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Thursday’s Workwear Report: Textured Cardigan Sweater

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A woman wearing a white top, dark blue jeans, and a dark brown cardigan

Our daily workwear reports suggest one piece of work-appropriate attire in a range of prices.

Even though it’s still 80+ degrees outside, my mind is turning to chunky sweaters in autumnal colors. I’m doing my best not to wish away the rest of the summer, but I’m really looking forward to getting cozy in some new knits in a few months, and this cardigan from Banana Republic Factory is at the top of the list. I love the texture and the gorgeous chocolate color, which will pair nicely with almost every other neutral in my closet. 

The sweater is $66 at Banana Republic Factory — with 20% off at checkout — and comes in sizes XXS-XXL.

Sales of note for 9/4 (Happy Labor Day — see our big roundup!)

249 Comments

  1. I am a new supervisor and I have two peers that I have to coordinate with constantly. We manage different people but have to collaborate to respond to our leadership. One of my peers is very hot and cold towards me depending on the day. She will say one thing in a meeting and do the exact opposite minutes later. She is just difficult to work with and it is so draining. I find myself wanting to explain or defend my actions but it is exhausting and a waste of time bc the next issue will set her off. She looks past me in meetings and gives terse responses to me, but is best friends with our other peers. It’s just complicated and toxic. I worked really hard to get my position and I’m too drained dealing with her temperament and jockeying for the spotlight to excel at my job. Help!

    1. I say this with kindness, but you’re giving her way too much space in your brain. I think the “let them” theory is wildly overused and oversimplified, but this might be a case where it actually applies. Do your job. Do it well. Cover your tail with your own boss. Or straight-up call her out when she says one thing and does another. Not in front of other people, necessarily, but in a private conversation.

      1. This is basically what I do in a similar situation. I mainly communicate with him only in public, I talk about what my team did and make any expectations/dependencies on him very clear. My company does do everything in public slack channels, so that’s the expectation anyways. I actually rarely talk to him alone – either his boss or my boss is usually there, which cuts down on his ability to be overly snotty.

      2. Yes this, and not the silliness below about “documenting everything”. i like the idea below about working to confirm it’s not you, and after you do that, just move on and be excellent. This is likely a her problem not a you problem AND it is likely that other people see it and don’t think highly of her, and will develop an opinion of you depending on how you handle it. So handle it with class and don’t give it the time of day.

    2. I would be documenting everything in emails and speaking to her only as much as needed. “To confirm the action items, please see below.” She can stop getting excessive emails when she stops being a child.

      1. +1 if you need to discuss items at all, with or without an audience, follow up with an email going over the points made within the conversaion. If she elects to ignore the email, it still holds weight, aka evidence.

      2. I think the advice on documenting everything gives you a false sense of control and does not help you in the end.

        1. For me, documenting things is helpful. At the end of meetings, reviewing action items, posting notes, or using facilitator for notes taking really helps when people try to weasel out of what was decided in a meeting.

        2. Documenting can absolutely help in some scenarios. Maybe it is sometimes useless, but are there any scenarios where “not documenting” is better?

          I’ve never felt any sense of control from documenting, so maybe that is dependent on individual psychology.

        3. That was my suggestion and it’s not for control, but for a literal record of what was decided to prevent further “arguments” (bad faith on the coworker’s part, of course) about what the plan was. I would even say “It seems like we’ve had some issues lately with having different understandings of what we decided in our meeting. I will plan to send around the decision points and action items after each one so we can all be on the same page.”

          1. I posted a while ago about issues with a colleague on one of my projects, around shifting goalposts and “I never said that” type stuff. When they blew up at me in front of some partners and tried to claim that they’d never told me to do X, it sure was handy to have shared meeting minutes demonstrating that they had in fact proposed X and told me to move it forward…

    3. Are you close enough with your other peers to ask one of them in private if they’ve noticed her behavior and why she might be acting that way? Not in a “let’s vent about Suzy” kind of way, but just trying to get more information, for example, if there’s a blind spot you may have, or additional context that would help you move forward. Is there something you could be doing differently? Is there another issue you need to be aware of that explains her behavior to an extent? I think this is a very draining situation to be dealing with alone and seeking advice from the right person could be worthwhile, if done in a constructive way.

      1. I second this. you will need to thread lightly but try into feel out what could be the root if she is nice to others and mean to you. Not to necessarily bend over backwards to be her friend but to give you more insights and tools.

  2. A very random and specific ask, but does anyone know where I could get a super stretchy cami with no shelf bra? I’m getting shoulder surgery in a couple weeks so will need to maneuver it on without disturbing the bad shoulder.

    1. I haven’t bought one recently enough to have a recommendation, and I’m not sure what your other criteria are, but I’d look for a high percentage of nylon in the fabric content, or if if cotton a high percentage of spandex.

    2. I have some from Old Navy that are described as under layers. they are very stretchy and I sleep in them sometimes but mostly use them as undershirts. The straps are not spaghetti straps, though – not sure if that matters to you

    5. You can also have a look at postsurgery (masectomy) bras with front closures. Those are very soft and comfortable, and no pretzel activity included.

    6. No specific links but based on prior purchases, I would check Old Navy’s current offerings. I bought a few comfy, loose tanks there this spring that would provide coverage, and have some more fitted ones from a few years ago that I wear as PJs.

    7. Hooboy. I’m 6 weeks post op from a rotator cuff surgery. It’s….. been a lot. I don’t have a rec to your question but I’ll offer (unsolicited) what my recovery as so far looked like from a clothing perspective:

      I don’t know if your recovery will looks like mine, and I’ve learned that rotator cuff is a particularly rough recovery. I was in a sling with an abductor pillow for four weeks. That said, I couldn’t wear anything but really super stretchy cotton Jockey bras for the first two weeks. They offered next to no support but it was enough for me given I was barely getting out of my reclining chair in those early days. I got a size larger than typical, but it was all I could put on. I wore those under lululemon tanks that were already a little big on me. Elastic wasted shorts are all I could wear, also. No way I could zip a fly or button pants.

      Around 3 weeks I was able to get an old, stretched out sports bra on and I basically wore it straight for 2-3 days before changing in to a new one.

      At 4 weeks I could put on a front clasping bra, and is also when I went in to the office for the first time. This is about when I could start to button pants for the first time on my own (not easily but could make it happen), and now at 6 I (mercifully) have DH clasping my normal bras for me.

      My worst mistake was wearing a pair of pants with a belt, a tank top bottom layer, and a top layer silk shirt to work in week 5. All of the tucking in, smoothing out, buttoning/buckling and unbuttoning was too much. I stopped drinking water after the first bathroom trip because it was just too hard and painful to do it all.

      Hang in there, and good luck. I hope your recovery is easier than mine! I still have a long road ahead. And if none of this is relevant to you, disregard!!

      1. Oh man, that sounds so rough. Thank you for all the info! Definitely looking into the jockey bras you mentioned. I’m having a labrum repair, which I understand is an easier recovery than rotator cuff, so I’m hoping I’ll be in regular clothes a little sooner, but this was very helpful!

