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Thursday’s Workwear Report: Textured Ponte Belted Peplum Jacket

The Personal Shopper (TPS) | ·

I’m seeing a lot of belted jackets this season, and I’m pretty excited about it. An ill-fitting blazer can look shapeless and unflattering, but the belted style looks much fresher and more modern and infinitely more flattering. I like that it’s made of a slightly stretchy material, and the black-and-white print will go with just about anything.

The peplum shape would look particularly nice with a pencil skirt or over a sheath dress.

The jacket is $89.95 and comes in sizes 12–28. Textured Ponte Belted Peplum Jacket

For straight sizes, check out this Caslon blazer (on major sale at $18) and this Madewell option (also on major sale at $59). 

This post contains affiliate links and Corporette® may earn commissions for purchases made through links in this post. For more details see here. Thank you so much for your support!

Workwear sales of note for 5.26.23:

  • Nordstrom – The Half-Yearly Sale just started!
  • Amazon – Memorial Day Sales! Lots of discounts on Amazon Essentials and more.
  • Ann Taylor – Extra 50% off all sale styles (through 5/29); 40% off your entire purchase (including suiting).
  • Anthropologie – Extra 40% off sale.
  • Athleta – Up to 60% off, PLUS an extra 30% off!
  • Banana Republic – Summer preview, 30% off your purchase!
  • Banana Republic Factory – 50%-70% off everything + extra 25% off purchase
  • Bloomingdale’s – Memorial Day Sale, save up to 50% off on summer essentials, plus save up to 40% on designer items!
  • Boden – 30% off everything, including sale (ends 5/29).
  • Brooks Brothers – Extra 25% off sale; already up to 70% off (ends 5/31) – also mix & match sale with men’s shirts, 4 for $249.
  • Cole Haan – Up to 50% off sale styles.
  • Eloquii – 400+ styles starting at $19; up to 50% off everything.
  • Everlane – Up to 30% off, 400+ sale styles.
  • Express – Summer kickoff sale, 30-50% off everything (plus $35+ steals).
  • H&M – Up to 60% off online and in-store.
  • J.Crew – 40% off your purchase; extra 50% off sale styles; up to 50% off summer styles
  • J.Crew Factory – 50-70% off entire site and storewide; extra 60% off clearance.
  • J.McLaughlin – Up to 40% off!
  • Loft – 40% off full-price styles
  • M.Gemi – MDW sale, up to 70% off (but returns accepted only for store credit).
  • M.M.LaFleur – Short but sweet sale.
  • Madewell – Get 30% off your purchase.
  • Ministry of Supply – 25% off sitewide.
  • Sephora – Up to 50% off select beauty
  • Shopbop – Up to 50% off designer sale!
  • Sue Sartor – Lots of cute dresses on sale!
  • Talbots – 40% off one item, 30% off everything else (through 5/29).
  • Theory – Up to 60% off + an extra 20% off.
  • Universal Standard – Up to 35% off!
  • Victoria’s Secret – this weekend only, buy 3 panties get 5 free ones.

Other noteworthy sales:

  • CB2.com – Up to 50% off everything!
  • Joss & Main – Up to 60% off, plus an extra 20% off with code.
  • Tuft & Needle – Save up to $775 on mattresses. (Reader favorite bed brand; Kat really likes hers!)
  • West Elm – Memorialy Day Sale, up to 60% off.

This post contains affiliate links and Corporette® may earn commissions for purchases made through links in this post. For more details see here. Thank you so much for your support!

We are a participant in the Amazon Services LLC Associates Program, an affiliate advertising program designed to provide a means for us to earn fees by linking to Amazon.com and affiliated sites.

Workwear sales of note for 5.26.23:

  • Nordstrom – The Half-Yearly Sale just started!
  • Amazon – Memorial Day Sales! Lots of discounts on Amazon Essentials and more.
  • Ann Taylor – Extra 50% off all sale styles (through 5/29); 40% off your entire purchase (including suiting).
  • Anthropologie – Extra 40% off sale.
  • Athleta – Up to 60% off, PLUS an extra 30% off!
  • Banana Republic – Summer preview, 30% off your purchase!
  • Banana Republic Factory – 50%-70% off everything + extra 25% off purchase
  • Bloomingdale’s – Memorial Day Sale, save up to 50% off on summer essentials, plus save up to 40% on designer items!
  • Boden – 30% off everything, including sale (ends 5/29).
  • Brooks Brothers – Extra 25% off sale; already up to 70% off (ends 5/31) – also mix & match sale with men’s shirts, 4 for $249.
  • Cole Haan – Up to 50% off sale styles.
  • Eloquii – 400+ styles starting at $19; up to 50% off everything.
  • Everlane – Up to 30% off, 400+ sale styles.
  • Express – Summer kickoff sale, 30-50% off everything (plus $35+ steals).
  • H&M – Up to 60% off online and in-store.
  • J.Crew – 40% off your purchase; extra 50% off sale styles; up to 50% off summer styles
  • J.Crew Factory – 50-70% off entire site and storewide; extra 60% off clearance.
  • J.McLaughlin – Up to 40% off!
  • Loft – 40% off full-price styles
  • M.Gemi – MDW sale, up to 70% off (but returns accepted only for store credit).
  • M.M.LaFleur – Short but sweet sale.
  • Madewell – Get 30% off your purchase.
  • Ministry of Supply – 25% off sitewide.
  • Sephora – Up to 50% off select beauty
  • Shopbop – Up to 50% off designer sale!
  • Sue Sartor – Lots of cute dresses on sale!
  • Talbots – 40% off one item, 30% off everything else (through 5/29).
  • Theory – Up to 60% off + an extra 20% off.
  • Universal Standard – Up to 35% off!
  • Victoria’s Secret – this weekend only, buy 3 panties get 5 free ones.

Other noteworthy sales:

  • CB2.com – Up to 50% off everything!
  • Joss & Main – Up to 60% off, plus an extra 20% off with code.
  • Tuft & Needle – Save up to $775 on mattresses. (Reader favorite bed brand; Kat really likes hers!)
  • West Elm – Memorialy Day Sale, up to 60% off.

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And some of our latest threadjacks here at Corporette (reader questions and commentary) — see more here!

About Elizabeth

Elizabeth is a 30-something lawyer living on the East Coast. She spent seven years as a Biglaw associate in NYC, three years as a partner at a medium-sized firm, and is now in-house counsel for a large company. She loves Diet Coke, '90s sitcoms, and dresses with pockets.

Comments

  1. Ribena

    It’s lunchtime here… and I just used leftover fries from the takeaway I had last night to make a Spanish omelette. It was incredible and I can’t believe I’ve never done it before. Thought I’d share in case any of you wanted the inspiration!

    • Ellen

      Ribena, do you live in Spain? I love Spain, and I love Spanish Omlettes! The only reason I worry about using leftover French fries in an omlette is how the leftover Ketchup would taste in the omlette. Dad says that you do not want the taste of the Ketchup to dominate the omlette; as you want to make sure the other ingredient’s are not smuthered by the taste of leftover Ketchup. I told him you could wash off the Ketchup, but he then said that the potatoe would get to soggy and would make the Omlette more like a wet sponge. If you could clairify this for Dad and the Hive, we will try it! Thanks!

    • Cb

      Yum! I do something similar with any leftovers, it’s amazing how adding an egg works with everything. Although I’m perplexed by the notion of leftover fries.

    • Anon

      I have some leftover fries. Guess what I’m having for lunch today? Thanks for the suggestion.

    • AIMS

      I do this with old bread! My friend’s dad used to make this for us as kids when he was in charge of dinner and it is such a comfort food for me! Basically take any old bread and cut up (or tear) into small pieces, sauté in butter on both sides and pour a couple of scrambled eggs on top. You can add other stuff (cheese, veggies, hot dogs, it really doesn’t matter) but this is the basic formula.

    • Anon

      On the rare occasion we have leftover fries I treat them like hash browns in the morning. I cut them roughly into cubes, sauté them in a little hot oil, then put a lid on the pan to steam them briefly. This makes them less hard and crunchy.

      From there I might just treat them as a side dish, or add eggs and some other ingredients (sausage or cheese most likely) to make a breakfast scramble. Lots of black pepper.

      If you start with some onions and chopped green or red bell pepper you can make a decent potatoes O’Brien.

  2. Hint for the day (or maybe I'm the last to know?!)

    If you get a credit card gift card (Visa, Mastercard, Amex, etc.) they are super annoying because you have to know the exact balance to spend the entire amount–and you can’t use them online in addition to a real credit card to cover the balance of your purchase. So, you can buy an Amazon gift card for the exact amount left on the card, send yourself an eCard, then apply it to your account. It’s a few steps, but it’s better than never using the remaining $26.36 on the gift card you got three years ago!

    • Anon

      I’ve found that gas stations will often charge the exact amount left on the card.

      • Ellen

        I got a e-VisA gift card from a company, but no one would take it. I finally used some of it on Amazon, but then it expired so the rest was useless. If you get a gift card, make sure it has a magnetic strip on it or vendors just won’t take it! FOOEY!

    • Anon

      Can’t you check the balance online? Also, can’t you apply the gift card first then apply the credit card? I never had this problem

    • Anon

      I may just do that for all mine today. I am having so much trouble using them. I would love to use them online, but they don’t seem to work and I’ve tried registering my address to connect them. This seems so much easier.

    • Elderlyunicorn

      Holy schnikes! 2020 really is turning around!!! Thanks for the awesome tip.

  3. Anon

    What do you do after work these days?

    Work was very busy for me for most of the last 8 months, so I didn’t have much free time and when I did I was fried. Now, things have slowed down and I’m at a loss. I no longer have a commute, so my day ends around 4:30. I work out before work (don’t want to change that), and I meal prep my meals so cooking dinner is out (don’t enjoy cooking so once a week is enough for me). Before COVID, I had a really active social life so between that and workout classes, most of my evenings were covered.

    I’ve done some chores to free up my weekends, and I’m reading a lot more but I have about 6 hours to fill between ending my work day and going to bed and that’s not enough. I do watch a little tv, but I’m not a huge tv person and always feel blah if I spend my entire evening watching something.

    I’m single , child free and pet free (would love a dog but that’s not an option right now) and live with a roommate who is very busy.

    • Ribena

      At the moment, nanowrimo. Normally I have two knitting groups and a standing pub quiz arrangement each week, all via video chat.

    • NYCer

      I know you said you workout in the morning, but I would probably go for an hour or so walk right after I finished work if I were you. Even better if you can meet a friend for the walk since you said you had a really active social life previously.

    • all about eevee

      I read a book, call my family, take long luxurious baths, watch television or movies, listen to podcasts, take walks outside, ride my exercise bike, play a handheld video game, declutter my home, catch up with old friends on Zoom. There’s so much to do.

      • Pink

        AGREE. 2020 has been the year of luxuriating and resting and outside of the dumpster fire that is 2020 (and resulting anxiety), that’s been an important lesson and gift for me.

    • anon

      Walk + podcast, reading, maybe something crafty (make it super easy like adult coloring books), yoga video to wind down, calling friends and family.

    • AFT

      I’m feeling the same way … not necessarily as social as you, but having long evenings with no social life ahead of me for the coming months is kind of bleak. I also was doing various phone banking/volunteering pre-election that helped give my after-work life some structure. I’m going to subscribe to an adult crafting kit (I’ve got my eye on adults and crafts . com) to help fill in the evenings. I signed up to do some other work in support of the GA Senate Elections (phone banking, ballot curing, etc., are all being scheduled now).
      Also watching with interest for other ideas… I’m wondering if some sort of zoom class (language? history? etc.?) may be a productive use of my time.

    • Anon

      I’m still completely fried. Work just keeps getting more and more demanding, my hours get longer and longer. My house is a gross mess and I don’t have a minute to spare to tidy. I wanted to do NaNoWriMo, but that’s going to be a bust.

      If I did have time, I would start strength training. My bingo wings are out of control, and I look way older than I am from being so frail and saggy.

    • Anon

      I keep seeing those watercolor kits online–I’d spend my time doing those or following along with painting classes on Skillshare. It seems so fun and out of my norm, but getting out all of the supplies and putting them back stops me from fitting it in to a crowded evening.

    • Anonymous

      Any chance you could volunteer with a rescue or shelter to take a dog for a walk. I don’t know if they are doing that now with COVID, but a friend of mine used to do that. Or are there any senior neighbours you know with dogs that need an evening walk (the dog not the senior:))

      What about something creative? I’m going to be putting together a photo calendar for a Christmas present for my Mom soon.

      I would focus on trying to find something creative or something that gets you outside.

    • Monte

      Hour long walk after work, occasional Zoom calls with friends, check new music releases (or just music that is new to me) while doing puzzles/games, tons of reading.

    • Bonnie Kate

      I was feeling it strong last night – my schedule had been pretty full/busy through the summer and early fall but now I’m getting some earlier evenings home…last night after watching 3 episodes of Riverdale and just generally not enjoying myself I realized I am so sick of screens and my reliance on them for “relaxation” time. Also I’m so sick of internet window shopping and I just need to stop. I do this thing where I intentionally decide that I am going to buy one thing (this week was a yoga bolster, last week was madwell jeans), I go and find one that I like, and then instead of just buying the dumb thing I keep looking on the website and find more things I want and then I end up buying nothing. In my head I know it’s not healthy or actually relaxing for me, but in the moment it just seems like the easy thing to reach for.

