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Our daily workwear reports suggest one piece of work-appropriate attire in a range of prices.
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As an aside, I think Spanx also deserves a special shoutout for being one of the few places you can reliably find plus-petite sizing. Hey retailers, plus-sized folks with short legs deserve pants that fit, too!
The pants are $148 at Nordstrom and come in size XS-XL, XSP-XLP, 1X-3X, 1XP-3XP.
Sales of note for 9.10.24
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- Spanx – Lots of workwear on sale, some up to 70% off
- Talbots – BOGO 50% everything, includes markdowns
- White House Black Market – 30% off new arrivals
Anon
I want to hear some plastic surgery stories. Thinking about, eventually, a lower bleph skin pinch for my undereye wrinkes, a breast lift, and an upper arm lift after weight loss. Any major regrets or things you wish you had known prior to going in for these interventions? For example, I learned sometimes an arm lift can damage the lymph nodes which can be a risk of a more difficult process if you get cancer later, among other things. That’s the kind of information I’d like to be armed with in advance before making any decisions.
Anon
If you are a lawyer, read the malpractice cases, specifically on anesthesia risk and how emergencies are handled out of surgery suites vs a hospital and where a doctor has privileges. Joan Rivers shouldn’t have died like she did.
Anonymous
Or don’t. Yikes. I’m an attorney and that actually makes me way more emboldened on a lot of things – the chances of issues like Joan Rivers are so low comparatively.
Anon
And yet we wear seat belts.
Wildkitten
Car accidents are incredibly common.
Anon
But the adverse event risk tho. Ask anesthesia — they don’t like some places and some surgeons.
Anon
Anesthesia is changing fast (more advanced practice providers, more reliance on outsourcing to private equity owned anesthesia gigs that do more with less). I’m listening to people in the field and not waiting for all the stats to roll in.
anon4
I got a “mini tummy tuck” and now have six pack abs, which I regret because I am a mom of three and it feels (and is) totally unrealistic. It actually makes me want to wear a two piece less than I did before. I know you aren’t getting a tummy tuck, but be clear on how chiseled you want to be.
anon
I’m confused. Why would this be a bad thing? If I had a six pack, I’d flaunt that bikini!
Anon
I am a mom of 2 and also have 6 pack abs after a tummy tuck. I understand what she means. People see the 6 pack abs and think that’s normal or natural when it just isn’t. I don’t regret the surgery. I did it for lots of different reasons, but I feel weird about it sometime.
Anon
For the two posters who got this after kids, did you have a six pack before kids?
Anon
I feel like flat abs would just highlight my lumpy bottom and thighs. And my flat chest. And my sagging skin. I’m at least evenly worn and lumpy today.
anon
Huh. Also a mom of two who has never had a six-pack in my life. I’m definitely squishy around the middle, and figure, it is what it is. But I also wouldn’t get a tummy tuck. That, in itself, is not natural, so I’m not sure why anyone is shocked and surprised that it doesn’t look realistic. I guess I don’t get it.
Anon @ 10:36
I did not have anything close to a 6 pack before the surgery. The problem is that it looks pretty realistic or natural or whatever.
Anon
If I had any kind of body surgery, I’d have it to look better in clothes. That’s the truth. I’m not quite a Never Nude but I do like to be covered up, and have always been this way.
Anon
Not one of the other Anons. Pregnancy gave me VERY strong feelings about what is realistic for postpartum women, and I think our society is downright cruel in its expectations of how women “can” look after giving birth.
The conversation is often dominated by fitness influencers, whose literal job is to be skinny, and who may or may not be using healthy or non-surgical means to get there.
Lauren Fleshman has a very healthy take on this IMHO. I’m a dedicated athlete; I look great for being a 43-year-old mother of a toddler. Yet, my abs are not as flat as they were five years ago; I have weight around my stomach that wasn’t there before; and I still have some looseness in my abs. It would take surgery to change that.
cars
Can you talk about what a mini tummy tuck is, what it corrected, and how the recovery was? I have extra skin around my belly button that I would love to have just kind of pulled up. I have no idea what it entails and what the cost would be.
anon4
That sounds like a mini tummy tuck. Mine was I think $10k but of course it did more than what I wanted. I went in asking for correction of my c section shelf and then got that plus abs and lipo. I didn’t lose weight or change sizes, but I definitely look like I’ve been working out A LOT. lol.
Anonymous
Mom of 2 and I have six pack abs, no surgery. We should just enjoy our bodies and not worry about what others think. Surgery or no surgery.
Anon
I’ve had a rhino/septoplasty and did a TON of research. I’d educate yourself as much as possible on options, risks, and outcomes and plan on at least 3-4 consults (which you may pay for). One surgeon may not be the right one for every procedure – my rhinoplasty surgeon will not be my tummy tuck surgeon.
There are also consultants (Beauty Broker is the one I spoke with) who help match patients to surgeons. I liked her/her office quite a bit despite her personal aesthetics being a bit too much for me in my working mom life.
LawDawg
I had reduction surgery (not just cosmetic, but the results were) and ended up with no feeling in my left nipple for 17 months. It’s not an uncommon side effect and it’s an example of the potential pitfalls for any non-medically necessary surgery. I’m not sure if this is a potential outcome of a lift only. Writing this post is a good start to making sure you understand what you are signing up for.
Senior Attorney
I’ve had upper and lower bleph, both of which were done in the office and were not a huge deal. Still very happy with the results. Also had a tummy tuck after weight loss, which was gruesome and painful but totally worth it. (But I don’t have six-pack abs!) And had a full lower facelift, which was also gruesome but worth it.
My best advice: Take whatever recovery time the doc estimates and double it. I was out for a full month with the tummy tuck and was glad to have every single day of it. Also don’t be too anxious to have the drains pulled. I had my drains from the tummy tuck taken out too soon and ended up with a seroma, which had to be drained with a big needle in the doctor’s office several times. Ugh. Do not recommend.
Also, these ridiculously invasive surgeries are done on an outpatient basis and it’s a very good idea to check into a surgical aftercare facility for a night or two immediately following. It’s kind of like a cross between a hotel and a hospital — in fact some of them are at hotels. There are nurses to check on/change your dressings, give you your meds, and generally keep an eye on things. Expensive but well worth the money. I used this one years ago and it was great: https://www.beverlyhillssurgicalaftercare.com/
Oh, and yes — as somebody mentioned above, be prepared for numbness in the surgical area to last for quite some timer.
Sunshine
I did a rhino 15 years ago for purely aesthetic reasons, and I’m so happy that I did. The recovery was easy; I did it the Friday before Thanksgiving, took off Thanksgiving week, and was back in the office on the Monday after Thanksgiving. In the remote work world, I would have worked the week I took off. But that wasn’t a thing then.
I know a 62 year old woman who has had a bre@st reduction for medical reasons and a tummy tuck and a chin implant for cosmetic reasons. I didn’t know her before she had the surgeries, but I think she did them all separately. She is happy she did all of them. She has told me she has the 6-pack abs now also, and she loves them. She does not have children and does not seem concerned about whether images of women are realistic.
I’ve known a few other women who have done tummy tucks after losing a lot of weight. I think they’re all happy they did them. Everyone says it’s a brutal recovery and the worst they’ve had post-surgery. A couple of these women who lived alone stayed at nursing surgery centers for a couple of days or a week (I’m not sure) afterward to be cared for, and they also thought that cost was worth it.
Sallyanne
I have done an upper bleph and a lift/augmentation within the last year. Two separate surgeries, two different surgeons both for cosmetic reasons. I am so happy with the results of both and only wish I would have done the lift/augmentation years ago. Recovery from both wasn’t a big deal but the breast surgery definitely took the six weeks and then some to get back to normal exercise and daily living routines. If I ever choose to have surgery again I would look into nurse care as my partner is many things, but healthcare provider is not one of them. My breast surgery really helped balance my body out and made me not as critical about the other parts of my body I don’t love!
