ByKat Hours Updated
Comments 192 Comments

Thursday’s TPS Report: Sadie Shirt

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Our daily TPS reports suggest one piece of work-appropriate attire in a range of prices. Thomas Pink Sadie ShirtThomas Pink has a lot of women's shirts on sale, with many in the under-$100 category. I like this stretch cotton blouse with a flattering twist detail — it's also available in navy, as well as pink. Was $195, now marked to $89, sizes 4-22. Sadie Shirt Seen a great piece you'd like to recommend? Please e-mail tps@corporette.com. (L-3)  

Sales of note for 12.10

And some of our latest threadjacks here at Corporette (reader questions and commentary) — see more here!

Some of our latest threadjacks include:

192 Comments

  1. I put in an offer on an apartment yesterday and am now getting nothing done waiting to hear back.

    EEK!

    If my offer is accepted, my mortgage should come through 30 days after closing, so I may be looking at moving in the second half of July. Does anyone have any recommendations for intra-NYC moving? I only need to move ten blocks.

    Thanks!

    1. I recently moved with close quarters myself. Not in NYC, but I used Kat’s moving method, and it really made things go smoothly.

      If you do a google search for this site and “packing and moving tips for type a” you should find the post.

      And my #1 suggestion is to call up your local Barnes & Noble and ask them to set aside boxes for you. They get a ton of shipments a day, and seriously are the best boxes for moving I have ever used. They are not too big or too small, and they are built for hauling books, so they are super durable.

      1. Thanks, good advice. I’m actually considering using this company’s reusable boxes: juggle box moving . c*m. only 99 or 129 dollars, and all the reviews are raving. having sturdy boxes I don’t have to build, break down, recycle or give myself hundreds of papercuts with sounds awesome.

        1. I rented reusable boxes like this for my last move and it was THE BEST. amazing not having to assemble cardboard, suffer through inevitable cardboard failures, and then get rid of all of it at the end.

    2. Fingers crossed! You can also get free boxes and liquor stores and grocery stores I usually just stop in and pick them up regularly for a few weeks before the move. I used Moishes movers and had a good experience. It’s not the cheapest, at all, but was worth the price for me.

    3. I’ve used OZ movers in NYC twice with great results. They give you a certain number of boxes free, and I second the advice to get extra boxes at B&N. They’re very sturdy as they are made for heavy books – no issues with papercuts or anything else.

    4. Citymove.com is the best and once you submit your move, different movers bid on your job and you can select from them. There’s a ton of reviews so there is incentive for them to do a good job! I wait until my choice movers bid and the first ones to bid aren’t always the cheapest/best

    5. Fingers crossed for you!

      My sister has used Rabbit Movers several times for short moves within NYC and has had good experiences with them.

    6. I used Oz Movers last year. They had been recommended to me by my cousin. I was very pregnant and my husband very busy, so they did most of the packing for us. We had received quotes from a few different places and they were the best price among the companies that turned out to be reputable. Yelp reviews were helpful in figuring out who was not reputable.

    7. I’ve used DUMBO Moving twice–they’re good (though showed up late last time, but I was moving on a very popular moving day, and they called and warned me, so I was ok with it) and the cheaper of the legit companies I found. Liquor stores have the best free boxes since they’re sturdy.

  2. Dear Hallmark,

    Neither my father nor my step-father wears a tie, watches sports, or plays golf. Because both men are in their 60s/70s, they no longer drink beer because it makes them fat. They are aging hippies who wear Hawaiian shirts, play guitar, and write music (yes, my mother has a ‘type’). Based on your card selection, I think you’ve forgotten that there are lots of Gen X/Yers with aging Boomer dads. It’s not the 1960s anymore. Just FYI.

    Sincerely,
    Not Sally Draper

    1. Try independent stores – there are a lot of fathers day/guitar cards at the one I go to.

    2. Also try Papyrus. It’ll still be MOSTLY golfing sports and ties but they usually have fewer words on the cards so they can be more flexible if you find the one that has a workable illustration.

      1. Yeah I found some dog-themed ones from Papyrus and that’s what I’m going with. But seriously, how many fathers really truly wear ties every day and love golf? A handful, sure, but not 90% of them, which is what you’d think if you just looked at the father’s day card displays.

        1. I also selected one of the dog-themed cards. I got the one with dogs dressed up like bees. Hallmark’s language is always way too emotional for my family.

    3. Amen! Also my dad does not enjoy grilling, power tools, or watching television in a recliner.

    5. It might be too late now, but last year I made Father’s Day cards on Treat (it is part of shutterfly I think) and my dad and my husband loved them! It was cheaper than most of the cards at the store too.

    6. TBK/Not Sally Draper — oy, can you imagine the father’s day card Sally Draper would give her father?!?!!?

      1. This is SO funny! My dad said that I was alot like Sally Draper as a child, and more like January Jones now. I wonder if she is goieng to become a lawyer like me? I sent my dad a very nice Fathers’ Day card last week, and gave him a VERY nice box of golf ball’s b/c he is alway’s looseing them on the course. For the hive, there is actualy a golf place just off of Park Avenue in the 50’s that has a GREAT selection of sporting good’s.

        Dad is comeing back into the City Friday, and we are goeing back to LI together on the LIRR. YAY! I get my own PORTER for the train. I hope I do NOT have to tip him and I know that he will NOT pinch my tuchus. He stopped doieng that when I was 9. Thank GOD! If onley peeople on the subway’s and busses would keep their filthy hand’s to themselves! This is becomeing a REAL problem, and I am VERY suprised more peeople in the HIVE have NOT complained. FOOEY!

    7. I’m giggling too but I hear ya – my dad does not fit into any of the stereotypes – he’s not retired, not handy, works constantly still and is not my ATM. Also I’m not 5 so the cute ones are a little too young for me.

      I do love Papyrus though!

    8. Eh, my dad doesn’t like any of that stuff either – I just got him a card with a New Yorker cartoon on it that I thought he’d think was funny. It’s blank inside.

      It’s also his birthday next month so if anyone has any great Father’s Day gift ideas can you share because I am stumped. He’s so hard to buy for!

      1. i think it is interesting to look at father’s day card content and compare it to mother’s day card content. based on the cards, it seems like we collectively expect less from our dads. mom cards are so much more sentimental and emotional and dad cards are really much more focused on dad’s hobbies: grilling, fishing, golf, beer. i find it fascinating. smh, hallmark!