      Anyway, that’s my dumb issue. Here’s some random stuff that I’m going to try and do in the evenings to break it up:
      *Puzzle + listen to a podcast. I have one sitting for me to do, i just need to start it. if puzzles don’t sound interesting, perhaps some other craft with hands like crochet, making metal jewelry, etc.? I need something to do while listening to a podcast.
      *Do a different type of workout – walk (although this is pretty much a walk in the dark for me right now after work, gah), chill yoga, stretching
      *If meditation is your thing, do a long sit – last week I did a one hour meditation sit with others via zoom and liked that; I’ll do that again tonight since it’s a thursday thing.
      *Start fermenting things – I’m thinking kombucha and ginger beer and homemade sauerkraut. I know you said you don’t enjoy cooking, but in my mind this is a totally different thing.
      *if you have a decent size bathtub, a bath with all the things. I swear as soon as we’re in our new house that has a big tub i’m taking a bath every.single.night. with all the fancy things.
      *I never learned to french braid or fishtail braid, but I always want to – I’m going to start making myself do one every single night. eventually i have to get better at it, right? Lol. I actually did this when I was at a 10 day silent meditation retreat a few years ago when I literally had nothing else to do during breaks.

    • Clementine

      Another suggestion: reach out to either friends or family for video/audio calls. If you really want a laugh, do you have any friends with kids aged like 4-7? My cousin’s fiance was feeling a bit lonely in the evenings (also a very social person) and started a regular FaceTime date 1x/week with my pre-K aged kiddo. Earlier this week, I’m pretty sure my kid talked to him about Legos for like 30 minutes.

      (Note they’re happily childless and pre-COVID were super social so I wouldn’t have thought of this, but it’s now one of the highlights of everyone’s week.)

    • Anon

      I started playing tennis. It works in my climate but if I was somewhere cold, I would take some other sort of lesson. Even a couple nights a week breaks up the monotony and gives something to look forward to.

    • Anonymous

      For discrete activity suggestions:
      – walks to get outside everyday
      – playing an instrument (picked up the instrument I did in high school)
      – games online with friends (Among Us, trivia, scrabble, whatever you like)
      – games online by yourself (I’m learning mahjong online, inspired by Forever35)
      – puzzles
      – doing the crossword puzzle or Sudoko every day
      – learning a language (via DuoLingo or otherwise)
      – cooking something more elaborate once a week (I used to hate cooking but now that I learned how to do it I enjoy it because the food I make is actually good)
      – baking bread
      – crafts (knitting, crocheting, cross stitch are low investment and have lots of YouTube tutorials; I like to quilt which I learned to do when I was younger – I bought a small lightweight sewing machine; you could check Pinterest for other crafting ideas)
      – calling friends/family
      – some kind of career development (studying for a certification relevant to your field, watching CLEs, etc.)

      In terms of TV, I consume a lot of pop culture (reading, TV, podcasts) and I like to do it in “syllabus form.” I listen to a podcast on my daily walk, watch 1 episode of TV a day, and read for 30-60 minutes before bed. So I’m on a “royal” Kick, and I’m watching the Crown, listening to You’re Wrong About’s podcast series on Princess Diana and reading young adult royal books (American Royals, The Royal We). I recently did a “Hollywood” theme and watched Call my Agent, read books about old Hollywood (Furious Love; Scandals of Classic Hollywood), and listened to the podcast Dead Eyes about a working actor. I did a “fraud” theme and listened to The Dream (podcast about MLMs), watched McMillions, and read a few books (Bad Blood on Theranos, etc.). Etc. etc. So, maybe that would interest you more?

    • Anon

      I cook and then clean up a little, then watch TV while playing games on my phone. Honest answer. May not be aspirational!

    • Anonymous

      also child free and i am really enjoying the extra time (i think this is the one silver lining of staying at home these days). i go to bed a full hour earlier and take my time getting ready, listening to a podcast, burning a nice smelling candle and just relaxing a bit before heading straight to bed. i also read a lot more than before, have tackled several home projects (decluttering closet, getting rid of old lotions etc., finally framing and hanging prints and photos), listen to podcasts or audio books, added in half an hour of yoga daily, call my mom/aunt/grandma and college friends more regularly, started learning how to crochet, cooking dinner each night and sometimes baking a dessert, taking baths, reading the news each morning (idk if this i quite healthy but im better informed than i was last year while in a haze working), keeping up with the gardening in my small yard, actually have a good supply of household stuff and not just running out last night after i realize i have no soap

  4. Scottie

    Love this! We’ll do the same with leftover fries from like a Friday/Saturday night. Lightly (very lightly) sprinkle some water, place on raised like baking cooling rack on top of baking sheet and pop in the oven. It’s like quick fun homefries.

    • Anonie

      I’m going to try this next I have leftover fries! I hate how they always end up tough and dry for me when I reheat them. I’ve seen a meme or 2 about this, so I had just accepted fries reheating poorly as an unfortunate reality of life haha :) It sounds like I need to try your method though…I’m guessing the water reduces “toughness”?

  5. Anon

    Now that the weather is turning and cases are spiking, I need to find solo indoor hobbies.

    Pre covid my hobbies mostly involved other people and being out of the house: bar trivia, rec sports, checking out new breweries and restaurants and whatever is going on in my city, traveling, live music, etc. In nice weather, I spend as much time at the beach as possible (love the beach but also kayak and surf a little), I hike, and I was looking forward to trying rock climbing.

    This summer I did a lot of park picnics with friends but that is soon to be a no go (between the weather and our local case-count is higher than it was in April)

    I workout (I have a spin bike and do barre classes at home, and also run outside) and I read and those are my only at home /solo hobbies, but that accounts for what? Two hours on a weekend? How else can I fill my time?

    In the spring I was working 80ish hour weeks so this was not a problem I had!

    • Cb

      Yoga classes (I prefer streaming to pre-recorded), Konmari, some sort of at home craft kit? I feel you – yoga and reading are my only real homebody hobbies.

          • Anonymous

            It’s cute but I question whether you really know multiple people who would like a very specific very expensive paint by numbers kit? Like, if you just need A Gift for MIL, aunties, cousins etc, nice hand cream has way more universal appeal than this, which I think is good for Eccentric Artsy Cousin and no one else.

          • Anon

            I would love to receive this! I think it’s way more fun than typical paint by numbers.

          • Anonymous

            Before clicking on the link I was skeptical, but seeing it I think it’s actually a great gift idea. Even as a ‘real’ artist I think it would be a fun mindless activity

          • Jeffiner

            I want one of those kits! I think it looks more like a real painting when done and less obvious paint by number. And it may help people who need a new indoor hobby this winter.

          • Anonymous

            I wasn’t being argumentative for no reason? She literally asked for opinions on this!

          • anonymous

            Well, adult coloring books have mass appeal far beyond “eccentric artsy” people. This is basically a more challenging adult coloring book. Also chiming in as a “real artist” to say I’d totally like to receive this — I barely do any art any more between life/work/relationship/dog and a big barrier to that is the set up, planning for a piece, and lacking “inspiration.” A paint by numbers kit solves those issues and lets me enjoy creativity. That said, I would probably save this gift for people who I knew were at least somewhat creative or crafty (note that I didn’t say talented).

          • Anon

            Thanks for weighing in! Some people have mentioned that they are looking for calming things to do at home this winter, so that’s what I was looking for. I am not myself crafty, so I appreciate the opinions.

          • Anon

            FWIW, I would not like this, but I would also not like a paint by numbers kit. But I assume you know your people, and if they would like paint by numbers than I think they would probably like this

    • NY CPA

      A few ideas: Learn to do some sort of craft (painting, needlepoint, knitting, sewing, calligraphy), baking, cooking, learn a language, Zumba or other fun but active fitness videos, dig deep into a movie genre (documentaries, noir, foreign language films, whatever)

    • Anonymous

      I am not much of a cook, but have been making something every weekend, like granola, or spiced nuts, or my own snack bars.

    • Anon

      I’m not one for what I call “yarn crafts” so I’m going to try geneology this winter

    • Anonymous

      I happily read for 4 hours on a weekend day! I also love making a long slow meal on a Saturday. I walk in any weather- a long winter walk on the beach well rugged up returning to a car with a thermos of hot tea and a cookie was a feature of my childhood and still lovely enough I drive an hour to the beach to do it. I like something crafty too- I’m not a big TV during the day person normally but an interesting documentary or show that would be too much for me late at night plus sewing masks or embroidery or easy knitting feels nice.

      • Anonymous

        Can you give some recommendations for long slow meals? I’ve been baking more for something to do because it’s more involved than what I usually make but I’m sick of always having baked goods around and would love some other ideas.

    • Anon

      I’m very outdoorsy and in these times, all I’ve maintained safely is hiking. I don’t feel comfortable doing my other two main hobbies at this time (horseback riding and climbing). I might also ski a day or two this winter but tbd. I’ve enjoyed reading, learning to knit, and some amateur genealogy while inside and am trying to maintain a positive attitude about it all.

      • Anon

        Also, why can’t you surf this winter? I have friends who serve all winter long in Portland Maine. You just need the right gear.

        • Anon

          I don’t have a wetsuit (which I know could be an easy fix) but honestly, the waves at my beach have sucked for the past few years, due to some dredging issues (I only went surfing once this summer! And I spent like 3 weeks at the beach). Also, the family’s beach house is shut down in the winter (not winterized) so it’s a 2hr drive, for probably bad / no waves, and then a 2 hr drive home without the ability to take a hot shower after winter surfing

        • Anonymous

          Caveat that I’m a diver not a surfer, but I’m really skeptical that you can safely surf in Maine in the winter. Google says the near shore water temperatures get to 40 degrees and under. That’s like, dry suit weather. I would be very impressed with anyone who could heft that kind of weight out of the water and onto a board to balance. Not to mention that the cost of a dry suit makes a Peloton look like a steal. I suppose you could get a very thick wetsuit or layer wetsuits, but you’re probably looking at 10mm+; it gets pretty hard to maneuver with that much fabric around you.

          • Anon

            I don’t know what to tell you except that my friends do it. They wear very thick wet suits with feet and hoods. I have seen pictures on social media of them in the water while there is snow on the marsh grass at the beach.

          • Anonymous

            Oh I totally believe you! My bro-y diver buddies do plenty of questionably safe (ahem, and clearly unsafe) things. And yes I’m using the term bro-y to refer to women too. I guess I was getting at – just because some people do it doesn’t mean it’s a good idea. Just like one shouldnt chase the anchor and then pop back to the surface with no safety stop, or decide to check out a cool cave no one knew about when they’re down to their pony bottle for air, or continue spear fishing when all the small sharks swim away (because it means bigger sharks are nearby).

    • Anonymous

      Good for you making an effort on this. I think part of the reason some people are unable to give up their less safe activities outside right now is because they simply don’t know what to do with themselves inside. It takes effort to develop indoor hobbies and virtual socialization, but it will ultimately be great for your mental health and you might find something you really love. Personally, I like to crochet and needlepoint. I made a hat for my cousin’s baby and it felt nice to make something concrete.

      • Anonymous

        Can we just not? There are so many ways to write your comment that don’t include disdain and judgment for people who aren’t just totes happy staying home and knitting. This was a pleasant and positive thread by someone being responsible. Your negativity was not invited to the party.

        • Anon

          You’re the only one I see being negative here. What’s wrong with pointing out that it takes effort to develop hobbies at home? We discuss this like every week.

        • Anonymous

          Hey, my comment wasn’t meant to be negative or judgmental. I typed it quickly on my phone while drinking coffee, but for a bit more context, the reason I feel this way is because a few years ago (way BC), I found myself defaulting to Netflix and mindless Internet browsing as my “indoor hobby.” I did not put in the effort to learn anything new and would be grouchy at the end of the weekend if I had been kept inside for any reason. It took a long time before I realized how frustrated and dissatisfied it made me and I had to start putting time, effort, and money into developing indoor hobbies. Not everything has stuck, but now that I have a few go-tos, I can stay inside without feeling like it’s all been a waste or like I have no life. It has made the pandemic a lot easier. I’ve noticed a few friends and coworkers saying things that make me think they might be where I was a few years ago, including one who said not-quite-jokingly that he couldn’t be alone with his thoughts and that the only thing he could do was binge-watch GOT again.

        • LaurenB

          Wow Anon at 9:59. Calm down. There was nothing wrong with her comment. You’re the one showing disdain. It does take effort to develop hobbies indoors.

    • Anon

      A lot of theaters and comedy clubs are streaming performances (for example Wooly Mammoth in DC and Second City in Chicago). I’m planning to coordinate with friends to watch and have a chat thread going to discuss. That’s a nice way to spend the night.

      For indoor projects – write letters, figure out recipes for random ingredients in your pantry, crossword puzzles, get a book of daily writing prompts, make photo albums, and craft kits.

    • AIMS

      My cousin’s wife is obsessed with paint by number type embroidery. There are tons of kits online. Not for everyone probably but she loves it and says it’s very soothing.

    • anon

      You can do bar trivia online (geeks who drink is a great one on twitch). You can also check out new restaurants & breweries via takeout. The breweries near me are all eager to sell growler refills and canned beer to make up for the lack of in person dining.

    • PolyD

      I’ve mentioned it before, but I’ve used this time of staying home to start learning how to play the cello. There are places that rent instruments – I’m using Music and Arts, which I believe has locations across the country, but I’m told some libraries rent instruments. I’m taking virtual lessons, which is it great, but not completely useless either. After a couple of months, I can play a recognizable version of Twinkle Twinkle Little Star.

      I did know how to read music, so that helped, but I highly recommend trying to learn a new instrument if you’ve always wanted to. It’s kind of nice to pull the thing out and practice for half an hour or so (I try to keep it to about 30 minutes so as not to torture my neighbors too much).

  6. Anon

    I’m thinking of asking for an air fryer for Christmas! What are your favorite things to make in yours?

    • all about eevee

      Corn dogs. Tater tots. Yes, I have the palette of an 8 year old. I’m not even mad about it.

