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Thursday’s TPS Report: Colorblocked Sheath Dress

The Limited Colorblocked Sheath Dress | CorporetteOur daily TPS reports suggest one piece of work-appropriate attire in a range of prices. This is one of a number of sheath dresses we've seen lately that are being styled on the model with a loose, relaxed fit, and after years of the body-con-dress-as-work-sheath it's great to see the change. I like the hidden zipper, the full lining, and the fact that it's machine washable (and tumble dry!). It's also available in petite and tall sizes, huzzah! It's $62 (was $89) at The Limited (online only). The Limited Colorblocked Sheath Dress Two plus-size options are here and here. Seen a great piece you'd like to recommend? Please e-mail tps@corporette.com. (L-4)

Sales of note for 12.5

And some of our latest threadjacks here at Corporette (reader questions and commentary) — see more here!

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172 Comments

  1. ooooo I like this…I just wish it had sleeves. My office is freezing and I hate wearing cardigans all the time. I think they just frump-up great dresses.

    Here that designers–make more cool dresses with sleeves!

    1. Seriously. I am wearing a suit today (just to have the jacket on). I’d prefer to wear the pencil skirt + fun blouse by itself (and will at lunch), but it’s so cold and I’m tired of the cardi / office fleece that I’m back to wearing my grownup clothes just to stay warm.

      It is close to 30 degrees warmer outside. I get having A/C, but this is crazy. [And it’s not like they over heat it the winter, it’s cold then, too.]

      1. Funny enough, I am having this same issue. A cardigan just simply is not enough and a winter coat looks ridiculous. I’ve tried suit jackets, but they are a bit too stiff for the working environment I am in. Does the hive any advice on this? Something to keep in the office that is cute/professional/comfortable?

        On the bright side, this is better than winter. When we will need a portable A/C in our office to keep from baking.

      2. Ya my office is always freezing. If I have to have my space heater on in the summer, when it’s actually too warm to wear my blazer outside, it’s too cold inside! I find it’s almost worse in the summer because my legs are usually bare – at least in the winter, I have tights to keep me warm.

    2. On the other hand – I have a bright red cardigan (from Forever 21!) that looks great with black/grey/dark dresses.

  2. This is what I’d imagine a 1990s female version of two-face wearing. I am SO over the cobolt/black mix

      1. I feel like I say this every time a cobalt/black combo dress gets featured, but me too.

    4. I had this dress in a skirt version (with zippers!) in 1994. Loved it, but it is long since retired. No need to resurrect it.

  3. Does dry cleaning get ink stains out of cotton? I have a pretty blush cotton skirt that has a pen mark on it, and it didn’t come out in the wash. Would stain remover do, or should I take this to the dry cleaner?

    1. I’d check this on Google, but I believe either rubbing alcohol or hairspray is recommended for ink stains. I’d probably blot with a clean towel, but again: ask Google. I’ve found Martha Stewart’s site to have good info.

      2. Rubbing alcohol will take the ink out. It’s the alcohol in hairspray that makes it work.

    2. Treat with a pretreater like Shout, preferable the stick variety. Soak in warm water (as warm as the fabric can handle) overnight, then gently rub out the stain before laundering as usual. I’ve removed many stains, including ink, and I’ve found this is the most likely to work. It helps to soak longer and hotter, but depending on the fabric you don’t want to cause damage by oversoaking or overheating.

        1. I’d say 8 hours or overnight is safe for cotton. I’ve used longer soaking times for kids’ clothing stained with permanent paint, and the results were pretty good.

    3. Dry cleaning alone won’t get it out but if you point it out to your dry cleaner, they’ll treat the stain.

      1. +1, dry cleaning is an alternative to wet washing, but not a stain treaent in and of itself.

        The dry cleaning business may often do other types of cleaning, and so may have experience in stain removal options.

      2. yep, I don’t know how to do any complicated laundry because I bring it to the cleaners and they take care of it, even if it’s not “dry cleaning.” I don’t know what they do and I don’t want to know.

    4. OxyClean! It got pen out of my ivory microfiber couch. It’s a miracle product, seriously.

      1. not sure you are still checking, but how did you wash a microfiber couch with oxyclean? Did you use detergent, too? Fabric softener or no? air dry? machine dry? (I also have a light microfiber couch)

  4. Alterations question. I have a blue seersucker suit from BR that is about 5 years old. It is now too big (I bought it one postpartum summer) and I don’t know whether I should get it altered (both jacket and pants would need to be taken in), toss it, or something else. I hesitate to get rid of it because I would like to be able to wear it again, but OTOH it’s been like 2 years since it fit.

    1. I’ve always found suit jacket alterations to be expensive and not that good ultimately. You may want to bring it in to see how much it would be and what your tailor thinks about the chances of it looking good. It’s a bit of a pain for them to do, I think, so they tend to be honest. If it’s just small stuff and can be done cheaply, may be worth it to try though. As alternatives, you could donate the whole suit or donate the jacket and just get the pants done and wear as a separate.

    2. Usually when I alter things I haven’t worn in a long time in hopes of wearing them again, I never end up wearing them, even if the fit is OK. If something’s sitting in my closet for 2 years and I haven’t taken the time to get it altered, the reality is I’m probably not really excited to wear it.

      1. +1. I altered a suit to make the cut more modern and i think I’ve worn it one time since then. I just don’t like it any more, no matter how much I altered it, it didn’t really fix the problem.

        1. +1

          Jackets are hard to alter, expensive, and sometimes don’t go as planned. I’d just donate (at least the jacket).

          The pants may be fixable, but anything more than a size of change (so an inch or so of fabric to take in) IMO looks odd. The rise gets to be too long (or something).

    3. Have you done the cost to love suit analysis? I would price it out and see if it is worth the cost to make it fit again. Big question will be if the tailor can make the shoulders/chest will fit you properly after losing a lot weight.

      If you clink on the link in my name, it is back to the post on Corporette about alterations and their cost.

      1. Thanks, ladies! Totally needed to hear your perspectives – I think I knew it wasn’t worth it but wanted to hear from you too. :)

    5. I lost about 25 pounds a few years ago and couldn’t wait to get some things altered but ultimately I didn’t wear them, ended up donating them and buying new. Put that money towards a new seersucker suit…you should be able to find something on sale.

  5. My SO is thinking about taking a job which would basically be nights for 2 weeks straight, then no work for 2 weeks straight. He thinks it’s good because you work less hours overall, I don’t think it’s good because it basically forces you onto a schedule that no one else in your life is on. We aren’t at the place of getting married and kids yet, but it has come up since we’re early 30s, and I think it would be a nightmare to have a kid with this schedule (I work at a fairly demanding job as well, around 8:30-6:30). Nevermind the ability to have regular date nights or a social life. I feel like this would basically cause me to be stuck with taking care of a kid for 2 weeks at a time on my own, and I don’t think suddenly I would have to do NO childcare on the weeks he is off and I’m home…basically I think it would impose a lot of demands on me.

