen the same fashion cycles come and go (in some cases 3 times), my advice is just not to wear the trend of the moment if it does not flatter you. If you are old enough to complain about the “return” of a trend, you are old enough to ignore it.

      • Anonymous

        It’s not so easy to buy long shirts when all that’s being sold is crop tops. Clothes don’t last long enough just to wait out a trend.

          • Of Counsel

            There are many, many, many stores that are selling non-crop tops. If you cannot find them, I suggest you try someplace whose target demographic is not high school and college students.

  20. Anon for this

    A friend is social worker in her early 40s with some major medical conditions but living somewhere where they do not qualify her for early vaccination. She works from home. She just found out that social workers can get vaccinated due to being in the frontline category. She feels torn on getting vaccinated. She feels like she doesn’t deserve it yet but her loved ones are encouraging her because she does qualify and getting sick could kill her due to her medical history. She asked my thoughts. Is this an AITA situation? I love her and want her to get it to stay healthy and because she helps society in her work and because herd immunity helps all. I also see why she thinks others may need it more but it could be months before she would qualify again just in the general open sign ups time.

    What would you do and either way, would you feel guilty?

    • Anon

      if most Americans thought like she did this pandemic wouldn’t be raging and people still wouldn’t be arguing about wearing a mask. If i were her I’d probably agonize over the decision the way she is, ultimately get it and feel guilty for a bit but then get over it

    • Anon

      I would get it and would not feel guilty. It has become clear that distribution is an all-out cluster. I wouldn’t lie to get the vaccine like some of the stories that have been posted on here, but if I legitimately qualified – or, honestly, even somehow lucked into being at the right place at the right time where they had extras on hand that had to be used – I would get it in a heartbeat without thinking twice.

    • LaurenB

      Frankly I”m tired of extending sympathy to the “should I get it? I qualify but I feel so guilty …” My god, the goal is to get shots in arms. If you qualify according to whatever rules your state has, then sign up, get the shot, and count your blessings and move on. They presumably calculated the # of shots being ordered based on how many people fit that category. There is no need for this gnashing of teeth.

      • Anonymous

        Late to this conversation but wanted to add a big +1 to “they presumably calculated the # of shots being ordered based on how many people fit that category.” I am working on this issue in my state and we are COUNTING on people who fit into each category to show up to get vaccinated. When people take a pass, for whatever reason, it throws the numbers off. We are literally PLANNING ON YOU TO GET VACCINATED so please for the love of all things holy just take an appointment when it becomes available to you.

    • Anon

      She should get it. They’re offering it to her as a social worker for a reason. She should feel absolutely no guilt over this.

    • Anon

      I think I’m already tired of vaccine martyrs. Get the damned shot if it’s legitimately available to you, people.

      • Anonymous

        absolutely tired of the vaccine martyrs. Everyone–get the vaccine when you are eligible! Don’t spend any more time thinking about whether or not it is “fair.” Do it please and move on. Of course she should get the vaccine. This is like asking “hey, I my target salary was 80k, but I got offered a job at 100k, and someone else downstream might deserve that money more. Should I suggest that I will take the job at 80?” No fool, take the offer and move on. I can’t figure out why Covid has brought out ALL of these conversations about fairness.

    • AIMS

      She should get it and she shouldn’t feel bad about it. One of the reasons that vaccines are being prioritized the way they are is to protect people who would be most vulnerable to 1) dying and 2) taking up hospital resources. Both are valid reasons that overlap but also serve different goals. She will help her state with both. If she needs to think of it in a selfless way, her vaccine means she is less likely to take up a hospital bed from someone else who may need it more unexpectedly.
      Whether she is technically eligible because of her job or because of her health, the end goal is still being helped.

    • Anon now

      I think many people here would probably think I’m an a-hole if I posted un-anon. I’m 33, I work at home and I got my first shot last week. In my state, I qualify because I have serious medical issues and my hematologist put me on the list for an appointment. I even left my neighborhood and went to different and less privileged one to get the shot because that’s where the hospital system I’m associated with was giving it.