      • Anonymous

        I read the original comment as the poster asking what everyone wanted for Christmas and I pictured you unwrapping a big box of corn dogs.

    • Lilliet

      We have very limited counter space and I think the air fryer pays for itself with tater tots, fries, and chicken tenders…. they are just so good and there’s only so much pandemic cooking I can stomach for my children. We’ve made several of Skinny Taste’s (I hate her brand name so much) air fryer recipes and they have been good!

    • curlsallday

      DO IT! I got a Ninja Foodi over the summer and am obsessed. I’ve been known to make batches of Brussels sprouts (also I was today years old when I learned how to spell Brussels), cubed sweet potatoes with paprika, cumin, onion powder and whatever other spice I think sounds good, and salmon….. Honestly, it was my favorite and most useful purchase during the these times. I love to cook and needed something to spice it up. Oh- and I recently made bacon in it. I will never make it any other way again.

      • Anon

        This is perfect! Hoping to stay away from the fries and chicken nuggets since the COVID 15 is still here.

    • No Face

      Boned chicken of any kind. Toss it in olive oil, season and throw it in there. Comes out perfect every time.

    • Deedee

      I received one as a gift, and I actually would not recommend it. I have not found making homemade foods in it to be better or faster than oven roasting or broiling, depending on the food. It does make much better chicken fingers, fried, tots, etc. than I can do in the oven, but unless you frequently eat those types of prepared and/or fried foods, I don’t think it is worth it. On the other hand, I love and highly recommend an instant pot. Beans from dried! White rice done nicely in 4 mins of cook time! Soup!

      • Anon

        I roast vegetables in mine several times a day now that I wfh. Cut up an eggplant, spray with a little olive oil, sprinkle some garlic salt = tasty (healthy) snack. Same with whole mushrooms, zucchini, sweet potato, cherry tomatoes, broccoli, etc. Hygge on a plate.

      • Anonymous

        +1 but as a non-American the food culture is very different where I live and I was truly amazed at how many aisles of frozen food American grocery stores have. Infact I am still amazed every time I visit.

        • Anon

          I have been an American my whole life and I still remember what a revelation Banquet frozen fried chicken was to my mom – a busy, hard working, underpaid bookkeeper.

          I feel like frozen food used to taste better than it does right now. To be honest the only frozen foods I like are some frozen veg (peas and corn in particular), ice cream, and the very occasional Asian dumpling.

    • Friday

      Sweet potato fries, wings. IMO it would be worth it for the wings alone – they are so good and I’m not really a wing person. Ours came with a recipe book and we just work our way though them. DH originally bought it to “quickly” roast veggies but spoiler: broccoli, brussels sprouts and cauliflower are still kinda gross when air fried.

      • Anon

        I can’t imagine being able to cook enough wings for my family of four (two adults and two teens who out eat us) in a countertop appliance. We convection roast them in the oven on racks on half sheet pans, and the amount we need (usually a pound per person because it’s mostly bone) requires two half sheet pans.

    • Anon

      I got a toaster oven with air fryer tray and use the air fryer function for tons of things. It makes REALLY good reheated pizza. Also, breakfast burritos, reheating sandwiches, anything that is supposed to become crispy when baked (TJ’s samosas! Chicken strips!).

      • Anon

        Hamilton Beach Digital Sure-Crisp Air Fry Toaster Oven from Target.

        That being said, I’m not sure I would recommend this exact model. The door gets hotter than hell and I’ve burned myself on it a million times (badly, once) because of how the handle is designed. It’s really hard to NOT touch the door when you’re opening or closing it.

          • Greensleeves

            A little late to the discussion but we have the Breville version of this (I think it’s the Smart Oven Air) and we love it!! It’s worth every inch of counter space because we use it all the time.

    • KW

      Steak and chicken breasts both turned out really well – juicy and tender. We also frequently do hamburger patties from frozen and halved red potatoes and have done salmon once or twice.

    • Bonnie Kate

      I have no idea of this works, but I watched someone on instagram make steaks on their air fryer and it convinced me I needed one.

      • curlsallday

        I can confirm it makes amazing steaks…having made myself a nystrip for lunch y’day.

    • Lily

      I bought mine as a joke.
      We now use it everyday.
      (1) Croutons for salads are so much faster in the air fryer.
      (2) Brined chicken thighs
      (3) Cubed sweet potatoes
      (4) Brussel sprouts
      (5) Cauliflower
      (6) Canned chickpeas
      (7) ok yes get the fried pickles

  7. Rain pants

    I need to get rain pants for me and for a 5-1 kiddo. We have been doing a ton of hiking this year (#CORONA) but today got soaked waiting for a bus for day 3 of in-person school (#SEUS).

    What we’ve done previously is rain coat / windbreaker then backpack then rain poncho over backpack (they have to carry chromebooks home every day in case lockdown recommences and to get charged).

    For backpacking, it might be nice to have a real raincoat, too, so a rain pants + rain jacket suit (ha! this is the suit of 2020) would maybe be ideal. Can’t figure if kiddo is an XL kid (size 16ish) or an XS woman (is 90ish pounds, so fairly trim — adjustable waist on the pants would be ideal).

    Ugh.

    • Anonymous

      Child vs woman size will vary based on company. Check the size charts. I like Columbia or REI for good quality at a reasonable price point. My kids grow out of stuff every year so I can’t justify Patagonia or North Face prices for stuff that they will only wear for one season.

      You can get rain covers for the backpack so you don’t need to use the poncho.

    • Anonymous

      My kid is the same size, and XS or XXS adult sizes work better than kids’ XL for pants. The kids’ sizes tend to be too wide.

    • Anon

      I use REI brand rain pants. I’m a size 4/6 and mine are a size small, so the Xs would likely be too big for your daughter

    • anon

      Depends on her body shape. I’m very similar in height and weight to her but I don’t wear kids clothes because they tend to be boxy. That only works if you’re straight up and down, which I’m not. If she has a difference between her waist and hip, I’d get XXS women’s.

  8. Anonymous

    Does anyone have a recommendation for a lightweight comforter or duvet insert? I have the original Buffy and I love the loft and softness but it’s just too warm for my overheated apartment. Is the Buffy breeze good? Any lower prices options that you guys like? I prefer the loft and feel of a comforter rather than a blanket.

  9. Help

    My spouse, who is usually the laid back and “take it as it comes” type, is uncharacteristically stressed right now. I understand why – we’re going through fertility treatment AND major work deadlines loom AND we’re moving house. But, I’ve started noticing concerning things that make it seem like her wellbeing and mental health is suffering. For example, she talks to herself, ruminating over conversations she’s had with clients – or even, this morning, repeating the conversation she had with a bank service rep. It seems like she doesn’t even always realize she’s doing this, or can’t control this, because I often notice it even in really strange circumstances like when we’re in a car with other family members (they all noticed too and seemed concerned). I’ve tried to ask in private “is everything ok?” “can I do anything to make your life easier right now?” or even a bit light-heartedly “who were you talking to back there?” but I just get “of course I’m ok everything is totally fine” “I wasn’t talking to myself”. She’s not sleeping well, skipping meals, refuses to even consider taking a half day off to rest. She is always super tense, seems distant and “blank” even when we’re trying to do something fun, and just generally (I think) is in an overwhelmed obsessive downward spiral. I am taking on increased household responsibilities and we have outsourced as much as we can. But what else do I do?

    • Anonymous

      “Stephanie, we need to talk. I know you’re not comfortable with this, but I’m your wife and I vowed to take care of you. Your mental health is clearly suffering. You are talking to yourself without realizing it, you aren’t sleeping, you skip meals, and you refuse to rest. This is a crisis. Dr. Whosiwhatsit is highly recommended by our fertility clinic [if they don’t have one on staff they def know someone] and I’ve made you an appointment.”

      Or it sounds like pretty soon you’ll be calling a hotline to figure out how to have her committed. This is a crisis. Now is the time.

      • Anne

        This. Also think of stopping fertility treatments until this is addressed. I know that is super painful but in your shoes I’d want to know my wife is willing to treat her (understandable) mental health crises before having kids. She doesn’t have to solve them but she does have to be willing to seek treatment.

      • Anon

        Is talking to yourself really border line getting commited or is it talking to yourself and not realizing it? I talk to myself all the freaking time. I was only going to start worrying if myself started talking back.

        • anon

          I think it’s the not realizing it that is worrying. I’m especially concerned by “repeating the conversation with the bank service rep,” because I think anxious people might do that anyway, inside their own heads (or so says my personal experience). The fact that she’s doing it out loud and not realizing might mean that she’s so anxious it’s becoming difficult for her to manage alone.

          • OP

            Op here. I agree with anon above! I think it’s totally normal to talk to yourself in many situations. But there are other situations where it’s less socially acceptable – like to be having your own conversation with yourself in the close presence of others. I know she knows that, and would previously have found that to be awkward, but I don’t even think she realizes she’s doing it. And yes it’s the content of the conversations that also makes me think she has an endless rumination loop inside her head right now that she can’t quiet.

        • Monte

          I talk to myself all the time, but I don’t rehash angry conversations and then tell people it didn’t happen. What Help is describing here is way more concerning than my (or your) normal solo monologue.

          FWIW, I agree with everyone else, Help — this is a crisis and talking with your wife frankly (and taking the fertility treatments off the table for the immediate future) need to happen ASAP. Good luck to you and your wife.

        • Anonymous

          It is if you don’t know you’re doing it, are doing it in groups of people, and deny that it’s happening!

      • Anonymous

        Yikes no you do not get someone committed because they’re stressed and talking to themselves.

        • Anonymous

          Huh? All that’s suggested is that it’s a new development that could be symptomatic of something.

      • Anonymous

        The standard for involuntary commitment is imminent danger to self or others, not absentmindedly voicing one’s own thoughts.

        • Anon

          If we locked up everyone who talked to themselves I guess we’d need to find someone to come in and take care do the cats and houseplants, because everyone in my family would be a goner.

    • Anon

      This was more of a medical issue than a stress issue when I did this (though obviously stress can exacerbate medical issues). Is it possible to approach the issues with sleep and eating as something to see a doctor about?

    • Anonie

      I am so very sorry. I would (gently but firmly) let your spouse everything you’re written right here and explain that it’s important to you that she take your concerns seriously rather than brushing them off. Can you both take a couple days off from work as a “stay cation”? If you feel comfortable doing so, maybe you can even check into an AirBnb within driving distance. Can you put a 3-day moratorium on work towards or talk about the new house?

      If you try those steps and are still concerned, which seems likely, encourage your spouse to try talk therapy in-person or virtually.

    • Anon

      I talk to myself when I’m stressed and am here to tell you that getting in her face about it will only make her more stressed. Honestly, what kind of response are you expecting to “Who are you talking to back there?” She’s not a damn child and that’s a question you ask a child. She’s not going to say “Harvey the big white rabbit.” Obviously, she’s talking to herself.

      Which one of you is going through fertility treatment? This impacts whether or not you’re seeing side effects of the treatments. http://mindbodypregnancy.com/infertility-meds-side-effects/

      Telling someone that they are in a crisis and need help has one of two effects: the person understands that they need help, or the person becomes exponentially more upset and refuses treatment. If your wife has a history of abuse, she is likely to have heard that she’s “crazy.” A very common tactic amongst abusers is to discredit their victim’s mental health and perception, and use the victim’s response to trauma as proof that the victim is the problem. It’s completely sick, but it’s how they operate.

      From that perspective, if she has abuse in her history, do NOT try “You’re in crisis and need mental help.” Schedule an appointment with a marriage counselor and go TOGETHER.

      If she does not have abuse in her history, then the people above are giving good advice.

      • OP

        I’m going through the fertility treatment, though she drives me to appointments so it’s a busy time for her and also a time of anticipation and stress for her even though she wouldn’t be experiencing biophysical side effects of medications or medical treatments. However, the fact that I am experiencing the biophysical side effects that come with medications and treatments make her crisis a lot harder to handle right now (taking on additional household chores and management responsibilities, worrying about my own health and hers too). My intention in asking “are you ok? who were you talking to back there” was to kindly point out to her privately that she was concerning everyone who was in the car with her (quiet car ride with sister and brother in law where she was muttering a work conversation seemingly unaware that this was alarming in context) and that we could leave if she was not up for being out. Thanks for your suggestions!

        • Anonymous

          Does your wife actually want a child? Even if she supported you, think back to things like who initiates conversations or who is the one to take action re: making this potential child happen. If it’s always you leading the charge on this there is a possibility she feels stuck and that is what is causing this behaviour

    • Anon

      Is there anything besides the fertility treatment you can control and pull back on now? I’m guessing that is one you don’t want to give up. But I think what your wife really needs is less stress.

      • Walnut

        To this point, moving is also a stressor you can throw money at. If you post what stage you’re in, I can provide ideas for how to de-stress it.

    • Anonymous

      If she’s the one going through fertility treatments then the first step is to address it with the doctor. This sounds like a side effect of the medicine that the doctor can help manage. I would approach your wife from that perspective. “The drugs appear to have some side effects that you may not have noticed, but they’re noticeable to me and I’m concerned. I’d like to call the doctor to schedule an appointment about this ASAP.”

      • OP

        Sorry I should have been more specific. I am actually the one doing the IVF, not her – though there’s still disruption of routine and anticipation associated for her, because it’s an emotional time and she takes me to all the appointments.

  10. Gluten-Free Xmas cookies

    I’m looking for recipes for tasty gluten-free Christmas cookies, preferably ones that someone who isn’t especially skilled in the kitchen can handle. Thanks!

    • anon

      They’re not traditionally Christmas cookies, but peanut butter kiss cookies using the recipe from Chew Out Loud are naturally gluten free and delicious. They are also nearly impossible to mess up.