    I don’t really want to push him not to take the job for my benefit because I don’t think it’s my place yet to do so, but really, I don’t know how we could continue on if this became a reality. It’s not a situation where he could just quit and work a different job, he would be sub-specializing if he takes this job so it’s sort of an almost permanent lifestyle choice. Maybe another job wouldn’t be so wacky, but in this field it would still require a lot of night shifts.

    Has anyone been with someone who works these types of hours? I think I’m basically looking for people’s experiences, good and bad, to give me some perspective.

    1. So, regarding the kid I disagree. He can get off his shift, come home and handle the mornings, and drop the kid at day care, sleep, then pick the kid up and hand off to you. Or you can do mornings and he can wake up a few hours before work for evenings. Overnights with an infant are rough, but you can insist that you get long naps in the day while you’re on maternity leave.

      For me the big issue would be sleeping together. Not sex, the togetherness. I like having someone in my bed, I don’t want to give that up. And no one I know works nights. The lack of ability to fit in my world would bother me.

      Why are you so convinced he won’t be an equal parenting partner?

      1. Hmm yes, I’d have to ask him specifically what the nights are. I know it started at 4pm, and ended, I’m not sure when, but I think it’s something like 8am, which basically means he is not around to do anything for the kids the entire two weeks.

        Yes, the intimacy too, would be hard. What if during the two weeks he is off I am slammed at work and we can’t be together. It just feels like everything has to work perfectly for it to be livable, and life isn’t perfect. I just feel like life is hard enough, why make it harder?

        1. So 16 hour days for 2 weeks straight? I don’t see how he is working fewer hours overall.

          1. I see your point. I think other jobs in his field require more than 40 hours a week, so overall it’s less hours. Trust me, I personally would never take a job like this!!

      2. +1

        Without my boyfriend in bed every night, life would not be the same. He has added so much that taking it away for a job would be terrible.

      3. I disagree on the sleeping, I’d miss the sex, but not the snoring and tossing and turning!

    2. I’ve known a lot of people work nights (I’m thinking of nurses) and don’t get 2 weeks off either. I think it’s something you could get into a rhythm with, so I wouldn’t dismiss it without serious thought, if it’s a good career move otherwise.

    3. I am a Navy wife so I am familiar with this. It is hard to handle at first, but you get into a schedule and it works itself out in the end. With kids, I keep their schedule as similar as possible throughout on and off periods. And, it is actually really handy to have someone at home during the day if there are kid emergencies. You just have to be forceful that he needs to be the one to wake up and go get the munchkins from daycare.

      There are ways to connect and be a strong couple without the normal dates, etc. Instead of going out to dinner, meet for an early breakfast. Have him make you coffee when he comes in from nights and wake up and have a cup together. Take a nap with your SO in the afternoon on weekends. Bring him dinner at work just to drop off and say hello. Small things can really make the difference.

      1. +1. When my husband was in, he was on a rotating schedule – a week of nights, a week of mornings, a week of afternoons, etc. That constant rotation was hard on him and his sleep patterns, but it was definitely workable for us and his social life once we figured out alternative ways to connect like Navy Wife recommends. Two weeks on / two weeks off actually sounds quite a bit better in comparison.

      2. For two years my SO worked a job where he was gone for a week (working 90+ hours, six on, six off, through the night) and then home for a week with no work. It was tough – especially since we couldn’t really talk on the phone when he was away, he had bad connections a lot of the time so even texting could be a struggle, and he would be sleeping most of the time he wasn’t working.

        It wasn’t ideal, but we managed. In some ways, I found value in the weeks he was working – got some “me” time, dog could sleep in the bed :), took care of a lot of things around the house. But it was hard. Sure, he wasn’t working the week he was home, but I still was. So I get home from work around 6, and we’d go to bed at 11 usually, and it felt like we didn’t get to see each other as much as I’d like – especially since those evenings tended to fill up with other stuff, since it was the only week he was home. Same thing with weekends – they tended to be busy because it was the only time he was around.

        It really was do-able, but I am definitely excited that he was able to quit this job two weeks ago and that he starts a new 9-5 job in two weeks.

        PS S3x is definitely a factor too – harder to fit in, but you want to, because you don’t see each other for a week! But the nights were busy and I am someone who needs good sleep to function at work. So it was a stressor for me.

    4. I know many people who work schedules like that and they make it work. Focus on the now not the future. It seems that you’re borrowing problems long before you have kids.

    5. Okay, my partner’s schedule is a little different, but basically he works for anywhere from 75-90 days straight and then has a roughly equal amount of time off. I hate it because it controls my life completely and doesn’t allow us to be ‘normal’ people. Also, an undue amount of work is put on me because I still do things when he’s off- like i don’t just magically stop being a functional adult. Granted, while he’s home he probably does 70% of the regular house stuff to my 30%, but when he’s gone it’s 100% me.

      It’s different because my spouse works on commercial ships and is 100% gone, out of the country, can’t come home, minimal to zero communication while he’s gone. We’ve done this for several years now and he has a successful, fulfilling career that he is absolutely passionate about. I support him because I love him, but it is the #1 stresser on our marriage and life.

      Regarding kids: 90% of the women I know whose spouses work this job are SAHMs. I have put off having kids in part because I need to be at a place in my career where I can have 100% control over my time as needed. You don’t have the option to have your spouse do daycare pickup 50% of the time, so you need a very strong network to help you out.

      TL;DR: Sorry for the novel, if he asks your opinion I’d vote no, but sometimes you’ve got to support your partner, even when it sucks.

      1. I think there’s a bit of annoyance on my part that he’s really thinking about how great it’s for him, then he says he wants to date ambitious women (which in my mind usually translates to women who want to work and not stay at home, I hope I don’t get my head bitten off for that statement), and doesn’t realize that I bet most people who do these schedules have SAHMs and really it’s imposing on me.

        1. Yeah, although right now his career doesn’t hold mine back (no kids and minimal demands outside of work), the minute we have kids I will have to step back. I’m not sure he fully realizes what an expectation this is.

          He likes that his work is very lucrative, but I’m trying to slowly convince him maybe the downsides aren’t outweighed by the pay.

          Also, when he’s on vacation, I still have to work! He may get weeks or months of vacation, but I do not. I have also noticed that it makes him very inefficient with projects around the house. If I’m painting a bathroom, for example, I know I have to do that in a weekend, end of story. When you have a month of days off to paint a bathroom, it’ll take you a while.

          If it’s a temporary stepping stone, you can totally deal, but as someone who does a (admittedly extreme) version of this, I wouldn’t recommend it long-term.