Anonymous
Reading yesterday’s posts and saw the dietitian podcast recommendations. I am naturally petite so I “look” healthy, but my diet is trash. I eat chips and candy every day, not in small amounts. My blood work is ok for now but I am nearing 40 and I am starting to notice energy/how I feel. I would love a podcast, YT channel, something for adults about making better food choices that isn’t diet focused, and isn’t condescending. (The first one I found could be summarized, “You are dumb if you eat processed foods in 2024.”) I feel like I know what I should do – but I just don’t. And maybe learning more about good food or tips for making the switch would help me.
Anon
Emily Enfield on IG. And therealfooddietitians on IG.
Anon
I love the real food dieticians recipes on their website!
New Here
I found a great dietician content creator on TikTok – Taylor Grasso. She is an RD and calls herself a non-diet dietitian. It looks like she may have a podcast (I haven’t listened) – Simply Balanced
Anon
Agree with this rec. She focuses on adding things to your plate, not on taking them away.
Anon
This is a little ‘woo’ sounding and I forget where I heard it, but it was something to the effect of “my body uses what I eat to maintain itself, and I’d rather be made out of beautiful fresh vegetables than Doritos”
Anon
I have said a variant of that: every cell in our body is made up of the food we eat (and the air we breathe).
Anon
I could have written this 10 years ago. I have always been naturally skinny and could eat whatever I want and mostly ate junk food. It has crept up on me, but now in my 50s, I do have a stomach pooch. I can hide it if I wear the right clothes but not if I am wearing a swimsuit or something similar. Just something to watch out for – I wish I had been more mindful of it 10 years ago! I don’t exercise but would love to get rid of it (but I am lazy haha and still don’t eat right!)
Anon
Honestly, most women will have a pooch at your age due to menopausal changes and our fat moving from butt/hips to more in belly.
Make sure you get your colon cancer screenings.
Anon
It’s true. I’m 59 and spent a lot of time worrying about my big butt when I was younger. Now my butt seems to have transplanted to my belly. You don’t see a lot of old ladies with a big butt, but you see plenty with a little belly.
anon
I don’t have a podcast recommendation, but I find books like Mark Bittman’s How to Eat encourage me to eat as I know I should.
For me, the pleasure in really high quality produce at our local farmers’ markets is a great motivator and now is a great time of year to start. In my area, we have amazing tomatoes, nectarines, strawberries melons, etc right now. We’re about to move into peak apple season in a few weeks.
Anon
Local peach and berry season gives me life every summer. I’m so depressed that it will be winter soon and I’ll be stuck with oranges.
Brontosaurus
And pomegranates!
Anon
Jordan Syatt (at syatt fitness on IG) has a common sense approach that spoke to me. He’s not a nutritionist, but he is a personal trainer and influencer in the health/fitness space. I particularly like his 3 meals / 2 snacks strategy.
Anonymous
Salt and Sage Nutrition on TikTok is great. She has an entire series on how to take the unhealthy foods you like to eat and make them healthier/more satisfying. She also does a series on buying a fixed set of inexpensive ingredients and using them for multiple meals which I loved. She probably has an Instagram too if that is more your style.
Anon
Cookie & Kate’s recipe blog. Never made anything that wasn’t worth the effort.
Shalane Flanagan’s cookbooks are great even if you don’t run. The Superhero muffins freeze well.
Anon
These are good ideas. It’s not like you don’t already know you should eat real food instead of processed stuff, you need to actually do that, and the best way to do that is to just start cooking, so figure out what inspires you to do that (or is stopping you and how to get around that).
Calico Cat
Food, We Need To Talk is the only nutrition/fitness podcast I can stomach (pun intended). Balanced, realistic, and entertaining.
Anonymous
Do you like to cook? If not yet, do you have the time to try to get into it? I would describe my diet in general as “healthy with indulgence” – I just love food, including vegetables and also chips and candy – and I noticed that my diet in general got so much healthier when I got really into cooking. I don’t consider anything off limits, but I end up filling up more on healthier foods when I’m cooking them in a delicious way.
ABanon
A tip for making the switch would be to focus on eating more healthy foods rather than fewer bad ones … so you don’t feel deprived & hungry. Like add more of your favorite healthy foods, focus on getting x servings of vegetables, eat some oatmeal at snack time (before chocolate), try some plantain chips instead of potatoes. Find some healthy foods that are quick & easy to grab (nuts, dried fruit, cereal) to keep on hand too. It’s easier for me to focus on what I do eat and add things in vs focusing on not eating. Plus then you’re less hungry for desserts/chips/etc.
Vicky Austin
Real.Life.Nutritionist on insta!!
Anon
This might seem like not a specific answer to your question, but do you cook? I feel like I have a really firm grip on nutrition because I love to cook. I love to go to a produce mart and get the ripest, freshest veggies and fruit. I do eat meat but I’ve been moving away from centering meals around meat.
And by getting into cooking, I don’t mean following a tik tok recipe that everyone says is so delicious because it contains a whole stick of butter, a block of cream cheese, and a pint of heavy cream. Of course that’s delicious! But what being a good cook has really taught me is that if you focus on good ingredients, not convenience foods, a simple preparation can bring out the natural flavor of the whole ingredients.
Anon
I recently discovered and am really enjoying the Zoe personalized nutrition app. Even if you never pay for the app, they have a podcast and a YouTube channel that you could check out. Before I read any of that, I borrowed the founder’s books from the library and liked them.
Anon
I’m helping to clear out my grandparents house. My gramps made furniture so there are pieces and items to go to various family members, some of whom are local but a few of which are 10-20 hours away but want it. Who do I call and what do I ask for for moving say just a bedroom set to Nebraska? And a dining room set to Georgia? Is this where items back be packed and crated and sent on a slower truck? I just want to empty out the house and have funds for shipping things. I’m just used to moving 100% of a house’s items to one new place not things going in 5 directions. Local high school is taking the lathe at least.
Cat
Search for LTL (less than load, aka less than truckload) shipping. It looks like UPS offers this, though probably not the cheapest option!
Anon
When my mother emptied my aunt’s house she used a national moving company to send furniture to each of us. They came in, packed each set up, hauled it away on a smaller truck and then redistributed it on to larger trucks from their warehouse. It took a good month to 6 weeks for the dining room set to make its way from Fl to Md, but we all got our stuff.
Anon
I’ve heard good things about u ship but haven’t used them.
Anon
Was going to chime in and say u ship. I’ve used them before many times with success. Just know that they’re independent contractors on the site and not some national chain.
anon
Depending on where you are, I would call local interior decorators and see who they use for packing up furniture/shipping. You could also check with some local antiques stores if there are options. Depending on what some of the stuff is, you may want to have it crated, so it is protected in the truck. There are companies that do this specifically for those types of businesses. Otherwise, national moving companies can do less than truck load.
POD
I recommend using PODS moving & storage. They drop the pod in the driveway, you load it up, they take it away and deliver it. You can get different sizes for different needs, I believe. Good luck (and shouldn’t your family members who want this stuff be handling these logistics….?)
Anon
I just got asked to ship something crazy out to a far-away place and now I think that if shipping costs come out of the estate and it reduces your cash, I may just announce that I’m not spending any more than $X on shipping per household so people will just prioritize what is important and minimize what I am dealing with.
Anon
I don’t see how shipping costs would come out of the estate. Maybe if it was a specific bequest, but that doesn’t sound like the situation? The person who wants the items should pay for shipping
Runcible
Not necessarily how it works. It can be a legitimate distribution cost.