      • Gluten-Free Xmas cookies

        Thank you! Those are actually one of my favorite types of cookies. Yummy. Let’s see how many actually make it to the cookie exchange.

    • anon

      look up cookies made with almond paste….naturally gluten free and very delicious

    • JDJDTX

      The biggest difference I have found for gluten free baking is whether you have a good flour. I have been using the Namaste flour blend for a while, and it has produced the closest to non-gluten texture, especially in baked goods. I have successfully just swapped it cup for cup with regular flour in many of my traditional recipes without issue. I also find it helps to let batter sit for a little while (20 min) before baking so that the different grains have an opportunity to absorb some of the moisture before baking. Good luck!

    • Anon

      We used the sugar cookie recipe on the Cup4Cup website last year to make rolled GF sugar cookies, and it worked fabulously. The cookies held their shape and were easy to decorate. A little too delicious, unfortunately.

      I am GF and every year I make:
      – GF chocolate chip cookies (you can use the Toll House recipe and sub in Cup4Cup or the Bob’s Red Mill 1 to 1 flour)
      – Spritz (ditto – they come out great as long as you make sure the dough isn’t too wet)
      – Sugar cookies to decorate, see above
      – One “wild card” which is usually some kind of GF bar cookie, there are some good recipes out there for GF lemon bars.

    • Anonymous

      We just used a gluten free flour–King Arthur Measure for Measure–to make our normal sugar cookies. There is a slight difference in texture, but they are pretty good.

    • anne-on

      Brown butter rice krispies treats with sea salt – double the butter (6 Tbsp), brown it (melt until it turns brown and nutty with some solids at the bottom). Off the heat (or on very very low heat) add about 1 tsp of sea salt and the bag of marshmallows, stir until entirely melted. Add whichever gluten free rice krispies cereal you prefer (6 cups). Put into greased pan, and let cool. Try not to eat them all yourself…SO easy and so good.

    • Ymanon

      Coconut macaroons.

      Basically coconut (dried), egg white and sugar.

      Heated in a pot to melt together, baked in oven on low temp.

      Can get the recipe specifics later if you’re interested.

  11. No Face

    Where do you all buy Christmas decorations?

    Normally, I am both a cheapskate and a grinch, so all my Christmas decorations are hand-me-downs. Now that I have a kiddo who loves decorations and Christmas (and I am SO BORED NOW), I am going to buy Christmas decorations that actually look good and deck all my halls. As I have never done this before, I don’t know where people get this stuff.

    • anon

      Mine are from a variety of places — a local store that has stuff I like, Target, Crate and Barrel, and things collected over the years. Start small and look for stuff that has the most bang for the buck. Fewer tchotchkes, but more high-impact things like garlands and wreaths. Or make a few seasonal swaps with your regular decor and add soft, wintery-feeling blankets that you can use all season, candles, bowls of pinecones or other seasonal greenery. I promise you don’t have to spend a ton to have a cozy holiday house!

      • anon

        I forgot to mention that I really like Pottery Barn’s holiday decor, but it is on the pricey side. I have a few PB pieces but have found similar things at Target.

    • Anon

      I honestly plan on stocking up at the dollar store. I’m not one for seasonal decorating (love Christmas but I’m a bit grinchy, don’t have a ton of storage in my apartment, it seems like a waste of money and resources) but this year I plan on going all in on decorating since there’s nothing else to look forward to!

    • Anonymous

      This will sound strange, but hear me out… Aldi. Every week this time of year they are releasing special stuff and I stock up on it. I’m not worried about its longevity because it’s so cheap, and in general it’s all been of decent enough quality to make me happy. I supplement with stuff from Home Goods.

    • Anonymous

      Crate and Barrel and Anthropologie are nice for better than Target but not insane.

    • Anonymous

      Thrift store! Not only is it cheap but its usually way better quality and better for the environment. I love quality ceramic ornaments and wood bead Garland.

      • No Face

        I buy nearly everything from thrift stores and/or craigslist, which is why I had to ask what stores sell Christmas decorations! But cases are skyrocketing out of control in my area so I’m avoiding spending time indoors.

    • Anonymous

      Most of ours are DIY, which is especially good with a child. Elegant, no, but something to do, yes.

    • Aunt Jamesina

      This won’t help you for this Christmas, but it’s awesome over time. We get a new one every year that commemorates something important from that year. If it doesn’t already have the year on it, we add it in metallic sharpie. Last year was a toy model of my husband’s project car he FINALLY finished, this year is a face mask I ironed a glittery “merry Christmas” vinyl decal onto. We also get one on every vacation (none this year!). Even if we can’t find a Christmas ornament, we’ll buy a keychain or other small trinket that represents that place and tie a ribbon on it.

      Growing up, my mom would let us choose one ornament each year and then gave them to us when we moved out.

      • Anon

        My aunt and uncle give my siblings and cousins and I a new ornament every year with the year written on the back. It’s a fun tradition for everyone and when we decorate it’s fun to look back over the ornaments and reminisce. They try to keep the ornaments timely and/or related to our interests at the time. I also love having one from my first Christmas!

        My aunt and uncle don’t have children so it’s also a great way for them to create holiday traditions with the children in their lives.

      • Senior Attorney

        I know it’s super middle-brow, but I have 35 years’ worth of dated “Mom” and “Son” Hallmark Keepsake ornaments.

        • Aunt Jamesina

          Love it! I’m team “tree full of sentimental ornaments” rather than team “department store worthy tree”.

      • Anon

        I do the same thing. I’ve only had my own tree for a few years now (wasn’t really a thing I cared about in college/law school) and it’s helped to make it feel like my own rather than a tree with a Target 10 pack of ornaments on it. I try to buy an ornament everywhere I travel.

    • anne-on

      Macys after the holidays, heh. In ‘reality, a combo of Macys, Target, gifts from family (my mom likes to give the fancy mikasa ones for gifts) and the ‘fun’ Hallmark ones. My son and I try to make a trip every year to pick out 2 or so of the new hallmark ornaments that he’s into. I really enjoy pulling them out and remembering the year he was into tractors, or firetrucks, or Mickey, etc. Depending on the age and temperament of your kid, I’d also go with some shatterproof ornaments, we’ve definitely lost some more delicate pieces over the years. Once we can all travel again, I plan to continue grabbing ornaments when we travel together, I think it makes decorating the tree more fun when you can remember where some of the more special ornaments came from.

      • Senior Attorney

        We have done that, too, and it’s been SO FUN. We have all kinds of things like Spiderman and lots of Star Wars, and the Tin Man from Wizard of Oz to commemmorate the year my son played him in the second grade play.

    • Anon

      HomeGoods is my normal go-to, and then heck yes to the nicer department stores and local boutiques after the holidays! Some of my favorite ornaments have been markdowns after the holidays.

    • Anon

      Oddly enough, a couple of my favorite ornaments are from Wal-Mart when I was just starting out in my first apartment. They were the ones you buy individually, not from a big box of them. I’d just keep an eye out when you find yourself at the pharmacy or a box store in addition to curating some from fancy places.

      • Anon

        Yes! I bought an ornament with a favorite spot in my city on it from our local drugstore.

    • Christmas recs

      Bronners!! It is this adorable (and huge–like seven football fields long) Christmas store in Frankenmuth, Michigan.

    • Anonanonanon

      This thread leads me to believe I’m the only one getting buried in Grandin Road magazines? I’ve gotten a lot of my nicer stuff from there. Plus Target.

  12. Flynow?

    I have seen posts on this site by people planning on travelling to see older parents and grand parents. What measures are you taking to protect yourself before and during the trip? I was planning on going to see my parents who live overseas. It would mean a direct 8 hour flight, initially my plan was to self isolate at my brother’s house after the trip (they have 2 empty bedrooms). After that then I would go to my parents house. However, now my brother whose suggestion it was, says his girlfriend recently had a COVID scare and needs to think about it. I am totally okay with that but it also has me thinking about how to do this safely if I indeed go. I am currently in a country under lockdown so I am already isolated save for trips to the grocery store, bakery etc. I have read tons of advice on the NY Times intended for students returning home. Some of this includes taking a direct flight, boarding requires a negative COVID19 test, and on arrival at home they recommend staying in one room of the house if sharing, disinfecting the bathroom after use etc and not sharing utensils. What could I be missing? Regarding taking the trip in the next few weeks it is mainly to avoid isolation during the holidays. I live alone and would likely be alone then too.

    • Anon

      Why not share the countries you are all in? This is an anonymous board.

      Honestly, even with all those measures you described, the virus is far too out of control in most places to make flying safe at all. I personally would not enjoy taking such a significant risk only to have such an anxious and abbreviated celebration where you can’t safely remove masks, indoor dining for mixed households is strongly discouraged, etc. do you have a local friend you could spend the holidays with instead, isolating beforehand and so on?

        • Anonymous

          It would be to me! If I hadn’t seen my family since last Christmas I’d def be looking into flying, isolating for 14 days on arrival, and the seeing them.

      • Flynow?

        OP here: I am in Paris and my parents live in Kenya. Yes the current flare up has me worried and this is why I posted to see what others are doing.

    • Anonymous

      I don’t think your missing anything except that the people you decided to quarantine with aren’t comfortable with it. Isolating for 14 days after a flight is required to enter some countries and the best way to avoid spreading covid. So get a hotel room or AirBnB and stay there?

    • Anonie

      As discussed ad nauseum, this board steers very conservative. (And, yes, I know that point has been argued and some don’t agree). I would personally feel comfortable making the trip after following all NYT suggestions. However, many people would not. Truly, you’ll have to make that decision. Wishing you well as think it all through! Either way, I hope very much that you don’t have to spend your holiday alone.

    • Cat

      So, two goals here – 1. don’t be an asymptomatic spreader, and 2. don’t catch it yourself. We flew earlier this year to visit a sick grandparent.

      1. is relatively easy to control for those of us lucky enough to be WFH and childless. We stayed home as much as possible in the 2 weeks prior, weren’t indoors with others except for a masked grocery run, and also got tested. While that’s not a 100% guarantee of course, it minimizes risk to others.

      2. obviously the shorter the flight the better, but stats on plane filtration systems are pretty great. Travelers we saw were being pretty compliant. We chose an airline that was still limiting capacity (Jetblue) – if that’s a possibility for you, highly recommend.

      The safest on-arrival thing to do would be to stay by yourself somewhere long enough that a negative test result would be meaningful (like 4-5 days minimum IIRC).

    • Kara

      So all you need to know is make sure you don’t have COVID. It’s really a simple, scientific objective here. Based on how you describe your lifestyle, you don’t have COVID now. You will be careful on the flight, wear a N95 or KN95 the whole time (they’re easier to get now and healthcare workers do have enough), wipe down the seat etc. An 8 hr flight makes me a bit nervous, but I know people who flew longer than that and were fine. When you get there, as per local guidelines, you will quarantine wherever and hopefully get tested, and then meet your parents when you don’t have Covid

      If you do stay in your brothers house you’ll follow the nytimes guidelines. This means any time you are out of your guest room you will wear a mask, and honestly if you’re inside stay several feet away as well. I’m think cautiously because you say your brothers GF is nervous. I would eat meals by yourself until you get the Covid test result, which could be pretty fast

      I think this is doable

    • Anonymous

      I can’t completely answer your question since I’m not the one traveling, but I have had a few friends fly from the US to Taiwan, where our families are. From what I can tell, friends had been WFHing and generally quarantining at home other than getting food/essentials, then got tested before getting on the plane, and wearing a face mask and face shield during the flights. Then when they get to Taiwan, it’s 2 weeks of quarantine in a room at home,not immediately socializing with the rest of the family. After 2 weeks quarantine and you’re healthy, you’re free to live life as much as you can get close to pre-covid times. Then again, Taiwan is an island so it’s much easier to track who’s coming in and out of the country.

    • Anonymous

      1. You really need to list the countries as that impacts things greatly, and if it’s a rural place unaffected by covid that too (such as some of Canada’s northern territories).
      2. If this is a place with hotels or air bnb stay in one of those for your quarantine so you aren’t putting your family at risk.

    • AnonMPH

      What I would say about all of this, is that there are ways to do this all relatively safely if you can throw a lot of time at the problem. There is no way to travel/see family perfectly safely, but there is a lot we can do to make it safER, and I think it’s important to really talk through the harm mitigation possibilities rather than simply saying its impossible.

      We are traveling to see my older (early 70s, with health problems) parents over Thanksgiving. We are going into full isolation/quarantine at our house 10 days before we travel. After 7 full days of isolation (no going into stores, grocery delivery only, no seeing anyone socially, only leaving house for dog walks) we will get PCR tests on the 8th day. On the 10th day we expect to get the results, and if they are negative we will drive 6 hrs to see them, with one quick masked stop to pee on the way, in a state that has strong masking. We will then stay there for 10 days. So to see my parents for thanksgiving is requiring nearly 4 weeks of dedicated time. This is not perfect, when we went to see them over the summer we did the same as the above but with a full 14 days of isolation prior to driving, which felt like the gold standard. This is really only possible because we can both work fully remotely, and don’t have children.

      In your case, with an 8 hour flight, I would suggest- limiting your activities as much as possible for 1-2 weeks before you depart which sounds like it will be easy given you are in lockdown. Then testing before you depart. Wear most protective mask possible on the plane, plus eye protection of some sort. Wipe everything down. Be very careful to socially distance in the airports, on disembarking the plane. Then get your own Airbnb (with its own entrance) in your destination for at least the first week, test after that week (PCR, not rapid) and then go stay with your family. BEST practice would be to isolate in your own Airbnb for an entire 2 weeks after you arrive, but I acknowledge most people are not going to be able to handle that. In the first week while you are awaiting your test you should only spend time with your family outdoors, masked, and socially distanced. If staying separately in an Airbnb is not possible, then you would have to isolate within one room in the house, disinfecting the bathroom, etc. which seems very difficult to maintain but would be possible.

