Suit of the Week: Theory

112 Comments

1. Random question…as I mentioned in a post a few days ago, I tore my Achilles tendon over the weekend. I was given the option of having surgery or not. I’m probably going to choose not to have surgery but it will mean my leg will have to be casted.

   What color cast should I get? Would it be unprofessional to get a fun color such as purple or pink? I don’t want white because it will show dirt. I’m also hesitant to get black since it will be a rather large cast and it may get hot. I work in a business casual office.

   Any thoughts or tips?

   1. Not quite on point, but I have a child who has had braces on her feet. I let her pick and she picked two of the loudest patterns possible. And then she went a school with uniforms and it was the only hint of color/pattern/texture she had all year.

      Gray will look like white that got dirty. A wild pattern would hide dirt. So would a lot of stickers. I think whatever you do, you’d get a pass from the fashion police. Good luck!

      1. Ha ha…I won’t be doing that. I want to look professional, or at least as professional as I can on crutches and with a leg casted.

         1. Leopard print

            1. +1,000,000

            2. +1 – it’s a neutral, right?

   2. I had a black fiberglass cast on my arm. Casts in general are hot and uncomfortable. I am not sure the color made too much of a difference for me. I’m of the opinion that medical issues get a wide pass when it come to professional dressing. If a color makes it more bearable, go for it.

      1. Just curious, why did you go with black?

         Also, any tips for itching or dealing with the heat?

         1. I had a formal event with pictures and wanted to match my dress. There wasn’t much I did for the heat except maybe not laying out in the sun. For the itching, there was some cooling/anti-odor spray Cast comfort) that you can spray inside the cast. Ask your doctor about using it though. Some don’t like it because of the risk of skin injury.

            1. Overall, how bad was the experience? Granted we have very different injuries. I’m still not 100% sure I’m not going to chose surgery though.

   3. A little guy in my son’s daycare has a royal blue cast, and it seems to be holding up well on a very active toddler. Would a color like that work for you?

      1. I was thinking pink or light blue, if I don’t do black.

   4. I see absolutely no problem getting a fun colored cast. There are also cast covers out there that you can buy to not only change the pattern/color, but keep your cast from snagging your clothes. Good luck with your recovery – that’s a super painful injury.

      1. Thanks. I’ll check them out.

         1. Here: http://www.castcoverz.com/fashion-cast-cover-leg-brace/

            I like the one that’s printed with $100 bills!

            1. I’ll pass on that one. Some others look interesting though.

   5. FWIW, my dog had a purple cast and it did not get dingy. I say go for it.

      1. I’m probably messier than your dog though…I’m on crutches after all :)

   6. Make sure it works with your clothing (or at least will not annoy you). I had a walking boot (so no help on the itching question), but I hated that teal thing after several weeks. And I love color! But it was just obnoxious and hard to match and I felt like people saw my boot and not me.

2. I’ve been waking up with a pain in my neck lately. It started a few days ago, and is pretty consistently in the same place. I’m thinking my Target-brand memory foam pillow may need to be replaced (it’s 7-8 years old). Any recommendations? I’m a side sleeper.

   1. I wake up to a pain in my neck too. His name is Mike. ( Just kidding !) You also might want to try some gentle neck stretches to see if it is just built up tension.

   2. If it doesn’t go away, I’d look into a massage. I’ve had a pain in my neck like that before, it was caused by how tense my muscles were and they were contracting on nerves.

      1. Be careful. I never get massages but splurged on one last night (and it was a nice expensive place) because I’ve been feeling so tense and awful and stressed out lately. I think the masseuse injured me. It literally hurts to breathe. I’m kind of freaking out about it right now.

         1. On the other hand, I’ve been going to a massage therapist for over a year (not a spa) and it has done wonders. I go for a deep tissue massage, since I’ve got some pretty stiff upper back/neck issues, but there are a range of techniques and pressure you can consult with your therapist on.