Anon
Shipt is your answer! It ranges from dudes with pickups on up to guys with their own rigs. You put in the info and drivers bid – don’t be scared if you get a couple high bids at first. Flexible dates get you better prices. Drivers have ratings so you can see who to choose. Shipt is how I moved an antique stove from Texas to New Hampshire.
Anon
And by Shipt, I totally meant uShip 🤦🏻♀️ My apologies! UShip! UShip is how I moved the stove from Texas to NH… 🤦🏻♀️
Anonymous
I used uship.
Anon
Thanks to everyone on this thread – I’m not the OP but I have a similar need and am dreading it.
The last time I paid to ship items to my Mom when my local to me grandfather died, I called local moving companies and found one with a truck going to the major city near my Mom and they took it. It was much more expensive than I anticipated, and I was very flexible and literally waited months for it to be shipped.
Just be prepared that it will likely be much more expensive than the items are worth, so I would tell people so they realize. They might just want token items or the $ instead.
Anon
I’m thinking of the poster from last week dealing with multiple close family members with advanced cancer. I hope you are getting support from other people in your life and doing as well as you can. I was too late to comment that day, but I have been in similar shoes and could. Not. Deal. with friends’ grandparents’ minor health issues right after my dad died of cancer. It is not a reflection of moral worth, it is a reflection of the vastly different perspectives you are dealing with. Hugs and best wishes to you.
Anon
If you must rehash this again, then be accurate – the friend’s mother was diagnosed with cancer. It wasn’t a grandparent with a “minor health issue” and OP of that thread wasn’t an oracle who could divine it would stay stage 1 and cause no problems. That OP needs support, no doubt, but was being cruel to her friend too.
Signed, someone who just lost yet another relative to a “very treatable cancer” last week. I made it to his bedside in time to say goodbye. It doesn’t mean other people’s newer cancer diagnoses aren’t also scary. Don’t we all know that scary is a renewable resource?
Anon
I’m very sorry for your loss. It’s okay for this OP to extend sympathy untinged with criticism to that OP if that’s what’s in her heart today. I’m extending my sympathy to you—fresh grief is awful, and it sounds like you’ve had a lot of fresh grief to carry.
Anonymous
+100 – Not to rehash, but please don’t ever call anyone’s cancer diagnosis “minor.” And don’t ever tell anyone they got “the good cancer.”
Anon
And also don’t call it a “nothingburger.” There’s burnt out and needing to step away, and then there’s irrational lashing out (and still needing to step away).
Anon
+ 1 million
Anon
To push back a bit, many diagnoses are frightening, not just cancer. There is a swirl of emotions and a fog of uncertainty about what it all means at first. Within cancer, some are fatal regardless of outcome. Some will never be fatal regardless of treatment or lack thereof. Many are in the middle — gains in lifespan or QOL with some treatments for at least some patients. Navigating this all is scary. But people can be in wildly different spaces under the cancer umbrella. It takes time to come to know where you are. And for someone dealing with a fatal one, that crowds out a lot of their lives, so I get bowing out from someone dealing with the other two types.
Anon
+1 people act like all cancer is stage 4 and terminal. It’s not.
Many people have stage 1 cancer and after a single surgery or a short round of chemo they’re in the clear, with ongoing monitoring.
I think it’s a slap in the face to the folks with dire diagnoses and their families to act as if all cancer is the same. It is not.
My family has someone dying of metastatic stage 4 brain cancer. We also have 3 people who have recently had, and successfully treated pretty “easily” stage 1 cancer. No one thinks the battles are at all equivalent. Sure it still stinks to need surgery for the lumpectomy and to recover from that surgery but, it’s still comparing apples to oranges. Heck, the stage 1 cancer patients in my family were also the ones running the meal trains for the stage 4 patient.
Also, there are really bad non-cancer diagnoses. My mom needed ENT surgery a few weeks after my dad had cancer surgery. Her recovery was way worse than his but people cared more about him and his recovery because it was cancer.
Anon
I’ve even seen physicians argue about whether they should keep calling all cancers cancers because it can lead to fear, misunderstandings, and unnecessarily aggressive courses of treatment. (I disagree with this take and worry about austerity politics in medicine, but it’s not a super rare opinion to encounter.)
Anonymous
Why are you dragging up drama again?
Anon
She’s not, she’s offering support to a woman who was unnecessarily piled on last week. To both OPs — you have my sympathies, and this internet stranger says it’s perfectly okay for you to set boundaries and have *feelings about it*, whatever they may be.
Anon
We can agree to disagree as to whether it was unnecessary. IMO that OP needed a fresh dose of perspective.
Anon
Agreed – and she also got plenty of supporters. It was a controversial thread but not an unmitigated pile-on.
Anon
The ratio of absolute vitriol to support was a pile on.
Anon
You guys are! That OP got piled on for having normal human feelings and it’s okay for this OP to post what she did. If you hate that other person so much than collapse and keep scrolling. This doesn’t concern you.
Anon
I think you are kind for trying to extend kindness to someone who was obviously in the middle of an emotional fatigue crisis. I suspect you will get dogpiled like she did because this obviously is a very sensitive subject with differing opinions, but I see the kind intent behind this comment, and I wanted you to hear that someone did.
Anon
Same.
Anon
I actually don’t think anyone was unkind on that thread. Personally, I think it’s a BIG kindness to let someone know if they’re out of line (on an anonymous site) before they torch a friendship or do something they regret in a moment of heightened emotion. If it were me, I would be really, really glad for a bunch of comments telling me to step away for my own health and not say anything to the friend instead of egging me on in suffering Olympics.
Anon
I wasn’t going to say anything to my friend. I just needed an anonymous vent
Anon
Yes, I understood this. Been there…
Anon
I agree that communicating things like that clearly can be very kind. I disagree that no one on that thread was unkind in how they framed their comment.
Anon
But also, my comment isn’t really about whether people were or were not kind last week. It’s just about saying that I see the kindness underlying today’s poster’s comment.
Anon
Thank you. I’m that thread’s OP and I appreciate your kind words.
Anon
<3
Anon
My takeaway from that was that so many commenters must be lucky enough to have avoided tragic health crises in their families, because there was such a lack of sympathy. And if you had been through something like that you wouldn’t be lacking sympathy.
Anon
Yes.
Anon
I couldn’t disagree more. It’s because of the hardships I’ve been through that I have more empathy for any friends facing a new cancer diagnosis in the family, not less. I’ve been through the wringer and I know full well how scary each and every new diagnosis is, whatever the prognosis. Empathy isn’t a finite pie.
Anon
Most people aren’t superhuman and unfortunately but realistically their ability to empathize is limited. Otherwise you get empathy fatigue like the OP last week had.
Anon
See, having been through this too many times I have a lot of empathy for people dealing with big bad problems.
I have lost the ability to empathize with folks who have what are absolutely real problems but not big bad problems but yet act like they’re big bad problems. They’re just not the same.
Anon
It was weird that commenters a) didn’t see the difference between stage 4 metastatic cancer and stage 1 cureable cancer and b) were so rude to OP for pointing out that there was a difference.
I know like 5 people well (relatives and close friends) who have had the stage 1 cureable cancer in the last year or so. People are sympathetic and helpful, especially when they’re actively undergoing treatment or recovering from surgery, but everyone (the cancer patients themselves, their immediate families, everyone) recognizes that it’s not a huge deal.
anon
+1. That was such a weird thread. It doesn’t take much imagination to see where the OP was coming from.
Anon
The point was that she was the one comparing. Comparing doesn’t serve anyone.
Anon
She was venting. She is human. She didn’t need a lecture. She KNOWS.
Anonymous
Yup.