      The biggest question I’d ask yourself before doing this is just, how much time can you stay? If you can stay for a month, this seems worth it. If you can’t, it will start to feel like a lot of hassle for not much, and I think it is when people have less time that they are more willing to cut corners on these precautions. Finally, I’d add-make sure that you will be likely to enter and exit both countries when you wish to (is a lockdown/travel ban for your country of origin/destination a possibility in this time period?), and what the official current COVID regulations are where you are going. If you are supposed to quarantine for 14 days on entry, and that means staying locked in a single hotel room without going out for 14 days, you should only go if you are willing to do that.

    • Aunt Jamesina

      This is a difficult choice, but one more thing to consider with international travel is the possibility of getting stranded somewhere.

      • Anon

        Even domestic travel. See my comment below on my husband’s flights getting re-routed and cancelled. Luckily, he wasn’t planning on going anyway.

    • Anon

      I was one of the people going to visit in-laws for Thanksgiving and we are on the verge of canceling. We were driving from Northern New England to South Carolina. We discussed driving straight through, only stopping for gas. I was cool with extreme measures like using a potty to pee in the car and dump it rather than going inside to use gas station bathrooms. My husband thought it was insane and was totally grossed out at the idea.

      We haven’t seen his parents since Christmas and we were going to spend the whole week at their house not leaving the house. We were not going to be masked at the house and we were going to bring our own air purifiers.

      However, the reasons we are leaning towards cancelling are cases are spiking exponentially. It is not a safe time to drive through 11 states. You never know if your car will break down (ours did on one of these trips) and if you will be stuck somewhere. What if you start getting symptoms on the drive back?

      My friends in health care are worried about hospitals running out of room and staff. That’s a huge concern and I don’t want to contribute to that.

      The biggest issue is my state has a 14 day quarantine on return (though yet another with no teeth) but has exceptions for essential workers. My husband has an in-person public safety job and would not be able to do a full 14 day quarantine. Even though he is exempted legally, we don’t feel he is exempted morally, where this is voluntary travel. It sucks, but we are most likely cancelling.

      Also, for people flying, please keep in mind the issue of what you will do if your flights are changed or cancelled. My husband keeps bumping out some Delta credits. They make us rebook within x number of months and since the pandemic is still going on, we get to push it out again. His last re-booked trip was scheduled for December. Delta changed his route on one his outbound so it went from direct to a long layover. On his inbound, they totally cancelled his flight and did not offer any other options to get back. He has no idea how many days out he would have been extended. He just took the credits and is bumping it out again.

      Ironically, the original credits were from when I was too sick to fly in February. No idea if I had COVID then. That’s why we can only keep bumping out credits as opposed to getting a full refund.

    • Anon

      If you must, and you have the ability work-wise to make the trip worth it, testing beforehand, flying with n95 and faceshield on the whole time (yes that means no eating or drinking on the plane), taking a test as soon as you get there and isolating for at least a week with another test every couple of days, and then isolating with your parents as if you lived there.

    • Anon

      This is such a personal decision, and the risk calculus will be different for everyone. I haven’t seen my family since Christmas, my boyfriend hasn’t seen his since early February, and neither of us have been able to meet the other’s family yet. After consulting with our parents and taking into account their strong preference to see us, we are visiting his family for Thanksgiving and mine for Christmas.

      These would both be 2-3 hour flights, which we are not comfortable with. Instead we are driving, which will be 12 hours and 15 respectively. We are self-isolating at home for 2 weeks beforehand, the only trips outside are for walks. No going to grocery stories, no going to other stories, and no meeting up with other people. We will then get tested about 5 days before leaving. During the drives, we will stop for gas/use the bathroom a few times, fully masked and using disinfectant when we get back to the car. We will bring snacks and get food from drive-thurs, so the only trips inside will be to use the bathroom. Is it completely 100% safe? No. Are we taking all reasonable precautions? Yes. For us and our parents, the benefits outweigh the risks.

      Are you working from home? Could you stay for a long time? In your situation, I would go if I could stay for at least 4-6 weeks. I would isolate for a week upon arrival in an airbnb, get tested, and then see my family after the negative test came back.

      • Anonymous

        Please also consider the numbers at the time & whether hospitals in your locations are at capacity. I would want to know that my parents would have access to medical care in case they get sick (even if unlikely but possible).

  13. anon

    I have had a tough time falling asleep during the past couple of weeks. I thought it would get better after the election, but alas, it has not. I can feel good all evening, and as soon as the lights go out, I feel anxious and panicky. Lots of racing thoughts about Covid, the holidays, and everything else under the sun. I am trying to have a relaxing wind-down routine, but clearly, it’s not working enough. Because I’m getting to bed so late, I oversleep and don’t get my morning exercise done, which only increases my overall anxiety levels. Or I’m repressing my stress way too much during the day.

    • Anon

      Me too! I dread evenings because I feel anxious and squirrelly. I’ve read about this being an issue in the elderly but I am def not elderly… I feel trapped, like the walls are closing in. The early darkness, rising cases, continued political chaos and isolation are not a good combination for my mental state. I try to read or have a virtual plan and then just go to bed early, but it doesn’t always work.

      • Anon

        Forgot to add—what has helped me is getting up early no matter what so I see the sunrise and maximum daylight. Then I let myself go to bed ridiculously early with a book, like 8 PM, and read until I fall asleep. Trying to embrace one of the few plus sides of this new lifestyle: winter hibernation.

    • No Face

      I uninstalled social media from my phone and it has helped so much! I honestly didn’t realize the negative effect that Twitter and constant news had on my brain. I fell asleep at 9pm, naturally.

    • Anonymous

      I know people get flack for suggesting therapy but you have anxiety that is interfering with your life. At least talk to your primary care physician about it

    • Anon

      If you have any activities that are making you anxious (doomscrolling) delete those apps. That really helped me.

    • Anonymous

      When you have racing thoughts, have you tried following them to their conclusion? Really focus on the “so what?” for yourself. For example, how do rising case numbers actually and concretely impact you? I’m not suggesting you become callous and not care about society, but your losing sleep doesn’t do anything to keep other people safe. Play out the scenarios that are keeping you up— I suspect that the worst outcome is both very unlikely to happen and not as scary as the vague mind racing.

    • Lilau

      Have you tried an evening workout? I know that people often advise against them but during my most stressful years that was key for me. Something about being physically tired at the end of the day really helped me relax. What worked: an evening workout, a shower, comfy pajamas, nice sheets, kava or bedtime tea, a sheet mask and tv shows about cooking or home renovation.

    • Anon

      Have you tried meditating? I have this problem during regular times, let alone during this insanity, but I like using the Calm app to meditate and listen to sleep stories, it has worked incredibly well for me. Another suggestion is tea that has valerian root in it, like Sleepy Time Extra. I drink it probably 1x a week, but I usually can’t even finish the cup because I pass out before I get the chance.

    • Anon

      Commiseration. My sleep hygiene is seriously suffering, especially over the last couple of weeks. I thought it would get better after the election too, but I think the surrounding chaos has kept it fresh. I have been going to bed waaaay too late because I have basically been waiting until I’m ready to pass out so I’m not left alone with my thoughts. It’s unhealthy, not really helping since I’m waking up anyway, and it’s now become a habit I am actively trying to break. If you are anything like me and are getting stuck in a YouTube or news loop, try to cut it off by taking a bath before bed and reading a physical book and then immediately getting into bed afterward. When I have been disciplined enough to do this, it has worked for me.

      • Anon

        +1. My rest has greatly improved just from using the grayscale on my phone. Use the tools on your phone to either lock apps after a certain time or turn your screen to grayscale. I have timers on my social media apps to prevent mindless scrolling during the day, and then I auto-turn the screen to grayscale at 9:30 as a signal to start something more relaxing. That’s usually my cue to change into pajamas, start a cup of tea, and find a magazine or book.

    • Pompom

      This is me.

      I’m on a waiting list (2.5 months long…) to get into therapy.

      Golden Girls reruns on my iPad and a calming vape pen do the trick.

    • anon

      Anxiety helpers for me:
      Calm/Headspace App: Sleep Stories
      Therapy: BetterHelp app! (Great service, cost is affordable – they do offer assistance)
      Evening Yoga: Beachbody App.

      I hope you find some relief!

  14. Anonymous

    Long shot – but has anyone here hiked the Alta Via 1? I have been looking at Reddit Posts and others, but they are mainly from men. I’m tentatively planning a trip for next Aug/Sept and am leaning towards that hike. Any recommendations for places to book or specific gear?

    • Anonymous

      Haven’t done it, but the blog Just A Colorado Gal had a post about one of the Alta Via treks. Not sure if it was the right one but you could check it out.

  15. mahnamahna

    Can anyone recommend a dietitian or nutritionist that specializes in intuitive eating/is anti diet culture? I follow a bunch of them on Instagram but that feels like a weird way to settle on a health professional. I’m interested in working with someone virtually so location is not so important, although east coast is preferable.

    • Anonymous

      I love my nutritionist, Paige Smathers. I don’t think she’s accepting new clients but she has several other RD’s who works with her and their focus is intuitive eating.

    • Anonon

      Highly recommend dietician Courtney Plush. She has been very helpful for me on similar issues, especially as my stressors are flaring during the pandemic.

    • Monday

      Even if you have no history with eating disorders, look for people with ED treatment experience. The more I learn about weight/nutrition issues as a health care provider, the more convinced I am that only the ED-trained professionals have the right incentives and ethics in this space.

    • Anon

      What do they do exactly? Do they recommend menus? My problem is more the quantity I eat rather than the quality.

      I would like to improve. We have had some recent health scares in my family and I am trying to improve in every way I can.

      • Anonymous

        No, in my experience it is literally the opposite of recommending menus. I’m the one who recommended Paige above and she has a blog if you want to learn more. Or the book “intuitive eating” by Elyse Resch and Evelyn Tribole is a classic and another good place to start.

  16. Deedee

    Any advice for not getting my hopes up about a job interview I had last week? I had a group Zoom interview that went reasonably well for a position that would be a stretch for me, and that I’m really excited about. It has only been a week since my interview—which is no time at all in higher ed!—but I can’t stop hoping I hear back. I usually have an easier time setting this type of thing aside with an attitude of “assume I won’t get it and be pleasantly surprised if I do.” But I’m struggling this time! Any tips or advice welcomed.

    • Deedee

      To clarify, I interviewed with a group of hiring committee members—not other applicants!

    • Anonie

      Apply for other jobs and try to let yourself get excited for them! No matter what happens, congrats on the strong interview!

    • Anonymous

      Can you focus on what you did well? Or what you learned? Frame it as the entire experience was valuable no matter what the outcome.

  17. Sleep issues

    I never feel rested. I have had my thyroid and vitamin levels checked and nothing unusual there. I work a lot and have a toddler so definitely don’t have the best sleep habits – I have to work after she goes to bed and then crash and there just isn’t time for much wind-down away from screens , but I’m not sure that explains persistent exhaustion. My husband wonders if I have sleep apnea because I snore and tend to jerk awake at night. I don’t consume caffeine late in the day or alcohol more than once a week so it’s not that.

    Any suggestions on what I can do to address or explore causes of sleep disruption? If it wasn’t COVID maybe I’d consider a sleep study but that doesn’t seem feasible now (cases rising and hospital beds are scarce in my area)

    • anon a mouse

      It’s worth exploring a sleep study, still. Find an ENT in your area who specializes in sleep disorders. DH was able to do one with a take-home contraption that fit over his head — way better than an overnight somewhere else.

      Also, a light sleeping aid (melatonin or something rx) might help. After a particularly stressful spell sometimes that’s the only thing that resets me.

    • Anon

      Ask your doctor, not the Internet. Doctors are still there, even during a pandemic.

    • Anonymous

      You said vitamin, I’m assuming that includes iron levels? I know a couple of people who are chronically tired and they have very low iron levels. If that’s good, then a sleep study.

    • Anonymous

      Just a note to say that I was diagnosed with apnea and getting treatment has been night and day. I feel like I wasted a good couple of years of my life never feeling like I had the energy to do anything. My mood now is a gazillion percent better, too. And my apnea wasn’t even severe. Talk to a sleep specialist (my does virtual appointments). You can do a test from home (I went in but apparently a lot of insurance companies would only cover it this way in before times). Truly, I can’t stress enough how life changing. I had no idea how much I needed this. Also, I don’t know if this applies to you, but it’s not always tied to weight. I was super surprised to learn that. I probably would have gotten help sooner had I known.

    • Anonymous

      If you suspect sleep apnea then please go to your doctor right away. It can be deadly.

    • Anon

      +1 to everyone who suggested an at home sleep study. It might also be worth getting your cortisol levels checked. You can do this from home as well. Having whacked out levels can really affect your ability to get restorative sleep.

  18. anon

    this is just an angry vent, more than anything else. the other day or week someone posted comparing taking precautions during covid to a group project where you do all the work, but other people get to benefit…that analogy could not be more on point. my boss recently hosted an at home wedding for her daughter with about 30-40 people and many of them got covid. fortunately, they all seem to have more mild cases, but it makes me kind of angry that they all have mild cases from attending an un-masked gathering with no pre-celebration quarantining, while someone else i know who has been very very careful and likely got covid from having what was a necessary dental procedure, is in the hospital. i know this is a terrible and unproductive way to think, but i’m really starting to feel like all the people attending these unmasked celebrations deserve to get super sick/die from covid.

    • anon

      Yikes to your last sentence, but I completely understand where you’re coming from. I have found myself being very, very angry at people who just flatly refuse to change their lifestyles in any meaningful way. They don’t get, and they don’t care to, and they won’t listen. I don’t know where we go from here.