        1. I also had a labrum tear… my shoulder was a disaster ha.

          Other unsolicited tips:

          – you can rent a recliner if you don’t have one from a medical supplier (assuming you have the space, that is). I had it for 30 days and slept in it until day 25. I know some people can make do on a couch but laying down on my back was brutal until very recently.
          – the ice machine was strapped to me nearly 24/7 for those first 3 weeks. I think it really helped. DonJoy is the brand I got at the recommendation of my surgeon. You can find them on FB marketplace if you don’t want a new one. Very, very easy to operate. I used my HSA to buy mine.
          – Dry shampoo allowed me to go several days between hair washing and from weeks 2-5 I got a weekly wash/dry at a salon because it just never felt like I was able to deeply scrub my scalp with one hand.

          Good luck to you! At 2 weeks, my outlook was so bleak. But here at 6 weeks, I feel like I’m partly a normal person again. Hoping your timeline is a lot faster than mine!

    8. Felina cotton stretch camis from Costco, they come in 4 packs. You can also get them via Felina’s site or via Amazon. They also make tanks. I sleep in them and they are breathable and fairly supportive.

    9. the cloudrib tank from universal standard is one of my favorites, they also have a camisole. The cloudrib fabric is very stretchy and soft. Theh reasl soft ribbed tank tops from aerie are also very stretchy

  3. Please help me decide whether it’s OK to sell my house in the suburbs and move into the city. Youngest child is a junior in college, probably headed to grad school. Older children already live in the city. Husband and I are certain we will enjoy living downtown; we did pre-kids and have spent some time pet-sitting for the older children in their downtown apartments. We absolutely love it. I work from home; husband works in the city and would be thrilled to give up his commute. I have no doubt our house will sell quickly. What is stopping us? The youngest child. I am afraid, and she has said, that she will feel displaced if we move out of the house where she grew up. Of course, she will have a dedicated bedroom in any new place; there will be no shared office/bedroom situation. Do I need to wait until she graduates? From undergrad? Grad school?

    I am also worried about my pets. What if they hate city living?

    Tell me I am crazy. As I read this over I feel a little crazy.

    1. We moved back to the city with our 9 year old in April and absolutely do it! We are all so much happier.

    2. I first read this as your youngest being a junior in high school and I was thinking oh yeah that could be an adjustment, but then I reread it and found out it was junior in college and I’m saying go for it! She’s allowed to have feelings but they shouldn’t stop you and your husband from doing what you want to do. You’ll still have a warm, loving household for her.

    3. You do not need to wait. She’s an adult and she will figure out how to process her feelings. Also, who knows how long it takes for you to sell / find the right new place. Start now and live your life!

      Sidebar: my parents sold our family home of 40 years when I was 36, married, with kids and a home of my own. It still was gut-wrenching in the moment. So there may be no easy time to make a transition like this from her perspective. Just do it!

      (Also your pets will be fine)

      1. Yes. My parents moved out of my childhood home when I was 34 and pregnant with my second child. And I still cried about it (a lot) even though I wasn’t being displaced. It’s going to be hard no matter when you do it because family homes mean something.

        Go listen to Miranda Lambert’s “The House that Built Me.” That song wrecks me.

        1. Fascinating. I was a military child–homes are chapters, but I don’t hold much attachment toward them.

          1. I have observed ed that some people are forward-looking and some are backward-looking. I am forward-looking. We moved a couple of times when I was a kid and I was always excited for the new house, the new school, and the opportunity to reinvent myself. My younger sister, on the other hand, was neither adventurous nor resilient and handled the transitions very poorly. My husband is also backward-looking; he still hasn’t gotten over the fact that his parents divorced and sold his childhood home when he was in college.

          2. I don’t know that it can be ascribed to being backward or forward-thinking, I think it’s just that people who (happily) live their formative years in one home for many years tend to feel attached to them.

          3. Oof, I really don’t like this reply one bit.

            Maybe true for some, but me having Feelings about my parents selling the only house I’ve ever known doesn’t make me “backwards looking” in the sense that I’m neither adventurous nor resilient. In fact, I’ve moved several times as an adult. The house that sold was just…… my house? So I got sad when I didn’t get to go in to or make memories in it any longer? I think that’s a totally acceptable reaction and doesn’t make me anything like the negative descriptions you’ve provided.

            Also, adding a divorce to the context of the sale of a home – there are complexities there that I certainly didn’t deal with. I’m not convinced it’s about the house so much as the bigger picture family disruption that comes with divorce.

            I actually think – barring divorce or other traumatic events – the difference is some people move a lot as a kid and get used to it, and some people don’t and get used to it. It’s almost as if our different experiences as kids impact how we react to things as an adult, and way less that someone is “forward looking” and “always excited” vs “backwards looking” and “neither adventurous nor resilient and handled transitions very poorly.”

            Sheesh.

          5. Of-fen-sive.

            I’m refuting the smug assertion that because I have feelings about my childhood home I’m neither adventurous nor resilient. And that because she doesn’t have the same feelings, she is adventurous and resilient.

            Helluva framework and limited view from which to judge the people in her life, but you do you, girl.

          6. Ouch this comment is so harsh to your sister! I’m neither adventurous nor resilient but I had zero emotions when my parents eventually sold my childhood home when I was in my 30s. I’m not attached to houses in general, and to the extent I had an attachment to a building, I cared much more about a vacation property (which they also sold around the same time). I think it’s pretty random and ascribing it to a personality type doesn’t really make sense.

        2. Yes!!! The House that Built Me brings me to tears ever since they sold that house! Songs and movies do not make me cry … but that one destroys me ever since they sold.

        3. Same. My parents sold my childhood home when I was 30; it was the only house I remembered living in. And I had so many tears, especially the day that I had to give my key to my mom to give to the new owners. I lived nearby and my parents only moved about 2 miles from that house, and I supported the move because they wanted to downsize and it was a good time to sell from a market perspective. It still felt like a big emotional loss. However, the house they moved into was a much better fit for them for the last 25 years of their lives, and the move was what needed to happen.

          TLDR: it may be hard for your kids whenever you go, but now is a good time to go. You’re in the next chapter of your life; go live it.

    4. I love the plan of moving back. The junior in college is approaching a lot of life transitions right now, so of course she likes the idea of a stable home base, but I think the sooner you move, the sooner the new home will feel like home to her too. I wouldn’t wait for her to graduate since I would aim for fewer big changes at a time.

      It sounds like your older children have pets in the city and it is going fine for them. Any move is a big deal to pets, but the key is just to make sure their needs are still met, and I believe they will be fine!

    5. If she were a college freshman, I’d tell you to wait a bit. But she’s a junior. It’s OK to make the next decisions for you.

    6. I am of two minds – I love living in the city and for people who love it will always advocate for it.

      My mom moved into a new house at the very end of my senior year of high school and, then during my sophomore year of college, she switched my brother (who was still at home) into what had been my room, so I never really had a room in that house that felt like mine completely. It made it really hard to feel completely comfortable when I came home for breaks, especially for summer. It also made it difficult to feel at ease when I ended up moving home for 4 months after graduation before I found a full-time job. And this is coming from someone who moved around a lot as a child and is generally super independent from my parents, so I’m used to moving and flying solo.

      She’s a junior in college, so really two more years? If you can wait until she graduates from college and help her settle into her own place, I think it will go a long way to helping her tr@nsition to full adulthood.

        1. I would not give an adult child this kind of consideration. I think OP needs to make moves that make sense for her and her spouse.

          1. This. OP is moving into the chapter of life where her relationship with her spouse takes first and top priority.

          2. Yeah, unless you’re planning a multi-generational household, adult children’s comfort should not dictate where you should live.

          3. +1. I agree. I would not delay a move that you want (life is too short) because of anticipatory anxiety about how well daughter will handle it.