Anon
I feel like anyone who has been through cancer stuff should know that it’s impossible to call it stage 1 curable cancer. I know from personal experience, more than once, that people do die from these cancers. Sure it’s better to have than a more advanced cancer, but all cancer is bad and can kill you. Just some perspective here.
Anon
I just don’t get how anyone can conflate stage 1 easily treatable cancer with stage 3 or 4 or metastatic cancer.
If you’re comparing experiences of one with the other then you are blessed to be blissfully ignorant
Anon
Except OP’s friend didn’t do that. I didn’t see any mention of “my friend is insisting that this is just as bad as stage 4 cancer” or “my friend says this is definitely the worst cancer there ever was.” OP got mad at her friend for being upset that her mother was diagnosed with cancer. That was unkind, whatever the reason.
Today’s OP definitely succeeded in rehashing the drama. Well done.
Anon
Agree.
Anon
I think OP was saying that she lacked the ability and patience to empathize right then. When you’re drowning in the trauma pool, you don’t have the ability to save someone who is drowning in another part, and you might be annoyed that they’re asking you if they are closer to the side of the pool than you are. It doesn’t mean that you both aren’t drowning. It just means you think they could be asking someone who’s not currently in the pool instead of you to help them, because you obviously don’t have the emotional resources to be of assistance. And yeah, you’re kind of annoyed that they can’t see that you’re further away from relief from the drowning than they are, and you’re so tired from treading water for so long, and you just wish they had a bit of perspective, but of course they don’t, because they’re drowning too, and that’s okay, but it’s still hard.
Anon
This is the original post’s OP. This was such a good way if articulating how I was feeling. Thank you.
Even being aware that someone else is drowning, it’s still hard for them to ask you for help when they’re not realizing that you’re further from the edge of the pool.
Anon
Of course – but in that case, you have the tough conversation with your friend where you say that you can’t be a confidant on this, but you’re still incredibly sorry and hoping for the best for her and her mom because cancer is hard and scary and she may need support.
Anon
Anon @ 12:54, sure, that is a wonderful response, and I’m sure it’s how the poster would’ve actually interacted with her friend. But also, it’s okay for her to scream into the anonymous void first to release the (extremely common under the circumstances) emotions she was feeling.
Anonymous
Have you personally had stage 1 cancer? Do you realize that for many stage 1 cancers (hormone positive breast cancer particularly) there is no “cure.” You may treat it and you may successfully never have a recurrence, but you are on harsh medications for years and it could recur at any point in the future. You live with an anvil on a thread above your head. Yes, it’s not stage 4 glioblastoma. No one said it was. But it’s not a broken leg.
Anon
Not to mention the psychological impacts of not knowing if this is going to worsen or if your years are suddenly numbered or if your health insurance will cover your treatments.
Anon
And there are plenty of curable cancers that you remove the lump and you’re good to go.
Anon
So what’s your script for OP’s friend? “Suck it up, this is NBD. What are you even complaining about?”
Anon
Stage 1 endometrial cancer is not a curable cancer where you can “remove the lump and you’re good to go.” This is how my mom died.
Anon
I’m so sorry @2:45. This must all be incredibly re-traumatizing for you. And a good reminder to us all that not everything is a competition, and that it’s ALWAYS a good idea to keep your mouth shut.
Anon
As someone who is practical to a fault, I honestly don’t see the point of handwringing. Worrying gets nothing accomplished. You get your marching orders from your doctor. If it works, great you’re on the other side. If it doesn’t, you and your doctor reevaluate.
Recovery sucks but the only way to take it is one day at a time. You’ll get through it eventually.
Anon
Do you happen to be on the spectrum? Because it’s not so simple to “just don’t worry” for most of us.
Anon
Yeah, I laughed at that post.
Anon
If you’re someone who buys yourself birthday/holiday/milestone gifts,
Do you set a limit on yourself for spending?
Do you have something in mind before hand, like a specific bag? or are you more in the moment/impulsive?
What was your most recent self gift(s)/what do you have your eye on?
I’m definitely a physical gifts person and tend to play fast and loose with bigger purchases/splurges around the holidays. Travel isn’t a gift to me, sorry to all you travel and experience lovers. My birthday is right before christmas – so the birthday, christmas, year end bonus combo feels super indulgent even if I’m not spending a high dollar amount on myself.
Anon
I’m single with no children and no impulse control, so every day is Treat Yo Self day for me, but around my birthday I’ll decide that a certain thing is my birthday present. Usually jewelry.
An.On.
I was just thinking about this, since I just had a birthday! I usually aim for $100-$200 or so but that’s not a hard or fast rule, and always on something frivolous and just for myself. One year it was portraits of our pets like they were astronauts, another year it was a handmade ring set I’d had my eye on for almost a decade. This year it was a trip to a water park by myself plus some clothes. I think next year it might be the codex silenda, which is waaaay more than I usually spend, so we’ll see. If it’s a bit pricey and I’ve had on my list for a long time and can’t justify as useful in any way I will frequently make it a birthday gift to myself.
Anon
Oh I do! I mark all big and significant occasions with jewelry. For a big promotion at work, I got a Cartier I had my eye on for years. For a recent milestone birthday, a diamond ring. Etc. I have categories of jewelry I prefer (rings and bracelets) and I tend to buy in those categories. I’m married, we do well, so all of this is in our discretionary spending bucket.
Anonymous
My husband and I set a limit together depending on finances for the year. Then he stays with the kids all day while I spend my birthday however I want within that limit. For me, this means roaming around the big mall near us, eating whatever I want, and buying things I’ve been eyeing for myself or for my family. I would guess this year the limit will be around $500-$700, last year was $300. I usually have some general ideas in mind but like to go with the flow and be impulsive. I have my eye on fancy perfume for myself (YSL Libre), trendy sneakers, shirts for partner, cozy home goods, and lunch at a fancy place. I rarely hit the limit.
anon
Typically, buy “trophies” for big accomplishments rather than for holidays/milestones. Most of these are items that will certainly stay with me for a long time, mostly art and jewelry. I don’t go in with a set budget per se, but general rule of thumb under $3,000, but it’s flexible.
Anons
I have a price limit and buy a specific item or something from a category I’ve been thinking about for a while. One year it was an expensive pair of boots I’d been eying for months. Another year it was a wool coat in an amazing color because I felt drab the previous winter. I find it more satisfying than buying whatever pretty thing happens to be in the department store that day.
Brontosaurus
This is what I do as well – I have a little running list of items I refer back to for these times (also comes in handy around the holidays)
Anonymous
I went with spending 10 percent of our bonuses on fun stuff for the two of us: travel, watches, jewelry, etc. The rest we added to our savings.
Anon
Jewelry.
Kate
I did this earlier in my career, but discovered that presents I purchased for myself just didn’t feel that special at the end of the day. It started to feel a little capitalism-for-capitalism’s sake in my case, so I stopped.
Hootster
I’m in a crappy job with very high quarterly stock payouts, and for various reasons, I need to stick it out for about 9 more months. I’ve been trying to treat myself to a $500 treat every 3 months as a reward. In the past I’ve done jewelry, high-end eyebrow microblading, and I think I’ll do laser hair removal refresh for this next one.
Anon
I’m perhaps a decade or two older than you. I lost my job in my mid fifties at the beginning of the pandemic, and as most people know, a woman without a job in her mid fifties may never find a job again.
I’m successfully self employed now and as busy as I want to be, but it was saving those bonuses that gave me the cushion I needed at age 54 to say “this isn’t the end of the world” and know that I would be ok even if I never brought in another dollar. So, yes, treat yo self, but also treat future you by saving 90% of those bonuses if at all possible!
Anon
Jewellery.
Anon
Lord beer me strength for dealing with my boomer boss who doesn’t understand technology and relies on me to help her.