    6. What would his hours be? Third shift type- 10p-6a or 11p-7a? Would he be able to have some time when he got home to see you and any hypothetical child? While you are at work he would be asleep (and vice versa), but possibly still able to see you before he had to go to work. The two weeks off would mean he can get some daytime things done and you can have normal date nights, social events, etc. I’ve known families with kids that make this work. It’s pretty common in law enforcement, healthcare, manufacturing for example to have overnight shifts.

      1. Yeah I think that’s a really important point. 4pm to 8am is much different than a regular 8 or 12 hour night shift, both in terms of time availability and awakeness when off duty.

        1. I know plenty of people who work 12s or 24s with days off or at least 12 hours in between. But 4pm to 8am for a week or two without a break in between sounds brutal. That basically gives the person working only 8 hours to sleep and eat and commute both ways – zero time for childcare or for that matter grocery shopping, drycleaners or post office – all the little chores. Plus if the OP is working 9-5 or 8-5 the SO wouldn’t be able to do a daycare drop-off or anything on either end.

          It’s analogous to having the SO be out of town for two weeks with the added burden of having to be quiet from 9-3 during weekends so SO can sleep. I wouldn’t do this with young kids unless I had a self-directed schedule, was self-employed (even then would need a nanny, housecleaner or other help during the two weeks on) or was a SAHM.

      2. This. A lot of my law enforcement friends prefer having a spouse on nights with kids but nights are usually 11 pm – 7 am. You have the option of sleeping first shift or second shift. The ones without kids tend to sleep first shift and spend second shift with the spouse and work third. The one thing that tends to annoy the working spouse is that when they go out to dinner or something w/ their spouse they can’t have anything to drink (alcohol wise) if still working the midnight. The ones with kids are more likely to stay awake first shift to watch the kids and sleep second shift. Many of them have a high school kid that comes over to watch the kids from 3 pm until mom gets home at 5 or 6 so Dad can start sleeping around 3. Mom and Dad see each other on the days off. They save on daycare costs this way but don’t see each other as often.

    7. Honestly, at that point it would be almost like he was taking a position that was traveling for 2 weeks out of every month – not the end of the world, but yes it’s annoying.

      I grew up with a father who worked in manufacturing, and had to do 2nd and 3rd shifts for a few years. Hhonestly, when he was on 3rd shift (nights) it wasn’t so bad because he would be around for dinner and then went to work at my bedtime, and was coming home as we were eating breakfast, then slept while were at school. 2nd shift was the one that was awful for school age kids – he left before we got home from school, came home when were already in bed and was still trying to sleep when we were getting up in the morning. We pretty much only saw him on Saturday and Sunday afternoons. Although I know some people that make 2nd shift work with younger kids, since they can be with them during the day. I know some families that purposely have one parent working 1st shift and the other working 2nd or 3rd so they need to pay minimal child care – but it means both adults are exhausted and almost never see each other. This is more common in my area where the parents work low-to-mid range paying jobs, often blue collar and its what they need to do to get by.

      Would those 2 weeks “on” be something like 12 hour days for 12 days? The other problem with a schedule like this is that it is physically exhausting – you basically just work and sleep for the whole time you are “on”, especially if you have any kind of commute. And then on the off weeks, he would want to remain on a day-sleeping schedule or else it would be like being jet lagged every 2 weeks. But you would be able to spend evenings with him during that off time, and probably weekend afternoons as well.

      On the other hand, I know many families where one of the adults ships out for a few weeks at a time, and then is home for a few weeks at a time, on rotation. It’s not easy, but it means that when the person is home, they are 100% home for family time and doing things around the house – so it works for people who have fixer-uppers.

      I think this is not an ideal situation, but if it his dream job (or a job that could allow him to live other dreams, like having time for his passion hobby like painting, writing or traveling) you should at least hear him out.

      1. I’ll come at this from another way and ask is he willing to go with 4-5 hours of sleep? Does he been around families that have gone through shift work? Does he know what he’s getting into?

        Some people really struggle to sleep during the day, or feel guilty that they are sleeping while the kids are up. Does he need a lot of sleep or can he function (meaning, he’s still somewhat pleasant to be around) with only a few hours? Can he go 24 hours without sleep without physically feeling ill?

        I worked midnight shift for a summer job in college and quickly realized I can’t handle it. I was miserable, cranky, and never felt rested. My Dad worked 80 hour weeks of rotating shifts for 25 years and handled it beautifully.

    8. When I was married my husband worked out of town for weeks or months at a time, and when he was in town he often worked very long or very strange hours. We made it work for a long time, but I think that was because (a) I’m very independent and had a life outside the marriage, and (b) we didn’t have kids together. I had been a divorced mom before I married him and I pretty much continued as a single/coparenting-with-ex parent even after we married. If he had been the father of my child I think it would have been pretty much impossible.

      All of which is to say I don’t think I would volunteer to start a family with someone with a schedule like that unless this was absolutely the person I couldn’t imagine living without and he was committed to being part of the team and I thought he would follow through.

    9. My husband works nights. He has for about 3 years. It was pretty fine when we were childless, but it has been extremely difficult since we had a kid, and only see it getting more difficult the older she gets. I do 90%+ of the childcare, and I do almost all plan-making for our life. [I would be incredibly resentful about this except he does about 90% of the house chores, and I knew I was signing up for this when we decided to have a kid.] Any time there is a minor crisis (the baby is sick during tax season, and I CANT TAKE OFF WORK), its a major sleep deprivation issue for him. He has to stay on his nighttime schedule even on the weekend, or it wreaks havoc with him physically. On the weekends, I watch the baby by myself for 8-ish hours until he wakes up, and we have to stay in her nursery with the door shut so we don’t make too much noise and wake him up. That works right now, but it’s not going to fly when she’s 2 or 3 and wants to run around the house.

      The long periods of time off sound like the one saving grace for this job. If we could have something like that, it would be so helpful.

      Its hard but doable for us, but my husband is looking for another job. He also didn’t really realize how much he would both love and like our daughter and want to see her, and how much he is missing out on. Its hard to know that kind of stuff.

    10. I don’t think I saw anyone mention this, but there is a lot of evidence that working nights is really bad for your body, on a long term basis. Like worse than just sleep deprivation–it has cardiovascular and weight gain effects, among others. I used to do a job where I did all nighters fairly frequently, and I can tell you that working sometimes days, sometimes nights was awful in terms of feeling physically well. My body was confused, even when I did try to sleep to make things up. Beyond the things you mentioned, I would definitely factor the LT health effects into the equation.