      2. My parents moved before my senior year of college, so I had one year to learn a place when I was the new kid and applying to colleges, and then I came home from college to a place where I really new no one and lost touch with all of my old friends. It was not great. Everyone from my old place could easily and casually gather when they were home from school and I just felt like an intruder, trying to aggressively schedule things in a world where people really loved to go with the flow of the day (which I also preferred). It wasn’t until FaceBook where it became possible to reconnect with a lot of meaningful earlier relationships.

        OP: if you want to move, please make it so that your youngest can keep connections that are meaningful to her. Does she have a car? Is she comfortable driving back to the home area from the city (and in the city and will there be parking)? Do you have a means of hosting friends who may need to spend the night vs just casually pop in for a few hours? These connections matter a lot and won’t maintain themselves. The options for an adult with money and a car aren’t necessarily available to college students and their friends.

        1. Thank you for this thoughtful comment. I will definitely consider how easy it is for her to see her friends.

          1. Moving before senior year of high school (which is what I think Anon at 10:25 meant to say) is VERY different from moving while your kid is in college. If a kid goes away to college, high school friendships tend to become much less relevant and are definitely not a reason for parents to avoid moving or to rearrange their own lives. My college kid does get together with her high school friends when she’s home, but she spends a lot more of her time at home with the one other kid from her college who is from our city. They went to different high schools and never met until college, where they became friends by chance.

          1. BUT in a lot of places, the master suite gets all of the square feet and the secondary bedrooms are tiny. Maybe barely enough room for a double bed, but with a queen, you have to crab walk around it. Can you really host people? Can the married siblings host college kid + any friends? Can you throw in one of those bunk rooms so friends can crash (will be good for future grandkids also)?

            Is there parking? Parking makes a lot of good things happen. If not, is it easy to get to via Ubers from a central place like an Amtrak stop or subway or regional rail?

          2. I have to walk around a queen in the master suite. That is city living! I tell myself if my lifelong dream of living in a European came true, I’d have even less space.

          3. Secondary bedrooms in my city can maybe hold a crib and very slim dresser. They aren’t meant for an actual adult staying for any period of time. The walls are telling you to go to the suburbs (which is unfortunate; a prior OLD city home had bedrooms where you could put the multiple children who lived there and not just in cribs). Spaces now aren’t designed for multiple generations living under the same roof.

          4. Agreed. If the daughter were a junior in high school, I would feel differently. OP should do what she and her husband want to do at this point.

          5. People can stay in tiny secondary bedrooms. People like you are why we have stupid big houses and also housing shortages.

          6. Why would a college kid’s ability to waltz freely around a queen bed take priority over the homeowning-parents’ desire to live where they prefer?

          7. 11:53, because GenX is expected to erase itself for the benefit of both the preceding and the succeeding generations.

        3. Same, but for me, it was before my senior year of high school and it was like my past life was erased: no friends, no parents of friends, no main street to walk down where people knew me. This is before cell phones and FB/Insta making it easy to keep in touch. But I needed a car to even try to visit and would drive around when plans fell through and just feel like I didn’t belong anywhere anymore.

          1. That’s also the age—you don’t belong anywhere because you are MEANT to transition.

          2. If the daughter were a rising high school senior, I’d recommend holding off on the move for a year, *especially* if she would have to move schools (doing your senior year as “the new kid” is tough! sometimes unavoidable, but still tough!). But a college student is a very different situation.

          3. IDK — where I grew up, many people lived there for generations. Their hometown was where they had generations of people. Teachers had your dad and your uncle and cousins. There is a fabric that weaves people together. You have kids, your parents are near, as are your grandparents. It’s easy to get a babysitter. It’s easy for a teen to find informal work. Elders can stay in their homes because they have a web of people near them. You may work fine where you are.

        4. Her daughter is an adult, though – can’t she figure out her own priorities and transport here? I agree that it’s nice to be considerate but I would never, for example, choose a less desirable location for the apartment with my spouse just so it’s closer to my daughter’s preferred train line to see her friends, whom she may not even be in touch with in two years for all we know.

          1. I mean, arguably it’s not realistic to put all the logistics in the daughter’s hands. Realistically, if I were to move into the city (~20 miles) when my youngest is, say, 20 she would need to use a car to go see friends, and that would mean my car because as a student under 25 she couldn’t rent one. And that’s fine! They are family and love each other. It’s ok to inconvenience yourself a little to help each other out.

      3. Two more years is a long time in terms of real estate prices. Over the past 20 years the value of our suburban home has barely doubled, while prices of homes in the city have quadrupled. I just looked at a new listing in the city that we could have bought when it was last sold in 2006 for the same price as we paid that year for our house in the suburbs; now there is no way we could afford it. If pricing trends OP’s metro area are similar, the longer she waits the harder it will be to move.

    7. I never actually moved home ever again after the summer between soph and junior year – was only there for a week at a time max. Go for it.

      1. Same here. Good Lord. And my kid always has a place to land in my house, but I decide where my house is.

    8. I was the youngest and the only child left at home when I went off to college. My parents moved out of my childhood home right before I went to college. Yes, I felt displaced. No question about it. It was very, very strange going “home” to a generic bedroom in a house I’d never lived in, in a town I’d never lived in.
      Would I have wanted my parents to stay where they were for another 4+ years so that I wouldn’t have to feel that loss and displacement? No, I wouldn’t have wanted that, either.

    9. So many people I know are doing this and love it. It also prevents rebound kids. I would 100% go for it. Your pets will be fine too, our dog loves being a city dog.

      1. Eh, I think that “preventing rebound kids” is having a kid with no / minimal debt and enough extrinsic motivation to work a reasonable job situation and manage their network to have acceptable roommates sharing an acceptable housing situation.

        I had a college friend with parents who had a grand house in a fancy suburb of an expensive and they housed all of us over various summers and apartment-looking trips and those people are still precious to me. They helped us launch better. Not every extra bedroom is a failure waiting to happen — it can be a blessing you pay forward and broadly.

        1. I mean, yes. It sounds like you and your friends had a very privileged situation. Congratulations? It’s still a risk.

          1. I think that rebound kids are a risk if you live somewhere where they could see themselves living and working. For generations, my people lived in places where young people actively left and only came back if they were between deployments or got divorced. Even in cities, I don’t see kids hanging around if they actually have options (so make sure your kids aren’t on that path).

          2. I would think rebound kids are more of a risk if you live in a big city and have a bedroom for them than if you live in the suburbs.

    10. Youngest’s feelings are real, but should not drive your decision. We were in a similar but not identical situation some years back – moving from a suburb to a downtown row house in a medium sized city while kids were in HS. Kids were able to stay at their school and drive (about 15-20 mins each way), but oldest was super sad about leaving her childhood home. She wound up loving living downtown. I’m guessing in the end your dd will be psyched to have a place in the city too.

    11. I agree with everyone who has said that your daughter is allowed to have her feelings, but those shouldn’t drive your decision. I would talk to her about how you can make the move less painful for her – timing it so that she’s had a chance to spend some time in the current house on a break before it happens, letting her design and decorate her room in the new place, etc.
      Our youngest just started college and there’s a good chance we might move before she finishes, although it will be at least 2 years from now. We’ve mentioned it often enough that I think she is prepared for that possibility. And based on our older kids, I realize there’s a good chance she’ll only be home for holiday breaks and a week or two in the summer by the time she’s a junior, if internships end up being in the city where she’s going to school instead of our city. I’m definitely not staying in a house that doesn’t suit us anymore just so she can spend 3 or 4 weeks out of a year here!

