Suit of the Week: Theory

118 Comments

1. If those were palazzo pants and if the fabrics were the same, this would be a really sharp casual summer suit.

   As-is? It looks like something to wear proselytizing door to door.

   1. That was exactly what I was thinking.

   2. Both sound awful. I can’t see the vision here.

   3. I love it. But for a summer Friday or business casual acceptable conference.

2. I miss the days when calls could just be calls and not on video. I get fewer steps and less fresh air when I can’t take a conference call on a walk. There are still plenty of calls where I’m expected to attend but don’t need to present/contribute in a meaningful way and there’s no need for people to see my face. RIP, conference calls.

   1. Ditto.

   2. I don’t enjoy seeing my own face in video meetings. Ugh.

      1. You can change your settings so you don’t see yourself!

   3. +1. It has trickled down to one-on-one calls too at my workplace. If someone that I work with frequently enough sends a meeting invitation with a Zoom link, I am at the point that I ask if we can make it a telephone call. I am so over the default to Zoom or Teams call for one-on-one calls.

3. Any suggestions on graduation gifts for someone starting out? My niece is graduating in May and is lucky to get a job in healthcare data or something

   1. I would give her cash.

   2. Cash.

   3. Cash

   4. Cash. Starting out requires money for all kinds of things up front before you even get that first paycheck.

   5. My favorite aunt gave me a very generous cash gift and a good can opener with a note that she hopes doors will open to me just as nicely as cans will. The note was worded better, but you get the gist. I still think of her generosity every time I open a can, several decades later.

      1. What a great idea — cash plus something small and wittily symbolic.

      2. That’s an awesome idea!

   6. If you are a “stuff” family, good knives and instructions how to care for them.

4. maybe a fun question today: what’s your irrational “get off my lawn” moment? i’ll start – i can’t stand when people use strollers in stores or other spaces, just learn to babywear for gods sakes.

   1. Thank goodness you understand that this is irrational.

   2. I felt this way with my first. My second was. not. having. it. Once I got over myself, I found the stroller a lot easier with a toddler and a newborn.

   3. Yes, yours is totally irrational – babywearing is not equivalent to using a stroller and there are many legitimate reasons for preferring one or the other.

      I think if you smoke cigarettes in crowded public spaces or while walking down the sidewalk, you should be mandated by law to wear a plastic bubble over your head.

      1. I think the stores probably need to be designed better if strollers are causing issues for people!

         Smoking etiquette and compliance is a big one for me, but that is pretty rational.

         Maybe more borderline is extremely strong scented air freshener scents in cars; sometimes a package will be delivered by a service where gig economy workers use their own cars and it smells so strong, and it’s such a non issue, but I still hate it.

         1. I mean, I hate shopping carts in grocery stores. Totally irrational, but people will just park in the middle of an aisle and it’s obnoxious.

   4. Retractable leashes on a busy path with runners, bikers, kids and other dogs. Your dog doesn’t need to walk 15 feet ahead of you.

      1. Retractable leashes anywhere, ever. They are a menace.

         1. Agreed. Never good for the dog. The smaller the dog, the shorter the leash needs to be (I have two sub-15# rascals).

            1. My 100 lb dog has never had anything longer than a 4 foot leash unless we are doing simmering specialized like SAR training. There’s no reason for him to be any further away from me when we are out in the general public.

   5. Dogs everywhere.
      Audio/video on speaker in public.
      Tinted windows (impossible to tell as a pedestrian or cyclist if a driver sees you).

      1. I was on a Southwest flight recently and was so glad to hear repeated announcements about how personal devices MUST be on mute, including for children, if the user didn’t have headphones.

         1. Apparently airlines are really cracking down on speakerphone- I genuinely believe this will help with air rage incidents.

            I’ll never forget the time I heard a woman on speakerphone in a crowded public restroom – the poor person on the other end listening to…all those sounds.