    9. If your dad has grandkids, I recommend an awesome book called “Grandfather Remembers,” which is sort of an autobiography/memory book they can complete. My grandmothers each did the grandmother version of it for us when my brother and I were teenagers, and they are SUCH a gift, especially for my younger cousins who never really got to know them before they passed away. I’ll link in the reply to the one I got for my dad, but Amazon has lots of others. (There are also “Dad” versions, if your dad doesn’t have grandkids.)

    10. Also, maybe a few cards with “Papa” on them? Or at least ones that don’t say “Dad” or “Daddy”? And something in between sappy and condescending?

      (Best card was one joking about testing the oil in a car “still brown and icky”, since that was something he taught me to do…)

  3. Anyone have recommendations for great nursing clothes & bras? With my first, I stuck with t-shirts and very functional nursing bras for months. I think it only added to the feeling of being frumpy and not myself post-baby. This time, I would like to be able to throw on a cute top that works with nursing and a pretty nursing bra (do they exist?) and feel good about my clothes. Any suggestions? Any brands that anyone loved or hated?

    1. I have two friends who have recommended Milk Nursingwear, although I have not bought anything from them myself! The only pretty nursing bras I found were super uncomfortable, so I stuck with the stretchy Medela ones or just a nursing cami, but I hope that someone has some suggestions!

      1. I got a stretchy Medela tank in purple, that I really like. In fact, I’m still wearing it around the house, although I stopped nursing 4 months ago and am well-past back into pre-baby clothes.

        1. I finally retired my nursing camis but I am absolutely still wearing the maternity camis. My child is almost 16 months and I stopped nursing in January. I have a long torso and it is so great to finally have a cami that’s long enough!!

    2. I like the Belabumbum nursing bras. They are soft, pretty and non-utilitarian looking. Sizing runs a bit small.

    3. I hear you…I have been wearing nursing bras/tops for a year. I like the Anita ones – they are super comfortable especially with bigger cup sizes. The Elle Macpherson ones and the Le Mystere ones are prettier, but not as comfortable for me. I like breakout bras dot com for a HUGE selection of nursing bras and lots of sizes.

      There are a lot of loose tops out there now that can be pulled down over your b**b (my preference with long torso). Then just readjust neckline when done. They look cuter than nursing tops, usually:
      http://tinyurl.com/khgugef

      I have several of the Gap “crossover nursing tees” – they are very comfortable. One thing I found was that as I shrank postpartum, the size that fit me at 2 months post became too big at 6 months post, so that contributes to the feeling of frumpiness. At that point I just bought some more in a smaller size. :)

    4. Thanks!! I will check these out. I will report back on what I find, in case anyone else out there is interested.

      On a side note: I have definately hit that point in my pregnancy where people feel the need to comment: “Wow. You’re ready to pop.” “You must be ready to go any day.” No, no I am not. I have two more months and that filter that should keep me from telling you to shut it is gone. I am going to put a sign on my desk that says: “I’m due August 15. No, we’re not finding out the sex. And no that doesn’t drive me crazy. I feel fine, thanks for asking.”

      1. This comment is a helpful reminder to me not to say trite pregnancy-related things to my coworker across the hall. It’s amazing how the memories of annoying things people said during my own pregnancies seem to have disappeared over the years.

      3. Late to the thread, but I’ve been nursing for 8 months now and my favorite cami is from Ripe maternity. Got it on amazon. I bought some things from Milk and was really disappointed with the quality (stretched out and pilled). Never found any bras I liked, and now just wear nursing camis on weekends and pump during the week, so wear regular bras then anyway.

    5. Never had kids but accidentally bought one very cute nursing bra from target (Gillian omalley) and almost accidentally bought 3 online from Nordstom this weekend. I’m a bigger cup size so when I shopped online I sorted by cup size and put all the ones I thought were cute or sexy and not grandma ish in my cart. All 3 were nursing bras. I even said to my husband, why are all the sexy bras in my size nursing bras!!! Is the difference just the detachable strap? If so, I might buy them anyway!

    6. Check out herroom (dot com). Making the commitment for nicer nursing bras for Baby #2. I lived in a very comfy but very ugly nursing bra w #1 and ITA w the contribution to post-partum frumpiness. And congrats, btw!

  4. This profile of Nina Gussak from Pepper Hamilton was a good read: http://thecareerist.typepad.com/thecareerist/2013/06/rainmaker-nina-gussach.html

    I’m intrigued by her comment that women don’t ask for business, and that she has to do 20 “asks” before she gets something in the door. If any of you have experience bringing in clients, did you “ask” for the business? My impression was always that you get well at your craft, get involved in the community, and get clients by cultivating relationships. Does the hive agree about the “ask”? I’m extroverted enough to do it, just not sure if this is something that is part of the game.

    1. Every time I’ve been given advice by rainmakers, they say the same thing: You have to “ask” for the business. It’s either true, or a cliche repeated by people who don’t actually want to help people compete with them but want to appear as if they do. I’m not in a position to know yet (and may never be).

      1. So how do you ask? Is it a matter of asking for a specific piece of business? And if so, how do you find out about that? Or is it more like, “Next time you have something we can help with . . . “?

        2. It may be easier to think of it as staying on the client’s radar so that one day, when they do have work, you’ll be in a position to ask for and get it. 20 asks sounds entirely reasonable to me – I have cultivated some relationships for years before getting any paid work.

          To get on the radar, it helps to keep in touch with developments in your practice area – who’s coming, who’s going, who’s thinking about which deal, who’s changing strategic direction or dealing with different market or regulatory conditions – and to be pro-active with this information. For example, if your client is venturing into something where your firm’s expertise is respected, call and ask if you can offer that insight in a session at time and place of their choosing. Or perhaps you can call in a favour from someone who can share insight informally, over lunch or a coffee, with you and your client ? Same thing if your client has a new boss, new job, new project and so on. It can also be as simple as spotting a good and relevant article or news item, and emailing it with a note to say ‘maybe interesting for you’.

          I have seen folks approach sales/ relationship/ biz development roles with very different personal styles over the years but with the successful ones, it really seems to come down to persistence and knuckling down to the basic discipline of constantly looking for opportunities to get on/ stay on the client radar.