  6. I’m thinking of picking up the Halogen ponte sheath dress that was featured last week when the Nordstrom sale becomes open to the public

    As a pear, I’m definitely between sizes. Much smaller on top than bottom. I’m not sure if this dress would be easy to tailor on top, because it looks like there is a lot of seaming which could be in the way. (also, because I’m in Canada I think that returns will be expensive and I would like to avoid if I can).
    Can anyone who has this dress comment on the fit and/or the potential for alterations? I like the style and colour so much that I’m willing to fix the exposed zipper problem. Thank you!

    http://shop.nordstrom.com/s/halogen-seamed-v-neck-ponte-sheath-dress-regular-petite/3945893?origin=category&BaseUrl=Dresses&cm_ven=Linkshare&cm_cat=partner&cm_pla=10&cm_ite=1&siteId=j3wYAlndgaI-He.TJjUfTgYf9g2.6a848g

  7. I got my NAS boxes yesterday so I thought I’d post reviews:
    -I ordered two teddy bear coats – the Kensie one in gray (#1121209) and the Kenneth Cole in tan (#1119644). The Kenneth Cole was much smaller, although I liked the style fine. The gray suits my wardrobe better and it looks very stylish. Not like a yeti! I’m keeping the Kensie.
    -The Halogen Olson pointy-toe t-strap flats are perfect. I ordered them in the black with black trim. Wearing them today. They fit and look great.
    -I also ordered the Ivanka Trump Tenice pumps in gray suede. They are gorgeous and not too high. My instep is high and they don’t have any give to the strap but when I tried them on last night, my feet were a little swollen. Will try them on again before I make a final decision, but I think I’ll keep them. Once I got them on and got the strap settled, they felt good.
    -The Halogen cashmere long drape front cardigan (#1038476) is beautiful and drapes very nicely. It’s lightweight cashmere. A little scratchy but I love the drape and the look so I’ll keep it.

    Not bad this year – keeping 4 of 5 items ordered!

    1. Thanks! This is super helpful – I have a few of the same things on my wishlist, so hopefully they’re all still in stock when the sale opens to the public tomorrow!

    2. I received my box yesterday too.

      Keeping:
      BCBG Graphic Print Faux Wrap dress – very comfortable and professional. I’ll probably add a belt.
      Vince Camuto Colorblock Dress – OMG gorgeous and work appropriate. It fits small so I am exchanging for a larger size. Slightly below the knee for me so good for tall ladies.
      Classiques v-neck sheath – nice weight and the neckline will work with suit jackets. TTS.
      Seamed pencil skirt – petite sized skirts are significantly smaller than last year’s so exchanging for a larger size
      Nordstrom seamless slip to wear under wrap dresses
      Sam Edelman leopard pumps
      NB sneakers for hubs

      Returning:
      Halogen open front blazer – not as well made as prior versions
      Kamik winter boots – hit at an odd spot
      Halogen pointy toe pump – not comfortable
      Zella live in capris – great weight but too long

    3. Not an anniversary sale item, but I just got the Calson rouched skirt (40% off now) in black and I really like it. It’s flattering and super comfortable, however, I don’t think any of the other colors would likely look professional/be appropriate in a business casual office and it doesn’t do much to camouflage the tummy area.

  8. I need a reality check.

    My in laws have no respect for something being my thing. So they are very sweet and generous, but sometimes it just feels suffocating. So my sister loves Peeps, so my mom would send her some every Easter, regardless of where she lived (Europe, across the country, etc.). It was a sweet thing my mom did. My MIL found out about it and started doing it, but instead of sending one package like my mom did, she would send a whole box full. Sweet, I know, but it just seemed to rob my mom of her thing. And now that I have kids, it’s that way with every single thing. I’m a working mom, so I like to have my special things with my kids. We “march to the mail” every day where we walk funny and my son loves it. As soon as my FIL saw it, he started doing it too. And there are other things like that. It’s like every time they see something special I do for my kids, they start to do it too.

    I know there are much bigger problems in the world – and much bigger in law problems. So am I being too sensitive?

    1. I don’t think you’re being too sensitive, as it definitely seems frustrating and annoying. That said, I think this is one of the things you’d just have to let go. I don’t think there’s a way to tell your in-laws that something they’re doing to be nice is your thing and they can’t do it anymore. If you really want to keep something your thing, don’t let them find out about it.

    2. They probably don’t realize these are your “special things”. They sound a little overbearing and gregarious, but also caring… I would really try to contain my annoyance and appreciate that they want to make others happy.

    3. This would certainly bother me too, but I truly doubt their intent is to “steal” the limelight or anything. I think they just want to be liked by you, your family, and their grandkids, and aren’t getting that some of these things are about traditions and relationships vs. actual legitimate interests. I think the best approach here is to be proactive about highlighting real hobbies and preferences to re-direct them – for instance, mention that your sister really likes knitting, or your son really likes baseball. Even if that doesn’t help, I think this is something to let go, unless you see indicators that they’re doing this to actually hurt you instead of to be nice.

      1. Thanks, everybody. I don’t think there’s ill intent. They just have a very suffocating way of doign everything, and they visit us a lot. It can be frustrating. Is there such a thing as helicopter grandparenting???? My husband and I have made choices to be laid back parents. We want the kids to wander off (within reason, of course) and be by themselves without a parent being there. Or if my two year old can’t get something out of a cabinet, I want him to work at it a little bit – figure out how to sovle the problem. But I swear my in laws think it’s just laziness on our part, so when we’re doing that, they will follow the kids around within a foot or two, or they will jump in at just a second of frustration by one of the kids. There’s nothing really bad about it, I guess, but it just is suffocating.

        1. That’s the way of grandparents, though, to spoil kids in ways that parents won’t. I won’t say I’ve been perfect in accepting things that my mother does that I wouldn’t do myself, but consider that there’s naturally going to be a different dynamic and approach in grandparenting as opposed to parenting.

    4. Have you asked them (kindly) to stop? Maybe pick a couple of things that you say are really important to you to have exclusively with your kids, and just ask them nicely not to do them? It may not work, but if you say it kindly, it can’t hurt. I wouldn’t make a list of things, but one or two. I don’t have much info on them or your relationship otherwise, but it might be just that they are trying to do things the way your family does them (sounds like you are fun!), and don’t realize you may see it as encroaching.

    5. Do they live nearby and spend a lot of time with you? My parents and my in-laws both do things like this. I think they want to feel “in the know” with their grandson, so they copy things I do that get a good reaction from him. But they live hundreds/thousands of miles away, so I can let it go. It sounds like your real problem here is that they are too much in your space and it’s driving you crazy.

    6. Nope not over sensitive – we are the same way. Overbearing Grandparents can be hard (see new pediatricians telling you NOT to force kids to eat all the food on their plate to stop overeating/obesity and our parents generation who say eat EVERYTHING before you leave the table). On some things, we speak up and say oooh we don’t care if they do this or we do things this way or I really like doing this… but mostly we complain to each other and move on. Grandparents are far away, though, so sometimes it is easier. So I say, complain away!

    7. The peeps thing seems a bit much, but the mail march thing seems pretty sweet to me. You are your kids mom, even if you work and don’t have some particular special thing that just you do with them, you will still always have a special relationship with them. I can’t even imagine what you’d say about the mail march thing… Please don’t do this thing that makes the kid happy because it’s my special thing? It just seems petty, like it’s taking pleasure away from your kids for no reason. I can understand how if it’s with everything it would feel like a bit much, but it seems like small potatoes compared to them having a great relationship with grandparents.