            You can also consider an Epsom salt bath to help relax the upper back and neck muscles, assuming your have a tub you feel comfortable soaking in.

   3. I had this issue back in March. I ended up buying a soft down pillow and my neck pain disappeared! (after a few days on the new pillow)

   4. I had this issue back in March. I ended up buying a soft down pillow and my neck pain disappeared! (after a few days on the new pillow)

      1. I had this issue back in March. I ended up buying a soft down pillow and my neck pain disappeared! (after a few days on the new pillow)

         1. Good point. Maybe I just need an excuse for a massage and that’s why I’m jumping on that recommendation – it sounds more fun :)

            1. Oh, I still fully support the massage option :) it helps fight the bad habits your muscles get into.

3. I guess I just want to vent to someone. My parents didn’t save enough for retirement and can’t get by on their government income alone. They never had a plan and now my husband and I are in the unfortunate position of having to help them financially even though we have hundreds of thousands of dollars in student loan debt ourselves. I’m so mad at them for selling me on down the river, or whatever you call it.

   1. Technically, you don’t have to support them. Just throwing that out there in case it hadn’t occurred to you.

      1. Well of course she doesn’t, but it’s difficult to decide not to support your parents. it’s difficult either way.

   2. I think it would be helpful (for suggestion purposes) to know what you mean by “can’t get by”. Can’t cover necessities, or can’t live the way they’d ideally like to live?

   3. Do they “have” to fully retire? Is it for health reasons that they are? Or could they continue to work, even if it’s just at Target or as a Wal-Mart greeter? And what part of their life can they not afford? Their house? Additional luxury items? Or basics like food and utilities? I understand your frustration, but I also see how it can be difficult to save enough to retire, especially if one does so at 60/65 and expects to live like the did pre-retirement. Some more information might be helpful to give concrete suggestions…

   4. That sounds so stressful. I’m sorry you have to deal with this. (I say this with empathy, as I am struggling to avoid a similar situation with my own in-laws.)

      Depending on their situation and their willingness to embrace reality, you may want to think about setting some boundaries to your assistance, whether it’s by amount or by length of time. The best thing you can do for them (and you) is set them on a path to where they can take care of themselves, even if it means moving to a cheaper location or adjusting lifestyle. If you or your husband were to encounter some sort of financial difficulty down the road, you don’t want to be in the position of pulling a rug out from under them.

   5. Me too. And one parent is physically disabled and the other parent was just diagnosed with dementia. Luckily I’ve paid off my student loans (almost $200K!) and saved diligently. I had planned to save a TON of $$ then quit my soul-sucking job for a 9-5. Now I feel that I will be trapped forever in a job that gives me NO time to date or have friends or hobbies…all for my parents. All the while being surrounded by co-workers who can actually enjoy the fruits of their labor, unlike me. I’m in the process of downsizing to a studio apartment, while my co-worker lives in a waterfront million-dollar home.

      Sidebar: All the women on this site who think it is NBD to delay child-bearing until they are pushing or post 40…consider the consequences long term. Your child may be in college or a 20-something single when they are forced to deal with your health issues, nursing home care, etc. Their own life may never really begin because all their energies will be focused on staying employed and taking care of you.

      1. Thanks for the support everyone. I know I don’t have to support them, but I can’t imagine not doing so. I am working with my husband to set some boundaries for what we can afford and to put them on a budget. They can’t really cover necessities on what is coming in now. My mom is still bringing in a small income but my dad is too ill to work. It’s just been stressful knowing that i have to take a hard line and tell them that yes, they were kind and generous to me, but their foresight failed. Thanks all for your support. Being a grown up sucks. I’m glad I don’t want kids, ’cause now I can’t afford them.

         1. Not sure if it’s covered by the government income you mention, but are your parents eligible for other government programs? Food stamps, etc.?

            1. I should look into if they are available for that kind of assistance in their country. Thanks for the suggestion. They were always quite wealthy, so I’m not sure if they would be eligible but I will find out!