    2. I have a very small (and mostly failed) amount of experience, but I would say it definitely helps. It depends on the business, though. As a general practice attorney, people would usually come to me and tell me that they have a problem or question, but even then, I often had to bring it back around to “That’s something that my firm can definitely help with, how about we set you up for an appointment?” I think that if you’re trying to recruit businesses or similar, you probably have to make an even harder ask/sell (as they probably have others also offering their business, where the individuals just asked me because I’m the only attorney they know).

      Either way, I’m so glad not to be doing that any more.

    3. 1 client stumbled into my lap; the rest were asks. And the asking never stops — clients merge or your in-house people turn over, so you always need a target list for who gets the next ask even if you are 100% busy. Exhausting, but there’s no other way to do it.

    4. Definitely ask! It goes like this. You meet someone somewhere (networking event, at your gym, etc. etc.) and find out their business is a type that could need your services. You ask questions about their work. What does their company do? What are the challenges they’re facing? What are the next big things they’re doing in the coming year? Not rapid-fire interview-style, but conversational in a way that you’re really engaged in listening to them (most people love to talk to people who are interested in them). If they mention something your firm could help with, you say “that new product you’re rolling out sounds amazing. I’m wondering, have you thought about [legal issue]?” They might say “oh, yeah, we’ve got great counsel, Smith & Jones, working on that.” If S&J are good, you say so but also mention your expertise in the area, phrasing it as background to show that you are a good judge of whether S&J is any good. If they don’t have counsel, you point out that an issue like that can really hang things up and you’d hate to have such a great product get snagged by legal issues. Then point out that your firm does that kind of work and say you’d love to help out. Basically, help them do their business. You’re not asking for a favor or going cap in hand. You’re telling them they do great work and you want to help them focus on the things that they do well while you handle the details.

    5. Thanks for posting the link, it was a great read. It seemed that she was very honest about the work/life balance. And this is totally off topic and superficial, but I absolutely adore that suit. Anyone know where it’s from?

    6. Flip through some sales books and you will see that they all say you should ask for the business.

  5. Thoughts on donating a car to charity? I’m fed up with craigslist buyers who don’t show up and am wondering whether I should just donate the car and get a tax break.

    2. Do you live near a CarMax? They will buy used cars; I sold one to them several years ago. It was probably slightly less than I could have gotten for it by selling it on my own, but it was worth it to me to not have the headache.

      1. Second the rec for CarMax. Again, slightly less than I what I might have made by selling to a private party, but, then, it was done in 1.5 hours. No fuss, no muss.

    3. We just sold a car to a used car lot. Yes, it was cheaper than we thought we could get by selling it on CL. But they took it, without us having to detail it first. It was super-easy, and I’m glad to be rid of it, even if it cost us a few $$.

    4. is professional, prompt and lets you know right away if the car is auctioned at more than $500.

    5. Thanks all. I let the tags on the car expire so am worried about driving it to a carmax.

    6. We donated my college car to NPR via the Click and Clack program–someone came and towed it away and we later received a letter for tax purposes. As I had let the registration expire while it sat in the garage, the fact that someone came to pick it up was appreciated.

  6. Looking for some managerial advice. I’ve been named as the head of a new department (!) and as part of a massive re-org, I have been given several direct reports with whom I’ve never worked–I’ve never even met half of them!

    Aside from the fact that I’m younger than all my direct reports (that’s another question for another day), the folks coming on board are different from all direct reports I”ve had in the past. I’ve manged a younger set of employees, all very much in the “let me know what to do for the next raise/promotion/career move.” These individuals have been with the company for over a decade, and love what they work on/do and aren’t motivated by what my team has been motivated by in the past (raises, recognition by leadership, promotions/career paths, etc).

    Any thoughts on good resources (advice? books? support groups ;)? )for managing personalities like this? I actually think it’s great to have seasoned, comfortable people on the team…just want to make the most of it. I sort of want to ask “what makes you come to work everyday? what do you want out of this role?” but am not sure how to do it without coming off awkwardly.

    1. Recognize and respect that some people just come to work for the paycheck while enjoying their work and being good at it.
      And everyone likes to be recognized for a job well done, not just the upwardly mobile among us.

    2. In my inexpert opinion, people who have been working for 10+ years look for stability in the work place. They’re committed and experienced – they don’t need “active” managing like people who have been working for less than 5 years. Let them be, check in on them when necessary and let them know you’re always available.

    3. Can you do the thing where you meet with everyone individually? It might not all happen at once, but aim for 2 people a day or so, and you’ll eventually get through it. Sometimes that can be helpful.

  8. Any ideas for a weekend trip about 2-3 hours away from NYC? We’ll be driving there with a set of parents and four younguns in their 20s. We’ve been to Lake George and the Poconos and all over Long Island. Help!

    1. Mystic CT is a great place for a multi – generational trip. There is the Mystic Aquarium, the Seaport, two Casinos, Beaches, great parks, and almost every weekend there is a festival or art show or something fun to do!

      http://mystic.org/

    2. Somewhere in the Hudson Valley? Mohonk Mountain House?

      I also really like Newport, RI, but that of course is a bit further away. Could be 2-3 hours of travel if you take the train though.

    3. Newport RI is about 3 hours away, I think and I highly recommend it. Lots of cute B&Bs, great food, gorgeous cliff walk.

  9. A recommendation: bought this sweater for $25 at Loft yesterday and it makes me so happy with its bright yellow color and paisley print. If anyone is looking for something fun to punch up a staid office wardrobe (like I was), I highly recommend. It’s a little more online ($49 – 40% off) but I think still worth it (I probably wouldn’t have bought it at full price though given Loft issues with longevity). And fyi, it is slightly see-through so you’d need a camisole underneath. But seriously wearing it today with a boring navy suit on a gray and rainy thursday and it is totally boosting my spirits. http://tinyurl.com/kynoqyy

    1. I’m wearing my first ever bright yellow shirt today. I was a little worried I would feel self-conscious in it, but I think it’s actually making me kind of happy.

    3. Just bought it! Had to grit my teeth and pay the $8.95 shipping, though. It looks so cheerful!
      Thanks for recommending.