      • Anon

        to me it’s as bad as those people who claim to not be racist, but voted for Trump

    • Anonie

      I am so sorry that you are feeling stressed and sad about this. There is a lot to feel sad and stressed about right now.

      I will just say…anytime you are wishing death on others (except for, like, Hitler), you are probably not in the healthiest head space. I would recommend re-centering yourself however you best can. That could be phone calls with friends, reading a religious text or a secular self-help book, walking regularly around a park, volunteering virtually, beginning therapy, etc.

      Also, hold onto the mantra: “Grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference.

      (This is very minor and not the point at all but, in your boss’s defense, a lot of people seem to think that reducing wedding sizes to 30 – 40 guests is a safer way to proceed. Your boss likely convinced herself that she and her family WERE being responsible to reducing guest count. I’m not saying she’s right AT ALL and my fiance and I did change our 200-person wedding to a 9-person ceremony with immediate family only, but I wanted to share her possible perspective.)

    • Anonymous

      Been there. My friends and I have struggled with this too. It’s really, really hard to see joint family members and friends actively spreading COVID, including to healthcare staff, without caring even one iota. They won’t make the slightest adjustments to their lives, including wearing a mask, and they act put out if you decline to participate in something that is objectively unsafe (hello, large-ish indoor wedding). It’s very hard to muster up sympathy when they post on Facebook asking for prayers to get them through their COVID infection. What did you think would happen when you took literally ZERO precautions despite people begging you to? I am trying my best to not think of them at all, but being so selfish and then asking for sympathy makes me really angry.

      • Anon

        Are they herd immunity people that wanted to get it and get it over with? I’ve actually seen people posting that online. Guess they missed the memo that you can get it more than once.

    • Anonymous

      If you’re at a place where you’re wishing for people to die a terrible death from a highly contagious disease, you need to work on yourself.

      • Britton

        +1

        I don’t love seeing irresponsible behavior in the middle of a pandemic, but agree that wishing them death is awful. I’m surprised there isn’t more pushback from the rest of this board.

        • anon

          Are you really surprised though? This board has spent the last several months shaming anyone who dares to do anything other than eat canned beans in their covid bunker. Of course that came immediately after months of shaming everyone who thought it would be prudent to prepare for the pandemic back in Jan/Feb. Basically everything you’re doing is wrong!

      • LaurenB

        Really? If I tell someone repeatedly not to drink and drive, and they do so repeatedly and tell me it’s fine, drunk driving isn’t a thing, and in the meantime they get into a car accident and are hurt, am I supposed to be 100% as empathetic as I would be towards someone who was driving appropriately and got into an accident? There’s a limit to empathy.

        • Britton

          Sticking with your analogy, I wouldn’t fault you for lack of empathy if they got into accident. But there’s a difference between lacking empathy after an accident and actively wishing them harm before the accident. There’s so much seething rage on this board.

          • Anonymous

            The rage is because their actions harm us. Perhaps a better analogy would be that someone regularly drives drunk and has put two kids in the hospital already but refuses to stop doing it. I could see wishing harm on them before they do even more harm to others. It’s a natural defensive responsive in a stressful time, although I’m not claiming it’s healthy or good.

          • Cat

            yes, this. There’s “well, understandable consequence” after the fact and then there’s wishing harm. Definitely a line crossed.

          • Anonie

            Agreed, Britton and Cat. That final line hit “below the belt.” Also, to go with the DUI analogy…I’m not entirely familiar with our nation’s history of drunk driving, but my understanding is that it used to be VERY common. People in their late 40s and early 50s/60s whom I know (not my parents, who would be aghast, but friendly acquaintances/former colleagues) often refer to drunk driving in their youth with a wink-wink. I thought it was years of PSAs and the emergence of ride-sharing that made my generation (I’m 30) so vehemently anti-drunk driving.

            If it took YEARS to get people to understand how dangerous drunk driving is, it seems logical that it would take longer than 8 months for people to recognize and adapt to Covid safety.

          • brokentoe

            And still 10,000 people are year are killed by drunk driving. Granted, 60% are the drunk driver themselves, but still. And then there’s drugged driving. Sadly, a lot of people think they drive better when they are high. People act in their own self interest. It’s the nature of the beast.

        • Of Counsel

          As someone who was seriously injured in an accident caused by a drunk driver – yes. You are supposed to be as empathetic.

          The guy who hit me really clearly had a drinking problem (just based on the fact that otherwise someone with his blood alcohol level would have been unconscious). He was unemployed because he was fired for being an alcoholic. His car was totaled in the accident and he had no insurance. He could have killed me – but I feel sorry for him and wish him nothing in the world but the best. I hope this was the wake-up call he needed to get his life on track. I certainly never wished him harm, much less that he would die.

          I can understand anger and frustration, but it is important to hang on to kindness.

          • Anonymous

            You might have felt differently if he had killed someone you loved. I’m glad for you if you can truly only feel kindness towards those who choose to harm you, but it’s not the reality for everyone and it doesn’t make them monsters for feeling angry. Women are allowed to be angry despite the immense pressure for them to be accepting and motherly and to forgive all.

    • Anon

      I’m not at the point of wishing harm on anyone, and I don’t think I’m headed there. I am chronically ill and usually think of health issues as something I wouldn’t wish on my worst enemy! But a pattern I’ve noticed is starting to bother me where the people who are taking fewer precautions and out living their best lives also seem to be actively avoiding the people who are still stuck in isolation? I’m not saying anyone owes anyone anything, but right now it feels like since the pandemic started, the the only people supporting the people stuck at home are other people stuck at home.

      • anon

        I have noticed this pattern, too. Thank goodness I have friends and family who also are trying to be safe, but this has altered at least a few relationships with our extended family. (They think we are being unreasonably cautious for skipping a 200-person indoor wedding last month. And we’re not doing Thanksgiving or Christmas with them, no way, no how.)

      • Anonymous

        Don’t you want them to avoid you? I think your perspective is a little skewed. It seems to me this is people respecting your risk tolerance and acknowledging their own potential threat. They aren’t shunning you; they are “avoiding” you because they recognize you don’t want to interact with them.

        • Anon

          I guess I wasn’t clear that I didn’t mean in-person avoidance. I’m talking about phone, text, etc., with people who used to take calls, text, and text back.

          • anon

            Is it possible that they are avoiding you because you’ve made it clear you’re judging them and/or you lecture them when you do speak? I have friends taking more and less precautions than I am and I have backed away from two relationships where I feel like every conversation is a lecture or just listening to woe is me. It’s not that they are self isolating more than I am, it’s that I don’t need to be lectured about it or only hear them talk about that. I am depressed enough with the lack of social interaction I am having due to my precautions, my mental health can’t keep up connections that only stress me out and put me on the defense

          • Anon

            I haven’t lectured or complained, though I did send my regrets to several large events. I knew there would be disagreement in my circles over things like mask wearing, precautions, and vaccines, so I’ve treated it like “religion and politics” from the start. Maybe not discussing it was bad too, if it’s become an awkward conversational taboo that’s uncomfortable even when it’s not being discussed?

      • Anon

        I think this is no different from anytime “bad things happen to good people” and vice versa. There are a million things in life where it seems like some people are lucky and some aren’t. We are being cautious in our activities not because we are high risk, but because our autistic child’s caregiver is high risk and we won’t expose her to any risk more than she is already taking herself. I don’t think about whether this is “fair” or not because it’s already not fair that we have a severely autistic child, but I am also counting my blessings that we are able to work because of her, she is able to do zoom school with him, etc.

    • Thanks, it has pockets!

      While your last sentence is way harsh, I can see where you’re coming from. It seems like so many people are out being reckless and they either get the virus and don’t get sick, or they come down with very mild cases, so they see little to no consequences for their selfish behavior, and they come out of it going “see? we didn’t need to wear masks or quarantine! it really is just a bad cold!” but for all they know, someone might be on a ventilator because of them.

    • No Face

      Yeah, it’s hard. There are no precautions whatsoever in most of my state and it is so frustrating. The hospitals have started postponing “elective” procedures because they have so many covid patients. I keep thinking about people who were finally going to get relief for their medical problems, and now can’t because people won’t stop partying without masks on.

      I will say, I feel better now that I’ve deleted social media and focused more on my own life and family. There is nothing I can do to make people care, because so many people here think covid is an overblown flu and/or a hoax.

    • Anon

      The anti-mask thing really gets me. It’s just a MASK, people! It isn’t painful, it’s barely even an inconvenience. What’s with the opposition to such a safe and simple step that will save lives!? The government requires people to do things safely all the time – minimum drinking age, wearing seatbelts, using carseats – in the name of the public good. I am just completely baffled by the apparently widespread belief that this easy (and temporary!) safety measure is somehow an unacceptable infringement upon liberty.

      • Anonymous

        My friend works in a lab and her coworkers have claimed that they “can’t concentrate” while wearing a mask. I call complete BS on that since they already wear scrubs, hair nets, goggles, and gloves. Surgeons operate with masks on every day. It’s completely crazy and selfish to me that able-bodied people are trying to pull “I can’t wear a mask for a medical reason” or “it’s too hard” when it’s really, literally not.

    • Anonymous

      I shouldn’t wade into this because it’s just negative, but I also can’t help being angry at smart people who are choosing to be dumb about this. One friend in particular insists that everything she wants to do (workout classes, parties) is okay because “her state guidelines say it’s okay.” None of the people making the guidelines in her state are health professionals. None are in public health. They’re Republican science-deniers with agendas to reopen all business ASAP and avoid mask mandates. It’s completely, obviously politicized, but it’s like my smart friend is deliberately turning off all critical thinking ability and it’s really frustrating.

      • Anon

        yea i hate the argument that it is ‘legal’ so that means it’s a good idea. it’s legal to smoke a pack a day, it’s legal to only eat cookies and chocolate…still doesn’t mean it’s a idea

        • Anon

          You’re not wrong, but a lot of the ire should be directed at the leaders of those states/counties/cities for not actually leading.

    • anon a mouse

      I don’t wish harm on anyone, but I think we are headed for much stricter restrictions as the cases spike. And if someone is complaining that new restrictions are going to change their life… it’s their fault we are in this mess. We all should have been living super carefully for months. Everyone has been predicting since the spring that fall would be bad, and we can’t just ignore it.

      • Anonymous

        “But you’re moving the goalposts…but that’s not what you said last week…but the message has been inconsistent…” I am so sick of hearing that, especially from people who act like their concern is for the poor and people working in essential jobs, but who then go out and increase everyone’s risk with endless socializing (I’ve never seen how a wealthy white family going to a graduation party is somehow supposed to help farm workers who can’t stay home during the pandemic.) If you want to help others, donate to food banks. Volunteer for political campaigns and local charities. Give money directly to friends and family in need. It’s time to tap into your resilience. It’s time to be strong. It’s time to stop making excuses.

    • Anon

      I feel you. The science does indicate that higher viral load does translate to more severe illness in general (higher viral load from more time/more proximity/less ventilation). So what you wish/really don’t wish is generally true, though not necessarily true from individual to individual.

    • Nudibranch

      I tell myself this is how Darwin’s “survival of the fittest” works. (Or karma, maybe?)

      Then I “let it go”…

      • Nudibranch

        I should clarify: Above is in regard to reckless behavior (i.e. wedding) not your poor friend who did everything right yet got Covid .

  19. Anonymous

    I’d like to make a beautiful apple non-pie dessert for Thanksgiving…I was thinking of an apple cake? Would need to be able to make the day before. If anyone has specific recipes or suggestions would love them. Thinking about the smitten kitchen apple cake as I love all her stuff…

    • AnonATL

      It’s not pretty necessarily but this king Arthur flour recipe is really good. Double up on the volume of Apple used.
      Cinnamon-Apple Twist Bread

      • Senior Attorney

        I swear, every single thing I have tried from the King Arthur Flour website (especially looking at you, deep dish pizza) has been just amazing. I don’t know how they do it!

    • cbackson

      The Better Homes & Gardens Cookbook has a great apple cake recipe if you have access to that. It doesn’t look like it’s one of the recipes that they have online – it goes in a bundt pan.

    • joan wilder

      I’ve made and loved the Smitten Kitchen apple cake. It was large so my bake time was a bit off for the center, if I recall. I also have made and liked Joan Nathan’s apple cake. I make some kind of apple cake most years for Rosh Hashanah, and these apple or apple and honey cakes will be delicious for Thanksgiving.

    • anne-on

      I would avoid the apple cake recipe on smitten kitchen. I did it for my son’s birthday one year and it was totally ‘meh’. Under spiced, kind of soggy, just all around weird. I love so many of her recipes but that was a miss.
      What about a tarte tatin with creme fraiche or whipped cream? I’ve absolutely made those the night before. Or apple pie bread pudding? If you’re doing stuffing it’s easy enough to buy extra bread.

    • AIMS

      I have two favorites: the apple Charlotte from smitten kitchen and Ina Garten’s apple cranberry dump it cake. The SK is probably prettier but both are delicious and the apple cranberry cake is so easy I have made it morning off. It requires virtually no effort.

      You can google both for the recipe.

    • Anon

      Traditional German Apfelkuchen-beautiful elegant and simple to make. Look up Chris Kimballs recipe (Milk Street). Made with almond paste and Granny Smith apples on top. It is easy and impressive. Easily made a day ahead and sits at room temp.

    • Anonymous

      What about tarte tatin? My sister once made a caramel apple cake for Thanksgiving and it went over well.

    • Anon

      We made Ina Garten’s apple cake with bourbon cream cheese frosting for Thanksgiving (Canada) and it was to die for!