      2. Re: Your sidebar—it could also be that some people are forced to delay child bearing because they are also in a position where they have to support someone else during their most healthy reproductive years. Not everyone makes a lot of money. Be grateful that you can still pay your bills. There are people in your situation who are struggling to get by on much less.

   6. Rather than giving them money, consider making a secured loan by taking a lien on something that they own. That way, when they die, you will get your money paid back first before any money in their estate gets distributed. I know this may sound harsh, but it makes sense.

      Presumably, if you weren’t helping finance their lives, they would have to take a second mortgage on their home (for example), and you would be saving/investing the money you’re now giving to them. If you take a secured interest, then you will get paid back before they die, just as the bank would have been paid off when their house was sold. With a secured interest, you can help them while they’re alive without completely undermining your own saving needs.

      1. That is a great idea, and definitely what I would do, but unfortunately, they sold their house when the money started running out. Thank you, though. :)

4. Is anyone else disappointed in Prime Day? I’ve seen nothing I want to buy, except things that are still out of my price range, even on sale.

   Oh well, guess I’ll save my money for the Boden sample sale on Saturday…

   1. Yea, really disappointed. But I blame the over-hyping as opposed to the offerings.

   2. I was fairly disappointed, though I finally bit the bullet and bought myself a Kindle. I already was a Prime subscriber though, so it’s not like I signed up just for today.

      (side note, accepting fantasy/historical fiction recommendations!)

      1. I just discovered Naomi Novik – and really liked both Uprooted and the Temeraire series. I also loved Queen of the Tearling and its sequel. Kristin Cashore’s trilogy is spectacular – books are Graceling, Fire, and Bitterblue. Robin McKinley is the best. (Try Spindle’s End.)

      2. Outlander! I also read Game of Thrones on Kindle to see what all the fuss was about without having to cart it around.

      3. Anything by Brandon Sanderson. His Mistborn trilogy is probably the best place to start, but really I don’t think he’s written anything I didn’t like. I also agree with the Robin McKinley suggestion (the Blue Sword is my favorite of her’s), Outlander (fantasy and historical fiction combo!) , and Game of Thrones.

         Other than that, what type of fantasy is your favorite and I can give some more recommendations.

         1. Second the Brandon Sanderson recommendation. Also, anything by Robin Hobb is great. For more modern day but fantasy-y stuff, I love the Dresden Files series and the Iron Druid Chronicles. Extremely entertaining.

         2. I actually haven’t read much fantasy since high school, but after getting introduced to Dungeons and Dragons with some friends, the old itch is back.

            I loved the So You Want to Be a Wizard series, Artemis Foul as well as Harry Potter. Favorite historical fiction included The Historian. I also loved the His Dark Materials trilogy, which is probably in the fantasy area. (I think?)

      4. Name of the Wind by Patrick Rothfuss. So. Good. Best fantasy book I’ve ever read, and I love fantasy.

         1. Agree!

      5. The Memory Painter–a new book I forget the author
         The Golem and the Jinni- Helen Wecker, a favorite of mine

      6. The Bronze Horseman trilogy or the Tea Rose trilogy. Both historical fiction with great love stories. Also seconding Game of Thrones!