    12. Occasionally, I still have actual dreams about getting to go “home” to a childhood house. It’s normal to feel *sad* about it, but it’s not something you should rearrange your life around, and I agree with the sentiment from other commenters that there’s not a dedicated age where it’s guaranteed not to feel sad for your kid.

      One way I think about this is that “sad because missing home” is a pretty good reason to be sad! It’s something akin to missing someone who’s died or moved away – it’s obviously a “negative” feeling, but way better to feel that than to have a life where there’s no one worth missing. Your kids have warm feelings about where they grew up – that’s a wonderful thing, and you did great.

      1. +1 very well said. I’d try not to move before the beginning of sophomore year of college if possible. Otherwise, it’s ok to miss one’s childhood home and it’s ok for it to be gone.

    13. She will be upset, but you can move. If you can give her her own room in the new place or at least her own space that will help. My friends parents moved to the other side of the country (closer to friend and her sister) and they do have their own rooms in the new house, and they love it and definitely feel at home there.

      She is in college, it’ll be fine. When I was in college my parents slowly started turning my room in to a guest/relative room / storage space and I did not really mind. My mom would always say “dont you feel like this is your room” and no I didn’t. It didn’t look like my room, and I didn’t live there. My stuff wasn’t there. It’s okay to move on.

    15. It’s always going to be hard, so like everyone else said, I wouldn’t wait for a specific milestone in her life to make a choice that will improve your life. We grieve transitions in our lives, so she is not unique in that way. I think the better solution is allowing her to create a final memory or celebration before you leave as a part of the process of relocating.

    16. Eh my parents moved when I was a college sophomore. In the new house I did not have a bedroom dedicated to my use and stayed in one of the guest rooms. It was fine. What was weird was having to get directions “home” the first time I went after they moved.

      1. This is good though: multiple bedrooms. You could host people maybe like you could in a teen suburban bedroom where there are trundle beds and sleepovers.

    17. My daughter is also a college junior. She is never home for more than two weeks at a time, but she still wants her bedroom preserved exactly as it was in high school because it gives her a sense of security just to know that her room and all the junk on her bulletin board are still there waiting for her. We are considering a move, and she understands that it’s not rational for us to wait. Just as young adults grow and change and move on with their lives, so do parents.

      This generation of young adults is holding its parents hostage with the fear of psychological harm. American society is in the grip of therapy culture. Young adults are being driven by social media content to label every minor adversity as trauma and every one of their parents’ perceived imperfections as toxicity. The same social media content has parents terrified that if they make one misstep they will ruin their children’s futures and happiness. Don’t buy into it and don’t let the demands of a 19-year-old who does not even live in your house and whose expensive education you are presumably funding drive your decision-making. It would be unkind to make her sleep on the couch when she’s home for breaks, but you are proposing to have a dedicated room for her in your new space. If you want to move, go for it.

      2. +1 million

        Your second paragraph is exactly how I see the world right now as the mother of a tween and mid-40-year-old manager of 20-somethings. Thank you for articulating what I could not!

      3. I disagree.

        OP can make the move, but there are negatives to the daughter. Those are real. She is losing the ease of maintaining significant relationships in her life. That can be dismissed or managed well, and some of OP’s choices will affect how easy or hard that is. When I lost my mom, the people who knew me from 1-17 were who I leaned on — my friends and their parents. When my parents moved when I was 17, I didn’t have my own car and couldn’t maintain those ties. Going back to my hometown to see my friends at their weddings and seeing their families again was such a wonderful homecoming for me, but really highlighted a sense of loss. I’m glad my parents were finally able to have a house, but they also gave zero thought to anyone but themselves. You can do right by the adults and their children; it doesn’t have to be either/or. And being compassionate and empathetic doesn’t mean you make your kid a pathetic loser rebound kid.

        1. To turn the question around, should a young adult factor her parents’ preferences into her choice of living situation? My guess is that you would say absolutely not. Then why should parents plan their lives around their ADULT (not 17-year-old minor) children?

        2. So what exactly did you want your parents to do–stay in your hometown even when they couldn’t own their own home and after you’d moved out? If you want to have a foothold in your hometown as an adult, you need to buy your own home there.

          1. Seventeen year olds who don’t have cars don’t usually buy houses? I do think it was self centered of dad and (if I understand) stepmom to move a teenager who lost her mom away from everyone she knows and grew up with.

            I do think it’s different with a college student who has a car though!

          2. I think that poster’s parents moved away together when she was in high school because they couldn’t afford to buy in her hometown. The mom died later. At least that’s how the story came across to me. She is posting all over this thread that she wished her parents had stayed in her hometown essentially forever–for example, she wanted to be able to go “home” to her parents’ house in her hometown for friends’ weddings and when her mom passed away. She is still pining for her hometown. Now she’s an adult, and she can buy her own home there if she wants to.

            It’s hard to judge how “selfish” it was of the parents to move when she was going into her senior year in high school since all we have is her perspective. Could they have waited a year? Did they move at that time to take advantage of a job offer? What other considerations had to be factored in? As a parent I wouldn’t just up and move for the heck of it if my kid had one year left of high school, but I can think of many reasons why a move like that would make the best sense for the family as a whole, including the high school kid even if they couldn’t see it that way.

          4. I think her situation sounds very sad. I can imagine how difficult it would be to lose your Mom young, and maybe have a new stepmom partially dictate the move.

            But the OP question in this thread is nothing like this situation.

            The OP’s daughter is a Junior in college. She has already moved away! Both parents are alive and sound incredibly supportive. Parents are moving close by (city vs suburbs – not another state!). She will have her own room. She can text her friends and make plans, like grown-ups do. It’s time she learned how life works after college anyway, I think. And next summer, I hope she’s working in a great job / research project / internship so that she is successful once she graduates. She shouldn’t be home partying with friends daily anyway, yes?

            OP – go for it. I wish you well.

      4. i am 41 and honestly am finally ok with the fact that my dad plans on selling my childhood home. he wasn’t ready until now, though he talked about it when my mom first passed and for me it was also a connection to my mom. again, if he had decided to sell right away, i would’ve totally understood but also would’ve been sad about it.

      5. Your second paragraph is spot on. My Xennial self has a hard time not being dismissive of the hand-wringing over normal life events.

    18. We are planning to keep a dedicated room for our current college junior until she’s married or finishes grad school (which in her field is a long way off), whichever comes first. At that point the room will become a generic guest room. But we are absolutely not going to keep this entire house as a museum to her childhood. If a move makes sense, we’re moving.

      1. +1 to not keeping an entire house as a museum to childhood. I say this as a sentimental, nostalgic person. It’s just not reasonable.

      2. Grad school is a long time to stay on hold! We preserved the childhood bedroom through our daughter’s college years, even though she never stayed for more than a week or two after her second year.

        She landed an entry-level professional job after graduation this year and made a plan to move in with roommates. We talked with her and helped her clear out her things. In the end, she only wanted about one bin’s worth of stuff and a dresser.

        Over the past month, we’ve converted the room into a den with sleeper sofa. We’re still fine-tuning, but we’re already getting so much use out of the space. I think she’s happy to know we view her as independent. At 23, she is definitely not pining for childhood.