  9. I see a lot of shoes with stability and support. I need something that has a lot of give in the shoe material and a flexible / squishy sole (but is not a flip flop — I need something to stay on my foot). My feet are tender and swell horribly in the summer. I have crocs, but need something a little more shoe (and the shoe crocks don’t really stay on my feet). Sneakers are too constricting.

    1. Have you seen sanuks? They make squishy, soft flip flops and use the same kind of sole for slip-on shoes. Very comfortable

    2. Have you tried the Kadee Croc flats? I wasn’t sure what you tried…they are marvelously squishy and supportive and amazing for tender feet.

      I’m an event planner, and these are what I swear by when I’m frantically running around for 12+ hours, and I have a lot of feed/arch issues.

      They’re also not appallingly ugly and look like ballet flats

      1. Yes — I had high hopes, but I have narrow heels (apparently freakishly so) and they did not stay on my feet. Other than that, they were perfect.

        2. The Kadee flats were all I could wear at the end of my first pregnancy, and my swollen feet would stretch them out pretty badly, but if you wet them and let them dry in the sun (this happened by accident the first time), they shrink quite a bit! At least mine did. Might work enough for you to get some wear out of them. They really were the most comfortable option for my terribly swollen feet.

    3. No shoe rec, but have you tried freezing plastic water bottles and rolling them under your feet? The first few times it’s not exactly pleasant, but once you get used to it, it’s incredible.

      2. I wrote almost exactly the same thing!! And they figured it out and said it looked like I’d already commented. I hadn’t. Get Natives. They are super comfortable and way less ugly than crocs — more supportive.

    5. Not necessarily squishy but very flexible and available in narrow sizes and tons of colors: Hush Puppies Chaste ballet flats. I live in these all summer.

    6. Try beezee brand sneakers (nordstrom carries but also on Amazon). I got a pair at Rack and it’s like squishy clouds underfoot.

    7. Native! They look like sneakers but are breathable, more supportive than crocs or flip flops. Love mine.

  10. I have just been offered an in-house position at a real estate development company. They are matching my salary as a junior assoc and the hours will be less (hopefully). If for some reason this does not turn out to be a good match after six months, is it fairly easy to transition back into big law from an in-house gig?

    1. I’ve been in-house for five years, and have never seen anyone leave to go back to biglaw. Doesn’t mean it doesn’t/can’t happen, but I’d guess it’s rare.

      1. I think it’s rare because most people like being in-house so much better and tend to move to other companies if they’re unhappy. That said, I’ve known a few people who have gone back. Just be sure to leave on good terms and maintain your network.

        1. Agree with this. Also, once you’ve been in-house, it’s much easier to move from in-house gig to in-house gig than the initial biglaw to in-house jump.

          I’ve seen a few move back over my time, but probably like 3% or less of a large sample size. Very, VERY few people move back from IH to Biglaw

        2. Good point! And after six months, you wouldn’t have lost biglaw skills and mindset.

    2. I know people who have done it, but don’t know the details. I got the impression that they were more senior when they transitioned back. Six months isn’t very long in job lives.

    3. My firm told me that I would be welcomed back if I got to my new job and didn’t like it. Not sure how common that is.

    4. How junior are you? I had a friend do this (essentially went in house at little more than a start-up, it didn’t work out as she planned, and she moved back to big law). She was a more senior associate though. I think if you’re too junior, you’re viewed as fungible, so coming back to the same firm may not be easy. You could probably go back to private practice though with relative ease.

    5. I know of only two people who left in-house gigs to go back to firm life, and both did so after working in-house for several years. Most in-house attorneys I know, myself included, shudder to think about going back to big law (or any other law firm for that matter). We tend to just move to another in-house gig.

      It is perfectly normal to be worried about making this type of transition (I know I did). That being said, this was the best decision I could make personally and professionally. Don’t turn down an in-house opportunity just because you are afraid you might not be able to go back. If your current firm won’t take you back, another big law firm will.

    6. I came back to BigLaw (same firm) after going in-house to a client after about 3 months. I made the transition in my third year, quickly realized it was a mistake, and came back seemlessly. I am now a sixth year and don’t plan to leave again (hopefully), until i retire. I am one of the rare creatures that actually enjoys working in BigLaw.

  11. To follow up on previous threads about buying art, both Society 6 dot com and 20×200 dot com are having sales. Society 6 has a certain amount off depending on what you spend, 20×200 has 20% off sitewide with the awesome coupon code RIDONK.

    In addition to framed and unframed prints, Society 6 has pillows, mugs, tote bags, phone cases and t-shirts with original art. I think I’m buying a t-shirt that says “Girls Just Wanna Have Fun-damental Human Rights.”

  12. I started a new job two months ago and my boss’ sense of humor revolves around teasing people for things like “oh, sneaking out early!” (when I am leaving a half hour after the work day ends) or “I thought you were supposed to pay your own professional body registration fees!” when he knows that my contract states the company pays. I can’t emphasize enough that these are 100% jokes and we both know it (he is not trying to gently drop a hint or anything). He is also like this with other people on my team. The problem is, well, two problems, one I don’t find it all that funny to be teased, but there’s not much to do about that, two I need to develop a strategy for dealing with it. For example I need to ask for a day off next week. I am allowed to take a day off but I expect when I ask he is going to say “you just started and now you want a vacation!” or something like that. I know lots of people probably deal with this kind of thing, any tips? TIA!

    1. “You just started and want a vacation?”

      “Yes, to get as far away as possible from you!” Say with a smile and a laugh, and you’re good

      1. I would not make this joke upward. Self-deprecation is called for with a teaser. Teasers don’t like to be teased (usually), but at any rate it’s not worth testing out with a boss.

      2. Or what about “yes, but I promise I’ll come back!” with a smile and a laugh.

        I understand where you are coming from though – sometimes it’s just annoying to be teased like that. Can you watch how other co-workers handle the banter, and copy some of their lines?

        Alternately, sometimes playing it straight can get him to back off eventually. “Yup, this Thursday. That’s ok right?” Not in a “asking permission/begging forgiveness” way – just a matter of fact way.

        1. I like this approach much better than that KT suggested. It shows OP can take a joke and joke back, but is lighthearted and might even solicit a chuckle.

    2. I had a boss like this and HATED it. It feels like a passive aggressive way of pointing out what he thinks are your flaws. For things like “leaving early today, are we?” I would respond with what I was actually doing like “well if you call 30 minutes after closing time early, then… sure!” That way he knows you are not actually leaving early and you are kind of teasing back.

      For asking for time off, when he would give me a hard time I would just say “well, I signed up for 17 vacation days and I have 16 left to burn, how about you?” Sometimes these would even lead into nice conversations, which is never a bad thing. Plus, if he is being a little judgy then you are telling him that he has no reason to be without being confrontational.