  10. It’s high time our family backed up our photos — I’ve been half-@$$ing it with an external hard drive, but I’m wondering if I should do a hard drive and some sort of cloud based storage system. FWIW, we’re on a PC now but will probably buy a mac in the next 1-2 years once our laptop bites the dust. Any advice or systems you’ve found helpful? Thanks!

    1. What I’ve read (but haven’t done yet myself) is that you should have two separate back up systems — so both an external hard drive and also a cloud based storage system. I have a Maxtor One Touch hard drive which is very easy to use, though just about full now, so I guess I’m going to have to get another one or something like it.

    2. Those online cloud backup systems are nice. I use CrashPlan at work, and I like it a lot. I’ve heard of Carbonite, too, but it doesn’t get as good reviews.

      They aren’t free, but you might be willing to pay a small annual fee for peace of mind.

  11. Seeking advice from you all regarding what to wear to a “Black Tie Optional” wedding on a Sunday evening, in LA. Person in question is 5’2″. THANKS!

    1. I would wear a fancier short (knee length or slightly above) cocktail dress. There may be a few ladies in floor length gowns, but I would guess the vast majority will be wearing regular cocktail dresses.

    2. I think both of those are great. You don’t want to be too matchy-matchy. They both look a little boho.

  13. This shirt is cute, but the only stretch cotton shirt I’ve tried I had to get rid of because it was a wrinkled mess 3 seconds after I put it on.

  14. I just bought a ticket to a Summer Solstice party at our local art gallery, I’m very excited. The dress code is “summer chic”. What fits into that category? Any outfit suggestions?

    My concern is that the party is going to be outside, and night temperatures are, oh…6 degrees C? It could warm up considerably by the though, I don’t know, the weather here is unpredictable. The forecast does say arond 5C for that evening, and a high of 16C during the day.

    1. That sounds like fun! Is it a weekday thing? If so, I’d probably wear a light coloured pencil skirt and a silky blouse, plus fun heels (i.e. an outfit that can transition from work). If its a weekend thing, you have a lot more latitude. Maybe a fun but kinda dressy sundress and a jacket on top?

      1. It’s a Friday night, so something not-business would be fine, especially since it starts at 8pm, which is more than enough time to go home and change for most attendees.

        1. I like TO Lawyer’s suggestions but maybe you could wear a pashmina as well? That will keep the chill off and you could drape it kind of artsily, which would fit in well at an art gallery event.

  15. Did anyone else have a hard time adjusting to having disposable income after graduating? After graduating law school I found a job at a firm paying market in a state with no income tax and have almost no debt… but I’m having a hard time convincing myself to pay more than $900/month on rent for a nice apartment. I’ve been a poor student for so long it’s terrifying to me to leave the “I can’t spend more than absolutely necessary” mindset.

    1. I actually prefer this mindset as a recent graduate. I put a very hefty amount of my paycheck into savings, and keep pretty much the same lifestyle as I did in college. My rent went up because of the prices in my area, but I still live in a modest apartment. It’s nice to (1) see my savings grow and finally have an emergency fund, (2) know that in a few years I won’t pay ridiculous rent because I’ll be ready to buy property, and (3) be able to “splurge” every once in a while on things that other people may see as necessities (mani/pedi, nice alcohol, exercise classes, and meals out are my favorite)

    2. I agree. I don’t think living modestly is the worst thing in the world, by a long shot. If it feels better to live in a modest apartment for a while so you can build up your savings, then do it! I think that’s what I’d do in your position.

    3. I too have great difficulty in upgrading my living situation. I have friends leasing expensive cars, and renting very expensive apartment (i.e. they’re paying twice what I am in rent), and I just can’t see the value in increasing monthly payments, since I’m pretty content with life as it is now.

    4. I don’t think this is the worst mindset to have and it can help you in the long run. When I switched from government work to biglaw, I had the same reaction. Those around me were paying for really nice cars (to park on the street in the city…), expensive clothes and the like. Over my four years in biglaw, I did splurge on occassion (last minute vacation to Bermuda was lovely) but, from my vantage point, I did not spend nearly as much as many of my colleagues. As a result, after four years, I had paid down most of my law school debt, had a nice emergency fund, equity in a house that I could sell and a fund to buy a house back home. My point is: Saving up now for later can really pay off. I was not nearly as shackled by the golden handcuffs as many colleagues, and I had a great deal of freedom for it. Your sense of what you can afford to spend while still saving will develop over time. And if you save, you will really enjoy those little splurges without becoming accustomed to big spending.

    5. Agree with the responses so far. One thing to consider, if you feel like a little splurge, let it be on things that will last a long time, rather than rent or a new car. Once we had a little extra money, we bought good furniture. It has been worth its weight in gold, since we have not had to replace it. It’s more of an investment rather than just a splurge. Congrats-that’s a good position to be in!

      1. 1) Build up a 6 month emergency fund.
        2) Max out retirement contributions.
        3) Save a little more for something big you might want someday (nicer house, car, vacation, etc.)
        4) Enjoy life.

        Congrats!

    6. Don’t adopt a higher living standard just because you can- esp. if you are comfortable with what you.have. The suggestions above are good- pay down loans, fully fund your retirement and emergency accounts. Keep another amount for big dreams (house, own biz, early retirement) and another smaller for small joys ( for me, I go on one international trip a year). In fact, ten years after graduating college, I still have relatively the same standard of living…. And two investment properties.

  16. And, hit reply before I was done typing!

    Because of the shirt I used to have, I’m always cautious about stretch cotton. Anyone know how the Thomas Pink shirts hold up (in terms of not being wrinkled) throughout the day?

  17. Looking for some quick advice!

    Last year I left a company where I know I know they viewed me very highly (not just tooting my own horn – my supervisor nearly cried when I gave notice). This week they posted an entry-level version of my old position, which I think would be perfect for my SO, who has a bit of experience but not a whole lot in the area. I’d like to send them a quick note saying “Hey, SO just applied, just wanted to give you a heads up,” but not sure if that’s something I should do. The only advice on this I found was about someone who still currently worked at the company and was intensely recommending her boyfriend rather than just giving a heads up.

    Would sending a quick email like that to the hiring manager (who was my supervisor there) be weird?

    1. I think it’s fine to send over an email as long as it’s clear it’s a personal recommendation (ie they know he’s your SO), not a professional one.