   6. Haha, me either. Mine is “why are you using the treadmill/elliptical right next to me when all of them are open??!”

      1. I hate this SO much. Especially when it’s men. But it is a little bit motivating, I usually run for longer (and sometimes even faster) than the guy who gets on the machine next to me when there are like 18 other empty ones.

   7. What? That’s pretty cold. Parents are just trying to get by, and not everyone has a good back for babywearing. Geez.

      1. Yeah, at some point that “baby” is going to weigh 35 pounds and but not be able to walk for ages, and need to be transported.

         1. And when they’re really new newborns, they’re at risk of smothering if not worn properly. Babywearing sucks for plenty of ages a stroller is useful for!

         2. Yeah, my 99th weight percentile baby also had a helmet for almost a year. I would have loved to baby wear more but it was a no-go.

      2. I tried babywearing and it didn’t work well for us. I love the stroller! People in public have always been so helpful with holding the door or making nice comments, too.

      3. Get a grip. The idea of the thread is that she knows it’s irrational. She’s still allowed to think it.

   8. I personally hate porsche cayennes. You’re spending porsche money to get a bland SUV? Like, you could get 3 rav4s or rogues for that kind of money! If you want a practical car get a practical car, and if you want a porsche get a sexy sports car.

      1. I’ll go for “all SUVs categorically”

      2. Oh yes! I feel this way, too. It’s like, you were just dying to spend money?? Needed to be the most expensive mom at school pick up?

      3. Totally agree – that car always reads to me as someone who is sadly accepting their current stage of life while wanting to live a different one.

   9. I don’t like dogs in big-box stores. Yes, I’m aware it’s allowed and encouraged at PetSmart. And I love dogs, just not in the clothing section of Target. Or really anywhere in the Target.

      1. yes, i hate non-service animals in stores. like no i dont need your dog smelling $400+ gowns

         1. Yes, I don’t want to trip over a dog. I’m looking for items while shopping not looking at the floor. I often see dogs in grocery stores where they are prohibited.

            1. 100% this. Entitled people taking their dogs everywhere thinking the rules don’t apply to them.

      2. Or “emotional support animals” in the grocery store. They’re not trained service animals! Keep an eye on them! Don’t let them lick the bread!!!

   10. The automatic flush in public restrooms, though someone here mentioned putting post-its over the sensors, and for the last few days I’ve been covering them with toilet paper and that has also worked!

   11. um, what do you do with twins? particularly if you have two young kids? you could maybe wear one but might need to put the other in a stroller. this is beyond irrational.

   12. Funnily enough, I can’t stand it when people babywear. Just learn to use a stroller for gods sake.

   13. I can’t stand being in a long line of cars at a red light and hearing a honk from the back of the line the instant the light changes.

       1. Ugh, I’m of two minds on this one. I also hate needless honking but more than ever before, I’ve gotten stuck behind people mindlessly lost in their phones at red lights.

   14. I’m guilty of this, but I just don’t really get what my alternatives are? Like I just walked to the store with my two toddlers in the carriage and I’m supposed to do what exactly? Leave them sitting outside in the carriage on the sidewalk while I run inside to do whatever my errand was? Sure I did babywear when I had one infant, but past that count of kids or that relatively short age period, I don’t see much of another option.

       1. You’re not guilty of anything. You’re allowed to exist and take up space with your children.

          1. You’re allowed, sure. You still have to be mindful of people around you. Your needs are not the most important.

             1. You expect babies and toddlers to be mindful of your needs as a grown adult? They’re still learning, and the world is mostly built around your needs, not theirs, at baseline!

             2. And nowhere did any parent on this thread claim that they were! Having a stroller is not a rude action. Being in a store with a child is not inconsiderate.

             3. Their parents, obviously. And yes.

             4. Miserable person you are.

   15. When my spouse says “itch” when they mean “scratch.”

   16. Can we have a new rule that if people are going to get defensive over someone else’s contribution, they still have to otherwise contribute their own “irrational thing/whatever the subject is?”