    3. That totally sounds annoying. I think yoru options are

      1.) passively play along (e.g., nervous laughter in response) – probalby what you’re currently doing and everything will stay status quo.

      2.) joke back (as mentioned above) – have to do so delicately and be careful not to take things too far, but could have a good result.

      3.) play dumb/humorless – respond to jokes with, “yes, my contract said that my professional dues would be paid. Is there a problem?” Downside is you may be viewed as someone who can’t take a joke, but he’ll likely tone it down in response.

      The whole thing sounds annoying, though! Do you work for Michael Scott? ;)

    4. I’d respond with a joking comment that reminds boss man of how truly valuable I am. “Leaving so early?” “Yes. I am super efficient and all the work is done.” “Thought you were supposed to pay for that…” “That’s the price you pay for great employees like me.” Etc.

    5. My boss is exactly the same way. I actually interned for him as a 1L and always thought, We are not close enough for you to feel like its ok to tease me, but I just pretended it was funny. But now, even after knowing him for 6+ years, I still feel like we are not on that level. I’ll mention to someone else that my bf took me somewhere nice to eat over the weekend and he’ll jump in with something to the effect of, “wow you must have so much extra money.”

      What bothers me even more is that he teases EVERYONE, including clients. And I don’t know how to respond or express my concerns that maybe our client doesn’t like to be teased and maybe your jokes about her being an airhead are super inappropriate. It’s not enjoyable, not endearing and it is definitely not funny.

      I’m looking forward to seeing what the hive suggests.

  13. I’m part of a co-ed book club. Any suggestions for books? We are just trying to stay away from obvious “chick-lit” stuff. Going back and re-reading high school literature/classics has been something we’ve talked about.

      1. Hey, I accidentally reported you when I meant to reply – apologies!

        I’m in a co-ed book club, too, and our strategy so far seems to be either books that are popular/in the news right now (so, Go Set a Watchman), or older books, often ones that were made into movies. (We’re a laid-back book club. What can I say?)

    2. Any particular theme or purpose for the book club? How about some fantasy as a genre (tons of recs yesterday, I think). Or historical fiction. Fun foreign books in translation? (Arturo Perez-Reverte’s Club Dumas, for example)

    6. Do people in book clubs read the books? Read and discuss the books? Or is it really just a front for drinking?

      I used to go to a faux McLaughlin-group type thing (with a designated moderator and various people picked as panelists and the rest designated as audience by default) (all were allowed to drink). I think I could handle that (but outside of DC, might be odd, and with the wrong crowd, might be hard to make sure all parties remained on speaking terms afterwards).

      1. We read the books and talk about them for an hour or so. The rest of the evening we chat and drink. :-)

    7. The Art of Fielding
      The Good Luck of Right Now
      It’s What I Do: A Photographer’s Life of Love and War
      Station Eleven

    8. I’m in the middle of City of Thieves and it’s really good so far. I’d also recommend Devil in the White City.

    9. My coed book club recently read As I Lay Dying. It provided EXCELLENT conversation.

      We’ve also read Gone Girl, Wool, The Alchemist that all provided good conversation. I think our next one is American Gods.

      I actually belong to 2 book clubs (though one only meets every other months). In both, we set up a rotation and the picker gets complete discretion to pick. No vetoes or complaints about the pick. It has worked out very well in both cases, and everyone reads something they wouldn’t normally have picked. Also eliminates the trouble of having to get everyone to agree on a list, and it feels more fair because you always know if you hate something, your turn is coming up eventually.

  14. Just out of curiosity, what streaming, mail order and subscription services do people subscribe to – and any you are either considering or used but dropped? Or other useful subscriptions?

    Annual:Amazon Prime (and use the Instant Video streaming for 90% of our TV watching, and I use the streaming music at work), LastPass (worth it), SmugMug for photos and backup (technically it’s for my mom, but my sister and I use it too)
    Monthly: Audible (but on pause right now), lots of household items on subscribe and save
    Other: we have access to HBOGo through my in-laws (shhh!), and my BIL sometimes brings over his Chromecast and phone to watch Netflix with us
    Tried and quit: Birchbox, lots of magazine subscriptions we got for free/cheap and never read, Kiwicrate for my kids (they liked it, but didn’t notice when the subscription ran out so we didn’t renew).

    Considering: thinking about adding Netflix and/or HuluPlus but not sure how much more we’d use them – and if we want our kids to have the option to be even more TV addicted. But I like the idea of being able to watch current shows on Hulu, instead of trying to remember to record them on our ancient Tivo and antenna that doesn’t always get all channels. Also considering dropping Audible (since I get most of my audio books through the public library free now) and adding Spotify – Prime music is ok but not great. My dropbox extra storage I got with a smartphone is about to run out too, and I’m juuuust over the limit, so now I’m debating whether to delete a bunch of stuff or pay them as well.

    I’m glad we no longer have a cable bill, but I feel like I’m in danger of being “9.99 a month” to death with 1,000 other a la carte subscriptions, in addition to all the “it’s only $1.99!” apps my son tries to talk me into. Anyone else feel this way? Which subscriptions and services do you think are worth it? Or not worth it?

    1. I personally love HuluPlus because I don’t have TiVo or cable TV. I have Netflix too, but honestly if I had to choose one over the other I would probably choose Hulu – it also has a ton of movies (a huge Criterion collection) and some older shows in their entirety.

    2. Had and dropped – Citrus Lane (got a couple interesting things, but mostly just trinkets, not worth it); Glossybox (preferred to Birchbox, but got expensive); Birchbox (hated – thought the products they sent me were all childish).

      Still have – Sirius radio for both cars and streaming for my office; Netflix; Amazon Prime (use both for shipping and streaming video); Ipsy. I love Netflix. I find there’s way more my husband and I want to watch on Netflix than Prime. But my daughter definitely prefers Prime – all the PBS options are great there.

    3. – We have FIOS for cable/phone/internet. My kids watch some Disney and have recently discovered HGTV. 90% of the kids’ video consumption is now YouTube, however, not professionally produced material.
      – Amazon Prime, although used almost entirely for free shipping. Sometimes I watch a video or two, but less than once a month. My Fire tablet is a few generations old and is used mostly to read books from the library (or Amazon – I do buy some).
      – Pandora – free version
      – Magazines – we get five, I think. The Economist, two regional mags, one tech mag, and another I forget. One of the regional mags is a yearly gift from other family.

      Right now I rarely watch TV/movies/videos. I will once the NFL season kicks, off, and did watch a lot of World Cup games for both men and women. DH usually watches whatever weekly is often popular on HBO and the like – Game of Thrones, or the like. No Netflix/Hulu, etc.

    4. We have Amazon Prime (that we use for both TV and free shipping), Netflix, and Hulu. We use all of these fairly regularly so I definitely think they are worth not paying for cable (and limiting our TV watching), although we do pay for premium internet.