      7. Favorite fantasy (almost all high fantasy)….
         * Naomi Novik (Temeraire novels — Napoleonic times w/ dragons! or Uprooted)
         * Patrick Rothfuss (start with Name of the Wind, but realize he’s still working on book #3…..)
         * Kristin Cashore (start with Graceling)
         * Maria Snyder (start with Poison Study or Touch of Power)
         * Sarah J. Maas (start w/ Throne of Glass)
         * Sarah Beth Durst’s Vessel
         * Cinda Williams Chima (start w/ The Demon King for high fantasy or The Warrior Heir for urban/contemporary fantasy)
         * Rae Carson (start w/ The Girl of Fire and Thorns)
         * Robin LaFevers (start w/ Grave Mercy)
         * Megan Whalen Turner (start w/ The Thief)
         * Kristen Britain (start w/ Green Rider)
         * Rachel Neumeier (The Floating Islands is my favorite)
         * Rachel Hartman (start w/ Seraphina)
         * Patricia C. Wrede & Caroline Stevermer (start w/ Sorcery & Cecelia, early 1800s England w/ magic)
         * The Wrath and the Dawn by Renee Ahdieh (re-telling of Scheherazade w/ real magic)
         * Pierre Pavel (start /The Cardinal’s Blades — Richelieu w/ dragons!)
         * Mary Robinette Kowal (start w/ Shades of Milk and Honey — Regency England w/ magic)
         * Marissa Mayer (start w/ Cinder)
         * Ursula Le Guin (start w/ Gifts)
         * Brent Weeks (start /w The Way of Shadows (finished series) or The Black Prism (still in progress))

         Pure Historical Fiction
         * The Calligrapher’s Daughter by Eugenia Kim
         * Jennifer McGowan (start w/ Maid of Secrets — Elizabethan spies & romance)
         * The Girls at the Kingfisher Club by Genevieve Valentine (1920s era)
         * The Winter Palace by Eva Stachniak (Catherine the Great)
         * The Accidental Emperss by Allison Pataki (Empress Sisi, wife of Franz-Joseph of the AustroHungarian empire)

      8. You have some great suggestions here!

         I’d add the authors Anne Bishop (particularly the series starting with “Written in Red”). I also enjoy Thea Harrison (start with “Dragon Bound”) and Ilona Andrews (start with “Magic Bites”). Ben Aaronovitch’s series is also super enjoyable. Both series by Patricia Briggs (they interweave). Definitely anything by Lois McMaster Bujold (try Curse of Chalion or Paladin of Souls if you like fantasy).

         I’ve got lots more recommendations if you want more…

         1. Anne Bishop!!!! So much yes. Although my favorite is still the Black Jewels series. Sigh, I don’t think I’ll ever get tired ofreading them.

   3. Yes, disappointed and will be taking it out at Nordstrom.

      1. haha likewise!

   4. Ha – http://gizmodo.com/the-shittiest-deals-of-amazon-prime-day-1717984690

5. Anyone know of a breakfast pastry delivery service in NYC? Thinking croissants and such and need it delivered to an address in Woodside, queens.

   1. Pretty sure any deli would do it. Perhaps check on Seamless? or yelp for bakeries near Woodside and call them?

      1. I was thinking something with really yummy pastries, not just random croissant in plastic sleeve. But maybe I can google around for something well-reviewed.

         1. What about Balthazar Bakery? Might be a fee, but the pastries are delicious. You could also get a taskrabbit or someone similar to do the delivery.

            1. That may work, it says they deliver out of the zone for $20 but not sure if that includes queens. Thanks.

   2. FreshDirect has tons of nice catering options, including pastries.

      1. They do, but their baked goods require an oven, I think. I wanted this to be fuss free.

         1. No, if you look under the “catering” section, they have lots of platters of muffins, bagels, pastries, etc that are ready-to-go.

   3. I don’t know if Breadbox in Long Island City delivers, but you may want to check with them. Their food is pretty delicious and LIC is close enough to Woodside they might deliver.

      1. Thanks!

6. I tried the burgundy Theory jacket on at the Anniversary sale and it was way too small in the shoulders and cut too high under the arms when I tried on my usual size in the Gabe jacket. Going a size up would not work either. It was just cut wrong for me. I have 3 Theory suits bought recently with the Gabe jacket so I was mystified.

   However, I found a great and much more reasonable alternative — the Gibson Collarless Layered Front Jacket (Item # 1104564) also comes in a great burgundy color and it fit so well and looked great. The price on the Sale was only $64.90. So in the end I was happy the Theory one did not fit because I would never have discovered this alternative that I like so much better.