      I think it’s fine to be like, “Hey Jane, hope everything’s going well. I saw you guys have now opened up a new position – I think my boyfriend, Joe, would be actually great for it. I don’t know if you remember, but you met him at the office Christmas party. He’s already applied – I just wanted to give you a heads up in case his application crosses your desk. Hope everything at the office is good!”

    2. Not weird at all. I sit next to the recruiting department, and they appreciate knowing if someone has a connection/”in” at the company – that generally means the candidate already has a realistic idea of the company’s culture/hours/etc. In fact, I would think the hiring manager would find it odd if you didn’t send an e-mail to mention the connection.

      1. Thanks to both of you! This was my thinking too (and my email is very much along the lines of what Anonymous above you posted), but having never been in the position to do this before, I appreciate the input.

  18. I have a big law school reunion this weekend and although I bought a ticket, I am mightily tempted to just skip it. It’s in town but a bit of a drive from home, so I booked a room at the hotel where it’s being held so I don’t have to worry about driving after a few glasses of wine. But I can still cancel the room, if not the dinner ticket. And money is tight and I can think of other things to do with the price of the hotel room.

    And… I really don’t want to go. I’m mid-divorce, my job isn’t setting the world on fire, and the thought of sitting alone at a table full of people I may or may not know (it’s a multi-class event) makes me want to shoot myself. There’s no particular professional reason to go — I’m in the public sector and don’t need to drum up business or anything like that.

    Thoughts? Permission to blow it off?

    1. If you aren’t feeling up to it don’t go, however, I have found in my own personal experience that sometimes the dread of something is no where near as bad as the event actually is – sometimes it is damn near fun. You could use this as an excuse to get away, eat room service and just relax since you are going through some serious stuff right now.

    3. Don’t do it. The older I get, the more I realise that there are fewer and fewer things I *have* to do if I don’t want to and I have had to train myself to not feel bad about this.

      Also, I had no idea about the divorce and I’m sorry to hear about that, hope you’re doing ok!

    4. I have my 25th high school reunion this weekend. I was going to skip it, but got talked into it by some friends (peer pressure!).

      I think you should do what you want, but based on your weekend post, maybe it would be a good distraction and a good way to reconnect with people who don’t know your ex.

    5. if you’re dreading it because you think it will be dull and lame, then absolutely yes skip it. If you’re dreading it because you’re feeling uncomfortable about going alone, I would maybe reconsider skipping. Sometimes we build events like this up in our head and it takes guts to go alone but it actually ends up being fun!

      I talked myself into going to a couple events that I was dreading right after my breakup because I didn’t want to go alone and it took too much effort into getting dressed and psyching myself up. It turns out I was really glad I went rather than sitting at home on my couch with a bottle of wine (and yes I realize a breakup is different from a divorce but just wanted to make the point that sometimes you need to talk yourself into events but it ends up being better than we expect!)

      If you end up going, make sure you’re dressed in something that makes you feel sophisticated and fantastic – it’ll help!

    6. I went to a big law school reunion with total dread and it was totally better than expected. People were way nicer and not in the competitive mode that you saw them in college. Life has thrown everyone around a bit and nobody there was cocky or showing off about their job. There were several divorcees – including one who was visibly pregnant and telling everyone that she used a sperm donor because she really wanted to be a mom. No judgment from anybody. It might be nice to just be yourself and re-define yourself so to speak. Maybe you’ll meet some new friends whom you can keep in touch with afterwards? Anyway, I would totally go if I were you.

      1. Argh, I meant to say law school, not college. Also, keep in mind that meeting people who are more experienced can be a good thing. You can make connections for your next job.

    7. I recommend subbing it out for dinner with a good friend if you don’t feel like going. That way you can think to yourself, “I’m so glad I chose to do this instead” as opposed to “I’m a wuss for not going” (at least that’s the imaginary dialogue in my head :-)).

    8. My multi-class law school reunion is this weekend too…. Wonder if we went to the same school?

      I am on the younger end of the reunion, but can’t go because I have a close (non-law school) friend’s wedding this weekend. I am not sure if I would go even if I didn’t have plans though. If you don’t feel like going, my advice is to skip it.

    9. Thanks for all the input, ladies! I decided to cancel the hotel reservation and skip the reunion.

      I have something fun planned for Sunday, and a fun week off planned for next week, so for Saturday night I am going to take Merabella’s excellent suggestion and say “bugger it” and stay in and enjoy my own company without guilt or second thoughts.

      1. Since you can’t get a refund on the ticket for the reunion, perhaps you could call up the alumni office and tell them you’d like to donate your ticket…maybe there is an alum who’d like to go but can’t afford it. This way the money you already spent on your ticket doesn’t go to waste and you can feel good about helping someone else attend. I really feel for you with what you’re going through with your nasty ex-husband…my sister went through a similar experience. Whenever you start to feel down about having to deal with him, just remind yourself that this is why you’re getting divorced, and look forward to the day (soon) when you won’t have to deal with him anymore (maybe start celebrating that this weekend!).

        2. That is a great suggestion — I will definitely do that.

          And yes, I was thinking the other day that if Mr. Soon-to-be-Ex-Senior Attorney and I could just sit down and discuss settlement calmly and rationally, we could totally work out a deal that would be acceptable to both of us.

          Then I realized that if we could do that, we’d still be together and there’d be no need to do it. *sigh*

          1. I’m the Anonymous poster from 2:26 pm…my sister went through hell when she was divorcing her dirtbag first husband. I felt so bad for her! She persevered (although it took way longer than it should have b/c of the settlement phase, where he dragged things out and she conceded things just to resolve matters) and finally got rid of the jerk. A few years later, she met a great new guy and is now happily married, and the bad former marriage is a very distant memory in the rearview mirror.

            You seem like a terrific person and you have a great life ahead of you, once you can rid yourself of this d*bag. Just keep your eye on the prize, i.e., your great new life, and let that guide you through this difficult period!!

            I hope you have a great weekend!!!

  20. Can anyone recommend a good moving company for a small move (a bedrooms worth of furniture) in the Boston area?

    I’ll be going from Brookline to Cambridge. It won’t be 9/1 but it’ll be pretty close to that dreaded date, so I want to make sure I book early enough and can get a good company with reasonable rates. I honestly cant see it taking more than 2 hours.

    1. Gentle Giant is good but pricey. I would get quotes from a few places and then also look into how much it would be to buy new furniture rather than moving all the stuff you have.