      My sister got me a Birchbox subscription for Christmas which was fun, but not fun enough to keep paying for it myself. I tried Stitch Fix once and thought the quality of the clothes weren’t worth the cost.

      I use Pandora (mostly while working out) and have considered upgrading to the premium service but the ads haven’t annoyed me badly enough yet. I have heard good things about Amazon Prime Music, which you get with a Prime subscription, but haven’t got around to checking it out yet.

      I get my audiobooks for free via OneClick with my library subscription.

    5. Amazon Prime- mostly for shipping, but also for my child’s kindle apps and streaming media
      Google Play and Sirius/XM (2 cars)- music
      NextIssue- magazine subscription app on the ipad. We only get one print magazine and the local paper.
      Gold Medal Wine club- monthly wine subscription
      Dropped: Birchbox (his and hers)- we weren’t using a lot of the samples, BlueApron wasn’t worth it IMO

    6. I had birchbox but stopped when I realized the samples were piling up and I wasn’t using them. I don’t really wear colored makeup and they would send me eyeliner and things I don’t use most of the time.

      I have KiwiCrate and I think it’s worth it although my 6 year old whips through the projects. I like that it teaches him that you can make things out of other things because I don’t do crafty things with him very often. Originally he was whining a lot for help so I cancelled the subscription. He kept asking for it though so I renewed with the understanding that he would do the projects as independently as possible. So he reads and follows the instructions.

      I just subscribed to Esquire for about 5$ and then they threw in Car & Driver which I would never normally buy but eh, free magazine, and I do like Esquire’s longer pieces. My mom and I split a New Yorker subscription. used to subscribe to the New Scientist. Like Vanity Fair. Hated Lucky and Details.

    7. Viewing-wise, we have Amazon Prime, Netflix, and Hulu. The bulk of our watching is on Netflix, but there have been a couple shows that are only available on Amazon, and the price is worth it for the rest of the services. We don’t have cable and pretty much treat Hulu like our DVR. There are occasionally other shows that we’re willing to buy episodes of and we do that through Amazon as well.

      Reading wise, I briefly tried the Kindle Unlimited and thought it was not worth it at all. I get several magazine subscriptions (Glamour, Marie Claire, Self, Real Simple, Every Day with Rachael Ray, Bon Appetit, Shape) but will probably let those lapse when they’re up, except for Real Simple and Rachael Ray. I hate paying for them come subscription time, but it’s so much cheaper that buying individual issues and I do read them. every month. I LOVE LOVE LOVE Next Issue, but can’t justify the price every month. I have gotten it a couple times when I’ve gone on vacation, and I’ll probably renew it for my maternity leave.

      We don’t pay for any music services, but we have access to the Amazon one because of Prime.

      I’m thinking about doing a beauty box again, but don’t know which one. I really like the quality of the QVC one (Beauty Test Tube, quarterly) but it’s a little expensive. It’s not much more on a monthly basis than Birchbox, but the samples tend to be better with full-size products. Any other beauty box recommendations?

    8. I have Hulu Plus and Birchbox. For magazines, I get Vanity Fair and Cooking Light.

      I access NetFlix and cable through my brother. He’s also the primary owner of my Amazon Prime account, which I use for shipping.

      I don’t have cable, but I do have cable internet.

    9. Birchbox – I’m their target demographic (late 20’s) and I find the sample sizes are perfect for travel.

      Magazines – Food&Wine which I traded airline miles for, and National Geographic which I’ve always loved

      I supposedly get the Sunday versions of the Washington Post, but I’ve never seen it on my doorstep. I just signed up for the Sunday paper with digital access because it was cheaper than the digital subscription alone. My favorite thing about Washington Post digital access is being able to read the online live chats every day, the Food chat on Wednesdays is the absolute best!

      I’ve ordered a couple of craft boxes from Darby Smart for fun, but I knew what I was getting ahead of time. I wouldn’t do the monthly subscription since that’s just too Pintrest-y for me.

    10. We have Netflix (streaming only), and we have been really happy with it. Netflix has put out several great TV shows in the last few years.

    11. I subscribe to Pandora One – it’s cheap and gets rid of the ads. I listen to pandora basically every day so this one is worth it to me. Cheaper than spotify, and I don’t get distracted trying to pick the ‘perfect song’ to listen to.

      I subscribe to viki – the asian drama version of netflix. Gets rid of ads and comes in HD. Fabulous. Cheap. Costs less than a cup of coffee. And I don’t have Netflix or hulu. Viki keeps me pretty occupied. :)

      I have Julep, but I signed up way at the beginning, so I still have the option to skip every month, which I almost always do unless I absolutely love the colors in any of the boxes they have.

      I have adore me, which you can always skip and if you forget you can ask for a refund and they’re totally cool with it. I like their sales.

      I have cable still, just the bare minimum channels (but with HD and DVR because I’m never home when the shows I want to watch are airing..plus I like recording movies). Cheaper to get cable+internet than just internet apparently (weird things, these cable companies).

      I don’t have Prime, because I usually only use Amazon to buy electronics, and Best Buy matches Amazon prices… so I usually just go to Best Buy and pay the Amazon price. I don’t order enough on Amazon for it to be worth it.

      I don’t subscribe to magazines, and I’m on a promo for Sunday papers, which I like, mostly for the coupons.

  15. I have them and wear them with flats or low wedges (CH Air Tali). What weekend-sorts of cooler weather shoes can you style them with? I am drawing a blank. I think they would be good to bring on a trip where it will be highs in the 40s and lots of walking (so: will need to wear socks). I can’t think of a casual shoe that would look good with them. Summer shoes: definitely easier with tapered / cropped pants. But cooler weather shoes — pls help!

    1. I have the toothpick ankle pants in bright colored twill from J Crew and I wear them with ankle boots in the fall. you could also do a midi or even knee high boot unless you think that look is too dated.

    2. I think you need a low profile, slightly feminine sneaker. What about Converse Chuck Taylors? They look good with everything and are super comfortable for walking. Get the low ones and some low socks to go along with it. Or slip on vans would work, too. I also like the ankle boot suggestion above.

      1. Sketchers Go Walk slip ons (some of them look really old lady but some look really sporty!)

    3. Oxfords or driving moccasins. I wear my oxfords with no-show socks and I think they look cute with ankle pants.

  16. I’m interning full time right now, but also applying to fall internships. I’ve had a few phone calls, and just said they were personal calls or talking to my advisor. Now one firm wants to meet me in person during the day. How do I go about this? Can interns have drs appointments?

    1. Yes, why not? Just say you have an appointment and leave it at that. If you can do it early morning, lunch time, or late afternoon, great. Otherwise, don’t worry too much.