   I was overall disappointed in the NAS merchandise this year, especially the Lafayette 148. No decent jackets and the dresses were generally weird except for a great red sleeveless one (‘Ava’ Punto Milano High V-Neck Dress Item #1105861) that I did end up ordering (they were out of my size at 8 am on the first morning of the sale for levels 1-3– folks who had Level 4 access the day before cleaned out so much of the Studio merchandise).

7. Purse/bag help, because I am apparently searching for a unicorn.

   I would like a medium-sized bag, with a zipper top and at least one external pocket. I would like the handles to go over my shoulder (so 8-9 inch drop) and a separate crossbody strap.

   My budget is 200 or under. I don’t care what material or color.

   Any ideas?

   1. Not sure on the style, but you might check Radley, a British brand. They’re a bit of an unknown brand but have great bags that hold up super well (I’ve been carrying mine for 2+ years and can only imagine they treat the linings with Teflon, because they don’t show dirt at all) and can be found on sale in that price point.

      1. My mum has a Radley briefcase that she’s had for years that still looks great. Very well regarded stalwart department store brand in the UK.

   2. I’d check out Tumi. Their coated canvas and nylon bags might hit what you’re looking for. They’re just not stylish…more functional.

      1. And there are often Tumi handbags at the TJ Maxx/Marshalls near me (DC area) which would make them even more affordable.

   3. This bag is on sale in select colors and seems to fit your needs: http://www1.macys.com/shop/product/michael-michael-kors-jet-set-east-west-top-zip-tote?ID=2342935&CategoryID=46015&LinkType=

   4. Rebecca Minkoff has some bags that would fit this bill. They may not be under budget but they pretty much always go on sale on the website around holidays (or on the Outnet) so if you don’t need it right away, you can probably find something if you look for a couple months.

   5. What about this (out of budget but otherwise works): http://shop.nordstrom.com/s/she-lo-next-chapter-hobo/3834813

   6. I did a major search for a similar zip-top bag with a shoulder strap and cross-body option a while ago, and it was TOUGH. There just aren’t a lot out of bags out there with both kinds of strap, which I don’t understand because it’s amazingly functional. I did have some additional finicky specifications for size, material, and color, but also ended up raising my budget, and ended up with a Kate Spade that’s been perfect–but I did a lot of stalking Last Call and Nordstrom Rack, in addition to checking out lots of stuff in person.

      Also, if you’re looking at bags with leather shoulder handles, you can probably consider 7″ drops as well. Mine is a 7″ drop, but once the leather was broken in it’s worked like a dream.

      Good luck! These things really are unicorn bags.

   7. Thanks all! The search continues!

8. Has anyone purchased a travel coat/vest such as the Scottevest or something similar? The idea is a coat that allows you to carry all your travel necessaries (ID, ipad, iphone, headphones, etc.) in the jacket/vest instead of having to carry a purse. I’m intrigued by the idea, as I’m always looking for better ways to travel, but I’m wondering if anyone has any recommendations or things they’ve tried that work well or don’t. I can’t imagine ever wearing a vest, to be honest, unless I’m deploying to a war zone, but the coats seem to be a decent option.

   1. You had me until “iPad”. I literally do not think I could wear a garment that could contain my iPad and be comfortable.

   2. Yeah I wouldn’t try to do the iPad. For everything else, look into getting a flip belt.

9. Anyone have experience moving with a 6-month old baby? Will I regret waiting until after the baby is here?
   We would save almost 5k if we wait to move. There is a potential option to sublet our place and move now (I’m about to head into my third trimester soon), but not sure if it will be better to just save the money and make do until the lease is actually up. . .