  20. Anon

    TLDR – I need a new nightstand (set) with a top that will withstand cat scratching. Marble? Glass? Any links to anything chic you’ve owned or found?

    I’m on the hunt for a unicorn nightstand. My Maine Coon cat likes to curl up with me in the mornings, near the edge of my bed beside my pillow. He has a tendency to rest his paw on my nightstand and will sometimes dig his claws into it, especially when he’s stretching out. I don’t really care about the scratching (I will if I invest in something nice), but the sound is grating in the morning. I’ve tried A) moving over to give him more room, and B) moving the nightstand further away from my bed. Neither one worked (B made the problem a little better, but I don’t like having my nightstand that far away). I want a new nightstand anyway, and plan to buy a set even though I am single. What would you recommend as the material to avoid the scratching sound? Marble top? Glass? I currently have the IKEA Hemnes, which is a very soft wood – any touch makes an indentation. I think I’m over wood right now, but I’m not finding anything that jumps out at me when I search.

    • Cat

      You don’t mention a budget, but Pottery Barn has multiple options that are glass, mirrored, metal, or marble. I think the Felix or Etagere are elegant, but there’s also more rustic or MCM options.

    • Anon

      Put a tall, narrow scratching post next to the bed. My cat loved to lay in bed and stretch into the scratching post.

    • Anon

      I would buy whatever style you like but handle the cat issue starting now by putting a bit of double sided tape or clear packing tape, (sticky-side up and just tacked down at the ends so as not to mar a surface) where he generally makes contact with it. It won’t harm him but will make it unpleasant enough that he’ll likely stop touching/clawing and you can eventually remove the tape.

    • Aunt Jamesina

      Buy whatever nightstand you really want, then get a local glass shop to make a top for it.

      • LaurenB

        Yeah. All my “good” dressers/nightstands/desks have glass tops cut to fit. It’s just part of the purchase price in a sense.

      • Anon

        +1, or get an acrylic flexible sheet from A M A Z O N or local hardware store and cut it to size. It will barely make a sound.

    • Anonymous

      I have these steps next to the bed for the cats to climb up. It’s also wide enough for them to curl up on. Maybe you could set it up next to the bed for him to rest his paws on?

    • Anon

      What about a tablecloth, made from a small throw? Probably the cheapest option.

  21. SC

    For those of you looking for online events, the New Orleans music venue Tipitina’s is having a virtual fundraiser this Saturday at 9 pm. They will be streaming recordings of previous performances from over 35 different artists. It’s free to tune in!

    • Anon

      That looks amazing! So many great artists. Just put it on my calendar. Thanks for the rec!

  22. Anon

    Does anyone use those LED products for acne and/or wrinkles. I bought the Neutrogena pen thing a while ago and wasn’t impressed, but I thought maybe something pricier could be better. What do you think?

    • Anon

      I have one of those LED face mask things, and I do think it works. Anecdotally, any time I have used the blue light because I had breakout forming I was amazed at how quickly it cleared up, which I attribute to the blue light. The red light is pretty evidence-based from what I understand but wouldn’t be a noticeable difference overnight like the blue light, so I can’t really comment. I stopped using it though because I’m concerned about eye damage and havn’t found good info either way on whether it’s safe for the eyes. I used tanning goggles with it for a while but its very uncomfortable to me.

      • Anon

        I hear you on the eye damage. That was a concern of mine as well. Maybe I would have to go with the LightStim (sp?) with tanning goggles and buy both…

    • Anon

      Have you tried hydrocolloid bandages for individual zits? I find those really effective. They’re sold under acne type names. I like the ones with the little slightly pointy bits on the bottom.

      • Anon

        You mean the “zit sticka”? Thing is, I have rosacea also, so I thought it would help that as well.

  23. anon

    OK, bakers, I need your help. I am a pretty solid baker in most respects, but I struggle so much with pie crust! Either it falls apart because it’s too dry, or it’s sticky because it’s too wet, or I can’t get it into the pan without a fail, or my crimping looks terrible. Like I have a different problem every time. Give me your best tips, people. I won’t get my mom’s pumpkin pie on Thanksgiving unless I make it myself. Maybe I need a practice run, just in case. ;)

    • Anon

      Everything needs to be really cold. I put the bowl in the freezer before starting. I cut up the butter and then put it back in the freezer. If at any point I have to pause, it goes back in the freezer. When rolling it out and doing the folds, if it starts to stretch back, it goes back in the freezer or fridge. My pie crust isn’t great but I like making it so I don’t mind. If I need perfect pie crust, I use store bought.

    • Cb

      I hate making crusts but had good luck with David Leibowitz’s french tart crust recipe. I also do a ginger pie crust – butter and ginger cookies mixed in the food processor for my pumpkin pie.

      • ArenKay

        This sounds delicious. Agree with others’ recommendations of butter etc being as cold as possible. Dorie Greenspan’s good-for-everything crust recipe is totally reliable.

    • anne-on

      I don’t love the taste of pie crust, so for many recipes I’ll do either a pate sucre (sweet tart dough), or a graham cracker crust. If I AM doing a regular pie crust my main tip is to make the crust the night before you need it and let it chill in the freezer, rolling it out and using it the next day.
      For the rolling, flour your hands, the pin, and the counter well. Make sure you’re turning and flipping it (quarter turn, quarter turn, flip it over, etc.). I find rolling the dough over my pin and then loosely draping it into the pie pan works best for me. I think smitten kitchen has some of the best photos of how to roll/turn/crimp etc. – her all butter pie dough is what I’ve used in the past:
      https://smittenkitchen.com/2008/11/pie-crust-102-all-butter-really-flaky-pie-dough/

    • Anonymous

      My best tip is frozen pie crust. Easy, but not as good as homemade. For homemade pie crust, unfortunately nothing beats Crisco.

      To avoid crimping, trim the crust at the edge of the pan and use the tines of a fork held flat (not the pointy ends) to press in a pattern all the way round.

    • Anon

      I make my pie dough in the food processor, mix until it barely holds together and then flatten into a disc and put it in fridge to chill for a few minutes (but not too long or it will be too hard to roll). I then roll it out between two pieces of parchment or wax paper. That solves the issue of getting it into the pan without breaking. I then put the pan back in the fridge for a bit before adding filling and baking.

      • Walnut

        +1 I made the easiest pie crust of my life in a food processor this week. Pumpkin pie filling went in the blender and I was eating in ~2 hours total.

    • BB

      You need Serious Eats! They have 2 pie crust recipes (one by Kenji and one by Stella Parks) and they are both super easy and pretty failsafe. And both come together into a ball very easily.

  24. amberwitch

    Sorry, but that is not a blazer. A blazer does not have a belt, a bathrobe has a belt. Occasionally a casual cardigan has a belt. But nothing with a belt can be labeled a blazer.

    • amberwitch

      .. furthermore, it doesn’t even have a label! It looks a lot more like a bathrobe than a blazer..
      And I am so invested in the right categorisation of apparel that I argue with myself..

    • Anon

      Hah, this was my reaction too. I might accept a buckle belt, but this is definitely a bathrobe belt.

    • anne-on

      Ha, I am fully on board with you. This is a very pretty wrapped/belted sweater. NOT a blazer.
      I kept trying on the MMLaFleur sweater blazers with the wide fabric belts and they just looked so sloppy and weird on me. I know they are popular but I just can’t get them to look right on my body. And for over $200 a pop I didn’t care to keep trying.

    • Anon

      Disagree! There have been fashion moments when blazers were belted. Like the 1940s for instance, then reappearing in the 1970s and the 1980s (see the movie Baby Boom.)

      As far as a “real” blazer not having lapels, many on here seem to like the J Crew blazer that doesn’t.

  25. kk

    I know there are some readers from Metro Detroit here- can anyone recommend a family photographer? We are looking for natural, casual, friendly photos- nothing dramatic or bold. Thanks!

  26. T

    Looking for a meal delivery service either local or non-local with shipping to Louisville, KY. Husband’s grandma would benefit from small-portioned prepared meals, could either be subscription based or one-time to store in the freezer. She likes good food, but (sorry Kentucky) does not like anything particularly healthy. She is my giftee in annual family secret santa, before anyone gets on me about husband not chasing this down himself :)

  27. Anonymous

    Is anyone here combining households with older grandparents for the holidays? How are you doing it? In our situation it’d be 10-14 days of completely isolating (no grocery stores, no deliveries as those involve going to an apartment lobby, no seeing friends in any way not even outdoors; we have no pets so there’s no leaving the building 1-2x/day for dog walking). I know 14 is the gold standard but really it’d be more like 12.5 just given work. Then we’d drive to them in our own car; we’d mask up for the elevator and parking garage in our building as those are never empty and we could even mask up to take out our trash about 2x/week during that two week period though DH thinks that’s an overkill and won’t do it — though I could take the trash to the chute in a mask. DH is all for it — these are his grandparents who are VERY lonely and we are the only ones in the family that can consider it because we’re the only ones that wouldn’t have to fly and could drive directly without an overnight at a hotel. What do you think?

    • Anonymous

      I am much more conservative than most here and I think that would be pretty safe. The only risk is not doing the whole 14 days (and we don’t REALLY know for sure what the ideal length of quarantine is – they’re just estimates). Can you also get tested the day before you go to them? That would be reassuring for everyone and I think being extra cautious is warranted when you’re talking about visiting the elderly.

    • Anon

      I’ve been seeing my family regularly in a city that was (but no longer is) a hotspot. We spend 99% of our time together outdoors and mask up 100% of the time while indoors. In your case, if you’re super cautions, I’d quarantine as much as you can for those 10 to 14 days (the vast majority of people that are symptomatic show symptoms within the first week, the 14 days captures outliers), then wear masks inside. There are masks that have a large clear window in front specifically so they can still see your smile.

    • Anon

      i am VERY cautious and just read an article that said that doing what you are suggesting is very low risk, especially if you add in testing. your DH should mask for taking trash to the garbage chute – i also live in an apartment and it is actually required in my building and something most people are following.

    • Cat

      Yeah, I’d do this but add in a test just in case. (How are the grandparents behaving, btw? Mine are being way less cautious than I am, fwiw…)

    • Anon

      I would only do it if the grandparents isolate for 14 days too. Your household isolating is moot if one half of the party can still spread the virus.

    • Anon

      Why is DH against masking to take out the trash? That seems ridiculously resistant to the entire idea of masking.

      I think your plan sounds fine. I’d probably do a covid test toward the end just to be sure. Hopefully your drive doesn’t involve lots of stops.

      • Anonymous

        Not the OP but if he’s anything like my DH who is VERY pro mask, he sees the mask as something you wear when you are leaving home — i.e. getting in the elevator to go downstairs or leave the building. For the trash he’s like — eh it’s right on our floor, you don’t run into people there, and if he leaves the apt with a trash bag and sees someone else near the trash chute (direct line of sight about 20 ft away), he just waits by our door until they’re gone. I get it but I see it as what’s the big deal just put on a mask so then when you’ve dumped the trash and are turning around to exit the trash closet, just in case someone hasn’t given you respectful distance — at least you had a mask on.

      • Anonymous

        My apartment building requires masks in common areas. That doesn’t mean everyone complies, but it’s really a basic courtesy. The hallway, trash shute, elevator, lobby, parking garage, etc are not really the interior of your personal home as nice as that would be.

    • Anon

      This is basically what we are doing. A 14 day full quarantine (only exception is limited walks in our neighborhood, like 2 over the two weeks), getting tested 4 days before leaving, and then driving (with probably 2 gas stops when we will also use the bathroom).

      • Anonymous

        I know a lot of people, including women, who are peeing by the side of the road instead of using bathrooms, which aren’t very clean in the best of times. I tend to be friends with more outdoorsy people who aren’t at all fazed by this though. It’s no different from backpacking.

        • Anon

          I just don’t see how this works. I pee in the woods all the time when hiking, so its not like I have a problem peeing outside. But putting aside about 10 mins on either end of the trip, which is all in major cities, 100% of the drive is on big, busy interstate freeways. You can’t safely pull over on the interstate, and if you take an exit, it’s not like there is a wooded area. The gas stations or whatever where you would stop don’t have a group of trees to provide privacy, and the people there don’t want you peeing in their parking lot.

          • Anonymous

            Right, people will see you won’t they? Are you peeing into a container in your car or something if you can even find a place to pull over? But also, the grandparents will also be in the car and may lose their balance when peeing this way …

          • Anonymous

            Yeah, it might not work on a huge interstate, but I know people who are making it work on regular highways and two-lane roads. One of my friends did moon passing cars but it was just for a second…

          • pugsnbourbon

            My sister peed on the side of the toll road from Orlando to the coast – my mother held one of those pop-up window shades around her. Not the most dignified but it worked.

    • Anon

      This sounds totally safe to me — do you have to go downstairs for grocery delivery? The scariest part of quarantining for me is not having access to fresh produce. My building lets the grocery delivery people upstairs and they are happy to leave it by the door. All the takeout delivery people always leave the bag on the floor outside by door as well, which I appreciate.

      Also unless your hallways are ventilated, you should wear a mask to take out the garbage. The virus can linger in the air for a long time if the area is unventilated (mine isn’t).

  28. Running in the dark OP

    It’s me again.. did some inventory of my winter running gear and it’s basically all dark colored except for one turquoise top. So now I’m on the hunt for a top layer/ running jacket in a nice bright color like neon.
    Surprisingly difficult to find one that is not fleece or hooded. Fleece is sticky and gross to run in and bouncing hoods drive me nuts. Most of my evening running temps will be in the upper 30s/low 40s at the coldest. I like to layer a long sleeve compression base layer and then a topper.
    Please help me find a nice bright performance material jacket to run in. I prefer half zips or quarter zips, but full zip or pullover is fine. I’m more on the Old navy/ target end of the price spectrum but will pay more for the right item.
    Why is every winter running piece dark colored or grayish blue like the dusk sky…

    • Anon

      Could you get a light up vest instead that you wear over the dark jacket of your choice?