    2. Especially if you aren’t getting paid yes. If you are getting paid I’d probably tell hr and take the pay reduction of a few hours

      1. I am getting paid, but the hours are flexible, so if I came in at 10 instead of 9 I could easily stay later.

    3. Yes of course. “I will arrive at noon on Wednesday because I have an appointment in the morning.” Done.

    4. Yes of course interns can have doctor appointments, but that’s not how I would go about it here. I would say that you have a personal appointment/matter that you need to take care of on X day between P and Q, will that be a problem? Some may advocate leaving off the end question part, but I don’t think it hurts. The good news is you are an intern, and business will go on without you, so you missing a morning or an afternoon is not a big deal. Our interns take vacations and have appointments, it’s NBD. Interns are people too!

  17. I haven’t been able to find on Nordstrom’s website what time the sale opens up. I’m guessing midnight EST, but does anyone know for sure? Is this something I should stay up for, or will things be sold out by tomorrow morning? TIA!

    1. Not sure about the timing, but I’ve never stayed up. Some things do sell out but they often come back in stock as people return. You just have to stock them.

      1. Oops, mean stalk them. Also, some things that are unavailable now will become available again when it opens to the public. They hold some back, as far as I can tell, so things don’t sell out in early access. I did that with a leather jacket last year and ended up getting one in my size.

    2. I’ve always had early access but I assume the timing is the same when the regular access opens up. With early access, it is supposed to open at 12amPT (since Nordstrom is based in Seattle), but usually there are some tech issues that can make it more like 12:30 or even 1am. They may not have those kinks with the regular access, but just know that if you’re on the East Coast and planning to get up at 3am, it might be frustrating. At least this year you can view all the products now and add to your wish list so it will be a quick process to move over to cart/buy and then go back to sleep.

    3. My reply got eaten (probably used that super-offensive s!te word) so until it shows up, short answer–it’s typically 12am Pacific or shortly thereafter. In my experience, it’s not automated so it’s not like it will start working the minute the clock switches over. It shouldn’t be as long of a delay as early access though since they’ve already gone through the process last week.

  18. I am probably too late for this post but the afternoon one is a non-threadjack-post so here goes…

    Apologies in advance for asking for advice about this relatively mundane issue…

    Long story short, I’m a nursing student and my program involves spending 5+ days per week with the same 30 people for the next 2 years (28 women, 2 men). I apparently got very unlucky when choosing my seat the first day of class—the woman I sat next to decided the 3 people sitting close to her were going to be her best friends for the next two years.

    I am extremely confrontation-averse, and so at first I just went along with this. I had moved to a new city where I knew no one, and again, I’m spending 50% of my time with my fellow classmates and don’t have time to socialize outside of school much anyways.

    Fast forward several months later… After spending a ton of time with this person (study groups 3x per week), I am at my wits end. I find her incredibly obnoxious, competitive, and know-it-all. I’m not the only one who thinks this—it’s obvious that she gets on almost everyone’s nerves. It’s probably a little worse for me since 1) I’ve spent so much time with her and 2) there are parts of our personalities that are similar, in a bad way. Our personalities are just not meant to be friends.

    Over the past month, I have made an effort to pull away from her—not doing anything malicious, but making it very obvious that I don’t want to spend as much (or any) time with her. I thought this was best, as in the past I’ve had people I considered friends tell me straight up they didn’t like me; I would rather someone make it obvious with their actions, rather than telling me they dislike my personality, and I thought that was the right move here.

    I just received a message from her asking me to talk, and I know it’s going to be about this. Again, I really hate confrontation but can’t get out of this—I’m talking to her before class in about an hour. I’ve never had to do anything like this and I can’t believe I’m even in this middle-school-like situation, but here I am.

    How would you phrase this? Should I be completely honest (I would never tell someone they were obnoxious, but would maybe say “I really think our personalities don’t mesh well together, and I’ve realized that pulling away a bit will reduce some stress for me”)?

    1. I’m most worried that I get so anxious while speaking to her that I agree to get dinner/start studying together again/completely resume our friendship.

      1. Don’t do that. It’s one uncomfortable conversation but if you don’t do it, you will be letting yourself in for long-term discomfort.

        You’ve gotten a lot of good advice, but however you decide to approach her just remember: it’s not your job to make her happy about your decision, it’s not your job to make her understand your motives, it’s not even your job to get out of the conversation with her liking you. It’s only your job to protect your own sanity.

        How about “you and I are so similar that hanging out with you is stressing me out and I need to take a break.” And then decline any further invitations until she gets the message that the break is going to be permanent.

    2. I hate doing things like that too. Can you just say you have been really busy/stressed and need some space and want to get more separation between school life and outside life?

      1. That could work. The issue is that there are people in my program that I really like that I want to continue spending time with outside of school (and due to stupid Facebook that will be obvious to this person). Maybe I could say a mixture of what you said and what I said: “I started getting incredibly stressed out last quarter and decided I needed to change things up. I think we both know our personalities are competitive against each other and I wanted to help myself relax”

        1. Don’t put it on facebook?

          I don’t mean to be insensitive here, but just pull the slow fade and if she gets p*ssed deal. You’re going to be taking care of people for a living and dealing with jerks in the workplace, consider this practice!

      2. +1. I would just say something like “oh, I’ve been really busy with x, y, z.” Or just make it not personal/confrontational. It’s weird that she wants to confront you about this, so just don’t let it be a confrontation. If she gets pushy about wanting to schedule something with you, just keep being like, “I think I have something that day”or “I’ve got to check my calendar.” Who cares if it’s off putting to her–you don’t want to be her friend.

        1. I disagree with this advice. There is no reason to let this person live in anguish for months because she doesn’t understand what’s going on, and I think pulling a slow fade is immature. It’s much more adult and direct to just say that you really want to expand your social circles and use your limited time in nursing school to make connections with other people. If need be, bring up the fact that it’s hard to hang out with her for x, y, z reasons (she may not even understand what she is doing, as many alpha personality types do not (like me!)).

  19. I’m trying to elope in the next month or so. We’re happy with city hall or whatever, but would really like pictures. How difficult/how much planning would it take to get an officiant and a photographer out to some location around town on a weekend? Do I still have enough time to plan this?

    1. I don’t think it’s too late. My sister and her husband did this–they were wed on the beach at sunrise and hired an officiant and a photog and she did not put much planning into it beforehand. It was all very casual.

    2. You do have enough time. You might need to email more than one vendor, but you have plenty of time. I planned my elopement within a month. Without knowing where you are, it’s hard to give more specific advice, but in larger cities, this is really easy. Google eloping – city where you want to go & tons of resources for officiants and the like will come up. For photographers, I’d check out the big wedding blogs (Style Me Pretty, Snippet & Ink, Grey Likes Weddings, etc.) and find local ones that you like & email about dates. If you stay away from Saturdays in the summer (peak wedding season), you’ll probably have good luck. Weekdays are even easier for elopements.

    3. Where are you? Maybe someone here has a good photographer to recommend? You have time to plan, but you may need to be flexible.

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