The Best Presidents Day Sales for Work Clothes in 2025

38 Comments

1. How do you make yourself more believable?

   My partner is kind of a monster but is very charismatic and everyone loves him. He posted a long gushing love letter on social media for Valentine’s Day, but in person gave me the silent treatment and I didn’t even get a hug. I want to end things but I know that inevitably everyone (even my family members) are going to take his side. He’s a master manipulator and I’m a social potato. I don’t have the skills to go toe to toe with my partner and I fear leaving would mean losing everything. Are there any magic words to help others see the truth or do I just have to accept the loss of everyone and everything?

   1. Get out now. He will likely behave so badly when you do that you won’t need to explain anything.

   2. Record him. On your phone.

      Confide in the person you trust, who supports you. If they know you and love you, they will believe you.

      HE is making you doubt yourself, as he is a master manipulator. You are not a social potato.

      Get out. Get out now. You don’t have to go toe to toe. Just leave.

      Losing everything? Will you lose your health? Your family? Your job? Your dignity? No to all of these. Do you realize how lucky you are you are not married with children with this person? Get out now.

   3. Get out now, but do not bother convincing people that he is a monster (even if he is). The problem with psychopaths is that they are very charming and very convincing. So do not ask people to take sides. Describe ex as a “great guy” with “so much to offer the right person” but “long term we are not just compatible so it’s better to end it now.”

      If you make it about you with a self-deprecating tone, you do not give them the chance to take sides. When they tell you that you are making a mistake, you just say “maybe but it is the best decision I can make for both of us.” MAYBE you say “look he is a great person, but all that energy is exhausting to live with.”

      Now this is based on the assumption that “partner” does not mean “spouse.” If it does, this is more complicated but the basic “it is not you it is me” stays the same.

      1. Also “everyone and everything”??? You are catastrophizing in a major way. Make a list of what you actually lose and then decide if what you gain is worth it.

         1. He’s a LEO, I promise I’m not catastrophizing. I would need to leave the city, which would mean leaving my job (it’s not transferable). If I did stay in the city I’d be faced with constant harassment. Last time we had a spat I had a cruiser follow me on my walk to the grocery store.

            This perfectly demonstrated my point of people not believing me though.

            1. This underscores the need to get out sooner than later. The leaving will be dramatic, but eventually he’ll move on to someone else. The longer you stay, the greater the attachment and harder it will become. What do you think would be easier one year from now? Five years from now? Nothing!

               Don’t worry about who believes you are a good person. You know you are. And honestly, you will likely find folks taking your side regardless- I am tight-lipped about friends with partners or spouses I dislike for the sake of supporting them. But you better believe I would be the first person offering support if and when the time comes.

            2. LEO? Don’t know what you are referring to.

               Do you think you are the only one who has been in this position?
               You are not.

               Leave, move. You will get another job, friends.
               People do this all the time.
               You are making excuses.

               What do you want us to tell you?

            3. I assumed that LEO was Law Enforcement Officer.

            4. For 3:16pm, LEO means law enforcement officer.

            5. It is not that we do not believe you! I absolutely believe you. But you are not going to lose everything and everyone. (It sounds like he has done a number on your self-confidence.) You will still have YOU and you are a lot. You have your health, your brains, and your will. And are you sure that every single one of your friends and family members will pick him over you? If you can think of even one person who might help you that would make this much easier.

               I am going to assume that you are correct that you will need to move. Look at your options. Do the two of you share finances? Do you have access to money he cannot touch? Are your skills transferrable? Do you have access to domestic violence resources? (Because they will believe you and help with documentation, emergency housing, and making plans to get out.). Unfortunately this is the kind of thing you cannot crowdsource anonymously on the internet because so much is specific to you, where you live and your skill set. But even if you have to take what you can carry and run, you will still have resources. (Just be sure you have your last paycheck before you bounce deposited to an account he cannot touch!)

            6. OP, is anything holding you in the city besides your job?

               Are you young enough to start over fresh somewhere else?

               If so… in your shoes, I would target a handful of cities that could be fun to move to, job hunt like crazy, not tell the BF, and break it off when starting the new job. Hell, I wouldn’t even tell him about the new job, or tell anyone but the most trusted friends. Ghost, block, move out, literally don’t leave a forwarding address or update LinkedIn. Have things forwarded to a PO Box.

   4. Get a lawyer

      1. Why?

         1. I think she’s single.

   5. As a person in the middle of divorce with a master manipulator, just get out safely. Let the lawyers figure out the division of assets. Make a vague but true public story – “oh you know, it just wasn’t good, we worked hard at it but just fought a lot”. Tell the people who are Team You the truth, but let the lawyers figure out the details. I am in the south in a pretty conservative suburban area – seems like everyone is a nuclear family with beautiful social media photos.

      But everyone knows that the front is different from behind the scenes. Your friends will support you, his friends will support him, but there is no reason to drag anyone through the mud publicly. Any emergency proceedings can be sealed for your safety and privacy. But most states allow no-fault divorce – you can file right now, ask to split the assets equitably or however much you want to get out. Let the lawyers duke it out. You get somewhere safely.

   6. I’m not trying to be rude: exactly WHAT do you mean by “partner”?

      If you are married, with or without kids, my advice is going to be different than if you aren’t married.

      Regarding your job: talk to the EAP. They might have some guidance and support.

      Regarding the cruiser following you: talk to an attorney.

      Regarding your family and friends: let the chips fall where they may. My ex wrecked my body and had people take his side. (No, I did not magically do something to incite that or be more wrong. He’s just manipulative AF.) I learned who my friends are.