   1. Assuming you are already pregnant and assuming you do not have to show your house to sell it with a 6 month old, I’d say wait. Esp. if your child will be in daycare or can otherwise be out of the house on the last days of packing/moving. We moved with an 18 month old, which is definitely easier in some ways because the sleep habits are more set (i.e., more ability to do post-bedtime packing), but is also harder because, well, they get into everything. At 6 months you’ll be fine. There will be some packing days when you will probably let them sit in a swing or exersaucer while you pack, but honestly, it will be easier on your physically than moving while pregnant.

      1. Thanks for your thoughts on this! That does make me feel a little better.
         The other big consideration is that we’d be going from a 1 bd to a 2 bd, so would have to set up a nursery for baby, get some new furniture, etc.
         Also not sure if it would just be better to have a second bed while people come from out of town to visit the baby (rather than having them get hotels – my mom in particular couldn’t really stay in a hotel alone anyway).

   2. Just did this. It was totally fine.
      Most people should not be staying with you right after you’ve had a baby. :)

10. Does anyone know how to trust a guy after he has cheated on you? I dated a guy for 1 year and found out he did this.

    1. ,…… why would you want to trust a guy who cheated on you? His cheating is basically an indication that you shouldn’t trust him, so I wouldn’t fight your impulse not to.

       1. + 1 Cheating destroys the trust in a relationship. It’s okay that you feel this way. Don’t feel that you have to stay with him

    2. you dont.

    3. Once upon a time, I tried to stay with a cheater. It wasn’t so much trust as it was betrayal. I saw him for what he was–a self absorbed man-child who didn’t really care as much about me as I did about him. Once I realized this, I was no longer interested in pursuing a relationship with him.

       Good luck and internet hugs.

       1. +1000

          This dude had his dick God knows where in any number of women and you think you should trust him? I would kick his ass to the curb if my ex did that.

    4. I’m with the others – “you could just not” seems like the right answer here. You haven’t given us much info about the relationship, but it sounds like you’re dating – not married or cohabiting or coparenting – and you haven’t been together terribly long (one year isn’t super-long in the grand scheme of your life). Based on that, I don’t think it’d be worth the amount of work that would go into rebuilding trust. In my experience having watched a few more-established couples (all married, two out of three with kids) who made the choice to work through infidelity, we’re talking *years* of couples therapy, individual therapy for him, possibly individual therapy for you, and lots and lots of emotional pain and heartache. It’s *maybe* worth it if you’re trying to salvage a decades-long marriage, but investing twice or three times the length of the pre-cheating relationship in repairing the relationship, with no guarantee of success? Nope, move along.

       1. I absolutely agree with this. My husband had an affair 7 years (and 1 child) into our marriage. I only gave our marriage the smallest sliver of a shot because he immediately ended the affair, took 100% responsibility and blame, and threw himself into counseling. I threw him out and it took us several months of intense therapy for him to even more back in. It was to date the worst time of my life.

          We’re now 12 years into our marriage, with two kids, and we have a good relationship. We’re one of the rare couples that survived–but it will always shadow our marriage. I will never fully trust him (or anyone, really) again. It was such a jarring, life altering betrayal.

          I would not invest that much heartache and work into a one year boyfriend. It’s simply not worth it.

    5. I’ll throw out – I think it’s up to you how much stock you put in sexual fidelity. For some people, it’s hugely impt. For others, not so much. If it is hugely impt to you, that’s ok. If it isn’t, that’s also ok. If it isn’t hugely impt, than you have to figure out how to deal with whatever lying was involved. And maybe that is something you can work out with talking about how to be more honest, etc. If it is hugely impt, why keep the relationship?

       1. Fidelity must certainly be important to the OP (and most other people)–why else would she be so tormented by her SO’s cheating and then lying about it? It is unclear what the exact circumstances of his cheating are, but in all likelihood, as in my case, he was not remorseful, so I agree with others she should dump him. I knew that I could never sleep again or ever even think of forgiving a guy who professed his love for me while simultaneously doing another woman for months. The thought of him inside me after being serviced by a classmate less than an hour beforehand was beyond comprehension and totally skeeved me out when I finally figured out what he was up to. He first tried to deny it, but the evidence of her and him was overwhelming so he finally admitted what had been happening right under my nose for 6 months. Dump him and do not let another man into your heart until you are reasonably sure he is not lying and doing other women.