    3. I’ll be following this thread… I’m also doing a one-room move from Brookline to Cambridge (likely on Sept 1, ugh)! So far I’ve only looked at Anton’s Movers, which estimated 2-3 hours at about $100/hr and had awesome reviews on Yelp — they were already booked for a couple days on either side of Sept 1 so probably a no-go for me, but perhaps not your move date!

  21. Does anyone have any experience with Pods or similar storage services – where they drop a shipping container in your yard and then store it for you? I wondered if they were one size fits all, how to secure things so they didn’t shift while being moved and if you could access the unit during the storage period – or maybe they charge for access because in my imagination they would have to have a crane lift the container out of storage, even if you were on site. Are they stored in an air conditioned space?

    1. Much of this varies depending on the company you use. I hired a small local company who packed my container for me (so they were responsible for damage) and it was stored in a climate controlled space, but it cost me to access it while it was being stored and they needed a few days notice (so I never ended up accessing it, too much hassle). They had options for bigger containers or smaller containers and I went with two smaller containers (I had too much stuff for one big one. Although if I had realized how long my stuff would end up being stored, I would have gone for two bigger ones because they were sturdier). The only thing that got damaged was a lamp shade. Everything else was fine.

    2. We used PODs before. We had professional movers come and move everything into the POD and secure it. They were one-size-fits-all, which means we really just filled 1 1/2 containers but paid for two full ones. There was no charge to access them during storage. We just had to call the day before and they’d have it out waiting for us.

      We loved it because we’d had a very VERY bad experience with cross-country movers in the past — breaking lots of our stuff, losing some of it while they shifted it from one truck to another to a storage unit to another truck to yet another truck — and liked the idea that no one would open it except us. We were also moving into temporary (5 mo.) housing and so wanted the option of storing most of our stuff without having to pack and unpack and repack a truck.

    3. I’ve used PODS to store stuff over the summer in college, and my family used one for a cross-country move last year. My family packed it with the help of friends–if you know someone who has good three-dimensional intelligence it helps a ton. My brother’s Godfather, who is an engineer, helped arrange everything efficiently so we could fit much more. It was much, much cheaper than any other moving options. The company was really accomodating–our drop-off had to be rescheduled due to tropical storm Isaac (which then never materialized in our area…) and it wasn’t a hassle. Because they do storage too, they will still move your stuff even if you don’t know exactly where you’ll be living. We had a landlord bail on us <2 weeks before we were supposed to move in, so we had to spend a while staying with friends and it wasn't a problem with getting our things delivered.

    4. I haven’t used it myself, because we weren’t able to get a guarantee from our landlord that the pod/container could be accommodated. However, here is what we looked into:

      – UPack. A friend had a good experience with this on a 1000+ mile move. It seems you have flexibility with how much space you get. You can take up more space in the container and pay more money, but if you don’t need it, they will fill it with something else so you aren’t charged. When we looked into it, they couldn’t guarantee a specific drop-off date very far in advance, so you would need to be ok with being flexible about when you received your stuff.

      – UHaul’s version of the pod. You had to pick it up and drop it off yourself, which would mean renting one of their trailers, which seemed really inconvenient. The point of using the pod system for us would have been so we didn’t have to drive a large, unwieldy contraption.

      1. That’s interesting- it didn’t occur to me that the landlord on the other end wouldn’t accomodate a Pod. Although in my case I’m considering a job overseas so I’m looking at an indefinite timeframe for storage with no specific return/receiving address in mind so it’s not like I can ask. Thanks to everyone for your comments, very helpful!

        1. We moved to a big apt complex, and they couldn’t guarantee that we could have it close to our unit. We didn’t want to risk having to rent a moving truck to transport stuff across a very large block from our pod to our apartment.

  22. What do you think of these outfits? Today at my business casual/formal office, I have seen:

    Bright blue cigarette pants with white lace top and cami
    Dark blue pencil skirt with black/blue sweater and powder blue heels
    Leopard print skirt with see-through white blouse and spaghetti strap cami

    1. Those outfits sound pretty fashionable to me but the first and third seem more appropriate for casual Friday. I’ve seen worse in my bizcas office.

    2. 1) Totally fine, though I’d probably throw on a blazer. In fact, I think I’ve worn almost that exact outfit.
      2) Fine, though powder blue heels don’t sound like something I’d ever wear, or perhaps are a repurposed bridesmaid shoe?
      3) Yikers.

      Yesterday someone at my office was wearing a shorts suit. The shorts were wide-legged, 3-inches above the knee shorts. I’ve never seen less flattering shorts. And the suit material was gray and sort of shiny. So bad. But, this is the same woman who wore a blazer buttoned up as a top (3 button, but still low-cut enough that you could see her bra), with no shirt under it, and a 2 inch gap between the bottom of the blazer and the top of her pants, so really, I’m not sure what I was expecting.

    3. My vote is that outfits #1 (re: cig pants, possibly the lace top too) and #3(re: see-through anything ever) are inappropriate for the office. Outfit #2 could be fine if the woman was of a sufficient level of earned bada$$ness, but not on an intern.

      1. Whats wrong with cigarette pants? Just the assumption that they’re too form fitting?
        I ask not to be snarky but because I just bought– and haven’t yet removed tags from– kelly green pants that hit just above my ankles.

        1. Nope they are great don’t let the haters tell you otherwise! The OP said “business casual/formal” so I don’t really know what that means. Business formal? I wouldn’t wear cig pants. Business casual? Heck yes.

      2. Your comment is awaiting moderation.

        Whats wrong with cig pants? Just the assumption that they’re too form fitting?
        I ask not to be snarky but because I just bought– and haven’t yet removed tags from– kelly green pants that hit just above my ankles.

        1. I think cigarette pants are fine, they are the primary pants that I wear to my business casual office, paired with a blazer and a blouse. I honestly don’t see the issue.

          I remember one poster at some point in another discussion said you shouldn’t wear them if they “show the outline of your calves”, which I thought was crazy talk. I have muscular calves, all pants show the outline of my calves.

        1. Thanks. My office is super cas– I usually wear pencil skirts w/ tees or chambray tops and am by far the dressiest there. Most people are in jeans.
          Happy I can keep the pants :)

    5. Considering I’ve seen an intern in my business casual office wear shorts (!) for the past two weeks (!), definitely ok.