Anon
Consider yourself ice cold beer-ed on a patio with a cooling breeze.
Anon.
Ha! Cheers!
Anon
Ugh. I can’t deal with my boss.
She has absolutely NO people skills – interrupting people, talking over people, bulldozing and sidetracking large meetings with her specific issues, talking very loudly in an open workspace.
She was just rejected for a promotion because although she’s an SME she doesn’t have the people skills, tact, or diplomacy needed for that job. Unfortunately, because I was getting too excited about getting a new boss.
She doesn’t listen and needs things explained to her several times. She forgets what she said and gives conflicting instructions. She doesn’t understand directives from above and misinterprets them and gives us wrong instructions.
I almost snapped at her when she asked the same, very in the weeds and applicable to only her, question for the third time in a large meeting.
Anon
Sorry – meant this as a separate post! But, I do feel you on annoying, incompetent bosses!
ShotsShotsShots
I got you
Vicky Austin
The hero we need!
Anon.
Raising my glass to you in solidarity.
I have a coworker who drives me nuts with his inability to manage technology.
In the past 3 days, I answered a question about
– how to set up an OOO calendar event (we’ve been on Google for the last 5 years, so no change there)
– where to find information that was sent in an email to all 30 min earlier
– where to find template documents when there is a link on the freaking front page of my departments website. Admittedly coworker and I got absorbed into a large team two months ago, but the new team is actually way better organized and a quick 3 min search on our internal side would have given the result. But my coworker does not read emails, does not make an effort to try to look things up, and then complains about how difficult it is to find things.
Breathing exercises only help so much. Why oh why are people like this?
Anonymous
Any recommendations for Vienna in the early autumn? Solo trip, hotel is booked (Le Meridien), rough outline of things to do (wine cellar tour, opera, concert, museum tours). Also, how’s solo dining in Vienna? Some places are less welcoming to solo diners.
anon
Hi! Vienna is great! Vienna resident here, who used to travel to Vienna a lot before I moved.
If you like being outside defiantly go walking to the heuringer (wineries). Take the 38 tram to Grinzing and just….start walking.
Look up Stadt Wanderweg (they also have an English version of the site) to get easy hikes, usually with good places to stop for food along the way.
Get Gelato! My favorite is Eis Greissler, but there are lots of good places.
You can rent a bike pretty easily – located all around town. WienMobil bikes. Really fun to take a bike and bike along the canal or the Doner Insel (island in the middle of the Danube).
Farmers markets can be fun. I recommend Kutschemarkt – in a cute residential area (with some nice shopping nearby, also, including a fantastic eco-clothing store that you’ll see as you walk down the Wahringerstrasse). Organic market Saturday morning, regular market everyday.
The Natural History museum is fantastic, one of my very favorites.
I’ve stayed at Le Meridien – very central location. No counterspace in the bathroom, but, interesting modern interiors if you like that architecture.
Have fun!
Anon
I know it was an autocorrect but I just love the idea of defiantly strolling around Vienna.
Anonymous
Thank you! The Natural History Museums is on my list, I go to the one here (NY) often! Thank you for the heuringer rec, one of my friends told me to do that too.
These Pants?
I asked about these pants the other day! Does anyone have these in real life or the Ripley Rader or the new Loft version? Thanks!
anon4
I answered the other day but you may not have seen it. I have RR. I don’t wear them much. The top basically looks like yoga pants so I don’t really see tucking, and untucked shirts look a little dated. The sides also have those little ripples at the seam that make them look cheap. I wish I had saved my money because they weren’t cheap.
anon.
Thanks – This is helpful. I think I’ll skip the RRs. I’ll stay with my Madewell Harlows.
Anon
I missed that too and have been curious, thanks for saving me the money!
Anonymous
I don’t, but I have the Anthro Maeve Colette pants that are a similar profile to those and I like them.
Anon
I have a ponte pair and a linen pair of the Colettes and I love them!
Anonymous
I’ve tried these on multiple times and can’t deal with how high-waisted they are. Hoping they make a midrise version soon because they seem great otherwise.
Hootster
Same! Please give me a mid or low rise wide leg pant!
test run
Abercrombie makes a low(ish – looks like a cross between mid- and low-rise to me) wide leg linen pant that has been on my wishlist for a while! https://www.abercrombie.com/shop/us/p/a-and-f-sloane-low-rise-tailored-linen-blend-pant-56457344?categoryId=615307779&faceout=model&seq=01
It looks like they’re on good sale so I may have to pull the trigger…
Anonymous
Recommendations for online jewelry sites to browse? Budget is around $500, and I either already have most basic, classic pieces or they don’t fit my style. I’m looking for something more fun and unique, just a step-up from everyday wear, but not sure exactly what. I’m a jewelry lover and wear multiple pieces everyday – just looking for some inspiration.
For added context, I am expecting my second baby, and my MIL wants to gift this jewelry piece to me (we are both Indian). She is an impatient shopper, and we are planning to go to a local jeweler where she will expect me to walk out of the store with something. I would like to have a “Plan B” ready to show her if I don’t like anything in store so we can purchase it right away and I’m not pressured into buying something I don’t vibe with (speaking from experience).
An.On.
I like browsing Sundance catalog jewelry for stuff that’s a little more offbeat.
Kate
Ditto!
NaoNao
I really like Local Eclectic for charming slightly funky pieces. Also Jenny Bird and CatBird (two different sites) as well as my all time fave: Alexis Bittar. The latter makes absolutely stunning organic artsy pieces.
Calico Cat
Catbird!
Anon
Local Electric has some fun pieces, varying quality but interesting styles.
Anon
https://www.localeclectic.com/
Brontosaurus
Most of these items are available in different metals. I have a bracelet that looks very delicate, but I’ve worn it 24/7 for almost a year and it looks amazing: https://www.goldeluxe.com/shop
Anonymous
do you have any ippolita pieces? some of them are in that price range – i got a beautiful pendant with two blue (crystal? not sure) danglies that i still love.
i also like monica vinader in that price range.
Anon
For that price range Ross-Simons.
Wildkitten
Help me shop! I’m in my late 30s and need date night tops – cleavage forward for cocktails but not for da’ club. Even suggestions of where to look are appreciated. I’d rather the top look nice without needing to be tucked in and would rather it not immediately wrinkle. Under $100. Black or jewel tones. Thank you!
Anon
Express
ALT
+1 for Express. They have some definite club pieces but I have a couple date tops that aren’t clubby but feel like “date night” tops.
Wildkitten
Ah! Thank you! I don’t think I’ve shopped there in 15 years! This is great advice.
anon
My unsolicited advice? Invest in the right bra and most tops will look 10x better, especially if you are accentuating your cleavage.
Anon
Agree that a great bra is important but a perfectly fitting bra may not provide cleavage. There used to be a linked article in a bra that fits showing how to get various levels of cleavage, but most of them involved wearing a bra that was too small.
Anonymous
Push-up (A-C cup) and plunge bras (D+) are meant to enhance cleavage, and will push inwards and upwards. A half-cup bra can also give some extra boost upwards.
A balconette style is fairly low cut, so will give cleavage in D+ cups.
T-shirt bras are more flatten and push under armpits for D+. If you wear a t-shirt or minimizer bra and want cleavage, you do need to wear too small cups, since those bras are not designed for clevage.