11. Has anyone been to Marrakesh, Morocco for vacation? I hope to go next year with my best friend for about 4 days or so and everything looks so amazing! I’d appreciate any tips on affordable places to stay, things to do, etc!

    1. I didn’t like Marrakech as much as I liked Fes TBH but I stayed at the best hotel I have ever stayed at in my life in Marrakech, Riad Malika. I think we got an upgraded room (we paid for it but it was 150 euros) but it was unbelievably beautiful and incredibly decorated.

       My favorite thing I did in Morocco was take a camel ride into the desert and sleep in a yurt. The full moon and the silence. I will never forget that night!

    2. Yes! Went two years ago. We stayed in Riad Aguaviva, which is on the north end of the Medina. It was beautifully quiet and the management (owners?) were very responsive and helpful. We arranged for them to prepare us a dinner for the night we arrived, which was served on the lovely roof, and it was honestly one of the better meals we had. When we arrived, they walked us to “The Square” and trailed us from afar so we could find our own way back.

       We enjoyed:
       – Hammam (le bain bleu, I believe – it was just down the street from café arabe, which was also delicious)
       – Spending a morning walking around the ruined palaces in the south medina and then lunching at Kosybar (upstairs has a lovely view of the oldest ruins and the street scene)
       – the Majorelle gardens as a break from all the red dust :)
       – a little shopping (we are not big souvenir people but picked up a few scarves and some carved wood items)
       – c*cktails in the garden at La Mamounia
       – dinner at le fondouk (sp?)
       – we generally avoided The Square (too tourist-focused and full of touts) but enjoyed going on long walks, getting a little lost on purpose, eating Moroccan snacks (omg I still miss the almonds)
       – we took an overnight to Essouira (took the bus, which was easy and surprisingly enjoyable) and appreciated the escape to brisk, fresh breezes and a scene that was less chaotic

       4 days is really enough unless you want to do some side trips – I regret we didn’t have time for more – an Atlas hike (1 more full day) or desert trip (which you really need at least 2 full days to accomplish).

       ETA – if you are American, you will get asked about S*x and the City by everyone, since that ridiculous movie filmed in Marrakesh.

    3. HOTELS:
       We stayed at one of the big hotels outside the Medina (we stayed for free bc we paid for it with our Starwood points), but I would definitely have preferred to stay in one of the small riad guesthouses.

       THINGS TO DO:
       If shopping is your thing, you’re in luck! Marrakesh is a shopper’s paradise. The souks (traditional covered markets) are ENORMOUS. You could get absolutely lost for days just wandering around. There are stores selling things at all price ranges. I would suggest walking around for a bit before purchasing because almost everything is sold in lots of other shops and you can get an idea of prices and varieties available. Also, outside the souks in the “real” town of Marrakesh there are some great boutique shops, especially in the area called Gueliz; Atika is a famous shoe store there, and some other good boutique recommendations are listed here: http://www.marrakechandbeyond.com/boutiques.html
       The Majorelle Gardens were lovely, and we enjoyed spending a leisurely afternoon there, and had tea in the garden cafe. I also remember some of our favorite shops were nearby the entrance to the gardens.
       If you have the time, I would recommend trying to get out of town and up into the Atlas mountains for a short trip.

       PRACTICAL TIPS:
       Marrakesh is quite touristy. Many vendors in the souks speak English, but if not, they also often speak French or Spanish (if you speak either of those).
       Make sure you carry any valuables close to your person (not in an open bag or outside pocket — one of those ugly but practical money belts would be ideal)! My mom caught a kid pickpocketing someone and scolded him (luckily she’s fluent in Arabic!). Also, make sure to cover the pin pad if you use an ATM!
       The food from the Jemaa El Fna food stalls is very tasty, but if you get an upset stomach easily, it might be best to avoid it. I’ve heard plenty of bad stories as well as good. If you do choose to try them, look for a place with many customers (the more locals the better!).
       Be prepared for many toilets in the more traditional parts of town to only have “Turkish toilets” (drop toilets). I always struggle with those haha

       Above all: ENJOY!!