    6. Not clear if your office is business casual or formal, but these outfits seem perfectly fine for the former. Depending on the fit/length, they could be amazing or amazingly tacky, but you have not gone into detail.

    7. I don’t see anything wrong with (2) as long as there’s no expectation that all attorneys should wear a jacket. Fun shoes are a great way to add personality to a conservative outfit. For (1), no issues with the pants as long as they fit correctly, but a lace top that is (a) sheer enough to require a cami, and/or (b) sleeveless or cap sleeved and worn without a cardigan/blazer is inappropriate. (3) is appropriate only if you’re Peggy Bundy.

    8. This office is wear-everything-except-a-jacket-and-keep-a-blazer-to-see-clients.

      #3 was very see through, just seemed skimpy, and for #1, the lace top was also open in front – no buttons. Nice outfits, but not business formal.

    9. I work in an office that is business casual for staff, formal-ish for management and executives. Here’s how those outfits would go over here…

      1) Cute! I see versions of this all the time.
      2) I want this outfit. GIMMIE. *grabbyhands*
      3) o_O

  23. Going on a 3 day vacation to Buffalo and Niagara Falls! Hotel and rental car are set. Seeking suggestions about activities, sightseeing and, of course, food. We have one veggie and one carnie in our party. Thanks in advance :)

    1. Carnies. Circus folk. Nomads, you know. Smell like cabbage. Small hands.

      I have no suggestions.

      1. Seriously? How is that helpful?

        I was born aand raised in Buffalo, which is an awesome city with great food. If you have time, I would check out a Buffalo Bisons game. The cheesesteak stand I used to work at is awesome (cheesesteak, beef on weck, and baby potatoes baked in butter and covered in cheese-we’re not going to live long, but we’ll die happy).

        1. OP said “carnie” and the response was a play on that in the form of a line from Austin Powers.

        2. I think she was just joking about the “carnie” reference to a carnivore – it made me laugh.

        3. Exactly, was quoting Austin Powers.

          And I’m pretty sure that person is an omnivore (unless they’ve gone way off the deep end of Atkins…)

          1. OK – this chain made me laugh :)

            Per Wikipedia:
            Animals that depend solely on animal flesh for their nutrient requirements are considered obligate carnivores while those that also consume non-animal food are considered facultative carnivores. Omnivores also consume both animal and non-animal food, and apart from the more general definition, there is no clearly defined ratio of plant to animal material that would distinguish a facultative carnivore from an omnivore.

        4. My bad. I view Buffalo as family, I can make fun of it, but get very defensive when others do. Add that to Austin Powers was never my cup of tea and there we go.

    2. Hi up the wineries by Niagara on the Lake (Canada side). It’s a cute little town that would be a nice place for dinner

      1. Yes, they have great bike tours of the wineries there, and Niagra-on-the-Lake is a great little town, though not really part of Niagra proper.

        On the Canadian side, the Maid of the Mist is always a good time, and they have a wax museum if my pre-teen memory serves me correctly. There are also a bunch of outlets somewhere around there (I think both US and Canada side), but I can’t speak to what stores are there, or if they’re any good.

        1. Also, Niagara-on-the-Lake has the Shaw Festival, if you are interested in theatre. You could check to see if any plays are on while you are there – they tend to be very well done.

    3. Niagara Falls, NY or Niagara Falls, ON?

      For the Falls itself, on the American side, go to Goat Island and walk around. Once you’ve seen the Falls, I would get the heck out of Niagara Falls and go to Buffalo. Other cute (non-Buffalo) areas for shopping and walking around are Lewiston, NY (Fort Niagara State Park is awesome) and Niagara on the Lake, ON.

      For Buffalo itself, there’s not a ton going on downtown, although the newly done Harborside is nice and there’s a great restaurant there with a nice outdoor patio and a view of the lake/river — the Liberty Hound. Oh, and the new Lafayette Hotel has a bunch of restaurants at different price points. Your best best are Allentown / Elmwood Village area for walking around and shopping / eating. Another area in Buffalo to check out is Hertel Avenue for eating and shopping.

      Buffalo has lots of great restaurants: Left Bank, Hutch’s, La Tee Da, Shango (Creole, and amazing brunch), Blue Monk (fantastic beer selection), Romeo and Juliet’s (great pizza) . . . there’s lots more.

      As for sightseeing, there’s the Darwin Martin House and Greycliff (not in Buffalo ~ 45 minutes south), the Albright Knox Art Gallery is great, there’s some amazing architecture in downtown Buffalo. If you are into hiking or outdoors, there’s the Tiff Nature Preserve and Chestnut Ridge in Orchard Park, NY has some great hiking trails.

      What kinds of things do you like to do?

    4. There is a great little Frank Llyod Wright House is downtown Buffalo if you are into architechture/design.

      Have fun!

      1. These are all GREAT suggestions. My plan is to hit up both the American and Canadian sides. Thanks so much everyone!

        1. You are probably not still checking this, but I also wanted to point out that there are some great “dive” bars in Buffalo.

          Founding Father’s
          Cole’s
          The Old Pink
          Ulrich’s

          They are kind of traditional Buffalo spots. Good beer, old bartenders, been around forever. Fun places to stop for a refreshment after a long day of walking around.

  24. My hair tends to be fuzzy / has cowlicks in the summer in front but is poker-straight in the back. Does anyone else have hair like this? Do you think straightening would work to even out the texture?

    I use straightening stuff and blow it dry to smooth it out, but sometimes it just looks like a bad perm in front and the straight back hangs an inch or so longer, so bad perm + bad haircut.

    Help!

      1. I have, but I am too clumsy to be trusted with a hot thing near my fingers and face. I burned my hair with a hair dryer once when my attention wandered. Plus, on a daily basis, wouldn’t that be really hard on my hair? I thought this would be more plug and play.

        1. Flat ironing is really easy to do, and it’s your best bet as it will deal with both the fuzziness and the cowlicks. You shouldn’t need to do it every day, just when you wash your hair (which should be every third day at most).

          1. Oh, I would be scary junkie lady if I only washed every third day. My hair is an oil slick by the time I wake up in the morning (and I have oily skin, too, and am way too old for it to be something I’ll grow out of).

            #hairfail

          2. Second flat ironing. I also have to wash my hair every day and I flat iron just the front pieces almost every day. My hair is still attached :-).