      • LaurenB

        Oh this is ridiculous. No one here would think you were an a-hole because you qualify due to medical issues. The fact that you work at home is irrelevant. Glad you got the shot.

      • Anonymous

        Not me! You didn’t lie or cheat your way in. You qualify and I’m very glad you got it!

      • AIMS

        I don’t think you’re an a-hole either! I do think your last sentence is weird-I’m going to assume you left your neighborhood for a ‘less privileged’ one because that’s where the appointment was, and not because you were being covert, but if not, that would be the only ‘a-hole’ thing about it – don’t go to other neighborhoods if you can get one in your own! (And I know that’s a big IF there).

    • Anon

      I qualify because I am a licensed healthcare professional (RN). But I have a WFH job in a healthcare-related industry. I felt a little guilty when I got my shot last week. But to counterbalance that I am volunteering at at our citywide mass vaccination center giving vaccines.

  21. Anonymous

    what recourse do you have against a business spamming you by text message? I’ve tried numerous times to reply STOP and i keep getting them from different numbers. the business is premiumghostwriting.com fwiw and says it’s BBB accredited on its homepage.

    • Anonymous

      I know it’s different numbers—but over time if you keep blocking without showing it being read, they’ll drop you. I used to have one horrid company do this who would string my number with about 8 other people—so you also had 8 people texting Stop or swearing afterward. Who knew we’d long for the days of good old-fashioned telemarketers!

    • Anonymous

      Also stop replying in this case. It doesn’t work and it actually encourages them because they’re getting a response from you.

    • anon

      and if they‘re a BBB member, filing a complaint with the BBB is something they will have to respond to

  22. anan

    Speaking of Holidays- is anyone doing anything for Lunar New Year? I feel like the worst Asian daughter/ mother- my sister in law (who is not Asian) asked for ideas of things to do today with my niece and I had no ideas. “Um… make sure you call my parents and grandparents…?” was all I could think of. I feel like other years there were Chinese school activities that we did, but we didn’t enroll our kids this year. I guess we’ll just stay home and collect the red envelopes…. but would love to hear if other people do anything.

  23. purse fundraiser advice?

    Has anyone ever done a purse raffle/auction fundraiser? One of the annual fundraisers I do is virtual for the second year, and many of our pre-event smaller fundraising events are also not possible due to the pandemic, so one of my friends suggested an online designer purse raffle. I should note we’re just one team in the event, so we’re not looking to raise a ton of money, maybe a few thousand. I think that a purse raffle could actually work for our demographic, but I’m a little lost on where and how to get the items. I assume donations are unlikely, and I’m willing to put up some money towards buying a few bags at an outlet store or whatever, but I’m not sure where to start. If you’ve done this before, any advice?

    • Anonymous

      Just do a 50/50 raffle. No one wants to buy a raffle ticket for an outlet store purse.

      • Lilau

        +1

        Also, in my experience, the winner of a 50/50 often gives the winnings back to the charity with amid much of backslapping and raised glasses. Although, maybe virtually they’re more likely to keep it? Still, you’re not out money.

  24. Anonymous

    I’m looking to replace some Pleione long sleeve, collared, button front blouses that I bought from Nordstrom Rack. It looks like this brand is no longer around. I liked the classic style, slightly relaxed fit, washed up well in a mesh bag, didn’t require a cami underneath, and it was only $30. I’d like to buy a few more blouses in this style but it’s hard to find them in colors (white and black area easy to find but not what I”m looking for). Any suggestions on alternate brands to try (already checked Poshmark and eBay for Pleione)?

    • AIMS

      Have you checked Nordstrom Rack online? They still have some Pleione tops and similar looking options from NYDJ and Vince Camuto.

    • Anonymous

      Have you looked at Express? I am older and hadn’t shopped there in decades but found some versatile shirts there in 2019 and 2018.

  25. Anonymous

    Ladies, I need some resources. I’m a trust fund kid, now in my mid thirties. I was raised with a weird relationship with money that has improved over the years – I’ve always been acutely aware that I did not earn or deserve what I was given (quite a bit when I turned 18) but at least now I’m good at managing it and feel like I deserve good money management because it is self care.