Wildkitten
Oh my cleavage isn’t the problem. I just don’t normally want everyone to see all of it (at like, work) and I do for this ;-)
Anonymous
i returned this one because i have a major belly and didn’t want to deal with shapewear, but i thought it was kind of cool. https://www.amazon.com/gp/product/B0CQNZK6VT/ref=ppx_yo_dt_b_search_asin_title?ie=UTF8&psc=1
maybe some of these?
https://www.revolve.com/michael-lauren-bosco-snap-front-tank-in-black/dp/MLAU-WS776/?d=Womens&page=1&lc=33&itrownum=5&itcurrpage=1&itview=05
https://www.nordstrom.com/s/kiana-square-neck-top/7894011?origin=keywordsearch-personalizedsort&breadcrumb=Home%2FAll%20Results&color=001
https://www.nordstrom.com/s/square-neck-rib-sweater/7752512?origin=keywordsearch-personalizedsort&breadcrumb=Home%2FAll%20Results&color=600
https://www.whitehouseblackmarket.com/store/product/cashmere-blend-elbow-sleeve-shirred-sweater/570371675?inseam=regular&sizeType=regular&color=6274&catId=cat210001&collectionId=category
https://bananarepublicfactory.gapfactory.com/browse/product.do?pid=885369011&cid=1091674&pcid=1091674&vid=1&nav=meganav%3AWomen%3AWomen%27s+Clothing%3ATops+%26+Blouses&cpos=50&cexp=368&kcid=CategoryIDs%3D1091674&ctype=Listing&cpid=res24082808808866701465503#pdp-page-content
https://www.nordstrom.com/s/sweetheart-neck-ribbed-silk-knit-top/7861316?origin=category-personalizedsort&breadcrumb=Home%2FWomen%2FClothing%2FTops&color=400
https://www.revolve.com/norma-kamali-x-revolve-drop-shoulder-top-in-black/dp/NKAM-WS83/?d=Womens&vn=true&page=1&lc=4&itrownum=1&itcurrpage=1&itview=05
https://www.nordstrom.com/s/french-connection-whisper-sweetheart-neck-tank/7523065?origin=category-personalizedsort&breadcrumb=Home%2FWomen%2FClothing%2FTops&color=002
https://www.everlane.com/products/womens-rib-knit-wrap-top-bone?collection=womens-tops
i’ve also gotten some scandalously low tops at old navy and target recently — i got the spring version of this and it was definitely too low for my family easter dinner, but then i sized up. https://oldnavy.gap.com/browse/product.do?pid=856991052&cid=72091&pcid=72091&vid=1&nav=meganav%3AWomen%3AShop+Women%27s+Categories%3AAll+Tops#pdp-page-content
also (but more of a club vibe) – https://www.abercrombie.com/shop/us/womens-going-out-tops-tops?filtered=true&rows=90&start=90
Wildkitten
THANK YOU!
London Travel
I’m visiting England in early October with my three sisters and our dad. He is a spry 85, but still….85. The main part of our trip is to the southern coast, but we’ll wrap up with 3 days in London.
I’ve found AirBnBs that can accommodate separate beds for of us, within our budget, in Wandsworth, Soho, and Marleybone. Our itinerary for London is wide open – probably theater, museums, markets. Some walking is fine, but 8 hours of walking a day won’t work.
Would love help figuring out where to stay and recommendations about what to do. We lived in England 40 years ago, but none of us have travelled back since then.
Anonymous
Marylebone is always my pick in London.
London Travel
Thank you!
Anon
+1
Anon
I also like Marylebone & stayed there last time I was in London.
Any Brits here want to explain the pronunciation? I think it’s not Mary Le Bone but more Marley Born? I can’t get here from here.
But I also don’t understand how Worcestershire is really pronounced (before I even get to how it’s pronounced in MA.)
Anonymous
Mar-Le-Bone
Runcible
Wus-tah in Massachusetts!
Anonymous
Marylebone or Soho.
Marylebone if Sezanne, Regent’s Park and Wigmore hall (chamber music) sounds great, Soho if West End Theatre, St James’s Park, Big Ben, Chinatown and National Gallery sounds better.
Anononon
Marleybone is lovely and a little more posh, but Soho is going to make your life easy in terms of getting to everything — more central and better served by the tube. It can get loud though if you’re right in the middle of things. I used to live in Fitzrovia just north of Tottenham Court Road station and once you’re a block up from Oxford street it gets much quieter.
With three days in London I’d hit your favorite museums and check out whatever kind of restaurants you like; you can easily fill three days on not too much, especially if you are moving a little slowly. If the Museum of London is running one of its trips down to the Thames to go digging for old pottery, etc., I highly recommend. Those are super fun and they bring a historian along who can help you figure out what you’re looking at when you’ve found stuff. I’m also a devotee of the TKTS booth if you don’t have your heart set on any particular shows — just see whatever shows are available for cheap that day and grab a couple of tickets. You can usually get great seats, especially if you are willing to take seats that are near each other but not adjacent.
London Travel
OP here – thanks for all the great tips!
Anon.
Visited London in late January this year with my husband and 8-yr old, so alternating museums and slower-paced activities was something we did, too.
I really enjoyed a ride on the Thames ferry, going to Greenwich which has tons of museums: The Royal Observatory is very interesting and has a nice park around it, but there is a steeper walk up the hill that might be challenging depending on how fit your father is. But the views of the London skyline are stunning from up there.
Greenwich also has the Royal Maritime Museum for all things ships, the Cutty Sark tea clipper interactive museum, and several art museums in that area, as well.
If you can, have a sunset time drink at the Shard. It was worth it IMO.
Also, I always go to the Tate Modern because it is just so cool! Buy some snacks and have a picnic along the Thames river.
Anonymous
Thanks for these ideas. The Tate is at the top of our list but I wasn’t planning on the Shard. You’ve changed my mind.
DB Cooper
Sky Garden! Free tickets but must reserve in advance. Good for an afternoon visit that could stretch into happy hour if you’re enjoying the city view and/or the weather is bad.
Taki
I’ve just started a masters, and I’m taking an economics course for it. A Nobel-winning economist is having a lecture/book tour stop nearby, actually in the town where my Econ professor says she lives. Would it be too “teacher’s pet” to email her and let her know about it? Or would it be insulting, like “obviously I’m aware when famous economists visit my town, I don’t need a student (who is not great at econ) to let me know about it”? Am I super-overthinking this? Thanks.
Anon
Overthinking. Email her.
Cat
I’d send the email. “Hey, in case this wasn’t already on your radar, wanted to pass along”
Anon
There may be a way to bring it up without it coming across as FYI by focusing on “I” statements? I’m enjoying the course, I saw the lecture and wished I could go, I’d be interested in hearing about it if people are attending, etc.
I don’t know economics, but in my field it might be hard to guess which public talks were of interest to academics (vs. academic talks that come with their own attendance considerations) and people were sometimes kind of skeptical of fame.
Anon
Yeah, public talks are not usually that interesting to academics because they’re geared to a lay audience. Maybe you could say you heard about it and wanted to pass it along to the class in case any of the students are interested?
Anon
Yes, this. I’m a professor and I’m always happy to see enthusiasm in my students, so I’d be happy to see that they’re thinking of going to things like this, but I’d personally be unlikely to go to this kind of event just because I’m kind of a snob about paying to hear academics speak. I listen to PhDs talk all day long and I don’t get paid enough to pay to listen to them in my free time unless I’m really interested in the topic (though I’d actually be more likely to go if it was out of my main academic field, as there’s a decent chance I’d already met them or heard them speak if we worked on related things). Plus the Nobel prize winners I’ve heard speak have been some of the worst talks I’ve ever been to, so that’s not a big selling point, though if this person is young enough to be on book tour they might be better than the average Nobel laureate.
Anon
Public lectures/book tours are normally free. I’ve never heard of anyone paying to attend one.