    4. Might be late, but as a Moroccan I don’t like Marrakesh as it is a city geared towards tourists who think they are in Arabia and want to ride camels and live the orientalist dream.
       If you want to see true Morocco, go to imperial cities like Fez the capital of culture in Morocco. Every street in the medina (medina means city in arabic and now refers to the old city in contrast to the new buildings) is full of history with breathtaking architecture.
       Food is amazing and genuine, unlike the tastless overpriced stuff they feed tourists in Marrakesh.
       But if you want to go to western style nighclubs, bars etc. you’re best served in marrkech

12. Has anyone done a mid-life career change. By mid-life I mean at the age of 35 and beyond. I am at the point where I am considering something like this which might involve graduate school. I already have another graduate degree-PhD in science but I am very unhappy where I am right now. At the moment I haven’t decided what field I want to move into. I am more concerned about what such a move does to other aspects of life e.g. family life. No kids yet but I wonder if I could swing it whilst working, going to school etc. (FWIW, I would be looking into programs where tuition is covered/waived–so no student loans)

    1. There is so much you can do with a PhD in science without going back to school. Management consulting, editing, lab managing, grants administration, science non-profits. I made the switch from scientist to one of these fields in my mid 30s with kids, and it’s largely been great. I would definitely recommend trying at least one science-adjacent field before taking on another degree, especially given the opportunity cost of not earning a proper salary during those years.

       1. Agreed! Perhaps you could make more of a pivot, than a total switch to a different field. It’s at least worth considering.

    2. I went to law school at 30 after a science PhD, which is younger than you, and it was a so-so choice. I’m 8 yrs older than my peer group at the firm and socially I’m just at a different place in my life than they are. Meanwhile my age cohort is much more advanced in their careers than I am. In other words, I would recommend looking for things you can do that don’t require going back to grad school, unless your current career allows you to advance faster in your next career (MBA vs. JD).

13. Rather than giving them money, consider making a secured loan by taking a lien on something that they own. That way, when they die, you will get your money paid back first before any money in their estate gets distributed. I know this may sound harsh, but it makes sense.

    Presumably, if you weren’t helping to support them, they would have to take a second mortgage on their home (for example), and you would be saving/investing the money you’re now giving to them. If you take a secured interest, then you will get paid back before they die, just as the bank would have been paid off when their house was sold. With a secured interest, you can help them while they’re alive without completely undermining your own saving needs.

14. A few weeks ago someone mentioned that this s**e seemed to be fading away and that no one commented anymore. Based on the conversation this morning, that doesn’t seem to be the case at all (over 100 comments for one topic!). The conversation did get a little contentious at times but generally was respectful and thoughtful. Good to know our fears were misplaced :) It’s not perfect, but I love this community.

    1. two years ago there would consistently be 200-300 comments on every major post every day. That is a major outlier now. Unfortunately, I think it’s a fact that the majority of the community has bowed out.

15. The current community isn’t the same as the previous one, but it’s not bad. We don’t have the same long threads and long comments but there’s warmth here and the epidemic of unkind comments seems to have passed.
    I’ve been around for several years but my life circumstances changed and I don’t have the same time and energy to devote to posting long comments. My guess is that the same thing might have happened for other people who were once frequent commenters.

    The only bad thing about having people drift away from this (or any other) online community is that I hope everyone is doing well–but there’s no way to communicate this message or get a response!

16. Just posted but my reply disappeared! Short version: people’s lives change; some folks move on, while others arrive… the community today is different but not bad.

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