        1. Oh, we are definitely not going to keep the high school decor for the next decade! But we will let her have some input into the decor, keep the same furniture unless she takes it with her, keep her boxes of memorabilia in the closet and some books on the shelves, etc. When it becomes a guest room all her stuff is going to her house.

    19. Your pets will be fine, unless your pets are outdoor animals like chickens and goats and ponies.

      Your daughter can have feelings and they are valid, but you can allow her to say goodbye to the house, release it to form new memories for future occupants, and enjoy the ones she made there.

    20. My ex-BIL got remarried to a woman who had kids and then they had still more kids. In one house, his 4 prior kids had to stay in the basement and then he moved to where there are no bedrooms for them at all. The kids can really just pop in to see dad now, but even previously, as teens and college students, they didn’t have room for their things on breaks and never had a way to have a friend over. The friend had to come get them and they could just hang out at a coffee place or bookstore. It was a hard place to have a cold in or just cramps because you could never relax and just be.

      If your kid’s bedroom will work with them there for 2 weeks straight, it’s a good set-up. If their friends can’t really visit them, that can be very hard.

      1. Making high school kids sleep in a basement in their parent’s home is not the same as giving your adult child their own bedroom in a home where they don’t even live.

      2. Maybe hard, but their own emotions to manage. Like who genuinely cares that adult children can’t have their friends over?

        1. If the siblings could bring a friend home from college or have friends from the neighborhood over, then it will sting a bit when youngest suddenly goes from having that to not (possibly; it may be possible here for all we know). It isn’t great to backwards in lifestyle.

          If I could, I’d acknowledge the tradeoffs and look for upsides: maybe friends would like to visit in the city? Maybe we can find a good trundle bed solution? Maybe there is an upside.

          My parents moved selfishly when I was a teen and it really sucks not to have a hometown anymore. My younger sibling was in one place for high school and got to return there as a college student and our lives are very different as adults. Young adulthood is rough and my tribe is just college friends now. It’s as if I emerged out of witness protection, with no friends from my youth (because my parents never took me back and refused to let me borrow the car to try on my own; penpalling only gets you so far for so long).

          2. I think that in a military family, it’s all different and you’re around people like you and we all get it.

            You can go into change with a mentality that you can manage some things to make it more good change than bad change. But making a change and telling everyone affected by it to just figure it out . . . not how I’d want to lead as a parent. That kid will some day be my next of kin and I’m sure if you mean to, you can figure out what will make change into good change and not bad change. I got to pick my dad’s assisted living apartment in my home town and tried my best to make it as good for him as I could have. It’s not the change he wanted, but it could have been a much worse set of changes had I not thought things through and thought of how he’d live his life in place A or place B, etc.

          3. Okay, but my parents have never left my (mostly) childhood home and I am not friends with anyone I went to HS or college with. I made my own friends where I ended up moving after college and then where I moved for law school (and stayed). So there is no guarantee that if parents keep the childhood home, you automatically retain all your friends from that period.

    21. My dad moved out of our house right after I went to college. I was sad but didn’t say anything because…. I wasn’t living there anymore, and also I knew we couldn’t afford it and there were bigger things at play than my feelings about it. the feelings are real and you probably should engage your kid on them. but that doesn’t mean rearranging your life to make sure they don’t have feelings about it. it’s part of life. Not everything is about you and I think good for young adults to really know that.

      1. +1 million to your last sentence. I have a kid in college. My generation has done a terrible job of teaching our kids that they are not the center of the universe. I think it’s driven partly by a wish to make up for all the wrongs we perceived our own parents committed against us–leaving us home alone all afternoon, getting divorced, making us practice piano, leaving us to suffer the consequences of our own actions, not being fabulously wealthy, whatever.

        1. Haha, the trauma of my piano lessons still haunts me. But lack of generational wealth haunts me more 😂

          1. For real.

            I honestly feel like my parents have lost all touch with what they were ever able to afford, let alone what their kids can reasonably afford to do for them. I guess it is true that money doesn’t go as far as it did in 1990…

        2. One of those is not like the others. There were some seriously, seriously selfish and destructive divorces in my parents’ generation. I’m glad my generation has gone about things differently on that one.

          1. The way our generation has “gone about things differently” isn’t necessarily the right way, though. We put our kids on pedestals and sacrifice everything for them, and then we send them out into the world and they are completely incapable of functioning.

          3. I do think that this daughter wouldn’t have such big feelings about this childhood home if her family had moved around more (or if she simply hadn’t liked where they lived). She could consider being grateful that she has something like this to grieve, even if it makes it harder.

    22. You’re in the Chicago area right? I think empty nesters moving to the city is pretty common and she may be happier on visits with her friends and siblings downtown anyway.

      As long as you’re willing to provide her with a car to get out to the burbs and see her friends, and be willing to let her stay overnight after a long night out, I think she’ll adjust well.

      1. Presumably a college junior/senior is a legal adult and does not need parental permission to spend the night away from home.

        1. Not legally, but I don’t think it’s unusual for a parent to expect a visiting young adult to abide by some house rules and checking in before spending the night elsewhere doesn’t seem like a crazy expectation to me. Regardless of age, it’s courteous if you’re a guest in someone’s home to let them know if you’re not going to be coming back one night!

    23. As a different perspective, my parents moved when I was a college freshman. Yes, I had some sad/nostalgic feelings about my childhood home, but I could also see pretty clearly moving was the right thing for them and my younger siblings

      And then, I did end up living in their (tiny) guest room for a couple months when I was 23 (a startup didn’t work out); and being SO GRATEFUL at least it *wasn’t* my childhood bedroom. I would have been grateful to have the safety-net either way, but it was kind of emotionally easier to be in a new place

    24. 93 comments and I still have something to say on this after reading them all!
      This could be really wonderful for all of you.
      My parents moved from my childhood home when I was 35 and I had big feelings about it – I cried, I took videos, I wrote our names under the bottom shelf in my bedroom closet – and then I got over it so much more quickly than I ever thought I would have. Their new house makes so much more sense for our family now that we’re all grown. The space is much better suited to our family hangs than the old house would have been. Their bedroom is on the main level and they won’t have to navigate steps at all if they spend the rest of their lives there. And I’m grateful to them that they pulled the trigger on selling it, rather than leaving for me to do after they’re gone. Knowing myself and my deep sentimentality, at that point, I’m not sure I’d be able to.
      OP: This could be the start of something great for your whole family. Do it!

  4. Two home questions:

    Does anyone have a recommendation for small lamps that run on battery or recharging? I want two for the fireplace mantel to serve as very necessary light in a dark room until we can afford to install proper sconces. Style is classic/grandmillennial.

    Next, the pantry in our new place sucks. It’s just a small cupboard with deep shelves. It became a mess instantly and it’s impossible to reach anything that isn’t right at the front. Should we install sliding drawers? Is it worth it to do that for an old cupboard that might need to be replaced eventually? There is nowhere to put a larger freestanding cupboard and I’m not even sure how/if we can meaningfully improve this pantry without a full demo and renovation, which isn’t in the cards anytime soon.

    1. Would something like Poplights work or is that not quite the style you’re looking for? I grabbed two for closets that didn’t have overhead lighting and they’ve been great.

    2. I would get a quote for the sliding drawers and then assess. We have them (in standard cabinets) and love them. One other option that I use for our refrigerator (which is so poorly organized internally but not yet ready for replacement), is deep clear plastic bins. They slide out easily so that I can have different categories of items in different bins, and just pull them out if I want the yogurt or fruit from the back instead of from the front. I got mine from Walmart. Not an ideal fix, but works in the short term!