Anon
Not anymore they’re not. See this example of a book talk by a Nobel winning economist who may or may not be the one OP is talking about, costs $27. When this type of event is held at my public university, tickets cost about the same- slightly less for students, slightly more for everyone else, including faculty and staff.
https://www.eventbrite.com/e/joseph-stiglitz-economics-and-the-good-society-tickets-923807672617
anon
I’d reframe your email. “Hey, I’m interested in this event! Are you going?/Have you read the book?”
I don’t think sending an email is too much because professors love genuine enthusiasm.
Anon
Personally, I would frame it as something she may want to pass along to the class in case others were interested in attending
Anon
Estate-related question. If Aunt Elsie had a silver set and china that 2 people want, would you just split each? Split the silver (more valuable, easier to find other settings at estate sales, etc.) but give all of the china to one person (and then the other gets a pick from other things)? 8-12 settings of silver and IIRC that is very valuable just for the metal these days, probably the most $$$ thing other than jewelry (given out piece by piece), a car (given to poorer nephew who needed it) and a house (to be sold).
Anon
Did Aunt Elsie express any preferences about this during life? If so, those control.
If not, I would do a set for each person. If the people are overly concerned about “fairness,” you could look up the FMV and have the person who gets the china receive either the cash difference from the estate or an equivalent amount of other stuff.
Anon
OP here:
1. Of course not. “Equally among my nieces and nephews” is the only guiding thing here.
2. Two nieces want it, have items in the pattern already, would use it, hate each other. One is the family nutjob and while the one niece would likely let it go to anyone else, the overall sentiment in the family is not to just give in to the one person who has been difficult for most of our adult lives. “Half” seems to encapsulate fairness (to me).
Anon
Haha, I appreciate that you are considering the Solomon approach. May I also (seriously) suggest a coin flip?
Anon
I think you start with an offer to split it evenly between the two, and then one of them can offer to buy the other’s share. It’s the only fair way. Split the baby.
Anon
Do the recipients have any preference? My grandmother’s sterling went to an anti-social uncle who’ll never use it…and it turns out he wanted an odd set of yellow depression glass instead.
Anon
Having been in this scenario: I wouldn’t split the silver. Keep things together and give it to the person more likely to make use of it. I got the silver and never used it and ended up giving it to a sibling who did.
Silver is not super valuable to sell, only to buy. Keep it intact and keep it in the family if you can. I still have the china and very much wish another family member had it instead. They don’t want it (they have other China.)
Anon
I don’t think there’s an easy way to split the estate fairly if the silver is the only valuable thing and you refuse to divide the set.
An executor should be concerned above all with fairness. And not “this person has been a pain in the ass their whole life, so they get less” kind of karmic fairness. Fairness following the letter of the will – if it says “split equally among my nieces” then you split the set.
Anonymous
Do the people who want the silver intend the keep it or melt it down? That changes things significantly
Anon
Right. Don’t be fair if it’s only going to immediately enable destruction of a family item. Fairness isn’t always the most important principle. The life of the object matters more when lives aren’t actually at stake.
Anon
Fairness is an important legal principle here. If OP has a contentious cousin, she could get sued. Best to be strictly fair.
Cat
Is it the same 2 people that each want these things? I’d ask their preference. It could be each of them would love having a full set of 6 to use, rather than all 12 of just one. As far as estate value, that’s the executor’s job to deduct the value of physical items from cash.
anon
Agreed. My FIL and MIL split the china and silver in their divorce, which I think is a little goofy but is better than fighting over it. They each use the set of 6 from time to time, either at smaller dinner parties or mixed and matched with place settings from other patterns they’ve inherited parts of. I’ve grown to like the eclectic mix — it’s less formal but still elegant and interesting to hear about where the different patterns came from.
MIL told us that she recently called up FIL and asked him to leave his half of the china and silver from their wedding to DH and me, so they can be reunited. LOL- that phone call had to be awkward as f***.
Anon
I would start by asking each person what they specifically want. If there isn’t much of a conflict, give each person what he or she wants.
If both people want the china and the silver, you could always do the “split the candy bar” trick: one person proposes a division of the items (potentially with cash to make up the difference in value), and the other person chooses which option they want.
Anon
Here’s two more ways:
1. Have them each pick a number and whoever is closest to the executor’s number gets 1st choice, other gets the other set.
2. Have them “bid” on it – i.e., whoever is willing to pay the most gets it, and then they equalize it with money (this works best if they’re getting other cash from the estate). This is typically how it’s done with cars – get a valuation and then “buy” it from the rest of the family.
Runcible
Give half the silver and half the china to each niece and move on. The responsibility is to distribute the estate, not to overthink what will happen to the inherited items in new hands. Once the nieces own the items, they belong to the nieces who are free to do whatever they like with them — melt down the silver, sell or give their share to the other niece, give the items away to friends or strangers, consign them at a second-hand store, store them in the attic and never use them, whatever. Not the estate’s business and not any other family member’s business, either. Yes, it is sad when heirloom collections get broken up, but it’s also somewhat unfair to burden the next generations with historic preservation that may not be practical or fit their lifestyle.
H13
Any advice on how to find home health support (anything from 24/7 care to a few hours a day) when you are not local to a loved one? This is for a 50yo having major surgery. No family near by. No local references from their friend group for this kind of thing and this is a HIGHLY anxious person. Agencies to try or avoid? Care.com? I assume hospital social workers could help but I didn’t know what could be done in advance of discharge. They might have a family member there for a few days post-op.
They are in Loveland, CO if anyone has any recs. Thanks!
Anon
Their insurance may have suggestions. That was how I found home nursing care on short notice when my surgical incision turned out to be more than dh and I could deal with on our own. And, yes, the hospital social workers who do discharge planning could help, but you generally meet them while in the hosptial. The surgeon’s office might also have suggestions.
Anonymous Grouch
Do an internet search for a “home care agency”. Call a couple of the firms that turn up in the results. Their website may focus on seniors, but will also arrange this type of post-operative home care. We did that when my husband was recovering from surgery and needed someone in the house, and my employer was denying me FMLA (yes, employer was wrong, but I had to engage a lawyer to write to them before they would admit it. I quit with no notice at the first opportunity a couple of months later). The agency we worked with was very helpful, sent someone to the house for a detailed appointment on needs and preferences, were happy to swap out the carer to find a good fit (we didn’t need to do that, but they were very upfront about their willingness to do it), and transparent in their pricing. It was just for a couple of weeks, but was money well spent – I came home from work each day to find a tidy house, and husband who had been fed and cared for appropriately, which was such a relief at a stressful time.
Anonymous
Can you ask their surgeon’s office? For a 50 yo, they honestly may be more helpful than with a senior.
Anon
Agencies are really variable locally. Care.com if your relative is comfortable interviewing & picking someone on their own. Have a plan for pain med storage, whether you private hire or go through an agency.
Is it going to be a big deal if a person no-shows? If so, ask agencies specifically about their backup care plans
Anon
The hospital may have a social worker that can provide local information.
Anon
So I did the thing. It took longer than anticipated and ferreted out some unexpected complications, but at least my part is done for now.
Anon
Yippee! Congratulations!
Diamond Band Question
I’m looking to buy myself a diamond band to stack on my left ring finger. The existing rings are: (1) closest to my hand – my wedding band, which is a very thin channel set band with diamonds 2/3 way around; (2) pave set band with diamonds 2/3 way around, diamonds are quite a bit larger than wedding band; (3) engagement ring which matches the wedding band. All white gold. Despite the matchy wedding set, I think it looks great with the mismatched band #2 in the middle. The extra band I bought after child #1 was born and #2 is about to be a year old so I want to buy another.
I’ve got my eye on a bezel set band. Are these really trendy? I feel like they have an antique-y feel to them. The store said they’re a newer setting and I’m definitely not trying to be trendy here (theoretically would like to get each band to respective daughter sometime in the future). Thoughts?