       1. Mine is these threads.

   17. People who don’t brush the snow off the tops of their cars before driving. I don’t care if you can’t reach, get a broom.

   18. Big trucks and back in parking. I feel so annoyed.

       1. Really big pickup trucks that don’t fit in the space lengthwise and you have to try to maneuver around them or just wait until oncoming traffic has a gap.

          And, actually, just really big pickup trucks. I’m 5’2″ so admittedly rather short but I am seeing these giant trucks where the top of the hood is as tall as me and they don’t fit in a parking spot. So many anre driven by fricking office workers with no practical need for a massive truck. Inevitably they have a trump sticker on them.

   19. Babies? Dogs? What a miserable lot you all are. Consider maybe smiling at the baby, helping that mom reach something, petting the dog. I just cannot imagine going through life irritated by any of this.

       1. I get irrationally annoyed by toxic positivity.

       2. No way am I petting the lunging pit bull at the end of its 20’ retractable leash.

   20. The sincere use of the term “servant leader.”

       1. YES! Or “public servant.”

          1. Why does this grate? Genuine question.

       2. “Servant leader” = Christian nationalist, at least in my part of the world.

   21. You are not your pet’s parent. And neither pets nor children should be raised without boundaries.

       1. Yeah my pets have always had their own parents. Maybe it really does feel a little different to raise up a bottle baby orphan, which I have never done! But at some point they’re not only full grown adults, but also “older” than us on their lifespan, so it still feels strange.

5. I keep getting caught up in connections with charismatic people who feel so connected to me in the moment but then are kind of MIA the rest of the time. This isn’t even about dating; it’s friendships, colleagues, and even acquaintances. Lately it’s with a coworker who is extremely fabulous with a wealthy partner, multiple homes, constant travel, and I’m realizing I’m falling into this pattern of being available to people as their audience when they don’t really care about me or what’s going on in my life. How do I stop this pattern? I do have plenty of real friends who are there for me no matter what, but I’m in my 40s and I still get carried away by this personality type.

   1. Is it a problem? Some people are just entertaining, like a book or tv show. I’ll waste time on that if it’s fun for me.

      1. I will do this too, but the key is that you have to be content with its being pure entertainment and not a relationship. Don’t end up like Nick Carraway thinking Gatsby is your friend.

   2. If you have other friends who are more supportive, do you need to stop the pattern? Are the fun, self centered people drawing you away from your other relationships, or otherwise causing problems in your life — does it end up hurting you that they’re not as there for you, or do you just end up feeling drained by them?

      I ask because I don’t always actually really mind knowing some people like this if it’s not causing problems; not every relationship has to be super reciprocal for me.

   3. I had a friend like this – like the others have said the selfish friend is fine so long as they’re entertaining and you have fun listening to their stories. If they’re keeping you up late to whine or not respecting your time or boundaries that’s another issue.

   4. I guess it isn’t really a problem. I enjoy the people and view them like characters on a sitcom. But occasionally I wish they were as invested in me as I am in them. I feel like if I were more mature and centered I would be able to brush them off, but I can’t help it — they intrigue me and I enjoy being around them!

      1. Ah! They aren’t made that way—if you lower your expectations, you will be happier. It’s not so much that they aren’t choosing you as worth the investment, but that they wouldn’t even know how to prioritize someone else’s story.

      2. I think they’d probably be a little less fascinating if they were more invested; it’s part of what makes the way they move through the world interesting, since they’re so free!

         This is honestly kind of how my mom is, and I wish I could enjoy it a little more, but it’s more complicated when it’s also one’s own mother!

   5. You’re a good listener, and they’re an external processor or extrovert or entertainer?

      If so . . . you have to extract yourself from the conversation, or assert yourself in it (interrupt them and start talking about yourself).