      2. +1 on the clear acrylic organizer bins. They’re basically the poor man/renter’s version of sliding drawers for those of us who don’t want to invest in their current space.

    3. Same situation- I went to goodwill and got several hanging baskets (that hang off the shelves), regular baskets to corral snacks, baking supplies, etc, and little mini lazy susans to make reaching stuff at the back easier.

      1. Indeed, typically starting at $30 for a small plastic bin. Their prices are beyond insane.

        1. Go to the container store and ask them to plan your space. Consider those suggestions and if they work for you, Lowe’s/Home Depot sells knock offs for pennies on the dollar of the Container Store items.

      2. Ive ordered from Container store teice in tje last year and both times items arrived damaged. Id look on their page for inspo then do a web search to find similar items from a different brand.

    6. Depending on how deep the shelves are, you could use long bins that work as fake sliding drawers and let you use the whole depth. Alternatively, you could fill the back of the shelves with things you don’t need to access often (like canning supplies, dishes you only use during the holidays, the ice cream maker that only gets used twice a year, etc.). Then just use the front of the shelves for more regularly accessed items.

      1. OP here and we’re coming from 10+ years of living in 500-1000 square feet max – we don’t have an ice cream maker or canning supplies or holiday dishes :) The issue, though, is that the pantry is small. Even if we had those things, they wouldn’t fit. It’s only suited for things like cans and jars of pasta sauce and bags of flour, all of which we need regularly, and it’s become a terrible jumble from day 1.

        1. I’m confused – how is it both too small and too large? Do you mean the shelves are too close together to fit anything big?

    8. Amazon has a lot of rechargeable table lamps. I bought some for my kitchen and love them.
      I do love sliding drawers in my pantry, so i would say it’s worth it.

    10. for the cupboard – i’d rip out the shelves. could you even pull out the sliding drawers (is it a walk in or are you standing outside of it looking in)? if it’s the latter (a very deep closet that you can only open the door and look into) our mudroom closet was like that; we have a closet rack along the far end and then i’ve used the other 3′ of space for hooks, the Troga shoe things from Ikea. for a pantry i’d make the shelves shorter and then try to find slim things to line the wall like space racks or canracks.

      our pantry is an L-shaped unit; i just operate with everything in labeled bins. all the baking supplies in one, for example. most of our cans we have on silver racks on the ground; we were told not to put very heavy things on the shelves but the silver racks work well because i can see all the cans and generally know where they go but they don’t take up space we would have otherwise found useful.

      these are the canracks we like… they are a little tempermental but as long as they’re against a wall where they’re not getting knocked into they’re great. https://www.amazon.com/dp/B0086KQR3U?ref_=ppx_hzsearch_conn_dt_b_fed_asin_title_33&th=1

    11. Is this a pantry closet or a pantry cabinet? If it’s a pantry closet (so not a cabinet that will get replaced during an eventual renovation) I would look into installing pull-out shelves. If you don’t want to do anything permanent and expensive to a cabinet that will be replaced at some point, you could try a combination of bins (I have some from Target) and those stair-step organizers that raise items in the back above the level of items in the front.

      I mostly just group similar items in columns from the front to the back of the pantry. For example, I have a column of oils and a column of vinegars next to each other. I am not fussy about the order of bottles within each column, but if the oils stay together and the vinegars stay together the whole thing remains relatively neat. You could enforce this with shelf dividers.

  5. Ooh, good pick. I’m hoping to add a few cardigans to my fall wardrobe. I’m stuck on whether to order my regular size or to size up for a little bit of ease.

  6. My mental health is not in a great place right now due to some life stressors. This time of year is just … really hard. And I’m having a hard time falling asleep, which is making everything worse. Even if I manage to stay on an even keel most of the day, bedtime is when anxiety rears its lovely head. I’ve tried journaling, listening to podcasts, reading, deep breathing exercises. It’s not working. This, too, shall pass, but I am so miserable and trying to keep it together.

    1. This time of year offers a lot more to help you get on track. Why don’t you book a pool day this weekend and enjoy the waning days of summer?

      1. That might be nice.

        The back-to-school transition, among other things, has been nerve wracking. I have a HS junior who has taken on way too much academically and outside of class (which I predicted) and is already stressed and not sleeping enough. I seriously don’t know how we’ll get through this year with our sanity in tact. DH is kind of blowing it off, saying he needs to learn his limits. And yes, but also, I will be the person who gets the phone call from a coach when things go off the rails because he’s exhausted and can’t regulate his emotions.

        Couple this with some other big changes happening, and it is what it is.

        1. Is there a reason you can’t enforce dropping some of the commitments now, before things ramp up? Junior year is also the most intense in terms of SATs, finalizing college lists, and prepping for interviews/letters of recommendation. I’d treat the exhaustion/lack of sleep for your kid as a deal breaker. I’m a very firm proponent of school comes first, sports and activities are second, and health (mental and physical) comes above all of it.

          1. I agree, but yes, it is too late. He’s too far into the activity that is taking up the most time now. Thankfully there is an end point, but he’s going to have to gut it out. And yes, before you harp on me, we had very frank discussions about this ahead of time.

        2. Hugs to you- this is a hard stage. I was also the one getting the calls when things went off the rails, not my DH. It’s exhausting.
          I found that taking a short nap mid day whenever possible really helped me with the stress when my sons were at this stage. I didn’t realize how sleep deprived and physically tired I was until I started resting more. So rather than ramping up the physical activity, it may help to tune it down and rest more.

          1. Naps can be very helpful, says me, a person with insomnia and soon-to-be treated sleep apnea.

    2. You don’t mention outdoor time or exercise. Are those already part of your routine? They helped me during some extreme life stressors (and every day!)

      1. I am getting outside after work and at least going on walks. If I do heavy exercise, it’s usually in the morning, but I’ve been too tired to drag myself out of bed.

        1. Take exercise out of the picture and just get outside. Go to the beach, the pool, the park. Get an ice cream, meet up with friends. Do things that are fun and pull you out of your head.

          1. I would disagree. Tiring evening exercise involving sweat and followed by hot shower is my silver bullet for a good night’s sleep. I realize a lot of people are the opposite but it’s worth trying once.

        2. I’d swap to evening exercise. I’ve been taking a walk, doing a 20-30 minute weight routine 2x/week and showering at night. The routine of wearing myself out physically, taking a shower, taking my time putting on lotion/doing skincare, putting on cozy pajamas has really helped my sleep. My teens are often saying goodnight to me at 9/9:30 these days and the early bedtime has been the easiest way to feel more sane.

          1. Perhaps it’s time to do that, as what I have been doing clearly isn’t working in my perimenopausal state of life. I just prefer how my hair looks with a morning wash, but I may need to get past that.

          2. I’m in the perimenopausal stage of life when having my hair down makes me want to claw my skin off, and using a blow dryer is too much heat. With both of those things combined I don’t mind washing it at night if I’m wearing it up at work anyway.

          3. Dumb question, but when do you eat? Evening is when we do our family meal, and it’s hard to time exercise around that because there is nothing worse than food sloshing around in my belly while I’m sweating. I also am ravenous when I get home, fwiw.

          4. I’m the evening exercise person. We eat between 5:30-6pm because my teens start school very early and come home ravenous, then often have evening practices/activities. We’re all often out doing something between 7-8:30 (a workout, sport practices or games, community event, etc.). Our weeknight meals are dead simple – protein, veggies, starch and often curries, stir-fries, stews, or crockpot meals that come together quickly.