Also, I was just going to my go-to local jeweler (Descenza, for any Boston-area ‘rettes). Should I be expanding my search horizon?
Anonymous
I don’t think I’ve seen four rings on one finger. But I’m sure it will be lovely.
Anon
For your second question on jewelers: I’ve had my wedding band and “push present” (ugh hate that term) custom made at Artinian Jewelers in Lexington, which was very fun – got to outline the design and pick the loose stones. Price was in line with their pre-made pieces and they worked with the budget I told them. Fairbank & Perry makes more modern designs in Concord but is well liked by some friends. I think I’ve also heard good things about custom work from Barmakian, but may be confusing it with another similar name.
Anon
I know a lot of people on here talk about cooking and then freezing. I don’t really do that. I never like the taste of thawed and reheated food.
But I’d like to freeze a few more ingredients so that I always have them on hand. Ginger I freeze. Tomato paste, after I use what I need from the can, I spoon lumps into a ziploc and try to get all the air out, and it seems to freeze ok.
But I’ve never really had any luck freezing meat. It would be nice to always have a little pancetta or bacon ready to go on the freezer. If you were to do this, how would you wrap it to avoid freezer taste? How long would you keep it?
Anonymous
We buy meat at Costco and freeze. Vacuum sealed is key as soon as we get home. We usually do portions of two even though we are a family of 4 because then we can use smaller portions for chicken soup vs BBQ chicken etc. Chicken and steak are the main ones we do this with. Buy when on sale and use within a month or 6 weeks max. We only freeze boneless meats so no experience with bone in meat.
Vacuum sealers is food saver brand or similar from Costco. I dislike microwaving plastic so generally take it out in the morning and defrost in the fridge or run it under hot water for a moment and then cut off the vacuum bag before defrosting and cooking.
Anonymous
Thoughts on a Rolex for a woman? I feel like everyone here recommends the Cartier tank watch but what do people think about a Rolex. Is it dated or classic? Mid 40s lawyer though no longer a fancy lawyer – in government. I’m looking at one of the basic models that is 8-9k, not diamond encrusted or anything.
Senior Attorney
I’d say classic. You might also want to check out Omega — I have one in about that price range and I love it.
Anonymous
I have a Rolex that I bought for my 40th birthday. My dad got one for his 40th and my grandfather did for his 40th. It was my celebration of my own success just like theirs. I also have a basic model, although I picked a slightly larger size (34mm) and white face. I like that it is more masculine than the Cartier tank watch, as that works with my style.
cars
I have a Tudor watch, which is less expensive sister brand, similar style. I love it and wear it always and think it is classic. I wore an apple watch for a few years, but ultimately decided I love the classic look. Maybe one day I’ll upgrade to a Rolex. I’m a lawyer, almost 40. I actually don’t like rectangular faces on watches.
Anon
I vote classic. My husband and I got each other Rolex’s for our 5yr anniversary. I have a two-tone Datejust (steel and rosegold) with a black face/diamonds on the face. I tried on a number of Cartier watches and the Rolex just looked better on my wrist vs. the Cartiers which were all either slightly too big or slightly too small. I’d encourage you to go to a big city and try on as many options as you can – the Torneau stores in both NYC and San Fran were great. I also like the look of a leather band so I wound up getting a Hermes small cape cod double tour as a 40th bday gift.
Anon
I vote classic. I like most Rolex watches more than the Cartier tank FWIW.
Anonymous
Do it! I’ve had a Rolex for decades and still wear it every day. I would vote for a watch from a classic watch company than from a jewelry company any day.
Not OP
It depends on your style. I bought myself a Rolex for my 30th and it did not go well. I felt uncomfortable wearing it and got a lot of comments on it. It just was not me. I sold it a few years later at a big loss. At 35 I bought myself a Cartier Tank Francaise and I could not be happier. I love it. I wear it whenever I can and no one ever mentions it. I am thinking about buying another Cartier item for my 40th.
Anonymous
A lawyer I know wears a Rolex in one of the larger, bolder styles and it looks surprisingly current. The smaller classic ladies’ styles with the smaller links look incredibly’80s to me.
Anon
Always classic.
Anon
washing machine recommendation please. ours just broke.
Anon
Commercial Speed Queen.
Anonymous
I like our GE front loader. Mostly because of the detergent section where I can load multiple loads worth and just refill every second week or so. Saves so much hassle. If I had to buy again though I would look for one with that feature plus a mini washer – some have the big drum plus a mini wash drawer for separate loads. This would be super helpful in our house as we have 3 kids and a dog so tons of laundry but DH and I also work out almost every day and prefer to wash our small work out loads immediately after. It’s hard to time those with the larger household loads so two at once would be amazing.
anon
If you do the GE top loader, try it out at the store. Husband and I are fairly tall and have no issues reaching in. For those under 5’3″ or so, it is a bit of a challenge. With that said, we have a GE Profile top loader and love it – including the detergent section.
H13
speed queen all the way
Anon
Yes. My husband wants to marry ours. She’s worth it.
Flats Only
Careful with the current Speed Queen TR series washers – we bought one and it just doesn’t get clothes clean. It has no agitator, just swishes the water gently through the clothes. To get anything remotely clean you have to use warm/warm, soak, heavy duty cycle, which takes about 90 minutes. And the clothes aren’t exactly sparkling when they come out. Check out Consumer Reports and Wire Cutter reviews before buying – I sure wish we had done that – I just assumed all the recommendations on this site couldn’t be wrong!
Anon
I’m sorry you’re having that trouble. I cannot say that I am familiar with the current version of Soeed Queen. But when I bought mine almost twenty years ago, the salesman told me that I would want to default to the heavy duty cycle, as that was the one with the traditional wash, and the economy cycle was the wet it down and slosh it around cycle that most people hate. He said they had to include that cycle in order to sell them.
Cat
Speed Queen top loader. Ours is probably 20 years old at this point and has had no trouble. (Knocks ALL the wood)
Anon
My mom and I both have this one and are pleased. https://www.lg.com/us/washers-dryers/lg-wm5500hwa-front-load-washer
Anon
Whichever one can be delivered this afternoon or tomorrow.
anon
If you’re also buying a new dryer, I am so looking forward to getting a heat pump dryer. They use less energy and there will be no more cleaning the dryer lint out of the exhaust pipe (because there’s no exhaust pipe)!
Anon
Speed Queen. I love ours. We just replaced a 20 year old Maytag that could no longer be repaired. There was a learning curve with the Speed Queen (DEFINITELY use the delicate cycle for anything even somewhat delicate) but as long as we add a soak cycle to a regular wash, even the dirtiest stuff comes out spotless.
I got the speed queen based on recommendations here. I want something more or less infinitely repairable (also why I drive a Volvo) & it gives me reassurance to know there are tons of Speed Queen repair people out there who service laundromats.
Anon
Speed Queen if it’s in your budget.
If it’s not, I love my Whirlpool 2 in 1 with a removable agitator. My clothes come out beautifully clean. The range of options is fantastic: bulky, towels, delicates, active wear, jeans, etc. I love the faucet feature.
Anonymous
My current washer (kenmore) is going on 30yrs. It works great but I expect I’ll need to find a replacement soon. I took a look into speed queens based on recommendations from this site. I’m not convinced this is the best option for everyone.
They are commercial quality washers but for residential homes, so they are supposed to be quite durable. They are more pricey (cost is around 1-1.7k maybe) but have smaller capacity for what your are paying. A few review videos I watched also talked about a design change from an agitator to rotational washing, and it sounded like that wasn’t as effective for cleaning.
Maybe looks around a bit more. I’m still undecided.
Runcible
Speed Queen TC5 has the traditional agitator and FAST cycles. But it will beat up your clothing.