      1. Or just accept your role.

   6. Do you feel like you’re neglecting more genuine friendships in favor of entertaining people? One very genuine friend of mine always sets up the day of our next outing at the end of the current one. It’s usually about 6 weeks out. It prevents us from not seeing each other for 6-9 months and is very helpful at maintaining the connection, because we’re on the calendar

   7. There is always someone in the office with juicy dating stories or fun/crazy family drame and a flair for telling it. Sometimes those people are lonely.

6. If you’re invited to someone’s house, do you judge them if it’s a little shabby? I’m not talking about dirt or dust, more like “the bathroom is original to the house” or “the baseboards could be repainted.” I’ve gotten a little self-conscious about my house over the past few years and wonder if I’m being crazy or I should do some defensive re-caulking.

   FWIW, I am delighted when someone invites me into their house in literally any state and would never judge someone who didn’t upgrade stuff.

   1. I wouldn’t judge someone, but I also probably wouldn’t let someone into my grody bathroom either (and it is, on occasion, disgusting.)

   2. I hope not, because both of those things you said apply to my place and I hope no one is judging me for them!

      IMO it’s more about the care taken with a home than the upgraded finishes. I’ve been in many homes with the most modern, sleek upgrades but zero charm, and plenty of others that have personal touches that make the place inviting even if the bathroom and kitchen are dated. I’d rather spend time in the latter any day.

   3. I am just happy to be invited.

      1. +1 just happy to be invited.

   4. You are describing my house, and those of my peers. No, I don’t judge people who have an original bathroom and worn furnishings. I do judge people who invite us over to their high end McMansion but can’t be bothered to put toilet paper in the restroom and who have rotting food spilling out of the garbage across the kitchen floor.

   5. Absolutely not. I do judge the wastefulness of constant updates, though.

   6. Good lord, no.

   7. I do not. I see these things as more akin to the old money conversation from last week. If your home is clean, then you’re ready to host.

   8. I only (in my head) judge if someone has stripped the character of a historic home in favor of greige laminate.

   9. Absolutely not, I love being invited to people’s houses and only ever feel good about it/them if it happens. I wouldn’t if it was like a hoarder situation or actively dirty, I guess, but in 20 years of adulthood that has never happened.

      1. I will say that you are lucky. I have been to a couple hoarder houses and others that were just unpleasantly dirty and unkempt. But those are few and far between, most people have houses that are just fine.

         1. Yeah I’ve been to some very filthy houses (some of those bachelor kitchens, good lord).

            I don’t consider my own house comfortable but also don’t have people over.

            1. What’s uncomfortable about your house?

               My mother never had people over because she was irrationally convinced that our house was “not in a state for company.” Mind you, it was the cleanest house of all my friends, and in a really nice neighborhood, too. It meant we had a really unsociable childhood, which I promised myself I would do differently with my kids. Now as a parent, our house is much more modest and way less tidy than the one I grew up in (I’m a stickler for cleanliness though) and we have people over all the time because good friends are more interested in spending time with us than whether our doorknobs all match (they dont!).

            2. It’s cramped, cluttered, not clean to my standards, and there always seems to be a backlog of minor repairs to get to.

               We moved here and promptly came down with new chronic health conditions (including some hospitalizations), as did our household pets. So before we’d even finished unpacking, we were dealing with new medical supplies and a disrupted budget and schedule. But the pets are gone now, and there’s no real excuse. I know I need to buy storage furniture and organize. It has been years!

               I keep using physical energy on dishes, PT, getting outside, and anything that can’t be put off, so there are mail piles and book piles and always some laundry to put away. If I ever get organized, I really want to hire someone to do the physical cleaning.

               I personally think it can start to look like a hoarding situation (or at least like my grandparents’ place as they got older), but there’s no pattern of needlessly acquiring things or even resistance to getting rid of them, just a lot of no longer treatable ADHD and never getting around to assigning “places for things,” along with unsuccessful downsizing, and a lot of WFH (the dining room has never been used as anything other than an office; all meals are still at the coffee table). It’s just not currently a place where I’d host people unless it were also at least either clean or tidied up.