          5. So you are clearly not the norm. You must work from home or are stay at home to get dinner on the table at 5:30.

      2. Exercise helps you fall asleep faster and stay asleep longer. It can also help with some of the distress of feeling depressed/overwhelmed.

    3. Valerian drops from the health food store-get the kind with no alcohol.
      Warnings:
      they taste like tree bark.
      My cat will chew open the top of the dropper if given the opportunity

    4. Unconventional advice. Focus on 10 extra grams of fiber a day from real food. Doesn’t need to be exact and not all at once. Here is the logic – you will make food choices that are less likely to upset the digestive track, so that doesn’t add to the uneasiness at night. Also, in the less doctor sanctioned advice – go to lunch and order a burger (for iron), truffle fries (for sanity), and glass of champagne (for fun).

      1. Unfortunately if it’s the real stuff (diphenhydramine), it’s dependency forming. So it helps at first and then we can’t sleep without it. If you and your doctor are happy with your plan, that’s one thing, but OP should probably discuss with a doctor before going down this route!

        2. I’ve used it many times over the years for brief periods and never had any trouble stopping.

          1. It’s because it was for brief periods. People can run into trouble when they take it for more than a week or two every night.

          2. It doesn’t really work multiple nights in a row. The first time it doesn’t (in this groggy sleepy phase, but not sleep) you stop for a bit.

          2. I think the point is there are many sleep aids that do not cause dementia. So it is better to ask your doc for one of those rather than taking benadryl.

    6. my trick to falling asleep is to get the audiobook for something i love and have read a million times. it gives my brain something to latch onto (particularly if it’s so quiet i have to strain to hear it), but my brain knows it’s ok to fall asleep because i know what’s coming next.

    8. I am a proponent of better living through chemistry. If I don’t sleep and I’m doing everything else properly, a call to my doctor is in order.

      I am a poor sleeper, so I am always on something for that, and I also am always on an anti-depressant. I have added HRT after a two-week period where I didn’t sleep at all and my life is much better now.

      You don’t have to be on a med forever, like me, but you can certainly explore what might help you for a short period of time.

  7. Vicarious shopping help. I need a dress for my brother’s wedding. Beach wedding in early October in NC, so it could be anywhere from 60-90 degrees, gorgeous weather or hurricane-ing. Ceremony & cocktail hour’s outdoors, reception indoor. Want something in the blue or green color family that will look good in pictures but also not look bridesmaidsy or too formal. I’m pear shaped, anywhere between a size 6-10 depending on brand. And I guess I need something for rehearsal dinner too.

      1. I feel like Lily Pulitzer is great for this. I have found it to be pear friendly.

        Sue Sartor has some pretty dresses that would work for weddings. I also like Buru, but for me (8 top, 10 bottom), I need a large in the skirts unless they have elastic waists. I think that the “Laura” skirt is very pretty and IIRC it has pockets.

      2. There isn’t a stated one. I’m going to say normal wedding cocktail attire dress code.

    2. I love the tuckernuck dupioni esme dress. It comes in a really pretty green and navy. Anthropologie has the hutch amara corset pleated dress in a blue pattern. The briony dress or marina dress from reformation have green options. I would just generally plan to have a pashmina/cover up if needed assume the temp will be manageable.

    3. I’ve worn Anthro Somerset Maxi to a couple weddings and gotten lots of compliments. For a cocktail-ish wedding, the length offsets some of the casualness of the dress (I wouldn’t wear to a more formal wedding though). I don’t see any super wedding-suitable colors on their website right now, but worth looking around!

  8. My daughters share a room with twin beds (of the old-fashioned brown wood variety that needs a box spring and has a simple bed skirt). They have current “inspired by” Lilly Pulitzer / Marimeko-ish hot pink, white, and lime green quilts on them that I found easily at Target. Easily washed and survived countless stomach bugs and various stains. Until now. One is mortally wounded, so I need to replace (the good quilt can become the sleepover quilt). I’ve looked at Pottery Barn Teen and Target, but I’m not finding the right vibe — I like the Marimeko-ish-ness and everything now seems too LoveShackFancy adjacent. Where else should I be looking? No duvets. We are quilt people but will bedspread if we have to.

    2. I wonder if some of the department store bedding brands would have something like this. I’m thinking about Nautica in particular since you like the more preppy, classic vibe.

      I cannot with the Love Shack Fancy inspired stuff, and neither can my 11 y.o. daughter! So many frills. So fussy.

    3. If you are comfortable with fast fashion – urban outfitters.

      Or you could get real Marimekko :)

      1. The current Marimekko offerings are slim; Ikea offers one item that would work, but not in a twin.

        1. Check Etsy. You could also do plain bedding and Marimekko pillows – I’m certain you can get those from an Etsy maker.

    4. Dusen Dusen? I also think West Elm Kids/Teen stuff has more options in this style than Pottery Barn Teen.

  9. Another house question. My house has flat panel cafe curtains on the bottom half of our ground floor windows. They are currently just a white sheerish linen but I’d love a sheer linen with a pattern. Would this look weird from the outside? Do I double it up or just accept they aren’t as pretty from the outside? I’ve priced in that they may fade quite quickly.

    1. Up to you, the only rule is there are no rules. Look at woven patterns rather than printed if you want something that looks roughly the same from the outside as in.

    2. As someone with a sewing machine and far more confidence than I deserve, I would absolutely find a sheer drapery fabric with a pattern I liked and make them. I don’t think it would look weird from the outside at all.

      1. Haha! My mom is recovering from surgery and is bored witless so I’m sending the fabric to her house. We have shutters for evening so it’s more a bit more privacy during the day.

    3. I live in a neighborhood with lots of Victorians and many have patterned cafe curtains on the bottom half of windows. They tend to be a woven pattern, so I imagine they are similar inside as what I can see while walking the dog. I think many are white/neutral, but something like this might be pretty too!

      https://www.anthropologie.com/shop/cotton-eyelet-embroidered-sheer-cafe-curtain-set-of-2?color=031&inventoryCountry=US&countryCode=US&creative=&device=c&g_acctid=619-693-8226&g_adgroupid=&g_adid=&g_adtype=none&g_campaign=US+-+Shopping+-+PMAX+-+Home+-+F%26D+-+General&g_campaignid=19988379732&g_keyword=&g_keywordid=&g_network=x&g_type=shopping&matchtype=&network=x&utm_campaign=US+-+Shopping+-+PMAX+-+Home+-+F%26D+-+Tier+II&utm_content=&utm_kxconfid=vx6rd81ts&utm_medium=paid_search&utm_source=Google&utm_term=&gclsrc=aw.ds&gad_source=4&gad_campaignid=19994001008&gbraid=0AAAAADnwqi616-v-VmPiTjqLSH1Gmlkfa&gclid=CjwKCAjwy5rUBhB5EiwAIoAtCuxvxnKYV3nJIJKIk2ECchjWV50nWfMXQYS-NhvaCH3ql4bndpwaZBoCLmoQAvD_BwE

    4. From outside, I doubt anyone will be able to tell that they are looking at the back side of a sheer patterned fabric. And if they can, why are they that close?

  10. I would like to send my mother a large, colorful orchid for her birthday. Does anyone have recommendations of where to buy it? Or, would it be better to find a local florist and have it sent locally? She is in Seattle.