          3. Moisturize! Your scalp and your skin. There’s a reason why your body is producing too much oil. I know common advice is not to put conditioner at the roots but once your skin gets used to how much moisture you’re providing it, you shouldn’t be an oil slick anymore.

  25. I’ll be attending in house finance training in Paris next week, and the dress code is business casual. I know there is a wide varitey of what business casual can mean. I was planning on wearing pants/pencil skirt and a shirt & a cardi – my general uniform in my Canadian business casual office. Does this sound appropriate? What about colors? Should I stick with more neutrals or get wild with my kelly green pencil skirt?

    1. I can’t speak on the in-house side, but my experience with dealing with Parisians in a business (legal) setting is that they are quite formal and tend to stick to neutrals. I think “business casual” in Paris would probably mean separates rather than a suit, but more formal than what we are used to in Western Canada.

      If it were me, I would wear a soberly-coloured pencil skirt (or pants if I wore them more often), silk top and co-ordinating jacket. Depending on how things went the first day, on the second day I might switch to a cardigan.

      I think if you went wild with the colours in Paris, you would definitely stick out….if you don’t mind that, go for it!

      1. This is my experience too. Business casual in Northern Europe means not a suit, not actually casual. Pants or pencil skirt, with a blazer, not a cardi. And heels. Colors or bright patterns appropriate for a blouse/top under the blazer, but not for the main wardrobe pieces.

  26. Looking for advice on a baby gift for a partner.

    I am an new associate in a small, casual firm. I am on my second career, so age-wise I am on par with the younger partners, one of whom is about to have a baby. I don’t know her well because we work in different areas and because I am new.

    Any advice about what gift to give, and possibly more importantly, what gift not to give, and how much to spend (or not), etc.

    Thanks!

    2. A nice stuffed animal and/or a baby board book are always nice and neutral gifts. Something about giving clothes feels more familiar because it could imply you know what her style (and baby style) might be. Or just a few baby books are always thoughtful and nice.

      1. Forgot to say I’d keep it to $25 or less. It’s a nice gesture and I’m sure it would be considered as such, but no need to go beyond. I was surprised by some of the people who gave us gifts for our first and it made me think extra-nice thoughts about them.

      2. I’m probably too late to the party but NO STUFFED ANIMALS. Please. Babies can’t sleep with them in their cribs and they appear to multiply while no one’s looking! I’d do a board book and a thoughtful card.

        1. +1,000,000 to the no stuffed animals suggestion. And I have 100 almost new stuffed animals if anyone wants to buy them (jk-but they really do multiply!)

    3. Thank you, everyone! I will go with the boardbook and card suggestion (and NO STUFFED ANIMALS)!

  27. Biglaw ladies — have any of you used a private banking relationship through your firm to get a mortgage? What were the benefits offered?

    1. We got our mortgage through private banking (which we have by virtue of my husband being a partner, and having his capital loan through them). It was super easy to deal with – they matched a (lower) rate that a competitor was offering, they didn’t need an explanation as to how his income works (some banks get confused), and it was all taken care of in a couple of days with very limited further information needed from us. We tried to go with another bank first (figuring it would be good to diversify) and it was terrible. Am in Canada, so I think our mortgages work a bit differently, but all in all it was a great experience.

  28. There are tons of references to people on this site loving their FitBit, but barely any of you have mentioned which FitBit you have. I want to buy one for my husband for Father’s Day. I’m thinking the Flex might be a good option for him (he wears a uniform to work and changes clothes during the day so a clip on might get left on his uniform pants), but if the Zip works for people I might just get him that (because he is cheap and hates when I could have gotten the “same thing” for cheaper).

    1. I have the zip and I love it. I wear it clipped to my bra under my arm. My arm usually clips hers to a pocket or her waistband.

    2. I have the zip too. I frequently forget about it when I change but would not want the Flex because I don’t really want everyone to know that I’m wearing a fitbit. If your husband wears a uniform for work, make sure that he can wear something that’s visible.

  29. I just found out I am pregnant and I am having the hardest time avoiding foods I’m supposed to. I’m obviously good about staying away from alcohol and caffeine, but yesterday, I was all the way through a sandwich before I remembered that I’m not supposed to have deli meat. Then, today, I’m blissfully eating my greek salad when I remembered I’m not supposed to have feta cheese. I think because its so new and I don’t actually feel pregnant that I’m having trouble “remembering” at every turn.

    Gah!

    1. Meh, I think this is one of those things where “best efforts” is fine. I wouldn’t freak out about it. Very few of the people I know who are/have been pregnant actually follow all of those constraints religiously. On top of that, in the first trimester (as I have recently been experiencing myself) it is really all about just eating whatever you can stomach. Congratulations!

      1. Thanks! I’m not worrying too much about it, but its just funny that I can’t seem to remember. I’m not willfully flouting the “rules,” I just can’t remember that they apply to me.

      2. It’s only unpasteurized cheese you’re supposed to avoid. Most cheeses in the US are pasteurized so you’re probably fine to have eaten that feta.

      1. You’re supposed to avoid soft cheeses because they’re made from unpasteurized milk. I’ve heard that this includes brie (sob!), feta, and camembert, among others.

    3. You really have to work at it to get non-pasteurized cheese in America, so I would not worry about that. I generally avoided deli meat but I too forgot once, at the very beginning, and it was OK. I had two different doctors for my two pregnancies and, while neither got too excited about any of this, they did have differing recommendations, which made me think that there is not nearly as much consensus on these matters as the baby books would have us believe. I don’t want to dismiss anyone’s tragedies, and I know that I am incredibly fortunate and lucky to have had two pretty easy pregnancies, but thousands of babies turn out OK every day despite our random deli meat and cheese ingestions.

  30. I just need to be sad for a moment. I had a video panel interview today and 1) was late because I got caught in the subway, and 2) completely blanked on something that I had put on my resume. Could not remember it at all. Sigh.

    1. That happens. It happens to everyone. There are lots of reasons people don’t get job, but it will be okay. You may apply to hundreds of jobs and interview at dozens of places but ultimately you only need to find one job. I review my resume right before I go into an interview, but things still happen like you fall over on your way walking into the office and show up with bloody road rash on your leg. (That happened to me. I didn’t get the job. I found another one.)

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