    I have a few invisible disabilities and my money has helped me stay healthy. However, my health condition has improved a lot and I now have a decent job with health insurance. I used to feel “okay” about having money because I was unhealthy, but now that justifier is gone. I am well and I can work. It feels really weird to know that I now am a person that other people might envy. In the past, people might be envious at first but then not so much once they found out what was under the surface.

    I just found out that my dad plans to start distributing more money to me and my stepbrothers every year because he wants us to enjoy it. It has thrown me for a loop. I am incredibly grateful but I mostly have tried to save and invest and not be *that* trust fund kid. I don’t know. I also am so, so aware of how much other people have suffered over the last year while my investments have done well and my career has progressed. My anxiety is getting to me and impacting my relationship with my husband, who grew up very poor and has different issues with money than I do.

    I don’t know how to find a balance between saving, investing, donating and enjoying my money. We do spend more than we make from my salary but less than we make from investments + salary. I have my first appointment with a financial therapist on Monday and I am hoping that helps. I want to be a good person and not that trust fund kid we all hate. I also want to find a balance so my husband doesn’t have to reassure my money anxiety so much. Any tips? Books? Blogs? Other resources? Thank you in advance.

    • Anonymous

      If the money is giving you all this anxiety, why not donate it? Or put it in a trust for your own kids (if you have them)?

    • LaurenB

      No one of substance sits around and “hates” people with trust funds. Figure out how you want to allocate your money — how is it relevant that others have suffered this past year? If you care so much, give them the money. You seem to care a lot about what other people might think of you / your money / your spending — and it’s getting in the way of you actually figuring out what you want to do.

    • LaurenB

      BTW, you could set up a charitable trust (mine is through Fidelity) where you could disburse $x/year to the non-profit(s) of your choice.

    • Anonymous

      Not a trust fund kid here, but do have a job with occasional massive bonuses and a disability. I spent 5 percent of the bonuses on upgrading our daily lives, didn’t do massive lifestyle creep, and invested the rest. My goal is to make sure there is a pool of money that can help take care of us when I can’t work, so I am never a burden. The money goes into a trust that will take care of my husband and then support causes we feel strongly about. DINKs.

    • Anon

      Talk to a financial advisor. You can set up a charitable foundation, you can put money aside for your (future?) children, you can just let it accrue. I do caution against the “I could just give it all/most away” impulse. You are healthy and working NOW but that is never a guarantee. Even aside from whatever your own health issue is, I know way too many people who had major health crises in their 40s, 50s and 60s.

      Also, do yourself a favor and stop obsessing over the morality of inherited money. Did you “deserve” to have a disability? Of course not. Did any of us do anything to “deserve” being born in countries that are relatively safe and prosperous? Do we deserve our health? Our healthy children? Do people who have or whose spouses/parents/children have horrible illnesses “deserve” it? Do people with desk jobs who can work from home during the pandemic “deserve” their paychecks more than people in the hospitality industry who got laid off? Again – of course not. A lot of life is just the hand we are dealt. People who are in a position to help others should but I hate this idea that people should self-flagellate for their “privilege.” And truthfully, we “hate” rich people who behave irresponsibly or arrogantly but it is their behavior that is the problem not their bank accounts.

      I am not rich and did not come from money. But I am still luckier than 95% of the world’s population. One of my best friends is filthy rich because her parents were over-insured and died when she was young. She would trade every penny for her parents in a heartbeat and I would never envy her that money. As long as your are considerate and tactful, 90% of the people you encounter do not hold the fact that you are objectively rich against you.

      So take the good with the bad and enjoy the opportunities your money allows you while designating a reasonable share to help others.

      • theguvnah

        Agreed.

        Also OP i hope you are in therapy. It sounds like the anxiety around money is impacting your marriage and clearly your own well-being. You are not a bad person for having money! Especially since you understand that you can help others. You can make this work for you.