  11. NOLA – best haunted graveyard tour? DH and I have been to NOLA 6 times (work conference) and have never done one since we thought it would be so tourist-y, but this year we thought maybe it’d be fun to do.

    any other off-beat suggestions welcome. we don’t have a lot of time but it’s fun to add in some side quests.

    Our favorites have been WWII Museum (we’ve returned on most visits) and last time we went to Chance in Hell Snoballs which felt off beat and fun. We also did our first escape room ever there that was so fun and original.

    1. We enjoyed Free Tour’s By Foot’s tour of St.Louis Cemetary #1. That’s where Marie Laveau is buried. We’ve done their tours in other cities and always enjoy them. They also have a Garden District tour.

      I’ve done a couple of the nighttime ghost walking tours through the quarter and enjoyed them. My favorite kind of tours are the ones that combine the history of the city with the haunts. I don’t like the cheesy theatrical ones. It has been a while since we last went down there. I think we did the Ghost Adventures one, and maybe Haunted History. Next on my list is a voodoo one!

  12. OMG the mold count is high in my city and I feel like I am dying. Need to move to the desert to get a cure from better air. My nose is tingling every moment I am awake. And it’s gunky, alternating with stuffiness. I’m surprised that I have skin left on my nose.

    All this after taking an antihistamine, doing sinuses rinses (just make the gunk thinner and salty), and about 5 years of allergy shots in a serum that includes something for mold.

    I am not meant for this spot of earth. I need to move. Natural selection would have doomed me centuries ago. I can’t take to my fainting couch because I work. But even in an office (new building, new HVAC), I am really not thriving for the past several weeks.

    1. I don’t suffer too badly from allergies but do have other ailments, and I often think that “natural selection would have doomed me in past centuries.” You’re not alone!

    2. For someone who is not a doctor (and not planning to be one), is there a good book that explains allergies, especially how they can really get worse over time (have lived in present city for 20 years, but the past 10 have plagued me) for no apparent reason, and how immune systems and allergies are related?

      I have a good life sciences background (and have good (but busy) doctors and am a reasonably compliant patient with no family history of allergies, but my parents grew up on farms and I grew up in leafy suburbs). But my knowledge is not enough on its own and the internet is full of crazy people. I could probably follow along with a med school textbook on this, if such a thing exists, but wouldn’t know where to order if it if it’s not on Amazon.

      Help! I want to understand WTF is going on inside of my nose.

      1. Maybe try the Kurzgesagt video on allergies? They have some good immunology videos generally.

        My experience has been that not all allergists and ENTs are equally helpful. And sometimes it’s not a real allergy; sometimes it’s a mast cell issue.

        I honestly think that in my case, sometimes it was a virus that just lingers for months. Enough weeks into the pandemic, and my sinuses cleared up beautifully. I’ve been breathing through my nose as long as I keep masking. But that could be because I have low IgA.

    3. Air filters in every room and the office have done wonders for my household members with allergies. We have BlueAir.

    4. I live in the desert, sorry to say that we have both wildfire smoke and multiple varieties of pine/conifer pollen :(

  13. thoughts on burlesque? just went on Friday after not going to one for 20+ years and it was so uncomfortable. how is this an empowering thing? audience was full of tattooed hipster far left folks (think handlebar mustaches and lots of excited cheers when someone would randomly call out to F- ICE)

    i told my husband it was like a talent show (no organization, each act a standalone) but the only talent seemed to be making their pasties twirl

    1. idk but most performance art and even dance performances often don’t enthuse me. I figured it’s just not the thing for me, I can’t really relate or judge what’s special about an act.

    3. I think it attracts a particular niche of people that I find annoying 🤷‍♀️

    4. Yeah if you’re a pearl clutcher who’s offended by “F- ICE” I would agree a burlesque show is probably not an environment you’d love. Maybe try a Unite the Right rally?

      1. I think there are plenty of people who would cringe at F-ICE as entertainment not because they support ICE.

      2. Is enjoying burlesque a requirement to be a good leftist these days? Not OP, and I have nothing against burlesque, but consider it in the same vein as other stuff that many enjoy even though I don’t. Like, oh, crusty bread, or roller coasters.

      3. I’m the spouse of a green card holder and very much anti-ICE and I find this to be eye roll worthy. It accomplishes nothing.

    5. I think it’s one of those misguided fake feminist things that tricks women into thinking they are empowered for the benefit of men.

    6. Sounds like you’re just in a different period of life from where you were 20 years ago and it’s not your thing.
      Different strokes for different folks.

    7. i’m OP and actually very far left and I was cheering with everyone else re F- ICE. I was just trying to describe how different it was from what I imagine a strip club to be with old gross men.

      it’s just interesting to me how different cultural things end up being identified with certain sets of people.

      i know there was a period there were people were trying to legitimize s-x work more as being a valid choice, but I think that movement has largely gone away? i read a book where someone was making a point about “s=x work is real work!” and it felt so 10 years ago.

  14. I have a bed dilemma:

    We have a spare room used as an artist studio. We have a queen size ikea futon for when various guests come, approximately 7-10 days a year in total. They do not like the way it feels as a bed. Ideas that do not take up a ton of space? A murphy bed is not an option as the ceiling is sloped on both sides. We would also like to drop down to a full size. We have tried ordering various airbeds, epic fail so far.

    1. In my experience, a solid wood futon with a good quality mattress is fine to sleep on. Maybe throw mattress topper on if need be.

      Metal futons, bad mattresses, and those sofas that convert to beds can be quite uncomfortable.

      1. The sofas that convert to bed frames are terrible. I’ve liked the ones where it’s more just like the sofa unfolds into a platform (not sure how to describe) + a topper.

        1. +1. We used the CB2 Luni daybed with a mattress topper. I slept on it for two weeks while we waited for our furniture to be shipped, and no issues.

    3. I used to have a daybed in my spare room that allowed for a regular mattress. Downside of course is that it won’t fold up, so I eventually went back to an air mattress. The only other option I’ve considered are the standing murphy beds that can fold up sideways into furniture versus the typical bottom down version. There just aren’t really great options when you don’t want to have a dedicated guest room.

    4. They have “Murphy beds” that look like cabinets that might work! We have one in a small guest room/office/everything room

      1. I also recommend this style, here is an example: https://www.wayfair.com/furniture/pdp/latitude-run-murphy-bed-cabinet-queen-cabinet-bed-with-foldable-foam-mattress-chest-bed-with-usb-charging-stationlarge-storage-drawers-folding-bed-cabinet-space-saving-for-guest-roomhome-office-w112340002.html?piid=1479910119&auctionId=d8686ce8-b56c-4965-bdf1-c06edf40af6b&trackingId=%7B%2522adType%2522:%2522WSP%2522,%2522auctionId%2522:%2522d8686ce8-b56c-4965-bdf1-c06edf40af6b%2522%7D&adTypeId=1

        1. Not OP but this looks intriguing for our similar situation. Does anyone have this exact bed who can comment on quality?

    5. We have a Murphy Cabinet bed with a foam mattress. I think it’s a good combination of small storage footprint and comfortable mattress for short term stays (my parents sleep on it for a week or two at a time and have had no complaints.) It does sit pretty low to the ground, though, if that kind of thing is an issue.

    7. There seem to be a lot of couches on the market now that are made entirely of foam and flip out into a bed without the old-fashioned mechanism, springs, and thin mattress. Like the foam flip-out sleepover chairs of kids’ bedrooms in the ‘80s, but grown up.

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