               I have been catching up on repairs this spring, so at least I wouldn’t have to “explain how the toilet works” and other things like that which honestly did bother me in friends’ homes growing up!

            3. I will say that I really liked my last place, and it still wasn’t up to my friends’ standards (we always live downtown, but our friends have moved to the suburbs with great big places with lots of amenities). It worked out better pre-pandemic when it was more feasible to just go downtown!

            4. Anon at 8:06, I really hope you don’t feel down on yourself about your home.

               In case it is helpful: we’ve been in our home for 20 years and have not done much that is visible during this whole time. It was not updated when we moved in and hasn’t improved its looks since then. The water stains are still on the ceiling, the trim is still missing in some areas, the carpets are still ugly, the windows are still fogged between the panes. We have updated the insulation, repaired the broken plumbing, replaced the leaky roof, removed dangerous mature trees, saved for retirement, paid for grad school, and put our kids through college, but none of that has made our quirky home a place we like inviting guests into. We just prioritize other things.

            5. Thanks, 9:15. I would honestly probably feel fine in your home (it sounds a lot like the house I grew up in as a very happy child!).

   10. No judgement! I definitely take hosting notes though, trying to understand what made me feel particularly welcome. I love having people over and have had my share of fiascos (#neveraskmeaboutthanksgiving2022)

       1. So … about Thanksgiving 2022 … lol, glad you’re still hosting.

   11. Hah, nope, never!
       Heck, inviting people to your not-HGTV house is a public service – reset the insane expectations that are. I would sign on to a group commitment, like the wait-until-8th smartphone thing to promote this.

   12. Only if it’s dirty. If your caulk is all moldy, then yeah, time to redo it.

   13. Honestly, I’m often relieved. Like, oh thank god, a normal person. There are a lot of soulless, intagram-styled, zero personality houses around me that that Very Nice (and the host expects you to say it is Very Nice!) but that stress me out in a keeping-up-with -the-joneses way, like this is going to be an exhausting friendship… Meanwhile, unrenovated bathroom babe and me are gonna get along just fine!

   14. I was surprised that a colleague with designer clothes and bags had such a sad and boring house. I realized that she was presenting a front but she lived like the rest of us.

   15. If you drive a scary expensive car, wear crazy expensive clothes and but live in a run down home? I do judge people like that. It’s like something about them is more performative than real. And yes, I get that people have different priorities. But people who value “living large” outside and living shabbily inside tend to be superficial and fake in my view. Sorry. I will say I’m a sucker for character and from a place where housing is pricey so things like a dated but well maintained bathroom don’t read shabby to me.

       If your home is generally in line with the rest of your lifestyle then I don’t judge.

   16. Both. I’m happy to be invited but I do judge people’s homes. I’m human, sorry about that.

       1. I notice rather than judge, if that makes sense. I’d far rather be invited to an older house that feels lived in than a pristine new build – it makes me feel like we are likely to be friends. But I’m also inviting people over to my soul-less new build house that we haven’t been able to add any character to, so…

   17. God no! What a shallow attitude to someone opening their home to you and offering their hospitality.

       1. If this comment is disagreeing with the person who essentially said that having fancy clothes and a nice car means you can’t have nice clothes…. then 100% agree! Most people do not have unlimited funds. If they chose to spend their funds on their clothes or car or whatever instead of their home, that is their choice. I choose to spend my money on vacations and clothes rather than my home. I’m slightly embarrassed when friends come to my home (a small condo), because I’m terrified they’ll be snobs who think that anywho travels/has a nice wardrobe/has a nice car/etc will be a Miranda Priestley… and that comment confirmed why I (and so many others here, who are most likely top 25% or higher) are afraid of this judgment. The math ain’t mathin’ if you think everyone can do everything….

   18. I have the same feelings about my house, but I would like to fix it up for myself and not just for guests. Sadly nothing but a little caulk is in the budget at the moment.

   19. Absolutely not. Not everyone chooses to throw disposable income at their house.

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