      If you’re concerned about your family taking his side: please seek counseling. Thing is, your family should be on your side, even if you are wrong (and you aren’t wrong!!). If they aren’t, it’s likely because of some deeper dysfunction, and that dysfunction can lead you into bad relationships. Those bad relationships feel “normal” and “comfortable,” so you think you have met a good person.

      Ask me how I know this. Ex H treats me the same way my mother and father treat me.

      1. +1 MIL

   7. Girl, he has worn down your self esteem to the point that you’re calling yourself a potato. You’re not. And if you need to leave your current city to have a clean break from this a-hole … is that actually worse than staying with someone who treats you this way? No. It’s really not. You’re not married to this guy, and even if you were, I’d still tell you to gtfo.

   8. Big hugs to you. Agree next steps depends whether you’re married or not. But a) definitely record him or put hidden camera in your apartment. B) go get an IUD immediately if you don’t have one – don’t let him trap you with a baby. BCP and condoms can be compromised.

   9. If it helps at all, if someone posts anything gushy on social media on Valentine’s or their anniversary, I immediately assume things are not good between them. Have you seen the meme about the direct relationship between the number of posts someone makes on their significant other’s social media about how in love they are to the number of affair partners they have? May not always hold, but it’s my first guess generally.

      1. oh same. The happiest couples I know are the quietest about how happy they are!

   10. Oh, sending you so much love and support! I agree with everyone who says gtfo, the sooner the better. This is not a safe situations so be smart and keep yourself safe.

   11. It’s time to make preparations to leave safely. That means assuming he’s tracking your phone, reading your mail, monitoring your search history, monitoring your bank accounts, gradually destroying your self belief and low key threatening you. Abusive people know what they’re doing, and they know how to manipulate and turn situations. It will never get better. At the time that you want to or try to leave, abusers are at their most dangerous. Abusers who have previously *only* been doing psycological abuse can get violent when their abusee leaves. Making the abusee think they will be abandoned by everybody is part of the abuser’s handbook.

       It can be a good idea to call a domestic abuse hotline. It has to be from a phone he does not have any sort of access. They can help you and give you a plan to get out, as well as believing you.
       Making a new email from a computer he does not have access to, new bank accounts to squirrel away money (no paper mail to your house!), copies of important documents – there are loads of sensible things to do, but you get great advice from a domestic abuse hotline.

       If you want to read a book that describes how abusers work, The Gift of Fear is great.

       1. +1. Get a burner phone and hide it well.
          I’m sorry you’re going through this – you deserve so much better. We’re rooting for you.

   12. Free from this man with no stuff and no friends sounds better than staying with him. But I doubt you will actually lose everyone and everything!

   13. I have a dear friend quietly living this exact life. Please remove yourself as quickly (safely !!!) as you can.

   14. My friend moved. The people who understand understand. The people who wouldn’t understand think they broke up because of the move. She still doesn’t go back to that city because of the LEO thing. I don’t know how she got out safely except that she had to take care.

   15. Leave this man immediately. I was married to this man and because I got pregnant and had the baby I stayed. I am now forever tied to him and it’s been horrific post divorce. Do not make the mistake I made.

       You aren’t married to him. Get far far away from him and don’t look back. Go to your local domestic violence resource for help and I strongly recommend therapy with a therapist they recommend. This will help you heal.

       My ex husband continues to bad mouth me to everyone. I stay away from mutual friends because I know they will come to see through his narrative. Therapy with a very good therapist has helped a lot.

2. Any tips for someone likely suffering from the flu? My DH was diagnosed Sunday and today I’ve got full body chills. Wrote to doc asking for a scrip.

   1. Maybe consider Xofluza over Tamiflu if your insurance gives you an option? It’s newer and supposed to be more effective with fewer side effects.

   2. Tamiflu
      Hydrate well
      Tylenol
      Sleep as much as you can
      Try to keep up your nutrition, as you can. Simple foods, easy to digest, protein.
      Soup is good.

3. Inspired by an OP from the last post, but something I think about for myself, too. Where are 40-something women shopping for date night or girls’ night out tops. Or, third pieces like cool jackets? I feel mostly good about my daily wardrobe, but I am not great at finding those special main character pieces, as a poster put it. I would like to own a few, however!

   1. I generally go to a brick and mortar large department store. I have more luck at a place like Macy’s than Nordstrom, which is usually my favorite, but tends to be lacking in less conservative styles.

      I do not love shopping a ton, but I make a day of it, promising myself lunch, coffee or tea as needed, and a piece of chocolate when I’m done! Check ALLL the departments, not just the ones you’d gravitate toward for work clothing.

   2. Forgive me because I’m going to contradict the other advice. But I try to envision what I’m looking for or skim Instagram for inspiration. And THEN once I have a rough sense (for example, moto jacket that’s pink or green and suede) I do all the googling. I often order two sizes and return the other one. If I find a brand I like, I tend to stick with it. A lot of what I wear for social stuff tends to be traditional in a fun color or fabric or with some sort of detail that makes them non-work (leopard print midi dress, maroon leather midi skirt, etc.) I also mix and match with the stuff that I would normally wear. So, for example, a maroon leather skirt with a black turtleneck sweater that I already own. When I walk aimlessly in malls, I tend to get overwhelmed and frustrated and often regret what I buy (it may be the best I could find but it’s still not quite right).

      1. Thanks. This seems like a good strategy, better than aimlessly wandering the stores.

   3. Sezane or Anthro

4. +1 MIL

Comments are closed.