    • Also Anon

      I dont know where you live, but in San Francisco there is a group called the Womens Donor Network. It is high net worth women who get together around philanthropy. Some of the women earned their money but many inherited it, and have learned to deal with similar issues you describe. They are lefty ish. You may want to try one of their conferences, or ask if they have a similar group near to where you live.

  26. Anonymous

    Hallux rigidus! Does anyone have it, especially if you were diagnosed at a young(ish) age (~30)? Tips for management and not horrible looking shoes?

    • The Lone Ranger

      I’m not sure what that is (I’ll google later) but my go to for problem feet and shoes that are good for them is https://www.barkingdogshoes.com/ She reviews numerous shoes that are cute and comfortable and handle different problems.

  27. Worried

    I don’t have an answer for your situation, but an anecdote that may help reframe things. I’m not a trust fund child, but I know an older close family friend of my parents who made substantial money when his kids were tweens. Since their family made money, they have not wanted for anything. Now that they are grown and have kids of their own their dad continues to give them financial help with no strings attached. They have homes purchased for them and money to enjoy. What they have done is use the gifted money to follow their passion projects. They have well paying jobs, and work, but they can pretty much follow any other path they choose. One of them is starting a side business that is more about their passion— they are using the money to kickstart an idea(that already has traction and success). They can use money for vacations, private schools— whatever they need or want. I do have to add that none of these people are flashy or have an outward show of wealth ( they have new but not luxury cars and do not wear obvious designer brands) and it is no secret that they have it. What I’m trying to illustrate by this example is that having this financial trust fund is fate and luck on their part, and they might as well make the most of it. I’m sure people envy them, but that’s always going to be a part of life no matter what you have or don’t have. It sounds as though you feel guilty and that is understandable. Perhaps accepting that this is an opportunity like any other that others may or would also take in your shoes would help you feel better.

  28. Alone

    Friends…talk me off the ledge. I’m 31, desperately single, desperately want children and have seen THREE pregnancy announcements today already, not to mention the endless couple posts.

    I am so tired of being alone. I am so tired of waiting for my person, of feeling like I’m being left behind, of wondering if I will never be a wife and mother like I’ve dreamed of for my entire life.

    Rationally, I know that not everyone is on the same timeline and things happen when they happen and blah blah blah…but my heart hurts so much. I am so tired of being happy for friends when my heart breaks more every time I go to a bachelorette party or a wedding or a baby shower.

    I haven’t even had a hug in over a year, due to the pandemic and I just feel so starved for love and affection. I live alone, in a city where I have very few friends and the pandemic has really highlighted how absolutely alone in this world I am.

    • Anon

      Today is not the day to be on social media if you’re in this sort of mindset. VD is social media performative catnip. Log off, watch a hilarious horror comedy, and eat some trash.

    • anon

      Then adopt as a single mom! Not everything does have to be on your timeline and yes, in certain states, adopting as a single parent is harder. But gosh, worth it at the end of the day, right? I had a friend do this and her son is absolutely the love of her life–she is super fulfilled and happy. If this is your dream, then go for it!

    • Anonymous

      I am so sorry you are feeling this way. I agree that checking out of social media for the day and likely longer is a good step to take. Be a bit selfish and self-focused for a while. I felt sadness over being single for a bit and, frankly, I just stopped participating in the well-wishing and wedding-going for a while. Maybe that is not great advice in they eyes of some, but it is what I needed at the time. Redirect that energy into self-care and working the dating apps or exploring other ways to meet people. And tell your trusted friends you are looking and ask if they know anyone who might be a match. As for the hugging – ask a well friend for a hug ASAP. Wear masks if you feel safer, and face in opposite directions, but it is a perfectly safe thing to do in this context. I remember giving my first pandemic hug over the summer to a dear friend who had just lost his brother tragically and it was worth every bit of the (very minimal) Covid risk to make him feel better and me, too. He is still my hug-buddy and I feel the serotonin rush every time. Human touch is good for health and you should get some. When the weather warms, find somewhere to get an outdoor massage, too.

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