    • CHL

      I just bought a bright white quarter zip from athleta that was on sale (white was the only color left). same reason…

    • Anon

      Every runner I see here in the winter wears a reflective vest over their regular clothes.

    • NYCer

      Similar to what the previous poster suggested, I would look for reflective running gear vs. a bright color. (Bright color is fine too, but reflective is key.)

    • HW

      I have a reflective Sugoi jacket that is lightweight. You could also wear a brightly colored/patterned tank over long sleeves.

    • Anonymous

      Buy a $20 reflective sash on the river site. Works on top of whatever jacket you want and isn’t the least bit constricting as you run (I hate run vests). Safer, too, in the winter months. (I have a white jacket but worry I blend in too much with the snow at dusk.)

    • Anonymous

      Have a look at the cycling section.
      Lots of neon windbreakers with no fleece.

    • Hollis

      Not sure if you are still reading, but I bought the
      Reflective Vest (2 Pack) Lightweight ,Adjustable & Elastic Safety & High Visibility for Running Jogging, Walking,Cycling Fits Over Outdoor Clothing – Motorcycle Jacket Outdoor Gear (Green) from amazon and wear it on top of my regular jacket and it works great and is very reflective.

  29. Anonymous

    Help me out/talk some sense into me as I’m about to quit my job mid pandemic with nothing lined up. I’ve been at this government job as a lawyer for 5 years. The first 2 years were perfectly fine. Then the group reorganized and in the last 3 years the work has gotten terrible — very formulaic, check the box. For example you don’t just review documents, you fill out a template checking whether the document had each item or not. There’s no room to actually be a lawyer. In year 3 I was thinking — no let’s give this a chance, it’s just growing pains for this group. In year 4 — I had a health scare that derailed me from thinking about job searching and when that scare passed I just wanted to relax and travel etc. Year 5 — pandemic. Add to that I am working with a manager right now who does NOTHING and sends emails all day long with “do you mind doing x.” Like I can give her the analysis of something in an email, she knows I have 50 other things to do, and I get a “do you mind pasting this onto a memo template.” I’m 15 years out of law school not 1.5 years so it’s to the point where I have no desire for this BS. Yet I don’t even know how/where to begin looking for a job. I aged out of biglaw life, went to the government to a nothing job and now — uh what’s my career track?? I do have an interest I’d like to get back to (think something like tax litigation though that’s not it — I was doing roughly 50% of my time in biglaw in that and turns out I miss it). But I don’t want to (and cannot) go back to biglaw so it’d be about finding regional firms or consulting practices or the like that may see my experience as useful. That is just such a LONG process of — yeah nice to meet you but no we aren’t hiring. I don’t feel like I can take a year of job searching and am really toying with quitting and floating — knowing that can EASILY take 2+ years in law when you’re not working. WWYD?

    • Anon

      Stay. You have a steady paycheck and benefits. If your boss is saying “do you mind” say unfortunately, my plate is full at the moment, if you are busy. I pushed back here once when my firm changed a lot of procedures and I found it annoying and other posters here rightfully told me to just stop being difficult and do what I’m told. It stung at first but they were right. Once I changed my attitude to “this is my job, I am doing it this way because it is a job requirement” my attitude really changed. The difference between an email and a memo format is what, 3 minutes? You just have to copy it into the template. Do it.

      I used to write draft letters in email or sometimes blank word and my assistant would copy onto letterhead when it was finalized. My boss wanted to see it on the electronic letterhead so, as he is the boss and that is his preference, that’s what I do now.

      Could you start your own firm? The kind of stuff you are complaining about you will find everywhere. I was micromanaged to death in mid law.

    • Anon

      So much of this depends on where you are geographically and how tight the market is for your skills.

      Do you have a spouse whose income you can rely on if you start your own firm? Do you have children or elderly relatives who rely on you for financial support? Are you willing to move for a job or do you have substantial ties to where you are now?

    • Anonymous

      I think around year 15 (or really around year 5-7) is where the micromanagement REALLY starts to bother you. You came from a firm — you know this wouldn’t be magically better at a firm. There’s all kinds of partners who don’t care than you have 3700 other things to do, they will send you a redline with one comma changed, when they could have done it themselves. Now if it’s about not liking the work and wanting to do different work, go for it — though find a job first because it sounds like you’d be giving up a good salary and benefits just because of micromanagement which you’ll find EVERYWHERE.

    • Anon

      deep breath. agree with stay. and figure out a way to deal with your mental health, job frustrations and search in the meantime. you say that “you don’t feel like I can take a year of job searching and am really toying with quitting and floating — knowing that can EASILY take 2+ years”. — if you don’t feel like you can take a year, how can you take 2+ years? being miserable in a job sucks. i’ve been there. many people have been there. come up with a plan. see if your law school offers career services to alumni. find a way to leave work at work. are you currently wfh? try to figure out any positives in your current job.

    • Hollis

      I went from Biglaw to Biglaw to in-house to small law to mid-law, went through a firm merger, and am at a small law firm again. All of this in about 20 years’ time. However, I learned what I needed to learn, figured out what I enjoyed doing, and made small tweaks along the way (including finding someone I really enjoyed working with and making the last move together with her). Your career is long and there are tons of places where you can use your skills and experience as a lawyer. Yes, it is more difficult finding a good regional firm or smaller firm, but the more you talk to people, the more you figure out for yourself what you want in terms of hours, firm culture, comp, etc. Plus, you never know which firm will have an opening (my current firm last hired folks 15 years ago because no one ever leaves until they retire). So, take it day by day – and use Covid as an excuse to do zoom “coffee” meetings with people to expand your network and see if someone knows of an opportunity that sounds like it’s work pursuing. I’ve run into several people who have changed jobs during the pandemic and have been much happier for the change. Good luck!

    • Anon

      I would leave. Life is too short to be miserable. You might find something unexpected if you take the leap!

  30. Anonymous

    Talk to me if you have a duffel bag you like that has multiple pockets/compartments so your shoes are separated from your clothes, your electronics are in their own zippered pocket. I know people use packing cubes etc. to create compartments but I feel like in the past I have had bags with built in compartments. Also prefer something that isn’t a rolling duffel as it’s not necessarily for major travel, more like going home for 2 weeks and need an extra bag for a few more sweaters.

  31. Anonymous

    Does anyone know what “RVH Notice Attempted//Not known” means on a criminal court docket? Still cannot find an answer after much googling. Thought someone on here might know. Thank you so much!

  33. Senior Attorney

    Kitty update: Felix and Oscar have torn an opening in the covering on the bottom of the box spring on the guest room bed, so now they have a lovely little hammock in which to hide during the day. Hilarious. They are still eating and drinking and using their litter boxes like champs, and playing with their toys when we’re not around. This weekend I plan to spend some real quality time in the room with them — hopefully I can coax them out with a toy on a stick.

    In other news, Hubby and I watched an episode of the 1970 sitcom The Odd Couple, and man oh man! It was a different world back then! (A man who likes to cook! How hilarious! Two guys meeting at the boxing gym to fight over a woman! How normal!)

    • Anonymous

      If you haven’t seen the original Neil Simon play, it’s vastly superior to the sitcom. The movie is closer to the play, but I enjoyed the play much more than the movie.

      • Senior Attorney

        Yes, have seen the play several times and the movie as well. I remember really liking the sitcom back in the day (when I was a young teen), even more than the movie. But, man. As I said, different world.

    • Panda Bear

      Glad they are doing well! I hope they come out for a toy on a stick. But even if you just hang out in there for a while, talking to them, that will help them get accustomed to you.

    • Anonymous

      Oh the box spring peril! I wish I had remembered to warn you about that! Every cat I’ve ever had has done that and now I just get slats instead.

    • Marie

      When my cat was a kitten, he did this EXACT same thing making a hammock in the box spring (how do they know to do this??). Your kittens sound so cute, and I am feeling a little envious of the snuggle and playtime you have available to you! Not sure if you already have a cat tower, but although I fought my husband initially about buying one since they aren’t cheap, ours has saved our furniture. I bought one with multiple levels and walls made of a rope material to scratch on, and my cat only scratches that and no other surfaces. When he was a kitten, any time I would see him scratching the rug, I would pick him up and put his paws to the tower. Now he is 10 years old and still uses a tower for scratching-a solid investment that I replace every 3-4 years-much cheaper than a new couch!

      • Senior Attorney

        Thanks, yes we got a huge cat tower and I know they’re using it because I put toys on the very top and when I check on them, the toys have been moved. So I call that a Very Big Win! Also got a tall sisal scratching post.

        So far they haven’t scratched anything else (other than, you know, the box spring hammock caper) so cautiously optimistic!

    • Anon

      It sounds like they’re doing really well, I’m confused why you’re still keeping them isolated in one room?

      • Senior Attorney

        That was the advice we got from the Humane Society. Keep them in one room until they feel brave enough to come out and interact on their own, which they haven’t done yet.

        • Carrots

          That’s pretty standard advice. When I got a kitten and already had an older cat, we left the kitten in a different room, letting them interact through the door for a week before we let them out together.

    • Anon

      I love that they are doing well! When my cat was a kitten, she was a little demon in the box spring at night, which she promptly tore into upon arrival. I ended up putting a mattress cover on the box spring, but backwards, and she hasn’t torn through that. I’m also paranoid about the fire alarm going off and having to evacuate (which has happened to me twice). She hides when the alarm goes off, but having somewhere to hide like inside the box spring would make the evacuation take longer, and possibly put us in harm’s way.

  34. Anon

    Has anyone used Clorox wipes on their sofa cushions? I have used Lysol wipes many times, but not sure of Clorox would ruin them. Can’t find the Lysol atm.

  35. Update

    I was one of the posters a while back who has a college kid in the family. Our initial concern was that if you are living your best life in college (with a SO at a different college), maybe kiddo should be counseled to tone it down before coming home for Thanksgiving and getting a COVID test before. Which some people found outrageous (but now seems to be encouraged, at least at kid’s school).

    At any rate, kid did come down with COVID with enough time now going to elapse to be fully-recovered prior to leaving campus. Kid luckily has had a mild case (a few days of headaches and fever, all treated with OTC meds). Complied with school’s policy of moving COVID kids to a hotel-style place (room + bath) where meals are delivered so you can sequester for 14 days. Also, luckily, the weather was bad enough that a planned visit to coincide with a football game didn’t happen in the window kid was maybe exposed or contagious to others (weekends = parties, friends, games; if I visited a college kid at a football school, it might be on a Wednesday).

    So that is good (for what it is) — one elderly family cancer patient will be relieved, the rest of us will be relieved (I’d be OK getting it, but not pleased to be made a vector), and kid will probably be a bit relieved in retrospect that whatever happens, it won’t be kid’s fault.

  36. Anonymous

    I might have to repost in the afternoon thread – I need a gut check on communicating with my BF. Months ago, we agreed we’d like to be engaged by the end of the year and have a tiny wedding/elopement in spring 2021. We talked about going ring shopping together (online or in person by appointment, which is allowed). We recently stopped using BC (we’re late 30s and don’t want to lose a couple of months).

    Well it’s November and I haven’t heard anything about getting engaged/married. A couple nights ago, I asked if he was still comfortable with the timeline. He kind of clammed up, but said nothing has changed. I suggested we should ring shop together soon because it can take a while to make a final decision, get something ordered, shop around, etc. He mumbled something about how he has trouble talking about feelings (??) and then basically shut down. I was so confused, I thought this was a happy conversation! I asked if he was having second thoughts and he said no. I let it go that day because he looked so uncomfortable, I figured maybe he needed to sleep on it. I brought it up the next day – like hey what was up with yesterday can you please talk to me – and he clammed up again. We’ve always had good communication, I’m so sad that he’s suddenly shutting me out. I’m feeling confused and hurt and worried. Where do I go from here?

    • Anon

      He doesn’t get to clam up or brush you off when you need to have a talk about your future. That’s not how mature adults in a relationship talk to each other.

      Honestly it sounds like he’s having second thoughts and doesn’t want to commit.

    • Senior Attorney

      Back on birth control until you get this sorted out.

      Generally, alas, I’d say at this point anything that is not an enthusiastic “yes” should be construed as a “no.” And if the agreement was “engaged by the end of the year,” and that hasn’t happened, then you have your answer.

    • Anon

      Yes repost, but step one is get back on BC immediately. I wouldn’t feel comfortable making a permanent life decision with someone who is avoiding such an important conversation.

      He might have nerves or have trouble lying if he’s planning a surprise, but he also might be having second thoughts and is not sure how to tell you. If he’s in his late 30s and planning to make a life with you, he should be able to work through these feelings in a few days and explain which one it is. If he can’t, that might be your (unfortunate) answer.

    • Anon

      BC unless you are perfectly happy having a baby with this guy if he doesn’t marry you.

    • anon

      I don’t have any great advice, but I’m sorry you’re dealing with this. Definitely do not continue having unprotected s3x until you figure this out. (And by “figure this out,” I would now raise the bar to being married before TTC.) I can’t fathom the mental gymnastics on his part of thinking, “I’m committed enough to TTC with you, but I’m being weird about getting engaged.”

  37. alina

    How do you take care of leather boots? I just bought a pair I read like, of high quality, that I would like to maintain. How often do you use leather cleaner vs conditioner? The store I bought it from has an explanation but I’m not sure how much of that is actually needed vs. just a way to sell product

  38. Anon

    Wow I love this jacket. The style is so in my wheelhouse. I’m about the size and height of the model and I think it looks great on her.

    Unfortunately I have nowhere to wear such a thing!

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